How to be a Villain: A Postman's Tale
by MangoKat
Summary: The Postman just wants to have an ordinary, boring life. Why is it he keeps getting dragged into unwanted adventures? Everyone from Link to Ganondorf seem determined to keep ruining his day.
1. The Letter

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 **Authornote: Friday January 20, 2017**

 **Hello everyone! I received a huge response to the rewrite of this story and it has seriously motivated me! I got a lot of PMs about it and so I thought I'd begin posting it right away. By popular request, it has been decided that the chapters of this story will be released twice weekly on Fridays and Wednesdays. I am going to attempt to make each chapter at least 4000-6000 words.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero (Link), that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **The biggest change to this rewrite will be to the second segment of this series for those that are familiar with this story.**

 **All suggestions or reviews for this story are greatly appreciated. Please let me know what you think!**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 1 Chapter 1**

 **The Letter**

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It is a well-known fact that the goddesses of Hyrule enjoy a good joke. The proof of this is the little world they created by the name of Earth. In this world, or more specifically, in the continent of Hyrule, they threw together so many different races of creatures, the people were always in disagreement. The Gorons hated the Deku-Scrubs, the Zora hated the Moblins, the Humans hated the Gerudo, and no one truly got along. Their cultures and traditions were always clashing, they constantly quarrelled, but there was one thing everyone agreed upon; The world they lived in was a horrible and dangerous place.

The towns were noisy, dirty and poor, but everywhere else in the land was much too dangerous to settle in. Only those who were either very powerful or very foolish dared travel outside of their villages. Those who were foolish tended not to live very long and those who were powerful tended to either become great heroes or great villains. Most of the common people were divided between being good and honest, and being low-life scum.

The three provinces that made up the mainland of Hyrule were at war and the roads were treacherous for those who were unprepared for them. Things had been that way for ten long years and many villagers had become so accustomed to it, they no longer put any thought into it. Warriors defended their country and the villagers stayed well out of their way. That's just the way things were.

At night, dangerous creatures roamed the fields freely, no longer being repressed and quickly growing in number. They served Ganondorf, king of the Gerudo, a fierce and powerful dictator who had quickly become the most feared man in the history of Hyrule. Ten years prior, he had viciously attacked the mainland in an attempt at a takeover but had failed miserably. A boy, now known as the Hero of Time, had defeated him. Although Ganondorf's initial attempts had been foiled, his forces remained strong and he still vowed to eventually win the war.

There was a man, however, that everyone seemed to overlook. He wasn't a warrior and he wasn't powerful in the least. In fact, he was thin and a good several inches too short, not even a speck compared to the Hero of Hyrule. Despite the odds against him, the man travelled the roads daily, always rushing and never having time to be afraid. It wasn't just the surrounding fields and villages that the man braved, he climbed the bordering mountains, waded his way through poisonous swamps, ventured into the dangerous Lost Woods, and even occasionally crossed the deserts into Gerudo territory. Wherever his job demanded, the man was sure to go.

Who was this brave man? Was he an adventurer? Was he a fool looking for certain doom? No, he was The Postman.

Nobody ever gave much thought to The Postman, he was always just there and always on time. It had never occurred to them how he crossed the fields or why none of the monsters attacked him. Why would they care as long as their mail was on time?

The monsters in the field would normally attack any traveller, whether man, Goron, Zora, or Kokiri, but they never laid tooth nor claw on The Postman. It wasn't because they respected him or that they even liked him for that matter, it was because he was easily overlooked. He was a slight creature who never stopped moving and never bothered them. After a while, they didn't even notice him anymore. He could move about the land delivering his mail with more freedom than even the Hero of Hyrule. He was fast, efficient, and incredibly proud of his job; no one could deliver a letter faster than he.

Although The Postman wasn't impressive in any way, he had 12 years of service as a postal worker and was completely confident in his abilities to always be on time. He was as stubborn as a mule and just about as serious as a person could be. He came from a very long line of postmen, going back many generations, and was the pride of his family. He delivered any letter given to him no matter who it was for and everyone knew someday he would eventually become the postmaster.

The Postman saw many amazing sights in his travels and had numerous unintentional adventures. This is one of his tales.

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There was an eery sound in The Lost Woods that day. At times it sounded like the wind, and at other times it sounded like a pained moan. If there was one thing that people learned when travelling through these treacherous woods it was to never ever step off the paths. Whatever the sound was, it echoed through the Lost Woods as The Postman ran hurriedly through, not really paying attention. Dressed in the all-white of his postal uniform, he had his mailbag slung across his back, and his hat pulled down snugly over his pointed ears. It was getting to be the nippy season and already the leaves were beginning to change. The thick, thorny foliage did nothing to slow him down and he expertly navigated through the maze of trees. He hopped over a fallen log and entered the most dangerous part of the labyrinth without hesitation. Stepping around the sleeping forest Dekus carefully, he kept his eyes ahead, knowing exactly where he was going.

After a few moments, and a shortcut later, he came to an old crumbling staircase and started up, tipping his hat politely to the Giant Moblin guard at the top. The Moblin was leaning heavily on his spiked club, a bored expression on his face. Moblins weren't known for their patience nor their intelligence, and this one was no exception. He had been hoping someone important would wander by so he could crush them with his club, but so far it had been a boring day. He paid no attention to The Postman as he passed, the thin human not even worth his time.

The Postman came to a large clearing where a small, green-haired Kokiri could be seen sitting near the ruins of a Forest Temple. The girl looked up in surprise as he approached, and then smiled when she saw who it was. Setting down the wooden ocarina she'd been playing, she nodded at him in greeting.

"I have a letter for you, Miss Saria!" The Postman greeted.

The Postman held a letter out as he approached, coming to a stop just in front of her.

Saria accepted the letter, and she immediately ripped into it eagerly. Kokiri didn't often get mail, but she had a feeling who it was from. As she read through the letter, her eyes widened in shock. "Link's in Clocktown? Whyever is he all the way there?!"

Link, the Hero of Time, was well-known to be friends with the Kokiri, and he frequently sent them letters while on his quests.

Saria looked up from the letter. "When did you-" she stopped and looked around the clearing. The Postman was already gone. Sighing, she went back to reading her letter.

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The Postman ran back through the Lost Woods quickly, pulling out his next letter as he did so. As he wove through the labyrinth that was the Lost Woods, he looked down at the name.

Ganondorf-King of the Gerudo

There wasn't a creature alive who didn't know that name. With all the death and destruction that followed behind Ganondorf, he was the most feared of all villains. None of that meant anything to The Postman however, as in his opinion, politics and war were none of his business. The only thing that mattered to him was his job. He had a letter to be delivered and there was no greater priority. He'd been to the outer villages of the Gerudo territory quite a few times, but rarely the inner city. He was already planning on heading to the desert anyway, so he could take a detour to deliver it without messing up his daily schedule.

Once he got out onto the fields that surrounded Hyrule, he sped up, crossing it in little time at all, heading towards the borders of the desert. His goal set firmly in mind, he passed the Gerudo territorial markers, knowing exactly which direction to go.

The valley on the borders of the desert was a dark and treacherous place. Tall cliffs loomed on either side of the road, shadowing the valley and making it seem even deadlier than it was. The cliffs were very unstable and chunks of stone fell off with every strong breeze large enough to kill someone if they hit. There were no plants or animals living in the valley, everything long since perished as the desert expanded. This was the only way to the desert from the mainland, the cliffs much too dangerous to scale.

Years ago, the king of Hyrule Province had attempted to block the valley to keep the desert people out, but the army he sent had 'mysteriously' disappeared. There was no blood, no armour found, they were simply gone without a trace. Since then, no one dared go near the valley thinking it haunted or cursed.

Easily avoiding the occasional falling stone from the cliffs, The Postman soon passed the last warning marker left for travellers. There was a large pile of rocks ahead of him where the army had begun blocking off the valley before they had vanished. That was usually how far people came. Beyond the rock barrier was hostile territory and only the most experienced warriors travelled beyond it.

The Postman crawled up over the rocks, separating the two lands and continued on his way, still dodging falling rocks and debris. He stepped onto the hot sand of the desert, looking far ahead at the Gerudo city. The entire city was built of stone, a twenty metre wall surrounding it, with guards posted at every corner. Ganondorf didn't like surprises and had his city completely prepared for war. The Postman couldn't see all the details from where he stood so he continued on his way confidently. He passed through a couple of the small outer villages, delivering mail as he travelled, the people poor but well-taken care of by their king.

The Capital City was much farther than it looked and after a time, The Postman paused to catch his breath and take a drink from his canteen. He was actually ahead of schedule for once, so he wasn't in that big of a hurry. He had finished most of his deliveries for the day and he didn't have to be anywhere for a while yet.

Resuming his travels, The Postman continued across the desert.

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When he came to a steep sand dune, he paused a moment and looked far below at the drop. He was over-looking the city, which appeared anything but friendly. The city had been built on a beautiful oasis, the only fertile land in all of the desert and it was protected with the highest of priority. This was half the reason Ganondorf wanted the mainland, he felt his people had been given the short end of the stick, and he was determined to take the more plentiful land of Hyrule by force.

The Postman could now clearly see the armed guards on every wall and the barracks surrounding the city. The Postman had delivered mail to the main Gerudo city before, but for some reason the gate was closed today. He had never refused a single delivery in his entire career and his pride wouldn't allow him to start now.

The Postman waited just a moment as he caught his breath, and then with a few well-timed jumps, he was at the bottom of the dune, his uniform still spotless. He looked up at the enormous wall of the city, his eyes scanning for a way in.

He quickly saw the city gate wasn't just closed, it had been barred, with no other entrance to speak of. Approaching the gate, he knocked as loudly as he could. A few seconds passed and then a Moblin face peered out at him through the slats in the gate.

"Wot?" he demanded. "Who're you?"

"Mail." The Postman responded. "Please open the gate."

The Moblin squinted at him. "Mail...?" he repeated in confusion.

The Postman gestured to his uniform. "I'm the postman and I need to deliver the mail. Please open the gate."

"Mail...?"

The Postman patiently held up the letter. "I have a letter for Mr. Ganondorf. Please open the gate or you're going to make me late."

At his master's name, the Moblin's eyes widened. "Wait." he ordered and then disappeared from sight.

The Postman heard a shouted conversation between several moblins in their own language and then the Moblin was back at the slats.

"Wot's in the letter?" he demanded.

"I don't read other people's mail." The Postman responded, slightly offended. "That is only for Mr. Ganondorf to find out."

"Wait." the Moblin said, once again disappearing.

There was another shouted conversation, and to The Postman's relief the gate was then opened just enough for him to squeeze through. He passed by several very confused looking Moblins and made his way through the main city, heading for the castle. No one paid him any attention as he pushed his way through the crowded marketplace, and just a few minutes later, he was walking up the front steps to the castle.

He gave a polite nod to the guards at the doors, who didn't even seem to notice him, and stepped inside Ganondorf's castle.

From what he'd heard, most villains liked being overly dramatic, so he knew it would be wise to check the tower first. His instincts were rarely wrong, and he had the feeling that's where he would find the Gerudo King. He wandered along the maze of hallways for several minutes until he finally came to a dark and foreboding staircase, spiralling upwards. Knowing this was likely where the throne room would be, The Postman pulled out the letter and hurried up.

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Ganondorf was having a bad day. In fact, it seemed like he was having a bad decade. He slouched down in his throne and scowled at nothing in particular. He had been defeated by the Hero of Time once again and now had to come up with a completely different strategy. He was getting really fed up with the hero and wished he could come up with a way to get rid of him. Preferably something incredibly slow and painful. Running a hand through his red hair thoughtfully, he mentally went through all the particularly nasty spells he knew.

Several large Moblins lined the walls, spears in hand and bored out of their minds. They'd been standing there all day, hoping for new orders but so far there had been nothing. Their master had been in a foul mood ever since the battle, and no one dared voice their complaints or even move for that matter. It was better to not attract attention to one's self in these situations.

Ganondorf tapped his fingers on the arm of his throne, trying to think up a new plan. He had an idea for where he would set up his new base of operations in Hyrule, but no plans of attack. He had thought through his previous plans, picking out the most obvious mistakes, trying to see if he could rework them. When nothing new came to mind, he sighed and slowly stood to his feet. He needed some inspiration. His eyes flicked over to the Moblins. He needed to hurt something useless and disposable. That always got the creative juices flowing. The only question was, who would it be?

As his eyes critically scanned over his minions, the doors to the throne-room suddenly burst open dramatically and a strange unfamiliar man came running in. When the man's eyes fell on Ganondorf, he sped over at top speed.

"Hey!" he called. "I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!"

Ganondorf drew his sword at the quickly approaching man and pointed it directly at his face, ready for a battle. Unafraid, The Postman gave him a friendly salute and thrust an envelope into Ganondorf's face.

"I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!" he repeated.

Ganondorf faltered, his gaze on the white envelope. He immediately narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "A what?"

"A letter, Mr. Ganondorf, for you!"

"How did you get in here?!" Ganondorf asked, sword pointed at The Postman's throat. "I don't allow outsiders in my city!"

"The postal service knows no borders, sir."

The sword was pressed even closer in warning.

Not intimidated, The Postman held out the letter again.

"Your letter, Sir."

"How did you get in here?" Ganondorf demanded again.

"Through the door." The Postman responded, pointing over his shoulder.

"That's not what I meant and you know it!" Ganondorf said, his voice dripping in malice. "There are guards posted everywhere, how did you get into my castle?"

"I just walked in, sir."

Ganondorf blinked. "Walked in? You mean to say you walked right by hundreds of Gerudo and Moblins and no one tried to stop you?!"

"Yes, sir."

The Postman held out the letter for the third time. "Your mail, sir." He couldn't leave until he'd successfully delivered the mail to the appropriate person.

Ganondorf felt his blood boil. "How did you get in the outer gate?" he demanded.

"I knocked, sir, and was let in. Now please accept your letter."

"You have magic! You cursed the guards, didn't you?! This is just a ploy from Hyrule!"

"No, sir, I don't have any magic, I'm just a postman."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes to slits. "You're a liar and a spy!"

"No sir, please take the letter."

Ganondorf was naturally a paranoid person and eyed the envelope distrustfully before snatching it out of The Postman's hands. As he ripped it open, The Postman turned to leave.

"Hold it." Ganondorf ordered. "I didn't say you could leave."

"Do you have a letter you wish to have delivered?" The Postman asked, instantly all business.

"No."

"Then I cannot stay, I have to get to Lake Hylia by day's end."

"You will stay right there, or I will gut you before you take a single step!" Ganondorf threatened, pulling the letter from the envelope.

The Postman crossed his arms against his chest, unimpressed. "You will make me late for my deliveries!" he stated, shifting from foot to foot. "I am never late!"

"You may have won one million rupees-" Ganondorf read aloud. He paused to give The Postman a hard look. "You expect me to believe you came all the way out here just to deliver junk-mail?"

The Postman nodded. "It is your mail, Mr. Ganondorf, and it is my job to deliver it."

Ganondorf crumpled the letter in his fist and threw it to the floor. "What is your real purpose here?" he snarled. "Are you a spy for Hyrule?"

"No, Sir, I am a postman." The Postman answered, shifting about again, anxious to get going.

"What's in that bag?" Ganondorf demanded, pointing at the mailbag suspiciously.

"Mail, Sir."

"Give it to me."

The Postman shook his head. "This is not your mail, Mr. Ganondorf. Reading other peoples mail is not allowed."

"I said give it to me!" Ganondorf snarled, causing every minion in the room to flinch.

The Postman adamantly shook his head. "It is against the rules." He fidgeted again and again, knowing he was going to be late if he didn't leave soon.

Ganondorf looked the skinny postman up and down noting the hat, white shorts and sandals, trying to come to a conclusion. He didn't really look like someone dangerous, but Ganondorf couldn't think of any other reason the man would be there other than as a spy.

The Postman stepped from foot to foot continuously as he waited, which was quickly beginning to annoy the Gerudo king.

"Can't you stay still?" he demanded.

"No, sir. I'm going to be late if I stay much longer."

"I want you to tell me who you work for."

"I am a postman, I work for everyone."

"Who. Do. You. Work. For!" Ganondorf ground out, certain the man in front of him wasn't just a postman.

The Postman blinked. "I'm a civil servant, sir, I work for everyone."

"TELL ME WHO YOU WORK FOR!" the walls shook from the sheer volume of the yell but The Postman remained unmoved.

"I am a postman, I work for everyone." he repeated.

"I'll just find out for myself." Ganondorf snapped, reaching for the mailbag.

The Postman stepped away. "Mail is private, sir, you may not open other peoples letters!" he scolded, clutching the bag to his chest.

Ganondorf's eyes narrowed even further. He made a lunge and grabbed the bag by the strap. Immediately, The Postman wrapped his arms around it, and was picked up with the bag. Ganondorf shook the bag a few times, trying to dislodge him but The Postman determinedly held on, protecting the letters within.

"Let go, you pathetic little worm!"

"No, sir! You're not allowed to read other people's mail!"

With one swift motion, Ganondorf hit The Postman hard in the stomach, successfully dislodging him from the mailbag. He sneered down at the small figure clutching at his stomach in pain, and then turned the mailbag upsidedown, emptying all the letters onto the floor. Reaching down, Ganondorf picked up the letters and looked them over, surprised at the fact they really were just ordinary letters. He waved his hand over them, looking for signs of magic, but found nothing.

Deciding it wasn't worth it, Ganondorf threw the letters to the floor in disgust.

"You must think me a fool, spy. Hyrule will not trick me in such an obvious way, and you will not be returning to them. I have patience for neither spies nor morons."

"I am not a spy."

'Nor a moron.' The Postman added mentally.

Ignoring him, Ganondorf turned his gaze to the guards.

"Take him to the dungeons!" he ordered. "Torture the truth out of him!"

The Moblins exchanged looks of confusion. Arrest the postman? Why? To them, he didn't look like he was even worth their master's time, let alone worth imprisoning. Shrugging, they approached to do as told. As they grabbed him by the arms and dragged him out of the room, and The Postman's only protest was.

"But you're going to make me late!"

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"Oh, foo." The Postman said with a sigh.

He stared at the steel bars of his cell unhappily, and let out a deep sigh. Most people would have berated themselves for getting themselves into such a mess, but not The Postman. He saw the whole situation as more of an inconvenience than anything.

The cell he was in was dirty, damp and smelled vaguely of rotten meat, exactly what one would expect from a villain's dungeon. The Postman was an incredibly clean person by nature so he was careful not to touch anything, standing perfectly still in the centre of the room. Looking around himself with a frown, he gave another sigh. He was going to be really late; he'd NEVER been late before! What would the people think of him? They'd lose all confidence in his service! In the future, he would be sure to fill out the paperwork for hazard pay any time he had a letter for Ganondorf and also schedule himself a bit more time.

Nursing a skinned knee, The Postman dabbed at the blood with a handkerchief, and then gave another glance around the cell. There were no windows, no drainage pipes, and no ventilation shafts. The room didn't even have any cracks in the walls. It was seemingly impenetrable, the only way out through the locked door. The Moblins had left him unharmed for now, promising they'd be back after supper to deal with him. He was now completely alone.

He approached the bars and gave them a hard shake. The door was securely locked and with all the strength he possessed, the most he could do was make the bars rattle. Wiping the grime off his hands on his handkerchief, he tried to think of a way to escape. Nothing coming immediately to mind, he tried shaking the bars again. They were just as secure as the first time.

Just when he was about to give up, he noticed something odd about the bars. They were spaced a bit too far apart, clearly made for much bigger creatures, not skinny nobodies. Turning sideways, The Postman sucked in his stomach and after much wriggling, managed to squeeze his way through them.

Obviously they weren't expecting to imprison someone like him. He was indeed incredibly slim, but also wiry and fast. The guards still hadn't returned, so he quickly ran down the empty hallway towards the stairs, knowing he had to get his mail back. When he got to the top of the tower, he could hear Ganondorf screaming at one of his minions.

Very slowly opening the door, The Postman peered into the room and saw Ganondorf had his back to the door, beating on some poor, hapless Moblin. Slipping silently into the room, he hoped no one would notice him. He tiptoed past the group of Moblins and towards Ganondorf's throne where he could see his mailbag hanging from it. Glancing over his shoulder to make sure he hadn't been spotted, he reached out and took the bag, peering inside to make sure the mail was still safe. Relieved that every letter was accounted for, he turned to leave.

"YOU!"

The Postman spun around just in time to see a fireball fly at his head. He dodged and scrambled to get further away as Ganondorf's stormed towards him, forming another fireball. He threw fireball after fireball, but The Postman was fast and he ran for it out the door, clutching the mailbag to his chest.

Ganondorf stormed after him, shouting profanities and threats, hurling as many fireballs as he could. The Moblins simply watched on, looking rather confused.

The Postman reached the bottom floor and sped up, heading for the door. With a shouted spell from Ganondorf, the door sealed itself and The Postman bounced off of it hard. Rolling just in time to avoid a fireball, The Postman ran down a nearby corridor and hurriedly crawled out the first window he came across. The window was much too small for Ganondorf to fit through, but that didn't stop him from bellowing after The Postman and hurling spells at him. The Postman was now in the courtyard and continued running, knowing Ganondorf would probably sound the alarm any moment. None of the Gerudo he passed paid him any mind, as he didn't have any weapons and didn't look very threatening. Only a moment later there was the loud ringing of bells which must have been the alarm.

The Postman ran through the market, but quickly came face to chest with a huge Moblin guard. The Postman hesitated as the Moblin blinked down at him dumbly, and then it raised its sword. The Postman made direct eye contact with the Moblin, and with the air of importance, he puffed out his chest and pointed to the badge on his uniform.

"Delivering postman, please step aside!"

Both surprised and confused, the Moblin obediently stepped out of the way, simply staring at him. He watched The Postman run by and then scratched as his head, feeling that something wasn't quite right. His mind moved very slowly however, and he was still staring after The Postman long after he had disappeared out of sight.

The Postman ran along through the busy city streets, heading towards the gate. Many of the Gerudo citizens now stared at him as he passed, but none tried to stop him. If he had have been tall, muscular and armed, that would have been a completely different story. A wimpy looking man in a strange uniform was more of a curiosity to them than a threat.

Reaching the gate, he raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun and squinted up at the guards high above on the wall.

"Excuse me!" he yelled up.

Two Moblins looked down at him.

"I need to go out, please open the gate."

Regular citizens rarely left the safety of the city and although it wasn't breaking any laws, it was still extremely unusual. The two guards stared down at him, completely bewildered.

"Is he one of us?" one Moblin whispered to the other. "I've never seen him before."

"He must be." the other Moblin replied. "He's in here, ain't he?"

The first Moblin stared at The Postman's uniform and hat thoughtfully. "I dunno, he kinda looks like a weirdo to me...and Lord Ganondorf doesn't like men visiting the city."

"Excuse me!" The Postman yelled even louder. "I need to leave or my next delivery is going to be late! Please open the gate!"

"Delivery?" one of the Moblins questioned.

"I am a postman, sir, now please let me out."

The Moblin blinked in surprise. "He called me sir!" he exclaimed. " I never got called 'sir' before!"

His partner frowned. "You are not a sir, Lord Ganondorf is a sir. There must be some sort of law against improper use of titles...I'll have to report this."

"Well, he was the one to call me a sir." the Moblin defended. "You're just jealous."

"EXCUSE ME!" The Postman bellowed. "Let me out, please!"

"You be quiet down there, we're discussing important things."

"You're making me late!" The Postman protested, wondering if he should have just looked for another way out. "Do you want to be responsible for making the mail late?"

"I said be quiet!"

To The Postman's relief, the Moblin from earlier approached and looked back and forth between The Postman and the guards.

"You want out?" he demanded.

The Postman nodded.

"Let 'em out!" he yelled to the others. "He was here earlier. He had business with Lord Ganondorf."

"Hmm, I don't know...this doesn't sound right to me..." the Moblin guard yelled back.

"If he was here for Lord Ganondorf, do you really want to be the one to explain why you were bothering his other minions?"

There was one thing that would get a Moblin moving and that was the thought of getting in trouble. They didn't know who The Postman was, but they also didn't want to chance getting in trouble with their king. If The Postman turned out to be someone of importance, it could mean their jobs (or their lives). The Moblins exchanged looks, and then decided they didn't especially care what The Postman did. He didn't look dangerous to them so they were inclined to let him go. Cranking the gate open just enough to let The Postman through, they went back to arguing.

Once outside of the city, The Postman ran as fast as he could back into the desert.

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Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D


	2. Another Letter for Ganondorf

**Authornote: Sunday January 22, 2017**

 **Hello everyone! Here's a bonus chapter for this week just because I've been making a lot of progress on this rewrite. :D Updates will still be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **A big thank you to my reviewers!**

 **Nocturne of Eclipse-Welcome back, my dear! I really hope you enjoy the rewrite!**

 **cheddarbiscuit -I love stories that centre around side characters as well. This Postman series is FULL of side characters lol I'm going to try to make all chapters around 5000 words so that the story is a more enjoyable read. I'm glad you liked the chapter!**

 **Bendbomb -Awww, thank you so much for the compliments! You really made my day 3 I hope you enjoy the rest of the series as well.**

 **Guest-Thank you for the review, and I hope this will be a big improvement over the original story. :D**

 **Reiz16- Thanks for reading! Moblins truly are dumb creatures. They're fun to write though. :)**

 **All suggestions or reviews are greatly appreciated. Please let me know what you think!**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 1 Chapter 2

Another Letter for Ganondorf

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The Postman had been late with his next mail delivery. He wasn't horribly late, just an hour or so but it had thoroughly traumatized him. He had never been late before. Sometimes, the Kokiri caused him to get a bit behind schedule with their incessant questions and curiosity, but never actually late. This was something entirely new to him and he hated it. He'd been forced to write himself an official warning and put it in his own employee file. He prided himself in his ability to always be on time and now he'd had to apologize to three different customers for being late. No one had seemed to notice or care that he was running behind, but it still bothered him.

It was now a week later and The Postman was crossing Hyrule field, his eyes set on Lon Lon Ranch. As he reached the entrance, he pulled out a thick letter and headed for the pen, where a young woman and an overweight bearded man could be seen feeding the horses. As he approached, he held up the letter with a friendly wave.

"HEY!" he yelled out, drawing their attention.

Once to them, he proudly thrust the letter into Talon's face with a little 'ta da'.

"I have a letter for you, Mr. Talon."

Talon looked a bit confused for a second, and then accepted the letter as the Postman turned to leave.

"Wait a second, don't go anywhere." Talon said, glancing up at him. "I have something I need delivered."

Talon then tore into the envelope of his letter and began reading as the Postman shifted about impatiently. One of the horses approached, nudging him gently for a pat, but he couldn't chance his uniform getting mussed up, so he impatiently pushed it away from him. The horse gave a whinny of disappointment and instead approached its mistress for the affection. The young woman, Malon, noticed The Postman's restlessness as he waited for Talon to finish reading, and she frowned at her father.

"Dad!" Malon scolded. "You're holding him up! Read the letter later!"

"Oh, er, right, of course." Talon said, a bit embarrassed. "Sorry about that."

Scratching his bulging stomach, Talon gave a yawn and motioned for the postman to follow him. The Postman trotted eagerly after the rancher, just wanting to get on his way. Once inside the house, Talon left him downstairs while he went to fetch his letter.

The entire bottom floor of the farmhouse had cuccos pecking about and despite himself, The Postman wrinkled his nose. He stared down at the swarm of cuccos uneasily, and pushed one of them away from him with the toe of his sandal. He did not want cucco droppings on his uniform. The cuccos seemed curious of him and the swarm kept coming uncomfortably close. As he was pushing a few more away from himself, Talon returned carrying an envelope.

"This is to go to Galanda in Gerudo valley. I'm selling her one of my horses and she needs to sign this contract. Make sure she gets this right away."

The Postman gave a salute. "Yes, Mr. Talon, right away! You can count on me!"

He placed the letter safely in his mailbag, and then immediately left the farmhouse, his new destination in mind. As he ran out of the ranch and across Hyrule field, he sped up, wanting to deliver his last letter before dark. He passed by a sleeping Peahat and several Moblins who paid him no mind, and as he approached the canyon outside of the entrance to Gerudo valley, a Poe appeared in front of him, cackling and spinning above his head mischievously. It didn't seem to mean him any harm so The Postman decidedly ignored it as he ran past, the Poe vanishing a moment later with a disappointed sigh.

As he crossed the bridge towards Gerudo valley, the air became noticeably warmer and he saw several construction workers sprawled out in front of a tent from the heat. He wasn't quite sure what they were doing there, but as it didn't concern him, he pointedly ignored them. They gave him a curious, and then pitying glance as he continued running towards the Gerudo Territory, but none tried to stop him.

With purpose, The Postman strode into Gerudo valley and pulled out his last letter of the day. He headed to one of the outer villages, hoping this would be an easy delivery. When he came within sight of the Gerudo, named Galanda, disgust and anger flitted across the woman's face. The Postman approached where she stood working in a field, and within seconds he was surrounded, spears pointed at his throat as over a dozen warriors scowled at him.

Nonplussed, he scanned the faces of the Gerudo, and then solemnly held out the letter to one of them.

"Hey! I have a letter for you, Ms. Galanda!"

The woman in question narrowed her eyes for a moment then let out an irritated sigh as she recognized him.

"It's just the postman." she said to her cohorts. "I thought he was the Hylian spy, Lord Ganondorf spoke of."

The Gerudo all looked annoyed as they pulled away their weapons, disappointed they wouldn't get to kill any men that day.

"Your mail, ma'am." The Postman said politely, still holding out the letter.

Galanda snatched up the letter, tore into it, and scowled as she read. "If that fool thinks I'm signing a contract, then he has another thing coming! He's just lucky I didn't steal the horse instead of buying it!"

Looking up, she saw The Postman was already half-way out of the field.

"You, stop where you are!" she called to him.

"Did you have something you wish to have delivered?" he questioned, pausing.

Sticking her hand into her pocket, she pulled out a crumpled letter. "Here, take this to my son."

The Postman accepted the letter and looked at the name written on front. Ganondorf-King of the Gerudo.

"Yes, ma'am."

Galanda raised an eyebrow when he said nothing else. "Aren't you going to ask where he is?"

"No, ma'am, I already know where he is."

She gave him a skeptical look, but waved him on just the same. "Fine. Make sure you get his response. Now go."

"You're missing the stamp, ma'am."

She stared at him a moment and then narrowed her eyes. "Do you have any idea who I am?!"

"Yes, Ma'am, and you either need a stamp or five rupees to have this delivered."

She gave him a look of death as she dug in her pocket and pulled out a blue rupee. She tossed it at him and then said.

"You'd better deliver that today if you know what's good for you!" she threatened.

"Yes, ma'am."

As The Postman ran out of the valley, he wondered what Ganondorf would say this time. Glad this was the last delivery of the day, he knew it wouldn't really matter if he got a bit delayed.

When he passed by the construction workers in the tent, they stared at him in shock and awe, obviously surprised he'd made it back out unscathed.

He tipped his hat politely to them and then crossed the bridge, hoping the Gerudo King would be in a better mood than last time. He still had the bruises and scrapes from the last encounter.

The air instantly cooled once he crossed the bridge and he made his way back out to Hyrule field as he placed the letter in his mailbag.

It was getting to be late afternoon, and he squinted up at the sun, knowing he didn't have too long before dark. The Postman took his job incredibly seriously and knew it would be simply impolite to deliver mail after dark. Speeding up, he passed by the Poe who again seemed disappointed it was being ignored. It disappeared with another sigh.

As The Postman approached Hyrule castle, he saw the Hero of Time, riding out across the field, a determined and angry expression on his face. Wondering what had happened to cause the hero to become so serious, he watched as Link disappeared across the field in the direction of the Kokiri village.

Knowing he'd probably hear about it sooner or later, The Postman continued on his way towards Kakariko village. He always knew instinctively where people were, and for some reason, his instincts kept telling him Ganondorf was on Death Mountain. He'd never been wrong before, so he began the trek up to the mountain town of Kakariko.

The village was winding down for the day, most people already inside for supper and The Postman passed through, knowing he really had to hurry since climbing Death Mountain in the dark was dangerous and extremely hazardous to his mail if he happened to have a fall.

When he reached Goron City, loud drumming from within could be heard and he passed by several curious Gorons who watched as he climbed over the rocks to the outer mountains. The outer mountains were treacherous and desolate, very few people willingly to travel there. The Postman had no complaints as he was willing to deliver to anywhere.

As he balanced along the rocks, he saw the sun beginning to dip below the horizon. Speeding up, he began leaping from one spot to another.

He could still hear the sounds of drumming from the Goron city as he jumped from rock to rock and wondered what it meant. From what he understood, loud pounding of drums meant war, but he hadn't heard any news of it since he moved around so much. He hopped down the side of the cliff and looked up at the dark, looming castle in front of him. He knew for a fact the castle had been an ancient ruins just weeks prior, but it had obviously been repaired. Assuming this was Ganondorf's new hideout, he aproached.

He circled the entire castle twice, but could see no entrances at all. When he touched the stone wall, he felt a hot buzz of energy run through his hand and he wondered if the wall was somehow enchanted.

The Postman was used to difficult deliveries, and slipped off his mailbag, and approached a nearby tree. He tossed the bag up so the strap landed over a tree branch, and then grabbed a hold of it, easily pulling himself up. Now crouched precariously in the tree, The Postman slipped the bag back over his shoulder, making special care he didn't damage the letter within.

He climbed to the highest branches until he was level with the top of the wall, and then very carefully balanced along a branch overhanging the wall. Being as thin as he was, the branch bore his weight, only letting out a slight creak of protest. He hopped onto the wall and began walking carefully along it, noting the guards hadn't noticed anything. They clearly didn't value their job performance as much as he did, and even when he passed right by them, they barely gave him a glance. The Postman clearly wasn't a hero, and the fact he wasn't sneaking around with a sword made him practically invisible.

The Postman walked along the top of the wall which led straight to the castle and no one paid any attention to him or tried to stop him. Stepping onto the roof of the castle, he wondered how he would get down, and explored the roof curiously. He came to a small, conspicuous looking trap door and knelt down next to it. He took the handle and gave it a hard tug, the trapdoor opening with a creak and a large cloud of dust. He peered down through the trapdoor and saw a dusty staircase which disappeared down into the darkness.

Shrugging, he went down the stairs, the air stale and full of dust. Feeling his way along the wall, he came to a metal vent in the wall and pushed against it. It popped open and he saw he was now in a hallway of some sort with no one in sight. Jumping down, he landed nimbly on his feet and wondered where in the castle he was.

Following his instincts, he ran up the nearby spiralling staircase, and it ended up leading to the castle's tower. At the top of the stairs was a door, and without hesitation, he opened it. He found Ganondorf within the throne room surrounded by several large monsters, having a meeting of some sort. The guards posted at the door gave him a curious look but didn't try to stop him.

"Heyyy!" The Postman called out, pulling the letter out as he approached.

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at the quickly approaching man and drew his sword. The Postman held the letter up as he approached, unconcerned over the villain's scowl or the sword almost as tall as himself.

"I have another letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!"

Ganondorf frowned, as he recognized The Postman but didn't lower his weapon. "You must be the dumbest creature on the face of this planet." he stated, sounding slightly puzzled. "Why would you come back?"

"It's my job, sir." The Postman answered, holding the letter right under Ganondorf's nose.

"How did you find this castle?!" Ganondorf demanded, his eyes narrowing further. "It's enchanted to be invisible."

"I could see it just fine." The Postman responded. "Please accept your letter, sir."

Ganondorf batted the letter away from his face irritably and pointed his sword directly at the smaller man's chest. "How did you get in here?! Tell me now or I'll skewer you!"

"Through a trapdoor, sir."

Ganondorf could feel his frustration reaching an alarming point. "Where is this 'trapdoor'?" he asked, venom in every word.

"On the roof."

"And how, pray tell, did you get on the roof?" he demanded.

"I climbed a tree outside of the wall."

Ganondorf hesitated a moment. "A tree? You got in here by climbing a tree? Five metres of thick, unbreakable stone which I spent a month enchanting and you manage to get in by climbing a tree?"

"Yes, sir."

Ganondorf pursed his lips. He made a mental note to send the minions out to cut down all the trees within a five mile radius. After that he'd punish them for allowing such a thing to happen in the first place.

"Explain to me how you escaped my dungeon." he ordered. "Did someone release you?"

The Postman shifted about anxiously, staring at the fallen letter with all his concentration. He hadn't technically delivered the letter yet so it was making him extremely uncomfortable seeing it laying there. Ganondorf followed his gaze and scowled.

"Answer my question or I'll beat it out of you!"

The Postman very slowly knelt down next to the letter, his eyes on Ganondorf the entire time. The Gerudo King surprisingly allowed it, not saying a word. Once his fingers closed over the letter however, Ganondorf stepped down from his throne directly onto the hand. The Postman winced but didn't relinquish his hold on the letter. He stared up at Ganondorf as the sword was pressed against the back of his neck.

"Now that I have your attention," Ganondorf drawled. "How did you get out of the dungeons?"

"I left, Sir."

"What do you mean by 'left'?" Ganondorf snarled.

"I was going to be late for the rest of my deliveries, so I left."

Ganondorf pressed the sword down a bit harder. "How did you get out?" he demanded getting frustrated.

"I walked, and then ran once you began chasing me."

Ganondorf muttered something incoherent under his breath and glowered down at The Postman. "Explain to me exactly how you escaped from your cell. Did someone open the door for you?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, sir."

"Then HOW?"

"The bars were quite wide apart...and I'm quite thin."

"What are you talking about?" Ganondorf snapped. "Do you mean to tell me you squeezed through the bars?"

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf."

Ganondorf lowered the sword and held his hands several inches apart. "The bars are only about this far-" he stopped when he compared the distance between his hands and The Postman's slight form. "Hmph. Well, maybe that was possible." he conceded.

The Postman pulled on his trapped hand to no avail, and gave another wince. "Your mail is going to get dirty, sir."

Ganondorf glanced down at his boot, and then the letter in aggravation. He was vaguely curious but not willing to give in that easily.

"So, you manage to escape, you get past my minions and you have the audacity to return?"

"I am a postman, sir. It's my job to deliver people's mail; even yours."

Ganondorf let out a snort of disbelief and took a seat in his throne, thus releasing the other man's hand. The Postman pulled his hand away to his chest and rubbed it a few times before again holding out the letter.

"Your letter, sir!"

Ganondorf let out a growl of frustration and grabbed The Postman by the front of the shirt, easily lifting him off his feet. He gave him a good shake, and then pressed the sword against The Postman's midriff, the threat clear.

"Don't you know who I am?" he demanded. "Why aren't you afraid? You're nothing compared to me; you're just an insignificant insect! I could kill you without ever laying a hand on you!"

"Very probable, sir." The Postman agreed, while again holding out the letter. "Please accept your letter!"

"Why are you so determined to give that to me? What if I don't want it?"

"You must take it, sir!" The Postman insisted. "Even if you throw it away after, I must deliver all my mail!"

Ganondorf gave him a long, steady look before snatching the letter and throwing The Postman hard to the floor. The smaller man skidded across the stone floor a few feet, leaving a smear of blood behind as his leg cut against a sharp stone.

Ganondorf gave him another glare and then turned his attention to the letter. Ripping it open, he read in silence a moment before looking up with narrowed eyes.

"This is from my mother...How did you get this?"

"I made a delivery to her earlier today, and she asked me to deliver it to you." The Postman answered, slowly getting back to his feet.

"How did you get into Gerudo Territory without being killed?" Ganondorf demanded, suspiciously.

"I am a postman, sir. Everyone gets mail, even Gerudo."

"You mean to tell me that they allowed a man into Gerudo Territory just because you're the postman?!"

"Yes, sir. I've been delivering there for years."

Ganondorf scowled then continued reading. A few moments later he looked up. "Don't you dare move from that spot. You should be glad I haven't fed you to the skullfish yet."

"Miss Galanda asked me to get a response and deliver it to her." The Postman informed him.

"Hmph, likely story. You're probably a spy from Hyrule!"

"No, sir, I'm a postman."

The guards and monsters exchanged a look. Why was their master bothering with this insignificant postman again? Normally, Ganondorf left civilians alone as long as they didn't pose a threat. The Postman was hardly very threatening. They were in the middle of planning a war, so it was unusual for Ganondorf to allow himself to get so distracted.

"I never had mail before. Why do you insist on coming here now?"

"No one wrote to you before." The Postman responded. "Now that they are, I'll deliver the mail."

"I don't care if I get 'mail' or not, you scrawny little maggot!" Ganondorf snarled. "I'm extremely busy and you keep interrupting me!"

"I apologize, sir, but it's my job."

Ganondorf gave him an ugly look. "GUARDS! Lock him in the dungeon!"

The guards who had been watching the scene with interest, instantly stepped forward and seized The Postman by the arms. "Yes, sir!" they chorused.

"Put him in the small cell and make sure he stays there this time! He's to be tortured until he tells us everything he knows."

"Yes, sir!" the guards answered, dragging The Postman away.

Once they were gone, Ganondorf looked down at the letter in his hand and scowled. None of this made any sense to him.

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The Postman was dragged down into the dungeon and promptly shoved inside the tiniest cell he'd ever seen. It was so small, he had to sit with his knees tucked up under his chin to avoid his bare legs from brushing against the rusty metal. It was incredibly uncomfortable, but there wasn't much hope of him escaping from this cage.

"That used to be the master's dog-cage." a Moblin offered as an explanation. "Now he just uses it for people he really don't like. I have to torture you later, but right now I gots to go on patrol."

The Moblin then left the room without another word.

A few hours later, The Postman was really starting to get cramped. The Moblin came back and when he saw how uncomfortable The Postman was, he gave him an almost pitying look.

"I has to torture you now." he informed him.

"I was supposed to get a response from Mr. Ganondorf." The Postman complained.

"I think you gots your response." the Moblin stated, his hideous face curling up in amusement.

"Oh, foo." The Postman said, knowing it was probably too late to deliver the response that night anyway. That meant he'd have to deliver it on his day off tomorrow.

"Can the torture wait until after lunch?" The Postman asked him. "I'm starving."

That caught the Moblin's interest. "Lunch? You got lunch in there?"

Rearranging himself slightly, The Postman dug inside his mailbag and pulled out his lunch. (Which was carefully bagged of course!) He hadn't had time to eat it earlier and now he was glad he had it as the Moblin seemed very interested in it. As he unwrapped his sandwich, the guard instantly sniffed in his direction.

"What's that?" he demanded.

The Postman held up his sandwich so the Moblin could see. "Turkey on white."

"You gonna share?" the Moblin asked, his stomach giving an audible growl.

The Postman hesitated as he regarded the Moblin. "I'll give you the whole thing if you let me out for a bit."

The guard crossed his arms. "I ain't allowed to do that. The master says yer to stay there."

"I won't leave, I just want to stretch my legs for a bit." The Postman promised.

The Moblin scratched at his head a moment in thought, and then shook his head. "No way. I'll get in trouble."

"Ok, fine." The Postman responded, taking a bite of his sandwich.

The Moblin seemed to panic for a moment. "No, wait! Don't eat it all!"

The Postman paused, once again holding up the sandwich for the Moblin to see.

The Moblin bit his lower lip as he thought. Maybe he could let The Postman out for just little a bit...he wasn't exactly very strong or threatening...and no one had to find out about it.

"Alright." the Moblin conceded. "But if you try to step one toenail out of line, yer going back in the cage!"

The Postman nodded in agreement as the Moblin knelt down next to the cage and unlocked it. Being cautious of the rusted metal, The Postman crawled out under the watchful eyes of the Moblin and took a seat on the stairs behind the cage.

"Food, now!" the Moblin demanded, eyes on the sandwich.

"What food?!" came a sudden voice from the top of the stairs.

The Moblin swore angrily as another guard came down the stairs, eyeing the sandwich hungrily. The second Moblin glanced down at The Postman and then gave the other Moblin a disapproving look.

"What is the prisoner doing out of its cage?! Lord Ganondorf wanted it tortured and put in cage! Do your job!"

"I am!" the First Moblin grumbled. "But he has food."

The second Moblin sniffed in the direction of the sandwich. "I want food too!"

The Postman handed over the sandwich to the first Moblin, and then watched as the two Moblins got into a violent, bloody brawl, both fighting for the sandwich. Supposing he could have mentioned that he had a second sandwich hidden away in his mailbag, The Postman shrugged.

Looking back to the fighting Moblins, he slowly stood to his feet and edged his way up the stairs towards the door. The Moblin's were much too intent on killing each other to notice what he was doing. The Postman made it out the door without being seen by either of them.

He ran up the winding stairs, leading to the main floor of the castle and passed by several Stalfos who glanced at him, but didn't even stop their conversations. No one really seemed to notice him as he ran through the castle and when he reached the throne room he was disconcerted to find it empty.

He knew Ganondorf was here somewhere as his instincts were never wrong, so he fully entered the room, glancing about. The throne room seemed even more dark and dreary when it was empty, despite the lit candles on the walls. This definitely didn't seem like the sort of lair that he would choose if he were a villain. His eyes fell on a door at the far end of the room and he approached, only his job in mind.

As he opened the door, a startling blue flash blinded him and he fell backwards in shock. He blinked several times heavily, and then looked up around the room as his eyes adjusted to the brightness.

Ganondorf was wielding his sword against an artificial opponent, a strange blue energy surrounding him as he concentrated, his face a mask of intensity. His red hair was soaked in sweat and his muscles were tense from the exertion of blocking the other's attacks. He didn't see The Postman watching from the door, his eyes focussed entirely on his opponent.

The opponent was large and dark like a shadow and as The Postman looked a little more closely, he saw it was distinctly shaped like Ganondorf himself. The shadow had all of Ganondorf's moves, and the energy that it shot out of its sword was deep violet, almost black in colour.

Ganondorf parried the attack with a deep grunt of effort and shot his own energy ball at the shadow, the room lit by blue once more.

The Postman rubbed at his eyes, and then slowly entered the room, closing the door behind him. Knowing it probably wasn't a good idea to interrupt at this exact moment, he took a seat against the wall to watch.

Ganondorf pulled back his sword, his eyes cool and calculating. With a grunt he slashed at the shadow's head just as it ducked, its reflexes identical to his own. Ganondorf, anticipating this, kicked it straight in the chest as hard as he could, knocking it to the ground. Caught by surprise, the shadow barely managed to break its fall using one of it's arms, and it rolled out of the way, just missing the tip of Ganondorf 's sword by inches.

"Playtime's over." Ganondorf sneered, swinging his sword full force.

Steel met steel in a shower of sparks and both put their full weight against their swords, trying to get the upper hand. Unfortunately for the shadow, Ganondorf seemed to be the more vicious of the two and was able to push it back several steps. Not backing down, the shadow used every ounce of its strength to gain the ground it had lost.

It was Ganondorf who finally broke away. He stabbed at the shadow ferociously, trying to catch it off guard once again. The shadow knocked the attack away from itself, and kneed Ganondorf in the stomach. The wind knocked out of him, Ganondorf gasped in pain, clutching at his stomach as the shadow advanced.

The shadow began circling Ganondorf menacingly, it's sword glowing a dark purple as it readied for an attack. It charged.

Fiddling with his mailbag, The Postman's eyes widened as Ganondorf dodged the incoming attack, and stabbed the shadow straight through the stomach. The shadow melted into the floor and Ganondorf smirked at his victory.

Ganondorf gave a slight stretch to his arms, smirk still in place, clearly satisfied with the fight. The shadow on the floor began to pool, and then as The Postman watched, it slowly rose back into the shape of Ganondorf. Ganondorf seemed none the wiser as the shadow stood behind him, raising its sword for the kill.

The Postman gasped as it began bringing it down and quite by reflex, he shouted out.

"Watch out!"

Ganondorf's head snapped around to look at him, and almost like he didn't even need to look, he swung out with his sword, again stabbing the shadow.

"Stay down." he ordered the shadow, his eyes narrowing to angry slits of yellow.

The shadow obediently remained as a puddle.

His expression like a thundercloud, Ganondorf slowly formed an energy ball in the palm of his hand and began stomping across the room. He threw the energy as hard as he could at the other man and The Postman barely had enough time to duck. The energy cracked and sizzled as it hit the wall and when The Postman looked up, there was a large singe-mark right above his head.

Ganondorf reached him within seconds, and with one angry snarl, grabbed The Postman by the ankle and yanked him up so they were face to face. As The Postman hung there, upside-down, his shirt all the way to his chin, Ganondorf gave him a loathing look.

"How did you escape from prison?" he snarled, giving him a violent shake.

The Postman felt his eyes cross, and he shook his head to correct his vision. Ganondorf only seeming to get angrier at his silence.

"You've interrupted my private training, worm, and I want to know how you got out of that cage!"

"Well," The Postman began. "It all started with a sandwich..."

Ganondorf's eye twitched. "A sandwich." he repeated. "And how exactly did you escape with a- nevermind, it's not worth it. I don't care."

Deciding the headache of trying to draw information out of the man was not worth the pain, he instead stated. "I think I'm going to kill you now, just so you stop annoying me."

Blood was starting to drain to his head and The Postman gave a slight grimace. "I still need a response to give Ms., Galanda." he explained. "I promised her I'd get one."

Ganondorf let out an infuriated hiss, and then fixed The Postman with a look that did not bode well for the smaller man.

"You would think I have made it abundantly clear that I want to be left alone, but clearly you're too stupid to get the hint. I don't want your mail, I'm not giving a response, and I swear I'm going to cut off all your limbs and feed you to the skullfish!"

"I'm just doing my job, sir." The Postman responded haughtily. "Did you want me to tell Ms. Galanda you didn't want to respond?"

"No!" Ganondorf snarled angrily. "Don't tell her that!"

The Postman blinked up at him in all innocense. "Then what do you wish for me to tell her, sir?"

Ganondorf scowled for a moment irritably. In normal circumstances he would have just killed someone like The Postman, but for some reason he found himself fascinated. There was something really unusual about The Postman, and he was curious as to what it was.

With a resigned sigh, Ganondorf asked. "Do you have a quill and parchment?"

The Postman reached into his bag which was hanging above his head and pulled out said quill and paper. Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at him, and then gave another heavy, drawn-out sigh.

"You ready?" he demanded.

The Postman had the quill and parchment at the ready, despite being held upside-down. "Yes, sir."

"Fine. Say I'm fine and yes I'm planning something a lot bigger. Tell her, I've already got my leverage and everything should be in place within the next few weeks. Also tell her she can go ahead and kill the postman after she receives this message."

"Is that all, Mr. Ganondorf?"

"Yes." Ganondorf growled, throwing him harshly to the ground.

The Postman barely had time to break his fall as he hit the floor, the wind being knocked out of him, and he gave a slight wheeze of pain.

"Now, I suggest you get out of here before I change my mind about feeding you to the skullfish." Ganondorf warned, turning away from him. "Don't come back."

The Postman rolled to his feet and straightened the parchment which had gotten a bit bent. Folding it over, he hesitated before putting it away.

"You need a stamp, sir."

Ganondorf turned murderous eyes on him. "What?"

"A stamp, sir. If you don't have a stamp, then I have to charge you 5 rupees."

If looks could kill, then The Postman would have melted into a puddle of goo.

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Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D


	3. The Mystery of The Postman

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 **Authornote: Wednesday January 25**

 **Hello everyone! This chapter is a bit shorter than the others, but it sets in motion a few things. I hope you guys enjoy it!**

 **I pre-ordered Breath of the Wild today and am very excited to get it in March. I can't wait! :D :D Is anyone else planning on getting it? If so, what system are you getting it for, the WiiU or the Switch? I'm too cheap to buy a console right now so I'm getting it for Wii U.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated.**

 **Rainmy : Great to see you again! I'm glad you're still reading. I hope you like the re-write :)**

 **ChangelingRin** : **I'm happy you like it so far! I do indeed have many, many more ideas for this story. (about 75 more chapters worth actually) This is actually a re-write so I already know approximately how long it will be.**

 **Waterwomen1414** : **Yeah, poor postman, his miseries are just starting. He has no idea what's in store for him in the future...**

 **Reiz16:** **Every story is better with a sandwich fight. :)**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero (Link) that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Please read and review, all suggestions, feedback and critisisms are greatly appreciated!**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 1 Chapter 3

The Mystery of The Postman

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It had been about a week since The Postman had last irritated Ganondorf, so the villain had pushed the previous incidents to the back of his mind, almost forgetting about him. His week, thus far, had been hectic with all the planning and research, barely giving him time to think of anything else. The Hero of Time had already fought his way through one of seven of the temples protecting his magical relics, and he was trying to reinforce the others before it was too late. If The Hero managed to destroy all the relics, he'd lose a tremendous amount of power and The Hero might just stand a chance of beating him.

Ganondorf scowled down the map. The hero had struck the demon temple in the forest first so it stood to reason he'd go for the one in the mountains next. The monster he'd placed in that temple was nasty but he was worried she wasn't strong enough. The Hero had a habit of killing anything thrown at him, so he'd have to make this temple even harder.

"Hmm, I'll put some Stalfos here...and some Redead over he-"

The throne room doors suddenly burst open with a loud bang, and Ganondorf visibly jumped, much to his embarrassment. He looked up to see The Postman running across the room, letters grasped firmly in hand.

"Heyyy!" he yelled out.

Ganondorf slammed his quill to the table angrily, and let out a hiss of irritation as he waited for the inevitable.

"I have two letters for you today, Mr. Ganondorf!" The Postman announced proudly.

He held them up into Ganondorf's face as the man in question glared at him.

The Postman gave the letters a shake. "Here they are!" he announced, trying to get the villain to take them.

"Why aren't you dead?" Ganondorf demanded.

"Dead, Sir?"

"Yes, dead! As in, if you were dead, I would have much less distraction in my life!"

The Postman simply cocked his head and held out the letters once more.

"How did you get in here this time? I had all the Moblins cut down all the trees within miles."

"Through a trapdoor."

"Don't you start this again!" Ganondorf yelled, holding out his sword threateningly. "How did you get over the wall into my castle?"

"A tree, sir. Like before."

"You didn't. I had all the trees cut down."

"They were cut down, but still on the ground near the castle, sir. I just had to lean one up against the wall and climb it."

"Of course." Ganondorf muttered, as he rubbed his temples, feeling a headache coming on.

"Why didn't my mother kill you as I had asked? Didn't you write down my message exactly as told?"

"Yes, Sir, I did. She said to tell you that I was the best Postman she's ever had, and she doesn't want a replacement." The Postman explained, a little pride coming out in his voice. "Here are your letters, sir."

Ganondorf gave him a look of absolute loathing before snatching the letters. As he tore into them, he fixed The Postman with a glare. "Don't go anywhere." he ordered.

"Did you have something you wish to be delivered, sir?"

"I do." Ganondorf said evasively as he read.

"Shop with greed, shop at Creeds..." Ganondorf read to himself with a scowl.

Both letters were more junk mail and Ganondorf tossed them aside without much thought. He observed how The Postman was already shifting about anxiously, and enjoyed the other mans discomfort.

Picking up his quill, Ganondorf pulled a blank piece of parchment towards himself and began writing. He had a theory about The Postman which he was going to test out. Something was definitely off about the other man and he was going to find out what it was. His curiosity about him overrode his desires to kill him for the moment. Although annoying, The Postman didn't really seem all that dangerous to his schemes.

When he was finished, he carefully folded it over and handed it over. The Postman immediately jumped forward to accept it as he pulled out an envelope from his bag. As he placed the letter into the envelope, he gave Ganondorf an expectant look.

"And where do you wish me to deliver it to, Mr Ganondorf?"

Ganondorf thought hard for a moment and then smiled cruelly. "I heard a rumour that there's a Yeti living on Snowpeak Mountain in Peak Province. Find him and give him that letter. Mark it as a top priority; I want you doing nothing else but delivering my letter."

The Postman saluted, instantly serious. Priority mail was rare and had to be delivered as soon as possible! No self-respecting postman would ever allow a priority letter to be late!

"You can count on me, Mr. Ganondorf! Do you have a priority stamp?"

Ganondorf gave him a glare. "No, I do not."

"The cost of a priority letter all the way to Peak Province is 250 rupees, and is guaranteed to arrive within seven days. That covers the wage of the replacement postman that would replace me on my route while I'm gone."

Without a word, Ganondorf pulled out his wallet and carefully counted out the correct amount of rupees. He threw them at The Postman, and then pointed to the door.

"Go, and that letter better not be late! Out of my sight!"

The Postman seemed to panic a moment as he jumped into action, running for the door at his top speed. Once he was gone, Ganondorf gave a chuckle. That took care of The Postman! He doubted there was any way the man would survive in those treacherous mountains. He'd either freeze to death or get killed by a monster, looking for a legendary Yeti that didn't exist! If he did somehow manage to find a legendary yeti, then the mystery about The Postman would only deepen.

Still chuckling as he picked up his map, Ganondorf once again pushed The Postman to the back of his mind.

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Ganondorf stood in the boss chamber of his water-demon temple and was anything but impressed. The Hero of Time had yet again managed to defeat another one of his temples so this time he was overlooking this temple's defence personally. The monster he'd chosen to protect the temple didn't seem nearly as impressive now that the Hero had defeated two others before it. In fact, the giant piranha jellyfish seemed a little bit silly.

Scowling down into the pool of water, he wondered if it was too late to find a replacement.

"You're pathetic." Ganondorf muttered. "That boy will have no trouble killing you. Have you thought at all about your plan of action?"

The monster simply stared at him, and then halfheartedly squirted acid out of one of its tentacles. Ganondorf watched as part of the wall melted, and then gave a nod.

"Alright, I suppose that's ok. Anything else?"

The monster smashed it's tentacles onto the floor beside Ganondorf, sending tiny shockwaves through the room. Then with concentrated effort, it electrified the water. Ganondorf gave another nod.

"The Hero has a sword, watch out for your tentacles and make sure to not give him a chance to retaliate to your attacks!"

The monster growled in acknowledgement.

"I still have my doubts about you, monster. Prove me wrong and kill the brat!"

He received another growl.

"I'm going to oversee the rest of the temple. Don't disappoint me!"

As Ganondorf swept out of room, the monster gave him a dirty look. As if she couldn't defeat a measly little hero! How insulting!

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Ganondorf spent the next two weeks reinforcing his temples, and bringing in stronger minions. Satisfied the demon temple was now impenetrable, he retired back to his castle. Now, all he had to do was wait for when The Hero attacked. In a considerably better mood, he headed up to his tower, to relax for the night.

Once in the privacy of his tower, he closed the doors and approached the organ sitting against the far wall. He hadn't played in a while and it never ceased to relax him. The monstrously huge organ had been a gift from his surrogate mothers Koume and Kotake many years ago when they were encouraging him to find new creative outlets. He wasn't sure whether it had the effect they were looking for, but it did help him scheme when he was stressed.

He took a seat on the bench and ran his fingers over the keys lovingly before setting off on a slow and depressing melody. It had once terrified princess Zelda when he'd played for her, and he knew that wasn't exactly a bad thing. He really hated the royal family and that spoilt-brat princess was no better. Once he took over Hyrule, he'd move onto the other provinces until everything belonged to him and his people.

Closing his eyes, Ganondorf let his fingers glide over the keys as images of blood and chaos filled his mind. Smiling at the thoughts, he let out a sigh of contentment.

BANG

"Hey! Mr. Ganondorf! I have a delivery for you!"

Ganondorf abruptly stopped playing and snapped his head around to see The Postman running towards him, a package in hand.

Ganondorf turned fully towards him, feeling completely dumbfounded. "What are you doing back here? I thought you were delivering my letter!" he said accusingly. "It was priority!"

"This is for you, Mr. Ganondorf!" The Postman said, cheerfully holding out the package. "The Yeti ate your letter and didn't send a response, but he did send you back some soup!"

Ganondorf stared at him blankly for a moment before the words truly sunk in. "You actually found a Yeti?"

"Yes, sir. A postman always delivers mail to the appropriate person or creature!"

Ganondorf frowned, not sure whether to believe him, and eyed the lumpy package in The Postman's arms. The Postman held it out to him eagerly and Ganondorf hesitantly accepted it. Setting the suspicious package aside for the moment, he looked The Postman up and down with a frown. His white clothes were as spotless as ever and there was no indiction he'd been hiking up a mountain for the past 2 weeks.

"You really went to Peak Mountain?" he questioned in disbelief.

"Yes, sir. The letter was delivered on day six and I just got back now."

"Hrmph. Likely story. There's no proof of that."

The Postman was instantly offended. "I would never claim to deliver a letter if that wasn't the case, sir! It's against the rules!

As Ganondorf stood up from the bench, he caught The Postman's eyes lingering on the organ before he turned his full attention to Ganondorf once more.

"Don't you have other letters to deliver?" Ganondorf demanded.

The Postman shook his head. "My replacement is still delivering today's mail for this area."

"Replacement?"

"Yes, sir. I couldn't leave my mail unattended so I brought in a temporary replacement."

"Fine, fine, whatever." Ganondorf muttered. "I'll give you another priority letter to deliver."

As he crossed the room to his desk, he gave The Postman a scrutinizing look. If The Postman was actually able to find someone he'd never met before on a desolate mountain, then there had to be some strange type of magic involved. This would take a bit more testing.

The Postman glanced again at the organ and Ganondorf gave him a dirty look. "What is so fascinating about the organ, you nuisance?"

"Nothing, I just thought the music was quite pretty." The Postman complimented.

Ganondorf's face instantly turned red with rage. "I do not play 'pretty' music! It's dark and dreary and hateful, just like me."

The Postman blinked but didn't say a word. He scratched the back of his leg with his other foot but otherwise remained rooted to the spot as Ganondorf glared at him.

Ganondorf grabbed a quill and parchment irritably, then scribbled a quick note down. When he was finished, he folded it over and placed it inside a plain white envelope.

"Here."

The Postman trotted over and accepted the letter with a smile. "To whom is this to be delivered, Mr. Ganondorf?"

Ganondorf leaned back in his seat casually and watched The Postman a moment through lidded eyes. "In the Gerudo Mesa, there's a place called The Cave of Ordeals. There are 50 rooms in total and I want you to deliver this letter to The Great Fairy in room 50. As proof of your delivery I want you to bring back a jar of her tears. I don't care how you get them, but you'd better have them if you dare come back here!"

The Postman saluted. "Yes, sir, you can count on me!"

"Good, now get out of here so I can have some solitude!"

"...the fee for this priority letter is 100 rupees and is guaranteed delivery within two days." The Postman informed him.

Muttering to himself, Ganondorf counted out the money and tossed it into The Postman's face. "Now get out of here!"

The Postman gave him a salute, and quickly bolted towards the door.

Ganondorf watched after him with a thoughtful look. No one besides the strongest of warriors could survive the cave of ordeals, so if The Postman survived, it proved there was definitely something strange about him.

Glancing at the lumpy package The Postman had delivered, he carefully unwrapped it, quite surprised to see it really was a jar of stew. Having absolutely no intention of eating it, he set it aside, pondering about why a yeti would eat a letter if it had fresh stew nearby. Strange...

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When, four days later, The Postman returned carrying a bottle of Great Fairy Tears, Ganondorf was both confused and perturbed. He stared at the small man in front of him, wondering what he was. No normal Hylian could get through the first room of the Cave of Ordeals, let alone all 50! He simply stared in silence as The Postman shifted about, bottle still in hands. Finally, Ganondorf frowned and demanded.

"Who are you?"

The Postman seemed confused. "I'm The Postman, sir, do you not remember me?"

"No, who are you really?" Ganondorf asked, his voice taking on an edge.

"I am The Postman."

Ganondorf slammed his fists atop his desk in frustration. "No normal person can do those things!" he yelled. "Why can you go where even the Hero of Time has trouble going?"

"Because, sir, I am The Postman! I can deliver a letter to anyone! That is my job!"

Sincere brown eyes met angry yellow as Ganondorf considered this. "You mean to say that you can go absolutely anywhere to deliver a letter? Despite certain death and untold dangers?"

"It is my job, sir."

Ganondorf rubbed at his chin in thought. "Maybe I won't kill you; I may have some use for you yet...but I need to test this more."

"Here are the tears you asked for, sir. The fairy already had some ready as she was expecting someone else...but she said I could have them instead."

Ganondorf set the incredibly rare tears on his desk distractedly, and then said. "I want you to deliver letters for me for the rest of today."

The Postman raised a brow in question.

"I will give you one letter at a time, and you are to take it to the correct person within this castle. You are to bring back an item from the letter's recipient that is so very specific, you won't be able to fake it. Do you understand?"

The Postman looked like he very much wanted to ask why, but held his tongue and said instead. "Yes, sir. Priority letters, I assume?"

"Yes." Ganondorf replied, grabbing a quill and quickly scrawling a message. "Take this to the Gerudo guard named Abella. I'm not telling you where she is."

"Yes, sir, and since the priority letter is being delivered within the same castle, the cost will only be 10 rupees per letter."

Ganondorf threw him an orange rupee. "There. That will cover all the letters I plan on sending today."

The Postman caught the rupee and proceeded to dig out a roll of stamps out of his mailbag. He stuck two to the piece of parchment and then counted out 38 others, which he handed back to Ganondorf.

"One stamp for regular delivery and two for local priority letters." he explained.

The Postman then gave him a salute, and disappeared out the door. Ganondorf stared down at the large pile of stamps on his desk, not sure whether to be annoyed or exasperated. To Ganondorf's surprise, it was only five minutes later when The Postman returned. In his hand, he held a prosthetic arm.

"Looks like you found her."

"Yes, sir."

Ganondorf had thought The Postman would have a harder time finding her than that. He quickly scribbled another note, sticking two stamps to the top of it.

"Go return that arm and then take this to Ashira, another Gerudo guard."

"Yes, sir." The Postman replied, quickly disappearing again.

Within a few minutes he was back again with the correct item. Ganondorf sent him off again and again and again, and each time The Postman was able to locate the correct person with no issue. Ganondorf did this for over two hours, his fascination only growing.

He thought about how he would be able to confuse The Postman into making a mistake. The Postman was slightly out of breath at this point, but was patiently waiting for Ganondorf to give him the next letter.

"Don't be so lazy," Ganondorf ordered. "You're starting to slow down."

"Yes, sir." The Postman replied without complaint.

Ganondorf tapped his quill as he thought, and then began to write. "Take this to Bark the Moblin, you may have to read it to him."

The Postman accepted the letter and was once again on his way. His work long forgotten, Ganondorf sat back, simply waiting for The Postman to return. He didn't have to wait long and just a few minutes later, The Postman had returned.

He held out a rather beat up gold earring, which Ganondorf took. The Gerudo inspected it suspiciously, checking the engraving along the outer edge. It was exactly what he had requested.

The reason Ganondorf had chosen a Moblin was because they all looked exactly the same and he had hundreds of them all through the castle. Wondering how The Postman managed to find the correct Moblin as quickly as he did, he gave the other man a curious look.

"Did you ask the other Moblins for help?" he asked.

"Help with delivering the letter? No, Sir." The Postman answered, sounding mildly offended.

"Can you tell Moblins apart?"

"Yes, sir, of course."

"How do you tell them apart?"

This gave The Postman pause as he thought about it. "Because they're different, sir."

"Different, how?"

The Postman gave a helpless shrug. "They just are."

"Hmm." Ganondorf responded skeptically. "Have you met Bark before today, postman?"

"No, sir."

"Then how did you know which Moblin he was?"

"I had a letter for him, sir, and I can always find the right recipient."

"That did not answer my question."

"Postal intuition, sir."

"That is not a real thing."

"I wouldn't be a very good postman if I could never find anybody." The Postman stated.

"Are you psychic?"

"No, sir."

"Is it a spell or charm?"

"No, sir."

Ganondorf was growing impatient. "Then how do you do it? How do you know where people are when you've never met them before?"

The Postman gave another shrug. "I've always been able to find people, Sir. It's hereditary from generations of postmen going back hundreds of years, sir."

"You mean to tell me all postmen can find people they've never met, despite not even knowing where they are?"

The Postman shrugged. "Not sure, I've never asked."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "Shrug one more time at me, and I'll break that shoulder."

Ganondorf pulled another piece of parchment towards himself and decided to test something. He wrote down a random message and then made up a name off the top of his head. He then put the appropriate stamps on it. "Take this to Farro."

The Postman took the parchment. "Yes, sir." he answered, heading for the door.

He took all of five steps before coming to a dead stop. He remained frozen in place, simply staring towards the door, not moving a muscle. Ganondorf watched this with crossed arms, wondering what The Postman would do. The Postman cocked his head, looked a bit puzzled, and then slowly turned back to Ganondorf.

"Are you sure you're not mistaken on the name, sir?"

"No, that's the correct name, why?"

The Postman hesitated a long moment. "Are you certain?"

"Yes." Ganondorf lied.

"But..."

"But what, postman?" Ganondorf said, impatiently. "You have a priority letter and you're dawdling."

The Postman seemed to panic at that, and then just looked really stressed. He looked towards the door again, his brow creasing.

"I should write to your postmaster to complain about how lazy you are. I'm going to tell him that you ignored a priority letter." Ganondorf said, quite enjoying the look of pure panic that crossed The Postman's face.

The Postman's eyes widened and again he took a step towards the door but stopped once more. He hesitated and then slowly shuffled his way back to Ganondorf.

"Is Farro a nickname, sir?"

"No, it's not."

Looking incredibly upset, The Postman reached into his mailbag and pulled something out. A moment later, The Postman handed back the parchment. Ganondorf glanced down at it and saw The Postman had written 'Undeliverable: Return to Sender" on the front of it.

"I sincerely apologize, Sir, but there's no one of that name here in the castle or anywhere within local delivery."

Ganondorf felt his curiosity grow. "...Interesting. How do you know that?"

The Postman started to shrug but quickly stopped himself. "I just do, I've never been wrong before."

"Never?"

"Never."

Ganondorf leaned back in his seat and stared down at The Postman thoughtfully. There was absolutely nothing remarkable about The Postman at all based on appearance. He was rather short but not freakishly so, and had ordinary brown hair and brown eyes, with long pointed ears typical of mainlanders. He was neither handsome nor homely, simply average in all regards. It was hardly a surprise that he tended to fly below anyone's notice. Ganondorf wasn't sure what use that talent would have outside of delivering mail, but he didn't want his enemies somehow using it. His mind made up, Ganondorf leaned closer to The Postman.

"I want you to work for me."

The Postman stared at him, taken aback. "I am a postman, sir, I work for everyone."

"No, I mean, I want you to work solely for me."

The Postman shook his head. "No, thank you, Sir. I'm happy where I am."

Ganondorf gave him an impatient look. "I could force you into servitude if I wanted, but I won't. I want loyalty in my minions, so I'll offer you a really decent wage instead."

The Postman adamantly shook his head. "I'm sorry, Mr. Ganondorf but I don't do this for money. It's a family tradition to be a postman. It's what is expected."

"I don't want the enemy finding out what you can do. They could make you tell them where I am at all times, or any of my minions. If you won't join me, then I should just kill you to avoid that."

"You could." The Postman agreed. "But then none of your mail will get delivered."

Ganondorf hesitated a moment as he thought things through. If the other man remained a public postman, he would be able to infiltrate more places than even a spy could. He could get The Postman to waltz right into Hyrule castle... "So if I were to order you to deliver packages or letters, you'd do it? No matter who it was to?"

"The packages have to be three pounds or less, but yes I'm a postman, I deliver mail for everybody."

Ganondorf stared at him through narrowed eyes for a few moments then said. "Alright I have a letter for you to deliver."

"Of course, sir, where is it going?"

"To the Hero of Time."

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Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D


	4. Treason and Obligations

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 **Authornote: Friday January 26 2017**

 **Hello everyone! This chapter almost didn't get uploaded today. I had a bit of a scare when my cat knocked my laptop off of my desk and cracked the screen. It sort of still works, but I ordered a new laptop which will arrive next week. :D Hopefully there won't be any delays getting the next chapter out on time. I'm crossing my fingers that this laptop will survive that long.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **ChangelingRin-Aw, thank you so much, my dear! I'm really glad you're enjoying it so far. The Postman is a very fun character to write, and I love making him interact with others. He's such an awkward individual. lol**

 **Reiz16- Glad you enjoyed the chapter! The Postman has indeed caught Ganondorf's attention, and whether this is a good thing remains to be seen. :)**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero (Link) that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the review, they're always greatly appreciated.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 1 Chapter 4

Treason and Obligations

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Link dodged out of the way as long, sharp claws came straight for his face. Gritting his teeth in determination, he unsheathed his sword and faced the mini-boss directly. The enormous, winged Stalfos let out a loud battle-cry and took to the air, far out of Link's reach. Link watched its movements carefully, waiting for the inevitable attack. It swooped down at him fast, but Link was ready and stabbed out with his sword. The mini boss let out a howl of pain and once more took to the air, away from him.

Link fell into a defensive stance, and waited for the next attack. When the mini boss swooped down at him again, he wasn't expecting for it to suddenly breathe fire into his face. Rolling out of the way, he only got a bit singed and swung his sword, successfully severing one of the wings. The mini boss fell heavily to the ground, howling in agony, and immediately lunged at the hero intent on killing him.

Link slashed at the Stalfos just as it raised its claws to attack. The monster let out a final cry of pain as the master sword made contact, and then fell lifeless to the ground. Breathing deeply from the many monsters he'd defeated so far, Link took a long drink from a bottle of potion. Instantly feeling better, he wiped the sweat from his brow and approached the treasure chest before him. Navi hovered near his shoulder as he pushed the top open and reached inside. Inside was the Hookshot, and he held it over his head triumphantly, knowing he could now defeat the demon water temple.

"Hey! Hey!" Navi yelled beside him. "Hey, listen!"

Link looked up as she floated around the Hookshot, trying to catch his attention.

"Now you can use this to get to high platforms you can't reach!" she informed him helpfully.

Link raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment. Navi seemed to have forgotten the fact he'd used hookshots many times before. This weapon was definitely nothing new.

He figured he was about half-way through the temple, since he'd defeated the mini boss, and so far it had been a really tough one. The temple seemed a lot more organized than the other ones, and the villains were stronger than expected.

Putting his hookshot away, Link exited the room, sword clenched tightly in hand. He jumped from the doorway onto a floating platform and withdrew his bow as he was immediately bombarded by Keese. Shooting as he ran along the swaying platform, he killed the Keese one by one, and then jumped onto a staircase nearby. As he ran upstairs to the room above, he pulled out his hookshot, aiming for some vines high out of reach.

His aim was true, and as the hookshot retracted, he was pulled up with it to a new room. As he put the hookshot away, Link looked up, and then froze at what was before him. Four Iron Knuckles stood, side by side, enormous axes held in their arms at the ready. They stared at him for a moment, and then slowly began lumbering towards him. Narrowing his eyes in concentration, Link drew his sword then charged.

"Hey! Mr. Link!" yelled out a voice, causing both hero and villains alike to falter to surprise.

Everyone turned to see The Postman jogging across the room, letter in hand.

"I have a letter for you, Mr. Link!"

Once in front of the hero, he presented the letter with a flourish. "Ta da! A priority letter for you."

Link simply stared at him in disbelief. How did The Postman get all the way through the temple, and how did he get to this room without a hookshot? The Postman shoved the letter directly into Link's face, and then gave the Iron Knuckles an apologetic look.

"Sorry, this is urgent mail business. I'll just be a second." he explained.

The Iron Knuckles exchanged looks with one another, and then one of them motioned for him to get on with it.

"Your letter, Mr. Link." The Postman stated, shaking the letter slightly.

"But..but how did you...?" Link sputtered, completely confused. "You've never delivered a letter to me in a dungeon!"

"I am a postman, sir, and you had a priority letter to be delivered!" The Postman said as a way of explanation. "Priority mail cannot wait."

"But...how did you get here?!" Link asked.

"I walked." The Postman replied, evasively.

Link had always found it strange that The Postman could track him down no matter where he was, and he'd seen the man in many odd places all around the continent, but this was just ridiculous! He had never really thought about it before now, but it was kind of hard to ignore when an unarmed civilian fearlessly waltzes into a room with four Iron Knuckles. Was The Postman even human?

"Navi, tell me information about this postman." Link ordered.

The fairy obediently flew over to The Postman and hovered over his head as she gave her explanation. "The Postman: civilian, human, unknown real name, approximately 30 years-old, five-foot-four or 162 centimeters tall, and approximately 110 pounds or 50 kilograms. He delivers letters all over the provinces and is currently employed in Hyrule Castletown. Previously employed in Clocktown in Termina. Very fast, very efficient, and driven to be perfect at his job. Threat level is extremely low."

The Postman gave the fairy a curious look as she circled him, but quickly turned his attention back to Link and the undelivered letter. "Please accept your letter, Mr. Link."

"Yes, hurry up!" one of the Iron Knuckles urged impatiently.

Still rather confused, Link accepted the letter as Navi returned to her place in his hat.

The Postman gave him a salute, and then said. "Well, my business here is concluded! Onward to mail!"

Without another word, The Postman turned and ran out the far door, leaving Link feeling very conflicted. Had The Postman just taken an easy shortcut when he, the hero, had fought for hours?! He didn't have long to dwell on this however, as the Iron Knuckles began stalking towards him once again.

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His priority letter successfully delivered, The Postman whistled to himself as he headed towards the Hyrule Castletown postoffice. He'd been away from his regular route for much too long, and wondered how the replacement postman was doing. The sun was starting set and he made it back to Castletown just as the gate was closing.

It was surprising how quiet the town got once the gate was closed, and he didn't see a single villager as he crossed town to the postoffice. Pulling out his keys, he was surprised when it was unlocked. Pushing open the door, he was met with the sight of the replacement postman, sitting next to the fireplace reading. The Postman waved a friendly greeting, and hung his mailbag on a hook near the door.

"Back already from today's deliveries? Not too busy while I was gone?" he asked.

The other postman gave a disinterested shrug. "Naw, not too bad at all! There were a few letters around town and a few undeliverables while you were gone, but that was it."

The Postman froze mid-step. "Undeliverables? What do you mean undeliverables?" he demanded.

The other postman wordlessly pointed at the overflowing wastebasket near the door. The Postman's eyes widened, and his mouth dropped open in absolute horror. Pouncing at the wastebasket, he pulled out handfuls upon handfuls of letters and packages. He stared down at the pile of mail for a few seconds in a daze, and then he turned furious eyes to the other postman.

"What is the meaning of this?" he demanded. "You threw out people's mail? Why? What's the matter with you?!"

"None of them could be delivered. Just look at who, or where some of them are for! Some to the Gerudo, some to monsters, others to the Hero of Time! A few of those letters are even for Ganondorf himself! There was no way to deliver any of them!"

The Postman clenched his fists in rage. "How can you call yourself a postman?" he snapped. "Everyone gets mail, and it's our job to deliver it to them! There's no excuse, absolutely no excuse for..for this!" he yelled, pointing at the mail.

The other postman rolled his eyes. "I'm not crazy enough to put myself in that kind of danger just to deliver a few letters." he stated. "They're just villains, and The Hero of Time probably doesn't have time for mail anyway!"

One of The Postman's eyes twitched and he took a very deep breath. "Out." he ordered, pointing at the door.

"What?"

"I said out."

The other postman gave him a look of disbelief, and set down his book. "You're kicking me out just because of that?! Just because I refused to deliver letters that could have gotten me killed?!"

"Yes, now get out!"

"Are you serious? It's nighttime and the gate is closed. Where do you expect me to go?"

"I don't care." The Postman snapped. "Get out of my postoffice now, Haru, you're fired!"

"You're firing me too?!" Haru cried out in disbelief. "Seriously?!"

"You don't deserve to wear the badge of a postman!" The Postman said, hand still pointed to the door. "Now, get out!"

"But I'm your brother! You can't fire me!"

"Out!"

"This is ridiculous! You're such an idiot!"

"Out!"

The other postman gave him a look of death as he slowly got up from his chair. He was a big man over six and a half feet tall, and he towered over The Postman in both height and girth. He could have easily flattened The Postman, and for a moment it looked like he was considering it. His hands clenched angrily, and his teeth were bared, but surprisingly, he didn't lash out. Instead, he harshly shoved The Postman out of his way, and stomped out the door, muttering swearwords under his breath. Giving The Postman one last look of loathing, he slammed closed the door with enough force to rattle the windows.

Once he was gone, The Postman locked the door, and let out a heavy, frustrated sigh. He knew he should have been more careful with whom he selected as his replacement. Now he had two weeks worth of villain-mail to catch up on. He'd have to leave a few hours early in the morning to get them all delivered on time. He grimaced down at the large pile of mail, and then knelt down to begin sorting it, hoping none of the villains would notice their missing mail.

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Link defeated the last Iron Knuckle with a final swipe of his sword, and then collapsed to the floor, panting for breath. As he wheezed to catch his breath, he then remembered about the strange letter. Pulling it out of his tunic, he ripped open the envelope and unfolded the piece of paper.

"Hero Of Time,

Once more you're proving to be a thorn in my side. I know you've been destroying the magical relics hidden within the demon temples, but your efforts are all for nothing. You will never be able to defeat me, and Hyrule will fall, and I will watch it all burn.

You are nothing but a weak, and pathetic child compared to me, and you will be crushed like the insect you are! Even if you do manage to destroy the relics, it won't make any difference. You're only giving me more time to put my plan into action. The only honourable thing you can do at this point is kill yourself.

Yours,

Ganondorf"

Link looked up at Navi in shock. "Ganondorf just sent me hate mail!"

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Ganondorf was beyond furious. He was so livid, his entire body shook from the repressed rage. Drawing his sword, he stabbed the Dinolfos messenger through the chest before the creature had time to jump out of the way. Using his boot to push the dead Dinolfos off his sword, he turned blazing eyes on the other minions in the room. They immediately ran for it, closing the door after them. Having no one else to vent at, Ganondorf let out a yell of fury and kicked his desk over.

The blasted Hero of Time had not only managed to defeat another temple, but was now already in the water temple as well! Clenching his teeth, Ganondorf knew he'd have to try even harder to reinforce the next temple. What did it take to kill that boy?

Righting his desk, he took a few deep breathes, trying to calm himself, and then bent down to pick up his fallen papers. Setting them back on his desk, he pulled out the map of his ice temple. As his eyes scanned the different dungeons, looking for weaknesses, he was startled when the door opened with a bang.

Closing his eyes in resignation, Ganondorf didn't even have to look up to see who it was.

Sure enough a moment later, came the inevitable "I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf!"

Ganondorf looked up with a scowl, and The Postman held out a whole wad of letters.

"Well...actually, I have twelve letters for you!"

Ignoring the offered letters, Ganondorf demanded. "Did you deliver that priority letter I gave you?"

"Of course, Mr. Ganondorf! I always get my mail delivered!"

"Good." Ganondorf muttered, with a nod. "I should have put a bomb in it."

"Oh, no, Mr. Ganondorf, dangerous goods are not allowed to be mailed. You'd have to use a courier service for that!"

Ganondorf let out a sigh. Then, with an odd calmness to his voice, he asked. "Did you tell the hero where this castle is?"

The Postman gave a gasp of indignation. "Of course not, sir! I value my customers' privacy! Unless you put your address on the return portion of the envelope, it's none of anyone's business where it came from!"

Ganondorf let out a snort. "You better be telling the truth, postman. If I find out you really are a spy, I'll skin you alive."

The Postman put his hand over the rabbit-shaped crest on his shirt and held up his other hand. "The strict code of postmen conduct does not allow confidentiality to be breached!"

"Why was that policy put in place?" Ganondorf asked, thinking the policy would open a lot of opportunity for mail crimes to occur.

"We have a lot of customers who have 'magazine' subscriptions. They prefer to remain annonymous."

"Whatever." Ganondorf said, losing interest. "I want you to deliver another priority letter for me."

"Yes, sir."

Ganondorf grabbed his quill and parchment and began writing fast and angrily. After a few minutes, he placed it inside an envelope, stuck on two stamps, and handed it over.

"Take this to The Hero of Time. Priority mail."

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf! You can count on me!"

"Good, now get lost."

The Postman gave him a salute, and then ran out the door, letter clutched in his hand.

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Link had completely forgotten about the letter during the chaos of fighting his way through the rest of the water temple. The main boss of the temple had seemed extra keen to kill him, and it barely gave a pause between attacks. Link quickly saw the monster's weakness however, and lopped off its tentacles every time one came too near him. After cutting off all the tentacles, there was just a head left floating on the top of the water, not very threatening at all. It glared and hissed at him sadly, but could do nothing to attack. Link destroyed the relic with a swipe his sword as the monster howled in protest, and without hesitation, he killed the monster to gain the heart container. The temple now defeated, Link crossed the room and stepped into the teleport to get back to the entrance.

Once outside and safe, Link let out a breath of relief, finally sheathing his sword. That's when the letter fell out of his tunic and fluttered to the ground. Now remembering the strange encounter again, he picked the letter up, and read it through once more, frowning. What did Ganondorf hope to accomplish with this? He must know by now that The Hero of Time wouldn't just quit! They'd been battling each other for ten years now! Sighing, he stuffed the letter back in his tunic and turned to gaze out across the fields.

Knowing he had to hurry and find the ice temple, Link played Epona's song on his ocarina and waited for the horse to find him. One of the ancient demons he'd found in the last temple had hinted that the next temple was far to the north, so he mounted Epona and headed in that direction.

After a quick stop in Hyrule Castletown to refill his items, he rode across the field with a fierce determination, knowing how serious the situation was. Only a few more temples to go...

He only rode for a few minutes however, before a very familiar figure appeared on the horizon.

"Mr. Link!" the figure yelled out, running towards him.

Link slowed Epona to a stop.

When The Postman was almost to him, he called out. "I have several letters for you, Mr. Link! Six in fact!"

Looking up at the hero, he held up the pile of mail proudly. "Here you go, Sir."

Link accepted the large pile of mail, surprised that he had received so many at once. As he was flipping through them, The Postman gave him a salute and turned away.

"Well, my business is concluded here! Onward to mail!"

Link didn't even look up as he was too focussed on one letter in particular. The envelope simply read "To the Hero of Time" but he recognized the elegant handwriting.

Blue eyes narrowing, Link ripped into the envelope and pulled out the letter. As he read, his expression settled into a frown.

"Hero of Time,

It has come to my attention that you still have not given up this futile attempt at heroism. Since you seem so determined to be a nuisance, I will give you an ultimatum: Stop now, or it will be your loved ones who pay the price.

I have kidnapped your beloved blood-brother, Darunia, and unless you want me to start mailing you pieces of him, you will stop all acts of heroism. You do not want to cross me this time, boy, you will lose! This is the last warning you'll get on the matter.

~Ganondorf~"

Link looked up, feeling uncertain. He had no doubt that Ganondorf was telling the truth about Darunia, but he knew he couldn't stop the quest, all of Hyrule was depending on him! He had to find Ganondorf and end this once and for all! Hoping he could save Darunia in time, Link let out a deep breath of worry. If only he could find Ganondorf right now, so he could just end this! Ganondorf was like a snake in the grass, however, and no one knew where the Gerudo King had gone, he'd just seemingly vanished.

Link looked down at the letter once more as a thought occurred to him. Where did The Postman get the letter? In fact, where did he get the other one from as well? Did The Postman know where Ganondorf was? Link looked out towards the horizon but The Postman was already long gone. Glancing down at the letter again, he knew this was something he'd have to bring to Princess Zelda's attention. Shoving the letters inside his tunic, he turned Epona and rode back towards Hyrule Castletown.

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Princess Zelda to say in the least, was surprised when Link told her about the letters. She read them both then furrowed her brow in thought.

"This is very strange..." she admitted. "If The Postman does know where that demon Ganondorf is, wouldn't he have told you?"

Link honestly didn't know and gave a shrug. "I'm not sure, princess. Maybe the letters were left at the post office for him?"

"If Ganondorf has been using a minion to deliver the letters to the post office, why not just deliver them directly to you?"

Again, Link gave a shrug. "Maybe he didn't want to chance us interrogating the minion?"

Handing the letters back to Link, Zelda rubbed her chin in thought. "We need to speak with The Postman." she said decisively. "And find out exactly what's going on."

"Where would he be at this time of day?" Link wondered out loud. "He could be anywhere!"

"Well," Zelda began. "It's been a few days since I've received mail, so I imagine he'll be coming here soon. He usually delivers the castle's mail sometime in the morning."

"So we just wait around hoping he'll show up?" Link asked, feeling like he should be making some sort of effort to find the man. "Couldn't I just stake out the post office?"

"You might miss him if you leave." Zelda pointed out.

Knowing this was indeed possible, Link sighed and took a seat on the steps beside the princess.

"I've never been very good at waiting around." Link explained.

"No," Zelda agreed a bit sadly. "You've been on adventure after adventure ever since you were just a boy. You've never had a chance at a normal, quiet life."

"There's so much evil in the world, I don't think Hyrule will ever be truly safe." Link stated sadly. "No matter when or where, there will always be some boy with a destiny to fight evil. Right now, I suppose it's my turn."

"With men like Ganondorf, nowhere is safe." Zelda stated. "His evil spreads like a disease."

Link nodded, his gaze settling on the small garden in front of him. He watched a bumblebee as it lazily hovered over one of the flowers, and then he let out another sigh. Zelda too was quiet in thought, and both sat in silence as they waited for The Postman to arrive.

They didn't have to wait long before he arrived, letters in hand.

"Good morning, Princess Zelda" he greeted. "I have several letters for you, today! Thirty-five in fact!"

He held out the large stack of letters to Zelda, as the princess stood to her feet.

Zelda was used to receiving large amounts of mail, so she took them without a word and set them down on the step behind her.

"Well, my business here is concluded!"

As The Postman turned to leave, she called out after him. "Postman, wait!"

He paused and turned around. "Yes, Princess Zelda? Did you have something you wish to have delivered?"

"I have something extremely, extremely important I need to talk to you about."

His curiosity piqued, The Postman hesitated. "I have a lot of mail to deliver today, Princess. I don't really have time to talk."

"This is much more important than the mail!" she informed him.

The Postman crossed his arms impatiently, wondering what could possibly be more important than the mail. He glanced over at Link, seemingly noticing him for the first time, and raised an eyebrow at the other man. The hero quickly stood to his feet and cleared his throat importantly. Zelda took a step forward, now that she had The Postman's attention.

"Link has brought it to my attention that you delivered some letters to him from Ganondorf." Zelda stated, seriously.

The Postman nodded. "I did."

"And where did you find those letters?" she asked

"I didn't find them, they were given to me to be delivered!" The Postman responded.

"By whom?"

"Ganondorf." The Postman answered, wondering why this was so important. "He paid for the stamps if that's what you're worried about."

"You know where Ganondorf is?" Link cut in, his expression serious.

"I do."

Zelda clapped her hands together, relieved they would finally be able to track down the Gerudo king before others got hurt.

Link too was relieved as he asked. "Where is he? Where has he been hiding?"

The Postman shrugged evasively. "Sorry, can't tell you that."

Both Link and Zelda paused.

"...what?" Link said, not sure he'd heard correctly. "Why not?"

"It is against the rules."

"What rules?" Link snapped. "What are you talking about?"

"I can't tell you where he is. If he didn't put his return address on the envelope, then it's none of your business."

"What do you mean 'it's none of my business'? I'm the Hero of Time! I've been looking for him for weeks! He's a monstrous villain trying to take over the world!"

"That is none of my concern, I'm just a postman following the rules."

"Link's right!" Zelda put in, not understanding why The Postman would keep it to himself. "If you told us his location, Link could fight him or you could even spy on him for us!"

The Postman's mouth opened and closed a few times in both anger and indignation, before he managed to find his voice. "I am a postman, not a hero, not a spy, not anything else! I would never disrespect my customers' privacy! Postmen can always be trusted for their discretion, and I won't break that trust! To ask me to spy on one of my customers is insulting!"

The Postman turned away from them, nose in the air as he crossed his arms, looking affronted.

Zelda and Link exchanged looks in shock.

"You're refusing to help us?" Zelda demanded.

"I deliver letters, nothing more." he stated,stubbornly. "The policies of my services are quite clearly marked on the post office door. If you wish to make a complaint, the postmistress is located in Clocktown."

"You won't tell us just because it's against company policy?" Zelda questioned.

"That's correct. If I break the rules, I could lose my job."

Link looked like he had something to say about that but Zelda held up a hand to quieten him.

"So, if the policy was changed, you would follow the new policy?" Zelda asked.

"Yes." The Postman confirmed. "Of course I would."

"So, if I contact your postmaster and get the policy changed, you could then reveal Ganondorf's location?"

The Postman shook his head.

Zelda gave him a frustrated look. "Why not?"

"Policy changes can not be applied retroactively. I would still not be able to tell you any information regarding those two letters because when they were written, it was under a policy that protected identity."

Zelda was beginning to get annoyed. "You will help us, this is an order."

"I will not."

"Don't you understand? Ganondorf is going to destroy Hyrule, destroy this castle, destroy me!"

"That is none of my business."

"You don't care that you have the capability to put an end to this war?"

"As I said, that's none of my business, I'm just a postman. I don't get involved in politics."

Zelda put her hands on her hips in growing anger. "Don't you understand what you're doing is treason! You're betraying Hyrule, your own country! What kind of Hylian are you?"

"I'm not Hylian, I'm Terminian." The Postman replied. "I've only been contracted out to Hyrule due to work shortages."

Zelda hadn't known The Postman was Terminian, but she didn't let that deter her. "I order you to tell us where he is! Right now, or I will have you imprisoned!"

The Postman adjusted his mailbag impatiently and then said. "I have mail to deliver. Have a good day, Princess. Have a good day, Mr. Link."

Without another word, he stomped out of the garden, looking peeved.

Zelda narrowed her eyes at his retreating form. Link glanced over at Zelda.

"Shouldn't we be arresting him?"

"No...not yet." Zelda replied, thoughtfully. "I'm going to mail a letter to Ganondorf, and I want you to follow The Postman right to him."

Link gave a nod. "Understood, Princess."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy!**

 **:D**


	5. A Turn for the Worse

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 **Authornote: Sunday January 29 2017**

 **Hello everyone! Long time, no see!**

 **Here's another bonus chapter to celebrate how many people have read this story since I started it! Over three hundred people have read 'How to be a Villain: A Postman's Tale' so far, and that's incredible! I really hope everyone has been enjoying it, and I hope everyone keeps coming back! :D**

 **The only thing I humbly request is that there be no spoilers left in the reviews for those who read my old version of the story. If you have any questions about future events, please PM me instead. There are going to be big changes in Part 2 of the series, so hopefully it will all be for the better. :)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Waterwomen1414 \- Yes, The Postman certainly does have a hard time in this story. His troubles only keep getting worse as the story goes on!**

 **Reiz16 \- Glad you enjoyed the chapter! It was actually my sister's idea to have Ganondorf send Link hatemail. :)**

 **Rainmy -Yes, The Postman has not yet met the source of most of this story's comedy ;) haha**

 **Guest \- Thank you so much! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you like the rest of the story to come!**

 **X**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 1 Chapter 5

A Turn for the Worse

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The Postman was a fast runner, an extremely fast runner in fact. It made him an excellent postman, as he was punctual, and he never seemed to get lost. No one knew the provinces better than he, and he knew all of the best shortcuts. Link, who was not exactly known for his speed, tried to follow him for a bit that first day, but quickly last track of him in Hyrule field.

Huffing and puffing from the running, Link glared in the direction The Postman had disappeared to. This was going to be more difficult than he'd anticipated. Tomorrow he'd take Epona and follow him that way. The Postman always came back to town eventually, so Link could just wait outside the postoffice until The Postman left to deliver the mail in the morning. Princess Zelda had given him a letter to be delivered to Ganondorf, so if he could keep up, he would be able to follow The Postman right to Ganondorf's hideout.

Link spent the rest of the day treasure hunting in the fields, and then headed back to town at dusk, settling himself outside the post office to wait. He didn't like idling too long, feeling like he should be defeating the next temple. Even if The Postman knew the way to Ganondorf, it wasn't a sure thing, and meanwhile, he was wasting valuable time. Darunia was being held hostage, and who knew if he were even still alive.

Link felt a slight ache in his chest at that thought, his sworn blood brother in danger, and it was hard to handle. He clenched his fists in anger. Ganondorf would pay for this. They had crossed paths one too many times, and Link would make sure the villain got exactly what was coming to him.

He sat, back against the wall of the postoffice as he waited for The Postman, staring at the fountain, lost deep in thought. The Postman returned just as the town gates were closing, and when he saw Link, he gave him an odd look, but didn't comment. He simply pulled out a key, and unlocked the postoffice door.

"Postman?" Link called out.

The Postman paused, and glanced over at him. "How can I help you, Mr. Link?"

Link pulled the Princess's letter out of his tunic. "I have a letter that I need delivered."

"Of course, Sir, but it is now past closing time so it will not be delivered until tomorrow."

"That's fine." Link informed him, holding out the letter.

The Postman reached out and took the letter, glancing at the name on the front. 'Ganondorf, King of the Gerudo'. The Postman stared at the name, and then narrowed his eyes, instantly suspicious. He wasn't stupid, and he knew Link wasn't about to let the whole Ganondorf situation just drop. He'd noticed the hero trying to follow him earlier, and he knew this was probably a ploy to find out where the villain's lair was. The envelope had the correct stamp on the front, and so he had no reason to refuse the delivery. He turned his gaze on the hero, knowing exactly what Link was planning.

"Everything looks in order, Sir. You can count on me to deliver it in the morning. Have a good night."

Then, without another word, he stepped inside the post office, and closed the door securely.

Link relaxed, knowing The Postman would deliver the letter as promised. If there was one thing he knew about the man, it was the fact he was completely obsessive about his job.

Knowing The Postman likely wasn't going anywhere until the morning, he took a seat on a nearby crate and shifted about until he was comfortable. He dozed off and on, until finally, hours later, he heard the postoffice door click open. Instantly alert, he watched The Postman step out with a full mailbag to start his day. He made brief eye contact with Link, and then decidedly ignored him as he made his way out of town.

Link jumped to his feet and ran after him, The Postman already pretty far ahead. Once to Hyrule field, Link mounted Epona and took off after The Postman, finally able to keep up. The Postman showed no indication that he realized Link was following him, despite the fact Link wasn't exactly being subtle about it. The Postman never once looked back at him, his eyes focussed straight ahead.

Link followed him to Lon Lon ranch and watched as he delivered a couple letters to Malon, and then to his surprise, The Postman delivered several letters to monsters in the fields. The monsters made no attempt to attack him, simply accepting their mail as if this was a regular occurrence. It had never once occurred to Link that villain's got mail. It seemed ludicrous to him.

As the hours dragged on, Link became more and more impatient as this wasn't how he hoped to spend his day. Wondering if The Postman was going to ignore the letter to Ganondorf after all, Link considered giving up. He knew he should be fighting the ice temple and at least then he'd be making some progress.

As The Postman ran up the stairs to Kakariko village, Link dismounted from Epona and quickly took chase. By the time he got to the top of the stairs, The Postman was already out of sight. Muttering to himself in frustration, Link looked around town, but found no sign of him. He searched every house with no luck. Letting out a sigh of defeat, he turned and trudged out of town, wondering how The Postman had given him the slip. He had a feeling The Postman had done it on purpose.

As The Postman darted up the road to Goron City, he finally spared a glance over his shoulder. Seeing that he'd finally lost Link, he gave a shrug and continued on his way.

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Ganondorf didn't even look up as the throne room door banged open. He continued flipping through pages of parchment, frowning.

"I have a letter for you, Mr. Ganondorf."

"Wait." Ganondorf ordered, still not taking his eyes from his work.

For several long minutes, The Postman fidgeted impatiently, waiting to be acknowledged. Luckily, Ganondorf was his last delivery of the day so he didn't have anywhere else he needed to be. After a time, Ganondorf finally glanced over at him.

"Are you aware that my demon temples are so deadly, even the most skilled warriors perish within them?"

The Postman cocked his head. "I suppose so, Sir."

"So far, only you and The Hero of Time have managed to get through one." Ganondorf stated, leaning back in his throne. "Although, I suppose with you, you didn't do any fighting."

"No, Sir." The Postman said, wondering where the villain was going with this.

"You're an interesting creature, postman." Ganondorf stated. "I've put a bit of thought into you and I can't say I like you, but you're interesting."

"Er...thank you, Sir?"

"It's only because of that fact, that I haven't killed you. I probably should have though..."

Choosing to ignore that last comment, The Postman took the opportunity to hold out the letter. Ganondorf accepted it, and then said.

"My minions told me they saw you on the 4th floor of one of my demon temples, and I must admit, I'm curious as to how you did that."

"A postman delivers mail anywhere, Mr. Ganondorf."

"Indeed." Ganondorf stated, setting the mail aside. "Tell me, did The Hero of Time say anything to you when you delivered him my letters?"

"No, Sir, not when I delivered the letters."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes slightly. "Then he said something later on?"

"Yes, Sir."

"What did he say?"

The Postman glanced towards the door wanting to be on his way, but answered all the same. "He wanted to know where I got the letters."

Ganondorf's expression instantly turned to distrust. "What did you tell him?"

"That I got them from you, Mr. Ganondorf."

"Did you tell him where I am?" Ganondorf demanded, his tone dangerous.

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, although he and the Princess tried to insist. All postmen are sworn to confidentiality, and I told them so."

Ganondorf scratched his chin in thought a moment, and then gave The Postman a skeptical look. "You refused to give the Princess information? Information about me? Wouldn't that be considered treason?"

"I'm not Hylian." The Postman responded.

This surprised Ganondorf. "You're not? What are you then?"

"Terminian, Sir."

"Interesting...so you're not obligated to have any loyalty to them."

"My loyalty is to my job, Sir. I don't get involved in politics."

"If you're Terminian, why do you work in Hyrule?"

"I was transferred from Clocktown a few years ago due to labour shortages in Hyrule. I live and work in Hyrule, but am employed by the Terminian postal service."

"Hmm, interesting." Ganondorf replied thoughtfully. "So you will continue refusing the Princess's requests for my location?"

"If you had wanted people to know where you are, you would have put a return address on the letters." The Postman stated. "She was quite insistent, and even insulted me by asking me to spy for her!"

"Hmm." Ganondorf said, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly in amusement. "What did you tell her?"

"That her war was none of my business, I'm just a postman."

Ganondorf let out a short, barky laugh as he shook his head in disbelief. "You actually said that?"

The Postman looked affronted, and crossed his arms. "I'm not a hero, and a war is not my responsibility."

"Yes, postman, you are an interesting thing. Are you sure you don't want to work for me? I like the amount of loyalty you show to your job. You'd be extremely valuable as a minion."

"No, thank you, Sir."

"Pity." Ganondorf said, once again leaning back in his throne. He watched The Postman through slitted eyes for a moment, and then asked. "Why did you become a postman? It seems like you could have done more interesting things with your talents."

"I enjoy my job, and I enjoy running." The Postman replied. "My entire family have been postmen for generations, and it was expected of me. Some men are heroes, others villains, but I'm a postman."

Ganondorf simply shook his head, and said nothing more, turning his attention back to his paperwork. He didn't even notice when The Postman had left. It wasn't until much later that he remembered about the letter and opened it expecting more junk mail. He was quite surprised to see it was a letter from Princess Zelda.

Ganondorf.

If this letter finds you, I want you to know that Hyrule will not stand idly by as long as you still take breath. You will be purged from this land like the disease you are. Link will defeat you, and there's nothing you can do to stop him. Surrender now and save your people from the inevitable war.

Princess Zelda

Ganondorf stared at the letter thoughtfully. How interesting...Princess Zelda was getting more involved in the war than she normally did. He tapped his fingers on top of the letter, pondering. He should pay the Princess a little visit to give her his reply in person. Royalty deserved the proper response.

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It had been a long journey but Link had finally found the demon ice temple. Ganondorf obviously hadn't reinforced this one as much as the others, and it was a lot easier than expected.

Link made it through the first several rooms without much problem and the mini-boss was nothing but a few Snappers. When he reached the boss room however, he was met with something quite unexpected. Standing in front of him was Ganondorf himself! Or rather a shadow version of him.

The Shadow grinned at him peevishly, drawing its sword as it approached at a run. Link barely had time to draw his own weapon before the large dark blade descended on him. Side-stepping to avoid the attack, Link lashed out with his own sword, catching The Shadow across the mid-section. It immediately disappeared into the floor and Link took a stance waiting for the inevitable attack. The Shadow lunged out of the wall at him and Link rolled out of the way just in time. Gritting his teeth, Link charged, throwing his full weight behind his attack. The swords clashed and Link felt the incredible power behind The Shadow's attack.

The Shadow suddenly pulled away and as it grinned at him, began creating a ball of energy in the palm of its hand. Link tried to jump out of the way but the energy hit him full on and he was knocked hard into the wall. Gasping in pain, Link shook his head to clear his vision as The Shadow approached at a slow stalk.

Link knew The Shadow was a pretty good indication of how powerful Ganondorf had become and was a bit worried. Was the real Ganondorf even stronger than this? He rolled out of the way as The Shadow approached, and he clutched his sword tightly. Jumping up at The Shadow, he caught it by surprise and stabbed it directly in the chest, and again it melted into the floor.

Remembering long ago, when he'd fought a shadow version of himself, Link wondered how many times he had to stab this monster to defeat it.

The Shadow remained as a puddle for several long moments before it reformed on the other side of the room. It swung its sword in an arc, sending a blast of energy at Link who ducked before it hit him. Link then stood at the ready, waiting for The Shadow to make the next move. The shadow eyed him for a moment before it began forming a ball of energy in its palm. It whipped it at Link who remained rooted to the spot, waiting for the right moment. Just as the energy got to him, he swung his sword at it, deflecting the power right back at The Shadow.

The energy hit The Shadow straight on and the room was enveloped in purple as The Shadow screamed in pain. The Shadow disintegrated, looking furious, its eyes dull and black as it disappeared.

Link let out a breath of relief and sheathed his sword, approaching to claim the monster's heart. He had the distinct feeling the real Ganondorf would be much harder to defeat than a simple shadow copy.

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Ganondorf roared in anger, power radiating off of him in waves. The surrounding minions scattered as his power filled the room, and they just managed to get out as there was a deafening crack.

Head lowered as he caught his breath, Ganondorf clenched his fists, and then gave another wordless bellow. The Hero of Time had defeated his demon ice temple in no time at all and now there was just one temple left. That blasted brat was ruining all of his plans again! Why couldn't he be stopped? What was that boy exactly?

Growling deep in his throat, Ganondorf stared straight ahead at nothing in particular as he seethed. He'd just received the news a few minutes ago that the temple had been defeated when in fact the hero had been there and gone for three days. He was probably already knee deep in The Demon Desert Temple and could defeat it at any time. He only hoped his Gerudo were putting up a good fight.

Slamming his fists down on the table with a snarl, Ganondorf stared at his plans with a sneer. He needed to step things up a notch, he really needed to hurt the hero. Ganondorf leaned back in his throne, his eyes narrowed as he pondered. He'd already taken The hero's blood brother, so if he really wanted to leave an impression, he'd have to kill him. He'd cut him into so many pieces, the hero wouldn't even be able to recognize him.

Taking a deep, calming breath, Ganondorf knew he couldn't lose his head over this. He'd begin making mistakes if he let his anger take over. At this point, he had to assume The Hero of Time would defeat all of the temples, destroying a large part of his collected power. He needed to ensure of a way to keep the hero away from his tower.

He needed to find an appropriate place to hide the key to his tower. He'd spent months making an impenetrable force field that he'd activate in the event the hero entered his lair. The only way to deactivate it would be an enchanted key that he'd need to keep hidden. If Link couldn't find the key, then he would never be able to confront him. It was then that Ganondorf had an idea.

Smiling wickedly, he picked up an envelope. He had a letter to mail.

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Princess Zelda gave a tired stretch as she looked up at the sky, the dark clouds only growing blacker by the minute. She had a really bad feeling about today, but her visions had been vague. She'd seen Ganondorf in the form of a screaming pig, standing atop a burning castle, and Link and herself as marionette dolls watching but unable to move. What confused her the most was the reoccurring image of a white rabbit. The rabbit was in the centre of all the chaos, not seeming to notice the blood and destruction around it. Not seeming to notice that he himself was burning.

Zelda had had the same dream every night for a week now but she was still trying to make sense of it. She knew if she could decipher it, Link would be given the advantage over Ganondorf, but the dream left her more confused than enlightened.

Sighing, she stood, brushing off her dress as she walked across the garden, deep in thought. She'd already gone to the sage Impa over her vision, but the wise Sheikah wasn't sure what it meant. Impa had simply suggested that Zelda listen to her heart over the vision and trust her first instincts, but Zelda wasn't satisfied. She'd thanked Impa for her advice but secretly thought the speech sounded rather rehearsed.

As Zelda walked throughout the castle, head down in thought, she didn't even notice as she passed her father. The elderly king placed a hand gently on her shoulder, and when she looked up, he offered her a smile.

"Do not fret, my dear, everything will be fine. It always works itself out in the end."

Zelda's blue eyes met her father's cooly, all the seriousness of a diplomat within them. "I will help the hero any way I can, father. Link can use all the help we can give him; he's not immortal."

"No, I suppose he's not," The king agreed with a sigh. "That demon Ganondorf seems to keep finding his way around death, but I'm not so sure The Hero of Time could do the same...All we can do is pray to the goddesses for his safety."

"I will continue deciphering my vision as well as pray for him."

The king gave her another smile. "Of course." he said with a nod. "But you look so tired, Zelda, you should rest and perhaps the answer will come to you?"

Zelda hadn't slept well in days because of the vision, and she knew his advice made sense. She offered him a very gentle smile, and gave a nod.

"Yes, father, I think a short rest will be good for me."

"Very well, I'll inform the guards not to disturb you." the king said, as he turned away. "Tonight is the solstice banquet but you don't have to attend if you do not wish."

"Yes, father."

As he walked away, Zelda looked after him with a frown. Her father was so easy-going, and trusting, that she sometimes worried about him. He had once trusted Ganondorf, despite her warnings, and the country still had not recovered.

Rubbing her eyes as she felt the beginnings of a headache, she continued on her way through the castle. When she came to her chambers, she waved away the two guards, and entered, looking to get a few hours of uninterrupted quiet.

She stood in front of her large vanity for a moment, and noticed she had dark bags under her eyes. Turning away, she approached her bed, and fell back on it with a deep sigh. Sinking into the soft mattress, she closed her eyes, enjoying the comfort around her. Just as she was drifting off, a sharp knock came at the door. Ignoring it, Zelda rolled over.

The knock came a second time, this time louder and more urgent.

Zelda wrinkled her nose in annoyance. "I'm resting!" she called out. "Please come back later!"

There was a hesitation, and then. "I apologize, Princess Zelda, it's The Postman! I have a letter I need to deliver!"

Zelda sat up and frowned. "Can't you come back later?"

Another hesitation. "Well, it is my last letter of the day, Princess, so I'd very much like to deliver it while I'm here. It will only take a moment..."

Zelda rolled her eyes, and slowly got to her feet. She straightened her dress, and then smoothed her hair into place.

"Very well, postman, you may enter." she called out.

The door opened with a creak, and The Postman entered, letter clutched tightly in hand. Zelda still had not forgotten his refusal to help her, and she gave him a disapproving look. She wondered if Link had successfully found Ganondorf's castle yet. She hadn't heard from him in days and assumed that was who the letter was from.

"You have already delivered my mail for today, postman, why not wait until tomorrow?"

The Postman cocked his head, and then glanced down at the letter. "This letter is not for you, Princess Zelda."

Zelda simply stared at him. "What do you mean 'not for me'? You came to my room saying you had mail to deliver!"

"Yes, but it's not for you."

Zelda crossed her arms. "Well, I'm the only one here! Who could it possibly be for?"

The Postman glanced towards the closet, and Zelda followed his gaze.

"It's for him." The Postman said, pointing at the closet, as Zelda stiffened in horror.

Zelda's eyes widened as the meaning of what The Postman said truly sunk in. She watched as the closet door slid open and Ganondorf stepped out, flashing The Postman an annoyed look at blowing his cover. He focussed his gaze on Zelda, and gave her a wicked smirk as he slowly stalked towards her. The Postman held out the letter.

"I have a lett-"

"Not now." Ganondorf snapped, pushing The Postman out of his way.

Zelda's eyes were round with terror, and she was still frozen to the spot.

"It appears, Princess, that you once again will be my little pawn." Ganondorf crooned, his eyes solely on her.

Zelda then seemed to find her voice and she turned towards the door. "GUAR-"

Within a heartbeat, Ganondorf had her by the throat, cutting off any more sound. Zelda let out a choking gasp and stared up at the Gerudo King in dread.

"You're mine, Princess." he whispered, his eyes cold and intense. "Where I'm taking you, no one will hear you scream."

The Postman who had been staring down at his sandals, trying not to observe any of this, was quite startled when Ganondorf grabbed him by the front of the shirt.

"You've seen too much, Postman." Ganondorf informed him. "I won't take the chance on you, not this close to the end. You're coming too."

Ganondorf let out a grunt as he concentrated his power, and then with a few sparks and a wave of energy, they were gone.

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Link sliced the giant scorpion's head clean off just as its tail shot towards him, piercing his arm, the poison instantly taking effect, Link collapsed to the floor, his eyes becoming unfocussed. Just as his breathing was slowing to a halt, a fairy flew out of his tunic and hovered over him, doing its best to heal him. Link instantly felt at 100% again and sat up as the fairy flew away, its job done.

As Link stared at the scorpion's heart, the source of its power, he smiled and looked up at Navi.

"We did it, Navi. This was the last temple, now we can finally take on Ganondorf!"

After the getting a legendary looking glass, they had finally been able to find out where Ganondorf was hiding.

"We should tell Princess Zelda!" the fairy suggested. "Ganondorf is in Death Ridge and she should know that we're on our way!"

Link gave a nod and slowly stood to his feet. He brought his sword down on the final relic and watched as it disintegrated. Sheathing his sword, he took the heart then stepped into the teleport.

Link wanted this quest to be over once and for all, and knew the battle would end with only one side victorious.

Once outside, he mounted Epona, and then rode off, across the desert, a new determination swelling in his chest. None of the Gerudo dared stop him as he rode by and he crossed the desert without incident. He could feel a new power coursing within him and as he crossed Hyrule field, he knew Zelda would be relieved to hear the good news.

Knowing time was of the essence, he forced Epona towards town, not caring that horses weren't allowed within. Link crossed the draw-bridge into Hyrule Castletown and instantly sensed something was wrong. The villagers were looking heartbroken, and they avoided his gaze as he rode by. The villagers spoke in whispers to one another, and Link urged Epona on, getting worried.

He reached the gate to Hyrule Castle and the guard posted, averted his eyes away from the hero as he raised the gate without a word. Link didn't give the guard a second glance as he forced Epona to go even faster. Once he reached the castle doors, he jumped from Epona's back and approached, feeling a sense of dread rising. One of the guards at the door, gave Link a look of extreme sympathy and then cleared his throat.

"Sir, something happened while you were away..."

Link paused. "What happened! Is Zelda alright?"

The guard paused. "We're not sure, Sir, she's missing. She disappeared sometime yesterday afternoon."

"What?! Was it Ganondorf? Did he take her?"

"We're not sure, Sir, but that would be my guess. The Postman was the last person to see her. He went into her chambers to deliver a letter, but neither came out again. We can only guess as to what happened to the both of them."

Link's expression darkened considerably. So The Postman was working with Ganondorf! He should have known, it was so obvious! Why else would he refuse to help them?

Gritting his teeth in fury, Link turned away and headed back towards Epona. He wouldn't be fooled again. The Postman would pay dearly for this betrayal.

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 **Only one chapter left of part one of the series. It will be posted on Wednesday, as long as my computer doesn't spontaneously combust.**

 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**


	6. The Fight for Hyrule

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 **Authornote : Wednesday February 01 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Chapter posted a few hours early because I won't have time later.**

 **Here's the last chapter to Part 1 of The Postman series. Part 2 will begin on Friday, and that is where the biggest changes take place for this re-write.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **ChangelingRin \- The Postman's troubles are only beginning. He has no idea what's in store for him. Muha ha ha ha!**

 **Reiz16 \- He actually didn't intend on being creepy, lol, he was just waiting for the chance for a surprise attack. :)**

 **Rainmy -That authornote wasn't about you, I promise, my dear. You didn't spoil anything with your review, so don't worry about it! :D No one has put any spoilers in their reviews yet, and I just wanted to keep it that way. :)**

 **Guest \- I'm really happy you enjoyed the last chapter, and I hope you like this one as well. Thank you so much! :D**

 **X**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villian**

Part 1 Chapter 6

The Fight for Hyrule

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The Postman glanced over at Zelda from where he was sitting, but the princess pointedly looked the other direction. The cell they shared was dark, dirty and cold and both tried to ignore the skeleton laying in the centre of the floor. Zelda had taken a seat on the only cot and waited silently, her arms crossed angrily, looking anywhere but at The Postman. The Postman looked away, and instead turned his attention to the bars. Ganondorf had obviously learned from his mistakes as the bars of the cell very close together. There would be no escaping that way.

The Postman had laid his empty mailbag on the floor and was sitting cross-legged on top of it, as he stared listlessly through the bars. He still had Ganondorf's letter clutched tightly in his hands and let out a heavy sigh, wondering how long he'd be imprisoned this time. He looked up at Zelda again, but she was still staring heatedly away. Knowing he should at least say something, he cleared his throat a bit awkwardly.

"I'm not a hero." he tried to explain.

Angry eyes flitted over to him. "You're right," Zelda snapped. "You're not."

"If I were a hero, I would have tried to stop him." The Postman assured her.

Zelda sent him an icy glare.

Feeling that he hadn't explained himself well enough, he continued. "This is all I know how to do. I'm just a postman, I don't know the first thing about being a hero."

"I see now that you could never be a hero; you're a coward." Zelda spat.

The Postman didn't answer, simply letting out a sigh, knowing she didn't understand. "Mr. Link will come for you." he commented. "You'll be saved."

Zelda gave him a derisive snort. "Of course he'll come for me! He'll always come for me because that's what a hero does! He doesn't stand by and watch as a woman is attacked, and then kidnapped. He would have stopped that monster."

"You're right," The Postman agreed. "He wouldn't have allowed it."

Hugging her arms to herself from the cold, Zelda gave him an angry frown. "I just don't understand you," she stated. "You're blind to everything! War, famine, and death all around you, but all you see is your mail! I've never met such an oblivious person such as you!"

The Postman ran a finger over the emblem on his mailbag and said nothing as Zelda glared in his direction. After several minutes, it was Zelda who broke the silence.

"I suppose it's unfair of me to hold you at Link's standards; you've never been a warrior and have never had a reason to fight." she said a bit more calmly. "I forget sometimes, that Link and I's lives are very different from the average citizen. Most people don't seem to care what's happening around them unless it affects them personally."

Zelda gave a heavy sigh and continued. "Ganondorf could be standing right on their doorstep but they'd look right past him until the day he knocks."

The Postman wasn't sure what to say to this, and so he said nothing at all. He continued fiddling with the strap of his mailbag anxiously, and Zelda gave him weary look.

"Hyrule is only the beginning you know."

The Postman glanced up.

"Once he takes over Hyrule, he'll begin moving onto the other provinces. Termina will be attacked eventually as well, and any family you have there might be hurt or killed in the war. You say it's none of your business, but you're wrong. He'll take everything you care about and grind it into the ground."

The Postman honestly hadn't considered that possibility and frowned a bit thinking of the family he barely ever saw. His gaze settled on the letter in his hand and he turned it over as he pondered her words. His entire family had been postmen for many generations and he'd been taught since birth that the mail was the most important thing in all of the universe. With twelve younger brothers and sisters crowding the house, The Postman had left home early in life, and had made his parents proud. He was the best postman in the lands and his job meant everything to him.

"They'd understand." The Postman replied, clutching the letter tightly in both hands. "My family would understand..."

Zelda gave him a look of disbelief and shook her head. "Unbelievable."

Leaning against the cold wall, Zelda looked away from him and both fell into a silence, each in their own thoughts.

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Link stood on the cliff overlooking Ganondorf's castle and scowled. At first, he had not been able to see the castle, but using the power he'd gained from within the demon temples, the castle had appeared in front of him. The castle radiated a dark power, the walls shimmering from a strong protective spell.

Glancing up at the storming sky, Link began his descent, determined and angry. The rain made the rocks slick, and as Link climbed down, he fought to keep his balance. It only seemed to rain on the worst of days; the days where he had to fight for all of Hyrule. It was as if the goddesses themselves were weeping at what was to come. He loathed the rain for this reason. Oh, how he loathed it. It seemed to devour the sky and consume everyone in a suffocating veil as they all waited for death. Death that would surely come if he failed.

His hair wasplastered to his face, and Link let out a deep breath as his feet found solid ground once again. He stared up at the castle and pulled out his ocarina, knowing this would be the most difficult battle yet. He played the song of demons and instantly felt coldness wash over him as the magic surrounded him. Stepping up to the wall, he placed his hands against the surface and pushed the magic into the stone. There was a loud crack and when Link looked up, the barrier was gone. Putting away his ocarina, he pulled out his longshot and aimed at one of the towers high above his head. Hitting his target, the longshot instantly pulled him up and Link jumped off onto the roof. Drawing his sword, Link looked around himself with narrowed eyes, and then cautiously began looking for a way into the castle.

He found what looked like it had once been a trap door but someone had boarded it up securely, obviously trying to block any and all ways inside. Placing a bomb on top of it, Link backed up as it exploded, sending splinters of wood everywhere. His sword clenched tightly in his hand, Link gave one glance down the dark, seemingly endless hole, and then jumped in.

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Zelda rubbed her arms, trying to get some feeling back into them and looked out through the bars as a guard passed by. She had tried negotiating with the Moblins, but the guards were uncouth beasts who mocked her for her efforts. Zelda had offered them everything she could think of to release her, but nothing she had interested them. Frowning, Zelda looked over at The Postman who had been silent a long time. He had watched her failed attempts at winning over the guards, but hadn't said a word.

"I suppose you think it's funny that I'd lower myself to make deals with Moblins." she said, feeling cross. "That the heir to the throne can't even escape a dungeon."

The Postman slowly shook his head. "No, princess." he answered politely. "I don't judge."

Zelda frowned at him. "Why aren't you trying to escape? Don't you know that Ganondorf is planning on using me against Link? He'll probably just kill you."

The Postman glanced down at the letter in his hands. "Mr. Ganondorf told me to deliver this letter to him in the morning, so I'm just waiting for a bit longer."

Zelda stared at him in disbelief. "Wait. You mean you know of a way to escape here?" she demanded.

The Postman gave a nod.

Zelda stood to her feet. "Where? How?"

"I plan to ask the guards to release me."

"What? Have you not been paying attention? I just spent the last four hours trying to get them to release us! The guards are too loyal to that monster Ganondorf to betray him."

"Yes, and that's why they'll release me. They won't let you go but they will me."

Zelda stepped over the skeleton so she was standing directly in front of The Postman and placed her hands on her hips. "Explain." she ordered.

"I'm a postman, every creature in Hyrule knows this." was his simple answer.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

The Postman's gaze shifted up to a grate in the ceiling. "You could always try escaping through that if you don't believe me." he suggested.

Zelda stared at the grate in question, and then back at The Postman. "I can't reach that." she stated. "And it's also rusted."

The Postman raised a brow but said nothing.

Zelda crossed her arms. "Fine then, escape. Show me how it's done."

"It's still too soon to deliver the letter. When people tell me to come back, I wait until I'm supposed to return."

Zelda gave him a 'look'. "It must be almost morning by now! We've been in here for hours!"

"Yes," The Postman said with a nod. "But I don't start delivering mail until six o'clock and it's only a bit after five."

Zelda began tapping her foot impatiently as she gave The Postman a look which could only be described as withering. "How could you possibly know what time it is?" she demanded.

The Postman pointed to his watch.

Zelda let out another sigh. "Look, Link is probably already on his way. If we don't escape now then it might be too late! Ganondorf will kill you and use me as a human shield. Link won't be able to use his full power for fear of hurting me, and Ganondorf will exploit that as much as possible."

The Postman seemed to consider that a moment as he stared out through the bars. Flipping the letter over in his hand, he gave a frown.

"It's impolite to deliver the mail too early."

"Do it now or I'll rip that letter into shreds." Zelda warned, through playing his games.

The Postman's eyes widened dramatically, and he clutched the letter to his chest protectively. "You'll do no such thing!"

Zelda took a step towards him. "Do you really want to chance that?"

The Postman actually looked terrified for a brief moment as he slowly shook his head.

"Then go." Zelda ordered.

Still holding the letter protectively, The Postman slowly stood to his feet. "I suppose I could leave a few minutes early..." he said, still eyeing Zelda warily. "But they won't let you go, only me."

"We'll see." she stated.

The Postman dusted himself off, straightened his hat, and then shook the dust off his mailbag all under Zelda's impatient stare. Putting on the mailbag, he placed the letter safely within, and then turned to the bars of the cage. As the guard passed by, The Postman gave a friendly salute and called out.

"Excuse me, Mr. Moblin."

Unused to being addressed like that, the Moblin squinted its eyes at him, and scowled. "What you want?" it demanded.

"It's time for me to be released now." The Postman said politely. "I have a letter to be delivered."

"A what?"

The Postman pointed to the badge on his shirt and then said. "I'm The Postman; I deliver mail and I have one to deliver to Ganondorf."

The Moblin snorted skeptically and turned away. "Sure."

Frowning, The Postman stuck his nose up in the air. "I need to be released so my mail isn't late. Ganondorf will not be pleased if he doesn't get his mail on time."

Slowly, the Moblin turned back to face him. "You don't gots a letter." it said with conviction.

The Postman pulled the letter out so the Moblin could see the name on the front. It squinted as it struggled to read the name, and when it did, its eyes widened.

"A letter for the master!" it exclaimed, shocked.

The Postman nodded. "Do you think he'll be very happy with you, if he finds out you refused to allow the postman to deliver his mail?"

"Give to me, I deliver it."

The Postman pulled the letter away from the bars and adamantly shook his head. "You are not a postman, and only postmen are allowed to deliver the mail. I apologize but I have to deliver it."

"Why you in cell if you mailman?"

"Mr. Ganondorf told me to wait before I delivered the letter. I suppose it was easier to put me here for now."

The Moblin seemed to be struggling internally, and it scrunched its face up as it thought a moment. It had seen first hand how violent Ganondorf got when angered, and really didn't want to experience that. It looked The Postman up and down, and knew the scrawny man was no threat to Ganondorf, so it grudgingly nodded.

"Okay, you give the master his letter. He in tower."

"I know where he is." The Postman replied, as the Moblin unlocked the cell.

Zelda's mouth was agape as she watched this, but she quickly stepped forward as the cell door opened. She attempted to follow The Postman out of the cell, but the Moblin quickly put his spear to her throat.

"Not you! You stay!"

"But...I'm with him!" Zelda said, pointing at The Postman. "I'm his assistant!"

The Moblin pushed her back a step. "No, you not."

"Yes, I am." Zelda said, her voice taking on an authoritative tone. "How can a postman deliver mail without his assistant?"

The Moblin frowned at her but turned to The Postman all the same. "This true?"

The Postman stared at Zelda a very long moment before turning away. "No." he answered to Zelda's horror and anger. "It's not. I don't have an assistant."

"You're a coward!" Zelda yelled furiously. "You're too afraid to see what's happening around you! Coward!"

He began to walk away through the dungeon, but then stopped, foot still on the stairs to leave. His shoulders were hunched as if trying to decide something quite difficult, and he stared fixedly ahead. After what seemed an eternity, he called over to the Moblin.

"She's not an assistant, she's been promoted to customer relations." he stated.

The Moblin scratched its head in confusion. "So she is with you?"

The Postman still hadn't turned around. "Yes."

The Moblin stared between Zelda and The Postman uncertainly, but shrugged. It didn't want to go against his master so he had to let the strange blonde girl go as well.

"Fine." it said, stepping aside.

Zelda stared at The Postman in surprise as she followed him up the stairs, but he said nothing more. Once out of the dungeon, The Postman finally looked up, met her eyes briefly, and then ran off without a word, letter in hand. Zelda stared after him in disbelief. Perhaps there was more to The Postman after all. Had she judged him too harshly?

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Link sliced through the Deku Scrub easily, sending leaves flying around him in a shower of bloodied green. Picking up the small door key that the Deku Scrub had dropped, Link approached the nearby door and unlocked the chains, watching as they fell to the floor. The door opened, and Link stepped through, only to be immediately attacked by a Wolfos and several Iron Knuckles. Link dodged and attacked, his mind a frenzy of anger. When all the enemies were dead, Link took a deep breath and approached the next room. When he entered, he found Darunia in a cage high above the floor, lakes of fire beneath him. The Goron looked injured and tired, but when he saw Link he gave him a toothy smile.

"Brother, I knew you would come for me!" he called down, his voice sounding dry and painful.

Link looked up at his Goron friend and felt a great sadness fill him at the sight of Darunia in such a condition. The Goron was the leader of his tribe, the strongest warrior they had and incredibly proud. To see him looking ragged and thin, made Link's anger only grow stronger. Ganondorf would pay for all he'd done.

"Cut the rope!" Darunia yelled, pointing at the rope holding the cage aloft. "I'll be fine; A little fire never hurt a Goron!"

Link looked at the roaring fire uncertainly, but did pull out an arrow. Taking careful aim, he let the arrow fly, and watched as the cage plummeted, landing in the fire with a loud crash. There was only a slight hesitation before a large flaming ball rolled towards him and stopped once to safety. Darunia uncurled himself, and then sat panting as Link knelt next to him in concern.

"Thank you brother. You've saved me once again."

Link gave the Goron a smile and helped him to his feet, the proud Goron allowing it.

"That evil king, Ganondorf is in the tower." Darunia told him. "You must have noticed the barrier on the tower stairs. You'll need the boss key to unlock it, and then you can fight him."

Link gave a nod, and then asked. "Do you know where I can find it?"

Darunia nodded. "Yes, brother. I overheard Ganondorf telling his minions where he was going to hide it."

"Where?" Link pressed eagerly.

"He placed the key in an envelope and mailed it to himself." Darunia said gravely. "The Postman has it."

Link's eyes narrowed. "Of course he does."

Link's anger increased and he clenched his fists. There was no stopping that postman's treachery!

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* * *

The Postman ran up flight after flight of stairs, the letter clutched tightly in his hand. A slight jingling from inside the envelope could be heard, but The Postman didn't notice. He was already halfway up the tower stairs, and was determined to deliver the letter as fast as possible. It didn't matter if the castle was under attack, he would get this letter delivered. It didn't matter if there was war, flood or famine, The Postman always did his job.

He reached the magical barrier blocking the upper tower and stopped, knowing that hadn't been there earlier. Placing a hand on the shimmering barrier, he received a hard shock that threw him backwards down the stairs. He slid down about five steps before stopping himself, and wincing at the new bruises he surely had. Frowning, he got back to his feet and stared at the barrier, knowing he had to find a way around it. Certain there had to be another way past the barrier, he turned and ran back down the stairs, determined to get the job done.

When he was on the main level, The Postman ran towards the main door, going to look for a way up to the tower from the outside. He definitely wasn't expecting Link to step into his path, sword drawn.

The Postman skidded to a halt, and stared at Link as the hero approached him, teeth clenched into a snarl.

"Excuse me, Mr. Link, I have a letter to deliver." The Postman explained, trying to edge past him.

Link narrowed his eyes at the envelope in The Postman's hand. "Give it to me." he ordered.

The Postman cocked his head in confusion. "Give you what?"

"You know what." Link snapped, taking a step closer.

The Postman gave him a shrug. "Sorry, Mr. Link, but I really don't."

"The letter." Link ground out from between his teeth. "Hand it over."

The Postman gave Link an apologetic smile and shook his head. "Sorry, Mr. Link but this letter's not for you."

"I know very well who it's for and if you don't hand it over right now, then I'll take it by force."

The Postman gaped like a fish for a moment, and then instinctively clutched the letter to his chest, backing away. "Mr. Link! You're not allowed to read other peoples mail! It's an invasion of privacy!"

"We both know that's not a letter you're carrying, and I want it now." Link demanded.

The Postman backed up further. "No! It isn't addressed to you, Mr. Link!"

Link made a lunge for the letter and caught the corner of it. The Postman let out a yell of outrage and didn't let go, being dragged with it as Link gave a hard tug. Link pulled on it as hard as he could, but couldn't break The Postman's hold. Furious, Link hauled back his other arm and clouted The Postman hard across the temple with his sword, sending the smaller man crumpling to the ground, dazed. Link gave The Postman a look of disgust, and then turned away to open the envelope.

The Postman's vision was spinning and blurred as he clutched at his head, stunned. Blinking heavily, he grimaced and looked up at the green blur that was Link. That's when he heard the sound of tearing paper. Every instinct coming to life in a panic, The Postman sprung to his feet and lunged at Link before the Hero could finish tearing into the envelope. Startled as The Postman jumped onto his back latching himself around his neck, Link stopped opening the letter. He swung his arms at The Postman, trying to dislodge the man, but he couldn't reach him. Link's sword was sheathed and The Postman's legs were wrapped firmly around his middle, making the hero unable to draw it. Although The Postman wasn't hurting him, Link was embarrassed at the fact he couldn't free himself from a civilian.

"Get off of me!" Link yelled.

"You have to give the letter back, Mr. Link! I cannot allow you to take someone else's mail!" The Postman insisted, his voice panicked.

"I said get off me!" Link bellowed, trying to land a hit on The Postman to no avail. "I'm not giving it back!"

Suddenly Link let out a sharp cry and clutched at his shoulder, dropping the letter in surprise. "You bit me!" he exclaimed in shock.

"It's not your mail!" The Postman replied, defensively.

Now furious, and still trying to hit The Postman off of him, Link threw himself backwards against the wall, causing The Postman to let out a cry of pain and fall off of him onto the floor.

Turning to The Postman, Link narrowed his eyes in fury. The Postman gasped for a moment, and then his eyes fell on the fallen letter by Link's feet. Quick as lightening, he rolled and grabbed the letter before Link had a chance to react. When Link saw what he'd done, he unsheathed his sword.

"Now I'm mad, postman." he snarled. "Give me that letter now!"

"Never." The Postman replied, backing up against the wall. "A postman's job is to protect the mail and I'll never give it up!"

"You chose your side the moment you laid a hand on the princess, and now you'll see what happens to anyone that takes that monster's side!"

The Postman had no idea what Link was talking about but kept his eyes firmly on the sword, as Link approached him.

"I've known you since I was a child, and I never once suspected you were capable of this!" Link hissed. "The princess could be dead, and it's all because of you!"

"The princess?" The Postman repeated, not sure he'd heard correctly. "But she's fi-"

He cut off abruptly as Link made a grab for him. Ducking under the heroes arms, The Postman ran only a step before Link tripped him, causing him to fall flat on his face. As The Postman rolled over, nursing a bloody nose, Link's sword was pressed against his throat, instantly halting him.

"I don't want to do this." Link said, giving him an almost pitying look. "Just give me the envelope."

The Postman squeezed his eyes closed, but didn't let go of the letter, the only indication he was affected at all by Link's words was the slight tremble of his hands.

Link frowned down at him, his eyes settling on the rabbit crest on The Postman's shirt, and he hesitated, memories surfacing from long ago. He had quite liked The Postman as a child... The man had always been patient and kind to him. Shaking his head to push those thoughts aside, Link pointed the sword at The Postman's chest, and then said.

"I don't know why you chose to work for him, but know this. I can never forgive you for what you've done, and if you don't give me that envelope, I will have no choice but to kill you."

The Postman shook his head. "I can't, I just can't. This letter is not yours!"

"You've made your decision." Link said, taking a deep breath and raising the sword.

The Postman looked up at him, eyes wide with fear. "...Mr. Link?" he pleaded, trying to scramble away.

Link stepped down onto The Postman's chest, pinning him in place, sword still poised over his head.

Link had never killed a civilian, and despite his overwhelming fury at The Postman, he honestly didn't want to kill him. He really didn't, but The Postman had chosen the path of evil, and it was Link's destiny to eradicate all evil from the land.

"One last chance." Link warned. "Give me the letter."

The Postman silently shook his head.

Not able to look, Link brought the sword down without hesitation, wincing when sword met flesh. The Postman let out a small sound of surprise, and when the sword was pulled away, his eyes were wide with pain. Link met his eyes sadly as he knelt down next to him, and he removed the letter from unresisting hands. The Postman was unable to hold onto it any longer.

The Postman held a hand against his bleeding stomach, and watched miserably as Link ripped into the envelope, removing the key. He'd failed as a postman, and allowed the mail to be stolen. He didn't deserve to be a postman.

Link gave him one final look of pity, and then stood, sword in hand to finish the job. Without a word, Link brought his sword down a second time into The Postman's stomach, this time much deeper. The Postman gasped in silent agony, fear written across his face.

"I'm sorry, postman. Goodbye."

Without another word, Link turned and ran up the stairs towards the tower.

The Postman looked down at the growing puddle of blood, his clothes no longer white, and he closed his eyes. His head felt light and somewhat dreamlike, and he could no longer feel the pain. Wondering if this was truly how he'd die, The Postman lost consciousness.

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* * *

As Link ran up the tower stairs, he felt somehow tainted, as guilt tinged the edges of his thoughts. Trying his hardest to push it aside, Link unlocked the barrier and continued up the tower, sword drawn and at the ready. The closer he got to the top, the more determined he became, and when he kicked the door open at the top, Link was met with the sight of a smirking Ganondorf.

"So, you managed to make it to me, despite the fact the key was hidden. Impressive."

Link said nothing, simply clutching his sword and readying himself for an attack.

Ganondorf leaned against his sword as he looked Link up and down with disdain, and then said. "You've been a thorn in my side for far too long, boy. You've gotten lucky a few times, and how you managed to rescue the princess already is beyond me, but I will kill you this time."

"What?" Link demanded. "Princess Zelda got away from you?"

Ganondorf seemed surprised, but quickly masked it. "So, if you didn't rescue her, then who did?" he wondered. "How interesting, but it's irrelevant."

Ganondorf lifted his sword and began walking towards Link, confidence in his every move. "You've lost this battle already, boy."

Link took a stance and held his sword at the ready. Their swords met with a loud clash and Link was shoved back several feet, Ganondorf using his weight to his advantage. Recovering quickly, Link took a swing at Ganondorf who blocked the attack with a smirk. Without any hesitation Link lunged at Ganondorf, his sword aimed for the heart, determined to end this as fast as possible.

Ganondorf easily blocked it and allowed Link to take another swing at him, and then another. He blocked the attacks so effortlessly, it was obvious he was toying with him and he pushed Link back a few steps, giving a condescending laugh.

"You're no match for me this time, hero, I'm a hundred times stronger than I was before!"

Link met the villain's eyes fiercely and charged. Faking to the left, he swung upwards and cut Ganondorf across the arm as the villain didn't react fast enough. Looking down at his bleeding arm, Ganondorf's eyes darkened.

"I think perhaps it's time for you to see a new trick I've learned." he stated as a blue energy began surrounding him.

Ganondorf seemed to be concentrating as he pushed the energy into his sword, so Link took that opportunity to attack. He swung at the Gerudo's neck and Ganondorf just had time to duck as Link's sword went right over his head. Ganondorf swung out his now blue sword and Link blocked it only to receive a huge jolt of energy which sent him flying backwards into a wall.

The concrete cracking around him, Link let out a pained grunt and slid to the floor, stunned. Ganondorf let out a booming laugh and approached the hero, sword posed for the kill. Link, realizing this was incredibly similar to the fight with the shadow, knew he just had to trick Ganondorf into letting down his guard. Getting to his feet, Link began forming a plan in his mind.

"Surrendering already, brat?" Ganondorf demanded.

Link didn't answer as he slowly drew out his bow. Ganondorf gave an amused snort at the sight and shot a ball of energy at Link with the sword. Link dodged it then rolled into a full run as more shots were fired at him. Pulling out a light arrow, Link drew back his bow and fired it, just as he dodged another shot. Ganondorf knocked the arrow aside with his sword and fired another shot directly at the hero.

Link hit the wall hard and grimaced. Obviously that wouldn't work; he'd need to do this a different way. Rolling away from another shot, Link thought back to what Ganondorf had said just a few minutes before. Ganondorf claimed to be ten times stronger than the last time they'd fought, so perhaps Link wouldn't have to fight him a new way but could use a very old way. Clutching his sword tightly, Link turned to face the energy as it careened towards him. With a yell, Link brought down his sword and deflected the energy ball.

The energy ball shot back at Ganondorf so fast, the villain didn't have time to react and it hit him squarely in the chest. He was knocked to the floor hard and Link drew his bow. A light arrow was shot directly at Ganondorf and it struck him before the villain even realized what had happened. Snarling in pain and anger, Ganondorf pulled the arrow out and tossed it to the ground, his eyes small, beady shards of ice. He blasted at Link again as the hero jumped out of the way as the energy struck the wall, leaving behind a gaping hole. Link stared at the hole and quickly realized Ganondorf had stepped up the power in his anger and that much power could very well incinerate him.

Link dodged another shot and then another, not seeing an opportunity to try and deflect any of them. He ran from spot to spot, quickly getting out of breath and knew he wouldn't be able to keep dodging forever.

Getting an idea, Link pulled out his boomerang and threw it as he jumped away from another blast. Ganondorf was much too angry to take his eyes off of Link and wasn't sure what was thrown at him but stepped out of its way before it hit him. Attention back fully on Link, he continued blasting as fast as he could, never once pausing. That was until the boomerang came back around and hit him in the back of the head.

The force almost knocked Ganondorf off his feet, and he paused just a second to turn around to see what had hit him. That was all the time Link needed and deflected a blast right back at Ganondorf. Ganondorf's eyes widened but he didn't have time to dodge or redirect the energy. It hit him full force and he was thrown backwards into the wall so hard, Link distinctly heard the sound of his armour crack.

Ganondorf fell to the ground with a hole ripped right through his armour and shirt, blood seeping out of the deep gash in his chest. Breathing heavily, Ganondorf coughed up a mouthful of blood and grimaced at the pain. He knew his ribs were broken and struggled to get up as Link stalked towards him. Ganondorf managed to sit up slightly, his elbows supporting himself before he felt a sword against his throat. Looking up, his eyes met Link's. With a sigh, Ganondorf fell back to the ground, waiting for the inevitable.

"Never again will you threaten Hyrule." Link hissed, his eyes narrowed to slits. "This is how it ends for you, Ganondorf. On the ground and slaughtered like a pig."

Ganondorf's mouth curled into amusement, and his golden eyes bore into Link's knowingly. "We all know it will never end. Hyrule will burn."

As soon as he said that, both felt a blast of heat and looked up. The energy balls that had missed Link a few moments before had crumbled most of the walls and red hot energy was spreading like liquid fire. Link met Ganondorf's gaze evenly and then raised his sword.

"You will die here and your body will burn." Link growled, bringing his sword down with all his might. He stabbed through the hole in the villain's armour and Ganondorf stiffened in shock and pain.

His eyes cold and unforgiving, Link twisted the blade, causing Ganondorf to let out a choked gurgle, astonishment written all over his face. When Link retracted the sword, Ganondorf gave a slight breath of relief before he smirked up at Link.

"W-well played, h-hero." he managed to gasp out.

Link gave him a look of disgust as Ganondorf gave him a shaky chuckle and then fell silent, eyes closed. The hero stared down at the defeated villain for a long moment before he finally turned away. Ganondorf was dead. As the fire began closing in, Link gave the Gerudo king one final look before leaving the tower.

Now alone, Ganondorf opened his eyes and looked up at the burning ceiling, letting out another gasp of pain. He couldn't believe the brat had tricked him the same way twice. He did see the humour in it, but shook his head with a heavy groan, knowing he was fatally injured. Reaching into his chest plate, he fumbled around clumsily until his hands found what he wanted. Pulling out a bottle, he smirked at the contents. He'd kept the bottle of Great Fairy Tears The Postman had given him, and the hero hadn't even thought to check him for such things. The boy still had a lot to learn.

Using his teeth, Ganondorf pulled the cork from the bottle and took a long swig, instantly feeling the tears begin their work. He gave another chuckle. Imagine, it was The Postman of all people to save him. The man he had tried to kill on multiple occasions. Ironic.

After just a few large gulps, he felt the wound in his chest close over and Ganondorf slowly sat up. He glanced around the room as chunks of the ceiling began falling in, and knew he had to leave before he really did burn alive. Getting to his feet was more difficult than he was expecting, but another sip of the tears helped with that.

As he stumbled out of the room, Ganondorf tried to summon up the energy to teleport but he still wasn't at full strength. The tears almost seemed like they were resisting healing him, but Ganondorf took another sip just to spite. As Ganondorf carefully took the stairs, he heard a loud crash behind him as the rest of the ceiling collapsed. The fire was all around him and he knew if he didn't get out fast then he wouldn't be getting out at all.

Now on the main level, Ganondorf began making his way to the entrance, but stopped suddenly when he saw the still form crumpled on the floor. Approaching, Ganondorf looked down at The Postman with a frown. The man was laying in a large puddle of blood, two deep stab wounds evident in his stomach. This surprised Ganondorf, he wouldn't have expected the hero to kill a civilian just to get a letter from him. The Hero of Time clearly had more darkness in him than he thought.

Despite himself, Ganondorf knelt down next to The Postman and looked him over. Such a scrawny nobody but yet he'd been so useful to him. Not many had saved his life before, however unintentional it was.

Giving The Postman a sharp prod in the side to make sure he was dead, he was quite surprised to see the man slowly open his eyes. The unfocussed eyes looked up at him, and then The Postman took a deep, raspy breath.

"I-I'm s-sorry Mr. G-ganondorf. I l-lost your l-letter; it w-was t-taken from m-me."

Ganondorf said nothing, simply frowning.

"I-I t-tried my b-best, s-sir, b-but I f-failed. I'm sorry."

The Postman took another ragged breath, but was unable to continue. Ganondorf was still frowning at him, knowing he should have already left. He wasn't sure why, but the loyalty The Postman had shown to his job made Ganondorf pause. The Postman had been willing to die for his job. Not many of his minions would go to such great lengths, as their loyalty was questionable at the best of times. This made him see The Postman in a different light. This was the type of minion he wanted, incorruptible loyalty. The man may have annoyed him, but he definitely had his uses.

Ganondorf looked at the bottle he held and saw there was about a third of the tears left. Debating for a moment, Ganondorf wondered if there was even enough left to save the man. The Postman's eyes had closed to just slits and Ganondorf swore under his breath.

"Call this a repayment." he muttered, pulling The Postman up, against him. Tipping the other man's head back, Ganondorf held the bottle to The Postman's lips and ordered.

"Drink."

No longer having the energy or will to fight anything, The Postman obediently drank from the offered bottle. When the tears were gone, Ganondorf looked down at The Postman not seeing an immediate improvement. He tugged up The Postman's shirt and was relieved when he saw the slow closing of the wounds. It wasn't healing as fast as it should have, but at least it was enough to save the smaller man's life.

Dropping The Postman back to the floor, Ganondorf stood to his feet and dusted himself off. He could feel his own energy increasing by the second as the tears took full effect and he gave The Postman a not so gentle kick.

"Get up." he ordered. "I want to talk to you."

The Postman's eyes opened and he realized the pain was becoming less and less. He looked up at the impatient Ganondorf, and then lowered a hand to his stomach. The wound was almost closed over now.

"I said get up." Ganondorf snapped. "The castle is collapsing and I don't have time for you to dawdle."

The Postman shakily got to his feet, and he gave Ganondorf another apologetic look. "Thank you, Sir." he said quietly. "I really am very sorry, Mr. Ganondorf. It was unacceptable of me to allow the letter to be-"

"Shut up." Ganondorf snarled. "I don't care about that."

"Oh." The Postman said, shifting slightly.

"I want you to come with me to the Gerudo valley. I want you to work for me."

The Postman seemed surprised and quickly shook his head. "I cannot, Mr. Ganondorf, I'm a postman!"

"Not anymore, you're not." Ganondorf informed him. "Did you forget what the hero just did to you? You're now an enemy of Hyrule. You've been given a death sentence."

The Postman hadn't realized all of the implications of Link's attack, and his eyes widened when he realized it was true. There was nowhere he could go now that The Hero of Time had labelled him a villain.

"Exactly." Ganondorf said, when he saw The Postman's expression. "If you step one foot onto the main lands, the hero will track you down and make sure he finishes the job."

The Postman simply stared at him with wide eyes, not wanting to believe it. "But-but why?" he asked.

"You're an enemy to the Hero of Time and also to the royal family. You'll be killed on sight and no one will ever trust you again. You'll be chased out of towns and will never be able to deliver mail again."

The Postman looked shell shocked and shook his head in denial.

"You know it's true." Ganondorf stated. "Coming with me is the only option you have right now. Work for me or always have a life of hiding, it's up to you."

The Postman was silent for a long moment as he clenched his fists. Ganondorf gave him an impatient look.

"Well? Make up your mind, I have to leave. Will you come work for me or not? With me you will be protected as long as I have your loyalty."

Taking a deep breath, The Postman nodded, unable to say a word.

Ganondorf gave him a pleased look, and seized the back of The Postman's bloody shirt. Then, with a poof of smoke and a crackle of power, they disappeared.

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 **End of Part 1**

 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**


	7. Regrets

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 **Authornote:** **Friday February 03 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Gonna be busy later so the chapter has been posted a few hours early again. I guess that would technically make this a Thursday update, but whatever. lol**

 **Here's the first chapter to Part 2 of The Postman series. There will be a total of 5 parts of the series. I will aim to have each chapter between 4000-7000 words in length and updates will remain on the same schedule for now.  
**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **ChangelingRin \- The Postman wasn't expecting things to turn out this way either! ;) lol**

 **Sam the Fiction Critic** - **The Postman was always my favourite character in OOT and MM. I love fleshing out side characters in stories. :)**

 **Reiz16 \- Hope you enjoy part 2! Thanks for the review!**

 **Rainmy -There is going to be a lot of changes made during the 2nd part of this story, hopefully it will all be for the better. :)**

 **FerretFlies \- I'm really happy you enjoyed the last chapter! I was hoping to surprise readers with that ending, and I'm glad it worked. :D The Postman is going to learn a lot of things about himself in this series, not all of them good. I hope you enjoy reading part 2 as well :D**

 **X**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 1**

 **Regrets**

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If there was one thing Hylians enjoyed, it was a good bit of gossip. The news of Ganondorf's defeat had spread so fast, Link was greeted with deafening cheers as he entered Castle Town. The townspeople had been blissfully ignorant of the fact Ganondorf had been scheming, but that didn't stop them from celebrating anyway. They commemorated Link's victory by declaring a paid holiday, and throwing an enormous celebration in town square. Link suspected they just wanted an excuse to have the day off of work.

Zelda wasn't enjoying the festivities as much as her subjects, finding the whole thing stressful and rather tiresome. She was overseeing the preparations of a large banquet, making sure her overzealous servants didn't go too overboard. She watched as people flitted about the large reception hall decorating and setting the places for the feast to come. She did have to admit everything looked stunning with the silk banners and large bouquets of flowers. It was just unfortunate she was not in the mood to celebrate after her ordeal.

Link, still tired from battle, cringed at the standing ovation he received when he entered the room. He was announced as the guest of honour, and to his dismay he was asked to tell his story to the whole room. He skimmed over most of the tale, giving a very abridged version of what had happened. When he finally had a minute to himself, he slouched in a chair on the far side of the room, feeling very out of place. He was a simple boy born in a forest, and raised on the battlefield, so being pandered to and admired made him extremely uncomfortable.

Zelda gave him a knowing smile from across the room, and despite himself, Link gave her a tired smile back. Zelda politely excused herself from the group of people around her, and approached him, taking a seat beside him with an exhausted sigh. Although she looked tired, her eyes were still bright, and she still held herself up straight and proper as was expected.

"You don't have to look so miserable." she whispered over to him. "This is a celebration in your honour. Try to enjoy yourself, if not for yourself, than for the people."

"I know I should." Link said, gazing across the crowded hall. "It's just that the battle is still fresh in my mind, and I'm not used to the peace."

Zelda gestured towards the crowds of people, all of them talking and many bickering back and forth. "You call this peace?" she asked in amusement. "I can barely hear myself think!"

Link didn't answer, his gaze going distant. Only those who had seen the nightmare that was a lifetime of battle would ever truly understand what he meant by peace.

"At least stop frowning." Zelda said gently. "Hyrule's dark times are finally at an end, and you can hang up your sword."

Link looked away. "I know I should be happy, princess, but I just have a feeling it's not over yet..."

Zelda placed a hand on his arm consolingly. "You saw that monster die. He isn't coming back. His darkness has been purged from this land, forever. Hyrule is safe and no one has to worry about him ever again."

Link's eyes were troubled when he looked back to her. "Ganondorf has a habit of escaping death. I can never be sure he isn't lurking out there somewhere."

Zelda shook her head, not even wanting to consider it. "You killed him, Link, he's gone."

Link hesitated. "When I fought him, I stabbed him through the lungs, which should have been fatal. He wasn't quite dead when I left him though. I regret not waiting until he took his last breath. The entire castle was on fire, and the walls were beginning to give way, so I left. Only minutes later, the entire castle collapsed which should have ensured his death, but I still feel uneasy. I still feel like it's not over yet, and I can't shake the feeling."

Zelda was rather surprised. "The castle collapsed?" she asked in interest. "I wasn't aware of that."

Link gave another nod. "The magic Ganondorf shot at me caused the fires and weakened the structure. I saw it collapse as I was climbing Death Mountain."

Zelda's eye widened. "I'm glad you got out in time!" she exclaimed. "I do hope The Postman got out in time as well."

Link hesitated a moment as he furrowed his brow in confusion. "The Postman?" he questioned. "Why would you care about him? He kidnapped you!"

"Kidnapped me? The Postman?" Zelda asked in surprise. "What are you talking about?"

"Hyrule's postman." Link clarified. "The man who kidnapped you?"

"Why would a postman kidnap me?" Zelda questioned in confusion.

Link frowned at her, realizing something wasn't right.

"Although I don't agree with his priorities, I doubt we'd ever have to worry about him. The only way he'd kidnap me is if someone stuck a stamp on my forehead!" Zelda said, jokingly.

Link was confused, and gave the princess a hesitant look. "But the guards at the castle said The Postman was the last person to enter your room before you were kidnapped! He's been helping Ganondorf all along!"

Zelda's expression now matched Link's confused frown. "What? That's not what happened at all! We were both kidnapped together by Ganondorf..."

Link shook his head in denial. "No, he was working with Ganondorf the entire time. That's why he refused to help us even when he knew Ganondorf's location. He's been impeding this entire mission from the start. He was even at the castle during the final fight."

Zelda continued to frown at him. "Of course he was at the castle; we were kidnapped and brought there." she stated. "And what do you mean he was helping Ganondorf?"

"The Postman had the master key hidden in an envelope and refused to give it to me. He was working with Ganondorf to keep me out of the tower!"

Zelda's frown deepened all the more. "You mean that letter he was trying to deliver the whole time we were together? It had the master key in it?"

Link gave a nod.

"The Postman seemed very determined to deliver that letter but he didn't seem to know what was in it." Zelda said thoughtfully. "He kept mentioning that he had to deliver it, but didn't appear to be hiding anything. He was even the one to help me escape the dungeon."

Link's eyes widened in shock and he sat straight up in his chair. "He helped you escape?"

"Yes..." Zelda replied, starting to get a bad feeling about where this conversation was going. "He had the opportunity to escape and he could have just left me there, but he went out of his way to trick the guards into letting me go. I wouldn't have been able to escape if it wasn't for him and I probably would have died when the castle collapsed."

"Then why was he refusing to help us?!"

Zelda seemed thoughtful for a moment. "From what I've seen of him, he takes his job entirely too seriously. It probably went against his personal code of conduct or something. Have you ever known him to shirk his duty as a postman?"

Link thought about it and finally understood The Postman's point of view. The man had felt he would be breaking the rules and The Postman never broke the rules.

Link felt a sudden stab of fear course through him, and he quickly averted his eyes from the princess. "I thought he was helping Ganondorf... I was sure... I- I really didn't know..."

Zelda's eyes narrowed. "Link, what did you do?" she demanded. "Did you do something to him?"

Link let out a deep breath, and stared down at the floor uneasily. "He wouldn't give me the envelope and I was angry at what I thought he'd done. The betrayal wasn't something I could forgive. I thought he was just another villain."

Zelda reached out and pulled him around by the shoulder so that he was facing her. Her expression was not amused. "What did you do?" she repeated.

Link felt horribly guilty and closed his eyes to avoid that gaze. "...I was so furious with him, and he wasn't cooperating..." he admitted, hesitantly. "I needed that key to confront Ganondorf, so... so I fought him for it..."

Zelda let a gasp. "Link, he isn't a warrior! He's just a postman, a civilian! How could you have fought against an unarmed civilian?!"

Link looked even guiltier and his shoulders slumped. "I lost control of my temper when he wouldn't cooperate; I wasn't thinking straight." he confessed. "When I thought he was standing in my way of getting to Ganondorf, I.."

Link hesitated a long moment before continuing. "I killed him for the key."

Zelda's mouth dropped open in horror. "Oh, Link!" she cried. "He was just a postman! He didn't do anything wrong! He saved my life!"

Link said nothing as he sat, eyes closed and fists clenched. He felt like an absolute monster and took a deep, shaky breath. Zelda simply stared at him, unable to believe the hero of Hyrule would do such a thing. The overly serious, but dependable postman that she was fond of was dead, killed by the one sworn to protect the people.

"I didn't know," Link said quietly. "I killed an innocent person and it's all my fault."

Zelda was completely silent.

"I never would have done it, if I had have known!" Link assured her. "It was an accident."

"That doesn't make his death justifiable." Zelda responded, her voice like ice.

"No." Link agreed. "It doesn't."

Link slowly stood to his feet and stared across the room feeling completely numb. Everyone seemed so happy and it only made his chest feel heavy with regret. Link felt he deserved none of this recognition. He was no better than the villain he had killed.

"I should leave." he stated.

Zelda gave him a nod of understanding. "Perhaps that would be best. I will need time to process this situation."

"Understood, princess."

"I will send for you at a later time." Zelda promised. "Take this day to clear your head. Maybe it will make you feel a bit better."

Link turned away. "No. No, it won't."

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The desert air was blistering hot, but The Postman didn't notice, feeling chilled to the bone. He was in a state of shock and gave a shudder, unable to believe what had just happened. He stood at the outer edge of Ganondorf's throne room, still drenched in blood and staring blankly at the Gerudo in front of him.

Ganondorf was angry and exhausted, and had flopped down into his throne with an exaggerated sigh immediately upon arrival. Reaching for the nearby bottle of wine, he poured himself a glass, and then another and then another after that.

After his fifth glass of wine, Ganondorf's gaze finally fell on The Postman. He gave the smaller man a thoughtful frown, and motioned him forward. The Postman did as he was told, still in a daze.

"You have agreed to come under my employment. By doing so, you swear allegiance to the Gerudo nation. You will never betray any Gerudo, especially myself, and as of today you are permitted to live within Gerudo territory. This will afford you with our protection, and in return you will give us your unfaltering loyalty. I am only to be referred to as 'Sir', 'Lord Ganondorf', or 'Your Majesty'. Any other form of address is unacceptable. Do you understand?"

Eyes on the floor, The Postman gave a mute nod.

Ganondorf seemed satisfied with this, and gave a grunt. "I accept your word, postman. Do not disappoint me."

"I won't, Sir."

"Good. Now it is extremely important that we keep your identity a secret. You're believed to be dead which I will use to my advantage. As of today, you are my Tracker and you have no other name."

"Tracker, Sir? What does a tracker do?"

Ganondorf gave him a look as if he fully believed The Postman was an idiot. "You track, obviously. You will be used to find people, deliver messages, and whatever else I tell you."

That didn't seem too different than his job as a postman, so he nodded.

"Also, you will be given a mask and uniform which is to be worn at all times outside of your private quarters. No one other than a Gerudo is to be trusted with your identity."

The Postman wasn't sure how he felt about wearing a mask, but he nodded all the same.

"Hold out your arm." Ganondorf ordered.

The Postman did as he was told, somewhat wary about what the villain was going to do. Ganondorf touched two fingers to the back of The Postman's hand and there was an uncomfortable burning sensation. When Ganondorf removed his fingers, there was the desert emblem burned into The Postman's hand.

"That mark lets all know you have my permission to be here. It also works as a way for me to contact you. If the marks burns, then you are being summoned."

The Postman stared down at the mark, not quite sure how he felt about that.

"You have free reign to go wherever you want but don't leave Gerudo territory without permission. When I summon you, you're to come to me without hesitation and without question. It doesn't matter what you're doing at the time, you're to always answer a summons. Any disobedience will not be tolerated."

"Yes, sir." The Postman said quietly.

Ganondorf nodded and waved his hand dismissively. "More will be explained to you later. For now you are to go to Koume and Kotake to have your magic evaluated and your wounds treated."

"I don't have any magic, Sir."

"Just do as you're told." Ganondorf snapped.

"Yes, sir." The Postman answered, turning towards the door, already sensing where the old witches were in the castle.

Clutching at his injured stomach, he left the throne room and began walking down the corridor, hoping no one paid too much attention to him. An inured man walking the halls might be too much temptation for some of the more aggressive Gerudo. He knew he was a very unnoticeable person, too insignificant for most creatures to bother with, but after the day he'd had, he wouldn't be surprised if everything had changed.

Repeating a silent mantra of 'don't notice me, don't notice me, don't notice me' over and over, he turned into the main hall where the guards were posted. To his relief he passed right by them without getting so much as a glance. In fact, every Gerudo he passed, gazed right past him as if he wasn't even there. Relieved, The Postman relaxed and navigated through the Gerudo Castle, heading for the witches.

In the castle's lower level, he came to a door where a putrid smell was leaking out from the cracks. Eyeing the pink smoke warily, he reached out and turned the doorknob, the door opening with a loud creak. A wave of the smoke poured out of the room, both blinding and choking him at the same time. Coughing, he squinted into the room, not expecting a boney hand to snake out and grab him suddenly by the ear. Letting out a startled yelp as the ear was yanked, he came face to face with one of the old twin witches.

"It's rude not to knock before entering a room." the old woman scolded him. "Didn't your mother teach you any manners? You let out all the wondrous aromas we're cooking up!"

"Sorry, ma'am." The Postman said, wincing as she gave his ear another twist.

The woman let out a 'hmph' and released his ear. "Kotake, it seems we have an unusual visitor!"

Through the haze in the room, The Postman saw the other witch standing just to the left of the door stirring a large cauldron. She gave him an appraising look. "Bring him in then, Koume. Maybe we can add him to the pot."

Koume let out a cackle and pushed him into the room, closing the door after them. The twins then began circling him like vultures, still cackling oddly. They looked him up and down, pulled at his arms, seemingly assessing him. Seeing his blood-soaked shirt, one of them lifted the shirt to inspect the half-healed wound on his stomach.

"Tsk, tsk." she scolded. "Now, what happened here, I wonder?"

The Postman pulled his shirt back down. "Lord Ganondorf sent me to be 'magically evaluated' and to receive medical treatment. I've already told him that I don't have any magic."

The twins exchanged a look. "You don't have magic, you say?"

"That's right. I was just a postman up until this morning."

They exchanged another silent look.

Koume glanced back at him. "Funny you should say that because-"

She was cut off when Kotake elbowed her. She shook her head 'no', and then pulled The Postman over to a chair. Pushing him down into it, she reached for a bag nearby and dumped the contents out on the floor in front of her. Grabbing a few different items, she threw some powder into The Postman's face and waved her hand over him, speaking the words of some sort of spell.

"Um, what are you-"

"Hush!" the other witch scolded. "She needs to concentrate!"

The Postman fell silent, simply watching as several more powders were thrown at him. The witch was still weaving her spell, and a low light was emitting from her hands as she worked. The Postman wasn't entirely sure what she was doing but there was an uncomfortable burning sensation beginning to grow in his chest. At first he tried to ignore it, but when it became painful, he pulled away from her, breaking her concentration.

Both witches gave him severely unimpressed looks.

"Sorry." The Postman offered somewhat half-heartedly.

One of the witches rolled her eyes. "No matter, I found out what I needed to. Now, explain to me how you became injured as I write up my report for Lord Ganondorf."

The Postman told them about being a postman and how he had been trying to deliver a letter when attacked and stabbed by the hero of time. He explained how he had nearly died, but Ganondorf had given him some fairy tears and saved his life. He told them about his new position as 'Tracker' and that was why he was there to be evaluated.

The witches exchanged another look with one another. "A Tracker is actually the ideal job for you..."

The Postman didn't look convinced. "Oh? Why?"

"Nevermind that for now. Show me your wound so you can be healed."

The Postman lifted his shirt to show her the large wound running across his stomach. It was scabbed over and red to the look, and Koume knew it hadn't healed correctly. Frowning, she knelt down so she could inspect it more closely. She ran her fingers across it lightly and The Postman flinched, just that small amount of pressure agonizing.

"I don't understand. The fairy tears should have healed you completely; there shouldn't even be a scar." Kotake stated thoughtfully. "How much did you drink?"

The Postman honestly wasn't sure and gave a shrug. "Just whatever was left over from Mr. Ganondorf." He answered. "A few mouthfuls, I think."

"That's Lord Ganondorf." Kotake corrected. "Koume, get him a healing item."

The Postman glanced over at the simmering cauldron the pink smoke was coming from. "Is that what you were making? A healing potion?" he asked.

Kotake followed his gaze. "That's not a potion, that's our lunch. A delightful toadstool and sea-moss stew that's good for bowel movements. Would you like to try some? It's just about ready."

The Postman stared at the thick, pink, smelly goo and quickly shook his head. "Er, no thank you."

Kotake shrugged. "Your loss."

Koume gave one more frown to The Postman's wound, and then reached down and picked up a bottle from the mess of items on the floor. Inside was a small pink fairy looking a little worse for wear. It had obviously been stored for a very long time.

"I don't know if you're worth a fairy, but my Lord Ganondorf sees potential in you, so you must have a purpose no matter how unapparent it is."

Pulling the cork from the bottle, the fairy flew out and immediately began to swirl around Koume, and the Gerudo let out a snarl.

"Not me, you stupid fairy, him!"

The fairy paused a moment, and then obediently flew to The postman and swirled around him. As the magic took effect, Koume stared at the wound with a troubled look. The wound sealed off completely but it left a horrible looking X-shaped scar behind. The Postman let out a sigh of relief as the pain instantly vanished and looked down at the fairy's progress. When it was done, it disappeared in a flurry of sparkles, and Koume reinspected the wound. She gave the scar a gentle poke.

"Does that hurt?" she demanded.

The Postman shook his head.

Placing both thumbs over the scar, Koume pressed down reasonably hard, but the scar was healed enough that it didn't hurt.

"Hmm, strange…" she observed. "You seem to be completely healed but it left this scar behind. Fairies must not be able to completely heal wounds tainted by other magics."

"That's fine, ma'am, I don't mind having a scar." The postman said politely. "Thank you for your help."

Kotake gave him a shrug of indifference, and then said. "You should be proud of your scar. It's an honour to be injured defending your king; it's the mark of a warrior. We Gerudo are strong women, so you're expected to take care of yourself without the need of help from others. We won't cater to you, so will take care of yourself in all regards."

The Postman gave her a nod. "I understand."

Koume held out a roll of parchment. "Take this report back to Lord Ganondorf. He'll be expecting it."

The Postman reached out to take it. "Yes, ma'am."

The Gerudo snorted at his politeness, and then turned away. "You'd better not disappoint us, Tracker."

"I'll try not to." The Postman said, feeling a bit uncertain over the whole situation. He didn't know the first thing about being a villain after all.

"You will adjust." Kotake said in way of reassurance. "Life can be good here."

"Yes, ma'am." The Postman said quietly.

"Go, before our king gets impatient."

The Postman gave the twins a salute and quickly slipped out the door.

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Link slowed Epona to a canter and stared across the fields wistfully. This was where he'd first met The Postman many years ago. Back then, he'd thought The Postman was simply some crazy person running around the fields. It wasn't until much later that he'd discovered he was actually a postman.

The Postman had lived in a world all his own and nothing seemed to matter to him except for his mail. He barely even seemed to remember Link unless he had a letter for him. When Link was younger, he had been fascinated by the strange postman. He had happily followed after The Postman on his route within Clocktown, curious and eager to help. The Postman had indulged him, and had even let him help with a few deliveries and pick-ups, calling him a junior postman. From their many conversations, Link learned the many rules of being a postman, and also about the strange affinity The Postman had for rabbits.

Link let out a heavy sigh and stroked Epona's head, the memories not making him feel any better. The memories left him feeling guilty and rather sick to his stomach. He hadn't known The Postman well, but figured the man must have had a family of some sort. Was The Postman married? Did he have children, or was he single and alone? Whatever sort of family he had, Link knew he would have to be the one to break the bad news. His family or friends would notice him missing eventually, and Link didn't want to put them through the agony of not knowing. It would be better for him to confess immediately.

Link decided he'd ask around town to see if anyone knew who or where The Postman's family were. He'd write them a letter explaining-

Link paused. There was no postman to deliver the letter. More guilt settled into his stomach and Link gave his head a shake, trying hard not to dwell on it. He'd have to find a different postman to deliver it.

A thought then occurred to Link and his eyes widened. He didn't know The Postman's name! He'd killed a man in cold blood and didn't even know his name! He'd killed him as if he were nothing more than a Moblin, and Link felt horrified at what he'd done. How could he track down The Postman's family if he didn't even have a name to go by?

Link felt uneasy at that thought, and turned Epona back towards Castletown. He'd ask around to see what he could find out. Someone had to know The Postman's name...right?

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The Postman stared at the throne room door, scroll clutched tightly in his hand. He could hear Ganondorf yelling angrily from within, and wasn't too sure he wanted to interrupt. He had a feeling the Gerudo king would turn that anger on him the second he stepped into the room. He wasn't exactly a physical person and knew he made an easy target. Yet again, if Ganondorf was expecting Koume and Kotake's report asap, that could lead to him getting even angrier.

Weighing his options, The Postman quietly opened the door and peered inside. Ganondorf was surrounded by a group of Gerudo warriors clearly discussing the events of earlier. Ganondorf absolutely livid as he explained what had happened, and the warriors looked frazzled and very stressed. By the warriors' uniforms, they looked very important and were probably his military advisors. It didn't seem the sort of meeting he should intrude on, so he stood awkwardly outside the door, simply watching from afar.

Ganondorf ranted for a few minutes and then his gaze flitted over to The Postman as if he'd known he was there the whole time.

"Tracker, stop lurking, and get in here!"

Every eye turned to The Postman, who obediently slipped into the room and silently approached. The Gerudo warriors seemed surprised by the sight of him as men were forbidden within the Gerudo territory except for special circumstances. They gave The Postman a curious look, wondering if he was a prisoner or an ally, but didn't dare question their king.

"I have the report from Koume and Kotake, sir." The Postman said, holding out the scroll.

Ganondorf impatiently snatched it from him, and then unrolled it to began reading. His scowl quickly turned to a look of surprise. His eyes scanned the rest of the scroll and then he turned thoughtful eyes to The Postman.

"Did you read this?" he demanded.

The Postman shook his head. "No, sir."

"You didn't read your own evaluation report?"

"No, sir."

Without a word, Ganondorf held it out to him. "Read it."

The Postman accepted the scroll and glanced down at it.

'Male

Terminian

Age 29 years, 6 months, 10 days'

The Postman's brow furrowed. How in the world did they know that?

'Magic- raw, untrained, natural

Power- great potential. Constant shield of invisibility instinctively used. Instinctively follows life-threads to locate living individuals. Instinctively senses magic.'

The Postman frowned down at the scroll. "...but I don't have any magic..."

"According to my most trusted witches, you do. You will begin training in the morning."

"Training?" The Postman repeated, not liking the sound of that.

Ganondorf gave a nod. "If I'm employing you, then I want to squeeze out every bit of potential you have. I don't employ useless people."

Ganondorf turned his gaze to the eavesdropping warriors. "This is my new Tracker, he is not to be hassled while he's working or training. He is not equal to a Gerudo, but he will live among us for the time being until his usefulness has diminished."

The warriors whispered amongst themselves, surprised and confused over this turn of events. It was extremely rare for their king to allow an outsider to live within Gerudo territory. There was only one other person who had such privilege, and he wasn't exactly liked among the general population. In fact, he was completely detested, and was the sole reason most Gerudo hated men. The warriors gave The Postman narrow-eyed glares, and he subconsciously backed up a step.

"Tracker, you may retire to your quarters until summoned. Do you know where the personal rooms are located?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, sir."

Ganondorf rolled his eyes. "One of you show him to an empty room on the third floor."

The warriors gave The Postman another scowl and one of the younger women, obviously still in training, was pushed forward out of the group.

"Adena, show him the way." One of the others ordered.

She looked mutinous, but didn't dare protest, instead giving The Postman a look of death and motioning him to follow. Without a word, he followed her out of the room, easily keeping up with her angry stride.

As they went up a staircase, the Gerudo glanced at him out of the corner of her eye. "So, if you're no longer our postman, who is?"

"I don't know." The Postman answered honestly. "Someone else will have to take over my route once I'm discovered missing. My brother Jaru will probably take it over; I don't believe he has a route of his own yet."

"Is he a good postman?" she demanded. "I get very important parcels delivered."

The Postman gave a shrug, knowing very well that she never got anything other than candy orders from Castletown.

"Hmm, that doesn't really reassure me." she stated worriedly. "I liked how reliable you were, despite your flaw of being a man, and I don't want a replacement."

"Sorry." The Postman replied with a sigh. "Not much I can do about it."

She gave him a dirty look, and then pointedly looked away.

They walked in silence the rest of the way, The Postman lost in thought, and a few minutes later they stopped in front of a door.

"These will be your quarters, room J13." Adena informed him impatiently. "Food is served three times a day in the dining hall, at six, noon and six, and unless you plan on starving to death, I suggest you attend. Most people buy their own food once they begin earning wages, due to the fact the free food tastes like sewage."

She paused a moment and then said. "Which reminds me, garbage pickup is on Mondays, so just leave any trash in the hallway you want removed."

The Postman nodded wordlessly.

Adena gave him one last look-over with a scowl, and then turned and walked away without another word. The Postman placed a hand against the wood of the door, and leaned against it, still in disbelief over everything that had happened. Closing his eyes as he tried to push aside all thoughts, The Postman opened the door and entered the room.

Opening his eyes, he froze at the horrible sight in front of him. The room was in absolute shambles, dust and cobwebs hanging from every surface, broken furniture strewn about, and a thick layer of dust covering everything. A dirty and stained mattress was on the floor, the blankets ragged and disgusting. Laying directly on the pillow was a dead Skulltula, and it took all of his resolve not to just turn around and leave again. The Postman was a naturally neat and tidy person, and so the sight of the atrocious room set him completely on edge. Steeling himself, he stepped further into the room and closed the door after him.

Home, sweet home...

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **I hope you all enjoyed the chapter!**

 **Let's see if we can get 6 reviews for this chapter to get a bonus update on Sunday!**


	8. Grief

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 **Authornote : Sunday February 05 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Woohoo! We got six reviews for last chapter, so here is a bonus Sunday chapter! You guys are awesome!**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Waterwomen1414** \- **No spoilers for you my dear ;) Everything will be explained as the story goes on, however.**

 **FerretFlies -Everything that happens in this entire series was actually kickstarted by Link stabbing The Postman, so he really is to blame. lol The Postman will never quite be the same again.**

 **ChangelingRin \- I'm glad you liked the chapter! Everyone will soon find out that there's a LOT more to find out about The Postman. ;)**

 **Reiz16 \- It likely isn't very common for someone to mix Great Fairy Tears with a Healing Fairy, so Koume and Kotake probably would not have researched it. :)**

 **Rainmy -There are many, many more changes than that to this part of the series. :) It's more than double the length it was before.**

 **Guest \- Part 2 is indeed much darker than the first. There are going to be five parts total in this postman series. Part 1 was lighthearted, Part 2 is dark, Part 3 is lighthearted, Part 4 is a mix of the two, and part 5 is dark. This was done on purpose for character development. Everything that happens in this series shapes The Postman, and some things forever change him. I hope you enjoy part 2, even though it is a darker part of the series.**

 **X**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter Two

Grief

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Link sat down on the edge of the fountain in Castletown, and let out a heavy, disheartened sigh. He had asked literally everyone he came across, but no one seemed to know much about The Postman. They only had nice things to say about him, but none knew his name or where he had come from. Link was amazed that The Postman could work in town for as long as he did and yet know absolutely no one!

Feeling rather discouraged, Link ran his fingers through the water, not sure what he should do. He wanted to make this right but everything seemed to be working against him. Should he travel to Termina and ask around Clock Town next? The postmistress lived in Clocktown so she certainly had to know who The Postman was! She was still away on vacation, however, and he hadn't seen any other postmen around.

A small sandy-haired boy, who was five at the most, had been watching him for quite a while and approached, plunking himself down next to Link. Link glanced over at him, recognizing the boy as one of the townspeople.

"I heard you asking mama about The Postman." He said, holding his Keaton doll close.

Link nodded sadly. "I haven't had much luck finding anyone who knows him."

"I bet the grumpy postman knows him." the boy replied with the air of importance.

"Who?" Link questioned.

"The grumpy postman!" the boy repeated with a roll of his eyes. "He delivered our mail while The Postman was away. He did a really bad job though, so he was fired when our postman came home. He was real mad about it and yelled for hours and hours in town square. Papa got angry at him when he wouldn't be quiet and hit him with a shoe."

"A shoe?"

The boy nodded. "Papa threw it out the window at him. It hit him right in the head."

Link frowned, not remembering a replacement postman. "Is he still in town?" he asked hopefully.

The boy shook his head. "Nuh uh. After papa hit him with the shoe, he yelled that no one ippre...impreci...appresh..."

"Appreciated?"

"Yeah, that, no one appreciated him, and that he was going to live in Kakariko Village instead."

"Is he still there?"

"How would I know?" the boy snapped. "I'm only five!"

Standing to his feet, Link thanked the boy and immediately headed out of town eagerly. Finally he had a lead to follow!

Once in the field, he mounted Epona and rode the short distance between the towns, hoping the replacement postman hadn't moved on. Dismounting, he ran up the stairs, knowing that it was almost dark and he'd have to hurry before the town closed down for the night.

Upon entering the village, Link saw Mutoh, the boss carpenter, standing in his usual place beneath a tree. Mutoh was renowned for sticking his nose into other people's business so Link knew he was the person to ask about a stranger in the area. Approaching, he waved at Mutoh in greeting.

"They're lazy bums, the lot of them!" Mutoh complained to him without so much as a hello. "We've been working on a new building for ten months now and those bums only just finished the foundation! I swear I'm going to fire them the moment I find someone better!"

Link gave a nod, which seemed to satisfy Mutoh, and the man gave another irritated huff. "Why can't they be more like you?" he demanded. "They're excellent at pretending to work but nothing ever gets done!"

Mutoh's face was turning purple with rage and Link was worried the old man would have a heart attack if he didn't calm down. Interrupting, he asked

"I was just wondering, Mutoh, has a new postman come to stay in Kakariko Village recently?"

Mutoh raised an eyebrow in surprise. "You mean he really is a postman? I just assumed he was some sort of raving lunatic!"

"Is he here?"

"All he ever does is moan and complain about some other postman firing him, and how cruel the people of Hyrule are. My wife says if he keeps ranting outside after dark she's going to throw something at him."

"He's still here then?" Link asked, hopefully.

At this, Mutoh crossed his arms and scowled. "The lazy bum's been staying with us." He stated irritably. "Granny felt sorry for him and brought him inside when it began to rain. He's been helping with the household chores to earn his keep."

"Where can I find him?" Link asked.

"He's over at the cucco coop with my daughter."

"Ok, thanks." Link said, immediately turning to run towards the cucco coop.

When he reached the coop and saw Anju, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Anju had lost her fiancé several years ago due to a curse, and Link felt horrible every time he saw her. Her fiancé, Kafei, had been cursed by the Skull Kid and turned into a small child. Despite Link's best efforts, the curse wasn't able to be broken. Anju and Kafei had loved each other wholeheartedly, but they knew they could no longer be together due to the age difference. They had eventually parted ways with a lot of heartache and Anju moved back into Kakariko Village. It was Link who had failed at breaking the curse and he still blamed himself for the whole situation.

Link was quite surprised at the sight that met him at the cucco coop. Anju was speaking to a young, brown-haired man who was holding a cucco, and they were both laughing. The man gave her a mischievous smile as he whispered something in her ear and slyly gave her a handful of flowers. Anju put a hand to her mouth to stifle her giggles and accepted the flowers. The man grinned back at her as Link approached, neither noticing him yet.

Anju then hesitantly reached out and took the man's hand, giving him a shy smile from beneath auburn bangs. The man seemed surprised by her action but gave her a gentle smile in return. Link now knew why Mutoh had allowed the strange young man stay with them; it was for his daughter's benefit. Link couldn't remember the last time he saw Anju smile and was glad for it.

Standing just behind them, Link cleared his throat.

Instantly they jumped away from one another, their eyes wide and afraid. When they saw it was Link however, they both visibly relaxed.

"Hi, Link." Anju greeted with a small laugh. "We thought you were my father."

"Hi, Anju," Link said politely. "Sorry to interrupt, but I need to speak with your boyfriend for a moment."

Both Anju and the man's cheeks turned bright red, and they quickly averted their eyes from one another.

"Oh…um…she isn't really my…ah…not yet…" the man stumbled out, obviously embarrassed.

Link didn't say anything more on the subject, respecting their privacy, and looked the man up and down. He was wearing traditional Kakariko clothing and there was no outward sign he was a postman. He was largely built with a dark tan and seemed more like someone used to physical labour than a postal worker. He looked the complete opposite of The Postman and he hoped he had the right person.

"Are you the postman who replaced Castletown's usual postman a while back?" Link asked.

"Oh, no." Anju groaned as the man instantly bristled.

"You mean, am I the one who replaced that double-crossing, back-stabbing crazy man?" he demanded.

"Er…" Link said, not sure how to respond to that.

"Yeah, I covered his route to help out as a favour, not that he appreciated it!" the man snapped. "He's completely obsessive and deranged!"

Link gave a nod. "I've been looking for you. I need to ask y-"

"You do a favour for someone and they throw you to the curb without a second thought! I did an amazing job delivering the mail! I may have missed or damaged a few letters, but overall, I'd say I did fine!"

"I just need to ask-"

Link was immediately interrupted again.

"That was the last time I help that ungrateful wretch! When the townspeople saw my humiliation of being fired, they threw shoes at me and ordered me out of town! People are horrible, the whole town's horrible and I'm never stepping foot there again!"

Link exchanged a look with Anju who let out a sigh, looking resigned. She'd obviously heard this speech many times before and had grown used to it. Link nodded awkwardly as the man continued ranting, wishing he'd just calm down so he could ask him a few questions. When there seemed to be no end to the yelling, Link decided to intervene.

"Do you know if the Castletown postman has a family?" Link shouted over the ranting.

The man gave a grimace. "Of course he has a family! He doesn't deserve any of them mind you, as he's a stupid fu-"

"Do you know where I can find his family?" Link cut in quickly.

"Termina." The man grunted. "Why do you want to know? No one likes him. He's the most arrogant, cold-hearted thing to have ever crawled out of the swamp! Who'd want to know more about him? Short, little girl like him. I'm half tempted to drag him into town square and-"

"Haru, that's enough." Anju said softly, placing a hand gently on his arm.

Not listening, Haru continued his tantrum, getting redder and redder in the face. Deciding to just come out with it, Link interrupted once more.

"He's dead." Link said, bluntly. "The Castletown postman is dead."

The man, Haru, froze mid-rant, his mouth hanging open in the process of forming a profanity. He stared at Link blankly, not comprehending what he'd just been told. Slowly, he closed his mouth and frowned at Link in disbelief.

"Dead?" he repeated.

Link gave a nod.

"He's dead?" Haru demanded. "What do you mean he's dead?"

Link averted his gaze. "He died early this morning. I wanted to send his family the news before they heard it from somewhere else."

Haru scowled at him and narrowed his eyes. "This is a joke. He sent you here to mess with me!"

Link gave his head a shake.

Haru took a very deep breath and closed his eyes. "He's really dead? This isn't some sort of prank? You swear on your honour this isn't a joke?"

Link, once again, shook his head. "It's not a prank." He said gently. "He really is dead. I'm sorry, did you know him very well?"

Haru was silent for a minute or two, still not opening his eyes. "He was my brother." He said after a time. "My older brother."

Link winced, realizing how insensitive he must have come across. He hadn't realized the two postmen were related.

"I'm really sorry for your loss." Link said, sincerely. "He was a good, honest man."

Haru took a slow, careful breath, and then spoke in such a quiet voice, Link almost didn't hear him. "How? How did he die?"

Link looked away, fresh waves of guilt surfacing, and he hesitated. "It was an accident…" he began. "He was in the wrong place at the wrong time and Ganondorf used him without his knowledge. He gave him something very important to deliver and I thought he was working for Ganondorf because of everything that had happened. We had an altercation in Ganondorf's castle, a violent one, and I… and I killed him."

Link hung his head in shame, feeling like an absolute monster, and a heavy silence fell upon the air.

"You killed him?" Haru asked, his voice strangely flat and emotionless. "You killed my brother?"

"I'm really sorry!" Link insisted. "It was a horrible accident and it was all my fault! He did nothing wrong, and it should never have happened. I'm sorry."

"He's dead." Haru said, his voice still devoid of any emotion. "He's really dead."

"I'm so sorry." Link repeated.

Although Haru said nothing, tears could be seen brimming in his eyes, and Link felt the guilt hit him in the stomach like a punch.

"Please forgive me, and give my apologies to the rest of your family." Link requested uneasily. "Please tell them that I'm terribly sorry, and that I'll never be able to forgive myself for what I've done. He was an innocent-"

Link was cut off mid-sentence as Haru lunged at him, knocking him hard to the ground. Letting out an animalistic snarl, Haru swung his fists wildly at the hero, trying his best to smash the hero's face in. Link instinctively raised his hands to protect his face, completely taken by surprise. Haru was completely enraged and punched and clawed at him, both screaming and crying at the same time uncontrollably.

Link winced as he felt nails dig into his neck, and he tried to unsuccessfully shove Haru away from him. Having none of it, Haru swung, kicked and clawed at him, completely blind with rage. He screamed like a mad man, bellowing profanity as loud as he could, determined to kill Link.

Anju grabbed Haru around the middle and hauled him away from Link, the man screaming as he fought to get away from her.

"Haru, no!" Anju yelled, as tears made their way down his face. "This isn't the way, Haru! Stop! Don't hurt him!"

"He killed him! He killed him!" Haru yelled out with a wail. "He killed my brother!"

"Please, Haru!" Anju cried, struggling to hold him back. "Please stop!"

"He's a murderer, Anju! He killed him! He killed my defenceless brother in cold blood! He was a postman, he didn't know how to fight! He's barely over five foot tall for Din's sake!"

Link sat where he'd been knocked to the ground, and watched Haru fight tooth and nail to get back at him. Link knew he deserved everything he got and gave Haru a miserable look.

"My brother was a good man!" Haru screamed. "He didn't deserve that! I'll kill you! I'll kill you! I'll rip your head off!"

Fighting to hold him back, Anju put herself between them and turned angry eyes to Link. "I think it would be best if you left." She informed him. "Haru will tell the rest of his family, so you won't have to face them. Now, please leave, Link!"

"I'm sorry! I really didn't mean-"

"GO!" Anju snarled.

Link looked away from them and slowly got back to his feet. He then turned and left without another word as Anju wrapped her arms around Haru comfortingly.

"Come on, Haru, let's get you inside. Granny will take care of you. Come on."

"Murderer." Haru hissed at Link's retreating form. "MURDERER!"

Not looking back, Link took a deep breath and left the village silently, never feeling as ashamed as he did at that moment.

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The Postman had worked non-stop trying to clean the disgusting room he'd been given. He'd found what used to be blankets, but they were so rat-chewed they were pretty much useless. He'd ripped them up and used them as cleaning rags instead, using the water from his canteen to wet them. The first order of business had been to open the window and toss the dead Skulltula out, and then he scrubbed and dusted until his hands were raw with blisters. By the time he was finally done cleaning, he had no furniture left, all of it broken, and had just a bare, ratty mattress on the floor.

His white uniform was now brown from grime and every inch of his skin was filthy. He had no idea where the bathroom was, and didn't have any clean clothes to change into. Deciding to try his luck at asking someone, he left his room and wandered about, hoping to run into someone. He didn't have to look far as a group of Gerudo were walking his way. They didn't seem to notice him at first, so he stepped in front of them.

"Er, excuse me, could you please tell me where I could wash up?"

They paused, and then gave him a look of disgust at his appearance. Adena, the warrior from earlier, was among them and she let out a longsuffering sigh at how pathetic he seemed.

"I was supposed to give you your new uniform hours ago, but I forgot." she admitted. "I suppose I could give it to you now..."

The other Gerudo gave her pitying looks.

"This won't take long." she assured the others. She then motioned for The Postman to follow her. "Come on then, and don't touch me."

The Postman followed her back down the hall and to his surprise, they stopped at the room next to his. She unlocked the door and entered, The Postman waiting for her in the hall. Stealing a curious look inside, he realized her room was a lot nicer than his. The bed was large and clean, and the furniture was expensive, and there were hundreds of books from floor to ceiling.

Adena saw his look and then informed him. "Luxuries are earned. You can buy whatever you want with the wages you earn, but nothing will just be given to you. If you don't like your room, work hard and change it. If you earn enough, you can even upgrade your room to a better wing. The J-wing is the bottom of the barrel. The A-wing rooms are like paradise but most can't afford them."

The Postman gave her a nod. It was like being charged rent in a way. He watched her pick up a satchel from the floor and she tossed it at him, somewhat impatiently.

"You better not a noisy person, I liked not having a neighbour."

"I won't bother you, Miss Adena." The Postman assured her.

She eyed him skeptically, but gave a nod all the same. "You can buy what you need from the market. Hopefully you have some rupees on you because you won't get paid until Lord Ganondorf actually commissions you to do something. Depending on how long your training takes, that could be quite a long time. If you get desperate enough, the meals are free in the dining hall, although the food tastes like foot..."

"Thank you for letting me know." The Postman replied, honestly not sure how many rupees he had on him.

Adena rolled her eyes, clearly put out over having to help him. "I'll show you the only bathroom in the castle that you're permitted to use. You share it with Lord Ganondorf's other male minion. The both of you are responsible for keeping it clean, it will not be done for you."

"I understand." The Postman stated, backing out of her room as she made a shooing motion at him.

Adena locked the door, and then walked away, assuming he would follow after her. She led him down two floors and then pointed at a door that was labelled simply as MEN.

"Ok, you're now on your own." she announced. "You don't talk to me, you don't look at me, and you especially don't touch me. As far as I'm concerned, you don't exist. If you force me to acknowledge your existence, you won't like the consequences."

Adena then turned and walked away, not once looking back at him. The Postman stared after her for a moment and then reached out and opened the bathroom door. He was completely dismayed to see the bathroom was disgustingly filthy. Clothing was strewn about across every surface, toothpaste was smeared all over the sink and mirror, and seemingly random garbage was everywhere. What exactly was he sharing this bathroom with, a Moblin?

With a sigh, The Postman gathered up all of the dirty clothes and dumped them into the nearby hamper. He then picked up all the garbage and put it into a wastebasket that looked like it had never been used. He cleaned the sink and mirror and then turned his attention to the shower. He visibly cringed at the sight of it. Just imagining the type of foot-mould one would get from stepping foot in it, he instead turned his attention to the nearby bathtub. Surprisingly the bathtub looked perfectly clean. Somewhat relieved, The Postman turned on the tap and began filling the tub.

The Postman soaked for hours in a cold bath, staring blankly at the ceiling as he thought things through. Nothing quite seemed real yet, and he was having trouble coming to terms with what had happened. His entire life was being a postman and without that, what was he? He had no purpose, and everything he loved had been ripped away from him. Glancing at the desert emblem burned onto his hand, he grimaced at the physical reminder of his new employment.

Closing his eyes, The Postman allowed himself to sink beneath the water, the chill of the water feeling good. He opened his eyes and stared up through the water at the ceiling, his vision distorted and shaky. He wished none of it had happened. If he hadn't refused to give up the letter, Link wouldn't have stabbed him and he wouldn't have become an enemy of Hyrule. Surfacing for air, The Postman blinked the water out of his eyes and let out a heavy sigh.

What could he do though? Defending the mail was his job, and even now, the thought of giving up a letter sent chills up his spine. Deciding he had soaked long enough, The Postman slowly sat up. Luckily there had been an unopened bottle of shampoo in the bathroom and so he was at least clean now. Shivering as he stepped out of the bath, he reached for a towel that wasn't there. Frowning, he opened the nearby storage closet but every towel was dirty. Letting out a frustrated sigh, he grabbed a handful of face towels. Apparently, he would have to do laundry at some point.

As he was drying himself off, he was startled when someone tried to open the bathroom door. Glad, he had locked it, he stared towards the door, wondering who it was.

"What in Din's name?!" he heard a male voice exclaim.

The door was tried again with more force, but it remained closed. There was a pause and then he heard the sound of something metal being jingled in the keyhole.

"What do you think you're doing?!" he heard a Gerudo exclaim angrily. "Are you picking the lock to a bathroom door?!"

"It's my bathroom!" the male replied haughtily.

"Someone is clearly in there, so you wait your turn, you disgusting pervert!"

"But it's my bathroom!" the male yelled out indignantly.

"Wait. Your. Turn." The Gerudo snapped. "Or do I have to call the guards?"

The Postman couldn't quite hear the man's response, but whatever he said didn't sound very polite. He then heard the sound of someone stomping away up the hallway. Shrugging, The Postman knelt down to open the satchel and pulled out the clothing within. To his dismay, the uniform truly looked like something a villain would wear, heavy black and brown leather complete with a mask that covered everything but his chin and ears. It also looked three sizes too big for him.

The Postman frowned down at the uniform, really not impressed. Did Ganondorf honestly expect him to wear leather in the desert?! He was going to die from heat stroke! Letting out a sigh, he put the uniform on, expecting the clothing to absolutely swim on him. To his complete surprise, the moment the clothing was on, it shrunk until it fit him perfectly. Ganondorf had obviously enchanted it, and The Postman wondered if there were any other charms on it. Was it stab resistant? The Postman had a feeling an enchantment like that would come in handy, especially when dealing with the Hero of Time.

Looking in the mirror, he couldn't even recognize himself. All that he saw now was a villain staring back at him. How had he gone from a postman to this? Deciding to not think about it, he tossed his dirty postal uniform into the hamper, grabbed the empty satchel, and then left the bathroom.

Everyone stared at him as he walked by, something he definitely wasn't accustomed to, and it made him rather self-conscious. He was used to being ignored by absolutely everyone, and that's the way he preferred it. The Gerudo all whispered amongst themselves as he passed, clearly gossipping about him, and The Postman simply pretended he didn't notice. By the time he got back to his room, he just wanted to disappear for a while.

He frowned at the sight of the dingy room, but knew there wasn't much he could do about it right now. Approaching the mattress on the floor, he reached down and flipped it over, discovering that the other side actually looked a lot better. If only he had a pillow and sheets...

The Postman took a seat on the mattress and pulled his mailbag over, digging inside for his wallet. Opening it, he carefully counted out the rupees within, knowing he'd have to be extremely careful until he started earning a wage. He had a bit more than he expected, but knew it wouldn't stretch very far if he had to live off of it. Glancing around the room, he frowned, knowing he needed to buy a few things right away. He had no other clothes other than what he was wearing, and he needed a pillow and blankets.

The Postman put his wallet away, and pulled out a rather squashed sandwich out of his mailbag. As he ate his very unexciting meal, he wondered what exactly this 'training' would consist of in the morning. He didn't have any magical abilities and he also had no athletic talent for fighting. Hopefully, Ganondorf would be giving him a textbook to learn out of...

When he had finished the sandwich, he got to his feet, grabbed his bag and headed for the door, figuring he would visit the market before it got too late.

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Link hadn't slept well that night and found himself tossing and turning, unable to settle down, his mind plagued with guilt. Finally, in the early hours of the morning, he gave up on sleep, and got up, knowing it was pointless.

When he'd returned to Hyrule Castle the previous night, the celebrations were still in effect and despite his protests, he was made to attend. Everyone kept congratulating him and telling him that he'd done an excellent job and it made him feel even worse. He'd given everyone fake smiles, and nodded along with conversations, but in reality he just wanted to be alone for a few hours. It wasn't until well after midnight that he was able to make his escape. Locking himself inside his guest room, he laid on the bed silently staring at the ceiling. The events at Ganondorf's castle kept playing over and over in his mind, and Link vowed to never make such a horrible mistake again.

After giving up his attempt at sleep, Link walked the halls of the castle, tired and still troubled. He thought admitting his guilt to The Postman's family would help with his conscience, but it really didn't. After seeing The Postman's brother react with such grief and pain, it just made him feel like a monster.

Entering Zelda's private garden, Link wasn't surprised to find it empty. It was still early, and he doubted the castle would come to life for another hour or two. He took a seat on the garden stairs and stared at nothing in particular as he thought. Letting out a heavy sigh, he wasn't sure he'd ever to be able to make this right.

Wondering if he should leave Hyrule for a while to distract himself with another adventure, Link's eyes settled on a bed of forget-me-nots. It was actually The Postman who had told him about the tiny blue flowers, many, many years ago. Link had been insatiably curious as a child, and one day, while shadowing The Postman, he had asked him why people put those particular flowers on graves. The Postman had actually paused from delivering the mail to fully explain to him that the flowers represented the promise to not forget someone who was forever gone. He explained that when planted, the flowers would bloom every year on the graves, a reminder of the person below.

Link clenched his fists. How could he have forgotten the kindness The Postman had often shown him as a child? How could he think the man would kidnap the princess? Link sat, head in hand, still in disbelief over what he had done. He closed his eyes, thinking about what he had become. He'd been fighting too long now; he was starting to lose himself in the blood and destruction of war. How long would it be before he was the same as the villains he fought?

Shaking his head in denial, Link sat up straight. Perhaps a bit of time away from all of this would be good for him. He could travel outside of Hyrule and explore new places and avoid new quests or battles. He could use this time to really re-evaluate himself and get his emotions under better control.

His decision made, Link stood to his feet, intent on slipping out of the castle before anyone noticed. He'd be halfway into Termina before they even noticed he was gone. Zelda would understand; she'd know he needed the time away, even if she'd still be angry at him later. She would just have to find a new hero to take over while he was gone.

Link made it back to his room without meeting a single person, and he quickly packed his meagre belongings into a bag. As he made a hasty exit out of the castle, he didn't notice Princess Zelda watching from a window, a troubled expression on her face.

"Oh, Link." she whispered. "I do hope you'll be alright."

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Reviews Make the Author Happy!


	9. Training

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 **Authornote : Wednesday February 08 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This chapter was posted a few hours early because as of tomorrow I'm starting double shifts at work for the next two weeks. Luckily I already have quite a bit of the story already written, so it shouldn't affect updates.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **FerretFlies -Yes, The Postman is indeed beginning to realize just what he's gotten himself into. With every adventure he does grow and change dramatically (despite fighting tooth and nail against it) lol Yeah, as for bathroom guy, he's no longer a special snowflake with his own private bathroom. ;)**

 **ChangelingRin -Yeah, Link is having a hard time right now and his troubles are only beginning as well. lol**

 **Reiz16 \- Thanks for your support! :D**

 **Rainmy -Originally, Part 1 was around 20k words, part 2 was around 40k, part 3 was 50k, part 4 was 115k and part 5 was 114k. All parts will end up being much longer because a lot of additional scenes and details that are being added. I hope you enjoy all the changes. :)**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 3

Training

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The Postman woke to a deep burning sensation on the back of his hand. Sitting up, he squinted into the darkness and saw the back of his hand was emitting a dull glow. The desert emblem stood out clearly in the darkened room and he stared dumbly at it for a moment before remembering what it meant. Realizing he was being summoned, The Postman hurriedly got dressed, and then ran as fast as he could down to where he instinctively knew Ganondorf to be. When he burst into the throne room, Ganondorf looked up, his expression somewhat surprised.

"That was quicker than I anticipated..." he stated. "At least you seem to be more reliable than a few other minions I could mention."

Ganondorf scowled as he thought of those unreliable minions, and then turned to The Postman. "Every morning you will work with Kotake and Koume on your magical abilities and during the afternoon you will sword train with the Gerudo warriors on defensive skills. You will continue to do this until further notice."

"But, Sir, I don't have any magical abilities, and I've never even touched a sword before!"

"No excuses." Ganondorf snapped. "Training begins at 4am every day and ends at 6pm. Your afternoon training will be with Captain Isa in the courtyard. Don't be late or she has my permission to beat you. Do as you're told, and I'd better not get any negative reports about you. Is this understood?"

The Postman frowned, but nodded all the same. "Yes, sir."

Ganondorf then waved him off dismissively. Without another word, The Postman turned and left the throne room, unsure about the training he was about to receive. He slowly wandered down to Koume and Kotake's potions lab, not really looking forward to his day. The second he touched his hand to the door to knock, it opened and one of the old women had him by the ear in an instant.

"You're late!" she scolded. "It is five minutes past four!"

"I had to meet with Lord Ganondorf." The Postman explained, wincing in pain.

"No excuses! Inside now!"

She released his ear, which he immediately rubbed, and then ushered him into the room, closing the door after them. Turning to see which twin it was that assaulted him, he saw it was Kotake.

"I will be training you today." she stated as if reading his mind. "Koume has potions she needs to brew."

"I think there's been some sort of mistake." The Postman explained. "I don't have any magic, I'm just a postman."

Kotake gave him a thoughtful look. "We shall see. Follow me."

The shrivelled old woman led him to the centre of the room where there was a strange spiral drawn on the floor, surrounded by runic symbols.

"This is a concentration circle geared towards strengthening the passages of magic. I want you to sit cross-legged in the very centre of it."

When The Postman hesitated, she gave him a shove to get him moving. Slowly lowering himself down into the circle, The Postman gave her a questioning look.

"...nothing's happening." he pointed out.

She swatted the back of his head impatiently. "Of course not, you ignorant child! This will take great amounts of time and effort!"

Kotake corrected the position he was sitting in and then said. "For two hours every morning you will sit in this concentration circle meditating."

She then sat outside of the circle exactly like him and held her hands out, resting them loosely on her knees. The Postman imitated what she was doing.

"You will close your eyes and try to completely clear your mind. Concentrate on your heartbeat and imagine that it is filled with magic instead of blood. Your heart pumps the magic through your veins and all through your body. You are filled with the magic. You can feel it, and it is hot and wild. Concentrate on that feeling and explore it. Don't let yourself become distracted by what's happening around you. Block it out, separate yourself from it until you're alone in the universe, just you and your magic."

The Postman stared at her, frowning skeptically.

"Just do it."

Letting out a sigh, he closed his eyes.

"Oh, wait, I almost forgot." Kotake exclaimed. "Here, drink this."

The Postman opened his eyes and looked down at the bowl of green goo that she shoved into his hands. "...what is it?"

"Doesn't matter." she replied, shrugging dismissively. "It will help your concentration."

The Postman gave the bowl a suspicious sniff. It smelled vaguely of almonds and he gave a frown. Wasn't it arsenic that was supposed to smell like almonds?

"It's not poison, is it?"

"Don't be foolish, now drink up and stop wasting time."

The Postman knew he didn't really have a choice so he tentatively took a tiny sip of the mystery potion. It surprisingly didn't taste too bad, and when nothing bad happened, he downed the whole bowl.

Kotake took the empty bowl from his hands, and then said. "Good, now meditate. I'll be back to check on you later."

The Postman watched her leave the room and then sighed once more, obediently closing his eyes. This was just plain ridiculous, he didn't even have any magic! This whole training session was a complete waste of time. At least he didn't have to do anything too difficult; he could just use this time to relax.

Trying to clear his mind proved more difficult than he thought. Every time he tried to concentrate on absolutely nothing, a whole plethora of thoughts kept invading his mind. He couldn't seem to stop thinking of his lost job, Ganondorf, the Hero of Time, his family, his dirty room upstairs, or the fact he was going to fail at this horribly. What would Ganondorf do when he found out he really didn't have any magic? Would he throw him out? Kill him? Hand him over to Link?

"Stop thinking!" a sudden voice cut in, startling him. "I can tell you're not meditating properly!"

He hadn't even heard Kotake return.

"I told you, concentrate on your breathing and your heartbeat. Picture what your heart looks like in your chest, and concentrate fully on that. Imagine every detail within your chest, every vein, every pump of blood passing through you. With every breath you take, the picture becomes clearer and clearer."

The Postman evened out his breathing and pictured what a heart looked like. Forcing himself to concentrate only on that, he did as he was told, and looked the heart over from all angles, imagining every detail he could. He imagined the spider-web of veins extending away from the heart and all through his chest, and down through his arms and legs. He pictured the blood pumping through his body, red and hot, the heart glowing like a furnace, heating the blood as it passed through. He followed the blood through the veins, watching it flow gently at first but the longer he watched, the faster it seemed to get. He passed through the heart and almost felt burnt from the heat of it. The heat the heart generated was actually too hot, much too hot, it felt like it was burning his body from the inside, scorching his veins, threatening to consume him. The blood burned white and his veins were filled with the white, hot fire-blood that boiled and churned, threatening to burst out at any moment. He was on fire. It was too much, he was burning alive. The heat was going to kill him.

Everything suddenly went black in his mind, and a moment later he was awoken by a bucket of water being poured over his head. Sputtering, he opened his eyes to see Kotake looking down at him with a frown.

"I think Lord Ganondorf forgot to enchant your uniform with a cooling charm...you just fainted from the heat."

The Postman blinked, running a hand over his face. That certainly explained why he felt so hot...

Kotake waved a hand over him as she muttered the words to some sort of spell, and The Postman felt instant relief from the terrible desert heat.

"There, you should be a bit more comfortable now." the witch assured him. "It's a good thing your meditation was almost over or I would have made you start over."

Almost over? The Postman looked down at his watch in surprise. He'd been meditating for nearly two hours?! It had only felt like minutes!

"Here." Kotake said, thrusting a plate towards him.

Taking the plate by reflex, he looked down and saw a couple pieces of toast, hummus, and a few grapefruit segments.

"Food that's good for concentration." Kotake informed him. "This is what you'll eat every day for breakfast for the rest of your life here. There's a glass of goat's milk next to your knee."

The Postman glanced down at the somewhat lumpy milk and then at the offered breakfast. "...but I don't like grapefruit..." he commented.

Kotake gave him an unimpressed look. "Learn to like it." she snapped. "Now, I suggest you eat, because in five minutes, we begin the second part of our training. I don't want to have to listen to your stomach growling all through the rest of the morning."

Knowing it wasn't worth it to argue, The Postman thanked her for the breakfast and then picked up a piece of toast.

"You made good progress on learning to meditate today, but you still have a very long way to go." Kotake informed him. "We will try again later."

When he had finished his breakfast, Kotake then dropped an incredibly heavy book into his lap.

"For the next two hours you will study this." she told him. "I will quiz you afterwards to make sure you actually read it."

The Postman looked down at the extremely thick book, and turned it over. 'The theory of Magic' was the title with no listed author.

"I don't think I'll be able to read all this in two hours..." The Postman replied doubtfully.

Kotake gave him an unimpressed look. "Dumb child!" she scolded. "Of course you can't read all of that in two hours! You will be reading from this book every day until it's finished!"

"Oh."

"Remain in the concentration circle while you read, it will help you absorb the knowledge. I'll be back later to make sure you aren't slacking off."

"Yes, ma'am." The Postman replied, obediently opening the book to the first page.

If there was one thing The Postman was good at, it was reading long, boring textbooks. He had gotten very good marks in school because of this, and he had even memorized the handbook given out to all postmen at the beginning of their careers.

The book was very dull, with minuscule writing, but it contained some good information about the history of magic. He was not aware that magic had been a gift from the three goddesses, given out when the world was created. That's why there were three kinds of magic in the world, and why only certain people could control it.

There was green magic, a natural and gentle healing magic that couldn't be used to harm others, blue magic that brought knowledge and visions, and then red magic that was wild and powerful, and was the most common type of magic that people possessed. Sometimes creatures could wield multiple types of magic, but it was rare that the person had the correct lineage to do so. Magic was inherited and it didn't like to be mixed, but on the rare occasion that it did, the creature would then have the potential to possess two types of magic. In the odd circumstance of an individual having both green and red magic in their blood, the magics would cancel each other out, rendering the person powerless. Green could be combined with blue, blue could be combined with red, but never green with red.

Every magic user possessed one magical core, and one vein of magic that was unique to their person. In the rare case of combined magic, their vein of magic would have a swirled appearance, the two types of magics equally taking up half of the users capabilities. Someone with combined magics would never be as strong as someone with just one type of magic, since both their magic had to share the same vein.

Although parents might have magic, that did not necessarily mean their offspring would as well. They could have a dozen children with only one child inheriting any magic. Magic chose for itself who was worthy, and it could sometimes skip many generations before blessing a child with its gifts. Because of this, magic was now quite rare, and was slowly becoming extinct. During a great war to the East over a thousand years ago, an entire tribe with powerful blue magic had been slaughtered mercilessly. That war almost made blue magic go completely extinct. Even now, it was the rarest form of magic.

It was said that when one of the gifts of magic died out, the whole world would lose magic forever, a punishment from the goddesses for squandering their gift.

The Postman was now on page 42 and he noticed a handwritten scribble at the top of the page that read 'Kill me now'. Apparently he wasn't the first one Kotake had forced to read this tome.

"Your time is almost up." Kotake informed him.

The Postman jumped, not realizing she was in the room. Looking up, he saw the old woman was sitting across from him sipping a cup of tea.

"Are you enjoying the book?" she asked him.

"Yes, ma'am."

Kotake let out a snort. "Liar. So, did you learn anything interesting?"

"Well," The Postman began thoughtfully. "I wasn't aware that magic had been a gift from the goddesses. I always assumed it was simply a talent you either had or didn't have."

"What else?" Kotake pried, clearly testing to see if he actually read anything.

"When the book was talking about the three different types of magic, it got me thinking. Lord Ganondorf has red magic, doesn't he?"

Kotake nodded proudly. "He does indeed."

"And I think Princess Zelda has blue magic? That's why she has visions and why she's so wise for someone so young."

Kotake now smiled at him. "Also true." she confirmed. "Do you have any other observations?"

"The Hero of Time...he's not green magic like one would assume, his magic is red, isn't it?"

"What makes you say that?" she asked.

"Although Link is a generally kind person, the magic he uses isn't healing magic, he uses it to fight, to kill. Green magic cannot be used to hurt someone. That means Link uses destructive magic, the exact same kind as Lord Ganondorf."

Kotake gave him a nod. "You are correct." she stated. "The hero may have the Triforce of courage, but the magic he uses is the same as our king's. They are two halves of the same coin."

Kotake set her teacup aside and then rose to her feet. "Well, at least you seemed to have done as you were told. The last male minion I taught couldn't be bothered to learn anything at all. He couldn't meditate for five minutes, let alone two hours. He was a hopeless disappointment."

The Postman thought back to the scribble inside the book. Was that from the same person?

Kotake handed him a bookmark. "Take the book up to your room, and then meet me in the courtyard for your next step of training."

The Postman marked the book, and then closed it with a snap. "Yes, ma'am." he replied, getting to his feet, feeling very stiff after so long.

"And no dawdling!" Kotake warned him as he headed for the door.

"Yes, ma'am." The Postman said.

The book was incredibly heavy and The Postman bet it weighed half as much as he did. He lugged it up the flights of stairs with great difficulty, and was relieved when he was finally able to drop it down onto his bed. Wondering what training he was now expected to do, The Postman headed back down the stairs towards the courtyard.

The second he stepped outside, he was assaulted by the hot desert sun and he was glad that his clothing now had a cooling charm on it. He could see a large group of soldiers sword-training on the far end of the courtyard, and he hoped that's not what he'd be doing. Kotake was standing on the grass next to a large desert willow, so he cautiously approached, hoping she wouldn't tell him to join the soldiers nearby.

"You took too long." she scolded. "Tomorrow, be faster than that. I'm an old woman and I don't like waiting."

The Postman didn't bother answering. Kotake waved him over and then motioned towards the tree.

"You're going to use this tree as target practice." she informed him.

"Target practice for what?"

Kotake rolled her eyes. "For magic of course, dumb child! I'll be teaching you to form small amounts of energy in the palm of your hand which can be thrown. It's the easiest and most basic form magic can take."

"I can't do that." The Postman protested. "I've already explained that I don't have any magic."

"Hold out your hands like this." Kotake said, ignoring his last comment. She held her hands out in front of her, cupping them like a bowl. "All you have to do is feel the magic within you and force it into your hands like a liquid."

Letting a sigh as he knew it wouldn't work, The Postman did as he was told and imitated her. Kotake formed a very small ball of energy in the palm of her hands and then threw it towards the tree. It singed the bark of the tree, and then disappeared into nothingness.

"Now you do it." she ordered. "Just like with the meditation, picture the magic, feel the magic, and then use the magic."

The Postman did his best, but simply felt nothing at all within him. He concentrated as hard as he could on finding some sign he had magic, but after twenty minutes with no success, Kotake stopped him.

"Hmm," she said thoughtfully. "This may be harder than I thought."

She eyed him critically for a moment and then said. "Take a seat, we're going to do some more meditation."

The Postman obediently sat down, feeling like this was just a huge waste of time.

"Alright, this is a little different from before." Kotake informed him. "You're going to meditate in the same way, but this time concentrate on moving the energy to one specific place, your hands for example. Picture the magic flowing through you like a river and you just have to control the flow to where you want. Calmness is key, and keep meditating until I tell you to stop. I have a feeling we're going to be here for a while..."

The Postman found it a lot harder to concentrate because of the noise of the nearby soldiers, so he sat there for a long time, simply trying to tune them out. Breathing deeply, he wished he could do this somewhere quieter, and tried to get himself in the frame of mind to block everything out. Growing up with twelve younger brothers and sisters had given him a talent for blocking out noise, especially when he'd been studying for school. There was no such thing as a quiet space in his parent's home, and there was always chaos in every room.

Thinking back to those times, The Postman felt himself naturally slip into his concentration frame of mind, the world around him going silent and still. Picturing the same images as before, he tried to do exactly what Kotake had ordered. He pictured the heart, the blood, the magic, but he still didn't feel any different. He tried to imagine some sort of energy gathering into his hands, but nothing happened.

No one had ever possessed magic in his family, and from reading the book earlier, he knew magic was always genetic. He wasn't sure why Ganondorf and the witches seemed convinced he was hiding some kind of magic when he wasn't. Just because he was good at being a postman did not mean he had magical powers.

The Postman wasn't sure how long he sat there, but after a time he received a sharp shake to the shoulder. Opening his eyes, he looked up at Kotake who was giving him a thoughtful sort of gaze.

"That's all for today." she told him. "You are expected to meet me in the potions lab at 4am sharp tomorrow morning. Do not be late, and don't forget to bring the book."

The Postman nodded and gave a stretch, once again feeling very stiff and uncomfortable.

"You are to meet with Captain Isa at 12:15 sharp out here in the courtyard. She will take care of your afternoon training."

The Postman glanced over at the soldiers with a frown. "Yes, ma'am."

Kotake then turned and walked away, leaving him by himself. He glanced down at his watch and saw it was now ten. He was again surprised at how much time had passed. Standing to his feet, he figured that he would get a few chores done before lunch.

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The Postman spent over an hour and a half doing laundry, washing the clothes of whoever it was that shared a bathroom with him. He couldn't stand the mess, and he carefully hung up all the clean towels and clothes to dry at various places around the bathroom. Satisfied, he decided to head down to lunch before starting his afternoon training.

The Postman left the bathroom and followed after a group of Gerudo silently, hoping they were on their way to the dining hall. Wishing he could just stay in his room and avoid the training, The Postman let out a sigh. He was tired and sore and didn't feel like being around a lot of people, but knew he had no choice in the matter.

The Postman could hear a large crowd of people coming from up the hall, and a moment later he had found the dining hall. When he entered the room, almost every conversation stopped, everyone pointing and whispering at him. The Postman didn't say a word and instead got into the long lunch line. He wasn't quite sure of what he was served, but it looked similar to a runny chili. When he approached a table to take a seat, a Gerudo shooed him away.

"Only Gerudo warriors can sit here. You have to sit at the small table over there."

The Postman's eyes turned to the small table and he quickly saw it was where the younger Gerudo girls sat. There were about twenty or so young women sitting there ranging in age from about fifteen to early twenties.

Still not saying a word, The Postman took a seat in an empty chair and sighed heavily. Staring down at his plate silently, he noticed all of the Gerudo around him were still whispering. As they whispered and stared at him, he turned his attention to the strange looking food on his plate. He noticed there didn't seem to be any silverware or chopsticks on his tray, and glanced around to see what other people were doing. The women closest to him were ripping off pieces of the bread and then they dipped it into the sauce, using the bread as a spoon.

Imitating them, he tore off a small hunk of bread and scooped up a fair amount of sauce. He popped it into his mouth, chewed once and then froze. Overpowering spice that threatened to melt his tongue made him gag and it took all of his willpower not to spit the food out. Forcing himself to swallow he coughed and then gagged again, his mouth feeling like it was on fire. As he made a desperate grab for water, all the Gerudo around him began laughing. The Postman downed an entire goblet of water, and glanced around, realizing he was once again the centre of attention. He had the distinct feeling that had been what they were whispering about earlier. They were waiting to see his reaction to the spicy food.

Determined to not make a scene, The Postman tore off another piece of bread and barely touched it to the sauce before popping it into his mouth. It was still much too spicy for his liking, but at least this time he didn't gag. He wasn't used to very many spices, the only spice commonly used in the Mainlands were salt and pepper. Hylian food was known for being very bland, and The Postman had gotten used to it. The Gerudo diet was clearly very different and it would take some getting accustomed to. After mostly filling up on bread, The Postman glanced down at his watch and saw it was nearly 12:15. Putting his lunch tray back where he was supposed to, The Postman left the dining hall, heading for the courtyard for his afternoon training.

The moment he entered the courtyard, an angry looking middle-aged Gerudo with a cane descended on him. "What do you mean by coming here this time of day?" she snarled. "You're late!"

The Postman glanced at his watch. 12:13pm. "I'm not late!" he defending, feeling offended. "I don't have to be here until 12:15!"

He definitely wasn't expecting her to strike him hard across the shoulders with the cane, nearly knocking him off his feet.

"Don't you backtalk me, you worthless waste of skin! If I say you're late, then you're late! Anymore sass like that and you'll be doing drills until your legs give out! Get in line with the others!"

Annoyed, but wisely staying silent, The Postman approached the line of soldiers who were all watching the display in amusement. Standing at the very end, The Postman watched as Captain Isa limped her way back over to them, leaning heavily on the cane. One of her legs moved very stiffly and The Postman wondered if she'd been in some sort of accident, or if she'd gotten injured in one of the many wars between the Gerudo and the Hylians.

"Alright, troops," the Captain yelled out. "I'm assuming you've all rested and eaten? We're going to start off our afternoon with a 100 lap run of the courtyard."

There were instant groans of dismay from all the Gerudo.

"Enough of that!" the Captain snapped. "Any more complaints and I'll make it 200!"

Grumbling to themselves, the soldiers all turned towards the track that circled the courtyard. As they began obediently running, The Postman followed behind them, not bothered by the running at all. As a postman, all he did was run all day long, so a simple 100 lap run was nothing compared to what he did every day.

"Speed it up, girls!" Captain Isa bellowed out. "This is a run, not a casual walk with friends!"

There were more grumbles, and then the speed of the run increased. The Postman silently followed behind them, the run helping to release some of the stiffness from earlier. He noticed Adena was among the training Gerudo, but she pointedly did not look at him. When they finished the run, everyone except him was sweating and out of breath. Captain Isa instantly noticed this and approached him with narrowed eyes.

"Enjoy the run?" she asked him lightly.

Not sure how to respond, The Postman said. "Yes, ma'am."

"Good, because of your sass earlier you can do another 100 laps. Enjoy."

He heard the soldiers snickering at him, but he obediently went back to running without complaint.

"Faster than that, you waste of space, faster!"

The Postman increased his speed significantly, and she seemed satisfied and went about instructing the Gerudo to get weapons out of a nearby storage shed. When he had finished the run, he trotted over and got back in line with the soldiers. Slightly out of breath, he waited patiently for the Captain to acknowledge him to tell him what to do. When she saw him, she narrowed her eyes.

"That wasn't a hundred laps." she accused.

"It was a hundred." The Postman confirmed, earning himself another hit from the cane.

"I said, no backtalk!" she scolded angrily, as The Postman rubbed as his shoulder.

"For that, you can do another hundred laps."

This time the soldiers gave him a somewhat pitying glance. The Postman felt this was completely unfair, but still turned and once again began running. By the time he was done his three hundredth lap, he was completely out of breath and sweating hard. When he shuffled back in line, Captain Isa gave him a thoughtful look.

"Get some water out of the cooler, and then grab a weapon." she ordered him.

Grateful for the water, he headed for the nearby cooler of water and filled a large tumbler full. He downed it in one go and then refilled it, not realizing just how thirsty he was. When he got back in line, he got an impatient look.

"I told you to grab a weapon. We're sparring right now."

The Postman glanced over at the pile of weapons on the ground and then hesitantly approached to pick one out. He'd never even touched a weapon before let alone used one, and he had no idea what to choose. Selecting a random sword, he carried it back and resumed his position in line.

"You can team up with Milan for now." the Captain informed him.

"Aw, do I have to?" the Gerudo, Milan, groaned.

"Yes." Captain Isa snapped. "He has to team up with someone to learn and you're the most experienced."

Letting out a deep groan, Milan approached him and motioned him to step away from the others.

"Let's start with some parrying." she told him. "You ready?"

"What is parrying?"

"Are you serious?!" Milan exclaimed. "Have you even used a sword before?"

The Postman shook his head.

"Captain!" Milan called out in a whiny voice.

Captain Isa came over from what she was doing, giving Milan a questioning look. "What?"

"He's never even used a sword before!" she whined. "He should be learning with the children, not our group!"

"Don't question me!" the Captain snapped. "He's been placed with our group because that's what Lord Ganondorf has decided! He wouldn't be able to learn with the children anyway, because he would be too strong to practice against them."

Milan stuck her nose up at The Postman. "He doesn't look that strong to me."

"Just do as you're told, or I'll make you run extra laps." the Captain snarled. "I'm not putting up with this today."

Muttering a few curses under her breath, Milan turned her attention back to The Postman. "Hold up your sword." she ordered.

The Postman loosely held up the sword, not entirely certain what to do.

"No, no, no!" she scolded him. "Hold it like this! See how my fingers are?"

The Postman glanced at her hand and then copied her.

"Good, now lets fight." she said, lunging towards him.

"Wait, what?!" The Postman exclaimed, jumping backwards out of the way. "I can't fight you!"

"Defend yourself, maggot!" she yelled, swinging out at him.

The Postman dodged again, not even attempting to use the sword. "Wait, stop!"

Milan charged at him and The Postman used all of his speed to avoid her, the sword just narrowly missing his chest. He ran from her and she took chase, swinging at him as she did so.

"Stop!" The Postman cried out, her sword narrowly missing one of his arms.

"Stop running away, you maggot! Fight me like a warrior!"

"I'm not a warrior, I'm a postman!"

"Stay still!"

The Postman didn't really want to end up stabbed again so he continued ducking and dodging and running, not once using the sword he held. Milan was clearly growing frustrated with him, and she couldn't understand how he kept managing to avoid her attacks. Aware that everyone was watching, she stepped it up a notch, not caring if she ended up skewering him.

"Stop it, you coward!" she hissed. "Stay still and fight me!"

"No!" The Postman replied, jumping away from a swipe of her sword.

Milan stabbed at his stomach and The Postman just barely managed to dodge, losing his balance as he did so, and falling to the ground. As he scrambled to get away, he was kicked flat to the ground, Milan standing over him, sword poised for the kill. He wasn't sure whether she'd actually kill him or not, but he was definitely not taking the chance and kicked out at her, panicked.

Milan was clearly not expecting the sudden attack as the kick hit her kneecap and she fell forward, her own sword turning to stab her in the stomach. She hit the ground next to The Postman and blood instantly began to pool around her. The Postman scrambled over to her, feeling guilty and panicked.

Placing his hands over the wound, he turned his gaze to the Captain, who had seen what happened, and she charged over with a healing potion at the ready.

"Out of the way!" she ordered, elbowing The Postman away from Milan.

She knelt next to the injured Gerudo and held the potion to her lips, relieved when Milan drank. Only a moment later, Milan was completely healed and she turned murderous eyes on The Postman.

"He stabbed me!" she yelled accusingly. "He tried to kill me! He should be thrown in prison for this!"

"Shut your mouth." Captain Isa ordered. "You stabbed yourself. You've had ten years of training, and you just lost to a postman who's never even held a sword before. You should be ashamed! Clearly you need to work on your speed a bit more. Run another hundred laps around the courtyard."

"That's not fair!" she protested. "He cheated!"

Fed up, Captain Isa lashed out and struck Milan across the shoulders with her cane. "Do not question me, Milan. For your attitude, you can add a hundred pushups to that."

Milan gave The Postman such a hateful look that he actually backed away from her. She then threw her sword to the ground and turned to begin her laps. The Captain watched her go, and then turned her gaze to The Postman.

"Learn how to use a sword." she told him. "You won't always be able to run away."

The Postman gave her a nod. "Yes, ma'am."

It was then that The Postman felt the burn on his hand flare up. Glancing down at it, he saw it was lightly glowing like before.

"Er, excuse me, ma'am?"

The Captain turned back to face him. "What?"

The Postman held out his hand for her to see. "I'm being summoned."

"Then what are you waiting for?!" she scolded. "If you're summoned, you leave without hesitation. You do not make our king wait."

The Postman nodded and then turned to run out of the courtyard, glad to get out of there as fast as possible.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy!**


	10. Revenge

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 **Authornote : Friday February 10 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **WARNING! This chapter contains violence, and so if you're easily bothered by this, you might want to give it a skip.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Waterwomen1414** - **Yes, he is indeed learning new things, although he'd really rather not. lol**

 **FerretFlies \- No, The Postman isn't enjoying this at all. lol The magic from his enchanted uniform is actually blocking his instinctive use of 'invisibility' so everyone is now noticing him. He hasn't even noticed yet. lol**

 **ChangelingRin -Thank you, I'm glad you're enjoying it so far!**

 **Reiz16 \- Thanks for your support! :D**

 **Rainmy -Thank you, my dear!**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 4**

 **Revenge**

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When The Postman entered the throne room, Ganondorf was waiting for him with a bundle of letters in hand.

"I need you to take these to the outer Gerudo villages as soon as possible. In each village there is a Captain of the Gerudo army stationed there protecting the civilians. Give each Captain one of these letters and wait for their replies. I expect you to be as fast as possible getting the replies back to me. Any questions?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir."

Ganondorf held out the bundle of letters which The Postman eagerly accepted. Now, this was one task that he could do. Just as he turned to leave, Ganondorf called out to him.

"How has the training been going, Tracker?"

The Postman paused, and his expression must have shown exactly what he was thinking because Ganondorf's eyes narrowed.

"I see." the Gerudo commented. "I better not get reports of you slacking off."

"You won't, Sir." The Postman promised.

Ganondorf didn't look convinced, but waved him away all the same. As The Postman ran towards the first delivery, he really hoped Captain Isa wouldn't give him a bad report after the mess he'd made of training.

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The Postman had successfully found each Captain, and promptly got their replies to Ganondorf's letters. He had purposefully left Captain Isa until very last, and he now trudged back towards the courtyard, hoping she was in a better mood than earlier.

When he entered the courtyard, he saw Captain Isa was still training the same group of soldiers and he jogged over, letter in hand. When she saw him approaching, she paused what she was doing, and waited for him to near.

"Are you back now to continue training?" she demanded.

"No, ma'am, I'm still on business for Lord Ganondorf. He asked me to deliver this letter to you and to get a reply as soon as possible."

Captain Isa's eyes widened slightly and she quickly snatched the letter. As she read through the letter, The Postman glanced over at the soldiers. Most were watching in curiosity, but Milan was staring directly at him, hatred written across her face. The Postman quickly looked away. It seemed he was not going to be making friends with Milan any time soon...

"Give me a piece of parchment and a quill." Captain Isa ordered.

The Postman wordlessly handed her what she needed, and then patiently waited as she wrote out her reply. When she was finished, she folded the parchment up and handed it over.

"Do not read that reply, or I swear I will make you run a thousand laps tomorrow. That reply is for Lord Ganondorf's eyes only, am I understood?"

"Yes, ma'am, I understand and I won't read it." The Postman promised.

Captain Isa eyed him somewhat suspiciously. "If I find out you read it, I will make your life a living hell from now on."

"I don't read other people's letters." The Postman informed her. "It's none of my business what you write."

She gave a nod of satisfaction. "Good. Now go give that to him right away."

The Postman gave her a salute, and then turned to leave the courtyard without another word. When he got back to the throne room, Ganondorf was looking over maps, a perturbed expression on his face. He glanced up at The Postman and then motioned him over.

"You did as I ordered, Tracker? No problems?"

"No problems sir, I have all the replies."

"Good, set them on the desk."

The Postman approached the desk, and as he set down the stack of replies, he peeked at what Ganondorf was doing. The Gerudo was pouring over maps of the whole continent but many of the maps were outdated or had noticeable errors on them. Ganondorf noticed him looking and gave him an annoyed look.

"What?" he demanded.

The Postman quickly looked away. "Nothing, Sir."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "You see the problems with these maps, don't you?"

The Postman wasn't sure he should admit it, but he gave a nod. "Yes, sir. They're very outdated and some are just plain wrong."

Ganondorf nodded. "I suppose you're quite used to travelling from your previous profession."

"Yes, Sir, I travelled almost non-stop."

Ganondorf now gave The Postman an interested look. "How far have you travelled in your lifetime, postman?" he asked curiously.

"I've been almost everywhere on the continent, sir. Every town, every village."

Ganondorf gave a nod, believing him. "That's what I thought. Have you made any maps during your travels?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Mr. Ganondorf, I've never had a need for a map. I have a very good memory for places, and don't really get lost."

"Hmm, I see. Could you draw a map from your memory if I asked you to?"

Again The Postman shook his head. "Sorry, Mr. Ganondorf, I've never been much of an artist."

Ganondorf looked a bit disappointed at that, and again studied the maps in front of him. He pondered for a moment or two, and then looked back at The Postman. "Have you met any map-makers during your travels?"

"Yes, sir. I've met plenty."

Ganondorf leaned back in his chair, his expression growing thoughtful. "If I told you to find me the best map-maker there is, could you do it?"

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf." The Postman replied without hesitation.

"Are you absolutely certain about that?" Ganondorf asked. "Would you stake your career on it?"

Again The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir, I know the best map-maker in the entire continent. I delivered mail to him quite often when I was a postman."

"Don't wander too far from the castle during the next few days." Ganondorf ordered. "I may need to use you again."

"Yes, Sir."

To The Postman's surprise, Ganondorf tossed a red rupee at him.

"That's your payment for delivering those letters." Ganondorf informed him. "Be glad you're getting anything at all for such an easy task."

The Postman nodded. "Thank you, Sir."

"Now, leave me alone and go do something productive." Ganondorf said, once again turning his attention to the maps.

The Postman quietly left the throne room, and then glanced at his watch. It was after four in the afternoon, and he wondered if he should return to training or not. His shoulders were still aching from being hit, and he had no desire to be glared at by Milan for the next two hours, so he instead turned and headed back for his room.

Placing the red rupee into his pocket, he knew Ganondorf had ripped him off, considering one priority letter cost 10 rupees to have delivered through the post office, and he'd just delivered six letters with priority replies. A red rupee would buy supper at the market, so he supposed it wasn't a total loss. The spice from lunch was still upsetting his stomach and he had no desire to subject himself to that again.

Once he was to his room, he flopped down onto the bed, staring up at the ceiling tiredly. He'd been here for only a day, and already he yearned for his old life back. He was now an enemy to The Hero of Time and by extension that made him an enemy of Hyrule and the allying countries. Knowing he could never safely return, he wondered if anyone had even noticed him gone yet. Had Link already announced to everyone that he was a villain, and that he had been killed in disgrace? Did his boss know? Did his family know? Did they hate him? Were they ashamed of him?

Sighing, he closed his eyes, hoping he'd adjust to his new life in the desert. He wasn't sure what use he could be to Ganondorf, but at least he was offered a home here. Being a postman had been his entire life, and he had never bothered to learn any other life skills. He didn't even know how to make any other food besides sandwiches. He wasn't exactly the type of person to live a life of adventure and villainy.

Ganondorf had stated that he was to be his tracker, and The Postman assumed that he'd essentially be a personal messenger. At least that's what he hoped, since he didn't especially relish the idea of being thrown as bait to The Hero of Time. If he was a messenger, then at least that would give him a little bit of normalcy in his life.

Forcing himself up, The Postman decided he would explore the market a bit since he had a bit of free time.

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It was a blistering hot day, but The Postman wasn't bothered by the heat, his uniform protecting him. He casually walked through the streets, taking the time to look properly at the city around him. Realizing for the first time just how beautiful the city was, he looked at the unusual buildings and temples in curiosity. The Gerudo Nation worshipped the Goddess Din, and red banners and decorations were absolutely everywhere. You couldn't turn your head without seeing some form of tribute to Din.

By far, his favourite place was the market. The canopies above the stalls were a bright, rainbow of colours, and the air smelled strongly of spices and meat. The market was a flurry of activity and the stalls carried many things he'd never seen before. He took his time and explored the stalls, buying a few things here and there.

The night before when he'd made a quick trip to the market, it had been nearly dark, and he hadn't really looked around that much. He'd bought a few essentials and promptly made his way back to the castle. Now, he was buying things that he hadn't had time to before, and was quite enjoying himself.

He bought himself some light, loose-fitting clothing for casual wear, and items such as soap, razor and toothbrush. He wasn't quite sure what the difference between a men's razor and a women's razor was, but he'd soon find out. At first, the vendors tried to take advantage of the fact he was a foreigner, but they quickly found out The Postman spoke their language fluently. He drove a hard bargain, refusing to pay full price, and most of the Gerudo weren't quite sure what to make of him. Most settled on being mildly amused.

As The Postman continued exploring the market, he began to notice something about the Gerudo. All of the people he saw seemed happy, and content. There were children fearlessly laughing and playing out in the streets, and small groups of mothers watching on, grinning mischievously as they gossipped with one another. There were no signs of poverty or starvation anywhere. It was almost as if the people weren't even aware of the war going on. This wasn't the sort of home he'd have expected Ganondorf to have, or the type of people to blindly follow him. Everyone seemed so...normal, so peaceful. What a contrast to the people of Hyrule who rarely even let their children out to play for fear they'd go missing.

"What are you looking at?" an old woman asked him, curiously.

"The people." The Postman replied.

"People-watching is good for the soul." the woman replied. "All day, every day I watch as people come and go. It passes the time quite nicely."

The Postman glanced over at her and saw she was a vendor at some sort of food stall.

"You buying anything?" she asked.

More to be polite than anything, The Postman approached to see what she was selling. She was selling several flavours of hummus, different breads and some kind of spiced meat.

"Best hummus in the desert." she boasted. "In my younger days I was the head chef for Lord Ganondorf himself!"

The Postman was indeed hungry, but was cautious after his disastrous lunch. "Is everything spicy?" he asked.

The old woman rolled her eyes. "You mainlanders can never handle a little spice." she commented. "But no, nothing here is overly spicy. The meat only has mild desert spices for flavour."

The Postman nodded, not sure whether he believed her. "What would you recommend?" he asked.

"Get a meal. It comes with bread, hummus, meat and dessert. It's the best value for your money and it's what the soldiers from the castle usually get."

"How much?" he asked.

"A red."

The Postman felt too guilty to haggle with an old woman so he handed over the red rupee with no fuss. She bagged up his food and then handed it over, giving him an odd look.

"What exactly is it that you do?" she asked. "You don't really seem like the type of person that usually gets contracted..."

"I'm a Tracker." The Postman replied.

"What is a tracker?" she asked in interest.

"Um, a fancy title for a postman...I think."

The old woman seemed rather disappointed at that. "Oh. Well, good luck, I suppose. Be sure to come back and let me know how you liked the food."

The Postman thanked her and then began the short trek back to the castle. He had every intention of cleaning a bit more, and then hiding for the rest of the night in his room. He just hoped training would be a bit better the next day...

* * *

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* * *

Training was not better the next day. He showed up at four sharp to begin his magical training and was made to repeat the exact same routine as the day before. No matter how hard he concentrated, or how much instruction he received, he still showed no signs of magical abilities. Where there should have been the warmth of magic, he felt nothing at all. The witches seemed confused over this, but told him not to worry, that sometimes all it took was a little patience. The Postman felt like it was just a big waste of everyone's time.

He did more cleaning during his mid-day break, finally satisfied his room was liveable, and then reluctantly headed to the courtyard to start his physical training. This time he made sure to arrive a few minutes early, and like the day before, Captain Isa seemed to be in a foul food. She barked at them to begin running laps, and everyone was quick to obey, less they earn her wrath.

As they started on the laps, The Postman noticed the glares Milan kept shooting him from over her shoulder. Apparently she was still upset over yesterday's accident...

They were about halfway done their laps, when Milan slowed her pace until she was beside him. Casting a glance to make sure The Captain wasn't paying attention, she leaned over next to his ear.

"You don't belong here." she hissed at him. "You're nothing but a blemish on this nation."

The Postman simply looked at her. If he could return to being a postman, he would do it in a heartbeat. He didn't exactly have much choice in the matter, however.

Milan clearly took offense at his lack of response, and without warning, elbowed him as hard as she could in the stomach. Caught completely by surprise by the unexpected pain, The Postman tripped over his own feet and landed right on top of her, knocking them both flat to the ground in an undignified heap.

Captain Isa was hovering over them almost instantly. "What do you two klutzes think you're doing?!" she snarled, striking out at them with her cane. "Stop fooling around and get back to training!"

"He tripped me!" Milan protested, shoving The Postman off of her.

The Captain struck her a second time. "No excuses! Get up, the both of you!"

"But it's his fault!" Milan cried. "I was just minding my own business!"

Captain Isa struck her a third time, and this time Milan let out a strangled yelp.

"For your sheer clumsiness, you both get an extra hundred laps."

The Postman and Milan got back to their feet, and The Captain gave them a hard shove to get them moving.

"Start running or I'll make it an extra two hundred laps!" she threatened.

That got Milan moving and she shoved The Postman out of her way to start running, her expression absolutely thunderous. The Postman followed behind her, making sure to keep his distance. When they had finally finished their laps, everyone else was already partnered up for combat training.

"You two, grab a weapon and partner up with each other!" Captain Isa ordered.

The Postman and Milan exchanged a long, silent look. Milan then gave him an almost gleeful look and picked up a sword. Then, without waiting for him to get his own weapon, she charged at him. She swung the sword at his abdomen, and he barely managed to roll out of the way in time. The Postman reached for whatever was closest, and his hands closed around a small, metal shield. He threw it up just in time to block another attack. There was a shower of sparks as the sword made contact and Milan bounced back, not expecting it. When she saw the shield, she let out a snort.

"Bad choice, maggot-breath. You've already lost this fight."

Milan brought the sword down as hard as she could against the shield, and because The Postman didn't know how to properly hold it, it was knocked from his hands, hurting both of his wrists. Milan then kicked him down to the ground and held up her sword for the kill.

Milan could have easily killed him right then and there, but she showed a bit of self-restraint and instead hit him with the flat of her sword. It still really hurt, and The Postman curled himself into the fetal position, just hoping not to die. Milan hit him a second time and then a third, now drawing The Captain's attention.

"Get up and defend yourself!" she ordered, angrily. "The enemy won't show mercy, so don't put yourself in a vulnerable situation! Get up!"

The Postman winced at the pain, and then rolled away from Milan, trying to get back to his shield. He rolled back to his feet and began running, dodging Milan's swings to the best of his ability. Despite being covered in bruises from head to toe, he was still faster than her and managed to grab a hold of his shield. He jumped away from Milan's next attack and then continued running.

"Stop running, you coward!" Milan ordered. "Fight back!"

"No!" The Postman protested.

Milan was wheezing from trying to catch him and she was getting angrier and angrier.

"So help me, if you don't stop running, I'm going to skewer you!" she threatened. "I'll cut off one of your legs!"

"Start fighting back, Tracker." The Captain warned. "I'll let her do it, if you don't start defending yourself."

The Postman ran and dodged, not sure how he was going to get out of this. He had no idea what he was doing and it didn't seem like anyone was planning on showing him. Captain Isa was watching the whole thing with a critical eye, and he wondered if she really would let Milan stab him.

"Fight back!" The Captain bellowed. "Fight, or Lord Ganondorf will hear about your disobedience!"

Desperate, and not sure what else to do, The Postman turned and threw the shield as hard as he could at Milan. Neither he nor Milan were expecting it to actually make contact, and Milan's head was struck, an awful cracking sound filling the air. She froze mid-step, and it was as if her skull had split open, blood pouring from the wound in streams. She wavered for a moment, and then fell back, unconscious.

"Oh, no, not again!" The Postman cried, hurrying over to her. "I'm so sorry! It was an accident!"

Captain Isa charged over with a healing potion and knelt next to Milan, tipping her head back so the potion could be poured down her throat. The Postman watched apprehensively, hoping he hadn't just killed her. The wound was terrible looking and broken pieces of skull could be seen among the blood. When the potion was gone, The Postman leaned over Milan, watching and hoping the potion wasn't too late to save her.

For several long seconds nothing happened, but then, to his relief, the head-wound began closing and healing. It was only seconds later when Milan opened her eyes and sat up.

"Milan, I'm really sorry!" The Postman immediately apologized. "I didn't mean to hurt you, it was an accident!"

Captain Isa shoved The Postman out of her way. "MILAN!" the woman bellowed furiously. "That's two days in a row you were defeated by an untrained, weak postman! That was my last healing potion and the new supply won't be finished until the weekend! What a waste!"

Milan looked both furious and ashamed at the same time.

"Not only did you lose twice to a civilian, but you were just defeated by an unarmed civilian! You can't get any more pathetic than that! You've been training since the age of ten, but clearly you're not cut out for this!"

The other warriors began laughing and pointing at them, and Milan's face flushed red.

"You are an embarrassment to my division, and I'm ashamed to call you one of my warriors. If you don't start shaping up, you'll never be allowed to serve Lord Ganondorf as a warrior."

Milan looked almost ready to cry, but she stubbornly held back her tears, looking beyond humiliated.

"It was my fault." The Postman tried to explain. "It was an accident."

"You actually did better than I expected." Captain Isa commented, sparing him a glance. "Continue training with the others."

The Captain turned her attention back to Milan. "You will run another two hundred laps, do one hundred pushups, and practice your sparing for an hour late every day for a month. Do I make myself clear?"

Milan swallowed the lump in her throat, and mutely nodded. She turned her eyes to The Postman and her gaze was so full of hate, that The Postman knew that he just made a serious enemy.

Adena let out a low whistle at all the drama. "Captain Isa just gave you the highest of compliments." she whispered to him the moment he neared. "Better bask in it, because it'll probably never happen again."

The Postman didn't answer, his eyes still on Milan, getting a very bad feeling about this.

* * *

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* * *

The Postman had gone to the market once again after training, and his room was now somewhat furnished. It had taken a few trips to carry everything he needed, but he now felt confident that his room was acceptable. He'd gotten supper from the old hummus lady, and spent the rest of the evening relaxing in his room.

He had new sheets, a new pillow and was curled up fast asleep, and very comfortable. He did not hear his bedroom door open, and he did not wake when someone crossed the room towards him. He did wake however, when he was suddenly grabbed by the throat and jerked up into a sitting position. He felt a knife pressed to his face, and the grip on his neck tightened until he could barely breathe. His eyes snapped open in a panic, and in the darkness he could just make out the shape of a woman.

His eyes widened in terror, and The Postman didn't dare move as she pressed the knife hard enough to draw blood. At the fear she saw in his eyes, she gave him a smirk, her teeth glinting in the darkness.

"I don't know how you came to be favoured by Lord Ganondorf, but you will never be one of us." Milan snarled into his face. "You are lower than scum and are not welcome to live here! You humiliated me in front of everyone and I will make you pay for that!"

The Postman gave a slight wheeze, and clawed at her hand, certain he was going to be strangled.

"I could kill you right now." Milan hissed. "It would be so easy, and no one would even care."

The Postman began to struggle, and the Gerudo gave him one last sneer before releasing him. The Postman gasped for air, and he thought she was going to leave, but instead she lashed out with her fist, hitting him squarely in the face. As he reeled from the unexpected pain, she hit him again and again as hard as she could, bloodying his entire face. The Postman kicked and struggled, but he couldn't get away from her.

Not through with him yet, she then grabbed a hold of his hair and dragged him out of bed, and began laying her boots to him, not caring that he had curled up in an attempt to protect himself. She kicked and stomped on him mercilessly until he went limp, and then finally she backed away. Barely able to see out of his swollen eyes, The Postman looked up at her as she stood over him, ugly expression twisting her face.

"I suggest you stay out of my sight, and stop showing me up, or I'm going to come back and castrate you in your sleep. You are below me, and you will respect me. You shouldn't even be here, you worthless disease, and I will make sure you get exactly what's coming to you. You won't be favoured by Lord Ganondorf when I'm through with you. You'll be executed like the rat you are."

She gave him another hard stomp on the chest, and there was the loud crack of ribs.

"No one embarrasses me and gets away with it. You ever do that to me again, maggot-breath, and I'll end you."

Then, without another word, Milan swept out of the room, slamming the door after her. As The Postman lay bleeding on the floor, fighting to breathe, his one thought was that he needed to invest in a doorlock.

* * *

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* * *

The Postman was very late that morning getting to Koume and Kotake's potions lab. It had taken him a long time to get up off the floor, his injured limbs not wanting to obey him. He seemed to be bleeding from everywhere, and as he made his way down to the bathroom, to clean up, he left a trail of blood behind him.

He ran himself a warm bath, and got in, hoping he didn't accidentally drown himself if he passed out. The water quickly turned red, but the heat made his bruised and torn muscles feel a lot better. He was only in the bath for a few minutes, when someone tried the doorhandle. The Postman felt his breath catch in his throat in fear, thinking Milan had followed him.

"Are you kidding me?!" yelled out a voice. "Again?!"

The Postman relaxed. It was the other person he shared the bathroom with. He heard the other man curse and then storm away, luckily not trying to break in like he had before. The Postman doubted he would have been able to get up anyway. He simply laid there in the bloody water for hours until he finally felt like he could move again. The man had been back twice at the bathroom door, and had threatened to pick the lock the next time he came back if he didn't hurry up.

Placing a hand over the wounds on his stomach, The Postman slowly sat up with a wince. He was still horribly injured and he carefully got to his feet, trying not to damage himself any further. Grimacing at the pain as he stepped out of the bath, he took a deep breath then reached for a towel. Wrapping it around himself, he glanced at the bloody bath and then started the arduous task of cleaning the blood from every surface in the bathroom.

When he finally limped his way out of the bathroom, it was already nearly five in the morning. Feeling bad about the smears of blood he'd left leading back to his room, he figured he would clean it later when he had more time. It took him longer than it should have to put on his uniform, every inch of him in agony. When he went to pick up the Theory of Magic book, he couldn't lift it. His arms were much too bruised and swollen to support the weight of the huge book. Knowing he was going to be in a lot of trouble over this, The Postman headed down to the witches' lab without it.

The second he opened the door to the lab, both witches descended on him angrily, each grabbing him by an ear.

"Do you have any idea what time it is?" Koume scolded. "An hour late for your training! Lord Ganondorf will be hearing about this, you whelp!"

The Postman winced as his ears were twisted and then Kotake started on him. "And where is your textbook?" she demanded.

"Um, well, I-"

She gave his ear a good pull. "You forgot to bring it! You struck me as such a responsible young man, but clearly I was mistaken! You are going to march right back upstairs and get your textbook, and then you will be staying an extra hour to make up for your missed time. Lord Ganondorf will not be pleased with you, I can say that much!"

Both witches released his ears unexpectedly at the same time, and he fell backwards onto his bottom, grimacing at the pain it caused.

"Hurry up!" Koume ordered, crossing her arms.

"You have five minutes." Kotake added.

The Postman slowly struggled back to his feet, his limbs protesting his every movement. The twins watched him critically, thinking he was just being obstinate and purposely moving as slowly as possible.

"I think we need to be harder on him, Koume."

"I agree, Kotake. The brat is now showing his true colours."

"Let's take him to Lord Ganondorf to be dealt with. Maybe that will teach him to have a little respect for his teachers!"

Koume reached out to take him by the wrist, but he let out a shrill yelp and pulled his arm away from her. Both women blinked at him, and then really looked at him. Although he was almost completely covered by his uniform, a scrape on his chin caught their attention. Kotake gave him a poke in the ribs and he let out another yelp, stepping back away from her.

"Take off your mask." Kotake ordered.

"Lord Ganondorf said I'm not supposed to..."

"We already know what you look like." Koume pointed out. "Besides, that rule doesn't apply to Gerudo, just foreigners."

The Postman didn't really have the will to fight about it, so he reached up and removed the mask without a word. The twins' eyes widened at the sight of his bruised and bloody face and then they exchanged a silent look with one another.

"Take off your shirt." Koume ordered. "I want to see how badly you're hurt."

The Postman very carefully pulled off his shirt, making a face at the pain it caused. The witches stared at the horrendous bruises and gashes that covered his entire chest and back, and Kotake very hesitantly reached out a hand to touch the worst of the bruises. The Postman flinched away from her.

"Lose the pants too." Koume ordered.

"But-"

"Now." Kotake ordered, her voice not leaving room for negotiation.

Feeling resigned and not having the energy to fight, The Postman did as he was told, now standing in nothing but his underpants. His legs were as equally damaged, and the twins wondered how he even standing.

"Did Lord Ganondorf do this to you as punishment for something?" Kotake asked him gravely.

The Postman shook his head no.

"Who did this to you then?" Kotake demanded.

The Postman averted his eyes. If he started tattling on the Gerudo warriors, life would go downhill very fast for him.

"Tell us who did this." Koume ordered, narrowing her eyes.

The Postman didn't answer.

"If you won't tell us who did it, we can't help you." Kotake informed him. "Was it a Gerudo?"

Feeling awkward about being stared at by two little old ladies while in his underpants, he crossed his arms self-consciously, remaining silent. The twins exchanged another look with one another.

"Sit down over here." Koume ordered. "I'm going to get a healing potion from my stores."

Kotake sat him down on one of the beds in the corner of the room and looked him over with a frown. "Does it hurt to breathe?" she asked him.

The Postman nodded.

"By the bruising on your chest, you might have a few broken ribs." she told him. "Whatever did you do to earn yourself such a beating?"

The Postman didn't answer, instead looking down at the floor.

A moment later, Koume returned empty-handed and upset. "I forgot that I sent out the whole batch of healing potions to the warriors in the east village. I'll have to brew a new batch."

"He's bleeding internally." Kotake informed her sister.

Koume looked over at him with a frown. "Lay down, I'm going to get you something for the pain. Try not to move."

Kotake grabbed a nearby blanket and wrapped it around him, forcing him to lay down. "I really wish you'd tell me who did this." she told him.

When he said nothing, she let out a deep sigh. Only seconds later, Koume was back with a small vial of yellow potion.

"Here." she said thrusting it over to him. "For the pain."

The Postman accepted it without complaint and swallowed down the foul-tasting potion. The reaction was instantaneous and The Postman collapsed back onto the pillow, unconscious.

"That was not a pain relief potion." Kotake observed, giving him a poke.

"No, it was a strong sedative." her sister confirmed. "He might not live long enough to see a healing potion, and he'd just be in terrible pain the whole time. This way it is more merciful if he dies."

Kotake nodded. "I will have to inform Lord Ganondorf about this. He has high hopes for this one, and he's going to be very angry..."

Koume nodded. "I will start on the healing potion."

Grabbing her cane, Kotake hobbled her way out the door, heading for Ganondorf's throne room. Rapping on the door with her cane, Kotake entered without waiting for a response. Ganondorf looked up, at first annoyed, but then his expression turned puzzled at the sight of her.

Kotake gave him a bow. "My Lord, something has happened that needs your immediate attention."

Ganondorf stood up without hesitation, trusting her absolutely. "What is it?" he asked.

"Please come with me to my lab. This is a matter that should not be discussed in the open."

Furrowing his brow, he followed her without question. If Kotake said it was serious, then he believed her. Once they were back to the lab, Kotake shut the door, her expression very dour.

"What is it?" Ganondorf asked.

Without a word she pointed to The Postman. Ganondorf glanced to where she was pointing and his eyebrows rose in surprise at the sight of The Postman. He approached the bedside and frowned down at the smaller man.

"What happened to him?" he asked.

Kotake let out a snort. "I think that should be obvious." she retorted, pulling aside the blanket so Ganondorf could see the extent of the damage.

Ganondorf's eyes trailed over the bruises and lacerations, quickly seeing how serious the injuries were. "Who did this?" he demanded.

"He won't say." Kotake replied.

"It was obviously a Moblin." Ganondorf stated. "Disgusting creatures can't be trusted."

"A Moblin?" Kotake questioned. "I think not."

With that, she rolled The Postman onto his side showing a large bruise that was an exact imprint of a military style boot. There was no denying that it had been a Gerudo.

"He had to have done something that warranted it." Ganondorf stated. "No Gerudo would ever beat such a pathetic creature, unless he deserved it in some way."

"What could he have done that deserved being beaten to the brink of death? He's only been here for three days."

"That is what we'll have to find out." Ganondorf stated. "He was given my protection when he entered my employment, and no one had a right to harm him without my prior permission. This attack on my Tracker is an attack against me. I'm sure the Gerudo had a valid reason to beat him the way she did, but we'll have to find out who it was to get the whole story."

"In all honesty, if she did this, do you think she'll tell the truth?" Kotake asked.

"I will always take the word of a Gerudo over a foreigner." Ganondorf snapped. "He's just a dumb little Terminian who overstepped his bounds. None of my Gerudo warriors would ever go against me."

Kotake was skeptical. To her, The Postman had seemed like a quiet, gentle sort of person. Unless he was keeping his true self very well hidden, she had her doubts.

"Has a healing diagnostic spell been done on him yet?" Ganondorf demanded.

From the other side of the room, Koume spoke up. "Yes, Lord Ganondorf. The results are written on the parchment near the bed."

Ganondorf glanced over at the bedside table and snatched up the piece of parchment. His eyes scanned over it and his expression darkened at the results.

"Have The Thief questioned, and make sure he didn't have anything to do with this."

"Yes, my Lord."

"Why has he not been given a healing potion yet? He's practically dead."

Koume spoke up once more. "Bad timing, my Lord. I just sent the whole batch of healing potions to the military. I have to brew a new batch."

Ganondorf glanced back down at The Postman. "That will take hours." he stated.

"It will." she confirmed.

Ganondorf gave The Postman a long, thoughtful look. "Does he show potential in magic?" he questioned.

Kotake nodded. "Yes, Lord Ganondorf. He's surprisingly intelligent for a foreigner. He has been studying hard and has been meditating very well. I expect we'll be seeing his magic emerge at any time now."

"Any signs of what type of magic he has?"

Kotake shook her head. "Not yet, my Lord, although from his disposition and the instinctual magic he uses, I would guess at him having either green or blue magic."

Ganondorf nodded. "I would have preferred red, but blue could be useful as well, especially if he has psychic abilities. I don't have much use for green."

"It's still too early to tell for sure." Kotake said. "The Thief had great potential too, but it never amounted to anything."

Ganondorf stared down at The Postman, his gaze taking in each and every bruise and cut with a critical eye. "Find him a fairy." he said at last. "Someone in the castle must have one. Announce among the soldiers that I have ordered it, and that they are to turn in any fairies in their possession."

"Is he worth a fairy?" Koume asked a bit skeptically. "Fairies are getting rarer these days."

"That remains to be seen." Ganondorf replied. "Give him a fairy and find out who did this to him. I want a report as soon as possible."

"Yes, Lord Ganondorf. I will do so at once." Kotake promised.

* * *

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* * *

Adena stared at the bloody smears that covered the hallway outside her room, and glanced towards The Postman's bedroom door with a furrowed brow. She had heard the commotion next door early that morning, but didn't get involved, figuring it was none of her business. When the beating went on for an uncomfortable amount of time however, she eventually peered out her door, wondering if she should tell someone. Just because she'd decided to dislike The Postman, didn't mean she wanted him beaten to death only a few feet away from her.

Just as she was debating on what to do, The Postman's door opened and she saw Milan step out, her hands covered in blood, looking very satisfied with herself. She never saw Adena watching her and left without once looking back. Glad it was over with, Adena went back inside her room, not realizing just how badly hurt The Postman was. Hours later, she now stared at the blood-soaked hallway, suddenly getting a very bad feeling about it.

Hoping she wouldn't find him dead, she knocked on his bedroom door. When there was no answer, she tried the knob and found it unlocked.

"Hello?" she called out. "Waste Of Space? Are you in here?"

Cautiously peering into the room, her eyes widened at the amount of blood everywhere. It looked like a rabid animal had gone on a murder spree. The Postman, however, was nowhere to be found. Backing out, she closed the door and stared down the hallway in the direction of the blood smears. Biting her bottom lip uncertainly, she followed the trail of blood down several flights of stairs to the men's bathroom. She stared at the closed door, once again hoping The Postman wasn't laying in there dead.

She knocked on the door, and when there was no reply, she opened the door and peeked inside. The bathroom was completely empty and the only sign The Postman had been there was the bloody towel left in the hamper.

"So you're the one that's been using my bathroom!" came an accusing voice. "You were in there for like three hours this morning!"

Adena glanced over at the angry man that stood behind her, glaring at her with his arms crossed.

"Out of my way, moron." she snapped. "I don't have time for you today."

"But you had time for a three hour long bath?!" He retorted. "And why are you using my bathroom, anyway? Get tired of being a girl, and want to join the awesome side of humanity?"

Adena gave him a scathing look. "You are such an idiot."

Without another word, she pushed passed him and headed back for her room. That's when she saw someone knocking on her bedroom door.

"Hey, Iris." Adena greeted. "Anything wrong?"

The woman turned and gave her a wave. "I'm actually here on business." she replied. "Lord Ganondorf has ordered a search for a fairy. Anyone who has one is to surrender it immediately. There's a rumour going around that someone's been hurt really badly."

Adena frowned. "I don't have a fairy." she answered honestly.

"Yeah, we haven't had much luck finding one." Iris replied. "Hopefully whoever it is can hold on until we find one."

A sudden thought struck Adena and she smirked in cruel satisfaction. "I know who does have one though."

"Oh, really?" Iris asked, eagerly. "Who is it?"

"Milan has one. She's been keeping it as a pet."

Iris gave her an uncertain look. "Legend? She's not going to want to give up Legend. She's had that fairy for years! She caught it when she was like eight years old!"

Adena's smile became all the more devious. "She's the one responsible for this, so it's only fair she's the one to fix it."

"She did this? She nearly killed someone? Who was it?"

Adena pointed to The Postman's closed bedroom door. "The Tracker."

Iris wrinkled her nose. "What a waste of a fairy." she commented.

"That's what makes this all the more fun. She's going to have an absolute tantrum when her fairy gets taken away."

Iris thought about it and then shared Adena's grin. "Ok, let's do it! I never liked that stuck-up know-it-all anyway."

Without another word, the two soldiers sped off in the direction of Milan's room in wing C.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Let's see if we can get 6 reviews for this chapter. If we make it, I'll post a bonus chapter this Sunday to celebrate! Woohoo! :D :D**


	11. First Mission

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 **Authornote: Wednesday** **February 15 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Not too much to say about this chapter, but I hope you all enjoy it!**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews everyone, they're greatly appreciated. :D**

 **FerretFlies \- Milan is indeed going to cause many problems for The Postman. Ganondorf has a lot of prejudice for non-Gerudo, so I wouldn't count on much help from him. lol Ah, yes, the bathroom guy, he will be around to annoy for a long time yet. ;)**

 **Reiz16 \- Noooo, you're not supposed to like Milan! She's the bad guy. LMAO**

 **Rainmy -I missed him too! This story is never complete without that shifty jerk. haha Don't worry, Milan won't get away with this forever. ;)**

 **Guest \- (cracks knuckles) Yes, Milan needs to be dealt with. lol**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 5

First Mission

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The moment The Postman opened his eyes, a spoonful of foul tasting potion was shoved into his mouth. Coughing at the horrible taste, he sat up, realizing he was no longer in any pain. Koume was standing over him, eyeing him critically, and still holding the disgusting potion.

"What was that?" The Postman demanded, wiping at his tongue in disgust.

"Truth potion." she responded, unapologetically. "I knew you probably wouldn't agree to take it, so I took matters into my own hands."

The Postman looked down at himself, and saw no evidence he'd ever been harmed. "Thank you for healing me." he said genuinely.

"It is the Gerudo soldiers Adena and Iris you should be thanking. They found a fairy for you, otherwise you would have died. You're extremely lucky."

"I'll be sure to thank them." The Postman said.

"I have some questions I need to ask you." Koume said. "Depending on your answers, you may find yourself in a lot of trouble."

The Postman frowned. "Why? What have I done?"

"That remains to be seen." she replied. "Now, repeat this sentence exactly as I say to test the truth potion. Koume is only twenty years old, and very beautiful."

The Postman raised an eyebrow. "Koume is only-" he suddenly stopped talking, unable to finish the sentence.

Koume gave him a wide smile. "Perfect."

The Postman had a very bad feeling about this. "How long does this last?" he asked.

Koume shrugged. "Ten, maybe twenty minutes."

The Postman relaxed.

"Alright, let's get started." Koume said, giving him a serious look. "Did you purposefully attempt to harm a Gerudo?"

"No."

"Did you attempt to touch a Gerudo inappropriately?"

"No!" The Postman cried, looking aghast. "Of course not! I wouldn't do that!"

Koume now seemed to relax, her expression less severe. "Did you flirt with any Gerudo?'

"No."

"Did you stare at a Gerudo for any prolonged period of time, thinking inappropriate thoughts about her?"

The Postman crinkled his nose. "No."

"What did you do to earn that beating?"

The Postman didn't look like he wanted to answer, but he was compelled to. "There were a couple accidents during training and she got hurt. She was very embarrassed over it and blames me for everything that happened."

"Did you deserve the beating?"

The Postman hesitated. "No, at least not to that extent. I can understand why she was upset, but it didn't warrant what she did."

"Interesting. What is the first thing you want to do once I let you out of here?" Koume asked, wondering if he was planning on seeking revenge.

"I'm buying a doorlock." The Postman answered. "A sturdy one."

"Hmm. Do you hate the person who hurt you?"

The Postman shook his head. "No. I don't hate anyone..." he frowned as he was forced to add. "...other than my great uncle Leid, who I hope burns to death in Din's fire."

"Why do you hate your great uncle that much?" she asked.

The Postman gave a shrug. "I can't remember, but I know I hate him."

Mildly curious about that, Koume gave a nod, realizing there was definitely more to The Postman than she thought. She didn't pry however, and replied. "Alright."

Koume then set aside the potion and fixed him with stern look."Now, I need to know who it was that beat you. Will you say?"

"I don't want to say." The Postman responded, shaking his head.

"Why?" the witch demanded.

"I don't want to get a reputation for tattling." The Postman answered, unable to say anything other than the truth.

Koume hummed. "Understandable." she acknowledged. "But Lord Ganondorf has ordered you to tell us who did this, so you have no choice. Now, tell me the name."

"I don't want to make my life here any harder than it needs to be." The Postman said. "One person who hates me is better than three hundred."

"It will be Lord Ganondorf that will be making your life difficult if you don't do as you're told."

The Postman clamped his mouth shut and silently shook his head.

Koume let out a sigh. "Fine, it's up to you. Tell me though, do you like it here?"

"No." The Postman slapped his hands over his mouth as Koume laughed at him.

"Truth potion." she reminded, amused. "Why don't you like it here?"

"I'm homesick and I miss being a postman."

"You'll get over that, you've only been here three days." she assured him. "So, now for a very important question, Tracker. Do you think I'm pretty?"

The Postman's eyes widened and he clenched his teeth closed, both hands slapped over his mouth so that he couldn't answer. Koume cackled evilly, and she gave him a pat on the head.

"I'm only joking, child. I'm 400 years old, I know I'm not going to win any beauty contests. You don't have to answer that."

The Postman visibly relaxed.

The door to the lab opened, and Kotake entered. When she saw The Postman sitting up, she seemed somewhat relieved. "Oh good, you're awake. You're very behind in your training."

To Koume she said. "No need to question him, sister, the culprit has been found. The soldier Adena witnessed Milan leaving the Tracker's room covered in blood."

Koume narrowed her eyes. "I should have known."

"Milan was having the mother of all temper tantrums, when I approached to question her. I could hear her screaming from three floors away. Apparently it was her fairy that was used to heal the Tracker."

"Well-deserved I say." Koume commented. "I was just about to get her name from this one any way. He's been dosed up with truth potion."

Kotake flashed The Postman a surprised look. "What have you found out?"

"That he is completely innocent in all this."

Kotake nodded. "When questioned, Milan admitted to the whole thing. She claimed it was self-defence, that he had attacked her first."

Koume shook her head. "A lie."

Kotake frowned, and said nothing. "Lord Ganondorf has already pardoned her."

"I've never liked that girl." Koume commented. "She has an overinflated sense of entitlement."

"Well, she is Lord Ganondorf's niece...royalty do tend to have a certain sense of entitlement."

Koume snorted. "That doesn't give her the right to be so rude though. She once made fun of my big nose right to my face!"

"Wasn't she only seven years old when she did that?"

"Whatever. I still don't like her."

"The Thief made fun of your nose just last week."

"Yes, but he's an idiot, Milan has no excuse other than being spoiled."

The Postman stared down at the floor. Milan was Ganondorf's niece? There was no way Ganondorf would make her leave him alone. It wouldn't surprise him if he got in trouble over the whole thing. He was doomed...

The Postman was abruptly cut out of his thoughts when Kotake dropped The Theory of Magic book on his lap.

"You're excused from physical training today, but you're to sit there and read for the rest of the day." Kotake informed him. "At least some good will come of today."

"Yes, ma'am, but, um...do you suppose I can have my clothes back first?"

"They're on the floor beside the bed." Koume informed him. "You'd better study extra hard to make up for all the inconvenience you caused today."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

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Just as he said he would, the first thing The Postman did when he left the lab was to buy a heavy deadbolt from the market, and the tools to fasten it with. In fact, he bought four deadbolts, just to be sure no one would be getting in his room. He also purchased a padlock so no one could enter his room when he wasn't there. After fastening all five locks to his door, he felt confident that he'd now be safe at nighttime.

Now that the important tasks were taken care of, The Postman stepped out into the hallway and approached Adena's door. He gave a hesitant knock, and a moment later she opened the door, immediately giving him a grouchy look.

"What?" she demanded. "I'm busy."

"I just wanted to thank you for earlier." The Postman told her earnestly.

"I didn't do anything." she snapped. "Don't know what you're talking about."

Without another word, she slammed the door in his face. The Postman blinked, and then turned away. Well, that could have gone better...

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Ganondorf scowled as he flipped through another inaccurate map. How was he expected to come up with decent plans when half the information he had was wrong? He needed to do something about this Immediately.

He'd been given word that The Postman had made a full recovery, and although it had only been two days, he decided he would test his newest minion's usefulness.

Sending a summons through the magic that bound The Postman to him, he waited. He didn't have to wait long, The Postman bursting through the door only minutes later. He made a mental note to order The Postman to learn how to knock in the future. His constant barging into rooms was beginning to irritate him.

"Did you mean what you said about being able to locate the best mapmaker on the continent?" Ganondorf demanded, the moment The Postman neared.

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf." The Postman replied.

"How long would it take you to find him?"

The Postman pondered a moment, and then replied. "Not long, he's in Clocktown, so a just a couple days to get there and back."

"Good," Ganondorf replied with a nod. "You're now going to prove to me you were worth saving. I want you to find the map-maker, and bring him to me. This mission is completely top secret, so you're to speak to absolutely no one besides Gerudo. Pretend you can't speak the language if anyone on the mainland speaks to you."

"Can I speak to the map-maker?" The Postman questioned.

"Yes, as long as you don't tell him any vital information. Tell him any lies you need to, use force if you need to, just get him here. He doesn't need to know the truth about who he's going to work for."

"Force, Sir?" The Postman questioned, looking down at himself. "I'm not exactly a very strong person..."

"You'll figure it out."

The Postman frowned. "Yes, Sir."

"I need that map-maker as soon as possible, so you're to take my fastest horse. He'll get you there within hours."

The Postman hesitated. "I don't know how to ride a horse, Sir, I'd much rather travel by foot..."

"Tough," Ganondorf snapped. "I'll have someone teach you to ride."

Looking uncertain at the thought of riding a horse, The Postman gave Ganondorf a hesitant nod.

"I'm going to dispel the enchantment on your uniform that's blocking your invisibility charm. Although your wild magic's not perfect, it will make you somewhat less noticeable to commoners. Keep in mind, however, that your powers will attract the attention of magic users. Only common creatures will ignore you."

The Postman let out a sigh. How many times did he have to tell people that he didn't have any powers?

"Alright, now get out of my sight, and report to the stables tomorrow morning at dawn. Your instructor will meet you there."

"Yes, Sir."

"Don't you dare come back unless you have the map-maker." Ganondorf warned as The Postman turned to leave. "Or you'll discover what my dungeon looks like."

"I've already seen the dungeon, Sir." The Postman unwisely pointed out. "You threw me in there once."

Ganondorf glared at him. "Just get out."

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The Postman wasn't feeling very confident the next morning as he trudged towards Ganondorf's stables. He didn't know the first thing about horses. He'd never even ridden one as a child, despite the fact his family owned a horse. It was always in the back of his mind how easily a horse could stomp him into nothing. You couldn't reason with an animal.

When he entered the stable, he saw a young Gerudo soldier waiting for him next to a large black horse. When she saw him, she motioned him over impatiently.

"I was told to give you Lord Ganondorf's fastest horse." she told him the moment he neared. "This is Nightmare, his favourite, and the fastest horse in the entire stable. Your mission must be awfully important for him to trust you with this horse."

The Postman stared at the enormous black horse in front of him, hoping it was friendlier than it looked. In his opinion, he thought it looked more like a red-eyed monster than a horse. He'd never seen such a huge horse in all his life.

The horse snorted at them and stamped it hooves, looking like it wanted to stomp them into the ground. Very hesitantly reaching out to pet the huge black horse, The Postman was quick to retract his hand when it tried to bite him. Staring at the horse with wide eyes, he backed up a pace as the Gerudo rolled her eyes.

"Wimp." she stated, unlocking the stall. "You just have to show him who's in charge."

The Postman stared at the horse as it stomped and snorted wildly, and then he conceded to allow the horse to be in charge. There was no way he was going to try to challenge an animal like that!

The second the stall door opened, the horse stormed out and bucked aggressively at the Gerudo, who barely dodged out of the way in time.

"He can be a bit temperamental..." she stated as the horse began approaching The Postman with narrowed eyes.

The horse cornered him against the stall and towered over him menacingly, its red eyes boring into his own. The horse began sniffing him suspiciously, nudging him quite hard with its nose, and then it seemed to lose interest in him, instead bucking at the Gerudo again.

The Postman again hesitantly reached out towards it.

"Nice horsey..." he said nervously, setting his hand on its muzzle. "Please don't kill me..."

The horse allowed him to pet its nose but still seemed suspicious of him. It gave a loud snort, and then slowly backed away to allow The Postman to move out of the corner. The Gerudo approached the horse with a saddle, and it never once looked away from The Postman as the Gerudo put a saddle and harness on it. The Postman had a feeling the horse detested him already.

"Okay, go ahead." The Gerudo said. "He's all ready to go."

The Postman gave Nightmare another uncertain look, and then slowly edged around the horse, watching for any signs of attack. The Gerudo crossed her arms, clearly annoyed, and began tapping a foot impatiently.

"Hurry up." she ordered. "Lord Ganondorf said you're to leave right away. Now, stop dawdling, and get on the Din forsaken horse!"

The horse truly was enormous and The Postman couldn't even see over it, and he wasn't sure how to mount it. He'd never ridden a horse before, and also had no interest in trying. Giving a helpless look to the Gerudo, the woman sighed.

"Grab a hold of the saddle and put your foot in the stirrup. Pull yourself up and swing your other leg over the horse."

The moment he touched the saddle, the horse stiffened and turned its head to look at him. Trying to be as careful as possible, The Postman hoisted himself up awkwardly, only flailing slightly as he got himself into place. Feeling quite proud of himself, The Postman looked towards the Gerudo for his next instruction. A few seconds later Nightmare bucked him off.

The Gerudo let out a heavy sigh and placed her hands on her hips. "Well, you were mounted for almost five seconds, better than I expected...You're so light, he probably doesn't respect you as a rider."

The Postman groaned from where he'd landed and slowly rolled back to his feet. "Can't I just go by foot?" he complained.

"No. Lord Ganondorf said you're to ride and that's what you're going to do."

Resigned, The Postman again approached the horse and mounted. He didn't even get fully seated before he was once again thrown off. The Gerudo slapped a hand to her face in exasperation.

"Stop allowing him to throw you!" she ordered.

The Postman rolled out of the straw, slightly more bruised than before. He frowned at the Gerudo, feeling she was being a bit unfair over the whole thing. The horse clearly hated him, and it wasn't like he was getting thrown on purpose.

"Come on, Nightmare." he pleaded. "I have to ride you, I don't have a choice in the matter."

The horse gave him an apathetic look.

Once again mounting the horse, The Postman wrapped the reins around his wrist, hoping he wouldn't get thrown again. As predicted, Nightmare started to buck, and The Postman clung for dear life, his arms thrown around the horse's neck, eyes closed and refusing to let go. The horse bucked and kicked and snorted angrily, but The Postman held on, and after a few minutes the horse finally calmed, having decided it wasn't worth it. The Postman looked up and the Gerudo gave him a nod of approval.

"Good, now take this sword."

"Sword, miss? What for?"

"It's for protection." she explained as if speaking to a slow-witted child. "Keep your mask on and don't talk to anybody you don't have to."

"Yes, miss..."

The Postman accepted the sword and awkwardly attached it to his belt as the Gerudo watched.

"There." she said. "With that uniform, and that mask, no one should recognize you."

The Postman didn't at all feel like himself, and glanced down at the sword with a frown.

"You'll need it just in case." The Gerudo assured him. "You never know who you might meet in the mainland. It's better to kill, than to be killed."

The Postman adamantly shook his head. "I would never hurt anyone."

"You'd be surprised what you'd do when your life is on the line." she said. "Take the sword. Even if you don't think you'll use it, take it just in case."

The Postman frowned, not wanting to take it, but knowing he didn't have a choice. He didn't have a clue on how to use it even if he was attacked. His first couple training sessions hadn't exactly gone well...

The Gerudo thrust a backpack into his arms, and he obediently put it on.

"You are not to fail the king," The Gerudo informed him. "Whatever your mission is has to be incredibly important, or Lord Ganondorf wouldn't trust you with his favourite horse. Do whatever you must to get the job done. You're part of our clan by limited invitation, so don't disappoint us."

The Postman stared at her a long moment, and then nodded in understanding. This was his job now and where his loyalties had to lie. Even if he didn't agree with what Ganondorf was doing, he had no choice in the matter. The man had saved his life and hid him from the people that were now hostile towards him, so he owed the Gerudo king. He wouldn't betray him.

"I will not let him down." The Postman promised.

"Get going." the Gerudo ordered. "Be as fast as possible."

The Postman looked down at the horse, not sure how to make it start moving.

"Um...Giddy-up?" he said hesitantly.

The horse didn't move and the Gerudo rolled her eyes. "Give the horse a light kick with your heals; he'll take care of the rest. If you want to slow him down, lean back in the saddle and give a few short tugs to the reins without pressing against him with your knees. If you want to speed up, give the reins a short snap and kick lightly while leaning forward."

"Er...okay." The Postman replied, not sounding overly confident.

"Do you understand the instructions?" The Gerudo demanded skeptically.

"I think so, miss."

"Then get going! You've wasted enough time!"

The Postman gave a very soft, awkward kick to the horse's flank, not wanting to hurt it, and the reaction was immediate. The horse bolted out of the stable at breakneck speed, and The Postman let out a startled yelp of surprise. The Gerudo watched him ride away, and then shook her head with a sigh, not having high hopes. At least if The Postman killed himself, the horse was trained to know its way home.

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The horse galloped through Gerudo valley like a Keese out of Din's fire, and The Postman couldn't believe how fast it was. He held onto the reins with a death grip as he passed by several confused Gerudo, who recognized the horse but not the rider. No one questioned him, however, and the gates were opened for him without hesitation.

Hoping the horse wouldn't decide to throw him off at this speed, The Postman didn't loosen his grip in the least. The horse didn't have any trouble running across the sand, and The Postman briefly wondered where the horse had come from. It clearly wasn't from Lon Lon Ranch, the horse was wilder than anything he'd ever seen before.

The horse crossed the Gerudo Valley Bridge in just one stride, and The Postman began to relax as the horse seemed to know what it was doing. Once outside of the canyon, he gave a gentle tug to the left with the reins and the horse obediently turned to the left, never once slowing down. The horse crossed Hyrule field as smoothly as silk, and despite himself, The Postman found it exhilarating. Half of the reason he loved running was because of the adrenaline rush, and he quickly realized he liked horseback riding because of similar reasons.

He passed Hyrule Castle Town in hardly any time at all, and then began heading for Termina, the hours passing by quickly. As he approached the borders of the two countries, The Postman saw another figure on horseback and squinted to see who it was.

As he got closer, he clearly saw the blond hair of The Hero of Time, and felt instant panic and fear, memories of the stabbing flashed through his mind. His heartbeat speeding up, he urged the horse to go even faster. As the two horses passed one another, Link and The Postman briefly met each others eyes, the hero giving him a questioning look. The Postman quickly ducked his head, avoiding eye contact.

Once he was a good distance away, The Postman glanced over his shoulder, releasing the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. The hero wasn't following him.

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Link slowed Epona to a canter, and glanced behind them in the direction the black horse had gone. What was a Gerudo doing in the mainlands? She'd been dressed for battle, and he doubted she was up to any good. With Ganondorf dead, what could the Gerudo Clan possibly be planning? Frowning, Link turned Epona around. He had an uneasy feeling about this and wouldn't be able to return to Hyrule until he was sure it was nothing. Giving a light kick to Epona, he began trailing after the black horse.

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The Postman found himself relaxing the farther he got from Castle Town, and he stared straight ahead as the horse sped across the fields. He hadn't really given the horse much direction but it seemed like it knew where he wanted to go, so he left well enough alone. At one point the horse had jumped over a low wall and The Postman had clung to the horse's neck, sure he was going to be thrown off. Despite the jump, the horse had remained steady so The Postman was able to stay in the saddle.

Although he personally still preferred to run, The Postman did have to admit he was enjoying himself and it was a great deal faster. In fact, the horse was faster than any other he'd ever seen, and before he knew it, they crossed the border into Termina. He wasn't sure what the stamina level of a horse was, but it didn't even look like it had broken a sweat yet. Deciding to force the horse to stop for a drink anyway, just to be safe, The Postman leaned back in the saddle while giving short, sharp pulls of the reins.

The horse resisted him at first not wanting to stop, but as he persisted, it finally gave in to him and slowed down. The Postman stopped the horse next to a stream and slid awkwardly down to lead it over. The horse snorted at him, still not liking him, but did dip its head to the stream to drink. As the horse drank, The Postman leaned against it with a sigh, looking back towards Hyrule.

Lost in thought for a while, The Postman let the horse drink its fill then gently led it away from the water. Looking up, he froze at what he saw. Riding towards him at full speed was the Hero of Time! Grabbing a hold of the reins, The Postman scrambled up onto the horse, just as Link reached him.

"Wait!" Link called to him."Stop!"

The Postman hesitated, his hands gripping the reins like a vice, as Link stopped Epona in front of him. Link looked him up and down carefully, suspicion laced in his eyes.

"What are you up to?" he demanded.

The Postman didn't answer.

Link narrowed his eyes. "Where are you going?"

The Postman looked away, and still didn't answer.

"Answer me." Link ordered, narrowing his eyes.

The Postman remained stubbornly silent.

"What are you planning?" Link demanded. "Where are you going? Who's giving you your orders?"

The Postman answered none of the questions.

Link gave him a scowl. "Ganondorf is dead, your tribe lost the war!"

The Postman's eyes shifted slightly, and Link frowned.

"He's not dead?" Link questioned.

Without a word, The Postman gave a sharp kick to the horse and took off at a full gallop. Link instantly took chase, knowing the Gerudo couldn't be up to anything good. Was it possible Ganondorf survived, and he was already scheming something? Link urged Epona to go faster and faster, trying to catch up to the other.

Nightmare wasn't running as fast as before, since it only got a few minutes rest, and The Postman hoped the hero wouldn't catch up to them. As the two horses raced across the rocky terrain, Link quickly gaining on them, they crossed the border into central Termina. The Postman gave a confident glance around himself. This was his homeland, no one knew it better than he, and he now had the advantage.

Jerking the reins to the right suddenly, he turned the horse towards the Terminian Woods. Leaning forward, he gave the reins a snap and the horse bolted ahead in a burst of speed, putting a bit of distance between the other horse. Link's brow furrowed in determination, and he gave Epona a kick causing her to whinny in protest, the horse too tired to speed up.

As The Postman entered the woods, he turned the horse again off the main trail, knowing every inch of his homeland. Link followed, which he was counting on, and again turned the horse. As he made turn after turn, the horse wheezed at the exertion and he gave it an encouraging pat, hoping he'd be able to let it stop and rest soon.

Ducking beneath a tree-branch, The Postman broke out of the woods and the horse charged across Termina field, snorting and wheezing as it went. It jumped over the walls separating the different farms, and The Postman noticed Link's horse had to run around the walls instead of jumping over. That giving him a bit of distance, he veered back into the woods and began heading to a very specific place. If Link's horse wasn't much of a jumper then perhaps that was the way he'd lose the hero?

"Just a bit more, fella." he whispered to the horse. "Just a bit further."

The horse was covered in a sheen of sweat and was getting slower and slower as they went through the twists and turns of the woods. Finally, The Postman saw what he was looking for and urged the horse on. A deep gorge that separated the two halves of the woods was wide, and The Postman hoped his horse still had enough energy to make the jump. Leaning all the way forward, he snapped the reins and gave gentle encouraging kicks to the horse as it forced itself to go faster. The horse saw the gorge and headed for it without fear, its breathing hard and ragged. It reached the fence at the edge of the gorge, and then with a mighty jump, it landed on the other side as if the jump had been nothing.

The Postman then stopped the horse and looked back as Link came into view. Link scowled when he saw what he'd done and made Epona run straight for the gorge. Epona's eyes widened and she skidded to a halt right at the fence, almost throwing her master right over her head. She gave a stubborn whinny, stomping her feet as she backed away. Link gave the horse a frustrated look, and then turned his attention to The Postman who was watching him from the other side.

"I'll find out what you're up to!" Link yelled. "Whatever it is, you won't get away with it!"

The Postman said nothing as he stared at the hero, and then slowly dismounted his horse.

"If Ganondorf is alive, he won't succeed! He never succeeds! I'll get him, and you can pass that message right along!"

The Postman turned away, taking the horse by the reins and walked away into the woods, without a word.

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When The Postman reached Clock town, he hesitated for a long moment before going in, knowing it was a possibility someone might recognize him. This was where he'd lived and worked for many years, so returning there as a villain was rather unnerving.

The guard at the entrance gave him a very long, hard look but did step aside to let him in despite his Gerudo clothing. Termina was not at war with the Gerudo Clan after all, so he had no reason to stop him. As he walked Nightmare to the only stable in town, he became very aware of everyone staring at him. He was used to being unnoticed and invisible so all of the attention made him feel rather uneasy.

The stablehand saw him approaching, and came out to meet him, looking the horse over disapprovingly.

"You ran him too hard!" he scolded. "This horse is exhausted!"

The Postman gave the horse an apologetic pet on the nose, feeling bad he'd worked the horse too hard, and held out a few rupees. The stablehand accepted them, and then looked him up and down with a frown.

"What's a Gerudo doing all the way in Termina?" he demanded.

The Postman didn't answer, so the man pointed over to the inn. "Are you staying for the night?" he asked. "I need to know how long I have to rest the horse."

The Postman glanced over at the inn, and then nodded. He hadn't been expecting to spend the night, but there was no way he was going to chance killing Ganondorf's favourite horse from exhaustion. Ganondorf would be angry enough already at the news that The Postman had accidentally let Link know the villain was still alive. He knew Ganondorf would likely be furious at him, and so he had to make sure he got everything else right.

"I'll take care of your horse, if you want to check in at the inn." The stablehand said, his gaze not on The Postman face. "Your horse will be fine in a few hours."

The Postman followed the man's line of vision, and realized the stablehand was staring very intently at his flat chest. The stablehand gave him a lopsided grin when he realized he'd been caught and said.

"Sorry, I was just noticing that you must be quite young. You haven't quite blossomed yet in all the right places! I didn't know the Gerudo trained 'em so young!"

The Postman simply stared at him, his mouth slightly agape.

The stablehand, mistaking the look for embarrassment, quickly said.

"No offense, miss! I think you have a lovely figure!"

The stablehand then reached forward and groped The Postman's chest, giving him a somewhat sleazy look.

"Don't worry, they'll come in eventually!"

The Postman froze in horrified shock, and then immediately mule-kicked the stablehand away from him. He then quickly backpedalled away, instinctively covering his chest with his arms. Feeling rather violated, The Postman continued backing up, and then fled to the inn as the stablehand fell to the floor, clutching at his groin in agony.

Once inside, he shuddered, and then approached the counter. Anju no longer worked in the inn, having quit years ago, and a young blond girl was now in her place. The girl smiled at him in welcome, and then said.

"Good day, miss, are you looking for a room?"

The Postman frowned. Why did everyone think he was a woman? He knew he was short, but this was just ridiculous!

It was then that he remembered Ganondorf was the only male Gerudo. Of course they assumed he was a woman, especially since he was dressed like a Gerudo warrior.

He gave a nod to the girl, who again smiled at him.

"Very good, miss. The cost of the room is 50 rupees a night. Are you just staying for the one?"

The Postman gave another nod as he counted out the rupees from his wallet. Handing over the 50 rupees, he was given a key and the girl directed him to the stairs.

"The inn locks the door at dark, so just make sure you're inside by then, alright?"

The Postman gave one more nod as he turned, and then walked up the stairs to inspect his room. It was surprising what he could accomplish without speaking, and so far no one had recognized him. His room was what he'd expected, very Spartan and smelling like an old lady. Deciding to get some food so he could hide in his room until morning, he left his room, and then exited the inn.

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Link was starting to get frustrated. He'd led Epona all the way around the gorge then searched all through the woods and fields to no avail. The Gerudo was gone. The way she had navigated throughout Termina was like she was very familiar with the land, but how was that possible? Gerudo very rarely came this far, and people tended to not exactly welcome them with open arms so it was suspicious she knew so much about the area.

He knew something was up and wouldn't rest until he found out what it was. Could this be another scheme to take over Hyrule again or were they now setting their eyes on Termina? No matter their plans, Link would never let them succeed. He had a feeling the Gerudo he'd seen earlier held the key to all this, and had to find her before she hid where he'd never find her.

She'd been a strange Gerudo. She was slender like all Gerudo woman but was obviously quite young as she lacked any curves, and was completely flat-chested. Her clothing was a bit different than the usual Gerudo warriors clothing; the leathers and vest seeming almost manly. They still clearly bore the marks of the Gerudo clan but he wondered why this girl was different. She hadn't gloated like he'd of expected, instead remaining in stony silence as she stared at him.

The Gerudo had a large, curved sword of one of the Gerudo warriors attached to her belt, but hadn't made a move to draw it on him. She'd obviously been confident enough in her knowledge of Termina to know she'd lose him, and that made Link uneasy. If she was that confident in her riding, then how confident would she be in her swordplay?

Frowning, Link touched the hilt of his sword. He'd fought Gerudo before but didn't want to actually hurt her. He couldn't make another serious mistake like before, so he'd find out what she was up to before challenging her to a fight.

Deciding to check the swamps, Link turned Epona to the South and determinedly rode off.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be Friday**


	12. Kooloo Limpah

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 **Authornote: Friday** **February 17 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This chapter was incredibly fun to write. :) I hope everyone enjoys it! Updated a bit early because I'm working extra long hours tomorrow and will not have time to do the update.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Waterwomen1414 -Yes, that stablehand is indeed very lucky that The Postman was not a real Gerudo. Things would have gone downhill very fast for anyone who would dare lay a hand on a Gerudo lol**

 **Reiz16 -Yeah, that stablehand definitely had that coming lol**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 6

Kooloo Limpah

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The Postman had gone to the small Clocktown market in town square, and bought himself a fairly large lunch, having missed the mild non-spicy Terminian foods. The townspeople were openly curious and afraid of him, most giving him dirty looks as he passed, suspicious of his motives. He tried to ignore the attention directed at him, and simply paid for his purchases without drawing too much attention to himself.

Deciding to get Adena and the other Gerudo Iris a thank you present for all they'd done, The Postman entered a candy shop and bought a large assortment of Terminian sweets. Sweets were not very common in Gerudo territory, and he knew Adena normally catalogue ordered large boxes of candy. Now that he was no longer a postman, he doubted she'd be getting her orders anymore.

The Postman then left the market to head back to the inn, fully intending on hiding there until morning. On his way back, he passed by the stables, and then paused a second, looking inside.

Nightmare was just standing in the middle of the stables, not in a stall or being tended to. His saddle was still on, and he didn't even look like anyone had bothered with him. Frowning, The Postman pushed open the door and approached to check on the horse. Nightmare seemed fine as he looked him over, and he stroked its muzzle, wondering why the horse was out by itself. As he pondered this, a loud groan sounded from one of the stalls and he peered in curiously.

The stablehand was laying sprawled in the hay, moaning and holding onto his leg in agony. He looked up and saw The Postman, and then gave him a furious look.

"Your stupid horse broke my leg!" he yelled. "It attacked me for no reason! It's crazy!"

The Postman glanced back at the horse, and then petted its head, pulling an apple out of his purchases as a reward. The horse gladly accepted the gift, and munched on it happily as the stablehand gave another groan of pain. The Postman let out a snort. Good horse.

The Postman carefully removed the horse's saddle and halter, and ushered him into an empty stall using another apple to bribe it. As he turned to leave, the stablehand looked at him in a panic.

"Wait!" he called. "You can't just leave me here! It'll be hours before anyone finds me!"

The Postman turned around, gave him a very pointed look, and then left the stable. As he entered the inn, he knew he couldn't leave the stablehand there no matter how much he deserved it. He'd leave the girl at the front desk a note, and then he wouldn't be bothered by his conscience.

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Link had checked everywhere he could think of but the Gerudo seemed to have disappeared. After leaving the swamp, now completely muddy and smelly, he rode Epona towards Clock Town feeling discouraged. He left Epona to roam the fields, and then entered the town with a sigh. The guard at the gate let him in without hesitation, and Link headed towards the stockpot inn, exhausted and just wanting to sleep for a few hours. When he entered, the girl at the desk gave him a smile.

"Hello there! Looking to rent a room for the night?"

Link nodded.

"Oh, I'm so sorry, but our last room was just filled! We've been unusually busy this week and we won't have a room until tomorrow night."

Link visibly slumped. It seemed his luck was going to be terrible all around today.

Seeing his troubled expression, the girl gave him an apologetic smile. "You could always try the ranch. They've been known to help out travellers in need."

Link let out sigh, and thanked the girl. It wasn't her fault the inn was full, and at least she'd been nice about the whole thing. Hoping he'd be welcome at the ranch, he turned to leave, not noticing the figure watching him from the stairs.

The Postman let out a breath of relief as the hero left the inn. Once the door was closed, he stepped out from his hiding spot into the lobby, and dropped a note onto the front desk. As the girl opened it, he quickly disappeared back upstairs, and locked himself in his room for the rest of the day.

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Early the next morning, before the sun was even up, The Postman slipped out of the inn and headed for the stables. He could barely see in the darkness, and he heard more than saw his horse. Opening the stall door, he held out a carrot and petted the horse as it munched happily. When it was finished, he stepped back a few feet and held out another carrot. The horse followed him out of the stall, and then stood obediently still as The Postman lifted the saddle onto its back. He wasn't exactly sure how to fasten the saddle and harness properly, but after a few tries, he was sure he had it right. Then, trying to be as quiet as possible, he led the horse out of the stable.

He knew from experience how nosy the townspeople of Clocktown could be and he didn't want to draw attention to himself as he left. The horse clip-clopped noisily behind him as he headed towards the north end of the town and he hoped no one would wake.

Upon entering North Clock town, he was met with the sound of very heavy, guttural snoring. Looking up towards the source of the noise, he saw a familiar figure in green tights, floating in the air, attached to an enormous red balloon. Approaching, he left the horse to graze for a moment, and squinted up at the peculiar man. Glancing around to make sure no one was listening, he whispered.

"Mr. Tingle! Hey! Mr. Tingle!"

The strange little man kept on snoring. Frowning, The Postman glanced over at the guard who also seemed asleep for the moment. Raising his voice slightly, he tried again.

"Mr. Tingle! Please wake up, Sir! Mr. Tingle!"

Tingle's only response was a gaspy sort of snort. The Postman didn't want to yell any louder as he knew that would draw attention, so he glanced around the area with a frown. Picking up a few small pebbles, he tossed one at Tingle. It bounced right off the mans forehead, but Tingle had no reaction whatsoever. Tossing another pebble, and then another, Tingle remained stubbornly asleep. Getting a bit frustrated, The Postman whipped the entire handful of pebbles at Tingle. Most struck Tingle across the chest, but one hit the balloon hard.

The balloon instantly burst with a loud pop, and Tingle let out a scream of terror as he fell to the ground. The guard at the gate jerked awake with a start, but when he saw what had awoken him, he simply gave an annoyed glare, and rolled his eyes. The guard, Guren, really hated Tingle. Every day he was forced to spend copious amounts of time near the other man, since Tingle plenty much lived in North Clocktown.

Tingle was incredibly short, fat, and not very pretty to look at. His face was covered in moles, and his goatee was greasy and slightly overgrown. He was wearing skin-tight green spandex, with a pair of red underpants worn over top. He had the reputation for being the strangest, and most delusional person in all of Termina.

Once Tingle got over his surprise, he looked up at The Postman and gave him a beaming grin. "Why hello, there, miss Gerudo! Are you looking to buy one of Tingle's maps? I currently have one of Clock Town and one of Woodfall!"

The Postman shook his head.

"I see...well, call again!"

He then bowed down dramatically, and flung a handful of sparkles as he straightened up. "Tingle, Tingle, Koo-loo Limpah! These are the magic words Tingle created himself. Don't steal them!"

Before Tingle could re-inflate the balloon, The Postman spoke up. "I'm sorry to bother you, Mr. Tingle, but I've been asked to bring you to someone who needs your services."

Tingle paused what he was doing in surprise. "Go to where Ganondorf is?" he asked. "Tingle cannot go to the Gerudo valley! There are no fairies there! Tingle has to wait here until he has a fairy of his own! Although Tingle is already 45, he knows that a fairy will come to him someday!"

The Postman had heard this speech every time he'd ever delivered a letter to Tingle, and sighed. "Sorry, Mr. Tingle but you must come. Those are my orders."

Tingle crossed his arms. "Tingle cannot. What if a fairy came while he was away?"

"Then she would wait for you." The Postman assured him. "Fairies are very loyal like that."

Tingle didn't look convinced. "Sorry, but Tingle is very busy. He doesn't have time to go to the desert."

The Postman knew Ganondorf would already be angry that Link knew something was going on, and he didn't want to disappoint the Gerudo even further.

"I've heard there are a great many fairies hidden in the Gerudo desert." The Postman told him. "In fact, in the Gerudo Mesa, I met a great fairy who was very kind."

Tingle gave him a skeptical look. "There are fairies in the desert?"

"Yes, Sir, and what if your fairy is there waiting for you?"

Tingle scratched at his chin, thinking about it. "Tingle thinks this sounds like a trap."

"We just need your services as a mapmaker, and then you'll be free to search for all the fairies in the desert." The Postman promised.

"No," Tingle replied. "Tingle will wait here for his fairy, as he has done for his entire life. Tingle will not go to the desert. This is a sneaky trap to keep Tingle away from his fairy."

The Postman wasn't sure what to do. Ganondorf had been very clear that failure was not an option. He had to get Tingle to Ganondorf one way or another.

Hating himself for what he was about to do, The Postman approached Tingle, and grabbed him by the back of the tights and began dragging the man towards the horse. Tingle screamed and struggled in protest, but The Postman didn't release him. Once to the horse, he pulled some rope out of the saddlebag and tied the squalling man up, despite all the yelling and thrashing about. Once he was finished, The Postman hefted the tiny man up with great difficulty, and threw him onto the back of the horse, tying him securely to the back of the saddle like a piece of luggage.

"I'm really sorry about this, Mr. Tingle. I don't normally do this sort of thing but you really do need to come with me."

The Postman mounted the horse, and then approached the gate, not sure how he was going to explain this. The guard Guren, was watching him with a raised brow, but didn't seem overly concerned about Tingle.

"You kidnapping the fairy man?" he demanded.

The Postman hesitated, and then nodded.

The guard stepped aside with a shrug. "Okay, just checking." he said. "Please don't return him."

The Postman rode past the guard, who began whistling nonchalantly, ignoring the screams coming from Tingle. The Postman quickly sped the horse up, just wanting out of the town.

Once in the field, he allowed the horse to canter, but didn't want to tire it out like he had the day before. Tingle was screaming bloody murder, but he tried to ignore it despite feeling horribly guilty. The noise was drawing the attention of the field monsters, and slowly they began gravitating towards them.

"Shh!" The Postman said. "Keep quiet! The monsters think you're food!"

Tingle shook his head, and kept right on screaming. "The fairies will save Tingle! They'll come for Tingle! Heeelp! Help! Tingle's been kidnapped!"

Several Green Jellies blocked the path up ahead, and The Postman wasn't sure what he was going to do. He wasn't a warrior, and he didn't even know how to use a sword! He'd never had to fight before! As they got closer, The Postman looked down at the sword attached to his belt. Rubbing a thumb over the hilt, he grimaced. He didn't want to hurt anyone, even if they were monsters.

As they reached the Jellies, he didn't have to worry about it as the horse seemed to know exactly what to do. As it reached the Jellies, it reared up and stomped on them as it passed, barely slowing down. The Postman stared at the green goo now covering the horse's legs and shuddered. The horse made sure to stomp on anything in its path as they rode across the fields, and The Postman closed his eyes so he wouldn't have to see it.

All of a sudden, Tingle's yelling cut off abruptly. "Look!" he called to The Postman. "The green fairy! I told you the fairies would save me!"

The Postman opened his eyes and glanced over his shoulder. Link was riding straight for them, sword drawn and expression furious. Having seen that look before, right as the hero had stabbed him, The Postman panicked and gave the horse a kick, sending it into a full gallop.

Nighmare had gotten a much longer rest than Epona, and easily began widening the distance between them.

"Stop!" Link yelled from behind him. "Release whoever it is you've kidnapped! I won't hurt you, just let that person go!"

Tingle gave a wide grin. "MR. FAIRY!" he bellowed out happily. "I knew you'd come for me!"

Link's expression instantly went from anger to confusion. "...Tingle?"

"Yes, Mr. Fairy, it's Tingle! Come save Tingle!"

Link frowned. Who would someone want to kidnap Tingle? The man was a civilian, and was completely helpless! Had he somehow angered the Gerudo?

The two horses kept getting farther and farther apart, and no matter how much Link coaxed Epona, she was much too tired to match the speed. As the black horse disappeared over a hill in the distance, Link had to admit that he wasn't going to catch them.

Slowing down his horse, Link could still hear Tingle yelling for him until finally there was silence. It didn't matter if he caught them now, he knew exactly where they were going. He could rescue Tingle as well as find out what the Gerudo's plans were. He only had to sneak into Gerudo Valley.

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The hero hadn't been following them for quite a while, so The Postman slowed down the horse as they entered Hyrule Fields. The horse seemed a bit out of breath and he really didn't want to return it in poor condition. Tingle had finally gone quiet and was sniffling quietly to himself in disappointment as they rode on.

When they passed by Hyrule Castle Town, The Postman glanced back at Tingle with a frown.

"I am sorry, Mr. Tingle." he again apologized.

Tingle let out a sigh, and then said. "I suppose Tingle can come with you to the Gerudo Valley; there might be fairies there..."

The Postman knew Tingle didn't really have a choice in the matter, but it did make him feel a bit better about the whole situation.

"We're almost there, Mr. Tingle. Just a few more minutes."

Tingle squinted up at him as he gave another sniff. "You know," he said. "Tingle can't help but think you sound familiar. Your voice is a bit deep for a Gerudo...Does Tingle know you?"

The Postman didn't answer, instead turning his full attention to the road before him. It wouldn't do for anyone to find out he was still alive; they'd likely create a lynch-mob.

As they rode along, The Postman could hear Tingle quietly saying his 'magic' words to himself over and over again. After about ten minutes of that, The Postman tuned him out completely, and kept his eyes ahead of them.

When they reached the turn-off to Gerudo Valley, the horse turned without any instruction, knowing it was almost home. They crossed the bridge and passed by several Gerudo guards who let him pass without question. They passed by the Gerudo fortress and rode into the desert towards the Gerudo city. The Postman felt a slight shiver of cold that came over him as he passed through some sort of magical barrier, but shook it off as he rode through the town towards the royal stables. Ganondorf was clearly extending the protections around his people.

Once to the stables, he brought the horse to a stop, and then dismounted as the Gerudo he'd the day before came out to meet him. She crossed her arms as she looked him up and down, and then she gave a nod of approval.

"So, you're still alive." she stated, her eyes falling on the bound Tingle. "And it looks like your mission was successful."

"Yes, miss."

She harrumphed, and then said. "I suppose you get to live another day then."

The Postman gave her an odd look. Had she been hoping he'd fail? "...yes, miss." he answered, hesitantly.

As The Postman untied Tingle, and pulled him down off the horse, the Gerudo stared at Tingle with a look of pure disgust. She didn't say anything, but by her expression, her opinion was very clear. Tingle made a great show of dusting himself off, and then looked up at The Postman impatiently.

"Well? What do you need of Tingle?"

As the Gerudo led the horse back to the stables, The Postman motioned for Tingle to follow him into the castle. As they walked along in silence, every Gerudo stopped to stare at Tingle, their expressions a mixture of disdain and revulsion. None tried to stop them however, as they entered the castle, knowing there had to be a very good reason for the short, fat, creepy man to be there.

The Postman led Tingle towards the throne room in silence, the small map-maker spinning and dancing as he did so. He knocked on the throne room door, and he heard a curse from inside.

"What?" came the angry bellow.

The Postman slowly pushed open the door, and peered inside at Ganondorf who was sitting at his throne, shuffling through papers with a scowl. A healing-fairy in a bottle sat on the arm of the throne, an extra from the search the day before. When he looked up and saw The Postman, his expression changed to surprise.

"You're back." he stated.

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf."

"I had my doubts." he admitted. "Did you find me a map-maker?"

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf." The Postman said as he opened the door fully and ushered Tingle inside. "This is the best mapmaker in the whole continent."

At the sight of Tingle, Ganondorf's eyes narrowed to slits. "What is that?" he demanded, angrily.

"The best map-maker there is, Sir." The Postman replied. "His name is Tingle."

Tingle looked up at Ganondorf, and then his face split into a huge grin of happiness and he ran forward eagerly.

"What's this?" he cried out in delight. "Black clothes, pink fairy...Sir, could you, by chance, be a dark fairy?"

Both of Ganondorf's eyebrows shot up in surprise.

"Oh my!" Tingle said happily. "My name is Tingle, and I think I am the same as you, sir, except I'm a forest fairy not a dark fairy!"

Ganondorf's eyes shifted over to The Postman, who simply shrugged in reply.

"I know! I think we should be friends, Mr. Dark Fairy! Yes, yes and in exchange for the friendship, I will show you Tingle's magic! Would you like to see it?"

Ganondorf blinked, his expression completely unreadable.

Tingle pranced around in front of Ganondorf, dancing happily and the Gerudo could only watch in disbelief.

Ganondorf simply stared at Tingle, his face a mixture of disbelief and anger, as Tingle gave him a deep bow. When Tingle straightened, he threw a whole fistful of silver sparkles at Ganondorf's face with a grin.

"Tingle, Tingle! Koo-loo Limpah! These are the magic words Tingle created himself. Don't steal them!"

Ganondorf sat perfectly still, his expression unamused as sparkles fell out of his hair. Then, ever so slowly, he drew his sword. The Postman gave a wince at what had happened, and then quickly spoke up.

"You did ask for the best map-maker I knew of, Sir, and he is the best. He's travelled just as much as me, Sir. He's just a little bit...different."

Ganondorf hesitated despite his natural instinct to stab the miserable fairy man into a pile of mush. He frowned deeply, and then shook some of the sparkles out of his hair.

"Fine." he growled. "But, he'd better be worth all this trouble."

"I cannot say, Sir, but he is a map-maker."

"Fine." Ganondorf said again. "Good work, Tracker."

"Um...there was something else you should know, Sir." The Postman said hesitantly.

"Did you damage my horse?" Ganondorf demanded, instantly alert. "You better not have!"

"Er, well, he's a bit tired, Sir, but not hurt. I met up with Mr. Link and had to lose him..."

Ganondorf stared at him a moment. "Who?"

"The Hero of Time, Sir. He saw me riding across the Teminian border yesterday and he followed me. I managed to lose him, but he found me again this morning, and Nightmare had to outrun his horse to get away."

Ganondorf did not look impressed. "You let the Hero of Time see you? He could have ruined everything if he found out I was still alive!"

The Postman winced, and slowly sucked in a breath of air through his teeth. Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at him.

"What haven't you told me?" he demanded.

"He may have...already guessed you're still alive when he saw me in the Gerudo uniform... He said he'll find out whatever you're up to, and put a stop to it...one way or another."

"What?!" Ganondorf yelled, standing to his feet. "He can't find out already, nothing's ready yet! He'll ruin everything!"

"Sorry, Mr. Ganondorf."

"Guards!" Ganondorf bellowed. "Guards, get in here! Now!"

Instantly two Gerudo guards entered the throne room, and gave him a low bow.

"The blasted Hero of Time might be on his way here. Get every available Gerudo to block him before he even reaches the valley! No one is to enter or leave Gerudo valley under any circumstance, and I mean no one!"

"Yes, your highness, but isn't your thief out on a mission right now?"

Ganondorf paused. "I forgot about him." he admitted. "Alright, no one except The Thief may enter."

The two guards gave him another bow. "Understood, Sire."

"GO!" Ganondorf boomed. "Move it! Tell the others immediately!"

The guards quickly ran from the room to do as they were told, and Ganondorf turned his eyes back to The Postman.

"Did the hero recognize you?"

"No, sir, he thought I was a Gerudo."

Ganondorf let out a dismissive snort. "An easy enough mistake to make, you have no bulk to you at all." he stated. "Did you say anything to him? Anything that would give away that I'm here?"

"No, Mr. Ganondorf, I never spoke a word to him."

"Good, at least I don't have to kill you then. Your identity is still a secret, and you can still be of use to me."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Now I suggest you return to you room, unless you want to be out there with the warriors fighting."

That did not sound like something he'd enjoy, so The Postman quickly nodded. "Yes, Mr. Ganondorf."

"You may leave us now."

Ganondorf took a small pouch off his belt, and flung it towards The Postman who barely managed to catch it.

"That is your payment for successfully completing your mission. I'll summon you when I need your services again. For now, you will resume your training."

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf." The Postman said, obediently backing out of the room.

Once he was gone, Ganondorf gave Tingle a narrow-eyed gaze. "Tell me about your map-making skills, you disgusting little maggot. If you don't impress me, I will skin you alive and feed you to my Skullfish."

Slowly, Tingle's smile disappeared, and he gave a gulp.

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Adena looked up from her book with a scowl when there came a knock at her door. She recognized The Postman's hesitant knock and wondered what he could possibly want. Hadn't she made it clear she didn't want anything to do with him? Storming over to the door, she threw it open, ready to give him a piece of her mind. She stopped mid-word when she saw there was no one there. Looking down, she saw a brown box sitting in front of her door.

Frowning down at the box, she glanced up the hallway, but there was no one there. Cautiously picking it up, she glanced at the tag. The only thing it said was 'Thank you'. When she opened the box and saw the piles of candy, her aggression instantly melted away. She glanced over at The Postman's closed bedroom door. Well, maybe he wasn't so bad...

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Link had walked Epona the rest of the way back to Hyrule, the horse still exhausted from the day before and unable to run. He stopped at Lon Lon ranch to leave her to rest and borrowed another horse from Malon. The farm girl had scolded him for the condition Epona was in, and warned him if he dared do the same to her horse, she'd plow him right in the face. He'd left the ranch feeling a bit apprehensive, not sure if Malon would actually do it, and decided not to run this horse very hard at all.

As he made his way towards the Gerudo valley, he couldn't help but wonder why the Gerudo would go to all the trouble of travelling to Termina to kidnap Tingle. Had the strange little man witnessed something he shouldn't have? Had he insulted the Gerudo in some way, making her want to exact revenge on him? Whatever her reason for kidnapping him was, Link would make sure he rescued Tingle before any harm came to him.

The horse turned onto the path to Gerudo valley, and it crossed the bridge at a trot, Link keeping his eyes trained forward for any surprise attacks. Seeing nothing out of the ordinary, he steered the horse onto the road to the Gerudo fortress. The second he reached the opening to the road, he was met with the sight of over 100 armed Gerudo warriors blocking his path, spears, swords and bows at the ready. Link looked at the Gerudos. The Gerudos looked at Link. Then, in a burst of motion, the Gerudos surged forward, tossing spears and drawing their bows.

Link barely had time to turn the horse, and bolt in the other direction before spears and arrows flew at him, only missing him by a hair. He knew there was no way he could win that fight as he was, so he'd retreat until he came up with a better plan of action.

As the horse ran back towards Hyrule field, he knew by the amount of warriors protecting the fortress, they were hiding something. He wasn't sure if it was Ganondorf, or just something they didn't want anyone to see, but now he was positive they were up to something.

As he rode across Hyrule field, he knew he had to tell Zelda about this latest turn of events. They had to come up with a plan to infiltrate the Gerudo fortress.

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It had now been five days since The Postman had returned to the castle, and very slowly he was getting used to his life among the Gerudo. Every day he trained in the morning with Koume and Kotake, and spent his afternoons getting pummelled in swords-training. Since his mission had gone successfully, most of the Gerudo seemed somewhat less hostile towards him, instead choosing to ignore him completely. The only problems he had were with Milan.

As expected, Ganondorf had taken her word over his, and her bullying continued full force. Every day, she volunteered to be his training partner, and every day he got the snot beat out of him. The only upside to this, was he was getting a lot faster at avoiding her attacks. Captain Isa was getting frustrated with the fact he always ran instead of fought, but he just didn't seem to have any talent with the sword.

He had made no progress with his magical training either, still showing no signs of magic at all. The witches had assured him that his training could take a while, and that he just needed to keep at it. The Postman was doubtful, having the feeling he just didn't have any magic.

He was able to walk freely throughout the castle whenever he wanted, and no one paid him the least bit of attention any more. Almost all of the fully-trained Gerudo were gone from the city, guarding the fortress in Gerudo Valley, and most of the Gerudo left behind were either those still in training or the elderly. He hadn't once seen Ganondorf in the last five days, or any sign of Tingle either. Although he was curious as to what Ganondorf was planning, he knew it really wasn't any of his business.

On the sixth day, The Postman got a summons. He couldn't help but wonder what it was Ganondorf wanted him to do this time, hoping it wasn't another kidnapping. Was he to return Tingle home?

When he reached the throne room, Ganondorf motioned for him to stand off to the side. The Postman did as he was told, watching Ganondorf pour over the very detailed maps in front of him. It seemed Tingle had been very busy, drawing excellent maps, in colour no less. Ganondorf was munching from a very large bowl of almonds, and he was seemingly ignoring him. After a few minutes, he acknowledged him.

"We're waiting for someone else." Ganondorf explained, not looking up from what he was doing.

The Postman nodded, and stood in silence for a long time, watching as Ganondorf studied the maps. Finally after a while, Ganondorf glanced up, looking annoyed.

"What is taking him so long." he muttered. To The Postman he said. "My thief will be here at any moment and I don't want you to say a single word in front of him."

"Why?" The Postman asked curiously.

"Although he works for me, he's a slimy weasel who can't be trusted. I do not want him knowing who you really are."

"Yes, Sir." The Postman responded.

"I mean it." Ganondorf warned. "He's unbearably nosy, and he will try to trick you into telling him valuable information. Not a word, Tracker."

"Yes, Sir."

The Postman once again stood in silence, quickly becoming bored and restless. Finally after another twenty minutes or so, the throne room doors opened and a tall, thin man entered, wearing the same uniform as him. The Postman couldn't see much him, because of the mask, but did see the man had several piercings in his long pointed ears, and bright green eyes that were a stark contrast to the black uniform. The man slouched his way over to the throne and then stood, arms crossed, looking incredibly cross.

"What took you so long?" Ganondorf demanded. "I summoned you nearly an hour ago!"

"I was sleeping." the man snapped, his voice young and full of attitude. "What did you honestly expect? I just went to bed like two hours ago. I don't work during the day."

"That's no excuse." Ganondorf replied, narrowing his eyes. "When I summon you, I expect immediate obedience, is that understood?"

The man rolled his eyes, but otherwise stayed silent. The Postman suddenly realized this was the same man he shared a bathroom with; he recognized the voice. The man's gaze shifted to The Postman and he looked him up and down curiously, noting the identical uniform.

"Who's that?" he demanded. "You better not be replacing me!"

Ganondorf gave him a look of loathing. "That's my new Tracker, not another thief."

The Thief's interest seemed to only increase. "A tracker? What does a tracker do?"

"Track." Ganondorf snapped. "Now, I have another job for you."

"Tracks what exactly?" The Thief demanded.

"None of your business, now pay attention. This new job will take you at least a day to complete, longer if you get caught."

The Thief let out a snort. "As if I'd get caught."

Ganondorf turned his back to rifle through a pile of papers, and to The Postman's surprise, The Thief reached forward and stole a handful of almonds out of the bowl on Ganondorf's desk. He had them pocketed before the Gerudo had turned back around.

"You're to leave immediately." Ganondorf informed him. "This mission is of the utmost importance."

"What?! But I just got back from my last mission!" The Thief complained. "This isn't fair!"

"Suck it up." Ganondorf growled. "I need you to break into Hyrule Castle."

The Thief stood up straight, his attention caught. "Hyrule Castle?" he asked eagerly. "Can I loot?"

"No." Ganondorf responded firmly. "You are not to attract any attention. I don't want them knowing you were ever there."

The Thief slumped in disappointment. "What a waste of my talents." He complained.

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes further. "I mean it, no looting. I don't want them finding out what I'm up to."

The Thief gave him a smirk. "Oh? And what are you up to?"

"That's none of your business." Ganondorf snapped. "Here's a detailed map of Hyrule Castle, don't lose it."

The Thief took the map and gave it a quick glance. "Do you have a map showing the courtyard as well?"

Ganondorf nodded and turned to dig through the pile of maps. The Thief took that opportunity to steal the rest of the almonds and also every quill on the desk. The Postman gave him a disapproving look, but knew he was forbidden to speak. Ganondorf didn't notice and handed The Thief a second map.

"So, what exactly am I stealing?" he asked.

"This is what you're after." Ganondorf said, handing him a third paper.

The Thief took it and squinted at a picture of a jewel-encrusted sword. "The sword of M-mep..mepha...methal..."

"The Sword of Mephistophelian, you illiterate dumbass."

"Right." The Thief responded. "Looks fancy, what's it do?"

"That's none of your concern." Ganondorf answered. "Your job is just to retrieve it and nothing else."

The Thief's green eyes glinted with something The Postman didn't like. He gave Ganondorf a cocky smirk. "Hmm, seems kinda suspicious if you ask me. I wonder what that thing is worth..."

In an instant, Ganondorf had The Thief by the throat. "Your life is what it's worth." he snarled. "If you even think of keeping it for yourself, I'll do to you what happened to your predecessor."

That instantly sobered The Thief and he nodded mutely. Ganondorf released him and The Thief gave him a glare, rubbing sulkily at his neck.

"I was only joking." The Thief muttered sullenly.

"The sword cannot be touched by human hands, so make certain to cover it up before touching it." Ganondorf warned. "The royal family has kept track of the sword for over a thousand years, and I believe it's hidden within the castle."

"Right." The Thief responded. "Where exactly do I look?"

"No idea." Ganondorf responded with a shrug. "Have fun."

The Thief turned to face The Postman. "See what I have to put up with, Shorty? No one appreciates me around here."

The Postman pointedly looked away.

The Thief frowned and squinted at him a bit more closely. "Hmm, now I'm second guessing myself. Are you a guy or a girl?"

The Postman didn't answer, simply crossing his arms.

The Thief rolled his eyes. "Ooookay, then. Nice having this talk with you, you're a great conversationist."

"Leave my Tracker alone, Thief." Ganondorf snapped.

"This 'Tracker' better not be replacing me." The Thief warned.

"The Tracker is not replacing you." Ganondorf snapped.

"I just don't understand what a tracker does. Is he or she going to track down their sense of humour?"

"Stop wasting my time and go do your job." Ganondorf ordered. "You're not to associate with my Tracker. Ever."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. It will take me a week to find this Melvis Sword." The Thief stated, turning to leave.

"You have one day." Ganondorf responded, impatiently.

"Fine, I can do it in three days." The Thief said.

"ONE day, Thief, and no looting."

Letting out a sigh of irritation, The Thief nodded. "Fine. No looting. I'll be back in a day."

Without another word, The Thief left the room. Once the door had closed, Ganondorf turned to The Postman.

"I wanted you to meet my personal Thief. You'll probably end up working with him on certain missions. He can't be trusted though, so if you see him around, do not converse with him. I don't want him knowing who you are."

The Postman nodded, thinking The Thief didn't seem like a very reliable minion.

"I have a few priority letters I need delivered." Ganondorf told him, taking a seat at his desk, and reaching for the quill that was no longer there.

His hand hesitated where he'd left the quill, and then he glanced all over his desk. "Where did all my..." his eyes narrowed in realization, and then he let out a deep sigh of irritation. "Tracker, go get me a new quill."

"Yes, Sir. New almonds too?"

"What? Why would I..." his eyes fell on the empty bowl.

Ganondorf's expression turned ugly. "Remind me to beat The Thief when he gets back, Tracker."

"Yes, Sir."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy!**

 **Let's see if we can aim for 6 reviews for this chapter. If we make it, I'll post a bonus chapter this Sunday or Monday to celebrate! Woohoo! :D :D**

 **Next regular update will be on Wednesday**


	13. Milan

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 **Authornote: Sunday** **February 19 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Happy bonus update day! Woot! Woot! We got six reviews for Friday's chapter, and so that means an extra chapter this week! Oh, boy, a LOT of stuff happens in this chapter. The flow is a bit slower than normal, but it reveals a lot. I hope you all enjoy it!**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Waterwomen1414 -Ganondorf is indeed beginning to realize just how dependable The Postman is. He's never had such a loyal minion before. The Thief on the other hand is a liar and a kleptomaniac. lol**

 **Reiz16 -I'm enjoying writing The Thief. His persoanlity is...different. lol**

 **Rainmy \- Yup, both the piercings and the mask are new. His character has been changed slightly, hopefully for the better. The fact the original version of the story had next to no detail about life with the Gerudo REALLY bothered me. I had a very clear image in my mind, but never wrote it, thinking people would be bored of several months of life with the Gerudo. This was supposed to become a new home for The Postman, but the original next gave that feeling. It was missing way too many details. It's bugged me so bad, that this was one of the deciding factors in the rewrite. I'm really glad you've liked the changes so far!**

 **ChanglingRin \- When I originally wrote this story, I asked my sister to name two Zelda characters at random and she came up with Ganondorf and Tingle. The thought of the overly serious villain meeting Tingle was such a hilarious thought, that I decided to work Tingle into the story. I'm glad you liked The Thief, he is an extremely fun character to write, mainly because he has no filter between his brain and his mouth. lol**

 **FerretFlies \- Oh, Link's not out of this story yet! :D The Postman is unfortunately both short and thin, and when you combine that with a Gerudo uniform, everyone automatically assumes he's a woman. He gets used to it. lol Ahhh, yes, The Thief...he sort of grows on you like a wart after a while. haha Tingle always amused me as a kid, so I couldn't resist sneaking him into the story. I'm happy that you're enjoying the story so far!**

 **Guest -Welcome back, return reader! :D I'm glad the changes are okay, I was rather worried how people would react. lol Tingle is indeed fun :) Thanks for reviewing!**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 7

Milan

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The Postman awoke with a start when someone tried opening his bedroom door. Sitting straight up in a panic, he watched as the person struggled with the door, but the deadbolts held strong. This was the fifth night in a row that this had happened, and he suspected it was Milan. She was probably hoping he'd forget to lock the door one of these days, but The Postman was much too paranoid to forget.

Every day Milan beat him harder and harder during training, not enough to make the Captain stop it, but enough to leave him covered in bruises. Milan had also started targeting Adena, knowing she was the one to tattle on her and cause her to lose her pet fairy. Adena, however, was more than capable of handling Milan, her fighting skills on par with the other woman, and she didn't let herself be bullied. The Postman didn't stand a chance against Milan.

Captain Isa, however, was getting infuriated by his lack of progress, and she often called him useless, lazy, and weak during every training session. She said that there was no reason he couldn't learn to fight if he would just try. A day didn't go by where she didn't hit him three or four times with her cane out of pure frustration. Although bruised and humiliated, The Postman still ran from Milan each and every time.

The Postman truly was terrible at defence and wished he could just stop. He tried appealing to Captain Isa, telling her that he was garbage at swords-play, but he had no such luck. The Captain just kept pushing him harder and harder, trying to force out some sort of progress. She had never failed in teaching before, and she would be damned if she let him be the first.

Koume and Kotake weren't having much luck with him either, and he had a feeling the lessons would be stopping soon. They had been practising for nearly a month now, and he'd never once been able to perform any sort of magic. They kept insisting he was close, but he felt nothing at all during meditation. He had finally finished the Theory of Magic book, but it hadn't helped much, and so the witches had loaded him up with additional books to read. The Postman now had a stack of books in his room taller than he was.

The Postman flopped back down on his bed once the rattling at the door stopped, and he glanced down at his watch. It was only 3:15 in the morning. Knowing there was no point of going back to sleep, he let out a tired sigh and rolled out of bed.

Getting dressed, he grabbed his latest book on magic, and cautiously unlocked his bedroom door. Peering out into the corridor to make sure Milan was gone, he slipped out and then hurried down the hall. He'd simply begin his studies a bit early.

He didn't see Milan hiding in the shadows of a nearby doorway, and he passed her by, not noticing when she crept up silently behind him. Just as he started down the staircase, he was shoved hard from behind. Looking up in shock, all he saw was Milan's smirking face as he fell headfirst down the stairs. Curling himself into a protective ball, he bounced all the way to the bottom of the stone stairs, feeling bones snap like twigs with every impact. He hit the floor below hard and then slid several feet, before finally coming to a stop.

Stunned and in an incredible amount of pain, The Postman laid there, vaguely surprised he had survived that. He didn't have long to contemplate this, however, because a boot came into focus, turning him over, checking for signs of life. Milan leaned over him and then frowned when she saw his eyes were still open and somewhat focussed.

Letting out a sigh of irritation she said. "Why can't you save us both a lot of trouble and just die?"

"Why?" The Postman asked, wincing at the agony talking caused. "Why do you hate me so much?"

Milan gave him a look of pure disgust, and then kicked him hard in the ribs. "You're nothing but a disease, and I will not share my home with someone like you. You're a pathetic, weakling who can't even defend himself, and you have no place here among my people."

She gave him another kick. "I was the most favoured Hunter and Tracker in our whole nation. My uncle used to trust me with missions imperative to his plans, but ever since you came, he hasn't spared me so much as a glance! It's disgusting that a little nobody like you took my position, and it's all your fault I was humiliated in front of everyone! I was scolded like a child, and everyone laughed at me! Everything that's happened has been because of you!"

The Postman simply stared at her and gave a long blink, trying to clear his mind. "You've been trying to kill me just because you're jealous?" he asked rather unwisely.

Milan then kicked him so hard, everything went black.

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The Postman was actually surprised Milan hadn't killed him, when he woke a few minutes later, his head pulsing in agony. Glancing around through blurred vision, he saw he was by himself, still sprawled at the bottom of the stairs. Letting out a low groan, he slowly sat up, quickly realizing one of his arms was completely shattered. Struggling to his feet, he was dismayed when he saw Milan had torn his book into millions of tiny pieces, confetti-like paper absolutely everywhere.

The Postman glanced at his cracked watch and saw it was now 3:30, so he'd only been out for a few minutes. Not knowing what else to do, he began limping his way down to Koume and Kotake's lab.

As predicted, Koume and Kotake were already up, and were in the middle of their breakfast when he opened the door. They gave him a surprised look.

"You're early." Koume stated. "And why are you covered in blood?"

"...I fell down the stairs."

"Right." Kotake responded, skeptically. "And did anyone 'help' you fall down the stairs?"

The Postman didn't answer.

Koume let out a sigh. "You need to start standing up for yourself. You're costing me a fortune in healing potions. Almost every day you limp in here, half dead."

"...sorry."

She let out another sigh. "No matter. There's a healing potion on the table. I had a feeling you'd need it."

The Postman reached out to take the potion, very used to taking them now. "Thank you."

"You're half an hour early today." Koume stated, as he downed the potion.

"I woke up early." The Postman explained. "I thought I'd get an early start."

"Where's your textbook?"

"Erm...it ripped into tiny pieces when I fell down the stairs?"

He got another sigh. "Of course."

Kotake took a bite of toast, and then gave him a thoughtful look. "Koume and I discussed it, and we've decided you're going to meditate the entire day today. You will have no distractions, and you're to concentrate harder than you ever have before. If you still show no signs of magic after today, we'll have to stop the training. Lord Ganondorf doesn't want to waste any more time on this if you're not making any progress."

The Postman frowned, hating the fact he felt so useless. He couldn't seem to do anything right no matter how hard he tried.

"Pull up a seat and have some breakfast." Koume ordered. "You're meditating the entire day without a break, so don't drink too much. You'll be skipping physical training, skipping lunch and quite possibly supper as well. We've drawn a concentration circle outside, and we've cast a few additional spells to help draw out any magic you might have hidden away."

"I just don't understand why your magic hasn't shown itself yet. It's definitely there, but it's almost as if someone put a block on your magic stopping its release." Kotake commented. "Have you ever experienced any sort of trauma?"

"Other than almost dying every day since I've been here?" The Postman asked, dryly.

"No, that wouldn't have caused this." Kotake said. "Did anything happen during your childhood? Did anyone perform magic on you, or did something traumatic happen?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, I had a perfectly happy childhood, nothing out of the ordinary."

Kotake hummed thoughtfully. "Very strange then. No matter, we'll worry about that later. Hurry up and eat something so we can begin."

Not liking the sound of meditating for the entire day, The Postman let out a sigh and obediently took a seat at the table to have breakfast.

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The Postman slowly lowered himself down into the concentration circle, seeing that there were a few changes to the design. Noticing him looking at it, Koume was quick to explain the changes.

"This concentration circle is geared towards extended outdoor meditation." she explained. "It takes energy from the sun and all of nature, powering the concentration circle. Hopefully this will help you concentrate better."

Adjusting himself into a comfortable position, The Postman began his meditation, just like he had every day for the last month. Although it was extremely boring, his daily meditations did give him time to relax and temporarily forget about the constant stress he was under.

He allowed his thoughts to go blank, falling into the silent blackness of his mind. He could immediately feel the difference from the new concentration circle, its magic blanketing him in a tight, warm bubble. This was the first time The Postman could actually feel the veins of magic, and he studied it curiously, knowing it was harmless. When he concentrated on it, he could see the silver veins flowing around him like water, the energy almost blinding. The tendrils of magic stretched through his mind in strands, and The Postman mentally reached out to touch one. It easily parted away from his touch, and The Postman found himself following the strands, wondering where it led to. He could see one end that was attached to the circle, but where did the other end go?

He gently took hold and followed the strand deeper and deeper within his mind. The magic seemed to hum, and the deeper he delved, the louder it became. After a while, he could no longer hear the outside world at all, only the loud humming that filled his mind. He knew that he had all day if he needed it, so he took his time exploring, noticing the threads seemed to be getting closer and closer together the deeper he went. Eventually they seemed to merge into one, thick, silver strand and when The Postman touched it, it felt firm, like a rope pulled too tightly. That's when he came to the end. The magic stopped as if it had hit a wall and he could see it straining against some invisible obstacle, as if trying to force its way through.

The Postman reached out and touched the invisible wall, feeling something solid and cold in his way. It felt somehow wrong, and The Postman gave a hesitant push against it. Whatever it was did not move. Putting a bit more force into it, he felt the wall shift just a tiny bit.

Hoping that he wasn't accidentally giving himself brain damage, The Postman reached out and pushed in the exact same spot where the magic was straining against the wall. At first it didn't seem like anything was happening, but then, all of a sudden, the wall gave way and there was an explosion of hot, powerful light. Fiery agony filled his mind, and everything went silent and black as he lost conscienceless.

When The Postman came to, he was still in the darkness of his mind, but he could once again hear the outside world. In fact he could hear someone talking just over his head.

"I think he's dead..."

He felt two fingers pressed against his neck, and then the person sighed. "He's not dead, Iris, he has a pulse."

It was Adena.

"The Captain ordered me to fetch him for training, but I don't think he can hear me." Iris complained.

The Postman went to tell her that he could hear her just fine, but to his surprise found he couldn't. He couldn't open his eyes, couldn't move, and he couldn't speak. He was trapped in his mind. Struggling to come out of the meditation, he suddenly realized he was completely paralysed. Great, he really did give himself brain damage...

"What's the holdup over there?" Captain Isa yelled from across the field.

"We can't wake him up!" Iris yelled back.

The Postman heard the Captain approach them, and he once again tried to force his eyes open. Although he was completely aware, it felt like he was being held back by the same wall from before. This time though, it was heavier and he couldn't push his way past it.

"You! Tracker!" Captain Isa bellowed into his ear. "Training!"

The Postman wanted to tell her he was excused from training for the day, but he couldn't move at all. Where were the witches? Why hadn't they realized what had happened yet?

"Stop pretending you can't hear me!" the Captain yelled. "Your yoga practice is over with. Now it's time for real training!"

Although a bit insulted at the jibe against his magical training, The Postman could in no way react. He definitely wasn't expecting to suddenly be struck hard across the shoulders by the Captain's cane. Although wanting very much to articulate the agony of that, The Postman couldn't utter a single sound. He was struck a second time, and then a third, but he still remained perfectly still, having no choice but to endure it. His entire back and shoulders throbbed in agony, and there was nothing he could do about it.

"He's not faking." The Captain stated in surprise.

He heard her kneel beside him, and then he felt her removing his mask. He felt her check his pulse, and then felt her crack open his eyes, but he couldn't see anything except darkness. A cold hand was placed against his forehead, and he briefly wondered if he had a fever. He certainly felt too hot at the moment. He heard the captain give a thoughtful sort of hum and she removed her hand.

"I don't think he's breathing." Iris stated from right beside his ear.

"No, he's breathing." the Captain corrected. "Just very shallowly. He's not aware of any of this, his eyes aren't even reacting to light."

"What's wrong with him?" Adena asked, giving him a not-so-gentle poke to the ribs.

"Iris, go fetch Koume and Kotake." Captain Isa ordered. "They will deal with this. The rest of you, get back to training."

The Postman heard everyone walk away from him, and he once again tried to force himself to move. He struggled and struggled but he couldn't do anything at all. A few minutes later he heard footsteps approach, and then rough, wrinkled hands were laid on top of his head. He felt a strange magic seep into him, but the intruding magic bounced back when it hit the wall.

"Hmm, very strange." Koume murmured. "What do you make of this, Kotake?"

"He seems to have put himself into a very deep, meditative state and unknowingly shielded his mind from outside interference." Kotake replied. "I don't sense anything wrong with him, he's simply meditating."

"How long should we leave him like this?"

"He'll have to decide that for himself." Kotake answered. "The only thing we can do is leave him to it, and check on him later."

The Postman felt beyond frustrated. Why didn't they realize he needed help?! He wasn't willingly doing this, and he had no idea how to escape! Couldn't they see this was unusual?! To his dismay, he heard the witches walk away, and he was left once more by himself.

He listened to the sounds of the warriors training for a while, and then resumed his struggles to regain control of his body. After a long time of unsuccessful escape attempts, he heard someone approach him. They didn't say anything, but he felt something very light placed on top of his head. He heard a snort of amusement which he assumed was Adena, and then footsteps as she hurried back to the training. Wondering what she'd just put on his head, he knew it would have to remain a mystery for now.

Trying to relax, The Postman attempted to try meditation again. The swirling gold that surrounded his mind made it impossible to concentrate, however, and so he was left in a waking coma. He was forced to be completely aware of everything, but was not able to do a thing about it. He wasn't sure how much time had passed, but after a while he heard several people approaching him.

He heard someone laugh. "Who put a daisy chain on his head?" the girl asked.

"It was Adena." Iris laughed.

"Just thought I'd make him a little more interesting." Adena stated. "He's probably faking anyway."

"He didn't even flinch when Captain Isa hit him, and she hits hard!" Iris exclaimed. "I don't think anyone could fake their way past her!"

Adena hummed thoughtfully.

The Postman heard a fourth person approach. "Is it true that 'thing' is meditating so deeply he can't even hear or feel anything?"

The Postman mentally cringed at Milan's voice.

"Go away, Milan." Adena snapped. "Don't think we haven't seen what you've been doing to him every day! You're just a bully."

Milan laughed. "He's just a stupid man." she remarked offhandedly. "Why do you care, you snivelling snitch? Do you have a crush on him?"

Adena let out a sound of disgust. "Ugh, gross. No, of course not! I'm not interested in men!" she snapped. "I don't care what happens to him! I just don't think it's very sporting to pick on someone so pathetic."

Milan snorted. "Whatever you say, snitch."

The Postman heard someone step up beside him, and then he was suddenly slapped hard across the face.

"MILAN!" Iris yelled.

"Guess, he's really not faking." Milan stated, poking at him in the ribs. "I could have a bit of fun with this..."

"You're so pathetic." Adena muttered.

"Excuse me?! What was that?" Milan snarled. "One word from me, snitch, and my uncle will have you on toilet duty for the rest of your life!"

"Oh, yes, because you can't fight your own battles, Milan. You always have to use Lord Ganondorf as a threat. As I said. Pathetic."

The Postman struggled against the block within his mind, determined to escape before any real damage was done to him. A hand suddenly gripped his hair painfully, and his head was jerked back into an awkward position, Milan being anything but gentle.

"Break's over!" Captain Isa bellowed from the other side of the courtyard. "Resume your training, girls!"

To The Postman's relief, his hair was released, and he heard the warriors all shuffle back to continue training. Having nothing else to do, he listened to Captain Isa bellow out orders for what seemed like hours, and after a while, he noticed he could no longer feel the warmth from the sun. Was it nearing sunset already? Had he really been trapped like this for the entire day?! His question was answered when, a few minutes later, he heard Captain Isa announce the training was over for the day.

The Postman gave another hard shove against the mental block, really not wanting to spend the night meditating. Why hadn't Koume or Kotake realized something was wrong yet?! This couldn't possibly be normal for people who meditated. Almost as if they sensed his thoughts, the two witches were suddenly at his side.

"Hmm, how very unusual..." Kotake commented. "What do you make of this, Koume?"

"He must be very determined to find his magic." Koume replied. "This is his last chance, so I don't blame him."

"Such a shame." Kotake said, sounding upset. "He has so much potential but Lord Ganondorf is getting impatient. He wants to force the magic out of him, but the procedure is both dangerous and extremely damaging. If he's unsuccessful today, he'll be subjected to forced extraction in the morning. It could break him completely..."

The Postman knew he wasn't supposed to be hearing any of this, and didn't like the sound of whatever they were planning for him. He felt something warm draped over his shoulders and realized one of the witches had wrapped a blanket around him.

"Just leave him to it." Koume said. "He has until morning to figure it out on his own."

The Postman panicked. They were going to leave him here all night?!

One of the witches gave him a pat on the head. "Poor, thing, he tries so hard. I'm going to put a protective shield around him so that no one can bother him during the night. It should last until early morning, so hopefully he'll make some progress during that time."

To The Postman's horror, the twins left without another word. He was going to have to sit there all night, unable to move. Great.

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Link entered the Royal Gardens, and immediately approached Princess Zelda, looking incredibly upset. The Princess gave him a questioning look as he let out an irritated sigh.

"Nothing is going to plan, Princess." he informed her. "I was supposed to hear back from the Gorons weeks ago but haven't received their response. I also haven't received responses from the Zora or our allies in Termina. I know there must be a new postman around, but I haven't been getting my mail, and it's getting a bit frustrating."

"Not getting your mail?" Zelda said in surprise. "But the new postwoman has been here for a month now! You haven't received anything at all?"

Link shook his head. "I went to the post office to ask about it but the door was locked the moment I approached, and she wouldn't speak to me. That's when I found a large pile of mail floating in the town fountain. I don't know how long it had been there, but the ink was all smeared and the parchment fell apart when I touched it. I don't know if those were my letters or not."

Zelda gave him a frown. "You think this is being done intentionally?"

Link nodded, having no doubt. "If it was just a few letters, I'd think they got lost in the mail, but I haven't received anything all month! It's not just this postwoman either; it's all of the postal workers. I've found destroyed letters everywhere I travel as if they were purposely left for me to find. I've found them in rivers, in animal troughs, up in trees, I even found one inside a treasure chest. They're always destroyed beyond recognition though, so I can't prove they're mine. I think I'm being sent a very clear message..."

"Could you try speaking with them? Perhaps with the postmistress in Clocktown?" Zelda suggested. "It's highly unprofessional to refuse to deliver your mail!"

"I've tried, Princess. None of the postmen will speak to me; they just pretend I'm not even there. The Postmistress is away on holiday until spring, so there's no one to complain to."

Zelda herself was irritated with the situation. "I'll bring the postwoman for Castletown in, and speak to her myself."

"I don't think that will do any good, Princess." Link informed her. "You should see the way they look at me; they absolutely loath me. I don't think the former postman Haru in Kakariko Village was the only postal worker related to the former postman...I think they all are."

Zelda paused a moment as she considered that. "That would explain it..." she admitted.

"I'll have to visit the Gorons and Zora in person." Link said. "It will take longer to get everything organized, but it's the only way. We have to prepare for the worst in case Ganondorf invades again. He won't catch us by surprise again."

"Are you sure you don't want me to arrange the postwoman to be spoken to? I still think it's incredibly unprofessional."

Link shook his head. "I really doubt that would make any difference. They're exacting their revenge on me for The Postman's murder. They won't deliver mail to me no matter what. I'll probably never get mail again..."

Zelda gave another frown. "I won't speak to any of them, if you don't want me to. I trust your judgement on the matter. Perhaps, over time, they will forgive you?"

Link gave her a skeptical look. "Would you forgive the murder of a family member?"

Zelda considered it, and had to be honest and shake her head. "No, I suppose I wouldn't." she admitted.

Link let out another sigh, knowing he deserved it for what he'd done. Murder was unforgivable.

Zelda gave him a pitying look and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You should probably get going to the Zora domain and Goron City as soon as possible. We need to find out what their stance on the upcoming war is. I'll need your report as soon as possible"

Link gave a nod, and turned away. "Yes, Princess. I'll leave right away."

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The Postman found he couldn't sleep in his current state, forced to remain awake for the entire night. There was complete silence in the courtyard, and he quickly became frustrated and incredibly bored.

He concentrated on the wall of golden energy that blocked his way, trying to will it to move. It remained in place, almost seeming to taunt his efforts. Why couldn't he do this? What was he doing wrong?

He spent the whole night pushing against the wall, and eventually he heard the sound of people approaching.

"No way!" he heard Adena exclaim. "He's still here!"

"Are you sure he's not dead?" Iris questioned.

"Maybe he left and came back?" a third voice asked.

"No, look at the blanket, he's been here all night." a fourth voice commented. "Is this normal?"

"Nothing about him is normal." Adena replied, poking him in the forehead. "I suppose that's why Lord Ganondorf has an interest in him."

"Fall in line, girls!" Captain Isa bellowed out from the other side of the courtyard. "Anyone late will be running extra laps!"

The Postman heard everyone hurry away, and his frustration only increased. Just how long was he going to have to sit there in a coma before someone finally noticed something was wrong?!

Soft footsteps crept over to him, and The Postman really hoped it was Koume or Kotake. He was absolutely starving and just wanted this whole ordeal to be over with. He vowed he was never going to meditate again.

"Time for some fun, loser." came a whisper from behind him.

The Postman's heart sank at the sound of Milan's voice. A moment later, he heard the sound of a dagger being unsheathed and he panicked, knowing there was nothing he could do. Milan was using this opportunity to finally get her hands on him while everyone was distracted with training. He felt the cold steel of the dagger pressed against his throat, and felt certain this was how he was going to die. No one was paying attention and Milan clearly intended on finishing the job this time.

He felt the blade lightly cut the flesh of his neck, and a sudden terror surged through him so strong that it pierced through the block before he'd even realized what had happened. The tiny pinprick in the wall, caused by the strong emotion, was enough for him to latch onto, and with a powerful shove, he managed to burst his way through the block. He was blinded by a golden flash of energy, and there was a deafening BOOM so loud it shook the entire castle. The Postman was thrown back against the tree painfully, finally back to himself.

Realizing he had control over his limbs again, The Postman opened his eyes, squinting against the harsh early morning light. The first thing he saw was a massive smoldering crater with the bloodied and battered form of Milan at the bottom. She didn't appear to be moving, and he couldn't tell if she was breathing. His gaze shifted up, and he saw every soldier had stopped training and was staring over at him in shock. He stared back, equally shocked, not knowing what to do.

It was Adena who broke the silence by pumping her fist into the air. "Woo!" She bellowed out with a grin.

The Postman was stunned at the sight of Milan and he didn't move, hoping it wasn't him who had just done that. Within seconds, the courtyard was swarmed with soldiers and Ganondorf himself appeared, sword in hand, ready to fight whatever the threat was. Ganondorf zeroed in on The Postman and the still smoldering crater, and slowly lowered his sword. The Postman simply stared back, wide-eyed and certain he was about to get a fireball to the face once Ganondorf noticed Milan.

Ganondorf stared down into the crater, and then narrowed his eyes. "Who is that?" he demanded. "Did you do this?"

The Postman winced. "Um...it's Milan, Sir."

Ganondorf stared down at the bloody and unmoving form of his niece, and he looked like he truly was going to kill him. Energy began crackling in the air as Ganondorf's hands clenched into fists, but before anything came of it, he was interrupted when Koume and Kotake pushed past him. The witches hurried to The Postman's side and when they saw the devastation, they gave triumphant cheers.

"Red magic!" Kotake exclaimed. "He has powerful red magic!"

"He attacked a Gerudo." Ganondorf stated, his fury evident.

Koume waved him off dismissively. "Of course he didn't." she corrected. "He broke through the block on his magic and it burst out violently. Anyone who was too close to him would have been hit by the blast. It was her fault for bothering him during meditation. She should have known better."

"Is she dead?" Ganondorf demanded, his expression turning ugly.

Kotake carefully slid down into the crater and knelt next to Milan, checking her for signs of life.

"She's alive." she confirmed a moment later. "A healing item will fix her right up."

"Fine, as long as this doesn't happen again." Ganondorf snapped. "Good work, Tracker."

Without another word, the Gerudo king turned and stormed away, leaving them to deal with the mess. The Postman stared after him, surprised he was still alive after that. Glad he hadn't accidentally killed someone, The Postman watched as several soldiers lifted Milan out of the crater and carried her away.

"That was a large blast of magic." Kotake said approvingly. "I'm very pleased with you right now. How do you feel?"

The Postman considered the question, and then replied. "Hungry."

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Milan layed in bed, unable to move and in incredible agony. The witches had tried to heal her with potions and fairies, but nothing worked. Spell after spell had been tried without success, and she had woken up screaming in pain. After two days of research, Koume and Kotake finally informed her that she could not be healed magically due to residual magic from the blast. She would have to heal the slow, old fashioned way, taking non-magical medicines for the pain. It would be months before she could even walk again, let alone be a warrior. Her career had essentially ended. She would never be of use to the military again.

Bitter and angry, she had cried to herself, blaming The Postman for all of her misfortunes. She stewed in her anger for a long time, until finally she sent out a message to someone she knew could help her, someone reviled by the entire Gerudo nation. She then waited in silence for hours, her anger only growing. It was now late at night, the pain keeping her awake.

"You look like absolute crap." came an unexpected voice from the doorway.

If Milan could move, she would have jumped in surprise. Looking over at The Thief, who was barely visible in the darkness, she nodded in agreement.

"You wanted to see me?" he questioned.

"I have a favour to ask."

The Thief stepped into the room and closed the door after him. "Depends." he stated, approaching her bed. "What do you want?"

"You once said you would do anything for me." she said. "Was that true?"

The Thief narrowed his eyes. "You know very well that was all just pillow-talk, and waaay too much wine." he responded. "What is it that you want?"

Milan met his gaze directly. "Kill The Tracker for me."

The Thief hesitated, not sure he'd heard her correctly. "What?"

"Kill. The. Tracker. If you ever cared about me at all, then you'll do this for me."

The Thief looked at her as if she'd grown a second head. "If Ganondorf ever found out I killed his precious little Tracker, he'd execute me." The Thief responded. "Why would I ever do something that stupid?"

"Then don't get caught." Milan snapped. "Prove you're as good as you claim, and get away with it."

"Now, why would I take that sort of risk to kill someone I don't even know?" The Thief demanded. "You're honestly not worth that kind of risk."

"He was the one that did this to me." Milan stated, sullenly. "He tried to kill me. He's been beating me, and abusing me since the day he came."

This quickly got The Thief's attention. "He?" he repeated. "So The Tracker is a man. I knew there was something off about him."

Milan let out a pained sounding cough, and The Thief backed away from her with a grimace. She gave him a glare. "Will you kill him for me? You know I love you."

"Naw." The Thief responded with a shrug. "Sorry, sweetheart, but I'm not risking my life and career on someone I don't even like that much. I know very well you don't like me either, so save the lies."

"You're scum." Milan told him, glaring angrily.

The Thief gave her a mock bow. "I should hope so, I've worked very hard at my reputation."

"My uncle told me he's planning on replacing you with The Tracker once he's fully trained. You know Ganondorf doesn't trust you, and I overheard him saying he was going to send the two of you on a mission together. The Tracker is supposed to learn everything he can from you, and then Ganondorf is going to dispose of you. Your time here is limited. The Tracker will be Ganondorf's new thief."

The Thief eyed her skeptically. "You're lying."

Milan stared at him cooly. "Perhaps, but do you really want to chance it? You're not a Gerudo, and Ganondorf can get rid of you at any time without reason, you know this."

The Thief went silent as he considered her words. "I know very well you're trying to manipulate me, but I suppose I can appreciate that. Although, I don't believe you, I also don't trust that Tracker. There's something off about him, something I don't like...Ganondorf probably is planning on replacing me..."

"I'll give you ten thousand rupees to bring me his head."

Now, this caught The Thief's interest. His eyes lit up at the thought of so many rupees, and she could see he was beginning to waver.

"Kill him before, or during your joint mission and I'll give you twenty thousand."

The Thief crossed his arms. "Do you even have that many rupees?"

"Of course I do. I have my own personal vault that gets a monthly allowance from the treasury. I've been saving for years. I am part of the royal family after all."

"Oh, yeah...you're such a skank I totally forgot that technically you're a princess..."

Milan's look soured. "I hate you so much."

He flashed her a grin.

"Well?" she demanded. Will you do it?"

The Thief let out a sigh. "Thirty thousand rupees and five minutes alone in the main treasury vault. Ganondorf's vault."

Milan immediately nodded. "Deal."

The Thief gave her a mock bow. "The Tracker is dead."

Without another word, he disappeared back into the shadows.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy!**

 **Next update will be on Wednesday**


	14. The Second Mission

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 **Authornote: Wednesday** **February 22 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Wow, This chapter ended up being waaaaaay longer than anticipated. I really should have broken this up into two separate chapters but...meh. Happy 8,500 word chapter day! lol**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Reiz16 \- The Postman is still not completely convinced it was him that did that to Milan. Denial is deep with this one. lol**

 **Rainmy \- I'm glad I'm still able to give you cliffhanger anxiety. It means I'm doing my job :D Thanks for the review!**

 **ChanglingRin \- Milan likely learned her negotiating skills from Ganondorf. "Do as I say, or eat my fist". Thank you so much for the review!**

 **FerretFlies \- That BOOM was my favourite part of the chapter. 0:D The Postman has an astoundingly huge family. He has 12 younger brothers and sisters as well as many, many cousins, aunts, uncles, etc. lol Link has no idea what he'd gotten himself mixed up in. He has made his life so much more complicated by pitting himself against The Postman. Thank you so much for the super awesome review!**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Wednesdays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 8

The Second Mission

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Ganondorf was furious when he found out his niece had to recover from her injuries naturally. He knew her career was over, and that she'd never be any use to him again. He had been proud of her talents, and had high hopes for her, so this came as heavy blow. Milan was family, and Ganondorf valued that above all else.

Although it had clearly been an accident, Ganondorf still blamed The Postman, and had summoned him to the throne room with the intention to beat him. The second the throne room door opened, he threw a powerful blast right at The Postman, who barely managed to dodge out of the way. Ganondorf immediately threw another and The Postman wasn't quite fast enough to get out of the way of that one. The blast hit one of his legs hard, and the bone shattered from the force of the throw. The Postman fell to the floor in agony, now completely at the villain's mercy.

Seeing he'd successfully hit his target, Ganondorf lowered his hand, and stomped his way over to the smaller man. The Postman looked up at the fast approaching villain, and he immediately curled into the fetal position, waiting for the pain to come. Ganondorf reached down and plucked him up off the floor by the collar and then held him up so they were eye to eye.

"You've permanently disabled Milan." he stated, eyes narrowed. "It will take her months to recover, and she'll be in a lot of pain because of you. The only reason you're not dead right now, is because it was an accident, and because you're still useful to me."

The Postman honestly felt bad about Milan. He never meant to hurt her, even if she did deserve it, and he wasn't certain how to respond to this.

"That leg can heal the old fashioned way just like Milan's injuries have to." Ganondorf informed him. "Maybe that, and a few days in the dungeon, will teach you to be more careful with your magic."

Ganondorf then called for the guards, and The Postman was dragged away to be thrown in the dungeon. It wasn't the smelly, dirty dungeon he'd seen before, it was clearly the dungeon Ganondorf used for his own Gerudo. The cell was clean, had a bed, and looked more like a bedroom than a prison cell.

Although Ganondorf had broken The Postman's leg in punishment, and then had him thrown into the dungeon, all things considered, The Postman thought he'd actually gotten off pretty easy. Milan had broken way more bones than that after all. His leg didn't even hurt that much as long as he didn't move it.

To his surprise, Ganondorf didn't order him starved, and he was fed generously three times a day, and no one laid a hand on him. He even had a few visitors from his training group that came to see how he was doing and to fill him in on the latest gossip about the Captain and Milan. He had expected daily beatings, starvation and all sorts of horrible things, but in reality it wasn't that harsh of a punishment. It reminded him of being grounded as a child, and other than the boredom, it wasn't too bad.

He'd been forced to keep the broken leg for five days, and Koume and Kotake brought him several books to study while he was imprisoned. The Postman had been excused from all training due to the injuries, and he'd spent the entire five days locked away in the cell quietly reading.

When the five days were finally up, Ganondorf reluctantly gave his permission to get the leg healed, and he was released.

To The Postman's displeasure, Koume and Kotake had immediately put him back into magical training in an attempt to harness his magic. The crater in the courtyard had been filled in and he was once again made to sit in a concentration circle.

"We'll be back later." Koume told him. "Meditate until then."

The Postman really didn't want to meditate but he nodded all the same. He had a deep fear of getting trapped in his mind again, but the witches promised him they wouldn't let that happen. They said they would check on him often and if he was trapped, they would immediately pull him out of the meditation. They had never lied to him, so The Postman was inclined to trust them on the matter.

The moment he was alone, he closed his eyes to begin his meditation. Breathing deeply, he began to relax his mind, but he heard the slight rustle of grass as someone approached him. Cracking open an eye, thinking it was the twins, he was startled at the sight of The Thief.

The Thief was sitting cross-legged directly in front of him so close, their knees were almost touching, simply staring at him in silence. The Postman stared back, not liking the fact his personal space was being invaded, but The Thief made no move to speak to him. The Postman was forbidden to speak, so he had no idea what The Thief was doing or what he wanted. Was he trying to trick him into a conversation? Glancing over at the soldiers training nearby, he could see that Captain Isa had noticed The Thief, and was watching them with narrowed eyes. The Captain was clearly not a fan of the other man.

The Postman's eyes shifted back to The Thief, who was still staring silently at him. Growing uncomfortable, The Postman closed his eyes in an attempt to resume his meditation. Just as he was beginning to relax, he choked on a lungful of smoke and begun coughing and gagging. Opening his eyes as he coughed, The Postman saw The Thief had lit a cigarette and was blowing the smoke in his direction. The Thief was sitting so close to him, The Postman could taste every breath of smoke, and he gave another involuntary cough. The Postman grimaced at the taste of the secondhand smoke, and glared at The Thief, hoping the man would take the hint and leave. The Thief gave no response to the glare, his gaze never leaving The Postman's eyes as if evaluating him.

The Postman made a shooing motion at The Thief, and then pointed to the exit of the courtyard.

The Thief ignored him, his eyes still never once leaving his own. The Postman really didn't like the way The Thief was looking at him so intently; it was like he was some sort of specimen under a microscope. Although The Thief hadn't spoken a single word, The Postman was too distracted to even attempt meditation again. He leaned back against the tree behind him and stared back at The Thief silently, wondering why The Thief hadn't spoken up. Was he trying to intimidate him?

The Postman knew The Thief was on the opposite schedule as him, and although it was very early morning, he assumed The Thief was still up from the night before. Hoping the other man would get bored and leave, The Postman stared back at him for an uncomfortably long time.

The Thief went through five cigarettes in silence, and to The Postman's relief, he saw Koume and Kotake enter the courtyard a short time later. When they saw The Thief and what he was doing, they narrowed their eyes and quietly approached from behind. The Thief definitely wasn't expecting to suddenly be yanked backwards by an ear, and he let out a strangled yelp of surprise.

"What do you think you're doing?" Kotake demanded, giving his ear a painful twist. "You were told to leave the Tracker alone!"

"Ah! Ow! Stop it, you pointy-nosed old hag!" The Thief complained, wincing as she pulled him up to his feet by the ear.

Her response was to give the ear another twist, making him let out another shrill yelp.

"You know better than to interrupt someone while they're meditating!" Koume scolded. "Explain what you were doing!"

The Thief was harshly yanked out of the meditation circle by the ear, so he was now several feet away from The Postman and safely out of The Postman's personal space.

"I wasn't doing nothing!" The Thief defended, swatting at her hand in desperation.

"Bad grammar aside, you clearly were." Kotake snapped, tightening her grip on the ear. "If I catch you bothering the Tracker again, I will drag you by the ear to be dealt with by Lord Ganondorf. A sore ear is the least you'll have to worry about!"

"Fine, fine." The Thief cried out quickly as his ear was given another good yank. "Just let go, you shrivelled prune!"

Giving the ear one last pull, Kotake released him, and The Thief rubbed at the ear with a scowl, shot a glare at The Postman, and then stormed away without another word. Once he was gone, the witches approached The Postman.

"What did he say to you?" Koume asked.

"Nothing."

The witches gave him a skeptical look. "Nothing?"

The Postman gave a nod. "He just sitting there staring at me. He never said a word."

The witches looked exasperated. "Out of all of Lord Ganondorf's minions, why does he have to be the one that causes the most trouble?" Kotake asked.

"The Thief is an idiot." Koume responded, looking at The Postman. "He's probably just jealous that you've been getting so much attention lately, Tracker. We tried magically training him four separate times, but he has the attention span of a goldfish, and couldn't even read the first book we gave him, let alone meditate. We spent years working on him, but finally declared him a failure, and moved onto other students. Lord Ganondorf vowed to never again waste such a large amount of time on any minion that was being magically trained. That's why you were given a time-limit for your magical training."

The Postman remembered seeing several handwritten notes in the Theory of Magic book, and realized they were probably from The Thief.

Koume let out a sigh. "Well, he's done a good job distracting you, and I doubt you'll get any meaningful meditation done today. You might as well return to your room and continue reading. We'll resume your training tomorrow."

The Postman stood to his feet, relieved he didn't have to meditate. "Yes ma'am."

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The Postman noticed a few odd things happening to him the last day or so, and hoped it was just his imagination. When he entered the bathroom to brush his teeth before bed, he couldn't find his toothpaste. He found the empty tube in the sink, and a message written on the mirror dripping in white. The message had very impolitely told him to stop trespassing in the bathroom, and The Postman found himself feeling rather irritated. That had been a brand new tube of toothpaste, and now he'd have to go buy a new one. The Postman had simply cleaned the mess off the mirror, and ignored it, knowing this was the only bathroom he was allowed to use.

Next, he'd discovered a huge Skulltula with very big fangs hidden underneath his pillow. The poor spider seemed incredibly agitated, so The Postman had carefully removed it, placing it on his windowsill to crawl away up the side of the castle. It had hissed at him angrily, but didn't attack him, clearly just glad to be out of the pillowcase.

After that, at suppertime, his food had tasted incredibly strange, so he disposed of it, assuming it was spoiled, and bought food in the market instead. On his way back to the castle, a display rack of weapons in one of the stalls had collapsed nearly crushing him. He had barely dodged it, and then continued on his way, feeling like he was having very bad luck lately.

That night, The Postman was sitting up in bed reading, when he smelt a strange odor begin filling his room. Glancing to the door, he saw a mysterious purple smoke creeping in under the door. The smoke burned his throat, and caused his eyes to burn, so he hurried to the window, throwing it open. Ok, this was definitely not a coincidence. Someone was trying to kill him. Confused as to who it would be, as Milan was still incapacitated, he had a feeling he didn't want to know.

The room was quickly filling with the foul smoke and The Postman had a feeling death was waiting for him on the other side of the door if he tried to leave. Leaning out the window to find an escape, he saw the window ledge was just wide enough to edge along if he wanted to. Gripping the windowsill, he pulled himself out of the window and stepped carefully onto the ledge. He edged very cautiously to the window next door and then knocked on the glass, hoping Adena was home.

He waited and only a moment later, Adena threw open the window almost causing him to lose his balance. She stared at him with narrowed eyes.

"What are you doing?" she demanded suspiciously. "Were you spying on us?!"

The Postman quickly shook his head. "No, miss, it appears someone is trying to kill me...again. May I come in?"

She stared at him a long moment, and then slammed the window closed, once again almost knocking him off the ledge. The Postman glanced behind him and saw the purple smoke was now so thick he couldn't even see through it. There was no way he could go back the way he'd come. Hesitantly, he knocked again. A moment later, Adena was back glaring at him.

"My room is full of poisonous gas at the moment. I can't go back there right now, or it'll probably kill me. Can I please come in?"

Adena leaned out of the window and saw he wasn't lying about the strange smoke. She stared at it in surprise, realizing someone really was trying to kill The Postman.

Letting out an irritated sigh, she stepped aside to let him in. The Postman gratefully climbed in and then closed the window after him, keeping the smoke out. When he turned around, he saw the room had six Gerudo in it, all playing cards. They all glared at him, but didn't comment. Feeling very awkward and out of place, The Postman sat on the edge of Adena's bed.

"Can you play sorcery?" Adena demanded, pointing at the cards.

The Postman shook his head.

"If you're going to wait in here until whoever it is you pissed off leaves, you might as well play... I suppose. Don't think this means I like you though." Adena informed him. "Iris is my girlfriend, and I have no interest in you."

"I understand." The Postman assured her.

"Okay, Iris, deal him in."

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The Postman found out that all the warriors from rooms J7 to J12 always met up every Friday night to play cards. He was terrible at the overly complicated card game, and he stayed for a few hours, but then he felt the burn of being summoned. Explaining that he had to go, he cautiously peeked out the door to see if the coast was clear. No one was in sight, and so he turned to Adena.

"Thank you for helping me again." he said. "You've been very kind to me."

Adena waved him off, without looking up. "Next time you come to game night, bring snacks." she ordered. "I like pretzels."

Not expecting the invitation, The Postman nodded, quite surprised. "I will." he promised.

He suddenly felt the back of his hand burn more fiercely, and he glanced down at the marking. "I need to leave immediately." he commented. "Lord Ganondorf is getting impatient."

"Bye." one of the Gerudo called over with a wave.

The Postman gave a slight wave back, and then slipped out the door, hurrying to find out what Ganondorf wanted. It was late at night, and he couldn't imagine what the Gerudo could need at that time of night.

Ganondorf was lounging in his throne room, pouring over dozens and dozens of maps. He ignored The Postman for a few minutes as he wrote something down, and then set his work aside. Ganondorf gave stretch, and then finally turned his attention to The Postman.

"I have another mission for you." he stated.

"Yes, Sir." The Postman replied, instantly all business.

"That disgusting slug who thinks he's a fairy really does know his stuff, and I've been given some excellent maps. The Thief was not able to locate the Sword of Mephistophelian in Hyrule castle, but he did find a clue as to where it's hidden.

I've researched it thoroughly and I believe I now know where it is. There's an area far North indicated on one of the maps that matches the description in the clue. I believe that cave holds the sword my Thief wasn't able to find. At least it's rumoured to be in that area. I want you to find the sword and bring it to me."

The Postman hesitated. He was excellent at finding people, but not lifeless objects. "Er, I'm not sure that's within my capabilities, Sir. I can find people, but not things."

"My witches have assured me that you should be able to complete this mission. They say you can sense magic instinctively, and so once you get close enough to the cave, you should sense the sword's powerful magic."

The Postman didn't feel overly confident. "I will do my best, Sir."

"The area is incredibly treacherous, and the sword is said to be under lock and key at the far end of a cave with many death traps. Are you good at picking locks, Tracker?"

"Honestly I've never tried, Sir."

Ganondorf considered that and gave a nod. "I suspected as much. I don't want to take the chance that you won't be able to pick the lock once you finally find your way through the death traps. I'm sending my Thief with you to help with any locks you might encounter."

"Yes, Sir."

"He's the best at what he does, and he's fast. He'll also be able to protect you if the need arises. He's had extensive physical training."

"Yes, Sir." The Postman repeated.

"You are not to talk to him unless absolutely necessary, Tracker. Remember that he's a snake and he'll try to trick information out of you. Do not betray my trust, and don't let The Thief betray me either. Keep an eye on him."

The Postman gave a hesitant nod. "Yes, Sir, as you wish. Where am I to find The Thief?"

"I've already sent word for him to come here. You'll leave once he gets here."

Ganondorf then motioned him over and pointed at a very detailed map of the continent. "You see this here?" he asked, pointing to a small black cave that was on the very edges of the Gerudo territory.

"Yes, Sir." The Postman replied.

"The area beyond these mountains is simply called Forbidden. Centuries ago, the mountains were created by a previous Gerudo King to separate his people from the horrors of Forbidden. The mountains are very tall, very treacherous, and protected by magic. No one but those given the mark of the Gerudo may safely cross."

The Postman glanced down at the desert emblem on his hand, and Ganondorf nodded.

"Yes, Tracker, that mark will allow you through the barrier. There are countless Stalfos, Wolfos, Skulltula and Redead living in Forbidden, but it's the guardian you have to be afraid of."

"Guardian, Sir?"

"The Guardian was the reason the mountain was created. It was a monster so great, and so powerful that even the previous Gerudo Kings could not stop it. It is resistant to magic, its flesh is too thick to be pierced by weapons, and its teeth and claws can cut through any armour. It was a threat to our people, and so the land was sealed off for good."

"If it was a thousand years ago, Sir, wouldn't the creature be long dead by now?"

"Likely." Ganondorf responded. "But you're to be extremely careful just the same. There could be multiple generations of whatever that creature was."

"If it was a Guardian, then what was it protecting, Sir? The sword?"

Ganondorf shook his head. "No, the sword was placed there because of the Guardian, not the other way around. No one knows what its protecting, but whatever it is, is not worth the risk. If the Guardian attacks, do not engage, you are to run, is that understood? You will not win against it. Also, do not tell The Thief about how dangerous this mission is, or he won't do it."

The Postman nodded.

"It will be very difficult for the two of you to scale the mountains. You'll have to climb slowly, and very carefully, because one slip and you'll be impaled on the sharp stones. It will take you a couple weeks to safely cross the mountains and then just a few days walk to get to the cave."

The Postman frowned down at the map, studying the cave's location carefully. Ganondorf saw the look, and then demanded.

"What?"

"Nothing...it's just, I think I know a shortcut to get to this cave."

That caught Ganondorf off guard. "A shortcut? No, that's impossible, the only way to Forbidden is over the mountain. It's surrounded by mountains on all sides."

The Postman pointed to a map of Death Mountain. "Death Mountain is the closest mountain to the cave, and I'm pretty sure it's not enchanted. Although the mountain is too tall to climb, inside Goron City there is a hidden tunnel that leads straight through the mountain and comes out the other side in Forbidden. If I were to take that shortcut, I could get to the cave within days instead of weeks."

Ganondorf simply stared at him. "How do you know this?" he demanded. "Even the map-maker didn't know anything about a 'secret tunnel'."

The Postman pointed to a spot within Forbidden. "I've delivered a letter here before." he answered. "There's an old man who lives there by himself in a crumbling shack."

"You mean to tell me you found a way to bypass the enchantments that were supposed to kill anyone who trespassed?!"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf pursed his lips, having no doubt The Postman was telling the truth. He would have to destroy the tunnel before anyone else discovered it.

"You will use the tunnel then. Good work, Tracker, if this shortcut really exists, you'll have sped up my plans."

The throne room doors were then thrown open dramatically, and The Thief stalked in, backpack ready, clearly already aware of the mission. He glanced over at The Postman, and his eyes widened as if he were surprised at seeing him there. The Thief quickly turned away from him, however, and instead approached Ganondorf.

"Soooo, what am I stealing this time?" he asked.

"The sword I require has finally been located. You and my Tracker are to travel there and retrieve it. The Tracker knows the way, and therefore will be in charge of the mission. You are to listen to him, is that understood, Thief?"

The Thief's eyes turned absolutely mutinous. "I don't need to be shown the way. I'm the best thief that ever lived and I can manage without him. I can do this mission alone."

"No, you will do as I say, Thief." Ganondorf snapped. "I'm not taking the chance on you screwing up, not this close to the end of my plans. The two of you will work together whether you like it or not."

The Thief crossed his arms sullenly, and flashed a glare in The Postman's direction.

"Come over here so you can look at the map." Ganondorf ordered. "I've already explained it to The Tracker, so you need to get caught up."

The Thief approached the desk and peered down at the maps, still looking angry.

"This is where you need to get to. All research indicates this cave is supposed to house the sword I need. You will retrieve it."

The Thief's eyes scanned the map. "This doesn't seem like a very hard mission." he commented. "Climb a few mountains and then find the sword just laying around inside a cave? Shorty here could even do this mission himself."

"I don't know what protections the cave has." Ganondorf admitted. "My Tracker is not trained in picking locks, and his combat skills are not up to par, so that's where you come in."

The Thief sat himself on the corner of Ganondorf's desk so he could carefully look over the map. "Something feels off about this situation." he stated. "This is simply too easy...what aren't you telling me? Is this a trick?"

"Off the desk." Ganondorf snarled, giving him a shove. "It won't be easy, because there are roaming packs of Wolfos and Redead in that area. You'll need to bring weapons."

"Ugh, I hate Redead." The Thief complained.

Ganondorf pointed to Goron City on the map. "Tracker says there's a shortcut through Death Mountain that will save the both of you having to go the long way. A tunnel that leads right to the area you need to get to."

The Thief let out a snort. "I've been all over the Goron City and there's no secret tunnel. He's lying."

"I doubt it very much, but I guess we'll find out, won't we?" Ganondorf snapped, turning to pick up a bottle behind him.

The second Ganondorf's back was turned, The Thief reached out and grabbed an expensive looking dagger off the desk and pocketed it before the Gerudo turned back around. The Postman gave him a look of disapproval, but figured the theft wasn't really any of his business. The Thief glared right back at him, silently daring him to snitch. Ganondorf didn't even notice the dagger's disappearance, and held out a bottled Healing Fairy.

"This is only to be used in the case of an emergency." he warned. "If you don't use it, I expect it to be given back when you return."

The Thief reached out and snatched the fairy excitedly. "Sweet." he commented. "Fairies are rare nowadays! The Hero of Time keeps using them all."

"You're not to pawn that, Thief." Ganondorf warned.

"Yeah, yeah, don't get your panties in a twist." The Thief said, dismissively. "I'm not gonna pawn it."

Ganondorf looked like he was tempted to blast The Thief with a fireball, but refrained.

"You two may use Nightmare to get to the mountains, but after that the terrain will be too rocky for riding. Just leave the horse behind and he'll find his own way home."

"Yes, Mr. Ganondorf."

"Tracker, The Thief has been known to steal from me before, so I want you to guard that sword with your life."

The Thief looked slightly offended at this, but didn't deny the possibility of him stealing the sword.

"Yes, sir."

"Good, now you may both leave. You're dismissed."

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"Soooo, what's your name anyway, Mr. Mysterious Tracker?" The Thief asked as they headed towards the stables.

The Postman pushed open the stable door and entered, not saying a word to The Thief.

"You're going to have to speak to me eventually." The Thief pointed out. "It's going to be a long mission."

The Postman still said nothing, opening the stall door and letting Nightmare out. The Thief did have a point, and he knew he couldn't avoid conversation forever.

The horse snorted and stomped angrily at the sight of The Thief, looking like it wanted to kill him, but it stayed obediently still as The Postman saddled it.

"I hate that stupid horse." The Thief commented. "It bit me the last time I had to borrow it. I think Ganondorf trained it to do that..."

The Postman said nothing as he finished saddling the horse. The Thief approached him and leaned in close, staring at The Postman once again much too close for comfort. The Postman leaned away from him, and continued loading their equipment onto the horse. The Thief clearly had personal boundary issues...

"Do I know you from somewhere?" The Thief asked. "Were you a thief? Have we worked together before?"

When he received no answer, The Thief let out an irritated sigh and mounted the horse. "I'll control the hell-horse." he stated. "You get to ride in the back like a damsel in distress."

The Postman really hoped The Thief wouldn't be this annoying for the entire mission. He wasn't sure how much of that he could take. He mounted the horse behind The Thief, and they rode out of the stable in silence.

As they made their way through the market, The Thief very obviously leered at every pretty Gerudo they passed, earning him multiple looks of death. He whistled seductively at one particular scantily-clad Gerudo, and had to duck as she threw her spear at his head. Nonplussed, he blew her a kiss as they rode off, the Gerudo scowling after them. It was clear every Gerudo despised The Thief, and The Postman found himself facepalming in exasperation. Now he knew why the Gerudo were so aggressive with him; he was guilty by association.

"Man, I'm so lucky to live here." The Thief commented. "Thousands of women with barely any competition. Gerudo women are the hottest of the hot! What I wouldn't give to be Ganondorf! His entire nation is his own personal harem! I'd replenish the Gerudo Nation all by myself!"

The Postman quickly glanced around to make sure no one had overheard that comment. "Better not let the Gerudo hear you say that." he advised.

The Thief let out a snort. "Oh, so now you answer me." he stated. "Mr. Snob has decided I'm worthy of his blessed conversational skills."

The Postman let out another sigh.

"So, you've been here how long, a month or so?" The Thief asked. "How many Gerudo have you dated so far?"

"I'm the last thing the Gerudo are interested in." The Postman responded. "I live here as part of Ganondorf's employment, not as a love interest."

The Thief glanced over his shoulder at him with wide eyes. "Are you serious?" he demanded. "You haven't gone after a single one of these gorgeous women?"

"No."

The Thief seemed to grow thoughtful for a moment. "You must be gay." he announced. "You train every day right next to the youngest and prettiest of all the Gerudo. There's no possible way a straight man could resist gorgeous, half-naked Gerudo warriors sweatily training right beside him! It's fine if you are gay, I have a knack for sensing these things after all. It just means more ladies for me, so I'm not complaining."

The Postman gave him a look of death and said nothing.

The Thief gave an innocent shrug in return. "Well, if I were you, I wouldn't have been able to resist them during training! All that sweat and exposed skin..."

"And that's why they would have stabbed you on the first day of training." The Postman retorted. "You shouldn't talk about them that way. They're people, you know."

The Thief gave another nod. "Yup, definitely gay."

The Postman fell silent, realizing there was no point in trying to have a rational discussion with someone like The Thief.

They passed by the Gerudo fortress where there were still over a hundred warriors posted, stopping anyone from entering Gerudo territory. The Thief's grin practically reached his ears as they passed the warriors, his eyes taking in the view. The warriors gave him disgusted looks, but allowed them passage without question. Once they were out of view and earshot, The Thief let out a love-struck sigh.

"I love Gerudo, so beautiful and cold-hearted. The perfect women."

The Postman said nothing, simply shaking his head as The Thief brought the horse to a canter. They started to cross the bridge in silence, and The Postman wasn't really paying attention, his mind far away. It took him completely by surprise when The Thief's elbow suddenly hit him hard in the ribs, knocking him from the horse. He fell off the horse backwards, and just barely managed to catch hold of the bridge's suspension ropes. If his reflexes had have been just a bit slower, he would have fallen from the bridge down to his death below.

The Thief looked down at him with a frown. "Sorry, Shorty, I just got stun by a bee and I flailed. Are you ok? I didn't mean to knock you off."

The Postman simply stared at him, not quite sure whether it was intentional or not. What reason would The Thief have for killing him though?

The Thief held down a hand to help him back up. "Sorry again." he said. "I'll be more careful next time."

With a frown, The Postman accepted the hand and was pulled back up onto the horse. Holding on a lot tighter this time, they continued on their way.

It was still very late in the evening, and as they rode across Hyrule field no one was around to see them. They made it to Kakariko village in good time, and to The Postman's confusion, The Thief did not head for Death Mountain, but instead stopped the horse next to one of the buildings. The Thief dismounted, and The Postman was quick to question him.

"Where are you going? We need to get to the Goron City."

The Thief waved him off dismissively. "I need a drink."

The Postman glanced a little more closely at the building and realized it was a tavern. "We were told to be as fast as possible. We don't have time for this!" The Postman insisted.

The Thief rolled his eyes and entered the tavern without another word. The Postman frowned after him, and then dismounted. Tying up the horse, he entered the tavern, hoping no one would recognize him. The tavern was crowded and noisy, and The Postman glanced around, not immediately seeing The Thief. Carefully slipping his way through the crowd, he headed to the bar and found The Thief already nursing a very large beer in one hand, and a cigarette in the other.

"We need to go." The Postman informed him, crossly.

The Thief blew a mouthful of smoke at him, and held a hand to his ear signifying he couldn't hear him.

"We need to go!" The Postman said much louder.

"Sorry, can't hear you." The Thief yelled back, taking a swig of his beer.

The Postman frowned, thinking this whole situation was incredibly unprofessional. With a sigh, he took a seat next to The Thief, realizing there was nothing could do about it.

"What can I get ya, sweetheart?" the bartender asked him.

"Club soda." he replied grumpily.

"That won't do, sweetheart, I'll get you a better drink than that."

She gave him a smile, and dutifully got him a super-fancy looking pink cocktail. She added a slice of lime to the edge of the glass and slid it over to him.

"There ya go, try that, it's a virgin strawberry fizz."

The Postman sat there and watched as The Thief downed the enormous mug of beer and then ordered another. As The Thief started on his second mug of beer, he glanced over and caught sight of what The Postman was drinking. The Thief gave him a look of disbelief.

"Did you just order a girly drink?!" he asked in disbelief.

The Postman didn't respond.

A few minutes later, some sort of fried food was placed in front of The Thief. Seeing the thunderous look The Postman was shooting him, he gave a shrug.

"Hey, I'm starving, I haven't had breakfast yet." he defended. "Want an onion ring?"

The Postman wasn't sure on what planet fried and battered foods counted as breakfast, but he said nothing, simply glaring silently at The Thief.

"Your loss." The Thief responded, popping the onion ring into his mouth. "I'll leave you to enjoy your girly drink."

With that, The Thief got up and carried his food off to another part of the tavern. The Postman watched him slip someone a few rupees and The Thief was allowed into some sort of private room. The Postman took a slow sip of his drink, feeling frustrated and angry. Never once had he shirked responsibility when it came to his job and he certainly didn't want to start now.

"Why so glum?" the bartender asked, leaning over into his field of vision.

"Just lazy co-worker problems." The Postman responded, glaring towards the private room.

The bartender looked him up and down, noting the Gerudo style clothing. "So, what is it you do, exactly?"

The Postman realized he probably shouldn't be talking to her, and simply gave a shrug. The bartender eyed him a bit suspiciously, and then said. "Well, if you're stuck working with that thief, I can understand your frustration. He's a regular here."

The Postman let out a sigh.

"Here, let me get you a refill." the bartender said, taking his glass. "I can make you a mean lime virgin cocktail if you like."

Glancing back at the private room, The Postman had a feeling The Thief would be a while, and so he nodded. As he waited for his drink, a man sat down next to him.

"Hey, I'll take a beer when you're done making whatever that is." the man said.

"Sure thing, Haru."

The Postman froze, and then slowly turned to look at the man sitting next to him. His brother Haru was slouched at the bar and had seemingly not noticed him yet. Reaching up to doublecheck his mask, The Postman wondered if he would gain unwanted attention if he fled from the bar. Haru noticed him staring, and glanced over at him.

"Um...hi?" he said, uncomfortable with the staring.

The Postman quickly looked away. A fancy green drink was set in front of him, and he took a sip, getting extremely uncomfortable when Haru didn't look away from him.

"What's a Gerudo doing all the way here?" he questioned curiously.

The Postman didn't answer.

"Sorry." Haru apologized. "I promise I'm not trying to hit on you. I have a girlfriend now. I was just curious."

The Postman glanced over at him out of the corner of his eye. Haru had a girlfriend? When had that happened?

When he still received no answer, Haru turned back to his beer.

"I haven't seen you in a while, Haru." the bartender commented. "Have you been travelling?"

"I went back home to Termina for a while." he responded, his tone changing completely. "There was a death in the family, and my parents needed the support. It was incredibly hard on them."

The Postman grimaced, a fresh wave of guilt hitting him. He wished that he could reveal that he was alive, but knew it would only cause more problems for his family. It was better that they thought him dead, instead of serving Ganondorf. There was no point in adding to the level of disappointment they likely already felt towards him.

"I'm sorry to hear that, Haru." the bartender said, giving the large man a pat on the arm. "Are you meeting anyone here?"

Haru nodded. "I'm meeting my twin Jaru, and a few other siblings. They're all postmen and should be here any minute."

"Oh, I think they're already here." the bartender replied. "There's a table in the back with a group of postmen."

Both Haru and The Postman turned around to look in the direction indicated. To his horror, The Postman did indeed see a table full of his brothers and sisters. He quickly turned back around.

"Ah, ok, thanks." Haru said, grabbing his drink and heading over to them.

The Postman stared down into his drink, wanting to be anywhere but there at the moment. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of rupees and pushed them towards the barkeeper.

"The next few rounds are on me for the postmen." he replied. "Keep it anonymous."

The bartender gave him a smile. "That's very sweet of you. I'm sure they've all had a hard time lately."

Finishing his drink, The Postman got up and slipped away from the bar, going outside to wait by the horse. He sat on the fence beside Nightmare, and absentmindedly petted him, hoping The Thief wouldn't be too long. Nightmare was enjoying the rare amount of attention, and for once didn't attempt to bite him.

The Postman saw many people come and go from the tavern but The Thief still made no appearance. When the sun began coming up, The Postman got fed up and headed back in to look for him. The tavern was now quiet, most people gone and those that were left were passed out in various places. The Postman glanced at those that were left but didn't see The Thief among them. Approaching the bar, the bartender looked up from the glasses she was washing.

"Sorry, hun, bars closed until tonight." she told him.

"The man I came in with, have you seen him?" The Postman asked.

"Oh, yes, him." she said, rolling her eyes. "Yeah, he paid a couple girls to go upstairs with him. I haven't seen him in hours though."

The Postman was both disgusted and angry. They were supposed to be working!

Seeing his look, the bartender laughed. "You can go get him if you want."

The Postman immediately shook his head.

The bartender laughed once more. "You amuse me, so I'll go wake his drunk ass up for you. I'll be right back."

The Postman took a seat at the bar and watched as the bar tender went upstairs. There was silence for a few minutes and then there was loud thumping and yelling from above. There was the sound of something shattering and then the bartended came back down, pulling The Thief behind her by the back of the collar.

She shoved him in the direction of the bar, and then said. "Pay for the damages, and then leave. It was rude to keep your friend waiting that long!"

The Thief squinted at her and then clutched at his head with a grimace. "Friend? What friend? I don't have any friends."

The Thief glanced over at The Postman. "Oh, him."

Muttering under his breath, The Thief tossed a handful of rupees on the counter and then turned to leave the bar. The Postman hurried after him, glad they'd finally be on their way. To his annoyance, The Thief didn't head for the horse, but instead next door to the item shop. Huffing in irritation, he followed after him.

The Thief entered the shop and approached the counter, the old woman behind the counter eyeing him suspiciously.

"You better not rob me this time." she warned him. "I have a strong young man living with me now that can teach you a lesson. I'll call him to give you a good beating!"

"I'm not going to rob you, Wrinkles, I just need a healing potion."

The old woman gave him a disapproving look, but did reach out to hand him a healing potion. The second he had it, The Thief laughed and took off out the door without paying. The Postman glared after him and then reached into his wallet to pay for the potion.

"Sorry about him."

The old woman accepted the rupees and then shooed him out the door, clearly not trusting him. The Postman obediently left without fuss, and he found The Thief waiting for him next to Nightmare, downing the potion.

The Thief let out a sigh of relief. "There, much better." he commented, rubbing at his head.

"You owe me fifty rupees." The Postman stated, glaring at the other man.

The Thief eyed him in disbelief. "You paid for the potion?!"

The Postman nodded, and The Thief let out a snort. "Wow, you're really something else, Shorty."

The Thief mounted the horse and then gave The Postman an impatient look. "Quit dragging your heals or I'll tell Ganondorf you were slacking off."

The Postman gave him an icy look, and climbed up on the horse behind him. As they rode towards Death Mountain, they quickly realized the road leading up the mountain was gated closed.

The guard posted at the entrance to Death Mountain stepped in front of the gate and brandished his spear at them.

"Halt!" he ordered. "Who are you, and what do you want?"

The Thief brought the horse to a stop as the guard narrowed his eyes Postman and The Thief exchanged looks. The Postman knew this guard quite well ,and he knew he had to be careful or he'd be recognized.

"What is your business on Death Mountain?" the guard demanded.

The Postman knew he couldn't speak without giving his identity away, so he gave The Thief a nudge. The Thief instantly gave the guard a cheerful grin.

"I thought Death Mountain was opened to the public years ago." he stated innocently. "Have the laws changed without my knowledge?"

The guard scowled. "No, it is still open to the public, but the king ordered me to make sure suspicious characters don't cause trouble on the mountain. You're both dressed like villains and are wearing masks, therefore you are suspicious."

The Thief, a natural born liar, adapted an expression of shock. Placing a hand over his heart he said. "You think we're suspicious?! Oh, dear, that's really terrible! Whatever can we do to prove our honesty?"

The guard crossed his arms. "What are you doing with a Gerudo and where are you headed?"

"Gerudo? Who hi-her?" The Thief asked, instantly catching on.

"Yes, her." the guard said, brandishing his spear.

"Well, it's like this, my good Sir," The Thief began as he wrapped his arms around The Postman with an overly, happy, lustful grin. "We're engaged to be married and just wanted to have a fun little getaway. We wanted to find an 'unoccupied' cave if you know what I mean..."

The guard winced. "She is a Gerudo, isn't she?" he asked a bit uncertainly.

The Thief rubbed a hand up and down The Postman's arm provocatively, as The Postman desperately looked away, cringing.

"Of course she is!" The Thief exclaimed. "She's the most beautiful Gerudo of them all!"

The guard squinted a bit closer at The Postman. "She's kinda flat-chested to be a Gerudo, isn't she?"

The Thief let out an indignant gasp, and hugged The Postman tightly, placing his hands over the very flat chest. "How dare you insult my beautiful Dumassalina! She's perfect in every way! I would think a man of your stature would know better than to pick on young girls just because of their breast size! I have half a mind to complain about you!"

The guard seemed taken aback. "Er, no, I didn't mean it like that..."

Turning to look up at The Postman, the guard tipped his helmet politely. "My apologies, miss. I hope you're not offended. I really didn't mean it that way..."

"Of course she's offended, but she'll be even more offended if our vacation is ruined because you won't let us pass!" The Thief glanced over at The Postman. "Isn't that right, Darling?"

The Postman mutely nodded.

The guard seemed skeptical, something feeling off about the whole situation. "Weeeell," he said thoughtfully. "I suppose you folks look all right. I'll let you pass, but don't be causing any trouble with the Gorons."

The Thief gave him a salute. "You have our word, good Sir!"

The guard tapped his spear on the ground a few times and the gate instantly slid open. As The Postman gave a light kick to The Thief to get him to let go of him, the horse passed by the guard at a trot. The guard tipped his helmet again.

"Enjoy your vacation."

The Thief simply gave a roll of his eyes at the stupidity. "Come on, Darling."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday**


	15. Goron City

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 **Authornote: Friday** **February 24 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I'm going to be changing the update schedule from now on. I'm going to be updating on Sundays and Fridays because more people seem to read this story on the weekend than the weekdays. Sorry about the few typos last chapter, but I think I fixed all of them. :)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the review! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Reiz16 \- I'm glad I made you laugh, my dear! :D Thanks for the review and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story just as much! **

**X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 9

Goron City

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Nightmare gleefully stomped on every Tektite they passed, and The Postman was surprised just how vicious the horse was. He'd never seen such a bloodthirsty animal before, but seeing as it belonged to Ganondorf, it really wasn't all that surprising. As they rode up the trail, The Thief gave The Postman an amused smirk as he hummed to himself innocently.

"So, Darrrling," he drawled. "How's life as a woman?"

The Postman gave him a glare.

"Aw, don't be such a sourpuss. It's not my fault you look like a girl!"

The Postman didn't dignify that with a response.

The Thief rolled his eyes and then asked. "So what's the area we're going to called? It looked like it was part of the Gerudo territory."

"Forbidden." The Postman replied.

"You're forbidden to tell me? Why?"

"No, the area is called Forbidden."

"Ooo, Forbidden, sounds mysterious! Anything interesting there? Why's it forbidden?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "Depends on your definition of interesting. There's a lot of Wolfos, Keese and groups of wandering Redead around, but not much else."

The Thief scratched at his ear for a moment. "You've been there before?"

The Postman nodded.

The Thief puzzled that over. "Why?" he demanded.

The Postman gave a shrug. He couldn't explain his reasons for going there without giving away the fact he used to be a postman.

The Thief gave him an appraising look. "Hmm, maybe you're more interesting than I thought..."

The Postman felt it best not to encourage The Thief's curiosity, but it seemed no matter what he said only made him more interested. Ganondorf had said not to trust The Thief and from he'd seen so far, the other man oozed of sneakiness and deceit. He quickly thought up a plausible explanation.

"Before I worked for Ganondorf, my job took me there." he stated. "Nothing too interesting."

"Ganondorf know you went there?"

"Probably not at the time." The Postman replied.

The Thief then flashed him a grin. "Ha ha, you're such a criminal! You even rip off other villains. You make me proud!"

The Postman instantly became indignant. "Just because I may or may not have trespassed, does not make me a criminal."

The Thief cocked his head and studied him thoughtfully. "Yeah, it really does." he replied. "Are you new at being a villain or something? If you break the law, you're a criminal, no matter how you try to sugarcoat it."

The Postman grunted skeptically, still not believing him. Truthfully, he hadn't even thought of that when he'd delivered the letter. In fact, just how many times over the years had he trespassed onto private property to deliver the mail? That wasn't even something that had occurred to him before. Did that really make him a criminal?

The Postman decidedly shook his head. No. When he was a postman, he'd had a job to do regardless of whether the area was private property or not. The Thief had turned around on the horse, and he watched The Postman with interest, clearly fascinated.

"You've really never thought about it before, have you?" he asked in amusement.

The Postman didn't answer.

The Thief snickered and then slowed down the horse as they approached the entrance to Goron City.

As The Postman slid down from the horse, The Thief gave him an over-exaggerated look of surprise.

"You do know I wasn't serious about us finding an unoccupied cave, right?" he asked. "You're a perfectly lovely girl, but you're just not my type."

Ignoring that comment, The Postman said. "The Gorons have an ancient maze of tunnels going all through the mountains. The entrance is hidden, so I'm not even sure most of the Gorons know about them. We'll need to cut through the Goron City to get there."

The Thief rolled his eyes. "I was joking." he stated, dryly.

The Postman didn't answer, instead unpacking the horse.

"I've been all through Goron City loads of times and never saw any tunnels." The Thief commented. "How do you know about the tunnels if I don't?"

"I just do." The Postman answered, evasively.

The Thief gave a sigh and slid down off the horse, landing beside him. "You're not a very talkative guy, are you? This is going to be a very dull mission."

"We need to hurry up to make up for lost time." The Postman said, tossing The Thief a backpack. "You've already wasted the whole night."

The Thief easily caught it, and then snorted. "Depends on your definition of wasted. I quite enjoyed myself last night. You just need to learn to relax."

"No."

"Like I said, this is going to be a dull mission."

The Thief shouldered the backpack with a sigh. "I should let you know, I'm kind of a wanted man in the Goron City..."

"That somehow doesn't surprise me." The Postman replied.

"Don't you want to know why?"

The Postman gave him a flat look. "Does it involve stealing?" he guessed.

"As a matter of fact it did involve stealing; the stealing of a great many things in fact. The Gorons were highly offended that I pawned their ancient family heirlooms, so they issued a death warrant for me. Personally, I think that's a little overboard. I only got a few thousand rupees out of that crap."

The Postman really didn't care, and glanced towards Goron City. He was a very efficient person and didn't like wasting time when he didn't have to. He shifted about impatiently and glanced back towards The Thief who was taking his time unpacking the horse. The Postman had a feeling Ganondorf would know they were slacking if they took any longer.

"Come on." The Postman said, starting towards the mouth of the cave.

The Thief stayed where he was, hand on the horse's reins. "Did you not hear a word I just said? If I step one foot in there, I'll get pounded by about five hundred different Gorons at once!"

"Better run then."

The Thief's mouth dropped open. "What?! No!"

The Postman gave him an annoyed look. "You were already told earlier where we were going." he pointed out. "Why are you only now choosing to protest?"

"Well, I obviously assumed you had a more cunning plan than walking right through their front door!" The Thief snapped. "Excuse me for thinking you actually had a plan."

The Postman rolled his eyes. He was getting very fed up with dealing with The Thief. "You're wearing a mask, so they probably won't recognize you. Gorons are notoriously bad at telling humans apart. If we're quiet enough, we might even be able to sneak right by them before they wake up. It's still very early."

The Thief didn't look impressed. "That's your plan? Tip-toe around the giant boulder-monsters and hope they don't notice us?"

"Yes." The Postman stated, heading for the entrance. "Ganondorf wants us to be as fast as possible and this is the fastest way to Forbidden. If we take the other way it'll be weeks just to get there, and then weeks to get back. I doubt that's what he meant by fast."

The Thief hesitated, and pulled at his mask with a grimace, and then let out a curse. "I swear if you get me killed, I'm going to come back and haunt you."

"Duly noted." The Postman replied, dryly.

Sighing heavily, The Thief gave a slap to the Nightmare's haunches, to send it on its way. The horse reacted by kicking at him, and then wandering away at its own pace.

The Thief glared after it. "I really hate that horse."

"Hurry up." The Postman snapped. "I should just leave you behind."

They crept into the cave, and then cautiously peered into the Goron City from the entrance. There were dozens of sleeping Gorons absolutely everywhere, and The Thief froze at the sight of four Goron guards posted just inside the entrance. His natural instincts telling him to flee, he backed up a pace. The Postman silently motioned for him to follow, but when The Thief shook his head in the negative, The Postman was fed up. He reached out and grabbed The Thief by the wrist, and pulled him inside. The Thief's eyes widened at the sudden rush of magic he felt, and he stared down at The Postman's hand in surprise.

"What are you-"

"Shh."

The Thief held his breath as they stepped through the entrance into the Goron City, certain he was about to get caught. To his surprise, however, none of the Goron guards woke as they snuck around them. He allowed The Postman to lead him around the many Gorons, and even when one looked up sleepily, it didn't even seem to notice them. The Thief glanced back down to The Postman's hand, and knew this had to be some sort of spell that was protecting them. Once they were safely inside an empty alcove, The Thief pulled his hand from The Postman's.

"What was that?" he demanded. "What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything." The Postman replied, giving him an odd look.

"How did you do that?"

"Do what?" The Postman demanded, impatiently. "I haven't done anything!"

The Thief gave him a questioning look, and then glanced over his shoulder at the still snoring Gorons. "Whatever you say, Darling." he commented. "So, where's this tunnel, anyway?"

"In the Goron Item Shop hidden behind the tapestry of a dragon is a small hole. The tunnels are just beyond that. The shopkeeper won't stop you once you're inside the passage, because he's convinced the tunnels are haunted."

The Thief nodded, still skeptical over the whole thing.

"It's a complete maze in the tunnels, so if we're separated, get through the passage by going down the first tunnel, and then wait for me there."

The Thief gave him a sideways look. "How do I get through the maze if I need to go alone?" he asked.

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "Take the tunnel to the right, and then another right, then take the first left, then another left, then go straight twice, then a right, another right, then a left, another left, then straight twice again and just keep repeating that pattern."

The Thief nodded slowly. "Uh...Right."

"I'd recommend waiting for me." The Postman suggested. "Now, let's get going."

The Postman stepped out of the alcove and The Thief realized the other man wasn't paying attention to him. He only had a moment, and he took advantage of it to charge at The Postman and shove him from behind over the guardrail.

Shocked, The Postman looked up at The Thief who grinned at him as he plummeted over the railing. The Postman hit the hard stone of the second floor, and then bounced, crashing through the railing, continuing the fall down to the first floor. He hit the bottom floor hard, and laid stunned and in an incredible amount of pain. Unable to move, he realized his back was broken, and he simply stared upwards where The Thief was staring down at him.

The previously sleeping Gorons were instantly awoken by the noise, and all turned to stare at The Thief in surprise. The Thief froze, realizing he was no longer under whatever magic The Postman was using. He began backing away.

The Gorons squinted at him in confusion, and then exchanged looks with one another.

"Arrru?" A Goron questioned, standing to its feet. "Do we know you?"

The Thief backed up a step. "No, I'm just a tourist, and I'm only passing through."

All the Gorons slowly stood to their feet and they looked at him a bit more closely, taking note of the uniform and mask. Most humans looked the same to them, but they recognized the sight of a Gerudo uniform.

"You work for Ganondorf!" a Goron cried. "You're a spy!"

The Thief winced and backed up a few more steps as the Gorons began approaching him."Ah, no, you've mistaken me for someone else. I'm just a journeying minstrel whose travelling the world for inspiration."

"Brother said if we catch any of Ganondorf's spies, we're to grind them into dust." One of the Gorons stated simply.

The Thief hesitated only a moment, and then took off running. The Gorons exchanged another look and then curled up to roll after him.

As The Thief made it to the stairs, the Gorons rolled behind him directly on his heals, and he sped up hoping he could outrun them. He wasn't expecting an enormous Goron the size of King Dodongo to be blocking the entire staircase however. When the giant Goron saw what was going on, it instantly curled itself and attacked. It rolled towards The Thief at a speed much faster than the smaller Gorons, and he barely managed to dodge out of the way.

Abruptly changing direction, The Thief ran the other way, horrified when the giant Goron also changed directions. He flung himself out of the way once more, desperately looking for a way out of this situation. Looking up just in time, he jumped out of the way, just as the big Goron was about to crush him, and then instantly dodged two more Gorons as he ran back towards the staircase.

Realizing he'd made a grave error as every Goron had heard the commotion and had come to help, he was now completely surrounded from all directions. As he gave a helpless look around himself, the Gorons began spinning, ready to mass-crush him. Closing his eyes, he jumped over the railing, hoping it wouldn't hurt too badly when he hit. The Thief was naturally very agile and broke his fall by rolling and then took off running before the Gorons could catch up to him. He ran down the stairs to the bottom floor, glanced at the still form of The Postman, and then dashed towards the Goron Shop.

Glancing over his shoulder, he could make out the sight of The Postman being surrounded by several Gorons, and he sped up even more. The Thief barged into the shop, and then crawled awkwardly over the counter heading towards the dragon tapestry, much to the venders protest.

He grabbed a few items from the shelves, and then quickly ripped down the tapestry, revealing a hole just big enough for a human to slip through. He shoved his backpack through the hole, and then squeezed himself into it as the Goron Vendor complained loudly about the thefts. The Goron couldn't follow him into the tunnel, so The Thief grinned at him cheekily from about ten feet in.

"Oooooo, haunted tunnel, haunted tunnel booga booga!" he mocked, holding out the stolen merchandise.

The Goron didn't look impressed.

Laughing, The Thief disappeared into the dark tunnel, wondering why the Goron thought the tunnel was haunted.

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The Postman stared at The Thief as the other man ran towards the Goron Shop, but he couldn't move. The betrayal wasn't exactly unexpected, but it still stung. What else could he expect from a villain? He didn't have long to contemplate on this however, as the Gorons quickly surrounded him. Uncurling themselves, they stared down at The Postman in confusion. The big Goron jumped down from above and stood, hovering over him threateningly.

"WHO ARE YOU?" demanded the big Goron.

The Postman simply stared at him.

"Go after the other one!" one Gorons directed the others closest to the Goron Shop.

The remaining Gorons stared down at The Postman menacingly, assuming he was a spy.

"Who are you?" another Goron demanded. "Do you work for Ganondorf?"

When The Postman still said nothing, the Gorons exchanged looks with one another and then started to reach for him.

"No, don't touch him." came an unexpected voice. "His back is broken, and you'll kill him."

Everyone turned to see Darunia quickly approaching. The Goron leader stood over The Postman, arms crossed, expression anything but happy. He stared down at The Postman with narrowed eyes in silence for a moment, and then asked.

"Do you work for Ganondorf? Do not lie to me or I'll finish the job of killing you."

Without a word, The Postman slowly gave a nod.

"I thought as much." Darunia stated. "What are you doing here?"

The Postman didn't answer.

"Can you speak?"

The Postman was in an unbelievable amount of pain, and he silently shook his head.

"Are you a spy?" Darunia demanded.

Again, The Postman shook his head.

"What are you then?"

"T-t-track-er." The Postman managed to get out.

Darunia's eyes narrowed further. "A tracker?"

The Postman nodded.

"What does a tracker do? What is your mission?"

The Postman didn't answer.

Darunia frowned down at him, clearly thinking. After a few moments, he turned to another Goron. "Get a healing potion. I can't properly interrogate him like this."

Kneeling down next to him, Darunia reached out and pulled off The Postman's mask. "I won't speak to a man who hides his face." he stated.

Darunia frowned down at him, his eyes raking him up and down, taking note of the brown hair and eyes in confusion.

"I recognize you from somewhere..." he commented. "I know I've see you before, but where? How do I know you?"

The Postman naturally didn't answer.

Darunia hummed thoughtfully. "No matter. You'll talk soon enough."

A Goron returned a few minutes later with a healing potion and held it out to Darunia who accepted it. Darunia then dangled the healing potion in front of The Postman's eyes.

"Do not betray my trust after I heal you or you will never again be shown mercy."

The Postman nodded.

Darunia gently lifted The Postman's head a bit and held the bottle to his lips. When it was gone, the Goron waited a few seconds and then gave him a hard poke.

"Has your back healed yet?"

The Postman shifted a bit and when there was no pain, he nodded. Without hesitation, Darunia grabbed him by the front of the shirt and jerked him up so they were face to face. He yanked The Postman's sword out of its sheath and tossed it to the ground and then gave The Postman a violent shake.

"Why do I know you?" he demanded. "Who are you?"

"No one." The Postman responded.

Darunia gave him another shake. "Who. Are. You."

"I'm no one!" The Postman insisted.

"Humans are very soft creatures, and very easy to hurt." Darunia informed him. "Their bones snap like twigs."

The Postman grimaced as Darunia put the smallest amount of pressure on one of his arms.

"Do you want to find out how easily your bones can be crushed?"

The Postman averted his eyes. "No, Sir."

Darunia relaxed the pressure. "Who are you?" he repeated. "Tell me how I know you."

His eyes on the floor, The Postman knew he had no choice but to talk. "Until just a month ago, I was the Hylian Postman."

"Postman?" Darunia took a closer look at his captive in disbelief. "You're The Postman?"

"I was the postman."

This didn't make any sense to Darunia. "I'm setting you down." he said. "Don't you dare try to run."

The Postman was dropped back on his feet, and the Goron was now towering over him angrily. "Why is a postman working for Ganondorf?"

"It's a rather long story, Sir."

Darunia crossed his arms, clearly waiting for the explanation.

"Well, essentially I came to work for Ganondorf after I was stabbed." The Postman began.

"Stabbed?" Darunia asked skeptically. "How does a puny little postman get himself stabbed? You don't look like a warrior."

The Postman let out a heavy sigh. "I'm not a warrior and I don't know how to fight." The Postman admitted. "I was in the wrong place at the wrong time, and there was a big misunderstanding between myself and the Hero of Time. He stabbed me twice and left me for dead."

Darunia's eyes widened at the mention of his sworn blood brother. "Brother Link would never stab a scrawny little weakling like you! Where would the honour be in that? He's a great warrior and you're a nobody!"

Without a word, The Postman lifted his shirt showing Darunia the ugly X-shaped scar on his stomach. Darunia stared a long moment, and to his trained eye he could easily see the wound had been made by a warrior's sword. Darunia gave him a frown.

"What was the misunderstanding?" he asked.

"I was delivering a letter to Mr. Ganondorf and Link mistook me for a villain. He stabbed me and then robbed me of the mail I was delivering. Mr. Ganondorf then saved my life in exchange for entering his employment."

Darunia's frowned became more pronounced as he thought this through. "So you are a villain."

"I suppose so, Sir."

"What is it you came here for? Are you a spy?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir. I was just taking a shortcut to a bit of Gerudo territory on the other side of Death Mountain. I was not going to harm any Gorons."

"What shortcut?"

"There are a series of tunnels leading through the mountain." The Postman explained. "I was planning on using them to make my mission faster."

Darunia eyed him suspiciously. "What was your mission?" he demanded.

"I'm supposed to find an ancient royal sword in a cave."

"An old sword? You expect me to believe Ganondorf sent you to retrieve an old, rusted piece of metal out of a cave?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Is it a magic sword?"

"I don't know, Sir, I didn't ask."

"My sworn brother Link either thinks you're dead right now, or he wants you dead." he stated.

"Probably, Sir."

"Why shouldn't I just kill you now and do him the favour?" Darunia demanded. "An enemy to my brother, is an enemy to me."

The Postman cocked his head thoughtfully."Well, Sir, Gorons fight with honour, and what is the honour in killing someone you know cannot fight?"

Darunia gave him a long, hard look. "You're right." he agreed. "Unless a death sentence is passed, our honour will not allow us to kill you. You're not really much of anything; not a warrior, not an assassin, and you don't look like a thief. To be honest, I don't think you're worth the loss of honour it would take to kill you."

The Postman wasn't sure what to say to that, so he simply nodded.

Darunia gave him a nod. "I appreciate your honesty. I don't think you've lied to me."

The Postman relaxed a bit.

"You will stand trial, and then you will be put to death. You are the enemy of every race in the Mainlands. You should have chosen death instead of treachery. You will die with dishonour."

The Postman backed up a step and Darunia was quick to grab him by the arm. "You'll wait for your trial in my quarters where you can't escape."

Darunia dragged him over to a doorway with an ornate rug and shoved him inside. Without another word, he pushed a boulder in front of the door, blocking him in. The Postman wasted no time trying to find a way out, but the room, was no more than a stone cave. He found what used to be some sort of hidden entrance leading into the mountain, but it had long since been blocked off. He was trapped.

Something white on the nearby table caught his attention and he approached it curiously. It was a sealed letter ready to be mailed out, complete with a stamp. The Postman picked up the letter and frowned down at it. The letter reminded him of everything he had lost and he clutched it to his chest, feeling regret and anger over everything that had happened.

The Postman let out a heavy sigh. Why could nothing in his life ever be easy? Approaching the boulder, he pushed against it with all his might, but it didn't so much as budge. Frustrated, he slammed his fists against it and then sank down to the floor, letter still clutched in his hand. Now what was he supposed to do?

He sat sulking for a few minutes and then thought of his magical training. If he had have shown any actual talent for the craft, he probably would have been able to escape. The only thing he'd been able to do was blow up Milan. He was going to be executed and everyone he knew would find out about it. His family would have to go through all the shame and mourning all over again. Clutching at his head in both fear and stress, The Postman then slammed his fist on the ground angrily. No matter what he did, the result always ended up the same, with someone trying to kill him. The entire world seemed to want him dead.

He slammed his fist to the ground a second time, tiny droplets of blood hitting the stone from the force of the hit. There was an immediate deafening BOOM, and The Postman was thrown across the room, as everything around him seemed to explode. Not only had the rock blocking the entrance exploded, but the entire room had as well, leaving a deep crater that he had to climb out of.

Surprisingly unhurt, he blinked a few times at the carnage around him, and then ran as fast as he could out of the room, and through the giant clouds of dust that filled the air. He grabbed his backpack and mask off the floor outside, and dodged in and around Gorons, charging into the Goron Shop at full speed.

Without a word to the shopkeeper, he jumped over the counter and dove into the hole to the safety of the tunnels. The shopkeeper peered in at him and crossed his arms.

"Well, at least you didn't steal from me." he commented, dryly.

"Er, hello." The Postman greeted the shop-keeper politely, as he caught his breath. "How are you?"

The Goron eyed him warily, and stepped farther away from the hole.

"Do you have any torches for sale?" The Postman asked, glancing down the dark tunnel.

The Goron had never done a transaction through a hole in the wall, but he was never one to turn away a potential sale. "I think I might." he answered, evasively. "You got the money?"

"Yes." The Postman replied, holding up his wallet.

The Goron gave him another suspicious look and then turned so he could dig under the counter. After a moment, he pulled out an armful of old dusty torches.

A Goron popped his head in the shop. "You seen a human around here?"

"Nope." the shopkeeper replied, intent on making a sale.

The Goron left again. The shopkeeper then turned back towards the hole.

"Don't sell many of these; most people just use Deku Sticks as a torch." he explained. "You'll get about an hour of light with each torch."

"How much?"

Squinting for a moment, trying to figure out the losses from The Thief but with a good profit, the Goron said "With flint included, 5000 rupees."

The Postman crossed his arms. The price was more than unreasonable, it was practically thievery. "20 rupees." he countered.

"That's insane! I can't drop the price that low! I'd go bankrupt! 1000 rupees!"

"25."

The Goron frowned at him realizing The Postman was no fool. "Fine, I'll go down to 500 but that's the absolute lowest I can go! I'm really taking a loss on this though!"

"30."

The Goron narrowed his eyes, knowing this was going to be a hard bargain.

"Alright, I'm willing to go down to 100, but now I'm not making any profit at all! You buying it at this price is actually painful for me!"

"35." The Postman said, crossing his arms.

The Goron shook his head. "Sorry. I can't do it. 100 is the lowest I can go. If I drop it any lower I won't make any profit at all! This is genuine hardwood out of the Lost Woods! Very expensive! 100 is the lowest price you'll get anywhere, and I'm absolutely solid on the price!"

The Postman raised an eyebrow. "30." he replied firmly.

"Wait. You can't do that!" The Goron protested. "You can't lower your offer!"

The Postman gave a shrug. "Who else is going to buy those old dusty torches?"

The shopkeeper gave him a glare. "Well, where else are you going to buy torches? I think your options are limited there, bub."

"I'd rather use a torch, but I can just use Deku Sticks I suppose." The Postman replied. "I have plenty of those."

He actually didn't, but the Shopkeeper didn't know that.

"Ok, ok, fine! You can have it for the 35! You're a swindler I tell you! Cheating a hardworking old Goron out of his merchandise!"

"I didn't swindle or cheat you out of anything." The Postman stated, offended. "There's nothing wrong with bartering."

The Goron gave him a grin. "I know, I'm just messing with you. How many of these torches do you want?"

The Postman thought a moment. "Twelve, if you have them."

There were a few things The Postman had learned from his mother in his lifetime, one being her ability to haggle with merchants. His mother had never paid full price for anything in her life; she couldn't afford to with thirteen children.

The Goron dug under the counter again for a minute or two and brought out a armful of the small torches. He waited as The Postman counted out the rupees, and then handed them over still making a tidy little profit over the seldom sold stock.

"Did you see anyone else go through here?" The Postman asked, pointing towards the passage.

"You're looking for that thief that was in here earlier?" The Goron demanded, frowning.

"I am."

"Yes, he went that way. He stole most of my expensive merchandise, and destroyed my favourite tapestry! When I get my hands on that slimy, little thief, I'll ring his neck!"

The Postman gave a nod. "I have a few words of my own I'd like to say to him." he responded. "Thank you for your help."

The Postman then lit a torch and disappeared down the tunnel, pulling his mask back on as he did so.

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The Thief was walking the twisting tunnels at a brisk walk, map in hand. He could barely see in front of himself, but he was pretty sure he remembered the directions for getting through the maze.

He had been walking, and walking, and walking, and he couldn't tell if he was making any progress. Just how long were these tunnels? He knew he probably should have killed The Postman after they got through the maze, but he was never one to resist temptation.

He was starting to get a bit frustrated that the maze of tunnels was so confusing, and it didn't help that it was so dark. There seemed to be dead Keese everywhere and he kept tripping over them every now and then, and every tunnel looked exactly the same.

When he'd tripped over a Keese for the fifteenth time, it suddenly hit him. They weren't different Keese, it was the same Keese. The Postman had given him directions to keep him going around in a circle. He stopped dead in his tracks and glanced around himself. Why that conniving little sneak! The Thief hesitated and then gave a laugh. Apparently The Postman was a bit smarter than he'd given him credit for. Shaking his head in amusement, The Thief leaned against the tunnel wall. Well, now what was he supposed to do?

That's when he saw the light from the torch approaching him. The Thief squinted in the direction of the light but couldn't tell who it was. He didn't have to wait long, because a moment later he was kicked hard in the groin.

"Oh, good, you waited for me." The Postman said innocently, as The Thief collapsed to the ground.

The Thief let out a stream of curses as he clutched at his genitals in agony, and he glared up at The Postman. "Men do not kick other men in the junk! That's just fighting dirty!" he accused.

The Postman crossed his arms, and glared at him silently.

The Thief let out another groan. "Ugh." he complained.

"I should give you another kick." The Postman stated, still glaring.

The Thief instantly clutched at his groin protectively. "No, I think you've made your point very clear..." he replied.

The Postman made no move to kick him again, so The Thief returned the glare. "You gave me directions to lead me around in a circle!" he accused.

The Postman gave a nonchalant shrug"I don't know what you're talking about."

The Thief slowly sat up with an agonized grimace. "Right, right, left, left, straight, straight, right, right, left, left, straight, straight and just keep repeating that pattern." The Thief said in a mocking tone. "You tricked me."

"Yeah, well you tried to kill me." The Postman retorted.

"Ok, fair is fair." The Thief answered. "I suppose I had all that coming."

"Why did you try to kill me?" The Postman demanded.

"No special reason, I just wanted to." The Thief answered, carefully getting back to his feet with his teeth clenched in pain. "I'm a villain, what do you expect?"

The Postman scowled, knowing there was more to this than The Thief was letting on. "I don't even know you. What could I possibly have done to make you want to kill me? I know very well it was you who tried to kill me all those other times too."

The Thief eyed him a moment as if trying to decide what to say. "Milan is my girlfriend." he finally answered.

The Postman's eyes widened. Now he understood perfectly. "What happened with Milan was an accident." he explained. "I never meant to hurt her!"

The Thief narrowed his eyes to slits. "Save it, I don't care what you have to say." he answered. "You survived, so that's the end of it."

Although The Thief seemed to shrug it of, The Postman had a feeling this was far from over.

"What's with the letter?" The Thief suddenly demanded.

The Postman glanced down at the stolen letter in his hand, and then quickly stuffed it into his pocket. "It's nothing."

"It doesn't look like nothing." The Thief pointed out.

Turning towards the turn-off in the tunnel, The Postman said. "We have to hurry, come on. You walk beside me where I can see you."

The Thief gave him a suspicious look, but still followed beside The Postman without a word as they headed off into the dark tunnels.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	16. The Tunnel

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 **Authornote: Sunday** **February 26 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This chapter is a bit shorter than the norm, but I couldn't combine it into the next chapter or it would make it a 12,000 word chapter. lol Next chapter will reveal a lot of things about The Postman and The Thief. Updated a bit early because I just got a VR for PS4 and I'm going to be playing it all day tomorrow. lol**

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 **Thank you very much for the review! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Reiz16 \- Nope, the Goron scene was in the original as well. The only thing different was the BOOM and a few other minor details.**

 **ChangelingRin \- Thanks so much for another awesome review! Yes, things are getting more and more complicated as time goes on. Wait until you see the later chapters! lol**

 **Unregistereduser** **\- Don't worry about any OCs in the story, they aren't important, they're just there to add a bit of substance to The Postman's life in the castle. Anybody important is a canon character, although some have been changed slightly to fit in with the timeline, among other things. There's only one important OC and it's waaaay in the future in part 5 of the series.**

 **Ah, The Thief, the man of mystery at the moment. We find out who he is in the next chapter. :)** **There are going to be five parts total in this postman series. Part 1 was lighthearted, Part 2 is dark, Part 3 is lighthearted, Part 4 is a mix of the two, and part 5 is dark. This was done on purpose for character development. Everything that happens in this series shapes The Postman, and some things forever change him. I hope you enjoy part 2, even though it is a darker part of the series.**

 **Rainmy -I don't mind if you compare the original to the rewrite, I think it's fun when people notice what's been changed so far. I've been trying to add a lot of details that were missing in the original. Hopefully all the changes will be for the better. :)**

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 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 10

The Tunnel

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The Thief liked to pride himself in his ability at being fast and sneaky. What good was a slow thief after all? Hylians knew him as The Shadow; a thief that was never seen and never caught. He was wanted in all provinces, but no one knew who he truly was, and the only person to have ever caught him was the Hero of Time. He was known as a petty thief without his mask, but he made sure he came across as somewhat incompetent to protect his identity as Ganondorf's thief. Most Hylians tolerated him pretty well as long as he was simply a shoplifter and nothing too serious. They had no idea the levels of villainy he actually got up to.

He was Ganondorf's most valuable thief for a reason, and he took pride in his many talents. That's why he was quite perturbed when he struggled to keep up with The Postman in the dark, dank tunnels, and he wheezed at the exertion as they ran along. The Postman was a good head shorter than him, but yet he was clearly much faster, and in better shape. The Thief was used to running a lot in his profession, but definitely not the marathon type running they were currently doing.

They had walked normally for a few hours in silence, both not wanting to talk to the other. Then, without warning, The Postman had announced they needed to run. The Thief had immediately thought something was after them, but after a few minutes of sprinting, he saw no sign of anything in the tunnels.

Wiping the sweat from his chin, The Thief glared at The Postman . "Slow down a little!" he protested. "Why are we running? I need to catch my breath!"

The Postman glanced over his shoulder at The Thief, not even out of breath yet and slowed down a bit much to other man's relief. "Maybe you should consider giving up smoking." he suggested.

"Don't try to take away one of the few enjoyments I have in life." The Thief responded. "My blood is 50% nicotine and 50% liquor."

"We have to keep running." The Postman informed him as The Thief caught up to him.

The Thief wheezed and gave him a dirty look. "We are running, and I'll tell you this right now, I can't run for much longer or I'm gonna puke. I don't know if I can even run for another minute."

The Postman sighed and slowed down to a walk. "We only need to keep running while in this part of the tunnels."

"Why?"

"Because." The Postman answered evasively.

The Thief narrowed his eyes, instantly suspicious. "Why?"

"Just because."

The Thief stopped walking. "What aren't you telling me? What are we running from? Is there something in here with us?"

The Postman said nothing.

The Thief's eyes widened and he glanced around himself, reaching for the stolen dagger on his belt. "What's in here?!"

"Don't stop." The Postman warned him.

The Thief jogged to catch up with him.

"What is it?" he demanded. "Is it some kind of monster?"

The Postman gave him a side-long glance. "I don't think I should tell you. You're not going to like it. It's probably better if you don't know."

"No," The Thief protested. "That just makes it all the worse!"

"You just think that now." The Postman said. "You'd change your mind once you knew what it was. Just keep running, we're almost out of where it lives."

The Thief gazed around at the dark tunnels with wide, paranoid eyes expecting to see teeth or glowing red eyes around every corner. Suddenly finding his second wind at that thought, he sped back up, wanting very much to be back outside.

"Have you seen this 'thing' before?" The Thief demanded. "Or is this just a Goron legend?"

"Well," The Postman said. "I definitely saw something, but I didn't stay around long enough to find out what it was."

"You mean it could have been nothing?" The Thief asked. "It could have just been a giant Green Jelly or something?"

The Postman shook his head. "I never said I didn't see it; I said I didn't stay around to find out what it was."

"Then what did it look like? Was it a monster?"

"I told you; you don't want to know. Remember, we still have to come back through here on our way back."

"I'm probably going to die a horrible death because I'm not prepared, and it's going to be all your fault." The Thief complained. "I swear I'm going to haunt you!"

The Postman rolled his eyes.

A sudden, ear-piercing roar seemed to come from all directions at once and The Postman grabbed The Thief by the wrist and took off running, faster than he had before. Something enormous and angry could be heard scrambling through the tunnels behind them, and The Postman expertly navigated through the tunnels, obviously trying to lose it. The Thief was dragged along, running faster than he'd ever run before, his lungs threatening to burst. Twice The Thief thought he felt something reach out and touch the back of his neck, but when he looked back, there was nothing there.

Just as The Thief thought he was going to collapse in exhaustion, the tunnels narrowed and whatever was chasing them couldn't fit through. They heard the furious roars from behind them, but they were safely out of reach. Only a moment later, they came to a large door at the end of the tunnel and were momentarily blinded by the bright sunlight which filtered into the room through a sky-dome above. The room was huge, round and full of strange trinkets and books. The Postman slowed to a stop and The Thief crashed bodily into him, not expecting the sudden stop.

The Thief immediately sank down to the floor, wheezing and gasping for breath.

"When it chased me last time, the monster couldn't fit through the tunnel to this room." The Postman explained. "We should be safe to walk from here."

The Thief panted hard, hands on knees as he struggled to catch his breath. He was still considering giving The Postman a good punch in the face for not warning him ahead of time about the monster. Figuring an ally would probably be more beneficial to him at this point while in unknown territory, he resisted the urge.

As The Thief fought to breathe again, he dropped his backpack to the floor. "Can I have some water from your canteen?" he asked.

"What's wrong with your canteen?" The Postman demanded, pointing to it.

The Thief glanced at it. "Oh, that's not water, it's vodka."

The Postman gave him an unimpressed look, but tossed him his canteen all the same. The Postman then stood impatiently nearby as The Thief gasped and chugged water for a few minutes.

"We really shouldn't stay here too long." The Postman stated. "We have a lot of walking to do."

The Thief gave him a look of death, and opened his backpack so he could dig through it. A moment later, he pulled out a bottle of red healing potion and popped out the cork. As he took a long swig, he instantly let out a breath of relief.

"There, that's exactly what I needed." he commented as the potion restored his stamina. Still giving The Postman a somewhat dirty look, he offered the half-empty bottle to him.

"You stole that." The Postman said in disapproval.

The Thief let out a snort. "So? I steal everything. What's your point?"

The Postman looked away from him and didn't touch the bottle.

The Thief re-corked the bottle and shoved it into the backpack. As he got back to his feet, his gaze fell on his surroundings for the first time. His eyes lit up at the sight of the cluttered room and he sprung over to the nearest table to look at all of the different nicknacks.

"Wow, everything's so old!" The Thief commented, picking up a crumbling book. "This stuff has to be worth a fortune!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "We don't have time for this."

"Who do you think it belongs to?" The Thief wondered out loud. "Wow, I think this thingamajigger is pure gold!"

The Postman watched him as the other man stuffed his pockets full of everything that looked valuable and let out a resigned sigh. "This room could be what the monster is protecting." he pointed out. "Do you really want to chance making it even angrier?"

"I'm not leaving treasure behind." The Thief snapped, now stuffing the backpack. "Look at all these jewels! How could you have left all this behind the last time you were here?!"

"This room has to belong to somebody." The Postman said, glancing at several of the books. "I think they must be a magic user. Every book is about magical theories."

"Sounds very dull." The Thief responded, without interest. "Besides, whoever owned this room would have to be long dead by now! Look at all the dust! I bet no one even remembers about this place...well besides you."

"Can we please leave now? We're wasting daylight."

"In a minute." The Thief said distractedly as he continued looking over dishes and various valuable-looking artifacts. "I might as well get something good out of this mission."

The Postman crossed his arms with a huff. He was used to working endlessly until a job was done, so The Thief's reluctance to move was really starting to irk him. He hoped it wouldn't be like this the whole mission.

"If the man who owns this stuff is dead, then I'm not even stealing, I'm 'treasure-hunting'." The Thief announced, flipping through a book. "I bet I'd be able to sell a lot of this stuff to collectors."

The Postman said nothing, simply glaring.

"It really does look like this guy was into magic." The Thief stated after a minute or two. "Every book is about either magic or alchemy, and they're almost all handwritten. I wonder who he was?"

A low, guttural roar sounded from far down the tunnels, causing both men to glance back towards the dark entrance to the tunnels.

"He was probably the man who created the creature in the tunnels?" The Postman guessed.

The Thief paled, having momentarily forgotten about the mystery monster in the tunnels, and slowly set down the book. "Uh, okay, let's go. I'll look at the rest of this stuff on our way back..."

As The Postman approached an old, rusted metal door, The Thief practically jumped over to him when there came another roar. The Postman struggled with the handle for a moment, and then pushed it open with a loud bang, bits of metal flaking off.

The Thief shoved past him hard, almost knocking The Postman over in his haste to get as far away from the monster as possible. The Postman gave him an exasperated look, and then stepped outside, closing the door after him.

The air was incredibly hot, and The Postman was instantly glad for his enchanted clothes. It seemed as though Forbidden was even hotter than the Gerudo Desert. Turning around, he gazed out across the vast wasteland that stretched as far as the eye could see. Nothing at all seemed to be living, not a plant nor animal; the entire area screaming of death. It was barren and grey to the look, the only trees small and shrivelled.

"Wow, this is quite the place." The Thief commented, letting out a low whistle. "I can see why it's so popular. I should build a summer home here."

"Come on, we have to get going." The Postman stated, stepping away from the doorway. "Forbidden isn't safe after dark. Do you have the map?"

"Yeah, yeah," The Thief muttered, pulling it out and handing it over. "Go to it, Darling, navigate us to the magical cave of wonders."

"That's not what's it's called." The Postman replied, pointing at the map. "The cave is called Area 242."

The Thief rolled his eyes. "Boy, you're going to be a real thrill to be around." he commented.

"Let's just get going." The Postman said, walking away into the desert.

Sticking his hands in his pockets, The Thief followed after him sullenly.

They walked for several hours without speaking a single word to one another, and The Postman suspected The Thief was plotting something. He made sure he kept an eye on The Thief at all times, never letting the other man get too close to him. He had a feeling the moment he turned his back, it would get stabbed. Even Ganondorf had warned him of The Thief's sliminess and treachery, and he knew he couldn't let his guard down for a moment.

After a time, they came to an area that had high rocks all around them, limiting visibility ahead. The Thief paused just outside of the area, not liking the fact he couldn't see what was what was ahead, around the rocks.

"Let's go around the long way." he suggested. "This smells like a trap."

The Postman stopped, looked towards the rocks and then glanced to see how far they'd have to walk around. The rocks seemed to stretch on for miles and miles. If they walked straight ahead, they would be through within minutes. The Postman continued on straight, making sure to keep the other man in his line of sight as he did so. The Thief jogged to catch up.

"My thief senses are telling me we shouldn't go through here..."

"That doesn't sound like a real thing." The Postman commented.

"I'll have you know that thief senses are indeed a real thing. It is my natural instincts of self-preservation, and my instincts are excellent in these types of situations. I'm telling you, this is the perfect setup for a trap."

The Postman didn't have too long to contemplate on that however, because there was a sudden ear-piercing howl. They both froze, and a moment later a Wolfos lunged at The Thief from behind one of the rocks. The Postman kicked the Wolfos away just before its teeth made contact and put himself in-between the beast and The Thief. He knew he was faster, and would stand a better chance at outrunning the Wolfos.

"Run!" The Postman yelled, as he dodged out of the way of the enormous Wolfos.

The Thief didn't have to be told twice and he took off running, leaving The Postman behind. He saw The Thief climb a nearby formation of rocks to safety and knew that was the probably the smartest choice.

The Postman dodged another attack, and to his dismay, saw an entire pack of Wolfos were now closing in on him. Giving one of the Wolfos a hard kick, he jumped over it and took off running. The pack took chase, and The Postman sped up, heading for the nearby rocks where The Thief was hiding. Scrambling up, he felt teeth lightly graze his ankle, but he safely got out of reach as he climbed higher and higher. When he reached the top, he pulled himself up, knowing he was now safe.

Letting out a breath of relief, he rolled over and looked down at the snarling Wolfos far below. Suddenly receiving a hard shove from behind, The Postman barely managed to catch himself before he fell, and he pulled himself back up, clutching at the nearby stones tightly. Looking behind himself, The Thief gave him a sheepish grin from where he sat.

"Sorry, it was just too tempting." he responded. "Your death is worth a lot of money."

The Postman gave him a dirty look. "Stop trying to kill me."

The Thief held up his hands. "Okay, fine. I don't really want to kill you anyway, you just keep making it so easy. I won't try to kill you any more."

The Postman didn't believe him in the least. "I mean it. I have a job to do and you keep impeding the mission."

The Thief rolled his eyes, and then looked down at the snarling Wolfos below. Smirking to himself in amusement, The Thief began fumbling with his belt.

"What are you-"

The Postman cut off when he realized exactly what The Thief was doing. As the urine landed on the Wolfos below, the infuriated snarls increased tenfold. Looking proud of himself, The Thief righted his clothes and then turned away from the ledge with a snicker.

The Postman simply stared at him in disgust. "Was that really necessary?" he demanded.

"Yep." The Thief responded without hesitation.

The Postman let out a sigh. Where did Ganondorf ever find someone like this?

The top of the rock formation was about twenty feet wide, and so The Postman sat himself as far away from The Thief as he could, staring down at the Wolfos. They were trapped until the Wolfos left. The Postman had a feeling they could be in for quite the wait thanks to The Thief.

"How long do you suppose they'll stay down there for?" he wondered out loud.

The Thief gave a shrug. "I'm breaking out the vodka."

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Link stood at the entrance of the Zora Domain, and pulled out his ocarina. As he played Zelda's Lullaby, the waterfall parted for him, revealing the hidden entrance and he jumped across the gap, wondering why after all these years the Zoras still insisted on being so secretive.

He walked along the footpath high above the water and could see the graceful Zoras swimming and playing in the water, and he smiled at how peaceful they were. The Zoras always managed to cheer him up, and he often found himself visiting them, just to getaway from the harshness of the outside world.

He really didn't want to have to bring more bad news to the Zoras but he had to let King Zora know of his suspicions. If Ganondorf was still alive, he was probably already planning something. All the races of Hyrule would be affected, and he knew he had to warn them.

Looking up as he got closer to the upper floor, Link saw a figure in white running down the stairs, letter in hand. Squinting a moment, he saw it was a young woman dressed in the official postal uniform. She didn't notice him at first, but when she did, her expression completely changed.

The post woman's eyes fell on Link, and they narrowed to angry slits. Link could easily see the resemblance the woman had to The Postman, and he shifted awkwardly, realizing she was related. She maintained awkwardly aggressive eye contact as she approached, and just as she passed him, she lashed out with her elbow, catching him hard in the stomach. Gasping in surprise, Link was knocked off the high footpath, and down into the water below.

Link choked on the water for a second before he broke the surface, and when he looked up, he only caught a glimpse of the woman tossing what looked like confetti over the edge of the footpath into the water. She then turned and left Zora Domain without once looking back at him. Link realized it was a letter she had torn up.

She'd caught him by surprise and he gave a slight grimace as he rubbed his stomach. She was obviously some sort of relative to The Postman and he felt guilty and sorry for her. He honestly wondered if this mistake was something that would haunt him for the rest of his life. He had never been hated by so many people before, and he didn't like the feeling it left in the pit of his stomach. Villains were supposed to be reviled, not heroes. To The Postman's family, he supposed he was a villain...

Crawling out of the water, he did his best to ring himself out as he walked, wondering how he always managed to get soaked before getting to the king. Zoras were used to being wet so they didn't mind if their visitors ended up looking like drowned rats; it was almost expected.

As Link made his way up the stairs to the king's throne room, he put his still sopping wet hat back on his head with a wince. Navi hovered above him perfectly dry, and not saying a word about what had happened. She knew how torn up her friend was over what had happened, and knew it would do no good to keep bringing it up.

King Zora was in his usual spot in the throne room, his enormous girth blocking off the entrance to Lord Jabu Jabu's Temple. He looked incredibly bored and seemed to be daydreaming about something. As Link entered the room, the king looked up and when he saw Link, his expression lit up, and he gave the hero a friendly smile.

"Ah, young Link! I just sent a letter to you a few moments ago! Did the young lady find you already?"

Link frowned. "We must have just missed one another." he replied, thinking of the now soggy confetti floating around in the water.

"Shame," King Zora said. "But no matter. Now that you're here, we can discuss the reason I wrote to you. It is Ruto's 21st birthday next week and I was wondering if you're going to attend the celebrations?"

"I will my best to attend." Link promised. "But there is actually a very serious issue that I need to bring to your attention."

King Zora shifted forward a bit, his demeanor instantly all business. "What is it? What had happened?"

Link stepped forward. "I think there's a problem involving the Gerudo Nation. I saw a Gerudo warrior riding across Hyrule, and she wouldn't tell me what she was up to. I followed her to Termina and she kidnapped Tingle, a mapmaker. No one's heard from him since."

King Zora frowned.

"When I went to the Gerudo Fortress, every available Gerudo was there armed to keep anyone and anything out. I know they're up to something. What else would they need a mapmaker for?"

"Are they acting on their new leaders orders?" King Zora asked. "Is there to be another war?"

"I believe the Gerudo are acting on their old leader's orders. I suspect Ganondorf is alive and currently hiding within the Gerudo Territory."

King Zora took a very deep breath and almost seemed to deflate like a balloon as he released it. "I knew it was too good to be true that Ganondorf was dead." the Zora murmured. "What will you have the Zoras do? Shall we prepare for battle?"

"I'll need eyes and ears all over the lands. I need to know what they're planning so I can stop them before it's too late. I want to avoid another war at all costs."

King Zora nodded. "You will always have the Zoras as your allies." he said. "We will keep our eyes and ears to the waters to see what we can learn. Arrange a meeting with Darunia for the three of us to discuss matters in more depth."

Link gave the king a grateful smile. "Thank you, your majesty. I'll go see Darunia right away."

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Night had long since fallen, and The Postman and The Thief were still trapped on top of the rocks. The Wolfos had settled themselves below, and were clearly going to patiently wait for their prey to come down. They showed no intentions of leaving. In fact, even more Wolfos had shown up, bringing the number up to over two dozen.

The Postman had set up camp to the best of his abilities, but it was difficult to make a rock comfortable. The padded bedrolls helped a bit, but it would still be long night. The Thief had started a fire using various twigs and dead grass he found, and was quietly cooking something or another he'd had in his backpack. The Postman was mad at him, but he still took a seat across from him next to the fire. The Thief glanced up at him, but didn't comment. The Postman watched The Thief stir some sort of brownish liquid for a few minutes, and then some sort of dried flakes were added to the pot.

"You want soup?" The Thief asked.

"No, thank you." The Postman replied, not feeling up to being poisoned at the moment.

A thought then occurred to The Postman. "Did you use my water to make that?"

"Naw, I used one of my own canteens for that."

The Postman blinked, and then frowned. "I thought you said you didn't have any water?"

"Oh, yeah...oops." The Thief said with a laugh. "I just wanted to see if you'd give me yours. I actually have plenty of water."

The Postman let out a huff and looked away. He then poked a stick into the fire as it crackled and sent a shower of sparks in The Thief's direction. The Thief swatted at the sparks, scowled at him, and then grabbed the stick away from him.

"Give me that! Haven't you ever been near a fire before? You're going to put it out!"

The Postman glanced around the camp a bit uneasily. "I don't know if we should be having a fire...Won't that just attract more monsters?"

So far the only sounds they'd heard was the occasional Keese and the moans of a distant Redead, but he didn't want to attract anything nastier to where they were planning on sleeping.

"Pftt, I've been a thief my whole life, and have been on the run more times than I can count. I've always had campfires and haven't had a problem yet. You just have to know how to shield them. The rocks will hide the light."

The Postman leaned back on his bedroll and watched as The Thief painstakingly began sharpening his dagger as the soup simmered. He hoped The Thief wasn't planning on using that dagger on him while he slept...

Not particularly interested in The Thief at the moment, his hand drifted to his pocket, his fingers ghosting over the letter. He pulled it out and frowned down at it guiltily.

What was he going to do with it? Every fibre of his being was telling him to deliver it, but how was that possible? The letter was addressed to Link, and he had a feeling delivering it would be very bad for his health. Link wanted him dead, and people who wanted you dead could never be trusted. He glared over at The Thief.

Letting out a sigh, he turned it over in his hand. He should have thought this through more carefully before taking it. Looking up, he saw The Thief had stopped what he was doing and was staring at him with narrowed eyes. His gaze flitted to the letter for a second, and then The Thief set down the dagger.

"Alright, what's with the letter?" he demanded. "What are you hiding?"

The Postman stuffed the letter back in his pocket and then stared into the fire. "What letter?"

"I've already seen it so you can't deny it." The Thief informed him. "What's in it? Why's it so important?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "I don't know what you're talking about."

The Thief pursed his lips in frustration. "Tell me!"

"There's nothing to tell." The Postman said, crossing his arms. "I don't have a letter."

"Is it a love letter from your boyfriend or something?" The Thief mocked. "Is that why you don't want me to see it?"

The Postman let out an annoyed huff, and turned away.

"It is, isn't it!" The Thief cried out triumphantly.

The Postman refused to answer him, frowning into the fire instead, getting annoyed. The Thief took his silence as confirmation.

"Oh wow! It really is! It's probably something really sappy too like 'To my beloved little love-bunny, my love for you grows stronger every day. My heart yearns to hear your annoying, bossy voice once more. I cannot wait until I see you again, love and kisses- Ganondorf.'"

The Postman gave him a flat look. "It's not a love letter from Ganondorf."

"Aha! So you admit to having a letter! What is it then?"

"Stop being so nosy." The Postman retorted. "It has nothing to do with you."

"Fine, if you won't tell me, then I have to assume it's a love letter from Ganondorf. I mean why else would you suddenly be living in his castle, and not have any fun with the girls?"

The Postman turned around and stared at The Thief in open disbelief. Then letting out an irritated, exasperated sigh, he got up, gathered his belongings and moved to a higher part of the rocks, as far away from The Thief as possible.

As he re-made his bed and settled down for the night, there was silence for quite some time until finally The Thief's voice called over the rocks. "You know I was just joking, right? Don't tell Ganondorf I said that."

The Postman didn't respond, just wanting this whole mission to be over with. He vowed to never work with The Thief again. He didn't care if Ganondorf beat him senseless, he would not go on any more missions with The Thief.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy!**

 **Next update will be on Friday**


	17. The Cave

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 **Authornote: Friday** **March 3 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I don't think I like this chapter very much. A lot of things bug me about it, so I'll probably end up eventually doing it over.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the review! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Reiz16 \- Yeah, that thief is such a turd. lol**

 **defiant-decay \- Thanks so much for the super awesome review! ****One of my favourite things to do is to take a background character and flesh them out. Almost all main characters in my story are all minor background characters that are given the spotlight. I do of course enjoy the main Zelda charcaters as well.** **Ganondorf is incredibly fun to write, and I can never resist sticking him in every part of this story. lol**

 **FerretFlies -Yeah, The Thief's thought process doesn't really make sense to anyone except for him, and he doesn't work well with others. He is the polar opposite of The Postman, and the result is a lot of conflict. lol Poor Link. I'm not even close to done with him yet. haha**

 **Rainmy -Not as many as you'd expect. ;) The Thief loves being an annoying nuisance. lol**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

Part 2 Chapter 11

The Cave

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The Postman stared up at the sky for a long time, simply listening to The Thief prattling on to himself below. After a while, he heard loud snoring and shifted over to the edge of his rock to look down at the other man. The Thief was sprawled out next to the fire, sound asleep and The Postman relaxed. At least he didn't have to worry about being murdered while the other man was sleeping. Laying back on his bedroll, The Postman allowed himself to lightly doze, not quite comfortable enough to fully sleep. He laid there all night, listening to the strange moans and howls that filled the air from various monsters that wandered by. When the sun began to rise, several hours later, The Postman continued dozing, not realizing The Thief was awake.

He was quite startled when he was suddenly pinned down, and his mask was violently yanked off. Sitting up in a panic, he saw The Thief sitting on top of him, mask in hand and staring at him with wide eyes. The Postman hadn't even heard him approach.

"You!" The Thief exclaimed in surprise.

"Give me back my mask!" The Postman snapped, reaching out for it.

The Thief held it out of his reach. "You're not a villain, you're a postman!" he accused. "What are you doing working for Ganondorf?!"

"That's none of your business." The Postman retorted. "Now, give me back my mask!"

The Thief stared at him a long moment. "You don't know who I am, do you?"

"Of course I don't." The Postman responded. "Isn't that the point of a mask?"

The Thief looked him up and down thoughtfully, as if trying to come to a decision about something. Finally, he reached up and removed his own mask.

"Now do you recognize me?" he demanded.

The Postman blinked, and he stared at The Thief's face. The Thief was young, around his age or a bit older, he had a shaved head, several earrings, and a small scar across one cheek just below his eye. His ears were pointed like most mainlanders and his eyes were a vibrant green. The Postman had no idea who he was.

The Thief looked at him expectantly, and then scowled when The Postman gave a confused shrug. "You seriously don't know who I am?"

"Sorry." The Postman replied. "Have we met?"

The Thief threw the mask at The Postman's face. "You're an asshole." he snapped, releasing The Postman and stomping a few feet away.

The Postman caught the mask, and then once again stared at The Thief, feeling like he should recognize him, but not sure from where. He didn't normally associate with villains, so where could he possibly have known him from? Staring at the bald head thoughtfully, his eyes widened in realization.

"Sakon?"

The Thief glanced over his shoulder at him, and The Postman was now certain.

"You're Sakon."

"You didn't recognize me." Sakon said, sounding somewhat sulky.

"The earrings are new." The Postman offered a bit awkwardly. "You didn't have them the last time I saw you."

"We were friends for years and you completely forgot about me." Sakon said accusingly.

The Postman furrowed his brow. "We stopped playing together when we were small kids." he stated. "I haven't seen you in like twenty years, of course I forgot!"

"Well, I remember you." Sakon retorted. "It's kind of hard to forget the one person you blindly trusted who then betrayed you."

The Postman had no idea what he was talking about. "Have you been harbouring hate for me for something I did as a child?" he questioned. "Something I don't even remember?"

Sakon gave him a look of death. "No." he snapped, but The Postman had a feeling the answer was actually a 'yes'.

"What could I possibly have done to make you still angry twenty years later?"

"You really don't remember." Sakon stated in disbelief.

The Postman stared back at him, memories of a mischievous bald-headed child coming to mind. He remembered playing with Sakon every day as a child, but eventually they had stopped being friends and he couldn't remember why.

"What don't I remember?" he asked, genuinely confused.

Sakon gave him a glare. "I trusted you with my life, but to you I was just disposable." Sakon snapped. "You seriously don't remember ending our friendship for absolutely no reason?"

The Postman gave a clueless shrug.

"You knew what a crap homelife I had and you were the only kid who would hang around me. I practically lived at your house until the day you announced we were no longer friends. You booted me out without so much as an explanation."

The Postman gave him a skeptical look. "I don't remember that, but even if I did do that, it was twenty years ago..."

Sakon's glare deepened. "I couldn't go back home, so I left Termina and eventually became a thief." he stated. "You're directly responsible for me becoming a criminal."

"I am not." The Postman defended. "Just because two children had a fight, doesn't mean you can blame me for your bad choices. I don't even remember any of this."

"What happened to you?" Sakon asked, looking confused. "Your personality is completely different than it used to be. You were a wild, little trickster who lived to break the rules. Now look at you. I used to see you delivering the mail and it's just pathetic. You don't even have a sense of humour."

"I grew up." The Postman replied haughtily.

"Grew up to be the thing you hated most." Sakon snapped. "You never wanted to be a postman like your parents. You used to say you'd become a pirate or become a hero, anything as long as you didn't have to get stuck in such a lame job."

"Like I said, I grew up and realized my responsibilities. I enjoyed being a postman...while it lasted."

"Naw, I think they gave you a lobotomy when they sent you away. You were never the same when you came back."

"Sent me away? What are you talking about? Who sent me away?"

Sakon looked at him as if he were a complete moron. "Your parents, you dumbass. After we pulled that Cucco prank in Clocktown, they sent you to live with your uncle Leid for a month to get 'rehabilitated'. When you came back, it was like you didn't even know me anymore."

The Postman raised an eyebrow. "Um, Sakon, that never happened..."

It was Sakon's turn to look surprised. "Of course it did. Your father was furious that you'd 'tainted the family honour' with that prank, and decided your behaviour needed professional help. He sent you away, and you came back a completely different person. You couldn't even do magic anymore!"

The Postman stared at Sakon like he was crazy. "None of that ever happened. I think you've mixed me up for someone else."

"They really did brainwash you!" Sakon cried out in surprise. "Those dirty rats messed with your head! Maybe you're really not to blame after all..."

"Sakon, I don't know what kind of life you've had, but you're obviously confused. I was never an embarrassment to my family, nor did I ever have any form of magic! I only just started to learn magic a month ago!"

"You always know where people are, even if you've never met them before. I know this, because I asked around about you at the castle. You've been able to do that ever since we were children, and if that wasn't magic, then what was it?"

"I just have a good sense of direction," The Postman explained distractedly. "I do come from a long line of postmen after all."

The Thief wiped some dust from his eyes and gave the other man a frown. "No, that's not having a good sense of direction. Having a good sense of direction means you can tell which direction is north without a compass and rarely getting lost. You can find complete strangers without even knowing what they look like. That's not normal."

The Postman snorted skeptically.

"Has this never once occurred to you?" Sakon demanded. "Normal people need maps. Normal people can't find people by their names. Normal people can't use magic to hide themselves from enemies!"

The Postman waved the thought off dismissively. "I just have a good memory for people and places."

"And people you've never met? How do you find them?" The Thief challenged.

The Postman glanced over at Sakon with a frown. "I don't know. I just do. My mail instincts are just good I suppose."

"Bull." The Thief stated. "I've never met anyone who can do what you can. It's just plain weird. Why haven't you ever wondered about this before?"

The Postman didn't answer, feeling like this was somehow wrong. None of this seemed right. He didn't want to think about it.

Sakon squinted at him as if trying to see something wrong with him. "What did they do to you?"

"I'm sorry," The Postman said quietly. "It was wrong of me to end our friendship that way. Although I don't remember doing it, I should have spoken to you about it instead."

Sakon gave a sigh. "It's dumb of me to hold something against you that you did as a child. The past is the past, I suppose. It seems pointless to be mad at someone who has brain damage anyway."

"I don't have brain damage." The Postman snapped.

"Whatever you say, darling."

"Would you please stop calling me that?"

"Nope."

The Postman let out a heavy, resigned sigh. "Does this mean you're going to stop trying to kill me?"

"Hmm, perhaps." Sakon responded noncommittedly. "I don't usually kill people I know."

The Postman wasn't exactly reassured by that. Sakon gave him another thoughtful look, and then asked.

"So, if you're Mr. Perfect postman, how did you come to work for Ganondorf?"

"I was in the wrong place at the wrong time." The Postman replied.

"That's how it is though, isn't it?" Sakon answered with a grin. "We all get a bad break, and the next thing you know, we're wanted men with a noose around our neck."

The Postman honestly hadn't considered how other people became villains. He'd always assumed it was because they were bad people, but maybe that wasn't always the case? Were there other villains in similar circumstances as him?

"Perhaps." The Postman acknowledged.

The Postman put his mask back on and then silently began packing up the gear. Sakon made no move to help him, using that time for a smoke break, still looking rather disgruntled.

"Are the Wolfos still there?" The Postman asked him.

"Yep." The Thief replied, without looking up.

The Postman moved over to the edge of the rocks and looked down, seeing dozens of Wolfos curled up, sound asleep.

"We need to get going. We've already wasted an entire day doing nothing."

Sakon waved towards the edge of the rocks. "Feel free to jump off if you want."

"Maybe we can sneak by them like we did with the Gorons." The Postman suggested, thoughtfully.

"Yeah, because that worked out so well."

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "You pushed me over the railing, and that's why we got caught."

"Stop living in the past, darling. What's done is done."

The Postman gave him a dirty look. It was Sakon who had just ranted at him for ten minutes about something that had happened twenty years ago.

"You can live up here for the rest of your life or you can come." The Postman stated, putting on his backpack. "I'm leaving either way."

Sakon snuffed out his cigarette. "Fine, but you're going first so if they attack they have something to eat while I escape."

The Postman rolled his eyes and began climbing down. Sakon grabbed his own backpack, and scrambled after him, grabbing a hold of The Postman's shoulder. The Postman gave him a questioning look.

"I'm stealing some of your 'not magic'." he explained. "Please, carry on."

They awkwardly climbed down from the rocks, the Wolfos still not waking up. Moving as slowly and quietly as possible, they crept around them, heading back out into the wastelands. Once they were a safe distance away, Sakon let out a breath of relief and released The Postman's shoulder.

"Guess you do come in handy every now and then." he commented. "Your 'not magic' is a pretty awesome trick. It would come in handy for my job."

"Come on." The Postman urged. "We might be able to make it to the cave by nightfall if we hurry."

"Yes, your royal highness, at once."

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon squinted into the pitch black cave but couldn't see a thing. "Are you sure this is the right cave? It smells funny."

The Postman, who was currently taking a torch out of his backpack, glanced over at him with an odd look. "Smells funny? How can a cave smell funny?"

"Yeah. It smells like rotten meat. How do we know this isn't like some sort of Redead mating cave or something? If it is, I'll never forgive you for making me see something like that."

The Postman paused what he was doing and gave The Thief an indescribable look. "This is the right cave." he assured him, lighting the torch. "It's marked on the map."

The Thief still looked uneasy. "You go first."

"Mr. Ganondorf warned me that there could be traps, so watch your step." The Postman said as he entered the cave.

Sakon was quick to follow and wrinkled his nose at the rancid smell. "What is that?" he complained. "Did something die in here? Hopefully there's not a giant pile of all the previous thieves lying dead around here somewhere..."

"That's a possibility." The Postman responded. "Well, not the pile of dead thieves, but if there are traps, something could have wandered into one of them."

The Thief didn't like that thought either, and peered over The Postman's shoulder as they walked, trying to see what was ahead. The cave seemed like an endless wall of rock with no nooks or tunnels for monsters to jump out at them from. They walked in silence for the better part of an hour and The Thief relaxed enough to walk beside The Postman when it became clear nothing was happening.

"Well, this is uneventful." The Thief commented, his voice echoing loudly in the cave.

The Postman said nothing, his eyes trained ahead. He had a feeling something very bad was ahead and he was hoping whatever it was wouldn't notice them.

"So, what's the real deal with this sword we're stealing?" The Thief asked. "What's it do? What's Ganondorf gonna do with it?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "I never asked, it's none of my business."

"It must be very boring inside your head." The Thief stated. "Nosiness is what makes life interesting...Hey! Look, a door!"

Sure enough, at the very end of the cave was a large wooden door which stood about ten feet high. They stopped in front of it and stared up at the door as the stench of the cave only grew stronger. Sakon placed a hand over his nose, and exchanged a look with The Postman.

"Whatever's behind this door reeeeally stinks... I think you should open it."

Shifting the torch to his other hand, The Postman reached up for the door handle and turned it. As he pulled open the door, a blast of rancid air burst out through the crack, causing The Thief to gag and pull his shirt up over his nose.

The Postman held the torch up into the room, and peered inside, freezing at what he saw. Sakon peeked around him to see what it was, and when he saw it, he promptly gagged and turned away to empty his stomach.

"By the goddesses!" he exclaimed, coughing and retching in disgust. "What is it?!"

The Postman couldn't take his eyes off of it. A large blobular mass of rotted flesh sat in the middle of the room gasping for breath, oil and sweat making its skin look shiny and wet. The creature looked like it used to be a Redead but now, because it had eaten so much, it could only lay in a pile of its own excrement and rot, unable to move.

"I didn't even know Redead could get fat!" The Thief whispered, still looking queasy. "Look at the huge pile of bones around it! It must have eaten all the other Redead plus anything else that came near it! There must have been hundreds of monsters in this room at one time!"

The Postman could only stare in revulsion, not sure what to do.

"I bet this room was full of really nasty monsters we would have had to fight all at once! I bet whoever made this little pit of terrors didn't count on this turn of events!"

The Postman wasn't aware Redead could have eating disorders, and exchanged a look with Sakon who gave him a shrug.

"Is the sword in there with it?" he asked.

The Postman stepped into the room a few steps, and swung the torch in an arc so he could see the whole room.

"Well?" The Thief demanded from the safety of the outside corridor.

"There's another door." The Postman informed him. "I'm going to go take a look."

"Kill the Redead while you're in there."

"No."

The Thief peered into the room once again with another gag, not sure if the pay was worth stepping foot into this disgusting room.

"Come on," The Postman urged. "I only have so many torches and I'm not sure how long it will take us to find the sword."

Both hands firmly over his nose, The Thief followed The Postman across the room, wondering if his nose would ever be the same again. The room was large and the piles of bones were absolutely enormous, and both men vaguely wondered exactly how many monsters the Redead had consumed. They reached the door and were met with the sight of chains locking the door securely shut.

"It's locked." The Postman stated.

"Thank you for that astute observation." The Thief said dryly. "Now what are we gonna do?"

The Postman's eyes shifted over to the Redead who still hadn't moved. "One of the monsters must have had the key..."

Sakon backpedalled away from The Postman with a horrified look. "I am not digging through Redead crap!"

The Postman seemed to be considering something for a moment as he stared at the Redead, and then he said. "I'll tell you about the letter if you do it."

The Thief crossed his arms. "No way, not worth it."

"Just use a bone to poke through it."

"You do it, because I'm sure as Din not going to!"

The Postman paused. "If you do it, I'll tell you where I found hidden treasure on Death Mountain."

"No way!" Sakon roared. "Wait...what kind of treasure?"

The Postman shrugged. "Rupees and jewellery mostly."

Sakon gave him a suspicious look. "If you're lying, I swear I'll feed you to this thing!"

The Postman held up his hand. "You have my word as a postman."

"You're not a postman any more." Sakon pointed out. "Swear it on your mother's life."

The Postman hesitated a bit too long, and The Thief's eyes widened.

"I knew it!" The Thief yelled. "Liar!"

"Alright fine," The Postman relented. "I lied. There's no treasure."

"I'll just do this the easy way." Sakon stated, slipping off his backpack.

He dug inside, and a moment later he pulled out a small metal case. Approaching the door, he opened the case, and The Postman saw it was a set of lockpicking tools.

"Hold the torch so I can see." he ordered.

Doing as he was told, The Postman held the torch over Sakon as he worked, surprised when only seconds later there was the click of the lock, and the chains fell away.

"Piece of cake, I could have done this one in my sleep!" Sakon bragged. "No need to swear on your mother's life after all, you liar."

The Postman said nothing as he stood in the doorway, his mind far away. He wondered what his mother was doing right now. He didn't often get to see his family, usually only on holidays, or birthdays, or the rare time he'd pass one of his siblings while on a mail delivery. He missed them, but knew they couldn't know he was still alive. He briefly wondered how they'd reacted to the news of his death. Were they ashamed of him?

Sighing, The Postman held up the torch and entered the next room, Sakon close on his heals. The second they were inside, the room seemed to explode in flame from all sides, and The Postman threw himself to the floor, pulling The Thief down with him.

Intense heat passed directly over them, for several long minutes and when it finally ceased, both looked up at the smoke that now filled the room. Not moving, they scanned the room and saw the slits in the wall where the flames had come from.

"Let's not stand up." The Thief suggested in a humourous tone. "I might lose my charming good looks that way."

Sakon began very slowly inching his way across the room, trying to stay as low as possible. Reacting to the movement, the flames instantly shot back out, and the heat was so intense, it felt like their backs were catching on fire.

"It's a good thing you're not some fat guy." Sakon commented. "That Redead would have been doomed in this room."

The Postman began carefully inching his way after The Thief, both heading for the locked door ahead.

"I don't like this room." The Thief commented, with a wince. "I think my backpack's on fire. If the bombs explode, it'll get messy in here real fast..."

"You carry bombs?" The Postman questioned. "Isn't that dangerous?"

"I use them way more than you'd think." The Thief responded, grimacing at the extreme heat. "In a thief's life, sometimes things have to be blown up. Sometimes its people."

The Postman looked at Sakon's backpack in apprehension. "Hurry up, I think your backpack is on fire."

Sakon scrambled as fast as he could to the door, the only area the flames didn't reach and stood to his feet, throwing the backpack to the ground and stomping on it several times to put out the flames. As The Postman also got to his feet, they both glanced at the locked door.

"It's a good thing you brought me, or you'd be crawling all over this place looking for a key." The Thief stated, instantly getting to work on the lock.

The lock popped open within seconds, and the chains fell to the floor with a clatter, Sakon looking proud of himself.

"Five seconds, not bad." he bragged.

The Postman rolled his eyes, and very cautiously opened the door. Grabbing a new torch from his backpack, he lit it off the flames, and held it into the new room. He couldn't see anything dangerous, and was instantly suspicious.

"What do you see?" Sakon demanded, leaning over his shoulder.

"It looks like an empty room..."

Sakon frowned. "Yeah, I think you should go first to investigate."

"What else is new?" The Postman muttered, tossing a small stone into the room to see if the trap was motion activated.

When nothing happened, he cautiously ventured inside. When The Postman didn't immediately die horribly, Sakon came in after him. The Thief wandered around, looking for anything at all, and approached the locked door on the other side of the room.

"It's a puzzle lock." Sakon commented. "I can't pick this."

Leaving the locked door to explore the whole room, he eventually found a series of buttons on the far wall.

"Bring the torch over." Sakon ordered. "There's something here."

The Postman approached and held up the torch, revealing words carved into the wall above three buttons. The switches were numbered with some sort of mathematical equations. "Strange..." The Postman commented, lifting the torch to read the inscription.

"Solve for X." it stated. "A wrong answer will result in unimaginable agony."

The Postman stared at the question seeing the most complicated mathematical equation he'd ever seen.

"Ew, math." Sakon commented. "I never liked math. That's why I quit school in third grade."

The Postman glanced over at him. "Third grade?" he repeated in disbelief.

"You finished school, right?"

The Postman nodded.

"Then, what's the answer, Mr. Brainiac?"

"I have no idea." The Postman replied. "It's been twelve years since I've had to do math homework."

"Great. Well, you'll have to at least try because I'm useless at this sort of stuff."

The Postman studied the equation, and then dug inside his backpack for a pen and paper. Taking a seat in front of the equation, he simply stared at it, trying to work it out.

"You're not writing anything." Sakon pointed out after a few minutes.

"Shh, I'm thinking." The Postman scolded.

He was completely stumped. His eyes taking in the question, The Postman absorbed the equation entirely and closed his eyes as he visualized each part separately, dissecting it, testing it. He turned the equation over and over in his mind trying to figure out what it was asking him. He stayed silent so long, Sakon assumed it was beyond him and debated just making a random guess. He chattered at The Postman, not even realizing the other man had completely tuned him out.

The Postman could hear none of what was being said to him, as his mind was entirely focussed on the equation. He studied its every part with extreme scrutiny and slowly understanding began to fall into place. With all the separated parts of the equation clearly in his minds-eye, he began carefully putting it back together. When it was whole again, The Postman opened his eyes and lifted his pen to the paper. In very small print, he began writing, and his attention was so focussed, he didn't hear when Sakon announced he was going to press a button. He looked up just as Sakon was reaching for a button and instantly slapped The Thief's hand away.

"Don't!" he scolded. "You'll get us killed! That's the wrong answer."

Sakon placed his hands on his hips. "Alright, then what's the right answer?" he demanded.

The Postman glanced at the three buttons. "None of them are the correct answer."

Sakon blinked at him and glanced at the three buttons. "None of them? No, that's impossible, you did something wrong." he accused.

The Postman shook his head. "My math is not wrong, it's a trick question."

"Then how do we get out of here?"

"There must be another button hidden somewhere in this room." The Postman said, immediately turning to search.

"I think your math just sucks." Sakon muttered to himself, turning to help him search.

"Feel free to check my work." The Postman retorted.

After searching the entire room, they finally found the fourth button hidden on the edge of the door, completely out of sight. The Postman checked his work one more time, confirmed it was the correct answer and then pressed the button. There was a rumble from above and they both tensed, expecting a trap to suddenly explode at them. Instead, the door slid open, revealing the room beyond.

Sakon clapped him on the back. "Way to go, nerd." he congratulated.

The Postman peered inside the next room, and then visibly relaxed. Sakon looked over his shoulder and then confidently charged into the room. He pointed triumphantly to another door, this one with so many locks across it, you could barely even it was a door.

"I sense treasure behind that door!" The Thief announced happily.

The Postman frowned. "Only three deathtrap rooms?"

Sakon gave a shrug. "I assume whoever built this place thought no one could get past the monsters in the first room, and if by miracle they did, that the horrible math question would take care of them."

"Still seems too easy..." The Postman commented uneasily.

"Meh, I like easy." The Thief replied as he approached the door and cracked his knuckles, lockpicks at the ready. "Time me, I bet I can get into this thing in under five minutes."

The Postman kept his gaze towards the open doorway, still feeling like the cave was too simple. Ganondorf's deathtraps were much more difficult than this.

Sakon began working on the first lock, whistling a jaunty tune as he did so. He popped off the second lock and then the third, quickly followed by the fourth. Lock after lock fell to the floor in quick succession, and after a while he paused to rub at a cramp in his hands. He wasn't even halfway through the locks yet.

"Wow, I haven't picked this many locks since that one kinky night I had in the Zora Domain..." he commented. "I hope my hands hold out long enough to get us in here."

"I'm sure you'll be fine." The Postman stated, without looking over.

The Thief shook his hands a few times, and then went back to springing lock after lock with an air of determination. As time went on, Sakon switched to picking the locks with his left hand, and The Postman took a seat against the wall to watch him.

"I once picked a lock just like these." Sakon commented. "It was a lock on a very inconvenient chastity belt."

"Whose chastity belt? Yours?" The Postman asked, dryly.

"Ha ha, very funny, smartass, but yeah it actually was..." Sakon replied, as another lock dropped to the floor. "I was a teenager working for Ganondorf, and he noticed me paying a little bit too much attention to his niece. He trusted her, but not me, especially after he caught me feeling her up in a broom closet. He thought a chastity belt would take care of that little problem, but little did he know I had that thing off within the hour. I stole his niece's virginity in his own throne room, and he never found out. A job well done if I say so myself."

The Postman crinkled his nose. "I really don't want to hear about Milan losing her virginity." The Postman commented.

Sakon paused, and glanced over at him. "Milan? No, it was her older sister, Lana who's waaaay prettier than her. I've only been dating Milan for a month, and only because she's so easy..."

"You're gross." The Postman replied, looking away. "Please keep these personal details to yourself."

The last lock popped off and Sakon tried to shake the feeling back into his fingers as The Postman stood back to his feet.

"Well, come on, let's go get this stupid sword." The Thief said, pushing open the door. "I'm sick of this mission. The company leaves a lot to be desired."

The next room was small and without decoration, the only piece of furniture, a small table where a long bundle lay wrapped. Both men approached and looked down at the bundle which was definitely sword shaped. The Postman reached forward and picked it up, the weight feeling right for a sword. Pulling aside the wrappings a bit, they both stared at the beautiful gold and gem encrusted sword in awe.

"I've never seen anything like it..." Sakon exclaimed. "That sword alone has to be worth a kingdom..."

The Postman quickly covered the sword back up, and glanced at The Thief. "Remember what he said about touching the sword with your bare hands; we need to keep it wrapped at all times."

"Yeah, I remember." Sakon replied.

The Postman turned towards the door. "We have to get the sword to Ganondorf as fast as possible. We're incredibly late."

"Yes." Sakon agreed from behind him, as he slowly drew his dagger. "We wouldn't want to be late..."

Before The Postman even realized what had happened, The Thief used the hilt of the dagger to club him from behind. The Postman hit the floor hard and Sakon stood over him, his expression mixed. He looked down at the blade of his dagger as if debating whether to use it, and then his eyes turned to The Postman. Shaking his head, he sheathed the dagger.

"Sorry, once a villain, always a villain, right?" he whispered, kneeling down to take the sword. "You can't take these things personally. It's all in the business."

Sakon gave The Postman another uneasy frown. "I won't finish you off myself, this whole situation is just too weird for me. I'll let the cave do the killing for me. Let's see you get through the cave blind."

Sakon took The Postman's backpack and torch, and then gave The Postman one last conflicted look. He then left the room without another word, darkness instantly enveloping the room.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Link drew his sword as he started up Death Mountain knowing for sure the Gorons would help him. There was a light drizzle of rain that turned the normally dusty path into slippery muck, but even that didn't dampen his mood. Darunia had never let him down before, and he held much respect for the Goron chief.

Link killed any Tektites who got in his way, riding up the mountain path that had grown so familiar to him over the years. He passed by Dodongo's Cavern with barely a glance, and let out a shiver as the rain soaked through his tunic, chilling him thoroughly. He reached Goron city, and dismounted Epona, sheathing his sword as he headed inside looking forward to seeing his sworn blood brother.

He was instantly greeted warmly by every Goron, who smiled and waved at him as he passed, Link being one of few humans they could easily tell apart. Link made his way down to the bottom floor and approached Darunia's chambers, wondering how the Goron had healed since his imprisonment in Ganondorf's castle. Link was quite surprised to see the throne room completely demolished, a big crater where the room used to be. Turning to a Goron who was watching him, he pointed to the ruined throne room.

"What happened?! Is Darunia okay?"

The Goron cocked its head a moment, and then said. "Brother Darunia isn't here. He's out searching for the escaped prisoner, and then he was leaving on a mission."

"What prisoner? Where has he gone?" Link asked in confusion.

"Brother Darunia captured a Gerudo spy, but the prisoner escaped from the throne room. He didn't say where he was headed. Sorry, brother Link."

"What did this spy look like?" Link asked, with narrowed eyes.

The Goron shrugged. "Black clothing with a mask. I didn't see what the prisoner looked like under the mask, brother Darunia was the one that did the unmasking."

Link let out a sigh of frustration. He should have known. It was definitely the same Gerudo from before. "Did he say when he'd be back? I need to discuss this Gerudo problem with him. I had a run-in with the very same Gerudo."

The Goron shook its head, and gave him an apologetic look. "He did send you a letter though, brother. He said so before he left. Perhaps he left some information for you in the letter?"

Link suddenly had a sense of dread. "How exactly did he send the letter? Is a Goron delivering it, or perhaps a carrier bird?"

"No, brother, I think he said he was going to put it in a mailbox. I don't know if he's already sent it or not."

Link's shoulders visibly slumped. That would be one letter he'd never be seeing. With a groan, he turned away and wondered if he should try talking with a few of the postmen again. He needed Darunia to get the Gorons involved, and if that letter held valuable information, he had to get his hands on it.

"Thank you for your help. Please let Darunia know I was here when he gets back."

"Aru, of course, brother."

Link walked back up through the Goron city, not looking forward to another confrontation with The Postman's family and he grimaced. He didn't blame them for hating him, but it was proving difficult to get by without associating with any postmen. He'd have to discuss matters with them in an attempt to work out some sort of truce.

Waving goodbye to the Gorons, he left the city wondering how he'd try to plead his case. What could he possibly say to them?

As started towards down the Death Mountain road, he was distracted and definitely wasn't expecting to be ambushed from behind. He was knocked viciously to the ground, and he instinctively rolled out of the way of further attack, and drew his sword. Now back on his feet, he turned and stared at his attacker in surprise.

A small brown-haired child no more than eight or nine stood in front of him, dressed in all white and holding out a short-sword threateningly. He couldn't tell whether the child was a boy or girl but he/she narrowed their eyes at him in absolute loathing.

"You killed my brother, you murderer!"

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	18. The Monster in the Tunnels

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 **Authornote: Sunday** **March 5 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Wow. I just noticed I misspelled the word villain in the title of this story. o_O I'm really surprised no one has flamed me for that yet. It has now been fixed. How could I not have noticed that until now? This is chapter 18 of the story! Wow, I'm very ashamed right now. lol**

 **I just got Breath of the Wild and have been playing it all day Saturday. I actually booked a vacation day off just so i could play Zelda. :p The game is HUGE! I think I'm going to really like this game. I almost forgot to update this story because of it. lol**

 **WOOHOO! This is another HUGE chapter, the longest one yet in fact. Over 8600 words in length! It was incredibly fun to write, and I hope everyone enjoys it! Updates might slow down in a couple weeks because my updates are starting to catch up with what I've already gotten written. I'm working two full-time jobs right now, and the only time I have to write is in-between calls at my call centre job, during the one hour when i get home from work at night, and on Sundays (my one day off right now). I don't want the quality of the chapters to suffer as a result, so let me know if you notice anything off about the chapters. I'll give everyone a warning a week in advance if I'm going to change the update schedule. Thanks for understanding. :D**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the review! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Reiz16 \- Sakon is much more devious than Charlie Brown. lol I'm glad you liked the chapter!**

 **defiant-decay \- The DBZ reference made my day. lol This is primarily Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask. It is indeed a big mishmash of all the Zelda's, but I mostly picture the retro N64 universe more than anything. There were so many great side-characters from those games! :D**

 **UnregisteredUser -The Postman is much too naive for his own good. You should never turn your back on Sakon because he does not have impulse control. lol Everything will be eventually explained about The Postman, and what happened to him as a kid. (yes, we do eventually learn his name lol) I don't want to give too much away as I don't like to give out spoilers, but I think you'll be happy with this story. It's incredibly long, we're not even 2/5 of the way through it yet. :D**

 **ChangelingRin -Sakon appeared in both Ocarina of Time and Majora's mask. He was a thief who would mug people and pawn their stuff in the shady curiosity shop in Clocktown. You get to do a sidequest that involves getting something back which he has stolen. An interesting fact is that Sakon is the only non-fighting Zelda NPC that Link can actually kill. Link can murder him in cold blood if he chooses to. lol**

 **Rainmy -Yeah, that revealing scene was the part I don't like. I agree that it went too fast and I'll probably eventually fix it when i have time.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 12**

 **The Monster in the Tunnels**

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The first thing The Postman became aware of was a blinding pain in his skull, and he let out a low groan. Rolling over, he reached up a hand and touched the back of his head, his fingers coming back wet. He was disorientated and not yet comprehending why he was in pain. Letting out another, louder groan, his eyes cracked open to see nothing at all. Blinking heavily a few times, he slowly sat up, rubbing the lump on the back of his skull. He glanced all around himself but could see absolutely nothing, the darkness pressing in on him from all sides. He sat there in confused silence for a moment or two before his mind cleared enough for him to realize what had happened. Sakon had once again tried to kill him.

The Postman supposed Sakon's betrayal didn't come completely as a surprise, but it still stung. He hadn't thought Sakon would try to kill him again when it came to light they knew one another. Sighing, The Postman felt around himself for his backpack but quickly realized it was gone. Frowning, The Postman felt around for the torch and found that gone as well. Sakon had taken everything. He was left alone in the darkness of the cave.

Sighing heavily, he felt his way towards the door, and then stumbled as he stepped into the puzzle room. He carefully felt his way across the room until he was at the doorway to the fire-room, and then he dropped down to his stomach and began crawling. Instantly streams of flame lit up the room, and The Postman winced at the brightness and squinted in discomfort as he slowly made his way to the next door. He was still incredibly dizzy, and the heat of the fire definitely wasn't helping, and it nearly caused him to pass out.

It took The Postman a lot longer to reach the door than it should have, and when he finally made it to safety, he hesitated. The flames abruptly stopped, and once again he was bathed in darkness. His hand held the edge of the doorway, knowing exactly what was in the next room. As he leaned through the open doorway, the rancid smell of the Redead wafted across the room, causing him to pause once again. He'd have to navigate around the Redead in the dark...

The Postman had a perfect memory when it came to places he'd been, and he remembered the layout of the Redead's room, but still wasn't keen on being alone in the dark with it. He cautiously stepped into the room, and he immediately heard the sound of crunching and slurping coming from the centre of the room. The Redead had caught new prey...

Getting a sudden sense of dread, he really hoped that it wasn't Sakon the Redead was devouring. Although he was furious with The Thief, that didn't mean he wanted him dead.

Stepping further into the room with a grimace, the door closed after The Postman with a click. Knowing he had to find out if it was Sakon, he very slowly began edging towards the Redead. Although Redead could see in the dark, it didn't seem to even notice he was in the room, the monster too intent on its meal to look up.

The crunching and slurping noises were now directly beside him, and The Postman very hesitantly reached out his hand. His fingers met fur and he instantly relaxed, realizing it was a Wolfos. In fact, there were many dead Wolfos surrounding the Redead. The Postman suddenly realized the same pack of Wolfos from earlier must have tracked them to the cave and followed them in. They never stood a chance against the vicious Redead.

As The Postman pulled back his hand, the Redead moved slightly and he brushed up against it, its skin hard and somewhat slimy. The slurping immediately stopped. Sensing he was now being stared at, The Postman chanced a tiny step backwards. Immediately, there was a loud screech which morphed itself into a gurgle as the Redead spotted him. He froze in place, but it was too late. There was a meaty thud, the sound of nails scraping across the stone floor then the definite sound of something incredibly heavy dragging itself towards him.

Backpedalling as fast as he could, he tried to run for where he knew the door was, but he kept stumbling over dead Wolfos and piles of bones. He hit the floor hard, and scrambled to get away, but a vice-like grip suddenly had him by the leg. There was another high-pitched screech and he was then being dragged through the darkness to his death.

He could hear the Redead's teeth chattering in anticipation, and The Postman kicked out at it uselessly. It pulled him up close and The Postman could now feel its breath on his face and he struggled with all his might, completely terrified. When he felt teeth sink into his leg, The Postman's terror reached a whole new level and he threw his hands up instinctively towards the Redead. There was a deafening explosion of raw magic, and for one brief moment the room lit up, showing the Redead bursting into a thousand pieces as the blast hit it. The room then fell back into darkness, pieces of the Redead falling everywhere.

The Postman fell heavily to the floor, and laid there in shock, surrounded by the carnage he had just caused. Crawling through the gore around him, he made his way towards the door, just wanting to get out of there.

Once in the safety of the hallway, The Postman let out a deep breath of relief, finally knowing he was almost to safety. The Postman had never killed anyone before, and he was glad that Redead regenerated when they were killed. It was probably already piecing itself back together in the other room.

The Redead had injured his leg from the bite, and The Postman had a hard time getting back to his feet. His leg was slick with blood, and he had a feeling the muscle had been damaged.

As he limped his way along, his hands trailing the wall of the hallway to support himself, he wondered how long he'd been unconscious. Sakon could be hours ahead of him, and The Postman knew it wouldn't be easy catching up to him with an injured leg. He'd probably have to go back to the Gerudo City on his own.

Although The Postman knew the hallway was pretty much straight the whole way back outside, he kept right next to the wall, the blindness making him timid. He walked for the better part of an hour before he finally saw sunlight in the far distance. Speeding up as much as his leg would allow, the light got brighter and brighter. When he stepped out of the cave a few moments later, he raised a hand to shield his eyes from the sun, and squinted as he glanced around. Sakon was nowhere to be seen.

It was now late in the day, the sun just beginning to dip below the horizon and The Postman knew Sakon had quite a head-start on him. Sakon had left him without food or water but The Postman wasn't too concerned about that. His only thoughts were of the sword the thief now possessed. Would he steal it, or would he deliver it to Ganondorf like they were supposed to? This was only The Postman's second mission, and he knew he couldn't fail. He had to catch up with The Thief.

Gazing in the direction he knew Sakon had gone, he frowned. He had a lot of ground to cover if he wanted to catch The Thief, so despite the pain, he took a deep breath and began to run.

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Sakon lounged in front of his campfire comfortably, inspecting the gold and jewels of the sword by the firelight in admiration. Every sort of gem he could imagine was set in the beautiful scabbard and he desperately wanted to run his fingers over it. He refrained, however, remembering the warning Ganondorf had given about touching the sword. The hilt of the sword had three holes that looked like gems had once been there, and he wondered who had desecrated such a magnificent blade.

Sakon let out a sigh of longing. So sparkly, so pretty, and so very valuable. He could easily sell it to royalty or any wealthy merchant of his choice. No one would turn down such an item! It was a shame it belonged to Ganondorf, or he would have been set for life. If he stole something this valuable from the Gerudo nation, he would essentially be committing suicide. Ganondorf put up with a lot from him, but this would definitely be crossing the line.

Sakon was no fool and he knew Ganondorf would be after his head the moment the betrayal was discovered. Letting out a disappointed sigh, Sakon re-wrapped the sword and put it away in his backpack.

Reaching for his canteen, Sakon took a long satisfying drink of the booze within, and gazed out across the dark wastelands thoughtfully. Several Wolfos were howling in the distance but other than that, the night was eerily silent. He wondered briefly what had happened to The Postman, but quickly pushed those thoughts aside, deciding it was better not to think about it. He was a villain, and villains hurt people all the time. Just because he knew The Postman, shouldn't make a difference, right? No time to feel guilty, he had more important things to worry about. Taking one last swig from the canteen, he set it aside and leaned back in his bedroll, watching the campfire flicker.

Sakon gave a lazy stretch, sleepy from drinking a bit too much, and pulled his blanket over himself. As he fell asleep, the feeling of guilt still hung over him.

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Link stared at the small child in shock before it registered in his mind what he/she was wearing. The child wore a miniature postal uniform, complete with a hat which was far too big.

"You're The Postman's younger brother." Link stated, with a frown.

"Sister." the child corrected, narrowing her eyes. "You killed him, and I'm going to kill you!"

"I'm really sorry for what happened," Link said. "But you're just a kid!"

"So what? No one else in my family is getting revenge so I will! I will fight you to the death!"

"I'm not going to fight you." Link said with a frown. "What happened with your brother was a horrible accident, and I'm really sorry. He shouldn't have died."

"But he did." the girl snarled. "And you did it!"

The girl clenched her sword tightly in her fist and took a deep, shaky breath as she fearlessly took a step towards the hero. "Fight me!"

Link shook his head. "I'm sorry, but I won't fight you."

"Then stand still as I kill you!" the girl yelled, charging him with the sword.

Link stepped aside and the inexperienced fighter fell flat on her face in the dust. Nursing a nosebleed, the girl got back to her feet and glared at Link as he gave her a concerned look.

"Are you alright?" he asked as she wiped away the blood with the back of her hand.

"Stay still if you won't fight!" she ordered, shaking the dust out of her short hair.

Link let out a sigh and knelt down to her level. "I know you want revenge for your brother but this isn't the way. Once you kill someone, you can never take it back. Their death will stay with you for the rest of your life. Once you kill someone, they're gone forever and nothing can ever erase that. Every day you live, you'll see their death over and over, and you'll feel guilt for the rest of your life."

The girl scowled at him and lunged forward with her sword trying to stab him through the head. Link jumped backwards just in time, and straightened up.

"Good." the girl said. "I don't want to forget it. I loved my brother, and today is my birthday. He should be home right now eating cake and teasing me, but he's not. He's dead. I'll never see him again. You've taken him away from me!"

Link could see the raw pain in the child's eyes and had to avert his gaze.

The girl took another shaky breath then charged Link, determination written across her face as she swung out the small blade. Again, Link side-stepped her and as she fell, he reached down and snatched the sword out of her hand. The girl hit the ground hard and before she could get up, Link gently placed a boot on her back holding her down.

"I'm sorry about your brother but please let go of this need for revenge." he said gently. "I have to live with what I've done, and move on, and someday you'll be able to too. Go home, your family is probably worried about you."

Link then took the short-sword and stabbed it into the ground beside the girl, pinning her to the ground by the shorts.

"If you yell, the Gorons will be able to hear you, and they'll let you go." he informed her. "Don't follow me, go home to your family."

The girl struggled uselessly against the sword but couldn't move an inch. She turned her head only to see Link disappearing down the road, and she gave a yell of despair. Once he was gone, she slumped limply against the ground. Unable to help it, she covered her face and began to cry. She'd failed him. She failed her brother.

"Forgive me, brother." she whispered.

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The Postman had run for most of his life, and he had the stamina to prove it. He ran the whole night at a steady pace, the coolness of the night air only invigorating him. He couldn't run very fast because of his leg, and he ignored the pain as best he could, pushing himself to keep running. He'd passed several monsters as he crossed the wastelands but none paid him any mind. The Postman didn't notice them either, his fury keeping him entirely focussed on The Thief. He knew Sakon's name and therefore he was able to sense exactly where The Thief was.

It was a little after dawn when he saw the smoke from Sakon's fire. The smoke rose in the air like a wall of black, standing out vividly against the blue sky. The Postman quickly ran down the hill towards the camp, hoping The Thief was still there.

When he made it to the campsite, there was no sign of Sakon, The Thief having left just minutes before. The Postman knelt down beside the fire and saw it wasn't completely out yet, the embers still red. He knew Sakon couldn't have gotten too far, and straightened up. Now more determined than ever, The Postman continued on his way, forcing himself to run faster and faster, despite his heavily bleeding leg.

Sakon was hot, tired, and sick of walking. Carrying two heavy backpacks definitely wasn't helping matters, and he debated ditching one of them. His shoulders were hurting from the weight, and he was hot and sticky from sweat. He was almost to the mountain passage and was hoping it'd be cooler in there. As he rested for a few moments on the hill overlooking the passage, he stretched and looked off across the wasteland. Seeing something running in the distance, he promptly did a double-take at the strange creature hurtling across the wasteland towards him. Squinting in its direction, he then swore under his breath when he saw who it was.

"Should've tied him up..." Sakon muttered, quickly grabbing up the bags and running for the passage.

The Postman was running after him at a much greater speed, and Sakon barely made it to the door in time. He slammed it hard in The Postman's face, and then took that opportunity to run headlong into the tunnels. The Postman pushed open the door, rubbing at his now bloody nose, and just caught sight of Sakon's leg as he disappeared into the tunnels. Out of breath, he puffed a moment, and then took chase. The Thief was making as many random twists and turns as he could, in an attempt to lose him, but The Postman was hot on his trail.

"You're going the wrong way." The Postman yelled up to him.

"Shut up!" Sakon bellowed back. "Why couldn't you have just died?"

The Postman was unbelievably angry with The Thief, and he let out a sigh of irritation. "Sakon, stop." he ordered. "You know you can't outrun me. You don't even know where you're going!"

Sakon flashed him a dirty look from over his shoulder, and turned down another tunnel. "Go get eaten by a Wolfos, you nerd." he snarled.

The Postman narrowed his eyes slightly, and then unapologetically tripped The Thief. Sakon hit the floor hard with a loud grunt of pain, and The Postman immediately gave him a hard boot to the back. Sakon rolled over and kicked at The Postman, knocking the smaller man to the floor. Although The Postman was furious, Sakon was still taller and heavier than him, and The Thief easily overpowered him, pinning him to the floor with one knee. Drawing his dagger, Sakon held it up as if to stab him. He hesitated as he met The Postman's eyes, and he seemed to falter.

The Postman struggled to get away, but Sakon held him down, placing a hand on The Postman's throat, cutting off his air supply.

"Why do you have to make this so much harder than it has to be?" Sakon demanded. "You're not cut out to be a villain, and whether you fight me or not, you're going to die. I didn't put twenty years of hard work into being a thief, just to be replaced by you."

The Postman gave him a confused look. "N-not replacing you..." The Postman wheezed out.

The Thief tightened his grip. "Whatever you say, Darling."

The Postman struggled harder, and Sakon still held the dagger up, but didn't yet bring it down. He was conflicted, but also felt like he had no choice. He would always look out for his own best interests first, no matter who else got hurt. That's how he'd managed to survive his whole life. Setting his mouth into a thin line of determination, Sakon began bringing down the dagger.

A loud snarl from above interrupted Sakon, and both men froze in place, and then slowly looked up. They paled at what they saw, and Sakon released his hold on The Postman, and began to carefully back away. The monster that stood over them was like nothing they'd ever seen before, looking like it had torn its way out of someone's nightmare.

The monster was enormous, covered in black scales and it filled the entire tunnel like some sort of disgusting cork. It had two heads, and it shivered as it focussed six beady eyes on the two men, and it slowly uncurled long, sticky tentacle-like arms. It began crawling towards them on long spindly spider legs that scraped and tapped across the stone floor.

Sakon continued to slowly retreat and felt his back hit the wall of the tunnel. He began to edge along it, hoping the monster wouldn't notice him.

The Postman remained in place, simply laying there, staring up at the monster in both awe and terror. He also had the feeling this wasn't the type of creature that would ignore him. One of the monster's heads was staring directly at him, its face a mass of wrinkles and spikes, while the other head focussed entirely on Sakon.

Sakon stared at the monster's arm-length fangs in horror, gave a nervous twitch, and then turned tail and ran. As quick as lightening, the demon lashed out with a tentacle and grabbed Sakon around the waist before he'd even taken five steps. The thief lashed out with his dagger and stabbed it down into the tentacle holding him, and the monster let out a roar of pain, but it didn't release him. As it dragged the kicking and screaming Sakon towards it, the thief turned desperate eyes to The Postman.

"Help!" he cried out, his eyes wide with panic. "I'm sorry! Don't let it eat me! Don't let it eat me! Please, please, please help me! I'm sorry!"

Sakon clawed at the ground in desperation as he passed by, and The Postman stared at him a moment and then lunged forward, catching The Thief by the hand. Digging his heels into the ground, The Postman tugged against the monster, slowing the pull but not stopping it. Both the heads narrowed their eyes at him, and then it tugged all the harder, easily dragging both men towards it. When they were close enough, both were lifted into the air by various tentacles and pulled away from one another.

Sakon's eyes were wild with fear and he stabbed and stabbed at the tentacle in a blind panic. The heads gave a curious sniff to the thief then quickly withdrew as Sakon lashed out.

Sakon, swung the dagger uselessly at the nearest head, and with one hard swing from a tentacle, the dagger was easily flung out of his grasp. The monster carefully removed Sakon's mask so it could get a good look at him, and then it gave him another sniff. It then narrowed its eyes.

"I'm not edible!" The Thief cried out. "You have no idea where I've been! You'll catch mouth warts!"

The monster gave him an unimpressed look and then, with a mighty heave, it tossed The Thief high into the air. Sakon's stomach lurched and his eyes burned as he was flung upwards and he gave a petrified yell. He then began falling downwards towards the open jaws of the monster as it waited for him to meet his demise. Sakon plummeted face down, the large curved teeth getting closer and closer as he descended, the monster's throat looking like the gateway to Din's Fire.

Absolutely terrified beyond thought for the first time in his life, Sakon screamed and screamed, and then the jaws snapped closed on him.

The Postman could only watch in horror, unable to move and unable to help The Thief in any way. "Sakon..."

The Postman went limp in the monster's hold, watching as the head that ate Sakon licked its lips. The monster then turned its full attention to him. It removed his mask and sniffed at him like it did The Thief, and then it pulled back to stare at him. The monster seemed to be appraising him in an almost calculating way, and The Postman stared blankly back in shock. The Postman felt numb as the monster inspected him, unable to believe he'd just seen someone eaten alive. Sakon was actually dead.

The monster's first head leaned forward and gave him another deep sniff, and then instantly wrinkled its nose and pulled away. It stared at The Postman a long moment then surprised him by speaking.

"You reek of magic," it stated in distaste, its voice surprisingly feminine. "Is that you I smell or an item you carry?"

The monster's lips never moved as it spoke, but the words still clearly rang throughout the tunnel. The Postman took a deep breath of fear as the monster gave him another disgusted sniff, and he glanced over at the head that had eaten Sakon.

"You smell of a strange magic, a very old magic. You smell very similar to my human, but he is long since dead. Where did you get this magic from?" the monster asked him, sounding quite perplexed.

The Postman simply stared at her and gave a slight squirm.

The monster frowned at him in a sort of lizardy way, and then asked. "Can you not speak, human man?"

Closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, The Postman forced himself into the calm state of mind he used whenever confronted with horrible monsters. "I apologize, ma'am," The Postman said hesitantly. "Yes, I can speak."

The monster gave him a long, hard look for a moment and then said. "I've seen you several times before, man-creature, you run through my tunnels without permission."

The Postman gave another squirm. "I didn't know I had to ask permission, ma'am, I thought the tunnels were abandoned. I'm terribly sorry for trespassing. It was unintentional."

The monster shifted its hold on him and lifted him a bit higher so she could look him in the face. "You're being very polite for someone I may or may not decide to eat." she stated. "Why is that?"

The Postman hesitated a moment, and then replied. "I would rather you didn't eat me, but I'm not going to be rude to you. I wouldn't imagine that would help my case very much."

The monster cocked both of her heads curiously. "Why do you smell of this magic?" she demanded. "You're not my human, but you look like him and you smell like him. Are you a sorcerer?"

The Postman gave a confused shrug. "No, I'm not a sorcerer. I don't know anything about magic other than what I've read in books."

"My human died over a thousand years ago, but yet you smell like him. Explain this."

The Postman had no explanation and gave a helpless shrug.

"I don't like when my questions aren't answered, little man-human; I'm very old and I don't have the patience for it."

"Oh...it's probably the sword I have," The Postman answered, pointing to the backpacks. "I think it may be magic, but it was none of my business to ask."

She stared down at the backpacks and then reached down to retrieve them. Holding them out to The Postman, she waited as he rifled through them until he found the sword. He unwrapped it and then held it up for her to see.

The monster stared at the sword for a long moment in silence. "My human created that." she commented. "It is one of his many treasures."

The Postman grimaced, realizing the sword was probably what the monster was supposed to guard. "I wasn't trying to steal anything..." The Postman stated. "It didn't look like the sword had an owner..."

The monster let out a sigh. "I suppose it doesn't have an owner any more. My human is long dead, and I've grown old and tired."

The monster gave him an annoyed look. "You two noisy humans woke me from my hibernation. I was put here to protect these tunnels, and I'm supposed to eat anyone who trespasses."

"I assure you, that wasn't our intention." The Postman said. "We were just passing through your tunnels and...we had a bit of a disagreement."

"A disagreement? The one who reeked of deceit was trying to kill you."

The Postman gave another glance to the head that had eaten Sakon. "It was a big disagreement."

"Every time anyone steps foot in my tunnels they wake me up, man-human. Sound is amplified down here, and I've had enough. I'm old and tired and I just want to sleep. If you weren't such a fast creature, I would have stopped you long ago."

"I apologize, ma'am, I didn't realize." The Postman said, hoping he sounded genuine. "This is the fastest path to Forbidden, and I've been using the tunnels as a shortcut."

The monster gave him an annoyed look and tightened her grip on him, causing him to wince. "These are my tunnels. Although my human is long dead, it is my instincts to protect my home. You're not supposed to be here at all, and I should kill you."

The Postman glanced over at the second head which was snapping its teeth in agitation. "In my own defence, ma'am, I had no way of knowing I was trespassing. You should really post a sign or something..."

The monster let out a snort. "I haven't had to worry about trespassers for a very long time, you're the only repeat offender."

"Sorry, ma'am, I didn't know. It was very rude of us to cut through your home uninvited."

The Postman gave the second head another nervous glance, it's huge fangs making him uncomfortable. How long would it take him to die once swallowed?

The monster eyed him irritably, and then said. "You can stop staring at me like that, man-human, the bald one isn't dead yet. I still haven't decided what to do with the two of you."

The Postman was shocked and relieved. "Sakon's still alive? How? You ate him!"

The monster rolled her eyes as if she thought The Postman was a very dull-witted creature. "He's only in my first stomach at the moment. I won't begin properly digesting him until he's been moved to my second stomach. He probably still has another couple minutes before he starts to suffocate." she explained without interest. "He was annoying, violent and smelled of deception, so I got rid of him."

The Postman winced at the thought of slowly suffocating to death knowing that you're going to be digested. He assumed Sakon must be terrified, and quite traumatized by this point.

The Postman glanced down at her belly. "I imagine you've left quite an impression on him, ma'am, but what are you planning on doing with us?"

The monster seemed to grow thoughtful for a moment. "I'm not sure yet." she admitted. "I'm terribly old, and irritable, but I've sort of lost my zest for blood over the years. I just want to sleep these days."

The Postman gave her nod to show he was listening intently.

"Why should I let you live?" the monster demanded. "There would a lot less irritation in my life if you were dead. I'd sleep a lot better."

"If you let us go, I promise we'll never bother you again..."

The monster leaned back against the wall of the tunnel, holding The Postman directly in front of her. "I could just eat you and never be bothered by you again." she pointed out.

"I really wish you wouldn't..." The Postman replied. "I want to continue living very much. I still have a long life ahead of me."

She seemed amused by his response and gave a toothy grin. "That remains to be seen." she stated. "You're a very strange little man-human. You have a powerful sword, but you haven't even tried to use it. Why is that?"

"I don't want to kill you." The Postman replied. "You're the oldest creature I've ever met, and it would be a shame to lose the knowledge you've gained over the last thousand years."

"You like knowledge, little one?" the monster asked, seemingly interested.

The Postman immediately nodded. "Yes, ma'am. I like to study very much."

The monster's eyes grew distant. "My human loved his books as well." she said sadly. "He was always travelling to learn new knowledge, and then he'd return here to write about it. He treasured knowledge above all else."

"Who was your human?" The Postman asked.

The monster shook her heads. "It doesn't matter. He's long gone now."

She gave another sniff at the sword."You'd never be able to kill me anyway." she informed him dismissively. "You'd have lost your arm before the first swing."

The Postman nodded, believing her completely. "Why do you still protect the tunnels when your human is long dead?"

"This is my home." the monster answered. "I knew from the time I first met with my human that I would outlive him. Humans don't live very long, they're mere children to ancient creatures such as myself. I chose to ally myself with him anyway."

"If your human is dead, why don't you leave?" The Postman asked. "There's a whole world outside of these tunnels."

The monster shook her heads, amused at the thought. "This is my home, and I'm far too old and tired for new adventures. This will be the place I'll die." she informed him. "I just want to sleep in peace."

"I'm not ready to die yet." The Postman informed her. "My adventures aren't over yet, and there's still a lot I want from life. I don't want to die here, and I know Sakon doesn't either. Our lives have barely begun..."

She stared down at The Postman as she considered his words, and then let out an exasperated sigh. "I will make a deal with you, man-human. Take that other vile human far away from my tunnels, never return here, and I will permit you to live."

The Postman hurriedly nodded. "Yes ma'am, we'll leave right away. Thank you."

The monster shifted slightly and placed a claw on her stomach. "The bald one has stopped moving, he might have already suffocated. Did you still want him?"

"Yes, please," The Postman answered, suddenly feeling apprehensive. "Please don't eat him."

The monster didn't seem to care either way and she gave a shrug. Bending her second head close to the floor, she began to hack and retch, sounding much like a cat bringing up a hairball. She made a wet, squelchy gag, and then a moment later spat Sakon onto the floor. She set The Postman down next to him.

Sakon was covered in a thick layer of saliva and yellowish-green slime which had to have been stomach acid. His clothes were almost completely dissolved and his skin seemed burned in several places. He was laying very still with his eyes closed, and The Postman scrambled over to him. He pulled layers of slime away from Sakon's face, but The Thief wasn't breathing. Pressing hard on his chest in an attempt to clear Sakon's lungs, The Postman was dismayed when it didn't work. Placing his fingers to Sakon's throat, he could feel a very faint pulse and, once again, tried to force the fluid out of Sakon's lungs. It still didn't work, and when The Postman checked the pulse again, it slowed and then stopped.

The Postman's eyes widened as he realized The Thief had just died. "Sakon!"

It was then that a small pink fairy flew out of Sakon's backpack and came to hover over The Thief. It swirled around him in a sparkle of magic, and a moment later, Sakon twitched. He then immediately began coughing up the putrid fluid, and gasped for air as The Postman let out a breath of relief. He'd forgotten all about the fairy Ganondorf had given them.

The Postman helped Sakon turn on his side as The Thief continued coughing and gagging, and The Postman hoped the other man wouldn't choke on the slime. They didn't have any other fairies.

Finally, Sakon managed to clear his lungs and he sucked in air greedily, opening his eyes for the first time. Sakon's eyes were wide with terror, and he was shaking uncontrollably, clearly traumatized. He curled himself into a small ball of misery, hiding his face, and The Postman was pretty sure he was crying. The Postman dug inside his backpack for a moment, and then pulled out a thick blanket and wrapped it around Sakon's shoulders.

Sakon clutched the blanket to himself with shaking hands, and curled up even tighter, still hiding his face from view. The Postman quickly looked him over the best he could, and found The Thief was fine in the physical sense, although obviously still horribly traumatized. The Postman found that his anger with the other man had pretty much evaporated, and he felt genuinely concerned for him.

"You're safe now." The Postman whispered. "You're going to be okay."

Sakon made some sort strangled sobbing noise, but otherwise didn't react. The monster rolled her eyes. "Don't be so dramatic," she scolded him. "You're perfectly alright."

Sakon turned his head slightly so a single green eye was looking up at the monster. "It ate me!" he whispered in a frantic voice to The Postman. "It ate me!"

"She's not going to hurt you." The Postman assured him calmly. "She's going to let us go."

Sakon fell silent, and simply stared up at the monster in complete terror, his mouth slightly agape.

"You have your friend to thank for saving your life." the monster stated. "I would have just eaten you."

Sakon curled back up into a ball.

The monster gave another roll of the eyes. "If I catch you in my tunnels again, I will eat you." she warned. "Take this as a warning. You're a very lucky human."

Sakon made some sort of sound that may have been an agreement, but it was difficult to tell. The Postman wrapped the blanket around him tighter, hoping to snap The Thief out of shock, knowing they shouldn't take too long to leave.

"Thank you, ma'am," The Postman said, pulling Sakon up into a sitting position. "I promise we won't return."

"You may take the sword with you." she stated, tossing it to him. "My human is dead, and I have no use for it."

Completely by reflex, The Postman reached out and caught the sword, his hand closing around the unwrapped scabbard. He realized what he had done the second he touched it, and he felt a sharp jolt of magic stab through his body. He dropped the sword to the floor in horror. When nothing happened, he relaxed, assuming he had let go of the sword before any damage was done to him.

"Use the sword well, and don't return here again." Without another word, the monster slithered away into the darkness.

Sakon sat huddled up for a moment and then stared at The Postman completely dumbfounded. When he was sure they were alone, Sakon pulled the blanket more tightly around himself, and then averted his gaze from The Postman.

"Sorry for trying to kill you...again." he said in a subdued voice.

"Let's get out of here." The Postman urged, pulling on his arm.

Sakon didn't move. "You saved my life even though you had no reason to. No one's ever done that for me before..."

"It's fine." The Postman replied, giving his arm another tug.

Sakon shook his head. "I would have killed you without a thought." he informed him. "I know Ganondorf is replacing me with you, and I wanted to defend my position. Since you were also trying to kill my girlfriend, I felt it was justified."

The Postman let out a huff of irritation. "I was not trying to hurt Milan! She's been bullying me since my first day of training, and every single day I have to get healed by Koume and Kotake. She's almost killed me more times than I can count."

Sakon eyed him skeptically. "Why would she do that?"

"Because I beat her during training. Twice."

That sounded exactly like something Milan would do. Sakon suddenly realized Milan had completely manipulated him. "Are you even replacing me as a thief?" he demanded.

The Postman shook his head. "No, my job is completely different than yours." The Postman answered. "I have no idea how to be a thief and I don't care to learn."

Sakon was silent for a minute, and then he nudged his backpack towards The Postman. "There's still half of a healing potion in there," he stated. "You look like you need it."

The Postman glanced down at his injured leg, almost having forgotten about it. As he dug around looking for the potion, Sakon gave him a sidelong glance.

"Why did you save me?" he asked uncertainly. "Not that I'm complaining or anything, but I did kind of leave you to rot in a cave full of horrible things..."

The Postman took a long drink of the potion before answering. "I may be angry with you, but I don't want you dead." he stated.

Sakon gave a nod, not really understanding. He always sought revenge against those who wronged him, so this was a new concept for him. "What happened to your leg, anyway? It looks like a bite."

"The fat Redead got me."

"Oh." Sakon replied awkwardly with a wince. "Sorry about that..."

The Postman dropped the empty bottle back into the backpack, and stood to his feet, his leg feeling much better. "Come on, we still have to get this sword to Mr. Ganondorf. We've wasted more than enough time."

Sakon slumped. "Are you going to tell him what I tried to do?"

The Postman gave him a frown. "I probably should." he commented. "But I won't if you swear you're going to stop trying to kill me."

Sakon gave The Postman a nod. "I promise, I won't." he said, actually sounding sincere. "I'll have to have a few words with Milan, however..."

"We need to go." The Postman said. "The monster could come back at any time."

A truly pathetic look of fear crossed Sakon's face, and he slowly got to his feet, slime dripping off of him. "Okay, let's get out of here. I really need a shower..."

Sakon followed after The Postman in silence, looking positively miserable, and he played with the handle of the torch as they walked along. He shot the occasional glance at The Postman, but said nothing. He knew he was incredibly lucky, as he'd never met a villain so willing to show mercy. The Postman was like no other villain he'd ever met.

The Postman flashed Sakon a questioning look at the silence, but no words were spoken at all during the walk through the maze of tunnels. When they came to the hole leading into the Goron shop, The Postman suddenly stopped.

"We lost our masks." he stated.

Sakon gave him a shrug. "So? I lose my mask all the time. I have to ask for replacements at least twice a week."

The Postman shook his head. "No one knows I'm alive." The Postman responded. "I was the postman in Hyrule for years and everyone will recognize me."

"So? You're a villain now, so what do you care?"

The Postman gave him a glare. "I'd rather my family think I'm dead than to know I'm a villain." he answered. "Mr. Ganondorf also wants me to keep my identity a secret for as long as possible."

Sakon nodded thoughtfully. "Here." he said, draping the blanket over The Postman's head. "Keep your face covered until we reach Gerudo Territory."

"Because someone with a blanket over their face won't draw attention?" The Postman replied dryly.

Sakon gave a shrug. "Well, at least they won't recognize you. They'll just think you're a weirdo."

The Postman let out a sigh, and then cautiously peered into the Goron shop to see if the coast was clear. The store was empty for the moment, and he relaxed, crawling out.

"You cover your face." Sakon whispered pointing to the door. "I'll lead the way, you just hide us with whatever voodoo 'not magic' it is you have. Hopefully we'll be able to sneak right by the Gorons."

The Postman gave a nod and draped the blanket over his head. "Don't make yourself suspicious this time. Pretend you don't see the Gorons and simply walk right by them."

"Easy for you to say," Sakon muttered. "I have a death warrant on my head."

"I have a death warrant from all of Hyrule." The Postman responded.

Sakon's eyes widened. "Really?! What did you do?!"

The Postman didn't bother answering him, instead opening the shop door. Sakon threw an arm over The Postman's shoulders to lead him, and they silently left the shop. Sakon tried to act as casual as possible, but being surrounded by so many Gorons made him extremely nervous. Sakon led The Postman across the bottom floor of the Goron City, and they started up the stairs, neither making a sound.

It was an unusually hot day, and the Gorons were all sprawled out across the cool rocky floor, sleepy and content. As they passed the Gorons by, they were hardly spared a glance, the Gorons seemingly looking right through them. Sakon practically hung off The Postman as they went up floor after floor, and he eyed every Gorons nervously, certain they were going to be noticed at any moment. They travelled through the city almost as if they were invisible, and when they finally reached the city's entrance, Sakon let out a breath of relief.

The Postman couldn't see a thing as he started down the Death Mountain trail and they passed right by a little girl pinned to the ground with a short-sword. Sakon gave the kid an odd look, wondering what she was doing up there, and stuck out his tongue at her mockingly. The girl scowled at him, and pulled at the sword, unable to loosen it. When it was clear Sakon had no intention of helping her, she shook her fist at him. Sakon's response was to thumb his nose at her, acting like the mature adult he was. As they continued down the mountain, he let out a snicker.

"What?" The Postman demanded, unable to see.

"Nothing." Sakon answered. "Just some stupid kid playing on the mountain."

"Why is there a kid on the mountain?"

"How should I know?" Sakon responded.

"Don't let me trip." The Postman ordered.

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Yes, Darling." he said with a sigh. "Uh, I'd just like to say again that I'm sorry for hitting you over the head and leaving you to die a horrible death in that cave...I shouldn't have done that..."

"It's fine." The Postman responded, sounding a bit short with him.

Sakon gave a nod knowing The Postman probably hadn't completely forgiven him yet, and he wondered if he ever would. "Well, I am sorry." he stated.

"Let's just get back to Ganondorf's castle."

They continued down the mountain and The Postman had no idea they had just passed by his little sister just moments before. The girl also didn't realize the close call, and she managed to free herself just minutes later. Holding up the short-sword to the air she declared war on Link and started down the mountain trail.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy!**

 **Next update will be on Friday.**


	19. Back to Training

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 **Authornote: Friday** **March 10th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This chapter is a bit of filler, but it does explain a few things. The action will continue next chapter, I promise. Sorry if there are any typos, I didn't have the motivation to go over it too many times today. lol**

 **Has anyone else noticed any glitches in Breath of the Wild? It's glitched out on me several times during battles, and I've had to turn off the console and restart from the last checkpoint. It's a bit irritating, but not really that big of a deal. Maybe I just got a bad disc.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the review! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **placesmileshere \- We will indeed find out what happened to The Postman, but not for a while. Everything will eventually be explained, hopefully with no loose ends. :) Thanks you so much for reading, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the series!**

 **lordseanington \- I'm really glad you've enjoyed the story so far and I hope you enjoy the rest just as much. :) Don't worry, I always try my best to not give spoilers about anything that's new out.**

 **Reiz16 \- Sakon will call The Postman many, many names during the course of this story. lol We will indeed get to meet more of The Postman's family, but not for a while.**

 **defiant-decay \- LMAO Ganondalf! Now THAT would make for an amusing version of LOTR hahaha I would pay to read that. I'm glad you liked the chapter, it was very fun to write. :) Sakon has learned a very important lesson, but that won't make him any less irritating to those around him. The Postman's patience will be tested. lol**

 **UnregisteredUser \- The title was spelt 'Villian' instead of 'Villain'. More of a typo than a spelling mistake, but it still annoyed me. lol The spelling of 'heels' has been fixed as well. :) Sakon lives by the rule that if he can blame someone else, he will alllllways shift the blame away from himself. Self-preservation and lack of accountability. Everything you're wondering about will eventually be explained. I don't want to give away any spoilers though! ;)**

 **Rainmy \- I actually completely rewrote that whole monster scene from the original because it wasn't quite to my liking. I thought Sakon wasn't traumatized enough, so i added a lot of details. I'm glad you noticed! :D Thanks for the review and I hope you like the rest of the changes as well!**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 13**

 **Back to Training**

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The moment they were back in Gerudo Territory, The Postman dropped the blanket to the ground in relief. No one had stopped them, and they were almost safe now. As they approached the Gerudo Fortress, dozens upon dozens of armed soldiers blocked the way, waiting to see who they were.

"Hi, did ya miss me?" Sakon bellowed out, cheeky grin in place as he waved furiously.

Every single Gerudo glared at him simultaneously. The Postman had never seen so much loathing in a single look before. Sakon was unperturbed however, and waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Anyone want to give me a 'hero's' welcome?"

He had to dodge out of the way as a spear was thrown at his face.

"I take it that's a no..." Sakon commented as they neared. "No matter. I'm always up for anything if you gals change your minds."

Another spear was thrown, this one almost hitting The Postman.

"Sakon, leave them alone, they're just trying to do their jobs. They aren't interested in you, so stop harassing them. You come across as a real creep."

The Gerudo all seemed surprised, and The Postman received a few thoughtful looks as if they were truly seeing him for the first time. The soldiers let them pass without issue, and Sakon gave him an annoyed glance.

"Some wingman, you are." he grumbled. "You might as well be a girl, you feminist."

The Postman didn't even dignify that with a response. He pretty much ignored The Thief as they walked along, Sakon chattering almost non-stop about this and that. The Thief seemed to have almost completely recovered from his ordeal, and The Postman was surprised by this. How much had Sakon gone through in his life that getting eaten by a monster hadn't permanently scarred him?

"You're really alright after everything that's happened?" The Postman questioned. "You did die today..."

Sakon waved him off with a snort. "I'm fine. This has only been like the fourth worst day of my life. I'm over it."

Well, that answered that question. If being killed and digested by a monster was only his fourth worst day, what was the first? Sakon didn't seem inclined to share any further, so The Postman didn't pry.

When they finally made it to the main Gerudo city, The Postman finally relaxed. They had successfully completed their mission. They cut through the marketplace and The Postman gave a friendly wave to the old hummus lady who returned the wave and then glared at Sakon. She made a disapproving tsking sound, and pointedly looked away from him.

Sakon glanced at the old woman and rolled his eyes at her. "I'm banned from buying from Old-Lady-Hummus." he informed The Postman. "I made one little comment like fifteen years ago, and she's never forgiven me. She got so offended, she made a complaint to Ganondorf, and I got beaten over it."

The Postman could only imagine what comment would cause that much trouble. Knowing The Thief, it was probably something highly inappropriate.

"Ahhh, home sweet home!" Sakon announced the moment the castle came into view. "I have a big bottle of rum that has my name on it. I plan on being out of commission for at least two days. Care to join me?"

The Postman shook his head. "I don't drink."

Sakon rolled his eyes once more. "Why am I not surprised?"

They trudged up the castle stairs and Sakon gave a mock salute to the two guards at the door, who purposely pretended he wasn't even there. They walked through the castle towards Ganondorf's throne room, and Sakon gave an uncertain glance at The Postman.

"You swear you're not gonna tattle on me? Cause if you are, I'll hide out until he calms down."

"I'm not going to tattle." The Postman replied, approaching the door.

"I don't recommend telling him all the things you did wrong either. He's quick to pummel anyone who makes him mad."

"I'm not going to lie." The Postman informed him.

"Don't lie, just omit a few facts here and there."

"That's the same as lying."

Sakon gave a shrug. "It's your funeral."

They reached the throne room doors and the guards stepped out of their way.

"YOU'RE ALL INCOMPETENT FOOLS!" Ganondorf's voice boomed out from inside the throne room. "I SHOULD HAVE THE LOT OF YOU STRUNG UP! YOU'RE USELESS!"

Sakon quickly shoved The Postman forward, clearly having no intention of knocking. Reaching out cautiously, The Postman gave a loud knock to the door. There was an angry string of curses, and The Postman and Sakon shifted uneasily. It looked like Ganondorf was in a bad mood.

"WHAT?" Ganondorf bellowed. "I'm busy! What do you want?"

The Postman hesitated again, and then slowly pushed open the door and peeked inside. Ganondorf was seated on his throne, scowl in place as a group of Moblins stood in front of him, cowering. When Ganondorf saw The Postman, his expression shifted from anger to annoyance instantly.

"Didn't I send you on a mission?" he demanded.

"Yes, sir." The Postman replied. "We're back."

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "Already? You only left a few days ago."

"We successfully took the shortcut through the mountain, Sir."

"Indeed? Good." Ganondorf then noticed the lack of mask. "Why aren't you wearing your mask?"

The Postman stepped all the way into the room and Sakon trudged in after him more hesitantly. Ganondorf's attention fell on The Thief who definitely looked like he had seen better days. His uniform had practically melted off of him, was full of holes, and Sakon was covered in a layer of some sort of thick, gooey slime.

"What happened to you?" Ganondorf demanded, his lip curling in disgust.

"He got eaten by the guardian." The Postman replied.

Sakon's eyes widened. "Wait...you knew there was a monster in there and no one told me?! I got eaten alive by that thing!"

Ganondorf gave a shrug. "I knew you wouldn't go on the mission if you knew."

Sakon scowled at him. "You're an asshole." he snapped. "I died inside that stupid monster, you know. I suffocated while it attempted to digest me!"

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow and looked towards The Postman for an explanation.

"The monster threw him up, and the fairy you gave us revived him." The Postman explained. "He really did die."

Ganondorf looked back to Sakon. "Well, what are you complaining about then? You're still alive, aren't you?"

Sakon crossed his arms and scowled. "I expect hazard pay for this."

Ignoring that comment, Ganondorf looked between the both of them critically."Why are you both unmasked? I didn't want anyone knowing the Tracker's identity! Were you seen?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir. We lost our masks in the confrontation with the monster, and I covered my face while in Hyrule so no one would recognize me."

The Postman conveniently left out the part where Darunia had seen him, and also the fact he had touched the sword with his bare hands. He had a feeling Ganondorf wouldn't be so forgiving about those types of mistakes.

Ganondorf nodded. "I didn't want The Thief knowing who were either, but I suppose it can't be helped now."

Sakon snorted. "So distrustful."

When The Postman still didn't move any closer, Ganondorf gave him a 'look'. "Well, what are you waiting for, Tracker?" he snapped. "Did you get the sword or not?"

The Postman removed the sword from his backpack, and approached Ganondorf, the Gerudo watching him intently. He held out the sword to Ganondorf who eagerly seized it, unwrapped it and then looked it over in admiration. He then gave a malicious grin.

"Excellent." he stated. "Good work, Thief. Good work, Tracker. This is the type of result I expect from my minions."

Ganondorf flashed the Moblins a meaningful look, and they shrunk back in fear.

"Resume your regular activities for now." Ganondorf told them. "I will have another mission for you soon."

"Yes, Sir."

Sakon simply gave him a sullen look. "Where's my pay?" he demanded.

Ganondorf fixed him with a glare, and then opened the drawer to his desk. He pulled out two fat pouches of rupees and tossed them over. Sakon caught them both, and then turned and left the room without another word. The Postman blinked, and then realized he'd just been robbed. He looked back to Ganondorf, who looked both angry and resigned.

"Get out." Ganondorf ordered, pointing to the door. "I have more business to take care of."

Still frowning at the injustice, The Postman turned around and left without complaint. Not sure what to do about Sakon, he let out a sigh and headed towards his room. A few of the Gerudo from his training group waved at him as he passed them in the hallway, and he returned the gesture. He was actually surprised at how fast he was getting used to living in the castle. It was starting to feel more and more like home the longer he lived there. He felt safe in the castle, and also felt like he was actually being useful.

The Postman made it to Wing J and unlocked his bedroom door, glad that he'd be able to relax for the rest of the day. Dropping his backpack on the floor, he closed his door and took a seat on his bed with a sigh of relief.

Pulling the slightly crumpled letter out of his pocket, he starred down at it with a frown. Why did he still feel such a strong urge to deliver this letter? He was no longer a postman, and he had no obligations to deliver anything he didn't want to. There was no possible way for him to deliver a letter to The Hero of Time, so there was no point in him even keeping it. He could just toss it in the garbage and no-one would ever know. He stared down at Link's name and then gave a decisive nod.

His mind made up, The Postman tossed the letter into his trash can, watching as it fluttered out of sight. An instant sense of panic seemed to course through him and he practically dove to pull the letter back out of the garbage. He straightened it the best he could, the panic slowly ebbing away. He stared at it again with a frown, and then laid it down on his dresser. Well, maybe he'd keep it for now...

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The Postman was thrown straight back into training the next morning, and to his dismay he was sent to physical training first. Koume and Kotake were both busy with potions work and so he wasn't to meet them until the afternoon. Captain Isa had been informed that he would be joining them, and she had rearranged the training partners so he'd always have someone to help him.

The Postman was incredibly surprised when physical training went a lot better now that Milan was no longer there. The other Gerudo took turns partnering with him, and most were extremely patient and actually showed him what to do. Without the fear of being murdered or maimed, The Postman was able to relax and actually pay attention. To Captain Isa's immense satisfaction, he improved more during that first day back in training than he had for the last month. He actually knew how to properly hold a sword now, and he knew a few very basic defence techniques. Although this was something most Gerudo children knew how to do by age ten, the captain was still proud.

"There may be hope for you yet." she stated.

For some reason, that small compliment made The Postman feel like maybe he could learn to live with the Gerudo. Maybe everything wasn't completely hopeless?

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Magical training was not as successful. Koume and Kotake now had much higher expectations of him now that they knew he did in fact have magic. The second he entered their lab, they had ushered him out to the courtyard, skipping both reading and meditation.

"Now that we know you have red magic, we can really begin training you. You have huge potential to be useful to the Gerudo nation." Koume said. "We will show you our own powers first, and then show you how we control them."

Koume held out one of her hands and after a moment of concentration, a small ball of fire appeared in her palm. Kotake did the same, and a small ball of blue mist was formed.

"I have the power of fire, and Kotake has the power of ice. Twins tend to have opposite powers, mirrors of one another in every way. One's own magic can never harm you, which is why the fire doesn't burn me when I touch it. I can move it, manipulate it any way I please, and even when I unleash its powers, it does not harm me. I can even pass along the fire I create to someone else with magical abilities, and it will not harm them as long as I don't wish it."

To prove her point, Koume passed the ball of fire over to her sister who handled it without fear.

"Hold out your hands." Kotake instructed.

The Postman hesitated. "Uh..."

"Hold out your hands!" Kotake repeated firmly.

Cautiously, The Postman held out his hands, having a very bad feeling about this. Kotake held the ball of blue mist out to him.

"I'm going to place this in your hands." she informed him. "You'll be able to feel the coldness of the magic, but it won't harm you."

She placed the glowing blue ball into his hands and The Postman stared down at it, apprehensively. The moment she released the blue ball, there was an enormous explosion. The witches barely had enough time to shield themselves with their magic, both being knocked back away from The Postman.

The Postman was thrown back, and he landed a good five feet away, stunned but not hurt. Coughing from the dust, the twins looked down at the newly created crater.

"Interesting..." Koume observed. "That shouldn't have happened..."

"Let me try the other." Kotake said, holding out the fireball for The Postman to take.

The Postman stared at it apprehensively, and then very carefully reached out to take it from her. The result was the same, and for a second time, there was an explosion.

"Very bizarre..." Kotake agreed. "I've never seen anything like it."

The Postman picked himself up off the ground for the second time, and although not hurt, he looked rather perturbed.

"Just dust yourself off." Kotake ordered. "You're not hurt, and we're going to try again."

"But-"

"No buts. We need to figure out what causing this strong reaction."

Koume glanced towards the training soldiers who had all paused what they were doing to watch. "It's a good thing we warned everyone what we'd be doing today, or we'd have the whole Gerudo army here by now."

Koume then created another ball of fire and stepped towards The Postman. "I'm going to shield myself ahead of time so I can take a closer look at what you're doing wrong. Touch the fire as slowly as you can so I can sense what's happening."

The Postman very slowly reached out his hands as Koume leaned forward, watching. The moment one of his fingers came in contact with the fire, there was an immediate explosion. Because she was so close, Koume was thrown violently back, but she was completely unharmed due to the magical shield surrounding her. Waving the dust away from her face, she gave Kotake a confused look.

"The moment the fire touched him, his magic surged forward violently. I think it's a defense mechanism." she stated.

Koume squinted at him thoughtfully. "How often has this been happening to you? Have you had any uncontrollable bursts of magic when scared or upset?"

Hesitantly, The Postman nodded. "It happened the first time because Milan was trying to kill me and the magic just sort of exploded out of me. It happened again when I was imprisoned by the Gorons about to be executed, and it happened a third time when I was being eaten by a monster."

The twins exchanged another long look with one another.

"We need to go somewhere a little safer if we want to study this in more depth." Kotake said. "There'll be no courtyard left if we continue this for much longer."

Koume nodded in agreement. "Follow us, Tracker. We're going outside the city where no one can get hurt."

The Postman nodded, knowing that made a lot of sense. Glancing around at all the damage he'd caused, he really hoped they wouldn't be making him fix it later.

He followed the two women without a word, and they led him out of the castle, through the city and out through the city gate into the desert. Now a safe distance away from people, Kotake approached him.

"I want to take a closer look at your magic, is that alright?"

"How do you do that?" The Postman asked, curiously.

"I'll need to enter your mind." she explained. "I want to inspect the veins of magic you've been using, and why its been reacting the way it has. Something is definitely wrong, and I just need to figure out what it is."

The Postman frowned. "Enter my mind? How do you do that?" he asked.

"My magic will enter your mind by following your reactionary magic. You may find it a bit invasive once I'm there, but I promise I won't pry into your personal thoughts or memories."

The Postman looked uncertain, not really liking the idea of someone poking around in his mind. The witches had been nothing but patient and kind with him, however, and he trusted them, knowing they wouldn't willingly hurt him.

"I won't do this without your permission." Kotake informed him. "Do I have your permission?"

The Postman gave her a nod. "Yes, Ma'am."

"Very good, now take a seat. Clear your mind and begin meditating, it will make things a lot easier for me. You'll feel my magic as it enters your mind, and it will feel invasive and unwanted. Do not resist me though, or you could seriously harm your mind from the strain. You haven't been trained yet in mind defense."

As The Postman took a seat, Kotake knelt down beside him. "Close your eyes, and relax your mind." she instructed. "Once your mind is clear, I'll begin."

The Postman did as he was told, and closed his eyes. From his month of practice, he easily fell into a deep meditative state. When his mind was clear, he felt a feather-light pressure against his mind and he knew it was Kotake, and forced himself to remain calm. He felt her enter his mind, and he saw a black tendril of magic that felt completely wrong. The moment he sensed her magic reaching out, his own golden arc of magic surged forward faster than he could see and attacked. It slammed against Kotake's magic, and she was thrown violently out of his mind, the sound of an explosion startling The Postman to open his eyes. The first thing he saw was another crater and Kotake laying at the bottom of it.

She sat up, completely unharmed and she looked incredibly surprised. "Your magic truly is powerful!" she exclaimed. "It threw me out!"

Koume frowned from where she was watching. "Is it safe for you to continue, sister?"

"I should be fine as long as I shield myself."

The Postman gave her a guilty look. "Sorry, I didn't mean to-"

Kotake waved him off. "It was nothing you knowingly did. Your magic was simply instinctively defending you. This time I'm going to strengthen my shields so I can hopefully push my way through the attack. I need you to clear your mind once more."

Hoping he wouldn't accidentally hurt the ancient woman, he once again closed his eyes and cleared his mind. This time, Kotake entered his mind a lot more forcefully, and he could see a red glowing aura around her magic which he assumed was her shield. Once more The Postman's magic surged forward to attack, and it slammed against the shield with a boom, bouncing off. A much larger vein of magic flooded to attack the intruder, and when it struck, the shield actually wavered for a moment, but then held strong.

Kotake forced her way through the magic, and it was an incredibly unpleasant sensation, as if she was burrowing into his brain. The deeper she probed, the more violent The Postman's magic became and there was a sound like fireworks that filled his mind. His magic almost seemed to be ripping and clawing at Kotake's shield like an animal, and The Postman saw more and more magic flooding to stop her.

"My, your magic is rather violent, isn't it?" Kotake commented, her voice thundering around him. "It's completely wild and it's instinctively protecting you from everything it deems a threat. People should be wary even shaking your hand at this point, lest they blow up."

"How do I stop it?" The Postman asked, projecting the thought towards her.

Hearing the thought bounce around her, she responded. "You can't. Your magic is bigger than you can handle at the moment. Right now, it reacts to everything as if it's a threat to your life. You'll need to learn how to control a small part of it, before you can curb its behaviour completely. Lord Ganondorf had the same problem as a child when he began training. It will take a lot of work to master it."

Kotake continued pushing past the magic, and it became more and more agitated, the sound of fireworks only increasing in speed and loudness.

"Aha." she stated, clearly finding what she was looking for. "I thought so."

The Postman inspected what she was doing and found she had discovered the wall in his mind. Every time she touched it, his magic became completely frenzied. When she pressed against the wall, The Postman's magic threw itself at her with such force, she was knocked back away from it.

"Hmm, I'll leave that alone for now." she commented. "You have a very pretty strain of magic, the colour is very unique. It makes me want to study it more, but I don't have the time. Your magic has begun weakening my shields."

As she slowly back up, The Postman's magic ripped and tore at her viciously, and to Kotake's surprise it began tearing a hole right through the shield.

"I'm going to retract now before your magic manages to fully break through." she told him. "With the amount of force its attacking with, it could potentially destroy my mind if it broke through."

He felt Kotake withdraw out of his mind, and The Postman opened his eyes, the sound of fireworks finally stopping. To his shock, he found himself sitting in the bottom of an absolutely enormous crater. Clearly his magic had begun exploding the moment Kotake entered and hadn't stopped since. The crater was at least twenty feet deep and ten feet wide. Kotake was seated beside him and she glanced around in mild amusement.

"I suppose it was a good idea we came all the way out here." she stated.

Koume was standing above looking down at them worriedly. "Are you both alright?" she asked.

"We're fine." Kotake called back.

To The Postman's surprise, Kotake leapt up into the air and seemed to hover out of the hole. The Postman didn't have such an easy time and had to scramble and claw his way to the top. Once safely out of the hole, The Postman glanced down into it, still surprised it was him who did it.

"Your magic is agitated, so we should stop for today." Kotake informed him. "If we keep riling it up, it could start reacting to non-life-threatening situations, which you don't want. You could bump into someone and end up blowing them up by accident."

The Postman's eyes widened.

"Koume and I are going to discuss this in depth. For now, just resume your normal daily activities."

The Postman hesitated. "Back to physical training?"

The witches nodded much to his displeasure. "I trust you know better than to swordstrain right now?"

"Yes, Ma'am."

"Good, tell Captain Isa you're to learn theory only for a few days."

The Postman gave a nod. Letting out a resigned sigh, The Postman turned to head back into the castle. He hated physical training. Having it twice in one day was going to be torture.

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Sakon stared at Milan's door in silence, debating on whether to go in. It was very late at night and everybody in Wing C was already fast asleep, except for Milan. It was obviously another painful night for her as he could hear her crying, but he didn't feel any pity. She had lied to him about absolutely everything, which wasn't entirely unexpected, but it still deeply angered him. He was never one to allow himself to get slighted, and several methods of revenge were thoughtfully considered.

Sakon had questioned several other Gerudo from the same training group, and most had been willing to gossip about Milan. They told him how Milan had taken a dislike to The Postman for absolutely no valid reason, and how she had bullied him mercilessly every day. He was told about the numerous murder attempts, and how The Postman had never once retaliated against her. It was only when she had attempted to slit his throat while he was meditating that The Postman's magic had lashed out at her. Sakon knew that you never touched someone while they were meditating, and he realized The Postman had been telling him the truth the whole time. He had never meant to harm Milan.

From the time he started dating Milan, the relationship had been nothing but poison. They didn't even like each other, but both had been willing to look past that for a purely physical relationship. He had been the only human male in the Gerudo Territory not related to her, and she was one of the only Gerudo who didn't want to stab him. Sakon had been completely fine with that kind of relationship before, but now, the mere thought of Milan disgusted him. He admitted he wasn't a very nice person, but he would never torment someone for so long without just cause.

Sakon laid a hand against Milan's door. The Postman had saved his life despite the numerous murder attempts, and Sakon found his perspective on things had changed. No one had ever risked themselves for his benefit before, and he wasn't quite sure what to make of it. The Postman seemed to have forgiven him for all the trouble he'd caused, and he hadn't ratted on him to Ganondorf. Villains just didn't do those sorts of things; they were supposed to look out only for themselves, and backstab anyone they could to further their own personal gain. The Postman simply didn't make any sense to him. He was his own breed of villain.

His decision made up, Sakon pushed open the door without a sound. The bedroom was dark, and he silently crept into the room and approached Milan's bed. Milan was truly a pitiful sight, covered in bandages and crying into her pillow, and Sakon felt his anger soften slightly. He wasn't completely heartless after all.

"I will not be killing The Tracker." Sakon said, enjoying how she jumped at the sound of his voice.

Looking up at him in surprise, Milan looked like she was about to say something, but Sakon held up a hand to silence her.

"You and I are through, and I don't want you to contact me again. I know you lied to me, and as far as I'm concerned, you're worth less than the pus in a pimple. I will not be visiting you again. If you attempt any more attacks against The Tracker, I will personally end you. This is the only warning I'm giving you."

Without another word, Sakon swept out of the room without waiting for a reply. He quickly left C-Wing and headed for somewhere particular, wanting to repay The Postman in at least a small way. The Postman didn't even know he needed help, but Sakon knew something was very wrong with the other man.

He went down two floors and approached an ornate door across from the throne room. The two guards posted at the door gave him a look as if he were completely nuts, but made no move to stop him as he reached out to knock on the door. When there was no answer, he raised his hand and knocked even louder. There was a hesitation, and then he heard a muttered curse. Taking that as permission to enter, Sakon pushed open the door and peered inside.

Ganondorf was sitting up in bed, his hair tousled from sleep, and when he saw The Thief, his expression darkened. "If this isn't a life or death emergency, I'm going to snap your neck." he warned.

Sakon fully entered the room and closed the door after him. "I need to talk to you about The Tracker."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "This doesn't sound like an emergency."

"I know who The Tracker really is." Sakon began.

Ganondorf began forming a powerful ball of energy. "If you attempt any form of blackmail, you will regret it dearly." he snarled. "The Tracker is under my protection."

"Relax, I'm not going to reveal his identity." Sakon said, rolling his eyes. "I knew him when we were younger, and we were friends. I'm actually fine with him."

Ganondorf definitely wasn't expecting this. He eyed The Thief suspiciously, still holding the energy at the ready. "Go on." he ordered.

"Someone has messed with his head magically. His personality is completely different than it used to be, and he's lost his memories."

Ganondorf gave him a skeptical look. "Explain."

"Growing up, he was a completely rotten little kid, and his uncle kept saying he was going to grow up to be a villain. One day we pulled a huge prank in front of the whole town, and his parents were furious. His father took his belt to the both of us, and then sent him away to get 'rehabilitated'. He was gone a whole month, and I think something happened to him there. He used to have full control over his magic, but now he doesn't even remember having magic! He barely remembered me, and I was at his house every single day when we were kids. He needs to see a mind healer. Something's seriously wrong with him."

Ganondorf frowned and dissipated the ball of energy. "Tell me more."

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Link searched everywhere for Darunia but the Goron had seemingly disappeared. No one had seen him, and he was getting a very bad feeling about it. That same Gerudo from before had been in Goron City when Darunia had gone missing. Did she kidnap him like she had with Tingle? What was it she wanted? What was she planning? Was she now Ganondorf's newest top minion?

Furrowing his brow, Link gazed out across Hyrule field. He couldn't allow any more people to get harmed by Ganondorf. Darunia could already be dead for all he knew. Whatever Ganondorf's plans were, that Gerudo woman seemed to be at the centre of it. If he was going to figure this out, he had to capture her before she could do any more harm. She would be questioned in the castle dungeon, where she would no longer pose any danger to anyone. Hopefully he would end up being wrong about Ganondorf's return, and it was just this single Gerudo stirring up trouble.

Link patted Epona affectionately on the head, and then turned her to head towards the Lost Woods. He would speak with Saria about the situation and hopefully get the support of all the sages. They were forbidden to get involved in most mortal matters, but when it came to Ganondorf, he felt the situation was serious enough to warrant it. He would win this war once and for all.

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Ganondorf had arranged a meeting with Koume and Kotake to explain everything he had learned from Sakon the night before. Although he knew The Thief was a compulsive liar, he seemed genuine and what he said made sense. There was definitely something wrong with The Postman, and he wanted to make sure it wouldn't be a danger to his people. The witches had listened to him without interruption and then, to his surprise, they informed him they were already aware of most of what he told them.

Kotake explained that she had discovered the magical block within The Postman's mind and that it was inhibiting his magical abilities. They then explained how it was much too dangerous to attempt the removal of the block, as the flood of magic held behind the block would likely kill anyone who was too near. The Postman's red magic was volatile and extremely defensive, twenty years worth of magic held back, ready to burst out the moment the block gave way. The only way to safely remove the block was to teach The Postman how to very slowly do it himself, limiting the amount of power released. They explained that it could take years before the block was fully gone, or The Postman could accidentally break through it all at once releasing enough magic to blow up the castle.

Ganondorf had immediately stated that The Postman would no longer train within the city, and he was forbidden to meditate on his own. The witches had assured him that they would closely monitor The Postman for signs of danger, and wouldn't take any chances with him. His memory loss seemed to be connected with the block, and they said no one should mention it to him, or it could trigger the release of the block. The Postman would be kept completely in the dark, unaware that he was a ticking time-bomb.

"I suggest sending him on another mission, your highness." Kotake said. "Allow his magic to calm itself far away from Gerudo territory. He'll either calm down or his magic will blow up, either of which could be used to our advantage."

Ganondorf gave her a thoughtful look. "I need to somehow target the Hero of Time."

Koume shook her head. "He's not strong enough to take on the Hero of Time. He can't control his magic, and his fighting skills are below average. He'd be annihilated."

Ganondorf nodded in agreement. "Perhaps another strategy would be best."

"Like what, my Lord?"

"We should try to cut off the hero from all sources of healing magic. I heard there's a Great Fairy Fountain on Death Mountain that he frequently uses. I'll send the Tracker to collect every fairy on the mountain. With his unique set of skills he should be able to find them all. If he accidentally destroys the fountain, then all the better."

"There are many fairy fountains in Hyrule, Lord Ganondorf."

"Most have long since dried up." Ganondorf responded. "As far as I know there are only two left that still have water."

"I was not aware of that." Koume admitted.

"If The Tracker is successful in taking out the first fountain, I'll send him to take out the other."

"His magic is unreliable." Koume warned. "There's no guarantee he'll be able to destroy anything."

Ganondorf gave a shrug. "Either way, it will benefit us, and we can really use a stockpile of fairies. I want every soldier to have a fairy if we go to war."

Koume and Kotake nodded. "Shall we fetch The Tracker, Sire?"

Ganondorf shook his head. "No, I have a bit of planning to do first. I'll summon him later today."

"Yes, Lord Ganondorf, as you wish. I'll inform The Tracker not to wander too far." Kotake said, bowing low.

"Tell The Thief to stay close by as well. I have a mission for him later as well."

"Yes, my Lord."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday**


	20. The Thief Postman

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 **Authornote: Sunday** **March 12th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This chapter is a bit shorter than normal, but a lot happens in it. :D We're almost to the end of Part 2 of the series, just a few chapters left.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the review! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **placesmileshere \- I'm glad you like it so far. I'm always worried that when I add too many details people will find it boring. :)**

 **lordseanington \- Thank you so much! I actually work very hard to make sure every little detail is addressed. If you ever think i've forgotten to explain something, just let me know.**

 **Reiz16 \- LOL Yeah, Sakon could have been a bit more gentle with that break-up, but since when does he ever filter anything he says? haha**

 **UnregisteredUser \- Sakon's not helpful very often, but at least he's no longer trying to kill The Postman. Baby steps. lol The witches trusted The Postman to know better than to engage in dangerous activity, but i know I should have made them say that. I've fixed it so they do tell him to go easy on the training. **

**I actually did try to take the disc back to Gamestop but they refused to exchange it as they said they don't do refunds or exchanges on open games. I was NOT a happy person. I'm hoping it doesn't glitch too badly later on.**

 **Rainmy \- Milan is not a good person, and most of her problems are because of things she's done. Perhaps that's why you feel bad for her? She's her own worst enemy. The story's not quite done with her yet, either. :)**

 **A Moblin froze for me in mid-air, I got trapped inside a rock, the screen froze on a closeup of a Centaur butt (i can't remember what they're called), and a few other things happened that i can't think of. Nothing too serious, but still worrying. That really sucks about the dubbing glitch! The voices are actually pretty good for a video game.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 14**

 **The Thief Postman**

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The Postman thought he'd get a longer break in-between missions, but didn't complain when the witches told him to stay near the castle. He remained reading in his room for several hours, and then obediently headed to Ganondorf's throne room when summoned. To his dismay, Sakon was there, backpack at the ready, clearly ready to start another mission. The Postman wondered how much pain he'd be in if he refused to go on the mission with The Thief. He hesitated just inside the door, debating whether or not to protest, and Ganondorf quickly noticed his lack of movement.

Ganondorf met his eyes in question, and motioned him over impatiently. Frowning, The Postman approached Ganondorf's throne without a word. Sakon gave him a friendly wave, and The Postman gave him a curt nod in return.

"You each have a mission." Ganondorf told them. He held up the enchanted sword from the last mission. "As you can see, three gems are missing from the sword. In order for the magic to be at its fullest, the gems need to be placed back into the sword where they belong."

The Postman relaxed, now certain Sakon and he had completely separate missions.

"The three missing stones are the Spiritual Stones which are located in the Temple of Time. I imagine they'll be heavily guarded and difficult to steal. Rumor has it that the stones are kept in an underground vault when not being using during religious ceremonies. Today is a Hylian religious holiday, so there will be a very limited window where the stones are displayed on the altar within the temple. Steal them before they're secured away.

This mission is incredibly important and failure is not an option. Take whatever weapons you need, and be prepared to fight your way out of Castletown."

Sakon did not look happy about this mission.

"The second mission is that I want every fairy on Death Mountain captured. We will need these fairies for the Gerudo army and I don't want a single fairy left behind."

Ganondorf held out a large white crystal to The Postman. "This will trap every fairy you find simply by touching the crystal to the fairy. It can hold up to a thousand fairies, so it has plenty of room. The crystal can only be activated by myself, so if anyone steals the crystal from you, they won't be able to use the fairies within."

Sakon glared, absolutely mutinous at the difference between the missions, and he looked like he was about to have a tantrum, but he surprisingly stayed silent, instead getting a shifty look in his eye. The Postman instantly narrowed his eyes in suspicion, wondering what The Thief was up to.

Ganondorf didn't seem to notice. "Take a horse from my stables, and you two can share it until you reach Hyrule Castletown. Split up and then meet each other after your missions. You two can discuss a meeting place."

"At once, Sir!" Sakon cried out with a large grin. "I'll be happy to complete this mission for you!"

Now Ganondorf was suspicious, and he fixed The Thief with a harsh glare. "I mean it, no screwing up!"

"Wouldn't dream of it!" Sakon replied lightly. "I will complete the mission perfectly, you have my word."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "You'd better."

Sakon threw an arm around The Postman's shoulders. "Come on, Darling, let's get going. We have missions to get to."

The Postman exchanged a look with Ganondorf who simply rolled his eyes, and then motioned for them to leave the room. Slipping away from Sakon, The Postman picked up his own backpack, and then headed for the door. Sakon trotted after him, whistling jauntily, and The Postman knew something wasn't right. What was Sakon up to?

"We really do have to complete these missions." he told Sakon. "I doubt Ganondorf will accept any slacking off."

"I know." Sakon replied. "I have no problem with my mission."

"..." The Postman didn't believe him, but had no real reason to doubt the other man's words, so he dropped it for now. They headed for the stable and Sakon selected a calm-looking brown mare from the dozens of horses.

"This one was bred at Lon Lon Ranch, and as a result, it isn't completely crazy."

The Postman's eyes flitted over to Nightmare who was glaring at them from the other side of the stable. "Nightmare's not crazy, he's just spirited." The Postman defended.

Sakon let out a snort. "So you're a feminist and an animal activist. Figures."

The Postman sighed and mounted the brown horse without a word. Sakon mounted behind him and The Postman snapped the reins, just wanting to drop The Thief off as fast as possible to get rid of him. As they rode out of the city, The Postman glanced over his shoulder at Sakon.

"Where will we meet after our missions?"

Sakon gave a shrug. "How about the Castletown town square?"

The Postman nodded. "Alright, when will we meet?"

Sakon considered the question. "It might take a while to fairy hunt, so how about tomorrow morning?"

The Postman gave another nod. "That will work, I should be able to collect them all within a day."

They rode in silence through the Gerudo Territory, and when they entered Hyrule, Sakon began whistling to himself. The Postman couldn't help but still suspect The Thief was up to something. He doubted it was anything malicious, but it still made him uneasy. When Hyrule Castletown finally came into view, he relaxed, knowing he'd be rid of Sakon for the next day or so. Stopping the horse just outside of the gates, he slid down off the saddle to allow The Thief to get down. Sakon then gave him a smirk, gave a kick to the horse and took off, tossing The Postman's backpack off behind him.

"Sakon!"

The Thief stopped a good distance away, and looked back at The Postman, still grinning from ear to ear.

"Ganondorf never specified which one of us had to steal the stones, so enjoy being a thief for the day!" Sakon called back laughing. "I'm going fairy hunting!"

"Sakon!" The Postman bellowed angrily. "You know very well he meant for you to be the thief! You don't even have the fairy stone!"

Sakon held up the crystal. "You mean this?" he asked innocently.

The Postman reached down to his pocket only to discover the crystal was gone. He'd been pickpocketed. He gave Sakon a furious look.

"Sakon!"

Sakon gave another laugh and then rode off without another word, leaving The Postman behind. The Postman stared after him for a long time and then let out a deep, irritated sigh. It looked like he was going to be a thief today.

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The Postman entered Hyrule Castletown, feeling very nervous about returning to the place he used to work. Making sure his mask was completely in place, he kept his head down and headed straight for the Temple of Time. The busy market full of people didn't even seem to notice him as he slipped by, and he made it to the path leading to the temple without any issues. Hurrying down the path, he jogged up the stairs to the temple and peered inside, hoping no one was inside.

To his dismay, the temple was full of people and he silently withdrew to wait nearby. He crouched down in the bushes, having absolutely no idea how to be a thief. It wasn't like he could just waltz right in and grab the stones right out from under everyone's noses! He didn't know the first thing about stealing. He sat in the bushes for what felt like hours until the people began trickling out of the temple. He watched them go, and when the flow of people seemed to stop, he cautiously left his hiding spot.

He once again approached the doors, and peered inside, hoping the coast was clear. For once, luck was on his side and the only people he could see inside were a few monks. Hoping he wouldn't be noticed, he slipped inside and headed for the altar displaying the three Spiritual Stones.

He stared down at the red, blue and green stones nervously, wondering what sort of defenses the temple had. He knew the only reason the stones were out on display right now were because the Temple had just held a service for the public, and he knew they'd be put away again shortly.

Glancing around himself nervously, he reached out and plucked the red spiritual stone out of its place. Immediately the doors to the inner temple slammed shut, no longer being powered by the stone. Several monks spun around to stare at him, and he froze, stone still in hand. As the monks stormed towards him angrily, The Postman quickly grabbed the two remaining stones and pocketed them. Turning to run, he was quite startled by a furious voice from his left.

"What do you think you're doing?!" came the furious voice.

Spinning around in surprise, The Postman saw Link standing in the doorway, sword drawn and eyes narrowed to slits. He'd been in the temple during the public ceremonies.

"I knew you were up to no good.!." he stated angrily. "You're here to steal the Spiritual Stones!"

The Postman looked one way, and then another, seeing no way past the hero.

"Surrender yourself, and I won't hurt you." Link promised, taking a step closer.

The Postman backed away, eyes on the sword. There was no way Link would keep his word if he found out who he was. He'd be stabbed all over again.

Link took a few more steps closer. "Give me the stones and surrender!" he ordered.

The Postman slowly shook his head. Knowing he was faster than the hero, he wondered if he could get by him without getting stabbed. Link's expression hardened, and he held up his sword threateningly.

"Last chance." he warned. "Surrender, or I'll capture you by force."

When The Postman made no move to surrender, Link began approaching, eyeing his opponent warily. The Postman carefully backed himself over to one side of the temple, and waited for Link to get close. When he was sure he'd made enough room to run around the hero, he gave one last cautious look to the sword. Then, moving as fast as he could, he ran for it, dodging around the hero as Link took a swing at him. Link ran after him and swung out the sword a second time in a wide arc, aiming for The Postman's leg. The blade successfully cut deeply into The Postman's left calf, and The Postman's terror reached a whole new level as he felt the blade connect, tearing through flesh like paper.

The moment the blood hit the floor, there was a massive, explosive BOOM and the entire temple seemed to burst into a tidal wave of angry magic. The Postman fell to the ground clutching at his leg, and Link was thrown hard across the temple. An entire wall of the temple collapsed and The Postman could see how large cracks were quickly spidering across the support beams. The monks fled the temple in fear, and The Postman gritted his teeth against the pain and sat up.

Glancing over at Link, he saw the hero was simply dazed, and not hurt, so The Postman dragged himself to his feet, and limped his way out of the temple.

The Postman couldn't run as his leg wouldn't fully support him, so he had to continue limping, hoping to get away. He made it into the market, and quickly realized there was no way he'd be able to outrun the hero. Glancing around the crowded market, he ducked into a nearby alley, hoping to be able to hide. From his place in the shadows, he heard a loud cracking which then turned into the sound of thunder, and to his horror, the entire Temple of Time collapsed into a pile of rubble. His mouth dropped open at what he'd just done, and he really hoped Link wasn't still in there. He'd destroyed Hyrule Castletown's oldest, and most sacred building. If he was caught, he was a dead man...

"My, how unfortunate." came a whispered voice from right behind him.

The Postman spun around in a panic, coming face to face with The Happy Mask Salesman. The short, red-haired man didn't seem very threatening at first glance, but The Postman could clearly sense something very off about him. He was standing in the shadows, eyes squinted, simply lurking. Something in his smile seemed dark, like he was a villain simply pretending to be a civilian. The Postman suspected this was a fair assumption to make.

The man adjusted his heavy, mask-laden backpack, and he cocked his head at The Postman curiously. He was grinning at him widely, and The Postman simply stared at him, hoping he wasn't about to be turned Happy Mask Salesman gave a slow chuckle at the sight of the destruction, and shook his head, clearly amused.

"You've been up to a bit of mischief, I see," he stated, looking at the former temple. "Now, why does a simple Gerudo warrior have such powerful magic?"

The Happy Mask Salesman then opened his eyes, revealing irises the colour of blood. He stared directly into The Postman's eyes, and there was the faintest brush of magic against his mind. The Postman's magic didn't immediately jump to his defence, and he hoped it had been drained enough to calm down. The Happy Mask Salesman stared at him an uncomfortably long time, and then he suddenly looked surprised, his magic withdrawing.

"Oh!" he exclaimed. "How unexpected! You're a lot more interesting than I thought...We need to get you out of here, postman."

The Postman's breath caught in his throat, and he backed up a step. How did he know who he was?! The Happy Mask Salesman peered out of the alley, and then motioned for The Postman to follow him.

"Come this way or you'll likely be caught." he instructed.

The Postman didn't move.

"Hurry now." The Happy Mask Salesman ordered. "I'm not going to turn you in, but we need to get you out of here."

The Postman glanced out of the alley and saw Link charge into the market, sword drawn and expression murderous.

"Did anyone see which direction the Gerudo went?" the hero demanded.

The townspeople exchanged confused looks, and then they all pointed in opposite directions. Link let out a curse, chose a direction and ran for the gate, trying to head off any attempts at escape. If The Postman had have tried to make it back to the desert, he would have been caught. Glad the hero hadn't died from the temple's collapse, The Postman had no idea what he was going to do. Link would definitely get the guards to close the gate, and he'd be trapped in the town with nowhere to escape to.

The Happy Mask Salesman grabbed him by the wrist and pulled him off down the alley, much to The Postman's displeasure. Hoping something unpleasant wasn't about to happen to him, The Postman knew he had little choice, and decided to trust the other man for now. His leg was in agony, but he was forced to endure it as he was dragged along.

The Happy Mask Salesman navigated the alleys fast, and a few moments later exited an alley right next to his mask shop. Pulling him into the shop, The Happy Mask Salesman locked the door and peered out the window to make sure no one had see them. All the townspeople were still gawking at the ruined temple and they hadn't been seen.

The Happy Mask Salesman pulled the curtains closed and then motioned for The Postman to take a seat at the sales counter.

"Your leg is injured." he stated. "I can sell you a healing potion if you like?"

The Postman nodded and dug in his pocket for his wallet. "How much?"

"Four hundred rupees."

The Postman was now certain the other man truly was a villain. Normal people didn't try to profit off of someone who was hurt. The normal price of a healing potion was 40-50 rupees. He was being completely gouged on the price.

"I'll give you fifty."

The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head, grin getting wider. "Sorry, the price is firm."

The Postman gave him a dirty look. "Fifty is the normal price." he pointed out.

"This is not a normal situation." The Happy Mask Salesman responded. "Four hundred firm."

Knowing he had no choice as he could barely walk, The Postman handed over four hundred rupees. "This includes the price of me staying here until the coast is clear." he stated, very annoyed.

The Happy Mask Salesman seemed to consider it, and then gave a nod. "Deal, but I want the bottle back."

The Happy Mask Salesman accepted the rupees and approached his cash register. Hitting a couple buttons, the drawer opened and he dropped the rupees inside.

"I'd like a receipt, please." The Postman said. "I'll be turning the receipt in to my boss to get reimbursed."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a look of disbelief, but dutifully grabbed his receipt book and wrote one out for him. The Postman looked down at it and saw it listed a healing potion as well as room and board on it. Nodding in approval, he pocketed the receipt. A healing potion was set in front of him, and The Postman grabbed it without hesitation and downed it, letting out a sigh of relief as the pain in his leg disappeared.

"Why did you help me?" he asked, giving the other man a suspicious look. "I'm a villain."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a shrug. "You will become very important in the future. I see a great many things happening because of you, some of them good, and others terrible. It's in my own best interests to ensure you survive...at least for now."

The Postman blinked at him, not sure what to think about that. "...okay then..." he said hesitantly.

"The gate will be closed until morning, so I recommend staying here until they open it. There's a guest room upstairs you can use."

The Postman gave a nod and stood to his feet. "Thank you for your help today, I probably would have been caught."

"Very likely." The Happy Mask Salesman responded with a nod.

The intense stares of the other man were making him extremely uncomfortable, so he quickly turned to the stairs. "I think I'd better stay in the guest room for now..."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave another nod. "It's the green door to the left. You might want to change out of the Gerudo uniform into something less suspicious. The wardrobe in the guest room has some old clothes that belonged to my nephew that you can use."

The Postman glanced at the garish purple, and gold satin clothes The Happy Mask Salesman was wearing and thought to himself that if that nephew dressed the same way, he was not wearing those clothes. He thanked The Happy Mask Salesman again, and then hurried upstairs to hide out in the guest room. Closing the door tightly, he approached the wardrobe and was relieved to find ordinary Hylian style clothes within.

Ditching the Gerudo uniform, he selected an outfit at random and put it on, finding the clothes too big, but not terribly so. Taking the Spiritual Stones out of the Gerudo uniform, he once again pocketed them. Stuffing his uniform into his backpack, he then tossed it into the closet out of view.

The only thing he had to worry about was if anyone recognized him. Perhaps he'd be lucky and they wouldn't do a search door to door? He approached the window and looked out and to his dismay saw dozens of armed guards going door to door, clearly looking for him. Hurrying back downstairs, he found The Happy Mask Salesman calmly sitting at the counter, drinking a cup of tea.

"They're searching the houses!" The Postman exclaimed. "They'll recognize me!"

Without a word, The Happy Mask Salesman slid a carved wooden mask towards The Postman. It showed the face of a frowning old man. The Postman stared down at the unusual looking mask, and hesitantly reached out to pick it up. The moment his hands touched it, he felt a powerful rush of magic hit him, and his own magic reacted by exploding as usual.

"Oh, no you don't!" The Happy Mask Salesman cried out, magically shielding his entire shop from the blast.

The entire shop rattled from the force of the BOOM, but luckily because of the shield, nothing was damaged. The Happy Mask Salesman gave him an unimpressed look.

"If you break it, you buy it." he stated, gesturing towards the hundreds of masks on the walls.

The Postman winced. "Sorry."

"No matter, put on the mask before the guards arrive."

The Postman gave another glance down at the mask in his hands. "What's it do?" he asked, suspiciously. "I know it's magic."

"It will change your face."

The Postman gave him an alarmed look, and so The Happy Mask Salesman elaborated. "Not permanently, just until you take off the mask."

The Postman jumped when there came a sudden furious knocking at the door. Realizing the town guards had heard the explosion, he shot a panicked look to the The Happy Mask Salesman.

The Happy Mask Salesman did not look concerned, and calmly got up to answer the door. The Postman grabbed the mask hurriedly, and without even thinking about it, put it on. He felt the mask suction to his face uncomfortably, and it seemed to burn with an uncomfortable vein of magic. To his horror, he could feel the mask stretching and changing the shape of his face, the sensation not exactly painful, but extremely uncomfortable. Raising his hands to his face, The Postman felt the rough, wrinkled face of an old man. The mask had completely changed him.

The Happy Mask Salesman glanced over at him, gave a nod of approval, and then opened the door. He grinned brightly at the sight of Link and several armed guards.

"I'm sorry, the shop is closed for today." He informed them. "The shop's hours are posted on the door."

Link narrowed his eyes. "Where is she?" he demanded.

The Happy Mask Salesman cocked his head. "Who?"

Link's eyes narrowed even further. He had never trusted The Happy Mask Salesman, and was certain the other man was a villain, but he could never prove it. The Happy Mask Salesman was much too smart to ever get caught doing anything illegal, but Link knew he was probably deeply involved in the criminal world. He always got a very bad feeling when dealing with the other man, getting the distinct feeling of being sized up by a shark. Hiding the Gerudo, however, was something he wouldn't be able to hide, and Link was certain he now had his proof.

"You know very well 'who'." Link snapped. "Where is the Gerudo? The woman who just blew up the Temple of Time!"

The Happy Mask Salesman scratched at his head in confusion. "A Gerudo? I haven't seen any Gerudo in Castletown in quite a long time."

"Don't give me that! I know she's here!"

The Happy Mask Salesman glanced out the open door towards the Temple of Time. "I was wondering what all the excitement outside was about…That's a shame, the temple is a very unfortunate loss…"

Link crossed his arms. "We know very well she's here, so there's no point in denying it. We heard the explosion come from your shop. Whatever weapon she has is dangerous, and she needs to be stopped."

The Happy Mask Salesman's grin became larger. "No, there are no Gerudo here, Hero of Time. An associate and I are currently working on a new mask creation. We've been experimenting on the Blast Mask."

Link eyed him skeptically. "A Blast Mask?"

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded. "We were trying to discover a way to protect the wearer from the explosion."

Link didn't believe that story even for an instant. He stared at him for a moment, as he debated what to do, and he then pushed past The Happy Mask Salesman and forcibly entered the shop.

"Why certainly you may come in." The Happy Mask Salesman stated, dryly, as Link stalked past him.

Link's gaze instantly fell on the old man seated at the counter. The man looked absolutely ancient, and Link didn't recognize him from anywhere. The man was clearly too old to be a threat and Link quickly dismissed him. Link noted the various tools and masks that were on the counter, and sure enough he spotted a Blast Mask. He felt that it was just too much of a coincidence, however, and turned the guards.

"Search the rest of the house." Link called out. "There's no back door in this shop, and nowhere for her to go. Her leg is injured so she won't be able to get far."

The guards all swarmed into the shop, and The Happy Mask Salesman let out a soft sigh of resignation, and took a seat at the counter beside The Postman. The Postman eyed the hero nervously, certain he was about to be discovered. He had the three stones in his pocket, and all the hero would have to do is search him and he'd be found out. Link didn't seem to recognize him, and the hero seemed to be focussing all his attention on the salesman instead.

Every inch of the shop was searched, and they found no sign of a Gerudo. After scouring every room thoroughly, they were forced to admit there were no hidden criminals in the shop.

The Happy Mask Salesman calmly sipped on a cup of tea, watching the proceedings without a word. He was clearly not worried, and this only seemed to make Link even angrier. When the guards came back empty-handed, Link scowled and turned to The Happy Mask Salesman.

"I can't prove you're involved in this, but if I catch wind of any more involvement with the Gerudo, I will take you in as an accomplice. You are on very thin ice."

The Happy Mask Salesman's eyes narrowed, and he stood to his feet. "I am an honest merchant, and I will not listen to these accusations in my own home. I have never broken any law, and I have never caused anyone any trouble. You are hereby banned from my shop until further notice. Please leave or I will complain to the guards that you are trespassing."

Link gave The Happy Mask Salesman a long, hard look, and then turned and left the shop without another word. The captain of the guard approached him and tipped his helmet politely.

"My apologies for the intrusion, Sir. When we heard the explosion, we made assumptions, and for that I apologize. Please excuse our rudeness."

The Captain then leaned in to whisper in The Happy Mask Salesman's ear. The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a grin, gave a nod, and then approached the wall to take down a mask of a Goron.

"Forty rupees, Sir, for the Goron mask."

The Captain looked rather sheepish. "My son asked for a Goron mask for his birthday."

"A fine gift to be sure." The Happy Mask Salesman replied. "This mask is non-magical and perfectly safe for children."

The captain paid for the mask, thanked him, and then headed for the door. As every guard shuffled out of the shop, The Postman let out a deep breath of relief. The Happy Mask Salesman closed and locked the door, and then took his seat back at the counter.

"I recommend keeping the mask on at all times until you're safely away from Castletown. No one should figure out you're wearing a mask unless they notice the seam around your neck. I will lend you the mask for free, but I expect it to be returned or I'll send you a bill, and it will be a very large bill."

The Postman gave a grateful nod. "Thank you."

The Happy Mask Salesman nudged a cup of tea over to him. "Try some tea and relax, the guards won't be back."

The Postman took a careful sip of the hot tea, and was surprised at how good it was. "This is very good tea." He complimented. "What kind is it?"

The Happy Mask Salesman's grin widened in pride. "It's a secret recipe passed down through my tribe." He explained. "There are very few people who know how to make it."

The Postman stopped drinking. "It's not a magical tea, is it?"

The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head. "It's just ordinary tea and nothing more." He assured him.

The Postman took another sip of the tea and bitterly wondered what Sakon was up to.

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Sakon took another chug of his beer and gave a long, lazy stretch. His elbow caught the edge of a glass, knocking it off the counter causing it to shatter on the floor. The bartender gave him an unimpressed look.

"I warned you not to break anything else, or I'd throw you out!" she snapped.

"Aw, come on, that one was an accident!" Sakon protested. "I'll pay for the glass."

"You certainly will." she grumbled, walking around the counter to clean up the broken glass. "You cause more damages than even my Moblin customers."

"Ouch." Sakon replied.

"It's a Tuesday." She pointed out. "Why are you even here? Aren't you supposed to be working right now?"

Sakon gave her a smirk. "Yeah. I'm slacking."

"How have you not been fired yet?" she said, shaking her head. "Or killed." she muttered more quietly.

Sakon gave a shrug. "It must be because of my charming personality." He responded. "Everyone loves me."

"Somehow, I doubt that very much." She stated, rolling her eyes. "So, where's your partner? Did you leave him to do all the work or something?"

"Who?"

"The short, polite guy you were working with a few days ago."

"Oh, him. He's working on the first half of our mission; I'm meeting up with him tomorrow morning."

"You're going to get drunk and get yourself fired." The bartender pointed out. "Leaving your poor partner to do all the work while you get wasted."

"I'm only drinking beer, and beer is not going to get me drunk." Sakon answered. "And why are you complaining? I give you a lot of business."

"True…" she was forced to admit. "However I try not to let my patrons ruin themselves. I do have a conscience, after all. That, and I don't want Ganondorf breaking down my door for ruining his minions."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

The bartender crossed her arms. "That's why I'm cutting you off early tonight."

"What?! Why? I'm not even drunk yet!" Sakon protested.

"Tough. Finish your beer and then leave. You can come back after your mission. I will not chance Ganondorf blaming me for ruining your mission!"

Sakon gave her a look of death, thinking it was none of her business what he did with his time. Downing the mug of beer, he slammed it to the counter, and then got up and stormed out of the bar. She was lucky she was the only bar that served villains, or he'd rob her blind and go elsewhere for his drinks.

Unhitching the horse, he mounted and headed towards Death Mountain, now in a foul mood. The guard at the entrance to the mountain, stopped him, spear held up threateningly.

"What is your business on Death Mountain?" he demanded.

"I'm fairy hunting." Sakon stated sullenly.

The guard blinked at him, and then stepped aside to let him by. Out of all the people who had passed, that was the first time he'd heard that. Figuring no one would make up such a strange reason for visiting the mountain, he assumed Sakon was telling the truth. Sakon gave the guard a surprised look at how easily he was allowed by, but didn't question his good luck.

"The mountain has been a bit moody lately, so watch for falling rocks." The guard warned him.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Sakon replied, riding past him hurriedly.

Once he was safely on the mountain trail, he glanced back over his shoulder. He'd have to remember to make the fairy hunting excuse next time he visited the mountain. Whistling jauntily to himself, he knew this mission would be a piece of cake. Capture a few fairies and then head back to the bar for a drink. He'd be able to finish his mission in no time at all. To think that The Postman had been given such an easy job! He'd have to switch job assignments more often!

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update on Friday**


	21. Sakon the Hero

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 **Authornote: Friday** **March 17th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another long chapter for you guys! This one was a lot of fun to write, and I hope everyone enjoys it! I'm sure nothing at all will go wrong for Sakon in this chapter. He's such an honest, pleasant fellow, that nothing bad should EVER happen to him, right? ;)**

 **I'm uploading this chapter a bit early because I'm going to be way too busy to upload it tomorrow.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **placesmileshere -You summed up the situation perfectly lol Ganondorf asks himself that very question every time he has to deal with the thief. haha**

 **lordseanington -Link's struggles with The Postman's family are not even close to being over yet. He messed with the wrong family. lol I love The Happy Mask Salesman too, and he's going to be in this series quite often.**

 **Reiz16 \- Yeah, Sakon has no idea how hard The Postman has it right now. lol The Happy Mask Salesman is always fun to write, he'll be back soon. :)**

 **defiant-decay \- There's still a ways to go before the story is finished. :) We haven't seen the last of Milan or Tingle yet. They'll be back soon. There will be many more interactions between The Postman and the Gerudo, but this part of the story is almost over. A new story-arc will be in a few chapters.**

 **ChangelingRin \- It's pretty much guaranteed that Sakon will ALWAYS have a hard time. He's his own worst enemy. ;) We'll definitely be seeing more of The Happy Mask Salesman later on in the series. I'm glad you liked his introduction! :)**

 **FerretFlies \- Oh, yes, the story has a looooong way to go yet. We're only on part 2 of 5, and the first two parts are quite short in comparison to the rest. lol Sakon takes some getting used to, but he slowly grows on you like mould. haha The Postman keeps sinking lower and lower into the underbelly of society and eventually he had to meet The Happy Mask Salesman. That man lurks in the shadows just waiting for the moment to pounce on any opportunities. He now has an interest in The Postman, and that can never be a good thing. He will definitely be back!**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 15**

 **Sakon the Hero**

 **AKA**

 **Sakon's Very Own Awesome Chapter**

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Sakon made it to the top of Death Mountain and let out a wheeze, completely out of breath. He'd made good time, and it wasn't even sunset yet. He still had all night to complete his mission and knew there was no hurry.

Lighting a cigarette, he took a break, gazing down at Kakariko Village below. He stood a few minutes silently, simply staring below, wondering if he could make it back to the bar before dark. He heard a loud BOOM from below, and his gaze shifted over to Castletown just in time to see the Temple of Time collapse into rubble. Sakon's eyes widened in shock, cigarette falling to the ground. He stared at the destruction in awe, unable to believe what he was seeing. The temple was over a thousand years old, and it was Hyrule's most treasured landmark! Wondering if The Postman was somehow responsible, Sakon shook his head in disbelief. What was going on down there?!

Deciding to finish his mission as fast as possible so he could go be nosy at Castletown, Sakon entered the Great Fairy's cave at a jog. Staring at the elaborate fountain in the centre of the room, he didn't see any sign of the Great Fairy, so he stepped into the water, looking for healing fairies. The moment his feet touched the water, there was a swirling of magic and Sakon fell back into the water, startled. The Great Fairy appeared in a whirlwind of sparkles and she let out a joyful laugh. She was very large, and also very, very naked. Sakon's mouth dropped open.

"Welcome, Hero of Time, I've been expecting you-" she cut off at the sight of Sakon. "You're not the Hero of Time…"

Sakon glanced down at himself. "Uh…no."

She narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Who are you, and how did you find this fountain?"

"I was sent here…" Sakon answered, staring at the naked fairy very intently. Her breasts were only inches from his face.

"Oh, you're a hero!" she exclaimed, instantly all smiles. "You heard about my plight and came to help!"

"Well, not exactly…I need healing fairies." Sakon replied.

"You can have as many as you like." She told him, clapping her hands happily.

Sakon's eyes widened, unable to believe his good luck. "Really?! I can take like two hundred if I want?!"

She nodded. "Certainly."

Sakon gave a whoop. "Okay, where are they? I'll take as many as you got!"

"Healing fairies are a small price to pay for such a dangerous mission you're going to complete."

Sakon paused, and squinted at her. "Wait…what?"

"There's a horrible dragon living in the heart of Death Mountain. It's going to cause the whole mountain to erupt, killing everyone on and below the mountain. The dragon needs to be vanquished before it's too late. The mission is horribly dangerous, and every creature I've sent there have all perished. The dragon is incredibly powerful, and possesses strong magic. If you successfully complete the mission, you can have as many fairies as you want. Just bring back a single scale from the dragon as proof of your heroism, and the fairies are yours."

Sakon simply stared at her, and then let out a snort. "Forget it." He stated, turning and leaving the cave without another word.

Once outside, he let out an irritated sigh. Now where was he supposed to get a fairy from? There was no way he was risking his life just for a stupid fairy. That was the job of a braindead hero, not for a thief. Sitting up on top of a rock, Sakon debated whether he should just tell Ganondorf there were no fairies on the mountain. Would he believe him? Sakon let out another sigh. There was no way Ganondorf would believe him. He was going to be in for a world of hurt. Ganondorf would blame him for messing up the mission because he'd switched places with The Postman. There'd be no talking his way out of it.

Sakon relaxed at the top of the mountain for a long time, considering his options, and he was completely startled when he saw The Hero of Time climbing up the mountain from below. Sakon had known Link for many years, and the hero was one of the few people who knew he actually worked for Ganondorf. Lighting another cigarette, he hoped the hero wouldn't notice him.

Link reached the top of the mountain and didn't even glance over, instead hurrying inside the Great Fairy's cave. Sakon watched him disappear from view and a sudden thought occurred to him. If Link was seeing the Great Fairy, then that must mean he was already aware of the problem with Death Mountain and was planning on fighting the dragon. All Sakon would have to do was tag along, stay out of danger, and he could take the credit for the dragon's defeat. He'd snitch a scale from the dead dragon and then hightail it away from all danger. If he could then beat Link back to the Great Fairy's cave, he could take all the fairies he wanted before the hero ever found out. Sakon grinned, thinking himself a genius.

He didn't have to wait long and a few minutes later, Link came out looking determined. The hero's eyes fell on Sakon and the thief gave him a wave.

"You…what are you doing here?" Link demanded. "There's nothing to steal up here."

"Aw, always so suspicious!" Sakon exclaimed. "I'm not here to be a thief, I'm here to be a hero!"

Link crossed his arms, and raised an eyebrow.

"It's true!" Sakon insisted. "Ever since Ganondorf died, I've needed a new career, and I've decided to become a hero!"

Link gave him a highly skeptical look.

"I swear!" Sakon cried. "My life of villainy is over with, and I've turned over a new leaf! I heard about the dragon in Death Mountain and came to help."

Link didn't look like he was buying it. "You're a kleptomaniac." He pointed out.

"So, I may have a little problem with snitching the odd thing here or there, but my heart is in the right place! I'm honestly trying!"

"Uh huh." Link responded. "Why are you really here? What do you want?"

"Tsk, tsk, so distrustful." Sakon scolded. "What have I ever done to earn such suspicion?"

Link gave him a flat look. "Want a list? The first time I ever met you, you tried to rob me. I was only ten years old. A day after that you robbed an old lady."

"That was the old Sakon, the new Sakon has a heart of gold and only wants to help people!"

Link simply shook his head and turned away. Sakon hopped down off the rock to follow him. He threw an arm around the hero's shoulders, leaning into the other man's personal space. "We're going to be great friends" he announced. "We'll fight the forces of evil together!"

Link impatiently pushed Sakon away from him.

"If you don't believe me, then I'll just have to prove myself. I'll tag along with you on this mission and be your young, plucky sidekick!"

"You're like ten years older than me." Link pointed out. "And you're not coming along."

"I've got a late start on my hero career, but so what? Heroes are all about forgiveness and second chances, right?"

"No." Link answered, as he began descending the mountain. "I really should be arresting you, but I don't have time right now. I have a mission I need to complete."

"And I'll help you complete the mission!" Sakon insisted. "I'll fight fearlessly by your side!"

"You're not coming." Link told him. "I know you're up to something, so just drop the act. I'm not buying it."

"The Great Fairy has already asked me to go on this mission, and I've already accepted." Sakon announced. "It would be cowardly to back out of a hero's promise!"

"You're not a hero!" Link snapped.

"Sure I am!" Sakon insisted. "I've got the heart of gold, the charming good looks, and the irrepressible need to save people. I'm totally hero material!"

Link let out a huff of irritation. "Just go home...wherever that might be."

Sakon followed after him as the hero once again started down the mountain path. "Well, I'm going to follow you anyway."

Link stopped, and shot him a glare.

"At a distance…" Sakon elaborated.

Link knew the thief was up to something, but he couldn't figure it out. There was nothing worth stealing where he was going, so he saw no motivation for Sakon to actually want to tag along. As far as he knew, Sakon wasn't particularly dangerous, so he had no reason to believe The Thief meant him any harm. There had to be another angle to this that he just wasn't seeing yet.

"Fine, but you will do everything I say without question." Link told him. "If you even give me an ounce of trouble, I'll drag you to Hyrule prison where you belong."

Sakon gave him a salute. "Don't worry, Sakon the hero is at your service!"

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Link cautiously crept into the dragon's cave, not sure what to expect. Sakon lingered behind him, waiting to see if the coast was clear. It seemed that the dragon had claimed the long abandoned Dodongo's Cavern as its' new home, and as a result many smaller monsters had moved in as well. The entire dungeon had been changed, and so Link had no idea where the dragon could be. Link could see several Dinolfos meandering about, and he made note of their locations.

"Dinolfos." Link stated to Sakon. "Come on, we'll fight them and continue on."

"You show me how it's done, and I'll watch and learn from over here." The Thief answered, backing up several steps. "Waaaay over here."

Link rolled his eyes, and drew his sword. He expected no less of The Thief.

He crept up close, and knelt behind a boulder, waiting for the perfect moment to attack. Waiting until one of the Dinolfos was close, he charged out of his hiding spot and swung his sword. The Dinolfos let out a startled cry as it was sliced by the sword, instantly falling to the ground dead. This caught the attention of the other Dinolfos, who charged angrily at the hero, wanting to avenge their fallen comrade.

Link dodged out of the way of the first attack, and lashed out with his sword, successfully stabbing one of the Dinolfos. He stepped over its dead body and threw himself forward at the third monster, slicing into it before it could attack. The forth Dinolfos saw the carnage that had befallen its friends, and turned to flee just as the hero swung his sword. The unlucky Dinolfos was stabbed before it could take a single step, and it fell dead with the others. Link then looked around for any more threats. When everything seemed safe for the moment, he sheathed his sword.

Sakon let out a low whistle. "They weren't even doing anything and you killed them anyway!" he exclaimed with a grin. "One even tried to run away!"

Link gave him a glare. "They were monsters working for the dragon. If I hadn't killed them, they would have killed me."

"Whatever you say, you violent beast you." Sakon replied with a shrug.

Sakon was clearly amused, and Link felt somewhat annoyed. Ignoring the thief, he turned and headed for the only door in the room. The door opened and Link instantly went into attack mode at the sight of dozens of Fire Keese. As he slashed and stabbed at the Keese, Sakon slipped into the room behind him. Spying a small chest to the side of the room, he trotted over to check inside. To his delight, he found a purple rupee and closed his hand over it greedily. He nearly jumped out of his skin when Link grabbed him by the shoulder, spinning him around.

"What did you just take?" he demanded. "Did you find an item?"

"It was just a blue rupee." Sakon replied, shoving the purple rupee into his pocket out of view.

He gave the hero an innocent grin and Link decided it wasn't worth the effort of arguing over it, and just let him keep the rupee. Sakon saw the Keese were all dead, and trailed along behind the hero into the next room without a word.

"If you're going to be here, you can help fight." Link informed him. "Draw your weapon."

Sakon hesitated. "Uh…"

"You do have a weapon, don't you?"

"Um…"

Link let out an exasperated sigh. "Of course."

The hero let out a disgusted huff, and turned away from him to face whatever danger was in the next room. Sakon lingered back, simply watching. He actually did have a weapon, several in fact, but he wasn't about to let the hero know that.

Link let out a curse as he was bombarded by a pack of Wolfos the moment he stepped through the door. A Safe distance away from the Wolfos, Sakon watched the battle in avid fascination, surprised at the talent Link had for fighting. Sakon never took on enemies head on, he preferred to stab from behind, and then run. Glad he was only a c-level villain and no-one of any importance, he knew he would never be a target for the hero as long as he played his cards right. To his knowledge, Link did not kill regular, unarmed humans.

When the last Wolfos had been defeated, Sakon casually strolled into the room. He passed by the panting hero, and searched the room, looking for chests. Finding nothing of any interest, he impatiently waited at the next door for Link to catch his breath.

"Come on! We have a dragon to find! No time to waste!" Sakon said, pointing to the door. "Stop being so lazy!"

Link gave him a glare. "Are you really going to follow me all the way through this dungeon?" he demanded.

"Of course! I'm an aspiring hero after all! I want to see how it's done!"

Approaching the next door, Link entered the room as Sakon followed at a good distance. There was some sort of waterwheel that was slowly turning through a river of lava, and a platform high above could be seen. No monsters were in this room and Link eyed the wheel, trying to judge the distance. Sakon shuffled over to stand beside him, and The Thief squinted up at the ledge high above.

"Easy." Sakon snorted. He was used to climbing around like a monkey for his profession and the wheel didn't seem that difficult to him. His uniform would protect him from the harsh heat of the lava, so he felt confident.

Link ignored him, and tried to debate whether he would need to use his hookshot for the jump. A blur ran by him and to his shock, Sakon jumped over the gap, landing on part of the wheel.

"Wait!" Link cried out. "Sakon!"

Link watched as the thief rode the wheel up to the top and to his surprise, Sakon jumped and grabbed a hold of the ledge, pulling himself up to safety. Unable to believe the stupidity of such an action, Link pulled out his hookshot and carefully aimed for the wheel. He was just about to release the trigger when dozens of Red Bubbles breached the surface of the lava. They skull-like monsters stared at the hero, and then began bouncing and dodging around, making it difficult for him to aim for the wheel.

Letting out a curse, Link drew his bow and took careful aim. He shot one of the Red Bubbles, but that only angered the others. To Link's shock, they all dove at them at the same time, and he barely had enough time to draw his sword. He was knocked bodily to the floor and he felt their flames catch him on fire. Lashing out with his sword, Link felt the blade make contact and the Red Bubbles fell dead to the floor. Panicking as the flames spread, Link rolled around on the floor, very aware that he could hear Sakon laughing at him. When the fire was out, Link looked down at himself and saw his clothes had holes burnt straight through to the flesh. Pulling a healing potion out of his tunic, he took a long swig, letting out a sigh of relief as his burns were healed.

Now that there was no longer any danger, Link once again aimed his hookshot, and then released the trigger. The chain of the hookshot hit its target and a moment later, Link was pulled over to the wheel. He rode it up, and took aim at some vines just above the ledge leading to the next area. When he landed on the ledge, he glanced at Sakon who was having a smoke break and looking extremely amused. He didn't comment on the still-smoldering hero, but by his expression he didn't need to. Link gave him a look of death and was tempted to throw him off the ledge. Resisting the urge, he turned and headed for the next room. Sakon followed behind, snuffing out his cigarette as he did so.

"If you want to be a hero as badly as you claim, why don't you take on the next room?" Link offered with a smirk.

Sakon held up his hands, backing away. "No, that's all right. I'm fine just watching."

Link approached and held out his sword for Sakon to take. "No, I insist." He said, shoving The Thief in the direction of the next room.

"Wait, wait!" Sakon cried out in a panic.

Without another word, Link opened the door and threw Sakon inside to face whatever was inside. Sakon stumbled, and caught his footing, instantly looking all around for signs of danger. Clutching the sword tightly, he didn't like the fact the room looked like it was empty. Link leaned back against the wall with crossed arms, simply watching.

Sakon took a step forward and instantly all Din broke loose. Flames shot at his face, and he just barely managed to dodge out of the way. Fire seemed to shoot from all direction, and Sakon ran and dodged, unable to see what was attacking him. When there was finally a pause in the attacks, Sakon looked up and saw his attacker. A large, fat, toad appeared in the centre of the room, and it spat another mouthful of fire at him. Sakon leapt out of the way.

"It's a mini-boss!" Sakon yelled out in dismay. "Liiiiink!"

"You're a hero now, so deal with it!"

Sakon scowled at the hero. "Is this revenge for all the times I stole your wallet?"

Link gave a shrug. "Of course not, that would be petty."

Sakon dodged another attack, and gave the hero a dirty look. He had been trained by Captain Isa and could defend himself well, but Link didn't know that. As far as Link was concerned, he was nothing more than an incompetent lowlife thief. Not wanting to give away his cover, Sakon continued running and dodging, trying to figure a way out of this. Fighting the toad head on could result in him getting a face full of fire, and he didn't see any openings for him to attack.

"Link!" Sakon whined as he ran and dodged. "Help me out a little, I'm new at this!"

Link shook his head. "Not a chance. You claim to be a hero, so start acting like one."

"Are you sure this isn't because of me stealing from you?"

"No, this is because you're irritating." Link responded.

Sakon gave the hero a scowl. It seemed like he would have to fight the mini-boss on his own. He looked over the toad curiously, noting that it never allowed its' back to face him. That had to be its' weak spot. It didn't look all that intelligent, so Sakon decided to fall back to using treachery.

"You're attacking the wrong guy." Sakon told the fire-toad. "I'm not the hero, he is! I'm on your side! You're going to let the hero escape!"

The toad turned its head to look at Link, and Sakon used that brief moment to lash out with the sword successfully beheading the mini-boss from behind.

"There." Sakon announced proudly. "Problem solved."

Link gave him a disapproving look, finding the victory extremely cowardly. "That's not how a hero defeats an enemy." He stated.

Sakon rolled his eyes. "You're just jealous of my awesomeness."

"Give me back my sword." Link ordered, holding out his hand to take it.

Sakon allowed him to take it without a fuss, and then gave a kick to the dead toad. "Not a very impressive mini-boss." He commented. "It only took one hit to kill."

"This is a naturally occurring dungeon." Link explained. "Monsters tend to flock near larger, stronger monsters and the result is a natural dungeon. Villain-built dungeons are harder, and have more thought put into them."

"Good. Maybe the dragon will be weak too."

Link eyed the thief suspiciously a moment, and then replied. "Not necessarily. The dragon must be strong if it attracted so many weaker monsters to it."

"I'll let you handle the dragon…" Sakon replied, turning to explore the rest of the room.

Link let out a resigned sigh. He knew the thief was up to something, but he couldn't figure out what it was. What could the thief possibly be after? As far as he knew, there was no treasure in these caverns. He'd have to keep an eye on Sakon until he discovered the villain's motives.

Sakon in the meantime had discovered a large ornate chest hidden in the corner of the room. Knowing only the best things were kept in chests like this, he excitedly opened it, finding a quiver full of bomb arrows.

"Oh, wow, sweet!" he exclaimed. "I've never seen these before. I bet they're worth a fortune!"

Without a word, Link reached over and snatched the bomb arrows away from The Thief, giving him a dirty look as he did so.

"Hey!" Sakon protested. "I found those fair and square!"

The look Link shot him quieted any more complaints he may have had. Letting out a resigned sigh, Sakon crossed his arms. "Fine." He relented. "You get all the good stuff, I get the rupees."

Link didn't answer, the hero too busy looking over the bomb arrows in curiosity. He had a feeling he would need them for later, and added them to his existing arrows.

"So, what happened over in Castletown?" Sakon asked. "I heard the boom from all the way over here."

Link looked up with a scowl.

"A Gerudo blew up the Temple of Time." Link explained. "She's been causing me nothing but trouble for over a month now, but I'm going to stop her one way or another. She's dressed like a Gerudo warrior, and wears a mask to hide her identity."

"She blew up the Temple of Time?" Sakon said. "How'd she do that?"

Link gave a shrug. "I'm not sure how she did it. One moment I was fighting her and the next everything seemed to explode. I think she has some sort of weapon. Do you know anything about this?"

Sakon shook his head. "Naw, I was just a thief when I worked for the Gerudo, so I was never told anything. I have no idea what any of the Gerudo are up to, and I've never even seen Ganondorf before. I was just contracted every now and then to steal things. Men aren't allowed in Gerudo territory after all, so I'm out of the loop."

Link gave a nod. "Whatever weapon she has is too powerful to be left in the hands of villains. I need to find her before someone gets hurt."

"So, how do you know it's the same Gerudo you've been chasing all this time?" Sakon asked. "If she's wearing a mask, couldn't it be any Gerudo?"

Link shook his head. "No, it's the same one. She wears a uniform similar to yours, and she acts differently than other Gerudo. She's more cautious in her actions, but also confident in any confrontations we've had. Although I confront her, she's never once drawn a weapon on me, and she never speaks a word."

Sakon let out a snort of amusement. It seemed like The Postman had really made an enemy out of Link. He'd have to warn him to stay clear of the hero for a while or else he'd end up in a Hylian prison for the next 100 years.

"Come on." Link ordered, heading for the next room.

Sakon followed behind him, wondering how The Postman managed to blow up the Temple of Time. Was that the magic Ganondorf told him The Postman was suppressing? Glad it wasn't him who had been blown up, Sakon turned his attention to the new room. There was a large crumbling staircase leading upwards, and dozens of Stalfos standing on the stairs. Link would have to fight his way to the top.

"Are you actually going to help?" Link demanded.

"I would help, but I'm allergic to Stalfos." The Thief replied, giving him a sheepish grin. "I get a bad rash if I get too close to them. I'd better leave this fight to you."

Link let out a huff. "You're useless." he commented. "Why are you even here?"

"Well, that's rather rude." Sakon stated, crossing his arms. "I'm here to offer moral support. As an aspiring hero, I have to start small."

Shaking his head, Link charged towards the staircase to begin the battle. Stalfos weren't very strong, but there were a lot of them, and they tended to come back to life if their bones weren't shattered into enough pieces. Sakon watched as Link shattered one Stalfos after another, and cautiously followed behind at a safe distance. When they were about halfway up the staircase, Link was getting out of breath, but he forced himself to continue without pause.

Just as they neared the top, a giant Stalfos made an appearance and swung down an ax at the hero. Link barely managed to get out of the way and he swung out his sword, taking off one of the Stalfos' legs. The Stalfos fell to the ground and shattered, and the skull hit Link solidly in the chest. Taken by surprise, Link fell backwards over the staircase's railing. Certain he was about to fall to his death, he definitely wasn't expecting Sakon to catch him by the wrist.

The Thief grinned down at him. "Now are you glad I came along?" he asked, pulling Link back up.

Link sat on the stairs panting, and he gave The Thief a look of disbelief. "You just saved my life!"

Sakon puffed up his chest proudly. "Of course I did! That's what heroes do! Sakon the Great never fails those who depend on him!"

Link shook his head and gave him a slight smile. "Thank you."

Sakon waved him off. "Don't mention it, we'll discuss my heroism later. Let's keep going."

Link never suspected Sakon was actually capable of doing something decent for another human being. He'd been so certain The Thief was scheming something deplorable, but now he was second guessing himself. Maybe Sakon really was trying to turn over a new leaf? Maybe he'd been too harsh on the other man?

"Oi, Tight-pants, let's keep going."

Link let out a sigh. Or maybe not...

Getting to his feet, he continued up the stairs with Sakon tagging along behind him. They came to a small door about waist high, and Link reached out to try the handle. The door swung open and Link knelt down to peer inside. He then turned to Sakon.

"Shh, I think we've found the dragon's lair."

Sakon's eyes widened. "Already?! This was a really pathetic dungeon."

"It's a new dungeon." Link responded. "It hasn't been fully developed yet. If we had have waited any longer, it could have been much more difficult."

Sakon snorted. "Naw, I think the dragon was just lazy."

Link rolled his eyes and crawled through the small door, drawing his sword as he did so. Sakon took a seat in the doorway, having absolutely no intention of fighting a dragon. He'd watch from where he could easily escape in case things went awry. He wasn't going to take any unnecessary risks just to get a few fairies.

Link stepped into the room fully, and stared at the huge nest made out of bones and animal hide. He could hear deep breathing coming from the nest, and he quietly approached, hoping to catch the dragon by surprise. He could see smooth blue and silver scales from the dragon's back as it snored contentedly, and two large, black wings that were folded over the top of the nest. Clutching his sword tightly, he continued approaching the nest, realizing the dragon was a lot bigger than anticipated. He was so focussed on the dragon, that he didn't see several bones laying right in front of him, and he stepped on them causing them to snap loudly. The deep breathing instantly stopped, and Link froze in place.

The enormous black wings stretched out and a head poked out of the nest, blinking down at him sleepily. When its gaze settled on Link, the dragon let out a furious roar and reared up, bursting out of the nest, sending bones and debris in all directions. Link was knocked to the floor from the force of the bones hitting him, and he looked up just as the dragon took to the air. Quickly rolling to his feet, Link kept his eyes on the dragon as it twisted and swooped overhead, clearly agitated. The dragon was truly beautiful, its body long, and slender like a snake, but had four limbs with clawed hands large enough to crush him. Its large black wings shone like water, and Link had never seen anything quite like it.

The dragon let out a roar of anger, and then dove at him. Link swung his sword at the dragon's neck but the blade bounced off, the scales too hard to pierce. Claws cut Link's arm and he dodged away before more damage could be done. The dragon circled above and dove at him once more. Link threw himself at the dragon with all his strength, attempting to impale it, but once again, the sword bounced off harmlessly.

Link leapt backwards away from the razor-sharp claws and ground his teeth in frustration. How could he possibly defeat a monster who had such a powerful defence? The dragon let out another roar and then opened its mouth and shot a powerful blast of ice magic. Not expecting it, Link was hit full-force, and he was instantly frozen solid. A healing fairy came out of his tunic and spun around him, and a moment later, he burst out of the ice, fully healed. He dodged a second blast, and attempted to stab for the dragons belly. Normally that was a weak spot on most monsters, but to his dismay, his sword once again bounced off.

Claws hit him in the shoulder, and Link hit the floor hard, blood now soaking his tunic. Suddenly remembering the bomb arrows, Link wondered if they would have any effect. Pulling out his bow, he shot out a bomb arrow as fast as he could. The bomb hit the dragon's wing and exploded on contact, the dragon letting out a howl of agony. It fell to the ground, a large, gaping hole now marring one of its wings. It lashed out at Link with its claws, no longer able to fly. Link shot a second arrow, and the other wing exploded, the dragon letting out another roar of pain.

It dragged its now useless wings behind it, and dove for Link, trying to bite the hero in half. Link let loose a third arrow, this one going straight into the dragon's mouth. The dragon's entire head exploded, and it fell dead to the ground, silver blood pooling around it. Link frowned down at the beautiful dragon, thinking it was such a waste. Why did such a magnificent creature have to be a villain? He knelt down and picked up the heart container, his own life-force instantly increasing.

Sakon cheered from the door, and then quickly approached, grinning widely. "That was awesome!" he exclaimed. "Its entire head exploded! You're covered in dragon blood!"

Link didn't answer, simply staring down at the dragon. Sakon unsheathed his dagger and knelt down next to the corpse, whistling contentedly as he pried at the scales trying to loosen one.

"What are you doing?" Link asked.

"Getting a souvenir of my first hero mission." Sakon replied, triumphantly holding up a silver scale. "How do you suppose the dragon got through that tiny door?"

Link turned away. "Let's just go."

"Just a sec, I wanna see if there's anything to loot."

Sakon searched the room as Link impatiently waited near the door for him. Finding nothing, he approached the nest. Crawling inside, Sakon paused at what he found. Reaching out, he picked up a small, blue egg about the size of a grapefruit. He could feel warmth emanating from the shell, and the egg felt surprisingly soft and delicate. Now he knew why the dragon was in Death Mountain. It had been trying to hatch its egg using the heat of the volcano. Dragons were incredibly rare, and Sakon knew he held a fortune in his hands, a fortune that would someday grow to be a fifty-foot long monster...

"What did you find?" Link asked without interest. "Any treasure?"

"Just a few rupees." Sakon replied. "No good stuff though."

Sakon opened his backpack and pulled out a blanket. Carefully wrapping the egg inside it, he put it back inside, hoping it would survive the trip back to the desert. That egg was worth more than all the treasure in the Hyrule vault. Getting up, Sakon put his backpack on and jogged back over to the hero, trying to act casual.

"Ok, let's go."

Link was still upset over having to kill the dragon, and didn't notice Sakon was acting rather odd. They walked together for a few minutes, and Sakon kept shooting the hero nervous glances, certain he was about to be caught. Link always seemed to sense when he was up to something. Link wasn't paying too much attention to him, however, and Sakon began to relax.

"I have to get to Kakariko Village before the bar closes, do you mind if I hurry ahead?"

Link felt confident there was nothing The Thief could possibly get up to ahead of him in the dungeon and so he nodded. "Go ahead, just be careful of the lava, I don't want to have to end up rescuing you."

Sakon made a dismissive sound. "As if I would need to be rescued. He-who-saved-the Hero-of-Time's-life, will not need to be rescued."

"You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

Sakon grinned at him. "Nope, it's gonna go in my memoir."

Link sighed. "Yeah, you can leave now. I think I'm at my limit of Sakon for the day."

Sakon laughed and then hurried on ahead. He couldn't believe he'd just gotten away with tricking the hero twice. Not only did he get an egg, but he'd also get Ganondorf's fairies. Today was a good day.

He made it out of the dungeon in record time, and ran as fast as he could up the mountain to the Great Fairy's Fountain. Completely out of breath, Sakon entered the cave, wheezing and clutching at his side. Like before, the moment he touched the fountain's water, the Great Fairy appeared in a swirl of magic.

"Welcome back, Hero of Ti-" she cut off when she saw who it was. "You again? What are you doing back here?!"

Sakon was too out of breath to speak, so he wordlessly held out the dragon's scale. The Fairy looked shocked and she reached out to take the scale. She looked it over carefully and confirmed that it was indeed a scale taken from the dragon of Death Mountain. She gave Sakon a kind smile.

"You completed the quest! Thank you, stranger. What is your name, oh brave one?"

Sakon gave another wheeze. "B-bob." he answered.

The Fairy nodded. "Brave Bob, you have my thanks. What is your wish? It was healing fairies, right?"

Sakon still couldn't catch his breath and so he nodded, wordlessly.

"Very well, how many would you like?"

Sakon coughed as he fought to speak. "A-all o-of them." he answered.

The fairy nodded. "A small price to pay for what you've done."

The Fairy waved her hands over the water and instantly dozens and dozens of healing fairies appeared. Sakon let out a whoop, and pulled the Fairy Crystal out of his pocket.

"What is that, Brave Bob?"

"N-new kind of bottle for fairies." he answered.

"Oh, how fascinating! Show me how it works!"

Sakon held out the crystal and touched it to a fairy. Instantly the fairy was sucked inside, disappearing out of sight. The Great Fairy clapped her hands in delight.

"Oh, how wonderful! It never ceases to amaze me how clever you humans can be. Go ahead and take the rest, you deserve it."

Sakon swung the crystal around capturing fairy after fairy and to his surprise he felt the weight of the crystal changing. When every fairy had been captured, the crystal now felt about as heavy as a brick. Sakon figured he had several hundred fairies in there, so he supposed the weight change made sense.

"Oh, you can still see their lights inside!" The Great Fairy exclaimed. "May I see the crystal? I just want to see if I can still sense their magic through this new device."

Ganondorf had said no one besides him could release the fairies so Sakon saw no harm in it. Holding out the crystal, he allowed her to take it. The moment her fingers touched the crystal there was a large flash of light and to Sakon's horror, she was sucked inside. The crystal fell to the floor, the water of the fountain instantly going dry. Sakon stared down at the crystal and cringed. Ganondorf was not going to be happy about this...

Reaching down, he picked up the crystal, finding the weight had doubled. Stuffing it, into his backpack, he ran out of the cave, wanting to get as far away from the crime scene as possible. He ran down the mountain path, not even caring that he was out of breath. He found his horse where he'd left it, and mounted it, just wanting to get safely away from the mountain. He passed by Link who had just left the dungeon, and the hero gave him a questioning look. Why was Sakon acting so panicked? Didn't he say he had somewhere to be? Why was he coming from the top of the mountain? Frowning, Link started up the mountain, needing to speak with the Great Fairy about his reward.

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Sakon rode the horse as fast as it could go to Castletown and then dismounted, hoping he'd be able to find The Postman quickly. It was just after dawn and the town had just opened the gate. Sakon hurried inside and then stared in surprise at the demolished Temple of Time. He'd completely forgotten about that... He stood there staring, watching as dozens of construction workers worked to clear the rubble away. That was a lot of damage...

Turning away, he headed into town square but didn't see any sign of The Postman. Had he been captured? Was he dead? Sakon grimaced. If he got The Postman killed, Ganondorf would hold him personally responsible. The Postman was too smart to get caught by a Hylian guard, wasn't he? They were as dumb as Moblins! A child could escape a Hylian guard!

Sakon frowned uncertainly as he looked around the nearly empty town square. There was no one there except for an old man who was staring at him angrily for some reason. The man was seated on the edge of the fountain, practically glowering at The Thief. Sakon rolled his eyes. Old people were weird, and they all seemed to hate him. The old man got up and began approaching him, and Sakon wasn't in the mood to be lectured by an old person.

"I could have been killed!" the man snapped. "You are the most irresponsible person I've ever met!"

"I don't even know you, you old crack-pot." Sakon responded, crossing his arms. "Leave me alone."

The man reached out and grabbed Sakon's shoulder. "We have to get going, I can't be found here."

Sakon slapped the man's hand away, and turned to leave. "Shove off, Grandpa, I'm waiting for someone."

The old man grabbed Sakon by the arm, stopping him. Sakon was about to say something incredibly nasty, but then caught sight of the old man's hand. He could clearly see the desert emblem, and he now stared at the old man with wide eyes. His gaze shifted to the old man's neck and he could see the faint line of a magical mask. It was The Postman in disguise.

"Ew, where'd you get that from!" Sakon demanded. "I hate magical masks, they're creepy."

"The whole town is looking for me." The Postman whispered. "We need to get out of here before I'm discovered."

"Did you get the stones?"

The Postman glared at him. "Yes, did you get the fairies?"

"Uhhh, well...sorta."

The Postman let out a sigh. "Did you or did you not get all the fairies on Death Mountain."

"I got every single fairy on Death Mountain." Sakon replied.

Something was off about The Thief, but The Postman wasn't sure what. "Ok, let's go then."

Sakon gave a nod, looking over at The Postman's warty, and wrinkled face. "That's a great look for you, much better than your old face. You should keep it that way."

The Postman let out a huff as they headed for the town gate. The Postman's gaze fell on the ruined Temple of Time and he winced at the destruction he'd caused.

"Did you really do that?" Sakon demanded.

"Yes." The Postman answered.

Sakon then began laughing hysterically. "Oh, man, I wish I could have seen Link's face when it collapsed! This is hilarious!"

"No, it's not!" The Postman snapped. "I could have hurt someone!"

Sakon shrugged. "Meh."

The Postman let out another sigh. "Anything interesting happen while you were completing my mission?"

"Not really, just the same old, same old." Sakon replied as they crossed the drawbridge leaving town. "I did get to see the Great Fairies breasts though. Twice in fact."

The Postman shook his head in disbelief. He really hoped he wasn't destined to work with The Thief for the rest of his life. He doubted he'd survive.

As they mounted the horse, The Postman wondered what Ganondorf would say when he found out he'd completely obliterated the Temple of Time.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be Sunday**

 **Fact: Sakon's greatest talent is his ability to irritate absolutely anyone.**


	22. Minoko

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 **Authornote: Sunday** **March 19th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Here's yet another chapter for you guys! :D I'm working double-shifts all next week at work, so I might only be able to do one update next week. I'll do my best to get both out as usual, but no promises.**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide.**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **placesmileshere \- I was wondering if anyone would catch that! Yes, Sakon has no idea what happened to make The Postman a villain. lol We will indeed find out The Postman's name. The readers don't yet know what it is since no one in the story has called The Postman by his real name. Ganondorf never even bothered to learn what it was. lol**

 **Reiz16 -** **Sakon has been using his alias of Bob for many years now. There are actually large amounts of people he works with that think that's his real name. lol**

 **ChangelingRin \- Sakon loves to annoy Link which probably isn't good for his health. He's been doing it for ten years, and Link still isn't used to it. lol No, having a Great Fairy at your disposal would definitely be very handy. Sakon, however, is so used to messing up his missions that he's certain Ganondorf will be furious over it. lol That egg is actually very important later on. Sakon will be glad he has it. ;)**

 **FerretFlies \- I glad you liked it! It was so much fun writing this chapter. Link and Sakon do not get along, and now the thief is on Link's shit-list. lol Sakon definitely didn't expect to catch the Great Fairy, and now he's worried he's messed everything up as usual. haha**

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 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 16**

 **Minoko**

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As they rode across Hyrule field, Sakon glanced at him over his shoulder. "Where did you get that mask from, anyway? Did Ganondorf give it to you?"

"No, The Happy Mask Salesman gave it to me." The Postman replied.

Sakon stopped the horse. "Take it off."

The Postman simply stared at him. "...what?"

"Take. It. Off."

"Why?" The Postman demanded. "I can't take it off, or I'll be recognized. My other mask is in my backpack."

Sakon reached back and yanked the mask from his face, the sensation incredibly unpleasant, the mask feeling like it was peeling away from his face. Sakon then tossed the mask to the ground, and rode away from it.

"Sakon!" The Postman protested. "I have to return that or he's going to bill me for it!"

"Then go back for it later. I'm not riding with one of those Din-forsaken masks that close to me." Sakon replied. "That Slimeball Salesman can't be trusted."

The Postman looked behind them at the fallen mask, having a feeling the mask was incredibly expensive. "If I can't find it, you're paying the bill." The Postman informed him.

Sakon didn't answer, and The Postman leaned up so he could see the other man's expression. He was surprised at the fear he saw.

"Why don't you trust The Happy Mask Salesman?" The Postman questioned. "What happened? What did he do to you?"

Sakon glowered. "I don't want to talk about it."

"He saved my life, you know." The Postman said. "I would have been caught if it wasn't for him."

Sakon gave a derisive snort. "And how much did he charge you for that?"

The Postman frowned. "...Four hundred rupees."

Sakon shook his head. "You got a bargain then. He didn't make you sign any sort of contract, did he?"

"No."

"Good. Maybe you'll actually come away from this unscathed. If you think I'm bad, you have no idea some of the stuff he gets up to."

The Postman was rather confused. "How do you know that? Why are you so afraid of him? What happened?"

"I don't want to talk about it." Sakon repeated. "Remember when I said getting eaten by the monster was the fourth worst day of my life?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes."

"Well, The Happy Mask Salesman is directly responsible for the first worst day of my life."

The Postman's eyes widened. Now he was really curious about what happened. He had a feeling Sakon wasn't going to tell him what happened though. The normally excitable thief had gone silent and still, which wasn't a good sign. It must have been something really horrible...

"Sorry." The Postman offered, not sure what to say.

Sakon glanced back at him. "Let's just get back to the desert, far away from creeps with masks."

The Postman fell silent as they rode as fast as the horse could go towards the desert.

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Link ran up the mountain path, heading towards the Great Fairy's cave. He had defeated the dragon of Death Mountain and so now he was owed a favour. The Great Fairy had promised him any wish within her capabilities and he already knew exactly what he wanted.

A Great Fairy was little more than an extremely powerful healing fairy, and so she could easily grant his wish. He was going to wish for her to bring The Postman back to life. Guilt would no longer plague him, and he'd be able to properly apologize to The Postman about everything. The Postman's family would forgive him and everything would go back to normal. He'd right the evil he'd committed, and finally be able to put this all behind him.

She had promised him she would do it, and now he excitedly headed inside to get his wish. Link approached the fountain and then stopped dead in his tracks. The fountain was completely dry with no sign of fairies anywhere. Approaching, he stepped into the fountain.

"Hello?" he called out hesitantly. "Great Fairy?"

There was no response.

"Hello?"

Link frowned. What happened? Where did the Great Fairy go? How could this have happened? She was just here a few hours ago! Did Ganondorf do something while he was fighting the dragon?

Link's eyes widened in realization. Sakon! He'd seen The Thief fleeing just moments before! He had to be responsible! Link glanced around at the empty fountain. But how did he do this, and why? He thought back to how Sakon had insisted he tag along on the mission, and knew it had to be connected. The Thief must have found some sort of item to capture the Great Fairy. Link's eyes widened. If Sakon had been commissioned to steal, then that meant Ganondorf was still alive! Sakon had played him for a fool, and because of that Link had unknowingly helped Ganondorf!

Absolutely furious, Link drew his sword. He should have known better than to trust The Thief. Sakon was a compulsive liar, and he should have trusted his gut instinct instead of allowing The Thief to tag along. Knowing he had to stop Sakon before he made it too far, Link hurried out of the cave. He would catch up to Sakon before he could get back to the desert, and he'd rescue the Great Fairy.

The moment Link stepped outside of the cave, someone let out a warcry from above and jumped down off the upper rocks straight at him. Link barely had time to dodge out of the way as a sword sliced right next to his ear. Holding up his sword to defend himself, he definitely wasn't expecting to see the same little girl from before.

"You again?!" Link cried in disbelief. "I told you to go home!"

The girl dusted herself off and took a step towards him, holding up her sword threateningly. "I won't go home until I can take your head to my mother." she responded, eyes full of hatred.

Link's eyes widened in surprise. "You're just a little girl, you shouldn't be talking like that! I've already told you that I'm not going to fight you."

"And I've already told you that I don't care." she snapped. "If you won't fight, then it'll just make it easier for me to kill you!"

Link let out a sigh. "Look, I'm really sorry for killing your brother, but I'm doing everything I can to right that wrong."

The girl swung her sword at Link, causing him to jump back. "Right it how?" she demanded. "My brother is dead."

"The Great Fairy who lives in this cave owes me a wish." Link explained. "I'm going to wish for her to bring your brother back to life."

The girl paused, not expecting that. "What?"

"I'm going to bring him back." Link said, kneeling down to her level. "Once he's alive and well, I hope your family can finally forgive me."

The girl scowled at him. "You're lying."

Link shook his head. "I promise, I'm not."

The girl eyed him for a moment and then, without warning, stabbed out with her sword. Catching Link by surprise, he wasn't quite fast enough to dodge out of the way and the sword caught him across the arm.

"Liar!" the girl yelled. "The very first thing my parents tried was to bring him back, but the Great Fairies all said it was impossible. His body was never found, and it would have rotted by now. They said the soul only stays within the body for a few minutes before its gone forever. He can never be brought back! You are a liar and a murderer!"

Link was caught by surprise. That couldn't be right, the Great Fairy had promised him she would restore The Postman back to life! She swore she would be able to do it!

"Which Great Fairy told your parents this?" Link demanded, knowing different fairies had different powers and capabilities.

The girl lunged at him again. "All of them." she snapped out. "They travelled all over the continent, looking for someone able to bring him back and no one could. He's gone forever."

Link glanced towards the cave. "Did they try this Great Fairy?" he questioned.

"Of course!" the girl snarled, swinging at him wildly. "This fairy said she could do it at first, in exchange for defeating a dragon, but then she felt bad when she saw how happy it made my mother. She admitted she'd made it all up in an attempt to get rid of the dragon. She was completely useless, just like you."

Link felt like he'd just been punched in the gut. The Great Fairy had lied to him. He had no way to atone for what he'd done...The Postman truly was gone forever. His shoulders slumped, and he gave the girl a truly apologetic look.

"She fooled me as well." he explained. "I'm so sorry, I thought I'd finally be able to make things right."

"You can make things right by dying!" the girl yelled, charging at him.

Link sidestepped her and grabbed her up by the back of the shirt. He removed the sword from her hand, and ignored how she kicked and struggled against him.

"Put me down, you murderer!" she bellowed. "Fight me like a man!"

"I'm taking you home." Link told her. "This has to end."

"Good luck, I live all the way in Termina and I'm not telling you where!" she snarled, struggling like a wildcat.

"Then I'll take you to your brother Haru. I know where he lives."

"No!" she yelled, doing her best to kick at him. "Put me down! Fight me!"

"It's really unsafe for you to be roaming Hyrule by yourself." Link scolded. "A monster could have hurt you. Your brother will take care of you."

"I'd fight any monster and win!" the girl cried out. "I'm going to be a great warrior when I grow up!"

Shaking his head, Link started down the mountain path, carrying the small girl with him.

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The Postman couldn't get the thought of the borrowed mask just lying in the middle of Hyrule field out of his mind. He always took meticulous care of anything not his, and so it was agitating him to no end. Anything at all could happen to the mask, it could be stolen, damaged, or it could fall into the wrong person's hands. Although the mask didn't seem all that dangerous, The Postman couldn't help but feel uneasy about Sakon's reaction to it. Sakon never seemed bothered by anything, but The Postman had seen genuine fear in his eyes at the sight of the mask. What did The Thief know that he didn't?

As the horse came to the Gerudo Valley bridge, The Postman reached forward and gave Sakon a poke. The Thief glanced back at him in question.

"Stop the horse, please."

Looking confused, Sakon did as he was asked. The Postman slid down off the horse and then reached into his pocket. Pulling out the Spiritual Stones, he held them out to Sakon.

"Make sure Mr. Ganondorf gets these." he instructed.

Sakon still looked confused. "Why? Where are you going?" he demanded.

"I'm going back for the mask." The Postman replied, turning away.

Sakon gave him a look of disbelief. "Seriously? The Hero of Time is after your neck and you're risking your life for a stupid mask?"

"That mask was leant to me in good faith that it would be safely returned. I'm not going to just leave it laying in a field." The Postman replied.

Sakon simply shook his head, and then let out a sigh. "Fine, I'll go with you." he said. "I'd never hear the end of it if you got yourself killed."

The Postman shook his head. "No, you need to complete our mission. The mission is of the utmost importance. I'll go back for the mask, and you deliver the stones and fairies to Ganondorf."

"Who cares about that dumb mask anyway?" Sakon grumbled. "Just leave it to rot. That would teach that creepy jerk a lesson."

"No." The Postman said firmly. "He was kind enough to lend it to me, and I refuse to be so irresponsible."

Sakon let out another sigh. "There's really something off about you." he commented. "But fine, I'll go finish our mission while you go get yourself killed in Hyrule field."

"Thank you, Sakon." The Postman said, digging his other mask out of his backpack, putting it on.

"Don't get killed." Sakon told him.

The Postman nodded, hurrying off without another word.

Sakon watched him go, still feeling like he should be stopping him. If he allowed the stones or crystal to be stolen by the Hero of Time, however, his life was pretty much forfeit. He needed to complete his mission before doing anything else. Letting out a curse, Sakon continued on his way to the Gerudo City.

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Link let out a deep sigh of irritation and dismounted Epona. Stroking her head for a moment, he took the reins then led her towards Hyrule Castletown. He'd searched everywhere he could think of for Sakon, but there was no sign of him. It was as if The Thief had simply disappeared. He doubted The Thief would head directly to the Gerudo Desert, he had to have met up with a contact somewhere.

Nothing was going according to plan at all. He had the support of the Zora military and he knew by now, the Zoras would be patrolling the waters but he needed the Gorons to keep an eye on the mountains. Without Darunia's orders, the Gorons wouldn't make a move. There was no sign of the Goron chief and no sign of the rogue Gerudo warrior. Nothing seemed to be going right for him, and he hoped his slow preparations wouldn't mean Hyrule's defeat.

Standing at the main gate to Hyrule Castleown, he gave another sigh and petted Epona distractedly. He'd have to come up with an alternate plan just in case he couldn't find Darunia. He had a feeling the war was going to be massive, and he needed to be ready. The attack could happen at any moment.

As he turned to enter the town, he didn't see the small girl sneak up behind him, sword poised for the kill.

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The Postman was eager to have this mission over with, and was looking forward to finally being able to relax once he got back to the Gerudo Valley. He ran as fast as he could across the field, surprised at just how much his stamina had improved since beginning physical training. It looked like it had done him some good after all, and The Postman pushed himself to go even faster, enjoying the rush of adrenaline it gave him.

As he neared Castletown, he spotted the mask and felt an instant sense of relief. Eagerly grabbing it up, he barely spared the two people standing nearby a glance. Just as he was about to turn to leave again, he looked over and paused, glancing at the small child dressed in white.

Squinting a moment, his eyes widened when he immediately recognized his little sister. She was standing behind The Hero of Time, teeth clenched and sword raised for the kill. The Postman felt a knot of fear settle in his chest as memories of Link brutally stabbing him flashed through his mind. He suddenly envisioned his baby sister in his place at the end of the hero's sword, terrified as the hero stabbed her. She'd be helpless against him.

The thought of his sister being murdered sending him into a craze, he ran faster than he'd ever run before, trying to reach her in time. He had to save her.

The small girl narrowed her eyes at Link and licked her lips anxiously. Clenching the sword tightly in her hand, she took a deep breath and charged.

"Heeeeyaaaa!" she screamed, pouncing directly at Link, aiming for the kill.

Each and every time Link stepped foot in Hyrule field, monsters always flocked to attack him. When he heard fast, sudden footsteps and a yell from behind, he instinctively drew his sword and slashed out without even thinking about it.

The Postman reached the girl just as Link swung around, grabbed her by the shirt and yanked her out of the way, the sword missing her throat by mere inches. The Postman shoved his sister protectively behind him, the girl immediately screaming and struggling to get away. Eyeing Link warily, he began slowly backing away.

Link stared at the child, and then at his sword, completely horrified at what he'd almost done. If he'd been just one second faster, he would have killed her. "You!" he exclaimed. "I just took you to your brother's house!"

Turning his eyes to the girl's saviour, his eyes widened when he immediately recognized the rogue Gerudo. The Postman still had his hands firmly on the little girl, and he clearly had no intention of letting go. Forcing himself to push away his horror at what he'd almost done, Link went into hero-mode, certain the Gerudo meant the girl harm.

He narrowed his eyes suspiciously, wondering what the Gerudo nation would want with a child. Were they kidnapping children for their army? Was this something they were doing just to hurt Hyrule?

The girl was screaming and fighting to get away, and Link knew he couldn't let the Gerudo take her. Link held out his sword threateningly, and took a step towards The Postman.

"Hand over the girl." he ordered.

The Postman's eyes widened and he held on even tighter, backing up another few steps. Link followed right after them, his eyes as cold as stone.

"I said, give her to me!" Link snarled, following after them. "If you don't let her go right now, I'll have no choice but to attack!"

The Postman felt a wild panic fill him and he clutched the child even tighter, causing the girl to wince in pain. He continued backing up and felt his breath quicken in fear. Link wanted to kill his sister! The hero was going to kill a child! He knew that she'd attempted to attack the hero, but she didn't deserve to die! She was only a little girl! He wouldn't allow Link to kill her.

"Let me go!" the girl screamed, kicking him hard in the shin. "Let go, you stupid desert rat! I'll kill you!"

The Postman didn't even hear her, his attention fully on Link who was stalking towards them. Link had already taken his very existence away from him, and he wouldn't allow him to destroy his family as well.

"One chance to let her go, and then I'm attacking." Link warned him, sword at the ready. "I don't want to have to hurt you, just give me the girl! It's her I want."

The Postman gave a shake of the head and backed up another step.

"Fine, you've made your decision. I'll take her by force." Link informed him angrily, charging to attack.

As the hero swung out to hit him with the flat of the sword, The Postman turned in an effort to protect the girl, knocking the sword off course. The Postman felt the sword deeply graze him across the shoulder and he grimaced at the agony. Powered by the intense terror, pain and anger of its master, The Postman's magic unleashed full force and exploded outwards in an ear-shattering BOOM, the magic so powerful it lit the entire sky in a shower of gold. The Postman clutched his sister to his chest as the entire world around them seemed to explode into a fiery, hot inferno. The out of control magic enveloped them completely, feeling too wild and intense, and it hissed all around them threateningly, but left the two of them completely unharmed.

Link was not so lucky however, and he just barely managed to activate his Nayru's Love protection as the magic surged towards him. The magical shield shattered the second The Postman's magic hit it, and Link was thrown violently backwards, landing in the nearby moat as everything around him seemed to explode.

The magic was gone as fast as it had appeared, and The Postman felt more exhausted than he'd ever felt before. He limbs felt like they were made of lead, and he struggled to look up. They were surrounded by a cloud of dust and smoke so thick, they couldn't see through it. When the smoke finally cleared, The Postman saw the biggest crater he'd ever seen. It was so deep, it could have swallowed Castletown. The drawbridge and front wall of the city had been completely destroyed.

"Wow!" the girl exclaimed in surprise with wide eyes.

The Postman looked all around worriedly for Link but didn't see him. Had he just accidentally killed the hero?! He didn't see a crumpled form in the bottom of the crater, and there were no bodies to be seen anywhere. Had the hero been disintegrated? The Postman bit his lip, wondering if this made him a murderer.

He received another kick from his sister which he ignored, still looking for Link. To his immense relief, he heard a groan, and Link pulled himself out of the nearby moat. The hero was a bit singed, but didn't seem to be hurt too badly. The Postman released the breath he hadn't even realized he'd been holding.

He glanced around a bit uncertainly, not sure what to do. Should he just leave Link there? Would the hero be alright? His sister was fighting against him like a wildcat, and he knew he had to get her to safety before the hero came to. His eyes fell on the nearby Epona and he instantly knew what he had to do.

Approaching, he lifted his sister onto the horse, and then mounted behind her. The horse gave him a questioning whinny, but still allowed him to ride, not recognizing him as a villain, knowing his scent. The Postman stared down at Link with a frown, and then reached into his backpack and pulled out a healing potion. As he turned the horse to leave, he dropped the potion onto the grass beside the hero. Link looked up at him thinking he was being mocked.

"I'll get her!" Link vowed angrily. "No matter how well you hide her, I'll get her!"

The Postman's eyes widened, and he turned the horse and rode off without hesitation. He could barely stay upright from exhaustion, and he clutched the reins tightly.

Link slowly sat up, feeling dazed and sore, only to see The Postman on his horse. He hadn't realized it was Epona The Postman was on a moment ago, and now he panicked. Jumping to his feet, he stared after them in both shock and anger. The Gerudo had just kidnapped a child, and stolen his horse! Link's expression darkened. Now it was personal.

The Gerudo had used some sort of magic against him, and he was sure it was some part of the Gerudo's plans. Sheathing his sword with a scowl, Link turned towards Castletown. He needed to inform the princess of this newest development.

The little postgirl was a prisoner of the Gerudo nation, and Link realized he'd have to inform her family about this. Hating the fact he'd be the one to bring even more bad news to that family, he grimaced. The girl would be well-secured somewhere in Gerudo territory, and Link wouldn't be able to just rush in and save her. This would take careful planning.

Link was sick of dealing with that same Gerudo and he knew it had to end. The Gerudo had kidnapped a child, kidnapped Darunia, kidnapped Tingle, blew up the Temple of Time, stolen his horse, and attacked him. She'd made it personal now, and he wouldn't be satisfied until she was caught and punished.

Knowing he'd have to return to see The Postman's brother, Haru, in Kakariko Village, he knew he was in for a very unpleasant conversation.

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"Let me go! Let go, let go, let go!" the postgirl screamed, thrashing in his hold. "Put me down!"

The Postman struggled to hold the girl on the horse as she wrestled and kicked with all her might. She was twisting and squirming in his hold and The Postman was having a hard time keeping a grip on her. In his weakened state, he was worried he was going to drop her.

"Stop!" she bellowed at the top of her voice. "Put me down, you stupid desert rat! Put. Me. Down!"

She began beating her fists on his chest, and he almost dropped her when she bit him hard on the arm. His magic fizzled a bit but surprisingly didn't explode.

"Minoko, stop it!" he ordered, getting a bit annoyed. "I'm not kidnapping you!"

His sister, Minoko, instantly stilled at the sound of his voice, and then she slowly looked up at him. She stared into his brown eyes behind the mask, and then let out a gasp.

"B-brother?"

The Postman gave a nod as he slowed down the horse to a trot.

Minoko bit her lip uncertainly then reached up to remove his mask. He allowed it, and when it was off she stared at his face in surprise and disbelief. When she saw it was truly her brother, she let out another, louder gasp. There was a moments hesitation, and then she gave an ecstatic yell and threw her arms around his neck in a bone-crushing hug, giving him a kiss on the cheek as she did so.

"You're alive!" she exclaimed happily, still clinging to him. "You're not dead!"

The Postman gave a slow nod, not sure how he was going to explain any of this.

"Everyone thinks you're dead!" she then pointed out. "I thought you were dead! I didn't think I'd ever see you again!"

The Postman said nothing as he stared across the fields. He was struggling to stay awake, the pain in his shoulder the only thing keeping him conscious. What did Minoko think of him now? Did Link tell his family he'd turned 'evil' before his death, or did anyone even know about the fight? How much did everyone know about what had happened?

He was brought back to reality when Minoko punched him hard in his injured shoulder. He let out a yelp of agony, and when he looked down at her, she was scowling at him.

"I thought you were dead." she repeated, angrily. "That was a mean trick."

He could see the tears in her eyes threatening to spill, and he felt terrible.

"I'm sorry, Minoko." The Postman said softly. "I didn't mean to hurt anyone, but it has to be this way. They have to believe I'm dead."

"Why?" she demanded.

The Postman looked away. "I can't tell you that; it's a long story."

"You made Mama cry." she stated, crossing her arms. "Everybody's real sad because they all think you're dead. I want to know why."

The Postman winced guiltily. "Look, it's complicated..." The Postman began. "I'm not a postman any more."

She looked confused. "...not a postman? Then what do you do?"

The Postman hesitated. "I work for Ganondorf, I'm a villain."

Minoko's eyes became as wide as saucers.

"That's why everyone has to believe I'm dead." The Postman said, averting his eyes. "It's better that way."

Minoko studied his guilty expression carefully, and then she let out a sigh, giving him another, tighter hug. "It's okay, I still love you." she assured him. "I know you're not a bad person, even if you're a bad-guy now. Everyone else won't care either, when they find out you're alive."

The Postman frowned, knowing his family would be anything except accepting of his situation. He'd be the shame of the family and likely disowned. Pushing the thoughts aside, he looked down at his sister.

"What were you thinking, trying to attack The Hero of Time?" he demanded. "You could have been killed!"

"I thought he killed you." she said with a glower. "I was avenging you!"

"You're seven." The Postman pointed out.

"Eight." she corrected. "You missed my birthday."

The Postman realized that he had indeed missed out on her birthday. He'd missed out on a lot of things happening lately it seemed.

Sighing, The Postman looked her up and down, noting the uniform and overly large hat. "Is that one of my hats you're wearing?" he asked.

Minoko touched the brim of the hat. "...maybe?" she answered hesitantly. "I may have borrowed a few things before Mama could put it all away in the attic..."

The Postman reached down and lifted the hat, looking at her uneven short brown hair with a frown. "What did you do to your hair?" he demanded. "Does mum know you did that?"

"I needed to cut it!" Minoko said with a pout. "It was too long and got in the way! Warriors can't have long hair."

The Postman let out another sigh. "You're not a warrior." he responded, dropping the hat back onto her head. "You have no idea what you've done. You've made an enemy of the Hero of Time."

"So?" Minoko snapped.

"You have to stay with me until I can safely get you out of Hyrule." he answered. "The Hero of Time is now after you, and you're an enemy of Hyrule like me. You should be safe in Termina. Termina doesn't prosecute children as young as you."

Minoko looked surprised, but not overly upset. "It's ok." she assured him. "I have to stay to protect you now in case anyone else tries to kill you."

The Postman felt much too tired to argue, and simply let out a sigh. "You shouldn't be in Hyrule at all; it's too dangerous. Are you here by yourself?"

"Yeah." Minoko admitted without enthusiasm, certain she was about to be lectured.

"Minoko! How long have you been away from home?"

Minoko looked away. "A few days...or maybe a few weeks...maybe closer to a month." she answered, and then winced as a thought occurred to her. "I'm going to be in so much trouble..."

The Postman raised an eyebrow. "Definitely." he agreed. "You're going to be grounded until you're thirty."

Minoko scowled, not doubting his words. "Ah, shoot." she muttered. "That's what a hero gets for trying to save the day."

The Postman simply shook his head. Epona crossed the bridge to Gerudo Valley and he finally relaxed, knowing his sister would be safe here. Even Link couldn't get past the Gerudo Fortress with all the added protection of the Gerudo army. He wouldn't have to worry about protecting his sister once they made it to the city. The Gerudo would never harm a child.

The Postman's vision was starting to darken at the edges, and he was struggling to stay seated in the saddle. Knowing he just had to make it a bit further, he fought against the exhaustion.

When they approached the Gerudo Fortress, a large group of warriors stopped them, and their Captain pointed at Minoko with a scowl.

"Who's that?" the Captain demanded. "No one is to go in or out of the city without express permission from King Ganondorf. You can't bring the boy in, he'll have to stay outside of Gerudo territory."

Minoko scowled and crossed her arms, looking affronted.

"This is my sister." The Postman explained.

The Gerudo all instantly relaxed, knowing there was more leeway towards girls, and they exchanged a few looks with one another.

"Your sister?" the Captain questioned.

"Yes, miss. She's only eight, and she's asking for sanctuary."

The Captain crossed her arms. "Why would an eight year old need sanctuary?"

"The Hero of Time is trying to kill her. She's an enemy of Hyrule and she needs protection until I can safely get her out of the country."

The Captain's demeanor instantly seemed to change, and she whispered to the others for a moment. When she looked up, the Captain nodded with a shrug.

"Alright, she can come in, but you're taking the blame for this. Lord Ganondorf forbade entry, but an exception might be made for a female child."

The Postman nodded as his vision beginning to tunnel, and he suddenly realized he was going to pass out. "Take her!" he ordered. "Take her now!"

Surprised at the order, the Captain reached up and picked up the girl just as The Postman fell off the horse unconscious. He was caught by the warriors standing closest, and they stared down at him in surprise, carefully lowering him to the ground.

"Brother!" Minoko cried, struggling out of the Captain's arms.

Letting out a curse, the Captain knelt down beside The Postman to look him over. Seeing the bloodied shoulder, she turned to the others. "Contact the castle, he's been injured."

The Captain then took her first good look at the horse The Postman had been riding. "Is that the Hero of Time's horse?!"

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* * *

Sakon didn't go to Ganondorf right away, instead dropping his backpack off in his room, hiding the egg under his bed in a pile of blankets. Hoping the hot desert air would be hot enough to keep it alive, he wondered where he could find information about dragons. Would it be suspicious if he asked around to a few people? He'd find a buyer for the egg soon enough, and be so rich he'd be able to buy his own private island.

In a considerably good mood, he left his room, and headed for his bathroom downstairs. He took a long, relaxing shower, stole some food from the kitchens, and then finally headed down to meet with Ganondorf.

Still not sure how he was going to explain the Great Fairy trapped in the crystal, he wondered if he could blame The Postman for it. It was his mission after all...

Throwing open the throne room doors dramatically, Sakon confidently stalked in, crystal in one hand and stones in the other. Ganondorf looked up from his paperwork when the door banged open, and he immediately scowled at The Thief.

"How many times have I told you to stop entering my throne room like that?" he snarled.

"More times than I care to remember?" Sakon responded.

Ganondorf let out an irritated sigh, and set the paperwork aside. "How did the mission go?" he asked.

Sakon held out the crystal and the stones. "Tada! Mission completed."

Ganondorf accepted them and looked them over in surprise. "You really did it." he stated in surprise.

"Of course I did! I am the best thief in the world after all." Sakon responded. "Was there ever any doubt?"

"Plenty." Ganondorf answered. "Where my Tracker?"

"He'll be by later." Sakon answered. "He's off doing something else right now."

"Doing what?" Ganondorf demanded.

Sakon gave a shrug. "Something about single-handedly impregnating the whole Gerudo army. That, or he may have gone back for something he dropped in Hyrule field."

Ganondorf rolled his eyes in exasperation. "You're an idiot."

"Where's my pay?" Sakon suddenly demanded. "Mission complete, now it's pay-time."

"Just a minute." Ganondorf told him. "I have to make sure everything's in order."

Sakon winced and backed up a step.

That caught Ganondorf's immediate attention and he eyed him suspiciously. "Alright, how'd you screw up? What did you do?"

"Um, well, Tracker and I decided to switch missions..."

Ganondorf stood to his feet, instantly furious. "WHAT?"

Sakon backpedalled away from him.

"The Tracker doesn't know how to be a thief! Did he get killed?! Is that why he's not with you?"

"No, no, he's alive." Sakon quickly assured him. "He got the stones and even blew up the Temple of Time while he was at it. It was the most amazing thing I'd ever seen! I saw it all the way from Death Mountain!"

Ganondorf blinked. "He blew up the Temple of Time?"

Sakon nodded. "Yup."

"Completely destroyed?"

"Yup."

Ganondorf sat back down in his throne, glad that explosion hadn't happened in his castle. The witches were right about needing to send him away to release the excess magic. The Temple of Time was a source of great power for the enemy, so The Postman had done him a favour by destroying it. Whether it was intentional or not, he was incredibly pleased.

"And the other mission?" Ganondorf questioned.

"Got all the fairies..."

"Indeed? Then what is the problem? What did you screw up?"

Sakon hesitated. "I got all of the fairies."

Ganondorf furrowed his brow, not seeing the problem. "And?"

Sakon bit his bottom lip. "No, I got all the fairies."

Ganondorf still didn't see any problem. That's what Sakon was supposed to do. His eyes suddenly widened in realization.

"All the fairies?"

Sakon backed up another step. "Yeah..."

"You captured the Great Fairy?"

"Yeah, but it was an accident!" Sakon assured him. "She touched the crystal and got sucked into it like all the others. I didn't think it would work on her!"

To be honest Ganondorf hadn't known it would work against a Great Fairy either. Not sure whether to be pleased or exasperated, Ganondorf picked up the fairy crystal. It was incredibly heavy and so he knew Sakon wasn't lying. There really was a Great Fairy inside it.

Reaching into his desk drawer, he then threw Sakon a pouch of rupees.

"Unexpected, but not necessarily a bad thing." he stated. "Good work, Thief. I'm very pleased with your work...for once. You're dismissed for now. Tell the Tracker I want to speak with him when he gets back from whatever he's doing."

Sakon nodded.

An urgent knock suddenly came at the throne room doors. Ganondorf glanced towards the doors with a frown.

"Enter." he called out.

A Gerudo warrior hurried in and then bowed low before him. "Lord Ganondorf, The Tracker has been injured. He's been taken to the hospital wing."

Ganondorf turned murderous eyes to Sakon who paled. "I swear he was fine when I saw him last!"

"I'll deal with you later." Ganondorf snarled, getting up. "If he dies, I'm holding you personally responsible."

Without another word, Ganondorf swept out of the room, and followed the warrior to the hospital wing. The witches had already beaten him there and were looking The Postman over as he entered the room.

"What happened to him?" he immediately demanded.

"Get away, you pointy-nosed desert rat!" Minoko yelled, drawing her short-sword and standing in-between Ganondorf and her brother.

Ganondorf raised a single eyebrow at the sight of the tiny girl threatening him. "Who are you?" he demanded.

"Your worst nightmare!" she responded, staring up at him fearlessly.

"She's The Tracker's sister." the Gerudo warrior explained.

"And why is she here?" he demanded. "She's a foreigner."

"The Tracker asked for sanctuary for her. Apparently she's made herself an enemy of Hyrule by trying to kill the Hero of Time."

Ganondorf cocked his head. "You tried to kill the Hero of Time?" he asked in disbelief. The girl didn't look older than seven or eight in his opinion.

"Yeah? So?" Minoko responded. "I'll fight you too!"

Ganondorf gave her an amused look. "You have the fighting spirit of a warrior." he told her. "It's good to be fearless."

Minoko lowered her sword. "Really?"

Ganondorf nodded. "I will grant you sanctuary on the condition you do exactly as you're told by any Gerudo."

"My brother needs statutory too!"

"The Tracker's already under my protection." Ganondorf informed her. "No one here will harm him."

"Tracker?" Minoko questioned. "But my brother's name is J-"

"Enough, child!" Kotake interrupted. "Let us tend to your brother in peace. You're doing him no good by being here."

"I'm his protector."

Ganondorf let out a snort. "You can probably fight better than him." he stated, dryly.

Koume shooed the girl out of the medical wing. "Go find some other children to play with." she told her. "Your brother will find you when he wakes."

"But-"

Minoko was cut off when the door was closed in her face. Ganondorf then approached the bedside and looked down at The Postman. "What happened to him?" he asked.

"He was stabbed in the shoulder, and is suffering from severe magical exhaustion." Koume informed him.

"I need him fully trained as soon as possible. When will he fully recover?"

Kotake gave the king a surprised look. "What's the hurry?" she asked.

"I need to immediately harness his power to fight with my army."

"He's not a fighter, Lord Ganondorf..."

"He just destroyed the Temple of Time with one blast of his suppressed magic."

Both witches looked up in surprise. "That explains his level of magical exhaustion. He's completely drained."

"Will he now be able to control his magic with additional training?" Ganondorf demanded.

"Perhaps..." Koume answered without conviction. "His magic should now be levelled out once he recovers. We should be able to resume training without danger. I can't say how long it will take him to recover, however."

Ganondorf gave a nod of satisfaction. "Good. Keep me updated."

"Of course, Sire."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be Friday**

 **Don't worry folks, Minoko isn't a permanent character. I try not to overuse too many OCs.**


	23. Meanwhile

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 **Authornote: Friday** **March 23rd 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I almost didn't finish this chapter in time. It's been a crazy work-week so far, and I'm going to try my best to get the Sunday chapter out on time, but I can't guarantee it. I'm hoping I didn't miss any grammatical mistakes in this chapter. My apologies if I missed anything.**

 **This chapter was surprisingly fun to write, despite the fact The Postman is barely in it. lol I hope you guys enjoy it too! CONGRATULATIONS to Reiz16 who was my 100th reviewer for this story! You're awesome! WOOT! WOOT!**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 3 Votes**

 **His Real Name 2 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **placesmileshere \- LOL! Dingbat. You're actually completely correct about Sakon. He NEVER refers to The Postman by his actual name. It's more fun to annoy him with petnames after all. ;)**

 **Reiz16 \- "I like how both The Postman and Link think both are out to hurt Minoko." That line pretty much sums up Link's relationship with The Postman. All it would take to clear up this WHOLE situation is a single conversation.**

 **ChangelingRin \- Don't worry, Link will get Epona back...eventually. Link always seems to say the wrong things in front of The Postman, only causing more problems for himself. Simply put, Link needs to work on his conversational skills.**

 **UltraZordLordHarryKetcham** \- **Aww, thank you! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far! :)**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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* * *

 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 17**

 **Meanwhile**

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Ganondorf pondered long and hard about what to do with the Great Fairy. Such enormous magical potential could not be wasted, and he knew it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. If he could find a way to harness the Great Fairy's power, he could use it to expand his protection of his city. He knew a war was brewing, and if every race of Hyrule banded against his people, they could very well be overrun. He needed a way to ensure no foreigner could enter the main city no matter what happened. If he was defeated in battle, his nation would live on safely within the city. He had a few magical barriers around the city already but it mostly just shielded the city from those who did not have magic. Powerful magic users, such as the Hero of Time, would be able to look right through his enchantments. He needed something stronger, something more permanent.

Koume and Kotake were already researching how to extract the magic out of the fairy, but not much was known about Great Fairies. Great Fairies were extremely rare, and evasive to non-heroes. If you were lucky enough to find one of their fountains, they wouldn't appear, instead sending out pink healing fairies. Sometimes they would speak with powerful magic users, but only if they deemed the person worthy. Ganondorf had never spoken to a Great Fairy.

Ganondorf leaned back in his throne, silently listening as the witches told him of their findings. They could create a magical prison to trap her, but they needed to find out more about her magic before it could be harnessed. Ganondorf frowned, knowing there was little they could do to gain knowledge about Great Fairies. No Great Fairy would speak to a villain knowingly unless the situation was dire, and he doubted he could find any heroes willing to help.

Letting out a sigh, Ganondorf turned the crystal over in his hands thoughtfully. He then paused. Wait a second...didn't he once send The Postman on a quest to speak with a Great Fairy? His eyes widened at the realization The Postman had not only spoken with a Great Fairy but he had convinced her to give him a bottle of her healing tears.

"The Tracker." Ganondorf said aloud.

The twins stopped talking and gave him a confused look. "What about him, your majesty?"

"We can use The Tracker to speak with another Great Fairy and find out what you need to know. The Great Fairies might not recognize him as a villain. We'll send him to the Great Fairy in the Gerudo Mesa. He's already been there, and she knows him and might be willing to talk to him."

Koume shook her head. "Out of the question."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes, not used to being denied anything. "Excuse me?"

Kotake quickly backed up her sister. "She said it was out of the question." she answered firmly. "The Tracker is magically exhausted and needs time to recover. If you force him to exert himself in this condition, it could kill him. We cannot allow this."

Ganondorf pursed his lips, seeing the logic in what they were saying, but still not liking it. "How long will it take for him to recover? Why hasn't he been given a healing potion yet?"

"Magical exhaustion cannot be cured with potions or fairies, my lord. Fairies and potions cure physical damage, not magical damage. He'll have to rest and recover his magic naturally. He needs sleep right now, and lots of it. He won't even be getting out of bed for a least a week, and after that his magic will start to slowly recover on its own. It could takes days, or it could be weeks. The more he rests, the faster his recovery will be."

"I need this done immediately." Ganondorf stated. "It can't wait that long. He can complete the quest without attempting to use any magic."

Koume gave him an impatient look. "And how do you suppose he's supposed to get through fifty floors of monsters and traps without any form of protection?" she asked. "He won't be able to shield himself or make himself unnoticeable. He'll be completely helpless. You'll be wasting all potential he has by sending him to his death."

Ganondorf hated when he was proved wrong and gave the witches a foul look. He knew they were right, but didn't want to admit it.

"Keep me updated on his recovery." he ordered sullenly. "I want to know the moment he's physically healed. Keep him completely isolated to help his recovery."

"Yes, Sire. We'll ensure The Tracker is not disturbed until he's recovered."

* * *

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* * *

Minoko gave The Postman another hard kick, trying her best to wake him up. She'd snuck in when no one was looking, and was worried that something was seriously wrong with her brother. He was laying so very silent and still that she'd thought he was dead. She'd quickly checked to make sure he was breathing, and was relieved to find he was. His breaths were shallow but steady, and no matter what she did, he would not wake. She poked him, pinched him, kicked him and even pulled at his hair all to no avail. She'd checked him for a fever but his skin was cool, and he didn't look sick. Frustrated and scared, she hoped he wasn't going to die the very day she found out he was alive. Determined to wake him up from whatever coma he was in, she approached a nearby sink and began filling a large bowl full of water.

Filling the bowl to the brim with cold water, she then very carefully carried it over to the bed. Stepping up onto the bed, she lifted the bowl over The Postman's head about to dump it over him when the door suddenly opened. The Doctor entered the room and then did a double-take at the sight of the little girl standing over her patient with the bowl of water.

"Oh no you don't!" the doctor exclaimed rushing over to grab her.

Minoko quickly poured the water over The Postman's head completely soaking him, but to her dismay, he still didn't wake.

"Get off of him, you little trouble-maker!" the doctor scolded, lifting the girl off the bed. "He needs to rest!"

Minoko bit her bottom lip nervously. "Is my brother going to be okay? What's wrong with him? Why won't he wake up?"

The doctor's expression softened. "Your brother will be perfectly fine." she assured the child. "He's just very, very tired and needs to sleep. You need to give him some peace and quiet for a few days."

"Why is he so tired?" Minoko demanded. "What happened?"

The doctor wasn't sure how much she was supposed to explain to a child so she replied. "He's been learning magic, and he used it too much today and it drained his body. He just needs some sleep to recover his strength."

Minoko's eyes widened. "Magic? He can do magic?! Can I do magic?"

The doctor shook her head. "No, Koume and Kotake tested you when you arrived at the castle. It was part of your medical examination. You have no magical abilities at all."

Minoko was disappointed, but knew there wasn't anything she could do about it. No one in her entire family had magic, so it was strange that her brother did.

"Was that him who caused the explosion earlier?" Minoko asked, thinking of the huge crater.

The doctor nodded distractedly, picking up The Postman's medical chart to glance through it. She frowned, and flipped through a few pages.

"Strange..." she commented. "It doesn't look like The Tracker ever received his immunizations. That should have been done his first day here...I'm surprised he never caught desert fever."

The doctor flipped through the rest of the chart, and then approached the nearby cabinet. Pulling out several syringes and glass bottles, she set them next to The Postman.

"I'll have to get his shots up to date before he catches something nasty." she stated to Minoko. "Have you gotten your shots yet?"

There was no answer. The doctor turned around and found the girl long gone.

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* * *

Minoko ran as fast as she could out of the castle, heading for the crowded market place. When she was sure she wasn't being followed, she let out a breath of relief. That was a close one.

Looking around herself, she saw a large group of girls kicking a ball around.

Minoko stared at the children, and then gave them an uncertain look, not sure whether to continue hiding or whether to join them. The game did look fun, and when the ball rolled over towards her, that was all the motivation she needed. She kicked the ball back to them and ran to join in the game.

She quickly noticed all of the children had stopped playing and were whispering and giving her odd looks. The very small girl standing beside her frowned at her silently, and gave her a hesitant poke.

"What?" Minoko demanded.

"You look funny." She commented. "Why is your hair brown? Is it dirty?"

Minoko crossed her arms, suddenly very conscious of the fact it had been a long time since she'd properly bathed. "No, my hair's not dirty! It's always been brown!"

"Your skin is really pale!" another girl observed. "Are you sick?"

"No. Everyone has pale skin where I'm from." Minoko replied. "My whole family does. You just have a darker tan than me!"

The little girl next to her, leaned in close and then she let out a gasp. "Your eyes are brown too!" she exclaimed. "They're not gold, like us! That's so weird!"

Minoko was the first outsider the children had ever seen, and she wasn't sure whether to be offended by the comments or not. As the other children whispered and stared at her, she turned her attention back to the ball.

"Are we playing or not?" she demanded.

The other girls exchanged looks, gave a shrug and dove back into the game.

* * *

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* * *

Link had spoken to Zelda about what had happened, and she agreed that the capture of the mystery Gerudo had to be top priority. She couldn't ignore the fact the Gerudo Nation had begun kidnapping people, and an example had to be made of the rogue Gerudo. If the Gerudo Nation saw any shred of weakness, it would embolden them. It wasn't confirmed for certain that Ganondorf was alive, but they couldn't take the chance. The Hylians as well as the Zora were preparing their armies, and they would not allow the Gerudo to take them by surprise.

Link was ordered to track down the mystery Gerudo and take her down by any means necessary. She was a threat to the nation and therefore Link was to either capture her or kill her before she could cause any more problems. Link didn't like the idea of killing her, but he knew he would have to make that choice if it came to it. She would be stopped.

After his long and sombre meeting with the princess, Link headed to Kakariko Village, knowing he had to once again face The Postman's family. First they had lost their son, and now their daughter. He had a feeling it was not going to go over well. He should have made sure the little girl had gone inside when he'd dropped her off earlier, but clearly she had followed after him instead. If he hadn't have been such a coward, he would have faced Haru and given him his sister face to face. Now the girl had been taken, and it was all his fault.

Entering the village in apprehension, he headed for where The Postman's brother, Haru, had been living. Knocking on the door, he only had to wait a few moments before an old woman opened the door. She squinted at him, and then gave him a smile.

"Link!" she greeted. "It's been ages since you've been by! What have you been up to?"

Link really didn't want to get into talks of war with a ninety-year-old woman, so he simply replied. "I've been busy with a lot of quests lately."

She gave him a nod. "I've been keeping busy with my potion shop as well." she said. "Is that why you're here? Do you need a potion?"

Link shook his head. "No, I'm looking for Haru, is he in?"

"He's over at the well with Anju. They've begun dating, and Mutoh is furious over the whole thing. He doesn't want his daughter dating someone who's unemployed. They've been sneaking out to the well to kiss whenever Mutoh is at home."

Link knew the old woman was a bit of a gossip, and so he simply nodded, knowing Anju's love-life was none of his business. "Thank you, I really have to get going now."

"You come have a chat with me when you have the time."

Link gave a nod. "I will." he promised. "Goodbye."

Without another word, Link hurried away, heading across town to the well. He found Haru sitting on the edge of the well holding hands with Anju. They were speaking quietly with one another, both smiling, and Link was hesitant to interrupt. Haru laughed at something Anju said and looked up with a grin. When he laid eyes on Link, however, his expression turned absolutely murderous.

"What do you want?" he demanded rudely. "You're not welcome here, murderer!"

"Link, you shouldn't be here!" Anju protested. "It's still too soon!"

Link stood silently a few feet away as Haru stood up with clenched fists. "Are you deaf?! You're not welcome here. 'Hero'!"

"I'm sorry, but I've come about your sister." Link said gently. "It's important, otherwise I wouldn't have come."

Haru frowned, instantly suspicious. "Which sister? I have six sisters."

Link was a bit surprised at that little piece of information, large families not very common in Hyrule. Just how enormous was The Postman's family?

"The little one?" Link answered hesitantly. "Very small, but with a big attitude?"

"Minoko?" Haru guessed. "How old was this girl?"

"About eight or so?" Link guessed.

Haru nodded, his eyes narrowing further. "Minoko." he confirmed. "What about her? What happened? Did something happen to my sister?!"

"She was taken by the Gerudo." Link answered.

Haru crossed his arm. "Taken by Gerudo?" he repeated skeptically. "Minoko is home in Termina with my parents; she's nowhere near Hyrule."

"She was," Link insisted. "She said she was going to take revenge for her brother, and she attacked me."

Haru shook his head. "You're lying. You just won't stop trying to cause my family pain. Leave us alone, and stop with the lies."

"It's no lie!" Link protested. "Your sister, Minoko, was trying to kill me. She has been following me around for days! She was wearing a postal uniform and carrying a short sword. She swore she was going to kill me."

Haru seemed annoyed. "She was told to forget about all that." he stated. "She's been ranting about exacting revenge ever since the murder. She's such a brat."

"She attacked me for the third time outside of Hyrule Castletown, but a Gerudo got her hands on her, and took me by surprise with a magical attack. While I was injured, Minoko was taken and the Gerudo stole my horse to get away."

Haru gave him a hard look. "You were there and you couldn't save her?! You couldn't handle one little Gerudo warrior? My sister was kidnapped and your horse was stolen because of your ineptitude as a hero?!"

Link felt extremely awkward and he glanced away. "Er...she caught me by surprise." he said lamely. "I wasn't expecting the attack..."

"You're pathetic." Haru growled. "Absolutely pathetic."

Link wanted to deny it, but couldn't think of an appropriate response. It seemed like he had made all of the wrong decisions lately and it was Haru and his family who had paid the price. He should have been able to save one little girl, but he didn't, and it was all his fault.

"How can you even call yourself a hero?" Haru demanded, looking very much like he wanted to punch Link. "You're the worst hero I've ever heard of!"

"I'm sorry." Link told him sincerely. "I have made a lot of mistakes, but I'm going to make this right. I'll get your sister back from the Gerudo Nation. She'll be returned to you unharmed."

Haru gave him a look of pure disdain. "Don't bother, 'hero', you'll just mess it up. This is now family business, and we'll take care of it. We won't lose another family member. This is where the postmen and postwomen fight back."

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* * *

Sakon whistled to himself as he strolled through the busy market. He didn't really have any business in the market, he was just keeping clear of Ganondorf for a while until the villain calmed down. The good thing about Ganondorf was that he had a short memory when it came to punishments. If he stayed away long enough, Ganondorf would forget all about it.

Sakon felt it unfair that he was in trouble at all considering he didn't even do anything. It was The Postman's choice to go back for the mask, and it wasn't his fault that he got himself attacked by the Hero of Time. Sakon was no one's babysitter, and just because he knew how to fight shouldn't automatically make him responsible for the other man.

Sakon supposed a bit of blame could be placed on him since he was the one to toss the mask into Hyrule field, but Ganondorf didn't even know about that! He was just automatically assuming Sakon was somehow responsible. It wasn't fair.

Letting out a sigh, he stopped to look at a stall of weapons without interest. The vender was giving him the stink-eye, but he didn't see anything he wanted to steal and moved on.

He was bored, but knew he was forbidden from leaving Gerudo Territory until the war was over. He was trapped in the city until he was sent on his next mission. Sakon never did very well staying still for too long, and hated being trapped in such a dull and peaceful place. He longed to travel to Termina where he could pawn the dragon egg, but he had no idea when he'd be able to slip away. Ganondorf had been using his services more frequently lately, and he couldn't chance being missed. It would be better to stay put for now.

Laughter and childish giggling catching his attention, he followed the sound one street over and found a large group of children watching a puppet show. They were sitting around the small stage clapping, excitement clearly in their eyes. He approached and stood at the back, watching without any real interest.

One small girl, with brown hair looked up at him. "You gonna watch the show, mister?" she asked.

Sakon squinted down at her. The girl was clearly not a Gerudo, but no one else seemed to mind her being there. "Where did you come from?" he demanded.

The girl gave him a haughty look. "Well, when a man reeeeally loves a woman..."

"Smartass." Sakon said, shaking his head in amusement. "I like your style."

"You like puppet shows?" she demanded.

"Sure, whatever."

"If you're staying, you're supposed to sit down, mister, or you'll get in trouble. That lady over there has already yelled at me twice."

Sakon glanced over to where she was pointing. "Oh, that's just Old Lady Hummus." he explained. "She's a crotchety old bag. She doesn't like anyone except The Tracker for some reason."

The girl looked up in surprise. "The Tracker's my brother!" she announced.

Sakon's eyebrows rose in surprise. He looked the girl up and down and could see the resemblance. She looked too young to be The Postman's sister though, no older than eight or so. "How many brothers and sisters do you have?!" he demanded.

"Twelve." she answered off-handedly. "I'm the youngest, number thirteen!"

Sakon crinkled his nose. "Ew." he commented. "Your parents must be in their fifties! Why are you here? I thought everyone believed your brother was dead?"

"He rescued me from being murdered by Link. I'm now an enemy of Hyrule and came to live here for a while. My brother blew up the Castletown gate and a whole wall collapsed, and then we stole Link's horse. It was awesome."

Sakon blinked at her. "...what? Really?"

The girl nodded.

Sakon knew he had a lot of investigating to do later. He wanted to find out all the details of this misadventure. He loved a good bit of gossip and would get all the dirt later when talking with the soldiers at the castle.

"My name is Minoko, what's yours?"

"Bob."

She crossed her arms. "No, it's not. You're lying."

"Oh?" Sakon questioned, wondering why he was even talking to a kid.

"Yeah, no one around here is ever named Bob. That's not a Hylian name!"

"I'm Terminian." Sakon replied.

The girl's eyes widened. "You are?! I'm from Termina too! Do you know my brother?"

"Sure, we're best friends!" Sakon announced. "We're absolutely inseparable, and he idolizes me in every way. He's always asking me for advice on things. I've been teaching him how to be a villain since he arrived, and he thinks I'm incredibly handsome, and an absolute genius at everything I do."

"What's your real name?" Minoko demanded, not sure whether she believed him.

"My real name is Javier."

Minoko gave him a skeptical look, but nodded. The girl then reached up and grabbed his arm, pulling him down beside her. "That's Arietta," she whispered pointing at the red-headed puppet dressed like a Gerudo warrior. "She's a warrior princess who has to save the kingdom from the big bad man-monsters."

Sakon glanced at the puppet show and quickly saw the 'man-monsters' all resembled a certain Hero of Time but were created to look twisted and somewhat demonic. Every time a 'man-monster' appeared, the children would boo and shake their fists, but every time Arietta would slay one, the children would all cheer. Realizing the Gerudo were pushing propaganda on the children in order to spread hatred of Link, he shook his head in amusement. The Gerudo were already preparing the next generation of warriors.

Settling himself down comfortably, Sakon watched the rest of the puppet show, finding himself enjoying it despite the propaganda undertones. He found the whole thing hilarious and couldn't seem to stop laughing each and every time a Link puppet was murdered. He was getting many odd looks from the nearby adults, but he ignored them, enjoying the puppet show way more than he should have. He booed and cheered shamelessly with the children, and he pretended not to notice the glares he received from parents, when he lit a cigarette.

When Princess Arietta finally defeated the last of the man-monsters, and successfully freed her mother and all of her sisters from oppression and starvation, the children all stood to their feet and cheered and clapped. Sakon jumped to his feet and whooped louder than anyone and Minoko laughed.

"Did you really like it, Mister Javier? Arietta's my favourite! She's so strong and pretty!"

Sakon gave another laugh. "It was unexpectedly awesome."

"The puppeteer said there's a new show every week! You should come back for the next one! I'm going to watch them all!"

Sakon gave a slight stretch. "Sounds fun." he told her. "Don't go killing any man-monsters in the mean time."

"Naw, I'm not strong enough to fight man-monsters, but King Ganondorf will protect us from them!"

"I'm sure he will." Sakon snickered, lighting another cigarette.

"Will you teach me to be a villain too?" Minoko asked eagerly.

Sakon blew a mouthful of smoke in her face causing her to cough. "No."

"Why not?"

"Why would I do that?" Sakon demanded. "What's in it for me? I don't even like kids."

Minoko shrugged. "I don't have any money..."

Sakon turned to leave. "See ya, runt."

"Wait!" Minoko cried, catching him by the sleeve. "Please teach me! I want to stay with my brother, but I don't know how to be a villain! He wants to send me home, but if I become a villain I'll have to stay, right?"

"Your brother doesn't want you to be a villain?"

"No, of course not, he wants to send me home."

Sakon got a thoughtful look on his face. The Postman would be furious if he taught his precious baby sister how to be a scumbag. He was bored, and maybe he could use the kid for his own benefit.

"Hmm. This might make things interesting around here..."

"Will you teach me?"

"I get one hundred percent of everything you steal." Sakon stated. "If I get bored of you, I can quit without notice."

Minoko stuck out her hand. "Deal!"

Sakon shook her hand. "Ok, let's go teach you how to be a thief!"

Minoko happily took him by the hand and he led her off into the market. Sakon quickly became very aware of every Gerudo mother staring daggers at him as he passed. Every eye seemed to be on him, and he glared back, not liking the silent accusations.

"We'll have to start somewhere small." he told her. "Petty theft won't land you in the dungeon."

"Small like what?" Minoko asked.

"Hmm." Sakon said thoughtfully, glancing around. His eyes fell on a sweet shop. He nodded, knowing that if she got caught stealing candy, she'd be scolded but not actually arrested.

He knelt down to her level and gave her a mischievous grin. "Hey little girl, you want some candy?"

A nearby Gerudo stopped, and slapped him hard across the back of the head.

"Ow!" Sakon protested. "I was just joking! Geez..."

Minoko laughed. The Gerudo gave him a warning look and then continued on her way. Sakon rubbed at the back of his head with a scowl and then pointed to the sweet shop.

"That's your first target. I'll show you a few tricks for getting things up your sleeves without getting caught."

Minoko watched him with rapt attention as he showed her some slight of hand using a rupee. He got her to repeat the actions, and after a dozen or so tries, he was satisfied she could do it.

"This is all there is to being a thief?" she questioned. "It seems easy."

"Of course that's not all." Sakon replied, slightly offended. "I'm not going to share all of my secrets with some random kid I just met. I'm the best thief there is, and there's not a thing I can't steal if I put my mind to it."

"Really? What sort of things have you stolen?"

"Sorry, not telling you that, kid. You're not a villain yet so I can't trust you with valuable secrets."

Minoko did not look impressed.

"Look, I'll distract the vender, and you fill your pockets. I'm going to rate you based on how much you manage to take. Your goal is not to get caught."

Minoko nodded. "Okay, I'll do it!"

"I'll enter first, and you slip in when the vender isn't paying attention."

Minoko gave him a salute. Rolling his eyes, Sakon slunk over to the sweet shop and slipped inside. The woman running the counter was instantly glaring at him, knowing his reputation for shoplifting. He sauntered over to the counter and leaned on it with one elbow, giving her a seductive grin.

"Hey."

"No." she responded.

"I didn't even ask you anything yet."

The vender's eyes narrowed. "The answer is still no."

"Fine, fine, no need to be hostile, I was just trying to be friendly." Sakon replied, picking up a few items on the counter.

The vender eyed him like a hawk as he shuffled the items around in his hands, seemingly reading the ingredient lists.

"If you steal from me, I'm going to complain to Lord Ganondorf." she informed him, angrily. "You're not supposed to steal from small Gerudo-owned businesses."

Sakon dropped the items back on the counter. "I wasn't going to steal anything." he retorted. "I was just looking."

He then began looking at a rack of different packaged candies, the vender leaning over the counter to watch what he was doing. He held up a bag of random candies.

"Are these any good?" he asked.

"Of course they are." she snapped. "I make everything in this store, and it's the best quality candy in the whole Gerudo Nation!"

Sakon put the candy back and moved onto another rack. The vender never took her eyes off of him.

"Why are you here?" she demanded. "Are you actually going to buy anything?"

"Not sure yet." Sakon responded. "I'm looking for a get-well present for The Tracker. I don't really know what he likes."

"He likes coconut." she answered.

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "How do you know that? Are you dating him or something?"

She gave him a disgusted look. "Of course not, you moron. The Tracker comes in here all the time with the other trainees. He only ever buys coconut. If you want a get-well present, buy a box of coconut chocolates. It's enchanted to not melt as long as the chocolate remains in the box. The box is fancy and I can put a bow on it for you."

Sakon had no intention of actually buying anything, but it was an amusing thought. He wondered what The Postman would think if he gave him a box of chocolates all wrapped up in a bow. He would bet The Postman would refuse to touch it, thinking it was tampered with. Sakon was tempted to do it, but resisted the urge based solely on how cheap he was.

"Hmm, what else do you got?"

The vender gave him an annoyed glare. "This is a candy store, I have thousands of different things for sale. What are you looking for?"

"Dunno."

She let out a sigh. "Do you have any intention of buying anything, or are you just wasting my time?"

Sakon could see Minoko sneak out of the shop out of the corner of his eye, and so he leaned on the counter. "Honestly, I came in here because you're the most gorgeous woman I've ever seen and I just had to talk to you. Would you like to go on a date?"

Her expression turned annoyed. "I'm married." she stated.

"So? I don't mind if your wife comes along, the more the merrier. Threesomes are better than twosomes after all."

She gave him a disgusted look. "Get out of my shop, you creep. I'm not interested in you, and if you don't get out of here, I'm going to yell for the guards."

Sakon let out a long, disappointed sounding sigh. "Fine, I can take a hint. You'll be sorry that you missed out on all of my awesomeness. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but some day you'll look back on this day and wish you'd willingly thrown yourself at me."

The vender threw a hard candy directly at Sakon's head.

"Ow!" The Thief protested. "Okay, I'm going!"

Rubbing at his head, he left the shop and headed for where Minoko was waiting nearby. Motioning her to follow him, they walked a few streets away and then stopped.

"What did you get?" he demanded.

Minoko emptied out her pockets which had been stuffed full, the inside of her shirt had been stuffed and even under her hat had bags upon bags of candy under it. Sakon let out a low whistle at the amount.

"Good job." he stated, stuffing the candy into his backpack. "You passed. Thanks for the candy."

Without another word, he walked away from her. Minoko paused and then ran after him.

"Where you going?" she demanded. "You still have to teach me!"

"Nope, I'm bored now so I'm going home." Sakon answered.

"That's not fair!" Minoko yelled. "You took all of my candy, and now you quit! You can't do that!"

"First lesson in villainy, kid, trust no one. They will take you for everything you're worth and leave you to rot in the dust."

Minoko paused for a moment, and then continued following after him furiously. "No! You're going to teach me just as you promised!"

Sakon gave her a grin. "Nope."

Something clicked in Minoko's mind and despite his mask, she recognized him. "You! You're that mean man who laughed at me on Death Mountain. The one who didn't help me!"

Sakon gave her a questioning look. "Hmm?"

"Link pinned me to the ground with my own sword and left me there. You came by a few minutes later with someone under a blanket and made fun of me and didn't help. You left me up there all by myself!"

Sakon squinted at her. "Oh, yeah, I forgot about that. I didn't realize you were the same kid. That makes this even funnier." he replied with a laugh. "Learn from those experiences, runt, villains can't be trusted."

"I'm just going to keep following you!" Minoko threatened.

"Go ahead, I'm still not going to teach you anything."

To Sakon's surprise, she really did follow after him. He ignored her the best he could, but she followed him all the way back to the castle. She was nagging him almost non-stop and now he knew why he hated children. She trailed after him all the way to A-Wing where his room was, and he then slammed his bedroom door closed in her face.

Minoko stared at the closed door with a scowl and then banged on it. "You scoundrel!" she yelled. "Get out here and teach me!"

Sakon's response was to lock the door.

"You've made an enemy of me now, you fraud!" she threatened. "I'll get you back for this, just you wait!"

She heard Sakon give an amused snort from inside the room but he didn't answer.

Minoko gave the door a hard kick, and then turned and stomped away. The Thief would pay for this.

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The Postman awoke with a start. Looking all around himself wildly, he relaxed when he realized where he was. He felt absolutely exhausted and he had to struggle just to keep his eyes open. He was by himself in the medical wing and he saw no sign of his sister. Wondering where she was, he tried to sense her. He felt nothing at all. Sitting up in a panic, he tried even harder but had no idea where she was. There was an empty, cold feeling in his chest, and he knew something very important was missing.

Fighting to get to his feet, he managed to stand, his legs wobbly and weak. He was dressed in a hospital gown and he wondered how long he'd been asleep. Grabbing a nearby robe, he put it on, and tried once more to sense his sister. When it didn't work, he tried to sense Ganondorf to see if his powers were working properly. He felt nothing at all. He suddenly felt completely lost, never feeling like this before. He couldn't sense anyone at all. The Postman had never realized how much he used his abilities until they were suddenly gone. Disconcerted, he took a step towards the door, having no idea where his sister was or how to find her. She could be absolutely anywhere.

His legs threatened to collapse under him, so The Postman shuffled along slowly, holding onto the wall for support. He'd have to search the whole castle to find her, and he didn't even have the faintest idea on where to start. He got about halfway to the door when it opened. The doctor entered flipping through a medical chart, and when she saw him, she did a double-take.

"You shouldn't be out of bed!" she scolded, rushing over to take him by the arm. "You shouldn't even be awake yet!"

The Postman resisted her, and tried to tug his arm back. "Where's my sister?" he demanded. "Where's Minoko?"

"Bed, now." the doctor ordered, tightening her grip.

The Postman shook his head. "Not until I find my sister."

"Stubborn thing." she muttered in annoyance. "You're going to end up hurting yourself."

The Postman tried once more to unsuccessfully yank his arm away from her, but he had no strength and she easily held onto him. The doctor forcibly pushed him back towards the bed, ignoring his protests.

"Your sister is fine." she finally told him. "The last I heard, The Thief was babysitting her."

The Postman's eyes got very wide and panicked. "What?! Who let Sakon watch over a child?! She's probably dead by now!"

The doctor shook her head. "The Thief is a complete idiot, but he would never harm a child." she told him. "He was being watched very closely by many concerned mothers, and your sister's perfectly fine."

The Postman frowned, not liking the idea of Sakon watching his sister. He'd trust a Moblin before he'd trust Sakon when it came to Minoko. Whose brilliant idea was that, anyway?

The doctor forced him back into bed, and The Postman's limbs instantly went limp in exhaustion. He doubted he'd be able to get up again, even if he wanted to.

"I want to see my sister."

"Later." the doctor ordered. "Go back to sleep, and I'll arrange a visit for when you're feeling a bit better."

"But-"

"No, buts." she said. "Sleep, or I'll sedate you. This is not a negotiation. Lord Ganondorf has ordered that you're to rest until I deem you fit to be released."

The Postman let out a sigh. "Fine. Just please make sure my sister is alright?"

"I'll send someone to check on her, you have my word." the doctor promised. "Now sleep before you cause yourself permanent damage."

The Postman was completely exhausted and the moment he allowed his eyes to close, he was once again unconscious.

A few hours later, Minoko snuck in to check on him. When she found him still unresponsive, she curled up next to him on the bed to wait. Within minutes, she too was asleep. When the doctor found her there, she was exasperated, and carefully lifted the girl and moved her to another bed. Looking down at the small child, she shook her head, having a feeling the girl was going to be a thorn in her side.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Tuesday! (Hopefully)**

 **Sunday UPDATE: I would have had the next chapter out on time today but my brand new laptop got the blue screen of death. Apparently AVG antivirus has severe issues with Windows 10 and it can cause your computer to crash so badly that it becomes an expensive paperweight. I lost ALL of my writing. I'm going to have to hire a technician to fix the issue because Alienware state that they do not support software issues. It might be a couple weeks before I can post anything. So sorry about this everyone!**

 **I'm using my old, cracked laptop right now, but I'm not sure how long this one will last for. I'm going to start rewriting the next chapter and if this laptop lasts, I'm hoping to have it out by Tuesday.**


	24. The Revenge Battle

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 **Authornote: Tuesday** **March 28rd 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Just in case anyone didn't see my Sunday authornote update from the last chapter, this is what it said:**

 _Sunday UPDATE: I would have had the next chapter out on time today but my brand new laptop got the blue screen of death. Apparently AVG antivirus has severe issues with Windows 10 and it can cause your computer to crash so badly that it becomes an expensive paperweight. I lost ALL of my writing. I'm going to have to hire a technician to fix the issue because Alienware state that they do not support software issues. It might be a couple weeks before I can post anything. So sorry about this everyone!_

 _I'm using my old, cracked laptop right now, but I'm not sure how long this one will last for. I'm going to start rewriting the next chapter and if this laptop lasts, I'm hoping to have it out by Tuesday._

 **Okay, so I did get the chapter re-written, but I know it's nowhere near as good as it was the first time. It certainly leeches all motivation out of you when you have to re-write a chapter with no references. I probably forgot a bunch of details that were in the first draft. I apologize if this chapter dosn't flow as well as it should.**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 5 Votes**

 **His Real Name 3 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **defiant-decay** \- **Thank you for the suggestion. :) I actually had used an online storage called idrive to back up all my files, and for some reason it backed up everything EXCEPT my writing. Go figure. I'll definitelt have to check out libreoffice, thanks for letting me know about it.**

 **Sakon has no shame about anything. In his opinion, everything he does is awesome, so why should he feel embarrassed about anything? If he wants to watch a puppet show with a bunch of eight-year olds, then that's exactly what he'll do.**

 **From The Postman's perspective, Link is the ultimate villain of the story. The Postman is just trying to exist, and Link keeps threatening his life and his family. The story is not yet done with The Happy Mask Salesman. He'll be back. :)**

 **Unregistereduser** \- **I'm glad you're still reading, and I hope things get better for you in real life. Your reviews always cheer me up. :)**

 **Most people want to (and do) slap Sakon. His annoyingness knows no bounds. Minoko just might be able to rival him, however. ;)**

 **Guest \- Your vote has been added! To be fair, The Postman still doesn't really know Sakon very well. All of his experiences so far have been negative ones. He's remembering each and every time Sakon tried to kill him.**

 **placesmileshere \- Those are some very, very good guesses! You got a few things right, but i'm not saying which just yet. I'll leave you to be surprised. ;) **

**Reiz16 \- Minoko will have more to do in this re-write, and I really hope everyone doesn't hate her too much. lol She's not a permanent character, but OCs can be tiresome after a while.**

 **ChangelingRin \- I love writing about sibling relationships too, :) It's refreshing to have platonic love in a story instead of romance.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 18**

 **Revenge**

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Ganondorf turned the Sword of Mephistophelian over in his hands with a frown. The Spiritual Stones had been placed back into the hilt, and the sword was now complete. It was truly a magnificent sword, its beauty unparalleled, and he was certain it was one of a kind.

Ganondorf could feel the powerful magic coursing through the sword, but he hadn't yet been able to harness it. When Sakon and The Postman had first retrieved the blade, he had tried to merge his magic with it, but it hadn't worked. He had taken off his gloves and had picked it up with his bare hands, the magic supposed to bond with him the moment bare skin made contact. Nothing had happened. Assuming the sword needed to be complete to be used, he hadn't worried too much about it. Now that it was whole once again, it still did not allow him to access its magic.

The Sword of Mephistophelian was truly unique because it could never be bonded to more than one living person. Even if the sword was stolen, it could never be used by another person until its master was killed. Ganondorf knew the original owner would be long dead, and so the moment he touched it, he should have become its new master. Instead, he felt no magic reach out, the magic remaining stubbornly within the blade. What was he doing wrong? Had he mistranslated something?

Pulling over a pile of ancients texts, he opened them to the marked pages about the sword, and compared his notes to what was written. Although not many details were given about the sword, it didn't appear that anything had been mistranslated. All that the sword required was the touch of its new master. The sword's master had to have powerful red magic, but that was the only restriction it gave.

Running his hands up the blade of the sword, he knew the magic within was active, it was simply not reacting to him. Did it need a more direct link to his magic? Did it need his blood in order to merge magics? Blood was the direct link to one's magic, and it was used in the most powerful spells and potions. Blood magic was both dangerous and wild, and if not used correctly, it could easily overpower its master. Ganondorf hadn't begun learning blood magic until he was in his late twenties, Koume and Kotake wanting to make absolute certain he was powerful enough to handle it. Merging power through blood magic was risky, but Ganondorf felt confident he was strong enough to control it.

He allowed the sharp blade to nick one of his fingers, the blood dripping down onto the sword. As the blood coated the sword, Ganondorf forced his magic through the link, attempting to coerce the sword to accept him. He felt the agony as the magics joined, and his blood felt as if it were going to boil. The sword's magic resisted, and would not allow the merger, one single word being felt through the connection.

 _ **Nay**_ _._

Magic did not exactly speak with words, but the meaning could clearly be felt, and Ganondorf did not accept the answer. He pushed back, demanding a better answer than that. The magic was elusive and clearly did not want to deal with him, trying to push the Gerudo's magic away. Ganondorf persisted and finally it gave him a reply.

 _ **Not master.**_

"Your master is dead." Ganondorf told the sword.

 _ **Nay.**_

Ganondorf's eyes widened. Someone was bonded with the sword already?! How could this have happened? The sword had been sealed away in a cave for the last thousand years!

"Who is your master?" Ganondorf demanded, wondering who he had to kill. He hoped it wasn't the Hero of Time.

The sword resisted him, fighting to push him away. Ganondorf forced his magic at the sword with even more strength, the blood that touched the blade actually glowing from the power.

"Give me the name of your master."

The sword lashed out with its magic so strongly that Ganondorf was sent recoiling away in agony. He refused to let go of the blade, however, using all of his strength to push back, and yank the answer out of the sword. Just as Ganondorf was losing consciousness he heard the sword's answer.

 _ **Ichiro is master.**_

Ganondorf released the sword, and then collapsed to the floor unconscious.

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Minoko stared at Sakon's closed bedroom door with a scowl. She'd woken up early and had pretty much camped outside his door waiting for him to come out. It was now nearly noon and he still hadn't made an appearance. She was getting impatient, and was beginning to wonder if he'd already left for the day before she got there. Approaching the door, she pressed an ear against it, but all she could hear was silence. Reaching out, she tried the knob and was surprised to find it unlocked.

Pushing open the door, she poked her head in, wondering if The Thief was still there. The living quarters were absolutely enormous, expensive furniture and lush carpets throughout. The room would have been considered overly extravagant and luxurious if not for the fact it was disgustingly filthy. Piles of dirty clothes and garbage were everywhere, and it smelled like a cross between a brewery and an ashtray.

Stepping into the room, Minoko didn't immediately see Sakon. She wandered further inside and turned a corner, discovering some sort of sitting area with several couches. Stepping over piles of porn magazines laying on the floor, she turned another corner, finding Sakon's bed. She wrinkled her nose in disgust at the sight that met her eyes. Sakon was laying naked on top of the bed, sprawled next to an equally naked Gerudo warrior. Picking up a sheet, Minoko tossed it over them, having seen way more of Sakon than she ever wanted to. By the snores coming from the two of them, and the amount of empty bottles around the bed, she assumed they would not be waking up any time soon.

Glancing around, she wondered where Sakon would have put her candy. He couldn't possibly have eaten all of it, there was way too much. Her eyes fell on an ornate, locked chest sitting at the end of the bed.

Keeping her eyes on Sakon, she cautiously made her way to the chest. Pulling uselessly at the lock, she frowned, knowing she'd never be able to break into it. Finding Sakon's pants on the floor, she searched the pockets for a key. Other than a few rupees, the pockets were empty. Setting the rupees on the nightstand, she opened the drawers, certain the key had to be close by. Finding nothing of interest, she gave another glance at Sakon, immediately seeing the key. He had the key on a chain around his neck, and Minoko frowned, knowing she had to find a way to get it.

Approaching the bed, she reached out and grabbed a hold of the key, trying her best to lift the chain over Sakon's head. Giving him a push to free the chain, The Thief let out a loud snort, but otherwise didn't wake. Successfully obtaining the key, she hurried back to the chest and unlocked it. To her disappointment, her candy wasn't there, the chest filled with rupees and expensive jewellery instead. Letting out a sigh, she closed the chest and glanced around the room.

What could she do to get revenge on The Thief? Minoko lived by the policy that if anyone ever wronged her, she hit them back three times as hard. The Thief had betrayed her trust and so now he had to pay. She had a reputation within her family, and her older siblings had quickly learned not to mess with her. She may have been small, but she was ruthless when it came to revenge.

Minoko's eyes settled on the dozens upon dozens of full bottles of alcohol. It was obvious that Sakon really liked his booze, and Minoko wondered what his reaction would be if it was all taken from him. He took her candy, so fair was fair. Approaching the nearby window, she placed a chair underneath in, climbed up and opened the window. Peering out, she looked down and saw the window was directly over some sort of fountain in the courtyard. Perfect.

Hopping down off the chair, she began rounding up the bottles, being as quiet as possible. There were bottles stashed absolutely everywhere, and Minoko had to search every inch of the room to find them all. Getting down on her belly so she could look under the bed, she pulled out another case of beer, and then spied a bundle of blankets shoved far under the bed. Pulling the blankets out, she unwrapped them and discovered the dragon's egg. Not sure what the strange blue object was, she was fascinated by its warmth and its strange texture. She gave the egg a hard shake and was startled when she felt movement from inside. Realizing it was an egg, she suddenly felt guilty, hoping she hadn't harmed it. She may have wanted revenge, but that didn't mean she wanted to hurt Sakon's pet...whatever it was.

Wrapping the egg carefully back up, she shoved it back where she had found it and backed away from the bed. Certain she now had every bottle of liquor in the room, she opened each bottle and proceeded to pour them out the window one at a time. There were easily a hundred bottles and it took a surprisingly long time to empty them all out. Glancing down at the fountain, she saw the water was now a dark amber in colour and she let out a quiet snicker. Satisfied that the first part of her revenge was complete, she then considered what the next two acts of revenge should be.

She glanced thoughtfully around the room, her eyes landing on a pack of cigarettes sitting on Sakon's nigthtstand. She had seen hundreds of packs all through the room and she smirked, remembering the smoke The Thief had blown in her face the day before. Smoking was a nasty habit and she would help Sakon quit. Minoko found each and every cigarette in the room and she ripped them all up into tiny pieces which she stuffed inside the empty bottles. She was surprised to discover there were enough cigarettes to fill every single bottle in the room. When the last one had been destroyed, she gathered the bottles and arranged them all around Sakon's bed so that they would be the very first thing The Thief would see when he woke.

Sakon stirred slightly and Minoko froze in place, hoping she wasn't about to get caught. The Thief remained asleep and she relaxed, trying to think of a third revenge she could do quickly. Approaching Sakon's backpack, she emptied it out on the floor, discovering the candy he'd taken. Only a small bit of it was missing, and she happily re-stuffed her pockets. Picking up a bottle of ink, she left Sakon a message on his bedroom mirror, and then glanced around the room thoughtfully.

Unable to think of a third revenge, she started towards the door but then stopped. An idea occurred to her, and she hesitated. There was one thing she had done against her older brother Kal once, and she wondered if it would work against a grown-up as well. She cocked her head as she considered it, deciding that if it worked, it would finalize her revenge against The Thief. He would never mess with her again.

Minoko quietly tiptoed back to Sakon's bed and picked up a stale glass of water off of his nightstand. Setting it on the floor beside the bed, she carefully took one of Sakon's arms and dipped his fingers into the lukewarm water. Leaving his hand in the water, she fled out of the room to wait in the hallway. She didn't have to wait long, and a few moments later there came an enraged and disgusted yell from the Gerudo. Minoko let out a triumphant laugh and then ran as fast as she could away. Her revenge was complete.

It took Sakon a few minutes to realize what had caused the Gerudo to react in such a way. He was incredibly hung-over, and he winced at the shrill sound of her voice, not understanding a word she was screaming. She grabbed her clothes, and stormed out of the room, and Sakon gave a slow, confused blink in the direction she had gone. His eyes fell on the perfectly formed circle of bottles around the bed, and he gave another blink, not sure what he was seeing. It then clicked in his mind that he felt wet, and he sat up, discovering the bed was completely soaked. Lifting the sheet covering him, Sakon stared at what he'd done, and then let out a curse. Just how drunk had he gotten last night?!

Rubbing tiredly at his eyes, he stared at the circle of bottles now noticing they were all empty of alcohol, instead stuffed with something else. Getting up, he picked one up, his eyes widening when he saw it was ruined cigarettes. Looking back to the other bottles, he saw they were all filled with unused cigarettes.

Stepping over the bottles, he glanced around his room and saw every single bottle of alcohol, and every single carton of cigarettes had been emptied. He simply stared in disbelief, and then he realized someone had to have been in his room. There was no way he would have done this no matter how drunk he'd been. Looking down at the glass of water and his still wet hand, he let out a furious curse. Someone had deliberately made him wet the bed all over his new girlfriend...or should he now say ex-girlfriend?

Who would dare do this to him? Every Gerudo knew his reputation for getting revenge, so who would be dumb enough to do something like this?! His eyes fell on the unlocked chest at the foot of his bed, and he let out a gasp of horror, that being where he kept all his most valuable loot. Relieved, but perplexed when he discovered nothing missing, his gaze fell on his backpack. Nothing was missing from his backpack except for the candy he'd stolen from the little girl the day before.

The little girl. Sakon's eyes widened. She wouldn't have...would she? He gave another glance around his room uncertainly. Could such a tiny girl really do something so sadistic as waste perfectly good alcohol? Searching the room fruitlessly for a cigarette, Sakon's mood became immensely foul. Those cigarettes were imported. Crossing the room, he paused at the message he found written on his mirror.

'Take that, Have-ee-are!'

Sakon's eyes narrowed to slits. This meant war. That kid was dead.

* * *

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* * *

Minoko ran and ran until she made it back to the hospital wing. Still laughing, she slipped inside, and crossed the room to check on her brother. She gave him a hard poke and he didn't move.

"Brother?"

He didn't so much as twitch.

Frowning at him, she leaned in close to make sure he was still breathing, and then gave his shoulder a hard shake. There still wasn't a reaction. Eyeing him a moment, she crawled on top of him and began shaking him as hard as she could, the only response she got was a light snore.

"Brother, I'm hungry." she complained.

The Postman didn't move.

Minoko let out a sigh, feeling neglected and lonely. How long was he going to sleep for? Was he ever going to get better? Sitting on the bed beside him, she began opening bags of candy, knowing this was possibly the only food she'd get for a while. As she munched on several pieces of weird-tasting candy, the door opened. The doctor gave the child an exasperated look, and approached, hands on hips.

"You're absolutely filthy!" she scolded. "Where were you, rolling in a dung heap?"

"I was in The Thief's bedroom."

The doctor gave her an alarmed look. "Why were you in Sakon's bedroom?!"

So his name wasn't Javier, it was Sakon. She should have known he'd lied. "Um...I was helping him clear out some bottles? His room is gross."

The doctor let out a sigh. "You smell like a distillery, go take a bath. There's a bathroom you can use through the door over there." she said, pointing across the medical wing. "I don't want you transferring your filth onto my patient. Take a bath, and I'll find you some clean clothes."

Minoko hadn't taken a bath since she'd left home a month prior and knew she really needed it. Giving the doctor a nod, she obediently headed for the bathroom. As she started running the water, she heard the hospital wing door violently crash open.

"Where is she?" she heard Sakon angrily bellow. "Where's that little demon?!"

"I have patients in here!" the doctor bellowed back at him. "Get out of my hospital wing right now before I make it so you need to be here!"

"Where is she? Are you hiding her?!"

"Hiding who?" the doctor demanded.

"The Tracker's demonic little sister! Where is she? I'm gonna kill her!"

"I don't know where she is, and if you don't stop yelling, I'm going to complain to Lord Ganondorf. Get out of here now, thief!"

Sakon responded with a not so polite phrase, and Minoko heard the sound of a hand connecting to flesh. Sakon yelped, and then clearly retreated, and it went quiet once more. Shrugging, Minoko peeled off her disgustingly dirty clothes and crawled into the bath. Letting out a deep sigh of happiness at the feeling of the warm water, she looked up as the doctor entered the bathroom. She crossed her arms and gave the girl an unimpressed look.

"What did you do to The Thief?" she demanded.

"Nothing?"

"I lied for you, and unless you want me to call him back here, you're going to tell me what you did."

Minoko gave her a grouchy look. "Fine." she relented. "I poured out all his beer, tore up his cigarettes and made him pee the bed."

The doctor gave her a look of disbelief. "What?"

"He stole my candy yesterday so I was getting him back." she explained. "He was sleeping so I snuck in and dumped out his beer, ripped up his cigarettes and put his hand in warm water. No one messes with me and gets away with it."

The doctor let out another sigh. "I knew you were going to be trouble. Stop messing with The Thief before you get hurt. He's a complete idiot and he'll probably end up accidentally hurting you in his quest for revenge. Just leave him alone."

Minoko gave her a scowl. "Fine, but he deserved it."

"I have no doubt that he did. Your brother is going to be in charge of you when he wakes up, so you have to do everything he tells you to. You will not be permitted to run wild for long." the doctor replied. "Now get cleaned up, and I'll bring you some clothes."

Once the doctor was gone, Minoko picked up a bar of soap and got to work scrubbing away a month's worth of grime. By the time she was done, the water was a murky brown, and she felt much better. Grabbing a thick towel from the nearby cupboard, she dried herself off and discovered the doctor had slipped some clothing into the room for her.

Looking the clothing over with a frown, she realized it was the light style clothing that most civilian Gerudo wore. She wasn't fond of the puffy pants, but knew it was better than what she had. With a resigned sigh, she put them on, realizing the doctor had chosen the correct size for her. Looking at herself in the mirror, Minoko touched her short hair, realizing how crooked it was. Hopefully it would grow out soon...

Satisfied with how she looked, she left the bathroom and approached the bed, crawling up beside her brother. She stared at him for a long moment and then asked.

"Brother, can I go exploring the castle?"

There was predictably no answer. Minoko cocked her head at him, a sly look entering her eyes.

"Snore if you mean yes."

When there was silence, Minoko gave him a hard poke in the side eliciting the wanted snore.

"Thank you!" she called, running to the door. "I'll be back later!"

The Postman remained oblivious to the world.

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Ganondorf awoke and found himself face down on the floor. Rubbing at his aching head, he sat up and glanced at the fallen sword beside him. Wondering how long he'd been unconscious, he reached out and picked up the sword, noting how all traces of blood were now gone. Getting to his feet, he set the sword on his desk, and gave his head another rub with a grimace. He hadn't been expecting the sword to lash out at him quite so hard, and he had to admit it had won. Locking the sword inside his desk, he turned towards the door. He had the name of the sword's master, and now he had to find out who it was.

Ganondorf was supposed to meet with the heads of his military to discuss strategies, so he didn't have time to investigate it. The war took priority over the sword. Stalking from the room, he motioned for the two guards outside the door to follow him. They did as they were told, and he asked them.

"Have you heard the name Ichiro before?" he asked.

The guards exchanged a look and then shook their heads. "No, my Lord."

"Spread word through the kingdom that I'm looking for a man named Ichiro. He needs to be found immediately. I'm going to be meeting with the captains of the military and I want the search done as soon as possible. Contact me with any information that's found out."

"Yes, Lord Ganondorf, right away!"

The two guards ran off to spread the word, and Ganondorf headed for the military meeting room, having a feeling he was very late.

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* * *

The Postman opened his eyes, feeling like he hadn't slept at all. Blinking tiredly, he glanced around the empty medical ward, noting that his sister wasn't there. Forcing himself to sit up, his hand touched something crinkly and he looked down at the mounds of candy piled around him. The Postman simply stared at the candy in confusion. What in the world? Moving it all to the bedside table, The Postman slowly slid his legs out of the bed.

"Minoko?" he called out.

When there wasn't an answer, he carefully got to his feet, holding onto a bedpost for support. He had no idea how long he'd been asleep, and he hadn't once seen his sister. Knowing that anything could have happened to her, he knew he wouldn't be able to relax until he'd found her. He still couldn't sense her, and so he knew he'd have to search the castle the old-fashioned way.

Grabbing a robe, he put in on, hobbling towards the door before the doctor came back. Opening the door, he peered out and when there was no sign of the doctor, he left and slowly made his way down the hallway. Leaning against the wall as he walked, his vision was somewhat blurry but he ignored it, forcing himself to keep walking. When he came to the stairs, he looked up and suddenly realized there was no possible way he was going to make it all the way up there.

He went up around half a dozen steps, and then had to sit down as his legs threatened to give out. Frustrated, he knew he'd never be able to find Minoko this way.

"Hey Tracker." a voice greeted.

The Postman looked up and saw Adena heading down the stairs.

"Hello." he answered.

She was about to pass by when she caught sight of what he was wearing and paused. "Are you still supposed to be in the hospital wing?" she demanded.

"I'm looking for my sister." he answered.

Adena looked confused for a moment, but then nodded. "Ah, yes, I heard about her." she said. "Doofus is watching her, isn't he?"

The Postman grimaced. "That's what I'm worried about."

"Relax, she'll be fine. From what I've heard she's quite the little spitfire. She'll put that moron in his place."

"Do you know where she is?"

Adena shook her head. "No idea."

The Postman let out a sigh.

Adena eyed him thoughtfully. "Do you need help getting up? You look like you're about to pass out."

"No, I'm fine." The Postman answered, attempting and failing to get up.

Adena simply shook her head in exasperation. "Come on, let's get you back to the medical wing."

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, I need to see my sister."

"Look, Tracker, there's no way you're going to be able to find her. I'll spread the word and get her brought to you, okay?"

The Postman considered her words and then gave a nod.

"Okay, good, I'll help you back to the medical wing now."

"No, I don't want to go back there." The Postman stated. "Please, just help me back to my room."

Adena glanced around uncertainly. "I don't know if I should do that..." she stated. "We were all told you're out of commission until further notice. I could get in trouble."

"Fine, I'll do it myself." The Postman replied, struggling back to his feet. "I'm not going back there."

Adena watched him take three steps and then stumble. She caught him by the arm and then let out a heavy sigh. "Fine, but I'm not taking the blame for this." she told him, wrapping an arm around him to steady him.

She helped him up the several flights of stairs, and she ended up supporting most of his weight as his legs kept giving out. By the time they reached J-Wing, Adena was sweating hard and she was completely out of breath.

"You're lucky you aren't some fat guy." she commented with a wheeze. "I think you weigh less than I do, and I'm underweight!"

The Postman didn't answer, struggling to stay awake. He'd always hated hospitals, and knew he'd feel a lot more comfortable in his own room. When they got to his room, Adena tried the door, finding it locked.

"I don't suppose you thought to bring your keys?"

The Postman's thought processes weren't exactly top-notch at the moment, and he shook his head. Adena let out another sigh.

"Alright, hold on a moment."

She leaned him up against the wall and then disappeared into her own room. A few minutes passed, and then to The Postman's surprise she opened his bedroom door from the inside. She grabbed a hold of him once more and helped him inside.

"You left your window open." she explained. "I edged along the windowsill between our two rooms."

The Postman nodded, just glad to finally be back in his room. The Postman allowed himself to fall backwards onto his bed, letting out a sigh of relief.

"You'll find Minoko for me?" he demanded.

"Is that her name?" Adena asked, wrinkling her nose. "Ugh, poor kid."

"Adena..."

"Yes, I promise." Adena answered, rolling her eyes. "I'll bring the kid back to you safe and sound."

The Postman nodded, feeling relieved. He trusted Adena and knew she wouldn't break her word.

"By the way, do you know anyone named Ichiro?" she asked.

The Postman gave her a confused look. "No, should I?"

"Lord Ganondorf is looking for someone named Ichiro and I thought you might know who that is."

The Postman gave her a shrug. "I have no idea who that is. I don't know anyone named Ichiro."

"Okay, never mind then, I just thought I'd ask since you seem to know everyone."

"Sorry."

"No problem. I'll be back in a bit after I've found your sister. Don't die in the meantime."

Adena then left the room, and The Postman sagged down into his bed, feeling comfortable and content. Having overdone it, he was asleep within seconds.

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* * *

Ganondorf walked up and down the rows of warriors, inspecting them with a frown. They were all armed with the best Gerudo weaponry, and had armour that even an ax couldn't penetrate. Every Gerudo warrior had trained since the age of ten, and they wouldn't hesitate to die for their king or their country. Ganondorf had never used the Gerudo warriors in an actual war, and he felt a bit uneasy.

In every battle Ganondorf had ever been in, he had used monsters as front-line soldiers, not Gerudo. He didn't like the idea that some of his warriors would be used as cannon fodder, they were his people, his subjects, not brainless monsters. He preferred his people to stay hidden away in the desert, away from the rest of the world, but this time the fight was coming to them, and they had no choice but to defend.

Ganondorf had sent word to bring as many Moblins and Koboblins as possible to the desert, but it would take time to round up the needed monsters. Time they might not have.

Ganondorf's expression turned ugly, and he let out a low growl of frustration. If it came down to a war between the Gerudo and the Hylians, he would fight on the front-lines himself, and kill the Hero of Time personally. He would defend his people until his final breath. No one would step foot on Gerudo land, he'd make sure of it.

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* * *

Sakon had searched the entire castle and had found no sign of Minoko. How could one little girl keep avoiding him like this? Letting out a huff, he stopped a passing Gerudo by catching her by the arm. She glared at him suspiciously.

"What do you want, bedwetter?"

Sakon scowled. Apparently word spread fast in the castle. "I'm looking for The Tracker's little brat sister. Have you seen her?"

"She was just on the bottom level of the castle." the Gerudo answered, pulling her arm away from him. "And don't touch me."

Sakon clapped his hands. Alright, time to catch a little demon child. Without another word, he turned and ran down the hall, heading towards the stairs.

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* * *

Minoko had explored most of the castle, getting scolded several times by multiple Gerudo for being in places she wasn't supposed to be. Not bothered in the least, she continued to nose around the castle finding it both creepy and fascinating. She'd found the castle's kitchens and begged some breakfast from the exasperated cook, and then found many interesting rooms, one of which was a huge weapons room.

Minoko had always loved weapons, and she had eagerly grabbed a sword to test it out. It was much too heavy for her to wield, however, and she ended up causing the whole sword rack to crash to the floor. The deafening crash had attracted the attention of Captain Isa, and when she laid eyes on Minoko, she had yelled very angrily, and had swung out at her with the cane. Minoko had dodged, and then she ran for it as fast as she could away. Captain Isa had tried to limp after her but she couldn't keep up, and Minoko got away, much to her annoyance. She knew very well who the girl was, however, and she'd make sure The Tracker paid for his sister's mischief.

Once she was sure the coast was clear, she continued exploring the bottom floor, finding a library. She'd always hated reading and so the room didn't interest her in the least. She was just about to move on to another room, when Sakon burst in through the door, looking like a thundercloud. Minoko quickly ducked down behind a bookcase. Having a feeling The Thief hadn't forgiven her for the earlier pranks, she crawled on her hands and knees out a side door.

Back in the main hall, she snuck down the hall, wanting to put as much space between her and Sakon as possible. Wanting to find a good place to hide, she began looking around.

She came across an old, dark stairwell leading far below ground, and she felt her curiosity grow. She had a feeling she wasn't supposed to go down there, and she glanced over her shoulder to see if anyone was looking. No one was anywhere near her, so with a mischievous grin, she snuck down the stairs.

The stairwell was so dark she could barely see, and there was a cold breeze that gave her goosebumps. Cobwebs coated everything around her, and dust caked the walls and stairs like a thick blanket. Images of ghosts and haunted houses came to mind, and she gave another shiver. Minoko had never been afraid of the dark, but she now started to second guess her decision on going down there. It looked like the sort of place you'd get murdered in.

When she reached the bottom, she quickly saw she was in a dungeon of some sort and strange brutal looking contraptions were everywhere. Reaching up, she pulled a torch down off the wall and held it out, looking everything over in morbid curiosity. She wasn't sure what any of the odd machines or things did, but she was sure it wasn't anything good. It looked like dried blood coated the machines, and there were knives, nails, and screwdrivers left out on a nearby table. They were all covered in old, dried blood, just like the machines.

She wandered through the large dungeon cautiously, and she came to several rusted cells in the corner of the dungeon. Minoko had never been in a jail before, and she reached out and touched one of the bars in fascination. Was this really what it was like if you were arrested? No wonder her brother didn't want anyone to know he was a villain!

Something moved from within one of the cells, and Minoko let out a shrill shriek, jumping back in terror. She stared with wide eyes as a small, chubby figure sat up from a dirty and damp pile of straw. He struggled to his feet, and then approached the bars, peering out at her, his green and red tights dirty and torn. He was incredibly short and not very pretty to look at, but he wasn't a monster, so Minoko relaxed. The man's goatee was mussed and overgrown, and his eyes were sad but he forced a smile for her benefit.

"Tingle, Tingle, kooloo limpah..." he said without much enthusiasm. He threw a handful of sparkles at her half-heartedly which fell short of reaching the girl. He then let out a wet-sounding cough, his hands shaking.

Minoko just stared at him, not exactly sure what she was looking at. The short little man gave another cough, and then he turned his eyes back to her.

"Hello there." he greeted sadly.

Minoko backed up another step, and gave him a wary look. "...um, hello."

This seemed exactly like the type of person her mother had warned her to stay away from.

"What are you doing down here?" the man asked. "Tingle doesn't think this is the place for little girls; it's dangerous down here."

"I'm just exploring." Minoko responded. "Why are you in jail? Are you a bad-guy?"

Tingle let out a deep, sad sounding sigh. "Tingle doesn't know why he's in jail. One minute he was happily making maps, and dancing and singing, and then the next thing he knew, he was thrown in here. Now Tingle will never find a fairy of his own."

Minoko frowned in confusion. "A fairy? Why do you want a fairy?"

Tingle let out another deep sigh. "Tingle needs a fairy of his own because he himself is a forest fairy. Fairies are happy and free, not sad and alone."

"I don't think a fairy makes happiness." Minoko said, thinking of the fairies she'd seen. "I think they just heal cuts and bruises."

Tingle adamantly shook his head. "Humans get sad and lonely, but fairies are never sad! Tingle wants a fairy of his own so he can become a fairy. Tingle will fly far away from here to be with the other fairies, and he will be happy and sing and dance forever."

Minoko furrowed her brow. "You really need a fairy to be happy?"

Tingle nodded. "Yes. If Tingle had a fairy, everything would be all right, and he'd be happy."

Minoko stepped forward confidently. "Don't worry, Sir, I can get you a fairy!"

Tingle's eyes widened, and a tiny flicker of hope appeared in them. "You can find Tingle a fairy?"

Minoko nodded. "If it'll make you happy, I'll find you a fairy!"

Tingle gave her a tired, but genuine smile. Finding a bit of energy, he gave a twirl. "Tingle, Tingle, kooloo limpah!" he cried. "These are the magic words Tingle created himself. They will bring you good luck on your mission, please don't steal them!"

Minoko let out a giggle as he threw a handful of sparkles at her, and she gave him the best imitation of her brother's postal salute that she could manage.

"You can count on me!" she announced. "I won't let you down!"

As she turned and ran out of the dungeon, Tingle slowly sank down onto the floor tiredly and smiled. This was the first ray of hope he'd had for the entire month he'd been imprisoned.

"Tingle, Tingle kooloo limpah."

"Tingle, Tingle kooloo limpah."

"Tingle, Tingle kooloo limpah."

"Tingle, Tingle kooloo limpah..."

Whispering his magic words over and over to himself as a mantra, Tingle slumped against the bars of the cell. All he could do was hope...

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday! (hopefully)**


	25. Finally Awake

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 **Authornote: Friday** **March 31st 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I actaully got this chapter out on time! Woohoo! This old laptop hasn't died yet, so I'm crossing my fingers that the Sunday chapter will be on time as well.**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 5 Votes**

 **His Real Name 5 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **defiant-decay** \- **That's an excellent idea, I really like it! If I do decide to make a Link Hero Team, I'll definitely give you credit! I have a family completely planned out for The Happy Mask Salesman that will be revealed as the story goes on. I completely forgot about the Bomb/arrow salesman though. They really are very similar! If you don't mind, I'll make him part of the family. :)**

 **.**

 **Guest \- Yes, the Postman is indeed going to be in for an unpleasant surprise once he starts getting a mountain of complaints from everyone in the castle. I think Tingle is hilarious, but I do agree that he's very creepy. I don't think The Postman wouldn't want Minoko getting too close to Tingle. lol**

 **I'm going to try to get my Idrive account to work, so that it will automatically back-up my computer everyday. If I can't get it to work, I'll probably try another program or go with an external hard drive.**

 **.**

 **placesmileshere \- Ahhh, good, I was hoping someone would remember those details! This is the very beginning of a large mystery involving The Postman. I won't give any details though, because it would spoil the entire 5th part of the series. ;)**

 **.**

 **Reiz16 \- Sakon definitely deserved it, but he doesn't really have much impulse-control hence why he gets himself into these situations in the first place. His revenge will be satisfying.**

 **I wanted to show that Ganondorf is human, a powerful human, but still just a man. I've been trying to flesh him out a bit more for this re-write.**

 **.**

 **ChangelingRin \- Minoko is not used to dealing with villains, so she's definitely in for a surprise. No one is going to put up with her brattiness for long...**

 **Tingle is very fun to abuse. lol I couldn't resist keeping him around for a bit longer.**

 **.**

 **UltraZordLordHarryKetcham** - **I was using a program called Idrive, but it didn't work. I thought it had backed up all my files, but it didn't. I'm probably going to switch once my computer is back up and running.**

 **.**

 **BlazePyro \- Sakon deserves everything that happens to him in this story. He's his own worst enemy. lol You are correct that The Postman's abilities are not working. He's completely magically exhausted and can't use his locating or cloaking ability. He's completely helpless until he regains his strength.**

 **.**

 **Loki-Liesmith** \- **Yeah, I'm pretty frustrated over the whole computer issue. My computer is only a month old too. A repair guy is coming to take a look at it on Monday. so hopefully he'll be able to retrieve my lost data. BOTW hasn't glitched at all lately. Nintendo must have put out a patch or something to fix it.**

 **The hand in warm water trick does indeed work, but only if the person is very deeply asleep (or drunk) and if their bladder is full. Someone who is simply napping will not be affected. The Gerudo Ex-girlfriend probably told ONE person and it ran its course through the rumour-mill. Sakon will have a harder time getting a girlfiend now. lol Minoko is the epitome of irritating. The reason she loves The Postman so much is that he's the only one who puts up with her for extended periods of time. lol**

 **Yeah, the Gerudo don't put up with crap like that. The only reason they haven't smacked her yet, is because they've been cutting her a bit of slack on account of her brother. Their patience won't last long, however...**

 **About Sakon's pretty green eyes, remember that this story is mostly through The Postman's point of view, so it was actually him who thought that. lol Sakon would be very amused if he knew that, and he would never let The Postman live it down.**

 **Hmm, I can't answer that question about the sword without giving away plot points, so you'll have to wait and see. ;)**

 **Fun fact: I orginally added Tingle to this story because my sister told me under no circumstance was i to put Tingle in my story. I added him as a special surprise for her. haha**

 **.**

 **Sanmari \- Link certainly does need some form of professional help. He's been fighting for so long that he assumes every little thing is a threat to Hyrule. His PTSD will eventually be addressed. **

**X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words.** **Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 19**

 **Finally Awake**

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Minoko ran all the way to the medical ward and burst in through the doors excitedly. She ran over to The Postman's bed but screeched to a halt at the sight of the empty bed. She looked one way and then the other, seeing no one around. She wandered over to the bathroom, peeked inside, but no one was there.

She walked back over to the bed and frowned. Where was her brother? Had something happened to him? Minoko's eyes widened. Had he died?! Her breathing sped up in panic, and she backed away from the empty bed. Had he stopped breathing while she was out exploring? Had they already taken his body away? Did he die because she hadn't left him alone like the doctor ordered? Was it the hard poke she'd given him? Did she cause him to die from internal bleeding?!

Minoko began to loudly cry, certain she had killed her brother. The doctor, who had been filing paperwork in her office, dropped everything she was doing and rushed into the room to see what was wrong. Seeing Minoko bawling hysterically, she rushed over thinking the child had been injured.

"What is it?" she demanded. "What happened? Are you hurt?!"

Minoko wordlessly pointed to the bed, and the doctor saw her patient was nowhere in sight.

"Did he die?!" Minoko wailed.

The doctor was incredibly annoyed, having a feeling The Postman had snuck away when she wasn't looking. "No, he didn't die." she replied, wondering if Ganondorf would allow her to beat The Tracker when she found him.

Minoko gave a loud sniff. "He didn't?"

"No." she answered firmly.

"If he didn't die, then where did he go?"

The doctor scowled. "Yes, that is the question, isn't it? One I intend on finding out."

Minoko wiped her tears away. "He's really okay?"

The doctor let out a sigh. "If he's feeling good enough to disobey me, and to wander the castle unattended, then my guess would be 'yes.'"

Minoko let out a sigh of relief. "Are we going to go find him?"

"No, you're going to stay here in case he comes back, and I'm going to track him down. No patient of mine discharges themselves without my permission!"

Minoko cocked her head. "Is he in trouble?"

"Very big trouble." the doctor replied, her scowl deepening.

Minoko's eyes widened and she took a seat on the empty bed. "You're not going to hurt him, are you?"

The doctor gave her an annoyed look. "Of course not! Well...not much anyway."

Minoko gave her an uncertain look, and the doctor rolled her eyes. "You stay here. I'll return and get you once your brother has been found."

Minoko nodded. "Okay." she agreed.

As the doctor left the hospital wing, she cracked her knuckles, having every intention of teaching The Postman a lesson or two. No patient of hers would get away with this!

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon had a horrible migraine and he was having severe nicotine withdrawal. His cigarettes were imported from Termina and he had no way to get any more while there was a travel ban in place. He'd tried to bum a smoke from every Gerudo that he knew was a smoker, but none were willing to share with him. In a foul mood, he trudged to the market to buy the far inferior Gerudo-style cigarettes. He didn't like the taste, and they simply weren't as satisfying as his usual brand.

Entering the only tobacco shop in the market with a scowl, he approached the counter. "100 pack of regulars." he growled, dropping a few rupees on the counter.

The shopkeeper shoved the rupees back at him. "Nope, you're still banned from my shop."

Sakon now looked at the cashier for the first time. "Banned? Why am I banned?" he demanded. "I haven't done anything!"

She crossed her arms. "You called my tobacco Moblin dung, and told my customers it caused unusual body hair to grow. I lost a lot of business because of you!"

Sakon let out a snicker. "Oh, yeah, I forgot I did that..."

The shopkeeper didn't find it funny in the least. "Leave my shop, thief, I'm refusing to serve you."

Sakon gave her his most charming smile. "Aw, come on, that was like two years ago. Surely you won't hold a little prank against me?"

The cashier's expression was like stone. "Out."

"Okay, okay, I'm sorry. I humbly apologize for my rude, and ill-thought joke. It wasn't funny and I beg your forgiveness. I will never insult your tobacco ever again."

"Out."

"Look, I'll pay double." Sakon said, pushing some more rupees towards her.

The cashier pushed them away. "I don't care if you pay ten times the amount. You're banned and I'm not serving you."

Sakon was desperate, knowing this was the only place he could get tobacco until the travel ban was lifted. "Seriously, I'm sorry, okay? I swear I'll never cause you any problems again. I'll even promote your brand in the castle! Free advertising!"

"Not interested."

"Please?"

"No."

Sakon reached out and took her by the hand. "What if I made it worth your while?" he suggested, giving her a sleazy grin.

The shopkeeper jerked her hand away. "NO."

Sakon let out a heavy sigh. Well, it was worth a try. Snatching his rupees off the counter, he gave her a dirty look.

"Fine."

The cashier turned away from him, certain she had won this battle. Sakon pretended he was turning towards the door, then, without warning, Sakon lunged over the counter, grabbed a carton of cigarettes off the shelf and then took off running.

"Oh no you don't!" the cashier bellowed, vaulting over the counter like a professional athlete.

She bolted after him as The Thief ran as fast as he could away from her. To Sakon's dismay, she was much faster than him and she knocked him hard to the ground, instantly laying onto him with her fists. Sakon gave her a hard boot and then tried to scramble away, still clutching the cigarettes to his chest. She was on him again in an instant, and one of her fists caught him in the eye, and he let out a shrill yelp. He elbowed her in the stomach, and then once again, tried to scramble away. The cashier was relentless, and jumped back on top of him, hitting him over and over as hard as she could, bloodying his nose and splitting his lip. Realizing he was sorely outmatched, Sakon curled up into a fetal ball, and screamed for mercy.

They had attracted a huge crowd of onlookers, all of whom were cheering the shopkeeper on. Almost every shop in the market had been hit by the thief more than once and in their eyes he was finally getting exactly what he deserved. The shopkeeper pounded on him hard, until finally she managed to pry the carton of cigarettes out of his hands.

"What's going on here?" an angry voice suddenly demanded.

Both Sakon and the shopkeeper looked up, and to their surprise, Ganondorf himself was standing there in the market, looking supremely annoyed. The shopkeeper released Sakon and instantly bowed down low on one knee.

"The Thief stole from my shop, Sire, and I was getting my merchandise back. Please forgive me if I overstepped my bounds."

Ganondorf stared at the shopkeeper and then turned his attention to Sakon who looked like he'd been beaten to a pulp. The Thief's face was completely bloodied, and he knew Sakon was probably covered in bruises.

"What did he steal?" Ganondorf demanded.

The shopkeeper held up the carton of cigarettes. Ganondorf narrowed his eyes, hating the fact one of his minions had that habit at all. Sakon very slowly began to crawl away, certain things were about to get a lot worse for him. The movement catching his attention, Ganondorf stepped down onto Sakon's back, knocking him flat to the ground, pinning him there.

"I was dealing with an important problem with the enchanted sword, and now I have to deal with this." Ganondorf growled. "I don't have time for this nonsense."

Sakon winced as Ganondorf applied pressure to his back. "Problem? What kind of problem? Maybe I can help?" Sakon quickly offered.

"I am looking for a man named Ichiro, do you know anyone by that name?"

Sakon honestly had no idea and shook his head. "I have no clue who that is." he said, knowing it was incredibly unwise to lie while in this position.

"Useless moron." Ganondorf muttered, stepping down even harder, causing Sakon to let out sharp cry of pain.

Ganondorf relaxed the pressure. "If you have such a hard time controlling your nasty smoking habit then it's time you quit." he told The Thief. "I will not allow you to steal from any Gerudo merchant, and you've proven that you can't control this addiction. From this point on, you've quit."

Sakon's eyes widened.

Ganondorf turned to the busy market. "No one is to sell, give, or trade any tobacco to The Thief. Anyone who is found to have disobeyed this order will be whipped. Spread the word to everyone in the city. Anyone who witnesses him smoking is to tell me immediately, and it will be dealt with." he once again applied pressure to Sakon's back. "Severely."

"Wait, wait!" Sakon protested. "This has just been a big misunderstanding! I was buying those cigarettes, not stealing them! Honest!"

Ganondorf didn't believe him for an instant. "If I get a single report of you smoking, you're going to regret it dearly." Ganondorf informed him. "I'm sick of dealing with your foolishness. This ends now."

Ganondorf then reached down and grabbed Sakon by the back of the shirt, yanking him to his feet. Not releasing his hold on The Thief, he then turned and began heading for the castle, dragging Sakon behind him like an errant child. Certain he was going to get another beating, Sakon pulled and twisted against Ganondorf's iron-like grip. His struggles were to no avail, and Ganondorf easily dragged him all the way back to the castle.

"I've already been punished enough!" Sakon protested, trying unsuccessfully to pry Ganondorf's fingers off of him. "Look at me, she brutalised me!"

Ganondorf said nothing at all, and Sakon pulled all the harder. "Would it help at all if I said I was sorry?"

"No." Ganondorf answered.

Ganondorf dragged him into the castle and to Sakon's surprise, they didn't head in the direction of the dungeon. Instead, Ganondorf yanked him down the hallway in the opposite direction. As they headed down a flight of stairs, they met the doctor halfway down. She took one look at Sakon's bloody face, and then let out a sigh.

"What happened to you?" she demanded.

Ganondorf glanced down at The Thief. "Never mind the cuts and bruises, he deserves those." he stated. "I was actually bringing him in to get a medical evaluation done. Koume and Kotake are busy with more important matters right now."

"Oh really? What seems to be the problem with him?" she asked.

"It was brought to my attention that The Thief has developed a bedwetting problem, and I want him checked for signs of an infection. This isn't usual behaviour, and I need all of my minions in perfect shape for the upcoming war."

Sakon's face flushed bright red. That bit of gossip had made it all the way to Ganondorf?! He was never going to live this down...

"Someone played a prank on me!" Sakon protested. "I do not have a bed-wetting problem!"

"Check him out anyway." Ganondorf ordered. "He probably hasn't had a physical since the last time i made him."

The doctor let out another sigh. "Yes, Sire. Send him to the medical wing, and I'll attend to him once I track down my other patient."

"Other patient? You've lost The Tracker?"

"Against my explicit orders, he discharged himself and left the hospital wing. It's still far too dangerous for him to be out of my care, and I need to find him as soon as possible."

Ganondorf let out an angry curse.

"Do I have your permission to give him a few good slaps, your majesty? His stubbornness is going to get him killed. He needs to learn to obey."

"You have my permission to do whatever you need to." Ganondorf replied, finally releasing Sakon. To The Thief, he said. "Go to the medical wing and wait for the doctor there. If you do anything else to annoy me today, I swear I will feed you to my Skullfish."

"You've been threatening me with that for like twenty years." Sakon unwisely pointed out.

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. Just as he started forming an energy ball, Sakon took off running down the stairs.

"I'll wait in the hospital wing for ya, doc." he called back.

Ganondorf glared after him, and then turned his attention back to the doctor. "Find The Tracker, and once he has sufficiently healed enough to be released, send him to me."

"Yes, Sire."

Giving her a nod, Ganondorf turned and headed in the direction of his throne room. The doctor simply shook her head, and then continued on her way.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Every inch of Sakon was sore, and he was still craving a smoke badly. Stomping his way to the medical wing, he shoved open the door, stopping at the sight of Minoko sitting on one of the beds.

"YOU!" he bellowed out.

Minoko's eyes widened and she let out a startled yelp, hopping down off the bed to run for it. Sakon easily caught her by the arm and he lifted her up by the shirt so they were face to face.

"You're dead, kid." he growled.

"What happened to your face?" Minoko asked in concern. "Are you okay?"

Sakon simply glared and flipped the girl upside down so that he was now holding her by the ankle. "I'm going to throw you off the roof!" he threatened. "I'm going to enjoy watching you splat all over the concrete below."

"Nooo!" Minoko cried, struggling uselessly. "Stop it!"

"You wasted my whole month's supply of booze!" she hissed.

"You were going to drink all that in a month?" Minoko responded in surprise.

Ignoring her, he continued his rant. "And you destroyed every single smoke that I had, all of which were imported from Termina! I can't get those here!"

"You shouldn't be smoking any way!" Minoko defended.

Sakon gave her a hard shake. "Because of you, I've been ordered to quit smoking! Do you have any idea what that's going to do to me?! I've been smoking since I was eleven!"

"Isn't quitting a good thing?" Minoko asked. "Smoking's bad for you!"

"I didn't want to quit, you little demon!" Sakon snarled. "After I scrape up your flattened corpse from the concrete, I'm going to be feed your remains to the Moblins!"

"Nooo!" Minoko yelled.

"As for that little warm water trick, one good turn deserves another."

Sakon then stalked out of the room, still holding her upside down. He got many odd looks from various Gerudo as he passed them by, but none tried to stop him, assuming he was just a really bad babysitter.

Sakon walked up two flights of stairs and carried her to a section of the castle she'd never been to before. Blood was starting to rush to her head, and Minoko was starting to worry that he was really going to hurt her. When he approached a large window and opened it, she realized he was going to toss her out.

"Wait!" she cried. "I'm sorry! Don't!"

"See ya, kid." Sakon growled, tossing her out the open window.

Minoko screamed as she was thrown, and she squeezed her eyes closed, expecting to land on concrete as she fell. Instead, she landed on something very soft, and squishy. Her hands sunk into whatever it was, and she was hit by a horrible smell. Opening her eyes, she looked around and saw she had been tossed on top of the largest pile of horse dung and compost she had ever seen. The pile was two stories high and was obviously the castle's supply of fertilizer.

"Ewwww!" Minoko cried, every inch of her covered in the smelly substance.

Sakon stood at the open window above, staring down in satisfaction. Without a word, he then closed the window, and headed back to the infirmary. Minoko tried to stand up, but she immediately began sinking in the maggot-infested fertilizer. Retching at the smell, she had no choice but to carefully roll out of the pile until she made it to solid ground once more. A nearby Gerudo in charge of farming, had watched the whole thing, and she gave the girl a horrified look of disgust. Minoko shook off as much of the manure as she could, and approached the Gerudo.

"Excuse me, do you know where my brother is? He's The Tracker, and he was supposed to be in the hospital, but he left."

The Gerudo blinked and backed away slowly. "Try his bedroom in Wing-J." she instructed the girl. "I think his room is number 13."

"Okay, thanks!" Minoko cried, running off towards the entrance of the castle.

The Gerudo stared after her and was very, very glad The Thief wasn't in charge of watching any of her children.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The doctor had searched the castle for about twenty minutes before making her way to Wing-J. She doubted The Postman would have been able to make it so far on his own, but decided to double-check just in case. She found his bedroom door unlocked, and when she opened it, she quickly saw The Postman asleep in bed. Exasperated, and relieved that she'd found him safe, she stalked over to him, having every intention of causing a little pain.

"Tracker!" she called angrily.

The Postman opened an eye and shifted slightly to look up at her. When he saw the furious doctor looming over him, he gave her a guilty look.

"Care to explain why you are not in the medical ward where you should be?" she demanded.

"I was looking for my sister..." he answered lamely.

She smacked him hard upside the head. "Your sister is waiting for you back where you should be! When she found you gone, she thought you'd died and was very upset! I hope you're satisfied with yourself!"

The Postman winced guiltily. "I didn't mean to upset her." he admitted, trying and failing to sit up. "I just really hate hospitals."

The doctor grabbed him by the ear and yanked him up close to her, so they were face to face. "You are my patient, and as long as you haven't been discharged, I am in charge. You do nothing without my permission, is this clear?"

"But I-"

She twisted the ear causing him to let out a yelp. "Is. This. Clear?" she repeated.

"...yes, Ma'am."

She released his ear. "You've put yourself into an incredible amount of danger, you idiot!" she scolded. "Your body wasn't ready to move yet, let alone walk up three flights of stairs! You could have caused irreparable damage to your magic!"

"My magic's gone, I can't feel it at all." The Postman informed her. "I think it's already been damaged beyond repair."

"No, you just have magical exhaustion, idiot. It will take time for your magic to return to its normal levels. And that's why you need to rest!" the doctor snapped. "I'm going to find someone to help me get you back to the hospital wing."

The Postman immediately shook his head. "I want to stay here. Please."

The doctor crossed her arms. "Why?" she demanded. "You need to be monitored."

The Postman averted his gaze. "I really hate hospitals and I'd feel much more comfortable here. I'm sure that I'll heal better in my own room than in a hospital." The Postman explained. "I'll be fine here, I promise."

She gave him a hard look. "Do you seriously expect me to walk up three flights of stairs multiple times a day to check on you?"

The Postman gave a shrug.

The doctor let out a heavy sigh. "You are way more trouble than you're worth. I suppose I can check on you after I check on Milan. She still needs me to monitor her three times a day."

A small amount of guilt flashed across The Postman's face and the doctor's expression softened. "Alright, you win." she said. "As long as you do everything I say, you can stay in your room. I'll speak to the others in Wing-J to allow you permission to use the bathroom across the hall. That way you won't have to go up or down any stairs."

The Postman let out a breath of relief. There was something about the sterile smell of the hospital that didn't sit right with him, something that put him on edge. He couldn't put his finger on exactly what it was, but he felt extremely uncomfortable any time he was in any sort of clinic or medical wing. It gave him a panicked and stressed feeling, and he wasn't sure why. All he knew, is that he didn't want to be there.

"Thank you." he told her genuinely.

"Can you sit up so I can check you over?" she demanded. "I need to make sure your vitals are still good."

The Postman struggled for a moment to get up and then shook his head. He felt as weak as a newborn kitten, and couldn't seem to move. The doctor gave him a frustrated look and then reached down to help him up. She just started to check his pulse when the door was thrown open and a very filthy Minoko threw herself at her brother. She clung to him in a bone-crushing hug, and gave him a sloppy kiss to the cheek.

"You're awake!" she cried. "I thought you were going to die!"

"I'm fine-" The Postman started to say when the bad smell suddenly hit him. He immediately pushed Minoko off of him.

"What are you covered in?!" he demanded, his clean-freak personality kicking in full-force.

Minoko bit her lower lip. "...poop."

"Minoko!" The Postman cried, looking down at himself in revulsion. He was covered in it. He used his foot to push her further away, shuddering in disgust.

The doctor looked like she was going to have an aneurism. "Get away from him, you dirty little monkey!" she bellowed. "Look what you've done to my patient! He's completely contaminated! Get yourself in a shower right now before I slap you one! How did you even get like that?!"

Minoko scowled, finding this completely unfair. "Sakon threw me out the window and I landed in a pile of poop." she answered.

"He what?!" The Postman cried out in a panic.

"You're upsetting the Tracker, and it's not good for his blood pressure to be elevated right now!" the doctor scolded. "You're going to make him pass out again! Get out of here and go get cleaned up! There's a bathroom right across the hall!"

"I already had a bath today." Minoko complained.

The doctor narrowed her eyes. "Go." she ordered.

Minoko held out her arms to her brother. "Can I have another hug first?"

"No!" The Postman cried out in horror.

Minoko scowled at him, punched him hard in the leg and then left the room in a full sulk. Once she was gone, the doctor looked The Postman up and down in disgust. Letting out a deep sigh of resignation, she said. "Alright, let's get you cleaned up before you catch something."

The Postman could only sigh.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Minoko scrubbed herself thoroughly, still bitter about having to shower right after she'd had a bath. When she stepped out of the shower, she found another clean set of clothes had been left for her, and she got dressed. Hurrying back across the hall, she opened her brother's bedroom door and jumped onto his bed.

"I'm clean now!" she announced as her knees hit him hard in the stomach.

The Postman had fallen asleep again, and was startled awake when he was hit by sixty pounds to the gut. Gasping in pain, he opened his eyes, and looked down at his sister who was grinning at him happily.

"How are you feeling?" she asked.

"..."

"I've been exploring the castle and it's huuuuge!" she announced. "Are we really going to live here now? This place is bigger than our entire village!"

"You're only staying until I can find a way to get you home safely." The Postman responded, tiredly.

"Why are you wearing a dress?" Minoko asked, poking at his hospital gown. "Do they not have boy's clothes here?"

The Postman wasn't sure he had the patience for Minoko at the moment. "I've very tired, Minoko." he told her. "I need to quietly rest for a while."

"All you've been doing is sleeping for two whole days!" she pointed out. "I'm bored, and no one's feeding me."

"The more you wake me up, the longer it will take me to get better." The Postman responded. "Just get someone to show you how to get to the dining hall if you're hungry. I can't get up right now. The Gerudo won't hurt you, you can trust them."

"When did you get magic?" Minoko suddenly demanded. "You never had magic before you became a villain."

The Postman gave her a shrug. "I must have always had it, but I didn't start training until I came here. It was probably dormant for most of my life."

"How come no one else in our family has magic? Why are you the only one?"

Again, The Postman shrugged. "Magic is weird that way, sometimes it skips generations before making an appearance. I've done a lot of reading about it, and someone in our family line had to have had magic for me to have inherited it."

The Postman was having a hard time keeping his eyes open, and Minoko gave him a pinch when he seemed to be drifting off.

"What are you going to do with your magic? Can it make you fly? I've always wanted to fly."

The Postman shook his head. "I don't know what I'm going to do with it. Mr. Ganondorf will be the one to decide that, I suppose."

The Postman knew Minoko had missed him, but he was having a hard time concentrating from exhaustion. He wanted nothing more than to sleep.

"I need to rest, Minoko, or I could get sick. Can you amuse yourself for a while?"

Minoko gave him a pout. "...I suppose."

She slid down off of The Postman and stood next to bed, staring down at him. "I'm going to go find something to eat." she told him.

The Postman's eyes had already closed. "Mmm hmm." he responded.

Minoko let out a sigh, and headed for the door. At least she now knew her brother wasn't going to die. If he needed rest, she'd give him some peace and quiet for a while. She already knew where the kitchens were, and she figured she'd go see if she could bum another meal from the cook. As she headed down the stairs, she passed by a Gerudo warrior who gave her an odd look.

"You're the Tracker's sister?" she asked.

"Yeah. So?"

"I'm Adena, I live in the room next door. Your brother had asked me to find you. Have you already been to see him?"

Minoko nodded. "Are you his girlfriend?"

Adena scowled. "Why does everyone keep asking me that? No. I am not, nor will I ever be his girlfriend."

"Whatever you say..." Minoko answered, continuing down the stairs.

Adena glared after her. She had a feeling she was really going to hate that kid.

Minoko made it to the kitchens a few minutes later, but to her displeasure she found the kitchen completely empty except for Sakon. The Thief was seated at one of the counters eating an entire layer cake with a fork. When he saw her, he narrowed his eyes, but didn't say anything. Minoko cautiously approached him, and peered over the counter at the cake.

"Are you going to eat that whole thing?" she asked.

"I'm going to give it my best shot." he replied, pulling the cake further away from her. "How was the shit-heap?"

"That's a bad word." Minoko scolded him. "And that was a mean trick."

Sakon rolled his eyes, turning his attention back to the cake. Minoko's stomach gave a growl, and once again Sakon moved the cake further away from her.

"Look, I'm sorry about the pranks earlier." she said. "You made me really mad and I wanted to get even."

Sakon didn't react to her words, so she continued.

"I went too far." she admitted. "It was mean of me to ruin your things and make you pee the bed. I think you're funny, and I still want you to teach me how to be a thief."

"Not a chance, demon."

Minoko gave him her best teary-eyed expression, complete with trembling bottom lip. Sakon glanced at her and then let out a snort.

"Nice try. Villains don't fall for that."

Minoko sighed and then crawled up on the stool next to him. "I'm sorry." she insisted. "Will you forgive me?"

"You just want my cake." Sakon answered.

"What kind is it?" she asked, leaning over to look.

Sakon shrugged. "Chocolate fudge?"

Minoko rested her chin on the counter and simply watched him eat, her stomach still loudly growling. "That's a big cake." she stated. "You won't be able to eat all that."

"Watch me."

"You smell like sweat and stale cigarettes." Minoko pointed out.

"Yeah, well you're funny looking."

Minoko glared up at him. "I am not!"

Sakon didn't even look at her. "Sure you are." he responded. "Your nose is upturned, your eyes are too close together, and your head is enormous. You are not a cute kid."

Minoko scowled. "That was mean." she pointed out.

"If you don't like personal comments about yourself, learn not to make them about other people." Sakon answered. "I have no obligation to be nice to you."

"Well, at least I'm not bald."

Sakon reached up and rubbed a hand over his smooth head. "Women love my bald head." he responded. "I look awesome."

"No you don't." Minoko muttered, staring longingly at the cake. "What time is supper here?"

"Another three hours or so." Sakon responded.

Minoko sagged against the counter. "Can I have some of your cake?"

"Nope."

"Why?" she demanded.

"I'm still mad at you, and I don't share what's mine."

Minoko gave him a dirty look. "Don't be so greedy. I'm just a little girl, and I'm hungry."

Sakon finally looked down at her. "Fine. Why should I share my hard-earned food with you?"

Minoko gave him her most charming smile. "Because of your kind and generous heart?"

Sakon snorted. "Try again."

"What if I promise not to pull any more pranks on you?"

Sakon looked thoughtful for a moment. "That, and you stay away from me forever."

Minoko immediately nodded. "Deal!"

"Okay, I may or may not save you some." Sakon answered. "You'll just have to wait and find out."

Minoko let out a sigh and watched him eat for another few minutes wondering how he could eat that much cake without needing a drink of water. When he had made a considerable dent in the cake, he finally stabbed his fork into the top of it, and shoved it towards her.

"Enjoy." he said, getting up.

"Thanks!" Minoko exclaimed, grabbing up the fork and shovelling a mouthful of the cake into her mouth.

Sakon left the kitchen without another word, and Minoko ate forkful after forkful as fast as she could. Chocolate was normally quite expensive and it was rare that she ever got to have it. To make an entire cake out of chocolate would have been way out of her family's price range and so she was savouring it. She was enjoying the cake so much, she didn't hear the kitchen door open a few minutes later.

"What do you think you're doing?!" came a furious bellow from the doorway.

Minoko paused, fork halfway to her mouth, and she looked up. The cook was standing in the kitchen doorway, looking absolutely livid.

"Oh, you little brat!" she yelled. "You demonic little monster! That was Lord Ganondorf's birthday cake! I worked all day on that!"

Minoko dropped the fork. "But, but-"

"You're really going to get it for this, you brat!" the cook yelled, storming over. "You will regret this dearly by the time I'm done with you!"

"But, but-"

The cook seized her by the ear and pulled her away from the counter harshly, causing the girl to let out a squeal.

"You're coming with me, and you're going to apologize to Lord Ganondorf personally!" the cook snarled. "You wretched, wretched little girl!"

"But, but-"

Any further protests were cut off as the cook dragged her out of the kitchen by the ear. Sakon, who was watching from up the hallway, gave a nod of satisfaction. Revenge complete.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

 **Sakon, you had no idea Minoko would be coming to the kitchens. You would have eaten that cake either way. Nice try.**

 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	26. Minoko the Brat

**XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

 **Authornote: Sunday April 2nd 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Technically, it is still Sunday somewhere in the country. lol Sorry, the chapter ended up being late, I got called into work to cover someone's shift. They gave me a massive box of chocolate as a thank you, so I guess I can't be too upset. lol**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 5 Votes**

 **His Real Name 6 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **defiant-decay \- I'm using all of the Zelda games I've played which are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Skyward Sword, Twilight Princess, Windwaker, Link's Awakening and I might add a few things from Breath of the Wild. (no spoilers though, just characters) I have many, many ideas for future stories once The Postman story is complete. I have an idea for a Link story, an idea for a Ganonorf and Happy Mask Salesman Story (i posted the first chapter of this a while ago, but when i start on it, i'll fix a few things) and I have an idea which involves the thief that was Sakon's predecessor. After The Postman story is complete, I'm going to start my drabbles fic which is all short-stories that are requests from readers.**

 **There will be a lot more involving The Happy Mask Salesman in this series. ;)**

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 **Rainmy \- Thanks for the review, my dear! :D Your vote has been added!**

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 **Reiz16 \- Even villains have birthdays! :D **

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 **ChangelingRin \- No, it doesn't bode well at all. Nothing ever seems to go right for any of my characters. lol**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 20**

 **Minoko the Brat**

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"Owww!" Minoko complained as she was pulled down the hallway by her ear. "Stop it, you're hurting me! Owww!"

The cook's response was to give her a hard slap across the bottom. "You little brat! I hope Lord Ganondorf orders you to be beaten! You're just like The Thief when he was a child, and I am not putting up with another one of him."

Minoko tried to protest the injustice of it all, but every time she opened her mouth, she was given another slap. By the time they reached Ganondorf's throne room, Minoko was in tears, and the cook was even angrier. She reached out and rapped on the door with an air of importance, and a moment later, Ganondorf bellowed out his permission for them to enter. The cook opened the door and stalked inside, dragging the crying girl after her.

Ganondorf was studying the stone that held the Great Fairy, and when he looked up to see them, a puzzled look flashed across his face. Civilians normally stayed clear of him, so he definitely wasn't expecting this.

"Yes?" he demanded.

The cook shoved Minoko towards him. "Please forgive the intrusion, Lord Ganondorf, but something incredibly serious has happened."

She now had Ganondorf's complete attention. Serious? Had the Hero of Time found a way inside the city? Did someone important get killed?

"What happened?" he demanded, standing to his feet, and reaching for his sword.

"This little demon child," the cook hissed, pointing at Minoko. "Ate your birthday cake!"

Ganondorf blinked, not quite following her. "And?" he asked, hoping there was more to this story.

"I worked all day on that!" the cook exclaimed. "Now, I'll have to make another one!"

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "Did you seriously interrupt my studies over a cake?" he demanded, his tone going icy. "I'm preparing for war, and you think someone eating a cake was an important enough reason to disturb me?!"

The cook wasn't expecting this type of reaction and she faltered. "She stole your birthday cake, and she deserves to be punished!"

"Then punish her." Ganondorf snarled, his voice rising. "I don't know why you thought I would care about a stupid cake when I'm trying to research ways to protect our people. I'm dealing with life and death decisions, and you're blathering about a cake of all things! I'm way too busy to deal with this nonsense! Get out of my throne room now, you stupid incompetent woman, before I order you to be arrested! "

Ganondorf had expected her to immediately turn and leave, but instead the cook burst into noisy, hysterical tears. Ganondorf grimaced, unaccustomed to dealing with regular civilians, and wasn't quite sure what to do. He simply stared at the crying woman awkwardly, and then glanced around the room feeling very uncomfortable.

"Forgive me, my Lord!" the cook wailed. "I was just so upset about the whole thing that I didn't think things through! I've made every single one of your birthday cakes since you were born, and I always look forward to presenting it to you every year! It's a very big deal for me, my Lord. When that little brat destroyed all my hard work, I wanted her to come apologize to you in person. I'm so sorry, my King, this old woman has overstepped her bounds. Feel free to kill me for my error in judgement."

Ganondorf let out a heavy sigh, and rubbed at his temples in irritation. He was used to dealing with the calm and collected Gerudo warriors, not a hysterical old woman who worked in the kitchens. He honestly hadn't even remembered it was his birthday until she had brought it up. He stared at her as she wailed out her apologies, and decided that perhaps he'd been a little harsh. Civilians weren't held to the same standards that the military were after all.

"Alright, alright." he said, with another sigh. "Make another cake, and do what you need to do. I'll attend supper tonight, as per tradition."

The cook wiped her tears away and gave him a beaming smile. She bowed low and then said. "You won't be disappointed, Lord Ganondorf, I'll make sure it's the best cake you've ever had!"

Ganondorf turned his eyes to Minoko. "And what do you have to say about all this?" he demanded.

Minoko was staring down at the floor, and she bit her bottom lip, scuffing at the floor with one of her boots. "I'm sorry I ate your birthday cake." she answered. "Happy birthday..."

"Is your brother awake yet?" he demanded.

Minoko looked up. "Well, sorta..." she replied. "He's still doing nothing but sleeping, but now you can wake him up if you poke at him."

"Who's been watching you?" Ganondorf asked. "You shouldn't be bothering The Tracker while he's recovering."

"No one." Minoko said with a shrug. "I've just been exploring the castle for the last couple days."

Ganondorf shifted his gaze back to the cook. "Take her to the junior training group and leave her there."

"She's too young, my Lord." the cook answered uncertainly. "She needs to be ten."

"Tell the instructor that it's an order. They'll take her."

The cook gave a nod. "I'm sorry to have disturbed you. I'll do as you say, my Lord."

"Brat, give this to your brother." Ganondorf ordered, tossing her a heavy pouch.

She caught it and looked at it in confusion. "What is it?"

"That's The Tracker's pay for his last mission. Make sure he gets it."

Minoko gave him a salute. "You can count on me!" she promised.

The cook bowed one last time, and then grabbed Minoko by the arm, and left the room, dragging the girl after her. She didn't speak a single word to Minoko, instead taking her to the East side of the castle and entering through a large door. Minoko quickly saw several dozen girls a few years older than her training with wooden swords in a large room with high ceilings. The instructor, a middle-aged woman with greying hair, turned to see who had entered. When she saw the unusual visitors, she approached.

"Yes?" she demanded.

"Lord Ganondorf has ordered that this little miscreant join your training group." the cook replied. "She's a little monster in serious need of discipline."

The instructor looked Minoko up and down with a frown. "How old are you?" she demanded.

"Eight."

The Instructor shook her head. "She's too young to join my group."

"Lord Ganondorf said it's an order, and that you have to take her. She's been causing chaos in the castle, and needs supervision."

"This is The Tracker's sister?"

The cook nodded. "The Tracker is still recovering, and he can't care for her yet. She cannot continue running wild or she's going to end up exactly like The Thief. He never had parents and look at how he turned out! She's already showing startling similarities that need to be ground out of her before it's too late."

The instructor let out a sigh. "Alright, I'll take her if it's a direct order." to Minoko she said. "Follow me."

As the cook left the room, Minoko trailed along behind the instructor.

"I am lieutenant Xela, and I will be in charge of your military training until you leave our lands, or when you turn fifteen. You will do anything and everything you're told without question, and you will be graded monthly on various skills. Training begins at nine a.m. and ends at five p.m., six days a week. Your day will consist of morning classroom training and afternoon physical training. Failure will not be tolerated. Your brother will be expected to ensure you're doing what you're supposed to. I will provide you with a set of uniforms that are to be kept clean and neat. Any questions?"

"So, you're going to teach me how to fight?"

Xela nodded. "That's right."

Minoko gave her a wide grin. "When can I start?"

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After much deliberation, and a lot of studying, Ganondorf created a magical prison that he was certain would hold the Great Fairy. After triple-checking the magical wards, he activated the fairy crystal, releasing all of the fairies into the new containment field.

The Great Fairy looked incredibly confused, and she glanced all around herself as if she didn't remember what had happened. Her gaze fell on Ganondorf, and her eyes widened. Snapping her fingers, a whirlwind of magic surrounded her, but had no effect. She then reached out and touched the magical barrier surrounding her, and received a painful shock. Retracting her hand, she tried once more to use her powers. There was no effect. She was trapped. She tried again and again to no avail, not realizing what had happened.

"That won't work." Ganondorf informed her. "The magical barrier absorbs any magic you use. It's pointless to try."

The Great Fairy paused, and looked back at him. "How did I get here?" she demanded. "Do you have any idea who I am? Release me at once, Gerudo!"

Ganondorf gave her a smirk. "No, my dear, you are my guest of honour. You will be helping me win this war against Hyrule."

The Great Fairy narrowed her eyes. "I will not." she snapped. "I would never help the likes of you. You reek of evil and unworthiness. Release me."

Ganondorf gave a slow shake of his head. "I am your new master, and you will submit your power to me. I can make your life miserable, or you can make things easier on yourself and cooperate. It's completely up to you."

The Great Fairy scowled at him and crossed her arms stubbornly. "I will not be intimidated by a mere mortal villain. I have lived for thousands of years, and I will continue living until this world crumbles. You, however, will die by the hands of the Hero of Time."

Ganondorf's expression hardened, and he sauntered up to the every edge of the barrier. Without a word, he laid a hand against it and the fairy within instantly screamed in agony as a surge of power tore through her. He kept his hand to the barrier for ten seconds, and then pulled, back, releasing her from the pain. The Great Fairy fell to her knees, breathing hard, and when she looked up at him, her eyes were filled with hatred. Ganondorf met her gaze directly.

"Like I said, fairy, you can do this the easy way or the hard way. Either way, I will eventually get what I want. I will give you some time to consider your options, and then I will be back for your answer."

Ganondorf gave her one last glance and then turned and stalked from the room. The moment she was alone, The Great Fairy smoothed out her crumpled wings and stared at her prison miserably.

"Goddess Farore, please hear my prayer." she whispered. "Save me, please save me before it's too late! Please..."

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Minoko had greatly enjoyed the physical training and she was eager to learn everything she could about fighting. She was considerably smaller than the other girls, but she was twice as vicious. Lieutenant Xela had been surprised at the girl's willingness to listen, and she had patiently explained a few basic moves. She found the girl much too reckless, however, throwing herself at more skilled opponents fearlessly. Minoko had gotten the snot beat out of her several times, but she was completely undeterred. At the end of the day, she was bloody and bruised but very happy with her progress.

Lieutenant Xela had then walked all the girls down to the dining hall for supper, and Minoko found herself seated between two older girls around thirteen or so. She was starving and the moment a plate of food was placed in front of her, she dived in with gusto. She was three bites in when the spice hit her and she gagged and spit the food back out onto her plate. Spitting a couple more times to get the taste out of her mouth, she grimaced when the burning persisted. The two girls beside her gave her identical looks of disgust, but Minoko was still retching and gagging, certain she was going to throw up. She drank a tall glass of water, and then shoved the food away from her with a scowl.

Glancing towards the door, she figured she'd go ask her brother to find her some edible food. He'd certainly take pity on her! Slipping away from the table, she hurried out of the room, eager on seeing if The Postman was awake.

She ran up the stairs all the way to J-Wing, and excitedly burst into her brother's room, wanting to tell him all about her afternoon. To her disappointment, he was still fast asleep. Padding over to him, she crawled up onto the bed beside him, and gave him a nudge. He shifted slightly but didn't wake. Giving him a sharp prod in the ribs, The Postman still remained asleep. She frowned, wondering if she had bothered him too much earlier.

"I'm hungry." Minoko whined loudly. "The food here tastes like poo."

The Postman still didn't move.

"Ganondorf gave me your pay." she told him, dropping the fat pouch of rupees onto the bed. "Today's his birthday. I ate his cake."

The Postman made a sort of annoyed sound, but otherwise didn't wake. Minoko persisted.

"Since I can't eat the slop here, can I borrow some rupees so I can buy supper at the market?"

When he didn't react in the slightest, she frowned and gave him a hard punch in the arm. The Postman opened an eye and stared at her, clearly having no intention of moving more than that.

"Can I borrow some rupees for supper?" she demanded.

"Mmm hmm." The Postman answered, once again closing the eye.

Biting her lip, she gave him another glance. Did that count as permission?

"Okay, I'm borrowing a few rupees, brother!" she announced loudly to the comatose postman.

Reaching down, she took back the pouch of rupees and opened it, peering inside. Her eyes widened.

"Wow! Ganondorf is paying you a lot of money to be a Tracker!" she exclaimed, digging through it, looking at the rainbow of colours within. "I only get one rupee a week for allowance!"

Giving The Postman a slightly guilty look, she stuffed the entire pouch into her pocket and ran out the door, before he could wake up and notice what she was doing. When she'd played in the market with the other children the day before, she'd seen a variety of stalls so she knew one of them had to serve edible food.

Minoko ran down the flights of stairs as fast as she could back to the main floor, and then continued out of the castle. The Gerudo guards posted at the main doors gave the small girl a curious look as she passed, but they weren't too concerned about her. Children her age were always running in and out of the castle as they did chores or errands for their mothers. They assumed The Postman had sent her on some sort of errand and didn't stop her.

Minoko ran straight to the market and pushed her way through the crowds, looking at the different stalls for something that looked good. The old hummus lady waved her over, and she cautiously approached, looking at the various flavours of hummus with a wrinkled nose. She thought whatever it was did not look very appetising.

"Are you looking for some supper, child?" the old woman asked. "Your brother usually buys supper from me every night. I haven't seen him in a while though..."

"He's sick in bed." Minoko responded.

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. He always has such nice things to say about my cooking. I hope he gets better soon."

"He'll be fine." Minoko said dismissively. "He just needs to rest for a few days."

"Good, good." the woman answered. "Have you come to the market looking for supper?"

Minoko nodded.

"I have a junior trainee size supper that is much smaller than the standard trainee supper. It's only ten rupees for the junior supper."

Minoko wrinkled her nose again. "What is that?" she demanded pointing to the hummus.

"It's hummus, dear. It's made from ground chickpeas, oil, and various spices and flavours."

"It looks like puke."

The old woman slammed her hand down on the counter angrily. "Rude, disrespectful child!" she scolded. "I'm going to make a complaint to your brother! Hopefully he teaches you some respect!"

Minoko stuck out her tongue at the woman, and then turned and ran off back into the market. She ran for a few minutes until she came across the same candy shop she'd stolen from. She paused and glanced inside, wondering if they sold chocolate. The cake from earlier had given her a severe craving, and she considered simply eating candy for supper. Her candy supply had gone missing from the medical ward, and she suspected Sakon had re-claimed it.

Minoko entered the shop, and the Gerudo at the counter instantly greeted her.

"Welcome, girl, is there anything I can help you find?"

Minoko looked around with a frown. "Chocolate?"

The cashier pointed to the display kept behind the counter. "What kind are you looking for?"

Minoko's eyes widened. "There are different kinds?!"

The cashier gave her an amused smile. "Indeed there are. Is this a gift for your brother?"

Minoko hadn't even considered that. Maybe if she picked up a gift for her brother he wouldn't be as mad when he found out all the trouble she'd gotten into. She gave a nod to the cashier.

"Excellent." she said, reaching behind her to select a box of chocolates. "He'll like these ones, they're coconut."

Minoko gave another nod. "What kinds of chocolates do you have? I want another box."

"Is this for you?" she asked.

"Yes, I want to try allllll of the different kinds!" Minoko said excitedly.

The cashier gave a laugh and pulled down a large box of chocolates. "This is a triple layer variety box of my finest chocolates. There are some of every kind inside. Pay attention to which ones you like best, and then you can always come back to get more."

"I'll take it!"

"Very well, for the two boxes of chocolates, that comes to 98 rupees."

Minoko eagerly reached into the rupee pouch and pulled out two purple rupees. "I'll take some hard candies for the change." she said.

The cashier dutifully bagged up the purchases and then handed the bag to the small girl. Minoko let out an excited whoop and ran from the shop. It was then that she realized she had forgotten to haggle with the cashier. Her mother had taught all of her children to haggle with every shopkeeper no matter what it was you were buying. She would be ashamed if she knew one of her children had paid full price for something. Minoko frowned. Shoot. She wasn't used to buying things and she had forgotten. Oh well, she would haggle the next time she bought something.

As Minoko walked through the market, she looked from one stall to another until she came across a stall which sold various weapons and items. To her delight she saw a pink healing fairy sitting on one of the upper shelves. She'd almost completely forgotten her promise to Tingle!

Peeking over the counter at the grouchy looking Gerudo in charge of the stall, she smiled brightly. "Hullo." she greeted.

The Gerudo looked down at her, and raised an eyebrow at the small girl. "Yes?" she demanded.

Minoko pointed at the bottled fairy. "How much is the fairy?"

"What do you need with a fairy?" The Gerudo snapped. "You're not old enough to be a warrior yet! You won't even see a battle for at least another ten years! Come back when you're a grown-up."

"It's a present." Minoko explained with a frown. "It's very important, and I promised I'd get one!"

"I see." The Gerudo stated, skeptically. "Fairies are incredibly rare nowadays, and it's not cheap. I caught this one trying to get into the castle a few days ago. It seemed like it was trying to find someone, and it took me hours to capture it. Do you even have the rupees to pay for it?"

Minoko nodded. "I have lots of rupees!"

The Gerudo still looked skeptical. "Do you have a fairy-bottle to put it in?"

Minoko's face fell. She hadn't thought of that...

"You need a special bottle to store the fairy in." The Gerudo explained in exasperation. "The fairy will fly away if you don't."

Minoko frowned, and looked back up at the bottled fairy. "Can I have that bottle?" she asked.

"No, that's the stall's bottle, it's not for sale."

"Please can I buy it?"

"No."

Minoko gave her an absolute tragic look, complete with trembling bottom lip. The Gerudo crossed her arms impatiently.

"That's not going to work on me." she stated. "I have two daughters of my own, and they're much better actresses than that."

"Oh." Minoko stated, sighing heavily. Now how would she get a fairy for Tingle?

The Gerudo eyed her for a moment, the small girl reminding her of her own children, and then she let out a resigned sigh. "I suppose I can sell you the bottle. 500 rupees for both."

"How about 300?" Minoko asked, instantly all smiles again.

The woman crossed her arms. "450."

"350?"

The cashier seemed to consider it for a long moment and then countered. "400."

Minoko gave her a grin. "Okay!" she exclaimed.

She opened the pouch and carefully counted out the correct amount of rupees, handing them to the vender. The Gerudo accepted the rupees with a nod, recounted them, and then reached up and plucked the jar down off the shelf. She handed it to Minoko who immediately stuffed it into her pocket.

"Thank you!" Minoko said, turning to run back through the market.

As she ran past several more stalls, one in particular caught her attention, causing her to stop. The stall was covered top to bottom in toys from the puppet show she'd seen the other day. She let out a gasp of delight as she recognized the characters. She'd only ever had one doll in her entire life, a raggedy doll that smelled a bit like mould. The doll had been passed down to her from her five sisters before her, and it had definitely seen better days. She'd never had anything new before, and she stared longingly at the beautiful dolls.

One in particular caught her attention and she let out a sigh of longing. The doll was made with the utmost care and was the most realistic doll she'd ever seen. It was the Gerudo warrior princess Arietta, and Minoko wanted it more than anything. It had long, beautiful red hair, a detailed military uniform, and twin swords that were attached to the doll's belt.

"Wow." Minoko breathed in admiration.

The vender looked down at her, and instantly went into sales mode, Minoko being her directed clientele.

"That's princess Arietta," The Gerudo explained. "She's very popular with girls right now. Did you want to see her?"

"Yes, please!" Minoko cried, eagerly. "Princess Arietta's my favourite! I just watched a puppet show where she saved the whole Gerudo Nation! I want to be just like her!"

The vender gave a laugh, and took the doll down off its hook, and held it down to the girl, who seized it greedily. Minoko couldn't believe how life-like the doll was and ran her fingers through the hair with appreciation.

"She's beautiful!" Minoko commented. "Her hair feels real!"

"Her hair is handmade from tiny fibres of dyed silk. Each doll takes weeks to complete. Only five of this doll were ever made, and she's the last one left for sale."

"How much is she?"

"She's 2200 rupees." The vender said. "She's the finest doll that's ever been sewn!"

"Oh..." Minoko said hesitantly. "That's a lot."

"Do you even have any rupees?" The vender asked, giving the girl a suspicious look. Normally children came with their mothers to buy dolls like this.

"Well, it's my brother's money...but I'm sure he wouldn't mind."

Recognition flashed in the vender's face. "Oh, I heard about you! You're The Tracker's sister! I was wondering why there was a foreign child here!"

"Yeah." Minoko confirmed, giving the doll another longing look.

"Did you want her or not?" The Gerudo asked. "I've had many people look at that doll today, so she won't be here for much longer."

Minoko frowned and looked down at the pouch of rupees in her hands. The doll was very expensive but she really, really wanted it. Biting her lip guiltily, she held out the pouch.

The vender took it and upturned the contents on the counter. As she counted out the rupees, Minoko wondered just how mad her brother would be. She'd offer to pay him back but it would take her a lifetime to pay it all back at her current level of allowance.

A few minutes later, the vender looked up. "There's only a little over 1600 rupees here."

"Will you take 1600 for her?" Minoko asked, desperation clearly written on her face. "Please?"

The vender considered it with a frown. Truthfully, not very many people could afford such an extravagant doll and no one had been inquiring about it. The other four dolls had all been sold to the richer Gerudo children who lived in the castle. The fifth doll had been taking up room in her stall for weeks, and she doubted anyone else would want it. She had lied to the child about many people wanting it. She let out a sigh.

"1600 it is."

"Thank you!" Minoko cried out happily.

Minoko was handed back a considerably lighter pouch, and she decided she could handle her brother being mad at her. This doll was worth it. She gave the doll a loving hug and gave a grin to the vender.

"Thank you!" Minoko said again as she turned and ran back towards the castle.

The vender watched her go and simply shook her head. She had a feeling The Tracker would soon be by to return that doll.

Minoko ran through the market and she burst back into the castle at top speed. She headed straight for the dungeon but wasn't expecting someone to step out from another room directly into her path. She ran into the person hard and they both crashed to the floor, the contents of the woman's arms falling down with a splat.

"Oh, ouch!" Minoko complained, rubbing at her knee. "That hurt!"

"YOU INSUFFERABLE BRAT! LOOK WHAT YOU'VE DONE!"

Minoko looked up and saw a huge layer cake was splattered all across the floor, and the cook from earlier was looming over her, looking angry enough to kill. Minoko's eyes widened in horror.

"I"LL TEACH YOU, YOU LITTLE DEMON CHILD! I'LL TEAR THE FLESH RIGHT OFF OF YOU!"

When the cook began removing her belt, Minoko scrambled away and ran for it as fast as she could. The cook took chase and Minoko ran faster than she ever had before, running up the stairs, hoping to lose the older woman. Minoko took as many twists and turns as possible as she ran through the corridors completely at random. Surprised such an old woman was able to keep up with her, Minoko ran up flight after flight of stairs, finally getting a bit of distance between them. She turned another corner and dove into the first room she came to, slamming the door closed behind her. She heard the cook stomp past the room and she let out a breath of relief.

"Who are you?"

Minoko froze, and slowly turned around. A young woman was laying in bed, completely covered in casts and bandages. Her face was stained by tear-tracks and Minoko suddenly felt very awkward being there.

"Sorry, I was just trying to hide." Minoko explained.

"From who?" the woman demanded.

"From the cook." Minoko explained. "She's really mad at me..."

"What's a dirty, little foreigner like you doing here in the city?" the woman asked, curling up her lip in disgust.

"Fine, I'll leave." Minoko replied, reaching for the doorknob.

"Wait!" the woman cried out with a hint of desperation.

Minoko paused and looked back at her in question.

The woman looked awkwardly away. "No one has come to visit me, and so it might be nice to speak with someone for a while..." she said, lamely.

"I thought I was just a dirty, little foreigner?"

"Come sit with me for a while." the woman ordered, ignoring that comment. "What's your name?"

Minoko frowned, but was in no hurry to go back out into the hallway, so she approached the bed and crawled up to sit beside the woman. "My name is Minoko." she said. "Who are you?"

The woman's eyes widened. "You don't know who I am?"

Minoko shook her head.

The woman actually seemed a bit relieved at that. "My name is Milan." she said, struggling to sit up.

Minoko helped her sit up, and she shoved a pillow behind Milan's back to make the woman a bit more comfortable. Milan didn't thank her, but she also didn't scold her for the action.

"What happened to you?" Minoko hesitantly asked. "You're hurt very badly."

Milan's expression darkened. "The Tracker blew me up with his magic."

Minoko's eyes widened. She was certain her brother would never do something like that. He was sweet and gentle, not a complete monster!

"It was an accident...right?"

"No!" Milan instantly snarled on reflex, but her expression quickly changed to one of defeat, and she let out a resigned sigh. "Yes." she admitted. "I suppose it was an accident...of sorts."

Minoko felt a lot better about the situation, but she didn't think it would be wise to admit being related to her brother. "Why can't you use a fairy?" Minoko asked, thinking of the fairy she had hidden away in her pocket.

Milan gave her a miserable look. "The blast was so powerful that it left magical residue which cancels the effects of healing items. I have to heal the slow, painful way."

"Oh." Minoko said, feeling awkward.

"What's that under your arm?" Milan asked suddenly.

Minoko looked down and held out the doll so the woman could see it. Milan gave her a small smile.

"You got the newest Princess Arietta doll!" she exclaimed. "I've been a fan ever since I was a little girl."

Milan pointed to the other side of the room and to Minoko's surprise and delight she saw dozens upon dozens of dolls from the puppet show.

"Oh, wow!" Minoko cried, dashing over to take a look. "Look at them all! You must be very rich!"

Milan looked troubled once more. "My uncle gives me a new doll for every birthday, knowing I love the stories. The problem is, I think he's forgotten that I'm not a little girl any more. He still sends me dolls..."

"...can I have them then?"

"Not a chance." Milan answered with a laugh. "Nice try though."

Minoko crawled back up onto the bed. "Who's your favourite character?"

"Princess Arietta of course." Milan answered with a scoff. "As if there's any other choice."

"I dunno, the Moblin Bobo was pretty funny. He's very loyal to the princess."

"Bobo?!" Milan cried out, offended. "Don't tell me Bobo is your favourite?!"

Minoko gave her a cheeky grin. "Naw, I love Princess Arietta, she's great. I want to be just like her when I grow up."

"I was the same way." Milan stated, her expression crumbling.

"Oh no! What's the matter?" Minoko asked. "Are you in pain?"

Milan shook her head. "I'll never be a warrior now. My injuries will never fully heal, and the doctor doesn't think I'll ever be able to walk again. My dreams are gone forever."

Minoko felt terrible for the woman and she wrapped her arms around her in a careful, but tight hug. "It's okay, maybe you can do something else exciting? Maybe you can write Princess Arietta stories?"

Milan accepted the hug, this being the very first piece of comfort anyone had offered her. Her injuries were her own fault, and her family were completely ashamed of her. She hadn't even seen her mother yet, and her sister had only stopped by long enough to scold her. Ganondorf had sent her an expensive present, but he hadn't visited her. Milan sagged into the hug, forgetting how good it felt to have physical contact.

"Thank you, Minoko." she whispered.

Minoko released her and gave her a smile. "It's okay, I can stay for a while. I was just going to give someone a fairy, but I can do that later."

"Fairy?" Milan questioned. "What kind of a fairy?"

"A pink healing fairy." Minoko told her. "I was asked to find one, and I bought it in the market."

"I once had a fairy." Milan said wistfully. "I caught her when I was your age, and she was my friend and companion for many years. I used to talk to her all the time, and she was a very good listener. Her name was Legend."

"What happened to her?"

Milan looked heart-broken. "She was taken from me to heal an injury I had caused. It was a just punishment I suppose, but I still miss her. I thought she would have returned to me, but I guess she didn't love me as much as I thought..."

Minoko placed a hand over her pocket. Could it be? She pulled out the bottled fairy and held it out.

"This fairy was caught trying to get into the castle. She was looking for someone. Is she your fairy? Is it Legend?"

Milan looked up and when her eyes fell on the bottle, she let out a shocked gasp and grabbed the bottle out of the child's arms.

"Legend!" she cried out, bursting into noisy sobs.

The fairy flew erratically around the inside of the bottle, and when Milan opened it, the fairy flew over and nuzzled itself into the woman's hair.

"Thank you, Minoko, thank you!" Milan cried, pulling the girl into another hug. "I owe you more than I can repay."

"It's okay." Minoko assured her. "I just want you to get better. I bet you can tell me tons of Princess Arietta stories!"

Milan let out a laugh. "I'll tell you as many as you want." she promised.

Minoko gave her a grin. "Awesome! I'll have to track down another fairy first though. I still owe someone one."

"Take that one." Milan said, pointing to a bottled fairy sitting on her night table. "My uncle sent me that fairy in hopes I would like it, but she's just not the same. Take her, and give her to whoever you like."

Minoko eagerly seized the fairy. "Perfect, now I don't have to buy another one!"

As Minoko got off the bed, and headed for the door, Milan gave her a panicked look. "You'll come back, won't you?"

"Sure." Minoko agreed. "I want to hear some stories when I get back!"

Milan looked relieved and she nodded. "Of course."

Minoko opened the door, peered nervously into the hallway, and when she was sure the coast was clear, she slipped out. She took off running and headed downstairs towards the dungeon. Luckily, she didn't come across the cook and made it to the entrance to the dungeon within minutes. She eagerly ran down the steps, and when at the bottom, she headed straight for Tingle's cell.

Tingle was sleeping on a dirty pile of hay when she peered in, and she cleared her throat loudly, causing him to wake in a panic. When he saw who it was, he looked up at her in desperate hope.

"Were you able to find Tingle a fairy?" he asked hesitantly.

Minoko gave him a wide grin and pulled out the bottled fairy. Tingle let out a shocked gasp, and he suddenly found his strength as he jumped happily to his feet.

"You found Tingle a fairy!" he cried out in pure ecstasy. "Tingle finally has a fairy of his very own!"

Minoko held the bottle through the bars of the cell, and Tingle grabbed it away from her like he was afraid she would take it away again. He stared into the glass bottle with an almost hungry expression, and he did a twirl of happiness, throwing sparkles in all directions.

"Thank you, sweet little fairy girl! Tingle is so happy now, and he'll never forget your kindness! You are a hero!"

Minoko gave him a smile. "No problem, sir. I have to get going now before someone notices I'm here. Good luck with your fairy!"

As she trotted back up the stairs, Tingle danced around in his cell, holding the fairy high above his head proudly.

"Fairy, fairy, fairy! Tingle has a fairy!" he crowed. "Now Tingle can become a fairy himself! Fairy, fairy, fairy!"

The fairy inside the bottle wilted ever so slightly.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **UPDATE: Friday March 7th**

 **I am in the hospital so the update will be delayed.**


	27. The Great Fairy's Power

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 **Authornote: Friday April 14th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I'm updating early on Thursday instead of Friday this week because I'm going away for most of Easter weekend. I'll be back late Sunday afternoon, so the Sunday chapter will be posted later that night after I proof-read it.**

 **So sorry that I missed a whole week of updates! I was in the hospital with a really bad infection and didn't get released until Wednesday afternoon. I'm feeling much better now, so hopefully there won't be any more delays getting chapters out. I would have updated from the hospital but my local hospital is ancient and doesn't have Wi-fi. I had to use my phone to leave the updated authornote on last chapter.**

 **I came home smelling like the hospital and none of my cats recognized me, and I got hissed at very aggressively. lol At least my guinea pig still loves me. haha**

 **There may be a few errors in this chapter because I didn't really have much time to go over this chapter before posting it. Hopefully any mistakes aren't anything major.**

 **We're almost to the end of part 2 of this series, and there are only a few chapters left. Make sure to get your votes in! :D**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 7 Votes**

 **His Real Name 6 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Jigbashmop-** Thank you so much for the review, and I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far! Your vote has been added! I've had a lot of people wanting me to use The Postman's real name once it was revealed so that's why I put it to the vote. This story is a re-write and in the original, he was called The Postman all the way through. I can't answer your question without giving away major spoilers, but the answer will be revealed soon! :D

 **.**

 **Loki-Liesmith-** Aw, thank you, my dear! :D I felt really bad for missing my usual updates, but there wasn't anything I could do about it without internet. Hopefully, I'll be able to resume my usual update schedule!

 **.**

 **Guest-** I'm glad you liked it! Minoko may be an annoying brat, but she's not a bad person. :D Your vote has been added!

 **.**

 **defiant-decay \- **Thank you for the well-wishes! If you really do cry out in pure ecstasy every time you find a fairy, you really need to become a live streamer. lol I couldn't resist re-uniting Milan and Legend. I still have more planned for her. :) Minoko is indeed truly irritating, and there's a reason the rest of her family never noticed she was missing. lol

 **.**

 **Rainmy \- **That's one thing I always wished for in games, that they would show the human side of their villains. Games never go into any depth with villains, and they're always evil with no real motivation beyond that. I like the idea that in the villain's mind, he's doing what he needs to. In Ganondorf's case, he's trying to ensure the survival of his people by taking over a more fertile land.

Gamestop has done that to me before too. They re-seal games and then claim they're new. That happened when I bought Mario and Luigi Dream Team and the game was damaged. I brought it back to the store, and they refused to do an exchange. They claimed it was new and I must have damaged it. I still haven't finished that game because it freezes during one of the boss fights.

 **.**

 **Reiz16 \- **Yeah, right now Milan has no idea who Minoko is. She thinks she's just an orphan or something. She hasn't really put much thought into it yet. She will eventually find out that Minoko is The Postman's sister though. :)

 **.**

 **ChangelingRin \- **Is it even possible to build up a resistance to Tingle's special brand of creepiness? I think the fairy is doomed.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 21**

 **The Great Fairy's Power**

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The Postman remained oblivious to the world for the rest of the night, and the next morning he awoke to the doctor injecting a needle into his shoulder. Flinching at the unexpected pain, he opened his eyes and looked up at her in surprise.

"Don't mind me, I was just giving you your next series of injections." the doctor stated. "You have one more set that you need in a week's time, and then you should be immune to most illnesses in this area."

She pulled out the needle, and stuck a small bandage over the puncture wound. "How are you feeling this morning? You're looking better than you did before."

The Postman considered the question for a moment, and then replied. "I'm feeling a lot better today."

"Good, I'm glad to hear it. Now, do you think you can sit up for me?"

The Postman sat up and slid his legs over the side of the bed, resting his feet on the floor. The doctor laid a stethoscope to his chest and listened to his breathing, and then to his heartbeat. Nodding in satisfaction, she checked his eyes to make sure they weren't glazed, and placed a hand on his forehead.

"Still no fever, and everything looks good. I'm pleased with your progress. You should be back to your full strength in just a couple days."

The Postman nodded in relief. "When will my magic return? I still can't feel it."

"That will take a bit longer, and it could be days or it could be weeks before your magic returns. Magical exhaustion is very serious and it could have killed you. You're very lucky that there doesn't seem to be any physical damage."

The Postman mourned the loss of his ability to sense where people were, but knew he just had to be patient. At least the doctor didn't think his magic would be permanently lost.

"There's just one thing." the doctor stated as she wrote something down on his medical chart. "You are underweight, and that will impede your healing and your physical training. I want you to put on at least fifteen pounds over the next couple months. I'm going to order your meal rations to be increased until you're a decent weight."

The Postman's eyes widened. Fifteen pounds?! He'd always had trouble putting on weight, and she seemed to be asking the impossible of him. There was no way he could put on that much weight.

"Eat your meals in the dining hall until further notice. The cook will be informed that you require much larger portions of meat, grains, and potatoes for the next couple months. Captain Isa will be weighing you weekly, and so we'd better see you gaining some weight. You can't build muscle if your body has nothing to work with."

"Where's my sister?" The Postman asked.

"She's in training until suppertime." the doctor responded. "She's been placed in with the junior training group in the East Wing. She was getting herself into too much mischief while unsupervised."

The Postman wasn't sure how he felt about his sister being taught how to fight, but was glad someone was watching her.

"She left you a get well present." the doctor informed him, pointing to the bedside table.

The Postman glanced over to see a box of chocolates and he frowned. "Where did she get the rupees to buy this?" he questioned.

The doctor gave a shrug. "No idea." she answered. "The girls in J-Wing have all been informed that you'll be using their bathroom, so take a shower and get cleaned up if you're feeling up to it. I'd better not hear any complaints about you perving on anyone."

The Postman crossed his arms, highly offended. "I would not do something like that!" he defended.

"I believe you." the doctor told him with a shrug. "But I had to warn you all the same. I'll be back to check on you after lunch, alright?"

The Postman gave her a nod. "Thank you."

"Don't leave this floor." the doctor ordered. "I don't want you going up or down any stairs for at least another couple days."

"The dining hall is on the main floor." The Postman pointed out.

"Your meals will be brought to you by one of the kitchen staff until I give you the okay to return to your normal daily activities. Koume and Kotake will probably be by to check on your magic shortly after lunch. Stay close to your room to wait for them."

"Yes, ma'am."

The doctor gave him one last glance, and then turned and left the room. The Postman carefully stood to his feet, still feeling weak but nowhere near as bad as the night before. Wanting a nice, hot shower, he grabbed a change of clothes and various toiletries, and headed for the bathroom that was directly across the hall from his room. It was in the middle of the morning and so the other trainees were still in training, and he had the entire bathroom to himself. The first thing he noticed was that it was enormous compared to the male bathroom, clearly made for many more people. There were twelve of everything, sinks, showers, stalls, etc, and he realized there would be very little privacy here.

Choosing a shower, he turned it on to warm up the water, and grabbed a towel from one of the many shelves. Pulling the curtain across, he stripped off his hospital gown and relaxed under the hot stream of water. He was stiff from days of laying in bed, and slowly his muscles began to loosen under the heat of the water. Even after he had finished washing, he remained in the shower, simply enjoying it. He refused to use Sakon's disgusting shower, so this was the first shower he'd had in over a month. Baths were simply not the same.

He stayed in the shower until the water began growing cold, and then finally stepped out to dry off. He got dressed into casual Gerudo-style clothing instead of his uniform, knowing he had the next few days off from his duties as Tracker. Dropping his damp towel and hospital gown into the hamper, he approached one of the sinks and glanced at himself in the mirror. Running his fingers through his damp hair to straighten it, he picked up his razor to shave. Just as he was applying the shaving cream to his face, the bathroom door opened and a Gerudo from his training group walked in. She froze when she saw him, and he continued what he was doing, paying her no mind.

"Morning." he greeted politely.

"...morning." she replied rather hesitantly.

When it was obvious that he was not paying any attention to her, she passed by him and entered into one of the private stalls. The Postman finished shaving, and then gathered up his things and headed back to his room to await Koume and Kotake. To his surprise, lunch had been dropped off for him outside of his bedroom door, and he approached the boxed up food curiously. Picking it up, he entered his room and sat down on his bed to open it. To his shock, there was enough food to feed three people, and he simply stared at the massive amount of food in disbelief. Did they really expect him to be able to eat all this?

Leaning against the headboard, he sort of picked at the food, not really hungry, but putting in the effort any way. He had gotten used to the fierce spice of most of the desert food, and he'd actually learned to like it. Gerudo food had many depths of flavour beneath the hotness, and The Postman could now appreciate it. He imagined most other food would now taste bland and tasteless in comparison to the spiced meats and curries.

When he had finished all he could, he still had more than half of the box left and he set it aside. Picking up one of his textbooks, he opened it to where he'd left off and began reading. He only read a single chapter before his thoughts were interrupted. A knock came at his door, and without waiting for a reply, Koume and Kotake entered. When they saw him awake, they exchanged a silent look with one another that The Postman didn't understand. He gave them a questioning frown.

"How are you feeling?" Kotake asked, approaching.

"Better." The Postman answered.

"Good." she responded with a nod. "We weren't expecting you to be up and about so soon. Has the doctor been up to see you yet?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, ma'am, she left a while ago."

"Have you received your lunch?" Koume demanded. "We've been informed that you need to begin putting on some weight."

"It came a few minutes ago." he informed her, gesturing towards the lunch box.

Koume picked up the box and glanced inside. She then gave him a disapproving look. "You didn't even finish half of your lunch." she accused, shoving the box back into his hands. "Finish it."

The Postman grimaced. "I physically can't eat that much." he protested. "I did my best, and if I eat any more than that, I'll be sick."

Koume frowned at him. "Nonsense! Lord Ganondorf eats at least five portions for every meal and look at how powerful he is!"

"He's also five times my size." The Postman pointed out.

"Don't sass me." Koume snapped. "At least take a few more bites of the meat."

Letting out a sigh, The Postman hoped this wasn't what it was going to be like for the rest of his life here. Figuring it would be easier to just give in, he dutifully took a few more bites of the spiced meat before once again setting the box aside. The witches seemed pleased, and so The Postman ignored the fact he felt nauseous from overeating.

"I'll let the kitchens know that a double portion seems to be your limit." Koume stated. "If you continue eating healthy food like that, you'll put on weight quickly."

The Postman simply nodded, feeling resigned.

"Has your magic returned yet?" Kotake asked him.

The Postman shook his head. "No, I feel nothing at all."

"Very normal for magical exhaustion." Koume assured him. "We'd like to evaluate your magic if you don't mind. That should give us a good idea on how much time you'll need to heal."

The Postman gave them a nod. "Should I start meditating?"

"Yes, take a seat on the floor and clear your mind. Both Koume and I will enter your mind to take a look at your magical core. Hopefully it hasn't been completely depleted or you could be in for a very long wait for your magic to return, if it does at all. Once your magic has healed, you'll be able to return to training as usual."

The Postman wasn't too concerned with being able to continue magical training, but it was terribly inconvenient to no longer be able to find people. It felt like he'd lost one of his senses and it was incredibly unpleasant. He didn't care about any other magical ability, he just wanted that one back. He settled himself down on the floor near the foot of the bed, and closed his eyes to begin meditation. When he had relaxed enough to meditate, he easily fell into the darkness of his mind.

The Postman immediately knew something was very different from all the other times he'd meditated. It was eerily silent, and there was no sign of his magic's golden veins. The emptiness around him felt cold and wrong, and when he felt the witches begin prodding at his mind, he let them in. He saw Kotake's black tendrils of magic swirling within in his mind and also what must have been Koume's dark blue magic. No magic surged to attack them, and The Postman wasn't sure whether that was a good thing or not.

"Hmm." Kotake commented thoughtfully. "Just how big was this explosion you caused?"

"My magic blew up twice." The Postman informed her. "First in the Temple of Time and then just outside of Castletown...it caused a lot of damage."

"I have no doubt." Koume stated. "I can't even sense your magic. I'm going to do a more thorough search to see if I can find any shreds of magic remaining."

The Postman felt her press deeper within his mind, and he hesitantly followed, not really liking the idea of allowing anyone to poke around unsupervised. As she pushed deeper and deeper, The Postman realized there were tiny silver flecks all around them, making the darkness look like a starlit sky.

"Is that my magic?" The Postman questioned.

"I'm not sure." Koume responded, sounding a bit confused.

"Kotake, come take a look at this." Koume said after inspecting the specks for several moments.

Kotake's magic swirled around her sister's and both witches looked over the sparkles of silver carefully. Kotake gathered some of the silver and pushed some of the flecks together, the silver easily merging into a larger fleck.

"...how unexpected." she commented. "Bizarre..."

"What?" The Postman demanded. "What's wrong with my magic?"

"Nothing at all." Koume answered him.

"Then what's the problem?" The Postman asked.

Both witches fell silent as if they weren't quite sure how to explain it. Kotake continued pushing more and more flecks together, and The Postman began to feel rather uneasy. What weren't they telling him?

"I'm going to look around a bit more." Koume said, pushing away into a different part of his mind.

The Postman remained watching Kotake, fascinated by the ever growing fleck of silver. Reaching out mentally, he began gathering the silver and pushing it together just as she was. He was able to gather it with more ease, and the flecks felt hot under his touch. A few minutes later, the silver began taking shape and he could clearly make out the shape of a vein of magic.

"Why is it different?" he asked. "It feels different than before...more natural."

"Hmm."

He felt Koume return, and in her grasp was a single strand of his golden magic that was thrashing violently in her hold. She held the magic out over the silver vein and then released it to see what it would do. The golden strand of magic immediately attacked the silver and violently shattered it back into tiny pieces.

"That's what I thought." Koume commented. "I've found out everything that I need to for now."

Kotake observed the magic for a moment longer and then retracted out of his mind after her sister. When The Postman opened his eyes, both witches were frowning at him thoughtfully.

"What?" he demanded.

"Get some rest, Tracker. We'll be back to check on you in a couple days." Kotake told him. "Your magic is healing nicely."

"What was wrong with my magic? What was that silver magic doing in my mind?"

The witches exchanged a look, and then, to his frustration, they turned and left the room without another word. The Postman blinked in momentary confusion, and then he angrily got up to follow after them. Opening his bedroom door, he stormed out into the hallway to demand to know what was going on, but he bumped hard into Minoko, knocking her to the floor.

Getting up and dusting herself off, she lunged at him to give him a hug.

"You're awake!" she exclaimed in surprise.

The Postman looked over her head down the hallway, but Koume and Kotake were already long gone.

"I have sooo much to tell you!" Minoko cried out excitedly. "I'm being trained to be a warrior!"

"Where did you get that doll?" he asked, seeing the toy clutched under her arm.

Minoko backed up a few steps, and The Postman raised an eyebrow in question as she gave him a guilty look.

"What have you been up to?" he asked suspiciously.

Minoko hugged the doll to her chest and looked down at her boots. "Um, well, you see...you may have bought me my birthday present...and my Winter Festival present... and my next birthday present too...and probably the following Winter Festival present too...and every other gift for the next ten or twenty years..."

The Postman glanced down at the doll in alarm. "What?"

Minoko backed up another step.

"Where did you get the rupees to buy that?" he demanded.

Minoko glanced around, debating on whether it would be wise to run for it. The Postman narrowed his eyes. "Did you steal it?"

Minoko adamantly shook her head. "No, I bought it in the market..."

"And where did the rupees come from?" The Postman demanded.

"Um, Ganondorf gave me a big pouch of rupees to give to you...I may have spent a few of them..."

The Postman looked down at the doll, and he could tell just by looking at it that it was expensive. "How much did that thing cost?" he asked. "A hundred, two hundred rupees?"

When he looked back up at Minoko, she was scuffing her foot on the floor and refusing to meet his eyes. The Postman suddenly felt a sense of dread. "Where is the pouch of rupees?"

Minoko stuck her hand into her pocket, and then sheepishly handed him back the pouch. He took it, and then glanced inside. "Minoko, this pouch is empty..."

Minoko winced. "Um, I have to get back to training." she told him. "I'm on my lunch break and I don't want to be late..."

The Postman caught her by the arm before she could flee. "How many rupees were in this pouch?" he demanded.

The Postman knew that Ganondorf paid well, and so it must have been at least five hundred rupees.

"I didn't count them." Minoko answered truthfully.

"How much did that doll cost?" he asked.

"Erm...Well, you see..."

"That's what I thought." The Postman replied, grouchily. "Tell me how much, Minoko."

"I negotiated, and I got the vender to lower the price a lot!"

"How. Much."

"...1600 rupees."

The Postman felt like he was going to have an aneurism. "WHAT?!"

Minoko grimaced, and pulled at her arm. "It's actually a really good price for the quality!" she assured him.

"We're taking it back." The Postman said with finality.

"Nooo!" Minoko protested with a loud wail. "I love her! You can't take her!"

"Minoko, you spent 1600 rupees on a toy! We're returning the doll!"

"Minoko hugged the doll to her chest. "NO! It's my birthday present since you didn't get me anything!"

"Since when have I ever spent 1600 rupees on a birthday present?" he asked. "That's what I used to make working for an entire month as a postman. We're returning the doll."

"Noooo!" Minoko cried out, hugging it even tighter. "The birthday present you gave me last year was stupid! This doll makes up for last year and this year!"

"Your present last year wasn't stupid."

Minoko scowled up at him. "You gave me a book of stamps and a letter opener."

The Postman thought back to her last birthday. He'd actually forgotten about her birthday at the time, and when she'd shown up expecting a present, he'd given her what he had in his pocket. He supposed stamps weren't exactly what a little girl hoped for on her birthday, but that didn't mean she could rob him a year later!

The Postman frowned down at the doll. "We're returning the doll, Minoko."

To his surprise, Minoko lifted the doll to her mouth and bit down hard on one of the arms, leaving very obvious bite mark behind.

"She can't be returned, she's been damaged!"

"Minoko!" The Postman yelled.

Adena's door opened and the Gerudo poked her head out, looking extremely annoyed. "Can you take this domestic somewhere else? I'm sick today, and I don't want to listen to this drama."

"She stole my pay from my last mission and spent 1600 rupees on a DOLL!" The Postman protested.

Adena instantly burst into laughter. "You could have gotten yourself out of this crappy Wing to a nicer one. With that amount of rupees you could have gone to Wing-C! Now you're trapped here with the rest of us!"

The Postman did not appreciate the laughter, and he let out a huff of irritation. "Now what am I supposed to live on? Sakon stole my last pay, and my own sister stole this one!"

Minoko felt like a complete heel. She hadn't thought any of this through, and she hadn't realized her brother might have actually needed that money.

"I'm sorry." she cried out, bursting into tears. "Please don't hate me!"

The Postman let out another irritated sigh.

Frowning sadly, Minoko gave her doll one last hug, and then held it out to him. "I'm sorry for buying her without asking first." she whispered. "I guess you can take her back if it means you won't hate me."

The Postman knew the damaged doll probably couldn't be returned, and so he impatiently pushed the doll back into her arms. "Keep it," he replied. "It is your birthday present after all...and your Winter Festival present...and probably your next birthday present too..."

Minoko let out a gasp of delight, and then gave him the widest grin she could manage. "Really?! I can keep her?" she asked.

"It's not like I have much choice." The Postman answered, still looking very annoyed.

"I'd burn it just to teach her a lesson." Adena suggested.

Minoko let out a gasp of horror. "No! Don't you dare!"

"That would be a waste." The Postman replied. "If I'm paying a fortune for a doll, I'm certainly not going to burn it."

Adena rolled her eyes. "You're just enabling her bad behaviour if you let her get away with this."

"I thought you were sick?" The Postman demanded, not wanting advice at the moment.

Adena rolled her eyes. "Fine, but I'd better not hear any complaints when the little brat keeps getting worse."

Without waiting for a reply, she disappeared back into her room.

Minoko frowned uncertainly up at her brother. "Am I grounded?" she asked.

"I'm your brother, not your father." The Postman replied, glaring down at her. "Just stop stealing my rupees, alright?"

Minoko nodded, knowing she'd gotten off incredibly easy.

"Did you buy anything else besides the doll?" he asked.

Minoko flashed him another guilty look. "I bought some chocolate from the candy shop, and a pink healing fairy in a bottle."

"A fairy? Why did you buy a fairy?" The Postman demanded in concern. "Were you hurt?"

Minoko shook her head. "No, it wasn't for me, it was for the sad, creepy man down in the dungeons. He said he wanted to become a fairy, and that only owning a fairy would make him happy, so I gave one to him."

The Postman's eyes widened. "Sad, creepy man in the dungeons? What did he look like?"

Minoko gave a shrug. "Weird, very weird. Red and green tights, and a greasy goatee."

The Postman frowned. So Tingle was in the dungeons... He'd thought Ganondorf had released him weeks ago but obviously this was not the case.

"Why were you in the dungeon?" The Postman demanded, again crossing his arms.

Eyes widening, Minoko turned to flee. "Gotta get back to training! See you later!"

Staring after her, The Postman rubbed his temples, having a feeling he was going to have a constant migraine from now on. Letting out one final sigh, he went back into his bedroom to rest.

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Ganondorf wiped the sweat from his brow, his magic straining against the Great Fairy's resistence. The fairy was incredibly powerful and she wasn't going down without a fight. Her own magic glowed as she fought for control against the magical attack, her face a mask of pain and determination. Ganondorf had been chipping away at her defences for days, and she wasn't sure how much longer she could resist him.

Ganondorf was attempting to take her magic by force, aided by several magical relics that enhanced his own power. He knew that she was beginning to weaken and the moment he managed to overpower her, the Great Fairy's magic would be his. He met the fairy's gaze as she glared at him, her expression twisted in pain and exhaustion. Ganondorf persisted, knowing he was close to finally defeating her.

A knock came at the door which he ignored, and a few moments later he became aware of Koume and Kotake standing next to him, watching what he was doing. Without a single word, they both added their magic to his own and with that added boost of power, Ganondorf felt the Great Fairy's defences finally crack. When he broke through, he seized her magic and pulled at it, causing the fairy to let out a scream of agony. He forced the stolen magic into the Sword of Mephistophelian, and to his surprise, the sword took over absorbing the magic for him. It latched onto her power and pulled it out of the fairy harshly, adding her power to its own. When it had taken every ounce of her magic, the fairy collapsed to the ground, completely powerless. Her eyes closed tiredly and she disappeared into a swirl of sparkles.

Ganondorf gave his surrogate mothers a triumphant grin. They had just defeated a legendary Great Fairy with brute force. The Fairy would now have to regenerate just like a normal healing fairy, and he imagined it would be a very long time for her to regain her power.

Reaching out, Ganondorf picked up the Sword of Mephistophelian and turned in over in his hand, feeling just how powerful the sword had become. It was more power than he'd ever felt before, and he knew with the sword's power, he'd be able to win the upcoming war. Now he only had to find the sword's current master and kill him. Sinking down onto his throne tiredly, Ganondorf turned his gaze to Koume and Kotake.

"The magic merged seamlessly with the sword." he informed them. "Any word on who Ichiro is yet?"

Koume shook her head. "No, my Lord, but scouts have been sent all across the lands to find him. If the sword's master is still alive, we'll find him."

Ganondorf gave a nod. "Good. Now what was it you needed?"

"We're just here to update you about the Tracker's condition." Kotake answered.

Ganondorf set the sword aside. "Is he awake?"

"Yes, my Lord, he's actually doing a lot better than expected. He should be able to return to physical training in just a couple days."

"And his magic...?"

The twins exchanged a look. "Well, that's a completely different matter...we discovered something very unusual when inspecting his magic."

Ganondorf raised a brow in question. "Oh?"

Kotake stepped forward. "I'm not quite sure how to explain this, but the Tracker has two veins of magic within his core..."

Ganondorf blinked. "That's impossible."

"Apparently not." Kotake replied. "His main vein of magic was so powerful that we never saw the second vein until his magical reserves had been depleted. The second vein is there, but extremely damaged and very weak from lack of use. The Tracker's red magic keeps blocking it, keeps cannibalizing it. I suspect very strongly that the second vein of magic is green magic, and that's why the red magic keeps relentlessly attacking it."

"How is this possible?" Ganondorf demanded. "Magics cannot be mixed in such a way."

Kotake nodded. "Yes, the two magics should have cancelled each other out leaving him without any magic at all. I've never seen someone who has two living veins of magic within themselves. This could explain why he has such a hard time controlling his magic."

Ganondorf gave her a frown. "I'm just not understanding how this is possible." he admitted. "Two veins of magic should be impossible."

"Honestly, we're not certain either, your majesty." Koume told him. "It will need to be investigated thoroughly. There are definitely many things very wrong with the Tracker, and I suspect something very serious has been done to him. If The Thief is to be believed, this and the memory loss may be connected. This is not natural at all."

Kotake nodded in agreement. "I suspect that the Tracker's true magic is green because it feels the most like his gentle character. The red magic might be something forced on him, something artificially created."

"Impossible." Ganondorf responded. "Who would have the power to do something like that? And why?"

The witches both gave him a helpless shrug. "A child's magic is very adaptive, and if someone did this to him, it would have had to be done before he reached puberty. Someone would have caused that child a great amount of pain and suffering to do this to him. It should have killed him, but his own green magic must have saved his life before it was crushed by the red magic."

"But why?" Ganondorf repeated. "The Tracker is a pointless nobody, and up until a couple months ago, he was just a postman."

"We have no way of knowing the answer to that, Sire. We may be mistaken, but from what we've seen, it seems like the most plausible explanation. Two different veins of magic should not be naturally possible."

"What are you going to do about it?" Ganondorf demanded. "Can he learn to use both magics?"

Koume shook her head. "No. Although both are within him, the green magic is crushed by the red, and he'll never be able to use it."

Ganondorf gave her a thoughtful look. "Is he a danger to our people?"

"That will take some investigating, but I doubt he's a danger. He may have trouble fully controlling his magic, however. We will do our best to study his magic thoroughly as he recovers."

"I want to know who did this to him, and how they accomplished it." Ganondorf stated. "This technique will have to be studied to see if it could be beneficial to our nation."

Kotake immediately shook her head. "No, Sire, it would be far too dangerous. It would have to be done to children, and without green healing magic, they would almost certainly die. This is a monstrous act that should be condemned. We cannot do this to any Gerudo child."

"I still want to find out how it was done." Ganondorf replied. "Speak with the Tracker and see if you can find out anything about who did this to him."

"We never told him what we discovered." Koume said. "He has no idea that something unnatural was done to him. It would have been horribly traumatizing and we didn't want to impede his healing in any way if those memories suddenly surfaced. The shock could kill him at this point."

"Will you be able to question him once he's fully recovered?" Ganondorf demanded.

"Yes, Sire, once his magic and body are fully healed, we should be able to question him without too many problems."

"Good, keep me informed."

"Yes, my Lor-"

Koume was cut off mid-sentence as a loud, urgent sounding knock came at the door. Ganondorf glanced towards the door with a frown.

"Enter." he called out.

The door opened, and to his surprise, the doctor entered, looking rather hesitant.

"Yes?" he questioned.

"Um...Lord Ganondorf, it's about your niece, Milan..."

Ganondorf sat straight up in his seat. "What happened? Has she died?" he demanded.

The doctor shook her head. "No, Lord Ganondorf. She's actually improving quite a bit."

"What's the problem then?"

"I was doing a complete physical on her today and made a discovery that was missed the last time..."

"What is it?"

"Milan is pregnant, Lord Ganondorf."

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Sakon was having a very bad day. He was craving a cigarette badly enough to kill someone for one. He had attempted to gather any and all tobacco he could out of the ruined cigarettes in his room, but to his dismay, a Gerudo had shown up at his room to empty it of any tobacco by Ganondorf's orders. She had gathered up all of the bottles into a large sack, and then thoroughly searched his room for any cigarettes that were missed. When she was certain she'd gotten them all, she gave him a warning look and then left his room. Sakon had suffered that whole night, unable to stop his cravings.

He was now standing next to a group of smoking Gerudo warriors, simply enjoying the smell of their cigarettes.

"I'm not giving you one." one of them stated to him. "Don't even bother asking."

"Can I at least have one of the stubs?"

"Only if I can grind it out in your eye." she responded without interest.

Sakon almost thought it would be worth it. Another Gerudo approached to join the group.

"Hey, did you hear?" she asked one of the others, lighting a smoke.

"Hear what?" the Gerudo demanded.

"Milan's pregnant! The doctor just found out today when giving her a physical! Lord Ganondorf is furious! He blew a hole through the throne room wall!"

Sakon felt as if his blood had just frozen. He was a dead man. Turning tail, he ran as fast as he could away from the smokers. They stared after him in surprise.

"What's the deal with him?" one questioned.

"No idea." another answered. "You don't suppose he..."

The Gerudo's eyes widened in realization. "Wow, Lord Ganondorf is going to skin him alive..."

One of the women let out a snort. "Yep."

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Sakon knew there was no way he'd make it out of the city before he was caught, so he ran for his bedroom. He had to give something to Ganondorf that was so rare and valuable that the Gerudo King would forget all about murdering him. If he gave Ganondorf the dragon's egg, he was certain he'd be spared! He made it to his bedroom door and saw a whole group of angry looking Gerudo warriors headed straight for him. He sped up, and threw open his door, as they took chase as he entered his room. He crossed his room, dodging a Gerudo as she reached for him, and dove under his bed, trying to reach the egg. He was grabbed by the legs and yanked back out before he could even touch the egg.

"There's no use in even trying to hide, Thief!" one of the Gerudo told him. "There are only two other men besides Lord Ganondorf in this city, and Milan is pregnant. Touching a Gerudo is forbidden, and Milan is Ganondorf's most beloved niece. You're going to die an extremely painful death."

"I didn't do it!" Sakon insisted. "It wasn't me! I don't even know which Gerudo Milan is! I never touched her!"

"Save it."

"I'm innocent!" Sakon cried. "I didn't do it, I swear! It must have been the Tracker!"

The Gerudo all gave him a skeptical look, having met The Postman. They highly doubted he was responsible.

"We've been ordered to retrieve you, and that's exactly what we're going to do." the Gerudo responded.

"I just need to get something first!" Sakon answered, trying to pull his way back to the bed. "It's something for Ganondorf!"

"Nope." the Gerudo answered, motioning for the others to drag him away.

Sakon screamed and kicked as he was dragged from the room, knowing he was being taken to his death. Ganondorf was going to rip him limb from limb...

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	28. Sakon The Prisoner

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 **Authornote: Sunday April 16th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I got home waaaay later than expected from my vacation, so this chapter is later than expected as well! I wrote most of this chapter when I was in the hospital, and I really don't like it. I can't quite put my finger on what I don't like, but I think a lot of it may be worded awkwardly. That, or I just find dialogue-heavy chapters boring to write lol I may end up going back and changing this chapter at some point, but for now, it will remain as-is.**

 **Hopefully, there won't be any more delays in getting chapters out! Woot!**

 **We're almost to the end of part 2 of this series, and there are only a few chapters left. (Only 3-4 left!) Make sure to get your votes in before the final chapter! :D**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 7 Votes**

 **His Real Name 6 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Loki-Liesmith** **-** Yes, My cats have finally recognized me. lol

Minoko is a little brat, but she's actually not a bad person. She tends not to think things through, and then feels guilty about it afterwards. Sakon on the other hand, does rotten things on purpose, and very rarely feels remorse over it. He grew up taking care of himself, so he's used to putting his own needs over anyone elses. He's not necessarily evil persay, but he's also not a very nice guy. lol

Milan has finally started to reflect on her past decisions, and she knows The Postman wasn't really to blame. (doesn't stop her from hating him though) she will indeed find out who Minoko is very soon. ;)

Sakon is in for a very rough time. Rule number one about being a male minion in Gerudo territory, never touch a Gerudo. Not only did he break rule #1, but it's Ganondorf's favourite niece. lol He's in for some pain...

Sakon is normally pretty good at judging when and if he can get away with mouthing off at Ganondorf. He's been living with the Gerudo people for twenty years and so he's gotten pretty good at getting under Ganondorf's skin, and getting away with it. Ganondorf mostly views him as a harmless nuisance, but that doesn't stop him from smacking him around every now and then.

 **.**

 **Guest** **-** Sorry, after reading your review I realized that I hadn't explained things clearly enough. I went back and added another paragraph to chapter 9 that talks about veins of magic. It is indeed possible for someone to have two different types of magic, but they still only have one magical core, and one vein of magic. A normal person with mixed magic would have one vein that allowed them to control two different types of magic. They wouldn't be doubly powerful because of their two magics, but rather they would be weaker, because each type of magic takes up half of their vein of magic. For example: Their mixed red magic would never be as powerful as someone who ONLY had red magic, it would be half as strong. Two veins of magic are simply not naturally possible, and that's why Koume and Kotake found this so alarming. Thank you for bringing this to my attention so that it could be fixed! Your review was a huge help! :D

Sakon is indeed in VERY big trouble. lol He broke rule number one. haha

 **.**

 **defiant-decay \- **When I wrote this, I was totally thinking of making it Tingle's baby as a joke. lol I somehow doubt Tingle swings that way though...

That is actually the plot of my other story that I'm working on. It centres on Majora's mask ten years after the game takes place. It is a very Happy Mask Salesman heavy story. Once I finish The Postman story, I'm going to start updating my Majora Story. :)

Groose is in Part 3 of the Postman series. ;)

 **.**

 **Rainmy \- **A lot is going to be different in this re-write, and hopefully all loose ends will eventually be resolved. The villains are indeed a lot darker and more sinister in this re-write. Hopefully, all the changes will be for the better. I have a lot more planned for the big bad-guy from later on in part 5, and that's why I've begun adding small details early on in the series. I'm hoping I can tie all parts of the series together nicely this way.

 **.**

 **Reiz16 \- **I'm actually having a lot of fun with the magical terms and descripions. These are all things that i had in mind for the original but never actually wrote. I hope it's not too confusing though! Yes, Sakon is in VERY big trouble. lol

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 22**

 **Sakon the Prisoner**

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Sakon screamed bloody murder all the way to the throne room, but could do nothing to escape. The warriors easily pulled him along, and once they opened the throne room door, they tossed him inside without a single word, and closed the door. Sakon immediately turned to pull at the closed door, but to his horror it was magically locked. Slowly turning around, he nearly had a heart attack when he realized Ganondorf was standing directly over him, looking furious enough to kill.

Sakon let out a high-pitched squeak of terror and clapped both hands over the front of his pants protectively. Ganondorf had threatened many times to castrate him if he ever dared touch a Gerudo, and now there was no denying it. He'd not only touched a Gerudo, but impregnated Ganondorf's own niece. Staring up at the angry villain with wide, terrified eyes, Sakon pressed back against the door, unable to escape.

Ganondorf didn't speak a word, simply glowering down at him, his magic crackling in agitation. The villain began pacing back and forth in front of him, and Sakon had a sneaking suspicious the Gerudo King was trying to decide what to do to him. Ganondorf's expression was twisted into something ugly, and the silence was worse than anything. Sakon slowly sank down to the floor, knowing there was nowhere to run, and the only thing he could do was hope for mercy. He really doubted he could talk his way out of this one...

"Um, I think there's been a misunderstanding, I nev-"

Sakon was cut off abruptly when Ganondorf backhanded him. The back of Sakon's head hit the door, and he clutched his throbbing face, knowing a hit like that was going to leave a nasty bruise. Ganondorf glared down at him, fists clenched, and he was clearly trying to hold himself back from doing The Thief serious harm.

"Not. A. Word." he warned.

Sakon now knew for sure there would be no talking his way out of this. He watched warily as Ganondorf resumed his pacing, and after a few minutes, Sakon began wondering why the villain was waiting. His answer came when there was a knock at the door. Ganondorf reached out and seized Sakon by the collar and tossed him away from the door, The Thief landing hard on the floor several feet away.

"Enter." Ganondorf called out, waving his hand to unlock the door.

Koume, Kotake and the doctor entered the room, and all three gave Sakon a hard look, before turning their attention to their king. "It's no use, Sire, she won't tell us who the father is." Koume said.

Ganondorf's expression became both angry and frustrated. "She hasn't left Gerudo territory for months, it has to be The Thief."

The doctor stepped forward. "When she was first injured she made some accusations about The Tracker forcing himself on her. There was no evidence at the time, but she's never retracted that statement."

Koume and Kotake stepped forward. "The Tracker would not do something like that." Kotake stated. "He's a very quiet, gentle sort of person. We've never had any complaints about him from any of the girls."

"He certainly gives that impression, but he also has a sneaky, disobedient side to him as well. He's a foreigner, and so he has to be questioned in regards to this." the doctor argued. "We need to know for sure."

"We've questioned him once already with a truth potion." Koume replied. "He denied any wrong-doing."

"You know as well as I, that someone with strong enough magic can overcome a truth potion. That can't be used as evidence."

Koume and Kotake exchanged a look, but knew the doctor was right. It was possible to overcome a truth potion. They had spent a lot of time with The Postman, and they felt confident he would never do something like that, but the doctor had only just met him.

"Lord Ganondorf, you need to speak with Milan." Koume said, turning her gaze to the king. "She needs to tell us who the father is, so that we know for sure."

Ganondorf looked like he wanted to punch something, and Sakon hoped it wouldn't end up being him.

"I'll talk to her." Ganondorf promised, turning his gaze back down to Sakon. He sneered down at The Thief and then said. "Take him to the dungeon until we sort this matter out."

Koume opened the door, and motioned for several guards to enter. "Take him to the dungeon." she ordered.

As Sakon was once again seized, he couldn't help but protest. "Wait, wait!" he cried. "I didn't do anything! You can't just lock me in the dungeon without any proof!"

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "The Gerudo people choose their partners extremely carefully so the child they carry will better the Gerudo nation. Weak, or mentally deficient men are never chosen, and you are both. I am not allowing your blood to pollute my people. You knew very well that minions are not permitted to touch a Gerudo, and you blatantly disobeyed that order. If that child is yours, you will be put to death to serve as an example for the entire nation."

"It's not mine!" Sakon insisted.

Ganondorf gave him a disgusted look. "We shall see."

"I found something you might find interesting!" Sakon announced. "If you just let me go to my room, I can go get it for you!"

Ganondorf's response was to give him another backhand. "You will remain in the dungeon, and if you even attempt to escape, I'll order the guards to whip you."

"But, but-"

"Take him away!" Ganondorf ordered.

Once Sakon was gone, Ganondorf sank down into his throne and rubbed at his temples, looking both angry and resigned. Koume and Kotake cautiously approached him.

"Sire, are you planning on terminating Milan's pregnancy?"

He looked up with a frown. "No."

"Even if the child is The Thief's?"

"If Milan wants to keep it, then she will have it." he said with finality. He then let out a sigh. "Why did that idiot have to do something like this? Now I have to kill the most talented thief I've ever had. It will be extremely hard to replace him."

"Well, you don't have to." Koume pointed out. "You could always beat him a few times and keep him in the dungeon for a while until he learns his lesson."

Ganondorf shook his head. "No, the punishment for this is death. If I let this go, he could end up doing this again someday."

"Neuter him." Kotake responded, making a scissors motion with her fingers. "You've been threatening him with that since he was a teenager, and the threat obviously hasn't sunken in. He'd still be able to do his job as a thief afterwards, and you wouldn't be out a minion."

"Perhaps..." Ganondorf answered, looking thoughtful. "It might be easier if all my male minions were neutered; then I'd never have to worry about this again."

"I doubt you have to worry about the Moblins wooing any Gerudo, Sire." Koume pointed out. "...or The Tracker for that matter." she added.

"Hmm, I'll have to think about this." Ganondorf responded.

"Are you going to speak with Milan, my lord?" Kotake asked. "She was completely tight-lipped on the matter. We need to find out who the father is."

He gave a nod. "I'll be up to see her in a few minutes."

The twins gave him a low bow. "Yes, Sire." Koume said. "We'll be in our lab if you need us."

Once Ganondorf was alone, he slammed his fist down onto his desk angrily. He didn't have time to deal with this nonsense!

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Sakon was in the dungeon all of five minutes before he picked the lock and ran for it. He knew it was only a matter of time before he was caught again, and he crawled out the first window he came across on the main floor.

Sakon had always been extremely talented at climbing, and he easily scaled the side of the castle, knowing exactly where he was going. He climbed up floor after floor, avoiding windows and hoping no one below happened to look up. Grunting from the exertion of climbing so high, Sakon blinked the sweat out of his eyes, and forced himself to climb faster, knowing he didn't have a lot of time.

He finally reached the window he wanted, and pulled it open, scrambling inside as he fought to catch his breath.

Milan looked up, completely startled as The Thief fell on her bed from outside. He wheezed a few times, and looked up at her.

"Hey." he greeted.

Her response was to scowl, and boot him hard off the bed.

"Ow." Sakon complained from the floor, before he rolled to his feet and crawled up onto the end of her bed.

She looked like she wanted to kick him again, so he quickly spoke up. "Is it mine?" he demanded.

Milan didn't answer.

"You have to tell them it's not mine." Sakon told her. "Ganondorf is going to kill me if it is."

"Good."

"You don't really hate me that much, do you?" Sakon asked. At the look she gave him, he frowned. "Oh, you do..."

"Go away, Sakon." Milan ordered.

Sakon edged up so he was sitting beside her. "Please tell them it's not mine."

"Go away." Milan repeated.

He took her by the hand. "Please, if you ever cared about me at all, do this for me!"

Milan attempted to yank her hand away. "Funny, I asked you almost the exact same thing, thief. You stabbed me in the back instead."

"Please, Milan!" Sakon cried. "They're going to kill me!"

Milan looked away. "Good."

Frustrated, Sakon seized her by the shoulders and gave her a hard shake. "Tell them it's not mine!" he ordered.

"Get off of me!" Milan yelled. "Stop it!"

At that exact moment, Ganondorf opened Milan's bedroom door and entered. Hearing his niece's cry, he looked over and found Sakon on Milan's bed, seemingly attacking her. Sakon's eyes widened, and he scrambled off the bed as Ganondorf stormed over.

"It's not what it looks like!" Sakon cried. "I swear it's not what it looks like!"

Ganondorf had a fireball at the ready, but to his surprise, Milan reached out and caught him by the sleeve. He paused and looked down at her in question.

"He wasn't hurting me, uncle." she admitted. "He's just an idiot."

Ganondorf stared down at his niece with a frown. "What was he saying to you?" he demanded.

She glared up at him. "What do you think?" she snapped.

Ganondorf gave her a scowl before he returned his gaze to Sakon. "I warned you not to escape." he growled.

"Uhhh. Look, I have a very good reason why I-"

"GUARDS!" Ganondorf bellowed, interrupting him.

Several soldiers burst into the room.

"Yes, Sire?"

"Take The Thief back to the dungeons and give him a taste of the cat. I want you to beat him until he actually learns something."

"Yes, Sire."

"Wait! Wait!" Sakon screamed as he was dragged from the room.

Ganondorf ignored him, and then turned to look down at Milan. They stared at one another in silence for a few moments until Milan averted her gaze away from him, looking incredibly ashamed. Ganondorf let out a sigh.

"Really, Milan? Him?!"

Milan said nothing.

"Were you forced?" Ganondorf demanded.

Milan shook her head no.

"Is Sakon the father?"

Milan didn't answer.

"Is The Tracker the father?"

Milan gave him a look of pure disgust, so Ganondorf was able to safely rule out The Postman. That only left Sakon.

"Confirm that the father is Sakon so that he can be punished." Ganondorf ordered.

Once again, Milan said nothing. Ganondorf let out an aggravated sigh. This was not going to be a pleasant interrogation.

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Minoko was on her way back to The Postman's room after her training had finished, when she heard a commotion up the stairs. Looking up, she saw Sakon being bodily dragged down the stairs by several soldiers. When he saw her, he called out to her desperately.

"Get the egg from under my bed!" he yelled. "Please, get the egg!"

Minoko blinked in confusion as they passed by her. "Why?" she demanded.

"It'll save my life! Please, get it for me! I'll give you anything you want! Please!"

Minoko wasn't quite sure what was going on, but it was clear The Thief had gotten himself into some sort of trouble. Why would that weird egg help him though?

"Teach me to be a thief!" she called down the stairs to him.

"Deal!" Sakon yelled back. "Anything you want, just get that egg!"

When Sakon was gone from sight, she considered her options. She was still mad at Sakon for tricking her about the cake, but she didn't want him dead. Would that egg really somehow save his life or was this another lie? Would Sakon even keep his word to her if she got him the egg? Not really wanting to chance The Thief getting hurt, Minoko turned to head towards his room.

A few minutes later, she came to Wing A, and to Minoko's surprise, Sakon's bedroom door was wide open. She cautiously approached and peered inside. No one was inside, so she ventured in, and noticed all of the bottles were gone from the room. Hoping the egg wasn't gone as well, she jogged over to the bed and crawled underneath. Finding the bundle of blankets, she pulled it out and carefully unwrapped the egg. Relieved to find it in one piece, she picked it up and laid an ear against it, hearing the soft movement from within.

The egg seemed to feel hotter than it had before, and she hoped that was a good thing. Clutching the egg to her chest, she hurried out of the room, wondering where the guards were taking Sakon. Could they be taking him to the dungeon? Deciding to check to see if that's where he was, she hurried down the stairs, having a feeling she needed to be fast. Once she was on the main floor, she headed for the dungeon, but before she even got to the staircase, someone grabbed her arm from behind.

"There you are!"

Minoko looked up to see Commander Xela standing over her, looking somewhat exasperated.

"What?" Minoko demanded. "Training's over."

"Did you forget that you need to take remedial classroom training today? You're far behind the others in your schoolwork."

Minoko tugged at her arm. "I can't!" she protested. "I have something important to do!"

Xela gave her a skeptical look. "Oh?"

Minoko nodded. "Sakon sent me on a mission to get this egg!" she announced, holding it up. "He said it's going to save his life."

Xela squinted at the blue egg. "Sweetheart, that's a rock."

"No, it's not! It's alive!"

"That thief is just playing a trick on you, Minoko. Don't you do anything he tells you to from now on. He's an idiot that gets too easily amused by bullying children."

Minoko shook her head. "No, it really is an egg!" she insisted. "Touch it, and you can feel it moving!"

Xela rolled her eyes. "Come along, you need to get to class."

"But my mission!"

"It's only for an hour, and then you can run around with your rock all you want." Xela told her.

"But, but-"

Any further protests were ignored as Xela dragged her back to the East Wing. To Minoko's great disgust, she was forced to open her math book and go over division problems. She hated anything school related, and didn't understand why she even had to learn it if she was going to be a warrior. What use was math during a battle to the death?

Scowl firmly in place, she gently set the egg on the desk beside her and under Xela's watchful gaze, completed several pages of problems. The hour seemed to drag on for eternity, and Xela kept making her correct each and every mistake she made until her work was perfect. Eventually Xela released her with several pages of homework that Minoko had absolutely no intention of doing.

Grabbing the egg, Minoko sped out of the classroom at breakneck speed, heading directly for the dungeon. This time no one stopped her, so she hopped excitedly down the dungeon stairs, happy she was able to complete a mission. Once she gave Sakon the egg, he'd be able to start training her to be a thief.

When she reached the bottom of the stairs, she glanced around but saw no sign of The Thief. Stepping further into the room, her foot slipped in something wet and she looked down. A puddle of red lay in the centre of the floor at the foot of a tall wooden post. Metal shackles were fastened to the post and were dripping red all over the floor. It looked like someone had been shackled to the post and had been injured very badly. Frowning, Minoko reached out and picked up an object laying nearby. The object had a handle and nine long strips of leather that were knotted at the ends. The leather was wet and sticky with blood, and Minoko quickly put it down.

"Sakon?" she called out.

There was no answer.

"Sakon, are you in here? It's Minoko!"

When there was still no answer, she cautiously ventured further into the room, heading for the cells. There were two cells, side by side, and she could see Tingle in one, and the other cell was wide open. She approached the open cell and peered inside, but the only thing inside was a lump of rags laying the corner.

"Sakon?" she called out again.

To her surprise, the lump of rags moved and then coughed wetly. She backed up a step, and squinted inside. When she saw a pale hand grasping at the dirty straw on the floor of the cell, she let out a gasp.

"Sakon!" she cried, rushing into the cell.

When she neared him, she again stopped, horrified at what she saw. Sakon lay crumpled into a small ball of misery, covered in blood and shivering in agony. Blood was absolutely everywhere, and his back had deep gashes all across it, his shirt completely shredded to ribbons. His back was so damaged that it was barely recognizable as human flesh, and in places Minoko swore she could see bone.

She knelt down beside him and reached out, not sure where she could touch that wouldn't hurt him. She laid a hand on top of his head, and he flinched as if expecting more pain, and then he looked up at her.

"Oh, Sakon!" Minoko cried, bursting into tears. "What happened to you?"

He didn't answer.

"I brought you the egg!" she announced, holding it into his field of vision. "Tell me what to do."

"G...Get..."

"Get what?"

"B-br-brother."

"Get my brother?"

Sakon moved his head slightly in what could have been a nod, and that was all Minoko needed as confirmation. Setting the egg down safely in the hay next to Sakon, she got up and ran out of the cell as fast as she could. She barrelled up the stairs at a dangerous speed, and then forced herself to run faster than she ever had before. She ignored the yells from various Gerudo to slow down, and she then began running up flight after flight of stairs. By the time she reached J-Wing, she was completely out of breath. She headed straight for her brother's door, and burst into the room, breathing hard and looking a little crazed.

The Postman looked up from the book he was reading, and gave her a questioning look. Minoko was too out of breath to speak right away, and as she fought to get the words out, The Postman motioned over to his night stand.

"Do you want the rest of that food? They sent me way too much again."

Minoko violently shook her head, and instead rushed over and grabbed him by the hand, trying to tug him to his feet. The Postman pulled back.

"What?" he demanded.

"Come!" Minoko wheezed. "You need to come with me!"

"Why?" The Postman asked, his brow furrowing in concern at the sight of her tears. "What happened?"

"Please! It's an emergency!" Minoko cried, tugging even harder at his arm.

"Minoko, you know I can't go anywhere for a few days. What's all this about?"

"Sakon is hurt!" she wailed. "You have to help him!"

"Sakon?" The Postman questioned.

"He's bleeding everywhere, and he's going to die!" Minoko yelled, tugging even harder at his hand. "You have to help him!"

"You need to get a doctor, Minoko." The Postman instructed, standing to his feet. "How did he get hurt?"

"I don't know, but he said he needs you, not a doctor!"

The Postman was now instantly suspicious. "Why? Where is he, Minoko?"

"He's in a prison cell in the dungeon!"

The Postman now realized Sakon had obviously been punished for something, and by the sounds of it, it was a severe punishment. "What were you doing in the dungeon again?" he demanded.

"I don't have time to explain everything!" Minoko yelled. "You need to help him before he dies! He's bleeding real bad!"

"I'm not a doctor, Minoko, what good will I be to him? Let's go find the doctor instead."

"NO!" Minoko yelled. "He says he needs you, and so I'm bringing you!"

The Postman looked into his sister's fierce and determined eyes, and knew he was not going to win this battle. "Alright, Minoko, I'll go see him. If he really is hurt, I'll have to get someone who can actually help him."

"Okay, come on!" Minoko ordered, as he got to his feet.

Rolling his eyes, The Postman allowed himself to be tugged out of the room and down the several flights of stairs to the main floor. He had a feeling Sakon was just exaggerating his injuries, but it was worrying his sister, so he'd go take a look. Minoko didn't even hesitate as she pulled him down into the dungeons, and The Postman knew they weren't supposed to be down there. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, The Postman immediately saw all of the horrific torture devices strewn about, and blood was absolutely everywhere. He instinctively covered Minoko's eyes and turned to back out of the dungeon, not wanting her to see something like this. Minoko jerked her arm away from him however, and gestured around the bloody dungeon.

"I've already seen all this!" she told him angrily. "Now go help him! I'm not scared."

The Postman didn't tell her that she should have been scared of such a horrible place, instead turning his attention to the nearby cells.

"He's over there," Minoko helpfully pointed out. "In that one!"

The Postman approached the open cell and peered inside, instantly seeing the bloody, and battered form of Sakon laying in the corner. It seemed Sakon really was hurt... The Postman entered the cell and knelt down next to Sakon, taking in the horrendous back injuries with a frown. Sakon had been whipped. Reaching out a hand, he placed his fingers to Sakon's neck to feel for a pulse. Sakon flinched at the touch and turned his head slightly to look up at him.

"What did you do to deserve this?" The Postman asked softly.

Sakon gave a blink, and then chuckled. "M-Milan...p-preg-pregnant."

The Postman's eyes widened. "Sakon, you idiot!" he scolded. "You absolute moron! You're going to be killed for that!"

Sakon gave another chuckle. "O-oops."

The Postman let out a sigh, and then very carefully began looking over Sakon's back. The injuries were truly horrendous, and The Postman knew that the wounds were likely to get infected from the dirty and damp dungeon. If Ganondorf didn't kill Sakon, then the infection would.

"You need a doctor." The Postman told him.

Sakon shook his head. "W-won't help me. G-give egg to g'dorf."

"Egg?" The Postman asked in confusion. "What egg? What are you talking about?"

"This egg." Minoko answered, helpfully holding out the egg.

The Postman took the egg and looked it over in confusion. He could feel the warmth from within, and every now and then something inside moved.

"What is this?" he demanded.

"D-dragon egg." Sakon answered. "Give h-him the egg."

The Postman's eyes widened as he stared down at the egg. Dragons were incredibly rare, and this egg was worth a fortune. If sold to the right buyer, it could buy a kingdom. How did Sakon ever get his hands on something like this?!

"B-bribe him to l-let me go."

The Postman frowned down at Sakon. So that's why Sakon wanted him. He needed him to speak with Ganondorf on his behalf. The Postman shook his head. "I can't." he replied. "I can't get involved in this."

To The Postman's surprise, Minoko punched him hard in the arm. "Do it!" she ordered. "Sakon's your friend, you always have to help friends! You can't just leave him like this!"

The Postman wondered exactly when he'd become friends with Sakon, because he didn't remember anything of the sort. In fact, the only thing he could think of, was the fact Sakon had thrown his baby sister out of a window. He frowned down at The Thief, but did feel bad for him though. Sakon needed immediate help or it was clear he was going to be executed or die from his injuries. The Postman let out a heavy sigh.

"Fine. I will speak with him, but I can't make any promises."

"T-thanks." Sakon said, trying unsuccessfully to move.

"Minoko, stay here with him, and if he seems to be getting worse, go get Koume and Kotake."

Minoko nodded, and sat down next to Sakon, pulling his head onto her lap. The Postman didn't like the idea of leaving Minoko alone in the dungeon, but knew he didn't really have a choice. Carefully holding the egg, The Postman turned and headed for the stairs, not sure how he was going to bribe Ganondorf. As he trudged up the stairs to the main floor, his body was already starting to feel weak, and he knew he'd probably overdone it for the day.

Having no idea where Ganondorf was, he took a guess and headed for the throne room, ignoring the odd looks he was receiving from everyone he passed. When he reached the throne room, he reached out and knocked, relieved when he heard Ganondorf let out a curse from within. At least he wouldn't have to try to find the villain.

"What?" Ganondorf bellowed a moment later.

The Postman pushed open the door and entered, knowing the Gerudo King was likely in a foul mood. When Ganondorf looked up and saw The Postman, he seemed both confused and annoyed.

"Aren't you supposed to be recovering?" he demanded.

"Yes, sir."

"Why are you here, and why are you covered in blood?"

The Postman glanced down at himself, and saw his clothes were indeed smeared in blood. "I was checking on Sakon, Sir." he replied. "He's hurt very badly..."

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "You did not have my permission to do that." he stated. "Sakon's punishments are none of your business, Tracker."

"He needs a doctor, Sir, or he's going to bleed to death." The Postman insisted. "Some of his cuts are all the way to the bone."

When Ganondorf had ordered Sakon to be whipped, he hadn't actually meant for the beating to be quite that severe, but he wasn't going to admit that. "Unless you want to join him, I suggest you return to your quarters and forget about it. Sakon is none of your concern."

The Postman frowned, and then held out the egg. "Sakon retrieved this for you, Sir. He asked me to give it to you."

Ganondorf stared at the egg in confusion. "What is that?" he demanded suspiciously.

"It's a live dragon's egg, Sir."

Ganondorf's eyes widened and reached out and snatched the egg out of The Postman's hands. Muttering a few spells under his breath to verify the object, Ganondorf was shocked when he discovered that it really was a dragon's egg. The dragon's magic was strong, and it was very close to hatching.

"Where did he get this?" he demanded in surprise.

The Postman gave a shrug. "I don't know, Sir."

As Ganondorf looked over the egg in admiration, The Postman decided to try again to get Sakon some help. "Please, Sir, Sakon needs to be healed. Can I at least get him a healing potion before his wounds get infected?"

"He still needs to stand trial for what he did to my niece." Ganondorf informed him. "I'm sure by now, you've heard what he's done?"

"Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf looked somewhat conflicted as he glanced back to the egg, and then he let out a huff of irritation. "Alright, give the dolt a healing fairy, but let him know that if he dares escape again, I'll order to have him whipped even worse than before."

"Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf held out a bottled fairy which The Postman quickly reached out to take.

"Since Milan will not speak about the subject, Koume and Kotake are performing a spell to confirm the baby's paternity. Once The Thief is confirmed to be the father, he will be punished severely for breaking the law. He will not be able to weasel his way out of it."

The Postman gave a nod, and turned to leave. "Yes, Sir, I'll let him know."

"Oh, and Tracker?"

The Postman paused, and looked back. "Yes, Sir?"

"If you continue disobeying direct orders, you're going to be tossed in the dungeon with him. Get back to your room, and recover as the doctor has ordered. You're no use to me like this."

"Yes, Sir, once I give the fairy to Sakon, I'll return to my room."

The Postman hurried from the throne room, and although his limbs were protesting the movement, he forced himself to run back down to the dungeon. He found them exactly where he'd left them a few minutes before.

Minoko was trying in vain to pick dirt and hay out of Sakon's wounds, and The Thief's face was screwed up in pain, but he wasn't complaining. The Postman quickly entered the cell and uncorked the bottle as he held it over Sakon's back. The fairy flew out of the bottle and when it saw the terrible wounds, she immediately began swirling around Sakon to heal him.

"Ohhhh, a fairy!" came a gasp from the next cell.

The Postman glanced over, and then did a double-take at the sight of Tingle's face pressed up right against the bars separating the two cells.

Tingle then began dancing happily, his own bottled fairy in hand. The strange, little man had lost quite a bit of weight since he'd last seen him, and was incredibly dirty and ragged looking. Although he seemed happy enough at the moment, The Postman still felt rather guilty about the whole thing.

The Postman turned his attention back to Sakon, who was slowly beginning to heal. The deep wounds were beginning to knit together, and The Thief's skin was getting a better colour to it. When the last of the wounds were healed, Sakon carefully sat up, looking stressed but relieved. Minoko gave Sakon a hug.

"You're okay!" she cried out, kissing his cheek. "I thought you were going to die!"

"Ew!" Sakon protested, pushing her away. "Get off, you demon. Only people over eighteen are allowed to kiss me."

Minoko punched him in the arm. "I almost forgot that you're a jerk." she commented.

The Postman stared down at Sakon with a scowl. "You're an idiot." he commented. "Ganondorf said if you try to escape, he's going to order you to be beaten even harder. You have to stay in the dungeon until you're proven guilty. You've really messed up this time."

Sakon let out a sigh. "Yeah." he agreed. "I don't suppose you'd be willing to push Milan down a flight of stairs for me, would you?"

The Postman crossed his arms.

"I didn't think so." Sakon said, with another sigh. "I'm doomed."

Minoko crossed her arms in perfect imitation of her brother. "What did you do? Why is everyone mad at you?"

"I knocked up Milan." Sakon answered.

Minoko gave him a confused look. "What's that mean?"

"Never you mind." The Postman quickly answered. "Sakon will be fine now, so we have to leave."

"So, Ganondorf didn't accept the bribe?" Sakon questioned.

"He took it, and that's the only reason you were allowed to be healed. He's still very angry right now, and a paternity test is being done to prove your guilt."

"What's that?" Minoko demanded.

"Milan is a skank, so maybe it's not mine?" Sakon stated, hopefully.

"Maybe." The Postman responded, not sounding convinced.

"You need to help me escape." Sakon said, looking around to make sure no one was around. "I'll be killed if I stay here!"

"And how am I supposed to do that?" The Postman demanded. "And why would I?"

"Aw, you're not still mad about me stealing your pay, are you? I'll give it back."

"I don't want you to die, but I just don't see what I can do about it." The Postman said. "My position in this castle is just slightly above the level of cockroach. My magic still hasn't returned, and the city's been closed to any and all travellers. There's nowhere you can hide."

"I just need a distraction, and I can do the rest myself." Sakon told him. "If you could find a way to distract the guards, I could slip out of the city before they even realized what had happened. Everyone's so worried about the upcoming war, that they probably won't even go after me!"

This sounded like a really bad idea to The Postman. "And how am I supposed to distract the guards?" he demanded. "This is just going to end with me being thrown in here with you."

"Help me out, and I'll owe you one." Sakon promised.

"Look, I'll try to speak with Ganondorf again, but I'm not going to risk my life, and my sister's life on some ridiculous plan."

Sakon visibly slumped. "I'm doomed."

"Come on, Minoko, we need to get back to J-Wing." The Postman ordered, turning away.

To his surprise, Minoko elbowed him hard in the stomach, making him double over in pain.

"You're supposed to help your friends when they need it!" she scolded him angrily. "He needs you right now, and so you're going to do it!"

"Minoko..." The Postman said, rather annoyed. "This is too dangerous. We're not getting involved."

"No, be a good friend!" she ordered.

Sakon stared at Minoko in surprise, and then turned hopeful eyes to The Postman. The Postman let out a heavy sigh.

"Maybe I can speak with Koume and Kotake, and get them to fudge the paternity results?" he offered as a suggestion.

"Yes!" Sakon immediately agreed.

"If I do this for you, you have to do something for me in return."

Sakon eagerly nodded. "Of course! What is it? I'll do anything."

"I really mean it." The Postman said. "You have to swear that you won't break your word."

"Yes, yes, I agree, now what is it?" Sakon asked again.

"The moment you see an opportunity to leave the city, I want you to take Minoko with you and take her home."

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "That's it? That's all you want?"

"You'll protect my sister with your life and make sure she gets home unharmed."

"Of course." Sakon replied, with a shrug. "Piece of cake."

Minoko frowned up at her brother. "I don't want to go home." she protested. "I like it here."

The Postman shook his head. "No, your place is at home, not here. I have to stay in the city from now on because I don't have a choice, but you do."

Minoko did not look happy. "Will you ever be able to come home?"

The Postman hesitated, and averted his gaze. "I don't know..."

Minoko crossed her arms and gave him the best glare an eight year old could manage. "I'm not going!" she announced. "I'm training to be a warrior, and this is my new home!"

The Postman sighed, feeling very tired. "You are going, Minoko. Maybe not for a while, but eventually you will be going home. It won't be safe for you here if a war breaks out with Hyrule. Sakon will make sure he gets you home safely to Termina."

Minoko scowled, wondering when her brother had gotten so serious and bossy. She didn't like it.

"Don't worry, kid, me and your brother are best friends. I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

Minoko looked like she was about to protest, but she was interrupted by hoot of laughter from the cell next to them.

The Postman frowned over at Tingle who seemed like he wasn't even aware they were there. The Postman approached the cell and leaned against the bars, watching him silently for a moment, before he cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry that this happened to you, Mr. Tingle." he said genuinely. "I had no idea you were going to be imprisoned."

Tingle paused from dancing, and looked up at him, recognizing the voice. "You..." he exclaimed in realization. "It was you!"

"I really am sorry, Sir, this is all my fault."

Tingle looked like he didn't know what to do, and after a moment he furrowed his brow and threw a handful of sparkles directly into The Postman's face.

"Tingle, Tingle kooloo limpah!" he cried out dramatically. "Now you have been cursed! These are the magic words Tingle created himself. Don't steal them!"

The Postman simply stared at him, but Minoko scowled. "Hey! Don't curse my brother!"

"You Sir, are no fairy!" Tingle accused. "You are a slayer of fairies, a very bad sort of person! When Tingle becomes a fairy, he will get his revenge! You will never be allowed into Fairy Paradise!"

"I'm going to see if I can help you, Sir." The Postman promised. "Ganondorf probably forgot you're down here, and he might just let you go if I ask."

If Tingle heard, he didn't show it, instead going back to dancing, lost in his own world.

"That guy has issues..." Sakon commented. "He kinda creeps me out...Are you really going to rescue him?"

"Yes." The Postman replied.

"Hey! What are you doing down here?! This area is restricted!"

Everyone spun around, and saw a Gerudo guard standing on the stairs, glaring down at them angrily.

"You're not supposed to come down here, Tracker!" she snapped. "What are you up to? Why are you talking to him?"

"I was just following orders, ma'am." The Postman replied, giving the Gerudo a shrug. "I wasn't aware this area was off-limits, but Lord Ganondorf ordered me to heal The Thief. I apologize for causing any inconvenience, though."

The Gerudo crossed her arms. "Out, Tracker, or I might decide to throw you in a cell for the night. You're lucky the king seems to find you useful, or you would have been killed long ago."

"Don't mind her, that's just Nalin." Sakon informed them. "She's bitter because no one likes her, and she's all alone."

"Shut your mouth, Thief!" the Gerudo roared.

Sakon gave The Postman a smirk. "See?"

The Postman rolled his eyes at him. "Yes, ma'am, I was just leaving." The Postman told her, taking Minoko by the hand.

As The Postman passed by the angry Gerudo, she gave him a hard swat upside the head.

"Don't bring children into the torture chamber, you nitwit! Use a little common sense!" she scolded. "The poor child is probably traumatized!"

"No, I'm not!" Minoko cheerfully informed her.

The guard gave him another hit. "Get her out of here before I tell your captain what you did!"

The Postman quickly pulled Minoko up the stairs, wondering how he'd ever be able to rescue the two men out of the dungeon.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday!**


	29. A Very Big Mistake

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 **Authornote: Thursday April 20th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I actually got this chapter out on time! :D Lately it seems like there's been a delay on every single chapter!** **Hopefully from now on, there won't be any more delays in getting chapters out! I have to work very long hours for the next couple days so this chapter is out on Thursday instead of Friday. :D**

 **This chapter is very dark, and contains some violence. Some people might find it upsetting so read it at your own risk.**

 **We're almost to the end of part 2 of this series, and there are only a few chapters left. (Only 3-4 left!) Make sure to get your votes in before the final chapter! :D**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 9 Votes**

 **His Real Name 6 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Loki-Liesmith** **-** Sakon actually thinks it's hilarious to slut-shame people, especially since he knows he's the biggest slut around. Sakon and Milan are both petty and immature, and they're not likely to forgive each other any time soon.

Tingle is indeed a breed of his own... Don't worry, we're still not done with him yet! :p

Indeed there are more humane ways to neuter someone, but Ganondorf is angry, and he does NOT do nice things when he's angry. lol Sakon had better hope his innocence can be proven!

Yes, you are correct that red and green magic cannot be mixed in a normal vein of magic. In normal circumstances, they cancel each other out, leaving the person powerless. Normal people have one vein of magic, however, and The Postman has two veins. The green magic cannot be used because the red magic is effectively squashing it, but both magics are active within his magical core.

 **.**

 **UltraZordLordHarryKetcham** **-** Sure thing! :) Your vote has been added!

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 **defiant-decay \- **Yes, Groose is indeed in Part 3 of the series. He's not in it MUCH, but he does make a cameo. lol I found Groose to be VERY amusing in the game. :D

We're not through with Tingle quite yet. The Postman still has to discover that Tingle is actually the big, bad, evil mastermind behind everything that's happened in the story so far. (Just joking, but THAT would be hilarious)

 **.**

 **Reiz16 \- **Minoko may be a brat, but she's not heartless, and she actually likes Sakon for some reason. The Gerudo are always raised by their mothers, and the fathers are not allowed to even know a child exists. This is how Gerudo children are raised with absolutely no outside interference. If Sakon is the father, that means he could potentially influence and corrupt a Gerudo child. Ganondorf will not permit that to happen. A child sharing genes with Sakon is bad enough in Ganondorf's opinion. lol

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 23**

 **A Very Big Mistake**

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The Postman tugged Minoko up the dungeon stairs, just wanting to get her as far away from there as possible. When they were back to the main floor, he finally released her hand, and let out an irritated sigh. Why did he have to agree to help The Thief? He was going to end up getting caught, he just knew it.

"Go back to J-Wing and wait for me there." he told his sister. "I won't be long."

"Why? What are you going to do?" Minoko demanded.

"I'm going to try to help Sakon." The Postman responded. "I need to go see the witches."

"I'll come too." Minoko announced. "I'll be your backup."

The Postman shook his head. "No, Minoko, go back to my room and wait. I need to speak with the witches alone."

Minoko looked like she was going to argue, but The Postman gave her a stern look and she let out a sigh. "Can I go visit a friend instead? She promised to finish telling me a story about Princess Arietta."

"Not tonight, it's too late to be visiting people." The Postman told her. "You can visit your friend tomorrow."

"For the whole day?"

The Postman just wanted her to leave so he quickly agreed. "Sure, for the whole day if you want to. Just go back to J-Wing for now, alright?"

"Deal!" Minoko crowed, excitedly.

Her brother had just given her the whole day off of training without even realizing it! Not wanting to give him time to think about it, she turned and ran off down the hall, heading towards J-Wing. The Postman watched her go, and when he was sure she was actually gone, he turned and slowly walked towards Koume and Kotake's lab. He was starting to feel incredibly exhausted, and hoped he wasn't causing his body any damage by overworking it.

By the time he made it to the witches' lab, his legs were feeling like jelly, and he had no idea how he was going to talk them into covering for Sakon. From what he'd seen they were honorable and intelligent, and they'd surely see the injustice of an execution. They were also unquestionably loyal to Ganondorf, so The Postman knew they would not betray their king. Would they see this as a betrayal, however, or just fudging the truth a little?

Raising a hand, he knocked on the door to the lab and patiently waited. Koume opened the door, and when she saw The Postman, she gave him a flabbergasted look.

"What are you doing down here?" she demanded. "You were told not to leave J-Wing!"

"I was wondering if I could please speak with both of you for a moment?" he asked politely.

Koume looked him up and down, saw the bloodstains on his shirt and then gave a nod, stepping aside. The Postman followed her into the lab, and saw Kotake standing over a large bubbling cauldron.

"You're going to get yourself into trouble." Kotake called over to him. "Lord Ganondorf is not in the most forgiving mood at the moment..."

"I'll be quick." The Postman promised, approaching the cauldron and peering inside. "What are you doing?"

"I'm brewing a paternity potion." she told him. "I assume you know that Milan is pregnant?"

"Yes, ma'am...that's actually what I came to talk to you about."

He now had both witches' undivided attention.

"Oh?" Kotake questioned, suspiciously. "You came to admit to something, have you?"

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, no, nothing like that. It's just that I've been to see Sakon in the dungeon, and he'd been whipped very badly. He might have died from his injuries, if Lord Ganondorf hadn't allowed him to be healed. Is this really so serious that he might be killed over it?"

The witches were still incredibly suspicious. "Yes, it is that serious." Koume replied. "Sakon has lived here long enough that he knows male minions are never allowed to be in a relationship with a Gerudo. It betrays the trust shown to them. Now, if it was you who had done something like this, it would be a bit more forgivable since you haven't been here that long, but for Sakon, it's unforgivable. He knew better, and he did it anyway."

"Is he really going to be killed?" The Postman asked, uncertainly.

"He could be." Kotake answered. "It's now up to Lord Ganondorf, whether or not mercy will be shown. Sakon knows he deserves death, so if he's executed, it won't come as any surprise to him."

"It seems rather harsh for a mistake." The Postman commented.

Kotake narrowed her eyes. "Are you sure there isn't something you came here to admit?"

"No ma'am, I was just concerned for Sakon."

"Why?" Koume demanded. "You two don't exactly seem like the sort to be friends, you have much more sense than that."

"I've worked with him a few times, and he honestly not that bad..."

Both witches exchanged a look with one another. "I think it would be best if I take a blood sample from you as well." Kotake told him. "Please roll up your sleeve."

"The baby's not mine." The Postman told them.

"Roll up your sleeve." Kotake repeated a bit more firmly.

Letting out a sigh, The Postman did as he was told. Koume approached him with a syringe and a bottle of alcohol, and motioned for him to take a seat. He did so, and then watched as she disinfected his arm and took a syringe full of his blood. She removed the needle, set it aside on the nearby table and then placed his blood next to another, identical vial.

"Is that Sakon's blood?" The Postman asked, motioning to other sample.

"It is." Koume answered. "Once the potion is complete, a drop of potion will be added to each vial of blood, and that will reveal who the father is."

The Postman stared at the two identical vials of blood, and an idea came to mind. He just needed a slight distraction...

"How do you make the potion?" The Postman asked, trying to sound interested.

Kotake blinked at him. "Why?"

The Postman rested his elbow on the table and made a motion towards the cauldron. "I was just curious." he responded. "Can anyone make potions or do you need magic in order to do it?"

"Only those with magic can make them." Koume answered. "If a normal, non-magical person tried to do it, they would just have a cauldron full of goo. The magic of the person making it, binds the ingredients together and unlocks their magical potential. This is why potion-makers and witches are so rare nowadays. Potion-making takes many years to learn, and not many youngsters want to put in the effort to learn it."

"Will this be part of my magical training?"

Koume gave him a surprised look. "Do you want it to be?" she asked.

"I think it would be very useful to know how to brew my own potions." The Postman responded. "Do you think I could learn to do it?"

"Have you ever cooked before?" Kotake asked.

The Postman shook his head, and both witches gave him a flabbergasted look.

"You've never cooked anything before?"

"Does toast count?"

"How old are you?" Kotake demanded. "Aren't you nearly thirty years old? How have you lived this long and have never had to cook anything before? Even The Thief knows how to cook! Does your mother still cook for you, or something?"

"No, she does not." The Postman responded, feeling a bit offended. "I left home a long time ago."

The witches couldn't wrap their minds around this. "What did you eat before you came here, if you've never cooked anything before?"

"Toast, sandwiches, and food from the market." The Postman responded with a shrug. "I've never had to cook before."

"Did you learn any life-skills at all as a child?!" Koume demanded. "Unbelievable."

"Would it be possible for me to learn?" The Postman asked, quickly switching his vial for Sakon's while the witches were both distracted.

"Yes, although we'd have to start from scratch to teach you basic brewing skills first." Koume stated. "Are you really interested?"

The Postman nodded, feeling a bit guilty about lying. "Yes, ma'am."

"None of our previous students have ever been interested in learning!" Kotake exclaimed excitedly. "Even Lord Ganondorf refused to learn potion brewing!"

Koume looked just as excited as her sister. "We'll finally be able to pass on our potion knowledge to the younger generation!"

The Postman felt even guiltier now that he saw how happy it made them. He knew learning to brew was a disaster just waiting to happen. He'd probably somehow manage to blow up the whole castle.

"Alright, the potion is finished." Kotake announced, glancing into the cauldron. "Sister, hand me The Thief's blood."

Koume picked up the vial they believed to be Sakon's and The Postman watched as it was uncorked and a single drop of black potion was added to it. To his surprise, the blood turned a bright green in colour. The witches seemed shocked, and they simply stared at the blood, completely dumbfounded.

"He's not the father!" Koume exclaimed. "Sakon's actually innocent!"

Both witches then turned angry and suspicious eyes to The Postman.

"Alright, now it's time to test your blood." they told him.

As Koume went to pick up the other vial, The Postman quickly grabbed for it. "Here, let me help!" he said quickly, purposely fumbling it. The vial fell to the floor and shattered, blood splattering everywhere. The Postman made himself look surprised and guilty, but the witches didn't believe it. They both seized him by an ear and gave their hands a furious twist, causing The Postman to let out a startled yelp of pain.

"You did that on purpose!" Kotake accused.

"You didn't want us to test your blood, you whelp!" Koume yelled. "You're the father, aren't you?!"

"No, it was an accident!" The Postman insisted, wincing in pain. He thrust out his arm towards them. "You can take some more blood! I swear I'm not the father! I didn't mean to drop it!"

The witches gave his ears another painful twist, and for the first time in his life, The Postman wished he didn't have the long, pointed ears that most mainlanders had. Apparently long ears made a tempting target for the witches...

"Tell us the truth now!" Koume ordered. "Is the baby yours?"

"No!"

His ears were then twisted so hard, he thought the witches were going to tear them off, and he let out a sharp cry of pain.

"Don't lie to us!" Kotake ordered. "We know very well that you did that on purpose! Tell us the truth, or I swear you're going to wish you were in the dungeon with Sakon!"

"I'm not the father!" The Postman insisted. "I'm telling the truth!"

"We shall see." Kotake responded, releasing his ear.

Koume, however, didn't let go, keeping him exactly where she wanted. To The Postman's horror, Kotake knelt down to collect some of the blood off of the floor, instead of taking a new sample.

"You can take another blood sample." The Postman quickly told her, holding out his arm.

Koume gave his ear another yank. "Unnecessary." she told him. "Any blood at all is sufficient for this test."

"Wait, no!" The Postman protested, knowing they couldn't test Sakon's real blood. "It could be contaminated from the floor!"

Koume narrowed her eyes, and jerked The Postman's ear downwards, making him hit his head on the table. She then held him there and leaned into his field of vision. "Why don't you want us to test the blood that's on the floor?" she demanded. "What did you do?"

"Nothing!" The Postman insisted.

"Admit to what you did now, or I'm fetching Lord Ganondorf and letting him deal with you!" Koume threatened, as she began slapping him hard across the back of the head.

The Postman knew there was no getting out of this. "I-I switched Sakon's blood sample with mine." he admitted. "That's Sakon's blood on the floor."

The witches' eyes widened as they realized he'd almost gotten away with fooling them. If they had have taken a new blood sample from him, they never would have known what he'd done. Both Koume and Kotake began slapping at him in anger, and The Postman couldn't get away, still pinned down to the table. When they'd sufficiently vented, The Postman was finally released, and he backed away, rubbing at his sore head.

"You are in trouble." Koume told him. "Very big trouble."

"Lord Ganondorf will definitely be told about this." Kotake said. "Don't be surprised if he has you whipped and thrown in prison for for pulling such a stupid stunt! Such a sneaky, deceitful thing to do! You should be ashamed!"

Muttering angrily to herself, Kotake took a drop of potion and added it to Sakon's blood. To everyone's surprise, it turned green just like The Postman's sample.

"...Sakon's not the father." she stated in disbelief.

The Postman couldn't believe it either and simply stared, realizing he'd done all this for nothing. The twins then turned on The Postman, who began backing away.

"You moron!" Koume scolded. "This was none of your business, but you got yourself involved anyway! Lord Ganondorf is not going to be pleased. I suggest you return to your room, and wait for him to summon you. You will be punished severely for this."

The Postman stared at the witches, and then turned and left the lab without a single word. He had no defense for what he'd done. What was Ganondorf going to do to him? Would he be whipped just as Sakon had? Would he be imprisoned? Would something be done to his sister? Would they both be killed?

He slowly went upstairs, his legs feeling like they could give out at any time. By the time he got to J-Wing, he was supporting himself by keeping a hand to the wall, and he knew he needed to rest.

Opening his bedroom door, he saw Minoko asleep in bed, and was relieved she'd actually done what she was supposed to. Hoping Ganondorf wouldn't summon him until tomorrow, The Postman tiredly changed out of his blood-soaked clothes and nudged Minoko over to make enough room for him. The moment his head hit the pillow, he was asleep.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman awoke early the next morning, and almost started to get up to get ready for training, before he remembered he had a few days off. Glancing over at Minoko, he knew she still had to get up, and so he gave a stretch and sat up. He gave Minoko a shake, but all she did was roll further away from him.

"Minoko, it's time to get up." he told her. "You need to take a shower before training."

"Too early." Minoko complained, burying her head under the pillow.

"You wanted to be a warrior, and warriors have to get up early." The Postman told her, giving her another nudge. "Come on, up."

"Ugh." Minoko complained, nuzzling even deeper under the blankets.

The Postman wasn't in the mood to fight with her, so he simply scooped her up and set her on her feet. Minoko wavered for a moment, and then let out another groan of complaint.

"Hurry up." The Postman ordered.

A knock came at the door, and Minoko was instantly awake, and she sprung over to unlock the door. When she opened it, Sakon pushed his way into the room past her.

"Hey, Darling." Sakon greeted The Postman with a large grin. "Look who got released this morning!"

The Postman gave him a glare, still upset that he'd gotten in trouble over the whole thing.

"Why are you calling my brother Darling? That's what my dad calls my mum."

Sakon threw an arm around The Postman's shoulders. "It's because we're going to get married!" Sakon announced. "Your brother is a raging homosexual, and he very romantically proposed to me last night!"

Minoko's eyes got as wide as saucers. "Really?!"

The Postman irritably shoved Sakon away. "No." he snapped. "Go away, Sakon. Minoko, get your clean clothes for today."

"Aw, don't be like that." Sakon protested. "It's because of you that I'm a free man, and I want to celebrate! Whatever you did worked!"

"I got caught last night." The Postman replied. "I didn't do anything, you're really not the father."

Sakon was not expecting this, and he let out a laugh. "I knew it! Skankopuss really was cheating on me! I knew it!"

"You shouldn't call her things like that." The Postman scolded. "You hit on every Gerudo you pass! I'm surprised you don't have any children!"

Sakon gave a shrug. "Well, I could have." he admitted. "I think I'm just lucky though."

The Postman let out a sigh as he picked out a change of clothes. "Go away, Sakon. I need to get Minoko ready for the day."

"After the brat's gone, you should come partying with me. I got a few girls that agreed to come, and I think a couple of them might actually not hate me. You can be my wingman."

"You learned nothing from all this."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Not true." he corrected. "I'll be more careful now, but I'm not going to stop having fun. I'm too young to deprive myself."

"Out, Sakon." The Postman ordered.

"Nope, I'm not going anywhere until you agree to come."

Letting out a huff, The Postman took Minoko by the hand and led her out of the room. Sakon quickly followed.

"There's nowhere you can go, that I won't follow!" he announced. "I'm going to hound you until you give in!"

The Postman's response to that was to enter the women's bathroom across the hall. Sakon came to a dead stop. He stared at the closed door in silence, that being the one place he didn't dare venture. He still had the scars from the one and only time he'd snuck into the women's bathroom, and he shuddered just thinking about it. Certain The Postman was about to meet a slow and agonizing death, he waited. When there was no sound from within, Sakon furrowed his brow in confusion and laid an ear against the door to listen. He could hear some muffled voices within, but no one sounded angry. Sakon frowned in confusion. What in Din's name...

"What do you think you're doing, you pervert?!"

Sakon sprung away from the door and took off running, not even looking to see who yelled at him. The Gerudo glared down the hallway after him, shook her head, and then entered the bathroom.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

After forcing his sister into one of the shower stalls, The Postman entered the one across from her, just wanting to relax under the hot water for a few minutes. It was not meant to be, however, because just as he was washing his hair, he heard Adena bellow into the bathroom.

"Tracker, are you in here?"

The Postman poked his head around the shower curtain. "Yes?" he answered.

Adena quickly approached. "I just wanted to give you a heads up. Iris just told me that Lord Ganondorf is planning on having you beat this morning. He's going to summon you soon to his throne room."

The Postman grimaced, but had been expecting it.

"Ganondorf's going to beat my brother?!" Minoko angrily bellowed from inside her shower.

"No, Adena said he wants to MEET me this morning, not BEAT me." The Postman told her.

"Oh." Minoko answered, losing interest.

Adena stepped closer and lowered her voice. "Iris said he's really mad at you right now. What did you do?" she asked.

"Something really stupid." The Postman answered with a sigh.

"Iris will try not to go too hard on you with the whip, but Lord Ganondorf is going to oversee the punishment."

"Iris is doing it?" The Postman exclaimed in surprise. "Why?"

"You're always beaten by a member of your own training class or by a peer." she informed him. "The rest of the class is permitted to watch if they want to. It's to further humiliate you, because everyone will see you cry and beg like a child."

"Wonderful." The Postman said with a sigh.

"I suggest you try not to cry...or pee yourself." Adena told him. "The others will tease you mercilessly about it if you do."

"Did one of Sakon's peers whip him?" he asked curiously.

Adena nodded. "Yeah, I think it was Reshma who did it. She was in his training class with him several years ago."

"He nearly died from his whipping last night." The Postman told her.

Adena nodded. "Yeah, the problem with Sakon is the fact all of his peers hate him. He always gets hit way harder than anyone else...He kinda deserves it though, the creep."

The Postman gave her a grim nod. "Thank you for the heads up." he told her.

"Remember, don't cry." she told him, turning to leave. "Most people can't help it though..."

The Postman finished washing his hair, but now had a knot of worry in the pit of his stomach. He had a feeling this was going to be a really terrible day...

He hurriedly dried off, and got dressed, wanting to get his sister as far away from him as possible for the day. When he pulled aside the shower curtain, Minoko was clean, dressed and waiting for him. Without a word, they headed back to the bedroom, where Minoko grabbed her doll off of the bed.

"Do you have everything you need?" he asked her.

Minoko nodded, and squinted at him. "What wrong?" she asked. "You look upset."

"It's nothing." The Postman told her. "I'm just thinking about a few things."

Minoko didn't look convinced, and glanced around his room as if looking for the source of her brother's turmoil. Her eyes fell on the unopened letter on his dresser and she picked it up. Taking note of the name on the front, she turned questioning eyes to him.

"What's this?" she asked.

The Postman quickly snatched it from her. "Nothing."

Minoko crossed her arms. "Why do you have a letter addressed to Link?" she demanded.

The Postman honestly had no reasonable explanation for it. "Never you mind."

"Are you planning on delivering that to him?" she asked. "You're not a postman anymore. He's the bad-guy now."

The Postman stared down at the letter with a frown. What was he planning on doing with it?

"Let's open it!" Minoko suggested, reaching out to take it.

The Postman yanked it out of her reach. "No! This letter doesn't belong to us, so we can't open it." he said with finality.

"What difference does it make? It's not like you're ever going to deliver it. I think we should open it."

The Postman no longer trusted Minoko near the letter, so he folded it over and stuffed it into his pocket.

"Forget about the letter." he ordered. "It's time for you to get going."

Minoko knew he didn't remember giving her permission to take a day off, and she had no intention of reminding him. He'd probably just change his mind. As she hurried out of the room, The Postman felt the back of his hand burn as he was summoned. Glancing down at his hand, he let out a resigned sigh, knowing there was nothing he could do to avoid this. He couldn't exactly claim that he didn't deserve it.

Leaving his room, he slowly made his way downstairs, knowing exactly what was waiting for him. If Ganondorf was overseeing the whipping, did that mean he wanted to ensure Iris didn't go easy on him? Would he be beaten just as badly as Sakon had? Grimacing at the thought, The Postman took his time going down the stairs, wondering how long he could delay before Ganondorf became impatient. The answer came a few moments later when his hand burned a lot more painfully. Knowing it wouldn't be wise to keep Ganondorf waiting any longer, The Postman hurried up, heading for the throne room.

When he got there, he stopped and stared at the closed door, the knot of apprehension coming back full force. Steeling himself, he raised a hand and knocked on the door.

"Enter." Ganondorf commanded from within.

Taking one more deep breath, The Postman pushed open the door and slipped inside. Ganondorf was standing next to his throne, arms crossed, and looking absolutely livid. Iris stood beside him, long, thin whip in hand, and she gave him a sympathetic look. The Postman glanced around, and to his dismay, he saw his entire training class was there to watch.

Without a word, The Postman removed his shirt, and then approached Ganondorf's desk, placing his hands flatly on the surface to wait. Ganondorf raised a brow in question.

"No excuses? No whining or complaining?" he questioned.

"No, Sir."

"No begging for mercy?"

"No, Sir."

"Sakon normally has a whole speech prepared to try to weasel his way out of a punishment." Ganondorf told him. "Do you have anything to say in your defense?"

"No, Sir."

Ganondorf gave a nod, giving him a somewhat thoughtful look. "Do you need to be told why you're receiving this beating?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir. I know what I did."

"Very well." Ganondorf replied. He glanced over to Iris and motioned for her to approach.

Iris approached The Postman from behind and gave him a light poke on one of his shoulders. "Don't square your shoulders like that, it'll make it worse." she told him.

"Don't help him." Ganondorf snapped. "He would have learned that on his own."

"Sorry, Lord Ganondorf." Iris said. "It won't happen again."

The Postman relaxed his shoulders, and then adjusted himself over the desk so that Iris would have clear access to his back. Ganondorf frowned down at him for an uncomfortably long time, but The Postman kept his eyes firmly on the surface of the desk. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, Ganondorf motioned for Iris to begin.

The Postman squeezed his eyes closed as he heard the swish of the whip and a moment later, felt it make contact, causing him to let out an involuntary yelp. It was painful, but nowhere near as bad as he was expecting.

"Harder!" Ganondorf ordered, angrily. "You're not giving him a massage! Break the skin!"

The Postman heard another swish and this time, when it hit him, his entire back seemed to be engulfed in fire and it took all of his self-control not to yell out.

"HARDER!" Ganondorf ordered. "You still haven't broken the skin!"

Ganondorf was circling The Postman irritably, and Iris shot him an uncertain look as she drew her arm back to give another lash. For the third time, The Postman heard a swish, and a moment later, unimaginable agony tore across his back and he couldn't stop the involuntary yell it forced out of him.

"Good." Ganondorf commended Iris. "That's an acceptable amount of force. Keep going."

The pain wasn't lessening, and The Postman clenched his fists tightly, forcing himself not to move. He once again heard the swish of the whip and another wave of agony hit him, just above the last stripe. Biting down on his arm to muffle his yell, The Postman squeezed his eyes closed even tighter. The whip came down once again, and The Postman couldn't stop himself from crying out as the agony became even worse. He quickly muffled the yell, and kicked the front of the desk, forcing himself to remain obediently in place.

The whip came down again, and The Postman's entire body jerked in reaction to the pain, and he realized he was shivering uncontrollably in his attempts to control himself. Every fiber of his being wanted him to scream, to beg, to flee, but he instead forced himself to stay still. He could feel the blood dripping down his back, and he really hoped his back wasn't being completely shredded to pieces like Sakon's had. The next lash came, and The Postman bit down even harder on his arm, once again kicking the desk in front of him in an attempt to keep his composure.

To his knowledge, this was the worst pain he had ever felt in his life, but as the next lash connected, he saw a flash of a dark and dank cellar. A man was standing over him holding a bloody rattan cane, and he was bound to the wall. The Postman could remember a terrible pain that was so great, he'd begged for death.

" _When will you learn, boy_?"

Just as quickly as it came, the vision was gone, and The Postman was brought back to reality as yet another lash was brought down. Breathing hard from what he'd just seen, The Postman knew the remembered pain was much worse than this whipping ever would be. What was that? Was that a memory? It couldn't be, nothing like that had ever happened to him...

Another lash came down and The Postman let out a yell, and bit down so hard on his arm that he broke the skin. Letting out a low groan at the pain, The Postman finally opened his eyes and looked up, seeing that Ganondorf was still circling him, watching the beating critically. Letting his head slump down onto the desk, The Postman felt like he was going to be sick. As another lash came down, The Postman bit down so hard on his arm that his mouth filled with blood and he gagged. He was taken by surprise when Ganondorf batted his arm away from his mouth.

"Stop that." he ordered, his tone brooking no argument.

When another lash came down, The Postman dug his nails into the surface of the desk, it taking all of his resolve not to let out a scream of agony. Every stripe was just inches apart from each other, and The Postman was certain every inch of his back had to be marked by now. He was proved wrong, however, when then next lash came and it struck him across the shoulders just below his neck. To his relief, Iris then lowered her arm.

"Again." Ganondorf ordered.

Iris's eyes widened. "Sir?"

"AGAIN."

Iris looked down at The Postman's back, and didn't see anywhere else left to hit. His entire back was covered in bloody stripes. "But where...?" she asked in confusion.

"Cross the stripes."

Everyone watching winced in sympathy. Grimacing at what she had to do, Iris once again raised the whip. When the whip made contact, crossing the existing stripes, The Postman let out a strangled scream of agony, unable to stop himself. The pain reached a whole new, unbearable level, and The Postman started to pull away from the desk.

"If you move, she starts over." Ganondorf coldly informed him.

His legs were threatening to buckle, and The Postman honestly wasn't sure how much more he could take, but he forced himself to remain in place. When a second lash came down, he let out another scream, his breathing going ragged from trying to hold back his cries. When the third lash came down, The Postman let out a startled shriek, the agony so intense that he was sure he was going to faint. Gasping as the pain only seemed to get worse and worse, he slumped over the desk, dreading the next lash, but still not trying to avoid it.

"That's enough." Ganondorf announced to The Postman's immense relief. "Tracker, you may get up."

The Postman remained where he was, simply breathing harshly and unevenly, trying to get himself under control.

"Get up now, and look at me." Ganondorf ordered.

Taking a deep breath, The Postman straightened up and turned his gaze to the villain. Ganondorf was standing over him, arms crossed furiously, but he was looking slightly less angry than before.

"I trust you won't be so stupid as to get involved in The Thief's schemes ever again?"

"N-n-never again." The Postman vowed, keeping his eyes firmly on the floor.

Ganondorf nodded. "I don't have time to keep dealing with this sort of nonsense." he snapped. "I'm planning a war, and you incompetents keep wasting my time! I swear the next one of you to cause me a problem is going to be tossed on the front lines during battle!"

The Postman glanced over at his training class and saw every single one of them were staring at him with a mixture of surprise, horror, and respect. Adena silently gave him a thumbs up, so apparently he'd handled himself well enough. He blinked, and turned his attention to Ganondorf who set something on the desk in front of him. Looking down, he saw it was a new uniform, a sword, and a backpack.

"Sir?" The Postman questioned.

"If you're well enough to cause me a headache, you're well enough to go on a mission." Ganondorf informed him.

The Postman was not expecting this, but obediently nodded just the same.

"I'm aware that your magic still hasn't returned, but this should be easy enough for you to accomplish. Do you know where the fairy fountain is that's near the Kokiri Village?"

"Yes, Sir, it's in the Lost Woods."

"Good." Ganondorf replied, pushing a Fairy Stone into his hands. "Not many people know where the Kokiri village is located. I want you to collect all the fairies from the fountain, and bring them back to me. I don't want the Hero of Time having access to any fairies during this war."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"When you return, Captain Isa will oversee the rest of your punishment."

The Postman froze, and Ganondorf raised a brow in amusement. "You didn't think this was the only part of your punishment, did you? Your Captain is in charge of you, so any mistakes you make directly damage her reputation and her status. She has been informed of your indiscretion, and it is her responsibility to straighten you out. I imagine she will want you to report to her immediately upon your return."

The Postman winced. Captain Isa was going to kill him for this... He had a feeling he was going to be running laps for the rest of his life.

"You are to leave immediately and take Nightmare as your horse. This mission needs to be completed as fast as possible, and do not get caught."

"Yes, Sir, I just need to find my sister first." The Postman knew this would be a perfect opportunity to get her back home.

"Your sister will be fine here without you." Ganondorf replied, dismissively. "You'll be escorted to the stables, and you're to leave the moment the horse is saddled. Failure is not an option on this mission."

The Postman frowned, but nodded just the same. "Yes, Sir."

The Postman picked up his shirt but Ganondorf shook his head. "Leave the shirt off until you're in the stables." he ordered. "I want everyone to see your shame as you walk through the castle. Don't you even think of healing yourself either. If you complete your mission, I might allow you to be healed."

The Postman was in an unbelievable amount of pain, and knew he was in for a very unpleasant mission. Letting out a deep breath, he gave Ganondorf a nod.

"I need two people to accompany him to the stables." Ganondorf called out, glancing over at the trainees.

Iris and Adena stepped forward, and Ganondorf gave them a nod. "Make sure he does what he's supposed to with no delays."

"Yes, Lord Ganondorf." they both replied in unison.

The two girls picked up the backpack and other things to carry them for him, and The Postman slowly followed after them on shaky legs. Just as he reached the door, Ganondorf called after him.

"Oh, and Tracker?"

The Postman glanced over his shoulder.

"You handled yourself better than expected today."

The Postman gave him a surprised look. Was that a compliment?! "Thank you, Sir." he answered, following Adena and Iris out of the room.

The second they were alone in the hallway, Adena turned sympathetic eyes to him. "At least you didn't cry." she said. "Most people do during their first whipping."

"Adena cried like a little baby during her first whipping." Iris said with a giggle.

Adena scowled at her, and gave her a light, playful punch in the arm.

"Your whipping was a lot worse than they usually are though." Iris commented. "The only one who's ever gotten it worse than you is Sakon. I wanted to go easy on you, but Lord Ganondorf wouldn't let me."

"Maybe it's because you're a man?" Adena commented thoughtfully. "Perhaps Lord Ganondorf orders men to be beaten harder than women?"

This would not surprise The Postman in the least. Ganondorf clearly had a dislike for all things male just like the rest of the Gerudo people.

As they walked through the halls, absolutely everyone stared at him, and they openly pointed and talked about him to each other. The Postman felt humiliated, but tried his best not to look bothered by it.

"Hey, Darling, I've been looking all over for yo..." Sakon trailed off at the sight of The Postman's back and his eyes widened. "What happened to you?" he demanded.

The Postman gave him a look of death, and didn't stop walking. "What do you think?" he snarled. "Just go away, Sakon. Leave me alone."

Sakon stared after him, looking rather uncertain, and surprisingly he didn't follow, and he didn't say anything else.

By the time they reached the stable, The Postman was very glad to be able to put on his uniform to cover his bloodied back. The leather of the uniform rubbed painfully on the wounds and The Postman shifted about trying to make it more bearable. Unable to do so, he realized he was going to have to suffer like that for the entire mission. He put on his mask, and attached the sword to his belt without a word.

Letting out a sigh, The Postman approached Nightmare to get him saddled. The horse instantly recognized him, and gave him an affectionate nuzzle to the others' shock. Without a word, The Postman saddled him, and then mounted the horse, wincing as the movement stretched his wounds.

"Good luck." Adena told him, handing him the backpack and crystal.

The Postman gave her a nod, turned the horse, and rode out of the stables, hoping for once that one of his missions would go smoothly.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	30. The Postman and the Eternal Children

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 **Authornote: Sunday April 23th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another chapter out on time! (Well, it's technically still Sunday lol) I apologize if the chapter seems a bit rushed, I've been working very crazy hours at work this week. At least it's on time though! haha**

 **I may have made the last chapter a bit too violent because it looks like I may have lost a few readers because of it. Oops. I may have to tone down some descriptions in the upcoming war, if violence is very upsetting to some. Please let me know if the last chapter was too much, and I'll make sure to tone down any descriptions of violence in the future.**

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 **We're almost to the end of part 2 of this series, and there are only a few chapters left. (Only 2-3 left!) Make sure to get your votes in before the final chapter! :D**

 **X**

 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 9 Votes**

 **His Real Name 6 Votes**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **darkerthanlight** \- Well, to him, it probably does seem to be that way! lol

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 **defiant-decay \- **Sakon is indeed trying to be friendly, but The Postman finds him irritating. lol I totally picture Sakon moving like that at all times! It makes me laugh any time I picture him running. I think someone in a later chapter comments on the way he runs, but I can't remember for sure. XD

The Postman may not be tall, handsome, or physically strong, but he does have unbreakable loyalty and dedication. The Gerudo are all starting to respect that, and even Ganondorf sees the value of someone so loyal. They were also surprised and impressed at how well he could take a beating, considering he worked as a postman his entire life (Sakon is a total wimp when it comes to things like that. He has no problem, begging, pleading and bawling throughout a whipping. He has no sense of shame, so it doesn't bother him in the least. lol.)

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 **Reiz16 \- **The Postman is a kind person, and he doesn't like to see anyone suffer, even if it is Sakon. lol The Postman is amazingly stubborn, and that's why he could get through that whipping without making a fuss. ;)

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 24**

 **The Postman and the Eternal Children**

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Nightmare tore across the desert, the enormous black horse running through the sands as fluidly as a fish in water. Despite the smooth ride, The Postman still winced with every stride, the movement stretching and irritating the wounds on his back. The Postman had a feeling Ganondorf knew how painful this would be, and that was the reason the Gerudo had refused to heal him until after the mission.

Looking down at the crystal, The Postman turned it over in his hands, wondering what sort of magic was involved in making it. Ganondorf seemed quite adept at creating magical objects, and The Postman was curious at how it was done. This was something that was only briefly mentioned in his textbooks, and it didn't explain the actual process for binding the magic to the object. Was it a spell? A potion? Or was it something completely different? The Postman decided he would ask Koume and Kotake about it just to satisfy his curiosity. That is, if they weren't still mad at him...

Nightmare passed through the outer Gerudo villages, and after a few minutes, the main Gerudo Fortress came into view. The Postman could see most of the Gerudo army were camped in front of it, and as he approached, several soldiers approached to meet him. He stopped the horse as they held out their spears, and he gave them a friendly wave.

"No one is to leave Gerudo Territory right now." one of the soldiers told him.

"I'm on a mission for Lord Ganondorf." The Postman replied. "I need to travel to the Lost Woods to collect fairies for the army."

"Oh." the soldier replied. "I thought you were The Thief. He's been known to sneak out every now and then. Lord Ganondorf told us to keep an eye out for him."

"May I pass?" The Postman asked. "This mission needs to be completed as quickly as possible."

The soldier nodded. "Be careful on your mission, the Hylians have begun amassing their armies. Hyrule is dangerous right now, so use extreme caution."

"Thank you, miss." The Postman replied. "I'll be careful."

The soldiers stepped aside, and The Postman gave a light nudge to Nightmare who continued on his way. As the horse crossed the Gerudo Valley bridge, The Postman kept his eyes trained forward, just wanting to get this mission over with. Catching a few fairies was easy enough, and with the crystal he wouldn't have to worry about them being lost or stolen. No one besides Ganondorf could activate the crystal to get the fairies out.

Only minutes later, he passed the border leading into Hyrule, and he urged the horse to go faster. Nightmare could sense The Postman's anxiety, and it narrowed its eyes wondering what it was that was bothering the human. Nightmare had been trained as a warhorse, and he had rode into many battles with his master, and he was very used to paying very close attention to his rider as well as his surroundings.

They began crossing Hyrule Field, and The Postman didn't see any signs of the Hylian Army. He had assumed they would have begun camping in the field by now, but it looked like they weren't yet ready to mobilize. Now he understood why Ganondorf hadn't waited for his magic to heal, and why he wanted him to be as fast as possible, he knew the Hylian army would soon be blocking off the Gerudo Territory.

The Postman slowly began to relax as they crossed the field and he wondered if he could get back to the castle before dark. Nightmare's hooves sounded like thunder against the hard earth of the path, and The Postman knew anyone could hear them coming from miles away. Sure enough, when he approached Castletown, several soldiers were standing near the destroyed gate, simply watching him as he neared. When they saw that he wore a Gerudo uniform, they gave a startled yell to someone inside the guardhouse, and to The Postman's horror, Link charged out, sword drawn.

The Postman met the hero's eyes, and Link gave him an outraged look and yelled at him to stop. The Postman gave a kick to Nightmare and the horse obediently broke into a full gallop. Although Link had no horse of his own, he knew he couldn't allow this Gerudo to escape once again, and so he mounted one of the guards horses. Giving chase, Link grabbed his bow and pulled back the string, taking careful aim. Letting the arrow fly, it missed and hit the ground beside Nightmare. Grabbing another arrow, Link took another shot and this time it hit its mark.

The Postman wasn't expecting the sudden stab of agony and he let out a startled cry, which only spurred Nightmare to run even faster. Gasping at the pain, The Postman reached back and discovered an arrow lodged firmly into his side. Glancing back at Link, he saw the hero was drawing back his bow for a third shot. Eyes widening, The Postman gave a desperate kick to Nightmare, who sensed the fear and tried to push himself to go even faster.

Link let loose the arrow and The Postman could do nothing but watch as it came straight towards him. It hit the horse in the flank, and Nightmare let out a shrill exclamation of pain and reared up, knocking The Postman out of his saddle. The Postman hit the ground hard, the arrow stabbing in even deeper and his ankle twisting underneath him, and he let out a low groan of pain. He looked up just in time to see Nightmare run off in a panic, and he knew he had to move fast or Link was going to catch up to him.

Rolling to his uninjured side, The Postman clutched at the arrow, holding it steady as he struggled to his feet. Grabbing his backpack off the ground, he began limping his way towards the Forest, hoping to hide there from the hero. If he could make it to the fairy fountain, he could heal himself with a fairy before he bled to death, and hopefully escape. He wasn't sure if the arrow had hit anything vital, but it was bleeding a lot and it was incredibly painful. Knowing he was having a substantial amount of bad luck lately, The Postman hoped this was where he'd finally get a bit of luck.

Hobbling his way into the forest, The Postman crossed the wooden bridge leading into the Kokiri Village, having no idea how he was going to climb up the cliff to the Lost Woods in his condition. The second he entered the Kokiri Village, he was swarmed by a large group of children almost as if they were waiting for him.

"Postman!" Saria called out with a grin.

"You've been gone so long!" Mido growled, trying his best to look angry.

"Where have you been?" Fado demanded. "We were worried!"

"You've never been gone so long, Postman! It's been forever!" another cried out, pulling at his sleeve.

The Postman blinked and then reached up to make sure he was still wearing his mask. The mask was securely in place, and he looked down at the group of children in confusion.

"How do you know who I am?" he asked.

Saria giggled as if it were a foolish question. "You can't trick us with a mask, postman! We can feel your magic! Your magic is unique only to you, so even if we were blind, we'd still know it was you!"

"Oh." The Postman replied awkwardly.

He hadn't been aware that the Kokiri could sense magic. Did that mean they'd always known he had magic, even before he knew it himself?

One of the Kokiri let out a gasp. "Postman, you're hurt!"

The Postman looked down at his side, and saw he was bleeding worse than before. The Kokiri swarmed to look at the injury, but The Postman side-stepped them.

"What happened?" Saria demanded. "That's one of Link's arrows!"

The Postman had no idea how to explain this to a bunch of children, so he said. "I need to get to the Lost Woods to heal myself."

Saria exchanged a look with the others and it almost seemed as if they were having a silent conversation between themselves. Finally Saria nodded and grabbed The Postman by the sleeve.

"Come with me." she ordered, pulling him towards Mido's house.

"I can't stay." The Postman told her, pulling his arm away. "It's not safe for me here. Link will be here at any moment. I don't have time to explain things, but Link and I are now enemies."

The Postman glanced over his shoulder nervously, but there was no sign of the hero yet. Saria cocked her head, but didn't look concerned.

"Link won't harm you here." she promised.

The Postman shook his head. "I know Link is your friend and that you think very highly of him, but he will kill me if he catches up with me. I need to keep moving."

Saria stubbornly stood in his way. "You are connected to us Kokiri in many ways, Postman. Your magic is different than Link's, and you will be safe here because of it. Link's magic has never been right for our village, and although he's our friend, he's not one of us. I will always aid him in his quests, but Kokiri are not violent. Your magic is confused and tainted, but you have the soul of a green magic user."

The Postman frowned in confusion.

Saria continued, once again taking him by the arm. "We are the forest children, the eternal spirits of this village, and no fighting will take place here. We will not allow it. You are always welcome here, and you are protected. Haven't you ever wondered why you could find our village when it's hidden from all outsiders?"

The Postman shook his head.

"The forest knows your magic is no threat to us, and it allows you safe passage. If you were evil, you'd find yourself lost in the forest for days, but you'd never even come close to nearing our village. The forest protects those it sees as its own."

"I'm not a Kokiri..." The Postman stated, none of this making any sense to him.

"No, you're not." Saria agreed. "But your magic shares roots with ours, and therefore the forest will protect you. This is where Farore departed our world for the heavens many, many years ago. She still protects us, and all those that belong to her."

"Farore gave green magic to the world, my magic is red." The Postman responded.

Saria frowned at him, and knew it would be difficult to explain to him the fact she could sense both red and green magic within him. Instead, she tugged at his sleeve a bit more forcefully.

"Come inside quickly, postman. The forest is likely keeping Link lost in the forest until you're safe. We need to hide you before he gets here. Please, let us keep you safe."

The Postman knew the Kokiri had been friends with Link for the hero's entire life, and he couldn't understand why they would help him like this. The Kokiri had always been extremely friendly when he'd visited the village in the past, and if he didn't have any other deliveries, he would often spend a bit of time in the village, telling the children stories, or simply chatting. They were incredibly curious and used to ask him anything and everything about the outside world. The Postman had twelve younger siblings, and so he was very used to children, and he'd patiently indulged their questions.

"Hurry, come on!" Saria urged. "Please!"

Without a word, The Postman nodded, and allowed himself to be pulled into Mido's small house. Hoping he hadn't made a grave mistake, The Postman closed the door after them, and Saria motioned for him to take a seat on the child-sized bed.

"Let me take a look." she said, kneeling next to him to look at the wound.

The arrow was deeply embedded, and she winced. "We'll heal you." she promised. "But you need to sleep while the arrow is removed."

The Postman immediately shook his head. "I can't. Link is on his way, and I have a mission to complete. If I'm asleep, I'll be completely helpless."

"I told you, you're safe here." Saria responded, still frowning at the wound. Saria then turned her gaze upwards. "Farore, please lend me your power. Please make him sleep without pain while we, your chosen ones, heal him."

"Saria, what are you..." The Postman never got to finish that sentence because he was hit with a sudden tiredness so great, he couldn't resist it, and he slumped over unconscious. Saria caught him before he could land on the arrow, and with a great shove, she pushed him onto his back. Giving him one more look, she turned to leave the house, knowing she had to now deal with Link.

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Saria closed the door after her as she left Mido's house and she gave a nod to the other Kokiri. They turned their gaze to the entrance of the village, and sure enough, only moments later, Link charged into the village looking both angry and confused. He had traveled hundreds of times to the Kokiri Village in his lifetime, but for some reason he found himself lost today, unable to find the bridge leading into the village. He couldn't understand how that had happened, but he assumed it was some sort of trick caused by the Gerudo.

He had seen one of his arrows strike her, and knew she wouldn't have been able to get far in that condition. Worried about his friends, the Kokiri, Link saw them gathered nearby and rushed over to check on them. Saria gave him a smile and a friendly wave.

"Hi, Link!" she greeted. "You haven't visited us in a while."

Link looked one way and then another, but there didn't seem to be anything amiss in the village. Frowning, Link returned the wave.

"I was tracking a Gerudo through the forest, but I lost her." Link explained. "Have you seen anyone come through the village?"

Saria immediately shook her head. "No, you're our first visitor in a long time." she told him.

"She couldn't have gotten too far." Link stated, giving another glance around. "I injured her with an arrow, and she was losing a lot of blood."

Saria turned her gaze downwards and saw there was a small puddle of blood just in front of her. She quickly took a step forward and stood on it, hiding it from view. "Why are you trying to find the Gerudo?" she asked in concern. "What did she do?"

Link didn't want to worry them too much, so he simply said. "She's an enemy of Hyryle, and an enemy of me. I have to capture her immediately for questioning and bring her to the castle."

"Why is she your enemy? What did she do?"

Link should have known that such a vague answer wouldn't cut it with Saria. Letting a sigh, he explained. "She's caused massive damages to Hyrule Castletown, she's kidnapped at least two people, she's tried to kill me, she's stolen Epona, and she's been assisting Ganondorf's return to power."

Saria knew The Postman, and she could sense how pure his fractured green magic was. There was no possible way he had ever purposely hurt anyone, or his magic would have become irreparably tainted. He was clearly innocent, but how could she make Link see this? Link did not have green magic, and therefore he would never be able to understand what she could sense in people.

She knew Link was forced into this life of violence from the time he was a child, and that he wasn't truly at fault, but Kokiri didn't kill, and it made them rather uncomfortable. From the time Link had killed his first Deku Baba on his very first mission, Link was forever changed. He had taken blood, and that was something that could never be erased. When she looked at Link, she could see his red magic was shadowed with countless deaths, and it was enough to make her shudder. It felt wrong to her, but she knew Link was different than her, and that he would continue to kill for the rest of his life. Such was the life of a hero. Link was their friend, however, and he was always welcome to visit them whenever he wanted, but he didn't belong in the peaceful forest.

"Do you think that you could be mistaken about the Gerudo?" Saria asked. "Perhaps everything is not how it seems? If you talk things over with her, you both might be able to come to an understanding. Forgiveness and patience can stop wars, Link."

Link immediately shook his head. "There's no mistake, and I will never forgive her for what she's done." he stated with finality. "She needs to be stopped one way or another before she does any more damage to Hyrule."

Saria had been hoping there was some sort of misunderstanding, but this was clearly not the case. Link had made up his mind on the matter, and there'd be no convincing him otherwise. He had stopped asking for her advise many years ago, and he wouldn't listen to her. He had grown stubborn, and was getting to be very set in his ways.

"I'm going to look around the village to make sure she's not here." Link announced, giving another glance around. "She has to be nearby."

They were still standing next to Mido's house and that was the first place that Link turned his attention. Link only took two steps before Mido stepped forward and pushed him back aggressively.

"Don't even think about it!" Mido cried out angrily, placing his hands on his hips. "That's my house, and you're not allowed inside it!"

Link rolled his eyes at his former bully. One would have assumed that Mido would have gotten over his animosity by now, but Mido still disliked him just as fiercely as he had ten years previously.

"I'm just making sure the Gerudo isn't hiding anywhere." Link told him, his tone coming across as condescending, and Mido bristled.

Although the Kokiri were indeed children, they didn't appreciate being spoken to as one. Mido narrowed his eyes and didn't move.

"I said you're not allowed in my house!" Mido said. "Only my friends are allowed in there, and you are not my friend."

"Mido, don't be cruel." Saria admonished. "Link is only trying to do what he thinks is best." she turned her gaze back to Link. "You may search all the houses if the owners give you permission."

"I don't give my permission." Mido growled.

Link rolled his eyes again, and turned away. "I'll do a quick search of the other houses and then be on my way." he said. "If she's not here, she must still be in the forest."

True to his word, Link poked his head into each and every little house, but saw no signs of the Gerudo. After searching a few more potential hiding places and finding nothing, Link came back to the Kokiri.

"Stay away from my house!" Mido warned.

Ignoring him, Link turned to Saria. "I'll be back later, after I've searched the forest. Keep everyone in the village as a safety precaution until I return . I don't know what the Gerudo is planning, and I don't want any of you getting hurt."

Saria nodded. "Don't worry, Link, I will always take care of all of Farore's children, we are under her protection as long as we remain in this village. None of us will be harmed here."

Link gave her an odd look for her choice of words, but nodded all the same. "Just be careful, alright? I'll be back soon."

The Kokiri watched as Link climbed up to the entrance to the Lost Woods, and a moment later he was gone. The children all let out a collective sigh of relief. Saria instantly took charge.

"Alright, everyone, we need to get some healing herbs, and some Deku leaves. Mido and I will prepare The Postman while everyone else gets the herbs. Let's hurry now before Link returns!"

The Kokiri all scattered, and Mido and Saria entered the house to check on The Postman. He was exactly where she'd left him, and she quickly approached, checking on the wound.

"Help me get him on the floor, Mido. We're going to have to cut his shirt off of him to get at that arrow."

Mido nodded, and together they carefully moved The Postman face down onto the floor. Saria drew her knife she kept on her belt out of its sheath, and immediately got to work, cutting the shirt off of him. As she cut the tough leather, she paused when she saw blood on The Postman's shoulder. Quickly slicing down the side of the shirt, she pulled the fabric away, revealing the mess that was The Postman's back. Saria let out a gasp of horror at the sight of the bloody, and painful looking stripes, and she could tell the wounds were very fresh. There wasn't a single spot on the entire back that wasn't either bloody or welted, and she shook her head in disbelief.

"Did Link do this?!" she asked in horror. "Poor postman! He's hurt very badly! How could Link do this to someone?!"

Mido frowned at the back, and he too wondered if Link was responsible. All evidence pointed to the hero, and he glanced down at the arrow with a scowl. He'd never liked Link, and this only justified it in his mind.

"I'm going to get some water to wash the blood away." he told Saria.

As Mido left, Saria continued cutting the rest of The Postman's shirt away so that they'd have full access to his wounds. Only minutes later Mido and the rest of the Kokiri returned, carrying water and crushed herbs. They all helped to carefully clear the blood away from the back, and Saria then had the unpleasant task of pulling out the arrow. Link's arrows were barbed and so despite being incredibly careful, the damage was massive, and a chunk of flesh was pulled out with the arrow.

Saria quickly covered the wound with the crushed forest herbs and then pressed a Deku Leaf down on top of it, sealing the paste inside. She then did the same with each and every injury caused by the whip. When she was finished, she looked down at her work and was satisfied that she'd done all that she could.

Saria looked up, and every Kokiri was looking upset and a little angry. What could she possibly say to them when it was clear who had done this? Shaking her head sadly, she reached over and took Mido by the hand, giving the hand a reassuring squeeze. Mido looked just plain angry, but he returned the squeeze, and glanced towards the door.

"Link could return at any time." he stated. "We should wait outside for him."

Saria nodded in agreement. "Postman will be fine now, our magic will heal him while he sleeps. The only thing he needs now is time."

As the Kokiri filed out of the house, Saria gave one last look to The Postman. She hoped he'd be safe once he left the safety of the village, but she knew how dangerous the world could be for green magic users. She only hoped The Postman wouldn't be forced to corrupt himself.

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The soldiers at the Gerudo Fortress looked up as they saw a horse approaching. They quickly recognized Nightmare, but the horse was by himself.

"Where's The Tracker?" one of the soldiers wondered out loud.

As the horse passed by them, they caught sight of the arrow embedded in the horse's side, and they exchanged grave looks.

"Lord Ganondorf will have to be informed of this."

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Minoko pushed the wheelchair through the market, and laughed brightly at the excitement going on around her. Milan smiled as well, this being the first time she'd left the castle in over a month, and Minoko's happiness was catching.

"Slow down!" Milan laughed. "You're going to crash me into someone!"

"Naw, I'm a good driver." Minoko replied. "My dad used to sometimes let me drive our cart to the market. I've never once crashed!"

"Well, don't make me your first!" Milan answered. "I don't need any more broken bones!"

"We need to hurry!" Minoko insisted. "The puppet show is about to start and I need to find out what happened to Princess Arietta!"

"There's still time." Milan assured her. "It doesn't start for another ten minutes."

Minoko didn't look reassured. "What if they decide to start early? I don't want to miss anything!"

Milan simply shook her head in amusement. She'd only known Minoko for a few days now, but lately it seemed like a tiny ray of hope had found its way into her heart. Everything seemed a little easier, and she wasn't as lonely or as sad as before. She'd felt so good in fact, she'd announced to the doctor that she wanted Minoko to take her out for some air. The doctor had been incredibly surprised, but she'd quickly given her permission, and had instructed Minoko to be careful.

When they reached the puppet show, Minoko found them a good spot where they wouldn't be in the way, and happily sat down on the ground to wait. Milan glanced around, and then held out a few rupees to the girl.

"Why don't you go get us some snacks?"

Minoko sprung back to her feet, and eagerly seized the rupees. "Okay! I'll be right back!"

Milan watched the girl go, and she smiled, laying a hand down on her stomach, rubbing it affectionately. When she'd found out she was pregnant, she'd been angry and scared, but now, when she looked at Minoko, she thought that perhaps it wouldn't be so bad having a daughter. She just hoped her daughter would have as much spirit and kindness as Minoko did.

Minoko returned a few minutes later with some candied almonds, and two bottles of mango juice. She handed Milan hers, and then took her seat just as the puppet show began. Milan barely paid attention to the show, instead enjoying the atmosphere of the market around her. She found herself forgetting her troubles, and she laughed along with Minoko, and also jeered along with her as well. When the show was over, Minoko bounced to her feet excitedly, hugging her doll to her chest as she did so.

"That was even better than last time!" she exclaimed. "I love Princess Arietta! I wish I could be just like her!"

"Did you know she was a real person?" Milan asked.

Minoko's eyes widened. "She was?!"

Milan nodded. "She lived over a thousand years ago, and she alone protected our people from domination by outside nations. She fought in many battles, and she was best warrior our nation has ever seen."

"What happened to her?" Minoko asked.

"One of the neighbouring countries kidnapped her newborn daughter, and she was killed trying to fight her way to rescue her child. She died nobly in battle, and we will never forget her."

Minoko frowned. "What happened to the baby?"

Milan shrugged. "No one knows, but it was assumed that she was killed to set an example."

"That's horrible." Minoko commented. "Why would they do that?"

"War makes people do horrible things to each other." Milan replied. "Every side does things they regret afterwards."

"Poor Princess Arietta." Minoko said with a sigh, giving another hug to her doll.

"Where should we go next?" Milan asked, looking around. "Do you want me to show you a neat little spot I used to enjoy as a child?"

Minoko gave a nod. "Sure! Which way?"

Milan pointed deeper into the market. "Go that way and I'll tell you how to get there."

Minoko approached the wheelchair to push it, but looked up as two soldiers shoved their way through the crowds, their eyes on Minoko. Minoko paused, and Milan looked at the soldiers with a frown, wondering what it was they wanted.

"Minoko?" one of them questioned.

"Yes?" Minoko demanded, suspiciously. "If this is about me skipping training, I had permission to skip today from my brother. You can ask him if you don't believe me!"

"We're here about your brother." one of them replied. "He left on a mission this morning and his horse just returned without a rider."

Minoko's eyes widened in horror. "Maybe he sent the horse back because he didn't need it." she suggested.

"Lord Ganondorf ordered him to use the horse, miss, and it returned with an arrow stuck in its haunches. I'm sorry, but at this point we have to assume he's injured or dead."

The other soldier elbowed her partner. "Don't be so insensitive!" she scolded. "The kid just lost her brother!"

Minoko let out a gasp. "NO!" she yelled. "He's fine! You'll see, he'll come back!"

The soldier shook her head. "There's Hylian soldiers everywhere in the field, and if he's not dead, then he's been captured. We have to assume The Tracker is gone, and rescue is impossible at this point."

Milan's eyes widened. Minoko was The Tracker's sister?! She'd assumed Minoko was the relative of a traveling merchant, and she'd never asked for any details of her family. She stared at Minoko as the little girl's face crumpled in anguish and she could now see the resemblance. Minoko stared at the soldiers as if in shock, and then ran from them into the market, dropping her doll to the ground. Milan stared after her with a deep frown, and then reached down to pick up the doll.

"We'll help you back to the castle, miss Milan." one of the soldiers said.

Milan said nothing at all, feeling conflicted and angry about the whole thing. She wanted to hate Minoko, but she found she simply couldn't. As much as she disliked The Tracker, it was clear Minoko loved her brother, and the child had just lost her only family in the area. Frowning, Milan still stayed silent as she was pushed through the market, back towards the castle.

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When The Postman awoke, the first thing he became aware of was the fact he was no longer in any pain. Opening his eyes, he saw Saria was seated next to him and she was applying some sort of green paste to his back. She smiled at him when she saw he was awake, and he turned his head slightly to watch what she was doing. He saw his entire back was wrapped in leaves, and he gave her a questioning look.

"You're just about healed." she told him. "Farore favours you, and she allowed you to be healed. Stay still for a few more minutes, and then you'll be fine."

"What is that?" The Postman asked, gesturing towards the paste.

"Forest herbs that we infused with our magic." Saria replied. "This is a secret that we Kokiri possess."

"Why not just use a fairy or potion?" The Postman asked, curiously. "Wouldn't that work a lot faster?"

Saria nodded. "If it was a simple physical wound, they would work fine, but your magic is dangerously low, and they wouldn't help you with that. Kokiri green magic heals both magic and injuries."

The Postman didn't know the Kokiri possessed healing abilities, and gave her a grateful nod. "Thank you for your help." he said.

"Don't worry about it. You've always been kind to us, and we're just repaying the favour."

"Why did Link not find me?" The Postman asked.

"We told him you weren't here." Saria answered truthfully. "I know that you're not a bad person, and Link is mistaken about you. I would never allow him to hurt an innocent person."

"Thank you." The Postman said again, relieved that at least one person didn't think he was a monster.

All of a sudden, without warning, a deep burning sensation spread through The Postman's chest like a vein of fire. The sensation became more and more intense, and The Postman clutched at his chest in surprise, not sure what was happening. It felt as through floodgates had been opened and he knew his magic had returned with a vengeance. The sensation was very different however, and the only way he could describe it was to compare it to a raging battle within. His magic felt like it was fighting itself, and The Postman squeezed his eyes closed, just wishing it would stop.

Saria rested a hand on his head in comfort. "Your magic has been fully restored, but it won't be easy for you." she explained. "Your red magic is unnatural and it conflicts with your natural green magic. Both are now equally as strong, and they will be forever fighting each other for dominance. You may never be able to use either, unless you learn to control them entirely and completely, bending them to your will."

Grimacing at the pain in his chest, The Postman turned to look at the girl. "Green magic?" he questioned.

Saria nodded. "You have both magics." she confirmed.

The Postman remembered seeing a second vein of magic within himself, and wondered if this was why he'd had trouble controlling his magic up until now. Why wouldn't Koume and Kotake have told him about this though? Why would they keep it a secret?

The horrible sensation began to lessen and The Postman let out a sigh of relief as the tightness in his chest disappeared. Slowly sitting up, he rested a hand over his chest, able to feel his magic, and not realizing how much he'd missed the feeling.

"I can sense where people are again." he told Saria. "I thought my magic wouldn't work?"

"Your magic is still alive, postman, and as such small things will still instinctively be done. Both magics will always try to protect you, but it's uncontrolled and could be dangerous if it overreacts. You will need to learn to fight your magic, and learn how to control them."

It seemed strange to be receiving such sound advice from someone who looked to be about ten years old. The Postman knew the Kokiri were ageless, and so Saria could be hundreds of years old for all he knew, and so he had a feeling she knew exactly what she was talking about. The Postman still wanted to know why the witches had never told him any of this. Wouldn't it have helped him if he'd known exactly what was wrong with his magic?

Saria began peeling the Deku Leaves off of The Postman's back, and she was satisfied when she saw his back was now unmarked. She wiped the excess paste off the back with a cloth and then gave him a smile.

"You're healed." she informed him.

The Postman got to his feet and then reached for his backpack, hoping there was a change of clothes inside. He was in luck, and he pulled out a fresh shirt, and quickly put it on.

"I really need to get going." The Postman told her. "I still have to complete my mission, and then get home safely. Link is still out there looking for me."

"When it's a safer time for you, come back and tell me everything." Saria said. "I want to know what's been going on between you and Link."

"When I have time." The Postman promised.

Shouldering his backpack, and putting his mask back on, The Postman left the house with Saria following along behind him. The moment he was outside, the other eleven Kokiri rushed over to greet him. A few hugged him in relief, and The Postman carefully disentangled himself away from them.

"Thank you." he said to them all. "But I have to go. I'll visit soon."

Not wanting to delay any further, The Postman climbed up to the entrance to the Lost Woods and entered. He easily navigated the maze, and only a few minutes later, he came to the forest's secret fairy fountain. Glancing around for signs of danger, The Postman hopped down through the small hold leading to the fountain, and then hurried down the hall to where he could see dozens of healing fairies. Pulling out the crystal, The Postman stepped into the fountain and held it out to capture the first fairy.

"I knew you'd come here eventually if I waited. I saw my arrow make contact."

The Postman spun around and saw Link standing against the far wall, sword drawn. Dropping the crystal in surprise, he backed up as Link blocked the only exit.

"I'm only giving you one last chance to surrender yourself peacefully." Link told him. "I'm through giving you chances, and if you don't come peacefully, I will use any force necessary."

The Postman backed up another step.

"Throw your sword far away from yourself." Link ordered.

Not having much choice, The Postman unlatched his sword and tossed it towards the hero.

"What is that thing?" Link demanded, motioning down to the crystal.

The Postman glanced down at the crystal, but didn't answer.

"Is that the weapon you've been using to blow things up?"

When he still didn't get an answer, Link took a step forward threateningly. "Kick it over to me." he ordered.

The Postman did so, and Link knelt down to pick it up, keeping an eye on The Postman as he did so. Link turned the crystal over it his hands, but had no idea what it was.

"What is this?" he demanded.

The Postman still said nothing, and Link was quickly getting frustrated. "I know you can understand me!" he snarled. "Answer me!"

The Postman stayed stubbornly silent and Link narrowed his eyes. "Place your hands on top of your head and don't move." he ordered.

The Postman did as he was told, still not seeing a way out of this. Link cautiously approached, and reached out a hand to grab a hold of him, watching The Postman warily. Nothing happened, and Link forced The Postman's arms behind his back, twisting them painfully as he did so.

"You're coming back with me to the castle." Link announced, "and then we'll see if we can get an answer out of you."

The Postman winced at his rough treatment, but didn't make a single sound, knowing that the hero still didn't know who he was.

"There's just one more thing..." Link said, almost as an after-thought. "This is for kidnapping my friends and my horse."

The Postman glanced over his shoulder at Link just in time to see a fist make contact with his face, bloodying his nose. The Postman realized Link had made a terrible mistake when he felt his magic react in fury, and he knew it was about to explode. Throwing himself backwards, The Postman took Link by surprise and knocked the hero off of him just as his magic released into a deafening boom. Link was hit by the blast and sent flying back, landing hard on the other side of the fountain. The Postman stared at Link in horror, realizing how close his magic had come to killing the hero. Rushing over, he checked on Link, and pulled his head out of the water so he wouldn't drown. Link was still breathing, so The Postman dragged him out of the water, and reclaimed the crystal.

Keeping a wary eye on the hero, The Postman began collecting the fairies, going as fast as he could. When there was just one fairy left, he approached it, but didn't capture it like the others.

"When I'm gone, could you please heal Link?" he asked it in a whisper.

The fairy seemed to consider his request, and then it bobbed up in down in what The Postman assumed was a nod.

"Thank you." he whispered. "Just make sure I'm long gone first."

The Postman collected his sword from the water, and then shoved the now heavy crystal inside his backpack, throwing it over one shoulder hurriedly. He started down the hallway, but then stopped, turning back to stare down at Link thoughtfully. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out a very crumpled letter and stared down at it. Kneeling down, he placed it on top of Link's chest, and then turned, and hurried out of the fountain.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday!**


	31. Goodbye Minoko, Hello War

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 **Authornote: Friday April 28th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another chapter updated on time! I seem to be a roll lately! haha I already have Sunday's chapter pretty much finished, so it should be out on time as well. I just need to do a bit of editing and proofreading on it, and then it will be all set! I apologize if there are any typos in this chapter, because I, once again, am working very long hours at work, and didn't have a lot of time to go over it.**

 **I went waaaay overboard on this chapter and it ended up being over 10,000 words in length. I probably should have broken it up into two separate chapters...oops. Oh, well, I hope you guys enjoy this monster of a chapter. There is now only one chapter left before Part 3 begins, and the update will be on Sunday.**

 **Part three of this story is not nearly as long as part 2, but a lot of stuff happens in it. It's not nearly as serious as part two has been. Be prepared for red pompadors, creepy men who sell masks, and a very girly pet owned by Ganondorf. :D**

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 **We're almost to the end of part 2 of this series, and there is only 1 chapter left! Make sure to get your votes in before this Sunday! :D**

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 **I'm going to put this to a vote : When we find out The Postman's name, do you guys want me to switch to using the name or continue referring to him as The Postman? I've gotten several PMs about this, so I'm going to let you guys decide. The vote will be decided on the last chapter of Part 2. I'm keeping track of any votes I receive by review or PM.**

 **Vote count so far:**

 **The Postman: 9 Votes**

 **His Real Name 6 Votes**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **UltraZordLordHarryKetcham** \- Things are starting to come together now, and I hope you enjoy the final 2 chapters of the story. (There will be more starting in part 3) :D

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 **Loki-Liesmith** \- Thanks for the review! I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I was rather worried that it was too violent for the 'T'' rating, but you've assured me.

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 **Rainmy \- **Yeah, I probably should make sure to clearly warn at the beginnings of chapters if there's going to be violence. I'm trying hard not to exceed the 'T' rating on this story. I think I'll be fine though, as long as I don't get too bloodthirsty. lol

I really love the Kokiri too, but I hate when i read them in stories and they act nothing at all like children. I like the idea that they're eternally innocent, but yet they retain all their learned knowledge. :) Link does indeed know he has red magic, but he has never considered the fact that his magic is very similar to Ganondorf's. Link's education is rather spotty from growing up as a warrior, and there's much he doesn't realize about himself.

I agree that Link does need some professional help. He's been fighting for too long and it's begun to affect him.

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 **jigbashmop** \- Thank you for your review. I've always enjoyed villains more than heroes, and so most of my stories are from the villains point of view. :D

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 **darkerthanlight** \- Ganondorf is indeed going to be very surprised this chapter! ^_^

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 **Guest** \- I really REALLY want to answer your question, but you're right about it being a huge spoiler. The only thing I can say is not to worry about The Postman becoming a Mary Sue, the plot of the story is still the same as it was before. ;)

Don't worry, The Postman will eventually explain things to the Kokiri and clear Link's name. He'd never purposely let Link take the blame for something Ganondorf did! Link definitely thinks he's protecting Hyrule with his actions, and to him, The Postman is a dangerous villain trying to hurt people. He has no way of knowing otherwise. :)

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 **Reiz16 \- **I love the Kokiri as well, and I find them absolutely adorable. :D Milan is indeed starting to learn, but we're not quite through with her yet! :D

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 25**

 **Goodbye Minoko**

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When Link was revived by the fairy a few minutes later, he jumped to his feet furiously, but discovered the 'Gerudo' was long gone. Something fluttered to the floor and Link looked down at the piece of paper in confusion. Frowning in suspicion, he knelt down to pick it up, and saw it was a letter addressed to him. Furrowing his brow, Link ripped open the envelope, pulled out the letter and unfolded it.

Link's eyes widened when he saw it was a letter from Darunia. He knew the letter was genuine as he could recognize his blood-brother's messy handwriting anywhere. The letter said the Goron Chief had gone to visit another Goron tribe far to the north for a few weeks. Darunia hadn't been kidnapped after all!

Feeling relieved, Link knew he'd have to somehow get in contact with Darunia. Darunia was unaware of how strained the relationship between the Gerudo Nation and Hyrule had become as of late. The impending war was just on the horizon, and Link knew he'd have to convince Darunia to join the Hylians in the war against Ganondorf.

Link gave another frown to the letter. This was obviously the letter that had gone missing from Darunia's chambers a few weeks ago. Where had it come from? Did the Gerudo have it? Why would she give it to him now of all times? Why give it to him at all? The letter was unopened and it was clear she hadn't even read the letter she'd stolen. Why? None of this made any sense to Link and he shook his head in confusion.

Folding the letter over and placing it inside his tunic, Link gave a glance around the dried up fountain and saw every single fairy had been taken. Realizing that was likely the Gerudo's goal all along, Link let out a frustrated huff. Ganondorf must have begun gathering fairies for the war, and Link hadn't thought to begin stockpiling them in advance. Letting out a curse, Link knew Fairy Fountains were rare nowadays and most had dried up long ago. He was going to have a hard time locating fairies, and he'd definitely never be able to find enough to supply the entire Hylian army. Ganondorf was going to have that advantage over them...

Frustrated, Link sheathed his sword, gave one more glance to the empty fountain before turning and heading for the entrance. Once he got in touch with Darunia, the Gorons, the Zora, and the Hylians would finally be united to take on Ganondorf. The Gerudo Nation would not stand a chance at their combined might. This war was happening, and Link would lead the armies to victory, and Ganondorf would finally be annihilated.

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The Postman ran as fast as he could through the Lost Woods, wanting to get as far away from Link as possible before the hero woke. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been so full of energy or free from pain, and The Postman was glad for the kind Kokiri children. Without them, Link definitely would have caught up with him in the Lost woods before he ever would have been able to make it to the fountain. He'd probably be dead now if it wasn't for them. He'd have to make a point of visiting them when he had some free time to thank them properly.

The Postman entered the Kokiri Village and quickly climbed down the small cliff, as the Kokiri called out to him with smiles.

"Link's just behind me." he called over to them. "I'll be back soon to visit, I promise."

The Postman crossed the village at a full sprint and left the village without another word. As he crossed the Kokiri Bridge he wondered if the Kokiri would tell Link who he was. From what he'd seen, he doubted it, but the thought still left him feeling a bit uneasy. If Link knew who he was, his family could be targeted just as Minoko had been. He could protect Minoko, but knew there was no way he could defend every member of his family from vengeful heroes or civilians. The Kokiri seemed to like him, so surely they wouldn't accidentally reveal who he was?

The Postman entered Hyrule Field and his eyes fell on Link's borrowed military horse. As he mounted the horse and rode off, The Postman realized this was now the second horse he'd stolen from Link. He felt bad about taking Epona, but he hadn't had a choice at the time, and knew Link was very attached to her. He knew she was being taken care of well, and he intended to return her someday when it wasn't quite so dangerous.

As The Postman rode across the field, it was already after dark, and he hoped Minoko wasn't too worried about him. She would have already finished training, and was probably looking for him by now. Hopefully someone thought to tell her where he was.

Hyrule Castletown came into view, and to The Postman's shock there were hundreds upon hundreds of soldiers now in the field camping out. Hyrule was assembling its army, and by the looks of it, the army was going to be massive once everyone was gathered. The Postman had doubted there would be an actual war, but now that he was seeing the army for himself, there was no denying it.

Hoping they wouldn't notice him in the darkness, The Postman gave the army a wide berth, keeping a wary eye on the men seated around the campfires. Then men were laughing and drinking, and luckily none seemed to be paying too much attention to their surroundings. The Postman still made the horse walk as slowly as possible, knowing they'd be able to hear the hoofbeats if horse went too fast. For once luck seemed to be on his side, and no one noticed him, and he let out a deep breath of relief once he was a safe distance away.

Giving a light kick with his heals, the horse obediently sped up to a fast trot, and The Postman knew he was almost safe once again. He rode for a while in silence, simply thinking about how he was going to explain to Ganondorf why he'd been healed against his orders. Would Ganondorf be angry even though The Postman hadn't had a choice? Would Ganondorf understand the circumstances, or would he whipped all over again? Frowning, The Postman knew Ganondorf was perfectly within his rights to do so, because however unintentional it had been, The Postman had still disobeyed a direct order. Hoping Ganondorf would show him a little understanding, The Postman winced at the thought of having to endure the same whipping all over again.

The Postman was almost to the turnoff leading to Gerudo Territory, but something didn't seem right. Why was there so much light ahead when it should have been completely shrouded in darkness? As he neared, he quickly realized his huge mistake when the entire Zora army came into view, torches in hand. When they saw him, they let out a surprised yell, and all of a sudden, dozens of spears were being thrown at him.

Kicking out in fear, the horse burst into a full gallop, and luckily the spears all missed him, some by a hair's-breadth. The Zora army surged after him, throwing more and more spears, and The Postman knew they had no intention of taking him alive. Zora were ruthless when it came to their enemies, and there was no hope for him if they managed to catch him. None of the spears hit him, and when he came to the Gerudo Borderlands, the horse crossed into the desert, not slowing down in the least. The Zora didn't cross into the desert, the heat and dryness pretty much a death sentence for them.

The horse had a hard time running in the sand, but The Postman didn't dare slow down just in case. From what he knew of Ganondorf's plans, the Gerudo King hadn't considered the possibility that the other races would join with the Hylians in the war. The Gerudo Army was in no way prepared for this; they'd be completely annihilated. He had to warn them before it was too late!

The Postman saw the Gerudo Fortress just ahead, and warriors instantly swarmed out to see who was approaching. They then drew their bows and shot, and The Postman had to duck to avoid an arrow to the face.

"Don't shoot!" he called out through the darkness. "It's The Tracker!"

The warriors lowered their bows in surprise, and watched warily as The Postman approached. He stopped the horse just in front of them.

"They Hylians have begun gathering their armies." he urgently told them. "They've already camped in the fields, and the Zora army has joined them. There are hundreds of tents and horses, and they outnumber us four to one."

The warriors' eyes widened in horror.

"Get the commander!" one of them yelled.

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The Postman had described in great detail everything he had seen to all the assembled heads of the Gerudo army, and they asked him many questions, looking incredibly grave. If the Zora clan had joined the Hylians, they would have to assume the Gorons had as well. The Gerudo were going to be terribly outmatched, and it was going to take a lot of careful planning to even stand a chance against them. Ganondorf would have to be told right away.

"Come with me." General Alya ordered to The Postman. "We will inform Lord Ganondorf what you've discovered."

The General mounted The Postman's stolen horse, and he climbed on behind her. As they rode towards the main Gerudo city, there was silence between them, and The Postman knew this situation was a serious threat to the safety of the entire nation. Never before had all tribes banded together to fight as one massive army, and The Postman wasn't sure what they could do about it. This was his home now, and he had grown very attached to the people, to the castle, to the lifestyle, and he didn't want to see anything happen to them.

When they arrived at the castle, they dismounted and The Postman followed silently behind the General, heading straight for Ganondorf's throne room. The Postman could sense Ganondorf and he turned his attention instead to Ganondorf's chambers across the hall.

"Lord Ganondorf is in his private chambers." he told the General.

She didn't even question how he knew that, instead turning and approaching the chamber door, the two guards posted at the door immediately stepping out of her way. She knocked loudly and urgently, and a few moments later Ganondorf called out.

"What?" he demanded.

"It's General Alya, your highness. There's an emergency, and I need to meet with you right away."

"One second." Ganondorf commanded, his tone instantly serious.

Only a few moments later, Ganondorf opened his door and stepped out looking like he'd just woken up. When he saw The Postman, he seemed surprised.

"You're alive." he commented.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir. I've successfully completed my mission."

"Both of you follow me to the throne room." Ganondorf ordered, crossing the hall. "We will speak in private."

They followed Ganondorf into the throne room, and the door was closed after them. Ganondorf took a seat on his throne and turned to the General.

"How urgent is this? Should I assemble the captains? Have the Hylians attacked?"

"They have not yet attacked, Sire." the General responded. "But they have mobilized their army and are currently camped in Hyrule Field. The Tracker saw the army as he returned, and has informed me that the Zora army have joined with the Hylians. If the Zora have agreed to band with the Hylians, we have to assume the Gorons will as well. We are now dangerously outnumbered. The Tracker got a very good look at the Hylian's campsite, and was able to describe in great detail the amount of troops as well as amount of visible weapons and horses."

Ganondorf turned his attention to The Postman who nodded in agreement.

"Send for all military commanders as soon as possible. We need to discuss a new strategy. The Hylians could attack at any time and we are not prepared for this. Send out a request to all nearby Gerudo colonies to send us their warriors to aid in the battle. Anyone over the age of fourteen and under the age of sixty will fight. The children and the elderly are to be brought to the castle for added protection."

The General nodded. "Yes, Sire, I'll send out word, and I'll return in just a few minutes."

As the General left the room, Ganondorf turned his attention to The Postman. "You completed your mission?" he inquired. "I was told that you'd been killed or captured by the Hylians. Nightmare returned to the stables injured."

"The Hero of Time attacked me, Sir." The Postman explained. "Nightmare got hit by one of the arrows, and I took one to the side. I made it into the forest before he could catch up to me, and I was able to successfully hide from him long enough to complete my mission."

The Postman pulled the crystal out of the backpack and held it out to him. Ganondorf accepted it, pleased at how heavy it was. Clearly there were a lot of fairies within.

The Postman then hesitated and said. "I apologize, Sir, but I had to be healed during the mission, otherwise I would have bled to death from the arrow wound. I know you told me not to heal myself, but it was an emergency. I will accept any consequences for the disobedience."

"I don't care about that." Ganondorf snapped. "Of course you had to heal yourself, don't be an idiot."

The Gerudo King set the crystal aside, and began pulling out paperwork for the upcoming meeting, muttering angrily to himself when he couldn't find what he was looking for.

"You did a good job today, Tracker." he commented distractedly. "The information you've given us is incredibly valuable, and you will be rewarded for it. What is it that you want? Rupees? A better room? Your own horse?"

"I want to send my sister and Tingle safely home before the war." he immediately replied.

Ganondorf stopped what he was doing and looked up. "What in Din's name is a Tingle?"

"He was the mapmaker that you had me kidnap a month ago." The Postman explained. "He's in the dungeon right now, and I fear that he's going to die there. He's innocent in all this, and I want to get him and my sister back to Termina where they belong."

Ganondorf had completely forgotten about Tingle and he furrowed his brow. Why had he imprisoned him? He couldn't remember. Ganondorf gave a disinterested shrug. Oh, well, it's not like he had any more use for the disgusting little worm anyway.

"You cannot escort them. I can't spare you right now, Tracker, because your power will be very useful when it fully heals." Ganondorf informed him. "I need all the magic users I can get for the war."

"My magic has already healed, Sir."

Ganondorf wasn't expecting that. "Is has?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir. My magic came back while on the quest."

Ganondorf was incredibly pleased. "Excellent! You will go see Koume and Kotake the first thing tomorrow morning to resume your training."

"Can someone else take my sister and Tingle home then, Sir?"

Ganondorf shook his head. "I can't spare any of my soldiers right now, Hyrule could attack at any time."

The Postman frowned. "What about Sakon? Can he take them home?"

Ganondorf hadn't even considered Sakon. The Thief had no magic, and he wouldn't be much use in the war, and Ganondorf supposed he could afford to spare him for a few days.

"You would trust Sakon with your sister's life?" he questioned, with a raised brow.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir. He made a promise to me, and I trust that he will protect her with his life."

Ganondorf was skeptical about this. Sakon wasn't exactly known for his loyalty, and The Thief could barely be trusted to do his job, let alone do something he wasn't getting paid for.

"I will allow it, but keep in mind that Sakon isn't exactly reliable. I don't want to hear any complaints if he screws it up."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir. Thank you."

"From what I've been told, Sakon has been drinking most of the day today, so it might be wise to wait until morning when he sobers up a bit." Ganondorf suggested.

"Yes, Sir."

"Alright, Tracker, you're dismissed for now, but you may be called back soon if we have any questions during the meeting."

"Yes, Sir."

The Postman left the room and hurried in the direction of J-Wing, knowing his sister was probably very worried. He ran up the stairs, and ignored everyone he passed, just wanting to make sure Minoko was alright.

When he got to his room, he opened the door and immediately saw Minoko asleep in bed. To his shock, however, Milan was seated beside the bed, running her fingers through his sister's hair comfortingly. When she heard the door, Milan looked up and when she saw The Postman, her eyes widened in surprise. They simply stared at one another in silence for a moment, and then Milan narrowed her eyes.

"You idiot!" she hissed quietly. "Do you have any idea how much you worried your sister?! She thought you were dead!"

The Postman blinked, not quite sure how to react to this situation. "Milan?!" he said hesitantly.

She gave him a disgusted look, and then motioned down to her wheelchair. "Take me out of this room so I can yell at you properly without waking Minoko." she ordered in a whisper.

The Postman hesitated, and then cautiously approached, certain this was some sort of trap. He quickly checked to make sure Minoko was still alive, and then slowly and quietly pushed Milan out into the hallway, closing the door after them. As he wheeled her down the hallway, away from his room, Milan turned furious eyes up at him.

"I just spent the last four hours comforting a little girl who thought for sure her brother had been murdered." she snarled. "How could you be so irresponsible? You're the only family she has here, and for some god-forsaken reason, she seems to love you. Do not pull a stunt like this again, or I swear I'll kill you myself!"

The Postman felt rather dazed. Was this really happening?

"It wasn't done intentionally." he answered. "I was attacked by the Hero of Time, and had to get healed before I could complete my mission."

"No excuses!" Milan snapped. "Minoko is a sweet, beautiful little girl, and she deserves a lot better than you! You'd better be treating her right, because she's under my protection, and I won't let anything happen to her!"

The Postman's eyes widened. "How do you know Minoko?" he asked.

Milan looked like she didn't want to answer him, but she reluctantly did. "She's been coming to my room to keep me company. She's helped me in more ways than she'll ever know."

The Postman had no idea Minoko even knew Milan or he never would have allowed his sister anywhere near the woman. Milan did not seem like the sort of person to comfort a grieving child, but he supposed he didn't really know her very well.

"Thank you, Milan." he said genuinely. "Thank you for taking care of her while I was gone."

"Don't thank me, Tracker, just take better care of her!"

"Tomorrow Minoko is being sent home to Termina where she'll be safe from the war." The Postman told her. "Lord Ganondorf is sending her with Sakon before it's too late."

Milan looked up at him in shock. "Minoko's leaving?!"

The Postman nodded. "She was only here until I could find a safe way to get her home." he explained. "She belongs in Termina with the rest of our family, and not in the middle of a war. I'm only her brother, not her father, and she needs to be raised properly with her parents."

A hurt look flashed through Milan's eyes that was quickly masked. "You'd make a terrible parent." she told him. "It's probably a good thing she's leaving or you'd probably end up accidentally killing her."

There was no real venom in her words, and so The Postman wasn't offended. Looking at the crippled woman in the wheelchair, The Postman felt horribly guilty, knowing it was his magic that had done this to her.

"Milan, I want you to know that I'm incredibly sorry for what happened to you. I promise I never meant to hurt you. My magic exploded uncontrollably and you were injured, and I swear it wasn't intentional. My magic is incredibly defensive, and anytime blood is drawn, it explodes. I know this apology doesn't mean much, but I'm sorry this happened to you."

Milan gave him a look of death. "Save it." she snapped, looking away.

After a few moments of silence, Milan let out a weary sigh and looked back up at him. "I know it was an accident." she admitted. "You're never supposed to touch someone who's meditating, or things like that can happen. I wasn't thinking clearly, and I tried to kill you despite knowing the risks."

She paused, and then continued. "My anger at you was misplaced, and I got what I deserved, I suppose..."

The Postman shook his head. "No, no one deserves what happened to you."

"I don't like you, Tracker, but I no longer want you dead." Milan announced, looking away. "I won't try to have you killed anymore."

"Oh...um, that's good I suppose..." The Postman replied, not quite sure what to say to that.

"Take me to my room." Milan ordered. "I'm tired."

The Postman nodded and began pushing her. "Where is your room?"

"Aren't you supposed to be a Tracker?" she asked, giving him a smirk.

"That's not how it works-" The Postman began to explain.

"I was joking, you dodo." Milan interrupted.

She told him where her room was, and The Postman dutifully pushed her wheelchair without complaint. When they got to her room, and The Postman helped her out of the chair, Milan gave him a thoughtful look.

"You're too nice to be a villain." she stated. "You don't belong here, and you're going to end up getting killed."

"I may not fit in very well, but I like it here." The Postman answered. "All I can do is live one day at a time. I have no other choice."

Milan leaned back in her bed. "Tell Minoko to come say goodbye before she leaves tomorrow." she ordered. "I'll give her a goodbye gift."

The Postman gave a nod. "Thank you again for being so nice to Minoko."

Milan waved him off impatiently. "Go see to your sister, she needs you."

The Postman gave another nod, and then turned towards the door. "Goodbye, Milan."

"Goodbye, Tracker."

The Postman headed back to his room, and when he opened the door, he saw Minoko was still asleep. It was quite late at night, and The Postman knew she would need her rest for the journey the next day. Deciding to just let her sleep, The Postman quietly got changed and then nudged her over to make room for him. Minoko made a sad sort of sound in her sleep, but she didn't wake, and The Postman layed back on the pillow, hoping Sakon would truly keep his word this time, and keep his sister safe. Closing his eyes, The Postman soon fell asleep, feeling uneasy about the next day.

* * *

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* * *

Early the next morning, Minoko opened her eyes, only for them to immediately fill with tears. Just as she started to sniffle to herself, she glanced beside her and saw The Postman laying on the other side of the bed fast asleep. Letting out a shocked gasp, Minoko flung herself at him, and landed hard on his stomach as she threw her arms around his neck in a hug. The Postman awake with a pained gasp, and then realized he could barely breath from Minoko squeezing his neck so hard.

"Minoko!" he gasped. "Let go!"

Minoko loosened her hold, but didn't completely let go. "I thought you were dead...AGAIN!" she wailed. "Stop doing that to me!"

"I'm sorry, Minoko, I didn't realize anyone thought I was dead." The Postman told her. "My mission just took a little longer than it was supposed to."

"Jerk." Minoko sniffled into his neck.

"I have some good news that might cheer you up?" The Postman offered.

Minoko finally let of him, and gave him a questioning look. "What is it?" she asked.

"You're going home today."

Minoko's eyes widened. "What?!"

"Lord Ganondorf gave his permission for you to be taken home. Sakon is going to make sure you get there safely."

Minoko immediately shook her head. "No! I like it here with you!"

The Postman let out a sigh. "You can't stay here forever, Minoko. You were only staying here until I could find a safe way to get you home."

Minoko shook her head again. "No, I'm being trained to be a warrior and I don't want to leave!"

"Don't you miss mum and dad?" The Postman questioned. "It's been a long time since you've seen them. They must be very worried about you by now."

Minoko frowned. "Well, I guess I do miss them..." she admitted somewhat reluctantly.

The Postman held out his hand to her. "Come on, let's get you home so you can see them."

Minoko took the hand and allowed herself to be pulled out of bed. "Are you coming too?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, we've discussed this, Minoko. I have to stay here from now on."

"But, when will I see you again?"

The Postman had no answer to this. "I don't know."

"Can't you just sneak away with me? Mama will still love you, I know she will!"

Again The Postman shook his head.

Minoko let out a sigh, but knew there would be no arguing with him. "When am I going?" she asked.

"As soon as we can get a hold of Sakon." The Postman answered. "Once you're dressed, you should go say goodbye to your friends."

"But who's going to push Milan's wheelchair when I'm gone? She's going to be trapped in her room forever!"

"I'll make sure someone is always around to help her." The Postman promised. "Milan will be fine."

Minoko really didn't want to leave the castle, but she did miss the rest of her family, and she missed her friends from Clocktown. She knew she couldn't have both, and that more than anything made her the most upset. Without a word, Minoko began gathering her belongings together.

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Sakon awoke to his hand burning as he was summoned. Blinking his eyes open, he winced as the harsh morning light seemed to pierce his eyes, and he quickly closed them again. Sakon rubbed at his head as another spike of agony shot through his skull, and he let out an annoyed grumble. Why was Ganondorf summoning him this early in the morning?! Sakon never woke before three in the afternoon! Letting out a low groan of complaint, Sakon sat up in bed, still clutching at his head. He sat there for several long minutes, simply trying to wake up, before finally getting to his feet to look for his pants.

It took him longer than it should have to get dressed, and by the time he had laced his boots, the summons became even more painful as Ganondorf became impatient. Muttering grouchily to himself, Sakon began moving even slower, choosing to head to his bathroom instead of heading straight for the throne room. After taking his time, the summons became so painful, Sakon knew it wouldn't be wise to ignore it for much longer. With a sigh, he stomped his way downstairs to see what Ganondorf wanted.

When he entered the throne room, Ganondorf looked up from his paperwork and gave him a scowl.

"What took you so long?" he demanded. "I summoned you an hour ago!"

"Well, why are you summoning me this early?" Sakon retorted. "The sun is barely up!"

"No excuses." Ganondorf snapped. "You're going on a mission."

Sakon blinked at him in surprise, not expecting a mission when they were on the cusp of war. "A mission? I could be killed! If they catch me stealing during a war, they'll execute me for being a spy!" he protested.

"Not that kind of mission." Ganondorf answered. "I have no use for you during this war, so you are to escort The Tracker's sister home to Termina."

Whatever mission Sakon had been expecting, that was definitely not it. How had The Postman gotten Ganondorf to agree to something like this?!

"Um...really?" Sakon questioned in disbelief. "You just want me to take the kid home?"

Ganondorf nodded. "You will dress in casual Hylian clothing, and claim to have no association to me if questioned. Tell any soldiers you meet that you're just traveling to Termina with your niece. Pretend that your Hylian speech is terrible, and speak mostly in Terminian. I trust your Terminian is still to par?"

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Terminian is my native language in case you've forgotten. Obviously I still know it, but even in Termina, most people now speak Hylian fluently."

"Then pretend you're just an uneducated country bumpkin. That shouldn't be too hard for you, you illiterate dumbass."

"Ouch." Sakon commented dryly. "Someone's in a bad mood this morning."

"There have been some serious developments to the war." Ganondorf snapped. "None of my warriors are prepared for what's happened."

Sakon threw his arms open wide. "Awww, do you need a hug, big guy?"

Ganondorf gave him a withering glare. "If I had your tongue removed, it would be much more peaceful here. With any luck, you'd bleed to death."

Sakon closed his arms. "Naw, you'd miss me once I was gone."

"I doubt it." Ganondorf responded, rolling his eyes. "You're to stay away from the desert until I summon you. It could be days, or it could be weeks before it's safe for you to return."

Sakon didn't have any issue with this at all. As far as he was concerned, he was getting a vacation. "So, all I have to do is drop off the kid and I can do whatever I want until you need me again?"

Ganondorf nodded. "As long as you don't get yourself caught doing something stupid, you can do what you want." he answered. "Your first priority is getting the child safely to Termina."

Sakon nodded. "No problem."

"I'm not paying you for this."

Sakon's expression fell. "Seriously?!"

"I understand you owe The Tracker a favour, and so this has nothing to do with me." Ganondorf answered. "I'm not paying you to do favours for people."

Sakon crossed his arms and let out a sigh. After what had happened to The Postman, he knew he really did owe the man a favour. The Postman had gotten whipped because of him, and Sakon was grateful that he had gone to so much trouble to help him. Doing one favour for free wouldn't kill him he supposed...

"Fine." Sakon said, still looking rather put out.

Ganondorf had been expecting a bigger fight than that, and he gave The Thief a surprised look. This wasn't like Sakon, and he wondered what had happened to change him like this. How had The Postman managed to bring out this side of Sakon? Sakon never did anything unless it directly benefited him. Ganondorf's expression turned thoughtful, and he truly wondered if Sakon was genuine in his want to help.

"Good." Ganondorf told him. "The Tracker will be here in a few minutes, I just summoned him."

Sakon nodded, and knew it was actually a lucky break that he was being sent away. If Ganondorf lost the war, Sakon would be nowhere near the massacre, and if he played his cards right, he'd be perfectly fine.

The Postman arrived just minutes later, holding Minoko by the hand. Minoko held two dolls in her arms, one a gift from Milan, and she didn't look very happy. She gave a sad wave to Ganondorf, and then stood quietly next to her brother.

"Sakon has agreed to take your sister home." Ganondorf told The Postman. "They will leave right away before it gets too dangerous for travel."

The Postman nodded, and turned grateful eyes to Sakon who gave him a wide grin.

"Yup, Sakon to the rescue!" Sakon announced.

Ganondorf tossed The Postman a key which he easily caught and then said. "That is the key to the dungeon." he told him.

The Postman nodded. "Thank you, Sir."

Ganondorf waved him off. "Get moving before it's too late." he ordered. "After this, report directly to Koume and Kotake."

"Yes, Sir." The Postman replied, turning to the door.

Sakon followed along behind him, and when he saw The Postman headed for the dungeon, he paused. "What are you doing?" he demanded.

"Rescuing Tingle." The Postman answered. "You're taking him too."

"What?! Why?!" Sakon demanded. "Who cares about the creepy fairy man?!"

"It's because of me that he's here, and I promised him that I would get him home."

"So? The world is a whole lot less creepy without him." Sakon protested. "Just leave him."

Ignoring Sakon for the moment, The Postman took the stairs down into the dungeon, and Sakon reluctantly followed. When they got to the bottom, Sakon crinkled his nose at the sight of the dried blood that caked the floors.

"Geez, they didn't even bother cleaning up my blood yet. Gross."

The Postman didn't answer, and approached Tingle's cell. Unlocking the cell door, he opened it and approached Tingle who was sleeping on a pile of filthy hay. Kneeling down, he looked over the sick-looking man, and then gave his shoulder a hard shake.

"Mr. Tingle!" he whispered. "I've come to get you out of here."

Tingle jolted awake with a startled yell and The Postman quickly backed up as a handful of sparkles was thrown at his face defensively. Wiping the sparkles out of his eyes, The Postman ignored Sakon as The Thief laughed at him hysterically. Tingle stared up at The Postman with wide, suspicious eyes and The Postman held out a hand to him.

"I'm getting you out of here, Sir, please come with us. We're getting you back to Termina."

Tingle quickly gave a nod and reached up to take the hand, and The Postman helped the small man to his feet. Tingle picked up his bottled fairy, and strolled out of the cell like he didn't have a care in the world.

Minoko gave a friendly smile to Tingle who did a happy dance for her. "Tingle, Tingle, Kooloo Limpah!" he crowed out with a grin, and Sakon rolled his eyes.

"Are you sure we can't leave him behind?"

"You're taking Tingle too." The Postman said with finality.

Sakon let out a resigned sigh, and then watched as Tingle spun, and danced around him, the small man repeating his 'magic' words over and over to himself happily. Sakon began tapping one foot impatiently, looking agitated, and The Postman wondered how The Thief enjoyed being the irritated one for once.

"Come on, we don't have all day!" Sakon complained.

Shaking his head, The Postman led the way out of the dungeon, Tingle still singing and dancing the whole way up the stairs. The Postman led them out of the castle and across the grounds to the stables.

Inside he found Epona was already saddled and ready to go, the horse looking tired and stressed. Reaching out he petted her nose, knowing she missed Link.

"Don't worry girl, Sakon is taking you home." he assured her. "You'll see Link soon."

Sakon was still glaring at Tingle, not looking forward to spending hours with him on a horse.

"Can I tie him up?" Sakon demanded, gesturing at Tingle. "And gag him?"

Tingle backed away, clutching his fairy tightly. "Tying up Tingle doesn't sound very magical..." he commented.

"You're lucky I'm taking you at all!" Sakon snapped, pulling down a coil of rope from the back wall of the stable.

The Postman reached out a hand to stop him. "Sakon, you're not tying up Tingle." he said with finality. "Just try to be nice, alright?"

Sakon squinted at him in disbelief, and then sighed, dropping the ropes to the floor. As The Postman hoisted Tingle up onto the horse, Tingle muttered his magic words over and over to himself loudly. Sakon scowled, his mood quickly deteriorating.

"Can I at least gag him?"

"No." The Postman responded.

Sakon gave another sigh and mounted the horse as The Postman lifted Minoko up onto The Thief's lap. The Postman frowned up at Sakon, and he gave his sister a worried look.

"I'm trusting you, Sakon." he said simply. "Please keep her safe."

Sakon waved him off dismissively. "Relax, darling, you've saved my skin several times now, so I'll make sure to get her home safely."

The Postman eyed him for a moment, and then nodded, certain The Thief was being genuine. Turning to Minoko, The Postman gave her hand an encouraging squeeze as she turned her eyes away sadly.

"I'll try my best to find a way to visit you." he promised.

Minoko wiped at her eyes, and glanced over at him. "You mean it?"

The Postman nodded. "Don't worry, this won't be forever. Someday I'll find a way to come see you."

Minoko gave him a nod, and hugged her dolls tightly. "You'd better." she warned. "I'll come find you, if you don't."

"Can I get going now?" Sakon snapped impatiently. "It's almost noon!"

"Goodbye, Minoko." he told her, and then he turned his gaze to Sakon. "Good luck, Sakon, and try to be careful. Protect my sister."

As Sakon turned the horse and began riding away, Minoko looked over her shoulder at The Postman.

"You're the best big brother ever!" she called back. "Even if you are a villain! Goodbye!"

The Postman watched them ride away and he actually felt rather sad, knowing Minoko was gone. He'd gotten used to her company, and he had a feeling it would be a long time before he saw her again. With a sigh, The Postman turned and headed back to the castle.

* * *

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* * *

Link had traveled all night, and he found Darunia in the Northern Goron City just as the letter had said. Darunia was unaware of the war in the South, and so Link explained everything that had happened so far.

Darunia was horrified at the dangers his homeland was in, and The Goron Chief immediately jumped into action by informing his Northern brothers of the situation. The Northern Gorons pledged loyalty to Darunia without hesitation, and they immediately armed themselves for war. It only took an hour for the strongest of the Northern Goron tribe to ready themselves, and then they were on their way back to Hyrule.

As Link rode as fast as he could back to Hyrule, the Gorons rolled themselves far ahead of him to gather their brothers on Death Mountain.

Link rode as fast as the horse could go, and when he finally reached the outskirts of Hyrule, he saw something unbelievable. The normally green fields were white as far as the eye could see. As he got closer, he saw the white was from clothing; from hundreds upon hundreds of people.

Knowing they weren't a part of the Hylian army, Link approached to see who they were. To his shock, he saw it was a massive army of postmen and postwomen. They paid him no mind, the army moving as one to join with the Hylian army.

Link simply couldn't believe the bizarre sight. There were postmen and postwomen of all ages and all races. A whole flock of graceful Rito's flew overhead, their expressions stern and mailbags slung over their shoulders, and several of the people walking looked like a cross between human and Rito. Link could see a family resemblance between many of them, and to his shock, he realized this was The Postman's entire family. Every single postman had come to fight in the war. Link could only stare at the slow movement of the postal-army as they made their way towards the Gerudo Valley.

Link sped up the horse, and as he passed them, he became aware of hundreds of glares aimed in his direction. He couldn't help but feel a bit intimidated and watched them warily as he rode ahead to reach the Hylian army. This was many more people than expected that were willing to fight with Hyrule, and Link knew the Gerudo Nation wouldn't stand a chance.

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* * *

Sakon urged Epona to go faster and faster, racing through the canyon towards Hyrule Field. He wanted to get as far away from Hyrule as possible, knowing the war was going to be horrendous. Giving another kick to the horse, Epona sped up as fast as she could go.

Sakon had one arm around Minoko to hold her steady, as the other clenched the reins tightly. He offered no assistance to Tingle at all, but somehow the fairy-man still managed to hold on.

Epona crossed the borders into Hyrule, and as they rode across the field, Sakon could see hundreds of tents in the distance. Cursing under his breath, Sakon knew it would take a miracle for them to get by unscathed. He hadn't realized the Hylian army were already camped, and now it was too late to turn back.

Looking past the tents into the distance, Sakon could see a wave of white quickly approaching. He squinted as Epona got closer, and he quickly realized the white wave was in fact many white things all moving as one. When they neared, and Sakon saw exactly what was marching towards them, he let out a gasp of surprise. Minoko gave a loud, triumphant cheer at the sight, and she was instantly all smiles.

Hundreds of postmen were marching down the hill towards them, and Sakon stared with his mouth agape. Bringing the horse to a stop, so he could simply stare, he glanced down at Minoko.

"What's going on?!" he cried. "Why are there so many postmen?"

Minoko gave him a proud grin. "They're all my family!" she announced. "They must have come looking for me."

Sakon blinked in disbelief. "You're related to ALL of them?!"

Minoko nodded. "Yup, they're all my aunts, uncles, cousins, and of course my brothers and sisters! Most are my family are related through marriages though, not blood..."

"But-but there are Ritos!" Sakon exclaimed. "You're related to the Ritos?!"

Minoko gave another nod. "Uh huh. One of my great uncles married a Rito a few years ago, and our family doubled in size! His kids are half-human half-Rito!"

Sakon gave her a look of disbelief, not quite sure whether he believed her or not. Knowing this strange army was his best bet for getting by, he headed towards the postal-army, wondering if he could just drop Minoko off with them.

The moment he approached, the huge army of post-people all came to a stop.

"Hi!" Minoko bellowed out happily. "Hi uncle Lee, hi aunt Sal! Hi everyone!"

Upon seeing Minoko, the army gave Sakon hundreds of suspicious glares, thinking he was the enemy they'd come to fight. Quickly realizing how it looked, Sakon dismounted the horse and lifted Minoko down to the ground.

"Um, hi." Sakon said hesitantly. "I rescued this little girl for you..."

An overweight, grey-haired woman pushed her way through the crowd and when she laid eyes on Minoko, she charged towards them, expression anxious.

"Minoko!" she yelled out, her voice desperate.

Sakon squinted at her thoughtfully, and then recognized her as The Postman's mother. Minoko threw herself at her mother in a fierce hug, and latched on as tightly as any Redead. Sakon simply watched the exchange awkwardly.

"Mama!" she wailed, bursting into tears. "I missed you so much!"

"Minoko!" her mother cried. "Thank the goddesses you're safe! What happened? Are you hurt? We've been searching for you for over a month! Where have you been?!"

"I was in a Gerudo city!" Minoko announced. "They were training me to be a warrior!"

The woman's eyes widened in horror. "Link told us a Gerudo had kidnapped you! We've been hoping that he was wrong!"

Minoko shook her head. "I got to meet Ganondorf!" she said with a grin. "He's huge!"

Her mother looked like she was about to have a heart attack. "Did he hurt you?! How did you escape? What happened? What did they do to you?!"

"Nothing, mama, I'm fine!" Minoko insisted. "Big brother's there too, mama, he took care of me! He's alive, but the Gerudo have him, and he can't leave."

Her mother looked confused for a moment, but then she frowned. "Your brother died sweetheart, he can't come back. We talked about this, remember? He's gone, he was killed by Link."

Minoko violently shook her head. "No, mama! He really is alive! He said he had to stay with the Gerudo now that he's a villain! He said he doesn't have a choice. Ask Sakon, he knows he's still alive! We have to save him, mama!"

"Sakon?" her mother repeated in confusion. Looking up at The Thief for the first time, she did a double-take as she recognized him. "Sakon?!"

Sakon gave her an awkward smile, and pulled at his collar uncomfortably. He wasn't used to people knowing who he was. "Um, hi, Jinaudi." he greeted. "How have you been?"

Jinaudi stared at him in surprise, this man very different from the small child she remembered. The last time she had seen Sakon was twenty years ago, when he was barely ten years old. The Sakon that stared back at her now, looked like a villain, and she narrowed her eyes in suspicion. "Sakon, what happened?" she demanded. "Are you involved in this? Why are you with Minoko? Why is she claiming my son is alive?"

"Ah, well, you see..." Sakon began to lie, but he trailed off when Jinaudi crossed her arms.

"Don't you dare lie to me about this." she ordered. "Is he alive?"

Sakon frowned, and then shook his head. "I haven't seen your son in over twenty years." he replied. "The kid's mistaken."

Minoko was instantly angry, and she let out an infuriated yell. "You liar! Tell her the truth! Tell her so they can save him!"

Sakon gave a shrug, knowing The Postman didn't want anyone knowing he was alive. He would not betray The Postman's trust by giving up his secret identity. "Sorry, kid, but they're not buying your lies."

Jinaudi looked from Sakon to Minoko, trying to decide who was lying. Seeing the genuine tears in her daughter's eyes, she turned on Sakon and grabbed him by an ear. Taking him by surprise, she jerked him forward, and Sakon let out a yelp of surprise as she forced him down to his knees. She twisted his ear so strongly, that Sakon let out a shrill cry, but wasn't able to pull away.

"Tell me the truth!" she ordered.

"Ow, knock it off, you old bat!" Sakon yelled, struggling to get away. "Your son's dead, deal with it!"

Jinaudi narrowed her eyes to slits and shoved Sakon to the ground hard. To his horror, she then pressed a knee to his back, pinning him down, as she once again tugged at his ears.

"Get off of me, fatso, you're crushing me!" he bellowed. "Stop it!"

She gave him a hard slap across the face, and Sakon winced, falling silent.

"You listen to me, Sakon!" she snarled. "I love my children very much, and if I think for even a second you're lying to me about my son, I will personally make your life as miserable as possible!"

Sakon turned his head slightly to look up at her, and by her expression, he could see she was not going to give up. Letting out a deep sigh, Sakon admitted defeat.

"Alright, fine." he snapped. "Yes, it's true. He's still alive, and he's at Ganondorf's castle right now."

Jinaudi let out a gasp, raising both hands to her mouth in shock. She stared at him with wide eyes, a faint flicker of hope growing in them.

"He's alive?" she whispered in disbelief.

Sakon nodded miserably.

"If he's alive, why hasn't he come home? Why hasn't he let us know he's alright?" she demanded, looking hurt. "We thought he was dead!"

"That's because he wants everyone to think he's dead." Sakon retorted. "Link wants him dead, and he's an enemy of Hyrule."

"It was all a mistake!" Jinaudi cried out. "My son did nothing wrong, Link told us it was an accident caused by a misunderstanding! No one's after him! He doesn't have to hide!"

"Well, someone probably should have told him that." Sakon replied. "He's been working for Ganondorf for like a month now."

Jinaudi shook her head. "My son would never work for that man! He's a good boy who loves his job as a postman! He's not a villain!"

Sakon rolled his eyes. "In all due respect, fatty, I don't think he had much choice in the matter. From his point of view, Link wanted him dead, all of Hyrule wanted him dead, he was an outcast to his own country, he no longer had a job, and there was only one person offering him a way out. He chose to go where he'd be accepted, instead of a life on the run."

Again Jinaudi shook her head, not believing it. "No. I taught him better than that." she said decisively. "He wouldn't choose to become a villain. He's not a bad person, and he'd never hurt anyone! He knows he can always come home no matter what. We would never turn him away!"

Sakon snorted. "Yeah, well maybe you don't know him as well as you think." he responded. "You guys messed with his head, and you have no idea who he really is! He's not the brainless, perfect postman you tried to make him! He's taken to the life of a villain like a bird to the air. With all the lying, stealing and kidnapping, he's right up there with the best of us villains!"

Jinaudi narrowed her eyes at the thief and before he had a chance to react, she gave his ear the hardest twist yet. He let out a strangled scream of agony, and Jinaudi leaned down so they were practically nose to nose.

"I remember your reputation for lying, Sakon, and by the goddesses if you are lying to me..."

Sakon let out another yelp as she twisted his ear painfully, and he flailed uselessly. "I'm not! I'm not!" he cried. "This horse was stolen from Link, he helped Ganondorf steal a magical sword, and the weird guy on the back on the horse was kidnapped from Termina! He's done tons of villainous things! Owwww! Let me go, you heartless shrew!"

"I still don't believe you." Jinaudi said, turning her gaze to Tingle for a moment. "I know he would never commit any real crimes. He's a good boy."

"Oww! Geez! Let go already, you're pulling it off!" Sakon protested loudly. "He really did commit real crimes! He's a villain now, and he doesn't want anything to do with you!"

Giving the Thief one last hard look, she gave his ear another twist, and then let go. "It doesn't matter. We will deal with what he's done after we rescue him. He needs to come home where he belongs."

Sakon gave her a sour look as he rubbed at his ear, and then said. "I doubt Ganondorf will allow that. He finds him extremely useful, and he's not likely to give him up. Once you work for Ganondorf, your work for him for life!"

Jinaudi stood to her feet and pulled Minoko into another hug. Staring towards the desert, she glared with determination. "We were going to fight for my daughter's freedom, and now we will fight for my son's as well! We will take him back by force!"

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Final Chapter of Part 2 will be on Sunday**

 **The final chapter is also going to be huge, so be prepared for a very long read! I wouldn't be surprised at all if it ends up being over 12,000 words after editing! lol**

 **Sidenote: Sakon has been beaten up by many old ladies in his lifetime. There's something about old ladies that make them especially dangerous to loud-mouthed thieves.**


	32. War of the Tribes

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 **Authornote: Sunday April 30th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another chapter updated on time! Here's the final chapter of Part 2! It seems like I've been writing this since forever, but it's actually only been since January lol.**

 **I went waaaay overboard on this chapter too and it ended up being over 12,000 words in length. lol I hope you guys enjoy this huge final chapter.**

 **Part three of this story is not nearly as long as part 2, but a lot of stuff happens in it. It's not nearly as serious as part two has been. Be prepared for red pompadors, creepy men who sell masks, and a very girly pet owned by Ganondorf. :D**

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 **This is the last chapter of Part 2, and the vote has been decided!**

 **The Postman: 9 Votes**

 **His Real Name: 7 Votes**

 **He will continue being called The Postman throughout the whole story! :D**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **MetalInsanity** \- I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you stay to read the rest of the story as well. It's very long, and this chapter is the final chapter of part 2. There are still three parts left to go.

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 **ChangelingRin** \- Yeah, Sakon had better hope Ganondorf never finds out about that. lol

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 **Rainmy \- **If someone pointed that out to Sakon, he'd find it absolutely hilarious. It's very hard to write a story where you continually have to use words such as sword, thrust, stab, etc. I sometimes have to re-write a sentence 2 or 3 times until it sounds less dirty. lol I hope you enjoy this arc conclusion! :D

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 **Sanmari** \- In my story, a villain is anyone who continually breaks the laws, such as a thief, a murderer, etc. Pretty much the absolute scum of society. Villain is used as a blanket term to cover many types of criminals. The uncle is actually mentioned a few times, (twice by Sakon, and once by the postman) and much more is revealed about him as the story goes on.

Link has pretty much unlimited power when it comes to defending Hyrule. He's fought so many battles that sometimes he overreacts to the smaller crimes. People who are criminals really do fear him, and regular people do kinda use him as a sort of bogeyman to scare troublemakers straight. The Postman was the first civilian Link ever "killed" though, because normally he just leaves the police work to the Hylian guards.

The Gerudo people's loyalty is actually explained this chapter.

I actually work very hard to keep my story consistent. All OCs are still in the story and no one has been discarded. Some of them may not be in it as much as the story progresses, but they're still there. Minoko, Adena, etc will be mentioned again.

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 **darkerthanlight** \- Postpoclaypse! LMAO That's hilarious! XD Since you love TP Postman so much, there are 5 clones hidden in that army just for you. They're quintuplets.

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 **Reiz16 \- **Yes, it is indeed a very massive army! :D Ganondorf saw Tingle as nothing more than a slightly useful cockroach, so he did forget all about him. lol

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 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 2 Chapter 26**

 **The War of the Tribes**

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On the way back to the castle, The Postman saw several warriors from his training class, and they waved him over with a smile. Surprised by the friendliness shown, he approached, wondering what they wanted.

"Did you hear?" Iris demanded.

"Hear what?" he asked.

"About Milan's baby!" she exclaimed. "You must have heard!"

The Postman frowned. "What about the baby?" he questioned. "Did something happen?"

"No, the baby's fine." Iris assured him. "Lord Ganondorf was investigating how Milan became pregnant when it was proven that neither you nor Sakon were the father, and he discovered something hilarious."

"What?" The Postman questioned, cautiously.

"Come to find out, a whole group of warriors have been sneaking a man into the castle for over a year now. The man has fathered like seven children, and Lord Ganondorf is furious!"

The Postman was not expecting this, and he pitied the man once Ganondorf got his hands on him.

"Lord Ganondorf has vowed to find out who the man is and skin him alive in the marketplace. If the man's smart, he'll keep his distance from the desert for a good long while!"

The group of Gerudo all laughed, and The Postman simply shook his head.

"Hey, are you headed for training?" one of the other Gerudo asked him. "Training's been cancelled until after the war, so you don't have to go."

The Postman shook his head. "No, I have to meet with Koume and Kotake." he explained.

He got pitying looks. "Aw, you still have to do your magical training? That's not fair!" one of the Gerudo told him. "Everyone else gets time off!"

The Postman gave a shrug. "Honestly, I don't mind." he told them. "I have some questions that I need answered about my magic."

"Well, if you get some spare time, come hang with us." Iris said. "We're going to have another card night in Adena's room."

The Postman was still surprised at the friendliness they were all showing him. There wasn't the faintest hint of aggression or hate, and they seemed like they genuinely wanted to be friends with him.

"Alright." he agreed. "If my training doesn't go on too long, I'll stop by."

"Great!" Iris exclaimed. "Don't forget to bring a snack, or Adena will never let you hear the end of it!"

The Postman nodded. "I have to get going or Koume and Kotake are going to wonder what's taking me so long. I'll see you later."

"Bye Tracker!"

The Postman waved goodbye, and then entered the castle, curious as to why he was suddenly accepted into the group of Gerudo. Was it because he'd proven himself in some way? Shrugging, The Postman hurried downstairs to the witches' lab, and knocked on the door.

"Come in, Tracker!" Koume called out, and he obediently opened the door.

Koume and Kotake were busy making batch after batch of healing potions and they barely spared him a glance.

"What can we help you with, Tracker? We're very busy right now." Kotake said, as she added an ingredient to her cauldron.

"My magic has returned, and Lord Ganondorf wanted me to come see you." he told them. "I also had a few questions..."

They glanced over at him, and Koume let out a sigh. "Very well." she said. "I'll do a quick scan of you to make sure, but then I have to go back to brewing. You can ask your questions while we're working."

Koume approached, and she laid a hand on top of his head, closing her eyes as she did so. The Postman felt the briefest touch of her magic, but she withdrew very quickly. She then gave him a shocked and somewhat worried look. She looked over at her sister, and Kotake realized something must have happened, because she abandoned her potion and hurried over. She too placed a hand on top of The Postman's head and closed her eyes as she concentrated. The moment The Postman felt her magic take a quick look, it too withdrawing quickly just as Koume did. The witches exchanged a long, silent look, and The Postman furrowed his brow, knowing they were keeping something from him.

"Take a seat at the counter, and wait for us to finish this batch of potions. You can ask your questions while we're brewing." Koume told him as if nothing had happened.

The Postman took a seat at the counter, and watched the witches as they continued brewing for a minute or so, and he tried to find the right words for what he wanted to ask.

"Why didn't you tell me that my magic is mixed?" he finally asked.

Both witches gave him a surprised look. "How did you find that out?" Koume demanded.

The Postman frowned at her. "One of the Kokiri told me that I have both red AND green magic." he replied.

Koume and Kotake exchanged another look.

"Is this why I've been having so much trouble controlling my magic?" he demanded. "According to my textbooks, red and green magic cannot be mixed. Why didn't you tell me this from the start?"

The witches still said nothing for a long moment, and it was Kotake who finally spoke up. "We only just recently found out your magic is mixed." she told him. "Your red magic was crushing your green magic until there was barely anything left. We didn't discover this until you had magical exhaustion."

"Why didn't you tell me?" The Postman demanded.

"We were worried that if we explained everything, it would cause you irreparable damage from the stress." Kotake explained. "We wanted to wait until your magic was more stable before mentioning anything."

"Why would knowing that I had mixed magic cause me stress?" The Postman asked.

"You read for yourself that red and green magic cannot be mixed, and that they will cancel each other out, rendering the person powerless."

The Postman nodded in agreement.

"You can still use your magic, and the reason why is more complicated than you think." Koume said. "Your red magic is not natural."

The Postman frowned. "What do you mean?" he demanded. "How can my magic not be natural?"

"You have a normal magical core," Koume began. "But you have two separate veins of magic."

"That's impossible." The Postman told her, shaking his head. "People can only have one vein of magic."

"Exactly." Koume replied. "It is impossible, but yet, here you are."

The Postman furrowed his brow, none of this making any sense to him.

"Your red magic was artificially created." Kotake explained. "You were not born with it, it was forced on you by someone. They found a way to merge this artificial magic directly to your core. This should have been impossible, because it should have killed you, but your green magic must have been strong and it saved your life just before it was crushed by the red magic."

"How would someone do this?" The Postman asked. "Nothing in any of my textbooks mentioned such a thing."

"We don't know." Koume admitted. "Whoever did this to you knew exactly what they were doing, and they must have been extremely powerful."

"Was it done on me as a baby?" The Postman asked. "I don't remember anything like this happening."

Both witches shook their heads. "No, you would have been a child just under the age of puberty, otherwise this wouldn't have been possible. Your magic would have been the most malleable at that point. The procedure would have been agonizing, and would have taken a long time to complete, likely weeks."

The Postman shook his head. "There's been a mistake then, nothing like that has ever happened to me."

"It has." Kotake corrected.

"I think I'd remember several weeks of torture." The Postman pointed out.

The witches exchanged another look. "Actually, you wouldn't..." Kotake informed him. "The person who did this to you also messed with your mind significantly. They put a magical block on your core to hold back most of your magic, and they clearly tampered with your memories and personality as well."

The Postman didn't look like he believed them, so Koume continued. "Sakon told us that you were sent to live with your uncle Leid for a month when you were ten years old. He says when you returned, it was like you were a completely different person. You didn't seem to remember him, and you were suddenly very timid, and devote to following the rules."

"That never happened!" The Postman insisted. "Sakon's mistaken. I've never lived with my uncle Leid!"

"I think you have." Koume responded. "Something happened to you during that month, and even with your memories locked away, you still feel an instinctual hatred for your uncle. Either he did this to you, or he helped someone else do it."

The Postman once again shook his head in denial. "My parents would have known something was wrong." he stated. "They never would have let something like that happen to me!"

Koume knew this was a touchy subject so she tried to tread carefully. "Well, think of it this way." she said. "Your parents sent you away for some serious behavioral problems, and when you returned, you were the perfect child. You had no memories of the previous trauma, and so, from their perspective everything worked out perfectly fine. You wouldn't have been able to tell them what had happened."

The Postman felt like someone had just punched him in the gut. For as long as he could remember he'd had an uncontrollable hatred for his uncle Leid and he'd never known why. Even hearing his name sent shivers down his spine.

"Why would he do this to me?" The Postman asked, still certain there had to be some sort of mistake. "Why give me red magic?"

"We're not sure." Koume admitted. "The only thing we can guess is that he was experimenting on you because of your green magic."

"But I'm a nobody!" The Postman cried. "I was just a little boy whose destiny was to become postman and nothing more! Everyone in my family becomes postmen!"

"But that's not all you ended up being, is it?" Kotake questioned. "You're here now, and your destiny is wide open. You broke the mold they'd set for you."

The Postman thought back to the strange memory he'd remembered while being whipped, and he had a feeling it was all too real. The memory was so vivid that he could smell the blood and the mustiness of the cellar, and he could feel the pain that tore through his entire body. Terror and despair was all he had felt as he'd looked up at the shadowed man who stood over him, and The Postman squeezed his eyes closed, not wanting to think about it.

"You remember something." Koume said knowingly.

"I don't know what I'm remembering." The Postman replied in a defeated voice. "It's not very clear."

"More memories will return over time." Koume told him. "They will not be pleasant."

"What did you see just now, when you looked at my magic?" The Postman demanded. "What aren't you telling me?"

Kotake gave a nod to her sister, and then began explaining. "Your green magic has been somehow fully restored and it's causing the red magic to become uncontrollable. The two magics are not compatible, and it's caused an internal war. Your red magic is tearing at you from within, and it's going to cause you severe damage if the problem isn't resolved."

The Postman's eyes widened. "What do I do?"

"You will have to choose which magic to keep, Tracker, or they're going to tear you apart from the inside. You can't keep both if they're equally as strong. One needs to be smothered, and you need to choose.""

The Postman gave the witches a confused look. "Choose?" he asked. "How do I do that?"

"This isn't something we can help you with, because we've never had to deal with anything like this before." Kotake told him. "You have to find a way to block off one of the magical veins, perhaps through meditation. If you keep both for two long, it could drive you mad as they destroy your mind."

"Which vein of magic do I choose?" The Postman asked. "The red or the green?"

"I should say you need to keep the red because it is most beneficial to our Nation, but I won't." Koume said. "The red magic is unnatural, and it can't be trusted. You need to get rid of it any way you can."

"But how?" The Postman demanded.

"We will start researching this for you, but I have a feeling you need to mentally block off the red magic altogether. You need to learn to control this red magic, and force it to do what you want. If you can control it, you can destroy it."

The Postman still thought there had to be some mistake, and he frowned down at the floor, simply thinking. Wouldn't his parents have noticed something wrong with him if his personality had suddenly changed? Why would they not question that? Did they know what was being done to him? Were they involved somehow? Did they order his uncle Leid to do that to him just because he'd had behavioral problems? Just how far did this betrayal stretch?

The Postman stood to his feet. "I have to go." he said, as he turned towards the door.

The Postman left without another word, and Koume and Kotake watched him go, exchanging concerned glances.

"This was a lot for him to take in." Koume said.

Kotake nodded in agreement. "He has to work this out for himself, and it's not going to be easy."

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Link stared at the massive army and was impressed by what he saw. Never before had the three races of Hyrule banded together to fight, and the army they now had was powerful. Hylians, Zora, and Gorons all stood proud and tall as they awaited orders, and to his surprise there were also Rito and hundreds of postmen in the mix. It seemed everyone was tired of the evil that Ganondorf spread, and they all wanted to take down the Gerudo Nation once and for all. With their combined talents, they would destroy Ganondorf and rid Hyrule of his shadow. Their people would no longer have to live in fear, and Hyrule would be at peace once again.

Link listened as the troops were given orders and directions, and he knew it would soon be time to attack. Once their preparations were complete, Link planned to lead them into battle to face Ganondorf.

One more day, and Ganondorf and the Gerudo Nation would fall.

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The Postman didn't care whether he got in trouble for leaving the lab, he just needed some time alone to think. He aimlessly wandered around the castle, not really paying attention to anything around him, and eventually he found himself heading towards his room. Once inside, he closed the door and took a seat on the bed, still feeling somewhat shell-shocked. No matter how much he struggled to remember anything at all, his mind came up blank, and The Postman had no idea if Koume and Kotake were correct. If he had false memories implanted, how much of his happy childhood was a lie? Did he even have a happy childhood?! If Sakon was to be believed, his entire personality was artificially created, and so did that even make him a real person? Who was he before? What would happen if he suddenly remembered? Would it change him?

The Postman rubbed at his head, not even sure what to believe anymore. Not wanting to think about it anymore, The Postman decided to distract himself from all of this. He could hear Adena laughing in the room next door, and wondered if the invitation for him to join was still open. Glancing around for something to bring, his eyes fell on the unopened box of chocolates Minoko had given him. Grabbing it, he quickly left his room and knocked on Adena's door.

Only a moment later, Adena opened her door, and she quickly adopted an angry and serious expression at the sight of him.

"Yes?" she demanded.

"Is the invitation for me to join card night still open?" he asked.

Adena pretended like she was thinking hard. "Hmm, I don't know...I think I might have to discuss it with the others and take a vote."

"Adena, stop teasing The Tracker and just let him in!" Iris scolded.

Adena then broke into a grin, and stepped aside to let him in. "Did you bring a snack?" she demanded.

The Postman held out the box of chocolates, and Adena eagerly seized it from him.

"What's this?" she asked. "It doesn't look like pretzels."

"Chocolate." The Postman replied.

Chocolate was very expensive, and Adena's eyes widened. "Oh!" she exclaimed. "Nice!"

There were six Gerudo from his training class already there and they all waved at him as he entered, and he took a seat on the edge of Adena's bed beside Iris. Adena resumed her place seated by the foot of the bed and she immediately scowled down at her cards.

"Alright, who looked at my cards while I was gone?" she demanded.

When no one spoke up, she glared around the room. "You're all a bunch of cheaters, and I demand we re-deal!"

Everyone rolled their eyes.

Adena collected everyone's cards, and then glanced at The Postman. "You want to be dealt in?" she asked.

The Postman shook his head. "I'm terrible at cards, so I'll just watch."

Adena shrugged and then shuffled the cards. "Your loss."

The Postman watched them play a few hands of Sorcery, and listened to the gossip they were discussing in vague interest. When the topic once again came to Milan and Ganondorf, The Postman asked a question he'd been wondering about.

"Why has Lord Ganondorf never married, or had children of his own?"

Everyone looked at him like he was a complete moron.

"Because he's a male Gerudo." Adena responded.

The Postman frowned. "So?"

Adena rolled her eyes. "Male Gerudo are sterile, and they can never have children of their own. Although he is first born of the royal family, his heirs to the throne are his sisters. If he is killed in battle, one of his sisters will take the throne."

"Are male Gerudo always born in the royal family?" The Postman asked curiously.

Adena nodded. "Din is our goddess, and she has made it so one male Gerudo is born every one hundred years after the death of the last king. The male Gerudo is always the firstborn child of the queen, and so when she passes, he takes the throne."

The Postman was confused. "But, isn't Lord Ganondorf's mother still alive? Doesn't she live in one of the outer villages? Why isn't she still queen?"

Every Gerudo in the room winced. Adena lowered her voice as if afraid someone would overhear them. "Do not repeat what I'm about to tell you anywhere near Lord Ganondorf, is this clear?"

The Postman nodded.

"When Lord Ganondorf was a child, his mother did something that jeopardized the safety of entire Gerudo Nation. Many lives were lost due to drought and starvation, and if it wasn't for Lord Ganondorf, our people would have died."

"What did she do?" The Postman asked.

"She angered the goddess Din by renouncing her loyalty, and instead chose Termina as her goddess. She declared war on one of Din's protected nations, and it was a total bloodbath. The queen then ordered all her subjects to honor Termina, and Din was deeply angered. She surrounded our Nation by vicious sandstorms and the rain ceased falling. We were trapped, and our crops quickly failed, and starvation started soon after."

"What happened?" The Postman asked in concern.

"The queen quickly realized her folly, and begged Din for forgiveness, but the goddess was stubborn. We would have perished if it wasn't for Lord Ganondorf. Although he was just a young boy, he traveled into the sandstorms in an attempt to get help for our people. He nearly died in the sandstorms, but Din took pity on him and allowed him passage into Hyrule. For most of his life he'd known nothing except starvation and despair, and so when he found the green and fertile lands of Hyrule he thought he'd found paradise."

"The Hylians helped him then?" The Postman questioned.

Adena shook her head. "All Lord Ganondorf found was greed and racism in Hyrule, and no one would help his people. He couldn't understand why such a prosperous country would turn its back on their suffering neighbours, and he's never forgiven them for it. He traveled all the lands to the North, looking for some means to help our country on his own, and he was gone for over a year.

It was believed he'd perished in the standstorms, and so it came as a shock the day he returned with an ocarina. He had learned a magical song that would bring rain to the lands, and he hoped this would save our people. The song was not powerful enough to reverse the damage done, and the rain lasted only minutes. Din had watched his journey, and had watched as the child learned and grew throughout, and she was impressed by his strength and his dedication to his nation. As he played the song over and over, he pledged his loyalty to Din, and she showed compassion and lifted the curse, and once again brought rains to our land.

The queen was stripped of all power, and Lord Ganondorf became King when he was just eleven years old. The queen should have been executed for the suffering she'd caused, but Lord Ganondorf chose to show mercy. She was banished to the outer villages where she'd never be allowed to step foot in the main city again. Despite his young age, Lord Ganondorf set up trade with neighbouring countries to the South, and our people have spread throughout the lands, making colonies all around the world. We were closed off from the outside world for generations, but Lord Ganondorf made our country rich and successful.

Lord Ganondorf has made our Nation everything it is today, and for that we will always be thankful to him."

"I didn't know any of this." The Postman told her. "Hyrule wouldn't help him when he needed it most, and that's why he has such hatred for them. I had always wondered about that..."

Adena nodded. "Hyrule is a rich and prosperous land, and Lord Ganondorf has vowed to take it for the Gerudo Nation. They turned their backs on us when we needed it most, and he will shown them just how powerful we've become."

The Postman nodded, now finally understanding the aggression between the two countries.

"Lord Ganondorf remembers the horror his people experienced during the drought and famine, and even now he refuses to use starvation as a punishment. Even if someone is to be tortured or executed, he still makes sure they have enough food and water. He is much more merciful than the Hylians will lead you to believe. To the Hylians, we are the villains, but to us, it's them who are the enemy. It's all about perspective."

The Postman thought back to the time he'd been imprisoned for a week after Milan had been injured, and remembered that he'd still been fed generously three times a day, despite the fact Ganondorf had been furious with him. It had surprised him at the time, but now he understood.

"Like I said, don't discuss this where you can be overheard because it's a very sore subject for the older generation. I wasn't alive when all this happened, but the people who were are still haunted by it. It was devastating."

The Postman nodded. "I won't mention it again." he promised.

"All this talk of starvation has made me hungry, let's open those chocolates!" Adena announced.

The Postman pushed aside his troubles, and for the rest of the night, he enjoyed the company of his friends.

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When The Postman was summoned early the next morning, he wondered if he was going to be in trouble for skipping training the day before. Hoping Ganondorf hadn't heard about it, he made his way downstairs to the throne room then gave a knock to the door.

The Postman waited only a moment before Ganondorf yelled for him to enter, and when he pushed open the door, he saw Ganondorf standing next to his desk speaking with Koume and Kotake.

The Postman winced, realizing the witches had probably told Ganondorf that he'd left training yesterday. Approaching them cautiously, The Postman waited for the yelling to begin. Ganondorf didn't look angry, however, he seemed to be stressed and tired.

"Tracker, I need you to find someone for me." Ganondorf told him. "It might be too late, however."

The Postman relaxed and gave him a nod. "Yes, Sir, how can I help?"

Ganondorf held up the Sword of Mephistophelian and The Postman immediately recognized it. "I want you to find the master of this sword."

The Postman cocked his head. "Doesn't it belong to you, Sir?"

Ganondorf scowled. "No, the sword won't respond to me because it still recognizes its previous master. I need you to find him."

"What is his name, Sir? I'll do my best."

"His name is Ichiro. I don't know anything other than that."

The Postman could normally sense the person a name was connected to, and find them that way, but he felt absolutely nothing when it came to that name. "Are you sure about the name, Sir?"

Ganondorf frowned down at him. "Yes. The Sword's magic spoke with me directly. Ichiro is the sword's master."

The Postman tried again, but felt nothing. He gave the Gerudo a helpless shrug. "He doesn't exist, I feel nothing at all. He's either dead, or somewhere where I can't sense him."

Ganondorf let out a frustrated curse. "Are you sure?" he demanded.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Could you follow the magical connection between the sword and the person who owns it?" Ganondorf questioned.

"I don't know, Sir, I've never tried to do anything like that before."

Ganondorf glanced over at the witches. "Could he do that if I gave him the sword?"

Koume and Kotake shrugged. "It's a possibility, Sire, but that's not anything we've tested. His magic is still very volatile and unpredictable. He could blow up the thrown room trying something like that."

"I'm willing to take the chance." Ganondorf responded. "We need this sword's power to aid in the war. Help me shield the room, and he'll give it a try."

The witches nodded, and The Postman watched as they assisted Ganondorf with putting a magical shield around the entire room. When everything was shielded, including everyone within the room, Ganondorf held out the sword to The Postman. The Postman started to reach for it, but then hesitated.

"Sir, didn't you say that if anyone touched this sword with their bare hands, it would kill them?"

Ganondorf looked confused for a moment before realization crossed his face. "Oh, I just said that so Sakon wouldn't try to steal it, and so that neither of you would touch it. I assumed the previous master was dead, and to transfer ownership, all you have to do is touch it. I was mistaken, however, and the sword already had a master."

The Postman thought back to when he had touched the sword, and remembered the surge of magic that had shocked him the second his fingers touched it. He had assumed that was a warning before the sword would kill him, but clearly this was not the case.

"Just do your best to feel for the magical link, and then we'll go from there." Ganondorf told him, still holding out the sword.

The Postman nodded and he once again reached out to take the sword. The moment his hands closed over the sheath, The Postman sensed a powerful magical surge, and he felt his magic connect with the magic within the sword. Compelled by some unknown force, The Postman drew the sword, and the sword's magic fluctuated almost like it was singing in happiness. To The Postman's surprise, the blade of the sword released a low, blue glow, and The Postman felt his magic extend into the sword's like it was an extension of his arm.

The Postman looked up, and saw Ganondorf and the witches staring at the sword in shock, and he suddenly got a very bad feeling about this. It was Ganondorf who recovered first, and his expression morphed into something so furious, The Postman quickly dropped the sword to the floor.

"What happened?" The Postman asked in concern. "What was that? Did I break it?!"

Without a single word, Ganondorf pulled back his fist and punched The Postman solidly in the stomach, knocking the smaller man hard to the floor. The Postman skidded painfully, and then gasped, clutching at his stomach in agony, having no idea what he was just hit for. When he looked up, he saw Ganondorf was standing directly over him, the Gerudo King staring down at him in disgust and anger.

"Wha-what did I do?" The Postman wheezed out in confusion.

Reaching down, Ganondorf seized him by the back of the shirt and easily yanked him up so they were face to face.

"This wasn't the first time you've touched the sword, was it?" he asked suspiciously casually.

"...no, Sir." The Postman admitted. "I accidentally touched it during the mission... but only for a second!"

Ganondorf backhanded him across the face, and The Postman's vision went black for a second.

"You've been purposely deceiving me, Tracker, and it could have cost us the war!" Ganondorf bellowed, giving him a hard shake. "All this time I've been searching for a man named Ichiro and it was you!"

The Postman desperately shook his head. "My name's not Ichiro!" he protested. "I did touch the sword, but my name's not Ichiro!"

Ganondorf hit him for a second time. "Save your lies, Tracker!"

"I'm not lying!" The Postman insisted. "I have no idea who Ichiro is, but it's not me!"

"The sword is bound to you, so there's no point in trying to lie your way out of this!" Ganondorf snarled, raising his hand to hit The Postman for a third time.

"Lord Ganondorf." Koume spoke up, making the Gerudo King stay his hand.

Ganondorf glanced over to her in question.

"Remember that The Tracker has memory loss, Sire, so he might not be trying to deceive you. He could be Ichiro and not even know that's his true name, or Ichiro could be the person who created the artificial magic. He has shown you much loyalty so far, and I doubt he's lying."

Ganondorf's face twisted in fury. "It doesn't matter." he snapped. "Either way, The Tracker has to be killed."

The Postman's eyes widened. "But, Sir, I didn't mean to touch it! Can't I just give the sword back to you?"

"Idiot!" Ganondorf snarled. "The only way ownership can be passed from one person to another is if the original owner dies. You have to die for me to become the sword's new master."

"But, Sir!" The Postman protested.

"Shut up." Ganondorf ordered. "I have no choice, and it doesn't matter what you have to say. You have to die. You've been loyal to me, so I will make it as painless as possible."

"Sire, you have given The Tracker your protection for as long as he's employed by you." Kotake stated. "If you kill him, you will be breaking your word."

Ganondorf gave her a glare and then turned his gaze back to The Postman. "Fine." he stated. "Tracker, you're fired."

The Postman had never been fired from any job in his entire life, and so it was like a kick to the stomach. "But, Sir!" The Postman cried. "I didn't mean to touch the sword! It's all some sort of mistake! I'm not Ichiro!"

Ganondorf dropped him to the ground, and drew his sword. "On your knees." he ordered. "Don't make this any harder than it has to be."

The Postman looked over to Koume and Kotake and they simply gave him a sad look and averted their eyes. They were clearly not going to help him.

"Sir, please!"

"I don't want to kill you." Ganondorf snarled. "I have to. Don't you understand that your death is needed to save the Gerudo Nation? We need the sword to defend against the Hylian army and without it, we'll be overrun. If you have any loyalty remaining to this Nation, get on your knees. Now."

The Postman realized what Ganondorf said was true, and that his death would aid the Gerudo warriors in the war. How could he justify his one life over thousands of others? Taking a deep breath, The Postman lowered himself down to his knees. Ganondorf seemed somewhat surprised by this, but also deeply impressed.

"You were a valuable minion, Tracker." Ganondorf told him, lifting his sword over his head. "This isn't personal, and I wish there was another way."

The Postman knew Ganondorf would do anything and everything to protect his country, and he understood perfectly.

"Are you ready, Tracker?"

The Postman closed his eyes, and bowed his head to await his fate. "Yes, Sir. Go ahead."

Ganondorf gave a nod, and just as he was bringing down the sword, they heard loud trumpeting coming from outside.

"The Hylians have invaded!" Koume cried out in a panic.

Ganondorf paused, sword just inches from the back of The Postman's neck.

"How long would it take to re-infuse the Great Fairies magic to the sword once I become its new master?" Ganondorf demanded.

"Too long!" Kotake told him. "You need to defend the front lines now with your magic before it's too late!"

"Lord Ganondorf, you need to get there now!" Koume cried.

Ganondorf let out a curse, and turned his gaze down to The Postman who was still kneeling, waiting for the sword to fall.

"You will wield the sword in my place, Tracker." Ganondorf snarled. "Your magic should be strong enough to fight at my side."

Koume and Kotake both immediately protested. "No, Lord Ganondorf, his magic is still too volatile to be trusted! He could cause massive destruction!"

"I will control him." Ganondorf stated, sheathing his sword. "We need all the power we can get, and the loss of a red magic user and the Great Fairies magic is more than we can bear. He is now more valuable alive than dead."

The Postman glanced up, and Ganondorf pulled him back to his feet. "Follow me, Tracker, and bring the sword. Koume and Kotake, order to have two horses prepared for us."

"Yes, Sire."

Not questioning him, The Postman knelt down and picked up the fallen sword, his magic once again linking with it. He was absolutely terrible at swords-fighting, and he knew he was going to be pretty useless on the battlefield. He'd never purposefully harmed anyone before, and even the though of stabbing someone sickened him.

"Sir, I don't think I can-"

Ganondorf wasn't even listening, and he was already halfway out of the room, so The Postman quickly jogged to catch up with him.

"Sir, I really can't-"

"Keep up!" Ganondorf snarled. "I don't have time to dawdle!"

The Postman followed Ganondorf down the hall, and they entered an armoury that was clearly for Ganondorf's personal use. As Ganondorf put on an impressive amount of armour, he turned to The Postman.

"Get yourself a mask out of that chest." he ordered, pointing to said chest. "I want you to fight beside me during battle. I don't have time to find you armour that will fit, so you'll just have to be careful."

"Sir, I don't know how to fight!" The Postman protested.

"You'll figure it out when the time comes." Ganondorf replied, distractedly. "Your magic will not allow you to be harmed."

The Postman was very glad Ganondorf hadn't killed him, but he knew the Gerudo King was seriously overestimating his abilities. He knew there was no way he'd ever be able to kill someone, even if they were his enemy.

"Come on." Ganondorf ordered, leaving the room. "Our horses should be ready for us by now."

The Postman silently followed behind him, getting a very bad feeling about all this.

Sure enough, Nightmare and the horse he'd stolen were waiting just outside of the castle, and he could see every soldier and trainee leaving the castle and marching their way to the borders. Ganondorf mounted, and immediately rode off, and The Postman hesitated before he did the same.

They passed by hundreds of armed Gerudo, and before he knew it, they were now in the centre of the Gerudo army. Every warrior was stone-faced as they stared ahead where the Hylian army could be seen approaching across the desert. The Postman looked at the people around him and saw all of his friends from his training class, standing on the frontlines, waiting for the fighting to begin. He saw Captain Isa standing with them, a long spear being used in place of her cane, her expression grim but determined. Looking all around himself, The Postman saw identical expressions on each and every warrior's face. They were all planning on fighting to the death to defend their homeland. The Gerudo warriors would not be retreating no matter how outnumbered they were. They would either win or die.

The approaching army was still very far off, and The Postman reached down into his saddlebag looking for a spyglass. Every other person near him was doing the same thing, and The Postman brought the spyglass up to take a look. As the army came into focus, The Postman's eyes widened at what he saw.

Hundreds of postmen and postwomen marched at the head of the army, all wearing identical uniforms. His entire family marched on the front lines, aunts, uncles, cousins, even the extended family. They were standing straight and strong, weapons drawn and ready to fight, and The Postman even saw his parents among the group. Horror began to set in as The Postman realized his family would be the first ones killed in the battle.

"No!" The Postman gasped. "We can't!"

Ganondorf briefly glanced over his shoulder at him, and gave him a questioning look. "What are you saying?" he demanded.

"That's my family, Sir! Those aren't soldiers on the front lines, they're all postmen!"

"Don't be ridiculous!" Ganondorf snapped, as he lifted his own spyglass to look at the approaching army. He quickly saw that The Postman was correct, and they were all indeed postmen.

"What do they want?" Ganondorf demanded with a confused frown. "Why would a bunch of untrained postmen fight with Hyrule?"

"I don't know, Sir." The Postman responded. "But they're my family!"

Ganondorf's eyes narrowed. "It doesn't matter whether they're civilians or not." he stated. "They chose to fight, and so they will be defeated with the rest of the Hylian army."

"But, Sir!"

"Prepare yourself, Tracker, they'll be here within minutes. Draw your sword."

The Postman let out a gasp, and grabbed a hold of Ganondorf's arm, stopping him from drawing his sword. "You can't, sir! They're my family! Please don't!"

Ganondorf glared down at him, and without a single word, knocked The Postman off of his horse. The Postman hit the ground hard, and he looked up at Ganondorf who glowered down at him. "Do that again, and I'll see it as treason, Tracker. Do not try to stay my hand."

The Postman was desperate, and he stared up at Ganondorf, his eyes begging. "Please, sir! Please, don't kill my family!"

Ganondorf turned his gaze back to the postmen who were still fast approaching across the desert. "I am not going to risk the lives of my people over my enemies!" he snarled. "Any who stand with the Hero of Time will be slaughtered!"

The Postman got back to his feet. "They're no threat to you, Sir, they're just civilians, not warriors! Just let me talk to them, and I'll find out why they're here!"

Ganondorf shook his head. "No, you're staying here." Ganondorf ordered. "Now draw your sword and start concentrating on your power! I need you to try sending a blast towards the front lines."

"No, Sir!" The Postman cried.

"I will not chance you betraying me during battle, Tracker." Ganondorf stated, and the Gerudo stared down at him a moment, and then motioned a nearby soldier over. "Hold your sword to his throat, and every time he disobeys me, cut him a little deeper."

The soldier looked a little uncertain, but she gave a nod. "Yes, Sire."

Ganondorf then turned his eyes back to The Postman. "I should have killed you earlier, but I showed you mercy, so do not disappoint me." he announced. "You are not a Gerudo, Tracker, and I should have known better than to trust an outsider with such an important job. If you even think of standing in my way during battle, I'll have her slit your throat. I'm not letting you jeopardize this war!"

The Postman winced as the soldier's sword pressed into the skin of his neck. It was painful, but it didn't quite break the skin.

The Postman swallowed heavily, and knew there was nothing he could do to stop Ganondorf. "Din help me..." he breathed, as he very hesitantly reached down to draw his sword.

The Postman took a deep, shaky breath, and slowly raised the sword up, the metal feeling warm against his hand. He could feel the sword's magic buzzing in excitement, and he closed his eyes, not sure how he was supposed to use the power. A slight tingling was running up and down his arms, and he wondered if that was the sword's magic, and he concentrated on it, trying to figure it out.

The tingling increased as well as the heat, and he felt the magic flow into him like a wave of fire, and he let out a gasp. The magic seemed to force its way through his veins hotly, the sensation unpleasant, and very painful. It felt like the sword's magic was full of barbs, and it tore its way through his green magic to strengthen the red. His vein of green magic was being crushed as the red magic grew and grew, and The Postman felt like he was being suffocated and torn in half at the same time.

Unbeknownst to him, the sword began to glow a bright blue as it recognized its master, and it freely attached its magic directly to The Postman's magical core. The Postman gasped as more and more of the power flowed into him, not sure what to do with it, or how to use it. It seemed to bubble in his veins, demanding to be used, and he grimaced at the sensation.

Opening his eyes, he saw Link was now far ahead of the rest of the army, and had his sword drawn, ready for the fight. The hero only had eyes for Ganondorf, and The Postman, knew he had to do something before his entire family was killed in a violent blood bath. As The Postman struggled to figure out how this new magic worked, Ganondorf surged forward to meet the hero head-on.

Ganondorf shot a powerful ball of fire at the hero, and Link had no way to dodge and was directly hit. Link flew backwards off of his horse with a yell of surprise, and hit the ground hard, the front of his tunic smoldering. Link grimaced, and then rolled to his feet, and charged. Ganondorf, dismounted from Nightmare and then swung out his sword, blocking Link just as the hero reached him. Shoving him back, Ganondorf lashed out, and Link just barely managed to dodge out of the way.

The Postman watched them fight, feeling apprehensive, and he knew he should be trying to do something useful. Staring at Link in both fear and anger, The Postman had a feeling Link would be out to kill him next. Reacting to his emotions, he felt the magic surge forward and to his shock, a powerful blast of power shot directly at Link from the tip of the sword.

Link's eyes widened when he saw the blast coming, and he threw himself out of the way, barely managing to avoid the magic as it shot over his head. The magic hit a large boulder, and there was the sound of a crunch, and the rock crumbled into dust. Link stared at what remained of the boulder in shock, and then he rolled to his feet as another blast was shot at him, this time from Ganondorf.

Link glanced over at The Postman and his eyes widened when he recognized him, and he narrowed his eyes in anger. Why was it always this Gerudo? It appeared she was protecting Ganondorf with that strange magic that she possessed, and he knew he had to stop her before someone got hurt. A second shot came from The Postman, and Link ran, and dodged, trying to spot a weakness. Dodging from both the blast, and also from Ganondorf's sword, he charged, sword raised.

The Postman was horrified at what his red magic was making him do, but no matter how much he fought against it, it wouldn't stop trying to hit Link. The powerful magic wanted to be used, and he could do nothing to stop it. As Link approached, he hoped he wouldn't accidentally end up killing the boy even if Link was the one who kept trying to kill him.

There was a loud war-cry, and The Postman looked up just in time to see the army of postmen surge forward to meet the Gerudo army head-on. The Postman could only stare in horror as the two sides met.

The white uniforms of the postmen stood out vividly against the black of the Gerudo uniforms, and both sides attacked viciously, using everything they had to get the upper hand. The postmen were fast, and they ran, swinging their mailbags like maces, smashing the warriors in the faces. By the way it caused the Gerudo soldiers to stagger back, the mailbags must have contained something very hard and heavy. Ritos dropped things from above, slowing the Gerudo army down, and they gracefully dodged the arrows shot at them.

In all honesty, it was the most ridiculous fight The Postman had ever seen. The postmen wielded letter openers like swords, and luckily most were fast enough to avoid any and all retaliation. Those that weren't seemed to be well-stocked in healing items, and they'd get right back up and keep on fighting. Each and every time a Gerudo would stab at a postman, they would dodge the attack, and immediately clock the Gerudo hard in the head with their mailbags. The Gerudo warriors had never trained for a situation like this, and the unconventional fighting styles were both confusing and infuriating.

The Postman's gaze shifted, and to his surprise, Tingle could be seen dancing and twirling about in the direct centre of the battle, fairy held high over head, completely unafraid. He seemed to be singing, and The Postman had to wonder if Tingle even realized there was a war going on around him.

The Postman was now in the centre of the chaos, the Gerudo that had been holding him at sword-point now off defending herself against one of his uncles. Staring around himself in horror, The Postman knew it would only be a matter of time before the first fatality. The battle raged around him but he stood, unmoving, and unnoticed by nearly everyone. His magic was still sporadically trying to kill Link, but the hero was expertly avoiding any and all attacks directed at him.

Ganondorf shot a powerful blast of power at Link, swearing under his breath when he missed again. At this rate, he'd drain his powers before he'd even injured anyone! The war so far was positively pathetic in his opinion, and he couldn't believe that neither side had made a single kill yet. Looking over at The Postman, he grit his teeth in frustration. The postal army was only the first wave of fighters, and the Hylians could be seen in the distance, and Ganondorf knew the Zora and Gorons were likely there as well. They wouldn't stand a chance unless something drastic happened. There hadn't been enough time for the Gerudo Nation to gather reinforcements, and now they were horribly outnumbered.

Ganondorf clenched his sword tightly in his fist, now realizing just how outmatched his Gerudo army truly were. He had to do something right now, or they'd all be slaughtered within minutes of the Hylian army reaching them.

"Hit them, you imbecile!" Ganondorf yelled to The Postman. "Direct the magic to head them off!"

The Postman struggled to control the flood of magic, but it resisted him, and it kept shooting at Link erratically. Closing his eyes, The Postman took a deep breath and concentrated on the feeling of the magic within him. Trying to reel it back in, away from the sword, the magic seemed to hiss at him and it pushed back aggressively at him, refusing to do what he wanted.

"Hurry you fool!" Ganondorf snarled. "They're almost here! Send a blast straight at them!"

The magic became elated at that suggestion, and to The Postman's horror, he could feel the magic building up a huge amount of energy for a blast big enough to cause some serious damage. Realizing he could end up killing countless people, The Postman struggled even harder against the magic, trying desperately to control it. It was like trying to push against a wall, and The Postman began to shake from the strain of the internal battle.

The Hylian army were almost to the Gerudo bridge, and The Postman had a sudden idea. If he could just redirect the blast, he could take out the bridge, trapping the Hylian army on the other side of the gorge. As the magic burst out of him with a blinding flash, The Postman forced the blast downwards with everything he had. It hit the bridge just as the army reached it, and there was a deafening boom, splinters of wood and debris exploding in all directions.

The battle came to a temporary stand-still, every man, women and creature stopping to stare in awe.

The bridge was destroyed, and now the Hylians had no way to reach them. They would have to go the long way around, which would take hours.

The Postman's magic was infuriated, and unable to stop himself, The Postman began to shoot at everyone and everything around him, everyone screaming and dodging his attacks. The power was too hot, much too hot and his head hurt so badly, he felt like he was about to collapse. He couldn't control the magic, and he could feel it beginning to take him over completely.

Teeth clenched, he felt an unnatural, uncontrollable rage fill him, and the red magic kept getting stronger and stronger. Blinded by the power and rage filling his mind, The Postman staggered, feeling like he was being crushed under the weight of it. He wasn't in control of himself anymore, and the magic was lashing out at Gerudo and family members indiscriminately.

"What are you doing, you moron?!" Ganondorf bellowed out as he lashed out Link again. "You're attacking the wrong side!"

The Postman turned to face Ganondorf, and shot a blast of energy directly at him, the villain getting hit solidly in the chest. The Gerudo King instinctively tossed up a magical shield, but the attack was much too strong, and he let out a surprised yell of pain as it was shattered, and he was thrown to the ground.

Ganondorf immediately rolled to his feet and he gave The Postman a look of death, not realizing the other man had completely lost control. His armour was now cracked, and it would provide an opening for the Hero of Time if he wasn't cautious. Ganondorf would now have to be extremely careful that he didn't let Link get too close.

Link gave The Postman a confused look, wondering why a Gerudo would attack her own king like that. Were her loyalties starting to waver?

He didn't have too long to contemplate this, however, because Ganondorf charged him, sword poised for the kill. Link sprung away, and swung out his own sword, steel meeting steel in a shower of sparks. Pushing with all his strength, Ganondorf knocked Link to the ground, and the boy barely had time to roll out of the way as Ganondorf stabbed his sword down where his head had just been. Link rolled back to his feet, completely out of breath, but still grasping his sword tightly.

Ganondorf didn't pause at all, and he charged directly at him sword raised, and Link raised his own to block it. It was then that Ganondorf shot out a powerful blast of fire, taking Link completely by surprise. The attack hit solidly, and Link's back hit a rock hard enough to crack the stone, and he fell to the ground. Sparks of energy crackled from the force of the blow, and Ganondorf took a deep breath as he stalked towards the hero. He was just raising his sword for the kill, when he was hit from behind by another blast of magic from The Postman. Ganondorf was knocked flat on his face, and this time he was injured, and it took him much longer to roll to his feet. He glanced over at The Postman, and it suddenly clicked in his mind what was happening, and he knew The Postman was not in control of his actions.

The Postman concentrated on all of the red magic within himself, and the immense amount of it was startling. He knew most of the magic came from the sword, and some of it also from the Great Fairy, and he had no idea how to regain control of himself. The hatred that the red magic made him feel was terrifying, and he'd never felt anything like it before. With this amount of power, he knew he could destroy everyone and everything around him, and fought to control it.

There was too much red magic for him to fight, and he couldn't seem to release his hold on the sword to stop the flow of magic. Forcing himself to silently endure the pain and misery, The Postman fought as hard as he could against the control the magic had over him. It was turning him into a monster, and he was going to end up killing someone. It felt like his entire body was burning from the violent and wild magic that coursed through his magical core.

He didn't have long to contemplate this however as Ganondorf shot a large blast of energy into his chest from where the villain lay on the ground. The Postman fell to the ground, but his hand still clutched tightly to the sword. He gave a pained twitch, the magic that controlled him, trying to make him stand. Weak from struggling with the magic, The Postman let out a moan as he very slowly was forced back to his feet. Breathing heavily, the magic fought to take control again, and he raised the sword against his will.

As the sword glowed and pulsed, shooting off attacks in all directions, The Postman closed his eyes not wanting to see what was about to happen. The power was out of control and there was nothing he could do to stop it. Letting out another groan of pain as the magic ripped through his body, he felt it begin to form into a powerful blast. A blast strong enough to kill everyone on the battlefield. A piercing agony erupted in his stomach and The Postman opened his eyes in surprise. To his shock, Link stood in front of him, and The Postman slowly looked down. Link's sword was buried hilt deep into The Postman's stomach. Link pulled his sword out, and then had to dodge as Ganondorf attacked, coming to The Postman's defense. The Postman couldn't move, and he became aware of the tiniest flicker of his green magic trying to worm its way out from underneath the mountain of red magic. It was barely a thread, but The Postman mentally reached for it in an attempt to protect it from the red magic's onslaught.

He had come to love his life with the Gerudo people, and now his red magic was threatening to not only kill them, but also his family and friends. It was going to take everything from him.

The Postman knew the magic was going to kill them all; he could clearly feel its intent. It wanted to kill, to burn them all, to turn everything living into ash. He let out a pained cry, and gritted his teeth as he fought against the magic, trying desperately to stop it. He couldn't let it do this, he wouldn't allow it.

Holding tightly onto the thread of green magic, The Postman delved into his own mind, feeling for where his green magic had gone, trying to root it out. He could feel its warm, and comforting presence from somewhere, but he was having a bit of trouble finding it.

Every time he thought he neared it, the red magic pushed him away, and The Postman had to fight just to keep a hold of the green thread. Forcing his way through the red magic, he finally found the weak and damaged green magic. Grabbing a hold of it, The Postman began yanking on it, trying to force it out from under the weight of the red magic.

When he was sure he had a good hold on it, he pushed outwards with his mind as hard as he could. At first it felt as if he were pushing against a wall, but then, ever so slowly, he felt the red magic giving way, moving away from the green magic. It caused agony to his mind to do so, but he refused to stop pushing. The red magic fought against him viciously, but he was determined. At last he felt the green magic pull free and he opened his eyes as a whole new type of agony overtook him. The red magic was tearing at him, ripping at the green magic, but The Postman refused to let go of it.

His entire body was in torment, and he was vaguely aware that he was bleeding to death from the sword wound, but he stubbornly remained on his feet.

Sparks and tendrils of power were coming off of him in waves, and Ganondorf could feel the power from where he fought, and he glanced over in surprise. It felt like The Postman was having a magical meltdown, and he hoped that whatever happened next wouldn't harm his troops.

The Postman gave an anguished groan as the red magic burned inside him, fighting to take control once again. The Postman became aware of his limbs moving on their own, and he fought against it, feeling as though he was looking at the world through a tunnel. He was forced to raise his sword high in the air, and The Postman clutched at the green magic, willing it to help him. He couldn't let anyone he cared about get hurt because of him. He had to protect them, he had to shield them from this. His emotions of wanting to save the people around him, fuelled his green magic, and it burst forth in a surge so great, that it overtook the red magic completely. The surge of green magic forced the red to do as commanded and for a brief instant, The Postman felt his chance.

His arms shaking from the strain, The Postman repeated over and over in his mind 'Protect them. Protect them. Protect them.'. He then raised the sword above his head, and stabbed it down, deep into the stoney ground, a blast of red and green magic tidal-waving over the entire battlefield. To everyone's surprise, the magic pulled the two armies away from one another, the Gerudo army on one side of a magical shield, and everyone else on the other. The Postman released his hold on the sword, feeling every ounce of magic leaving him. Then with an exhausted shudder, he fell to his knees.

Looking up, he saw Ganondorf and the Gerudo army were on one side, and Link and everyone else were on the other. Ganondorf smashed his fists angrily on the shield, but it held strong, and couldn't be broken. Looking up, The Postman saw that the shield extended upwards into a giant dome around the Gerudo Nation. No one could get in or out. It was then that The Postman realized he was on the wrong side of the magical shield. Laying a hand against the shield, he gazed in at the Gerudo army, ignoring the furious look Ganondorf was shooting him.

Feeling dizzy from the magical exhaustion, he didn't notice Link charging directly over to him. He heard the sound of a muffled warning from several Gerudo, but didn't have the energy to comprehend what was being said.

Link, teeth clenched in fury, headed straight for The Postman, knowing that the Gerudo army had been on the verge of being overpowered. Once again this same Gerudo had ruined everything. Giving in to his rage, he drew back his arm and stabbed The Postman in the stomach just above the other wound. The Postman let out a startled gasp, and as Link pulled out his sword, The Postman fell to the ground.

"If you survive this, you will never see the light of day again!" Link snarled.

The Postman stared up at Link with terrified eyes, this position being all too familiar to him as memories of his last stabbing came to mind. He couldn't seem to speak, and he desperately shook his head, hoping Link wouldn't kill him. He was bleeding heavily, and The Postman was struggling to keep his eyes open.

Link narrowed his eyes at the Gerudo, and then approached his horse to get ropes to bind him. The Postman let out a sharp gasp of pain, and he felt nauseous and dizzy. Link was back a moment later, and he knelt down next to The Postman, about to bind him. He stared down into the frightened brown eyes behind the mask, and Link paused. Wait... Brown eyes? Gerudo didn't have brown eyes...their eyes were golden... Reaching out, Link pulled The Postman's mask off, and he froze when he saw who it was. The Postman stared up at him in both terror and pain, and Link quickly pulled away from him.

"Postman?!" he questioned in disbelief. "You're alive?!"

The Postman could say nothing, and he slowly allowed his eyes to slip closed.

"JIHIRO!"

The Postman's eyes snapped open at the sound of his mother's voice, and he saw his entire family rushing over to him worriedly. All of his brothers and sisters stood side by side as his mother looked both horrified and angry. She threw herself down next to him, and propped him up against her, placing her hands over his bleeding stomach.

"Jihiro!" she called again. "Don't close your eyes! Jihiro!"

Sheathing his sword, Link was completely stunned as he stared down at the bleeding man.

The Postman's shirt was completely soaked in blood, and under the stern supervision of The Postman's mother, Link watched as one of the other postmen lifted the shirt to see what the damage was. Link winced guiltily when he saw what he'd done, and realized he could have murdered The Postman for real this time. The Postman had lost a lot of blood already, and he was completely magically exhausted.

"He's going to bleed to death!" The Postman's mother, Jinaudi cried, looking up at the rest of the family. "He needs a healing item, quickly!"

Link watched as word spread quickly through the army, but no one stepped forward with an item. It seemed like the battle had used all of their healing items. The Postman's eyes had drifted closed, and no amount of shaking roused him.

"Someone must have something!" Jinaudi cried. "He's going to die! Someone please save him!"

Just as she burst into tears, she felt a soft nudge to her arm. Looking over, she saw Tingle standing there holding out his fairy with a very pained expression on his face. He seemed very hesitant, and obviously didn't want to, but the small man still pressed the bottle into her hands.

"Take Tingle's fairy." he said. "He saved Tingle from the dungeon, and Tingle will now save him in return."

Jinaudi accepted the bottle with a smile. "Thank you!" she cried. "Oh, thank you, Tingle!"

Link knew how much having a fairy meant to Tingle, and was shocked the man had willingly given it up.

Tingle let out a deep sigh. "Tingle can always find another fairy...Tingle supposes..."

Jinaudi had already uncorked the bottle, and she desperately held it over her son. "Hurry, fairy, please hurry!" she begged it.

The small, pink fairy flew out of the bottle and floated around The Postman, bathing him in her healing magic. Everyone watched in relief as the wounds slowly closed over, and The Postman began getting a better colour to his skin. When the fairy was finally done, it disappeared in a flash of sparkles. Tingle let out a sad sigh as it disappeared.

There was silence for a moment, and then The Postman groaned and slowly opened his eyes. Immediately his mother pulled him into a bonecrushing hug. His father kneeled in front of him in concern, and his adult brothers and sisters surrounded him, and he was instantly bombarded with questions. He was physically healed, but he was still magically exhausted and extremely weak. He blinked tiredly before he realized what had happened. His family now knew who he was...

The Postman covered his face with his hands, overcome by the shame and stress of everything that had happened. His family knew he was a villain, and probably knew of everything he had done. He was probably going to be ostracized, and then executed for his war crimes, and his family would have to bear the humiliation of it. How could he possibly explain everything he had done? He had no real justification for becoming a villain, and he knew they would all be ashamed of him. He didn't even realize he had begun to cry until his mother pulled him into another even tighter hug, simply holding him silently. She glared up at Link accusingly, and the hero averted his eyes away from her. What could he possibly say at this point? He only had to tell her more bad news after all...

"Er, I'm sorry, but he still has to account for his war-crimes." Link said gently. "He was working with Ganondorf..."

Instantly dozens upon dozens of hostile looks were shot his way, and so Link quickly clarified.

"I know that we don't understand all of his reasonings yet, but he still committed many serious crimes while working for Ganondorf. He needs to be brought to Hyrule castle where he'll receive a fair trial."

"You monster!" Jinaudi snarled. "You leave him alone!"

"It's my job." Link offered as an apology. "I promise I'll testify on his behalf, because everything that's happened has been my fault. The King will order him to be brought in, and whether it's by me or someone else, it doesn't matter. It will look better for him if he comes with me willingly. Either way, he will have to stand trial eventually."

The Postman's brother Haru approached, looking like he was going to bash the hero's head in. He stopped however, at the sound of The Postman's voice.

"No, Haru." The Postman said. "It's alright, let him arrest me. He's only doing his job."

The Postman's family all exchanged uncertain looks, and The Postman looked up at Link, his expression tired and resigned.

"I'll go with you." he said. "I surrender."

Link gave him a gentle smile, and nodded. "I'm glad you're alright." he said. "This is all my fault, and it's all a big misunderstanding. I'm so sorry for everything I've put you through."

The Postman was silent for a moment as he stared at the hero, and then he said. "I don't understand...You don't want to kill me?"

The hero shook his head. "No, like I said, everything was just a horrible misunderstanding. I thought you had kidnapped Princess Zelda, and that you were helping Ganondorf, but it was all a mistake. I should be the one put on trial, not you."

The Postman glanced away. "I've been working for Ganondorf for over a month now..." he admitted.

Link nodded. "I know, and unfortunately I do have to bring you in for questioning. I, too, might face charges for everything that's happened."

The Postman gave a nod of understanding. "You'll have to help me up, I don't think I can stand." he said.

Link carefully helped him to his feet, and under the suspicious eyes of the entire postman army, he helped him onto his horse. Tying The Postman's hands together with a rope, Link shot an uncomfortable look to The Postman's mother. "Proper procedure." he explained. "I'll leave them loose."

Mounting the horse, Link began the long trek towards Hyrule castle as everyone followed along behind him. The war would have to wait for another day. There was no telling how long that magical barrier would last.

After a few minutes, Link asked a question that he'd been wondering about. "So, where's Epona, Postman?"

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Far from Hyrule on his way to Termina, Sakon whistled contentedly to himself as he rode across the fields. He'd avoided a war, got an extended vacation, and gotten himself a new horse. Today was a good day.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy!**

 **Next update will be on Friday! It will be the first chapter of Part 3! Woot! Woot!**

 **Sidenote: The real hero of this chapter was Tingle. :p**


	33. The Return To Hyrule

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 **Authornote: Friday May 5th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Here's the very first chapter of part 3, and the start of a brand new story arc. Don't worry though, because the five story arcs of How to be a Villain are all connected. I know this chapter is not as long as usual, but it's more or less just an introduction chapter. Chapter 2 will be much longer. :D**

 **It seems like there's a problem with reviews right now and several have been lost. If I haven't replied to your review below, please let me know because it was probably one of the lost ones. Several people PMed me this week because their reviews disappeared after posting them. Logged in reviews eventually showed up, but a couple guest reviews simply disappeared. I apologize if you left a review on previous chapters and I didn't respond. Please let me know any time this happens and I'll add you to the list of reviewers. :)**

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 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **defiant-decay** \- I'm so sorry that you're having medical problems! I really hope that you get better soon, and everything works itself out. I'm happy that you're enjoying the updates, but don't feel pressured to leave a review if you're not feeling well. Just get better, and know that I support you, and that I just want you to get better!

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 **Loki-Liesmith** \- 1) Random guy actually is not as random as you would think. He's a canon character who is going to be mentioned again, and he has some relevance later on. ;) There are actually waaay more straight Gerudo than there are lesbian Gerudo in my story, and they do have a hard time with it. lol They are permitted to leave Gerudo Territory occasionally to find 'boyfriends' , but it's inconvenient for them. Some of the Gerudo couples are actually in a platonic relationship, and they raise their daughters together as a family.

2) The only reason Ganondorf intended on executing The Postman in such a way was because it was both fast, and relatively painless. (if done correctly.) He was still very angry at The Postman, and definitely should not have forced him to his knees like a disgraced criminal. When Ganondorf loses his temper, however, he expects total and complete submission, and despite the loyalty and usefulness The Postman had shown him, Ganondorf reacted on instinct. Ganondorf did not use his magic to kill him for two reasons: A fireball to the face would not have been a painless death, and he was trying to reserve all magical energy for the battle. The Postman's magic did not react at this point because he had not yet been injured. Every other time his magic had exploded, The Postman's blood had been drawn, and that's the key to the magical defense. The witches theorized that it was reactive to his emotions, but that was only part of it. The Postman has to be afraid/upset/angry, and he had to be physically injured for his magic to come to his defense. His magic cannot accurately determine danger, and so it reacts by physical queues by The Postman to determine if it needs to defend him.

3) There are many gods/goddesses in my story, and Termina is the daughter of Din. In Skyward Sword there was a goddess Hylia, and so I figured there might be a goddess Termina as well. Termina did not come to the Gerudo Nation's rescue because she is a complete d*ck, plain and simple. She is the goddess of war, and it was the battles and bloodshed she was interested in, not actually the people. It seemed like she favoured them at time, but the moment the wars were over, she lost interest. The Gerudo Nation quickly realized their mistake when she essentially left them to die. There is more about Termina throughout the rest of the story.

4) The Postman was in shock at the time, and then he was immediately thrust into the centre of a battle. If he had have been given more time, he definitely would have been more traumatized about it, but he hadn't even had time to really think about it.

5) That also comes down to Ganondorf making bad decisions when he's angry. In his mind, The Postman could be useful during battle, but if he did happen to get killed, Ganondorf could take ownership of the slightly less powerful sword. He totally could have found him some armour, or he could have used magic to shrink a set of his own to fit him. The Postman will actually point this out to Ganondorf at a later point in time.

I'm glad you liked the battle-scene, I actually worked very hard on that scene. In the original version of this story, the battle was only a few paragraphs long (more of summary really) and not much was explained about the magical struggle. I thought I'd try adding as much detail as I could. :)

Link wasn't trying to be an ass, but he certainly came across as one! He was worried that The Postman's family would think they could just take The Postman home, that he was free and clear, and Link was just trying to let them know that was not the case. He should have given them some time together first, and he should have thought things through a bit more, but Link is impulsive, and as a result made himself look like a heartless ass. Link had better watch out though, because The Postman's mother is like a mother bear regardless of how old her children are. lol

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope my answers help explain your questions! You made some very good points, and I enjoyed answering them!:D

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 **imnotsignedin** \- Nope. Link was just shocked at the situation at the time. He's still going to be very upset about things when he actually thinks about it. ;p

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 **ChangelingRin** \- At that very moment, Link realized just how wrong he had been. He was shocked and confused about the situation, and he's as over it as he would have you believe. He was just relieved The Postman was still alive.

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 **Rainmy \- **That's exactly what I was trying to go for. The Gerudo Nation had become The Postman's home, and so now that he's been 'rescued' he's had to leave his new life, and his friends all behind. In the original, it did not convey that emotion well enough for my liking. Part 2 is actually 4x longer than it was in the original, and almost all of the new content was details about his life in the castle. :)

I introduced the name Ichiro much earlier this time because I want to tie the entire story together a bit more smoothly. Last time the name was introduced in part 4, but I felt like there should have been more hints much earlier than that.

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 **darkerthanlight** \- Ganondorf sure is going to mad! lol

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 **Reiz16 \- **I enjoy Tingle way more than I should. lol He'll likely make an appearance later on in the story. lol The Postman is definitely going to have a very hard time with his magic. The red magic is not gone, it's simply been exhausted, so it's still an unresolved problem.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 1**

 **The Return to Hyrule**

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The Postman tried his best to overcome his magical exhaustion, but he passed out only minutes into the journey back to Hyrule. Link had to grab a hold of him before he fell off the horse, and the hero looked down at him worriedly.

"What's wrong?! What happened to him?!" Jinaudi yelled out, rushing over. "What did you do to him?"

"He's magically exhausted." Link told her patiently. "He was the one who created that magical barrier, and it took everything he had to do it. He just needs to rest, and he'll be fine. He's not hurt."

"My son doesn't have magic! Jinaudi replied. "No one in our family does."

Link raised a brow in question, because it was very clear The Postman had been the one wielding the magical sword. Link had never realized The Postman had magic before, and was it possible his own family didn't know either?

"It seems like he does." Link replied. "Just let him rest for now."

Jinaudi gave the hero a suspicious look, but still nodded, keeping a wary eye on her son as they continued travelling.

Link had been so relieved The Postman was alive that he'd temporary pushed all other thoughts aside. Now that the surprise was finally wearing off, he found himself thinking of each and every thing The Postman had done over the past month. The Postman had destroyed the Temple of Time, he'd destroyed the front wall of Castletown and the gate leading into it, he'd nearly killed him multiple times, he'd committed theft, he'd kidnapped people, and he had fought by Ganondorf's side in the battle. The loyalty he'd seen appeared to have been genuine.

Link frowned down at The Postman, and knew there was no possible way he had been forced to do all that unwillingly. Link had grown to hate the mystery Gerudo because of 'her' actions, and when he had discovered 'she' was actually The Postman, he'd temporarily forgotten that anger. Now, as he put some real thought into it, he realized The Postman truly did turn against them all. He could understand The Postman's point of view on wanting to flee Hyrule, but he couldn't comprehend joining with Ganondorf. The Postman had done that of his own volition, and that was what he was going to have to explain in court.

Link's expression became troubled. He had promised to testify on The Postman's behalf, but he couldn't really justify The Postman's actions. He could explain the misunderstanding, and how he'd nearly murdered The Postman, but everything else had to fall on The Postman to rationalize.

Link couldn't imagine The Postman being able to explain to the court's satisfaction why he'd had to join with Ganondorf, and the hero knew The Postman would likely face some serious charges. Link gave an uncertain glance to The Postman's mother, feeling terrible for what the family had been through, but knowing the ordeal still wasn't over. If The Postman couldn't explain his actions, he could very well face execution.

When they got to the castle, hours later, The Postman was placed into the hospital wing where doctors monitored his condition closely, and it was confirmed that he was magically exhausted. Most of his immediate family chose to stay with him, and Link saw the same little girl who had tried to kill him, latch onto her sleeping brother in tears. She and many other children from the army had been left in Castletown for safety, and their families had dutifully collected them as they passed.

Link watched for a few minutes, and then decided it would be best for The Postman's family to have a little privacy in this situation, and so he'd silently backed out of the room. Link went to speak with Princess Zelda, and she was already waiting for him when he reached her private gardens. Link explained absolutely everything about what he had done, and what The Postman had done, and about the war. She listened silently, and when he was finally finished, she asked her questions about the situation. When she was satisfied that she understood everything completely, she brought Link to speak with her father about it.

It was agreed that both The Postman and the hero had made some serious mistakes, and the king ordered that both would stand trial for what they did. Link knew this was fair, and he agreed to stay within the castle until the trial was complete.

Link's trial was fast-tracked, and only a week later, he was standing before the court explaining himself. Link had protected Hyrule for over ten years, and he had singlehandedly saved the country dozens of times. When he explained the mistakes he had made, they were very forgiving of the situation. It was determined that Link had too much free rein when it came to protecting Hyrule, and it was decreed that he could not kill any person no matter the circumstance. If he found a human causing trouble, they would be arrested and brought in unharmed, unless Link had prior authorization. Link had quickly agreed to that, not wanting to ever make the same mistake again. He would never harm a non-monster again if he could help it.

Link was then ordered to attend at least six months of therapy sessions to help him deal with everything he'd been through. Not really liking the sound of therapy, Link had also agreed to that, just glad to be avoiding imprisonment.

The Postman remained unconscious for over two weeks, his depleted magic really taking a toll on his body. When he finally awoke, he was still too weak to get out of bed, and the doctors had ordered him to stay put for another week until he'd finally recovered.

During the time he was bed-ridden, he had been lectured and scolded by pretty much everyone he knew. His parents, his siblings, several aunts and uncles, even Link had been by to speak to him about it. The more he'd been scolded, the more annoyed and stubborn he became, and so eventually, The Postman decided to just tell them what they wanted to hear so they'd leave him alone.

By far the worst scolding had come from his mother, who had lectured him for hours about absolutely everything he had done wrong during the last month. Unable to get out of bed, he'd been forced to sit through her scathing words, and by the time she was finished, he felt about two inches tall. She had assured him, however, that he was still a part of their family, and they would all help him get through this. The Postman knew none of his family could ever understand his point of view on the subject, so he stopped trying to explain, and simply nodded with everything they said.

His mother sat by his bedside day and night to keep him company, and she filled him in on everything he had missed during the last month. He had wanted to ask her about how he had obtained the red magic, but every time he would start to ask, he would lose his nerve. How could he possibly ask his mother if he'd been abused if he remembered nothing except a happy childhood? He didn't want to cause her any more pain, and so he didn't bring the subject up. He would have to find out the answers some other way.

By the time The Postman was put in front of the courts for his trial, he seemed suitably contrite for all of the problems he had caused. He still felt like he'd had no choice at the time, and felt his every action was justified, but he kept those little thoughts to himself. That wasn't what the courts wanted from him, so he pushed aside all arguments and justifications, and instead stood in silence as they listed off his list of crimes. The list was extensive, and The Postman had a feeling this was not going to work out in his favour.

Many witnesses spoke before the court, Link, and his family among them, but the most surprising testimony came from Princess Zelda herself. She told them how The Postman was always a loyal, dependable postman, and that he had no criminal record prior to this incident. She told them that he saved her life when she'd been kidnapped by Ganondorf, and she mentioned that if it wasn't for him, the castle would have collapsed on her before Link ever could have made it to her in the dungeon. She requested that he be pardoned, despite the large list of crimes committed, confident that he would not return to a life of crime.

Her testimony held a lot of weight, and after careful deliberation, The Postman was granted the pardon on several conditions. He had to return to working full time with no more run-ins with the law, and he had to help restore the Temple of Time on the weekends. A portion out of his every pay would go towards the restoration until it was complete. Surprised at the leniency, The Postman had quickly agreed.

Within the day, he was back in his post office staring at the huge mountain of mail that had accumulated over the last month. His sister Toshiko had covered his mail route at first, but she hadn't been able to neglect her own route for long, so she had left most of the mail undelivered. The Postman had dutifully sorted through the mountain of letters and packages, and it took him three days of delivering overtime to get caught up on everything.

On Saturday, he went to help with the re-construction of the Temple of Time, but when it became clear he had absolutely no carpentry experience, they'd sent him home, finding him to be more of a hassle than help.

Still in a daze from being home, The Postman fell back into his old routine without putting too much thought into it.

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The Postman stared down at the sorted pile of mail with an uneasy frown. Resting his chin on his hand as he sat at his desk, he stared down at the letters, knowing it was almost time for him to begin his morning deliveries. He should have already been prepared to leave the moment his clock struck six, but he hadn't even gotten dressed yet.

Being a postman had been his job since he was eighteen, and he had thought he'd be content to remain as one for the rest of his existence. His entire life he'd been brought up knowing he was going to be a postman, and that it was the best possible job for him. Everyone in his family worked for the postal services, and they had done so going back ten generations. It offered job security and a liveable wage, and in these hard times that meant a lot.

The Postman had been back to his old job for two weeks now, but he felt like something was missing. He found himself distracted, simply going through the motions with no real passion for what he was doing. More often his mind would wander, and The Postman realized he'd be thinking of the Gerudo City. He'd find himself wondering how his friends were doing, what Ganondorf was up to, whether he'd already been replaced. He found the Hylian food tasteless in comparison to the heavily spiced food he'd become accustomed to at the Gerudo City, and so he found himself living primarily on imported ramen from Termina.

The Postman stared down at his hand as it gave another painful twinge, and he frowned. He'd felt the summoning every day for a week now, but he'd ignored it, knowing he was no longer a villain. Last night, the summons had become so painful that it had actually woken him up, and he'd spent the entire night simply sitting at his desk, lost in thought. Ganondorf had fired him, so why was he summoning him? Did the Gerudo King still want him executed to gain control of the sword?

The Postman had left the sword stabbed into the ground, and so he had no idea what had happened to it. Had Link taken it? Had someone else? Was the magical barrier still there?

The Postman's magic still hadn't fully returned, and he could barely feel the red magic at all now. His power to locate people was also a bit shoddy at times, and he found himself having to rely more on addresses, than instinct. Luckily, he'd been able to find each and every person so far, but The Postman missed having such a useful ability. It seemed like every time he'd use it, it would immediately drain what little magic he had built up, and then it would be gone for hours or even days afterwards. It seemed that creating the magical barrier had really taken a lot out of him, and The Postman wondered if his magic would ever fully return, or whether it had been damaged beyond repair.

Glancing at the clock, he saw it was nearly time for him to go, and so with a heavy sigh, he got up from the desk, and approached his closet to get dressed. Once he was in his postal uniform, he stood in front of a mirror and simply stared at himself. He looked like he always had, but he felt somehow different, somehow changed. When he'd tried to explain that to his mother when he was still in the hospital wing, she had simply suggested he speak with a therapist to deal with his 'trauma'. He had refused, and he had spoken of it no more.

The town clock chimed loudly that it was now six, and so The Postman hurriedly grabbed the mail off the desk, grabbed his mailbag, and then hurried out the door. He delivered Castletown's mail in record time, and as he left the town to head for his next delivery, the sun was barely up.

The Postman was much faster than before, Captain Isa's training making a big difference on his speed, and The Postman found that if he pushed himself to run as fast as he could, he could delivery his mail by noon and then have the rest of the day to do as he pleased. He discovered that he liked having his afternoons free, and he found himself visiting the Kokiri quite often, enjoying the distraction. There he would tell them all about his time in the Gerudo City and they would listen with rapt interest, and ask him countless questions about everything. He gladly answered their questions, and they seemed happy at the attention he was giving them.

The Postman had cleared Link's name when he found out they blamed the hero for the whipping he'd received, and he explained it had been a punishment from Ganondorf. The Kokiri were understandably relieved that their friend wasn't responsible, but still upset The Postman had been put through such a severe punishment. The Postman had assured them he was fine, and he had spoken no more on it.

Today, as The Postman made his deliveries, he knew it was going to be a difficult day. He had a letter for Ganondorf, and he had no idea how that was going to go. Ganondorf kept making the summons more and more painful, and The Postman had a feeling he was going to be furious that The Postman kept ignoring him. He supposed any normal person would have just disposed of the letter and moved on with their life, but he couldn't bring himself to do something like that. He had responsibilities, and as long as he was a postman, he would deliver all of his mail without exception.

He realized he was daydreaming again, when Malon gave him a hard nudge, snapping him out of his thoughts. He looked over at her, and saw she was giving him a concerned look.

"Sorry, what were you saying?" he asked.

She frowned at him. "Are you alright?" she asked. "You've seemed pretty distracted lately."

"I'm fine." The Postman automatically responded. "I was just thinking about something. I didn't mean to ignore you."

Malon gave him a smile. "Don't worry about it, postman, I'm just glad you're back. Where were you all this time?"

The Postman averted his eyes. "Away on personal business." he replied. "But I'm back now."

Malon held out a letter to him. "I'm sure all of your customers are relieved you're back." she told him. "You've always been so reliable."

"Thank you, miss."

"Could you please take this letter to Link for me?"

The Postman immediately nodded. "Certainly." he replied, accepting the letter. "I'll deliver it first thing in the morning."

"...oh." Malon said, sounding a bit disappointed. "Is it possible to have it delivered today? I was going to invite Link to my father's birthday supper tonight."

The Postman wondered why she chose to wait until day of the supper to send out the letter, but he still gave her a nod. "I suppose I could deliver it later this afternoon." The Postman said, knowing that delivery was going to cut into his personal time.

Malon gave him a wide smile. "Thank you, postman! I knew I could count on you!"

The Postman gave her a salute, and then turned to leave the ranch without another word. He pulled out his next letter, and glanced down at the name.

Saria of the Kokiri.

Placing the letter back in his mailbag, he started hurrying towards the Kokiri village, knowing he had a bit of extra time before he'd have to leave to deliver Link's letter. There hadn't been too many deliveries that day, and he was glad he'd get to have some company today from the kind and gentle Kokiri children. The Postman knew he could have asked them to heal his magic like they had the last time, but he was terrified of what would happen if they did. It could once again cause an internal battle between his two magics, and he was quite content without the dangerous red magic.

The Postman made it across Hyrule field in no time at all, and as he crossed the bridge leading into Kokiri village, he paused, getting the feeling something was off. Looking around himself uncertainly, he didn't see anything out of place, but the feeling persisted. Unable to determine exactly what was wrong, he continued on his way, pushing aside his uneasiness.

Normally when The Postman entered Kokiri Village, the children would eagerly swarm him, asking questions and wanting stories of the outside world. Today, when he entered the village, he was met with the sound of complete silence. There was no laughter, no childish squealing, no sign of any children at all. Again, The Postman paused.

He glanced around, but the village was completely still and quiet, the Kokiri obviously gone. He peeked into a few of the houses, but no one was in the village at all. Wondering if the Kokiri were with Saria in the Sacred Meadow, he continued on his way to the Lost Woods.

The second he entered the woods, the silence pressed on him like a suffocating veil, no ocarina music echoing through the tunnels, just a cold, dead silence. As he navigated through the maze with ease, the only sound were his footsteps, sounding deafening in the still and quiet forest.

The Postman passed by several sleeping Deku Scrubs not disturbing them in the least, and to his relief none of the patrolling Moblins paid him any mind. As he ran up the stairs towards the Sacred Meadow, the giant Moblin guarding the way gave him a disinterested look. It was leaning on its spiked club as The Postman passed it, and it sighed heavily in boredom.

Ignoring the enormous Moblin, The Postman entered the Sacred Meadow and immediately saw Saria in her usual spot. There were no other Kokiri in sight, however. Saria wasn't playing her ocarina like she always was, instead she was sitting, knees drawn up to her chin, crying hard. The Postman hesitated at the sight of the tears. He was never very good around people who were upset, and he wondered what had happened. Cautiously approaching, he pulled out the letter and knelt down to her level.

"Saria?" he questioned.

Saria looked up at him, and wiped at her eyes, startled by his sudden appearance. Hugging her arms around her knees, she didn't move, simply crying harder. Setting the letter aside for now, The Postman laid a hand on her knee.

"What happened, Saria? Where are the other Kokiri?"

"They're all gone." Saria whispered, a tear sliding down her cheek. "I'm all alone."

The Postman frowned in concern. "What happened?" he repeated.

A few more tears rolled down her cheeks, and Saria wiped at them, sniffing loudly. "Where did they go?" she asked him quietly. "Why am I the only one left?"

"I don't know, Saria." The Postman answered. "Did you see anything happen?"

Saria shook her head. "I was in my meadow all day, and when I returned, they were all gone!"

The Postman couldn't understand how anyone would have been able to find the Kokiri village. It was supposed to be protected from all outsiders by Farore. Where could they have gone?

"Postman, have you seen any of the Kokiri in your travels outside of the forest?" Saria asked, with a wild, desperate hope shining in her eyes.

The Postman gave an uncomfortable fidget. "No, Saria, I haven't seen any Kokiri today, other than yourself."

"Can you find them, Postman?" Saria demanded. "You've said you can find anyone!"

The Postman paused a moment, and then answered. "I can't sense them anywhere." he admitted. "They must be somewhere very far away or..."

The Postman didn't finish that sentence, but he didn't need to as Saria's eyes widened. Her expression crumpled as she began to sob earnestly, her small body shaking from her cries. The Postman winced at his thoughtlessness, and had no idea how to comfort the girl.

"When did this happen? Does Link know?" The Postman asked.

Saria silently shook her head. "It only just happened this morning, and I haven't had a chance to contact Link."

Saria took her ocarina out of her pocket, and hoped she would still be able to contact Link this way. She hadn't tried to contact him in such a way in many years.

"But why am I the only Kokiri left?" Saria asked. "What happened to them? Why aren't they here? Where did they go?"

"I don't know, Saria." The Postman answered. "You really need to contact Link."

Saria glanced down to her ocarina, and then turned her eyes once more to The Postman. She then let out a startled gasp, her gaze staring just over his shoulder. Saria looked so terrified, that The Postman turned to see what she was looking at.

Standing just behind him was a very strange looking man. The Postman didn't know how the man had managed to sneak up behind him so quietly, but it startled him, and he instinctively stepped away from the stranger.

The man was tall and extremely thin, with flamboyant silver tights with a bright red cloak wrapped around his shoulders carelessly. His white hair was short and brushed to one side, nearly covering his left ear which looked like it had been chewed off. Bright purple eyeliner surrounded brown coloured eyes, and the man was staring only at Saria, a smug smirk in place.

The man casually brushed past The Postman as if he didn't even see him, and then stood in front of Saria, hands on slender hips, cocky smirk still in place.

"Well, well," the man began, his voice like silk. "It does appear I've missed a Kokiri after all. Your friends have all been taken, and you're the only Kokiri left. Are you the Kokiri known as Saria?"

Saria gave him a frightened nod, wiping at her tear-filled eyes.

The man then gave a grin, exposing pointed teeth. "If the rumours about you are true, you're not like the other Kokiri; you're far more powerful. You will be extremely useful to me."

Saria began to shake, her eyes wide in terror.

"What is it they call you, little Kokiri? Forest Sage, isn't it?" he asked casually. "The only Kokiri with the power to control the magic of the forest around you?"

Saria said nothing, her hands clenching tightly in fear as she began to back up.

Amusement seemed to flicker in the man's eyes, and he asked. "Do you know who I am, little Kokiri? Has the hero spoken of me?"

Saria mutely nodded, her nails digging deeply into her palms. Her silent answer seemed to please the man, and he let out a short chuckle. "Good." he stated, taking a step closer.

The Postman had never seen this man before, and he wondered why he frightened Saria so terribly. How did she know him? Was he a villain? Why did he take the other Kokiri?

"Don't cry, sweet little Saria, you won't be alone for long." the man promised her. "You'll join the others shortly."

Saria let a gasp as the man's hand snaked out and grabbed her by the arm tightly. She gave a startled cry and tried to pull away, her ocarina falling to the ground, but he simply tightened his hold painfully. As he pulled Saria to her feet, the man turned his brown eyes to The Postman. He looked him up and down, and then gave him a dismissive snort as The Postman clearly wasn't anyone important. Before The Postman even had time to react, the man snapped his fingers, and then disappeared in a shower of sparkles, taking Saria along with him.

The Postman stared at the empty spot Saria had just been and had no idea what to do. Kneeling down, he picked up Saria's ocarina and the undelivered letter. Who was that strange man, and what did he want with the Kokiri? Knowing he had to find Link, he turned and left the clearing at a run.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	34. Delivery to the Sky

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 **Authornote: Friday May 5th 2017**

 **STOP!**

 **Make sure that you saw the first update before you read this chapter. This is Chapter 2 of Part 3, and no email notifications were sent out due to a system glitch. I'm not sure why it happened, but I hope this isn't going to be problem from now on. Please make sure to read Chapter 1 first if you haven't already.**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This is a surprise, bonus update because of the weird system glitch that happened earlier today. I'm hoping by posting this chapter, emails will be sent out letting people know of the update. There will still be a Sunday chapter as usual, so even if you don't get the email notification, please check back.**

 **UPDATE Sunday May 7th \- It looks like the issue has not been resolved and now it's not letting me post the new chapter at all now. I have Sunday's chapter all ready to go, but it keeps coming up as an error when i try to post it. I guess I won't be updating today. :(**

 **I'll update on Friday and hopefully all issues will be resolved by then. Sorry about the delay.**

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 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **defiant-decay** \- Thanks for reading, and I'm glad you saw the update even though emails didn't get sent out. :)

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 **Reiz16 -**Thanks for the review! I'm glad you liked the last chapter. :)

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 **Rainmy** -Yes, Link needed some therapy, especially after almost killing The Postman twice. lol Yeah, Breath of the Wild kinda annoyed me when it came to the Gerudos. They made them so desperate to please men that it was like they were Japanese schoolgirls or something. Also, I disliked the fact that in Tarrey Town they were collecting 'son' people, and there was only one woman in their group of experts, and they chose to make her the seamstress. /:(

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 2**

 **A Delivery to the Sky**

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As The Postman ran through the Lost Woods, he became aware of all the plants and trees beginning to wither, leaves falling around him in a shower of brown and gold.

The giant Moblin with the club seemed perplexed by the falling leaves and kept swinging at them, roaring challengingly. Ducking underneath the wildly swinging club, The Postman ran into the maze which was quickly browning and dying all around him. Even the Deku Scrubs were beginning to wilt a little, and The Postman ran all the faster, just wanting to be out of the woods.

When he reached the Kokiri Village, he saw there was no longer any green; everything dried up and completely dead. The silence burned in his ears and The Postman ran out of the village, not liking it one bit. Once he was back in Hyrule field, he was met with the sight of green again. Relaxing back into his usual business frame of mind, he ran across the fields heading for Kakariko Village. He could sense Link there, his ability working for once, and he knew the hero would be able to save the Kokiri.

For some reason, the undelivered letter burned in his thoughts, aggravating him to no end and he had no idea why. There were clearly more important things happening, but it was grating on his mind. The Postman knew there was nothing he could do about the letter. Saria was gone, and he couldn't deliver a letter if he didn't know where to go. Sighing in frustration, he crossed the field feeling apprehensive about what had happened to the Kokiri. Who was that man, and what use could he possibly have for a dozen Kokiri?

Pulling a red pen out of his mailbag, The Postman furrowed his brow as he quickly wrote 'UNDELIVERABLE: RETURN TO SENDER' across the front of Saria's letter.

The Postman stared down at the red letters like it was a mark of his shame, and hunched his shoulders miserably. He should have done something to help, but he'd stood there like an idiot and allowed Saria to be kidnapped. Sighing heavily, he placed the letter back in the mailbag, knowing he'd have to return it to Link.

As he headed up the stairs towards Kakariko Village, he could hear a loud commotion just ahead. Curious, he sped up a bit and when he got to the top of the stairs, he paused at the sight that met him. The Hero of Time, had someone pinned to the ground, and was pounding on him with closed fists, causing the unfortunate person to squeal and yell in pain. A large group of villagers were gathered around to watch, and The Postman could see his brother Haru was front and centre, snickering at the scene.

The Postman hesitantly approached, and saw Link's horse Epona was grazing nearby, and when he neared the fight, he immediately recognized the victim of Link's rage as Sakon. The Thief couldn't move an inch as Link had him pinned to the ground with a knee to the chest, and The Postman frowned in concern. Link struck him over and over, and Sakon was blubbering out apologies as he squirmed uselessly, unable to get away. Link's face was a mask of fury, but The Postman noted that the hero seemed to be holding back most of his strength. He supposed Link knew it wasn't really a fair fight, and was being lenient towards the thief; more concerned with leaving an impression on him than actually hurting him too badly.

Sakon let out another shrill scream and looked up, his eyes meeting The Postman's. Surprise crossed his face, and then he gave him a desperate, pleading look. The Postman rolled his eyes at Sakon, and then approached, holding out the two letters.

"Hey!" The Postman called loudly. "Mr. Link!"

Link paused, fist still in the air, and glanced up at The Postman in surprise. The Postman shoved the letters directly under Link's nose, and the hero had no choice but to take them. Sakon let out a breath of relief as the assault halted, and he struggled, trying to worm away.

"Hey, you're ruining all the fun!" Haru yelled out, with a sour look on his face. "Deliver the letter later!"

The Postman gave his brother a 'look' and said nothing.

"Let me go!" Sakon cried, still squirming. "I'm sorry!"

Link gave Sakon a look of death, but did grudgingly allow Sakon to get up. The Thief scrambled away from him in a panic, and The Postman reached down a hand to help Sakon to his feet. The moment he touched one of Sakon's arms however, The Thief let out a shrill cry of pain, and pulled away from him.

"Don't touch it! Don't touch it!" he yelled, clutching his arm to his chest.

Link simply let out a snort at the overreaction, and then turned over the letters to see who they were from. His eyes fell on the red 'Return to Sender' on Saria's letter, and he turned questioning eyes to The Postman.

"Sorry, Mr. Link, the letter could not be delivered." The Postman explained.

"Couldn't be delivered?" Link repeated, not sure he'd heard correctly. "You've always delivered to Saria, what's the problem?"

"...I don't know where to find her, Sir."

Link cocked his head in question. "She's not in the Kokiri village or the Lost Woods?"

"No, Sir, she's gone..." The Postman wasn't quite sure how he was going to explain what had happened.

Link had never known Saria to leave the safety of the woods and felt concern rising. "Did you ask the other Kokiri if they knew where she was?"

"No, Sir, they're gone as well."

Link instantly knew something was terribly, terribly wrong. "What? What are you talking about, postman? The Kokiri never leave the forest!"

"The Kokiri have disappeared, Mr. Link, and I know I can't find them. I'm unable to sense them."

"Are you sure?" Link asked with trepidation. "You're sure you can't find them?"

"Yes, Sir."

Link knew The Postman had always been able to find anyone, anywhere and if he said they couldn't be found, that didn't bode well.

Link hesitated a long moment, and then asked. "Are they dead?"

The Postman shook his head. "I don't believe so, Sir. Miss Saria was still alive when she was taken."

Link's entire body stiffened. "Taken?" he demanded. "Taken by whom?"

The Postman shifted from one foot to the other, and gave a frown. "I didn't know him, Sir. I've never seen him before."

"What did he look like?" Link demanded.

"Unusual, Sir. Tall and thin, with white hair, brown eyes, and very pale skin. One of his ears seemed to have been chewed off, and he was wearing grey tights with diamond-shaped cutouts. I don't believe he was from the area."

Link's eyes narrowed to slits. "Ghirahim."

"Ghirahim...?" The Postman repeated, committing the name to memory. "You know him, Mr. Link?"

"I know him." Link stated, his expression darkening. "I've been hearing rumours for months that he's been skulking around several of the Sky Islands. I thought he was dead, but this clearly is not the case."

This interested The Postman. "Sky Islands, Sir?"

"There's a whole world high above the clouds." Link answered distractedly, as he approached Epona. "That's probably why you didn't know how to find the Kokiri. He's probably keeping them up there."

Sakon, who was shamelessly eavesdropping, gave The Postman an incredulous look. "Didn't you ever hear the fairytales about the hidden world in the sky?" Sakon asked in disbelief. "Every kid grows up knowing those stories!"

The Postman stared upwards at the sky in wonder. Such an impossible thing had never occurred to him before, and he squinted, trying in vain to see this strange world above worlds. All he could see were the clouds, and so he turned his gaze back to Link.

"You've been there, Mr. Link?"

Link was busy preparing Epona for travel, and he gave a distracted nod.

"Has it always been there, Sir? Where did the Sky-World come from?" The Postman asked, still marvelling over the idea.

Link gave a shrug as he tightened his gloves.

"I'm sorry I couldn't deliver the letter, Sir, I wasn't aware of this Sky-world..."

"Naw, you were just being lazy." Sakon teased, still nursing his arm. "You didn't want to travel all the way up there just for a letter, and so now you're trying to get out of it."

The Postman instantly drew back, offended, and Sakon gave him a cheeky grin.

Link flashed Sakon a dirty look. "You shut up." he warned. "I'm not done with you yet. I'm going to arrest you."

Sakon immediately paled and backed up until he was standing behind The Postman, eyeing Link warily.

"Pound him!" Haru yelled from the sidelines. "Get the little creep!"

The Postman frowned at his brother, and then glanced over his shoulder at Sakon, and then back to Link.

Link, seeing The Postman's questioning look, explained. "He deceived me on Death Mountain just so he could steal every healing fairy including the Great Fairy." Link explained, glaring at Sakon. "He was aiding Ganondorf, and he needs to account for his crimes."

"I did no such thing!" Sakon defended. "I had nothing to do with those missing fairies!"

Link narrowed his eyes at him.

"I was helping you in the dragon's dungeon, and I even saved your life!" Sakon pointed out. "Did it ever occur to you that while we were in the dungeon, one of Ganondorf's minions snuck up to steal the fairies? I had nothing to do with it!"

"Save your lies." Link told him. "You can plead your case in court."

"But I wasn't even working for Ganondorf!" Sakon cried out. "I thought he was dead just like everyone else! I'm innocent!"

"I'm not buying it, Sakon." Link informed him, pulling some ropes out of Epona's saddlebag. "I'm bringing you in like I should have a month ago!"

"You can't!" Sakon insisted. "I'll be executed! They'll never believe me!"

The Postman frowned, and then turned his gaze to Link. "He's telling the truth, Sir. I never once saw Sakon in the Gerudo City. As far as I know, he didn't work for Ganondorf the entire time I was there." he told him. "The only time I saw him was when I asked him to rescue Tingle and my sister just before the war."

Sakon gave The Postman a surprised look, clearly not expecting the help, but he quickly agreed. "See!" he cried out. "I'm a changed man, and I was helping people in need! Heroes help people, you know."

Link gave The Postman a questioning look. "You're sure?" he asked, not certain he believed him.

The Postman gave a nod. "Ganondorf kept commenting about the fact he needed a new thief, and that his last one had betrayed him. Sakon no longer works for Ganondorf, he's telling the truth."

The Postman sounded genuine, but something still felt off about the situation. "He stole my horse." Link pointed out.

"You did break his arm." The Postman pointed out in return.

"He's lucky that's all I broke!" Link growled. "He's had Epona for a month now!"

"So? I was only borrowing her for a bit until I found you. I've been looking all over for you, and I only just found you." Sakon stated. "Besides, I took excellent care of her!"

"You made her fat." Link snapped, pointing to the bulging stomach of Epona.

"Well, she really likes carrots..." Sakon commented defensively. "And I don't know why you're so mad in the first place. I did return her!"

"You. Stole. My. Horse." Link ground out from between clenched teeth. "You could have found me at any time, but I had to track you down!"

Sakon gave a shrug. "Meh."

Link clenched his fists, obviously itching to use them again, but instead he turned his attention back to Epona. "I don't have time for this, I need to find Ghirahim. I'll deal with you when I get back."

As Link mounted Epona, he looked down at the letter in his hands, and then held it out to The Postman. "You'll have your chance to deliver this, I promise. Saria and the other Kokiri must be somewhere in the skies. They'll be found. Keep it, and deliver it."

The Postman accepted the letter uncertainly, and gave another glance up into the sky. As Link rode off, his face a mask of determination, The Postman bit his lower lip and looked down at the letter. He exchanged a look with Sakon who was relaxing now that the hero was gone from sight, and The thief gave him a grateful grin.

"Thanks, darling, you've saved me again!" Sakon then looked him up and down, taking in what The Postman was wearing for the first time. "Wow, those are some very short...shorts!" he commented. "So, why are you dressed like a dork? What's your mission?"

"I have no mission." The Postman replied. "I'm just a postman now."

Sakon squinted at him in confusion. "What do you mean?" he asked. "You're pretending to be a postman so you can steal something? Are you spying?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, I don't work for Ganondorf any more. I'm just a regular citizen now."

Sakon looked even more confused. "What? What do you mean you don't work for Ganondorf?"

"He fired me." The Postman answered.

Sakon blinked and gave him a look of disbelief. "So? He fires me all the time, but he doesn't really mean it. He always changes his mind and summons me back after a while. He hasn't summoned you yet?"

The Postman glanced down at his hand and saw that it looked red, and raw from the burning pain of being summoned non-stop for so long. Sakon's eyes widened when he saw the hand, and he gave The Postman a surprised look.

"How long have you been ignoring his summons?" he demanded.

"...about a week now."

Sakon winced, knowing how much the hand must have hurt by now. "He's going to be really mad that you're ignoring him." Sakon pointed out.

The Postman gave a disinterested grunt, and turned his gaze back to the sky.

"I think my arm is broken." Sakon commented, trying to move it with a wince. "Know anyone who would be willing to donate a healing potion to a very handsome thief?"

The Postman turned his gaze to his brother Haru who immediately scowled. "No way." he snapped. "I'm not giving a potion to a criminal!"

"He's my friend." The Postman replied surprising both Sakon and Haru.

Sakon stared at him wide eyes. "I am?" he paused, and then nodded. "Of course I am. You wouldn't leave your brother's best friend to suffer, would you, Harry?"

Haru glared at him. "It's Haru." he corrected.

Sakon gave a shrug. "Whatever."

Haru crossed his arms, and then let out a sigh. "Fine." he relented. "Come with me and I'll find you something."

The Postman gave another glance to the sky, and then followed along behind Sakon and his brother. Haru was still living with Anju and her family, and he unlocked the door and let them into the house. Pointing at the couch in the parlour, he gave Sakon a warning look.

"Sit." he ordered. "And don't you dare move from that spot."

Hearing them enter, Anju popped her head into the room from the kitchen. "Haru, can you please-" she cut off at the sight of Sakon and The Postman. "Oh, hello." she greeted.

Sakon looked her up and down, and then gave her his most charming smile. "Hey."

Haru narrowed his eyes.

Anju had visited The Postman while he was in the medical ward at the castle, and she was glad he was looking so much better. He had always been kind to her, and now that he had returned, Haru was finally over his anger at Link.

"How are you feeling?" she asked The Postman.

"I'm feeling terrible!" Sakon answered. "Link broke my arm over a simple misunderstanding, and now I'm in unimaginable agony!"

Anju turned her attention to The Thief, and approached him. "I'm sure you did something to deserve it, Sakon." she told him, clearly amused.

Sakon squinted at her. "Wait...how do you know who I am?" he asked.

"You used to rob the Stock Pot Inn where I used to work." she told him.

Sakon got a thoughtful look on his face. "Did I do that? I don't remember."

"You used to rob me, and then turn around and ask me out on a date." Anju answered with a laugh.

Realization crossed Sakon's face. "Ohhhh, okay, now I remember. Sorry about that."

"Now, what's this about a broken arm?" Anju asked, kneeling down next to him, and reaching out for his injured arm.

Sakon let out a hiss of pain as Anju maneuvered his arm, and then let out a groan of agony as she felt along the break. Anju gave him a kind smile and shook her head.

"Big baby." she teased. "It is broken, but it's a clean break. I'll get you a healing potion, and some tea."

As she left the room to retrieve it, Haru glowered down at The Thief, clearly not wanting him in the house. Sakon was hunched over in his seat, trying his best to look sad and pathetic, but Haru wasn't buying it. He kept glaring back and forth between The Postman and Sakon, but surprisingly enough he didn't say anything.

When Anju returned a few minutes later, she handed the potion to Haru, and then quickly left the room again as the teakettle began whistling. Haru set the potion in front of Sakon, and then took the seat opposite him, still scowling.

Sakon gave an awkward cough, and then reached out and uncorked the bottle. As he drank, he visibly relaxed, the potion healing him immediately. He let out a breath of relief once his arm was healed, and he gave Haru a grateful nod.

"Thanks."

Haru's scowl deepened. "You can thank, Anju." he said just as Anju returned, carrying a tray of tea. "She was the one who took pity on you."

Sakon gave Anju a somewhat sleazy grin as she handed him a cup of tea, and then he leaned back comfortably in his seat. The Postman, who stood by the window looking out at the sky, had been silent the entire time, and Anju gave him nudge, holding out a cup of tea. He stared at her uncomprehendingly for a moment, having been lost in thought, and then accepted the offered cup gratefully.

"Thank you."

Anju simply smiled, and then took a seat at the table with her own cup. The Postman turned his attention back out the window, forgetting all about the tea he held.

Sakon poured an obscene amount of sugar into his tea, and took a sip, ignoring the dirty looks Haru kept shooting him.

"Good tea." Sakon commented. "What is it?"

"I'm not really sure what's in it." Anju admited. "It's an old family recipe of granny's. She hasn't taught it to me yet."

"I know how that is." Sakon replied. "My uncle has a family recipe for tea too, and he refuses to teach me how to make it. He knows I love it, so he's just being a selfish jerk about it."

"I'm sure he'll teach it to you someday." Anju said, trying to assure him.

"Yeah, I won't hold my breath."

Sakon glanced over at The Postman and saw him staring out the window, his tea completely untouched.

"Hey, Darling, everything alright?" he questioned.

The Postman tore his gaze away from the window, and gave Sakon a confused look. "I'm fine." he answered.

"You don't like tea or something?" Sakon asked, raising an eyebrow.

The Postman glanced down at the cup in his hands. He quickly gulped down the hot tea with a wince, and then turned his attention to his brother.

"Do you know if Jaru is nearby?"

"Why?" Haru asked, wondering what The Postman wanted with his twin.

"I need him to take over my mail route for a few days. I have a letter that needs to be delivered out of province."

Haru gave him a concerned frown. "Are you sure you're up to that?" he asked. "You've only been back for a couple weeks."

"I'll be fine." The Postman assured him.

Haru still looked worried. "I think you should pass the letter over to someone else to have it delivered. You only just recovered from your magical exhaustion, and mum's not going to like the fact you're travelling so far..."

"I'm fine." The Postman repeated more firmly. "My job is to deliver the mail, and that's exactly what I'm going to do."

Haru frowned, but gave him a nod. "Just be careful."

"So, do you know where Jaru is?" The Postman asked.

"Why aren't you asking me to take over for you?" Haru demanded. "I'm available!"

"No." The Postman immediately answered. "You're never taking over my route again."

As Haru's expression turned downright ugly, Anju quickly gathered up the empty teacups and left the room, not wanting to listen to another rant.

"And what makes Jaru any better than me?" he growled, clenching his fists. "We're twins, and therefore we're interchangeable."

The Postman shook his head. "Jaru is more responsible than you. He doesn't throw mail in the garbage."

"I made one little mistake, and now you're going to hold it over my head for all of eternity!" Haru exclaimed. "I've already apologized for that, so just let it drop, and get over it!"

The Postman frowned at him. "No."

"Look, okay, I'll take over your route, and if I make one single mistake, you can ban me from ever touching your mail again!"

The Postman shook his head. "No, not a chance."

"Ugh, you're impossible!" Haru cried in frustration. "I forgot how frustrating you are! You're my brother, just give me the chance!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "Why do you want to take over the route so badly? You hate delivering mail, and you have no interest in being a postman."

Haru averted his gaze. "...I kinda need some money..."

The Postman's brows knit together as he gave his brother a questioning look. "Why?" he asked. "Anju doesn't charge you for living with her, what do you need money for?"

Haru rubbed the back of his neck in embarrassment, his face reddening. "I..., um need to buy an engagement ring..." he whispered, shooting a nervous look towards the other room.

The Postman's eyes widened in surprise, but Sakon grinned widely. "Aw, I guess that means I'll have to stop hitting on your girl..." he commented.

The Postman looked a bit concerned. "Haven't you only known her for a few months?" he asked. "Isn't it a bit soon?"

"So?" Haru snapped. "Why does it matter? I love her."

The Postman gave him a skeptical look. "Anju has had a hard life, Haru, and it took her a long time to get over Kafei. Just keep that in mind, and make sure you're certain first."

Haru gave him a look of death. "She's pregnant."

The Postman's eyes widened. "...oh."

"I want to marry her before her father finds out about the pregnancy. He's very old-fashioned, and I don't want him to say anything cruel to her. I love her, but I don't have the money for an engagement ring...please give me the job."

The Postman still looked uncertain, but he did seem to be wavering. "If I hire you, you will deliver each and every letter no matter to who, or where it's for?"

"I will." Haru replied, his expression earnest.

"No damaged, or discarded letters?" The Postman demanded.

"I will keep every letter crisp and neat, and I will even deliver to Ganondorf himself if I have to. I can do this, Jihiro."

The Postman hesitated, and he seemed to be thinking it over very carefully. Sakon shook his head in amazement.

"By the goddesses." he muttered. "Just give him the job already. Stop being so anal."

The Postman gave a heavy sigh, and still looked rather uncertain. "Fine, you can have the job, Haru, but this the last chance I'm giving you. Don't make me regret it."

Anju then returned, humming happily to herself, and Haru quickly placed a finger to his lips in warning. Sakon gave him a mischievous grin, and leaned far back in his chair.

"Soooo, Anju." he began slyly. "What do you see in this big brute? He's awfully crass for a pretty little angel like you, isn't he? You should find someone better, someone who knows how to treat a woman. Someone with more experience."

Haru's expression turned murderous, but Anju simply giggled. "Haru's very sweet." she explained. "Strong, and handsome too!"

She smiled sweetly up at Haru, who had gone three different shades of red.

Sakon let out a snort. "Well, sure, if you like the muscle-headed types. Most woman prefer the handsome, bald-headed type in my experience."

"That arm can be broken again." Haru stated, calmly.

Sakon held his hands up in surrender. "Point taken."

The Postman reached into his mailbag, and pulled out his postoffice key-ring, and set it down on the table. "I have to get going, Haru. I'm not sure how long I'll be this time, but it shouldn't be more than a few days."

"You're going already?" Anju asked. "You just got here! Won't you stay for supper?"

"Sorry, miss Anju, I have a letter I need to deliver, and it can't be late."

Sakon let out a dramatic sigh, as he would have gladly stayed for free food, and got to his feet with a stretch. As they headed towards the door, The Postman tipped his hat politely to Anju.

"Goodbye, miss Anju."

Sakon gave one last, obvious leer to Anju, and then winked at her as he ducked out the door after The Postman.

Haru exchanged a look with Anju. "If that thief ever comes into this house again, I'll strangle him."

Anju simply laughed.

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Once they were back outside, Sakon gave a long, lazy stretch. "So, you're really going to keep ignoring Ganondorf's summons?"

"He fired me." The Postman said firmly. "If he changed his mind, that's his problem."

Sakon gave him a look of disbelief. "If you ever say that right to his face, please let me be there to see it."

The Postman didn't answer, his gaze fixed intently on the sky once more. If Link was correct, then the Kokiri was somewhere high above the clouds in this mysterious Sky-World. He technically knew where they were now, so did he really have a reason not to attempt delivery of the letter? He gave a frown, not knowing how one would get to this strange Sky-World. A whole new world that he'd never explored was up there, and the mere thought of that made a deep, long-forgotten desire rise in him. He had to see it. He had to find Saria.

After a moment, he spoke up, his eyes never leaving the sky. "Sakon?"

"Yeah?" Sakon replied.

"How do you get to the sky islands?"

Sakon paused. "You aren't!" he said in surprise. "Are you seriously going to try to deliver that stupid letter?"

"It's my job." The Postman stated, defensively. "Mr. Link still wants the letter delivered."

"I think he meant you could deliver it after he rescues whoever it is, not for you to go gallivanting after some villain." Sakon pointed out.

"A postman has to be diligent." The Postman answered automatically. "The letter was supposed to be delivered today, so it's already going to be late. I don't want to get a bad reputation for being late all the time."

Sakon let out a snort, knowing The Postman had already made up his mind. "You're just bored, aren't you?" he accused. "You're finding it hard going back to your lame job, and so now you're finding excuses to find something more interesting to do."

The Postman frowned. That wasn't what he was doing...was it? Was he really finding his job that boring? He did have to admit that after going on missions, fighting in a war, and living in a foreign country, life did seem to be crawling by lately. The thought of delivering a letter to a brand new place seemed fascinating, and he saw no reason why he shouldn't go. Link would take care of the villain, and he could deliver the letter.

"A Postman's job takes them all over the world." he replied, causing Sakon to roll his eyes at him.

"You're incorrigible."

"You mentioned being told stories of the sky islands when you were a child. Have you heard of any ways to get there?"

"No." Sakon answered truthfully. "Other than strapping yourself to a flock of seagulls, I have no idea."

The Postman sighed heavily, and thought a moment. "Sakon, you have certain...'connections' around the provinces, don't you?"

Sakon picked at his nails, and gave a non-committal shrug. "Don't know what you're talking about. I'm an absolute model citizen, I don't consort with shady characters."

The Postman crossed his arms, and Sakon flashed him a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, I have a few connections." he admitted. "It depends what you're looking for."

"So you know people who deal in unusual items?" The Postman questioned.

"The people I know all deal in strange, and unusual things." Sakon commented. "Can you be a bit more specific?"

The Postman glanced back at the sky and pointed up. "Something that might get me to the sky islands?"

Sakon hesitated for a long moment as he thought about it. "I might know a few people that can help...So what sort of item are you looking for?" he asked.

"I don't know." The Postman admitted. "Something that will get me safely to a sky-island. A teleportation device?"

"Well, I know a guy who has a cannon..."

The Postman gave him a flat look.

"Well, it's a big cannon." Sakon clarified.

When The Postman did not look impressed, Sakon gave him a shrug."Okay, scratch that. We could speak to my uncle Guru Guru, I suppose. He's travelled quite a bit in his lifetime, and he might know of way to get there. He's a little bit screwy now, but he's still good for information."

The Postman glanced towards the town's windmill, knowing exactly whom Sakon spoke of. "Your uncle is Guru-Guru?" he asked skeptically. The Postman had delivered mail to the windmill on occasion, and it had always made him extremely uncomfortable.

"Yeah, he's one of my uncles, but the other one is a complete ass, so we're better of with Guru-Guru."

"You're going to help me?" The Postman questioned skeptically.

"I have nothing better to do, and I kinda owe you like three time now." Sakon explained with a shrug. "Doing this is more interesting than returning to the desert."

"Seven times." The Postman responded.

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"You owe me seven times, actually."

Sakon crinkled his nose at him. "It's not that many!"

"Gorons, Wolfos, fire-trap, demon in the tunnels, paternity scare, Link, healing potion." The Postman listed off.

"Well, okay then, seven minus one then. I got your little demon-sister out of the Gerudo city." Sakon conceded. "But I didn't think you'd keep track of them all!"

The Postman nodded in agreement to that number, and then said. "Do you think your uncle is home?"

"He never goes anywhere anymore." Sakon replied. "He's been kinda off in the head ever since The Hero of Time messed with him, but he knows a lot of people and places I don't."

The Postman gave a nod, and then followed after The Thief as he started heading towards the windmill. Sakon gave another lazy stretch, and then said.

"He might not talk to you depending on his mood. Just be prepared for that if it's one of his bad days."

The Postman nodded as they walked up the stairs to the windmill, and he hoped Guru-Guru was feeling alright that day. Sakon opened the heavy, wooden door to the windmill, and immediately loud, frantic music filled the air.

Once they entered, The Postman's eyes fell on the centre of the room where a moving platform spun around and around. It seemed to spin at the same delirious pace as the music and Sakon didn't hesitate to jump onto it. It spun him around a few times, before Sakon jumped off to the other side of the room. It was a completely illogical building design, and The Postman had never liked it. The music always creeped him out, and the fact Guru-Guru tended to rant at him didn't help matters.

To him, the music sounded like it was digging at his mind, trying to fracture it until he was as damaged as the poor unfortunate man who played it. Luckily, The Postman did not have to come to the windmill often.

Guru Guru was a small, bent old man with an unkempt beard and sad, lonely eyes. He always looked like he was lost in memories, or thinking of some tragic situation. Whenever The Postman had a letter to deliver to him, Guru Guru would stare at him with angry, crazed eyes as he retold his woes at the hands of Link.

"Come on!" Sakon ordered impatiently from the other side of the room.

The Postman hopped up onto the spinning platform and jumped off just a moment later, landing beside Sakon.

Sakon turned his attention to the man playing the organ grinder, and gave him a bright grin. "Hey, uncle!" he greeted casually. "How are things spinning today?"

"Grrrrrrrr." Guru Guru snarled. "I'll never forget what happened tha-"

"Yeah, yeah." Sakon interrupted, waving his hand dismissively. "Evil ten-year-olds and all that. I know the story."

Guru Guru blinked heavily as if coming out a trance, and focussed his gaze on Sakon. "Oh! Sakon, it's you!" he commented. "How are you, my boy?"

"Fantastic." Sakon replied. "So, how are you?"

"Good." Guru-Guru replied, seeming a bit confused. "I was just thinking about the past..."

"Sounds boring." Sakon commented. "Feel like helping me out? I need some information."

Guru Guru seemed a bit disconcerted, but gave a nod all the same. "What information?"

"You know of the Sky-Islands, right?"

Guru Guru nodded. "Of course."

"Do you know how to get there?"

Guru Guru scratched at his chin as he thought, momentarily stopping the music. The silence which filled the windmill was way worse than the music, and The Postman shifted uncomfortably.

"Hmm, now that is a difficult question. Not many have travelled there, and it's not easy. Why do you want to know?" Guru Guru asked.

"I owe a friend a favour, and wanted to help him out." Sakon replied.

"I see." Guru Guru stated, his eyes going distant. "This is information I do not know." he admitted.

Sakon let out a heavy sigh. "Figures."

Guru-Guru gave his beard another scratch, and then said. "Go ask your other uncle."

Sakon frowned, his shoulder's stiffening. "Why?" he demanded.

Guru-Guru didn't seem to notice Sakon's discomfort. "I believe he's been to many of the sky islands, and maybe even as far as the moon. You know how private he is though, so I can't say for sure."

Sakon grimaced.

Guru-Guru continued, looking thoughtful. "I've heard rumours that he has an entire family that are protected, and raised on the moon's surface. If anyone would know how to get to the sky-islands, it would be him."

Sakon let out an over-dramatic groan.

"You should visit him more often." Guru-Guru scolded. "He asks about you, you know."

"Yeah, that's not happening." Sakon responded.

"I'm sure he can help you find a way to get to the sky-islands." Guru-Guru told him. "Go see him, and at least ask."

"Fine. I'll ask him." Sakon said, with a nod. "Thank you uncle, but I need to get going now."

Guru Guru held out his arms. "Come give your uncle a hug before you go!"

Sakon crinkled his nose. "No."

Sakon then headed for the door without another word, and The Postman quickly followed after him. The Postman wasn't even sure that Guru-Guru had realized he was there. He hadn't once looked at him during the conversation he and Sakon had.

The moment they were outside, Sakon let out an angry curse. The Postman frowned at him, and then hesitantly asked. "Who is your other uncle we have to visit?" he asked.

Sakon scowled. "My other uncle is The Happy Mask Salesman."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**

 **UPDATE Sunday May 7th \- It looks like the issue has not been resolved and now it's not letting me post the new chapter at all now. I have Sunday's chapter all ready to go, but it keeps coming up as an error when i try to post it. I guess I won't be updating today. :(**

 **I'll update on Friday, and hopefully all issues will be resolved by then. Sorry about the delay.**


	35. Information Comes at a Cost

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 **Authornote: Friday May 12th 2017**

 **STOP!**

 **Make sure that you saw first two chapters before you continue reading. This is Chapter 3 of Part 3, and no email notifications were sent out due to a system glitch. I'm not sure why it happened, but I hope this isn't going to be problem from now on. Please make sure to read Chapter 1 and chapter 2 first if you haven't already.**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **There WERE going to be three updates last week instead of two, but unfortunately the system problem would not allow me to do so. Sorry for the delay, and I hope you guys like the chapter! I THINK all site problems have been resolved, so hopefully no one has any trouble viewing this chapter. I think I'm going to start posting this story on Archive of our Own as well, just in case something like this ever happens again. I'll create an account, and let you guys know of my username on Sunday, and so if there's ever a problem with this site, you can view the update over there.**

 **.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Loki-Liesmith** \- The Postman's magic would have indeed lashed out one final time, but Ganondorf, Koume and Kotake had erected a magical shield using all three of their magics to protect themselves and the room. Ganondorf assumed that would have been sufficient to protect himself from the magical blast. If he had have killed The Postman, he would have regretted it later, the loss of a loyal Tracker far outweighing the benefit of having the sword.

I'm glad you like The Postman's personality. :) You've probably noticed, but as the story goes on, he does change very slightly as things around him begin affecting him. I hope any changes that happen along the way are for the better.

You are indeed supposed to hate Link in this story, despite the fact he's technically the good guy. Link is only doing what he thinks is right, but he's a direct threat to all the main characters. From The Postman's perspective, Link is the enemy that has the power to seriously harm him or to have him imprisoned. He doesn't hate Link, he just no longer trusts him.

The fact that Link could have killed Sakon during the whole Majora's Mask fiasco is actually mentioned a few chapters from now.

We will get to meet The Postman's entire family in part four, but the full explanation of what happened to The Postman isn't actually revealed until part 5. The Postman's mother does genuinely love him though, but her over-protectiveness can be a rather unbearable. She doesn't seem to realize that most of her children are now adults. lol

"Ignore me. I mean, it's just, Link's always so furious, he probably needs to get la-" Hahahah! Sakon makes this exact joke later on. Great minds think alike! lol

My old TV that I played Skyward Sword on had really bad colour, and I couldn't really tell what colour Ghirahim's eyes were. Okay, I'm gonna go back and make the correction! I'm glad I know for sure now! Hylia's barrier does not work right now, and it will be explained why. This is also why the Kokiri were able to be kidnapped out of their protected village. I promise there is an explanation! :D

Sakon is very fun to have interact with other people. I love writing him simply annoying everyone around him. ;D Anju is not afraid of Sakon because he generally doesn't harm people, he simply steals what he wants and then leaves. Make no mistake though, Sakon HAS hurt and killed before, he just doesn't go around hurting people for no reason.

Haru will definitely make sure to do everything correctly because he knows if he messes up, The Postman will never give him another chance. It was surprising that The Postman even gave him a second chance to begin with. lol

If The Happy Mask Salesman ever demanded a hug, I think Sakon would run for it. lol

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 **Reiz16 \- **I'm glad you enjoyed the Anju and Haru scene. :) We will learn a lot more about Sakon's uncles as the story goes on. :)

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 **Rainmy** \- I'm glad you like the OCs. It's always so worrying to add new characters, not knowing how much people are going to hate them. I try not to use too many OCs, but that can be hard considering how many different places The Postman visits. The Postman does love his family, but he doesn't put up with any of his brother's BS. lol

Yes, those were new things I added to the chapter. The Postman wasn't very close to the Kokiri in the original, and he never defended Sakon from Link by lying to him. I've been trying to make The Postman a more complex character in this re-write, to make him more human in the way he reacts to situations. Not too much else has been changed in Part 3 except for some added details, and a few new scenes. Part 2 by far had the most changes out of any part.

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 **darkerthanlight** -I'm glad you were able to read the chapters. The whole site was messed up for a week and I was worried no one would see the new updates. :) Yeah, he does seem to come across as a predator, doesn't he? lol

 **Guest** \- Yes, The Postman had better hope Link doesn't find out he lied for Sakon. He's on very thin ice right now, and it wouldn't take much for him to be arrested again. Sakon probably would have been jailed for a very long time, or even executed, so he made the decision to help him out. This could backfire spectacularly on him though...

Sakon does indeed have the strangest family in my entire story. :D

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 3**

 **Information Comes at a Cost**

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Sakon did not look happy, as he led the way out of Kakariko Village. "I'd say you're on your own, but I doubt my uncle would tell you anything useful if I'm not with you." he commented. "He'd probably find a way to make you indebted to him, the slimy bastard."

The Postman honestly didn't know much about The Happy Mask Salesman, but he'd always gotten the feeling that something very sinister lay under the man's friendly exterior. There was simply something off about him, something dark, and somewhat ominous.

"Which uncle was it that raised you?" The Postman asked out of curiosity.

Sakon glanced over his shoulder at him with a frown. "Neither of them." he answered. "Why?"

"I just wondering." The Postman stated. "I knew you were an orphan, but I never met your caretakers when we were children."

"That's because I didn't have any." Sakon responded with a shrug. "I supposedly lived with my father until I was three or four, but I don't remember him. I think my parents were villains who got themselves killed, but no one would ever talk about them. I stayed with Guru-Guru for a year or so until I met you, and from then on I mooched off of your family."

The Postman frowned. "And after we stopped being friends?"

Sakon returned the frown. "I was taken in by Ganondorf's old thief, and became his apprentice. I've lived in the Gerudo city ever since."

"Ganondorf allowed a male child to live there?" The Postman asked in surprise.

Sakon scratched his head for a moment, before he answered. "It was a huge fight between Cas and Ganondorf, but eventually Cas got his way, and I was allowed to stay. Ganondorf's never liked me much though."

"Cas was the thief's name?"

Sakon nodded. "Caspian." he replied.

"What happened to him?" The Postman asked.

A brief look of pain flashed across Sakon's face, but he quickly masked it. "He was killed while on a mission." he responded. "Now seriously, what's with all the questions all of a sudden?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "I suppose I just don't know much about you." he answered. "I was curious."

Sakon gave him a skeptical look. "Well, I suppose compared to your pathetic, boring existence, I suppose I would be interesting."

The Postman rolled his eyes. "Sorry, I asked."

"I'm not sure where my uncle is at the moment." Sakon commented, as they left town. "He travels a lot, and he could be anywhere."

"He's back in Hyrule Castletown." The Postman replied. "I saw him open his shop this morning."

Sakon let out a heavy sigh. "You're really lucky I owe you." he commented as they headed down the stairs. "He's creepy, and he also doesn't like me much."

The Postman suspected there was probably a very good reason for that, but he didn't say anything.

As they reached the bottom of the stairs, The Postman glanced over at Sakon. "Please don't steal from him while we're there."

Sakon's eyes widened in genuine horror. "Do you think I'm crazy?! I would never steal from him when he's home! People that get caught stealing from him all tend to meet unfortunate endings. Just because I'm related to him, doesn't mean he'll let me get away with something like that!"

The Postman raised an eyebrow at him. "So you've never stolen from him before?"

Sakon let out a snort. "Of course I have." he stated, sounding offended. "Just not while he's there to catch me."

The Postman gave him a thoughtful look. "He did do something to you, didn't he?" he asked. "You told me The Happy Mask Salesman was personally responsible for the worst day of your life."

It was obvious Sakon was genuinely afraid of The Happy Mask Salesman, and that made The Postman even more curious.

Sakon didn't really look like he wanted to answer, and he averted his gaze. "Let's put it this way," he finally said. "He once babysat me when I was five, and he gave me a mask to play with..."

The Postman's eyes widened. "...oh."

Sakon gave a shudder, clearly remembering something horrible, and he fell silent. As they crossed the short distance to Hyrule Castletown, neither said a single word. Sakon started dragging his heals the closer they got, and The Postman flashed him an annoyed look, not used to walking so slowly. Sakon still looked troubled, and so The Postman didn't comment on the snail's pace they were walking. Once they finally reached Castletown, Sakon slowed down even further until he was pretty much just scuffing his way across the newly repaired bridge. The Postman gave him an impatient look, and Sakon let out a deep breath, and then explained.

"I should probably mention that I'm kinda banned from the mask shop...for life"

The Postman let out a heavy sigh, expecting no less. "Why?" he demanded.

"I accidentally broke one of his masks the last time I visited, and he had an absolute conniption because it was really expensive. He told me to never step foot into his shop ever again..."

"Hmm." The Postman replied dismissively. "Will he still give you the information?"

"I dunno, maybe, but he'd kind of a jerk, so I can't guarantee anything."

The Postman gave a nod as they crossed town square and headed for the Happy Mask Shop. The Postman's gaze flitted over to the postoffice for a moment, but he quickly looked away, knowing Haru was going to be taking care of things for him. They reached the shop, and there was an open sign in the front window, and The Postman relaxed. He'd been worried The Happy Mask Salesman left sometime during the day, but it looked like he was still at home.

Sakon opened the shop door, and they entered without another word. The shop was dimly lit and somewhat dusty, but what really drew the eye was the merchandise. Masks of every shape and colour lined the walls, some extravagant with bright feathers and sequins while others were chopped crudely out of wood looking somewhat terrifying from the rough and distorted expressions. The Postman stared at the masks curiously as he always did, but Sakon approached the counter without even glancing at them.

Sakon grinned brightly to match The Happy Mask Salesman's odd smile, but The Postman noted his was a bit strained. The Happy Mask Salesman himself stood quietly and calmly behind the counter, arms folded across his chest as he watched them approach. He was almost completely shadowed behind the counter, his eery grin even broader than Sakon's, his teeth shining in the dark like a shark waiting for its prey.

"Hi, uncle!" Sakon greeted, leaning casually on the counter. "How's business?"

It may have been The Postman's imagination but he could have sworn he saw The Happy Mask Salesman's expression falter for a second in anger, but when he blinked, the smile was back.

"Dear Nephew, I told you to never return to my shop." The Happy Mask Salesman said, his smile never wavering.

"Yeah, yeah." Sakon answered, rubbing a finger idly across a mask on the counter. "I just need to ask you something, and then I'll be going."

The Happy Mask Salesman pulled the mask far out of Sakon's reach, and set it on a shelf behind him. "This mask is not for you." he stated.

Sakon rolled his eyes. "I don't want your crummy mask." Sakon snapped. "But, even if I did, all of your masks are for sale, so why would you care who buys one?"

"As I said, this is not for you. Every single one of my mask's has a true owner that it's destined to be found by. My masks always find their way to their intended person one way or another."

The Happy Mask Salesman then turned his attention away from Sakon as if dismissing his very presence, and focussed his gaze on The Postman.

"Hello, postman." he greeted. "Did you have something for me today?"

"No, sir, I'm just here with Sakon."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a nod, and then pulled something out of his desk and began writing. Both Sakon and The Postman watched him in confusion, and a moment later, The Happy Mask Salesman handed The Postman a piece of paper. The Postman glanced down at it and saw it was a bill for 5000 rupees.

"What's this?!" The Postman demanded, looking down at the amount in shock.

"Your bill for the mask I lent you." The Happy Mask Salesman responded with a shrug.

The Postman froze in horror, having completely forgotten about the borrowed mask. It was still sitting in his room back in the Ganondorf's castle.

"Oh, no, the mask!" The Postman gasped. "I forgot to return it to you!"

"I have been more than patient waiting for its return." The Happy Mask Salesman informed him. "Now, how will you be paying? Cash, or in payments with a 29% percent yearly interest?"

The Postman grimaced. "What if I go get the mask back for you right away?" he asked. "Will you waive the charges?"

The Happy Mask Salesman crossed his arms. "You have had it for over a month now." he pointed out. "I will charge you one months interest, and waive the 5000 rupees if you return it to me as soon as possible. Your new bill will only be 121 rupees if I get the mask back within a week. If you return it after that, I will charge you for a second month's interest and you will owe 242 rupees."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "You're such a cheapskate." he muttered loudly enough for them both to hear.

The Happy Mask Salesman pretended he didn't hear the comment, his attention entirely on The Postman. "Is this a deal?" he demanded.

Knowing he didn't really have a choice at this point, The Postman gave him a nod. "Yes, Sir, it's a deal."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a smile, and nodded. "Now, don't go breaking our deal, postman." he warned, his tone sickeningly sweet. "Or the next deal we make will not be as forgiving."

The Postman wasn't quite sure how to take that comment, so he simply gave the other man an uncertain nod.

This seemed to amuse The Happy Mask Salesman, and he chuckled lightly as if he knew something they didn't. "Very good, postman, now what was it you needed from me?"

"Hey! What about me?" Sakon protested. "It was me who came here to ask you a question, not him!"

"No, I don't believe so." came the response. "It was really you who had the question, wasn't it, postman?"

The Postman hesitated, and then nodded. "Yes, Sir."

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded. "I will prepare us some tea so we can discuss it properly." he said, disappearing into the back room. "Don't touch anything." he called from the kitchen.

The moment he was gone, The Postman and Sakon exchanged looks.

"Well, he hasn't kicked us out yet." Sakon pointed out. "I guess that's better than I expected..."

"I can't afford 5000 rupees!" The Postman said, worriedly. "I'll need to find a way to get that mask back!"

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Told you, he's a creep. He always has to find a way to make a profit out of every single conversation. I bet he's going to refuse to help you without expecting payment. Do you have money on you?"

The Postman frowned. "A bit." he admitted. "But it's just grocery money, nothing too big."

"Well, you might have to go to the bank." Sakon informed him with a shrug. "Hopefully you have savings."

The Postman actually did have a bit of savings he'd put away in the case of an emergency, but he'd never told anyone about it. It was his life-savings, and he hoped it wouldn't come down to him draining his entire bank account.

"I don't have too much." he said out loud, not wanting Sakon to know he had money. "I only started working again a couple weeks ago."

"Well, you might be out of luck then." Sakon told him.

Only a moment later, The Happy Mask Salesman returned carrying a tray with tea and cookies on it. He placed a cup in front of The Postman, and placed the other cup in front of himself. Sakon frowned at his uncle.

"What about me?" he demanded. "Why don't I get any?"

"If you want tea, you know where the kitchen is." The Happy Mask Salesman replied, not even sparing Sakon a glance.

Sakon let out a huff, got up from his seat, lifted a portion of the counter and stomped his way to the kitchen without a single word. They could hear him muttering angrily to himself from the other room, but both chose to ignore it.

The Happy Mask Salesman took a sip of his tea, and cocked his head curiously at The Postman. "What is it you've come to ask me?" he asked.

The Postman took a cautious sip of his tea, and then held up Saria's letter. "This letter has to be delivered to someone on one of the sky-islands, but I have no way to get there."

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded. "I see, that is a problem."

"Sakon and I went to see your brother, Guru-Guru, and he told us that you might know of a way to get there?"

"I might." The Happy Mask Salesman answered evasively.

Sakon returned with his own cup of tea, and he shot his uncle a glare as he resumed his seat. "It wouldn't have killed you to bring me in a cup too." he groused.

Both ignored him.

"Will you tell me how to get to the sky-islands, Sir? I'd be very grateful if you could help."

The Happy Mask Salesman took another long sip of tea, and then scratched at his chin a moment as he thought about it. He was staring directly into The Postman's eyes, his gaze so intense that it was a struggle not to look away. Whatever he saw only caused him to look even more thoughtful, and as he considered the request, he took a bite of one of the cookies.

"Hmm, I could do that for you... I suppose." he finally said. "I don't do favours, and this information doesn't come cheap."

"Surprise, surprise." Sakon muttered, reaching for one of the cookies.

The Happy Mask Salesman slapped his hand away, and then continued. "How much is a priority delivery outside of the province?" he asked.

Surprised by the change of topic, The Postman automatically answered. "It depends on how far away it needs to go." he replied. "1-2 days in travel is 100 rupees, 3 -5 days in travel is 150 rupees, and 5-7 days is 250 rupees. Anything longer than that is substantially more expensive."

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded, still looking thoughtful. "If I tell you how to get there, the cost will be 1000 rupees."

The Postman's eyes widened, and Sakon simply shook his head in exasperation. "You scam-artist." he mumbled. "Charging 1000 rupees just for answering a question, and you won't even give your poor nephew a cup of tea or a cookie. Absolutely shameless."

Without even looking at him, The Happy Mask Salesman impatiently pushed the plate of cookies towards Sakon. "Do we have a deal, postman?"

The Postman winced. "Er...I'll have to check to see how much I have in the bank..."

"We could come to a compromise." The Happy Mask Salesman told him, smiling widely.

The Postman hesitated, knowing The Happy Mask Salesman's shady reputation. "What did you have in mind?" he asked cautiously.

"Not much." The Happy Mask Salesman replied casually, reaching under the counter. He placed a lumpy package in front of The Postman. "Deliver this for me, and I'll waive the 1000 rupee fee."

Sakon promptly choked on the cookie he was eating, his eyes widening in alarm. "Don't do it!" he warned between coughs. "We'll go to someone else for the information. Do not do deliveries for him!"

The Happy Mask Salesman stared directly at The Postman, his hand resting on top of the suspicious package. "Do we have a deal, postman?"

"No!" Sakon answered. "We don't!"

"I'll do it." The Postman answered, not even looking at Sakon. "I deliver mail for everyone, and I've never refused a delivery before."

The Happy Mask Salesman raised an eyebrow. "You're not going to ask what's in the package?"

"No, Sir, that's none of my business."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave another chuckle, and this time he sounded genuinely amused. "It's nothing to worry about." he assured him. "It's just a gift for someone."

Sakon's expression was a cross between horror and disgust, and he gave an obvious shudder. He stared down at the suspicious package, and then batted it back towards his uncle. "We're not going to deliver that for you!" he snapped. "I'm your nephew, and I refuse to be used for one of your schemes!"

The Happy Mask Salesman flashed Sakon an annoyed look. "The decision is not yours, dear nephew. My deals are none of your concern."

Sakon reached out and grabbed The Postman by the arm. "You don't want to get wrapped up in this." he said. "We shouldn't have come. I have other connections we can explore."

The Postman stared down at the package thoughtfully. "Who do you wish to have it delivered to, Sir?"

"A man by the name of Gaepora." The Happy Mask Salesman replied.

"Where can I find him?" The Postman asked.

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a smile, knowing The Postman had already made up his mind. "There is a large sky-island by the name of Sky-Loft which you'll be sure to pass in your travels. I want you to give this to the man called Gaepora who is the chief and headmaster of the island. Tell him it is a gift."

The Postman gave a nod. "Yes, Sir, you can count on me."

The Happy Mask Salesman seemed pleased indeed, and his grin stretched to the point of looking painful. He pushed the package into The Postman's hands, who stared down at it in surprise when he felt a magical pulse come from whatever was within. He stared down at it apprehensively, not sure he liked the feeling of that magic.

"I will explain a way you can get to the Sky World." The Happy Mask Salesman said, refilling his teacup.

The Postman was instantly all attention.

"The people of Sky-Loft use giant birds called Loftwings to get them from island to island." The Happy Mask Salesman explained. "These birds have a natural instinct to always stay above the clouds, and if one were to be captured and brought down, it would fly straight up into the clouds the moment it was released."

The Postman frowned. "If they always stay above the clouds, how do you capture one?" he asked.

"It is very difficult, and likely beyond your abilities to do so. There is one Loftwing that's already down here, however." The Happy Mask Salesman stated. "Normally it would be impossible to fly up because of Hylia's barrier in the sky, but the barrier has recently collapsed for unknown reasons."

"Do you have a Loftwing?" The Postman asked in surprise.

"Alas, no, I'm just a simple salesman." The Happy Mask Salesman replied with a shrug. "I did come across an egg in my travels a few years ago, however."

"What did you do with it?" The Postman asked with a frown.

"I had no use for it at the time, and so I traded it to an interested party." The Happy Mask Salesman answered. " Loftwings live for a very long time, and it should be fully grown by now. Perhaps you could find the man I traded it to?"

"This sounds like a trap." Sakon pointed out, stuffing another cookie into his mouth. "Not that you'll listen to me anyway..."

"Who was it, Sir?" The Postman asked. "Do you know who you sold it to?"

"A young man came to see me about ten years ago with a very rare mask to trade. The mask was quite a unique specimen, and the egg was a fair trade for it."

"Well, who was it?" Sakon demanded. "Spit it out!"

The Happy Mask Salesman almost seemed wistful for a moment. "He was a young man from the desert." he answered.

The Postman eyed him warily. "You mean Ganondorf, don't you..."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a nod, and Sakon scowled. "I knew it was a trick."

The Postman reached into his mailbag and pulled out a letter. "I actually have a letter for Ganondorf, and I have to go there anyway...I suppose I could ask him about the Loftwing at the same time..."

"Do you have any idea how mad at you he's going to be?" Sakon demanded. "You've been purposely ignoring him for over a week."

The Postman averted his gaze. "...there's probably a lot more than that he wants to talk to me about..."

Sakon's eyes widened. "What did you do?!" he demanded in alarm.

The Postman gave a shrug, not really wanting to discuss it in front of The Happy Mask Salesman. Sakon frowned at him, but didn't press the issue.

The Postman turned his eyes back to The Happy Mask Salesman. "Thank you for your help, Sir, but I should get going if I want to make it to the desert before dark."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a nod. "Travel safely." he said, taking another long sip of tea.

The Postman slipped out of his chair, and placed the mysterious package into his mailbag. Sakon shoved the rest of the cookies into his pockets, and then got up to follow. Sakon clearly had no intention of saying goodbye to his uncle, and headed to the door without a single word.

"Sakon?" The Happy Mask Salesman called out to him.

Sakon paused, and glanced back. "What?"

"You're still banned from my shop until you pay your bill."

"Yeah, well, don't hold your breath on that." Sakon snapped, opening the door. "I'd marry Ganondorf before I'd ever pay you a single rupee."

Sakon then left the shop, and The Postman was left standing there awkwardly. "Er...goodbye, Sir." he said, hurrying after Sakon.

Sakon was already halfway across the market, and The Postman jogged to catch up with him. Sakon's expression was thunderous, and he didn't say a single word until they were once again back in Hyrule field.

"You are really, really stupid." Sakon commented, flashing The Postman a glare. "You're going to die a horrible, painful death and it will be your own fault! I can't believe you agreed to smuggle for him!"

The Postman shook his head. "I'm not smuggling, I'm just delivering a parcel for a customer. That's my job as a postman."

"I went to my uncle for information, not to be recruited into one of his schemes! If you deliver that package, something horrible will happen, I just know it!" Sakon said irritably. "He's setting you up for something, I just haven't figured out what yet."

"It'll be fine." The Postman assured him.

"And do you really think Ganondorf is going to just give you a rare and valuable Loftwing? He's going to toss you into the deepest hole he can find."

The Postman honestly had no idea how Ganondorf was going to react once he returned. He had a feeling it was going to be an extremely painful visit, and considering how he'd stopped the entire war, and trapped the Gerudo Nation inside a magical barrier, it wouldn't surprise him if Ganondorf wanted him dead.

"That creep is planning something, and we need to figure out what it is before it's too late." Sakon announced. "Why else would he send a postman to see Ganondorf?"

"Perhaps he was telling the truth." The Postman suggested. "What if Ganondorf really is the best chance I have for getting to the Sky-World?"

"If that's the case, then you're shit out of luck." Sakon said with a shrug. "There's no way Ganondorf is going to help you in your quest to run around in your little short-shorts delivering letters. The only thing you're going to get from him is a fireball to the face."

"Maybe he will, maybe he won't, but I still have to try." The Postman told him.

"So, you're seriously going to waltz right up to Ganondorf, and ask to borrow his super secret, magical flying bird? I'm so sure that'll go over well. I might come just so I can see his face when you ask him."

"I'm not asking you to come with me, Sakon." The Postman pointed out. "Thank you for the help so far, but I can manage this on my own."

Sakon glowered at him. "You're stupid." he commented. "You're just going to die."

"Thank you for your help, Sakon. I do appreciate it."

Sakon crossed his arms. "Stupid."

The Postman gave a heavy sigh, and turned to head towards the South. "Goodbye, Sakon."

Sakon stopped following after The Postman, and stared after him with a frown.

"Stupid." he commented again. "If you're so bored as a postman, why don't you just return to being a tracker?"

"I'm not bored." The Postman denied. "I enjoy being a postman."

As he sped up to a run, Sakon glared after him. "You're going to die!" he called after him.

If The Postman heard, he gave no indication, his eyes focussed intently ahead as he crossed the field.

Sakon watched The Postman disappear over the horizon, and then let out a sigh and began following after him.

"Stupid." he muttered to himself. "So stupid."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	36. The Return to the Desert

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 **Authornote: Sunday May 14th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Everything on the site is now working correctly! Woohoo! Hopefully there won't be any more interruptions like that again. /:(**

 **This chapter was extremely fun to write, and hope you guys enjoy it!**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **Guest** \- Yes, The Postman has WAY too many deals going on with The Happy Mask Salesman right now. Sakon tried to warn him, but he didn't listen. lol No, I'm not going to post the old version because it's embarrassingly bad. I actually cringe when I'm reading old chapters. I hadn't yet quite figured out the character's personalities, and there were next to no details from scene to scene. It's pretty much the same story but with added detail and more believable dialogue.

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 **Reiz16 -**There will be much more about Caspian later on. :) Sakon will actually explain exactly how he was banned from the Mask Shop in part 4 of the story. It was because Sakon was being typical Sakon. lol Sakon was bored, and The Postman was doing something far more interesting than what he had planned, so he joined up with him. lol

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 **Rainmy** \- Woohoo! I'm glad the email alerts are working again! It was so frustrating, realizing that no one knew I'd updated. lol I requested an account for Archive of our Own, and my account invitation comes sometime tomorrow. I'm going to try to get the same username if it's not already taken. (which i doubt lol) I have an idea for a huge story involving Sakon's teacher, Caspian. I can't write it yet though because it will give away spoilers for this story. :) I'm hoping people will show an interest in it by the time this story is finished.

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 **darkerthanlight** \- Yes, one can never trust The Happy Mask Salesman. lol The Postman will very quickly learn this as the story goes on. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter! :D

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 4**

 **The Return to the Desert**

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The Postman was not always the most observant person, especially when he was in the middle of a delivery, but even he realized something was not right in Hyrule. As The Postman crossed the fields leading to the desert, he noticed something around him was very, very wrong. When he'd gone into Hyrule Castletown just a short while ago, the fields had been lush and green, but now the grass was brown, and it crunched under his feet. The trees were starting to shrivel, and leaves blew around him in a curtain of brown and orange. It was like a wave of death was crossing the fields, and it wasn't long before everything around him looked like a barren wasteland. Farore was the goddess of courage and life, and The Postman had a feeling she was upset over the Kokiri's disappearance. He knew she favoured the Kokiri, and he assumed this was a sign of her fury.

The Postman furrowed his brow with a frown. If Farore knew the Kokiri had been stolen, why didn't she just rescue them? Couldn't a goddess easily do something like that? Was there some reason she couldn't? The Postman watched as everything around him withered, and knew if she was angry enough to do this to the world, then there had to be a reason she couldn't rescue the Kokiri.

The Field was normally over-run by monsters of every kind, but now the monsters he passed seemed listless and depressed. The various Peahats were completely shrivelled, and The Postman knew it wouldn't be long before they perished along with the plants. Even the Poe by the entrance to Gerudo Valley didn't bother appearing to heckle him.

When The Postman crossed into Gerudo territory, he saw a temporary bridge to the Gerudo Valley had been built. Eyeing the rope bridge a bit warily, he cautiously began crossing it, not liking how the whole bridge moved with the breeze. Glancing down, he noticed the river far below was quickly drying up, the water barely more than a trickle. Without water, it wouldn't take long for the people to start dying off, and The Postman wondered how far Farore would take her anger. She was the goddess of life, and surely she wouldn't kill the entire world over the Kokiri's disappearance? Would the other goddesses allow her to do this?

The Postman was glad to leave the rickety bridge, and he sped up, just wanting to reach the city before dark. It was then that he realized the magical barrier was still there as he walked into it hard. Rubbing at his nose, The Postman backed up a step and stared at the barrier, surprised it was still there. Glancing over, The Postman saw the magical sword was still stabbed into the ground, and he wondered why no one had removed it yet. Did the Hylians really intend on leaving the Gerudo Nation trapped inside forever?

Approaching the sword, The Postman stared down at it, not really wanting to touch it, but knowing he had to if he wanted by. Hesitantly reaching out, The Postman grabbed a hold of the hilt, and he immediately felt the sword's magic reach out for his own. His magic wasn't strong enough however, and the sword almost seemed to hiss in frustration as it failed to connect to his core. The Postman yanked the sword out of the ground, and to his relief, the barrier shimmered, and then disappeared.

Looking down at the sword, The Postman wasn't sure what to do with it now. Should he return it to Ganondorf? Kneeling down to pick up the discarded scabbard, he sheathed the sword, and then turned his gaze to the desert. He had no use for the sword, and so he'd return it, and hope Ganondorf wouldn't decide to kill him to take mastery of it. Not exactly feeling very confident, The Postman shoved the sword into his mailbag, and continued on his way.

The closer he got to the desert, the hotter it became, and by the time he reached the Gerudo Fortress, he was suitably miserable. Pausing to pull his canteen out of his mailbag, The Postman gave a glance around, rather disconcerted to see the fortress empty. There was no one is sight at all, and spears and weapons were lying strewn about the ground like everyone had left in a hurry.

The Postman passed by the deserted fortress, and entered the desert which seemed much hotter, and more intense than he remembered. The heat was almost choking, and he noticed the outer villages also seemed to have been abandoned. What was going on? Where was everybody?

By the time The Postman reached the main Gerudo city, he felt like he had heatstroke, and was looking forward to getting out of the sun. The Moblin in charge of the gate allowed him inside without question, and the moment The Postman entered the city he realized every single Gerudo was there.

The city was incredibly overcrowded, and it was obvious the Gerudo Nation was in the middle of some sort of calamity. Fear and desperation was on every face, and the normally quiet city was awash with cries, and arguments. The Gerudo were much too preoccupied to notice him as he ran by, and The Postman made it to the castle feeling worried. What had happened?

The guards at the castle's doors gave him a surprised look, but allowed him passage without question. Having no idea how Ganondorf would react to him returning, The Postman decided it would probably be best to head to his room first to retrieve The Happy Mask Salesman's mask. Hurrying up the flights of stairs leading to J-Wing, The Postman made it to his room, and then realized he didn't have the key to the door. Frowning at the lock in frustration, he let out a sigh, and knocked on Adena's door.

"Go away!" Adena growled from within.

The Postman hesitated, and then knocked again.

"That better not be you, Iris!" Adena yelled. "I told you I'm taking a nap! Go. Away."

Having a feeling he was going to get a fist in the face, The Postman knocked for a third time, this time more urgently.

He heard Adena let out an angry curse, and a moment later, she threw open the door looking furious enough to murder him. Her hair was mussed up, her eyes were bleary, and she was dressed for bed.

"I told yo-" she cut off mid-yell, not expecting to see him there. "Tracker?"

"Sorry to disturb you." The Postman apologized. "But I'm locked out of my room. Can I please use your window?"

Adena blinked a couple times, and then looked him up and down. "Wow...those are some very tiny shorts..." she commented. "Why are you dressed like a postman?"

"Because I am a postman."

Adena cocked her head at him. "We all thought you were dead." she informed him. "Everyone saw you get captured by Link, and we were certain you would have been executed!"

"They pardoned me." The Postman replied, suddenly feeling awkward. "I have to pay a fine, and had to return to being a postman."

Adena looked even more confused. "Why would they pardon you?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "I had no prior criminal record and I didn't harm anyone." he explained. "They didn't really explain their reasoning more than that, but I think they more or less thought I was brainwashed."

"For that you'd need a brain." Adena replied with a smirk. "So, what does Lord Ganondorf think of all this?"

"I haven't been to see him yet." The Postman told her.

Adena's eyes widened. "You told me all this before you told him?! Are you crazy? If he finds out you didn't immediately report to him, he'll order you to be whipped again! You can't delay important information like that! He thinks you're dead!"

"I'm going to see him in just a few minutes." The Postman replied. "I just need to get something out of my room first."

Adena shook her head and gave him a light shove backwards. "No, go see him now, don't delay!"

"I will once I retrieve what I need to." The Postman replied firmly. "I'm not going to see him until I do."

Adena gave him a flabbergasted look, and shot a nervous look up the hallway to make sure no one had overheard.

"Someone's going to tattle on you." she warned. "I wouldn't be surprised if he already knows you're here."

"That's fine." The Postman responded. "I'm willing to risk him being angry at me."

Adena lowered her voice. "Look, he's really stressed right now because of the curse. All of our food and water is disappearing, and he's been trying to figure out a way to break the curse. If he finds out you delayed going to see him, he could unleash all of that stress on you. Use extreme caution when meeting with him."

"I'll take that into consideration." The Postman answered, craning his neck to look towards her bedroom window.

Adena followed his gaze and then let out an exasperated sigh. "You are way too stubborn for your own good."

She waved him inside, and The Postman didn't hesitate as he headed straight for her window. Opening it, he leaned out and glanced towards his window, relieved when he saw he'd left it open a crack. As he cautiously crawled out onto the window ledge, Adena held onto his shirt, looking worried.

"Careful." she ordered. "If you fall from here, people are going to assume I pushed you out of my window. I'll have to think of some excuse as to why I did it, and that's too much bother."

The Postman didn't answer, instead reaching over and pulling his window open. When he was sure he had a good grip, he pulled himself over, crawling safely into his room. Looking back over at Adena, he gave her a nod.

"Thank you, Adena."

She simply rolled her eyes and closed her window without another word. The Postman was glad that nothing in his room had been touched as he'd been worried the room would have been given to someone else. It looked like they had been waiting for his return after all.

The Postman dug inside his closet for a moment and pulled out the mask he'd borrowed. He could still feel the mask's powerful magic, and he knew it probably was worth the 5000 rupees The Happy Mask Salesman tried to charge him for it. Wrapping it up with a nearby shirt, The Postman carefully placed it inside his mailbag, hoping it would be safe there until he could return it. Glancing around his room, he didn't see anything else he needed, so he headed for the door, knowing he had to face Ganondorf. Unlocking the door from the inside, The Postman stepped out into the hallway, and left it unlocked, not sure he'd ever be returning.

The Postman had no idea where Ganondorf was, but took a guess and headed for the throne room. No one stopped him as he hurried through the castle, and when he reached the throne room, he stared long and hard at the door for a moment, before slowly pushing it open a crack and peeking inside.

Ganondorf was slouched in his throne, chin in hand looking both irritated and troubled about something. His red hair was mussed as if he'd been running a hand through it, and he stared down at the floor as he tapped listlessly on the armrest. His mind was obviously worlds away, and he didn't see The Postman even when he entered the room. To The Postman's immense relief, the moment he neared the Gerudo, the pain in his hand vanished.

The Postman approached the throne, and stood directly in front of Ganondorf, the villain still not noticing him yet.

"Er...Mr. Ganondorf?" The Postman hesitantly questioned.

Ganondorf's gaze snapped up to him in surprise, and then he narrowed his eyes. A look of rage so fierce crossed his face, that The Postman backed up a step.

"Tracker!" Ganondorf growled, getting to his feet, his eyes narrowing to slits. "Where in Din's name have you been?!"

Ganondorf looked The Postman up and down, taking in what he was wearing, and his expression became even angrier.

"You've betrayed me, you joined with Hyrule." he stated.

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir."

"You've betrayed me to the Hylians." Ganondorf said, taking a step towards The Postman. "I saw them capture you, and there's no possible way they would have just let you go. What did you tell them?!"

"Nothing, Sir." The Postman told him.

"You expect me to believe that?" Ganondorf snarled. "You expect me to believe the Hylians pardoned you for absolutely no reason?! How stupid do you think I am?!"

"I was pardoned because Princess Zelda believed I had been tricked by you." The Postman explained. "Since I hadn't killed anyone, and didn't have any sort of criminal record, they pardoned me on the condition that I return to being a postman."

Ganondorf drew his sword. "Save your lies." he snapped. "I will not tolerate any sort of betrayal from my minions!"

Ganondorf swung the sword at him so fast, The Postman barely had time to dodge. He then leapt backwards as Ganondorf swung at him a second time, and then a third.

"Sir, I didn't betray you!" The Postman protested.

"Save it!" Ganondorf hissed, and he charged right for him. "It was because of you that we almost lost the war! You couldn't even manage to attack the right side with your magic!"

Ganondorf stabbed at him a forth time, and then a fifth but The Postman was able to dodge and outrun him each time. Ganondorf became even more infuriated, his expression quickly becoming murderous. Ganondorf then began shooting powerful blasts of energy at him, and it took The Postman by surprise and he barely managed to roll out of the way in time. Ganondorf alternated between stabbing, and blasting out energy, and The Postman ran and dodged faster than he ever had before, knowing his life depended on it.

"Stay still so I can kill you!" Ganondorf ordered, furiously.

"Er...I'd rather not, Sir." The Postman responded, dodging another flurry of attacks. "I never betrayed you!"

Ganondorf charged after him, swinging like a madman, but The Postman continued to dodge and jump out of the way each and every time. Ganondorf was getting more and more angry, and he began shooting blasts of energy at him as fast as he could. The Postman was much too fast for him however, and none of the attacks touched him. The Postman rolled out of the way of a blast, and then ducked as Ganondorf swung at his face.

"Why won't you just die?" Ganondorf snarled. "You're like a cockroach! Stop dodging me, you coward!"

"No, Sir." The Postman answered. "Please just listen to what I have to say.".

"I don't care what you have to say!" Ganondorf hissed, from between clenched teeth. "You betrayed me, and you betrayed the Gerudo Nation! I will kill you!"

The Postman jumped backwards from a particularly vicious stab, and began to back away.

"I order you to stay still!" Ganondorf snarled.

Again The Postman shook his head. "I never betrayed you, and I never intentionally attacked anyone with my magic. The sword took over my magic and it tried to kill everyone, but I had nothing to do with it! The sword was just too strong for me to control!"

Ganondorf stabbed at him again. "I know the incident with the sword was not done on purpose, but it was still your fault." Ganondorf snarled. "I could have forgiven that, but I won't forgive blatant betrayal!"

The Postman wasn't sure how many more times he could claim innocence on that matter. "I never betrayed you!" he insisted.

"Of course you did!" Ganondorf snapped, swinging at The Postman's head. "Why else would you ignore my summons for so long?!"

The Postman continued dodging and gave Ganondorf a frown. "I apologize, Sir, for not coming, but you fired me, and I had no further obligation to answer your summons. I am no longer your Tracker, but I never betrayed you or the Gerudo Nation. I owe Hyrule nothing." The Postman said, rolling out of the way as Ganondorf jumped at him.

Ganondorf paused to catch his breath, and gave him a confused look. "Fired you?" he questioned. "What are you talking about?"

"You fired me just before the battle." The Postman explained.

Ganondorf gave a long, slow blink, as if he didn't comprehend what The Postman was talking about. "Did I say I fired you?" he demanded.

"Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf wiped the sweat from his brow, his breathing heavy and ragged, and he stared at The Postman through narrowed eyes. The Postman, who now stood far away on the other side of the room, shifted uncomfortably under the intense gaze.

"I was angry at the time, but you were not permanently fired." Ganondorf told him. "Unless you betrayed me, your position is still available."

The Postman crossed his arms. "In all honesty, Sir, I had no way of knowing you weren't serious when you fired me. It was perfectly within my rights to seek employment elsewhere. I'm not a mind-reader."

"Don't take that tone with me." Ganondorf warned, taking another step towards him. "You're really going to claim you didn't betray me?"

"I am." The Postman said firmly.

Ganondorf stared at him long and hard, and then let out a sigh, sheathing his sword. "Explain in detail everything that has happened since you were captured, and then I will make my decision." he announced.

The Postman nodded, and began explaining everything from the very beginning from when he was arrested. Ganondorf listened intently, and the explanations The Postman gave actually made sense, and he realized he was actually mostly to blame for the situation. He had fired The Postman, forced the man out onto the battlefield, forced him to use a dangerous magical relic, offered him no protection, and had left him to his fate with the Hero of Time. The Postman was brutally honest in the fact he had been loyal enough to allow himself to be executed for the safety of the Gerudo Nation, but that loyalty was rewarded with anger.

Ganondorf would never admit he was at fault, and instead gave a disgruntled sigh when he was satisfied by The Postman's answers.

"Fine." Ganondorf relented, eyes still boring into The Postman. "I believe you."

The Postman nodded in relief. "Thank you, Sir."

"You still work for me, however." Ganondorf informed him. "If I summon you in the future, I expect you to immediately come to me."

"I've already taken a job as a postman." The Postman replied. "You fired me, and so I found other work."

"I don't care." Ganondorf answered. "Be a postman in your spare time, but you will answer any summons."

The Postman frowned at him. "So, I'd have two jobs?" he questioned.

"If you call delivering letters a job." Ganondorf snapped. "It may actually prove to be beneficial if you can freely travel through Hyrule. No one will pay a pathetic little postman any attention...I could definitely use that to my advantage."

The Postman wasn't sure he liked the sound of that, but knew he probably didn't have a choice in the matter.

"So, I assume you removed the protective barrier around the Gerudo Nation?" Ganondorf questioned.

The Postman nodded, and reached into his mailbag and pulled out the sword. "Yes, Sir, the barrier fell when I pulled the sword from the ground."

He held out the sword to Ganondorf who accepted it without hesitation. Ganondorf looked the sword over and he could still feel the powerful magic within. "I watched dozens of Hylians attempt to remove that sword, but none of them could so much as budge it. That was an extremely powerful bit of magic you did, and it saved a lot of lives by keeping the Hylians at bay. Do you think that's something you could do again if you needed to?"

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, Sir, I have magical exhaustion right now, and it's taking a very long time for my magic to heal. I haven't been able to do any magic other than my tracking."

Ganondorf frowned. "I suppose that is to be expected." he said with a sigh. "I want you to inform me the moment your magic returns."

The Postman frowned at him. "Yes, Sir, and I actually have a letter for you." he said, pulling out Ganondorf's letter and holding it out.

Ganondorf stared at the letter in surprise, and then took it, ripping it open, curious as to what it was. As his eyes scanned the letter, his expression turned annoyed, but he didn't say what was in the letter.

"I have something I need to ask you, Mr. Ganondorf." The Postman said, not sure how he was going to word his request.

"What do you want?" Ganondorf demanded impatiently.

"Well, Sir, there was something I was hoping you could help me with." The Postman said, instantly going into business mode. "I have a delivery to make, but I'm having a bit of trouble getting it to the recipient."

"And why should I care about any of this?"

The Postman cautiously took a step closer. "I need to deliver a couple things to the sky-islands but I have no way to get there." he explained. "I was told you might be able to help..."

Ganondorf was incredulous. "Why would I help you?" he asked, genuinely curious. "This has nothing to do with me."

"The Kokiri were kidnapped by a man named Ghirahim this morning, Sir. They were Farore's chosen people, and now she is exacting revenge on the entire land. Every living plant is dying, and the water is drying up. It won't be long before this spreads to the Gerudo Nation. One of the letters I need to deliver is to Saria the Kokiri, and once the Kokiri are found, they can be brought home."

Ganondorf's eyes widened."Ghirahim is responsible for everything that's been happening?" he exclaimed. "I thought our lands had been cursed."

"I believe it is Farore's doing, Sir."

"The Gerudo Nation's entire crop of vegetables have perished." Ganondorf said. "Every plant and tree has died, and the wells are starting to go dry. This just started a short time ago, and every Gerudo is gathering as much water as they can. My people are going to perish if I don't fix this. Tell me now, Tracker, why did Ghirahim take the Kokiri?"

"I really don't know, Sir."

Ganondorf expression turned troubled. "I know how Ghirahim is, and he'll kill you if you get in the way of his plans." Ganondorf paused a moment in thought. "Hmm, perhaps I shouldn't allow you to go..."

The Postman fidgeted a bit in alarm, but didn't answer.

"You truly believe the Kokiri's disappearance is the cause of this curse?" Ganondorf asked.

"I couldn't say for sure, Mr. Ganondorf, it's only what I've observed."

"My people only have enough water for a week at most. After that, we'll have no choice but to take what we can from Hyrule, and the other lands. I've tried every spell I can think of but nothing is working; the goddess Farore must be blocking all rain-spells."

The Postman frowned, realizing Farore must be really furious to go to such lengths to punish the world.

"You said you had two deliveries for the Sky World. Who is the other one for?" Ganondorf asked.

"A man by the name of Gaepora." The Postman replied. "I have a parcel for him."

Ganondorf's eyes widened. "What's in it?" he demanded, knowing very well who Gaepora was.

The Postman gave him a shrug. "I don't know, Sir, I never asked."

Ganondorf stared long and hard at The Postman's mailbag. "Who sent the package?"

"Sorry, Mr. Ganondorf, due to client confidentiality, I can't tell you that."

"Are you delivering that package for the Hero of Time?" he demanded, suspiciously. "You'd better not be helping him with a quest."

"No, Sir, it's not from Link, but that's all I can say."

Ganondorf still looked suspicious. "Is it from any of my enemies?"

The Postman considered the question, and then gave another shrug. "I don't believe so, but you do seem to have a lot of enemies..."

"Fine." Ganondorf replied, choosing to believe The Postman. "Now, why do you think I could help you get to the Sky World?"

"I was told that you came into possession of a giant bird called a Loftwing several years ago. I was informed that it will instinctively fly above the cloud barrier the moment it's released...I was hoping to borrow it?"

"Who told you that I have a Loftwing?" Ganondorf demanded, his eyes narrowing to slits. "Where did you get that information?"

"That's confidential." The Postman answered evasively.

Ganondorf looked like he was about yell, but then he stopped as he thought of everyone who knew he had a Loftwing.

"The Happy Mask Salesman told you."

The Postman neither confirmed nor denied that guess, but Ganondorf nodded as if he'd made up his mind. Ganondorf turned his eyes back to The Postman's mailbag, and reached out a hand towards it. He didn't actually touch it, but The Postman sensed Ganondorf's magic reach out towards him searchingly. The moment Ganondorf's magic touched the mailbag, it quickly withdrew.

"That package you're delivering has a strange sort of evil lingering about it." he informed The Postman. "Whatever is that salesman scheming now? What use does he have for Gaepora?"

"I don't know, Sir, I'm just a postman. It was none of my business to ask."

"Indeed." Ganondorf responded. "Whatever it is, I'm sure the results will be amusing to watch. I don't really like the idea of you helping with other villain's schemes however..."

The Postman crossed his arms. "I'm not helping with a scheme, I'm simply delivering a package."

"What does he have planned? Is this scheme a threat to my Nation? Should I be preparing defenses for anything?"

For the most part, villains were aware of what one another were up to, and they all tried not to cross one another. It was one thing to have the Hero of Time after you, but to add another villain as well just added too many dangers.

"I wouldn't know, Sir, I didn't ask."

Deciding to bring the subject back to his deliveries, The Postman took another step closer. "May I please borrow your Loftwing, Sir?"

Ganondorf let out another sigh, and ran a hand through his hair irritably. "Are you planning on rescuing the Kokiri once you find them?" he demanded

"No, Sir, that's not my job. I imagine Link will rescue them."

"Then you're useless to me." Ganondorf responded. "I'm more interested in saving my people, than helping you deliver your stupid mail."

Ganondorf paused a moment as he thought everything through. "You're not going to save the Kokiri, but you're still going to be tracking them down, is this right?"

"Yes, Sir."

"If you find the Kokiri, I imagine you'll come across Ghirahim then?"

"Probably, Sir."

Ganondorf hesitated again as he considered this. "If I were to give you a letter for Ghirahim, would you deliver it?"

"Yes, Sir, I would."

"You will tell him who it's from, and you will tell him that he'd better listen to what it says." Ganondorf ordered.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir, is this going to be a priority letter?"

Ganondorf gave him a hard look. "You're going to charge me for the stamp, aren't you?" he accused.

"Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf sat down on his throne with an exasperated sigh. "How much?" he demanded.

"Since there are already two other deliveries for the Sky World, the cost is cheaper than it would normally be. It will be 250 rupees, and if it gets there faster than expected, you will be refunded the difference."

Ganondorf gave him a glare and opened his desk to dig around for a few rupees. He tossed him three gold rupees, much more than The Postman had asked for. "Take the 250 rupees out of this and keep the rest as your last pay." Ganondorf told him. "I expect you to get my letter to Ghirahim as soon as possible."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf then picked up a quill and parchment and scribbled furiously for a long time, even turning the parchment over, and continuing on the other side. Ganondorf was clearly angry, and The Postman could tell that he seemed to be writing quite a few exclamation marks in the letter. When Ganondorf was done, he carefully folded the paper over and placed it into an envelope.

"Here." he said, gruffly, holding it out to The Postman.

The Postman reached out and accepted the letter, and then stared up at the scowling Gerudo uneasily.

Ganondorf then held out the magical sword towards him. "Take this with you in case you need it." he ordered. "I don't want you getting yourself killed up there."

The Postman began to protest, but Ganondorf narrowed his eyes in warning, and so The Postman fell silent. Placing the sword into his mailbag with the letter, The Postman stepped back as Ganondorf got up from the throne.

The Gerudo took a few steps towards the door., before pausing to glance back at him. "Follow." he ordered. "I will lend you my Loftwing."

Ganondorf led him through the castle silently, and they entered a section of the castle The Postman had never been to before. Every door they came to was locked, and Ganondorf would unlock it, and they would continue on their way down another hallway. After a few minutes they came to an enormous wooden door that almost reached the ceiling.

Ganondorf stopped in front of it and laid his hand on a strange emblem on the front of the door. He was about to insert the key when he noticed the door was already unlocked. Ganondorf paused a moment, staring down at the fallen chains and locks that used to secure the door, and he narrowed his eyes.

"Someone is here." Ganondorf whispered to The Postman. "Draw your weapon."

The Postman had no intention of fighting anyone, and Ganondorf didn't even notice that he made no move to do as told. Ganondorf drew his own sword, he shoved open the door. The Gerudo King fearlessly stalked inside, and The Postman hesitantly followed.

The room was enormous, easily the biggest room The Postman had ever seen, with a hundred foot ceiling, and only a single glass skylight for light far above. A huge copper-coloured cage stood in the direct centre of the room, the metal bars reflecting the light enough so they could see. The Postman could see something enormous moving within the cage, and the closer they came, the more clearly The Postman could see it. The Postman hurried ahead at the site of the bird, unable to believe what he saw. The Loftwing let out a happy trill at the sight of Ganondorf, preening its bright pink plumage in delight. Its feathers were a vast variety of shades of pink and silver, making the Loftwing's whole body look pearlescent. The Postman could only stare in wonder at the beautiful bird, not expecting it to be quite so...pink.

The Postman gaped for a few moments, before he noticed the cage door was open, and the Loftwing was already saddled. The Postman glanced up, and he now saw someone was on its back, the Loftwing's chains already removed. Ganondorf let out a roar of outrage, and charged forward just as The Postman realized who the rider was.

Sakon grinned down at him as he coaxed the bird out of the cage, obviously having every intention of stealing it. Once the Loftwing was outside of the cage, the bird stretched its wings as far as they would go, and gave a happy shriek at the unexpected freedom. The Postman stared dumbly as Sakon gave a light kick to the bird's sides, and it began immediately flapping its wings, disturbing all the dust in the room into a thick grey cloud.

Just as Ganondorf reached the cage, the Loftwing took off into the air, and Sakon reached down and grabbed The Postman by the back of the shirt just in time.

The Loftwing shot into the air like a cannonball, The Postman held in Sakon's grasp, dangling precariously as they got higher and higher.

"Sakon!" The Postman yelled out in horror, certain he was going to fall to his death.

Sakon's grip was strong, however, and luckily he was able to maintain his hold.

"I'm extending my vacation!" Sakon called down to Ganondorf who looked furious enough to rip The Thief's head off.

As they approached the skylight, the bird didn't slow down in the least, and The Postman threw his hands over his face on instinct, still certain he was going to die horribly.

They burst through the skylight in a shower of glass, and feathers, and the Loftwing let out another scream of happiness at the sight of the sky above it. Sakon ducked low on the Loftwing's back, and was completely unharmed by the shattered glass, but The Postman wasn't so lucky. Shards of glass cut painfully into his back and arms, and The Postman squeezed his eyes even tighter, hoping he wouldn't get a bunch of glass to the eyes. Sakon let out a whoop of victory as they shot up into the sky, the Loftwing screaming in pure joy, this being the first time it had ever flown.

Once they were high above the castle, Sakon pulled The Postman up onto the Loftwing's back, and then crinkled his nose at the sight of all the blood. "What happened to you?" he demanded, obliviously.

The Postman gave him a look of death. "Sakon, Ganondorf gave his permissio-"

"What did that slimy Gerudo do to you?" Sakon asked, puffing out his chest indignantly. "I saved you just in time by the looks of it! He was probably going to kill you! You're really hurt, and it looks like you're bleeding to death!"

"No, it was you tha-"

"Wow! I actually saved you for once!" Sakon exclaimed giving him a wide grin. "Now I only owe you like what...four?"

Sakon seemed so very proud of himself, that The Postman simply let out a deep, resigned sigh, allowing Sakon to keep his victory. As they began ascending the heavens, The Postman began the painful task of picking glass out of himself.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday!**

 **Sidenote: Yes, Ganondorf is the very proud owner of a pink Loftwing, and yes Sakon is going to be in very big trouble when he returns. lol**


	37. The Sky-World

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 **Authornote: Friday May 19th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I updated this story early because I'm working some very long shifts at work over the next few days. I've been getting a whole slew of interesting customers lately... I got asked by two separate people whether my Maple Walnut Icecream contained walnuts. People also commonly ask me if the Chocolate Almond Bark contains almonds. The display cases at my work are clear glass and you can clearly see what the products look like... I think I get a bit too amused by my customers. lol**

 **The Sunday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Reiz16 \- **We definitely haven't seen the last of Ganondorf or the Gerudos. We will be dealing with many more interactions with them in the future. :) Yeah, Sakon is going to be in a LOT of trouble when he gets back. He didn't think things through very thoroughly. lol We will eventually see more of the Kokiri. :D

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 **ChangelingRin** -Just because you're an evil warlord, doesn't mean you don't have to pay for stamps! ;p Thanks for the review! :D

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 **darkerthanlight** -The funny thing is, is that if someone really did write a letter like that, The Postman would definitely deliver it. (as long as the letter had the proper stamp on it lol) Sakon was trying to do something nice, but as usual he messed everything up. lol I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter!

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 5**

 **The Sky-World**

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The Postman winced as Sakon pulled another long piece of glass out of his back. The Thief had been slowly working on getting the shards out over the past two hours, and The Postman was trying to stay as still as possible as Sakon worked. It had been a challenge to get his shirt off, and in the end Sakon had helped him with it, The Thief clearly amused more than he should have been. Sakon had announced that he could get the glass out, and so The Postman had let him, seeing no other way. He couldn't use a healing potion until each and every shard had been removed otherwise his skin would heal over with the glass still inside of him.

Sakon whistled tunelessly to himself as he worked, and The Postman had to admit that Sakon was at least trying to be gentle. Regardless of how careful he was, however, it was still agonizing.

They'd passed the cloud barrier quite a long time ago, but the only thing they'd seen so far were a few floating rocks, and the odd bird or two.

"Why is it so cold?" Sakon complained, giving an obvious shiver. "I think my hands are starting to get numb."

"The higher up you go, the colder it gets." The Postman replied, thinking of all the times he'd had to climb mountains for deliveries. "It'll get even colder at nighttime."

Sakon gave another shiver, and then pulled open his backpack. Wrapping a thick, warm cloak around himself, he let out a sigh of relief.

"You're going to freeze in that outfit." Sakon pointed out. "You want a sweater or something?"

The Postman shook his head. "I'm fine."

Sakon gave a shrug. "Okay, but if you freeze to death it's not my fault."

Sakon dug around inside the backpack for a moment, and then pulled out a clean looking rag. He very carefully wiped a bit of the blood off of The Postman's back so he could continue his work with a pair of tweezers. As he cautiously worked on another shard, he asked.

"How do you suppose these rocks float? Why don't they fall? Do you think it's an enchantment from a human, or is it magic from a goddess?"

"I don't know." The Postman replied with a grimace. "I haven't had time to research it yet."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Nerd."

"Ah!" The Postman yelped, glancing over his shoulder as Sakon got a grip on another shard.

"Stay still, this one's in deep." Sakon ordered.

The Postman squeezed his eyes closed in pain as Sakon worked the shard free.

"I wonder how long these islands are enchanted to float?" Sakon wondered out loud.

"Gah!" The Postman gasped as Sakon ripped another piece of glass free. "Perhaps it's best if we don't think about it."

Sakon wrapped his cloak a bit more tightly around himself, before continuing his work. "Why?" he asked with a hint of amusement. "You think if we talk about it, they'll all suddenly fall down?"

"When it comes to the goddesses, I prefer to mind my own business."

"Okay, good point, but I still think this whole world is weird. If all of these islands are above the clouds, how do the plants get watered? Where do the people get drinking water?"

The Postman stared down at the thick, grey clouds as they flew along, unable to see how far up they were. "Sakon? Why did you want to come along with me?" he asked. "It's dangerous, and we have no idea what we're going to encounter up here."

Sakon stared at him incredulously. "Are you kidding? My schedule consisted of getting drunk, and hitting on a few girls. Of course I would choose to go on an exciting adventure. Do you have any idea of all the cool things I can probably steal up here? Other thieves would kill for this opportunity!"

"By the goddesses..." The Postman moaned as a particularly large chunk of glass was yanked out of his shoulder. "I think you should stop for a bit...or I'm going to bleed to death."

"Don't be such a wimp, I only have like five more pieces to go."

The Postman took a deep breath, and steeled himself as Sakon continued.

"This Loft-bird is really, really slow." Sakon observed. "It barely even seems like it's moving. I think we got a defective one."

The Loftwing turned its head, and gave a loud, angry screech directly in Sakon's face, and to their surprise, it sped up a bit. Sakon stared at it with wide eyes.

"Hey! It understands me!" he cried, in surprise.

The Postman gritted his teeth, and let out a low hiss as another piece of glass was removed. "Then please don't insult it." he requested. "I don't want it to throw us off."

Sakon seemed completely thrilled, and reached forward to pet the Loftwing on the neck. "I change my mind, he's amazing!" he exclaimed. "This Loftwing is going to be so useful later on! Just imagine all the heists I can pull!"

"The Loftwing doesn't belong to you." The Postman pointed out. "It's Ganondorf's."

Sakon gave a shrug. "Yeah, but it's not like Ganondorf can use it anyway; he's way too heavy to ride it, he'd squash it flat. What kind of a life is it for a bird to be caged for its entire life? I'm sure the Loftwing would be much happier with me, where it can actually fly and be free!"

The Loftwing let out a rather musical sounding chirp, seemingly agreeing with The Thief, and it gave a graceful swoop in the air. Both men had to grasp at its feathers to avoid falling off, and Sakon grinned widely. The Postman, however, frowned, knowing how dangerous it would be to steal from Ganondorf. He had a feeling Sakon was going to be in enough trouble when they returned without adding any more indiscretions to the list.

They were silent for a few minutes as Sakon worked on the last couple pieces of glass, and The Postman stared ahead into the sky thoughtfully. It was just endless blue and grey all around them, and The Postman allowed himself to relax, enjoying the feeling of the cold wind that rippled over them. He had always enjoyed exploring new areas, and although he wouldn't admit it, he was rather excited at the prospect of this whole new world. He had no idea what sort of cultures he would encounter, or even what type of creatures. The whole idea of a magical world in the sky was completely fascinating to him.

The tranquil moment was quickly ruined however, when a there was an agonizing stab in his back.

"Ow! Sakon! What are you doing?!" The Postman demanded. "Did you just push that one in even deeper?"

"Sorry, this last one is really stuck in there." Sakon replied, wiping some more blood off of his back. "We're going to have to get the healing potion ready, because it's going to tear a big hole when I pull it out."

The Postman grimaced, and watched as Sakon pulled out a healing potion out of his backpack. The Postman accepted it, and uncorked it, tensing up at the pain to come.

"I'm going to have to pry it out with my knife." Sakon told him. "Stay very still."

The Postman glanced over his shoulder just in time to see Sakon draw his dagger. Quickly looking away, The Postman closed his eyes, and braced himself. Sakon began whistling a happy tune as he worked, trying his best to get the glass out as quickly as possible. It was horribly agonizing, and The Postman gripped the Loftwing so tightly he accidentally pulled out a few feathers. The Loftwing let out a squawk of protest, and turned its head to give The Postman a glare. The Postman gave it an apologetic look, and loosened his hold, letting out a yelp as he felt the dagger digging in deeper. When Sakon finally managed to pry the glass out, The Postman groaned in agony.

"Quick, take the potion." Sakon ordered. "You're bleeding to death, I hit a vein."

The Postman downed the potion, and within seconds he felt the pain numb and he relaxed. It didn't feel like Sakon had missed any of the glass, and The Postman knew The Thief had been genuinely careful, and was grateful.

"There!" Sakon announced. "Now that wasn't so bad, was it?"

The Postman glared at him, and then turned his gaze back to the sky, hoping they were getting closer to Skyloft. It was getting to be dark, and still there was no sign of an island yet. Sakon was obviously getting bored as he kept sighing and gazing out at the endless sky. The Postman felt rather disconcerted, and had no idea where they were. He was unused to this and couldn't tell one direction from another. Now and then he got the feeling they were headed in the right direction but it only lasted for a few seconds before he felt lost again.

He wondered briefly if it was some sort of magic that caused this confusion, or whether it was from his own depleted magic. If it was Ghirahim causing this, then that would further complicate his mission. If he couldn't sense the Kokiri, how could he find them? The villain obviously wouldn't want anyone to know where he was, so it might be much more difficult to track him down that expected.

"Hey!" Sakon yelled suddenly. "What are you doing?!"

The Postman looked up, and suddenly realized the Loftwing was heading for a small island nearby. Sakon tugged on the reins, but the Loftwing ignored him, still heading down.

"Dumb bird!" Sakon growled. "Why are you taking us down?"

"Perhaps he's tired?" The Postman suggested. "This is probably the most exercise he's ever had. "It's getting dark anyway, and it would be dangerous to fly in the dark."

Sakon scowled at the Loftwing. "He's just lazy."

The Loftwing screeched at him angrily as it landed on the tiny island, and the first thing it did was shake the two men off of its back. Sakon hit the ground hard, not expecting to be thrown, and The Postman's fall was broken by landing on top of The Thief.

"Ow." Sakon complained. "Get off."

The Postman rolled off of him, and got back to his feet, completely unharmed. "Don't make the Loftwing mad." he scolded. "It could have thrown us to our deaths!"

Sakon gave the Loftwing another glare. "You can definitely tell this Loftwing belongs to Ganondorf. All of Ganondorf's pets are jerks. He has a cat that I'm almost a hundred percent positive is a demon..."

"Or maybe it's because you always badmouth them." The Postman pointed out. "Animals can sense when you don't like them."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say, Darling."

Sakon sat up, and glanced around the tiny island. It was barely twenty feet wide, and there didn't seem to be anything of interest besides a shriveled up tree that looked like it was about to fall off the island. Knowing the Loftwing could have chosen a worse place to land, Sakon began setting up camp for the night.

"Tie the Loftwing to the tree so it doesn't strand us here." he ordered, as he unrolled a few blankets.

The Postman did as he was told, giving the Loftwing an apologetic pet as he did so. The Loftwing didn't seem bothered, and it had settled itself down for the night, and began grooming its feathers. The Postman then took a seat next to Sakon, and watched as The Thief set up a small, one man tent. Sakon then glanced over at him with a frown.

"You didn't bring any supplies with you?"

The Postman shook his head. "A backpack is not part of the postal uniform, so it's not allowed." he explained.

"Well, you're not staying in my tent." Sakon announced. "That's a little too cosy for coworkers, if you know what i mean."

The Postman rolled his eyes. "I'll be fine." he replied as he dug inside his mailbag. "Would you like a sandwich?"

He now had Sakon's complete interest. "You have sandwiches?" he demanded, edging over. "What kind?"

The Postman held one out to Sakon. "Roast beef." he answered.

Sakon frowned. "...oh." he replied, sounding a bit disappointed.

"You want it or not?" The Postman demanded when Sakon didn't take it.

Sakon took the sandwich, but then to The Postman's surprise, he unwrapped it and proceeded to pick the beef out of the sandwich.

"You're going to eat just a lettuce and tomato sandwich?" The Postman questioned.

Sakon pushed the discarded meat towards him. "Yep."

Shaking his head, The Postman added the discarded beef to his own sandwich without further question.

"So they let you keep sandwiches in with the mail?" Sakon asked with a cheeky grin. "Aren't you scared of getting the letters covered in mayo?"

"As long as the sandwiches are wrapped in the regulated sandwich bags, it's fine." The Postman answered, not realizing Sakon was joking. "They can't expect postmen and postwomen to go all day without lunch."

Sakon took a huge bite of his sandwich. "Wufs a reglated bag?" he demanded with his mouth full.

"It's a special sandwich bag that is leak-proof, and also keeps the food within from spoiling with the heat." The Postman explained. "Those are the only bags permitted to be used to carry food on deliveries."

"Your boss must be a real piece of work." Sakon commented. "Who is he?"

"The Postmistress is Madame Aroma, the mayor's wife from Clock Town. She oversees most of the post offices in both Termina and Hyrule."

Sakon paused as he thought a moment. "Wait...she's that five hundred pound woman that likes to scream at people in Clocktown! Every time I go there, she yells at me for looking 'unpresentable'. Geez, I didn't realize she was actually your boss! I hate that woman! Is she the one that makes you wear those short-shorts?!"

Honestly, The Postman didn't like her either, but he felt like he should defend his boss. "She's probably overworked." he said. "She's probably just stressed, and takes it out on other people."

Sakon let out a snort. "Yeah, I'm so sure the five hundred pound woman does so much work that she's simply exhausted!"

"Sakon, don't be mean." The Postman admonished.

Sakon stuffed the rest of the sandwich into his mouth and got to his feet. "Whatever." he commented. "I'm gonna go take a piss."

"That's more information than I needed to know." The Postman replied, taking a bite of his own sandwich.

The Postman finished half of his sandwich, and then approached the Loftwing with the other half. It was already pitch-black outside, and he could barely make out the outline of the Loftwing through the darkness. He held the sandwich out to the bird, uncertain of what Loftwings ate. The bird cocked its head at the sight of the sandwich, and then grabbed it out of his hand as if afraid The Postman would change his mind. It swallowed it whole and then looked back at him expectantly.

"Sorry that I don't have more." he told it apologetically.

The Loftwing gave him a happy little trill, and The Postman sat down beside it, starting to get cold from the night air. The Loftwing's feathers were surprisingly warm, and The Postman leaned back against the bird who allowed it.

"Look what I found!" Sakon called from the other side of the island. "...where'd you go?"

"I'm with the Loftwing." The Postman called over through the darkness.

He heard Sakon stumble over to him, and a moment later a handful of blackberries were thrust in front of his face.

"There's a blackberry bush over there!" Sakon announced. "Want some?"

"No, thank you." The Postman replied, pushing Sakon's hand away from his face.

"Why not?" Sakon demanded. "You can't possibly be full from one little sandwich!"

"For two reasons." The Postman answered. "One: You didn't wash your hands, and Two: I'm allergic to blackberries."

"What? No you're not!"

"I am." The Postman confirmed.

"No one's allergic to blackberries." Sakon said, sounding skeptical. "Are you allergic to raspberries?"

"No."

"Are you allergic to blueberries?"

"No."

"Are you allergic to any other berry?"

"No."

"Then how can you be allergic to blackberries? I think you're lying."

"Believe what you want Sakon, but I'm going to sleep now. We'll need to leave at first light tomorrow."

"Try a blackberry, I want to see what happens."

The Postman laid down, the Loftwing's feathers keeping him warm. "No."

"Why? What happens if you eat one? Do you die?"

"Goodnight, Sakon." The Postman said dismissively.

"I still think you're lying." Sakon announced, stumbling back to his tent. "No one's allergic to blackberries."

The Postman didn't even bother to answer him, instead edging even closer to the Loftwing, the bird completely unbothered by him.

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The Next Morning, The Postman awoke to the Loftwing getting to its feet. Sitting up, he saw the sun was just starting to come up, and so he got up and headed over to Sakon's tent. Loud snoring came from within, and The Postman knelt down so he could shake The Thief's shoulder.

"Sakon, it's dawn." he told him.

Sakon let out a groan, and rolled away from him. "I only fell asleep like an hour ago." he complained. "Thieves are not morning people..."

"You're the one who wanted to come with me, and postmen get up at dawn."

"Postmen are unnatural creatures." Sakon responded, finally looking over at him.

"Hurry up, the Loftwing is getting restless." The Postman told him. "I'm hoping to find Skyloft sometime today, and we need to get going."

"Alright, alright." Sakon relented, sitting up with a yawn. "I'll sleep on the Loftwing."

The Postman wanted to point out that it seemed dangerous to do that, but knew Sakon wouldn't listen to him, so he kept silent. He helped Sakon gather his belongings, and when they were all packed, they mounted the Loftwing and untied it from the tree. The Loftwing took to the air without hesitation, and they were once again on their way. True to his word, Sakon tied the reins around himself, and then leaned back so he could sleep.

"Don't let me fall off." he said, closing his eyes.

The Postman nodded, and turned his attention to the sky ahead. He had no idea where Skyloft was, but he hoped if they kept flying they'd eventually reach it. The Happy Mask Salesman had seemed pretty confident that they'd eventually come across Skyloft, so The Postman knew it must be pretty hard to miss. Sakon began snoring, and he glanced over at him, unable to believe The Thief could sleep so easily while flying on top a giant bird. The Postman hadn't slept well either, but he was now wide awake, eager to continue exploring this new world.

Sakon slept for a few hours, and when he awoke, he seemed a bit confused for a moment, before he remembered where he was.

"See anything interesting?" he asked with a yawn.

"Not really." The Postman responded. "I saw an island completely covered in Keese about an hour ago. There were so many of them, you couldn't even see the island. The Loftwing ate a bunch of them, and the whole colony flew away."

Sakon crinkled his nose. "Ew." he commented. "Now our Loftwing probably has rabies..."

"It has to eat." The Postman defended. "Just be glad its not depending on us for food."

"Yeah, I guess..." Sakon relented, sitting up. "You have any more sandwiches?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, I only take two for lunch." he explained. "I didn't realize I'd be going on an extended delivery."

Sakon rolled his eyes, and dug inside his backpack and pulled out a bag of something. "Want a piece of dried fruit?"

"I'm fine." The Postman replied, not trusting anything Sakon had. Who knows what it had been contaminated with?

"You know, the Gerudo all think you have an eating disorder." Sakon told him. "You weigh like five pounds, and you never eat anything. They all talk about how you're supposed to be on some special diet to increase your weight."

'I don't have an eating disorder." The Postman snapped, turning to glare at him. "I'm just not hungry right now."

Sakon gave him a skeptical look, and then dug inside his backpack again. He pulled out a sealed package and held it out.

"Well, if you don't like fruit sticks, I have a protein bar you can have."

The Postman let out a sigh, and reached out and took the protein bar. "Thank you." he said, turning it over to look at it.

"I tend to keep a few of those for emergencies." Sakon told him. "Sometimes when on a mission, you never know when your next meal will be."

The Postman tore open the corner of the package and gave the protein bar a hesitant sniff, but nothing seemed wrong with it. It actually looked pretty good, so he cautiously took a bite.

"I used to be really thin during my teenage years, and early twenties." Sakon told him. "No matter how much I ate or exercised, I still remained a stick. It wasn't until like seven years ago that I finally started to bulk up a bit."

"You were always really small when you were a child." The Postman replied. "You were the only kid shorter than me."

Sakon let out a laugh and nodded. "I grew really slowly as a kid. When I was fifteen, I could have passed for a ten year old, it was really bad. I think it was from all the starvation before I came to live with Caspian that did it. It probably took a long time for my body to recover."

The Postman felt a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, Sakon. I never realized things were that bad for you as a kid."

Sakon waved him off dismissively. "There wasn't anything you could have done." he replied. "You were only a kid yourself."

"I just don't understand why none of the adults in our village did anything. Surely they would have seen you were being neglected! Why did none of them do anything to help?"

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Why would anyone care about a dirty little kid wearing secondhand clothes, who used to cause trouble in the village? Everyone had their own families to worry about. You are severely underestimating people's apathy about seeing neglect."

The Postman frowned, but realized there was truth in what Sakon said. His own parents had to have known Sakon was an orphan, but they did nothing to help him. His parents already had so many children, but surely one more wouldn't have hurt? Why wouldn't they have taken Sakon in? There was a lot his parents had to answer for, and The Postman had no idea how he was going to start bringing all this up. it was bound to be a vvery awkward conversation...

The Postman crumpled up the empty protein bar wrapper, and placed it into his mailbag to be disposed of later.

"Hey!" Sakon suddenly cried. "Is that Skyloft?"

The Postman looked down and saw a large island with many houses on it. Hoping it was indeed Skyloft, he pulled on the Loftwing's reins, making it go down for a landing. The closer they came to the island, however, it was obvious something was very, very wrong. The houses were in ruins, and there didn't seem to be any sign of life at all. The Loftwing landed, and both men slid off its back to the ground, glancing around the destroyed village.

"I wonder what happened?" Sakon wondered.

"I don't think this is Skyloft." The Postman stated, with a frown.

"Oh?" Sakon questioned. "Why not?"

"Look at how the moss and grass has grown over the rubble. This isn't recent damage."

Sakon gave another glance around, and then nodded in agreement. "Let's look around a bit."

The Postman knew the Loftwing could use a short break, and so he nodded and followed after The Thief, deeper into the village.

"This is really strange." Sakon commented. "Look at the buildings! It looks like something hit them from the outside."

"That section of the wall has a bite out of it." The Postman pointed out.

Sakon turned to stare at the wall, and his eyes widened. "What did this?" he wondered. "I hope whatever it was isn't still here!"

"I think that's unlikely." The Postman told him. "This damage is months, or even years old."

The Postman followed Sakon into one of the houses, and it looked like something had exploded the entire inside of the house. Bones were scattered throughout the house, and to their surprise they saw many of the bones had bites in them.

"Something ate these people..." The Postman stated in disgust.

"And it looks like they've already been looted." Sakon said in disappointment. "Not a single rupee here."

They searched the rest of the houses and found the exact same thing. Every living creature had been eaten including pets and farm animals. Nothing was left alive.

"A dozen houses and not a single rupee." Sakon said with a sigh. "Apparently this monster likes shiny things?"

"We should get going." The Postman said. "It's already afternoon, and we still don't know how far Skyloft is."

Sakon let out another sigh, and nodded in agreement. As they headed back to where they left the Loftwing, they heard a sudden terrified screech. Exchanging a look, they ran towards the Loftwing and were horrified to see an enormous Hinox trying to get its hands on the Loftwing. The Loftwing was trying to fly away, but the Hinox had a hold of the reins and was pulling it towards itself. Hinox were obese, monstrous, cyclops-like creatures that were always hungry, and they were incredibly strong.

The Loftwing flapped its wings desperately, but no matter what it did, it couldn't get away from the Hinox. Not even thinking about what he was doing, The Postman pulled his sword out of his mailbag and ran as fast as he could, hoping to make it there in time.

"What are you doing?!" Sakon yelled in surprise. "Don't go near it!"

The Postman didn't listen, and when he reached the Hinox, The Postman swung the sword down and cut through the reins, releasing the Loftwing who quickly flew away in fright. The Hinox let out a confused growl, and then turned its single eye to The Postman. It blinked in confusion, and then its massive stomach gave a growl. The Postman backed up a few steps, not liking the way the Hinox was looking at him.

"Er...sorry about that, Sir." The Postman said. "I couldn't let you hurt our Loftwing, or we'd be trapped on this island."

If the Hinox understood him, it gave no indication, and instead reached a fat hand towards him. The Postman leapt back out of reach.

"Are you trapped on this island?" he asked the Hinox. "How did you come to be on such a small island? Did someone bring you here?"

The Hinox let out a frustrated growl, and awkwardly lumbered after him, arms stretched out to grab him. Although the Hinox was enormous, it was very slow, and so he had no problem avoiding its grasp. The Postman frowned at the Hinox, knowing very well it was what ate the entire village. It had consumed dozens of people, and it now wanted to eat him as well.

"Do you understand me?" The Postman asked it.

The Hinox didn't reply, simply making another clumsy grab for him. The Postman stepped back, and knew the villagers had no way to escape the Hinox, and so they would have been trapped on an island with it. It had probably consumed one person at a time over the course of a few weeks, or even months, and so the villagers would have known exactly what fate waited for them. It would have been terrifying.

"Don't you want to get off this island?" The Postman asked it. "You'll eventually starve to death if you stay here."

The Hinox still didn't answer him, instead speeding up a bit to try to catch The Postman off-guard. The Postman sidestepped it, and then let out a sigh. It appeared that the Hinox was just an animal, and had no real intelligence. Just as The Postman was debating on what to do, Sakon leapt from the roof of one of the houses and landed on the Hinox's back. Without hesitation, Sakon drew his dagger and drove it into the Hinox's only eye. The Hinox let out a roar of agony, and clapped its hands to its eye, and Sakon took that opportunity to stab it in the throat without mercy. The Hinox froze in surprise, and let out a pained gurgle, and then it collapsed to the ground dead. The Postman stared in shock at the violent display, and turned his eyes to Sakon who grinned at him widely.

"Look! Treasure!" Sakon cried, pointing to the Hinox's necklace.

To The Postman's surprise, the Hinox had many shiny objects strung on a necklace including a small treasure chest.

"If a Hinox is just an animal, how did it know how to make a necklace?" The Postman questioned, feeling uneasy.

"Hinox aren't animals." Sakon corrected. "They're just deaf, so there's no point in talking to them."

The Postman's eyes widened. "Hinox are deaf?!"

"Yeah." Sakon answered distractedly as he cut off the necklace. "They're born with bad vision and completely deaf. Some of them know sign language, but they're few and far apart."

The Postman stared at the dead Hinox guiltily. "...I didn't know that."

Sakon glanced over at him. "Don't tell me you actually feel bad for this thing? It tried to eat you!"

"You shouldn't have killed it."

Sakon gave him an incredulous look. "So I should have let it eat you instead? Hinox are assholes; the world's a better place without them."

The Postman didn't answer, still frowning down at the Hinox. Sakon rolled his eyes at him, and started looking over the Hinox's treasures. Most of the stuff on the necklace were old rusted weapons, but to Sakon's delight there was a golden crown covered in gems.

"Wow, get a load of this!" he cried, holding up the crown. "I bet this is worth a fortune!"

"Why is there a crown on such a small island?" The Postman questioned. "They wouldn't have a king."

"No, idea, but it's mine now. I knew it was a good idea to come with you!"

Sakon put on the crown, and then opened the chest to see what was inside. It was filled with rupees, and he let out another whoop.

"I bet the Hinox robbed all the villagers after it ate them. Hinox love shiny things."

The Postman frowned, but couldn't think of any reason why Sakon shouldn't be allowed to take the treasure. The Hinox was dead, the villagers were dead, and the treasure no longer belonged to anyone. Was it even considered stealing in this circumstance? It still felt somehow wrong, but The Postman didn't comment.

"So Ganondorf gave you his magical sword?" Sakon questioned in disbelief. "I thought that thing was supposed to kill anyone who touched it?"

The Postman realized Sakon had no idea what had happened during the war, and so he had no way of knowing the sword was bonded to The Postman. "Yes, he sent me with the sword in case we needed it." he stated, not wanting to explain everything.

"Why?"

"He gave me a letter to deliver, and he wants to make sure it gets there."

Sakon gave him a skeptical look, but decided he didn't really care and gave a shrug.

The Loftwing came back a few seconds later, and landed directly in front of them, and it gave The Postman a happy sort of noise, clearly grateful for being saved. The Postman petted its head for a moment as he watched Sakon struggle to carry the chest over to the Loftwing, and then tied the broken reins back together. Sakon lifted the chest up on top of the Loftwing and tied it securely to the saddle, and then mounted.

"Come on." Sakon ordered. "Let's get out of here just in case there's a second Hinox."

The Postman glanced over his shoulder in alarm, and then crawled up beside Sakon. As they took off back into the air, The Postman glanced down at the ruined village, having a feeling it had been purposely destroyed by someone. A Hinox would have never been able to get to a sky-island without help. Who would kill so many people, and for what reason? Was that villain Ghirahim responsible?

The Postman glanced over at Sakon who was still wearing the crown, looking incredibly pleased with himself. Sakon was humming to himself contentedly as he counted the contents of the treasure chest. The Postman simply shook his head, and hoped they found Skyloft before dark. He had a feeling he was not going to have an easy time with these deliveries.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	38. Skyloft

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 **Authornote: Sunday May 21st 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Has anyone else had any problems posting reviews? I tried to leave reviews on two separate stories and they never posted. I hope we're not going to have the same site problem as we did before. :( If there is a problem and you don't see an update from me, I have an account through Archive Of Our Own which I'm starting to post to. My username is the same there as it is here. My only issue with Archive Of Our Own is it removes anything bold, italicized, or underlined, and I have to re-read the whole chapter and fix everything which is quite time consuming. This site here will remain my main account, unless there are any site issues.**

 **I actually had to break this chapter up into two parts because it ended up being over 12,000 words in length. I got a bit carried away, and it was way too long to post a single chapter. I had a lot of fun writing this chapter, and I hope everyone enjoys it as well!**

 **The Friday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- That sword is here to stay for a good, long while yet. ;) The Hinox will be explained later on. I'm not going to lie, the first time I saw a Hinox in BOTW I ran away at full speed. lol (I'm a very brave warrior ;p) Sakon loves that crown very much, and he's going to be very disappointed if he ever loses it, or decides to sell it. :D

.

 **darkerthanlight** -Leave it to Sakon to injure The Postman and not even realize he did it. lol Yeah, I loved BOTW, and so I'm going to add little things here and there in my story. It won't give away anything plotwise in the game, it'll just be a few added characters that I liked. Thanks for the review!

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 6**

 **Skyloft**

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They flew for a few hours without seeing too much of anything, and after a while The Postman became concerned that they'd come to the end of the sky islands. Had they somehow missed Skyloft? He gave an uneasy glance over his shoulder, and hoped it wasn't the destroyed village from earlier.

"What if the Loftwing needs to rest?" The Postman asked, worriedly. "There's nowhere for it to land, and it'll be dark soon."

Sakon didn't look concerned. "We'll plummet to our deaths?" he suggested.

When The Postman frowned at him, Sakon gave a laugh. "Relax, I'm sure the Loftwing knows what its doing. It would be a pretty pathetic Loftwing if it just fell out of the sky."

The Postman wasn't convinced, but the Loftwing gave a shriek of agreement and flew even faster to prove its point. It was nearing sunset when they finally saw something in the distance.

"Hey!" Sakon called out, suddenly. "What's that?"

Far ahead, several creatures could be seen flying about in frantic circles, and both men exchanged a look of confusion.

"Loftwings?" Sakon questioned.

"I don't think so..." The Postman replied. "They look like some sort of flying lizards... I don't think we should go near them."

Sakon let out a snort. "I'm not stupid.." he said, pulling at the Loftwing's reins to change direction. "I wasn't planning on flying right up to them to say 'Hi'."

The Loftwing veered widely around the creatures, and they got a good look at the strange lizard-like monsters as they passed. One of the monsters stared directly at them, and it narrowed its eyes. Then, without warning, it let out a piercing cry, and spread its wings as far as they could go. It flew at them full speed, claws extended and teeth bared in malice.

Sakon yanked back the reins, causing the Loftwing to stop midair and the monster zipped by just where the Loftwing's head had just been. The Loftwing let out a startled cry, and flapped as hard as it could in an attempt to get away, but the monster was much faster. It came back at them and grabbed a hold of the Loftwing by the neck, pulling at its feathers, and the terrified bird let out a shrill scream. Sakon quickly grabbed his backpack and swung it directly at the monster's head, and knocked it away from the Loftwing.

"Jihiro, give me the sword!" Sakon ordered, holding out his hand.

The Postman pulled the sword out of the mailbag and handed it to Sakon without question. Sakon swung out at the monster, and it fell back to avoid the blade.

The monster flew back about ten feet, before recovering and seeming even angrier than before. It gave a furious snarl, and flew back at them, its intent to kill very clear. The Loftwing flew as fast as it could to get away, but the monster was just too fast for it, and kept swooping down for the bird's throat. The Loftwing had learned from last time, and turned its body to the side, and dropped away just in time.

Sakon was stabbing at the monster every time it came a bit too near, but the monster was determined and kept coming time and time again. The Postman was holding onto Sakon's legs to make sure The Thief didn't fall off, and the Loftwing was getting more and more frantic. Its eyes were wild with fear, and it began flying sporadically, trying anything and everything to lose the monster.

Suddenly, a streak of yellow appeared in front of them, and the monster fell back with a loud cry. A large yellow Loftwing paused for a moment in front of them as the monster recovered, and then it darted forward, its wings pressed tightly to its sides as it attacked. At the last moment, the Loftwing spun in a powerful attack, and the monster let out a howl of pain as it disintegrated in a cloud of black dust.

Sakon and The Postman stared in surprise at the sudden, unexpected rescue, and the yellow Loftwing swooped back around until it was in front of them. It was then that they noticed a young man was on its back dressed all in yellow, the clothing very similar to the Hero of Time's.

"Hey!" the man called over. "Are you two alright?"

"Yeah, I think so..." Sakon answered, trying his best to look the Loftwing over for any damage. Its wing seemed to be bleeding. "Who're you?"

"My name's Pipit, I'm a knight from the academy. You're lucky I was passing by." the man continued. "The monsters around here can be pretty nasty."

"Thank you for your help, Sir." The Postman said, giving the young man a nod. "We're not really from around here..."

The man gave them a toothy grin. "So I noticed."

"Do you know how to get to Skyloft Island?" The Postman asked. "We've been looking for it for two days now."

The man seemed both surprised, and amused, and he proceeded to point directly down. The Postman and Sakon looked down and saw they were in fact flying above a large island neither had noticed before. They'd been so busy dealing with the monster, they hadn't even seen the island, and now it was glaringly obvious.

"Oh..." The Postman said as the man gave them another amused look.

"You should come down," the man suggested. "It will be night soon, and your Loftwing needs to get that wing looked at."

The Postman glanced at the Loftwing and sure enough it was breathing quite heavily, and struggling to stay up, and so he nodded. "I think that would be best..." The Postman said, not really wanting to fall out of the sky.

"I don't trust him!" Sakon hissed a bit too loudly. "Something's fishy about him!"

"I need to go to Skyloft." The Postman reminded him. "I have a delivery to make."

Sakon frowned in suspicion. His villain instincts were refusing to let him trust anyone dressed like a hero, but he did grudgingly nod. "Fine."

If Pipit heard this exchange, he didn't show it, and simply motioned for them to follow him. As they flew down after the young man, they saw the island was very green, and it had many houses and people, and it actually looked like a pleasant place to live. The people looked like they were setting up for some sort of celebration, and paper lanterns were being strung between all the houses.

The moment their Loftwings touched down, they immediately drew attention, and the everyone stopped what they were doing to look over. Villagers began approaching them curiously, whispering amongst themselves, and Pipit hopped down off his Loftwing to greet them.

The villagers were openly gawking at them, and The Postman began feeling a bit self-conscious, especially since his uniform was still covered in dried blood. Sakon was always one to enjoy attention, and he grinned down at the people as The Postman simply stared back.

Pipit spoke with a middle-aged women for a few moments, and she quickly pushed her way through the crowd towards them.

"Why hello there!" she greeted, giving them both a flirtatious wink.

The woman's make-up and clothing were meant for someone half her age, and she gave them a sly sort of grin which left The Postman feeling rather uncomfortable.

"Um, hello?" Sakon greeted hesitantly.

"You're strangers." she stated, twirling a lock of her hair around a finger.

"Yeah? So?" Sakon replied, narrowing his eyes.

"We've never had strangers before!" she exclaimed, giving him another wink. "Welcome to Skyloft."

Pipit pushed his way back through the crowd. "Ma, stop it!" he ordered. "Leave them alone; they just got here!"

The woman gave them another look over, and then turned to her son. "There's nothing wrong with me being friendly." she stated.

Pipit was obviously embarrassed, and he gave her arm a tug, trying to pull her away. "There's such as thing as being too friendly."

The woman looked as if she were about to protest, but a large, white-haired man approached, the crowd parting for him, and she fell silent. The man held his hands behind his back casually, and he wore robes of orange and red, obviously someone of great importance. He studied them with intelligent grey eyes for a long moment, and then gave them a friendly nod.

"Welcome." he greeted. "From which island do you hail?"

Sakon hesitated, and scratched at his head. "Uh..."

The man studied their Loftwing for a moment with calculating eyes, and then said. "I've never seen a pink Loftwing before, very rare indeed. You're very lucky, it's a fine looking animal."

"Thanks?" Sakon replied, wondering whether he had to be afraid of the man stealing the Loftwing.

The Postman stared intently at the man as if trying to come to a conclusion. "You are Gaepora, Sir? Headmaster of Skyloft?"

The man nodded. "I am."

"I'm a postman from Hyrule, Sir, and I have a delivery for you."

Gaepora's eyes widened. "Hyrule? You've come from beneath the clouds?"

The Postman slid down off of the Loftwing. "Yes, Sir."

The crowd gasped at his bloody appearance as he approached, his white uniform almost completely red. He held out the package to Gaepora who accepted it purely by reflex, the man's eyes still studying him. Gaepora glanced down at the package he held, and turned it over with a frown. He carefully unwrapped it, and inside was a very detailed wooden mask.

"Hmm, a very unusual mask." Gaepora observed. "Who is it from?"

"It's a gift from someone in Hyrule." The Postman replied. "I was asked to bring it to you. Unfortunately, since he didn't put his return address on the package, I can't tell you who it was."

"Hmm." Gaepora said, turning the mask over again. "It's made very well, but what a strange design! What is it supposed to be, a Loftwing?"

"I'm not sure, Sir, it looks like an owl to me."

"Very unusual, but the gift is just in time for the festival. Link must have sent this as a gift for me to wear." Gaepora stated. "I'll wear it tomorrow night during the festivities!"

Sakon slid down off of the Loftwing, keeping a firm grip on the reins. "Festival?" he questioned. "What kind of festival?"

"This is our annual Festival of the Sky." Gaepora replied. "It's the largest festival we hold all year. It's a very big deal."

"Sky-world, sky-island, sky-birds, sky-monsters, Skyloft; of course it's a festival of the sky..." Sakon muttered. "No points for originality, that's for sure."

"What was that?" Gaepora demanded.

"Er...nothing."

Gaepora eyed him suspiciously for a moment, and then asked. "Tell me, travellers, what are your names?"

Sakon stepped forward, chest puffed out, and his cloak billowed out dramatically behind him. "I am Sakon, a mighty king from below the clouds!" he announced, pointing to his crown. "I have travelled far and wide, and fought many battles to find my way here! I have come on a quest from the Goddesses to free the world from evil, so please show me the proper respect!"

He placed his hands on his hips as The Postman gaped at him, and whispers immediately erupted throughout the crowd. Sakon grinned widely at the attention, and he gave The Postman a wink.

Gaepora paused a second as he gave Sakon a scrutinizing look. "We're honoured." he finally replied, not really looking convinced. "And who is your companion, your majesty?"

Sakon waved a hand at The Postman dismissively. "Oh, he's no one important; he's just my personal herald."

The Postman let out a heavy sigh, certain this was going to turn out very badly for them both.

"Your herald seems to be injured." Gaepora pointed out. "He should be seen to."

"Naw, he's good, he's sturdier than he looks." Sakon replied, earning him a glare from The Postman. "Our Loftwing is injured though."

Gaepora waved several men over, and they began looking the Loftwing over in concern.

"She just needs to rest for a day or so." one of the men told Sakon. "I'll bandage her wing for you."

Sakon's eyes widened. "Her?" he demanded. "My Loftwing is a he, thank you very much!"

The man raised an eyebrow. "Er, no, this Loftwing is a female..."

"How would you know?" Sakon demanded. "You haven't even looked at him yet!"

The man pointed to the Loftwing's long and slender neck. "See how there are stripes on her neck? Only female Loftwings have stripes like this."

Sakon glared at the Loftwing. "Why didn't you tell me you were a girl?" he snapped. "Now i'll have to re-name you!"

The Loftwing gave him a happy sort of trill and nudged him with her beak.

"You named her?" The Postman questioned.

Sakon crossed his arms with a sigh. "Yeah."

The Postman furrowed his brow. "What was her name?"

Sakon grinned at him. "Handsome Jihiro."

The Postman blinked in surprise. "You named it after me?!"

"Yep."

"May i ask why?" The Postman demanded.

"Because the Loftwing is the Handsome Jihiro, and you're the ugly one."

The Postman let out an exasperated sigh as Sakon laughed hard at his own joke. The villagers simply watched this exchange in confusion, not quite sure what to think.

"Hey, is there an inn on this island?" Sakon demanded. "My servant and I need to stay somewhere for the night. Kings need their beauty sleep!"

The woman from before pushed her way through the crowd. "Nonsense!" she exclaimed. "Come home with me, and I'll see to it you're both taken care of. Your clothes are much too thin for this time of year! You both must be frozen half to death!"

Sakon nodded as he wasn't used to colder temperatures, but The Postman simply frowned, not liking the fact they were deceiving the entire village. He actually was quite cold, but he didn't really want to go anywhere with that strange woman. He didn't like the way she kept looking at him.

"I think since we've travelled so far, you should treat us to supper." Sakon casually informed the lady.

"Sakon!" The Postman scolded, completely aghast.

"Hush, little worker bee, the king is speaking." Sakon answered, giving the woman an encouraging smile. "So, how about it?"

"That's no trouble at all! I'll cook you up a fantastic supper, and you can stay the night. You'll of course join us for the festival tomorrow night, isn't that right, Gaepora?" the woman said, turning her eyes to the headmaster.

Gaepora gave a slow, careful nod of the head. "Yes, of course. Anyone is welcome to celebrate with us." he replied. "The Festival of the Sky is a time for sharing."

"I'll prepare a room for you at my house!" the woman said, with a wink. "Your Loftwing needs time to heal, and you need to stay somewhere! Loftwings don't fly during the night any way."

The Postman really didn't like the idea of postponing his other deliveries for a day or two but knew they had no choice. He frowned at the thought of being so late. "They won't fly at night, ma'am? Why not?"

For this, Pipit stepped forward. "Loftwings have excellent vision at day but their night-vision is terrible. When they can't see, they get extremely nervous, and are hard to control. Only specially trained Loftwings can fly at night."

"I see." The Postman said, still frowning.

Sakon gave him a hard nudge. "Let's stay for the party; perfect excuse to get drunk, and have some fun. Relax a little, will you?"

"I don't drink."

Sakon rolled his eyes at him. "Of course you don't, you insufferable bore."

"Come, follow me," the woman said with a friendly smile. "My name is Mallara, and I live just over there. You can borrow some of my son's old clothes since you're improperly dressed."

Sakon nodded, and began tying his Loftwing to the nearby fence.

"That's not needed." Pipit informed him. "Loftwings never go far, and she'll come when you call her."

Sakon gave Pipit a distrustful look, and tied the Loftwing anyway. He wasn't taking the chance, not when it was his only way off of Skyloft. "One can never be too careful." he stated, turning to follow after the woman.

The Postman and Sakon followed Mallara through the crowd, all of whom were still whispering and pointing at them. She led them to a small house built in the side of the rocks, and pushed open the door. As they entered, she gave them another friendly smile.

"Welcome to my home; sorry about all the dust."

"Wow." Sakon said, looking at the completely grey room. "...that's a lot of dust."

The dust was so thick, it covered absolutely every surface inside the house. They left footprints as they crossed the room, and The Postman was mentally cringing at the filth surrounding him.

"Someone comes by every few days to help with the dusting, but it always comes back again." Mallara said with a sigh.

"All this dust is just from a couple days?" Sakon asked in disgust. "You must shed skin like a snake!"

Mallara let out another sigh. "People come and blow the dust away using their Gust Bellows for me, but the dust just settles right back where it was..."

"They blow the dust using a bellows?" The Postman questioned. "So it never actually gets wiped up?"

"Well, no. If it's blown away, it doesn't need to be actually cleaned!" she defended.

"Um, I don't think that's how it works..." The Postman replied, not sure what else to say without sounding rude.

"No matter, dears, don't worry about it. You can stay in our spare room; I keep the window open in there so there's very little dust."

Mallara led them to a room off the main hall, and opened the door to reveal a simple room with just a large bed, and a few other pieces of furniture.

"You two stay here, I'll go get some clean clothes."

"Thank you, ma'am." The Postman said politely.

"No problem at all!" Mallara said, shutting the door after her as she left.

Sakon immediately let out a mischievous giggle, and threw himself down on the bed. "I can't believe they actually fell for that!" he exclaimed. "These people are really dumb! I can't believe they really think I'm a king!"

"Mr. Gaepora is already suspicious of you." The Postman pointed out. "Don't cause problems here."

Sakon didn't seem bothered by this, and gave another laugh. "What do I care? I'm only having a little fun, something you obviously know nothing about!"

"Please, don't cause problems." The Postman repeated. "I don't want to end up in a prison on this island."

"We're leaving after the festival anyway." Sakon pointed out. "Relax a little."

The Postman had nothing to say to this, and took a seat on the end of the bed.

"Oh, and you'll want to soak your clothes." Sakon informed him. "Some blood dripped on your shorts, and it kinda looks like you're on your period."

The Postman immediately glanced down then let out a groan. "How unprofessional to make a delivery in dirty clothes!" he cried.

"I'm pretty sure no one cares except for you."

The Postman let out a resigned sigh, and a couple minutes later Mallara returned. She gave The Postman an almost hungry look, and set a medical kit on the bed beside him.

"Ok, off with the clothes!" she ordered. "Let's get you bandaged up!"

The Postman quickly sprung away from her. "Er, I don't need any bandages, ma'am, I've already taken a healing potion. Thank you for the offer though..."

Mallara seemed a bit disappointed, and handed him a bundle of clothes. "Well, if you're sure... but if you get infected in an unmentionable area because you didn't disinfect well enough, then it's your own fault!"

The Postman wasn't quite sure how to react to that. "...I'll keep that in mind."

"Once you've changed, I'll wash your clothes for you. Bloodstains are nothing, I can get any difficult stain out of any fabric!"

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "I'm sure you can."

"I'm going to go check on a few things, but I'll be within hearing distance if you need me!"

As The Postman removed his bloodstained shirt, he stopped when he realized Mallara wasn't leaving. He frowned over at her, and Mallara turned red, and then grudgingly left the room.

Sakon sat up, and flashed The Postman an amused look. "I think she likes you!" he commented with a grin. "You could be her trophy wife."

"Don't you mean husband?"

"I know what i said."

The Postman said nothing to that as he began getting changed, and Sakon gave a long, lazy stretch.

"I think we should maybe cover the keyhole.." Sakon suggested, still looking amused.

The Postman rolled his eyes, and tossed Sakon his own change of clothes. Sakon caught them, and slipped them on, liking how warm the material was.

"Hey, these are actually pretty nice!" he commented. "Nice and thick! I was expecting her to bring dorky hero clothes or something!"

Putting his crown and cape back on, he struck a dramatic pose. "So, how do I look? Kingly?"

The Postman didn't bother answering, instead gathering up their dirty clothes.

The Postman didn't like the idea of being out of uniform, but knew he had no choice for the time being. Once they were both fully dressed, they opened the door to leave, and Mallara jumped back from the keyhole, her face turning completely scarlet.

"Er, I was just about to check on you." she said. "Everything going okay?"

"Yes, ma'am." The Postman responded politely, as Sakon simply looked incredibly offended.

"Oh, here, I'll take those!" Mallara quickly said, taking the pile of dirty clothes from him. "I'll get this cleaned in no time. Why don't you two go wait in the kitchen for supper?"

Sakon didn't say a word to her, simply sticking his nose in the air, and walking away from her with an offended air. The Postman gave Mallara a polite nod, and then hurried to catch up with Sakon. Once they were in the kitchen, Sakon turned to The Postman.

"Imagine the nerve of her spying on us! I didn't think she'd actually do it! That is unbelievably creepy!"

"You probably spy on girls all the time." The Postman stated.

"I do not!" Sakon shot back. "I haven't done that since I was a teenager! I'm a complete gentleman!"

"Uh huh." The Postman replied, losing interest. "Whatever you say."

The Postman glanced around the filthy kitchen, and then leaned over to Sakon. "I don't want to eat anything that comes out of this kitchen. We'd probably get sick."

Sakon glanced around, and then nodded. "Ok, let's go out to supper instead." Sakon suggested. "We can have a very romantic date under the stars."

The Postman crossed his arms, and Sakon laughed. "Or we could go see what they have at the market."

"If it's still open after dark." The Postman pointed out.

"Well, let's go see!" Sakon said, yanking him towards the door.

Just as they were leaving, they met Pipit at the door.

"Oh, hello again." Pipit greeted. "I just came by to make sure my mother is behaving herself."

"Naw, she's being a perv." Sakon replied.

"Sakon!" The Postman cried.

"Well, she is!" Sakon defended.

Pipit let out a sigh as if he expected as much. "I'm sorry for my mother's behaviour. It's inappropriate to treat guests like that."

"Is there a market, or shop on this island?" The Postman asked, changing the subject.

Pipit nodded. "There's a market that's open for another hour or so. Are you not joining us for supper?"

"Sakon and I are going to look through the market, and we'll buy supper there." The Postman told him.

Pipit gave a nod. "No problem, I'll let my mother know."

"Thank you, Mr. Pipit." The Postman said. "We'll be back shortly."

The moment they were outside, Sakon glanced back at the house. "Do you think this island is where they train heros? All the 'knights' are dressed exactly like Link..."

The Postman gave a shrug. "I have no idea. Link has been a hero since he was a small child."

Sakon scowled. "I know. He used to foil my robberies in Clocktown. I was just wondering if he ever trained to be a hero later on. It seems awfully coincidental that people here dress like him."

"If this is an island full of potential heros, you'd better not rob anyone." The Postman warned. "You'll be caught for sure."

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Is that a challenge?"

The Postman frowned at him. "No."

"I think that was a challenge." Sakon said with a nod.

"It was not!" The Postman snapped. "Don't do anything stupid!"

Sakon gave him a cheeky grin, and began walking down the path, heading towards the centre of the village. The Postman quickly followed after him, having a very bad feeling about this. There weren't too many people out, but the path was lit by lanterns, and they soon found their way to a large market. Upon entering, they found it was actually quite crowded, most of the townspeople doing some last minute shopping. They browsed the different stalls in curiosity, and they came to someone selling various potions.

"We should buy another healing potion." The Postman told Sakon.

The Thief frowned at the pricetags, and then shook his head. "No way I'm paying these prices. What a rip-off!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "Considering where we are right now, the price is actually quite fair. Where else are you going to buy a potion up here?"

"We'll be fine." Sakon assured him, puffing out his chest. "I'll protect you."

"You just found a whole chest full of rupees." The Postman pointed out. "Don't be so cheap."

"I didn't become rich because I spend rupees, Darling. I prefer to hoard them."

"I'll pay for it myself then" The Postman responded, pulling out his wallet.

Sakon let out a sigh, and stopped him. "Fine. I'll buy some potions in the morning, let's just find somewhere to have supper for now."

The Postman nodded his agreement, and they continued exploring the market. Finally they came across a noodle stall with several stools all around the counter. It was quite crowded, but Sakon quickly grabbed them two seats together.

"You fine with noodles?" Sakon questioned.

The Postman nodded.

"Two of your finest noodle bowls, my good madam!" Sakon bellowed over to the owner.

Sakon dissolved into snickers at the odd look the owner gave him, and The Postman let out another sigh. Sakon had the maturity of a twelve-year old, and didn't know the meaning of subtlety. The red-haired man sitting next to them glanced over at The Postman, and then did a double-take.

"Hey!" he exclaimed in surprise. "Foreigners!"

"Hello." The Postman politely greeted.

"Are you from Grooseland?"

"Grooseland?" The Postman repeated in confusion. "I've never heard of it."

The man let out a deep sigh. "Grooseland is the land beneath the clouds. I'm the one who discovered it, and so I'm the one who named it!"

"Land beneath the clouds...do you mean Hyrule?" The Postman guessed.

The man let out another sigh. "Yeah, I guess that's another name for it..." he admitted. "I'm a very big deal here, you know. I saved the world singlehandedly."

"Really, Groose?" the shop-owner said. "Singlehandedly?"

The red-haired man, Groose, gave a shrug. "Alright, fine, Link may have helped...a little, but I did all the hard stuff!"

Groose ran his hand through his very impressive pompadour, and puffed out his chest dramatically. "I'm the one who taught Link everything he knows! We go waaay back!"

The shop-owner let out a groan, and set two bowls of noodles in front of them. The Postman paid her, and Sakon leaned over to squint at Groose suspiciously.

"You don't look like a hero..." The Thief observed.

Groose glanced over at him. "Why are you wearing a crown?" he demanded. "And why are you bald?"

"I'm the king of Hyrule." Sakon answered with a shrug. "And I'm bald because the ladies really love it. You should try it sometime."

Groose's hands flew up to his pompadour in alarm. "No way!" he cried. "No one touches my hair! No one on the entire island has hair like me."

"I'd believe that." Sakon acknowledged.

Groose frowned at him, unsure whether that was an insult or not. Turning his gaze to The Postman, he gave him a nudge with his elbow.

"You kinda look like a wimp to me." he stated. "Are you a hero?"

The Postman shook his head. "No."

Groose seemed even more interested now. "Oh, really? Normally only heros come to Skyloft. What brings you here?"

"I had a delivery for headmaster Gaepora." The Postman replied, taking a bite of his noodles.

"You're a merchant? Do you work with that Beedle guy?"

The Postman shook his head a second time. "No, I'm a postman."

Sakon stopped eating, and looked over in surprise. "How do you know Beedle?!" he asked.

Groose frowned at him. "He's a merchant who visits our village quite frequently."

"Are we talking about the same Beedle?!" Sakon questioned. "Dorky, skinny guy with a bowl-cut and a big red nose?"

Groose nodded. "Yeah, that's him."

Sakon seemed flabbergasted. "He comes to the Gerudo City all the time to trade and sell merchandise! I had no idea he knew how to get here! We could have gone to him for help, instead of my uncle!"

The Postman gave a shrug. "What's done is done."

"Yeah, well it's you who made a deal with the devil, so don't complain to me when it comes back to bite you."

Groose leaned back in his chair, and gave them both a thoughtful look. "Are you really a king?" he asked Sakon.

"Sure am." Sakon replied, reaching over to snag The Postman's bowl of noodles while he wasn't looking. "I'm here on official Hylian business. Important stuff."

"Well, I'm a hero, so maybe I can help you?" Groose offered.

"Naw." Sakon answered, motioning to The Postman. "All I need is my minion here. We're good, Goose."

"Groose."

"That's what I said, Goose."

"Groose."

"Yeah...Goose."

"GROOSE."

Sakon gave him a grin. "Goose."

"Sakon, knock it off." The Postman scolded, reaching for his food which was no longer there.

The Postman looked confused for a moment before he glanced over, and saw Sakon had two bowls of noodles. Letting out a sigh, he ordered himself a new bowl from the shop-owner.

Groose gave Sakon a glare, and then got up, and made a big show of dusting himself off. "It's been nice hanging out with you, wimps, but I have places to be. I'm a very important person on this island."

"See ya, Goose."

Groose looked like he was about to blow his top, but instead turned and stalked out of the market. Sakon snickered, and then resumed eating his stolen noodles. The Postman gave Sakon a weary look, wondering what the chances of them leaving Skyloft unscathed were.

"Are you going to wear that crown this whole journey?" he asked.

"Yep." Sakon replied, reaching up a hand to rub it. "It's awesome."

Not having anything to say to that, The Postman finished his bowl of noodles, and turned in his seat so he could glance around the market. It was actually surprising at how much variety the market had considering Skyloft wasn't exactly close to anywhere. Where did they get their produce from? Were there islands the people used specifically for farming? Where did the people come from? Were they always here, or did their ancestors come from Hyrule? The Postman was really curious, but he didn't especially want to bother someone with an endless stream of questions.

"I wonder if they have a library here?" The Postman stated thoughtfully.

Sakon gave him a look of pure disgust, and shook his head. "We're on the adventure of a lifetime, and you want to visit a library?!"

The Postman frowned. "So?"

Sakon adopted a very serious look. "Tell me truthfully, just how many times were you dropped on your head as a child?"

"About half as much as you." The Postman responded, dryly.

"Oh, an unexpected retort! Ouch!" Sakon exclaimed with a grin. "There may be hope for you yet."

The Postman got up from his stool, and then said. "I'm going to head back to Mallara's house. Are you coming?"

Sakon shook his head. "Naw, I'm going to get another bowl of noodles, and then see if I can find a bar. I'll meet up with you later."

The Postman had no interest in staying up all night drinking, so he gave a nod, and turned towards the door. "Don't wake everyone up if you come back late."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Yes, dingbat, I know, and try not to get molested by the pervert lady. No, means no, right?"

The Postman groaned in exasperation, and without another word, he turned to head back to Mallara's.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday!**

 **Thank you Reiz16 for suggesting that the Loftwing was female, and that Sakon named it Handsome Jihiro!**

 **Thank you placesmileshere for suggesting that Sakon call The Postman a dingbat. :D**


	39. The Sky Festival

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 **Authornote: Friday May 26th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another on-time chapter! Woohoo!**

 **This is actually the second time I've written this authornote and review replies because the site came up with an error when I hit save. I don't feel like writing the whole thing out again, so I will keep it brief. We are about halfway through Part 3 because this story arc is quite short. It's not completely pointless though, I promise. We will learn some important information for later. Part 4 and 5 are very long, however, and they reveal the most information. All questions, and mysteries will be resolved by the end of the story, and hopefully there won't be any lose ends. :)**

 **The Sunday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Reiz16** \- I'm glad you liked the chapter! Yeah, Sakon's not used to the tables being turned. lol

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 **Rainmy** -Sakon has no problem with how she looks, or her age, it's just the fact she was perving on them without permission. Sakon may be pervert himself most of the time, but he's a pervert who always gets consent. lol Mallara always did come across as a creep to me in the game though.

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 **Pokemonfan67** \- Welcome new reader, and I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far! I actually spent an incredibly long time trying to develop all the character's personalities until I was satisfied. This whole story is actually a re-write because I hated the earlier parts with a fiery passion. In parts 1 and 2 I hadn't yet figured out how I wanted The Postman to be, and I was so embarrassed by the wretchedness of it all, that I finally decided to just re-write the entire story.

I love taking minor characters and fleshing them out in their own stories. I actually wrote the very first chapter of this story on a dare waaaay back in 2007 because my sister hated The Postman character in Majora's Mask. I had so much fun with it that I continued writing and eventually it became a massive series of stories. lol

That describes Tingle perfectly. Tingle isn't gay, Tingle isn't straight. Tingle is simply...Tingle. lol

I have a lot of fun with Ganondorf. Having him interact with anyone is always fun to write. I purposely made Link seem like the villain of the story, because to The Postman, he truly was. Link honestly does try his best to be a good hero, but he's only human, and he has a few anger issues. Since he's not the main focus of the story, he's kind of pushed to the backburner most of the time. lol

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 **jigbashmop** \- Funny you should mention Sakon being cooped up in a boat at sea because in part 4...naw, no spoilers for you. You'll have to wait and see. ;)

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 **darkerthanlight** -Sakon would be very disappointed if he lost the crown in such a way. lol Mallara always came across as very perverted to me in Skyward Sword. lol

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 7**

 **The Sky Festival**

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Link let out a heavy sigh of resignation. After speaking with The Postman, he had immediately travelled to the Kokiri Forest to make sure there was no mistake. To his dismay, everything was just as The Postman had described. The Kokiri's houses were empty, and they seemed to have been attacked with no warning. Meals were left untouched on the tables, gardens were half-weeded, and toys were left strewn about; it was as if they'd been plucked from whatever they'd been doing at the time.

Link thoroughly searched every bit of the village, looking for some sort of clue as to where the Kokiri had been taken. He found nothing, and so he turned his attention to the Lost Woods.

Everything around him was dead and rotted, the once green forest withered and brown. Link had never seen it like this before, and found himself quietly mourning the loss of the forest. He had lived as a Kokiri for the first ten years of his life, and even now, he still held the respect of nature that all Kokiri possessed. He knew Farore must have been furious at the loss of the Kokiri, and he worried about how far she would take her anger. Would her fury extend across the whole country? Perhaps even the whole continent?

When Link approached the sacred grove meadow, the giant Moblin who normally guarded the entrance was seated on the stairs looking incredibly depressed. It gave a heavy sigh as Link passed it, but it otherwise didn't move. As dumb as the Moblin was, he too knew something was very, very wrong with the forest, and he didn't like it.

The sacred grove meadow was completely empty, and just as dead as the rest of the forest. Link found himself staring at Saria's usual sitting place on the stump sadly. The forest seemed even more empty without the small green-haired girl's presence. Link had been hoping that The Postman was mistaken in some way, but now it was clear the Kokiri truly were kidnapped.

Link had thought Ghirahim had been killed long ago, but he was clearly mistaken. Luck never seemed to be on Link's side, and he frowned in worry. The villain could be planning any number of insidious schemes involving the Kokiri's magic, and Link knew he would have to stop him before it was too late. He had a feeling the Kokiri would soon perish if he didn't reach them in time. With a heavy heart, he hurried back through the Lost Woods and entered Hyrule Field, knowing he now had to head towards Hyrule castle. He would have to inform Zelda about what had happened, and get permission to annihilate Ghirahim once and for all.

Mounting Epona, he rode to Hyrule Castletown, and then made his way towards the castle. Informing the guards than he needed to speak with Zelda as soon as possible, he was left to wait for her in her private gardens. She came to meet him only minutes later, and he quickly explained everything that had happened. Zelda had already been informed that Hyrule Field had begun to wither, but she hadn't been aware that the problem was much more widespread than that. As part of the terms decided by the court, Link requested permission to take down Ghirahim by any means necessary. Zelda informed him she would have to let the courts decide, and to Link's complete frustration, he was left waiting. And waiting. And waiting.

The longer he waited, the more agitated he became, and he was tempted to just leave on his quest without gaining prior permission. Eventually, Zelda had returned and informed him the court would hear his request the next morning. Link was furious, and told her that lives were at stake, and that he couldn't afford to waste so much time. Zelda understood his frustration perfectly, but the order had come from her father himself, and no amount of protest had made him change his mind. To go against the king would be treason, and they had no choice but to wait.

Link had been forced to wait a day for the chance to speak with the court, and after he'd explained what was happening, they then informed him they needed time to discuss it to make a decision. By this point, it was taking all of Link's self-control to not say something he'd later regret. He was once again left waiting, and to his immense fury it was another day before the court had made up its mind.

The court granted him permission to travel to the Sky-World to rescue the Kokiri, but there were conditions. He was not to harm anyone except monsters during his mission, and he would have to find out Ghirahim's motives before fighting the villain. They did not want another misunderstanding like what had happened with The Postman, and Link had to be absolutely sure before killing him. If he did kill the villain, the court expected a full report on the reason why deadly force had to be used.

Link thought the whole thing was positively ridiculous, but he bit his tongue and simply nodded along with what they said. It was clear Zelda didn't agree with the whole process, but she could do nothing about it. After they left the courts, she promised Link she would speak with her father to see if she could get him a bit more leeway for the future.

Still feeling frustrated, Link finally set out on his quest hoping it wasn't too late.

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The Postman wasn't sure what time Sakon had returned during the night, but when he awoke the next morning Sakon was laying beside him snoring loudly and smelling like a brewery. Glancing towards the window, he saw it was nearly dawn, and he gave a stretch, sitting up. Crinkling his nose at the smell of Sakon, The Postman carefully crawled over him, and then began searching for his sandals. Sakon must have kicked them when he'd entered the room because he found one under the bed, and the other halfway across the room underneath a chair.

After he'd put on his sandals, The Postman headed for the door wanting to check on the Loftwing. No one else seemed to be up yet as the house was still dark and silent, so he left as quietly as possible, not wanting to wake anyone up.

The air outside was cool and crisp, the grass and trees covered in a thin layer of frost. He could see his breath and The Postman let out a shiver, not expecting it to be quite so cold. Hoping the cold hadn't bothered the Loftwing, The Postman headed for where Sakon had left it tied up the night before. The Loftwing was awake when he approached, and it gave him a plaintive look, obviously not liking the fact it was tied up. The Postman approached and reached out a hand to pet its head, and the Loftwing gave him a friendly sort of chirp in reply.

"Are you cold?" he asked it in concern.

The Loftwing cocked its head at him. There was frost on the Loftwing's outer feathers, but underneath felt warm, and there didn't seem to be any indication the Loftwing was in any discomfort.

"Are you hungry?" he asked it.

The Loftwing was instantly to its feet, and it squawked excitedly and flapped its wings. The Postman reached out for the reins and untied the Loftwing from the fence. The Loftwing bumped its beak against him affectionately, and then turned its attention to the sky.

"Do you want to hunt for your breakfast, or do you want me to find you something?" The Postman asked it. "I'm not quite sure what you eat though..."

The Loftwing's response was to flap its wings and take off into the air. The Postman watched as it disappeared out of sight, and he really hoped it would return on its own. He stared at the sky thoughtfully for a moment, wondering if the Loftwing would even listen to him. Was it bonded to Ganondorf, or was it to Sakon?

"Your Loftwing is truly a magnificent creature."

The Postman nearly jumped out of his skin at the unexpected voice, and he turned to see Gaepora standing just behind him.

"Good morning, Mr. Gaepora." The Postman greeted, politely.

"Good morning." Gaepora replied. "You're an early riser."

"Yes, Sir."

Gaepora approached until he was standing next to The Postman. "Not many people get up at this hour. I was just taking my morning walk when I saw you, and I decided to see how you were doing. Is Mallara treating you well?"

"Yes, Sir, she's been very kind to us."

Gaepora gave a nod, and then turned thoughtful eyes to The Postman. "Your Loftwing seems to be very fond of the both of you, but you don't seem to have a lot of riding experience. Where did you get her from?"

The Postman hesitated, not quite sure what to tell him. Gaepora raised an eyebrow.

"Is she stolen?" he inquired.

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, Sir. My employer lent her to us so I could deliver my mail. He raised her from an egg."

Gaepora nodded. "So, you don't work for 'King' Sakon?"

The Postman fell silent, not wanting to tattle on The Thief. Gaepora didn't seem angry, simply curious, and he looked The Postman up and down as if trying to come to a decision.

"It's alright." Gaepora assured him. "I know very well that man is not a king, but he seems harmless enough. Who is he exactly?"

"My co-worker." The Postman replied with a sigh. "Sakon's fine, he won't cause any problems."

"And what did you say your job was? A herald?"

"I'm a postman."

Gaepora nodded. "I see. You came all the way to Skyloft just to make a delivery?"

"I actually have two other deliveries I have to make to other islands." The Postman replied. "They're priority deliveries and so I need to deliver them as soon as possible."

The Postman frowned out in the direction the Loftwing had gone, and Gaepora followed his gaze knowingly.

"The Loftwing is nearly healed enough for extended travel." Gaepora told him. "Pipit applied some healing cream to her wing last night. Another day of rest and she'll be ready to go."

The Postman nodded, still not liking the fact they had to remain on Skyloft for so long. Letting out a sigh, he turned his eyes to the headmaster.

"I wondering, Sir, is there a library on this island?"

Gaepora seemed incredibly surprised. "You like to read?" he questioned.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir, very much. I'd like to learn more about the Sky-World if possible."

"Not many young people are interested in books these days." Gaepora told him. "Most of the academy's knights are too busy training to take the time to read a good book. We actually have a very good library here."

"Would it be alright if I look through the books?" The Postman asked.

"Of course." Gaepora replied. "I'll show you the way."

The Postman followed after Gaepora into a large building in the centre of the island, and he was shown into a small library. Gaepora seemed incredibly proud of the library, and he gestured around the various shelves.

"We have books on pretty much all topics you need to know about in the Skyworld." he explained. "Feel free to browse through at your leisure."

A fat, orange cat was sitting on top of the only table in the library and it gave them a questioning meow.

"That's Pumpkin, he lives in the library to keep pests away." Gaepora explained. "He won't bother you."

The Postman gave him a nod, his eyes already scanning book titles. "Thank you, Sir."

"I need to attend to some business, so I must be on my way." Gaepora said. "If you have any questions, you can ask any of the academy knights for help."

The Postman gave another nod. "I think I'll be alright."

"Very well, I'll see you later tonight at the festival."

The Postman didn't look up as the headmaster left the library, his attention on the books in front of him. In truth, The Postman had seen much grander libraries in his travels, but Skyloft likely wouldn't have access to a lot of books and so there collection actually was quite impressive for what it was. He noticed many of the books were written by previous headmasters, and The Postman began selecting books that seemed interesting. Carrying his books over to the table, he stared down at the cat who seemed to have no intention of moving, so he simply stacked the books around it. Taking a seat in the only armchair in the room, he pulled the first book towards himself.

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Ganondorf stared out of the castle window worriedly at the people below. Gerudo from nearby colonies had begun arriving in the city due to the lack of food and water, and now there were too many people to support. They were severely rationing all meals, and he knew many more Gerudo would be arriving in the days to come. If nothing was done, they would begin starving in just a few days. They had gathered as much water as they could before the wells and river went dry, but it wouldn't last long with so many people needing it.

Every room in the castle, and every house in the city had been searched and all food had been gathered and locked up so it could be fairly distributed among the people. There were many angry shopkeepers, but in such a dire situation it was necessary.

Praying to Din had been useless as the goddesses were never supposed to interfere with one another. Farore was taking out her fury on the world, and she would have to be the one to show mercy. Prayers to Farore had gone unanswered, and it was obvious the Gerudo Nation were on their own.

Ganondorf had seen anger and violence beginning to erupt among his people, and the only thing he could do was keep assuring them that he was taking care of things. His people trusted him, but hunger and thirst would quickly lead to desperation and the instinct to survive at all costs. It wouldn't be long before murders and theft began taking place.

It had been nearly forty years since the horror of famine he'd experienced during his childhood, and he knew the misery that awaited his people. The younger generation had no idea what true starvation and thirst were like, and they weren't prepared for it. It would be the young that would perish first.

Clenching his fists in frustration, Ganondorf's gaze turned to the sky. How long would it take The Postman to track down Ghirahim? He shouldn't have trusted a foreigner with such an important mission, but rather he should have sent a Gerudo warrior instead. The Postman had no combat skills, and although Sakon was with him, The Thief was too unreliable to trust with something so important. If The Postman failed, Ganondorf would have to depend on Link to save the Kokiri. The mere thought of that put a bad taste in his mouth, and Ganondorf scowled.

A knock came at the door, and Ganondorf finally looked away from the window.

"Enter." he called out.

A guard entered the room carrying a tray and she held it out towards him, while giving a short bow. "Your supper, your majesty."

Ganondorf stared down at the tray, taking note of the full tumbler of water, and the large meal portion. That one meal could be divided up to feed three of his civilians, and Ganondorf frowned. The guard gave him an uncertain look.

"Is anything the matter, Sire?" she questioned, glancing down at the tray. "I can ask the kitchens for a larger portion if you like?"

Ganondorf's frown deepened. "Take it away." he ordered.

The guard looked up at him in surprise. "Sire?"

"Take it away." Ganondorf repeated. "Divide that among those who need it."

"But, Lord Ganondorf, you need to eat!" the guard protested. "We need you to keep your strength! The people are depending on you!"

"I don't need it." Ganondorf snapped. "Do you really think me so weak that missing a single meal will kill me?"

The guard didn't seem to know what to say to that. "But, Sire!"

"Do as you're told." Ganondorf ordered, his tone going icy. "Do not bring me another meal until I request it."

The guard gaped at him silently for a moment, and she looked like she wanted to argue but upon seeing the glare he was sending her, she changed her mind.

She nodded with a frown. "Yes, Sire, I will do as you say."

"Monsters and prisoners are no longer to receive food or water until further notice. Expel any monsters out into the desert to fend for themselves. Our priority is our own people right now."

"Yes, Sire, I will spread the word."

The guard gave him another bow, and then left the room. Once he was alone, Ganondorf turned his attention back out the window. All he could was wait.

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The Postman had skimmed his way through a dozen or so books, finding many interesting facts about the Sky-World. There were plenty of books about Loftwings, and The Postman read a couple just so he could familiarize himself with their own Loftwing. He had just started reading a book about various herbs and plants found on the islands when the library door crashed open. He looked up to see Sakon approaching, carrying a plate of something.

"You nerd." Sakon said in exasperation when he saw him surrounded by books. "I've been looking all over for you. Have you been in here all day?!"

The Postman glanced around looking for a clock. "I'm not sure, what time is it?"

"Sunset." Sakon replied. "Here, I made you some toast since you seem determined to starve yourself to death."

The Postman honestly hadn't meant to spend the whole day in the library but he'd become so absorbed in what he was doing, he hadn't noticed the time passing. He reached out and accepted the plate of toast.

"Thanks."

The Postman picked up a piece of the toast and was just about to take a bite of it when he noticed the jam was much too dark to be raspberry. He narrowed his eyes and set the toast down.

"This is blackberry jam." he stated accusingly.

"You're totally not allergic to blackberries." Sakon responded, crossing his arms.

The Postman let out a sigh and set the plate down on the table. "Please stop trying to get me to eat blackberries."

Sakon rolled his eyes, but made no promises. His gaze scanned over the pile of books in boredom, and he caught sight of the orange cat sleeping on top of the table.

"Hey, there's a cat in here!" he exclaimed in delight, scooping it up. "I like cats."

"Shh." The Postman scolded. "You're in a library."

Sakon scratched the cat behind the ears who gave a lazy purr. "There's not even anyone in here besides you." Sakon pointed out. "Everyone else on this island has a life."

"You're still supposed to be quiet in a library." The Postman retorted. "I don't want you getting us in trouble."

Sakon shoved the cat into The Postman's face. "Yes, because that would be a total ...cat-tastrophe!"

The Postman gave him a flat look, not wanting to touch that bad pun with a ten foot pole.

"The festival is going to start soon." Sakon informed him. "Come have some fun for once."

"Drinking doesn't interest me." The Postman responded.

"Why not? It's purr-fectly normal."

The Postman did not look impressed, and Sakon laughed. "That's the exact same look Ganondorf gives me when I make bad puns around him."

Sakon set the cat down, and gave him a wide grin at the look of exasperation that crossed The Postman's face. "Okay, okay, no more cat puns...although I do have dozens lined up for just such an occasion."

The Postman was hungry, and unless he wanted to eat something he was allergic to, he'd have to attend the festival at some point. Letting out a sigh, he closed his book, and then stood so he could begin putting his books away.

"Are you gonna come?" Sakon asked.

The Postman nodded, and handed him back the plate of toast. "Just give me a minute and I'll be right along."

Sakon took a bite of the toast, and watched without interest as The Postman returned the books all back to their proper places. When the library was back to being neat and tidy, The Postman then followed Sakon out of the library. They could hear music coming from outside, and Sakon sped up, clearly wanting to investigate.

When they reached the celebrations, they saw everyone from the island was there, and every lantern was lit, and the tables were laden with food. Sakon approached the sidelines and watched the musicians for a few minutes, and then grinned over at The Postman.

"Did I ever tell you that I can play the glockenspiel?"

"Somehow that doesn't surprise me." The Postman responded, also watching the musicians.

"When I was eleven my captain in charge of my training thought I needed a creative outlet to channel my excessive energy. I was always getting into trouble because of my behaviour. I was forced to take music lessons, and I chose the glockenspiel out of spite just because she hated it. I was going to choose the accordion, but I was forbidden to go near one."

"Did it work?" The Postman asked.

"Did what work?"

"Did learning to play an instrument help with your behaviour problem?"

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "They stopped the music lessons after a few months, and I was 'promoted' into captain Isa's training class instead."

The Postman's eyes widened. "They sent you to her when you were eleven?! There's no way you could have competed with full-grown women!"

Sakon laughed. "Yeah, I got the snot kicked out of me a lot until I improved enough to defend myself. I think it's because of that, that I became so good at using a dagger. I wasn't strong enough to use a sword."

The Postman shook his head, knowing how difficult it must have been for a child to train against adults. "I've had a hard enough time, and I'm fully grown." The Postman told him.

"Well, you're half-grown any way." Sakon responded, resting an elbow on top of The Postman's head. "You are very short, my friend, are you even five feet tall?"

The Postman irritably pushed Sakon away. "Yes, I'm over five feet tall." he snapped.

Sakon squinted at him. "Barely."

The Postman let out a sigh. "Go away, Sakon."

Sakon gave him a grin. "Fine, I will!"

Sakon glanced over at the crowd of people, and his sights zeroed in on a group of very pretty women. He instantly went into flirt mode when he saw them, and he left The Postman without a second thought.

The Postman watched as Sakon ran over to the girls and flashed them his most charming smile. He couldn't hear what The Thief was saying, but the women laughed, and seemed like they were interested. The Postman took a seat at one of the tables, and decided to ignore what Sakon was up to, and turned his attention to the enormous feast. He poured himself a glass of water, and sipped at it as he looked over the feast trying to decide what he wanted. Selecting a tiny bit of everything, he noticed Groose was sitting across from him. The red-haired man gave him a wave.

"Hey, wimp." Groose greeted.

Groose didn't say it in a cruel way, and so The Postman assumed that was his way of being friendly.

"Hello, Mr. Groose." The Postman replied, trying a bite of the food.

Groose's plate was loaded with a massive amount of meat, and he was eating with his hands, and so The Postman averted his eyes, not wanting to lose his appetite. As The Postman ate, he heard the music change, and everyone seemed to swarm over so they could begin dancing along. The music was lively, and The Postman watched in fascination as every person dancing donned a mask or costume of some sort.

The Postman could appreciate how beautiful the festival was, and he looked up at the lanterns above. The lanterns were a rainbow of sparkling colours that lit up the entire festival, and the dancers' costumes seemed to glow in the light. The Postman had never seen anything like it, and his brown eyes widened in amazement as the light seemed to blur the colours against the dancers making them seem somewhat surreal. The Postman went very, very still, unable to tear his eyes away from the show. The dancers were clearly having a great time, and they were laughing and smiling as they danced. Their movements were fluid and graceful, and the people seemed like they were born to dance. No one seemed to miss a step, and their make-up smeared skin seemed to glow in the light, both beautiful and mysterious.

The Postman hadn't seen very many live performances, and he watched transfixed for a long time, content to simply watch. After a while he looked up to see Gaepora standing in front of him, wearing the owl mask. Gaepora was out of breath, and he pushed up his mask so The Postman could see his face, and the headmaster gave him a kind smile.

"Why are you all by yourself, postman?" he asked, holding out a hand. "Come join the festivities with us!"

The Postman remained seated. "I'm not really much of a dancer, Sir."

"Have some wine." Gaepora suggested. "Wine makes everyone a dancer."

"No thank you, Sir. I don't drink."

"Are you sure?" Gaepora asked him in concern."You look lonely over here by yourself."

"I'm fine, Sir." The Postman assured him. "I'm much happier simply watching."

Gaepora gave him a nod. "As you wish, young postman, but I think you'd have more fun if you joined in."

"Thank you, Sir, but I think I'll stay over here for now."

Gaepora lowered his mask, and then disappeared back into the crowd as The Postman turned his attention to see what Sakon was up to. Sakon was still with the girls, and by the way they kept giggling and giving The Thief flirtatious smiles, it looked like Sakon was successfully luring them in.

Sakon glanced over at him for a moment, and their eyes met. Sakon gave him a proud 'look what I have' type of grin, and pulled the prettiest girl of the group onto his lap. The girl seemed to think this was hilarious, and she laughed hard, the others quickly joining in. The Postman rolled his eyes. The girls were obviously drunk, and by the way Sakon was staggering around, he was too.

Sakon saw the look of disapproval The Postman gave him, and he suddenly got a very sly look on his face. He leaned down and whispered something in the pretty girl's ear, and pointed over at The Postman. The girl gave a giggle, and nodded, and then slid off his lap.

She approached the oblivious postman, who had gone back to staring at the dancers, and she casually took a seat beside him. Feeling the bench shift, The Postman glanced over just as the girl wrapped her arms around him seductively.

"Hi." she greeted, staring up at him through thick black lashes. "I think you're really cute..."

The Postman wasn't sure how to react to this, and he simply stared at her with wide eyes. She gave him a look which could only be described as sultry, and then pulled him even closer, her breath hot against his face.

"How would you like to spend the night with me?" she whispered.

The Postman tried to pull away. "Sorry, miss, I'm not re-"

Without warning, the girl leaned forward and kissed him full on the lips, and he froze in complete shock. His mouth filled with the taste of rum and cigarettes, and the girl tried to pull him even closer, her hand touching the waistband of his pants. Panicking, The Postman pulled away from her fast, and then flailed as he lost his balance. He fell backwards off the bench, and landed in a very undignified heap under the edge of the table.

Sakon, who had been watching the whole thing, burst into hysterical laughter, and he pointed at him as the girls around him joined in the laughter. The Postman looked up at Sakon from his position on the ground as The Thief approached, and he noticed the girl seated above him was laughing as well.

"I knew you were gay!" Sakon announced triumphantly. "I knew it! I totally knew it!"

The Postman simply stared up at him in shock, mouth slightly agape at what had just happened.

"No man would ever be able to resist a woman who looks like that! I mean look at her!" Sakon exclaimed, looking the girl up and down in appreciation. "You're totally, undeniably GAY!"

The Postman looked back up at the girl who had one of her hands covering her mouth as tears ran down her cheeks, laughing hard. The whole thing had been a cruel trap.

The Postman slowly and carefully disentangled his limbs from the bench, and then got to his feet, very aware of everyone staring at him. Without a single word, he turned and walked away, feeling completely humiliated.

"Oh, come on!" Sakon called after him. "Don't be like that, it was just a joke!"

The Postman didn't answer, and headed for Mallara's house, pushing through the crowd as Sakon continued calling after him.

Once The Postman was in the guest room, he kicked off his sandals and flopped down on the bed, deciding it best if he avoided the rest of the festival. Sakon was clearly a complete jerk when he was drunk.

He laid on his side facing the window, listening to the music for a very long time, simply brooding. He was angry, and embarrassed, and just wanted to continue on his mission. Perhaps he'd leave Sakon behind? As the hours passed, The Postman calmed down, and eventually his eyes began to get drowsy. He was almost asleep when he heard someone enter the house. He was instantly awake when he heard a loud crash from the hallway, and then he heard Sakon's unmistakable giggle. A girl giggled along with him, and The Postman instantly realized Sakon had brought someone home with him.

The bedroom door opened, and he heard them both stagger in, still giggling, and he stiffened in apprehension. He heard the rustle of clothing and the girl gave another laugh.

"Here, let me help you with that." she said. "Your hands are clumsy."

"I am the King of Thieves, sweetheart, my hands are never clumsy!"

She laughed. "Then why can't you get my bra off?"

There was a bit more rustling. "This is obviously a new technology to ward off thieves." Sakon announced. "An unbreakable clasp!"

The girl laughed once again. "Here, I got it." she replied.

There was some more rustling, and then a weight settled on the other side of the bed beside The Postman.

"Come on," Sakon urged. "It's chilly."

The Postman squeezed his eyes shut, wanting to disappear, wanting to die a horrible death, anything to not be there right then.

"What about him?" the girl asked uncertainly.

"Don't worry about dumbass," Sakon replied, giving The Postman a hard poke in the side. "He's a really sound sleeper."

"Well...okay." the girl said, still sounding a bit uncertain.

Another weight settled on the bed, and The Postman tried to think of anything at all except for what was likely happening beside him. He was pretty sure this was the worst moment of his life, counting all the times he'd almost died.

"You're the prettiest girl I've ever met." Sakon crooned lowly, kissing her loudly. "The goddesses don't even compare to you."

"Mmm," was the girl's only response.

When the moaning started, The Postman couldn't take it anymore, and he stood up, stepped directly on Sakon's face, and hopped down off the bed. As he fled the room, he could hear Sakon let out a curse as the girl laughed at him.

The Postman ran as fast as possible out of the house, and he continued to run as far as he could, until he was on the other side of the island, far away from everyone else. Sitting on the edge of the island, he gave a disgusted shudder, and drew his knees up under his chin, simply staring off into the darkness. Sakon was an inconsiderate ass.

He sat there silently for a long time until the sounds of the music began to die down as the festival came to an end. Within minutes, he was left in silence. For a while the only sound was his own breathing, and so when there was a soft rustle of fabric behind him, it startled him.

Turning his head to see who it was, he saw Gaepora walking past him, mask still on and eyes focussed straight ahead. The headmaster didn't notice The Postman, and he stopped on the very edge of the island, his feet tipping precariously. He stared downwards as if in a trance, and then he spread his arms wide. The Postman's eyes widened in horror, and he quickly got to his feet.

"Sir!" he called. "What are you doing? You're going to fall!"

Gaepora slowly glanced over at him, but he didn't really seem to see him. His gaze seemed to look right through him hauntingly. As The Postman took a few steps closer, he noticed there was something different about the man. Gaepora now seemed to be wearing a strange sort of costume, brown feathers sticking out in every direction like an odd, mutilated bird.

"Sir?" The Postman questioned. "Are you alright?"

"Hoot, hoooot!" Gaepora responded, cocking his head at an unnatural angle.

The Postman took another step closer. "Er...I think you've had a bit too much to drink, Sir. Please step away from the edge."

Gaepora spread his arms again, and this time The Postman could clearly see feathers coming directly out of the skin. His eyes widened in realization.

"It's not a costume..."

The Postman's eyes fell on the mask, and like a punch to the gut, he knew what had happened. "Sir! Take off the mask! It's the mask! Take it off, Sir!"

"Hooot!" Gaepora replied, eyes going back to the sky.

"Sir!"

With one final hoot, Gaepora jumped off the side of the island and disappeared into the darkness below. The Postman stared downwards with wide eyes, a single floating feather all that remained of the headmaster.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **The Next update will be on Sunday!**


	40. The Murder of Gaepora

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 **Authornote: Sunday May 28th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another on-time chapter! Woohoo!**

 **WOW, this story is almost up to 200 reviews! o_O Thanks so much for the support everyone!**

 **Sorry for the short chapter, but hopefully this will be the smallest one for the rest of the story. It would have made the chapter much too long to be connected with the next one, so it had to remain a tiny chapter. :) There does still seem to be some site problems, but hopefully it won't affect my update. If anyone has any suggestions, or criticisms, feel free to let me know via review or PM. I always take advice very seriously, and it's always a great help with the story.**

 **I apologize if there are any typos in this chapter, because I didn't have a lot of time to go over it, and I had to finish it while at work. :)**

 **The Friday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Rainmy \- **Sakon really did deserve a punch for that one. He never thinks things through, and he didn't realize how much it would embarrass The Postman. Almost nothing embarrasses Sakon, and so he didn't even think of something like that.

Link is indeed like a police officer with way too much power. He's had complete authority for so long, that it kind of went to his head. He's extremely stressed from single-handedly saving Hyrule over and over, and he tends to over-react to minor threats that could have been dealt with non-violently. Now that he's started therapy, he knows he has to control his temper, but it's a struggle to change a behaviour so deeply ingrained into his character. He honestly is trying, but Sakon has a talent for getting underneath people's skin, and Link snapped. Although he did beat Sakon a bit in Kakariko Village, he held back most of his strength so he wouldn't seriously harm The Thief. He's trying to follow by the rules, but the two day delay in starting his quest infuriated him. Normally he'd just go without even informing Zelda, but now he's expected to make regular reports like any other soldier. He wants to do as told, but he's beginning to question the wisdom of allowing the Hylian courts to decide his actions. If he had to wait two days for every quest, a lot of people could get killed over it. Zelda sees how ridiculous this is, and she will attempt to get Link some leniency in regards to his missions.

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Ganondorf cares more about his people than anything else in the world. He may be a villain, but he is a good king to his people. That was a horribly mean joke that Sakon played on The Postman, but he actually doesn't mean to be cruel. Sakon just NEVER thinks things through.

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 **placesmileshere** \- Thank you for the suggestion, my dear! :D Trouble follows The Postman no matter where he goes, and he can never seem to catch a break. His troubles are faaaaar from over. lol

 **.**

 **darkerthanlight** \- I'm glad I helped make your day better! :D Yeah, that Postman's uniform in the game is hilarious. Those shorts are SO short they almost look like briefs. lol The shirt is way too short too and shows the entire midriff. The Happy Mask Salesman will be back several times throughout the story, but I don't want to give away any spoilers. lol

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 8**

 **The Murder of Gaepora**

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The Postman felt a shiver of fear make its way up his spine as he stared down into the darkness below. There was no sign of Gaepora, and he slowly backed away from the edge of the island.

It took a few moments for The Postman to fully process what he'd seen, and he continued backing up. He stared at the single, brown feather left behind, and watched as it floated over the edge of the island. He was responsible for this...

The Postman took a very deep breath, and then glanced behind him. There was no one in sight, and the entire island was seemingly asleep. He was the only one to witness Gaepora's strange transformation, and he doubted anyone would believe him if he tried to explain.

The Postman backed even further away from the edge, the horror still setting in. Was Gaepora dead? Did the headmaster just jump to his death, or did he fully transform into an owl? Sincerely hoping it was the latter, The Postman turned away, and stared at the dark village, uncertain of what he should do.

He had been the one to bring Gaepora the mask knowing fully well it was likely dangerous, and now the man was gone, possibly dead. Taking another deep breath, The Postman began heading back to the Mallara's house, not sure what to do. He was a stranger on this island, and the villagers would certainly accuse him of murder. They had no reason to trust him, and he knew Gaepora's disappearance coming at the same time two strangers arrived was too coincidental. Sakon had more experience in this field than him, and seeing as The Happy Mask Salesman was his uncle, he might know what to do in this situation. Sakon had probably committed plenty of murders during his career.

When The Postman entered Mallara's house, he started towards the guest room but then paused, just now remembering that the girl was probably still in there. Grimacing, he pushed open the door, and was met with the sight of both Sakon and the girl passed out drunk on the bed.

Sighing, The Postman approached the bed and shook Sakon's shoulder. The Thief lobbed a bit, but otherwise didn't move. The girl, whom was draped across Sakon, gave a groan, and then looked up at him blearily.

"Hey, gay guy." she greeted, once her eyes focussed.

The Postman frowned down at her. It was the same pretty girl who'd kissed him earlier at the festival.

"You. Out." he ordered coldly, pointing to the door.

The girl blinked, not comprehending what she was being told.

"OUT." The Postman repeated.

The girl slowly sat up, still extremely drunk, and not quite grasping what he wanted. The Postman averted his eyes away from her naked body, and again pointed to the door.

"Leave."

"W-what?" she questioned, rubbing at her eyes.

"LEAVE."

"Why?"

The Postman didn't have the time, nor the patience for her at the moment, and so he reached out, took her by the arm and gently pulled her to her feet. He led the confused girl across the room, then promptly shoved her out the door without another word. Once the door was slammed in her face, the girl seemed to put two and two together, and she then banged on the door.

"Hey!" she protested. "What about my clothes?"

The Postman grabbed the crumpled pile of clothes off the floor, and then opened the door and tossed them out.

Once he'd slammed the door shut once more, he turned back to Sakon. He shook him a few times, but Sakon didn't even budge. Deciding to try the direct approach, he yanked Sakon off the bed and The Thief crashed hard to the floor. Finally there was a reaction, and Sakon groaned, moving a hand to his injured head. He still wasn't completely awake however, and felt around the floor, looking for the blankets.

The Postman gave him a nudge with his foot, and Sakon twitched in response.

"Sakon." The Postman said loudly, kneeling down next to him. "I need to talk to you."

"G'way." Sakon whined, shivering from the cold.

The Postman simply gave him another hard shake. "Sakon! You have to wake up! This is important! Sakon!"

Sakon batted him away irritably. "Lemelone." he complained. "M'still drunk."

The Postman shook him even harder. "SAKON!"

"G'way!" Sakon growled, booting at him hard.

Winded from the kick to his stomach, The Postman paused a moment, and then booted Sakon back twice as hard in retaliation. The Thief let out a groan of protest, and simply rolled away from him, content to sleep on the floor.

The Postman let out a frustrated huff, and shook him again. Sakon only gave a loud snore in response.

"Sakon? SAKON?" The Postman called loudly to no avail.

Knowing Sakon wasn't in any condition to deal with something so serious, The Postman stood and turned to the bed. He dropped a quilt down on top of Sakon, and then headed for the door, uncertain of what to do. As he left the room, he saw the girl had passed out in the hallway only half dressed, and The Postman stepped over her with a sigh. It was just a couple hours until dawn, and he knew it wouldn't take the villagers long to discover Gaepora's disappearance. What would they do when he explained what had happened? What he and Sakon be arrested? Would they be executed?

The Postman walked throughout the island not really having a destination in mind, just wanting to find an isolated spot away from the villagers. It was still dark, and the Loftwing wouldn't fly until dawn, and so he was trapped on Skyloft for now.

He found a flight of stairs and began climbing them without thought, his gaze on the strange temple far above. He climbed until he was at the very top, the highest point on the island. The temple was made of grey stone, so completely different than any other structure on the island, that he was instantly drawn to it.

He reached the doors and pushed against them, surprised to find the temple unlocked. The temple was dark and cold, his footsteps echoing loudly as he cautiously made his way through the hall. This was exactly the type of place he needed at the moment, somewhere cold and quiet where he could think. Crossing the temple, he saw something unexpected; a strange sword was held in a stone pedestal, light from above making it glint in the darkness.

Curious, he approached and quickly saw it looked very similar to the Hero of Time's Master Sword. Taking a seat next to the sword, he sighed heavily and stared upwards towards the skylight. He was only there a moment before a voice cut directly into his thoughts.

"Who are you?" the strange voice demanded. "I do not recognize you. You are not a skychild."

The Postman glanced one way, and then the other, but the temple was completely empty. Confused, he frowned and didn't answer, deciding it best to ignore strange voices in his head. There was a moments silence, and then the voice rang into his mind again, this time with a bit more force.

"There is a 99% chance that you are a stranger from below the clouds, and 53% chance that's you're here to steal me."

Again, The Postman glanced all around, but the temple was still just as empty as before. Shaking his head in confusion, he wondered if he was overtired, and beginning to hear things.

"Who are you, and what is your business here?" the voice demanded. "I do not approve of thieves."

The Postman looked all around himself for a third time, the voice sounding too real to be his imagination. "Who are you?" he asked a bit hesitantly. "And where are you?"

"I asked you for your name and business first." the voice pointed out to him.

The voice sounded feminine, but unlike a mortal voice; it sounded strange and otherworldly. The Postman leaned back on his elbows, still not knowing where the voice was coming from.

"I'm no one." The Postman answered with a frown. "I'm just a postman."

There was a second as the voice seemed to consider this, and then she replied. "Everyone is someone, postman. I, myself, am considered someone, even though I can no longer move or speak freely unless touched."

"What do you mean?" The Postman questioned.

"The moment you move your leg, we'll no longer be able to speak to one another." the voice explained.

The Postman glanced down at his leg. It was leaning against the pedestal, and he gave the shining sword a curious look. For the first time, he noticed it was glowing a pale, unnatural blue.

"You're the sword?" he asked.

"I am." the voice confirmed. "To be more accurate, I'm the spirit within the sword."

The Postman found this to be incredibly strange, but thought it would be rude to say so. Instead he asked. "What is your name, miss? Do you have one?"

"I do. My name is Fi."

This was the first time he'd spoken to a magical sword, and he still half-wondered whether he'd gone crazy. "If you're a magical sword, why are you in here? Why aren't you with some hero, trying to save the world?"

"I was once used by my master to save the world, but that was a very, very long time ago." the sword explained. "My master went back to his own time, and so I imagine he's still around. My job now, is to seal away the evil within my blade. I was moved back to Skyloft once my previous guardian died."

The Postman had an inkling as to who the hero had been. "I see..." he replied.

She seemed eerily similar to his own magical sword, although The Postman had never actually spoken to his before. It had felt alive, however, and he wondered if it was the same sort of magic within both swords.

"Why are you here, postman? Have you come to steal me? I will not allow you to."

The Postman shook his head. "No, miss, I'm not here to steal you."

"Then what is your purpose here?"

"I'm sorry if I've disturbed you." The Postman apologized. "I just wanted somewhere quiet to think for a while."

Again, Fi paused as if considering his words. "You're thinking about what, postman?"

The Postman sighed heavily. "About what I should do." he replied. "I have a problem."

"More clarity required."

The Postman wasn't sure if he should discuss this with the strange sword-spirit, but he answered all the same. "Well, miss, I've made a huge mistake, and I'm trying to figure out what I should do about it."

"I was created to analyse, and then provide my suggestions." Fi informed him. "There is a 95% chance that I'll be able to give you advice, and help you come to a decision."

The Postman wasn't sure how he felt about a sword giving him advice, but thought it might offend her if he refused.

"I accidentally caused headmaster, Gaepora to start transforming into an owl." The Postman explained. "Then he jumped off the side of the island, and he might possibly be dead..."

"I see." Fi stated thoughtfully. "I believe there's a 87% chance that you're lying."

The Postman simply sighed. He supposed when put that way, it did sound rather unbelievable.

"To increase the believability of your story, please expand, and include as many details as you can."

The Postman slumped against the pedestal, and stared up at the sword thoughtfully. "It's quite a complicated story..."

"Then explain from the very beginning." Fi suggested.

The Postman nodded, and began his story. He explained absolutely everything to her, and she listened in silence, only humming thoughtfully every now and Postman couldn't remember the last time he'd spoken so much all at once, and when he'd finally finished, he fell silent as Fi processed the information. The sword pulsed as she thought things through, and a couple minutes passed before she spoke.

"Did you know the package you were to deliver had magical properties?" she asked.

"Yes." The Postman admitted. "I could sense the magic through the package."

"Did you suspect the mask salesman to be scheming something when you accepted the delivery?"

"Yes." The Postman admitted again.

"I see." Fi stated. "And now you're trying to figure out whether, or not to admit your part in what happened."

"Yes."

"And whether it is your fault." Fi added.

"Yes."

"It is your fault." Fi immediately replied. "If you had not brought the mask to Gaepora, he would not have been transformed. There is a 75% probability that he is dead, and a 89% probability that the villagers will blame you for it whether you confess or not."

The Postman slumped against the pedestal with a sigh. "That's what I thought."

There was silence for a few moments before the sword-spirit spoke up again. "You did not anticipate this happening." Fi said, almost in consolidation. "They may realize it was not intentional, and be lenient despite the odds against it."

The Postman didn't find that very reassuring. What was the penalty for murder on Skyloft? Execution?

"Do you regret your actions, postman?" Fi asked.

The Postman furrowed his brow. "I don't know." he answered honestly. "I had no other way to get here other than to make the deals I did, but I certainly didn't want anyone to die because of me..."

"Would you save him if you could?"

"It's my fault he was cursed in the first place, so I would help him if I knew how." The Postman replied decisively.

The sword hummed slightly as Fi thought this through. "The outcome of your fate depends on your actions." she said. "If you run, you have a 61% chance of getting away, but if you stay and confess then there's a 74% chance you will be executed."

"Those aren't very good odds..." The Postman observed.

"No." Fi agreed.

"How would they execute me?" he asked apprehensively.

"That I don't know." Fi admitted. "I could run all the numbers for every form of execution if you like."

"No, thank you." The Postman said. "There's no point in speculating."

"Speculating is what I do."

The Postman pondered for a moment. "If I'm executed, then my other two deliveries will never reach their recipients... That would be very disappointing for them."

"Then run." Fi suggested.

The sword spirit didn't sound like she cared one way or another, and The Postman considered the odds thoughtfully. Running seemed like an incredibly dishonest thing to do, but he also didn't relish the idea of dying.

"I suppose I'll run." The Postman said slowly. "I don't seem to have much of a choice."

"It is your decision, postman."

"You're sure they'll execute me over this?" The Postman asked. "Even if I explain everything?"

"I'm 74% sure." Fi replied. "And that is with me rounding down."

The Postman sighed and stared out towards the door. "Do you mind if I stay here for a while?" The Postman asked, eyes never leaving the sky. "I have to wait for dawn before I can leave."

"I do not mind." Fi replied. "But I must warn you, if you attempt to steal me, there's a 100% probability that you'll catch on fire."

"Understood." The Postman replied, falling into silence.

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Link raised his ocarina to his lips and played Epona's song. He had a long way to travel to find an enchanted Loftwing statue that would take him to the sky, and he hoped the Kokiri would be all right until he found them. It would take him weeks to get to the right type of enchanted statue, and he knew a lot could happen in that time.

Link leaned against the entrance to Hyrule Castletown with a sigh, and closed his eyes as he waited for Epona to arrive. He ran a hand absently through his hair and didn't notice when a shadow passed over him. Wide yellow eyes studied him from above but Link was none the wiser.

"Hoo hoot!"

Link's eyes snapped open and he looked up in surprise. A massive brown owl was perched on the branch of a tree, its head cocked to the side as it watched him.

"Kaepora Gaebora!" Link cried out in shock.

"Hello, young hero." the owl greeted. "You have grown since I've last seen you."

Link gave the owl a wide smile. It had been many years since he'd last seen him, and he had thought the owl had long since died. This was obviously not the case.

"It appears that it is time for you to have a new adventure." Kaepora Gaebora stated, his eyes seeming to pierce the hero. "I see many hardships and trials ahead of you. Follow your instincts; they will lead you through the darkness to come."

Link gave a solemn nod. "I will save Saria and the rest of the Kokiri." he assured the owl.

The owl twisted its head to a painful looking angle and gave a slow blink. "Hoot. Much more is happening than you realize, young hero." he stated.

"What do you mean?"

"Without the Kokiri's presence, the world has begun to wither. Soon the lands will be nothing but dust. Within days, the wars will start and they will be the bloodiest in all of history. Everyone will perish."

Link's eyes widened in horror. "No! I will stop it!" Link cried. "I will stop Ghirahim, and save the Kokiri!"

Link then paused as a thought occurred to him. "Only a few days? I can't get to a Loftwing statue within a few days! They're too far away!"

Kaepora Gaebora gave a small series of hoots which sounded like a chuckle. "There are many bird statues around." he stated. "You used my owl statues when you were just a child! Go to one of my statues!"

"But... your statues can't get me to the sky..."

Kaepora Gaebora's head was now upside down as he observed the hero and he gave another laugh. "Any of the sacred statues can be used to get to the sky, they share a magical link. Go to Termina, young one, your quest starts there."

Link hadn't known that the sacred statues were magically linked in such a way. If he had have known that earlier, it would've helped him on many quests. Now a new hope sparked within him, and he smiled up at the owl.

"Thank you, Kaepora Gaebora! I really appreciate it!"

"I am glad I could help you, young hero; that is my purpose in this world." Kaepora Gaebora said, flipping his head back around the right way. "Would you like to hear what I said again?"

"Er...no thank you."

"Very well. Good luck on your adventure, hero. We will meet again someday."

Without another word, the great owl spread its wings and flapped away, leaving Link to stare after him. There was a soft nudge against his arm, and Link glanced over to see Epona waiting for him.

"Took you long enough." he mumbled, mounting her. "Come on, let's work some of that fat off of you."

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Sakon groaned as someone shook his shoulder. Not ready to wake up yet, he rolled over, but the shaking persisted.

"Sakon?"

Sakon had a pounding headache, and there was an annoying beam of light from the window which seemed to burn through his eyelids. The shaking persisted, and much against his will, he began to wake up.

"Sakon!"

Letting out a loud, agonized moan, Sakon slowly opened his eyes, immediately wincing at the light.

"What?" he demanded, grumpily, closing his eyes against the blasted sunlight.

"Are you awake? Sakon?"

"Yes, yes." Sakon snapped. "I'm awake! What do you want?"

"I really need to talk to you...I need your advice."

Sakon let out an overly dramatic sigh. "And this couldn't have waited WHY?"

There was a moments silence. "I murdered Gaepora last night."

This caused Sakon to open his eyes fully, and stare up at The Postman in disbelief. "What?" he asked, certain he'd misheard.

The Postman bit his bottom lip, and then averted his gaze. "I murdered Headmaster Gaepora."

Sakon was sure he still didn't hear right, and he sat up, clutching at his head. "What? What are you talking about? You murdered somebody?"

The Postman nodded. "What should I do?"

Sakon squinted at him for a moment, and then let out a curse. "It is way too early in the morning for this." he groaned. "Why did you kill him? What happened?"

The Postman took a seat on the floor next to The Thief. "I didn't do it on purpose. The mask I delivered to Gaepora...it was evil."

Sakon gave him a flat look. "And you expected something else?" he demanded. "I warned you about doing deliveries for my uncle!"

"What do I do?" The Postman asked worriedly. "I've never killed anyone before!"

Sakon swore under his breath, and rubbed at his eyes, reaching for his backpack. Pulling out a healing potion to help with his hangover, he downed it, trying to get into a better frame of mind to deal with this. "He's dead?" he demanded. "For sure?"

"There's a 75% chance that he is..." The Postman said, uncertainly.

Sakon looked up at him. "What are you talking about?" he demanded.

"Never mind." The Postman replied, not wanting to explain. "I'm pretty sure he's dead."

"What did the mask do?" Sakon demanded.

"It transformed him." The Postman answered. "I saw him sprout feathers, and jump off the side of the island."

"Just feathers, or wings?" Sakon questioned.

"Just feathers."

Sakon swore again. "I told you not to deliver things for my uncle! I told you!" he cried. "We have to get out of here. Now. We're going to get the blame for this."

The Postman nodded as Sakon scrambled around searching for his pants, looking extremely irritated.

"You're so stupid." Sakon muttered. "They'll be out for our blood, and if we don't leave now, they'll throw us in some sort of dank cell together. No offense but I really don't want to spend the rest of my life with you in an inclosed space."

"No," The Postman corrected uneasily. "They'll execute us..."

Sakon gave him a dirty look. "Oh, this just keeps getting better and better. Couldn't you have chosen a less important person to kill?"

The Postman said nothing, and so Sakon sighed.

"Don't worry, we'll deal with this. We just need to get away before they notice what happened." The Thief informed him. "Sometimes these things happen. Don't worry about it, it'll be fine."

"Murder sometimes just happens?" The Postman questioned skeptically.

"When you're a villain it does." Sakon answered, struggling to pull his shirt over his head. "This happens to all of us at least once."

"But I-"

"Run now, think later." Sakon instructed. "Grab your stuff."

The Postman still felt uncertain about the whole situation, and he crossed his arms nervously. As Sakon pulled on one of his boots, he gave The Postman an uneasy look.

"Look, about what happened at the festival, I was drunk and I didn't mean-"

The Postman gave him an angry glare that clearly stated not to touch the topic, so Sakon went back to lacing his boots without a word. The silence only lasted a few seconds, however.

"I get stupid when I'm drunk." Sakon hesitantly offered, as he grabbed his crown off the floor.

The Postman still said nothing, and so Sakon left the conversation at that. Once Sakon was fully dressed, The Thief grabbed his backpack from under the bed, and hurriedly left the room, The Postman following silently behind.

When they entered the kitchen, they paused when they saw Pipit and his mother seated at the table eating breakfast. The knight raised a hand in greeting to them as his mother gave them a bright smile.

"Your clothes are clean and dry, dear." she said to The Postman. "They're folded on the counter there."

The Postman quickly grabbed his clean uniform, and shoved it into Sakon's backpack.

"Thank you, ma'am." he said politely, as Sakon pulled him towards the door. "I really appreciate it."

Mallara gave them a curious look. "Leaving already?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, ma'am, we have a lot of travel ahead of us, and need to get an early start."

"Don't you two want breakfast before leaving?" she questioned.

Sakon reached out, grabbed a few bagels, and then once again tugged at The Postman's arm.

The Postman however was a bit more polite than that. "Thank you, ma'am. We're in a hurry, and have to get going."

Pipit narrowed his eyes ever so slightly as they scurried out of the house, wondering exactly why they were in such a hurry. His instincts said they were up to something, but knew it wasn't very knightly to assume guilt without any real proof. He'd just wait and see what came of it.

Once outside, Sakon didn't relinquish his hold on The Postman's wrist, but continued pulling him as fast as he could across the island. They found the Loftwing resting nearby where they'd left it, and she gave an excited chirp when she saw them. As Sakon hurriedly tied his backpack onto the saddle, the Loftwing nuzzled him with her beak in affection, happy that she was going to fly again so soon. Sakon gave her a distracted pat, and then scrambled up onto her back as she obediently stayed still. As The Postman crawled up behind him, Sakon gave another aggravated sigh.

"I wasn't quite done with this place." he informed him. "I hardly stole anything!"

The Postman didn't answer, his eyes watching the houses for any sign of trouble. Everything was quiet and still, but he still felt uneasy. Sakon turned the Loftwing towards the island's edge, and then gave a light kick to the bird's sides.

"Fly!" Sakon ordered it. "Go on! Go, go, go!"

The Loftwing spread its wings wide, and then let out a happy shriek as it dove off the side of the island. Both men gripped the reins hard as it caught the wind, and they shot away from Skyloft and into the seemingly endless blue.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday!**


	41. I am Error

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 **Authornote: Thursday June 1st 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I have to work six days this week, and so I decided to update this chapter a day early before I forget. This chapter ended up being waaaay longer than anticipated, and I had to break it up into two parts otherwise it would have been a 14,000 word long chapter. We're almost up to 200 hundred reviews! WOOHOO! You guys are so awesome! I've never gotten so many reviews on any of my stories, and I'm completely thrilled! If you guys ever have any feedback at all, just let me know! I take suggestions very seriously. :D**

 **The Sunday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Rainmy -**You are completely correct. If The Postman hadn't witnessed Gaepora's transformation, he and Sakon would have been arrested. Fate does work in mysterious ways at times. ;)

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Everything about Kaepora Gaebora will eventually be explained, but not for quite a while. Absolutely everything is connected in some way.

Link got his Loftwing while he trained on SkyLoft. He has a Crimson Loftwing which is a very rare variety.

 **.**

 **darkerthanlight** \- Kaepora Gaebora is indeed Gaepora the headmaster. :) The details of that will be explained later on. I'm glad you're still enjoying the story!

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 **jigbashmop** \- It's definitely not a coincidence. :D I don't want to give too many spoilers, but there are indeed going to be pirates in this story.

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** \- Wow! I can't believe you read this whole thing in just two days! o_O (I'm a slow reader lol) That's really awesome, and I'm glad you like it so far!

I'm happy you like all the characters because I actually work very hard on keeping all the characters' personality consistent throughout. As the story goes on, certain events do cause slight changes in different characters, but I'm trying to make that development believable. Every single character I mention in this story, whether its an OC or a canon character, all have complete backstories in my mind so that it's easier to know how they would react in a certain situation. I always read every line of dialogue out loud in an attempt to avoid awkward/stilted conversations. If you ever notice anything seeming off, please don't hesitate to let me know!

LOL If The Postman wrote an autobiography, he would likely skip over any adventures he had, and simply explain each and every letter he delivered. Example: "On May the 5th I had my very first delivery to Ganondorf of the Gerudo Nation. He made me late for my next delivery, and I had to give myself a written warning for the infraction. It was a very disappointing day."

I always thought the same thing when Gaepora was introduced. I was totally expecting him to turn into an owl at any point. lol I thought I would create my own explanation for this which will be fully explained later on.

The Happy Mask Salesman has his own agenda, and is, by far, the most intelligent character in my story. He's already begun weaving his own webs, and everything he does is also connected with the main plot of the story. We will learn more about this later.

I have one last thing to add, I LOVE your userpic, it's absolutely hilarious! :D

.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 9**

 **I am Error**

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The Postman remained on edge all morning, and he kept glancing behind them, certain people would be coming after them. Although he hadn't slept at all the previous night, he was too worked up to feel tired, and he just wanted to get as far away from Skyloft as possible. Sakon hadn't seemed too bothered by the events, and The Postman wondered how many times something like this had happened to The Thief. Sakon contentedly napped for most of the morning, and then proceeded to complain for most of the afternoon about boredom.

The day had been pretty uneventful once the rush of escaping had died down, and they hadn't seen much of anything in hours. The islands seemed to be getting further and further apart, and Sakon was convinced they weren't going to find anything. The Postman had an odd feeling they were on the right track, but he wasn't entirely certain. His sense of direction was still skewed, but every now and then he thought he could sense who he was looking for far to the North. His magic was still far too weak to actually sense much of anything, but The Postman was determined, and he wasn't about to give up.

The Loftwing seemed a lot happier since their journey began, and her wings seemed to be getting larger, and stronger the more she flew. It seemed she was adjusting well to her new life in the sky, and she looked healthier in general, her feathers gleaming a dark magenta in the sunlight.

The Postman mostly tuned Sakon out, still too worried about being followed. Just as it was nearing sunset, Sakon spotted a small island in the distance, and took the Loftwing down for a rest. The moment she touched down, The Thief hopped down, eager to stretch his legs, and search for treasure. The tiny island had a single shack in the centre of it, and as The Postman slid down to the ground, Sakon hurried over to inspect it.

The Postman waited next to the Loftwing, having no interest in looting, and watched as Sakon disappeared into the shack. He was back a few minutes later looking disappointed.

"Someone lives there, but they don't have anything valuable." Sakon informed him with a sigh. "They're living like a hobo. There wasn't even any food."

The Postman furrowed his brow in concern. "Someone lives there?"

"They weren't home." Sakon assured him.

The Postman frowned over at the shack. "But it looked like someone does still live there?" he questioned.

Sakon plopped himself down on the edge of the island, and then nodded. "There were fresh flowers in a vase, and the house wasn't dusty or anything."

"I think we should move on." The Postman suggested. "The person who lives here could have been at the Sky Festival, and they might know about Gaepora's disappearance.

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Paranoid much?"

The Postman glanced at the setting sun, and then looked around for another island. He could see nothing at all, and his unease increased.

"I think we're trapped here for the night." The Postman commented.

"Well, wouldn't that mean the person who lives here is trapped somewhere else for the night, then?" Sakon pointed out. "That Pipsqueak guy said Loftwing's don't fly at night."

The Postman hadn't thought of that. "I suppose you're right." he admitted.

"Of course I am. I'm always right." Sakon announced. "Now relax, and stop worrying so much. We'll be fine."

Sakon whistled jauntily as he dug through his backpack, and The Postman took a seat next to him without a word. Sakon pulled out a fat loaf of bread, which he ripped in half, and thrust the smaller piece towards The Postman.

"Here." he said simply.

The Postman stared down at the bread, but didn't move to take it. "Where did you get that?" he demanded. "I didn't see you buy any groceries at Skyloft."

Sakon took a bite of his own piece of bread before responding. "The girls showed me around Skyloft last night during the festival. I found a few interesting things in the market, and got a few healing potions."

The Postman gave the offered bread another uncertain look. "I thought the market was closed last night for the festival?"

"It was."

The Postman frowned at the bread. "Did you steal this?" he asked.

"What do you think?"

The Postman didn't like the idea of stealing from hardworking people, and knew this would do nothing to endear them to the villagers. When the thefts were discovered, they'd have even more charges levelled against them. The Postman crossed his arms and looked away with a sigh.

"If you're going to be all high and mighty about it, you could always forage for nuts or berries or something." Sakon suggested, clearly not caring either way. "I think I saw some weird looking mushrooms over by those rocks you could gnaw on."

The Postman glanced over and saw the strange fist-sized orange and green mushrooms just on the other side of the island. One of them burst open as he stared at it, and a strange yellow spore cloud floating away on the breeze. There was the faint scent of sulphur, and without a word The Postman reached over and accepted the bread.

"Quit moping." Sakon ordered, with a frown. "It's getting annoying. We got away, and that's all that matters. No one's going to catch us."

"Yeah." The Postman agreed, somewhat reluctantly.

The Postman stared out across the sky as he ate his piece of bread, wondering what became of Gaepora. Were Fi's calculations correct? Was Gaepora likely dead, and it was all his fault? Was he really a murderer? Why did the The Happy Mask Salesman want to do this to the headmaster? What reason could he possibly have? There was no way an old man living in the Skyworld would affect anything The Happy Mask Salesman was up to. There had to be some aspect of this that he simply didn't see.

The Postman had always prided himself in being the best postman in the lands, able to deliver to anyone from anyone, but lately it seemed his tenaciousness caused more problems than good. Only two months prior he'd caused an all out war between the races, all because he'd managed to get himself involved with Ganondorf. If he hadn't joined with Ganondorf, there wouldn't have been a war.

Every time The Postman delivered for, or to any of the villains, something bad always seemed to happen. It seemed his actions always set off a chain reaction of other events which in turn made horrible things happen. He wanted to be an efficient postman, but he didn't want creatures to get hurt because of him. Just how important was the mail in comparison to a life? Should he perhaps consider re-evaluating his priorities? Exactly where would he draw the line with delivering for, or to villains? Was he in this too deep to cut himself off from all aspects of villainy?

A hard, crusty piece of bread struck The Postman directly on the temple, and he glanced over at Sakon who was giving him a disapproving look. The Thief threw a second piece at him which struck his forehead, and The Postman frowned.

"Hey, I said to quit moping!" Sakon said, pulling back his arm to throw another.

"Stop that." The Postman ordered, when a third piece struck him.

"No, not until you quit looking like someone just killed your mother." Sakon replied, throwing another large piece at him.

The Postman caught it. "I was just thinking about my job." he explained.

"Yeesh." Sakon commented. "I'd look like that too if I was thinking about your crummy job. You should just quit, and come back to the Gerudo City."

Now that he was no longer being assaulted with bread, The Postman glanced back out into the sky. "I was thinking about the villains I've gotten mixed up with because of my job." he continued. "Nothing good has come of me giving mail service to villains."

"Then stop being a mailman." Sakon retorted. "You don't even like it."

The Postman shook his head. "I'm not meant to be a villain." he explained. "If I'm going to be expected to commit murder, this isn't something I'll ever be able to do. I never meant to hurt Gaepora, and he's probably dead because of me. I should cut off all contact with villains before I completely ruin myself."

"Hey, I'm one of those villains!" Sakon protested. "You count me as one of the good things that's happened to you, right?"

The Postman hesitated for a very long moment, before he finally answered. "I guess so."

Sakon gave him a scowl. "You paused way too long." he said. "See if I ever share my food with you again, you jerk."

"Sorry."

Sakon didn't actually seem too terribly angry, and he gave a long, lazy stretch. Sakon knew he was quite a despicable person, and didn't expect anyone to think otherwise. He'd spent most of his life as a villain after all.

"You know," Sakon began, leaning back in the grass. "The islands are getting farther and farther apart. What happens if we leave this island and never find another? I don't really feel like plummeting to my death any time soon."

"We're going the right way." The Postman assured him.

"How do you know for sure?" Sakon asked, skeptically.

"I don't." The Postman admitted. "My magic still isn't working properly, but I just feel like it's the right way."

"No, darling, that's called being a crazy person." Sakon drawled. "We should have gotten a map from Skyloft."

The Postman rolled his eyes at The Thief, and slowly got to his feet. A map actually would have been a good idea.

"I'm going to see if the Loftwing is hungry." he said, crossing the short distance to the bird without another word. "It may need to hunt."

Sakon frowned as he watched The Postman run his hands through the Loftwing's feathers, speaking softly to it as he offered it the rest of his bread. The Postman truly wasn't like any villain he had ever met, and he refused to believe that The Postman was simply a civilian. He knew The Postman enjoyed working for Ganondorf, even if he'd never admit it. He just couldn't understand why The Postman kept trying to cling to his old life so vehemently.

"Well, at least we have shelter for tonight." Sakon said, pointing over at the house. "I bet this guy has booze hidden somewhere too."

The Postman glanced over, and then shook his head. "I don't feel comfortable staying in someone's house without their permission."

"Why?"

"Because it's not right." The Postman replied firmly.

Sakon rolled his eyes, and got to his feet. "Fine, darling, suit yourself. Sleep outside, and freeze on the cold, hard ground. I'm going inside where it's warm and cosy."

Without another word, Sakon grabbed his backpack, and headed for the shack. The Postman watched him go, and simply shook his head.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Link rode Epona as fast as she could go towards Termina. He didn't know of any owl statues in Hyrule and so he would take Kaepora Gaebora's advice, and find the nearest one in Termina. He had used the Terminian statues often as a child, and knew where every one was located. It was several hours ride to the outskirts of Termina and Link hoped the Kokiri could hold out until he got there. It was now the third day since they'd been kidnapped, and he feeling incredibly apprehensive.

Epona wheezed at the exertion of riding for so long, having grown lazy during her stay with Sakon, and let out an angry snort when Link urged her faster. She'd quite enjoyed her two months being spoiled as if she were a pet, and this unwanted exercise left her out of breath and irritable.

When they reached the outskirts of Termina, Epona slowed down, despite Link urging her to go faster, and crossed the fields at a slow trot. Giving in, Link allowed her to catch her breath as they headed for the swamp.

Even Termina was affected by the Kokiri's disappearance, the plants and trees brown and dead everywhere he looked. Link realized the entire world was turning into a wasteland, and he knew people would start dying if he didn't save the Kokiri soon.

Passing Clocktown, Epona clopped her way through an enormous empty log outside of the swamp, still breathing hard and Link petted her neck encouragingly. The Jellies they passed seemed a lot smaller than usual, almost as if they were evaporating, and none bothered the hero in the least. Despite the Jellies being monsters, Link still felt concerned for them. Their entire race was in jeopardy, and if Link wasn't fast enough, they'd likely disappear completely.

Epona reached the entrance to the swamp, and just as they were about to enter, a voice called out startling him.

"Mr. Fairy!"

Link stopped Epona, and glanced one way and then the other. There was no one in sight.

"Mr. Fairy! Up here! Look up, Mr. Fairy!"

Link looked up, and saw Tingle floating above with his bright red balloon, just a few feet over the hero's head.

"Tingle?" Link questioned in surprise, wondering how the fairy man had managed to sneak up on him.

"Yes, Mr. Fairy!" Tingle cried, looking incredibly pleased with himself. "Tingle has finally found you!"

Link was silent as he watched the strange little fairy man pull on a few strings on his balloon, lowering himself down to Link's eye-level.

"Tingle has been looking and looking for you, Sir!"

"What is it, Tingle?" Link asked in concern.

"Tingle needs your help; something terrible has happened! Something horrible! The worst thing that could ever happen in the history of the universe!"

Link felt his concern increase, and wondered how the drought was affecting the normally happy and cheery Tingle. "What happened?" Link asked. "Is someone hurt? Are you hurt? Did something happen to your father?"

Tingle violently shook his head. "No, Sir, it is much worse than that!"

Link wondered what could possibly be worse than someone being hurt. "What is it?" he asked again. "Tell me what happened!"

Tingle bit his lip, and looked like he was trying hard to hold back tears. "The fairy springs in Clocktown have all dried up! All the fairies have left, and now Tingle will never get a fairy of his own! They're all gone!"

"...oh." Link responded, used to much bigger calamities than that. "They're probably up in the mountains. Fairies migrate when their springs dry up..."

"Bring them back, Mr. Fairy!" Tingle cried, the perfect picture of desperation. "Bring back the fairies for Tingle!"

"They'll come back once the water is restored." Link informed him. "When I rescue the Kokiri the water will-"

"Save the fairies, Sir!" Tingle interrupted, his face crumpling in grief. "Please, please save them!"

Link stared at the small man whose eyes were brimming with tears, and found himself nodding. "I'll save them." Link assured him. "I'll bring the fairies back."

Tingle was instantly all smiles, and he let out a deep breath of relief. "Thank you, Sir! Thank you! Please bring them back!"

"I will." Link promised.

Tingle then threw a handful of sparkles into Link's face. "Tingle, Tingle, Koo-loo Limpah! These are the magic words Tingle created himself. They will bring you good luck on your journey! Don't steal them!"

As Link rode into the swamp, Tingle beamed, once again having hope that he'd one day have a fairy of his own. He danced his finest fairy dance as the hero disappeared from sight.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman slept that night curled up next to the Loftwing, her feathers keeping him warm from the nightly frost. He awoke just as the sun was beginning to rise, and opened his eyes just in time to see the Loftwing take off in flight to hunt for her breakfast. Knowing she could be gone for a while, he sat up and gave a stretch, turning his gaze to the shack. Getting up, he gave one last stretch before he began heading to the shack to find Sakon.

He didn't like the idea of entering someone's house while they were away, but had a feeling Sakon would sleep all day if he didn't wake him. To his complete surprise, Sakon was already awake and sitting at the kitchen table drinking a massive cup of coffee. When he saw The Postman, he gave a wave, and pushed an empty mug towards him.

"I made coffee if you want some." he offered.

The Postman hesitantly approached. "You're up early." he observed.

Sakon waved him off. "Naw, I slept too much on the Loftwing yesterday so I was up all night. I tried to wake you a few times but you're a really heavy sleeper. It's a good thing I'm here to protect you, or anyone could have snuck up and killed you during your sleep!"

The Postman glanced around the house and saw it was very shabby, but clean. The Postman frowned at the coffee, having a feeling it was stolen.

"Did you find that coffee here?" he asked.

Sakon nodded, and took a huge gulp from his mug.

"The person who lives here seems to be very poor, Sakon. It's not right to take food from someone like this."

Sakon gave him an unimpressed look. "A pot of coffee isn't going to bankrupt them." he stated. "Relax."

"I think you should leave a few rupees to pay for it."

Sakon let out a snort. "Not a chance. This was stolen fair and square."

Hearing the sound of flapping wings, The Postman turned and saw the Loftwing had returned. She had something large and furry in her beak, and as he watched, she swallowed it whole. Wondering where she'd found prey so close by, he watched as she hopped over to him, trilling happily. She poked her head through the kitchen window, and to The Postman's amusement, Sakon nearly jumped a mile. The Thief scowled at the Loftwing.

"She did that on purpose." he accused. "Dumb bird."

The Loftwing screeched at him, and Sakon glared at her. "Why don't you make yourself useful and lay an egg or something so we can have breakfast?"

The Loftwing cocked her head at him.

"Loftwings aren't like cuccos." The Postman explained. "They can't lay an egg every day, they only lay one every ten years. That's why Loftwings are so critically endangered."

"And you know this how?" Sakon questioned.

"It was in one of the books I read at the library."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Of course it was."

The Loftwing pulled her head back out of the window, and The Postman heard her take to the air once more.

"Now you've upset her, and we need to leave soon!" The Postman scolded.

"I'm not leaving until I have at least two more cups of this." Sakon informed him. "This is really good coffee, you should try some."

"I'm not drinking stolen coffee."

"You ate stolen bread last night." Sakon pointed out.

The Postman frowned. "I suppose I can't really argue with that."

The Postman heard flapping once more, and was relieved the Loftwing hadn't gone too far.

"Can't you just bring it with you?" The Postman asked. "I don't want to stay here. What if the owner comes back?"

"The owner IS back!" snarled a voice directly behind him.

The Postman spun around just in time for a fist to hit him hard in the stomach, knocking him to the ground. As The Postman clutched at his stomach in pain, he looked up and saw an old man with a tangled white beard standing over him. The man glared down at him, and pointed a boney finger at him.

"Stay down there if you know what's good for you." he warned, his eyes narrowed. "Or I'll slit your throat!"

The Postman looked over at Sakon and saw The Thief's expression had darkened considerably. Setting down his mug of coffee, Sakon stood to his feet and drew his dagger, clearly ready for a fight.

"Sakon, don't!"

Sakon didn't lower the dagger, and he barely spared The Postman a glance, his entire attention on the stranger. The old man held a very sharp looking sickle in one hand, and he too readied himself for a fight. Sakon's normally mischievous green eyes were as hard as stone, and he carefully looked the man up and down, clearly calculating something. His expression was completely blank, and it was actually quite intimidating. The Postman had never seen Sakon look like this before, and he was suddenly very aware that there was a reason Ganondorf had chosen Sakon for his thief.

Without any warning, Sakon launched himself at the man who barely had time to block the attack. The man clearly had some sort of combat training, because he not only blocked the attack but managed to push Sakon away from him, and slashed out at him with the sickle. Sakon went in for another attack, but The Postman reached out and grabbed him by one of the legs. Not expecting it, Sakon fell flat on his face, and The Postman scrambled to pin him down.

"Sakon, stop!" The Postman ordered. "He's just an old man! Don't hurt him!"

Sakon struggled, and he tossed The Postman off of him. Just as he was getting back to his feet, The Postman lunged at him, and again knocked him flat to the ground.

"Sakon!"

It was then that The Postman felt the blade of the sickle against his throat. Carefully not moving a muscle, The Postman 's eyes shifted over to the old man who reached out towards him. Grabbing The Postman by the hair, he pulled him up in front of him as a human shield, the sickle still held to his throat.

"You, stay where you are!" the man ordered Sakon. "Move an inch, and your friend's neck will be smiling!"

Sakon looked up, and gave the old man a furious look, but he didn't move. The man tightened his grip on The Postman's hair, and pulled his head back so he could look into his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he demanded. "I won't tolerate thieves on my island!"

"I'm not a thief." The Postman stated, and winced as his hair was yanked even harder. "...well, he is, but I'm not. We didn't come here to steal from you."

"Oh?" the man questioned, clearly not believing him. "Looked like you were stealing to me!"

"Sakon did take some coffee, and I know he shouldn't have. I'm sorry for that, Sir. We'll pay you for the coffee."

The man yanked The Postman's hair again. "Darn right you will!" he snapped. "I don't have anything worth stealing, so why are you here?"

"We were traveling last night, and our Loftwing needed somewhere to rest. I didn't see any other islands close by, so we had no choice."

"A likely story!" the man snarled. "That man looks like a criminal!"

"We were just about to leave when you returned." The Postman told him, hoping the man wasn't going to yank all his hair out. "We don't want any trouble, Sir."

"Well, you've found trouble!" the man announced. "I will not be victimized just because I'm old!"

"Let him go." Sakon ordered, his eyes narrowed. "Now."

The old man glared down at The Thief. "I don't think so. The moment I let him go, you're going to attack again."

Sakon's expression said this was true.

"We won't attack you." The Postman promised, looking over at Sakon plaintively. "Right, Sakon?"

When Sakon didn't answer, The Postman glared at him. "Sakon, he's just an old man that was defending his home. He's not going to hurt us. There's no reason to fight a civilian when we were in the wrong. We need to apologize, and pay for the stolen coffee."

Sakon glared right back at him. "Fine." he relented. "I won't kill the geezer unless he makes a move to attack. He needs to let you go right now though."

"No." the man replied. "I need to consider what I'm going to do with the pair of you. He's staying with me for the time being."

To The Postman's surprise, the old man ushered him into the house, and the door was closed and locked, leaving Sakon outside. Sakon was instantly to his feet and he began pounding on the door angrily.

"I'm fine, Sakon." The Postman called over. "Just be patient, please."

The pounding at the door stopped. A moment later, Sakon was peering in through the open window at them, expression still furious. The window was much too small to climb through, but he seemed a bit more calm when he saw The Postman was unharmed. The old man finally released his hold on The Postman's hair, and then pointed to the kitchen table.

"Sit." he ordered.

The Postman did as he was told. The old man removed a very large backpack that had been slung over one shoulder, and lowered it to the floor. The Postman watched as he emptied out various grocery items and put them away all the while keeping a firm grasp on the sickle. Although he looked to be ignoring him, The Postman had a feeling that if he moved so much as a toe, the man would be on him in an instant.

"You seem more reasonable than that brute." the man stated, glaring over at Sakon.

Sakon responded with a not a so polite word, and so the man slammed the window closed, nearly hitting Sakon on the nose. Now that Sakon was no longer breathing down his neck, the man seemed to relax a bit.

"He's not so bad." The Postman assured him. "Sakon's just a bit impulsive, but he's not a bad person."

The old man raised an eyebrow. "If you say so. Now, explain to me what you're doing so far from the populated islands."

"I'm a postman, Sir, and I have a couple letters to deliver. I've been looking for a man named Ghirahim."

The old man's eyes widened momentarily, and he turned away so The Postman couldn't see his face. "You work for Ghirahim?" he demanded.

"No, Sir. I'm a public postman, I work for everyone."

"Does that brute outside work for him?"

"No, Sir."

To The Postman's surprise, the man proceeded to pull a frying pan out of the cupboard and set it on the stove. As he lit the stove, he glanced over his shoulder at The Postman.

"Why are you delivering a letter to a villain?"

"It's my job, Sir. Ghirahim did something to the land beneath the clouds, and I need to deliver this letter to him as fast as possible."

"You're from the land beneath the clouds?" the man asked in surprise.

"Yes, Sir."

"I see...I did think your accent was a bit strange, but I never imagined you were from the land beneath the clouds! I suppose that means Hylia's barrier truly has fallen..."

"Sir?" The Postman questioned.

"You should not have been able to find this place because an impenetrable barrier of clouds protected our Skyworld from outsiders. A few months ago, however, a man by the name of Ghirahim made himself known to us, and he singlehandedly destroyed the Southern Village of Almah."

Remembering the destroyed village they'd found, The Postman frowned. "But why would he do something like that?"

"There was only one survivor, a small boy, and his account wasn't very reliable as he had been hiding the entire time during the attack. He said Ghirahim was searching for information about a sacred temple to the North of our world. Once he had what he needed, Ghirahim vanished from the island, leaving behind a monstrous creature to devour the villagers. The boy lost his entire family, and he was horribly traumatized by the event."

The Postman felt badly for the boy, and he frowned down at the floor as the man continued.

"I'm not sure why Hylia's barrier has fallen, but it's going to mean bad things for our world. Your presence here means our safety is in jeopardy."

"We're not here to hurt anyone." The Postman assured him.

The man snorted skeptically as he cracked a few eggs into the hot pan. "You don't really seem like a villain, but your companion is the very definition of suspicious looking."

The Postman glanced to the window where Sakon was still glaring in at them.

"Sakon's had a hard life." The Postman defended. "He was an orphan who had to take care of himself, and it's made him somewhat..." The Postman trailed off, not quite sure how to end that sentence. "But he's really not a bad person, he thought you were trying to kill us."

"Hmm." the man responded, adding a few slices of bacon to the pan. "I'll give you the benefit of the doubt on that one."

"What is your name, young man?"

"Jihiro, Sir."

"And your friend is Sakon."

"Yes, Sir."

"I am Error."

The Postman cocked his head. "Error?"

The old man nodded. "You may be surprised to learn this, but I once lived in a land called Hyrule. I was born on Skyloft, and I trained my whole life as a knight, but one day, about ten years ago, I fell and my Loftwing wasn't able to catch me in time."

The Postman's eyes widened. "You fell?!"

"I did." Error confirmed. "I was certain I was about to die, and I blacked out on the way down. When I awoke, I was safe on the ground, and completely unharmed. To this day I don't know how it happened. The goddess Hylia may have shown me mercy and saved my life, but I don't know for sure."

"What did you do?" The Postman asked in fascination.

"I settled in a town called Ruto, named after some sort of fish princess. I lived there for a year until I met a young hero who helped me return home."

"Was his name Link?" The Postman guessed.

Error's eyes widened in surprise. "You know him?!"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir. I've known him since he was a child."

Error grinned at him. "Link's a fine boy, and I'll always be grateful to him. I would have lived out the rest of my days in Hyrule if it wasn't for him. I missed the Skyworld terribly."

"But you live so far away from everyone!" The Postman pointed out. "Why don't you live on Skyloft?"

Error gave a shrug. "I love the Skyworld, but I dislike people. I'm very content to live here alone with my Loftwing. I only go to villages twice a month to get supplies."

The Postman gave him a nod. "Now that you understand our mission, will you let us leave your island?"

Error narrowed his eyes slightly. "Not quite yet. There's just one thing that I'm not understanding."

"Yes?"

"Why were you sent to find Ghirahim, and not Link? This isn't adding up."

"Link is coming." The Postman responded. "He's either already ahead of us, or very close behind. Sakon and I had to make a couple unexpected stops during our journey, so I can't be sure."

"Oh!" Error exclaimed. "Link's coming to the Skyworld?"

"Yes, Sir."

"And he's going to defeat that fiend Ghirahim?"

"Probably."

Error looked extremely relieved. "Thank the goddesses for that boy. This world would be in ruins if it weren't for him."

"So...is it alright for us to leave, Sir? It's very important that I'm not late."

"No."

"No?" The Postman questioned in disbelief. "Why not?"

"Not until you take this with you."

Error held out a bag, and The Postman realized the old man had made him breakfast.

"Oh! Thank you, Sir!"

"You're too thin." Error commented. "Have a good breakfast, and don't share with that ruffian out there."

The Postman accepted the bag, and very hesitantly got to his feet. Error made no move to stop him.

"I'll pay for the stolen coffee, Sir."

"No, you won't. He will." Error said, pointing towards the window. "He's the one who stole it, so he's the one who'll pay for it."

The Postman nodded. "That's fair. How much do you want?"

"Ten rupees."

The Postman approached the window, and opened it. Sakon was still standing there scowling.

"You need me to break in there and rescue you?" The Thief asked.

"He wants ten rupees for the coffee, and then I'm free to go."

"Ten rupees just for some coffee?!"

"Just pay him so we can go."

Letting out an irritated sigh, Sakon dug in his pocket and pulled out a handful of rupees. Handing over two blue, he then crossed his arms to wait. The Postman placed the rupees on the kitchen table, and gave an uncertain look to the old man.

"Am I free to go?" he asked.

Error nodded. "Yes, and don't come back or I won't be so forgiving. I don't like strangers, and I like thieves even less."

"Yes, Sir." The Postman said, heading for the door. "It was nice meeting you."

"Don't fly too far from an island today." Error advised. "Always keep one in your sights."

The Postman paused halfway out the door. "Why?" he asked.

"The sky is looking dangerous today; I think there's going to be a bad storm. If the sky starts getting dark, try to find shelter."

The Postman nodded. "Thank you for the warning. Goodbye, Sir."

The moment The Postman was out of the house, the door was closed and then locked. Sakon rounded the corner, and seemed a bit relieved to see him unharmed.

"Should I go beat him up for you, Darling?"

"No, he's fine." The Postman assured him. "He made me breakfast."

Sakon squinted at him in confusion. "...really?"

The Postman held up the bag.

"Are you going to share?"

The Postman glanced back towards the house. "He told me not to, but wait until we're away from the island, and I will."

The Postman glanced over, and saw their Loftwing sitting beside a bedraggled looking black Loftwing. The Two Loftwing's were trilling at each other in a friendly manner, but the moment they approached, the black Loftwing screeched at them and flew off.

"Let's get out of here before that crazy hermit tries to kidnap you again."

Sakon mounted the Loftwing, and The Postman scrambled up after him. As they took to the air, The Postman frowned down at the tiny island.

"He said it's going to storm today."

Sakon sighed. "Wonderful. At least my backpack is water-proof."

"I wonder how bad the storm will be?" The Postman wondered out loud. "Are we too high up for lightening?"

Sakon glanced over his shoulder incredulously. "You're asking me?"

"Just voicing my thoughts." The Postman replied. "I hope we can just fly through it if it's not too bad."

"Ugh, I hate being wet." Sakon commented, reaching for the bag of breakfast. "So, what'd the hermit give us?"

The Postman watched as Sakon opened the bag, and he pulled out a handful of sandwiches.

"Oh, breakfast sandwiches!" Sakon commented in surprise. "And there's four of them!"

The Postman realized Error had sent enough for Sakon as well, even though he'd told The Postman not to share. The old man clearly knew The Postman wouldn't listen to him.

"We should save two for lunch." The Postman suggested.

Sakon nodded. "You want the bacon off mine, or should I feed it to the bird?"

"If you don't want it, I'll take it." The Postman replied, wondering how Sakon could possibly dislike bacon.

Sakon passed The Postman back a sandwich with the extra bacon, and took a bite of his own sandwich.

"I hope that hermit didn't poison these."

"He didn't." The Postman assured him. "I saw him make them."

"Stop getting yourself kidnapped by the way." Sakon complained. "Only pretty girls get themselves kidnapped, and you are not pretty, and you are not a girl. That dirty hermit could have slit your throat."

The Postman didn't answer, instead turning his gaze to the sky. "He told me that Ghirahim was responsible for destroying that village we found. He left the Hinox behind to kill everyone on the island so there would be no witnesses. There was one survivor, however. Ghirahim was looking for information on a temple located to the North, and I think we should head in that direction."

Sakon nodded. "When you find him, just deliver the letter, and then hightail it out of there. You don't need to be messing around with other villains."

"I have no intention of doing anything besides delivering my letters." The Postman assured him.

"Good." Sakon said, leaning back. "I'm going to take a nap for a while. As per usual, don't let me fall off."

For the next couple hours, The Postman was alone with his thoughts. The islands were getting further apart, and they seemed to also be getting smaller. Some islands were barely the size of a wagon-wheel, and The Postman hoped they weren't going the wrong way.

The Postman stared straight ahead, feeling like they were nearing something, but he saw nothing as far as the eye could see. The sky was as empty and clear as before, but something still felt off to him.

Sakon was snoring loudly, slumped against the Loftwing's neck, and The Postman intended to let Sakon sleep for as long as he wanted, glad to have a break from the constant teasing. The Postman had a hold of the reins, steering the Loftwing farther and farther North. Sometimes he'd catch a glimpse of what looked like a patch of dark clouds far ahead, but every time he'd near them, they would dissipate.

The Loftwing didn't seem tired in the least, and she soared contentedly, feeling free for the first time in her life. When The Postman asked if she needed a break, she sped up just to prove her point. The Postman didn't ask again, assuming she would know when she needed to rest.

As they got farther North, The Postman saw many small islands ahead, and the sky began to darken as they approached, the black clouds getting thicker by the second. The Postman knew chasing a storm probably wasn't the smartest idea when one was in the sky, but he saw no way around, and nowhere else to land. The storm looked somehow unnatural, not moving with the wind as it should have been, and the clouds were growing so thick he couldn't see through it. The Postman continued onwards, sure there was some sort of connection between the storm and Ghirahim.

Just minutes later, the sky had turned completely black, and the winds had grown fierce, the storm much closer. There was a loud rumble of thunder, and the Loftwing began to get a bit nervous, struggling against the harsh winds. The Postman caught a hold of Sakon's backpack before it rolled off the Loftwing and slipped it over his shoulder, his eyes never leaving the storm. That's when the rain started, and Sakon woke with a yelp of surprise, already completely soaked. He stared around himself with wide eyes, and then looked over his shoulder at The Postman just as there was another crash of thunder.

"By the goddesses!" Sakon yelled over the winds. "I leave you in charge for 2 seconds and you steer the Loftwing into a hurricane!"

The Postman didn't answer, too busy trying to keep his hold on the reins as the violent winds ripped over them. Lightening flashed just beside them, causing the Loftwing to let out a screech, and Sakon visibly jumped.

"Take us down now!" The Thief ordered. "Find an island, and land before we die!"

Still, The Postman didn't answer, sensing a strong magic all around them. The magic had a dark, and oily feel to it, and he tried to sense out Ghirahim, but his powers were still too weak. Feeling like they were being watched by this odd magic, The Postman urged the Loftwing on, doubting this was a real storm. Nothing felt right, and The Postman stared into the storm, trying to catch sight of anything unusual. There was another crash of thunder that roared all around them, and Sakon reached out and snatched the reins away from The Postman.

"We're landing!" Sakon bellowed, trying to be heard over the storm. "I'm not dying because of your stupid job!"

The rain was coming down so hard, they couldn't see around them, and Sakon squinted, trying in vain to catch sight of somewhere to land. Lightening was flashing all around them now, and the Loftwing was in a full panic, flying blind and not listening to Sakon's commands. The thickest black clouds seemed to be gathering in just one spot ahead of them, the winds ripping about violently, and the rain stung their faces painfully. The clouds began to swirl and spin as the wind ripped at them, and Sakon swore loudly, his eyes on the dangerous funnel of clouds.

"You steered us directly into a tornado!" he screamed back accusingly at The Postman. "You're an idiot! If I die, it's completely your fault!"

The Postman stared at the tornado ahead, certain he could sense something deep within it, some sort of a swirling energy. The tornado spun in place almost as if it were watching them, and The Postman wiped the rain out of his eyes as he stared back. He felt the strange magic lightly brush at his mind, and The Postman mentally swatted it away. The magic now felt curious and confused, and The Postman once again felt as if he was being stared at.

There was a deafening roar of thunder as the sky was lit by a huge flash of lightening, and the tornado spun all the faster. Sakon wrapped the reins around his wrists, trying his best to get in control of the situation, but the storm seemed to have other ideas. The tornado came at them without warning, and both let out a cry of surprise as it slammed into them with the force of a brick wall. The Postman was violently thrown from the Loftwing's back, and he only got a glimpse of the Loftwing and Sakon being pulled in the opposite direction as he fell down into the darkness below.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	42. The Cracked Core

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 **Authornote: Saturday June 3rd 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another early update, and another long chapter! lol We made 200 hundred reviews last chapter! WOOHOO! You guys are so awesome! Lunar Loon was the 200th reviewer! I'm so happy with the amount of reviews right now! Knowing people are enjoying my story really motivates me, and it makes me do a happy dance every time I get one :D :D**

 **The Friday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Rainmy -**From a very early age, Sakon quickly learned he had to be tougher and meaner than everyone else around him, otherwise he became a victim. When he first arrived at the Gerudo City when he was a child, he was still sweet and innocent, but that was quickly stomped out of him. He was bullied by the others in his training class until he started fighting back. Sakon cares more about surviving than being a nice guy, and he would have murdered Error if he thought for even an instant he was a threat.

I got quite far into Zelda 2, but I can't remember why i stopped. I have a really bad habit of playing games right up until the final level and then losing interest. lol

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 **Reiz16** -You know I have to be a nerd and throw in an Error reference. lol :D Don't worry about Sakon. Sakon is like a stray cat; you feed him once, and he keeps coming back. What boy who died in the Ghirahim attack? Do you mean the boy who didn't die? No, we won't see him in this story. :)

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 **darkerthanlight** -Ok, here we go! darkerthanlight vs The Happy Mask Salesman! Place your bets! :p I always love sneaking in a Zelda 2 reference here and there. lol How could I NOT use Ghirahim's tornado? If a villain has tornado powers, it's definitely something I'm going to exploit. I'm surprised it wasn't sparkly though lol

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 **jigbashmop** \- Muha ha ha! Cliffhanger! Actually, it originally was not a cliffhanger, because last chapter and this chapter were all one chapter. It was waaay too long though, so i had to split it up somewhere. I can't say whether you're right or wrong about your guess because it would give away spoilers. The sword of Mcdonaldscarpediem is rather mysterious however. ;)

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 **Lunar Loon** \- Yes, he never has an easy time. Chaos follows him everywhere he goes. :D Thanks for the 200th review!

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 **Guest** \- You are correct. Although The Postman was bored, he doesn't hate being a postman. He enjoys the neatness and the order of being a postman, and it's something he's very good at. He just got used to having adventure and excitement around him at all times. Given the choice, he would always choose to be a postman rather than anything else. This is something Sakon can't understand because he's been a criminal since he was a child. He couldn't imagine having to suffer through such a boring job. He probably wouldn't last one day as a postman. He'd steal all the packages, and then quit. lol

The Postman's horizons have begun to broaden, and he has lost some of his naivety, but he still an innocent soul in all this. lol I'm glad you've been enjoying the story so far, and thanks for the review! :D

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 10**

 **The Cracked Core**

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The Postman was surrounded by darkness, unable to see, and unable to move. The darkness was thick, and seemed to be a physical force, and it caught him in mid-air. He could hear the tornado howling all around him, and he realized he must be in the direct centre of it. The darkness squeezed in on him from all directions, and he couldn't move at all, barely able to take a breath. The strange magic from before began prodding at his mind again, and he gave it a shove, not liking the invasion of privacy.

The space about him wasn't empty as it should have been, and he could hear whispers and movement all around him. The darkness seemed to have a life of its own, and several times he felt something brush up against him, but he could never see what it was. It was as if he'd suddenly gone blind. He briefly wondered if he had died, but he quickly dismissed that idea because he could still feel the rain against his skin. Having no choice, he could only float weightlessly in the void, waiting for something to happen.

"Er, hello?" The Postman called out hesitantly.

There was a deep chuckle from somewhere deep within the darkness, and The Postman looked all around himself uselessly.

"You are not what I expected to find when I pulled you from your Loftwing." a whispered voice commented. "I was expecting someone else..."

"I apologize, Sir." The Postman said automatically. "I didn't mean to inconvenience you. Did you cause this storm, Sir?"

"I did."

"Are you planning on killing me?" The Postman asked in trepidation.

Again, there was a chuckle. "Not yet." the voice informed him. "Where would the fun be in that? Your magic is strange, and it fascinates me."

The Postman recognized Ghirahim's voice, and again tried to see through the darkness. He couldn't see the villain, and the voice seemed to come from all directions at once. The Postman was turned this way and that, as he was inspected, but he still couldn't move. He could feel eyes burning into him as he was looked over, and he remained silent, simply waiting.

"You don't seem like much." Ghirahim finally informed him. "What is this magic I sense in you? It's something dark and unnatural."

The Postman wasn't even entirely certain himself about what was wrong with his magic, and so he remained silent, not sure what he could say. Ghirahim hummed thoughtfully, but changed the subject.

"Were you following me?"

"Yes, Sir." The Postman answered honestly. "I've been looking all over for you."

"I knew someone was following me. I assumed you were a certain pesky hero, but I don't know you." Ghirahim said. "At first I ignored you, but you seem quite determined. Not many people would force their Loftwings into a storm like this. What is it you want? Who are you?"

"I'm a postman, Sir, and I have a letter for you."

"A letter?" Ghirahim exclaimed in surprise. "What nonsense are you babbling about?"

"I'm a postman, from Hyrule, Mr. Ghirahim. I was asked to deliver a letter to you, and I've been searching for you for days."

"A letter from whom?" Ghirahim demanded.

"From Ganondorf of the Gerudo Nation, Sir. He sent a priority letter to be delivered to you."

Ghirahim scoffed. "What a ridiculous story. No one would ever believe something so stupid."

"It's true, Sir."

"You said you're from Hyrule?" Ghirahim questioned.

"Yes, Sir. I'm employed at the Hyrule Castletown postoffice."

"I feel like I've seen you somewhere before..."

"Yes, Sir."

"I remember you now..." Ghirahim stated in surprise. "You were in the forest when I kidnapped that little Kokiri girl..."

"Yes, sir."

The Postman felt the pressure around his body increase painfully.

"Are you attempting to steal back the Kokiri?" Ghirahim demanded.

The Postman shook his head although he wasn't sure Ghirahim could even see him. "No, Sir, that's not my job. I'm just here to deliver letters."

"Then why have you come so far to find me?" Ghirahim demanded.

The Postman wasn't sure how he could make it any clearer. "I have a letter for you, Sir." he repeated.

There was a pause, and then Ghirahim let out a snort. "You honestly expect me to believe that?" he demanded. "No civilian would come within a league of me."

"I take my job very seriously." The Postman responded. "I do have a letter for you, Sir, I'm just not sure where it is at the moment...or where I am at the moment..."

"You're within my tornado." Ghirahim replied. "You can't escape unless I allow it. I can keep you here for all of eternity if I choose it."

"That would be very inconvenient." The Postman commented. "I'd really prefer if you didn't."

"Your magic is pathetically weak." Ghirahim observed. "You're no threat to me."

"No, Sir." The Postman agreed. "Please let me give you your letter."

"I'm not actually here in person." Ghirahim told him.

The Postman had suspected as much, but was undeterred. "If you tell me where you are, I'll deliver the letter to you."

"That's rich. You want me to reveal my location, and then you'll tell the first hero you come across."

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, I value customer confidentiality. I wouldn't tell anyone where you are."

"I'm not a fool, postman. I'm not telling you where I am."

The Postman felt Ghirahim's magic brush against his mind, and this time The Postman didn't push him away. He could feel the powerful vein of magic all around him, weaving around him like a web, and The Postman studied it. If Ghirahim was using his magic to create the tornado and speak with him, then that meant his magic would lead back to where the villain was hiding. The Postman had nothing to hide, so he allowed the villain into his mind, and while Ghirahim was distracted he began following the long strands of magic, trying to follow where they were coming from.

The Postman's magic strained as he began following the strands, his magical reserves not yet strong enough for something like that. Ignoring the presence in his mind, The Postman forced his magic to continue tracing Ghirahim's magic, and was able to determine the direction it was coming from. The Postman tried to follow the strands, but it was taking too much magic, and he felt his power beginning to fade. Not willing to give up when he was so close, The Postman reached deep within himself and forced his magic back out, ignoring the pain this caused. He pushed and pulled at his magic as he followed the magic to its source, and he could feel his vein of magic getting thinner and thinner the farther he stretched it.

"Hmm..." Ghirahim said thoughtfully. "You really are a postman."

The Postman didn't answer, still trying to follow Ghirahim's magic.

"I could keep you here, or kill you, but you aren't even worth my time." Ghirahim said dismissively. "Be grateful that you're a pathetic nobody, and aren't worth the magic. I have other things to concern myself with at the moment."

The Postman seemed to be at his magical limit, and no matter how much he strained, he couldn't follow the villain's magic any further. There was a deep pain within his chest, and it was getting more and more intense the more he pulled at his magic.

"What are you doing?" Ghirahim questioned. "Your magic is starting to weaken even more."

When The Postman didn't answer, Ghirahim's magic squeezed him even tighter. "Are you listening to me?" he demanded.

"Yes, Sir." The Postman gasped out, not relinquishing his hold on the villain's magic.

"I'm bored of you now." Ghirahim stated.

Feeling the villain's magic begin to retreat, The Postman quickly spoke up. "But, Mr. Ghirahim-"

"If you somehow survive the fall, I suggest you stop following me." Ghirahim said, his voice beginning to fade. "Next time, I will not be so merciful."

Without any warning whatsoever, The Postman felt the hold on him release, and he began plummeting downwards fast.

"Wait! What about your letter, Sir?" The Postman cried, as the darkness began to fade.

Panicking, The Postman threw all of his magic after Ghirahim's with such force, he felt an agonizing rip that felt like his entire chest had been sliced open. The Postman caught the briefest glimpse of exactly where Ghirahim was before his magic dissolved, leaving him with a cold, empty feeling within. The pain was incredible, and The Postman knew he must have damaged himself severely in some way.

Ghirahim was now gone, and suddenly The Postman realized he was outside of the storm, and falling fast towards the floor of clouds. He fell faster and faster, the wind burning his eyes as he fell, and The Postman struggled to stay conscious against the unbearable pain. Certain he was going to fall all the way back to Hyrule, The Postman squeezed his eyes closed.

That's when he felt a strong force grab him by the shoulders, stopping his fall. Talons dug painfully into flesh, and The Postman let out a breath of relief, and opened his eyes. He looked up, ready to thank Sakon, but it wasn't the Loftwing that had caught him, it was a large, brown owl. The owl was enormous, and it glanced down at him, its golden eyes far too intelligent for an animal. The Postman immediately recognized him, and gasped.

"Mr. Gaepora?"

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Link soared through the air, his crimson Loftwing riding the wind as he clutched at its feathers. Every time he flew, Link felt an inexplicable happiness fill him, the wind and sun on his face exhilarating. Despite the current circumstances of his visit to the sky, Link let out a breath of delight, and closed his eyes, simply wanting to enjoy the flight. He rarely got to fly these days, most of his quests keeping him below the clouds. He was relishing every minute of it, as the wind ripped its way through his hair, and he encouraged his Loftwing to go faster and faster.

All too soon, Skyloft came into view and he jumped from his Loftwing's back as they flew over it. Used to such jumps, Link spread his arms and legs, increasing wind resistance, and leaned towards the area of Skyloft he wanted. Just metres from the ground, he lifted his sailcloth, and allowed it to catch the wind, instantly slowing his fall. He landed easily on his feet, and then looked up in surprise as a large group of people quickly approached him.

Pipit led the group, and when he saw it was Link, he gave the hero a friendly smile and wave.

"Link!" he yelled over to him with a smile. "It's been ages since you've visited us!"

Link waved back, but could easily see discontent in the eyes of everyone approaching. Once the crowd reached him, he received many welcomes and pats on the back, but there was a definite restlessness that he picked up on.

"What's the matter?" Link asked Pipit. "What happened?"

"Headmaster Gaepora has gone missing." Pipit informed him, his smile disappearing.

Link's eyes widened. "Missing?! What happened?"

"We noticed him gone this morning when he missed an important meeting. No one's seen him since yesterday's festival, and his Loftwing is still here. There's no way he could have left the island without anyone noticing...and he was quite intoxicated from the celebrations."

Link felt trepidation rise. "Do you think he fell?"

Pipit gave a helpless shrug, and frowned. "It's possible, but he's lived on this island for his entire life, and he's always so careful to stay away from the edge."

Link had a bad feeling about this, and hoped Gaepora wasn't dead. "Do you suppose he could have been kidnapped?"

"I'm not sure." Pipet responded, a long-haired man approached to join the conversation.

Link glanced over at him, and saw it was Horwell, the man who had trained him during his time at the academy.

"We're not certain what happened, Link, but we're definitely looking into it." Horwell said. "There were two strangers who showed up just before the festival, and now they're nowhere to be found. Several people saw them leaving this morning, and they seemed to be nervous, and in quite a hurry. So far our efforts to find them have been fruitless. We don't know which direction they've gone."

Link's suspicious nature instantly caused him to be on alert. "Strangers? What strangers? What did they look like? Where did they come from?" he demanded.

Pipit was quick to speak up, since he had hosted them in his home. "We've never seen them before. They claimed to be from below the clouds, and they said they were on a quest for one of the goddesses. One of them said he was a king. They seemed harmless enough, but it seems to be too much of a coincidence."

Link felt certain there had to be a connection. "What did they look like?"

"They looked to be in their late twenties, one was bald-headed, and loud-mouthed, and the other had dark hair, was very quiet and he was wearing very short white shorts."

Link had a suspicion as to who the strangers were, and he frowned. "Did they tell you their names, or what they were up to?"

"The bald one said he was some sort of king named Sakon, but I didn't catch the other one's name. He was a herald or post-person or something. Neither of them mentioned what specifically their quest was."

Link let out an aggravated sigh. How was it that The Postman always seemed to manage to get himself involved in his quests lately? Was The Postman honestly trying to deliver Saria's letter to her?

"I can't imagine them being responsible for Gaepora's disappearance." Link stated. "One is just a postman, and the other is just a public nuisance. Did they say, or do anything unusual to indicate what they were up to?"

"No, not really." Pipit answered thoughtfully. "The Postman delivered a mask to Gaepora, but that was the only business he had here as far as I'm aware. The bald one drank himself into a stupor during the festival, but he didn't bother anyone. There were a few thefts from the market reported, but nothing really important was taken."

Link felt dread fill him at the mention of a mask. Horrible memories of a falling moon entered his vision, and he took a deep breath. "A mask?" he demanded. "Gaepora was given a mask?"

"Yes." Pipit said, with a nod. "Why? Is that somehow related to his disappearance?"

"What kind of a mask was it?" Link asked, taking a step forward. "What did it look like? Did Gaepora put it on?"

"He wore it all night at the festival. It was of some kind of bird; a Loftwing perhaps?" Pipit answered.

"Did he act strangely? Was there anything off about him that you noticed?"

"No." Pipit replied answered honestly. "He seemed fine all night."

"Where did the mask come from? Who was the sender?" Link asked, despite already knowing the answer.

"Hmm," Pipit said, scratching at his head. "I'm not sure the postman ever said who it was from..."

"No, he did." Horwell interjected. "He said it was a gift from a Hylian salesman, a mask salesman."

Link felt his heart sink at that. There had been a small part of him that had been hoping The Happy Mask Salesman hadn't been involved. The Happy Mask Salesman was rarely up to any good, and the dealings Link had with him usually ended with some poor soul being possessed by a mask. He had never been able to prove The Happy Mask Salesman's involvement in any crime, and so Link had never been able to arrest him.

Dreading what had become of Gaepora, Link steeled himself. He wondered how The Postman had managed to get himself involved in one of The Happy Mask Salesman's schemes, and what part Sakon played in all this. He honestly couldn't picture The Postman intentionally hurting anyone.

"So, the disappearance involved the mask?" Pipit asked. "The Postman was responsible?"

Link let out another heavy sigh. "He was probably unknowingly responsible. The Postman is not a bad person, but he seems to attract trouble no matter where he goes."

"Then you know the strangers?" Horwell asked.

Link gave a nod. "Yes. I've known them both since I was a child. Sakon used to be a well-known thief, and he's likely responsible for the thefts. Lately he's claimed that he's now a hero, however."

"A thief?" Pipit cried out, affronted. "He was a thief?!"

Link nodded. "When I find him, I'll make him come back to pay for what he stole." he promised. "I won't let him get away with it."

"I'm assuming the mask was probably enchanted." Horwell said thoughtfully. "If that is the case, then it's safe to say Gaepora is still alive. No one would go through so much trouble if they wanted to kill him."

"The nerve of that thief!" Pipit yelled, completely outraged. "We showed them kindness, and this was how we were repaid?"

"I'll deal with it." Link assured him. "But I've come on other business for the moment."

"Of course." Pipit said, instantly sombre. "Anything I can help you with?"

Horwell held up his hand to stop Link before he could speak. "It's getting late, Link, the sun is beginning to set. Perhaps we should speak of this inside?"

Link gazed at the sinking sun, and then gave a nod. He knew at this point he'd have to put his quest on hold as his Loftwing rested for the night.

Horwell rested a hand on Link's shoulder. "Come inside, and join us for supper. You can tell us about your quest then."

Link gave a nod, and Horwell led him through the crowd, Pipit following close behind, not wanting to be left out of the upcoming conversation.

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The Postman stared up at the enormous owl, unable to believe what he was seeing. He was certain this was Gaepora, but the owl stayed silent as it fought against the strong winds. As big as the owl was, it still seemed unlikely that it would be able to hold his weight. The Postman had never felt so awful, and it was a struggle just to keep his eyes open, the horrible pain in his chest not lessening at all.

The owl let out a long, loud hoot, and slowly began descending.

"Mr. Gaepora, Sir! You're not dead!" The Postman cried, feeling both relieved, and confused.

"Hoo, hoot." the owl responded, glancing down at him. "I'm afraid you have me mistaken for someone else, brave postman. I am known as Kaepora Gaebora."

The Postman hesitated before responding. "No you aren't...You're Gaepora, Sir."

The owl blinked its golden eyes. "You are mistaken, young postman."

"I'm not." The Postman insisted.

"Hoo hoot. I told you, you are mistaken. That is not my name."

The owl's talons were very sharp, and The Postman winced as they dug deeper into his skin, and he gave his head a shake.. "No, Sir, you're the headmaster Gaepora from Skyloft. Don't you remember anything, Sir?"

The owl glanced down at him, its gaze ever patient. "I have never been a human, and I have never been a headmaster; I've always been an owl." Kaepora Gaebora informed him. "I am as old as the Earth itself, postman, and even time doesn't stand in the way of my purpose."

The Postman rested a hand against his chest, the pain seemingly getting worse. "Purpose, Sir?" he questioned.

"I've been helping generations of heros with their quests." the owl explained. "It is my purpose in life."

The Postman furrowed his brow. He'd never mistaken someone's identity before, even if they were transformed. He was sure this was Gaepora, and wondered if the owl could remember anything at all.

"No, Sir, I think you're confused." The Postman told him. "I just saw you on Skyloft. You're wearing an enchanted mask, and that's why you're an owl. Do you remember anything? You've only been an owl for a day or so."

Kaepora Gaebora seemed to consider this. "Hoot. Even if you were correct, time is a tricky thing, postman. It doesn't always move forward as it should. It isn't uncommon for two people to meet out of order. One can never be sure when you're going to have a first meeting."

The Postman wiped the rain out of his eyes, feeling very confused. "But I'm sure that-"

Kaepora Gaebora interrupted him as he swooped down low towards a small island. "I will set you down on this island, postman." he said. "I cannot carry you for too much longer."

The Postman's shoulders were aching from the pointed talons, and as he glanced down at the small island, he realized he wanted very much to be on solid ground again. The owl dropped him down onto the grass, and then perched nearby on a rock, watching him silently.

The Postman gave his head a shake, his hair and clothes completely soaked then looked up at the owl with a frown. In no way did Kaepora Gaebora seem to be wearing a mask, his feathers were seamless and he truly looked like a real owl. Wondering how one would go about trying to remove the mask, The Postman took a step closer to him. Kaepora Gaepbora seemed to know what was on his mind, and flapped his wings in warning, keeping The Postman several feet away. The Postman hesitated, and noticed the owl's talons and beak looked very sharp indeed. He decided to hold off on trying to remove the mask. At least for now.

Kaepora Gaepbora eyed him a moment, and when he was sure The Postman wasn't going to come any closer, he finally spoke. "I have come to aid you in your quest, postman." he said. "I have already fulfilled my first duty, and will leave you shortly."

"Quest?" The Postman asked in surprise. "What quest?"

"You have your own quest, postman, and it's only just beginning. Your journey through the Skyworld is just the start, and you have many hardships ahead. You're far more important than you realize, and the goddesses are watching." Kaepora Gaepbora informed him. "Don't be afraid of what is to come."

"...but I'm only delivering the mail." The Postman responded in confusion. "I'm not on a quest! I think you have me mistaken for Link!"

This seemed to amuse the owl, and he let out a small, hooting chuckle. "You're on a very important quest." he corrected. "There is no mistake."

"No, I'm not on a quest. I'm just a nobody who has no interest in things like that" The Postman stated, stubbornly. "Sorry, Sir, but you're mistaken."

Kaepora Gaepbora let out another chuckle. "Am I?"

The Postman wasn't sure how to respond to this, and he gave a frown. What quest was he supposedly on? Did Kaepora Gaepbora expect him to save the Kokiri? Was he supposed to defeat Ghirahim?

"I'm not a hero, Sir." The Postman informed him. "I can't fight villains, nor can I rescue the Kokiri. That's not my job."

Kaepora Gaepbora cocked his head to the side. "Those are someone else's quest, postman. You have your own purpose, and your own destiny. Hoo hoot."

The Postman had a hunch about whose quest they fell under, and felt a fraction better about things. He still wasn't going to accept a quest, but at least he knew no one was depending on him for saving the world. "Then what is my quest?" he demanded.

"Hoot. That I cannot tell you." the owl responded. "For you to succeed, you cannot know what it is. You have to brave this quest blind."

"And if I don't want to be a part of this quest?" The Postman demanded, crossing his arms.

"You do not have a choice in the matter, postman. You're already a part of it."

The Postman didn't think that was very fair, and he gave the owl a glower. He wasn't a hero, and he had no intention of allowing himself to be manipulated. He was just an ordinary postman, and didn't have the first clue how to even do a quest.

A wave of dizziness suddenly came over him, and The Postman clutched at his chest and fell backwards against a large rock. The agony ripped through his chest like a dagger, and The Postman let out a pained gasp. He didn't know what sort of damage he'd done to his magic, but it seemed severe, and he hoped whatever it was wasn't permanent. Taking a deep breath as the wave of pain began to lessen, he looked up to see the owl watching him intently.

"Continue on your quest." the owl suggested.

The Postman took another breath, and met the owl's gaze directly. "As I said before, Sir, quests are not part of my job description. I deliver mail, and that's all I intend to do."

Kaepora Gaepbora seemed genuinely amused by him, and he cocked his head. "You cannot avoid it, postman, it is destiny. No matter where you run, fate will find you."

"I've never been a fan of fate." The Postman said with a resigned sigh. "It always has a way of disrupting my schedule."

"My job here is done for now, postman. Keep safe until we meet again."

"Wait! How am I supposed to-"

The Postman never got to finish his sentence because Kaepora Gaebora spread his wings, and flew off without another word. The Postman stared after him, and then glanced around the small island.

"But how can I get off this island..." he stated in confusion.

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* * *

Link took a long drink of pumpkin juice as everyone looked at him expectantly. Setting the cup down on the table, Link let out a sigh, and opened his mouth to begin the tale. He didn't even get a single word out, however, because the door slammed open, and Groose stormed in wild-eyed and red pompadour out of place. Rushing over, the former bully leaned over the table, staring directly at Link as he caught his breath.

"What's this I hear about you having a new quest?" he demanded excitedly. "Did you come to ask for my help? I'm all packed and ready to go!"

"Uh..."

Groose plunked himself down at the table beside Link, still leaning forward in anticipation, one of his hands working furiously to fix his hair. "Well?" he demanded. "Spill it! What's the quest?"

"I'm searching for Ghirahim in order to rescue the Kokiri children, and restore the world beneath the clouds." Link stated simply.

All of Skyloft had heard of Link's heroics below the clouds, and they knew of Ghirahim, and his master Demise. Groose had told them all about it, and now he narrowed his eyes at this information.

"Ghirahim? I thought we killed that guy!" Groose said, indignantly. "He's still alive?"

Link gave a nod. "I thought he was dead too until just a few days ago." he said uneasily. "Ghirahim was seen by a reliable source, and now I'm sure he's planning something horrible. He kidnapped the Kokiri, and the world below us is starting to wilt and die. Within days there will be no food or water, and the wars will begin."

Groose slammed a fist down on the table hard, causing several goblets of wine to topple over. "Well, let's get him!" he bellowed out enthusiastically. "I haven't beaten anyone up in at least a month!"

Link knew Groose would willingly fight by his side, but Ghirahim was far too powerful, and the red-head would be more hindrance than help.

"No, this is something I have to do on my own, Groose. You're my friend, and I appreciate the offer for help, but I can handle it."

Groose crossed his arms impatiently. "You didn't think you needed help last time either." he pointed out. "Where would've you been without my inventions? I helped save the world!"

"Yes." Link acknowledged. "But this is my quest, and I don't want anyone getting hurt. I have a feeling things are going to turn ugly."

"All the more reason for me to come!" Groose protested.

Link shook his head. "Please understand, I have to do this alone. I just have a strong feeling that I have to do this alone."

Groose definitely didn't look happy, but he did grudgingly give a nod. "If you need help, just send word." he said, chin held high. "I'll always come beat people up for ya!"

Link couldn't help but smile at that. "Thanks, Groose."

"So if you're not here for backup, then what do you want?" Groose demanded. "Do you need me to give you some advice?"

"Ghirahim's hiding somewhere in the Skyworld. I don't know exactly what he's planning yet, but I know I have to find him, and defeat him fast. I was hoping someone from Skyloft has seen or heard anything unusual?"

"Other than headmaster Gaepora's disappearance, everything's been very peaceful and no one has mentioned anything unusual." Pipit told him.

"No, there was an unusual occurrence." Horwell said. "The Southern village was completely destroyed by Ghirahim. He was seeking information about the Northern Temple."

Link's eyes widened. "Did the people escape?"

Horwell shook his head. "They were all eaten by a Hinox, except for a small boy. He told us what had happened."

Groose frowned. "Why didn't I know any of this?" he demanded.

Horwell levelled him with a look. "Because you would have charged right after Ghirahim without a thought. We were waiting for Link so we could tell him about it."

Groose glared at Horwell. "I'm a hero too!"

"Yes, but you're a...different kind of hero." Horwell replied, trying to be kind.

Groose looked away, his expression somewhat sulky. "I could have defeated him."

"Do you know where the temple is?" Horwell asked Link.

Link nodded. "Yes, I know exactly where it is."

"Excellent. Now, you should forget your troubles for one night." Horwell suggested. "Have some food and drink, visit your friends, and worry about your quest in the morning. Let yourself relax for one night."

The offer seemed very enticing to Link, and he knew he couldn't go anywhere until morning anyway, so he gave a nod. Groose grinned widely at him, already forgetting his bad mood, and clapped him hard on the back.

"Let's drink until we drop!" he suggested.

Link smiled and held out his goblet which Groose filled with wine.

` "Tell us about all your adventures!"

Happy to be surrounded by his friends, Link began telling them about one of his many adventures.

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* * *

The Postman sat leaning against the rock, knees drawn up under his chin, freezing cold, and soaking wet. He felt like he had the flu, and he found he didn't have the energy to move. The pain kept coming in waves, and each time it passed, he felt more and more sick.

His mailbag was soaked from the rain, and two soggy letters sat by his feet. The Postman was staring down at them miserably, the ink on the front wet and smeared. They were ruined, and he'd never felt so much like a failure as he did now. This was the first time he'd ever accidentally ruined a letter.

Once, when he'd been in a particularly bad mood, he'd fed a letter to a goat, but that was only because the writing on the envelope was illegible. He wouldn't have been able to return it to the sender anyway, so he felt it was justified. This, however, was inexcusable. He'd damaged priority letters, and that was the sign of a bad postman.

Resting his chin on top of his knees, he wondered what had happened to Sakon. He really hoped he was all right, because the storm had been a violent one. Sakon was clever, and had survived this far in life, and so it seemed unlikely that a simple storm would be the end of him. The Postman closed his eyes, and Sakon's last words came back to him, and he let out a disheartened sigh.

 _"You're an idiot! If I die, it's completely_ _your_ _fault!"_

If Sakon was dead, it really was his fault. He may not have killed Gaepora, but he would be responsible for Sakon's death. He'd steered the Loftwing into the storm without any concern for any consequences.

The Postman normally had a very high tolerance for cold, but he felt chilled to the bone, and the wind seemed to bite right through him. Wrapping his arms more tightly around himself, he gave a shiver, and attempted sleep, hoping to push his thoughts aside.

For hours he drifted in and out of an agonized sleep, his mind full of visions of owls and storms. When the first rays of sunlight began to creep across the sky, The Postman was still in a fitful sleep, and didn't hear the loud beating of wings above his head. He was awoken a minute later when someone shook him.

It was a struggle to open his eyes, but when he did, he saw Sakon looking down at him in concern.

"You dead?" he questioned.

"Not yet." The Postman replied, closing his eyes again.

He immediately received a hard punch to the shoulder.

Letting out a yelp of surprise, The Postman looked up to see a very angry Sakon raising his fist to hit him a second time.

"Moron!" Sakon yelled, bringing his fist down onto the same shoulder. "Stupid, stupid, stupid!"

Every word was accompanied by another punch to the shoulder, and The Postman instinctively raised his hands to stop the assault. Sakon stopped, placed his hands on his hips, and then glowered down at him, looking very much like he wanted to hit him again.

"Stupid!" Sakon growled in frustration. "I've been looking for you since last night! I thought you were dead, you stupid dumbass!"

"Sorry..." The Postman said, rubbing at his now bruised shoulder.

"You should be! When you fell, I thought for sure you'd gone through the cloud barrier! The Loftwing was really freaked out, and I couldn't get it to go below the clouds to look for you! I've been searching these teensy little islands since yesterday looking for your carcass!"

Sakon had his fists balled at his side, practically shaking with fury. "How could you have been so unbelievably stupid? You almost killed the both of us!"

The Postman stopped rubbing his shoulder, and gave the thief a truly apologetic look. "I'm sorry, Sakon. It was stupid of me; I wasn't thinking, and I'm glad you're alright."

Sakon seemed to soften at the apology, and he let out an exasperated sigh. Crossing he arms, he gave The Postman a frown.

"You look terrible." he commented. "Are you sick?"

The Postman was feeling terrible, but he shook his head. "I'm fine."

Sakon didn't look convinced, and he knelt down in front of him. Reaching out a hand, he laid it against The Postman's forehead. "You're burning up." He said in concern.

"I'm fine." The Postman repeated, closing his eyes again. "I'm just a little tired."

He heard Sakon walk away, and a few moment's later he was back pressing something into his hands. The Postman looked down and saw it was his uniform.

"This skimpy outfit isn't very warm, but at least it's not wet."

"You found your backpack?"

Sakon nodded. "Yeah, I found it on an island just after the storm. It was getting dark though, so I had to stay the night there."

The Postman attempted to get up, but the pain increased and his vision swam, and he fell back to the ground with a cry. Sakon's look of concern increased.

"I'm getting a healing potion."

"I don't nee-"

Sakon ignored him, and pulled a potion out of his backpack. Uncorking it, he pressed it into The Postman's hands.

"Drink it." he ordered.

Not having the willpower to fight, The Postman did as he was told and downed the potion. Within seconds the pain in his chest lessened to a bearable amount. He still felt terrible, but at least he could now move without pain.

Sakon frowned at him again. "You still look like garbage."

"...thanks."

The Postman was able to get up, and he quickly got changed out of his wet clothes and into his postal uniform. He couldn't seem to stop shivering, however, and to his surprise, Sakon then draped a blanket over his shoulders. The Postman wrapped the blanket tightly around himself gratefully.

Deciding to change the subject, The Postman said. "I saw Gaepora last night; he's not dead."

"Oh, really?" Sakon questioned, looking as though he couldn't care less. "Then he did turn into a bird?"

"Yes, he was an owl." The Postman responded. "He's the one who caught me when I fell."

Sakon hesitated as he thought that over. "...that would have to be one big owl." he commented. "...although I suppose he was pretty big, and fat as a human too..."

Sakon leaned against the rock, and gave a lazy stretch. "So why did he save you? If anyone turned me into a bird, I'd watch them splat to the ground with pleasure."

The Postman furrowed his brow, and stared down at his feet thoughtfully. "He said I'm destined to go on a quest."

"You? A quest?!" Sakon asked skeptically. "What kind of quest?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "He wouldn't say."

"Pft, he's just trying to pay you back. You refused right?"

The Postman gave a nod, still not looking up. "I told him I wouldn't, but he said it doesn't matter what I say. Either way it's going to happen, I don't have a choice in the matter."

"Why don't we just go home then?" Sakon suggested. "It's a lot safer down there. Not as many people want you dead."

"I can't." The Postman said, staring gloomily at the damp letters. "I still have to deliver my mail."

Sakon followed his line of vision, and then reached out, and picked up one of the soggy letters. "Um, no offense, but I don't think you can deliver these..."

The Postman sighed. "I know."

Sakon held up the limp envelope, inspecting it, and then grinned. "Well, at least they only got wet, and didn't catch on fire, or get covered in horse dung or something."

The Postman snatched back the letter. "It's not funny." he snapped.

Sakon let out a giggle, an impish gleam appearing in his eyes. "Yeah, it kinda is..." he commented, grabbing the other letter. "You've killed the letters, Darling."

The Postman didn't like people touching his mail, and reached out. "Give that back, Sakon!"

Sakon's response was to begin folding the letter, grinning wide. "I could try my hand at origami, or I could use it for paper mache, then at least it would be good for something."

The Postman was horrified, and made a grab at the letter. "Stop!" he cried. "You're bending it!"

"Just do what all other postmen do, and claim it was already like that when you got it."

"NO!" The Postman yelled making another grab for it.

Sakon gave him a cheeky grin, and held it out of his reach, which infuriated The Postman. Sakon was a good eight inches taller than him, and so there was no way he could reach it.

"Sakon!"

Sakon gave a laugh, loving the fact The Postman was getting so riled up. "We could also claim they were sent by a Zora, hence the sogginess. They'd probably buy that one!"

"Sakon, give it back before you damage it even more!" The Postman ordered.

"Um, no."

The Postman gave him a look of death, and then let out a resigned sigh, sliding back down to the ground, already exhausted. "They're ruined, I can't deliver them." he stated, looking away. "It's all my fault."

"Naw, they're just wet, not ruined." Sakon assured him. "I can see what I can do if you like?"

The Postman gave him a downright suspicious look, causing Sakon to laugh.

"Trust me, Darling. When you live on the run, your things tend to get wet. I can probably save them if you want me to."

The Postman hesitated a long moment, and then handed over the other letter. He was willing to try anything, even if that meant trusting a kleptomaniac with his mail.

The moment Sakon had both letters, he immediately began tearing into the envelopes to The Postman's complete horror. The Postman made a desperate grab for the letters, but Sakon was out of reach.

"What are you doing?!" he cried out in dismay. "You can't open other people's mail!"

"Relax." Sakon assured, shoving him away. "I'm not going to read your stupid letters."

The Postman was simply beside himself, this going against everything he stood for as a postman, and watched Sakon like a hawk, ready to pounce for the letters.

True to his word for once, Sakon simply pulled the letters from the envelopes, unfolded them and laid them face down on the grass. He placed a small stone on each, and then looked back at the distraught postman.

"Once they're dry, I'll use a quill and ink to go over the words if I can still see them. They'll be as good as new."

"You're not allowed to read the letters." The Postman said, his tone not leaving room to negotiate. "If you ink them, you'll read them."

"Then you do it." Sakon said. "You're the postman, not me."

The Postman frowned as he considered that. He wasn't allowed to read the letters either, unless the recipient specifically asked him to read their letter to them. Was it alright in this circumstance? Was an exception able to be made?

Sakon glanced back at him, and then returned the frown. "Are you sure you're not sick? You really look sick. You're as pale as a ghost."

The Postman really didn't feel all that great, but he still shook his head. "I'm fine, just tired."

Sakon let out a snort. "You better not spread your disease to me." he informed him. "I don't need the flu right now."

Sakon sat down, and grabbed a hold of his backpack to dig through it. Pulling out the sandwiches from the day before, he held one out to The Postman. The mere sight of food turning his stomach, The Postman shook his head.

"I'm not hungry."

"You sure?"

The Postman nodded. "I'm fine, maybe later."

Sakon gave a long, lazy stretch, and then leaned against the rock behind him. "So what're we gonna do about this quest of yours?"

The Postman hesitated, feeling a bit apprehensive. "I don't know."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **Next regular update will be on Friday!**

 **(There will be a bonus update on Wednesday to celebrate 200 reviews!)**


	43. Journey to the Northern Temple

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 **Authornote: Wednesday June 7th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Bonus chapter! Bonus Chapter! Woot! Woot! As a huge thank you for reaching 200 reviews, here's an extra chapter for this week! :D You guys are all awesome, and thank you so much for the support! Updated a bit early because I have to work.**

 **We're almost to the end of Part 3 of the story, and there's only a few chapters left! Part 4 is a much longer story arc, and we will finally begin learning about The Postman's past. A lot of crazy stuff happens in that part too. I hope everyone has enjoyed the story so far, and stays until the very end! :D**

 **The Friday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Rainmy \- **Sakon only has one friend right now, and he got worried when he thought The Postman died. lol He'd like you to believe he doesn't care, but he actually likes having a friend that he doesn't have to worry about stabbing him in the back.

Link really needs a break where he can simply enjoy some time with friends without worrying about the world ending. He really enjoyed his time on Skyloft, and actually misses it dearly. He doesn't get to visit as often as he'd like.

Yeah, about Groose...you'll just have to read the chapter below. lol

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Thanks for your review! The Postman is a pretty hardy character, so don't worry about him. ;)

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 **darkerthanlight** \- Why do you want the owl to die? Are you having traumatic flashbacks to Ocarina of Time when you had to talk to him like 10,000 times? lol I don't think Ghirahim HAS to come out of the closet, he eats rainbows for breakfast. I can never give Link an easy time with anything! Muha ha ha ha ha ha!

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 **jigbashmop** -Ok, my dear, I will give you the timeline for this story! Link is actually much older than you think because of all the time traveling he does. His time traveling comes with a catch, because he can only visit his own timeline, and he gets younger the further he goes back (as seen in OOT) He also loses his memory a LOT for adventures due to villains trying to weaken him, but he always regains them in the end. This has happened to Zelda on multiple occasions too. I could probably stick in the rest of the Zelda games too, but since i haven't played them, i'm not familiar enough with them to do that. I'm only referencing games I've completed. :)

Ocarina of Time:Age 10 (he used the sacred realm of the sages to return to live his childhood after the completion of this quest)

Majora's Mask: Age 10 (after ocarina of time when Link lives his childhood all the way through for the first time)

Link's Awakening: Age 15 (he's still aging normally at this point)

Twilight Princess: Age 18 (memory loss, but still aging normally)

Windwaker: Age 10 (second childhood via time travel, memory loss, found as an infant, and was raised not knowing he was adopted until he regained his memories)

Skyward Sword: Age 10-17 (still second childhood, another memory loss, was raised as a knight on Skyloft. Zelda was planted there as well believing headmaster Gaepora was her father.)

Breath of the Wild: Age 18 (third childhood, raised within Hyrule Castle, memory loss, put in stasis sleep for 100 years, timeline was eventually restored to what it should have been) ((I can't say too much about this one without giving away BotW spoilers))

How to be a Villain: Age 20 (has lived three childhoods, and fought in countless battles. Much older mentally than his body appears. The strain of everything has taken its toll on him mentally. He will never stop fighting to defend Hyrule no matter how many times he's forced through time.)

.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 11**

 **Journey to the Northern Temple**

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"The letters are dry." Sakon announced. "Do you want me to ink them, or will you do it?"

The Postman had been dozing while waiting, and he opened his eyes to look over. "I'll do it." he answered automatically. "I don't want you reading them."

Sakon rolled his eyes, and then pulled a few sheets of parchment out of his backpack. It took him a few minutes to locate the ink and quill, and then he handed those over without a word. The Postman was feeling completely exhausted, but he still forced himself to get up, and approach the letters.

The Postman carefully arranged the new parchment in front of him, and dipped the quill into the inkwell. He frowned down at the letters, and hesitated. "This seems rather dishonest." he commented. "It feels like I'm frauding my customers."

"Would you rather tell them you destroyed their mail?" Sakon asked.

"No." The Postman answered, bringing the quill to the parchment. "I suppose not."

The Postman could read almost anything from years of having to decipher customers' less than perfect penmanship. Despite the words on the original letters being smeared and faded from the rain, he could still make out the words. He carefully began copying the first letter, matching Link's messy printing the best he could. He wrote slowly, and tried to space everything exactly like the original so that it was a near-perfect copy. Sakon was watching over his shoulder with interest, and was quite impressed by the forgery.

"You're really good at this!" The Thief exclaimed in surprise. "You matched Link's messy printing spot-on! You even got that weird squiggle he uses for an 'M'! It's a perfect forgery!"

The Postman hummed, but didn't actually answer, not wanting to break his concentration.

"If you're interested, I'd have a few jobs where a good counterfeiter would come in handy! I have connections with a guy who sells black market items in Clocktown, and with your talent, he'd be willing to offer a contract. There'd be a huge payout!"

The Postman paused, and flashed Sakon an unimpressed look.

"Just keep it in mind." Sakon said with a shrug. "You never know when you might need some extra rupees."

Not even bothering to respond, The Postman went back to what he was doing as Sakon continued watching over his shoulder. After a few minutes, The Thief let out a snort.

"What a stupid letter." he commented. "It's not even smutty. Why are you even delivering this?"

The Postman covered the letter with one hand, and shoved Sakon away with the other. "Stop reading other people's mail!" he ordered. "It's none of your business!"

"Touchy, touchy." Sakon said, feigning hurt. "It was just an observation."

"The letter's for a ten year old girl." The Postman responded impatiently. "So, of course it's not smutty!"

Sakon crinkled his nose in disgust. "Oh. Well, that's not very interesting." he stated.

Finished with the first letter, The Postman set it aside so the ink could dry, and picked up the other. Ganondorf's handwriting was very small and neat, the letters curving elegantly, and The Postman took a moment to study the handwriting before he began. As he began copying the words carefully, Sakon leaned over his shoulder very obviously, much more interested in what this letter had to say. The Postman did his best to ignore Sakon, but it was kind of difficult when The Thief's chin was resting on his shoulder.

"You really have a talent this!" Sakon observed. "I don't even know how to write in cursive!"

"Stop reading the letter." The Postman demanded impatiently. "It's not right, and I'm breaking enough rules as it is."

"Why? You're reading it!" Sakon pointed out. "And besides, this one's really juicy..."

The Postman tried to cover the letter with one hand as he continued, but Sakon simply leaned further over his shoulder so he could see it.

"I bet you've never written so many expletives in your life." Sakon stated in amusement. "I'd place rupees on the fact you probably don't know what half of those words mean!"

"I know what they mean." The Postman answered, distractedly.

Only a few months ago, he wouldn't have known the meaning of most curse-words, but living in the Gerudo city had taught him much more than swords-training. Most of the soldiers swore with abandon, and Ganondorf himself was prone to fits of rage which were always good for expanding one's vocabulary.

Sakon gave him a skeptical look, and he pointed to one of the more vulgar words. "Use that one in a sentence. I really want to hear you say it."

"No." The Postman responded, not looking up from his work.

"You're such a bore." Sakon complained. "Live a little, why dontcha?"

The Postman gave a resigned sigh, and continued writing without a word. When he was finally finished, he set the letter aside with the other one, and then reached for some new envelopes that had been left to dry in the sun. the envelopes were a bit wavy from the moisture, but The Postman knew as long as the letter was fine, most customers wouldn't care about the envelope. He wrote who the letters were addressed to, and then handed Sakon back his quill and ink.

The Postman then stared down at the letters, watching the ink dry. The moment they were dry, he folded them over, and placed them in the new envelopes.

"Your clothes are dry." Sakon commented, pointing to the warm clothes Pipit had given him. "You should get dressed before you get even sicker."

The Postman slowly got to his feet, and approached the strewn about items drying on the ground, and began gathering them up without a word. As he folded the clothing and put it into Sakon's backpack, Sakon gave him a questioning look. He watched as The Postman packed everything away, and then frowned at the other man.

"You're really going to wear your postman booty shorts when it's like minus five billion degrees up here?"

"I'm a postman, I'm always supposed to wear my uniform. It's unprofessional to deliver letters in casual clothing. If a customer complained, I would get written up, or even fired."

"I thinks it's even more amazing that no one has ever complained about how short your shorts are. You must have a lot of little old, lonely women as your customers."

"I didn't design the uniform." The Postman informed him. "I have no say in what I have to wear."

"You're going to get even sicker." Sakon pointed out.

"I'm not sick." The Postman insisted. "Just tired."

"Hmm, whatever." Sakon replied, skeptically. "You look sick to me."

The Postman approached the Loftwing who, up to that point, had been settled on the other side of the island preening its feathers contentedly. He petted it for a moment, and then glanced over at Sakon.

"Think the Loftwing can fly again so soon?"

"Beatrice can handle anything." Sakon assured him.

The Postman frowned. "You named her?"

"Course I did." Sakon replied, walking over. "I have to call her something, don't I?"

"You can't keep her, you know. She belongs to Ganondorf, and we have to find a way to return her when my deliveries are complete."

Sakon shook his head. "She's mine now. I stole her fair and square, and I'm not giving her back."

"Do you really need a reason to make Ganondorf even angrier at you right now?" The Postman asked. "He's probably going to have a few choice words about the fact you stole her in the first place."

Sakon gave a careless shrug. "I don't think he can be any angrier than he already is. One little stolen Loftwing won't make much of a difference. Either way I'm definitely getting a whipping when I get back."

The Postman had seen how deep Ganondorf 's anger and hate could reach, and knew the amount of irritation shown to Sakon was nowhere near what it could be. Compared to The Hero of Time, The Thief was just a bothersome nuisance to Ganondorf. He frowned at Sakon, remembering how awful his own whipping had been.

"Maybe you should apologize to him when we get back." The Postman suggested. "Explain to him that it was a misunderstanding."

Sakon shook his head. "Naw, there was no misunderstanding, I broke into his super secret room and stole his Loftwing. I had no way of knowing he'd already given you permission to take it. He knows this, and I know this, and so I'm in trouble when I get back."

"Isn't there anything you can do?" The Postman asked in concern.

Sakon laughed. "Yeah, outrun him."

"I don't think you should push it." The Postman suggested. "Try to be as respectful as possible when we get back, and maybe he'll go easy on you?"

Sakon snorted skeptically. "Yeah, like that'll ever happen."

"Well, it wouldn't kill you to at least try."

Ignoring him, Sakon began shoving his belongings back into his backpack carelessly, and The Postman frowned at him, deciding to drop the subject.

"Okay, are you ready to get going?" Sakon asked, tying the backpack onto the Loftwing's saddle.

The Postman gave a nod, and so Sakon quickly mounted the Loftwing and held down a hand to help him up. The Postman accepted the help, and once he was settled behind The Thief all wrapped up in a blanket, Sakon gave the reins a snap. The Loftwing let out a happy shriek, and she immediately dove off the side of the island. Her wings caught the wind, and once she was flying steadily, Sakon glanced over his shoulder at The Postman.

"Don't breathe on me." he ordered.

"I'm not sick!" The Postman protested.

"Just don't breathe on me." Sakon said, turning his attention forward. "Any idea which direction to go?"

The Postman knew exactly where Ghirahim was. Whatever damage The Postman had done to himself wasn't affecting his ability to sense the villain, and he turned his gaze to the North. He couldn't seem to sense anyone else, and assumed this was the last bit of magic his body did before his magic was damaged. He had no doubt whatsoever, about where he'd find Ghirahim, and he raised his hand to point.

"Just keep going North." he told The Thief. "I know where he is now, I can sense him."

Sakon didn't question him, and turned the Loftwing to the North.

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Ganondorf was seated in his throne pouring over textbooks with a frown. He couldn't find any spell that would work against the curse, and his discontent was growing. It had been several days, and the Gerudo Nation's food and water supply were already starting to dwindle.

Ganondorf had refused anything that was offered to him, knowing he could last a lot longer than most of his citizens. He turned away every meal his guards brought, and he only took the barest sip of water, just enough to keep himself alive. The very young, elderly or pregnant were given the biggest shares of food and water, and the rest, who were young and strong, received very little.

He'd tried everything he could think of, but nothing made any difference against the curse. The wells remained dry, and the plants were still shrivelled and dead. Farore's fury would not be sated anytime soon.

The Gerudo warriors had been making many trips down to the river to get as much water as possible, but now the river was completely dry. He'd sent out scouts to gather information on the other tribes, and he realized it was affecting everyone except for the Gorons. Gorons didn't drink water, and they consumed stones and minerals from their mountain. If the drought and famine continued, the Gorons would be the only species to survive.

The Zoras had taken to protecting what little water remained in Lake Hylia with deadly force, and they wouldn't let anyone near. The Hylians were in just as dangerous of a situation as the Gerudo, and Ganondorf knew he'd have to compete with them for the water. His nation would have to focus entirely on conquering the Zora Domain if they wanted any hope for survival.

The Zora could be vicious when provoked, and in such a desperate situation, they'd be downright bloodthirsty. There would be no way they'd be willing to negotiate over the water, especially not with the Gerudo Nation. For his people to live a bit longer, the Zora would have to be completely annihilated. The Zora were strong, and they wouldn't go down easily, but with enough force they would be destroyed. The Gerudo were weak from starvation, but they were more numerous than the Zora, and they would win if it came to war.

Setting down the textbook, Ganondorf closed his eyes, and let out a heavy sigh. If the water wasn't restored soon, the Gerudo would have no choice but to declare war on the Zora. Although the Zora would have the definite advantage on them, Ganondorf was confident he would succeed against them. The only problem with this, was the fact the Hylians would get involved, and Ganondorf wasn't certain he could win against two armies at this point.

Leaning back in his throne, Ganondorf sat head in hand silently, his mind troubled. This would take a lot of careful planning if they were to win. He would call a meeting the heads of his military, and they would begin devising a plan of attack.

If the water wasn't restored in just three days, he'd give the order to attack. He'd ensure his people's survival no matter what it took.

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* * *

Sakon frowned when he felt a wait settle against his back. He could feel the heat of The Postman's forehead through his cloak, and he glanced over his shoulder at him. The Postman's eyes were closed, and he was leaning against The Thief, looking even worse than he had before. The Postman was breathing unevenly, and Sakon began to wonder if this was something more serious than the flu.

Not trusting The Postman to keep his balance in this condition, he reached back and pulled him up front so he could keep a better eye on him. The Postman let out a noise of complaint, but didn't open his eyes.

"You were going to fall." Sakon explained.

The Postman didn't answer, and Sakon wasn't sure whether he'd even heard him.

"We need to find a village." Sakon said. "You need a doctor."

To his surprise, The Postman shook his head. "No, we're almost there."

"Don't be stupid." Sakon scolded. "How can you deliver the letters when you're too sick to even sit up properly?"

Without a word, The Postman struggled until he was sitting up straight, and Sakon let out a sigh.

"How far away is this temple?"

The Postman pointed. "That way."

"That didn't answer my question."

"That way." The Postman repeated. "The Loftwing's going the wrong way."

Sakon glanced up, and sure enough, the Loftwing had veered off course. After he'd set them back on course, he asked. "How did you even know that? Your eyes are closed!"

The Postman shrugged.

"Do you want some water?"

The Postman shook his head.

"What about another healing potion?"

The Postman shook his head again.

Sakon let out a sigh. "If you die from this, this will be the dumbest possible death for any villain. You will be made fun of for generations."

"Not a villain." The Postman protested.

"Whatever you say, darling."

Sakon frowned down at The Postman for a few moments, and then his eyes widened in realization. "Did you eat a blackberry?! Is that why you're so sick?"

"No."

"Are you sure? I saw a blackberry bush on that island..."

The Postman turned to look up at him. "I'm not having an allergic reaction." he stated. "I think this is just magical exhaustion. I used too much magic, and I'm just tired. I'll be fine."

"I've never seen magical exhaustion like this." Sakon stated. "If it was magical exhaustion, you wouldn't be conscious right now."

The Postman gave a shrug. "Maybe it's just a very mild case."

Sakon frowned skeptically. "I still think we should find a village. If you die, I'll probably get the blame for it. There's no way Ganondorf would believe you died of the flu up here."

"No, we're almost there. I'll be fine." The Postman assured him. "We can find a village after I've delivered my letters."

Sakon let out an aggravated sigh. "How close are we?" he demanded.

The Postman thought about it for a few seconds, and then replied. "We should arrive within an hour or so."

"Fine, we go to this temple, toss the letters at who they're for, and then find a village, okay?"

When The Postman didn't answer, Sakon looked down at him and realized he was asleep. He gave another sigh.

"Moron."

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Link glanced over at Groose, and let out a sigh. When he'd got up early to set out on his journey, Groose was already all packed and ready to accompany him. Despite being told not to come, Groose still followed after him, claiming it was his responsibility as a hero to protect the Skyworld. No matter what he said, Groose simply didn't listen, his mind already made up.

Link wasn't used to working with partners, and he was worried about the other man's safety. Ghirahim was incredibly dangerous, and Groose was far too overconfident for his own good. He knew the man meant well, and would probably risk his life to rescue the Kokiri, but Link didn't like the idea of any of his friends getting killed.

It was true that Groose used to bully him, but it was never anything harmful, or too terribly malicious. Groose had been jealous of his friendship with Zelda, and so it had been a simple attempt to become the alpha male of their age group. He honestly didn't hold it against the red-head, pranks and teasing nothing compared to what he'd lived through in his lifetime.

Groose's Navy Loftwing swooped above him, and Groose shot him a grin of excitement. Link couldn't help but smile back, and although he didn't say so, it was actually nice having a friendly face accompany him. Despite Navi's constant companionship, he found he got rather lonely on long quests. Sometimes he would go weeks without speaking to another person, and he knew that was probably why he was so socially awkward.

"Let's speed this up!" Groose crowed. "Let's race just like we used to! First one to Error's island wins!"

Knowing his Loftwing could handle it, Link gave another smile and nodded. Both men snapped their Loftwings' reins, and they sped off into the sky, the adrenalin of the race both exhilarating, and nostalgic.

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Sakon flew the Loftwing North for an hour or so, and they began passing more, and more islands below. The Postman had been leaning heavily against him, eyes closed, and Sakon assumed he was deeply asleep, but only a short time later, The Postman lifted his hand and pointed.

"There!" The Postman declared. "The temple's down there!"

Sakon looked down at the large island below, and took the Loftwing down without a word. The enormous temple almost took up the entire island, and Sakon flew the Loftwing all around it looking for the entrance. Most of the temple was made of thick, red stone, but the entire back of the temple seemed to be some sort of enormous domed greenhouse. Although it was made of glass, they couldn't see through it, and Sakon wondered if it would shatter if they threw a rock at it. Not liking the fact he couldn't see what was on the other side, Sakon decided against it, and instead circled the temple until he found the front entrance.

Sakon landed the Loftwing directly in front the enormous temple, and then glanced down at The Postman.

"Geeralem, or whatever his name is, is in there?" he questioned.

At The Postman's nod, Sakon squinted up at the temple with a frown. "What's with villains having big, creepy temples as their lairs?" he demanded. "Sure we all have hideouts, but my lair is actually quite nice."

The Postman turned his head slightly to look up at him. "You have a lair?"

"Sure do!" Sakon replied proudly. "That's where I hoard all my treasure."

"Aren't you worried about someone finding it while you're away?"

Sakon waved dismissively. "That only happened once with Link, but I've really beefed up security since then. I spent a fortune hiring people to enchant it, and only I can enter now. Anyone else who tried would get a dozen fireballs, and spikes to the face."

The Postman wasn't quite sure whether he believed him, but wasn't in the mood to inquire any further. Turning his gaze to the temple, he stared up at it thoughtfully.

The temple was truly enormous, made of cracked red stones, and was almost completely covered in vines. Skulltulas could be seen scurrying here and there, and the temple looked like it hadn't been used in a very, very long time. The temple didn't look particularly inviting, and Sakon hesitated.

"You're sure this is the right place?"

The Postman nodded.

Sakon slid out of the saddle to the ground, and then hesitantly approached the doors. The Postman was in an incredible amount of pain, and feeling rather nauseous, but he was doing his best to ignore it. He went to follow Sakon, but slipped as he was dismounting, and ended up face-planting awkwardly on the ground.

Sakon turned, and raised an eyebrow at him. "Very graceful, darling." he commented.

Sakon quickly became concerned however, when it became apparent The Postman couldn't get back up. Hurrying over, Sakon reached up to his backpack and pulled out a healing potion.

"You need a doctor!" Sakon scolded, kneeling down next to him. "I think you're dying!"

"I'm not dying." The Postman snapped, accepting the offered potion.

He drank the potion down, but to his dismay the pain barely lessened, only making it slightly more bearable.

"Better?" Sakon asked him anxiously.

"Yes." The Postman lied, slowly getting to his feet.

Sakon eyed him suspiciously, but gave him a nod, and once again approached the temple. A bit embarrassed over the whole ordeal, The Postman followed Sakon who was staring up at the inscription above the doorway thoughtfully.

"What's that?" Sakon demanded. "Some sort of weird sky language?"

"It's ancient Terminian." The Postman immediately replied. "It says-"

"You know ancient Terminian?" Sakon asked in disbelief.

"Yes."

"Why? What use could you possibly have for that in your profession? And where did you even learn it?"

The Postman gave Sakon a pointed look. "I didn't drop out of school when I was eight." he stated. "There were a variety of electives during the upper years of schooling. I chose several dead languages."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Whatever. Let's just get this stupid delivery over with before you die. Come on."

"Yes, but the doors says-"

"Who cares what it says?" Sakon interrupted. "Let's find Gerrard, and give him his letter before it gets dark."

"But, Sakon-"

"Look, stop trying to rub it in my face that you're smarter than me!" Sakon snapped. "I don't care what it says."

"I'm not trying to prove anything." The Postman told him. "It's just that the door says-"

"I don't care!" Sakon responded.

"But, Sakon, you won't be able to-"

The Postman trailed off when Sakon reached out, and he watched as The Thief grasped the door handle. Sakon gave the doors a hard pull, and there was an odd crackle of energy, and then Sakon let out a yelp, and yanked back his hands.

"It shocked me!" he exclaimed in surprise.

"Yes, and-"

"Don't worry, I got this." Sakon assured him.

Furrowing his brow, Sakon reached into his pockets, pulled out a pair of gloves, and then reached out to try again. This time when he touched the door, the shock was enough to shake his entire body, and Sakon fell back a step, wincing in pain.

"Ow." he whined. "What kind of temple is this?"

He shook his hands a few times, and then glared at the door in determination.

The Postman let out a frustrated sigh. "Look, Sakon, you're really not going to be able to-"

"Third time's the charm." Sakon informed him, stubbornly. "It's obviously some kind of magic, but it's really weak as far as spells go. I bet it's hundreds of years old, and can be broken with enough force. Sometimes spells only last for a couple years, and then they fade."

The Postman sighed for a second time, and then stepped far back as Sakon ran at the door and threw his entire weight against it. The door shuddered from the force, and at first nothing happened, but then there was a loud explosion of magic, and Sakon was thrown away from the door, his body convulsing from the electricity coursing through it. He hit the ground hard about ten feet back, and then twitched uncontrollably as the last bits of magic left him. The Postman knelt down next to him, a healing potion already in hand.

Sakon accepted the potion. and gulped it down, the shaking finally stopping.

"Sakon?" The Postman questioned. "Are you alright?"

Sakon let out a loud groan of complaint, and then sat up. "Owww!" he whined. "By the goddesses OW! That one really hurt! That stupid door almost electrocuted me!"

"You're not going to be able to open the door." The Postman informed him.

Sakon gave another wince, and then looked over at him. "Why?"

"It has a warning above the door." The Postman informed him. "It says 'Enter those whom worship the Goddess Termina, ye pure and untouched virgins will fear nothing, one single drop of thy blood will open the way. The soiled and evil will feel Termina's wrath.'"

Both of Sakon's eyebrows shot up in surprise. "I'm soiled, and evil?" he asked, sounding rather hurt. "That seems a little bit harsh. You could have warned me about the whole virgin thing, by the way! Thanks for letting me get electrocuted!"

The Postman glared at him.

Sakon swore loudly, and rubbed at his arms, still feeling a bit numb. "What a stupid curse! Why would they put such a horrible thing on a temple?"

"This temple belongs to the Goddess Termina." The Postman commented. "The virgin Goddess. She hates all non-virgins."

"Oh." Sakon said, looking rather revolted. "Who would want to remain a virgin for all of eternity?! No wonder she's such a harpy! If she just got laid, it would solve a lot of problems..."

The Postman's eyes widened, and he gave Sakon a light shove to the shoulder. "That's blasphemy, Sakon!" he scolded. " Don't insult the Goddesses! Especially not directly in front of their temples!"

Sakon simply gave him a grin. "Worried they might thunderbolt us?"

"I'm surprised they haven't already..."

Sakon gave a snort of amusement. "Soooo, what're we gonna do about the temple problem? I don't know about you, but I'm kind of fresh out of virgins at the moment. We'll have to circle around and look for another way in."

The Postman frowned. "That will take too long. I know this is the shortest way inside, I can sense it."

"Well, can you use your magic to blast out a wall or something?"

The Postman shook his head, his eyes glued to the door, and a thoughtful look crossed his face.

"We can't exactly go all the way back to Skyloft to kidnap a virgin." Sakon complained. "I doubt there's any virgins there anyway. There didn't seem to be one single shy violet in the entire place. You were the prudest thing at that festival." Sakon said with a laugh. "Your face when that girl kissed you-"

Sakon cut off abruptly as a thought occurred to him, and his eyes widened. He whirled to face The Postman in realization, and pointed a finger to him triumphantly.

"You!" he cried out. "You're a virgin, aren't you? I mean, you have to be! Just look at you!"

The Postman simply frowned at him.

"You are, aren't you?" Sakon demanded.

The Postman still didn't answer, and Sakon gave him a huge grin.

"I knew it!" Sakon cried out gleefully. "You are a virgin!"

The Postman let out a sigh, and crossed his arms.

"You can open the door!" Sakon said, looking like he'd just discovered the ultimate piece of juicy gossip.

The Postman gave him an unimpressed look.

"See?" Sakon announced pointing to him. "If you glare at people like that, no wonder you're a virgin! Lighten up a little."

"No."

"I've never even seen you smile." Sakon pointed out. "Stop being so grouchy all the time, and maybe you'll actually find a boyfriend."

The Postman turned away. "You're an idiot." he commented. "And I'm not gay."

Sakon laughed. "Whatever you say. Well, at least we can open the door now, right?"

The Postman glanced over his shoulder at him. "I don't think-"

"Go on!" Sakon ordered. "Try it! I bet it won't zap you! You're as 'untouched' as a human can possibly get! I bet that skanky woman on Skyloft was your very first kiss!"

The Postman gave Sakon a downright dirty look, and Sakon's eyes widened.

"She was?! That was your first kiss?"

When The Postman turned a bit red in embarrassment, Sakon's expression fell. "Oh...I didn't know." he said, his tone sounding earnestly regretful. "I'm sorry I ruined your first kiss by making you kiss a prostitute..."

The Postman spun around to face him in horror. "She was a prostitute?!"

Sakon winced. "...oops."

The Postman let out an aggravated sigh, and turned his attention to the temple door.

"Go on, open it." Sakon encouraged.

"I'm pretty sure the inscription was referring to maidens, not postmen." he replied.

Sakon gave a shrug, and drew his dagger. "Meh, I think you're girly enough to count as a maiden. Just hold out your hand, and I'll nick you a little bit."

"No."

Sakon glanced to the door, and then back to The Postman, and then he gave a shrug. "Well, if we're not delivering letters, then we might as well go home."

The Postman furrowed his brow, knowing he had to get into the temple somehow. Letting out a heavy sigh, he held out his hand. "Fine, but don't cut too deep."

Sakon took The Postman's hand, and nicked the skin lightly on the index finger, watching as a small drop of blood appeared.

"Ok, now try it." Sakon said eagerly. "I want to see what happens."

The Postman glanced down at the blood, and felt his stomach lurch at the sight. Blood normally didn't bother him much, but he was still feeling nauseous, and so the sight of it turned his stomach. Now completely queasy, he turned his attention to the temple door. He had a pounding headache, and would be glad to get out of the sunlight for a few minutes. Once the letter was delivered, they could find a doctor.

"Hurry up and use your super virgin powers!" Sakon said, grinning wide. "Blast open the doors with your 'pureness'!"

"Shut up." The Postman replied grouchily.

As The Postman approached the door, Sakon backed away a few steps, just in case it backfired, and watched with interest. The Postman stared at the intricately carved door for a long moment, not really wanting to be electrocuted, and then hesitantly lifted his hand and placed it against the door. The blood barely even touched the wood when the door opened with a loud, and ominous creak.

Sakon's mouth dropped open. "Wow! You really are a super virgin!" he exclaimed. "That can be your official villain name from now on."

The Postman shook his head in exasperation. "Sometimes I wonder about you, Sakon..."

"You think about me?" Sakon asked, with a grin. "I should hope it's only good thoughts!"

By the glare The Postman shot him, this was clearly not the case. Ignoring the look, Sakon approached the temple, and hesitantly peered into the dark, and creepy hallway within.

"How do you think Grovihim got in there? This door doesn't look like it's been used in a thousand years! Look at all the dust, and Skulltula webs!"

"There's probably another way in somewhere else on the island." The Postman stated. "This temple's probably not part of Ghirahim's lair, but rather connects to it somehow."

"Huh." Sakon said, thoughtfully. "You think it's alright for me to go in now? Was the spell just on the door?"

"I wouldn't chance it if I were you." The Postman suggested.

Sakon frowned. "Er, yeah, maybe I'll just wait here, and guard the Loftwing..."

The Postman looked down the long, and shadowed hallway before him, and then turned his gaze to Sakon. "I'm not sure how long this will take." he said.

Sakon let out a sigh, knowing he was probably going to miss out on a ton of treasures hidden within the temple. He gave another distrustful glare at the doorway. "What do you think would've happened if I had've put a drop of my blood on the door instead of you?"

The Postman raised an eyebrow. "I think you would have disintegrated on the spot." he replied, completely serious.

Sakon gave a resigned nod. "Yeah, having too much awesome will sometimes do that to a person. If you see any treasure in there, bring it back for me, okay?"

The Postman rolled his eyes. "I'm not stealing from a sacred temple." he stated, taking a step through the doorway.

Sakon let out a disappointed sigh.

"I might be quite a while if Ghirahim refuses to accept his letter." The Postman told him, stepping further into the temple.

Sakon gave him a nod. "Alright, I'll set up camp, and wait for you here."

As The Postman disappeared into the shadows of the temple, Sakon watched through the doorway with a frown.

"Don't die!" he yelled in after him.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Friday!**


	44. The Temple

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 **Authornote: Friday June 9th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Make sure you read the bonus Wednesday update before you read this chapter. I'm updating this chapter a bit early (again) because I have to work a 14 hour shift at work tomorrow, and would not have had time to update.**

 **The Sunday update will be on schedule.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Rainmy-** This is really going to blow your mind...it's all the same world. They keep going through time in their own timeline, but they can never meet themselves. For example, if Link did something important the first time around, and went back in time later right to when he did that, it would already be done as if he had just left. He's been through his own timeline so many times, villagers probably think Link never sleeps. lol Sometimes it's hard for Link to keep straight everything he's done.

The only time his time travel erased his prior actions was when he went back in time was during the Majora's Mask quest. The song of time that he used to go back, erased all actions and put him back to the beginning of the first day. The song had a limit of three days, however.

I love Groose, so I couldn't resist bringing him along. lol

That girl actually wasn't a prostitute at all, but Sakon thought she was. She found out he was rich, and asked him for money. (she didn't get it lol)

Termina is a complete...I don't think this site will allow me to say the word I want. lol Yeah, she's a REAL piece of work though. :D

 **.**

 **placesmileshere** \- Sakon has never had a real friend before, and it's a very new concept to him. The Postman is absolutely no threat to him, and so Sakon doesn't feel the need to always be on guard around him. I don't want to give away anything that happens later on, but i will say this, Sakon feels no shame about who he is, and he would freely admit to you about any and all partners he's had over the years. The Postman is pretty much the exact opposite of this. lol

 **.**

 **Random Reader \- **Yay! :D I'm glad you were able to find the story again! I'm glad you've enjoyed it so far, and hope you stay for the rest of the story as well. :)

 **.**

 **Reiz16** -Thanks for the review, my dear! I hope you enjoy the next chapter as well! :D

 **.**

 **darkerthanlight** \- I haaaaaated that owl with a fiery passion when I was a kid. I ALWAYS hit 'yes' by accident because the game designers kept switching which button was for yes in order to troll gamers. lol The Postman was not impressed to be compared to a maiden. lol

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 **jigbashmop** -Yeah, Link is old and jaded now. lol He's been doing his own thing for so long now that he's not finding these changes easy. Although he'd technically be in his fifties, he has never really thought about it too much, and still considers himself 20, since that the farthest he's ever gotten in his own timeline. Other than his first childhood, he can't always control when and if he will go back in time, it all seems to be determined by fate.

.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 12**

 **The Temple**

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The temple was extremely dimly lit, the only light from the dusty stained glass windows high above. The dust burned The Postman's lungs and eyes as he went deeper and deeper into the temple, and thick cobwebs covered everything. The Postman gently brushed aside any Skulltulas in his way, trying his best not to damage their webs, or bother them in any way. The Skulltulas tolerated his presence as he wasn't brandishing a weapon, nor was he threatening them in any way; they barely even stirred from their sleep.

After a few minutes the hallway opened to a large chamber, and The Postman squinted in the darkness, trying to make out where he was. Seeing several statues, pews, and an altar, he realized he was in a sacred place of worship, and glanced around in curiosity.

His gaze immediately settled on a large statue in the centre of the room, standing over the altar. He couldn't tell what it was of, and approached with interest, squinting in the semi-darkness. The Statue stood over the altar, its head bent, cobwebs hanging over its face like a ghostly veil. Curious, he brushed aside a good amount of the cobwebs and stared up into the vengeful eyes of of Termina. Her gaze was entirely on the altar like she staring down at something foul, and The Postman wiped at the altar to get a better look at it. It was made entirely of black marble, intricately carved with large swirling handwriting all along the edges.

Leaning over the altar in an attempt to read it, he saw it was the same message from the temple doors, only repeated over and over again. He felt a warm wetness on his hand, and he glanced down, and then froze at what he saw. A large puddle of blood was gathering underneath his hand, and seemed to be coming out of the tiny cut on his finger. The stone itself seemed to be drawing the blood out of him, and The Postman yanked back his hand in alarm.

The blood on the altar began bubbling, and more and more appeared as if the altar itself was now bleeding. The blood began to drip down the sides of the altar, disappearing down small grates in the floor, and The Postman had a very bad feeling about this. Staring down at the huge amount of blood, The Postman slowly backed away and felt his stomach lurch at the smell of the coppery blood, and he squeezed his eyes closed hard, trying to push aside the nausea. When he opened his eyes a few moments later, the blood was gone, no sign of it ever having been there.

The Postman glanced down at his hands, and found them to be clean, no hint of blood anywhere on him. Frowning, he once again looked into the face of the Termina statue. He didn't find her expression to be as severe now, her face looking almost serene, and he wondered if it was his imagination. Had the blood really been there, or was it the poor light, and his fever playing tricks on him?

Turning away, The Postman gazed around the room with a thoughtful look. The temple didn't look like it had been touched in hundreds of years, the dust, cobwebs and deterioration proof of this. Other than the footprints he had left, the dust was completely undisturbed. Ghirahim had obviously never passed through here, as no one had been this way in a very long time. Running a hand along an old, rotted pulpit, The Postman wondered how the temple had fallen into such disrepair. At one time, the temple had obviously been very grand, and very beautiful, but now everything was crumbling to dust, and it looked more like a tomb than a place a worship.

As The Postman ran his hand across a long dried, sacred fountain, he paused, feeling eyes on his back. Glancing over his shoulder, he now saw the statue was staring directly at him. Her face was turned towards him, her expressionless stone eyes boring directly into his own. His eyes widening in alarm, The Postman stared back at the statue, but it didn't move, simply watching, simply waiting. The Postman gave a slight gulp, and gave another long blink, hoping he was just mistaken about what he was seeing. Sure enough, when he opened his eyes, the statue was once again staring down at the altar like it had never moved.

The Postman raised a hand to his forehead, wondering if Sakon really was right, and was he dangerously sick. He could feel the heat, and his skin was sweaty and clammy, and so he knew he had a high fever. Wondering if he'd hallucinated the whole thing, The Postman shook his head. He gave one last wary glance to the statue, and then decided he'd dawdled long enough, and turned away. The statue didn't move again.

The Postman hurried to a door on the far end of the room that looked a lot newer compared to the rest of the temple, its metal gleaming in the dark. Placing a hand on the latch, he could feel an odd magic surrounding it, and hesitantly gave it a pull, the door opening with a loud, groaning creak. The door swung open wide to reveal complete darkness.

There was nothing but black, the darkness swallowing any light to come near, and The Postman stared at it a long moment. The darkness had the same heavy, oily feeling to it as Ghirahim's magic, and The Postman knew this was the right direction.

Not having a torch to light his way, The Postman stepped into the darkness, and was immediately swallowed by it. He was only one step in, and he couldn't even see the doorway any longer. Listening intently for any sounds out of place, The Postman very slowly, and carefully ventured into the darkness. Keeping one hand to the wall at all times, he felt his way along, relying on his sense of direction entirely. It had never run him astray before, and he hoped there wasn't something horrible hiding in the darkness.

The cool, dark air felt good against his fevered skin but the way it pressed in on him made him feel a bit claustrophobic. Hearing the shuffling of Skulltulas just ahead, The Postman felt out for their webs, not really wanting to get bitten for accidentally disturbing one. His fingers found the first web and he gently pulled it aside so he could step around it, and by the sounds of it, the Skulltula didn't even notice. He continued in this fashion for a few minutes until he reached a fork in the tunnel. The Postman felt around both entrances, but there was no indication which was the right way.

Trusting his sense of direction, The Postman kept to the left, and was sure it was the right way. He didn't encounter anything else as he felt his way along, and several minutes later, he was quite surprised to be blinded by light. Rubbing at his eyes as they adjusted to the light, he looked up and saw he was now in the middle of a dense jungle. The plants were bursting with life, and every tree seemed to be covered in ripe, delicious looking fruit. Every flower and piece of fruit were at their prime, despite most not even being in season yet, and The Postman ventured further into the jungle, pushing his way past bushes and plants. Flowers of every colour were all around him, and The Postman once again wondered if he was hallucinating.

Looking up at the sky, The Postman saw glass far above, and realized he was inside the domed greenhouse they'd seen from the outside of the temple. The Postman continued staring upwards, feeling a bit disconcerted after being in darkness for so long. Trees and plants of every kind surrounded him, and The Postman gazed all around in wonder.

Curious as to who tended such an extravagant garden, The Postman lifted a hand to shield his eyes, the bright sunlight bothering his eyes. The greenhouse was sweltering hot, but The Postman still felt chilled to the bone, feeling sicker and sicker the more he walked. He was very tempted to take a short rest underneath one of the trees, and he deliberated whether he had time. He stared at the shade longingly, his limbs feeling like lead and his head pounding, but knew he shouldn't. It would be unprofessional to stop now before he'd completed his deliveries, especially when they were late as it was. Turning away from the tempting shade, he rubbed at his eyes a moment, and ventured even deeper into the jungle.

He wandered around aimlessly for a few minutes, looking at the different flowers, and then paused when he heard the bushes beside him rustle. Glancing at said bush, it didn't move again, and he cocked his head in confusion. He approached the bush curiously, and there was immediately a frightened squeal, some thrashing, and something small darted by him into another bush.

The Postman eyed the new rattling bush distrustfully, and slowly snuck up to it. Before he reached it, there was another cry, some more thrashing and movement, and all the bushes around him shook. The Postman hesitated, realizing he was outnumbered.

"Er...hello?" he cautiously called out.

There was a bit more rustling, and several pairs of eyes peered out at him fearfully from the leaves. The Postman stared back at them.

"Hello?" The Postman tried again.

"Go away!" came a young, angry sounding voice. "Leave us alone!"

Recognizing the voice, and also the eyes, The Postman knelt down. "Mido?" he questioned.

There was a slight hesitation, and then several Kokiri peered out of their hiding spots. Immediately recognizing The Postman, they burst out of the bushes and threw their arms around him in a bone-crushing hug.

"Postman!" one of them cried. "We thought no one would ever find us!"

"You found us! You found us!" Another cheered, pulling at his shirt in excitement.

Even Mido, the broody Kokiri seemed relieved, and grateful.

"We were so scared!" one of the know-it-all brothers cried. "That horrible demon took us, and he won't let us go home!"

"He was so mean!" one of the girls sniffed, latching on even tighter.

"We're so glad to see you!" another bawled into his side. "It's been so scary!"

"Ugh." The Postman protested, positive he was going to be sick if he was squeezed any tighter. "Please let me go."

When the Kokiri just latched on even tighter, he tried carefully pulling them away. "Let go!" he requested. "You're squeezing too tight."

Hearing the desperation in his voice, the Kokiri released him, and stepped back as he closed his eyes and covered his mouth, trying to push aside his nausea.

"Um...you don't look too good." one of the Kokiri informed him.

Mido crinkled his nose. "He's gonna puke." he informed the others. "You are, aren't you?"

"I'm fine." The Postman responded. "Just a bit tired..."

Saria, the only Kokiri to have been standing back, looked him up and down. "You're all sweaty, and your skin's really pale." she informed him. "You're sick."

"I'm fine." The Postman assured her.

Saria was frowning at him worriedly, and when The Postman finally got his stomach under control, he remembered the letters. Reaching into his mailbag, he pulled out Saria's letter, and held it out to her.

"A letter for you, Miss Saria, sorry that it's so late."

Not expecting a mail delivery in the middle of her kidnapping, Saria reached up to take it purely by reflex, quite surprised. The Postman let out a breath of relief that he had finally delivered the letter. Now he only had one letter to go.

"What's it say, Saria?" Mido demanded, trying to read over her shoulder.

"Yeah! What's it say? What's it say?" the other Kokiri began chorusing. "Read it!"

Unfolding the letter, Saria began reading out loud.

"Dear Saria,

I'm on my way home from Clocktown today. Travelling has been good lately, and the weather is perfect in Termina. I have a lot to tell you about my latest adventure, and you're going to love hearing about this one! I still haven't been able to locate Epona, but I recently found out who it was who took her. Hopefully I'll have her back by the end of the day. By the time you read this, I should already be on my way to tell you everything that's happened!

I'll see you soon

-Link"

Saria's bottom lip trembled slightly at Link's letter. "Does Link know we were kidnapped?" she asked. "Is he coming?"

The Postman nodded. "He's on his way."

Saria gave The Postman a grateful nod. "Thank you, Postman! Thank you for telling him!"

"I'm sorry I didn't stop you from being kidnapped." The Postman told her. "I should have done something."

Saria immediately shook her head, giving him a smile. "Ghirahim would have just hurt you." she replied. "Your magic is too weak, and there was nothing you could have done."

The Postman frowned. "I should have still tried. I froze, and did nothing."

"I would have rather been kidnapped, than left all alone in the Kokiri forest." Saria told him. "Kokiri aren't meant to be alone."

Mido approached and gave him a hard poke in the ribs. "You still look like you're going to puke." he commented. "Do you need us to heal you?"

The Postman shook his head, and glanced down at his one remaining letter. "No, I'm fine, and I really need to get going."

Saria gave a nervous glance around the jungle. "Yes, it's not safe for you to be here. You should leave before you're found. We'll be fine until Link gets here. He'll find a way to vanquish the demon, Ghirahim, and dispel the darkness that keeps us here. You should hide before the guardian finds you."

"Guardian?" The Postman questioned.

Saria nodded. "The guardian is the protector of this jungle, and he's been taking care of us. He thinks we're sacrifices to the goddess Termina, and is keeping us here until Termina says otherwise. He keeps Ghirahim away from us, and protects us. If he finds you here, he might think you're here to hurt us, and he'll kill you."

"I just have one more delivery to make." The Postman stated with a frown. "I have to find Mr. Ghirahim."

All of the Kokiri's eyes widened in horror.

"No! You can't!" Fado cried. "He'll kill you!"

Mido nodded his agreement. "And if he doesn't, then the guardian will!"

Saria hugged her arms to her chest, and frowned, obviously very frightened of Ghirahim. "You can't go to Ghirahim, postman, or he'll hurt you. He's an evil, vile creature, who only Link can defeat. You're not strong enough to fight him!"

The Postman returned the frown, but didn't really see how this concerned him. "I'm not going to fight Ghirahim." he replied. "I'm just going to deliver his letter, and then leave again. Link can handle the heroics."

"If you don't leave, the guardian might think you're trying to take us away, and kill you." Saria informed him. "Please, just leave this temple, postman."

The Postman shook his head. "I can't until my last letter has been delivered."

Saria glanced over her shoulder, and then back to him, still nervous. "The guardian is sleeping right now, but he could wake at any time. If you leave now, he'll never know you were here."

Again, The Postman shook his head. "Once I've delivered the letter, then I'll leave."

Other than Link, The Postman was the Kokiri's only friend, and they cherished his tales of the outside world, and his serious attitude so unlike their ways. He was a child of Farore, and they saw him as a part of their small tribe, and didn't want him to get hurt. As The Postman turned to leave, he was bombarded by several Kokiri from behind.

"No!" they cried, pulling him back.

There was a loud, grunting snore from somewhere in the jungle, and every Kokiri instantly slapped their hands over their mouths. They waited in silence for a moment, and when nothing happened, they relaxed.

"You can't!" Saria whispered. "You'll die, Postman! You've given us Kokiri hope that Link will come, but you must save yourself! Please leave! I don't want you to die!"

The Postman could sense where Ghirahim was, and stared off through the jungle, giving his head a stubborn shake. "Sorry, Miss. Saria." he apologized distractedly, pushing his way through the bushes. "It's my job, and I have to deliver this letter. It's priority."

Instantly, every Kokiri grabbed a hold of one of his limbs, pulling him back, and The Postman stumbled, nearly losing his balance. The Kokiri held him tight, and no matter how hard he struggled they didn't loosen their hold. After struggling against them for a moment or two, and not gaining any ground, The Postman got somewhat annoyed.

"Let me go!" he ordered.

"We won't let you!" a Kokiri yelled out. "If you die, our family gets smaller! We don't want you to get hurt!"

"I have a job to do! Let me go!" The Postman said, struggling harder. "You're disrupting my delivery!"

"No!" came the unanimous response.

The Postman's voice took on the irritated tone he usually only reserved for his younger brothers and sisters when they were being especially bratty. "Let. Go. Now." he ordered. "Right now!"

At the reprimanding tone, the Kokiri all begrudgingly released him, and The Postman gave them a scolding look.

"I'm really late as it is! Please do not interfere!"

"We were only worried about you..." Saria said, looking down at the ground.

"I'll be fine, I promise." The Postman assured them. "I'll only be a few minutes."

Giving them one last warning look, The Postman turned and pushed his way through the bushes away from the Kokiri, and towards where he could sense Ghirahim. He could hear the Kokiri's frightened whispers behind him, but his attention was already entirely on his job. After a few minutes, he made it to the edge of the jungle, and saw a single door against the wall. He was positive Ghirahim was within the next room, and he glanced down at the letter, glad this whole ordeal was almost over.

Reaching for the handle, he paused, and then instead gave a loud knock to the door, deciding it would be more polite, than simply barging in.

He heard the knock echo within, and there was a long hesitation, and then came a confused. "Come in?"

The Postman pushed open the door, and peered in, seeing the room was a very ornate throne room. Ghirahim was sprawled in a jewel-covered throne, staring at him through narrowed eyes, The Postman obviously not who he expected to see. Ghirahim blew a strand of his white hair out of eyes, and then slowly sat up.

"You..." he stated, his voice still confused.

The Postman took a step forward. "I have a letter for you, Sir."

With a snap of his fingers, Ghirahim summoned a dozen sharp blades seemingly out of nowhere. As the blades spun around the villain, Ghirahim stared at The Postman curiously. "Why, if it isn't my little stalker-postman." he stated. "It seems you didn't die after all."

Ignoring that last statement, The Postman held out the letter. "Your letter, Sir."

Draping a leg over the arm of his throne lazily, Ghirahim gave a flick of his wrist sending one of the blades shooting directly at The Postman's head. The Postman stepped out of the way, and Ghirahim raised an eyebrow. Giving his wrist another flick, he shot two more blades at The Postman, both of which were sidestepped. Now eyeing the villain warily, The Postman edged a bit closer, still holding out the letter.

Resting his chin in his hand thoughtfully, Ghirahim summoned three more daggers bringing the total back up to twelve, and flicked his wrist, sending blades at The Postman from all directions.

Moving as fast as he could, The Postman dodged and jumped, red streaks of magic all around him as the blades shot by him. He was feeling sluggish in his fever, but he still managed to avoid every blade, and Ghirahim gave him another genuinely thoughtful look.

"Who are you?" he asked after a moment.

"I am a postman, Sir, don't you remember me?"

Ghirahim scowled, this not being the answer he wanted. "You're no ordinary postman." he replied decisively. "You wouldn't have been able to get this far alive, now tell me who you really are! Are you a hero?"

Again, The Postman held up the letter. "I'm a postman, Sir, and I've come to deliver your mail. Please accept your letter."

Ghirahim draped his other leg over the arm of the throne, seemingly trying to pose, and didn't answer. His flat brown eyes raked over The Postman thoughtfully, trying to come to a decision about him. The Postman didn't look like a hero, nor did he act like a regular dull-witted citizen; he was an unusual creature. Ghirahim observed the white postal uniform and the letter which seemed to back up the story, but it still seemed too ludicrous to him. It had to be some sort of trick. His eyes settled on the The Postman's mailbag, and his eyes narrowed to slits.

"What is the strange magic coming from that bag?" he demanded. "What are you hiding?"

The Postman glanced down at his mailbag in surprise, and reached inside, pulling out the magic sword. At the sight of the sword, Ghirahim's eyes widened.

"Where did you get that?" he exclaimed. "That's no ordinary sword!"

"It belongs to Lord Ganondorf." The Postman explained. "He wanted me to bring it with me just in case I needed it."

His eyes still on the sword, Ghirahim shook his head. "No, Ganondorf is not that sword's master...you are. Do you have any idea what that sword is?"

The Postman glanced down at it. "It's a magical sword that bonded with my magic." The Postman replied.

Ghirahim looked at him in surprise. "You don't even know what it is!" he said in disbelief. "You haven't even awoken its true power yet!"

"True power, Sir?"

Ghirahim shook his head. "Who are you?" he repeated in confusion.

The Postman felt like they kept going around in circles, and gave the villain a frown. "I'm a postman, Sir."

"Going to kill me with that sword, little stalker?" Ghirahim demanded.

The Postman glanced down at the sword, and put it away in the mailbag, hurriedly shaking his head. "No, Sir, of course not. I don't hurt people, I'm just here to deliver your letter."

"Then why have the sword if you're not going to use it?" Ghirahim asked, certain he'd caught The Postman in a lie.

"I was told to take it, and so I did." The Postman explained. "Lord Ganondorf wanted me to have it."

Ghirahim slowly swung himself the right way around on the throne. "If you did try to kill me, you'd never be able to lay a finger on me." he stated. "You'd be dead before you even drew the blade."

"I imagine so, Sir." The Postman agreed. "I'm not a fighter."

Ghirahim stared at The Postman for a long moment, and then got to his feet, gave a stretch, and took a step towards him. "I warned you that I may not be merciful the next time we met, doesn't this worry you, little stalker?" he asked.

"My only concern is my job, Sir. Would you please take your letter?"

"Don't you know who I am?" Ghirahim demanded.

The Postman nodded. "Your name is Ghirahim, Sir."

"Do you know exactly who I am, and what I've done to be so feared?" Ghirahim asked, genuinely curious.

The Postman hesitated, and then shook his head.

Ghirahim's lips curled up in amusement. "Interesting." he stated.

Ghirahim slowly began sauntering towards him, like a tiger stalking its prey, his eyes still studying the smaller man in front of him in curiosity. "Do you think yourself brave for coming here?" he questioned.

The Postman shook his head.

With a snap of his fingers, Ghirahim disappeared, and then reappeared a moment later directly behind The Postman. He draped his arms over The Postman's shoulders casually, and leaned in close to his ear. "Why have you followed after me so passionately?" he asked huskily. "Perhaps you've fallen in love with me? The moment you first laid eyes on my beauty, you've had to follow me? Is this the case, little stalker?"

Watching Ghirahim out of the corner of his eye, The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir."

Ghirahim leaned around a bit so he was directly in The Postman's field of vision. "Just 'no'?" he questioned, smirking. "You're very determined to follow me for someone who's not a hero, and who hasn't fallen in love with me."

"Sorry to disappoint you, Sir, please just accept your letter."

Inspecting him from far too close, Ghirahim flicked The Postman's hat off with his thumb, and ran a hand through The Postman's short brown hair, ignoring the glare he received.

The Postman glanced down at his fallen hat. "Please don't touch postal property." he scolded. "You may only touch your mail."

Ignoring him, Ghirahim gave him another look-over. "You're very plain." he stated. "Not ugly, simply boringly average. At least Link is pretty to look at."

Feeling overheated with Ghirahim being that close to him, The Postman attempted to pull away, and again held up the letter. "Your letter, Sir. Take your letter."

Ghirahim let out a laugh, enjoying toying with him. "How easily I could kill you." he stated. "Does it bother you that I took the Kokiri? That I'm a villain?"

The Postman gave another uncomfortable squirm. "It's none of my business, Sir, I'm just a postman. I don't care about things like that."

"Really..." Ghirahim said, running a perfectly manicured nail along The Postman's throat. "And why is that?"

Ghirahim obviously had no concept of personal space, or he simply didn't care, and he placed his arms back around The Postman, enjoying the other man's discomfort. Ghirahim was really making him feel too overheated, and The Postman was beginning to feel nauseous again.

The Postman closed his eyes, trying to push aside his queasiness. "I'm a postman, Sir, I don't judge my customers."

Ghirahim rested his chin on top of The Postman's head. "Even if your customer's are up to something really, really despicable?" he asked.

The Postman gave a nod, not trusting himself to answer at the moment.

Ghirahim wasn't sure what to make of The Postman. He'd never met such a strange individual before, and wasn't sure whether to kill him or toy with him a bit longer. He was terribly bored at the moment, and it would be a few days until his plans were complete. The Postman squirmed in his hold, and he looked down at him.

"Please let me go, Sir." The Postman requested, squirming uselessly.

Ghirahim gave him a downright sinister grin "You fail to understand your position here, little stalker. I can do what I want with you, and you can do nothing to stop me!"

"No, Sir, you have to let me go!" The Postman said, his stomach turning. "I'm not feeling very well..."

Ghirahim tightened his hold painfully. "You can't order me to do anything!" he hissed. "I do what I want."

The Postman struggled even harder. "You don't understand! You have to let me go! Please, Sir!"

Ghirahim narrowed his eyes. "I won't." he announced.

"No, Sir, you don't understand! I'm going to be s-"

Ghirahim froze as The Postman all of a sudden lurched, made a gagging sound, and then proceeded to be sick all over the front of the demon's clothes.

Going completely comatose for a very long moment, Ghirahim's eyes were as wide as saucers, not knowing how to react. Completely stiff, he released The Postman, and very, very slowly looked down at himself. His expression turned even more horrified, and his mouth opened and closed several times without sound, before he let out a loud shriek of revulsion, snapped his fingers, and disappeared from the room in a shower of sparkles.

The Postman gave one last gag, and then slowly straightened up, mortified and still feeling nauseous. He really wished Ghirahim had listened to him, and couldn't believe that had just happened. He had never done anything so horrible to any of his customers before, and wouldn't be surprised if he received a write-up over it.

"...sorry." The Postman said to the empty room.

Slowly kneeling down to pick up the fallen letter, The Postman gazed around the throne room, noticing how everything seemed to be spinning. Putting a hand to his head, he slowly made his way to the door, wondering when Ghirahim would return. He pulled open the door with more difficulty than he would have expected, his limbs not wanting to cooperate, and was met with the sight of the Kokiri waiting for him.

Saria stepped forward worriedly, and looked him up and down. "What happened?" she asked. "What was that loud yell? Did the demon hurt you?"

The Postman wavered on his feet for a moment, his vision starting to darken.

"I threw up on Ghirahim." The Postman replied, and then he promptly fainted.

He was unconscious when a large shadow fell over him, the temple's guardian staring down at him curiously.

"What have we here?" it mused to itself. "It appears we have an intruder..."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	45. Dazed and Confused

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 **Authornote: Sunday June 11th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Another long chapter for you guys, so settle in! I had no intention of writing such a long chapter, but got a bit carried away. lol I probably should have broken it up into 2 chapters, but...meh. Updated a day early, because, once again, I have to work a stupidly long shift at work. :(**

 **There's only 3 more chapters left of Part 3! :D Part 4 is quite long in comparison, and lots of fun stuff happens. Since there's only 3 chapters left, I'll post them all this week on Wednesday, Friday, and Sunday so that the new story arc will start the following week.**

 **The Friday update will be on schedule.**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **SilentyDead -**Woohoo, new account! :D Sucks that your other username was already taken though. Don't feel bad about the typo though, because that happens to me alllll the time. For like 2 months the title of this fanfiction was misspelled, and no one noticed. I had spelt villain as villian. lol I finally fixed it a while back. :)

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 **placesmileshere** -I had never thought of that! That would actually make a lot of sense about the star fragments! I would like to use that if you don't mind, and I'll make sure to credit you. :D

Yes, that's true, Zelda would be around 150 years old, because of BOTW. Perhaps this is where we can assume her vast amount of knowledge had come from? It's even possible she's lived even longer than that due to so much time travel.

Yes, about the sword, THAT is actually an extremely important part of this story. We will start to learn more about this in part 4, but absolutely everything is explained in part 5. Hopefully there won't be a single loose thread once the story is finished.

Let's just say The Postman's family is hiding a lot more than he thinks. ;)

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 **Guest101 -**Hahaha! Don't worry, updates are twice a week! I hope you enjoy this one! Thanks for the review! :D

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 **Rainmy-** I love writing the cute, innocent Kokiri. :) I like to believe that since they're so isolated from the outside world, they've maintained their childhood innocence, despite being eternal. The Postman has 12 younger brothers and sisters, and so he's VERY used to being around children. Whenever he visits home, he normally ends up having to babysit his youngest siblings to give his parents a break. He doesn't really mind doing this, because this is something that's been expected of him his entire life. (sucks being the eldest child) lol He does like the Kokiri, and he enjoys visiting them, but he doesn't agree with them that he belongs in the forest. The Postman would get bored VERY quickly there. haha

His life being in danger hadn't even occurred to him in that situation with Ghirahim. I think it would be hilarious if Ghirahim DID write a letter of complaint to the postmistress. I doubt she would take it seriously though, thinking it was some sort of prank. I laughed so hard at your description of when Ghirahim was man-handling The Postman, because it's SO true!

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 **ChangelingRin-** I looked up that episode of Doctor Who, and holy crap that's a scary episode! I don't think I'm ever going to look at statues in quite the same way again! o_O Thanks for recommending it to me!

Yeah, The Postman doesn't realize that a lot of the things he does are not typical for most people. He's never really put any thought into it before. lol

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** -Eau de Barf is the newest and most fashionable scent right now! lol

The Postman NEVER has an easy time with anything. If he was simply taking a walk, he'd probably end up getting pulled into some sort of epic adventure.

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 **Reiz16** \- Ghirahim is probably burning those clothes as we speak. lol That was a really fun chapter to write. :D

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 **darkerthanlight** \- YES! Link never thought of THAT, did he? lol (gives you a healing fairy to revive you) As for the guardian, you will find out this chapter allll about him. :) Thanks a lot for the review, you never fail to make me laugh! :D

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 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 13**

 **Dazed and Confused**

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The Postman drifted in and out of consciousness, his head pounding, and the darkness of sleep feeling good. It felt like a heavy fog was in his mind, keeping him asleep, and The Postman had a hard time trying to resist it. At one point he felt something cool placed on his forehead, but he was much too tired to open his eyes.

During one bout of semi-consciousness, he felt his entire body jostled violently, heard a lot of aggravated yelling, some horrible sounding snarling, and then he fell back asleep, too tired to make sense of it.

The second time he woke, he was able to open his eyes a crack, and he saw glimpses of scales, and multitudes of red eyes, and he blinked heavily. Something was then pressed to his lips, and he saw a bowl of what looked like water, and he drank quite by reflex, wincing at the horrible taste of whatever it was. Allowing his head to fall back against the scales limply, he drifted back into sleep as, whatever it was, coiled around his body protectively.

The third time he woke, he was a bit more alert and could make out the colours of the jungle around him, and he winced at the brightness. Blinking tiredly, he looked up, and was met with the sight of a mass of scales. His head was in agony, and his whole body felt tired and sore. The Postman looked the strange creature up and down, noticing he was wrapped deeply within its coils securely. Realizing this was the guardian the Kokiri had mentioned, he gave it a wary look, half-expecting to be killed at any moment. The guardian was snoring loudly, and The Postman hoped he could escape unnoticed if he moved quietly enough.

He couldn't see much of the guardian from his current position, but had a feeling he was probably in danger. Squirming, he managed to get both of his arms free, and then noticed that his clothes seemed to be gone. Glancing down at himself, he saw he was wearing nothing at all, and felt confused, and embarrassed. Every bit of his skin was covered in some sort of green paste and wrapped in leaves, similar to what the Kokiri had done to him before. The paste felt cool against his skin, and he knew he was probably still feverish. What had happened?

He gave another wary glance to the guardian, hoping it was a deep sleeper. It continued snoring deeply, and The Postman relaxed, feeling a bit better with no immediate danger present.

His head was really throbbing now, and he gave a glance up towards the skylight wondering how long he'd been asleep. The light burned his much too sensitive eyes, and he averted his gaze with a wince, still not knowing what time it was. Rubbing at his eyes a moment, The Postman shifted a bit, still not feeling well, but alert enough to know staying where he was, wasn't the best of ideas.

The Postman began wriggling and squirming his way of out of the coils, glad the guardian seemed to be a heavy sleeper. When he was almost all the way out, he realized one of his legs was stuck. Giving it a hard tug, it pulled free quite suddenly, and he toppled over the side of the guardian in a tangle of limbs, his face about to hit the ground hard. He was quite startled when a snake-like tentacle caught him around the middle, stopping his fall just in time, and pulled him back up into the safety of the coils. Looking up, The Postman was met with the sight of a very familiar-looking monster.

Twelve eyes focussed on him, six on each enormous head, its large spindly, spider-like legs unfurling from underneath it, several tentacles resting nearby. The Postman's eyes widened as he remembered what this monster had threatened the last time he'd seen it.

"You're from the Goron tunnels!" he rasped out, his throat feeling dry and scratchy. "How did you get all the way up here?!"

The guardian cocked its heads in confusion.

The Postman struggled against the hold. "I didn't go back into the tunnels, I kept my word! It wasn't me who woke you up this time! Please don't kill me!" The Postman knew he was rambling, but was too panicked, and too sick to care. "I'm sorry!"

The guardian seemed to frown down at him for a long moment, and then it reached forward and laid a snake-like limb against his forehead.

"You still have a fever." it stated in a deep and gravelly voice. "You're delirious, and you need to rest."

The Postman was indeed feeling incredibly sick, and it took him a moment to process what the guardian had said. Somewhere in his fevered mind, he registered that this monster was male, and couldn't possibly be the same monster he'd met before. He squirmed away from the limbs holding him, backed up a few steps, and the guardian was quick to catch him again as he lost his balance, and nearly fell. Keeping a tight hold on him, and ignoring the struggles, the guardian forced him to lay back down. The Postman kicked and struggled, and the guardian gave him reprimanding look.

"You need to rest." he scolded. "If you keep this up, we're going to lose all progress on healing you! Now behave yourself, and stay put."

Unable to move while pinned down the way he was, The Postman stared up at the guardian, not exactly sure what was happening at the moment. Did he just get scolded like a toddler by a man-eating monster? What was the guardian planning to do with him, and why was he being kept alive?

One of the guardian's other tentacles brought a chipped stone bowl from somewhere within its coils, and offered it to him.

"Drink." he ordered. "You need water."

The Postman's throat was completely parched, and so he accepted the water and gulped it down greedily. The moment he was finished, the guardian held out a second bowl.

"It will help with the fever." he told The Postman.

"What is it?" The Postman asked, eyeing the thick green liquid somewhat suspiciously.

"You probably don't want to know." the guardian replied. "Drink it so we can hopefully break your fever."

The Postman gave another uncertain look into the bowl knowing it wasn't a very good idea to accept strange drinks from monsters. He vaguely remembered drinking some of the same suspicious-looking substance earlier however, and he wasn't dead or in horrible agony, so he very hesitantly accepted the bowl.

"Drink." the guardian ordered, his tone leaving no room for discussion.

The Postman's arms felt strangely weak, and with a bit of difficulty, he carefully raised the bowl to his lips, and took a sip. Instantly gagging at the horrible taste, he nearly dropped the bowl. The guardian was quick to steady his hold, and watched as The Postman coughed and sputtered at the foul taste, and then he said.

"Drink all of it." he ordered. "Your fever is still high, and I don't want you relapsing."

Much against The Postman's will, the entire bowl of foul medicine was practically dumped down his throat, and he gave another gag. His entire mouth was now filled with the terrible taste and he couldn't help but make a face. When the guardian was sure he'd swallowed every drop, it adjusted him into a more comfortable position within the coils. He was offered another bowl of water, which The Postman hurriedly gulped down, trying to rid his mouth of the foul taste.

"Now rest," the guardian ordered. "Let the medicine do its work. It'll help your fever, and help you to sleep."

The Postman was almost positive he'd just swallowed a bowl full of monster mucus, and he visibly shuddered. His limbs were feeling heavy and awkward, and every second he grew wearier and wearier. Wondering what he'd just willingly swallowed, The Postman hoped it wasn't going to do horrible things to him. His eyes were heavier by the second, the medicine already taking effect, and the pull of sleep seemed more and more alluring. As his eyes slipped closed, he wondered what the guardian had planned for him.

It was the sound of laughter that woke him the next time. Blinking heavily against the bright sunlight, The Postman glanced around himself, feeling disorientated and not remembering much at all. He was inside some sort of nest made up of thick leaves, and soft grasses, and he glanced around himself. The guardian was nowhere in sight, and he was in a small clearing in the centre of the jungle. He slowly sat up, feeling a lot better than before, but still somewhat tired. He could feel his magic pumping strongly within his veins, and all pain from earlier was gone. To his dismay, the red magic had been restored just as well as his green magic. He could already feel the magics fighting one another, and he placed a hand on his chest with a frown. He still hadn't fixed the issue with his magic, and knew he would have to resolve it soon before his core was once again damaged.

Giving a long, lazy stretch, he wondered where the guardian had gone, and whether his memories of it were real. The time during his sickness was a blur of images and sound, and he struggled to make sense of it. He could hear occasional childish laughter somewhere off in the distance, and he gave another stretch.

Looking down at himself, The Postman saw he was still naked, and the green paste that had previously covered him was gone. Instantly embarrassed, he covered himself, and looked all around, his eyes falling on his uniform laying next to him, cleaned and folded neatly. He quickly grabbed it, and pulled it on quickly, looking all around himself, feeling incredibly self-conscious. Once he was dressed, he felt a lot better, and noticed his hat, sandals and mailbag were nowhere to be found. The letter was nowhere in sight as well, and that left an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach. He had yet to deliver it, and he hoped it hadn't gotten lost or damaged while he was asleep.

Slowly getting to his feet, The Postman gave another stretch, feeling stiff from sleeping too long. Wondering how long he'd been sick for, The Postman knew he had to find the Kokiri to find out what had happened. He began following the sounds of the childish laughter, certain it would lead him to the Kokiri.

The jungle seemed a lot wilder, and a lot healthier than before, and The Postman had a feeling this was because of the Kokiri's presence. The plants and trees were overgrown and close together, and The Postman had a hard time pushing his way through the jungle. As he got closer to the laughter, the sound of a waterfall also came within earshot. Confused, he pushed through the rest of the way, and found himself at a riverbank, a large waterfall churning and roaring as it crashed to the water below. The Postman stared at the waterfall in surprise, this definitely not something you expected to see inside a greenhouse. He noticed the waterfall seemed to begin from nowhere, water simply appearing in the air from above. The river curved around the jungle and never overflowed or seemed to get any bigger despite the large amount of water falling into it from the waterfall.

The Kokiri were playing in the water, laughing and shrieking as they splashed each other, and The Postman approached, hoping they could tell him what was going on. It was Saria who saw him first, and she gave him a relieved smile and waved.

"Postman!" she called out in greeting.

All of the other Kokiri looked in his direction, and then grinned, waving at him wildly. The Kokiri seemed completely at ease, no sign of their former fear, and The Postman furrowed his brow. What had happened while he was sick?

A few of the Kokiri scrambled out of the water, and they threw their arms around him in a tight hug, and The Postman instinctively flinched as cold water seeped through his shirt.

"You're all better!" one of them cried.

"We thought you were going to die!" another one exclaimed, eyes wide.

The Postman gave another glance around the jungle with a frown. "What happened?" he asked.

Saria pulled herself out of the water. "You were very sick." she informed him. "You wouldn't wake up, and you nearly died."

The Postman was surprised, not realizing his illness had been that severe. Wishing he could remember more of what had happened, he took a step closer to the riverbank. Scratching the back of his head a bit uncertainly, he took a seat at the river's edge beside the Kokiri.

"Um, the guardian...?" he began, not exactly sure what to ask.

Saria wiped a bit of water out of her eyes and gave him a knowing nod. "He took care of you." she said. "He saved your life."

The Postman felt rather confused. He had very vague memories of many red eyes, pointy teeth, and horrible medicine, but that was about it.

"But why?" he asked. "I thought the guardian would kill any intruders?"

Mido swam over, and rested his elbows on the riverbank. "It's 'cause he said you're like us." he stated. "He said you're a verna- , a virj-, a vegan... or something like that."

Saria nodded her agreement. "He says we all belong to Termina, and are under his protection for as long as we're here."

Dangling his legs into the cold water, The Postman couldn't help, but give a scowl. How was it that the entire world seemed to instinctively know he was a virgin? Was it written on his forehead or something? Glancing into the water just to be sure, The Postman froze at the sight of his reflection.

Leaning over to get a better look, he raised a hand to his face in complete disbelief. It didn't seem to be a trick of the water, and he could only stare in complete shock. He looked younger, not terribly so, perhaps five years at the most but it was still a noticeable change. He wasn't sure how long he stared down at his reflection in shock, but he was brought back to realty when Mido gave him a splash in the face.

"You okay?" he asked, giving him an uncertain look. "Do you need us to get the guardian?"

"What happened?" The Postman asked, not even caring that he was now completely soaked.

"What do you mean?" Saria asked in confusion.

"What happened to me?" The Postman asked. "How did I get like this?"

The Kokiri clearly had no idea what he was talking about, and so The Postman pointed directly at himself. "Why am I younger?"

Several of the Kokiri squinted at him for a moment, but they obviously didn't see much of a difference, and gave him a shrug. Kokiri were eternal children, and so they'd never really gotten a very good grasp on time, or aging.

"What caused this?" The Postman demanded, "How did it happen?"

Again, the Kokiri shrugged.

Sighing deeply, The Postman knew the Kokiri weren't going to be the ones to help him with this.

"What happened while I was sick?" he asked, deciding to take a different approach.

"The guardian found you outside of Ghirahim's door, and knew you needed to be healed right away. While he was taking care of you, Ghirahim showed up and demanded that you be given to him!" one of the Kokiri cried out, excitedly. "The guardian wouldn't give you to him, and Ghirahim was real mad!"

The Postman frowned. "But I thought the guardian was working for Ghirahim?"

All of the Kokiri shook their heads. "We thought he was bad too at first, but he's actually very kind." Fado explained. "You should have seen the way he fought against Ghirahim! It was amazing! He wouldn't let him get anywhere near you!"

"We were afraid of him when we first arrived, but he's been nothing but kind to us." Saria explained.

"...well, nice to vegans anyway." Mido informed him.

"What happened in the fight with Ghirahim?" The Postman asked, wondering how he'd managed to sleep through it all.

"Ghirahim isn't supposed to come into the jungle, but he did anyway to demand that the guardian hand you over." Saria explained.

"Yeah!" Lado excitedly put in. "Ghirahim had these two really long swords, and he ordered the guardian to hand you over. The guardian hid us all underneath it, covered itself with spikes, and was spitting poison everywhere! Ghirahim managed to cut the guardian, but the guardian spat poison right in his face! It burned Ghirahim bad, and his cape completely melted off! Ghirahim got really mad, said you weren't worth the trouble, and left because he was injured. He was steaming mad!"

The Postman pondered hard for a moment, and thought he vaguely remembered glimpses of a loud, vicious fight, but couldn't be certain.

"The guardian has been keeping a really close eye on you ever since." Saria informed him. "He doesn't trust Ghirahim not to come after you again."

The Postman looked one way, and then the other. "And where is the guardian now?" he asked. "He wasn't anywhere in sight when I woke up."

Saria's eyes widened. "He doesn't know you're here?" she asked.

The Postman shrugged. "I suppose not."

"He's going to be mad at you..." she commented. "We're not supposed to go anywhere without permission. He was probably out gathering lunch for us all."

"Do you know where my mailbag is?"

Every Kokiri shrugged, and so The Postman looked down at his reflection again thoughtfully. Still in disbelief over the whole thing, he raised a hand to his face, and wondered if anyone would even notice the changes in him.

"Where did this river come from?" he asked. "And the jungle for that matter?"

Saria gave a giggle, obviously thinking the question silly, and she smiled. "Termina made them of course!" she told him. "The garden was very tiny when we were brought here, but we've made it grow. Ghirahim told us to stop wasting our power, but he can't tell us what to do as long as the guardian is protecting us."

"Why does Ghirahim need all of the Kokiri?" The Postman questioned. "Why did he bring you here?"

Saria paused, growing thoughtful. "I don't know." she answered honestly. "When we were kidnapped, Ghirahim brought us here to this temple and told us he needed our magic. He said our powers were a lot stronger here because of Termina's protection. He didn't count on the fact the guardian would take us the moment we got here, and he hasn't been able to retrieve us since."

The Postman gave a nod of understanding. "Is the guardian really that strong?"

Every Kokiri gave him a nod.

"Oh, yes!" Fado exclaimed. "The guardian's skin is much too thick to be damaged by spells, and even with Ghirahim's swords, the guardian was only nicked on one of his legs! He's the strongest guardian to have ever lived!"

"Don't you feel the magic in the air, postman?" Saria questioned. "We are protected, and no one can hurt us here."

The Postman hesitated as he glanced around the jungle, and he nodded, feeling the odd magic all around them.

"Whose magic is this?" he asked. "The guardian's, or Termina's?"

"I don't know." Saria admitted. "I haven't asked."

"Then what-"

The Postman cut off as a loud thrashing, and snapping of trees came from behind him. Looking over his shoulder, he saw a large section of the trees were bending as something enormous pushed its way through. The Kokiri didn't seem concerned, and when the guardian burst into the clearing, claws extended and both heads baring fangs, they waved at it with smiles.

The guardian's black scales gleamed in the sunlight, its bottom half a mass of tentacles and spidery legs and its many red eyes were wide and panicked. It looked almost identical to the guardian he'd met in the Goron tunnels although much bigger, and obviously male.

The guardian's twelve eyes looked frantically all around, and when they settled on The Postman seated at the river's edge, the guardian seemed visibly relieved. It then gave him a look of disapproval and reached out one of its tentacles, grabbed him around the middle, and pulled him away from the water. Holding him up so they were face to face, The Postman was given another frown.

"I did not give you permission to leave the nest!" the guardian scolded. "You're not ready to be up yet, you need to rest. You'll get sick again if you don't stay out of the water."

The Postman wasn't sure what to say to that, and couldn't help but try to flinch away as the guardian placed a tentacle on his forehead. The guardian seemed satisfied with what it found, and nodded both of its heads.

"Good, your fever is completely gone." it informed him. "How are you feeling?"

The Postman couldn't help but feel awkward, knowing how the guardian had taken care of him like a sick infant. "Er...I'm feeling fine, thank you. I'm feeling much better."

The guardian gave him another nod. "You should not be up and about this soon, little virgin, you need your rest."

The Postman gave the guardian a frown. "Please don't call me that."

This seemed to perplex the guardian, and so it changed the subject, and started heading back for the nest. "I'm taking you back so you can rest for a while longer." the guardian said, one of its heads turning to look back at the Kokiri. "You too, children, it's time for you to be fed."

Without hesitation, the Kokiri scrambled out of the water, and obediently followed behind the guardian, chattering to each other excitedly. The guardian didn't set him down, and to The Postman's dismay, it carried him all the way back to the nest, and then forced him to take a seat inside it. The Kokiri sat all around him, and although The Postman really wanted to be on his way, he also wanted some answers.

The guardian had a large pile of fruits and vegetables gathered nearby, and it selected a bowl of something and brought it over to The Postman.

"As per tradition, you must drink some of Termina's sacred wine." the guardian told him. "Every virgin who visits her temple must do so. It will open your eyes to the magics that surround you."

The Postman shook his head. "No, thank you, Sir, I don't drink."

The guardian placed the bowl into his hands. "You must." he stated. "This is a command from Termina, and you must obey."

Again The Postman shook his head. "No, thank you."

"I can force you, but that is not something I wish to do." the guardian told him. "Behave yourself, and do as you're told."

Mido gave him a light nudge. "It's okay." he assured him. "It tastes bad, but it's only a mouthful. We all had to do it."

The Postman frowned down into the bowl and saw that it was indeed only a mouthful. Giving the wine a sniff, it smelled very strong, and he hesitated. He'd never tried any kind of alcohol before, and didn't like the fact he was being forced into it.

"Hurry up." the guardian ordered. "Once you swallow the wine, everyone can be fed."

The Kokiri all stared at him, their stomachs noticeably growling, and The Postman furrowed his brow. Knowing a single mouthful wouldn't be enough to get him drunk, he cautiously raised the bowl to his lips. He swallowed the wine down, wincing at the strong taste, and the guardian gave him a nod of approval.

"That single mouthful is enough to open your senses to the magics around you." the guardian explained. "Drinking any more than that is extremely dangerous, and is not recommended."

The guardian divided up the pile of food, making sure every Kokiri had an equal amount of everything, and it didn't go unnoticed by The Postman that he wasn't given anything. The guardian noticed his frown, and was quick to explain.

"You need to wait a few minutes after swallowing the wine before you can eat. You'll be fed soon."

The Postman was absolutely starving, and he wondered why. "How long was I sick?" he asked.

The guardian pondered a moment. "I do not measure time the same way mortals do, but the sun has set three times since you fell ill."

The Postman' eyes widened in horror. "Three days? I was asleep for three entire days?"

"I suppose so." the guardian replied.

The Postman's shoulders slumped miserably. Now his letter was really late, and he'd left Sakon waiting all that time. This making him remember the fact the letter was missing, The Postman asked. "Um...Sir? Do you have my belongings?"

"I do." the guardian confirmed. "I'll give them back when I'm certain you're not going to attempt escape. You belong to Termina, and must remain here until she says otherwise."

The Postman was not impressed to hear that, but knew there was little he could do about it right now. The guardian could easily flatten him any time it wanted, and so it would be suicide to anger it. He would have to wait until it wasn't paying attention, and then slip away.

The Postman rubbed the back of his neck a moment. "Er, thank you for helping me when I was sick. I really appreciate it, Sir."

The guardian stared down at him for a long moment. "It is my purpose." he informed him. "I was placed here to guard and care for Termina's property."

"We washed your clothes for you!" One of the Kokiri cut in. "They were...really gross."

Mido nodded. "Yeah, you puked all over yourself."

The Postman didn't especially appreciate being referred to as property, but didn't comment on it. Instead, he gave a grateful nod to the Kokiri, and then asked a question which he really hoped the guardian could answer.

"What happened to me while I was sick?"

"You severely damaged your magical core." the guardian informed him. "It was cracked from forcing magic that was not ready to be used out of it. You were clearly magically exhausted, but instead of resting, you damaged yourself almost beyond repair. You nearly died, and it was extremely difficult to heal you."

"Oh, so that explains the pain, I suppose." The Postman commented.

The guardian fixed him with a hard stare. "You're old enough to know better than to do something like that. You never force your core to produce magic until it's ready!"

"Thank you for healing me." The Postman said a bit sheepishly, knowing he really should have known better. "I really do appreciate it."

"I was able to heal you, but unfortunately I also had to heal that foul, unnatural magic within you as well. I have no ability to rid you of it. This is something you'll have to deal with yourself, or find someone who can help you."

The Postman gave a nod.

"That foul magic is already fighting with your natural green magic, and if you leave it for too long, it's going to start affecting you mentally. Something like this could drive you out of your mind."

The Postman frowned. "How long do I have?" he asked.

The guardian seemed to consider the question. "It's hard to say, it could be weeks, or it could be months. Either way, you need to take care of it as soon as possible."

"But, I don't know how!" The Postman protested.

The guardian looked regretful. "I wish I could help."

The Postman placed a hand to his chest, now feeling worried. Was he really going to lose his mind because of the red magic?

"Am I younger because of the healing you did?" The Postman asked.

"This jungle is not meant for mortals." The guardian informed him. "It is Termina's sacred retreat where no other goddess is permitted to go. Her magic fills the entire area, and mortal bodies cannot handle it. The magic has been eating away at your years for the past couple days, and that's the reason why you're now slightly younger."

The Postman was horrified. "Am I still getting younger?" he demanded.

"Without consuming the food grown in this jungle, your body will continue losing years until you cease to exist. The magic within the food will keep you safe, and healthy as long as you're here."

Suddenly lunch seemed even more appealing. The Postman really had no desire to live a second childhood, and hesitated as he stared over at the pile of food. Seeing where The Postman was looking, the guardian chuckled, and selected a little bit of every food, and placed it in front of him.

"It should be safe for you to eat now. " he informed him. "You haven't eaten since arriving, and so you must be very hungry."

The Postman felt relieved, and gave him a nod.

"Come." the guardian invited. "Eat as much as you want."

The Postman mutely nodded, glad he hadn't had a prolonged illness... It would have been terrible to have woken up as a child. He would have had to quit his job!

The guardian turned to the Kokiri, who were all unabashedly eavesdropping, while eating their lunch.

"Eat up, children. Your friend needs to rest after he's fed, and so you'll have to amuse yourselves elsewhere."

"I'm feeling fine." The Postman assured him.

The guardian gave him a scolding look. "No, you're going to rest until I'm certain there's no chance of a relapse. You will stay in your nest for the rest of the day."

"But-"

When the guardian narrowed its eyes at him, The Postman fell silent. Apparently he would have to sneak away if he wanted any hope of delivering Ghirahim's letter.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon had waited all day outside the temple, but The Postman didn't return. Knowing the temple could be enormous on the inside, Sakon wasn't too worried, and set up camp, sure The Postman would be back by morning. Morning came and went, and Sakon began getting an uneasy feeling. Not sure what could've delayed him, he waited outside the temple doors until dark. Unable to sleep that night, Sakon stared towards the temple, simply waiting. When dawn of the third day came, his unease increased ten-fold, and Sakon wasn't sure what he should do. The temple couldn't possibly be that enormous, could it? Had The Postman gotten hurt or killed?

Sakon approached the temple doors, and peered uncertainly into the darkness. He didn't really fancy the idea of venturing into the dark and creepy temple, especially not with that ominous warning above the door. Sakon, by nature, was very cautious about his own well-being, and he had a feeling there was something terrible waiting for him in there. Biting his lip uncertainly, he took one hesitant step closer to the doorway, his eyes focussed entirely on the darkness. He nearly jumped through his skin when a hand grabbed his shoulder from behind.

Spinning around, Sakon came face to face with Link, who did not look very happy at the moment. Sakon's eyes widened at the sight of the furious hero, and suddenly the temple didn't seem quite so frightening. Sakon gave a slight gulp of apprehension, as Link narrowed his eyes.

"Uh...hi?" Sakon said, trying unsuccessfully to pull away.

Link looked him up and down as if studying him a moment, and then frowned. "What are you up to?" he demanded. "What is your part in all of this? Are you working for Ghirahim?"

Sakon gave another tug to his arm. "What are you talking about? A part in what? I was just here for moral support while doofus delivered his letters."

"I already know you're involved." Link informed him cooly. "I've been to Skyloft and heard allll about it."

Sakon gave a wince. "Oh...so you've been to Skyloft..."

Link gave a nod.

"Yeah, you imposter!" Groose cut in, startling Sakon who hadn't noticed him. "You're no king, you're a thief!"

"Oh, hey, Goose." Sakon greeted.

Groose scowled at him. "It's GROOSE!"

"Whatever."

"I want answers, Sakon!" Link ordered, his tone firm.

Sakon hesitated. "Um, look, if any of those girls were yours, I swear I didn't know-"

"Sakon." Link interrupted. "I don't have time for you to skirt around the issue. I know about the mask, and the thefts from the market, and I want to know what you're up to."

"What mask?" Sakon asked, his face the picture of innocence. "And I never heard about any thefts, but I do feel for those poor vendors. Whoever would do such a horrible thing to such nice people?"

Link sighed and tightened his hold on Sakon's arm painfully, causing The Thief to squeal in pain.

"I'm really not in the mood, Sakon. Spill it."

Groose's expression turned concerned. "Link, you're hurting him." he pointed out.

Link looked exhausted and stressed, his blond hair mussed and clothes rumpled. He looked like he hadn't slept well in days, and Sakon really didn't like the impatience he saw swimming in the hero's blue eyes. Impatient, grouchy heroes usually meant pain. Gulping, The Thief shook his head.

"But I don't know anything!" Sakon insisted. "I may have fooled around with a few girls, but that's all, I swear!"

Link's blue eyes pierced into The Thief's and Sakon shifted slightly, quickly growing uncomfortable. He knew the hero was much, much stronger than him and it would be nothing at all for him to pummel him into the ground. When Sakon said nothing more, Link once again tightened his hold, causing a startled yelp.

"Ow!" Sakon complained loudly and indignantly. "Why do you keep doing that? You used to be such a nice kid! What happened to you? How'd you become such a bully?"

"Link!" Groose protested. "He's a wimp, you don't have to hurt him!"

"Yeah, I'm a wimp." Sakon quickly agreed.

Link knew he was not the bad guy in this situation, and felt his frustration grow. "My friends were kidnapped, Sakon." he snapped angrily. "My old headmaster is missing, I have to track down Ghirahim and fight him, and the entire world is turning to dust. I think I have a reason to be angry."

Sakon simply stared at him in disbelief. "Turning to dust? What do you mean 'turning to dust'?"

Link gave him an impatient look, almost certain The Thief was still just pretending to be innocent. "You didn't notice the drought or famine before you left?" he demanded.

Sakon pondered a moment. "Yeah, I guess everything was looking a bit dry when I left..."

Sakon's eyes widened when he realized what Link thought. "But I swear I didn't have anything to do with it! I'm not a villain anymore, I'm a hero, I swear!"

Link narrowed his eyes, not trusting a word that came out of The Thief's mouth. "Sakon..." he said in a warning tone.

"I'm telling the truth!" Sakon insisted. "I really am!"

Link still wasn't satisfied, but decided to let it go for now. "Fine, but what are you involved in?" he demanded. "Tell me about the mask you gave to Gaepora."

"I didn't give him the mask." Sakon replied a bit smugly.

Link was starting to feel incredibly impatient, and shifted slightly, trying to keep a hold on his temper. He didn't like Sakon much, The Thief always proving to be a pain in the ass, and Link took a deep, forced breath. "Why did The Postman give him the mask?" he demanded.

Sakon looked away snootily. "He does have a name, you know. Considering you've known him for like ten years, the least you could do is remember it."

"Sakon, I don't have time for this! The entire world is depending on me. Tell me why he gave Gaepora the mask! I need to rescue the headmaster!"

Sakon gave him a nonchalant shrug. "Dunno, I warned him not to deliver that stupid thing. He's not exactly the brightest star in the sky, if you know what I mean."

"Sakon..."

"I think I remember him saying something about it being a love-token for the love of his life. Don't you think he and Gaepora make just the cutest couple?"

Sakon was grinning at him impishly, and Link felt his temper snap. Knowing The Thief was not going to willingly cooperate, Link gave the other man's shoulder a sharp twist. Sakon let out a shrill scream of agony at the sudden, unexpected pain, and he fought to get away with renewed vigour.

"You broke my arm again!" he bellowed out, pain written across his face. "You broke it, you broke it!"

"It's not broken, just dislocated." Link informed him, only feeling a bit guilty. "I'll fix it if you tell me what I want to know."

This was more than enough for Groose who yanked Sakon out of Link's hold, and pushed The Thief behind his back, clearly intending on protecting him.

"Link, that's enough!" Groose yelled angrily. "You can't just go around breaking people's arms! You're acting more like a villain, than a hero!"

"Yeah, what's the matter with you? What kind of hero are you?" Sakon put in, feeling more confident now that Groose was protecting him. "Heroes don't torture people!"

Link hesitated, his anger starting to evaporate. Staring at Groose's angry expression, he realized he'd stepped over the line. Remembering the therapy sessions he'd been forced to attend, Link knew he'd messed up. He'd had many conversations about the need for him to control his temper. Taking a deep breath, he turned his gaze to Sakon who was staring at him somewhat apprehensively.

"I shouldn't have done that." Link admitted. "I'm sorry, Sakon."

Sakon stared at him suspiciously, certain this was some sort of a trap.

"I'll fix your shoulder for you." Link told him, motioning him over.

"No way!" Sakon cried, staying where he was.

"I admit I went too far." Link told him. "I've been stressed lately, and I took it out on you. I promise, I won't do anything like this again."

"I think he means it." Groose told Sakon. "Link's a good guy, he just lost his temper."

Sakon glared at Link, still not trusting him. He had no choice in the matter, however, because Groose pushed him back towards the hero. Reaching out, Link pulled Sakon over so he could take a look at the injured shoulder. He pressed his fingertips ever so slightly into the shoulder, and Sakon immediately squealed.

"Okay! Okay! Fine! I'll tell you what you want to know!" he cried out. "Just let me go!"

Link frowned, because he wasn't trying to hurt The Thief, but it was clear Sakon didn't trust him. He didn't let him go, but he did loosen his hold so that he was no longer hurting him.

"What do you know?" he asked, as he very gently rolled up Sakon's sleeve so he could look at the shoulder.

Sakon gave him a glare. "Bully." he muttered.

"Sakon, I've already apologized." Link told him. "I'm not trying to hurt you. If your shoulder is out of place, you can't take a healing potion or it will heal out of alignment."

"Fine. Yes, we delivered the mask because it was a priority parcel that he was asked to deliver." Sakon answered sullenly. "I told him not to, but he didn't listen to me."

"I'm so sure you tried your hardest." Link stated dryly.

"I did!" Sakon insisted. "He's so bloody stubborn when it comes to his mail! He won't listen to anybody!"

"And what happened to Gaepora after he was given the mask?"

"He turned into a canary, or something." Sakon answered dismissively.

"A canary?" Link asked in disbelief. "What happened to him? Where did he go?"

"What do you think?" Sakon snapped. "He flew away."

Link stared towards the sky, his heart growing heavy, knowing it would be next to impossible to find Gaepora. How would he find one little canary in an entire world of open sky? Taking a deep breath, he turned his eyes back to Sakon, determined to save who he could for now.

"And what is The Postman's purpose here at the temple?"

"Once again, 'The Postman' has a name, you bully. He's in there delivering your paedophilic letter to that little girl, Sarah...or whatever her name is."

Link had to resist the urge to smack The Thief, and instead asked. "My letter to Saria? He came all the way here just to deliver that?"

"I told you, he's not too bright." Sakon replied. "He was also delivering a letter to Geraldo, or whatever his name was."

Link blinked in confusion before he got it. "Ghirahim? He's delivering a letter to Ghirahim?"

Sakon rolled his eyes. "I believe I just said that."

"So Ghirahim really is here? I finally found him?" Link asked in relief.

"Obviously." Sakon answered irritably, still angry about the broken arm.

Link furrowed his brow, knowing Ghirahim wouldn't hesitate to kill a civilian if he felt they were inconveniencing him. Worried about The Postman, Link hoped he was alright. The Postman never seemed to care how dangerous a situation was, and had an annoying habit of getting himself mixed up into Link's quests.

"How long has he been in there?" Link asked, wondering how much of a head start The Postman had on him.

"Over two days." Sakon answered uneasily.

Link frowned, knowing something must have happened. "Who was the letter from?" he asked.

Instantly changing moods, Sakon gave him a downright evil looking grin. "Oh, you're going to love this!" he commented. "It's from Ganondorf, and Ganondorf is not happy with Ghirahim!"

Link stared into the temple uncertainly. If Ganondorf was involved, that did not bode well. Was The Postman once again somehow mixed up with Ganondorf ? Sincerely hoping not, Link glanced over at Sakon's Loftwing, noticing it for the first time.

"Where did you get that Loftwing?" he asked suspiciously. He didn't remember anyone in Skyloft having a pink Loftwing, but he was sure it was stolen from somewhere.

Sakon gave an evasive shrug. "I found it."

Link gave him a disapproving frown. "Found it where?" he demanded, hoping there wasn't some little girl crying over her lost Loftwing.

"Malo Mart." Sakon replied cheekily. "I got a great price on it. Loftwings are two for a blue right now."

Link sighed heavily, and then gently placed a hand on the back of Sakon's neck, the threat clear. Although he had no intention of actually hurting The Thief, he knew this seemed to be the only way to get through to him. Sakon froze, and then looked up at Link with wide eyes, knowing it best not to push it too far in this situation.

"Ganondorf." he quickly answered. "I got it from Ganondorf."

"You're working for Ganondorf?" Link demanded, grip tightening ever so slightly.

"Naw, I stole it from him." Sakon answered. "Heroes don't work for villains."

Link gave another glance at the pink Loftwing. "That Loftwing is Ganondorf's?" he asked skeptically. "Ganondorf has a pink Loftwing?"

"Well, not anymore." Sakon answered proudly. "Now she's mine. Her name's Beatrice."

Deciding he didn't especially care what Sakon had stolen from Ganondorf, Link looked back towards the temple. "And why were you going into the temple just now?" he asked. "Looting as usual?"

"Yes, but that's not the only reason. I figured I'd better go check on dumbass since he's been in there so long, just to make sure he didn't fall into a pit or something."

Link gave The Thief a really long, scrutinizing look. "Why would you care?" he asked. "No honour amongst thieves, right?"

"He's not a thief." Sakon answered simply. "He's my friend, and I don't exactly have excess amounts of them."

Link gave a grudging nod, and then without warning, snapped Sakon's shoulder back into place. Sakon let out a bloodcurdling howl, and then gave the hero a betrayed look.

"Your shoulder's aligned now." Link told him.

"You could have warned me first!" Sakon yelled. "By the goddesses, you asshole!"

"Would a warning have made it any better?" Link asked, raising an eyebrow.

Sakon scowled. "No, I suppose it wouldn't have." he admitted.

To Sakon's surprise, Link handed him a healing potion. Staring at the bottle of red liquid suspiciously, Sakon uncorked it and gave it a hesitant sniff. Nothing seemed unusual about it, so he downed the potion, letting out a relieved sigh when all pain vanished.

Link stared into the dark temple thoughtfully, and then turned to Groose. "I need someone to guard our Loftwings while I'm in the temple."

"I'll do it!" Sakon immediately volunteered.

"No, you're coming with me." Link informed him. "I don't trust you near my Loftwing, and there's still a few things we need to discuss."

Sakon gave him a sour look, but didn't protest, knowing this would give him an opportunity to hunt for treasure. Link couldn't watch him forever, and the moment his back was turned, he'd slip away to do some looting.

"I want to come!" Groose protested. "I didn't come all this way just to babysit the Loftwings!"

"Of course not." Link told him kindly. "If Ghirahim defeats me, I need another strong hero to ambush him. I need you now more than ever. Do you think you can handle Ghirahim if I fail?"

Groose puffed out his chest and struck a heroic pose. "Of course!" he declared. "You can count on me!"

"Wow, Goose really doesn't have much between the ears, does he?" Sakon whispered to Link.

Link gave him a light nudge in warning, and Sakon gave him a grin.

"Come on." Link ordered.

"Um look, before we go in there, there's something you should know about the temple..." Sakon said, his eyes focussed on the warning above the door.

Link gave him an impatient look. "What is it, Sakon, we don't have a lot of time."

"Are you a virgin?" Sakon demanded.

Link did not look impressed, and he shoved Sakon towards the temple impatiently.

"It's just that-"

"How about if we do this entire mission without speaking a word to one another so that I don't end up hitting you?" Link suggested, lightly.

"But-"

Link glared at him. "But what?" he snapped.

Sakon smiled at him sweetly. "Oh, nothing too important. It's just very dark in there, so you'll need a torch."

Link had a feeling The Thief was up to something, subtlety not exactly Sakon's forté, but couldn't figure out what it was. He watched as Sakon pulled a torch out of his backpack, lit it, and then hand it over to him, innocent smile still in place.

"Heroes before beauty." he said, gesturing for Link to take the lead.

Link snatched the torch away, and turned towards the temple's open doorway. Sakon watched eagerly as the hero stepped over the temple's threshold, and then frowned when nothing happened. Deflating slightly in disappointment, Sakon crossed his arms sulkily.

"Dang." he said with a disappointed sigh.

Link gave him a questioning look, and then impatiently motioned for him to follow. Still visibly sulking, Sakon hesitantly stepped into the temple. When nothing happened, Sakon followed after Link, giving a wave goodbye to Groose.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! :D**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Wednesday! (Woohoo bonus!)**


	46. Termina's Wrath

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 **Authornote: Wednesday June 14th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Since there's only three chapters left of this story arc, there will be three posts this week instead of two. (Wednesday, Friday, Sunday)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **SilentyDead -**Link has never gotten a vacation before, because it's always one quest after another with him. Hyrule needs to find a second hero to help take some of the workload from Link. lol

Don't worry about The Postman, he won't give up so easily! lol

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 **Kwertiiop -**This is a re-write, but when I was originally writing it I had the basic plot ideas outlined, and I wrote it one chapter at a time as the story went along. A lot has changed in this re-write and so there's not a single chapter that I can leave as it was, and they all have to be re-written. If you have any ideas, please feel free to let me know. :D

 **.**

 **ChangelingRin** **-** I went out and bought myself a weeping angel keychain yesterday. It has a very tiny angel statue that moves very slightly at random times when you turn it on. I love it. lol

In my mind, the Kokiri are incredibly innocent despite living for possibly hundreds of years. They're completely isolated from the outside world, and they're too young to want to date each other. Mido has a slight crush on Saria, but he only wants to be her best friend, not anything more. Although they know there are physical differences between the two genders, that's the extent of their knowledge. lol

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- The Kokiri are very innocent, and very trusting. The monster was kind to them, and so they trust him to protect them from any danger. Although the Kokiri are eternal, they're still just children, and kind of like not having to take care of themselves for once. lol

Sakon will never pronounce someone's name right if he can help it. He likes seeing how infuriated people get over a simple mispronunciation.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 14**

 **Termina's Wrath**

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Link cut through another thick web, freeing the way and killing the Skulltula in front of them.

"Are you sure The Postman came through here?" Link demanded. "It doesn't look like anyone's been this way in a long time. There are Skulltulas everywhere!"

"Trust me. He definitely went into the temple; I saw it." Sakon replied, casually stepping over the still twitching Skulltula. "He doesn't kill things, not even monsters, so there won't be a trail of bodies leading us to him, unlike you."

Link flashed Sakon an annoyed look. "I only kill when I have to." he answered impatiently. "Monsters stand in my way of getting to the villain. If I didn't kill them, they'd only attack me."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Whatever you say to make yourself feel better." he replied. "Because i seem to recall a certain postman getting stabbed by you no less than three times."

Link sighed, knowing he had no defense to that, and continued clearing the hall as they walked along. Sakon was trailing behind him reluctantly, wanting to find out what happened to The Postman, but not especially wanting Link as his companion. He had a natural aversion to heroes, but he supposed it was convenient having someone do all the dirty work for him.

"Man, it's dark in here!" Sakon commented, holding the torch a bit higher. "I don't even know how he could have made it through here without a torch! i would have walked face first into a Skulltula!"

Link paused, sword in mid-swing. "He came in here without a torch?" he demanded.

"Yeah."

"Why would you let him do that?" Link demanded, slicing through another Skulltula. "Why didn't you give him a torch?"

Sakon glanced at the torch he held. "I didn't think of it at the time." he answered. "And he never asked for one."

Link simply shook his head in disgust, and Sakon frowned at him.

"He's gotten through temples in the dark before." he assured Link. "There was this temple cave we both went to in the Forbidden District a few months ago. I kinda left him behind, but he found his way out relatively unharmed! I'm sure he's fine."

Link gave The Thief an unreadable look. "You have a funny definition of friendship." he commented.

Sakon shrugged it off. "We have an understanding." he explained. "He doesn't expect much from me."

Link let out a snort as he killed another Skulltula. Sakon wasn't exactly what he'd call 'dangerous' villain in his books, but he would admit The Thief was a pretty slimy character, despite his recent claims of being a hero.

Confident that Link could handle anything in their way, Sakon began whistling to himself, enjoying the fact, for once, he didn't have to lift a finger. Link flashed him an irritated look, but didn't say anything, too focussed on clearing the hallway of monsters.

They walked in semi-silence for a while, the only sound Sakon's off-key whistling. Sakon pondered on the temple's warning, and whether there was any truth to it. Just because the door had a curse on it, didn't mean the rest of the temple did. For all he knew, it could just be an ancient, elaborate hoax. Glancing over at the hero, Sakon couldn't help but wonder about him.

"Say, Link, are you a virgin?" He called up to him, just as the hero was swinging at another Skulltula. "You never answered me before."

Link faltered badly, and as a result the Skulltula he was attacking knocked him hard to the ground. "What?!" Link demanded irritably from the floor.

"Are you a virgin?" Sakon repeated.

Link simply stared at him, his eyes narrowing.

"Hmm, probably not." Sakon decided. "I imagine heroes get a lot of action. Saving the world would make a great pick-up line after all..."

"That is none of your business!" Link snapped, getting back to his feet.

Sakon gave an indifferent shrug. "Aren't you the least bit curious why I wanted to know?"

Link gave him a look of disgust. "No."

"Fine." Sakon answered. "But I'd just like to let you know, you're being very rude."

Link didn't bother dignifying that with a response, and instead sliced through the Skulltula in front of him. "Hold the torch up a bit higher." he ordered, moving on to the next web.

Doing as he was told, Sakon resumed whistling obnoxiously, the sound echoing loudly down the hallway. Link did his best to ignore him, but after ten minutes of hearing 'The March of the Dekus' repeated over and over, he began to get annoyed. Sakon was a genius at getting under people's skin, and Link had a feeling he didn't even realize he was doing it half of the time.

"Would you stop whistling?" Link ordered. "Or at least choose a different song."

Sakon cut off mid-whistle, and frowned at him. "Like I said, rude. Most people learn manners as a child, obviously you missed that lesson in school."

Link simply gave him a 'look'.

"Oh, wait," Sakon stated thoughtfully. "You come from living in the forest, you never went to school. I suppose that explains the rudeness..."

Link scowled at him. "I went to school." he snapped. "I attended the academy in Skyloft for several years."

Sakon gave a shrug. " I went to school for a little while too. My uncle suggested I stop going after my teacher beat me for reading a poem I wrote in front of the class."

Link wasn't certain he believed The Thief, and couldn't picture him writing poetry. "Really.' he dead-panned.

"Yeah, it was a good poem too. It rhymed and everything!"

"And what was this masterpiece called?" Link inquired.

"Ode to a buttock, it was a sonnet."

Regretting the decision to even indulge in the conversation, Link rolled his eyes and continued slicing his way through the hall.

"Why are you wearing a crown?" Link demanded. "And where did you steal it from?"

"I'm wearing it because it's awesome, and for your information i didn't steal it. I killed a Hinox, and it had the crown around its neck. It was a very manly, and heroic fight."

Link was surprised. "The Hinox who killed the villagers on one of the sky islands?"

"Yeah." Sakon confirmed.

Link was surprised. He'd been planning on exterminating the Hinox after Ghirahim was taken care of, but now there was apparently no need. Was Sakon actually serious about becoming a hero?

"And i suppose you looted the dead villagers' homes?"

"No, i didn't." Sakon snapped. "...they didn't have anything worth taking."

Now that sounded more like the Sakon he knew.

"Hold the torch up higher." Link ordered, continuing down the hallway. "You keep lowering it."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Yes, your majesty."

A few minutes later, the hallway opened to a large chamber, and Link let out a breath of relief, glad to get a break from killing Skulltulas. Sakon, upon seeing the open chamber, immediately wandered away from Link to explore the room in hopes of finding valuables. Link let him go, but kept a eye on him as he, himself, began exploring the room.

Link had an uneasy feeling as he examined the room, certain something was lurking just out of sight. He approached the large statue in the centre of the room, and frowned at its downright hateful, and crazed expression. He'd never seen a statue quite like it, and wondered why anyone would ever make such a thing.

"Do you know anything about this statue?" he called over to Sakon.

Sakon glanced up from his explorations and squinted in the statue's direction. "I think it's a statue of Termina." he commented. "What a freaking harpy, just look at her!"

"Termina?" Link questioned. "As in the country?"

"Duh." Sakon answered impatiently. "Hyrule has Hylia and Termina has Termina. Both Hylia and Termina are secondary goddesses, daughters of the main three. Termina's the prime example of why no one should ever be a virgin."

Link followed the statue's gaze, and saw it was focussed on the large altar in front of her. Wondering of the purpose of such a statue and altar, Link approached, and began inspecting them. Noticing the words written on the face of the altar, he leaned over it as he attempted to make out the strange language. He wasn't sure what the words said, but they must have been important because the same phrase was repeated over and over.

When he placed his hands on the face of the marble altar, he felt a slight jolt run through him, but it wasn't painful, and so he looked the writing over carefully, unable to make sense of it. The altar felt hot against his skin, and Link glanced down at his hands curiously.

"Link!" Sakon yelled out, startling him. "Watch out!"

Link glanced over his shoulder at the statue, and then promptly threw himself to the side just as a sword clanged down on the altar, right where his head had just been. Looking up with wide eyes as the statue withdrew its sword, Link quickly scrambled backwards a few feet. Jumping to his feet, and drawing his own sword as the statue took a step towards him, Link wasn't sure of how to attack. What sort of weaknesses did a statue have?

The statue gave him a disgusted, loathing glare, and took another step towards him, raising its sword. Just as it was about to swing it down, it looked up and its eyes rested fully on Sakon. If possible, its expression turned even more hateful, and it passed Link by, and began making its way towards The Thief.

Link leapt at the statue, his sword causing an arc of sparks as it struck the stone. The statue glanced back towards Link, and swung out at him mechanically, the hero barely managing to dodge out of the way.

Sakon was safely hidden behind a column, and was watching Link dodge and lash out at the statue with keen interest. Link's sword wasn't damaging the statue in the least, and Sakon had a sneaking suspicion she was more interested in him, than the hero.

"Hurry up and kill her!" he shouted out. "Get her! Smash in her face!"

"Shut up, Sakon." Link ground out, dodging another blow. "This isn't as easy as it looks."

"Whatever." Sakon commented. "You're a hero, you'd think you'd be used to this by now."

Link jumped out of the way, and made another futile stab at the statue. His sword bounced harmlessly off, the statue not even scratched yet.

"Um, I think you've established that stabbing it isn't working." Sakon helpfully pointed out.

"Shut it." Link ordered, dodging another blow.

Sakon sighed, and then slipped off his backpack. Apparently he'd have to deal with it himself if he actually wanted to live. Pulling out a bomb, he lit the fuse and threw it as hard as he could at the statue. The statue caught the bomb in one of its hands, and Link's eyes widened at the sight of the lit fuse. The bomb exploded before he could jump out of the way, and he was thrown violently backwards, blinded by pieces of stone and dust.

Sakon let out a cheer at sight of the obliterated statue, and then glanced over at the groaning hero. "Oh, yeah... watch out!" he called over.

Link rubbed at his eyes, and then slowly sat up, brushing bits of stone off of himself. When his vision had cleared enough for him to see, he turned angry eyes to Sakon.

Sakon had his chest puffed out proudly, and gave the hero a wide grin. "You can thank me now." He said cheerfully. "It was me who saved the day this time!"

Link rolled to his feet, scowl in place, and he rubbed at the new bruises he'd obtained. "Yeah, I'll thank you alright…" he muttered.

Sakon crossed his arms, and stuck his nose into the air. "You're just jealous that you didn't think of that!" he replied haughtily.

Deciding it wasn't worth it, Link simply sighed, and continued brushing the dust off of himself. At least Sakon had tried to help him, instead of just using the opportunity to escape. The Thief did manage to destroy the statue after all...

Sakon still seemed overly proud of himself, and he stepped out from behind the column with a grin. "If all else fails, blow it up." He commented. "That's one thing I've learned from being a thief."

Sakon looked at the destroyed statue triumphantly, the pile of rubble still smoldering , and noticed something in the middle of the debris. He could clearly make out the wooden sides of a chest, and immediately rushed straight for it, hoping Link hadn't spotted it yet. Link was too busy picking slivers of stone out of himself, and didn't pay much attention as The Thief approached.

Sakon brushed aside the rubble, and looked down at the large chest eagerly. It was one of the big item chests, and Sakon felt his familiar treasure-lust consume him, knowing it would definitely contain something good. Opening the chest, the room was filled with the musical enchantment placed only on the really, really good chests and Sakon's eyes widened at what was within.

At the very familiar item-chest music, Link glanced up just in time to see Sakon hurriedly hide something behind his back. Link narrowed his eyes.

"Did you just steal my item?" he demanded.

"It's mine fair and square!" Sakon retorted. "I defeated the statue, and so its treasure belongs to me!"

"I was going to defeat it!" Link snapped angrily. "You interfered!"

"Uh huh." Sakon answered skeptically, as he shoved the mystery item into his backpack. "Whatever you say, sweetie."

"I was." Link insisted.

"But you didn't, I did, and so I have full claim on it!"

Link knew technically Sakon was right, but still couldn't help feeling cheated. He always got an item in temples, and usually they were something absolutely necessary for a fight later on.

Sakon took a cautious step away from him, and frowned. "You gonna steal it from me?" he asked suspiciously.

Link rolled his eyes, and turned away. "No," he answered. "You're right, it's yours. You defeated the statue, you found the chest, and so the item is rightfully yours."

Sakon wasn't expecting to actually get his way, but was quick to nod in agreement, unsure whether it was some sort of trick.

"We have to keep going," Link told him. "I don't know how big this temple is, and we probably have less than a day to find the Kokiri and defeat Ghirahim. The people in Hyrule won't be able to survive long without water."

"They could already be dead." Sakon helpfully pointed out.

At the glare Link sent him, Sakon quickly backtracked. "But they're probably fine." he added.

"Come on." Link told him. "We need to find Ghirahim and defeat him."

Sakon raised a brow. "I won't be doing any of that." Sakon informed him. "You do your thing, and I'll do mine."

"How very noble of you." Link stated, walking away from him. "Just keep the torch held high so I can see."

Sakon followed after Link, and wondered when he'd find another opportunity to lose the hero. He had no interest in heroics, and just wanted to find The Postman, and then leave before anything horrible happened.

Link headed straight for an open doorway on the far side of the room, and Sakon couldn't help but feel uneasy. He had pretty good instincts for danger, and the sight of the open doorway didn't seem very promising. Link stopped in front of the doorway, and motioned for Sakon to bring the torch closer.

The torch-light didn't even seem to touch the darkness within, and so Sakon stuck the torch straight into the doorway. The moment the torch touched the darkness, it disappeared from sight, the flames unable to penetrate the magic within.

"…that seems normal." Sakon stated, pulling the torch back out.

Link stared into the darkness, and clenched his sword tightly, not sure what he'd find in the darkness but knowing he had to enter it. As Link contemplated the situation, Sakon shifted a bit nervously.

"Um, I think you should go first…"

Link flashed Sakon an unimpressed look, and then stepped into the darkness without hesitation. He immediately disappeared from sight, and Sakon gave another uncertain shift.

"Are you dead?" Sakon called into the darkness.

"I'm fine." Link responded from somewhere in front of him. "Come in, but stay behind me. I can hear Skulltulas in here."

"Aw, are you going to protect me?" Sakon asked with a grin. "Are you going to be my hero?"

A hand snaked out of the doorway, grabbed him harshly by the shirt, and then yanked him into the darkness. Sakon let out a yelp of surprise as everything went pitch black, and squirmed against the hand holding him.

"Stay behind me unless you want to accidentally catch my sword when I attack." Link told him.

Sakon gave a blink, not expecting to be yanked in so suddenly, and didn't like the heavy darkness one bit. Being a thief, he mainly used his eyesight for his line of work, and being blind made him extremely uncomfortable. Groping about in the darkness, he found one of Link's arms and latched on.

"I don't like this…" Sakon stated nervously. "What if there's something in here with us?"

Link shook his arm, trying to dislodge The Thief but Sakon held on even tighter. "I can't fight with you hanging off of me." He stated irritably. "Let go."

"There's no way I'm letting you leave me in here by myself!" Sakon protested. "There could be anything in here, and it would be easy for us to get separated!"

Link was not without pity, and although he didn't like The Thief, Sakon was still a person. Letting out a resigned sigh, Link said. "At least switch to my other arm if you're not going to let go; I can't fight as well with my right arm."

Sakon hesitated only a moment, and then switched to Link's other arm as the hero began slowly making his way through the darkness. After a few minutes of silence, Sakon relaxed enough to loosen his hold, and then asked.

"So, who is this Gimerald guy anyway? I've never heard of him."

"He's a very powerful sword-spirit who tried to help his master Demise take over the world a few years ago." Link explained distractedly. "I defeated both him and his master, so I imagine it's revenge he's after."

"A sword?" Sakon questioned. "This guy is a sword?"

"A sword-spirit." Link corrected. "He has very powerful magic, and can take the form of a demon."

"Hmm, the big villains tend not to like me much." Sakon stated. "I think I'll let you take care of him."

Link rolled his eyes knowing very well The Thief had no interest in helping him in the first place. They walked in silence for another minute or so before Link brought up a question that had been bugging him.

"Did you know the mask The Postman gave Gaepora was enchanted?"

"Well, duh." Sakon responded. "Just look who the mask came from! Of course it was a cursed object!"

Link instantly felt his anger rise. "You knew, and you didn't bother stopping him? You could have prevented the whole thing from even happening!"

"I tried." Sakon protested. "I've had some very bad experiences with those masks, and wouldn't wish them on anyone!"

Link frowned in the darkness. "You were traumatized by one of The Happy Mask Salesman's masks when you were a child" he stated thoughtfully.

Sakon was caught off-guard. "How did you know that?" he demanded.

Link had actually learned a great many things about people from his frequent time-travelling, but he didn't want to tell The Thief that. Instead, he gave a shrug. "As a hero, you tend to hear things." he responded. "Why did The Happy Mask Salesman give a cursed mask to a child? Did you try to steal from the mask shop?"

Sakon gave an obvious shudder as bad memories began to surface. "No, The Happy Mask Salesman babysat me when I was five." He answered.

Link paused, this not being what he expected The Thief to say. "Why would he babysit you?" he asked. "Did he know your parents?"

"He's my uncle," Sakon responded, his tone growing bitter. "He gave me a mask to play with, and I was too little to know better."

"Your uncle?" Link cried out in surprise. "The Happy Mask Salesman is your uncle?"

"Unfortunately."

Link was completely flabbergasted at this unexpected news. Now that he thought about it, he did see a slight resemblance between the two men. He'd never considered the thought of villain's having a family before, and wondered exactly how they interacted with one another. By Sakon's tone of voice, it didn't seem like they did very well.

"The mask he gave to you, what did it do?" Link asked curiously.

"I don't want to talk about it."

Link frowned, knowing exactly how horrible the masks could be. "That bad?" he questioned, his tone softening.

"I was only five, and I had no defense against it." Sakon stated.

"No defense?" Link questioned.

There was a heavy silence, and at first it seemed Sakon was not going to answer him, but then he finally replied. "After wearing that mask, my hair began falling out in clumps, and I went back to wetting the bed." Sakon informed him bitterly. "Within two days I went completely bald, and my hair never grew back. You have no idea the level of bad it was."

"Which mask was it?" Link asked, wondering if he'd ever encountered it.

"It was called the Mask of Horrors." Sakon replied.

Link had a hard time picturing Sakon as a small, innocent child, but he knew he must have been at some point. In fact, all villains must have had a childhood at some point, even Ganondorf. Finding that thought too strange to even think about, Link shook his head.

"Why would your uncle give a child such a terrible mask?"

"Because he's a dick." Sakon answered sullenly. "Most people are, and I've learned to deal with it."

"So, that's the reason you're bald?" Link questioned, still not sure he completely believed The Thief.

"Yeah, I don't grow facial hair either. It's actually kind of nice not having to shave." Sakon replied, in an amused tone of voice. "I could tell you an interesting fact about myself in regards to the lack of hair growth, but I don't think you'd appreciate it."

"You still have eyebrows." Link pointed out, certain he'd caught The Thief in a lie.

"Your point?"

"I always assumed you just shaved your head since you've been bald as long as I've known you." Link stated. "If your hair won't grow, how come your eyebrows and eyelashes do?"

Sakon paused. "Huh...I've never really thought about it...I have no idea." he admitted.

Link frowned, still certain Sakon was lying to him. A shuffling sound could suddenly be heard directly in front of them, and both paused to listen. A moment later, a Skulltula hissed at them. More hisses erupted, and they realized they were completely surrounded by them.

"A dark, creepy tunnel filled with Skulltulas." Sakon sighed. "Just how I wanted to spend my day."

"Shh." Link ordered, trying to pinpoint exactly where the first Skulltula was. "I need to listen."

Link hesitated a long moment, and then lashed out with his sword. There was a sickening squelch as the blade made contact, and the Skulltula hit the floor with a crunch. Link continued on through the darkness without a word, and Sakon followed after him, booting the dead Skulltula out of his way as he did so.

"Soooo, do you work for hire?" Sakon asked. "You would be very useful on treasure hunts."

Link didn't bother responding, instead lashing out at another Skulltula.

"I'd split any profits with you 75/25." Sakon offered.

Link simply sighed. "I'm not interested in treasure hunting." he stated.

"Alright, well how about 70/30?"

When Link didn't answer him, Sakon pressed on. "Okay, I understand your reluctance since you're a hero and all, but it really is a good offer. I might even go 50/50 with you."

"No." Link growled out as he killed another Skulltula.

"Fine, how about 40/60? That's my final offer. Take some time to consider it."

"Sakon, shut up."

"Sweetie, you really need to take a lesson in manners. You're very boorish for a hero."

"I'm not interested." Link stated impatiently. "And don't forget you still have the people of Skyloft to deal with when this is all over."

Sakon's eyes widened, and his grip tightened on Link's arm. "You'd turn me over to them?" he cried. "You can't do that, they'll execute me!"

"They're not going to execute you." Link said impatiently. "You might get a bit of jail time, but they won't hurt you. You're going to apologize, and pay them for the items you stole. You will also explain to them everything you know about what happened to Gaepora."

"You can not blame me for that!" Sakon protested. "Well, maybe the thefts, but not the Gaepora thing! I'm completely innocent in that!"

Link let out a snort. "You're guilty by association."

"You're really going to turn me in?" Sakon asked, sounding somewhat hurt.

"Definitely."

"I won't let them jail me." Sakon informed him. "I will escape, and unless you want to go through all the trouble of tracking me down afterwards, you shouldn't even bother taking me to Skyloft. It would be much easier for you to just let me go."

Link sliced through another Skulltula. "That's not going to happen. You need to be held accountable for your actions for once."

"What do you have against me?" Sakon demanded morosely. "You've been on my case ever since the day I met you!"

"You're a criminal." Link responded. "You lie, steal, and probably hurt other people. The first time I ever met you, you were robbing an old woman. No matter how much you say it, I'll never believe that you've turned over a new leaf."

"Ouch." Sakon commented, his tone amused. "You really know how to flatter a guy. I didn't realize just how much you loved me."

Link sighed. "Why do you insist on being as irritating as possible? Can't you ever just have a normal conversation?"

"I used to be a criminal, but now I'm a hero." Sakon assured him. "Would an apology letter suffice for my past indiscretions? Or how about a bouquet of roses?"

Link simply let out another sigh, giving up.

"I could write a poem and dedicate it to you?" Sakon suggested. "I've always been good at limericks."

"Please just stop talking." Link requested wearily.

Although Link couldn't see him, he could practically sense Sakon's grin.

"There once was a Hero of Time,

Who fought very hard against crime,

When he'd swing his big sword,

The villains were floored,

All while he looked quite sublime!"

"Sakon...please just be quiet." Link ordered, irritably.

"I could write one about Zelda if you like?" Sakon asked, his tone teasing.

"No."

"There once was a girl from Hyrule,

Who fell in love with a heroic fool,

Thinking of deeds from the past,

She spread her legs fast,

And-"

"If you say one more word, I'll gag you, and leave you behind."

Sakon instantly lost all humour. "There you go, bullying me again!" he said with a deep, forced sigh. "Honestly!"

Link didn't answer him because his fingers found a split in the cavern, and he paused a moment. Sakon bumped bodily into him, and also came to an abrupt halt.

"What is it?" Sakon asked. "What's the hold-up?"

"There's a fork in the tunnel." Link informed him. "I'm not sure which way to go."

Sakon let go of Link's arm, and felt around the two entrances thoughtfully. Realizing this to be an opportunity, he quickly offered a suggestion.

"There's two paths, and two of us. You go to the right, and I'll go to the left. One of us is bound to find the way, and then we can call the other person over!"

Link hesitated, but saw the sense in that. "Alright." He agreed. "We need to find the Kokiri as fast as possible. Do you have any weapons? Will you be alright by yourself?"

"I'll be fine." Sakon said dismissively. "I've been in worse situations."

"If you find the Kokiri, tell them I'm on my way, and try to get them to safety." Link said, feeling his way to the right tunnel.

"Will do." Sakon answered, not meaning it at all.

Sakon listened as Link disappeared down the right hallway, and simply waited. A minute or so later, there was a monstrous growl then the clang of Link's sword. Snickering, Sakon felt his way down the left tunnel. In his many experiences as a villain, right was never right. He was quite pleased to find the left tunnel empty, and wondered how Link was faring against the unknown whatever it was.

Several uneventful minutes later, Sakon came to the end of the tunnel, and was blinded by bright sunlight. Giving a wince as his eyes adjusted, he saw he was in a wild, untamed jungle and did a double-take, sure his eyes were playing tricks on him. Taking a step further into the jungle, he reached out a hand and ran a finger down one of the plants curiously, and then glanced up at the domed glass ceiling far above.

"Weird…" he commented.

He took a few steps deeper into the jungle, and then froze as a loud booming snarl came from above. Very slowly looking up, he was met with the sight of a hideous monster towering above the trees, its two heads baring its fangs, and all twelve eyes narrowed at him. All colour drained from Sakon's face as he recognized it as the same type of monster from the Goron tunnels.

"How dare you defile this temple!" the monster growled, pushing its way through the trees towards him. "You dare bring your disgusting, tainted self into such a sacred place?"

His eyes wide, Sakon began backing up until his back hit a tree, stopping his escape.

"You will die for your disrespect against Termina!" the monster hissed, long fangs dripping venom.

Unable to move, unable to speak, Sakon could only stare in horror as the monster approached him.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next update will be on Friday!**


	47. The Monster's Plight

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 **Authornote: Friday June 16th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Only two chapters left of Part three and then we move onto Part four which is a much longer, story arc. The final chapter will be posted on Sunday! :D**

 **X**

 **Rainmy** \- Nope, Link is not a virgin, but he doesn't sleep around like a certain someone else I could mention. He's only been with a few girls in his multiple lifetimes. lol Link does find Sakon to be crude and disgusting, but he does sometimes get amused by him. He doesn't hate Sakon, he just wishes he'd take things a bit more seriously.

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 **SilentyDead \- **Sakon is indeed regretting the decision to leave Link behind. Sometimes, Sakon's his own worst enemy. lol

 **.**

 **The Hylian Chronicler** **-** Don't worry, it's coming! Link won't let Sakon get away with it so easily! ;) Link may have let the issue drop for now, but he definitely hasn't forgotten about it. lol

 **.**

 **placesmileshere \- **Getting eaten by a slug monster was among one of the worst days of his life. Sakon previously claimed wearing the Mask of Horrors as a child was the worst, but he actually lied, and it was SECOND worst day of his life. Something far worse happened to him that still haunts him to this day. We will find out exactly what that was during Part 4. We will learn a little more about the sword next chapter, but it will be fully explained at a later point in the story.

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Sakon has many talents. Whistling is not one of them. ;) He enjoys pestering Link, and although the hero has a hard time keeping his temper, he doesn't actually hate Sakon, he just finds him annoying.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 3 Chapter 15**

 **The Monster's Plight**

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For a long time, The Postman feigned sleep, staying perfectly still with his eyes closed, and after a time, he heard the guardian lay down somewhere nearby. He knew the monster was watching him, and so he stayed very still, simply waiting. After a while, the Kokiri returned from playing, and the monster made them all take a nap. Although protesting, the children had reluctantly obeyed, and settled down in their own little nests nearby.

The Kokiri were now all asleep around him, the heat of the day making them sleepy, and lazy, and their small snores filled the air. The Postman continued to wait, and soon there was a great rumbling snore from the monster. He waited a few minutes to make sure it was really asleep, and when the snoring persisted, he took action. Opening his eyes a crack, The Postman saw the guardian was curled up nearby, all twelve eyes closed, and both mouths hanging open as it snored loudly.

The guardian had eaten a massive amount of fruit and plants earlier, leaving many trees completely bare, and The Postman had a feeling it would sleep it off for quite a while.

The sacred wine had obviously done something to him, because he could now see the heavy magic that filled the jungle. Before, he'd been able to sense the magic pretty accurately, but it was a completely different experience being able to see it take physical form all around him.

The magic floated around them like a thick, purple mist, not seeming hostile, but feeling powerful just the same. When looking at the Kokiri, he could see hints of their own magic, Saria's by far the most powerful of all the children. The monster's magic seemed strange, a thick brown cloud of magic surrounding him at all times. Every now and then a tendril of that magic would reach out towards one of the sleeping children as if to check on them, and although the monster seemed to be asleep himself, his magic was still protecting them. The Postman stilled as the magic checked on him, and it seemed to hesitate a lot longer over him as if it sensed something amiss.

Opening his eyes fully, The Postman sat up, and watched the guardian for a few minutes, debating on what he should do. He knew there was no way he was going to allow himself to be trapped for all of eternity in the jungle, but he couldn't leave until he finished his job. Frowning at the guardian, he wondered where it had hidden the letter, and his other belongings. Knowing the guardian was probably too clever to hide them in the jungle where he could find them, The Postman stared thoughtfully at the guardian's mass of snake-like coils.

Slowly, and quietly getting to his feet, he took a few hesitant steps towards the guardian, and wondered if his assumptions were correct. His decision made, The Postman reached out his hands and began climbing the coils, hoping the guardian wouldn't wake. Once on top of the guardian's massive belly, The Postman gave one last furtive glance to the twelve closed eyes, and then began searching.

Pushing aside tentacles and legs as he made his way through the coils, The Postman looked for anything that didn't belong. He came across several pieces of fruit, and the chipped 'medicine' bowl, but no sign of his belongings. Pushing and crawling his way through the coils, The Postman was vaguely reminded of childhood monkey bars on a playground, and was glad he was so thin. Hoping the guardian wouldn't shift in its sleep and crush him, he continued forcing his way through coil after coil.

Finally, he spotted a flash of white amongst the black scales, and he shoved his way towards it. Pushing several tentacles out of his way, The Postman saw his letter deeply buried beneath a coil. Reaching for it with difficulty, his fingers closed over it, and he gave it a hard tug. The letter was being held tightly and wouldn't budge, and so he pushed aside a few more tentacles, and then tried again. It still wouldn't budge, and so he pushed away two more tentacles, and then tried once more. When he still couldn't get it, he adjusted his grip, placed both feet against the coil, and yanked the letter with all his might.

"What do you think you're doing?" came the angry voice of the guardian directly from above him.

The Postman froze, and then looked up to see one of the guardian's heads staring down at him with narrowed eyes.

"Er…" The Postman said, caught red-handed, his fingers still on the letter. "I, uh…"

"Didn't I tell you earlier that you're not to have that back yet?" it demanded with an obvious frown.

The Postman gave him a sort of sheepish look, not sure what to say to this. "Well, yes…"

"I had a feeling you weren't really asleep, and that you were up to something." The guardian said in annoyance. "You were laying much too still."

The Postman gave another ineffective pull to the letter, gaze still on the angry guardian. "Er…" he said again, not feeling very eloquent at the moment.

"You're very sneaky." The guardian informed him, irately. "And disobedient. I'll have to break you of that bad behaviour before it becomes a problem."

The guardian scooped him up with one of its tentacles and held him up so they were face to face, its expression still very cross. The Postman's eyes widened in alarm, not sure what the guardian was going to do to him, and didn't dare say a word. Still frowning, the guardian looked him up and down as if contemplating something, and then let out an irritated sigh.

"I'll have to decide your punishment." It stated. "I need to think on it for a while, so don't think you've gotten away with anything."

The Postman gave a wide-eyed nod, simply glad the guardian wasn't going to eat him at the moment.

"I'm not fond of your sneakiness." The guardian told him irritably. "I'll have to place you where I can keep an eye on you until I make a decision."

The guardian then carried The Postman over to the other side of the clearing, and then lowered him gently down into a deep well. The well was dry, and the stones were smooth, and The Postman looked up, having no way to escape.

"While you're in there, think on your disobedience, and your bad decisions." The guardian's voice said from above. "And whether or not it's in your best interests to continue doing so."

Encased in semi-darkness, The Postman took a seat on a nearby rock, and let out a deep sigh. He didn't really like small, enclosed spaces, and hoped the guardian wouldn't keep him down there for long. It was rather hot and stuffy in the well, and almost immediately The Postman felt uncomfortable. Almost as if it had read his thoughts, the guardian lowered a bowl of water down into the well for him. The Postman accepted it, and then he was alone again. Glancing down at the water, The Postman was a little relieved that the guardian didn't seem like he was just going to leave him down there to die.

He was a bit nervous over what the guardian would decide, and hoped it wouldn't eat him after all. Absently, The Postman wondered what the goddess Termina would think of a postman being sacrificed to her. She'd probably think it a waste of altar space.

The Postman sat in dark silence for quite a while lightly dozing, and he was reminded of his childhood when he'd be sent to his room for some form of disobedience. Normally, it was because he'd absentmindedly forgotten to do something, or because of his obstinance. His parents used to force him to stay in his room on an embarrassing time-out until he agreed to apologize for whatever he'd done, and sometimes it used to take days before his stubbornness wore off.

The guardian seemed used to raising children, and it didn't seem to know what to do with a full-grown man. Wondering if the guardian could be placated in such a simple way, The Postman glanced up at the mouth of the well.

"Um…Mr. Guardian?" The Postman called up hesitantly. "Sir?"

Almost immediately, a single red eye peered down at him. "Yes?" the guardian demanded impatiently.

The Postman hesitated, and did his best to look contrite. "I would just like to say that I'm very sorry, Sir." The Postman told him, respectfully. "I wasn't thinking, and didn't mean to anger you. I shouldn't have disobeyed your orders, and I'm sorry."

"...Indeed." The guardian responded, sounding extremely skeptical.

"Yes, Sir. I know what I did was wrong, and I shouldn't have tried taking the letter without permission."

The guardian stared down at him for a long moment, not looking convinced. "Hmph." It said a bit irritably. "More tricks, little virgin?"

The Postman gave his head an adamant shake. "No, Sir, I really am very sorry. You were very kind to me while I was sick, and what I did was very sneaky, and underhanded. I feel bad for what I've done."

The Postman had gotten very good over the years at sounding like he really meant his apologies, and the guardian seemed like it was wavering.

Slowly, the guardian lifted The Postman out of the well, and up so they were face to face. The guardian gave him one more frown, as if trying to come to a decision.

"Alright," the guardian said a bit grudgingly. "But no more sneakiness, and no more disobedience."

The Postman immediately nodded. "Yes, Sir."

The guardian lowered him to the ground, and then said. "Just this once I'll assume you had a lapse of judgment due to your illness. Do not disobey me again, or you will be punished."

The Postman gave another nod.

The guardian settled itself down comfortably, and then said. "You may go play with the others." it told him. "They're playing at the waterfall again."

The Postman frowned at the guardian, wondering just how old he thought he was. The guardian seemed done with him for now, and so The Postman silently turned to go.

"Where are you going?" The guardian demanded, all twelve eyes watching him, wanting confirmation.

"To the waterfall with the others." The Postman responded, wanting somewhere cool and quiet where he could think; somewhere where he could come up with a new plan.

The guardian's eyes drifted closed. "Don't go in the water." the guardian informed him. "You could still get sick again."

"I won't." The Postman promised, hurriedly ducking into the jungle.

Once he was a safe distance away, he relaxed, and slowed to a walk. That had been a close one. He'd thought for sure the guardian had been planning on eating him. He was lucky the guardian seemed to be a pretty easygoing fellow. Most monsters probably would have just killed him to be rid of him.

When The Postman reached the waterfall, he took a seat at the river's edge, silently watching the Kokiri play. Lado invited him to play with them, but he politely declined, just wanting some time alone to think.

With an aggravated sigh, he began pondering on his dilemma . He needed to find a way to get his belongings back, and escape the jungle without being stopped by the guardian. If it had have been just his hat and sandals taken, he would have left them behind, but not when it was a letter. He only had one responsibility in the world, and that was to deliver the mail, and he'd be damned if he let a monster stop him, especially when he only had one letter left.

Spitefully, The Postman let his legs dangle into the cold water, and he stared up at the waterfall moodily. How was he going to get the letter back? The direct approach didn't work, and so he'd have to think of some way to trick the guardian into giving it to him. He sat in silence for a long time, trying to come up with a plan, but everything he thought of seemed unlikely to work.

The guardian wasn't stupid, and it would be watching the letter closely from now on, and he doubted it would trust him. He'd have to somehow try to talk him into letting him go.

Sighing, The Postman stared up towards the domes, glass ceiling. He was quite surprised to see someone staring back at him from the other side. Kaepora Gaebora stepped through a broken pane of glass in the ceiling, and then gracefully swooped down to him, landing on the branches of a nearby tree.

"Hoo hoooot!" Kaepora Gaebora called to him. "We meet again, young postman."

"Hello." The Postman, greeted politely.

"How goes your quest?" the owl asked him, cocking his head. "All goes well?"

The Postman shook his head. "No." he responded miserably. "I've lost the letter."

"Do not fret," Kaepora Gaebora informed him. "Journeys are not always easy, but you will do fine."

"I don't even know what I'm supposed to be doing." The Postman responded with a frown. "Is this even my quest?"

"This is the way it's supposed to be." Kaepora Gaebora told him. "The only thing I can tell you, is that you should go find the guardian."

The Postman gave a nod, kicking at the water distractedly. So his quest had something to do with the guardian? What was he supposed to do, kill it? He couldn't see that ever happening.

"Hoo," the owl said impatiently. "No, I mean you should go find the guardian now, postman."

The Postman looked up with a frown. "Why?" he asked. "What am I supposed to do? Kill it? I won't do that, I'm just telling you now."

"Go find the guardian, and you will see what you need to do." Kaepora Gaebora said. "This is the last time you will see me in the Skyworld, and you will not see me again for a while."

"Where will you go?" The Postman asked, hearing a loud roar in the distance. "Won't you return to Skyloft as headmaster Gaepora?"

"Goodbye, Postman, keep safe. Go find the guardian immediately."

Then without another word, Kaepora Gaebora spread his wings, and took off into the air, flying back out the way he had come. The Postman stared up at the glass ceiling for a moment, before an even louder, more vicious roar caught his attention. Looking over, he could see the guardian towering over the trees, growling and snarling at something in front of it. Wondering what caused the guardian to become so enraged, The Postman stood to his feet, and headed towards it.

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Sakon stared up at the guardian like a terrified rabbit, his mind desperately trying to think of a way to escape his impending death. Horrible memories of being eaten were in the forefront of his mind, and he felt his breath catch in his throat.

His back was to a tree, and there didn't seem to be any escape. The tree behind him was as unyielding as ever, and the guardian didn't look like it was about to just let him go. His mind made up, Sakon did what came natural, he dove to the side, and ran for it. As he bolted away, a large glob of acid hit the tree where his head had just been, burning a deep hole into the wood. His eyes wide at the close call, Sakon let out a curse, and ran into the jungle, the guardian right on his tail.

The guardian lashed out at him with claws and teeth, and Sakon dodged and jumped almost as fast as he ran. Thanking the goddesses he was in such good shape, Sakon threw himself out of the way of another glob of acid.

"Can't we talk about this?" Sakon yelled up to the guardian.

"No." the guardian growled angrily. "I am going to kill you."

"But why?" Sakon protested, ducking behind a large tree. 'What have I done?"

The guardian knocked the tree aside as if it were made of paper, and lashed out at The Thief with a tentacle. "You are disgusting, and filthy!" it snarled. "This is a sacred temple of Termina, and you have no business here!"

"What about if I leave?" Sakon suggested hopefully.

"You have already defiled the temple, and so you must die."

Sakon rolled out of the way of several more tentacles, not sure how long he could keep running and dodging the way he was. "But I haven't defiled it, I swear!" Sakon protested. "I haven't done anything inappropriate since I entered! My pants have been up all day!"

The guardian let out an angry bellow, and spat an enormous glob of acid in The Thief's direction. Sakon jumped out of the way, only catching a small splatter across his shirt. A large portion of his shirt immediately burnt away, and Sakon let out a yelp and ripped his shirt off before the acid touched his skin. Letting out breath of relief at the close call, he continued running.

As Sakon ran in, and around bushes and trees, trying to slow the guardian, he knew he had to do something before he got out of breath. Slipping the backpack off his shoulder, he reached in, and felt his fingers close over his newly acquired weapon. Dodging another razor-sharp claw, Sakon held up a small, slender crossbow, and loaded one of the silver arrows as he ran. When he had it loaded, Sakon looked up at the guardian, trying to find a weakness. His gaze settled on the guardian's heads, and he knew what he had to do.

"It's always the eyes." He mumbled to himself.

Rolling away from another attack, Sakon took careful aim as he continued running as fast as he could. Sakon was an excellent shot with a bow, and his finger pressed down on the trigger, certain he would take out an eye. Just as the arrow was released, his arm was knocked aside and someone collided bodily into him. The arrow flew through the air, and hit the guardian harmlessly on the thigh. Sakon quickly caught his balance, and looked up to see The Postman standing in front of him, arms spread wide to stop the guardian from attacking. He blinked in surprise, and then gave the other man a relieved grin.

"Oh, hey darling!" he greeted. "How have you been holding up?"

"I've had better days." The Postman responded distractedly.

The guardian brushed the arrow out of its skin as if it were nothing more than a bee-sting, and narrowed its eyes at the two men.

"Out of the way, little virgin." it ordered.

The Postman shook his head. "Please don't kill him," he yelled up to the guardian. "He's my friend!"

"I said out of the way." the guardian said impatiently. "He has defiled the temple, and I will kill him."

The Postman looked over his shoulder at Sakon, who was reloading the crossbow just in case he needed it.

"What did you do?" The Postman demanded, accusingly.

Sakon gave him an offended look. "I didn't do anything!" he protested. "It wants to kill me just because I exist!"

The Postman turned his gaze to the monster.

The guardian gave him a shrug. "It's true." he admitted. "His existence is what irritates me."

The Postman crossed his arms with a frown. "That doesn't mean you should kill him!" he said. "He annoys everyone."

"This is different." the guardian told him. "He is a vile intruder who is a threat to Termina's property. I will protect you and the children!"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Sakon won't hurt anyone!" he assured him. "He's my friend, who was probably worried about me! He likely entered the temple just to make sure I was alright!"

The guardian made an impatient noise in the back of its throat. "Move." he ordered. "I will obey Termina's orders and kill any and all intruders."

The Postman stubbornly shook his head. "No, you don't have to hurt him! He's not causing any harm!"

The Guardian gave a growl of frustration. "I am the protector of this temple and all trespassers will be killed! He is an insult to Termina's sacred temple, and I suggest you get out of the way, little virgin, before I lose my temper with you."

The Postman met the guardian's gaze head on. "No." he responded stubbornly.

"Then I will move you myself!" the guardian snapped, reaching out a tentacle towards him.

Sakon realized very quickly the guardian didn't want to hurt The Postman, and he reached out and grabbed the other man, effectively using him as a human shield.

"Back off, or I kill him!" Sakon yelled, pointing the crossbow directly at The Postman's head.

The Postman was just as surprised as the guardian, and he froze as the point of the arrow pressed against his forehead. The guardian let out an infuriated howl, and visibly shook in anger.

"Release him at once, foul creature!" it bellowed. "Do not harm him!"

"I'll do it!" Sakon threatened. "Back off, or I pull the trigger!"

The guardian bared its fangs, but did seem to be contemplating the situation. It looked down at the crossbow, and then at The Postman, and then to Sakon who had a cocky smirk plastered on his face. The guardian had a feeling Sakon wouldn't really do it if he did attack, but he didn't want to chance it. Letting out a furious hiss, the guardian backed up several feet, and settled himself down to watch, and wait.

"You will have to release him eventually." it said decidedly. "When you do, I will kill you."

Sakon tilted his chin up defiantly. "We'll see about that. I want to live, more than you want to kill me, and so I'm quite prepared to hang on for years."

The Postman grimaced at that thought, but didn't move or say anything.

The guardian gave Sakon a seething look. "You are a loathsome creature." it informed him. "I will enjoy digesting you slowly."

Sakon gave a shrug. "I've heard that one before."

The Postman shifted slightly, looking at the arrow out of the corner of his eye, and then whispered. "Sakon, please don't let your finger slip..."

"Relax, darling, I've got this covered. Just don't make any sudden movements."

The Postman wasn't reassured in the least, and let out a sigh. Had Kaepora Gaebora wanted him to save Sakon's life? Did Sakon have something to do with the quest he was supposed to go on?

"Why do you keep attracting these types of monsters?" Sakon demanded. "I've already been eaten by one of these ugly slug monsters, and have no interest in doing it again!"

The Postman had no answer for this, and gave a shrug. He really did seem to attract trouble everywhere he went.

The guardian, who was listening to their every word, narrowed all of his eyes. "What are you prattling about, foul one?" it snarled. "What other monster?"

"You heard me!" Sakon snapped rudely."Your cousin already tried to eat me, and I'm not letting you do the same! It was disgusting, and horrible!"

"What are you talking about?" the guardian demanded. "Cousin?"

"Yeah, you know, ugly spidery slug octopus living in the Goron tunnels? It looks just like you."

The guardian seemed confused, but then remembered The Postman had also mentioned a guardian in the Goron tunnels. The Postman had been delirious at the time, and so the guardian hadn't really thought about it until now.

"You are mistaken." the guardian informed him. "I am the last of my kind. You probably saw a mechanical guardian which was made by men to somewhat resemble my kind. There are no other living guardians left, besides myself."

Sakon let out a snort. "Nice try, but no one could ever forget anything as ugly as you!"

The Postman frowned disapprovingly, and gave Sakon a nudge. "Sakon, that was rude."

The guardian stared down at Sakon, and then shook both of his heads. "Nay, you're either mistaken, or a liar." it said. "The goddess Termina herself told me I was the last of my kind. I have served in her temple for millennia as there is no place in this world for just one guardian."

Sakon let out a snicker. "Man, she really lied to you!" he commented in amusement. "That's hilarious! She just wanted to use you, and you were none the wiser! You aren't the last of your kind!"

The guardian still seemed skeptical, and looked down at The Postman for confirmation. "Is what he says true?" it asked. "There is another of my kind?"

The Postman gave a nod. "Yes, Sir." he informed it. "She's been living in a series of tunnels that run through Death Mountain. I met her myself a few months ago."

The guardian's eyes widened dramatically. "A female of my kind?" it asked softly, as if he daren't hope. "A female that is alive, and well?"

"She was very old and tired when I last saw her, Sir." The Postman told it. "She said she just wanted to rest."

"We are all very old." the guardian informed him, looking wistful. "My kind were here before any other creature on this world."

Sakon instantly had an idea. "Um, I think you should go find her..." he suggested. "Go away, right now, and track her down. The two of you can cause Death Mountain to 'erupt' if you know what I mean..."

"I was deceived." the guardian stated, starting to shake in pure rage. "I served Termina faithfully for most of my life, but she betrayed my trust! I thought I was alone, but there's more of my kind!"

Sakon gave a nod of agreement. "Yeah, you can never trust a virgin!"

Not even listening, the guardian gave a furious roar, looking completely murderous. "What a fool I was, trusting a goddess! I have wasted my life in this temple!"

Sakon schooled his expression into something sympathetic. "We've all done dumb things; don't sweat it."

The guardian gave another roar, foaming at the mouth in his anger. "I am through!" it yelled out. "I will guard this temple no longer! Termina is now an enemy of my kind! This betrayal is unforgivable!"

As the guardian yelled and snarled in a violent tantrum, The Postman and Sakon exchanged a look. There would be no talking to him while he was in this state, and they would have to hope he didn't turn his anger directly on them.

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Ganondorf tightened his gloves as he stared out across the assembled Gerudo Warriors. Every able-bodied Gerudo was fitted for war, and they stood still and alert as they awaited instruction. They stared at their king solemnly, trusting him completely, and without question, knowing he would do anything within his power to protect his subjects.

They had run out of food the day before, and what little water that remained wouldn't last another day. Knowing they had to march before the first death, Ganondorf finished donning his armour silently. The Gerudo warriors waited patiently as he walked up and down their ranks inspecting them, and all knew the gravity of the situation.

Dressed fully for war, Ganondorf was truly an intimidating sight, and his power crackled around him, fed by his anger and anxiety. His eyes cold and focussed, he drew his sword and held it to the sky.

"Din, lend us your strength for the battle to come!" he bellowed out. " For the Gerudo Nation!"

Instantly, every Gerudo raised their own weapons with a roar.

"For the Gerudo Nation!" they yelled out as one.

Every Gerudo felt the fear and desperation coursing within them, and without another word, they followed their king into war.

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Cursing his rotten luck, Link made his way down the left tunnel, hoping there wasn't something nasty down this one as well. He hadn't heard any screams of terror from Sakon, and so he figured that The Thief was fine. Somewhat annoyed Sakon hadn't let him know the left tunnel was safe, Link felt his way along the wall irritably. Although Link wasn't injured from his battle, he was out of breath, and knew it would take him a few minutes to recover before he was ready for another fight.

When he reached the end of the tunnel, he was blinded by the bright sunlight and winced, holding up a hand to shield his eyes. Blinking his eyes several times until they adjusted, Link was shocked to see he was now in the middle of an enormous jungle. Clenching his sword tightly, Link inspected his surroundings, certain there was something lurking nearby waiting to attack him. He looked up at the domed glass high above for a moment in confusion, and then looked across the vast expanse of the jungle. His eyes immediately fell on the gigantic monster towering over the trees, and he narrowed his eyes. There was always a monster protecting the main villain. With a deep breath of determination, Link held up his sword and charged towards it.

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When the guardian had vented most of its anger, and seemed a lot calmer than before, Sakon decided to try his luck negotiating with him.

"Sooo," Sakon began in a casual tone. "If you're angry at Termina, are you still planning on killing me?"

The guardian frowned down at him for a long moment, and then gave a shrug. "I suppose I no longer have a need to kill you." he conceded. "I have forsaken Termina, and am no longer the protector of this temple. I no longer care who defiles it. I'm not going to allow you to harm the little virgins, however. They're harmless and can't protect themselves."

"I'm not going to hurt a bunch of kids" Sakon responded petulantly. "And I never 'defiled' the temple to begin with."

"I will not argue with you." The guardian stated. "You're not worth my time."

The Postman shifted slightly, the tip of the arrow starting to get extremely uncomfortable. "Sakon, will you please let me go? You're hurting me."

Sakon hesitated, and then gave another uneasy look up at the guardian. "Sorry, darling, not just yet." He answered. "I don't think it would be in my best interests."

The Postman let out an irritated sigh, and then glanced up at the guardian. "Sir, do you promise not to kill Sakon?" he asked. "Will you give us your word?"

The guardian rolled his eyes impatiently. "He's not worth my time." he responded. "Why do you care whether or not he dies? He's a rather repulsive human."

"He's my friend." The Postman answered easily.

Both of the guardian's snouts crinkled in disapproval. "Be careful who you befriend." It suggested. "This one can't be trusted, but I give you my word, little virgin, he will not be harmed."

The Postman gave a nod, believing him, but Sakon was still skeptical. Years of being a thief and villain made him naturally suspicious of everyone, and so he didn't release his hold.

"How do I know this isn't a trick?" he demanded. "That the minute I let go you won't stomp me into the ground?"

The guardian gave him an impatient look. "I do not lie." he stated. "Not all creatures are as corrupt as you, foul one."

Sakon knew he wasn't the most honest of people, but still wasn't sure whether to feel offended or not. He hesitated a moment, and was about to give a nasty retort, when a green blur pushed past him, sword drawn, and expression determined.

All stared at the hero in surprise as he ran straight for the guardian and lunged at one of its legs without pause. The guardian clearly wasn't expecting an attack, and Link cut one of the legs before the guardian even had a chance to react. The cut was very shallow, but it still bled a dark green as Link withdrew his sword.

"Ow!" the guardian protested, lifting the injured leg away from Link. "Exactly what are you doing, boy?" it demanded angrily.

Link who had been preparing himself for a second attack, paused. "You can talk?" he asked in surprise.

The guardian gave him an irritated look. "Obviously." It replied angrily. "Now, I suggest you explain yourself! Why did you attack me?"

Link wasn't about to allow himself to be intimidated by a monster just because it could speak, and he scowled up at it fearlessly. "I am here to rescue the Kokiri, and defeat Ghirahim!" he yelled out, holding up his sword threateningly. "I won't let you stand in my way!"

The guardian simply stared down at him for a moment, not impressed. "How am I standing in your way?" he demanded. "The Kokiri are over there playing in the water if you want them. Make sure to get them home safely."

Link's sword drooped down a bit as he again hesitated. "You...you're not going to stop me?" he asked in disbelief.

"No." the guardian replied. "I am no longer the protector of this temple, and have no interest in what you do."

Link frowned skeptically, his hand clenching the sword loosely. "Really?"

"Yes, now please go about your business, and kindly stop hacking at my legs with your little sword." The guardian said, looking away from the hero.

Link now felt a bit awkward holding his sword out when the guardian wasn't even looking at him, and he frowned. He was sure this had to be some sort of ploy or trick, and didn't lower his guard. His eyes swept the area, and when they settled on Sakon and The Postman, he did a double-take. He had no idea what had led Sakon to press a crossbow to The Postman's forehead, but was sure it involved the guardian somehow.

"What are you doing?" he demanded in disbelief.

Sakon hesitated a moment, and then lowered the crossbow. "Nothing." He answered. "Just holding off until you got here…took you long enough, you slacker."

The Postman said nothing at all, simply rubbing at his head as Link frowned suspiciously at them. The Postman certainly didn't seem afraid for his life, nor did the guardian seem concerned with the two men. When no one seemed inclined to explain anything to him, Link let out a breath of irritation.

"Would someone please explain why you," Link said, pointing to Sakon. "were trying to kill him," his finger slid over to The Postman. "and why he doesn't seem inclined to kill anyone?" he pointed a finger accusingly at the guardian who simply seemed impatient.

"It's complicated." Sakon replied with a shrug. "I still don't really understand myself why I haven't been eaten yet…"

Link turned his gaze to The Postman. "Well?" he demanded. "What do you have to say about all this?"

The Postman mirrored Sakon, and simply shrugged. "I was just trying to deliver a letter." He explained. "It didn't exactly go as planned…"

"Darling, we could compare your life to a landslide." Sakon informed him. "Nothing ever goes as planned for you."

The Postman knew this was true, and he simply sighed.

Link was feeling incredibly confused and frustrated. He had fought the same type of battles, and had gone on the same type of quests for as long as he could remember. He would fight his way through a few temples, defeat the monsters within, and then move on to the main boss fight. It had always been that way. He had never encountered a monster who could speak, let alone one who had no intentions of stopping him. This left him feeling very disconcerted, and uncertain.

"um…okay then." Link responded, still wondering if the guardian was planning something. "If you're not going to kill me, will you tell me where Ghirahim is?"

"He's through the door on the far side of the jungle." The Postman answered distractedly. "Please don't kill him until I deliver my letter."

Link glanced across the large jungle. "He's just right over there?" he questioned in disbelief. "I just open the door, and he's there? No death-traps, mazes or keys to find?"

"I think you were supposed to go in another entrance that led to the dungeon." The guardian informed him. "He's been setting things up for weeks now. He probably didn't expect the little virgin here to leave the back door open for you."

The Postman's ears turned slightly pink as Link glanced over at him in question. Realizing he'd managed to bypass the entire dungeon, Link couldn't help but laugh. Ghirahim was going to be livid!

Turning away towards the jungle, Link lifted his sword once more. "I have a few things to discuss with you two later." He stated, flashing the two men an irritated look. "But I don't have time right now, so it can wait.

Link kept a wary eye on the guardian, as he turned, and then asked. "The Kokiri are all safe?"

"They are." The guardian confirmed. "I have guarded them well."

Link wasn't sure whether to believe the guardian, but gave a nod all the same. Time was of the essence, and so he disappeared into the jungle without another word.

Once he was gone, Sakon stuck his tongue out after the hero, and then gave The Postman a grin. "Okay, let's get out of here!"

The Postman immediately shook his head. "Not until I make my last delivery." He stated.

Sakon let out an exasperated sigh. "Don't make me threaten to shoot you again!" he warned, running a finger along the crossbow.

The Postman simply gave him a disapproving frown.

"Don't be stupid!" Sakon protested. "If we don't go now, that Jeraheem guy might tear apart the temple with us in it!"

Knowing Sakon wouldn't actually kill him, The Postman looked up at the guardian who seemed to be thinking.

"Excuse me, Sir, but if you're no longer the guardian of the temple, may I please have my belongings back?"

The guardian looked down at him for a long moment. "I like how polite you are." It stated. "I don't get that very often."

A tentacle reached out and plopped the hat down on top The Postman's head, and then another reached forward with his letter, mailbag and sandals. The Postman immediately reached out to take them, and then gave a grateful nod to the guardian.

"Thank you, Sir."

Sakon looked up at the guardian and couldn't help but ask what was on his mind. "So, what are you going to do now?" he asked curiously. "There can't be very many job openings for ugly slug monsters."

"I will leave here." The guardian responded, ignoring The Thief's rudeness. "It's been millennia since I've been to the world below the clouds. I imagine much has changed, and I'll have a lot to explore."

"Um, not to burst your bubble or anything," Sakon began. "But there's no way you're going to fit through that little door…"

The guardian answered his question by smashing a tentacle through the side of the greenhouse. The entire wall shattered, sending bits of glass and wood everywhere, and both men jumped behind the guardian to avoid the debris.

"…oh, well I guess that'll work." Sakon said.

The Postman stared at the gaping hole, and then out at the island's edge. "How are you going to get to the ground, Sir?" he asked. "It's a very long way down."

To answer his question, the guardian bent its back into an awkward shape, causing a loud, sickening crack, and then two wings burst out of his back sending droplets of green blood splattering everywhere. The guardian seemed quite pleased with itself, and both heads bared their fangs in a grin.

"I will fly!" it announced proudly.

Sakon was less impressed however, and wiped at the green blood that covered him with a grimace. He noticed The Postman didn't have a single drop on him, and scowled.

"How do you do that?" he demanded. "You're unnatural."

The Postman simply gave a shrug, and again turned his attention to the guardian. He noticed the wings looked strong and would definitely be able to support the guardian's weight.

"Um, Sir, if it wouldn't be too presumptuous of me, could I ask that you please bring us down with you? We have no other way home."

"We have Beatrice!" Sakon protested. "Remember? Giant, pink Loftwing?"

"Didn't you say she wouldn't fly beneath the clouds?" The Postman questioned.

"I might be able to coax her down…somehow."

Ignoring him once more, The postman turned his attention back to the guardian. "You've been very kind to me, Sir, could you please help me just one last time?"

The guardian gave a nod, because The Postman wasn't really asking much at all. "I will." it said. "I'll carry you down."

"Thank you, Sir. I just need to deliver my letter, and then we'll be ready to go."

"Don't be long, I'm eager to leave this horrible place." The guardian informed him. "I'll wait for you outside."

The Postman gave a nod as Sakon crossed his arms with a scowl. "I'll go with you," he told The Postman. "but only because I don't want to wait with Mr. Chompy here."

"What is that?!" a voice exclaimed in horror from outside.

Looking over, they saw Groose staring up at the guardian with wide eyes, clearly terrified. shrugging, they turned to leave.

Now that there was no immediate danger, Sakon relaxed enough to get his first good look at The Postman. He stared at him for a long moment as they entered the jungle, and then he frowned.

"There's something different about you…" he said a bit uncertainly.

The Postman raised an eyebrow, knowing he was now five years younger. "Oh?" he questioned.

Sakon frowned thoughtfully as he squinted at him. "Did you get a haircut, or something?"

The Postman rolled his eyes. "Something like that." He responded.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! ^_^**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	48. Ghirahim

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 **Authornote: Sunday June 18th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I'm updating a little bit early again because of work. There seems to be a problem with reviews not showing up. (again) If you left a review, but your name isn't listed below, just let me know, and I'll add you. I promise that I never ignore people purposely.**

 **This is the last chapter of Part three! Woot woot! :D I really hope everyone enjoyed this story arc, and the next part begins on Friday! :D**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **SilentyDead \- **I've never actually played Overwatch before, but everyone keeps telling me it's good. I'm garbage at shooters though, but I'll still have to check it out. (In COD: Black OPs I placed a gun right against someone's head, pulled the trigger, and i still somehow managed to miss. That was the day I realized I would never survive the zombie apocalypse) Is Junkrat's personality really like Sakon? lol That would amuse me greatly.

Yes, Ghirahim will indeed be very annoyed over the situation. He worked very hard on that dungeon! :D

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** **-** There's a boss fight coming, but it's not very epic. lol There are much better boss fights later on in the story.

Oh, wow, i completely forgot Link's Crossbow Training even existed! lol I used to be really good at the bow in OOT waaaay back in the ancient days of the N64. I'm horrible now though. lol

I actually did draw a picture of a guardian, but I'm a terrible artist, and so i never posted it anywhere. Imagine a cross between the two headed troll monster from Willow, a spider, and a Tangela. That's what I picture in my mind.

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 **jigbashmop** **-** Link's definitely not used to intelligent monsters. lol

The scene with the monster wasn't worded very well. Sorry. The guardian told The Postman where the Kokiri were, but because The Postman didn't actually verbally acknowledge that's where he was going to go, the monster was just making sure. He didn't want The Postman to wander away too far.

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 **Rainmy -** I would have to agree with you on that. The Postman gets so focussed on his job, that he doesn't tend to see the bigger picture. If Ghirahim was dead, he would indeed not have to deliver his letter. lol

That guardian will never forgive Termina for wasting so much of his life. His species is the oldest of the Earth, and he will never forget his anger no matter how long he lives. She's made an enemy of him because of this. Luckily Guardians live for an incredibly long time, and so he will hopefully be able to find some semblance of happiness.

I normally try to keep the dialogue and writing of my story as simplistic as possible to match the tone of the story. You've probably noticed that I avoid using large words as much as possible. I actually started doing this the first time I wrote the story because I received a request from someone who was just starting to learn English as a second language, and was having trouble with the more difficult words. I realized that in real life, most people don't speak using words like "ambivalent or egregious" so I try to write how people really speak, and think. (although i could picture The Postman using words like that just to bother Sakon lol) There are a lot of words or phrases not commonly used that I do like, however, and able-bodied is one of them. I'm glad you liked my choice of word, and it's very encouraging! :D

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 **Reiz16** -The Postman became incredibly good at fake apologizing for things he's not sorry about at all. His mother is just as stubborn as he is, and so he'd had to learn how to placate her from an early age when he was being punished. This has actually helped him a lot when dealing with problem customers, when they simply want to rant and complain about something. He would give them a sincere-sounding apology, and usually that was enough to satisfy people.

The guardian likes to take the direct approach to problems. lol It's a good thing Groose wasn't on the other side of that wall. lol

That owl will be back many, many times during the course of this story. lol Getting information out of him about The Postman's quest is like trying to pull teeth, however. lol

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 3 Chapter 16

Ghirahim

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Saria let out a shudder as the guardian let out another furious snarl from somewhere deep within the jungle.

The Kokiri had been staring into the jungle uncertainly having heard the monster's snarls, but none dared to go investigate, afraid the guardian was fighting Ghirahim again. When all sound stopped from within the jungle, the Kokiri weren't sure what had happened, and they hid themselves. They remained hidden in silence until a very familiar figure in green entered the clearing.

The moment Link came within sight, every Kokiri let out a joyful yell, and threw themselves at him, hugging him tightly. Link let out a deep breath of relief, glad the Kokiri appeared unhurt and well. He gave them a wide smile, which all the Kokiri quickly returned.

"I received your letter." Saria told him, giving him another hug. "I'm glad you found us."

"Are you alright?" Link asked. "Ghirahim didn't hurt you, did he?"

Saria shook her head. "No, we're fine, the guardian protected us." she assured him. "You have to stop Ghirahim, as fast as possible, because he's planning something horrible."

"What's he been up to?" Link asked with a frown.

Saria's face crumpled in worry. "I don't know, but he's been trying to collect our magic. Ghirahim's a horrible demon, and so he can't be planning anything good."

Link gave a nod, knowing he would now face Ghirahim in battle. Looking down at the familiar faces of his friends, he knew he would do anything to protect them. Not really wanting to leave them on their own again, he frowned.

"Will you be alright while I challenge Ghirahim?" he asked.

"Don't worry about us, Link." Saria assured him. "We'll be fine waiting here for you. Now, go get Ghirahim!"

"I'll be back as soon as I can," Link promised. "Keep everyone hidden until I return."

"I will." Saria told him solemnly. "Stay safe, Link and I wish you luck."

Link gave the Kokiri one last smile, and then turned back into the jungle, prepared to face the difficult battle ahead. He pushed his way through the dense jungle silently, and when he came to the edge of the greenhouse, he found the door just as The Postman had described.

Taking a deep breath, Link stared a long moment at the door, and then reached out and pushed it open. Link charged into the room, sword raised and mind focussed on the fight to come, but immediately paused at the sight before him. Ghirahim obviously hadn't been expecting him, and was seated casually on his throne, one a hand spread out before him, and he was in the process of touching up his nail polish. The villain paused mid-stroke, and stared at Link uncomprehendingly for a moment, and then his expression turned completely outraged.

"What?!" he cried out indignantly. "How did you get here so quickly? That dungeon should have taken you weeks to get through! I set up more mazes, traps and monsters than your worst nightmares! How did you do it? How did you get here? I wasn't even informed you were in the dungeon yet!"

Link gave him a shrug, enjoying how flustered the villain was. "I took the back door." he replied.

Ghirahim stared at him with wide eyes as that information sunk in. "...the back door?" he questioned. "What do you mean the 'back door'? The only other entrance to this temple is cursed by Termina! You never would have been able to open that door; she would have killed you!"

Link readjusted his grip on the sword, steadying his stance as he replied. "The Postman forgot to close the door after him, and so I didn't even have to touch the door. Postmen are notoriously bad at closing doors and gates behind them, you know."

Ghirahim set down the bottle of nail polish hard, causing the glass to let out a 'clack' as it hit the stone. His brown eyes were narrowed to angry slits, and he clenched his teeth as he fought to get his temper under control.

"Months and months of plans and preparations were ruined due to one little insignificant postman?" he demanded. "The best dungeon a villain had ever designed, and the hero doesn't even go in it?!"

Link gave him a smirk. "Looks that way."

Ghirahim flipped his white hair out of his eyes, positively shaking in fury. He already had a vendetta against The Postman from their previous encounter, but now his loathing reached all new levels. He wouldn't be satisfied until he had eviscerated him, and torn him limb from limb. Taking a deep, forced breath, Ghirahim turned his gaze entirely on Link who had begun approaching .

"No matter," he told the hero. "You may be earlier than expected, but you're still too late to stop me. My plan is now almost complete."

"Stop you from what exactly?" Link demanded, still trying to figure out the villain's motive and plan.

Ghirahim smiled at him cruelly. "I have a goddess on my side this time."

Link gave him a skeptical look. "What does that have to do with anything?" he demanded. "And why would a goddess support a rogue sword-spirit?"

"She broke Hylia's barrier, and gave me entrance to the Kokiri's Forest. This is destiny, and you will not win against me."

Link gave him a frown. "Are you trying to resurrect Demise?"

Ghirahim gave him an amused chuckle. "Demise was a weak fool, and I have a new master now."

Link frowned at him. "A new master?" he questioned in surprise. "Who is your master?"

"You're so much fun to play with skychild. You're so brash, so daring and brave, so...very, very dumb. My master has not arrived yet, but even if you defeat me, he will resurrect me. Fighting me is pointless."

"What are you talking about? Who is your master? Ganondorf?"

Ghirahim snorted. "Ganondorf is nothing compared to my new master. Although I haven't yet met him, it's destiny for my new master to seek me out here. I have been gathering power for him, and the moment we join together, he will become my master. You won't stand a chance against him."

"If you've never met him, how do you know he's even coming?" Link demanded.

"I was told by one of the goddesses." Ghirahim replied. "My master's destiny has been decided for over a thousand years, and he will come for me."

"Who is your master?" Link demanded again.

Ghirahim gave him a smirk. "My master's name is Ichiro."

Link frowned, not recognizing the name, and wondered if Ghirahim was even telling the truth. Link had messed up all of his plans by skipping the dungeon, so perhaps the sword spirit had made everything up?

Ghirahim crossed his legs casually, still looking amused. "So, how is the world below doing?" he questioned innocently. "Things getting a bit dusty down there?"

Link narrowed his eyes.

"I've told you before, skychild, you don't stand a chance against my master, and so you'd be better off just surrendering. once he gets here, he will easily destroy you."

Link's glare was fixed entirely on the villain. "And the jungle?"

"With death must come life." Ghirahim explained. "Once I've destroyed the world for my master, I will restore it to how it should be. I know he will be pleased with what I've done so far for him."

"If you've never met him, how do you know he even wants that?" Link demanded.

Ghirahim faltered. "He does." the sword-spirit said a bit uncertainly. "I was told that my new master would have the power to destroy the world."

"Just because he has the power to, doesn't necessarily mean he will." Link pointed out.

"Stop trying to confuse me!" Ghirahim snarled. "I will destroy the world, and I will use the gathered magic to restore it!"

"And how will you do this?" Link demanded.

Ghirahim gave a long, lazy stretch before bothering to answer. "The Kokiri have interesting magical abilities which were strengthened by this temple. They've been quite useful, and no threat to me, and so I may let them live once this is all over. Because of them, my gathered power has doubled, and I will present my new master with it."

"How is the jungle giving you power?" Link demanded. "It's just plants and trees!"

Ghirahim gave a frown down at his unfinished nails, and then gave a sigh. "It's not just a jungle, skychild, it's energy and power which have been building, and growing because of the Kokiri. I've been harnessing that power for days now, and you have no hope of dispelling it. The magic is safely stored away until my master arrives."

Link openly glowered at the sword-spirit. "I don't believe you. This is just a ploy to restore Demise."

Ghirahim gave a snort. "Like I said, he is no longer my master." he stated. "He was weak and didn't appreciate the strength I gave him. I am free until I join with my new master."

"You're free, but yet you choose to continue doing evil?"

"Your point?" Ghirahim questioned, looking again at his unfinished nails.

Link didn't answer, simply clenching his sword all the tighter. Villains always claimed they were invincible, but he'd never come across one that truly was. Every villain had their weakness, and he'd be sure to exploit it. He had no idea if there really was an Ichiro, but Link was confident he could defeat him if he did finally arrive.

Ghirahim was obviously quite confident in his new strength, because he looked away from Link, and re-opened his bottle of nail polish. As he busied himself with finishing the paint-job on the last few nails, Link simply stared at him, sword still drawn, unused to being so blatantly ignored.

Furrowing his brow, Link knew this was an opportunity, and lunged directly at Ghirahim, sword poised for the kill. Ghirahim disappeared in a shimmer of sparkles, and the sword slashed harmlessly through the bottle of nail polish. Link spun around looking for Ghirahim and saw him leaning against the door, angry frown in place.

"I liked that colour." he informed the hero with a sigh. "It was very hard to find."

Link scowled at him, and charged. Once again, Ghirahim disappeared, and when Link looked up, he was back in his throne.

"No matter," Ghirahim said as if there had been no interruption. "I'll just use your blood to paint my nails instead."

As Link turned towards him, Ghirahim disappeared, and this time reappeared directly behind Link. Nose in Link's blond hair, he ran a finger up the hero's jawline as Link tensed. Ghirahim then chuckled as he disappeared once more. This time when he reappeared across the room, Link charged at him furiously. Ghirahim was expecting this, and easily caught the sword in one of his hands, stopping the blade's decent.

"Tsk, tsk, so predictable." he mocked with a smirk.

Link wrenched his sword away, and took a second swing with the same results. Ghirahim was a lot faster than the last time they'd fought, and even when he swung a third time, and then a fourth, he couldn't make a hit. From experience, he knew Ghirahim's weak point was the centre of his chest but the demon could now block faster than he could swing.

Knowing he had to come up with a new strategy, Link backed away to assess the situation. He'd fought Ghirahim before, but he had a feeling this time would be different. Ghirahim licked his lips in anticipation, and gave his fingers a snap, six sharp knives appearing around him. As they spun about him in blurs of black and red, Ghirahim gave Link a smirk, confident that he would win. With a wave of his hand, he sent the daggers flying towards Link without warning, and the hero instinctively raised his shield to block them.

Link successfully deflected four of the daggers, but the other two bit painfully into his legs. Grimacing at the pain, Link backed away, still trying to figure out how to attack. He couldn't swing fast enough, but if he had something small and lightening quick that he could shoot at the villain, he was sure that would work.

Ghirahim took a step closer to him, positively radiating cockiness, and placed his hands on his hips.

"What's the matter? Can't get a hit in?" he mocked, his eyes full of malice.

Ghirahim gave a snap to his fingers, and another six daggers appeared. Without a word, he shot them directly at Link who rolled to get out of their way. His legs were cut once more, and Ghirahim gave a giggle at the sight of the blood on the floor.

"Your blood makes such beautiful paint." he stated. "I'll have fun decorating the walls with you. It's a shame you have such a pretty face...I almost don't want to tear it apart."

Link glared at the villain, his blue eyes narrowed to slits, and his mind working to come up with a solution. He dodged another six daggers, this time without injury and backed up another few paces. Needing a weapon he could use at a distance, Link pulled out his slingshot and loaded a Deku Seed. As he ran, he took careful aim then released it. The seed sailed across the room and struck Ghirahim hard on the chest. It bounced harmlessly off, and Ghirahim paused a moment, and rubbed at his chest, the seed having stung a little bit.

"...did you just try to hurt me with a slingshot?" he demanded incredulously. "You're seriously using a child's toy against me?"

Blushing a bit, Link quickly put the slingshot away, and instead pulled out his bow and arrows.

Ghirahim rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Well, at least it's not a slingshot."

Link fumbled to load the bow as he ran, and Ghirahim shot at him over and over again. When Link managed to get an arrow loaded, and tried to take aim, the daggers hit him straight on, and he fell to the floor in agony. Bleeding heavily, he rolled to his feet, and tried again with the same results. He needed both his shield and bow at the same time, but was unable to draw the bow with just one hand. Every time he lowered the shield, a dagger would hit him full on, and he was beginning to lose a lot of blood.

Silently cursing as he fell to the floor, Link wasn't able to get up again, his vision beginning to blur. As another dagger struck his thigh, Link knew that he was dying. Reaching into his tunic and pulling out a potion, he uncorked it and drank deeply, instantly feeling better as the potion healed him.

"Hey!" Ghirahim yelled out indignantly. "That's cheating, skychild!"

Link rolled easily to his feet, and glanced down at his bow. He knew he had the right idea, but the bow just wasn't the right weapon for the job. As he drew his sword once more, a thought occured to him. Earlier in the jungle, he'd seen Sakon holding a crossbow to The Postman's forehead, and Link's eyes widened in realization. The treasure Sakon had taken was the crossbow! The crossbow he now needed to defeat Ghirahim! Cursing The Thief under his breath, Link dodged another attack, wondering how he could improvise.

Ghirahim seemed to be getting bored of the constant dodging, and he let out an irritated sigh. "You know I'm going to win." he informed him casually. "Why not just give up and spare yourself the embarrassment?"

Link would never give up, no matter what the circumstances were. The entire world was depending on him, and he'd fight to his last breath. No matter how dangerous or hopeless a situation seemed, Link would continue fighting. He was knocked to the ground hard as he once again tried to load his bow, and knew he had to come up with another plan.

Just as Link rolled to his feet, a voice cut in loudly, interrupting the battle.

"Excuse me, Mr. Ghirahim!"

Both Ghirahim and Link looked up in surprise, and saw The Postman standing just a few feet from the villain, white letter held out proudly. Neither had seen him enter the room, and Ghirahim clenched his fists, and let out a low growl of outrage.

"YOU!" Ghirahim bellowed out, instantly all his attention on The Postman. "You ruined everything! You're to blame for this!"

The Postman wasn't sure what the villain was talking about, and cocked his head in confusion. "Sorry about the other day, Sir, I wasn't feeling very well, but I still have your letter."

He held out the letter a bit further, but Ghirahim ignored it, too furious to even consider it.

"You let him into my temple!" he snarled, pointing at Link. "You could have disrupted my plans, you little fool! You left the temple door wide open!"

"...sorry?" The Postman said a bit hesitantly. "I didn't realize I was supposed to shut the door. Next time I deliver your mail, I'll be sure to remember to close it."

"I am going to kill you incredibly slowly, little stalker." Ghirahim hissed. "There won't be a next time. I will torture you so badly, every postman on the planet will feel it!"

The Postman gave a nod. "Yes, Sir, but before you do that, will you please accept your letter?"

Link had never seen The Postman deal with a villain before, and couldn't believe the lack of fear shown. The Postman wasn't strong, he wasn't a hero, and he didn't even carry a weapon. He was simply a very determined, and brave individual.

"Postman, it's not safe for you here!" Link yelled over to him. "Leave now!"

The Postman spared him a glance out of the corner of his eye, but otherwise ignored him completely. He took a step closer to Ghirahim, still holding out the letter, determined, and unafraid.

"Your letter, Sir." he urged. "Please take it."

With a snap of his fingers, Ghirahim made over a dozen daggers appear. "At first you were amusing, little stalker, but now I will kil-"

Ghirahim cut off abruptly as Link stabbed hard at the villain's chest. Ghirahim was knocked back a step, and he instinctively raised a hand to cover the weak spot on his chest. Blocking Link's next attack, he flashed the hero a look of pure loathing.

"You are a cheat, skychild!" he snapped. "Attacking me when I wasn't even looking! I'll make you pay tenfold for that!"

"Sir? Your letter?" The Postman reminded. "This is my last one, and so I would appreciate it if you'd take it."

Ghirahim gave him a scowl, and then gave Link one as well, unsure of who he wanted to kill first. Frustrated with the entire situation, he gave a flick of the wrist and sent the daggers shooting at both of them. The Postman easily dodged and sidestepped around the attack, never once lowering the letter. Link managed to dodge all of them as well which infuriated Ghirahim all the more.

"Leave The Postman out of this!" Link ordered. "He's no match for you, he's just a civilian! Fight me instead!"

"Oh, don't you worry, I intend to, sky-child." Ghirahim informed him. "I will kill you both. That 'civilian' as you call him, ruined my plans and my favourite shirt. I do not enjoy bodily fluids, and he will be destroyed because of it!"

"What?" Link questioned. "Bodily fluids? What are you talking about?"

"I threw up on him." The Postman explained, looking rather embarrassed. "It was an accident..."

"Never mind that!" Ghirahim snarled. "Prepare to die, skychild."

With a wave of his hands, there was spiral of energy and Ghirahim transformed into his full demon form. His clothing was gone, and his skin was now the blackest ebony which Link knew to be as hard as stone, and Ghirahim's solid white eyes focussed entirely on the hero . The demon's mouth curved up into a cruel smirk, pointed teeth showing for just a moment, before he said.

"You thought I was tough before, wait until you see what I'm truly capable of!" he snarled.

"Whoa, she's kind of...hot." a voice whispered a bit too loudly.

Both Ghirahim and Link turned to see Sakon standing behind The Postman, obviously leering at the demon. They hadn't seen, or heard him enter the room, and both just stared at him for a moment in surprise.

"Who is that?" Sakon whispered, again much too loudly. "Why is she naked, and is she single?"

Without looking at him, The Postman responded. "Ghirahim's a man."

Sakon crinkled his nose as he squinted a bit closer at Ghirahim, his gaze clearly on the demon's lack of genitalia. "You sure?" he asked a bit uncertainly.

Ghirahim clenched his teeth, silently seething as The Postman gave a nod. Sakon was clearly flustered now, and he continued hiding behind The Postman as he gawked at Ghirahim thoughtfully. He still seemed mildly interested to everyone's surprise.

"Is he that Jeralim guy?" he questioned.

Ghirahim narrowed his eyes. "Ghirahim." he corrected clearly annoyed. "And who are you, and why is everyone just barging in here? Is there a sign or something directing civilians to this temple?"

"Right, Gerohem." Sakon said with a nod. "Naw, I'm just a thief. Don't pay me any mind, I'm only watching."

Ghirahim narrowed his eyes even further, his pointed teeth showing briefly as he bit his lip in frustration. "Ghirahim." he corrected again.

"Jerooheem."

"Geer-rah-heem." Ghirahim said slowly, clearly frustrated.

"Ghirahim." Sakon repeated with a grin, proud that he'd finally gotten in right.

Ghirahim instantly didn't like The Thief, and decided to make a point to kill him when he was done with Link. Anyone he allowed to live, had to be worthy to be his new master's slave, and no one in the room currently met that criteria. Clenching his fists, Ghirahim released some of his energy, a purple glow surrounding him as he concentrated it into a ball of energy. Thrusting his hands into the air, the energy shattered into hundreds of small, sharp daggers.

Link's eyes widened in horror, knowing he'd never be able to dodge them all. His eyes going over to Sakon, he yelled out.

"Give me your crossbow!"

Sakon frowned at him. "It's mine, I found it fair and square!"

"Do you really think we have time to argue about this?" Link snarled, pointing at Ghirahim, who was drawing up another ball of energy.

"I found it, and it's mine!"

"Well, then you're the one who's going to fight Ghirahim then!" Link informed him, with a cocky grin. "By yourself, without help."

Sakon's eyes widened. "What?"

"I need the crossbow. Either toss it over, or you do the fighting!"

"Fine." Sakon said petulantly. "I'll lend it to you, but I want it back when you're done. You don't get to keep it!"

Link wasn't sure whether Sakon just didn't realize how dangerous of a situation they were in, or whether he just had full confidence in Link's abilities. Either way, Link really wished The Thief would leave and take The Postman with him. He watched as Sakon pulled the crossbow and arrows out of his backpack, and he tossed them over to Link just as Ghirahim finished creating his second energy ball.

Ghirahim split the energy, so now there were hundreds and hundreds of daggers everywhere. He gave Link a smirk, knowing that the moment he let the daggers fly, everyone in the room would be cut to shreds. Sakon eyed the daggers nervously, and backed up a few steps.

"Um, Link, you may want to go ahead and do your thing now..."

Link gave The Thief a glare, but was already in the process of loading an arrow. Holding up his shield, Link backed up, waiting for a good time to take a shot. Ghirahim's attention was already fully on the hero, and so Sakon grabbed The Postman by the back of the shirt, forcibly dragging him towards the door.

"I haven't delivered the letter yet!" The Postman protested angrily, as he fought to get away. "Sakon, stop it!"

"Darling, if we stay, I guarantee you'll never be able to deliver that thing." The Thief responded casually. "Death has a way of disrupting one's schedule."

"But-"

"Come on." Sakon said, now almost to the door.

Ghirahim now noticed what they were up to, and with a wave of his hand, the door swung closed and locked. "You're not going anywhere, little stalker. I have big plans for you once I'm done with the skychild."

Sakon held up his hands showing they were empty. "See? We're no threat. We'll stay out of your way while you two have fun."

Ghirahim shook his head. "No, thief, you will die here today. You've involved yourself in this, and so you will pay the price. No one dares to-ACK"

Ghirahim cut off as an arrow struck his chest, and he fell back a step. Looking down at the crack in his skin, he turned furious eyes to Link who was busy reloading another arrow.

"You'll pay for that." Ghirahim hissed, flicking his wrist towards the hero.

Instantly dozens upon dozens of daggers shot at Link, who raised his shield and began running and dodging what he could. Many of the daggers nicked him, but he still raised the crossbow to take aim. With daggers bouncing off of his shield, Link rolled, and then released the trigger, the arrow flying fast. It struck Ghirahim hard in the chest, and the villain stumbled back in shock, almost losing his balance. He looked down at his horribly damaged chest in anger, bared his teeth in a snarl, and then flicked his hand sending all of the daggers shooting towards Link.

Link barely had time to react, and he threw himself behind a column just in time as the hundreds of daggers struck the wall and column with a loud clang. The Postman and Sakon were behind the other column in the room, and both were peering out as Ghirahim let out a yell of outrage, and began forming a new energy ball. Link took a deep breath as he reloaded the crossbow, and knew Ghirahim was in a complete rage now. Whenever villains got to this state, they were a lot harder to fight, but were also more vulnerable since they didn't think clearly.

Taking another deep breath, Link readied himself, and then charged out from behind the column, shield and crossbow at the ready. Shooting off the arrow, Link drew his sword as it hit its mark and Ghirahim let out an infuriated howl. He ran straight at Ghirahim who let the energy dissolve in favour of blocking Link's attack, the villain's eyes wild with rage. One hand on the sword, Ghirahim gave Link a hard kick, knocking him to the floor, and made his own long black sword appear.

"You will pay, skychild." Ghirahim growled out, his white eyes narrowed to mere slits. "You will die a horrible death."

Link rolled to his feet just in time to block Ghirahim's attack, and winced from the force of the blow. His arms shook from stopping such a powerful attack, and Link knew Ghirahim was too strong to take any direct hits from. One single slice of the villain's sword would be more than enough to cut him in two.

Link lashed out with his own sword, and the demon nimbly jumped away, taking a swing of his own. Link dodged the attack, and gave another powerful swing, Ghirahim meeting the attack in a shower of sparks. Link felt pain shoot straight up to his shoulders, and realized the attack had almost shattered his arms. Wincing from the immense pain, Link ducked beneath another attack, and slashed out with his own sword. Ghirahim blocked him and sent him flying backwards, Link hitting the floor hard. Ghirahim charged at him in a rage, and stabbed down at the hero, Link barely rolling out of the way in time. The villain swung at him over and over, his teeth clenched in a snarl, and his eyes glinting red just for a moment. The demon was in a fit of bloodlust, and Link could see how sloppy he was becoming in his attacks, and continued dodging, simply waiting for his opportunity.

Ghirahim was getting angrier and angrier every time he missed, and swung faster and faster, his black sword a blur of motion. Link got nicked across one of his shoulders, and as Ghirahim lunged at him, he dropped to the floor to avoid it. Ghirahim's arms reached far over Link's head, unable to stop from the momentum, and Link saw his chance. Throwing himself upward with all his might, Link stabbed his sword directly into Ghirahim's chest.

The demon froze, his sword falling to the floor with a clatter, and he slowly looked down. His eyes wide with pain, Ghirahim touched the sword protruding from his chest, and then sank to the floor, wheezing hard. Link, his face a mask of determination, twisted the sword, causing Ghirahim to let out a cry of pure agony, and then Link yanked the sword free from the chest. Ghirahim fell back limply, his eyes barely open as he struggled to breathe, his gaze entirely on Link. Link stared down at him with a frown, and then raised his sword for the final blow.

"WAIT!"

Link paused, and glanced over at The Postman who was approaching, letter still in hand. Link sighed, but stepped back to indulge him, sword at the ready just in case. The Postman knelt down next to Ghirahim, and held out the letter as the demon simply stared at him.

"I have a letter for you, Mr. Ghirahim." he said. "Please accept it."

Ghirahim blinked heavily, and then very slowly reached out, his arm shaking. His fingers closed over the letter, and with great difficulty he slowly unfolded the paper. As he read the letter, Ghirahim started to chuckle, and then to everyone's surprise he outright laughed which quickly turned into a wet sounding cough. His eyes were clearly amused, and he looked up at The Postman almost wistfully.

"How interesting my life is..." he said, his voice weak and cracking. "Tell Ganondorf okay, I will withdraw for now. Tell him that for me, postman."

The Postman gave him a salute. "Yes, Sir."

"Take care of that sword, it's very special." Ghirahim told him thoughtfully. "I have a feeling I will be seeing it again some day."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Still chuckling to himself, Ghirahim allowed his eyes to close. As they watched, he took one more shaky breath, and then went still, his hand releasing the letter which fell to the floor. Link sheathed his sword, giving Ghirahim one last look, before turning away with a relieved sigh. The Postman looked down at Ghirahim a moment, and knew the villain was still alive. He could see the villain's magic, and knew the man was only unconscious. Wondering if he should tell Link, he gave a shrug, and turned towards the door, his job finally done. Sakon, who was still behind the column, ran to catch up with him.

"Can we go home now?" Sakon demanded as they left the room. "I'm hungry, and tired of almost dying."

The Postman gave him an amused look. "Yeah, we can leave now."

Link trailed a bit after them, exhausted and glad the whole thing was finally over with. The moment they entered the jungle, they were bombarded by the Kokiri, and Link gave them a wide smile.

"Did you do it? Did you defeat him?" Mido asked, hopefully.

Link gave a nod.

All the Kokiri let out a loud cheer, large smiles on every child's face.

"Are we going home now?" Saria asked Link, taking him by the hand.

Again, Link nodded, and she gave him a beaming grin.

"Uh, not to be a mood-killer or anything, but how are you going to get them home?" Sakon asked. "Unless your Loftwing is super-strong, I don't think it's going to happen..."

Link paused, realizing The Thief was right. He had no way to get them home. The Postman, who seemed eager to leave, made a suggestion.

"Perhaps the guardian will carry them down? He's already taking Sakon and myself, and so he probably wouldn't mind."

Link frowned, not liking that idea at all, but couldn't think of any other way. "How is it going to get you down?" he asked.

"It has wings." Sakon stated. "And gimme back my crossbow before you get too attached to it."

Link handed it over, and Sakon immediately stuffed it back into his backpack. "You owe me three silver arrows." he said, matter-of-factly. "I was keeping count."

Link didn't even bother dignifying that with a response. "Can you ask the monster whether he'd be willing to help?" Link asked The Postman.

The Postman gave a nod, and turned to head towards the guardian, Sakon following after him cheerfully.

"This adventure wasn't a total loss." Sakon said. "I did get some treasure, and a new crossbow, and also quite a few things from Skyloft. Not as big of a haul as I would've liked, but still pretty good."

The Postman didn't answer, his eyes focussed ahead, just wanting to leave.

"You're not going home with them." Link told Sakon with a stern look. "I'm taking you to Skyloft so you can account for your crimes."

Sakon's eyes widened. "Wait...you were actually serious about that?"

Link nodded.

Sakon let out a dramatic sigh, as he considered his options. There was nowhere for him to go if he ran, and Groose had his Loftwing. If he tried to hide, Link would probably just leave him behind to live out the rest of his life on the island. Sakon couldn't imagine a worse fate, and so he gave another sigh. "Fine, but give me a minute to loot first. I think I saw some treasure in the jungle."

The Postman gave him a nod, and Sakon scampered off into the jungle without waiting for a reply from Link. Link frowned after him, but didn't follow.

"If he doesn't return, I'm going to track him down, and tie him up." the hero said decidedly. "He is not getting away."

The Postman didn't especially care, and he led everyone towards the shattered wall of the greenhouse. He could see the monster huddled outside at the island's edge, staring down intently, and he approached it.

"Sir?" The Postman called out. "Mr. Guardian?"

The monster turned its heads to look at him. "There you are, little virgin, I was beginning to worry. Are you ready to leave?"

"Just about, Sir." The Postman said politely. "I was just wondering if it would be possible for you to take the Kokiri with us as well? They have no way home."

"You're pushing it." the guardian told him, impatiently. "But I will do this one favour for you. I'll carry the Kokiri as well you, and the defiled one."

The Postman nodded gratefully. "Thank you, Sir, but Sakon will actually be leaving with Link."

Link, who had been listening, came through the broken wall, the Kokiri at his heels, and he gave the guardian an uncertain look. The monster narrowed its eyes at him, but otherwise didn't acknowledge him.

"So, it will it take them home safely?" Link asked The Postman.

It was the guardian who answered. "I will take them home, but not you. You attacked me, and I will not help you."

Saria started to protest, but Link raised a hand to silence her. "It's alright." he replied. "I can get home on my own. Just promise me no harm will come to my friends."

The monster let out a snort. "I would not harm them, they are only children."

Link gave a nod, and then turned to The Postman. "Will you make sure the Kokiri, get home safely to the Kokiri Forest?" he asked. "I will be returning home a bit later than you."

Although it wasn't a part of his job description, The Postman gave the hero a nod. Now that he had delivered all his mail, he knew he could spare a bit of time to help the Kokiri. Only a few moments later, Sakon appeared out of the jungle, stuffing several bottles into his backpack.

"Okay, I'm ready to go!" he announced with a happy grin. "I found tons of wine over there near an altar! i bet it's really expensive stuff!"

The monster gave him a disapproving scowl, but didn't say anything. Link gave one last hug to the Kokiri, and motioned for Sakon to follow him. Knowing he had other choice at the moment, Sakon followed after the hero with a scowl. Pausing a moment, he glanced back at The Postman.

"I'll see ya later, darling. Once I get back, I'm going into hiding from Ganondorf, so it might be a while before we see each other again."

The Postman nodded in understanding. "Good luck." he told The Thief. "I'll return Beatrice to Ganondorf for you."

Sakon let out a sigh, and nodded. "Poor Beatrice..."

Groose was still waiting outside, and although he had seen the guardian, he was keeping his distance from the dangerous looking monster. The Postman followed the others over so he could reclaim their Loftwing from the red-head.

"Hey, Goose." Sakon greeted with a grin.

"Hi, Groose." Link said at the same time.

Groose's eyes never once left the monster. "Er...hi."

As The Postman untied the Loftwing's reins, Link watched him with a frown. "Is that Loftwing really Ganondorf's?" he demanded.

The Postman nodded.

"Don't get yourself involved with him again." Link warned. "You'll only get hurt dealing with the likes of him."

The Postman gave him another nod. Now that the Loftwing was free, The Postman gave them a wave goodbye and then headed back to the guardian. He could hear Sakon and Link filling Groose in on everything that had happened, and he hoped Sakon would be okay. The guardian had already gathered up all of the Kokiri, and were holding them securely as he waited for The Postman. When it saw the Loftwing, it rolled all twelve eyes at him.

"Another passenger, little virgin?"

"Sorry, Sir. This is the last one, I promise."

The guardian let out a resigned sigh. "Tie it to one of my legs."

The Postman tied the Loftwing tightly to one of the many legs. The moment it was secured, The Postman didn't have a chance to say anything more, because the monster reached out and grabbed a hold of him with a tentacle. Without a single word, the monster spread its wings and jumped off the side of the island, dragging the Loftwing down with it.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Gerudo army surged towards Lake Hylia, Ganondorf on the front lines, sword drawn and visor of his helmet down. The Zora all wore armour of leather and steel, spears and swords at the ready, blocking the way to the water. Princess Ruto headed the army in her father's place, her armour that of royalty, and her expression fearless.

Ganondorf let out a roar, and waved for his army to head straight for them, and the Gerudo warriors held up their weapons and charged with every intention of annihilating anything in their path. The Zoras braced themselves, knowing this was a fight to the death.

Just as the Gerudo army had almost reached the Zora army, there was a deafening roar from above, and everyone froze in surprise. Looking up, they saw an enormous monster flying down from the sky towards them fast, and many warriors on both sides yelled out in fear, and confusion. The monster landed between the two armies, and Ganondorf dismounted his horse, and began summoning what magic he had left in order to attack it. As he stalked closer, he paused when he saw several people in the monster's grasp. Squinting, he recognized the white uniform of The Postman, and lowered his sword in surprise.

The Postman squirmed out of the monster's hold, and Ganondorf now saw that The Postman had the Kokiri with him. The children were released, and the moment their feet touched the soil, there was a rumble in the sky. Everyone looked up as the sky darkened, and then were overjoyed when it began to rain. The rain was heavy and hard, instantly soaking everything and everyone. Both Gerudo and Zora alike cheered, and Ganondorf slowly removed his helmet. Closing his eyes a moment as the rain soaked into him, he let out a deep breath of relief, built up tension leaving him instantly.

"Excuse me, Mr. Ganondorf."

Ganondorf opened his eyes, and looked down at The Postman who stood before him.

"I delivered your letter, Sir." he stated. "Ghirahim's response to it was 'Okay, I will withdraw for now'."

Ganondorf blinked down at him, his gaze shifting over to the Kokiri. "You did this?" he asked in disbelief.

"I delivered your letter if that's what you mean." The Postman responded. "And I've brought back your Loftwing."

Ganondorf allowed a slight smile to cross his face as the rain nourished everything around them. Farore's anger was finally sated, and he could see the plants already growing under her magic. It wouldn't take long for everything to be completely restored.

"Good job, Tracker." Ganondorf stated, deeply relieved. "You've done a very good job."

The Postman simply smiled, feeling just a little proud of himself.

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 **End of Part Three**

 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next update will be on Friday!**

 **Sidenote: Yes, Sakon wore that crown for the entire story arc :D**


	49. Ganondorf's Gratitude

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 **Authornote: Friday June 23rd 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Welcome to the first chapter of Part 4! This is a longer story arc, about the same length as Part 2. Another early update this week, because I'm still working crazy long hours at work.**

 **There is a lot of stuff happening in this chapter, so hopefully no one gets confused.**

 **In chapter two, (Sunday's Chapter) there is a singular use of the F-Bomb used during an extreme show of temper. I was going to remove it, but since it's the only one in the entire story, I've left it for now. If the word bothers enough people, I will remove it, otherwise it will stay. Please be advised about it.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **SilentyDead \- **Cool, I'll definitely have to get the game to check it out! It sounds like a lot of fun! :D

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** **-** Oh good, I'm glad the battle was okay! I find it's hard for me to judge if a battle scene is good or not, because I have to re-read it so many times that it gets boring for me. lol

Everything is indeed happy...for now. The Postman is a trouble magnet, however, and so you know the peace can't last for long. lol

I hope you enjoy the new story arc! :D

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 **Rainmy \- **I'm glad you liked the fight scene! Ghirahim hasn't clued in quite yet, but he knows the sword is in some way important.

Sakon would indeed use all the politically incorrect words just to bother people. He doesn't say these things to be hateful, he simply likes annoying people a little bit too much.

Ganondorf does not get to be happy very often, and so he was probably cherishing the moment. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- Yes, Sakon loves that crown very much. lol

I don't think Ghirahim realized that blood would make a very bad nail polish. ;) Poor Ghirahim though, he worked so hard on that dungeon, and there was no one to appreciate it. lol

The quest will be revealed over time.

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 **Guest101** \- Woohoo! :D I'm glad you enjoyed the story so far!

If Ghirahim's hair got burnt off, i think that would be an instant defeat. Ghirahim would glance in a mirror, and then proceed to die from a heart attack. That would probably be the most embarrassing villain death in the history of the universe. lol

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 **placesmileshere** \- Unfortunately, I can't answer your questions without giving away some major spoilers about what's going to happen later on. Thank you so much for putting so much thought into my story, and I really hope it lives up to your expectations. :D

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 **Randomreader** \- Aw, thank you so much! :D I hope you enjoy part 4 of the story as well! Thanks for reading!

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 1

Ganondorf's Gratitude

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For the longest time, Ganondorf simply stood in the rain, silently staring up at the sky feeling an incredible sense of relief. The horrible-looking monster had long since flown off in the direction of Hyrule, and both armies had laid down their weapons in a temporary truce. For once, Ganondorf hadn't minded the end of a war, and he bore no ill will towards the Zora. His Loftwing looked healthier than ever, and despite it's struggles against the leash holding it down, it remained tied to a nearby tree.

When he finally tore his eyes away from the sky, his gaze settled on the small Kokiri children who were laughing and shrieking as they played in the puddles just in front of the Gerudo army. They were seemingly unaware of the horrors the world had faced while they were gone, and he knew they had to be protected above all else. He could never let such a thing ever happen again.

The Postman was standing nearby, completely soaked, his attention also on the Kokiri, and Ganondorf slowly approached him.

"Tracker?"

The Postman looked up at him. "Yes, Sir?"

"Do you know where the Kokiri live?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Good. I want you to escort the Kokiri safely home. I will send several soldiers with you to ensure your safe passage across Hyrule Field. I know Gerudo cannot enter the Kokiri Forest, and so they will take you to the borders of the forest, and then wait for your return. This mission is of the utmost importance, and not a single Kokiri is to be injured. Do you understand?"

The Postman gave another nod. "Yes, Sir."

"When your mission is complete, return to the castle, and report to me."

"I've been away from my mail route for over a week, Sir. I need to check in with my replacement, and get caught up on my missed work. I can't neglect my route any longer."

Ganondorf shook his head. "Report back to me." he ordered. "One more night away from your 'day job' won't make much of a difference. There's something important I need to discuss with you."

The Postman frowned, but supposed one more night could be managed. His brother, Haru was probably already finished with the mail for the day, and so he wouldn't have much to do until morning anyway. He gave Ganondorf a nod.

Ganondorf turned his attention to the Gerudo army, and his eyes scanned the faces until he found who he was looking for.

"Captain Miria!" he called out.

A woman in her mid to late thirties pushed her way through the crowd, and gave Ganondorf a salute. "Yes, Lord Ganondorf?"

"You are to take your warriors with the Tracker, and safely escort the Kokiri children home. Kill anyone who nears them."

"Yes, Sir." she answered without hesitation.

"Do not enter the forest, or you will be separated from one another, and become lost. The Tracker is the only one to enter the forest, and you will wait for his return. Trust his judgement, because he's more familiar with the land, and make sure he returns to the Gerudo Territory safely."

"Yes, Sir." Captain Miria responded, with another salute.

"Go now." Ganondorf ordered. "The Zora will not stop you."

Captain Miria motioned her group of warriors over, and The Postman noted that they were all older than the warriors in his training group. Realizing Ganondorf was sending more experienced Gerudo as the escorts, he was surprised the villain was willing to spare such valuable warriors. There were twelve warriors in total, and they approached the Kokiri without hesitation. Captain Miria knelt down to their level, spoke with Saria for a moment, who nodded, and then each warrior picked up a Kokiri, placing them on their shoulders. The Postman did the same with the last Kokiri, Mido, and then they were off, heading towards Hyrule.

When they approached the Zora army, the mer-people parted for them to pass, each craning their necks to catch sight of the Kokiri. None stood in their way, and within minutes, they entered Hyrule Field.

Mido kept pulling at The Postman's hair painfully while they travelled, the child clearly excited about all the new places he was seeing. No matter how many times The Postman scolded him, Mido didn't stop, and the Gerudo warriors were clearly amused by this. The Postman had a lot more patience than they did, and he never once lost his temper with the child.

No one stopped them during their travels through Hyrule, most Hylians still weak from lack of food and water. By the time they reached the Kokiri Forest, The Postman had a very bad headache, but couldn't be too upset with the boy. The normally grumpy Mido was all smiles, and The Postman couldn't bear to scold him again.

The Kokiri were all set down, and The Postman accompanied them the rest of the way into the Forest as the Gerudo waited behind. When the children reached their village, they were surprised by the state of it. Their gardens had withered, and there were dead leaves and plants in front of all the little houses. New plant growth had already started, and The Postman bet that within a day everything would be completely restored. The Kokiri invited him to stay for a while, but The Postman politely declined because Ganondorf was expecting him to return as soon as possible. Bidding the Kokiri goodbye, The Postman left the forest, and the children began working to clean up their village.

The Gerudo warriors were surprised to see him back so soon, and without a word, they started back towards the desert.

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Sakon scowled at the bars of his cell irritably, and let out a bored sigh. He'd been sentenced to three days in jail for the thefts on Skyloft, and he also had to pay a fine AND reimburse the vendors he'd stolen from. He'd escaped the cell easily within minutes, but there was nowhere for him to escape to on a sky-island, and he'd been recaptured soon after. He was placed back in his cell, and warned that if he escaped again, his sentence would be doubled. Link was staying on Skyloft for the three days to visit with his friends, and he'd informed Sakon that if his jail sentence got extended, he would leave him behind to live out the rest of his life on Skyloft.

Having a feeling Link really would do it, Sakon remained in the cell, bored out of his mind. There were no other prisoners, and so the only person he ever spoke to was the kid who brought his meals three times a day. From pestering the small boy, Sakon learned the child had actually volunteered to feed him when he found out Sakon was the one that killed the Hinox. The boy was the only survivor of the Hinox attack, and despite Sakon's crimes, he saw him as a hero. Although the boy technically wasn't supposed to stay long, Sakon always managed to draw him into some outrageous tall-tale about all the heroics he'd done in his life-time.

The people of Skyloft tended to 'overlook' this, and usually allowed the boy to stay for an hour during each mealtime to keep the villain company. When Sakon had made the mistake of complaining to Link about how bored he was, Link had responded by giving him a fourth-grade schoolbook. The hero had grinned at him cheekily, and told him he could work on getting an education while imprisoned. Sakon wasn't sure which was more frustrating, the fact he had been given a children's workbook, or the fact when he'd opened it, he couldn't answer any of the questions. He'd tossed it across the cell, where it remained in the corner of the room for the duration of the three days.

When he was finally released from jail, he was forced to stand in front of the entire village and give an insincere apology for his 'atrocious' behaviour. By the time it was over, Sakon was in a complete sulk, and Link was tremendously amused. He thought it served Sakon right to be held accountable for his actions for once, and hoped it had taught The Thief a lesson. Sakon informed him that it only made him want to rob the people of Skyloft even more.

Exasperated, Link sighed. "I'll take you home to Hyrule." he informed him. "But I better not hear about you stealing anything else!"

Rolling his eyes, Sakon stomped his way after the hero. He hated Skyloft, he hated the people, and he just wanted to go home. Just as they reached the edge of the island, Sakon felt a tug on his shirt. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw the boy-whose-name-he-couldn't-remember, holding out a handmade thank you card. Taking the card, Sakon stared down at the crudely drawn picture of him defeating the Hinox, and opened the card.

"Please come back and visit again, hero Sakon!" he read out loud.

He hesitated. Well, maybe everyone on Skyloft wasn't completely terrible. Without a word, Sakon took off his crown, plopped it on the kid's head, and then turned back to Link, who was looking just a bit too amused. Shaking his head silently with a smile, Link grabbed Sakon by the arm and then jumped off the side of the island, pulling The Thief down with him. Sakon let out a shriek of surprise, and clung to the hero in terror, and Link grinned, before opening his parasail to slow their descent. Sakon gave him a scowl.

"That was mean." he complained. "You did that on purpose!"

"I thought you knew how I was planning on getting back to Hyrule." Link replied innocently.

"No, you didn't." Sakon accused.

Link didn't answer, but he gave Sakon a smile, who had to admit he saw the humour in it, and he laughed.

"Alright fine." Sakon relented, shaking his head. "You bully."

They landed in Hyrule Field just minutes later, and they parted ways, Link heading towards the Kokiri Forest, and Sakon heading as far away from Gerudo Territory as possible. He knew how angry Ganondorf would be, and wasn't going to go anywhere near the desert for quite a while.

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When The Postman returned to the castle, he was escorted to a room he'd never been to before to wait. The room was very small, and only had a few chairs, and a second door to the side, which was currently closed. He was given a new Gerudo uniform and told to get changed out of the 'ridiculous' postal uniform. Somewhat offended, The Postman did as he was told once he was alone, hoping he wasn't going to be sent on a new mission so soon.

Only minutes later, Ganondorf entered, closed the door after him, and asked The Postman to explain in detail everything that had happened. The Postman told him absolutely everything, including the island with the Hinox, Skyloft, Error, his illness, and the guardian. Ganondorf listened in complete silence, and when The Postman was finished, he asked a few questions, and then left the room, telling The Postman to wait for him to return.

Taking a seat in one of the chairs, The Postman waited an incredibly long time until finally Ganondorf returned. Barely sparing The Postman a glance, he motioned for him to follow, and opened the door on the other side of the room. Without a word, The Postman obediently followed, and to his shock the door led out onto a large stage. Glancing out across the absolutely enormous auditorium, The Postman saw every single Gerudo was in the audience, thousands upon thousands of them. There was an extremely unnerving silence, and despite himself, The Postman tensed up.

"Tracker, stand here." Ganondorf ordered, pointing directly in front of him.

Approaching cautiously, and awkwardly, The Postman did as he was told, now facing the audience.

"Hold out the backs of your hands towards everyone."

The Postman held out his hands towards the room, the desert emblem showing clearly on his skin. Ganondorf then reached over him, and waved a hand over the emblem, and to The Postman's surprise, it disappeared. Staring at his unmarked hand in surprise, The Postman wondered if that meant he'd just been fired for a second time.

Without warning, Ganondorf reached out and seized The Postman by the neck. The Postman immediately froze, and he looked up at the villain, wondering if he was going to be publically executed. Had he done something wrong? Was Ganondorf blaming him for Sakon's theft of the Loftwing?

Although the hold wasn't painful, it was uncomfortable, and The Postman looked up at Ganondorf uncertainly, completely at his mercy. Ganondorf mumbled a few words under his breath, and The Postman felt a slight heat against his neck. A moment later, Ganondorf released him, and The Postman stepped far away from him, clapping a hand to his neck to see what was done.

The Postman rubbed at his neck, and felt a patch of skin that was raised and rough to the touch. It felt like the skin had been branded, and although it wasn't painful, it was still uncomfortable.

"Remove your hand from your neck, and face everyone." Ganondorf ordered.

Giving one last rub to the neck, The Postman did as he was told. The entire room gasped at what they saw, and The Postman had never felt more confused in his entire life. Something was then draped over his neck, and he glanced down, and saw it was a golden medal. He looked up at Ganondorf in surprise, and the villain gave him a pleased look.

"You did the Gerudo Nation a great favour, and saved us all from certain death." Ganondorf informed him loudly enough for everyone to hear. "A Gerudo always settles their debts, and you are no exception. You have earned this."

"What did you do, Sir?" The Postman asked, feeling rather uncertain. "What does this mean?"

Ganondorf turned his gaze to the audience. "From this moment on, The Tracker is a Gerudo citizen. He has all the same rights as any of us, and will be treated no differently. He has earned his place here among us, and no one has a right to question or challenge this decision. He has the right to travel as he pleases, and no Gerudo will ever raise a hand against him. He has received the mark of the Gerudo King, and this shows every Gerudo on this vast Earth that he is one of us."

Ganondorf smirked down at him, and The Postman could only look completely dazed in return. He raised a hand to touch the mark on his neck, and he traced it with his fingers, feeling the shape of the Gerudo royal seal.

"He has received a medal of bravery for his deeds, and his name will be written in the history books as the second male foreigner to ever be granted Gerudo citizenship."

Ganondorf then paused as a thought occurred to him. "What's your name?" he whispered to The Postman.

"Jihiro, Sir."

"Jihiro, The Tracker, will have his name entered into our rich histories, and will forever be recognized as the one who saved our people." Ganondorf announced to the room. "There will be a grand feast to celebrate the end of the horrible drought and famine, and every Gerudo is invited to attend."

There was a deafening cheer in response, and Ganondorf clapped The Postman on the shoulder hard enough to almost knock him over.

"Go find your friends and celebrate for the night." Ganondorf told him. "Speak with me in the morning before you leave for your mail route."

Still completely stunned, The Postman could only nod mutely. This was the last thing he'd expected to happen. He was then left standing on the stage, and he glanced at the enormous audience suddenly feeling incredibly awkward. He stood there stone-still and completely silent, until the girls from his training class finally climbed the stage to rescue him. Adena threw an arm around his shoulders with a wide grin, and led him off of the stage, as the others followed behind excitedly.

"Welcome to the best nation on the planet!" Adena said, proudly. "Now, let's go eat ourselves sick!"

Still unsure whether or not this was all a hallucination, The Postman allowed himself to be pulled away through the castle.

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 **2 Months Later...**

The first thing The Postman had done was return the borrowed mask to The Happy Mask Salesman, and he luckily didn't incur any more late charges. The Postman angrily told him what had happened to Gaepora, but The Happy Mask Salesman didn't seem concerned. He had simply told him that the owl was important, and not to worry about it. He had then changed the subject and asked about Sakon's whereabouts. When The Postman told him Sakon was in hiding from Ganondorf, The Happy Mask Salesman didn't seem surprised. By the time The Postman left the mask shop, he was annoyed, and getting the feeling that he was still somehow being manipulated by the man.

The Postman had settled into a very regular routine in order to juggle both of his jobs. He and Ganondorf had come to a compromise in regards to his job as a postman, and it seemed to be working out well.

In the morning he sorted, and delivered the mail, and in the afternoon he attended both physical and magical training. He passed off any long distance letters to other postmen to be delivered, (something he was technically supposed to be doing all along) and so he always had his afternoons free. As long as he completed his usual tasks in the post office, no one knew how he spent the rest of his day. He spent all of his Sundays in the desert, using his one day off to get caught up on everything else. Everything had gone surprisingly smoothly, and he found he was now treated a lot better by the everyone in the Gerudo Nation.

He had hung his medal on the corner of his bedroom mirror, and every time he looked at it, a little bit of pride would surface. Ganondorf knew it wasn't The Postman who had defeated Ghirahim, but he stated that because of him, Link was able to complete the quest weeks ahead of time, which in turn saved everyone's lives. The Postman had never received an award for his service before, and he proudly kept it polished, and on display.

The Postman hadn't heard from Sakon at all since he'd returned, but he knew Ganondorf had sent out scouts looking for The Thief. Ganondorf had heard a rumour that Sakon had been seen in Peak Province, and the Gerudo was confident he would finally get his hands on him. The Postman had explained that Sakon had helped out a lot on the mission (the truth of that was a bit debatable) but Ganondorf stubbornly remained annoyed. He vowed The Thief had a beating coming to him, and refused to budge on the matter.

The Postman was welcomed back into his training class, and even the Captain had given him a cordial welcome back.

Captain Isa had weighed him upon his return, and she was furious to discover he had actually lost weight while on his mission. To The Postman's dismay, he was placed back on the high calorie diet, and every afternoon he was forced to stand on a scale in front of the whole training class. The Captain was keeping track of his weight in a notepad, and if he was even slightly lighter than the day before, she'd force a snack on him. He felt like he was always eating something, as everyone he knew kept forcing food at him, and wished he'd just gain enough weight to be left alone.

After five weeks of a slow, but steady weight-gain, The Postman got impatient, and tried stuffing his pockets and socks full of rocks to fool the scale. Almost as if she were psychic, Captain Isa immediately caught him, and she unleashed her full fury on him. He was still nursing bruises from her cane a week later, and he was exhausted from all the laps she'd made him run. He didn't try to fool the scales again.

Although everything had returned to a strange sort of normalcy, The Postman was feeling unsettled. His two magics were still constantly in a battle, and no matter how much research or meditating he tried, nothing helped. The flow of red magic was too strong for him to block off, and he felt like he might be starting to feel its effects. The only good thing about the battling magics, was the fact his red magic no longer reacted explosively every time he was injured. It was far too busy trying to cannibalize his green magic to be used for anything.

Every now and then, The Postman would hear something that wasn't there, sometimes a whisper, or sometimes something that almost sounded like music. No one else ever seemed to hear these strange sounds, and he was hesitant to mention it to anyone. He had sort of off-handedly asked Koume and Kotake about his unnatural magic, and they reaffirmed that it was possible the magic could damage his mind if not dealt with. They helped him with the research, but after two months, they were no closer than when they had started.

On rare occasions, The Postman would see things out of the corner of his eye, horrible, violent things that weren't really there. It was almost a ghostly image of different people, and different places that he wasn't familiar with. The strange occurrences began to stress him out, but he kept silent about it, not wanting anyone to know. How could he explain that he suspected he was slowly starting to lose his mind?

His brother Haru's wedding was fast approaching, and he'd already booked time off from the post office to attend. Ganondorf had given his permission as well, not especially caring, and The Postman knew he could use a short break. Was it possible he was simply overworked, and the stress was causing the hallucinations? Still feeling uncertain over it, The Postman re-doubled his efforts at research.

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Ganondorf threw Sakon up against the wall with a sickening crunch. The Thief let out a startled cry of pain, and slid to the floor with a wince. Having bit his tongue from the impact, Sakon spat out a mouthful of blood, and looked up at Ganondorf, not daring to move. Ganondorf was furious, and his red hair was dishevelled from chasing after The Thief. He scowled down at him, and then raised a boot to step down onto the smaller man's chest, pinning him to the floor. Sakon let out a loud yelp of pain as the boot pressed down a bit too hard, and he looked up at the villain in pure terror.

"Did you really think you wouldn't be caught?" The Gerudo king demanded. "That I would just forget how you attempted to steal one of my most valuable possessions?"

Sakon coughed, having a bit of trouble breathing, and shook his head, unable to answer.

"Let me remind you, Sakon, you work for me, and I will not tolerate betrayal! The only reason you're still alive is because of the fact you're occasionally useful."

He applied a bit more pressure on Sakon's chest, who let out a shrill yell of pain as he felt one of his ribs crack. Ganondorf then released him, and Sakon clutched at his chest, and instinctively curled into a protective ball. Ganondorf towered over him angrily, and nudged him on the side with his boot, the threat clear. Sakon let out a squeal of protest, and curled up even tighter, just wanting to somehow escape the pain that was to come. Ganondorf nudged him a bit harder, the contact not exactly painful, but Sakon still yelped as if it was.

"If you don't smarten up, I'm going to start looking for a new thief." Ganondorf informed him irritably. "By the time I'm done with you, hopefully you'll never dare do something so stupid again."

Sakon was completely terrified and knew Ganondorf could do any number of horrible things to him. Knowing that the Gerudo wasn't planning on killing him, made it all the worse, and he gave another useless squirm, hoping he wasn't going to be tortured.

"I'm sorry!" Sakon wailed out. "I'm sorry!"

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes, and crossed his arms. "You will be, Sakon." he stated. "I'm sick of your constant screw-ups, and I will make an example of you!"

Sakon's normally silver tongue seemed to have turned to lead, and he stared up at Ganondorf with wide, frightened eyes. He'd never seen Ganondorf this angry before, and he realized he'd severely miscalculated. Ganondorf's golden eyes bored into his own green eyes for an uncomfortably long amount of time, and then the villain turned his gaze to the two guards watching from the doorway.

"Take him to the dungeon." he ordered. "Give him a severe whipping."

The guards saluted. "Yes, Sire."

Ganondorf watched as the two guards seized Sakon, and The Thief immediately began struggling against them.

"Wait, no!" Sakon cried out in dismay. "I'm sorry, I swear I'll never do it again! I was stupid, and I'm sorry!"

"Use the cat." Ganondorf added, his eyes narrowing.

Sakon's eyes widened, remembering how bad his last dealing with the cat had been. "No! You can't! Please! I'm sorry!"

Ganondorf said nothing at all as the guards began dragging Sakon from the room.

"I'll be down to speak with you afterwards." Ganondorf told him as they neared the door. "Try to escape, and your punishment will double."

Once the throne room door was closed, and he was by himself, Ganondorf let out a disgruntled sigh. His scouts had finally cornered Sakon on Snowpeak Mountain, and it had taken four of them to take him down. He knew he couldn't let such a huge mistake to go unpunished, and the rest of his minions needed to see that no one was above punishment while in his employ.

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Sakon kicked and screamed all the way to the dungeon, the guards barely able to keep a hold on him. The hallways were just a blur to Sakon as he fought to get away, but he definitely noticed when they reached the entrance to the dungeon. A horrified shiver made its way up his spine as the guards pulled him down the dark, and dank staircase, and he kicked and struggled all the harder. Their grip was like steel, and Sakon couldn't break free no matter how hard he fought, and his fear increased as they got closer, and closer to the bottom. The guards ignored him, and when they finally reached the dungeon, and began chaining him to a post, he let out a howl and thrashed hard against his captors.

The two guards were strong, obviously very well trained, and Sakon couldn't even loosen their grip. Once he was secured facing the post, they exchanged a look with one another.

"So, who gets the pleasure this time?" one asked.

The other guard grinned. "I think it should be Reshma who does it."

"What?! No!" Sakon yelled. "She nearly killed me last time!"

"Wouldn't that be a pity." the guard teased.

"Aw, come on, have a heart!" Sakon pleaded.

"Reshma it is!" the guard announced as the other one laughed.

As they left to go fetch her, Sakon scowled at them from over his shoulder. Today was not his day...

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Sakon let out a low groan as he was tossed into one of the cells. His back was in absolute agony, and he wiped at his eyes, feeling incredibly abused. The whipping had actually been less severe than the last time, and he knew he was probably going to be made to heal the long, painful way. Muttering at his harsh treatment and slowly rolling onto his side, he winced as his back stretched painfully. Glancing over at Reshma, she gave him a smirk and held the bloody whip up so he could see it. Feigning being injured much more than he actually was, Sakon let out another agonized groan.

"I think I need medical help!" Sakon wheezed, trying his best to sound weak and pathetic.

Reshma had never liked Sakon, and she looked down at him with an obvious sneer. "You've felt nothing yet, thief. The king will be down shortly, and you'll be lucky if he doesn't break every bone in your pathetic body!"

Sakon frowned, and slowly sat up. "Would it help if I said I was very sorry, and promised never to do it again?"

Reshma let out a snort, and turned away. "I'm going to tell him you need another round of the cat."

Sakon stuck his tongue out at her, and gave a dramatic sigh.

"Well, can I at least have some booze?" he asked.

"Don't have any." Reshma responded without interest.

"There's a few bottles in my backpack." Sakon said, pointing to the nearby backpack. "I've been saving it. If you give me one now, you can take one for yourself."

Reshma looked down at the backpack suspiciously, but did open the top to inspect the bottles within. Pulling one out, she uncorked it with her teeth, and gave it a sniff. She immediately made a face and held it away from herself.

"It smells awful!" she exclaimed.

Sakon gave her a disappointed frown. "Aw, really? I guess it must have gone bad..."

"Garbage wine for a garbage person." Reshma commented shoving the bottle through the bars of the cell. "Enjoy."

Without another word, Reshma turned and began cleaning the blood from the floor.

"I still think you should let me see a doctor." Sakon told her casually. "What if I die? I could be bleeding internally right now for all you know!"

"Once again, wouldn't that be a shame." the Gerudo muttered.

Sakon gave her a dirty look and took a long drink of the wine. He grimaced at the rotten taste, but knew the alcohol would help numb the pain. "Ugh...stupid goddess wine." he muttered, taking another very long chug. "Tastes like a Moblin's foot..."

Wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, Sakon let out another loud moan of protest. "I'm dying, get me a doctor!"

"You're fine." Reshma snapped at him. "Keep bothering me, and I'll cut out your tongue."

"Prisoner brutality!" Sakon yelled out. "Prisoner brutality!"

Reshma let out a low hiss, wondering how someone who had just been whipped could possibly still be so annoying. Determined to ignore him, she didn't answer.

"If I die, what would Ganondorf do without me?" Sakon demanded, faking a few coughs. "He'd never find a thief as good as me! I'm the king of all thieves, and am more valuable than you-"

Sakon cut off abruptly as an excruciating pain filled his entire body. It felt like his insides were being ripped apart, and then melted, and he immediately let out a shriek of agony, and fell to the floor. He gave another loud wail, and curled in on himself, both shocked and confused at the sudden pain. Sakon was paralysed with the agony as the pain kept increasing, and he stared upwards at the ceiling, delirious with pain, and screaming uncontrollably. He felt a wetness make its way down his chin, and realized his nose was bleeding.

Sakon was vaguely aware of Reshma staring at him, but didn't care, the pain getting worse and worse by the second. He laid on the floor, clutching his stomach in agony, as wave after wave of torment ripped through him. He knew he was screaming at the top of his lungs, but all he could hear was the blood pulsing within his ears. He felt his tears mix with the blood on his face, and he convulsed as another wave of pain overtook him. His head was getting light and somewhat foggy, and although the pain wasn't subsiding, and he hoped this meant he was going to pass out. Just as the pain reached all new levels of horrible, everything went black, and he sagged limply to the floor.

The first thing Sakon noticed was that there was no pain. Slowly opening his eyes, he gave a long blink, and noticed his perspective in the room was wrong. Giving another blink, he realized he was floating several feet off the ground weightlessly. Confused, he looked down, and saw he was hovering directly over his own body. He stared down at himself with wide eyes, not quite comprehending what was happening. Holding up one of his arms, he saw he appeared solid but yet floated no heavier than smoke.

"Nice try, thief." he heard a voice say. "I'm not falling for such a stupid trick."

Looking over, he saw Reshma frowning down at his body. When Sakon didn't move, and didn't seem to be breathing, she grew a bit uncertain.

"I know you're faking!" she accused. "I'm not opening the cell, you dumbass!"

Sakon, who had floated closer to her, gave her a scowl. " _You're horrible_!" he yelled, his voice sounding oddly far away. " _I'm still alive, and you can't just leave me there_!"

She obviously couldn't see or hear him, as she didn't react to his words. Sakon gave another yell, which fell on deaf ears. Frustrated, Sakon struck out at her with his foot, but his limb went straight through her harmlessly.

"...Sakon?"

Sakon watched as Reshma opened the cell door, and knew he had to do something to get her attention. Trying to concentrate, he reeled back his leg, and then booted straight at her face as hard as he could . He was once again surprised and dismayed when his foot went right through her. The Gerudo didn't notice him, and knelt down next to his body, giving him a hard poke. His body lobbed a bit, but didn't move. Reshma stared down at him for a moment suspiciously, and then hesitantly reached out, and laid two fingers against his throat. She waited for a few moments, and then looked up in horror.

"Oh, shit, he's dead."

Sakon's eyes widened in alarm. " _What? No, I'm not! I'm still here_!" he yelled out to her desperately. " _I'm still alive_!"

The Gerudo checked his body once more, and then to his surprise, she attempted to revive him. Sakon watched as she tried alternating between chest compressions, and breathing into him, but his body remained limp, and unresponsive.

When she couldn't revive him, Reshma pulled a bottled fairy out of Sakon's backpack. Opening it, she watched as the fairy swirled around Sakon's body, healing his wounds, but he still didn't wake. Reshma swore loudly, and then picked up the open bottle of wine. She gave it another sniff, and then frowned.

"Poison?"

Sakon was stunned. He'd been poisoned? His heart had stopped? Looking down at his body, he suddenly felt very, very afraid. Was he really dead? In a panic, he threw himself down onto his body, trying to merge back inside. He felt himself connect just briefly, and his body convulsed, but then he was thrown violently back out. Frustrated, Sakon tried again, with the same results.

Reshma watched as the body convulsed, seemingly in the throws of a violent seizure, and her eyes got very wide. The body convulsed over, and over again as Sakon tried to regain control of the body, and Reshma had no idea what was going on.

"...I'm getting Lord Ganondorf..."

As the body gave another flop, she ran from the dungeon at full speed. Sakon let out a howl of pure frustration, unable to figure out how this had happened. The cell door was wide open, but he couldn't seem to stick inside his body long enough to take advantage of it. No matter how hard he tried, he could only stay inside his body for a brief moment before being ejected.

" _I'm not dead_!" Sakon yelled, more for his own reassurance than anything. " _I'm not_!"

Sakon wasn't sure what had happened to cause this, but when he went back into his body, he could feel his heart start as soon as he touched it, and then it stopped as he was thrown out. Certain this meant he was alive, he floated above his body listlessly, trying to figure out what to do. The dark, shadowed dungeon made him shiver, despite not being able to feel the cold and he observed the blood and tears on his body's face with almost a morbid curiosity. His eyes were still open a crack, staring unseeingly upwards, and Sakon felt a bit creeped out seeing himself like that. He really did look dead, and hoped he'd be able to find a way back to his body shortly.

He wasn't sure how long he floated, staring into the darkness of the dungeon, but after a while, Ganondorf appeared on the staircase. He approached the cell, seeming absolutely livid, and he gazed down at Sakon's body with a look that sent shivers through the watching Sakon. Sakon floated over to the Gerudo king, sure he of all people would be able to see him.

" _Ganondorf_!" Sakon bellowed directly into his ear. " _Hey! Ugly! I'm right here, and I'm still alive! Ganondorf_!"

Ganondorf rubbed at his ear as if there was an annoying buzzing sound, but otherwise didn't react to Sakon's voice. He knelt down next to the body, and removed one of his gloves so he could look The Thief over. Laying his hand on Sakon's chest, he closed his eyes in concentration, and muttered the words to some sort of spell. He was silent for several minutes as his hand emitted a dark red glow, and then he stood up, and turned away with a scowl.

"He's dead." he stated to Reshma. "You absolute idiot!"

Reshma winced, and seemed to be trying to make herself as small as possible.

"You know very well how much I valued that thief, and you had no right to beat him that severely! Do you have any idea what you've done?!"

"I didn't!" Reshma protested. "I didn't hit him nearly as hard as last time!"

"That's right!" Ganondorf said in realization. "You nearly killed him last time too!"

Reshma now looked like she wanted to melt into the floor.

"You have just ruined your career, and you will be punished more severely than any Gerudo ever has been before!"

"Please, my Lord!" Reshma cried out in horror. "I didn't mean it! I swear I didn't mean to do it! He was fine a few minutes ago!"

Ganondorf's expression turned even uglier. "I made a promise to a friend to take care of Sakon for as long as I was able, and you've made me break that promise! He was under my sworn protection! The Thief is dead because of you, and you've damaged our nation because of it! Do you have any idea how hard it is to find a master-level thief willing to work for pay? They're practically impossible to find!"

Sakon stared at Ganondorf with an open-mouth, unable to believe what he was hearing. All the years of hatred, the scowls, the swearing, and the threats were all just bluffs?! Ganondorf never had any intention of ever killing, or replacing him?! Sakon scowled at him. Of all the dirty tricks...

" _Ganondorf_!" Sakon yelled again. " _I'm not dead, you stupid pointy-nosed Gerudo! I'm right here_!"

"Lock yourself in one of these cells, and don't even think of running." Ganondorf ordered, still not hearing the screaming in his ear. "While you await trial, you can share the dungeon with The Thief's rotting corpse."

"...Yes, Sire." Reshma replied in a very subdued tone.

" _What_?" Sakon cried. " _No! You can't just leave me here! I'm still alive! I'm still here, you stupid desert-rat_!"

Ganondorf rubbed at his ear again, and gave a glance around as if he'd heard something, but wasn't sure of exactly what. Excited, Sakon screamed as loudly as he could into the villain's ear.

" _Ganondorf! I'm still here! I'm still here! Ganondorf_!"

Ganondorf gave one more glance around, and then turned away. "I will be back to deal with you in a few days." he said in a dangerous tone.

Reshma had locked herself inside one of the cells, and she kept her eyes firmly on the floor. "...yes, Sire."

Then, without another word, Ganondorf stormed away, back upstairs. Sakon stared after the villain, and felt a heavy desperation hit the pit of his stomach. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he was certain that if his body was harmed, he truly would die. Sakon let out a loud, flustrated howl that should have echoed along the walls, but instead, it fell short as if something was muffling him. He had to save his body! Sakon tried again to re-enter it, but was thrown out like every time before.

" _This is ridiculous_!" he cried. " _Someone has to be able to see me_!"

Sakon floated out of the cell, and gazed around the dirty and dreary dungeon, knowing he had to do something. Absolutely anything could happen to his body if it wasn't being protected! He had to find someone who could see him, anyone! Not holding out much hope, he floated out of the dungeon, determined to find someone who could save him before it was too late.

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Sunday!**


	50. The Haunting

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 **Authornote: Sunday June 25th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Once again, another early update due to work. We're now exactly halfway to 100 chapters! Woot woot! Considering how long this story is, we could very well reach 100 by the time it's finished. lol**

 **This was the chapter that I had the most fun writing out of the entire story. I seriously had a blast with it. Once you guys read the chapter, you'll see why. ;) lol**

 **WARNING: there is a single use of the F-Bomb during an extreme show of temper in this chapter. I was going to remove it, but since it's the only one in the entire story, I've left it for now. (plus it amuses me) If the word bothers enough people, I will remove it, otherwise it will stay. Please be advised about it. (Apparently one F-bomb is permitted in a T-rated story)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **SilentyDead \- **Don't worry, Sakon's resilient. If there's one thing he's good at, it's fighting to stay alive. :D

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** **-** LOL Sakon never learns his lessons, hence Ganondorf's frustration with him. ;) I completely agree with you about that being The Postman's motto in life. It suits him perfectly. Nothing is ever easy for him.

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 **Rainmy -**That's actually something I've been working quite hard on for this re-write. Before, the characters interacted, but they didn't really feel like they connected in any sort of meaningful way. I'm trying to flesh out every character in the story, in an attempt to make them react like a real person would. Everything in this story is a giant web that's all connected. If something is mentioned (no matter how small) it's actually for a reason later on. :)

Ganondorf was born a Gerudo, so he was never made part of the tribe since he was already a part of it. Two other men were made Gerudo, The Postman, and Caspian, the previous thief.

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman is very proud of that medal. lol It's his first award for his services.

Sakon is definitely a pervert, and you know this won't end well. ;p

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 **placesmileshere** \- Muha ha ha ha! Sakon is perhaps the worst person on the planet to get these abilities. You have his personality spot-on. ;p

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 2

The Haunting

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The Postman could hear something loud and persistent in his ear and rolled over in his sleep. Whatever it was got even more determined and loud, and despite himself, The Postman began to wake.

" _Jihiro! Wake up you stupid ass! I know you can hear me! Jihiro_!"

The Postman really didn't want to wake, but with the nagging voice in his ear, he didn't have much of a choice. As he slowly began to become more alert, there were two things he noticed. One was that there was indeed someone speaking into his ear, and the second was that the voice was extremely unwelcome. Waking in a slight panic, he lashed out with both his feet and knocked his two brothers out of the bed. As they crashed hard to the floor, The Postman looked wildly all around, but the room was empty. He was still at his parents house for the wedding, and there was no one speaking to him. The Postman furrowed his brow, realizing the voice had all been in his head.

His brothers looked up at him from the floor, and both were indignant and angry.

"Jihiro!" Jaru snarled. "What are you doing?!"

The Postman gave them both a sheepish smile. "...sorry. I had a bad dream, and I overreacted."

Neither said a word, but gave him twin looks of death as they crawled back into the bed. As they settled down again, The Postman gave another uncertain look around the room. Still seeing and hearing nothing, he hesitantly laid down again. The silence persisted, and so finally he rolled over to go back to sleep. Just as he was drifting off, the voice started again, this time ten times as loud.

" _JIHIRO_!"

The Postman visibly jumped, and instinctively lashed out again. The room was as empty and silent as before, no sign of where the voice had come from. His brothers had crashed to the floor for a second time, and this time they weren't quite as forgiving. Jaru narrowed his eyes as The Postman gave him an apologetic smile.

"Er...bad dream again..." he said lamely.

"Out!" Haru snarled, pointing to the door. "Go sleep with the girls! Go sleep beside the dog, I don't care! Out!"

Jaru mirrored his twin's scowl, and so The Postman slipped out of the bed, feeling rather foolish. As he made his way to the door, he gave them one more sheepish look.

"Sorry."

"OUT!"

The Postman left the room without another word, closing the door after him. He could hear Haru and Jaru complaining to each other about him through the door, and he rubbed at his eyes with a frown. What was wrong with him? He didn't usually have dreams that woke him, and never ones that seemed as real as that. Was he having more hallucinations? He'd never had any that had woken him up before. Was he getting worse?

Instead of finding somewhere else to sleep, The Postman walked down the dark hallway, and left the house. Sitting on the porch swing, he looked up at the sky, and let out a sigh. Perhaps he'd been working too hard lately? Slowly swinging, he leaned back, and gave a long, lazy stretch as he gazed up at the stars. It was extremely late, well after midnight and The Postman wasn't used to being up so late. He was an early riser and normally slept like a rock until five so, and it was very unusual that he woke through the night. Giving a yawn, The Postman laid his head on the back of the swing, his eyes feeling heavy. They had barely even closed when the voice started again.

" _Wake up and help me, you stupid ass! Wake. Up_!"

The Postman jumped and kicked out, opening his eyes just in time to see his foot pass through Sakon's head. The Postman blinked in both surprise and confusion, and Sakon looked completely indignant.

" _Would you please stop kicking me in the head_!" he cried out, his voice sounding strange and far away. " _Get off your lazy butt, and help me_!"

The Postman simply stared at him and Sakon quickly noticed The Postman was looking at him, and not through him.

" _Wait...you can see me_?" Sakon cried out hopefully. " _You can really see me_?"

Before The Postman could formulate any sort of response, Sakon faded, and he was alone once more. Rubbing at his eyes, The Postman frowned, gazing around the dark porch, the only sound crickets chirping far off in the distance. It was the normal sort of quiet for the country, and nothing seemed out of place. He sat for a long while, unsure if he had really seen anything at all, and then stood to go back into the house. He was obviously hallucinating again, and knew he needed his rest. Letting out a deep sigh, he wondered which sibling he'd have to bunk with. His whole family was under one roof for the wedding in the morning, and the house was extremely overcrowded.

As he walked down the dark hallway, he felt his skin prickle, feeling eyes on his back. Looking over his shoulder, he saw there was no one there. Now feeling a bit uncertain, The Postman continued through the house until he reached his youngest sibling's bedroom, unable to help feeling like he was being followed. He was a bit creeped out, and gave another rub to his eyes, hoping he wasn't having some sort of break down.

Opening the door to the room, he saw his three youngest siblings sound asleep and entered, still feeling like he was being watched. Tired and sure he was imagining things, he approached the bed and shoved everyone over to one side to make room, and laid down beside them. The children lobbed a bit, but didn't wake, all being heavy sleepers. His skin was still prickling from the sensation of being stared at, and so he pulled the covers up over his head, hoping to fall asleep.

The only sound in the room was the snoring coming from beside him, and so after a bit he began to relax. As he fell asleep, he thought he heard the words 'you dumbass!' but was sure he imagined it.

The next time The Postman woke, it was because his sister Minoko jumped hard on his back.

"Breakfast!" Minoko yelled into his ear, springing away before he could retaliate.

The Postman let out a groan and looked up, but Minoko already long gone. The room was empty, and the smell of bacon filled the house, and so he knew he'd overslept. He never overslept, especially not on important days like this! Sitting up, he gave a stretch, feeling well rested, and hoped he wouldn't have any more hallucinations.

Slowly making his way towards the kitchen, he rubbed at his eyes, wondering what time it was. His entire family was seated around the long table, laughing and eating breakfast, and The Postman immediately froze in the doorway. It wasn't the sight of his family that shocked him, it was the sight of Sakon laying in the middle of the table, limbs sprawled in all directions. He looked almost solid, but his hands and feet went straight through the dishes and food on the table, making the entire scene incredibly bizarre. He was staring up at the ceiling, singing a dirty tavern song, and The Postman could only stare in disbelief. No one else seemed to notice Sakon, and never paused in their conversations, reaching straight through The Thief in order to eat.

"There you are, sweetheart!" His mother called over to him. "I was beginning to think you were going to sleep all morning!"

The Postman didn't answer, simply staring at Sakon, not quite sure what to do.

"Sweetheart?" His mother questioned. "Come have breakfast before it gets cold."

The Postman gave a muted nod, unable to look away from The Thief who sang on and on without care, incredibly loud and off-key. He edged his way over to the table and took a seat between the twins, still not saying a word. Sakon's hand rested on his empty plate, and The Postman stared at it, unable to believe he was the only one who could see this. Just how messed up was he? He sat in silence for a few minutes, feeling very awkward before his mother noticed he wasn't eating.

"Jihiro, eat something." she urged, giving him a kiss on top of the head. "It's going to be a long day."

At The Postman's name, Sakon looked up, and their eyes met. The Thief's eyes widened, and he hurriedly sat up.

" _Can you see me_?" he demanded. " _You're looking at me, aren't you_?!"

The Postman quickly averted his gaze. His hallucination was talking to him; that wasn't a good sign. Sakon leaned forward until they were almost nose to nose, and he stared at him, sure he wasn't mistaken.

" _Hello_?" Sakon questioned. " _HelloOoOo! Can you hear me_?"

The Postman continued staring down at his plate in silence. Sakon frowned at him, wondering if he was mistaken.

"Jihiro?" The Postman's mother asked, approaching. "What's the matter? Are you feeling sick?"

She laid her hand against his forehead, and then gave him a questioning look. "Haru told me about your nightmares last night. Are you not feeling well?"

"I'm fine." The Postman answered, not entirely sure that he was. "I'm just tired."

"Maybe you should have taken some time off of work after...your ordeal." she admonished. "Haru said you've been working very hard lately, and that you're almost never at the post office anymore."

None of his family knew about his return to Ganondorf's employ, and he definitely wasn't about to tell them. The mark on his neck was covered by a scarf, and surprisingly no one had questioned him on it.

"Eat something." his mother urged.

Taking his plate, she filled it with a little bit of everything, and placed it back in front of him as The Postman's eyes flicked up to Sakon once again. He quickly looked away, but this action wasn't missed by The Thief.

" _Aha_!" The Thief cried. " _You can see me, can't you_?"

The Postman didn't answer, hoping he'd snap out of it soon. Turning his attention to his plate of food, he tried to remain casual as he picked up his fork. Sakon narrowed his eyes at him, and edged closer, now sitting directly on top of The Postman's plate.

" _Go ahead_!" he challenged. " _Eat_!"

The Postman hesitated, and then set down his fork, still looking anywhere but at him.

" _Why won't you speak to me_?" Sakon yelled into his face. " _Why won't you look at me? I know you can hear me_!"

The Postman clenched his fists, and stared down into his lap without a word. Conversations buzzed around him like a wall of unintelligible noise, and The Postman closed his eyes, hoping to will his delusions away. Sakon frowned at him, and then leaned over and whispered into his ear.

" _This morning I watched your big-boobed sisters get dressed. The one with the blue eyes has a birthmark on her_ -"

"WHAT?" The Postman yelled, jumping to his feet.

Everyone stopped eating in surprise, and simply stared at him, as Sakon gave a happy cheer.

" _I knew you could hear me_!" he cried out triumphantly. " _I knew it_!"

The Postman gazed around the table at his family, and then gave a slight cough. "Um...I have to go to the bathroom...be right back."

Without another word, he fled the room. His family exchanged looks of slight confusion, and then resumed their conversations like nothing had happened.

The Postman left the house by the back door, and crossed the field. When he came to the fence which ended his family's property, he leaned against it, wondering what was wrong with him. He couldn't be going crazy this fast, could he? He thought he'd have more time than this! There was no way it was as simple as being overworked, and he shook his head. Since when did overworked people see delusions this realistic? He didn't even feel tired! Sakon, who had followed after him, sat on top of the fence in front of him.

" _Why won't you talk to me_?" The Thief demanded, sounding a little bit hurt. " _I know you can see me_!"

"Because you're not real!" The Postman hissed out, looking away from him.

Sakon seemed a bit confused, before realization crossed his face. " _You think you're imagining me_?" he asked in surprise. " _You think this isn't really happening_?"

When The Postman said nothing, that was all the answer Sakon needed.

" _Darling, don't be stupid_!" he scolded. " _You could never imagine anything as handsome as me! Your daydreams probably all consist of boring things anyway, like stamps or something_."

The Postman let out an irritated sigh. "Please go away."

" _No, I will not 'go away', you twat! You're the only person who can see and hear me_!"

The Postman picked at the fence with his nails, feeling frustrated and confused. Trying his best to ignore The Thief, he instead turned his attention down to the tall grass of the field which was tickling his bare legs. He was sure if he distracted his mind and just thought of other things, Sakon would fade and disappear. Watching a caterpillar edge towards his leg, he frowned, and really hoped he wasn't losing his mind this soon.

" _If you don't stop ignoring me, I'm going to go back in the house, and watch the rest of your sisters get dressed_!"

"It doesn't matter." The Postman stated dismissively. "You're not real anyway."

Sakon let out a growl of frustration. " _I'm real, you stupid oaf! I'm not just in your mind_!"

The Postman's brown eyes lifted to meet Sakon's angrily. "Prove it."

Sakon hesitated, knowing he couldn't move or touch anything. " _Um...I can't_." he admitted.

The Postman let out a snort, and turned away. "Go away." he repeated. "Leave me alone."

Sakon floated around so he was back in The Postman's field of vision. " _Just how many other hallucinations do you have that you think I'm one of them_?" he demanded.

The Postman wouldn't meet his gaze. "Enough." he responded.

This took Sakon by surprise. " _What? You mean you've been seeing other things_?"

"My magic has begun damaging my mind." The Postman responded, not even sure why he was talking to him. "Eventually it will drive me mad unless I find a way to get rid of it."

Sakon gave him a worried look. " _How long have you been hiding this_?"

The Postman didn't answer.

" _Have you ever had a hallucination as real as me before_?" Sakon asked, furrowing his brow. " _Why won't you just listen to me_?"

The Postman let out a deep, resigned sigh, and began heading back towards the house. "You'll fade soon enough. They always do."

" _Ugh_." Sakon muttered, following after him. " _I don't know how I got like this, but I'm real! I think someone put something in the wine I drank. This happened only seconds after I drank it_."

"Then what are you exactly? A ghost?" The Postman demanded, reaching a hand out towards The Thief. The hand passed right through him like he wasn't even there. "You're not really here, and I'm done listening to you."

" _I'm not a delusion_!" Sakon yelled. " _And I'm not a ghost either! I know I'm still alive_!"

"I'm going to ignore you now." The Postman informed him. "I don't need my family thinking I've completely lost it."

" _Why are you all here together anyway? Kinda crowded isn't it_?" Sakon asked. " _Is it a family reunion or something_?"

"Today's Haru's wedding." The Postman replied. "Now please be quiet."

Sakon scowled at him. " _I will not! My body's rotting in a Gerudo dungeon, and you're going to save me_!"

The Postman glanced at him, but said nothing.

" _You'd seriously rather attend lard-ass's wedding, than save my life_?" Sakon cried out indignantly. " _Don't you understand, I could die if you don't save me_!"

The Postman seemed uncomfortable, and averted his gaze.

Sakon narrowed his eyes. " _Well, that's just lovely of you_!" he snapped. " _You're a real hero, you know that_?"

The Postman pretended he didn't hear him.

" _I thought we were friends_!" Sakon yelled at him. " _Go save me, you asshole_!"

The Postman continued walking without a word, looking determinedly ahead.

Sakon floated directly in front of him. " _Listen to me_!" he ordered angrily. " _Stop being so stubborn, and just listen to me_!"

The Postman walked right through Sakon like he wasn't even there. Completely infuriated, Sakon let out a growl, and again flew in front of him.

" _This is real_!" he yelled. " _I'm really in danger, and you really are seeing me_!"

Again, The Postman passed right through him without looking at him, or acknowledging him in any way.

" _Fine_." Sakon snapped. " _If that's how you want it to be, then I will make your life absolutely miserable until you listen to me_!"

The Postman opened the backdoor of the house silently, his gaze fixed straight ahead. The moment he entered the house, he was immediately in the middle of complete chaos. All twelve of his siblings were running to and fro getting ready for the wedding, several only half dressed and almost everyone was yelling at one another. Clothes were being thrown every which way in a flurry of colours, and The Postman noted the noise drowned Sakon out nicely.

The Postman pushed his way through his siblings to get to his own dress-clothes, and he ignored Sakon completely as he got dressed. Everyone seemed to have forgotten about his weird moment at breakfast, and no one gave him so much as a second glance as he shoved his way towards the kitchen. He was disappointed that the breakfast was already cleared, and hoped the food at the reception would be good. Ever since he'd been forced on his high-calorie diet, he seemed to get unbearably hungry now if he missed a single meal. He supposed his body was now used to having large meals.

The Postman's father was standing on the other side of the table, helping one of his brothers with his tie, and he glanced over at him.

"Your mother has her hands full dealing with the caterers, and the baker. Apparently the wedding cake was missing a layer and she's completely beside herself. She went on ahead to the temple. Would you please help the younger ones get ready?"

Without a word, The Postman nodded and turned to do as he was told. He found Minoko running up the hall in just a slip, getting in everyone's way, and so he took her by the hand and pulled her back into her room.

"Why aren't you dressed?" he demanded. "We have to leave soon."

Minoko gave him a sour look. "Why do I have to wear a dress?" she demanded. "Kal isn't wearing one!"

"Kal is a boy." The Postman pointed out. "And I really doubt Haru would appreciate the flower girl wearing a suit."

Minoko gave the frilly dress on her bed a dirty look, but did reluctantly pick it up. Sighing, she allowed The Postman to help her pull it over her head, and also to zip it up and tie the bows. Just as he was helping her with a tiara, another one of his younger sisters came in.

"Will you help me with my hair?" she asked him. "Everyone else is too busy."

Sakon, who was seated cross-legged in the air watching, gave a snicker. " _Aw, you're gonna be such a good mommy someday_!"

Ignoring him, The Postman nodded, and reached out to take the brush and hair ribbon from her. Minoko, whose hair was still short from when she'd massacred it, made quick on her escape and ran back out into the crowded hallway. The Postman looked down at Kari, his second youngest sibling, as she took a seat on a stool expectantly.

"I want it braided." she informed him. "Hylian-style."

Still not saying anything, he set to work on her hair as Sakon sang obnoxiously, floating just above his head. After a few minutes, Sakon peered down at them and frowned.

" _Do I even want to know how in Din's name you know what a Hylian-braid is_?" he asked. " _Or the fact you actually know how to do one_?"

The Postman continued braiding the hair, not giving any indication he had heard. When he was finished, he tied the ribbon neatly and Kari gave him a grin.

"Thank you, Jihiro." she said, looking in the mirror. "You always do my hair better than anyone else!"

When he didn't answer, she gave him a frown. "Why are you being so quiet? Is anything wrong?"

The Postman gave a glance to Sakon. How could he explain to an ten year old that he had lost his mind, and was hallucinating about an annoying thief? Giving her a shrug instead, he replied.

"I'm fine, just excited for the wedding."

" _Liar._ " Sakon commented.

Kari gave him a skeptical look, but accepted the answer as she stood to her feet.

"Today's the day of the fish festival in Clocktown." Kari told him. "All the food for the reception is fresh seafood."

The Postman grimaced, and she gave him a smile. "I know you hate seafood, so you might want to bring yourself a sandwich or something."

Sakon's eyes widened. " _Wait a second...today is the fish festival_?!"

When The Postman didn't answer, Sakon floated in front of his face. " _Today's your birthday_!"

Sakon then looked indignant. " _Haru planned his wedding on your birthday?! What an asshole! Not one person has wished you a happy birthday yet! He made everyone forget about you_!"

As Kari hurried out of the room, The Postman flashed Sakon an annoyed look. "Today's not my birthday."

" _Yes, it is_!" Sakon shot back. " _I remember, because as a kid you used to complain that every birthday you'd be served fish, when you hated fish! You once even tried to sabotage the fish festival so your parents couldn't buy any seafood_!"

"That never happened." The Postman said dismissively.

" _It did_!" Sakon insisted. " _Today is your birthday, I know it_!"

The Postman sighed. "It's fine." he stated. "Haru's wedding is more important."

" _No, it's no_ t!" Sakon insisted. " _It wouldn't have killed them to at least remember it was your birthday! How hard would it have been to just give you a card or something_?"

The Postman shook his head. "I really don't mind. This is a big day for Haru."

"Who are you talking to?"

The Postman looked up, and saw Minoko staring at him from the open doorway.

"No one, now go brush your teeth." The Postman ordered. "We have to leave soon."

Rolling her eyes, Minoko stomped off towards the bathroom, and The Postman caught sight of his youngest brother, Kal, tie askew and hair mussed, and hurried after him to help.

Eventually, the complete family looked presentable, and they made their way outside where a large wagon was waiting to take them to the wedding. The Postman helped the children into the wagon, and then climbed up beside them, ignoring everything Sakon said to him. It took them about an hour to arrive to the Terminian Temple, and the entire front field had been converted for the reception.

Many of the guests had already shown up, and were mingling with one another drinks in hand, and The Postman could see his mother in a huge argument with the baker. They were both pointing at the wedding cake, and the baker's face was purple with fury. He wasn't sure who was winning the fight, but knew he didn't want to be anywhere near. Standing on the front steps of the temple, he watched the crowds in silence, as Sakon floated above him, singing loudly. After a while, when all the guests had arrived, his family gathered together, getting ready to head inside, and Haru approached him. He gave The Postman a large grin, both nervous and excited.

"So, are you mad that I beat you to getting married?" he asked jokingly.

" _You'll never get married because you're gay_." Sakon stated, placing himself between the two brothers. "Y _our family would never accept it. They're way too traditional, that's why you're in such denial about yourself_!"

"No, of course not." The Postman replied to Haru giving him a somewhat strained smile. He looked like he wanted very much to respond to Sakon, but he stubbornly said nothing.

"I can't believe that in just a few minutes I'll be a married man!" Haru exclaimed. "It doesn't even seem real! I wonder if you'll get married someday too? Have you found a girl yet?"

Sakon gave him a nasty look, determined to make The Postman react, and continued standing between them. " _Are you worried they'll disown you_?" he demanded. " _That they'll yell at you, shame you, and then pretend you never told them? You refuse to admit it, because you're afraid! Afraid of what people will think of you! You're gay, Jihiro, just admit it_!"

"I'm not gay!" The Postman snapped, glaring at The Thief.

Haru gave him an odd look. "Um...I never said you were..."

Sakon gave him a cheeky grin. " _Better be careful, darling or they might think you're crazy or something_."

"Nevermind..." The Postman said, as Sakon continued grinning at him cheekily.

Sakon began bellowing out another dirty tavern song, and The Postman felt his stress-levels increasing by the moment.

Haru said something else, but The Postman couldn't hear him over Sakon's singing. Haru took a step through The Thief, and repeated his question, but The Postman still couldn't hear him. Sakon only sung louder and louder, his eyes sparkling in mischief, and The Postman began to get seriously frustrated. Haru was giving him a concerned look, and continued speaking to him, but The Postman couldn't make out a word of what was said. Sakon then began making up his own lyrics to the song, adding members of The Postman's family as he bellowed out line after line, and The Postman clenched his fists. He had never felt so stressed and angry before, and he was struggling to stay quiet.

When Sakon began crudely singing about The Postman's mother, he couldn't take it anymore.

"Shut up!" he bellowed out, absolutely livid. "Shut the fuck up, and leave me alone!"

Haru let out a gasp and took a step back from him, completely shocked at the unexpected reaction.

The Postman didn't realize his mother was standing just behind him, and she had him by the ear in an instant. "What did you just say to your brother?" she demanded angrily.

"Ow!" The Postman protested as she gave his ear a twist. "No, I wasn't-ow!"

"You do not use that sort of language in this household! You know better than that, Jihiro!" she yelled, giving his ear another pull. "I can't believe you just said that!"

"Ah, but I wasn't talking to-"

"If you think even for one second you're too old for me to take a switch to, then you're in for a surprise! I don't know what's come over you!" she snapped, finally releasing his ear. "Now apologize to your brother before I make good on my threat!"

Sakon was laughing hysterically, holding his sides as he rolled on the ground. " _By the goddesses your mother is funny_!" he commented through giggles. " _Does this ever bring back memories_!"

The Postman rubbed at his ear, his face completely scarlet as his entire family stared at him. Turning his gaze to Haru, he saw his brother didn't look angry, simply very confused.

"Sorry, Haru." The Postman told him. "I don't know what came over me...I'm sorry I said that."

Haru obviously didn't know what to say, and he gave him a nod, still looking confused, and a bit uncertain. The rest of his family had never seen The Postman have an outburst, and so far he'd had two in one day!

The Postman's mother gave him another hard look. "If I ever hear you say such a word again, I'll soap out your mouth, is this understood?"

Sakon laughed even harder. " _She still treats you like you're ten years old! This is absolute gold! Oh, I wish I had a pictograph to record this moment_!"

Incredibly embarrassed, The Postman gave her a nod, which seemed to satisfy her.

"Okay, now, if we're done with all the drama, let's get started." his mother stated. "Those in the wedding stay here, and the rest of you go take your seats."

Giving Sakon his best look of death, The Postman followed everyone else inside the temple, and sat in the front row with the rest of his siblings. Sakon was still giggling, and took a seat just in front of The Postman, floating in the air, legs crossed.

" _I didn't even know you knew that word_!" Sakon exclaimed in amusement. " _Your mother certainly seemed surprised_!"

The Postman gave him another glare.

" _Will you listen to me now, or do you just want to continue acting like a crazy person_?" Sakon asked casually. " _You're not imagining me! I'm real, and if you don't stop ignoring me, I'm really going to do something you won't like_!"

The Postman stared straight ahead, and didn't react to him in the least. He couldn't believe his hallucinations were lasting this long. Sakon wasn't fading or disappearing like before, and if anything, he looked more and more solid. He knew if he didn't snap out of it soon, he'd have to look for some kind of psychiatric help. He wasn't sure if he was getting permanent brain damage, or whether there was something else seriously wrong with him. Normal people didn't have obnoxious delusions.

" _Fine_." Sakon said with a shrug. " _Suit yourself, but don't blame me for thi_s!"

Sakon floated a few feet away, and stuck his hands into one of The Postman's sister's breasts. The Postman quickly looked away, and clenched the armrests of his chair, trying to suppress his anger. It did no good to get angry at a hallucination, but he couldn't help it. No matter how hard he tried to remind himself it wasn't real, all he could see was Sakon acting like a pervert. Sakon continued touching his family members in inappropriate places all while giving loud commentary on what he was doing. Although he wasn't looking, The Postman still felt himself getting more and more furious.

He couldn't concentrate on the wedding at all, and didn't even notice when Haru passed by him on the way to the front. Sakon let out a loud, dirty sounding moan as he pretended to do something perverted to one of his sisters, and The Postman bit his lip, refusing to look. The flower girls passed him, and he didn't even notice when Minoko purposely threw a handful of the flowers into his face, his concentration entirely on trying to will Sakon to go away.

It was the sound of the bridal music that made him look up, and he saw Anju walking up the aisle dressed in a wedding gown of gold and white, her auburn hair pulled up and held by silver beads, tiny flowers throughout her hair. The crowd whispered excitedly as she walked up the aisle, and The Postman, just for a moment, forgot about Sakon. He looked up at his brother, and saw the absolute joy in his eyes at the sight of his soon to be wife, and gave a slight smile. He was glad Haru found someone he loved, and hoped they'd be happy together.

" _Whoa_!" Sakon exclaimed. " _You just smiled_!"

And just like that, the smile was gone, the moment ruined.

Sakon turned his attention to the wedding party, and at the sight of Anju he let out a low whistle. " _Why is something like that, marrying a boring lunkhead like Haru_?"

Predictably, The Postman didn't answer, watching as his brother reached out and took Anju by the hands. They both gave one another a shy smile, and then looked towards the priest. Sakon, his eyes entirely on Anju, floated over and peered down the front of her dress.

" _She has nice boobs too, although a little small for my taste_!" he called over to The Postman who had visibly gone rigid.

Sakon gave him a nasty grin, and lowered himself down to the ground so he could attempt to look up her gown. Anju, none the wiser, gave Haru a gentle smile, and squeezed his hand. Sakon gave another whistle.

" _She's not wearing any panties_!" he exclaimed. " _Someone's planning on being naughty later_!"

The Postman went even more rigid, struggling to look unbothered by The Thief's actions.

"T _oo bad she's pregnant_." Sakon commented with a disappointed sigh. " _She's going to be all flabby once the baby is born. I wonder if I stand a chance with her while she's all sad and pathetic about being fat..._?"

The Postman bit his lip until he tasted blood, fighting not to react. Sakon slowly stood to his feet, and placed himself between Anju and Haru and leaned forward to kiss her. His lips passed right through her but none of that mattered to Sakon. He let out a moan, and then straightened, reaching a hand towards her stomach. Making a fist, he drove it into her stomach in a violent gesture.

" _Oops, I just caused an abortion_!" he yelled out. " _Someone get a garbage can_!"

Unable to stop himself, The Postman jumped to his feet in a blind fury, and let out a howl of absolute outrage. He screamed every horrible obscenity he knew at Sakon, and threatened him with every sort of bodily harm he could think of. The Postman then froze in horror, when he realized what he'd done. Slowly looking around himself, he saw every single person at the wedding was staring at him in shock, slack-jawed and completely appalled. The Postman gulped, and turned his gaze to Haru who looked like someone had just struck him across the face. He was staring at The Postman with an unreadable expression, and Anju had raised her hands to her mouth in complete shock.

Sakon was staring at him triumphantly, and The Postman slowly backed away into the aisle. Everyone was staring at him in complete silence, and The Postman swallowed heavily, unable to believe what he'd just done.

"..I'm sorry." he said softly. "I have to go."

Then without another word, he fled. He ran as fast as he could out of the temple, and across the fields, just wanting to get as far away as possible. He ran as hard and as fast as he could, pushing himself to keep going long after he was out of breath. He kept running and running, until finally he could go no further. Collapsing to his knees, The Postman wheezed, and fought for breath, wishing he could flee even further. When Sakon appeared in front of him a few minutes later, The Postman got up to push himself to run once again.

" _Stop running like that, or you're going to kill yourself! Slow down_!" Sakon ordered.

The Postman didn't even question how Sakon was able to keep up with him, just pushing himself harder and harder over the fields.

" _Look, I'm sorry, okay_?" Sakon said in his ear. " _I didn't really mean any of those things I said and did back there, but you need to listen to me. I need your help, and you're the only one who can help me_."

The Postman came to an abrupt halt, and Sakon went right through him, unable to stop as fast.

"Why are you doing this to me?!" The Postman yelled out, pulling at his hair in stress. "I'm not crazy! I'm not! I'm not! I'm not crazy! Just leave me alone!"

Sakon made an impatient sound in the back of his throat. " _That's what I've been telling you all along, darling. I'm really here, and you need to go to The Gerudo City to save me. Why won't you believe me_?"

"Because you're not real!" The Postman yelled back. "My magic has been destroying my mind, and you're some sort of manifestation of that!"

" _Of all the things you've seen in your life, the adventures and oddities, why is this any different_?" Sakon demanded. " _If you don't save me, I could die! Do you really want that to happen_?"

The Postman visibly slumped, and he stared down at the ground in silence. He looked so very miserable, Sakon regretted what he'd done.

" _I'm sorry, Jihiro_." The Thief repeated. " _Once you rescue me, I'll explain to your family what happened. I'll tell them it was all my fault. Just please listen to me_."

The Postman hunched his shoulders, still looking miserable. He was silent for so long, Sakon thought he wasn't going to answer, but finally The Postman looked up.

"Okay." he said quietly. "You win. If this is what my delusions are ordering me to do, then I guess I have no choice but to do it. Maybe when I see the truth, you'll finally disappear."

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _Good enough for me. Happy 30th birthday by the way_."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! :D**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday!**


	51. Sakon's Body

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 **Authornote: Friday June 28th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **This chapter is quite long, so be prepared for a long read. Something bugs me about this chapter so I might go back and edit it at some point.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Pokemonfan67** \- I've never played Spirit Tracks before, but I'll definitely have to check it out. I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and thanks for the review! :D

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 **jigbashmop** \- I am very mean to The Postman. He can never seem to catch a break. lol

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 **SilentyDead \- **I bet no one was expecting it to be The Postman that used the F-Bomb. lol That's the only one in the story so I doubt anyone will complain about it. If I do get a lot of complaints, it's an easy enough thing to change. (I just don't want my story to get reported)

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** **-** Oh, yes, the crap has definitely hit the fan. The Postman has no idea the horror that awaits him the next time he goes home. lol

That guy from your school must have been SO embarrassed! That reminds me of the time I farted during a physics exam. I could have melted into the floor from embarrassment! Everyone turned to look at me and I made some sort of comment like 'Well, that's physics for you...'

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 **Rainmy -**Poor postman...his family will never let him forget this for the rest of his life. lol That fact it was The Postman who said the F-bomb was the reason I left it. It amused me way more than it should have. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon was soooo horrible during this chapter! The Postman not only missed breakfast because of The Thief, but now his whole family thinks he's having a some sort of nervous breakdown. lol

Sakon's not a mean person, and he did feel somewhat guilty for what he put him through.

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 **placesmileshere** \- Thanks, I'm glad you like the chapter. I had a lot of fun writing it. :D Your guesses are always so good! (placesmileshere is psychic)

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 3

Sakon's Body

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The Postman made it back to his parent's house, grabbed his belongings, and then proceeded to steal one of the family workhorses. He now rode across the fields of Termina silently, looking sullen and tired. He felt out of place while dressed in a black suit, and several people openly stared at him as he passed.

The Postman's expression was strained as he kept his eyes straight ahead, refusing to look at, or acknowledge Sakon in the least. At first Sakon had tried speaking with him, but when it became clear The Postman wasn't going to answer, he fell silent. The Postman rode for hours as fast as the horse could go, before he finally slowed down to allow it to catch its breath.

Considerably calmer than he'd been before, The Postman regarded Sakon thoughtfully, as The Thief floated lazily beside him. Sakon stared back at him, wondering if he'd permanently traumatized his one and only friend.

"Alright," The Postman finally stated. "If I'm to believe you're really here, then what are you? A ghost?"

" _I have no idea what I am_." Sakon replied, honestly. " _I think I'm still alive though_."

"You mentioned that you thought you'd been poisoned?"

Sakon nodded. " _Yeah, I drank some wine, and then just seconds later_ _this_ _happened_!"

"Who gave you the wine?" The Postman questioned.

" _It was the stuff I stole from Termina's temple_." Sakon explained. " _I'd been saving it, and that was the first time I tried it_."

The Postman frowned, wondering if it was the same wine the guardian had given him. If that was the case, it very well could have been the wine that caused this. This seemed like a completely plausible reason, and so The Postman gave Sakon a frown.

"And what do you want me to do?" The Postman asked. "I don't know anything about curses and magic. You'd be better off going to Koume and Kotake."

Sakon rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms impatiently. " _You're the only one who can see and hear me, and so_ _you_ _have to save me! We'll figure out the rest later_!"

"I'm not a hero, Sakon, I'm just a postman. This is more Link's area of expertise."

" _Don't you think I know that_?" Sakon cried out. " _Believe me, you were the last person I came to! A postman isn't exactly my idea of a hero. Link couldn't see or hear me, and so you're all I've got!_ "

"Well, I'm still not even sure I believe you're real." The Postman informed him.

" _You'll see soon enough_." Sakon responded. " _Then you'll feel like a dumbass_."

The Postman narrowed his eyes, the memories of the what happened at the wedding still all too fresh. "If this is real, then I'm never delivering your mail again."

" _Fair enough_."

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Ganondorf wiped the sweat from his eyes and gave a vicious lunge at one of his shadow monsters. He had made these shadows much faster than his usual opponents and was having trouble catching them. He had gotten the idea to train against speed from his previous encounters with The Postman, and realized he had a lot of work to do. If there was an opponent who was both fast and trained as a warrior, Ganondorf would be at a clear disadvantage. Already he was seeing a vast improvement over his agility and reaction time, and wondered how he would fare against Link if they were to meet again.

Pausing for a moment to catch his breath, he leaned against his sword, watching the shadow monsters circle him mockingly. He loved difficult training and it had put him into a considerably good mood. He felt more relaxed then he had in a long time and was glad he didn't have anything to worry about at the moment.

The Gerudo scouts hadn't been able to find him a replacement thief as of yet, as he'd rejected every single one they'd brought before him. Sakon had been an excellent thief when he put his mind to it, and Ganondorf couldn't help but compare all of them to him. None were anywhere near as talented when it came to slight of hand and lockpicking, and Ganondorf only wanted the best of the best.

He knew there had to be a creature talented and underhanded enough for his liking, but the search was slow. He didn't really need a thief at the moment, so for the time being, he was content.

Lifting his sword, Ganondorf took one more deep breath then charged at one of the shadows.

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They could feel the desert air before they even passed through the canyon. The heat hit them in face in a hot blast, and The Postman blinked hard but didn't slow down. Sakon however gave a dramatic moan, trying to get some attention.

" _Ugh, no wonder Ganondorf wants to take over the world_." he commented. " _His country really sucks_."

The Postman glanced over at him thoughtfully. "I thought you couldn't feel anything?" he asked him curiously, passing a hand through The Thief's chest. "How could you be hot?"

" _No, no,_ _no_." Sakon corrected, shaking his head. " _Other people can't feel me when they touch me, but_ _I_ _can still feel it_."

The Postman quickly retracted his hand out of The Thief's chest.

" _It doesn't hurt_." Sakon assured him with a grin. " _I may not be able to touch anything, but I still feel it when I pass through things. It feels kind of weird_."

They crossed the bridge leading into Gerudo territory, and when Sakon saw The Postman wasn't slowing down and was going to take the direct route, he became alarmed.

" _Wait a second_!" Sakon cried. " _Are you crazy? You can't just march into the Gerudo City unannounced_!"

The Postman didn't slow down. "Why?"

" _You're a man unless you've forgotten due to your lack of a love-life. If Ganondorf was angry at_ _me_ _, then he's probably angry at you too by association_!"

The Postman realized that Sakon didn't know about anything that had happened during the last two months. Raising a hand to his covered neck, The Postman said. "Sakon, I'll be fine, no one's angry at me."

Sakon floated directly in front of him in an attempt to stop him. " _Are you absolutely sure? If you end up getting hurt, or killed, I'll be doomed._ "

The horse rode through him, and The Postman frowned, now knowing Sakon could feel it. "That's very considerate of you." he commented dryly. "But you really have nothing to worry about. I've been living here for the last two months."

Sakon's eyes widened in surprise. " _Really?! You're a Tracker again? What about your lame postman job_?"

"I've been doing both." The Postman told him. "I deliver the mail in the mornings, and then return to the desert for training in the afternoons. I leave early enough in the mornings to make it to Castletown just as they're opening the gate."

Sakon gave him an incredulous look. " _Seriously_?"

The Postman nodded.

" _And Ganondorf is letting you do this_?!"

The Postman gave another nod. "As long as I still complete my training every day, he doesn't mind."

" _How could you do all your training if you miss half the day_?" Sakon demanded.

"When I arrive in the afternoon I do physical training with Captain Isa, and then after supper I do magical training with Koume and Kotake. On Sundays, I stay the entire day in the castle and catch up on anything I missed."

Sakon gave him a look that The Postman could only describe as pitying. " _That sounds like the worst possible life I can imagine_." The Thief stated. " _So, what you're telling me, is you have absolutely no time off to have fun?_ "

The Postman shook his head. "No, I have time off. There's no physical training on weekends, and my training with Koume and Kotake is only four hours a day. Although I normally spend my time off studying, it's not a requirement."

" _You are a strange creature_." Sakon commented.

"I just want to get this over with as fast as possible." The Postman responded. "I need to know if this is all in my mind, or not. If I'm crazy, than you can haunt me until I'm committed, but if it's real, then I'll rescue you. I promise."

Sakon let out a frustrated sigh, not even bothering to argue with him. _"What are you going to do after you rescue me anyway_?" he demanded.

The Postman hesitated with a frown. "I'm going back to Haru's wedding. The celebrations are supposed to go on until morning, and then my brother leaves on his honeymoon."

Sakon raised an eyebrow. " _Um, no offense, darling, but I think he probably revoked your wedding invitation_."

The Postman's shoulders slumped slightly, but he still levelled The Thief with a glare. "I'm holding you entirely responsible, you know, and I'm going to explain to him why his wedding was ruined."

Sakon gave an indifferent shrug. " _Meh. Fine with me, lunkhead doesn't like me anyway_. _I would just like to point out, however, that I'm in no way responsible for your choice of words. That was all you_."

The Postman gave him a glare and said nothing.

The Gerudo fortress came into view and the guards posted saw The Postman approaching, but didn't so much as move, their expressions disinterested. As he got closer, the guards posted at the desert gate stared at him for a long moment, taking in his strange clothing in very vague curiosity. They didn't seem overly concerned with him, and their weapons remained sheathed.

"Do you have a letter for me, Tracker?" one of the guards asked him. "I've been expecting a letter from my cousin from Great Bay."

The Postman shook his head, stopping the horse just in front of them. "No, miss, I'm here on other business."

" _You're being way too nice_." Sakon commented. " _Gerudo like tough manly men. Flirt with her a little, and she'll respect you more_."

The Postman gave Sakon an unimpressed look. He could just imagine how that situation would turn out.

"If you're not here as a postman, then you're here to see Lord Ganondorf?" the Gerudo questioned.

The Postman gave a nod. "Yes, miss."

Without another word, the Gerudo stepped out of his way and gestured towards the open gate leading into the desert. As The Postman passed the guards by, Sakon had a look of astonishment on his face.

" _How come they let you just pass right through without giving you a hard time about it_?" he asked. " _Every time I come home, no less than three Gerudo try to stab me with something! They're not even glaring at you_!"

The Postman imagined there was probably a very good reason that Sakon was treated with hostility, but he didn't say what was on his mind. As he crossed the short distance to the Capital Gerudo City, he couldn't help but feel a little apprehensive. He really hoped what he'd been seeing all day really was Sakon and not a hallucination. If all of this was in his mind, he would have to go speak with Koume and Kotake as soon as possible. Once he searched for Sakon's body, he'd find out for sure.

Wearing a heavy black suit in the dessert was proving to be a very bad decision, and by the time he reached the market, he felt like he was getting heatstroke. The Gerudo in the market stared at him curiously, never having seen him looking so dishevelled. No one really bothered him as he rode his way through the crowded market, and again Sakon was indignant.

" _What's up with this_?" he demanded. " _When I pass through the market, everyone glares at me, and throws things at me! They're not even sneering at you_!"

"They're used to me." The Postman answered distractedly. "And I'm not a pervert."

" _They probably think you're a girl_."

The Postman didn't dignify that with a response, simply rolling his eyes.

" _Or maybe it's because you have the sexual appeal of a toadstool. Either explanation makes sense I suppose_..."

Only a few minutes later, The Postman reached the castle and dismounted the horse. The Gerudo in charge of the stables immediately approached to take the horse, and she gave him a scolding look.

"You always exhaust your horses!" she exclaimed. "One of these days, you're going to kill one! Stop forcing them to travel so long!"

The Postman gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, I didn't mean to."

She looked the horse up and down with a frown. "...wait a second. This isn't one of my horses."

"No, miss, it's a horse that belongs to my parents. I borrowed it for a while."

"This horse must be twenty years old!" she exclaimed in outrage. "You rode a senior horse all the way from Termina?!"

The Postman winced. "I didn't know how old it was." The Postman admitted. "I just chose one at random."

She let out a huff of irritation. "Don't expect to get this horse back for a few days." she told him. "You'll have to borrow one of the other horses until it has recovered."

The Postman gave a nod. "I understand. Thank you, miss."

"If this happens again, I'm going to put in a complaint to your captain." she warned. "I will not tolerate horses being abused!"

The Postman honestly hadn't meant to exhaust the horse, and he gave it an apologetic pat. "Yes, miss."

Giving him one last glare, the Gerudo took the horse and led it away into the stables. Sakon gave him a cheeky grin, looking far too amused for his own good. Although he didn't say anything, The Postman still gave him a glare.

The Postman began up the stairs leading to the castle, and Sakon floated above his head, eager to get inside. The guards posted at the door gave The Postman a questioning look at his attire, but made no move to stop him as he pushed open the doors. They both gave a shrug and resumed their former position without a single word. Once the doors were closed behind them, Sakon looked down at him.

" _Worst guards ever_." he commented. " _When I'm rich and wonderful, remind me not to hire any Gerudo to be my guards_."

"Noted." The Postman responded.

" _Okay, I'm in the dungeon_." Sakon said, starting to float down the hall. " _I hope they left the cell door unlocked_."

The Postman started walking down the opposite hall without a word. Sakon paused, and then quickly floated to catch up with him.

" _Where are you going_?" he demanded. " _Go rescue me_!"

"I'm going to speak with Ganondorf first." The Postman answered.

"... _what_?" Sakon asked, sure he'd misheard.

"If you're in the dungeon, I have to assume you're his prisoner." The Postman pointed out. "I won't steal your body from him without his permission. I don't feel like being whipped today."

" _It's not stealing if it's a dead body, darling_." Sakon pointed out. " _And do you really think Ganondorf is just going to give you what you want? He'll say no just to be a douchebag_."

"I'm not taking your body without asking first. Last time I helped you, it didn't end very well for me."

" _Boo-hoo, get over it, I've been beaten more times than I can count_! _It's not that big of a deal_!" Sakon snapped. " _Just take my body and sneak it out_."

"No." The Postman responded, continuing down the hall.

" _Ugh, you're impossible_!" Sakon groused, crossing his arms petulantly. " _I'd better not die because of this_!"

To Sakon's surprise, The Postman passed right by Ganondorf's throne room and continued up the hall.

" _Um, wasn't that his throne room_...?" Sakon questioned uncertainly, wondering if The Postman had gotten himself mixed up in the maze-like castle.

"It is." The Postman confirmed.

" _Then where are we going_?" Sakon asked as they started up a flight of stairs. " _We don't exactly have time for side-quests at the moment_."

"Ganondorf's not in his throne room, he's in his training room." The Postman answered. " _I can sense him_."

Sakon let out a gasp, and threw himself in front of The Postman flinging his arms wide to stop him. " _You can't interrupt him there_!" he cried. " _He's probably in there slaughtering orphans or something! He really will stab you if you interrupt him! He's always freaked out if I dared interrupt his training_!"

The Postman gave him a skeptical look. "He's never been too angry at me for all the other times I've interrupted his orphan slaying."

Sakon's eyes widened as The Postman edged by him to continue up the stairs.

" _WHAT_?" Sakon cried. " _Are you serious_?"

The Postman simply kept walking up the stairs without a word.

" _He really_ _does_ _slaughter little orphans_?!" Sakon looked completely indignant, he himself being an orphan.

Sakon quickly floated after him and stared The Postman right in the face with a frown. He faltered at the amused look The Postman shot him.

" _No, you're joking_!" Sakon exclaimed in surprise. " _You actually just made a joke! You must have another fever or something_!"

The Postman rolled his eyes.

" _Seriously though, don't interrupt Ganondorf's training. You don't understand how_ _real_ _men get when they're physically training. They're so full of testosterone and rage, that when angered they lash out in a furious bloodlust and kill everybody and everything around them_!" Sakon yelled, throwing his arms up dramatically. " _If you step foot in there, he'll run you through without even looking to see who you are_!"

The Postman gave him a flat look, knowing Sakon was full of it. "Sakon, I'll be fine. He's not going to hurt me."

Sakon let out a frustrated sigh. " _I can't help you if anything goes wrong_." he stated. " _Just don't do anything stupid_."

When The Postman reached the tops of the stairs, he approached a large set of double doors and reached out a hand to knock. The sound echoed loudly within, and there was a pause before Ganondorf responded.

"Enter."

" _Don't do it_!" Sakon warned. " _It's a trap! He's probably waiting on the other side sword drawn_!"

The Postman gave him a 'look', and slowly pushed open the door. Ganondorf did in fact have his sword drawn, but it wasn't to kill him with, it was because he was still in combat with one of the shadow monsters. He was in the centre of the room, red hair mussed, shirt soaked with sweat and was breathing heavily, obviously having been training for quite some time. When his eyes fell on The Postman, he paused and slowly lowered his sword.

Ganondorf stared at him, slightly puzzled, taking in the other man's appearance, and couldn't remember ever seeing him so dishevelled. The Postman was always neat and clean, but by the way he appeared now, it looked like he'd had a tumble down a mountainside. Ganondorf sheathed his sword, and turned to face him. Frowning, he began approaching.

" _Duck! Run! Dodge_!" Sakon yelled at him. " _He's coming at you_!"

The Postman didn't dodge or run, nor did he so much as flinch when Ganondorf narrowed his eyes at him.

"I thought you requested time off?" The Gerudo stated.

"I did, Sir, but I came to speak with you about something important."

Ganondorf looked him up and down, taking in the strange clothes in curiosity. "Why are you dressed like this?" he demanded. "Is this the new postal uniform?"

"No, Sir, I was at my brother's wedding this morning."

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "I see." he responded, sheathing his sword. "And what is it you want? Did something happen?"

The Postman watched as Ganondorf mopped some sweat from his brow, and decided to just take the direct approach. "I came for Sakon, Sir."

Ganondorf hesitated. "Sakon?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, sir."

Ganondorf stared down at The Postman for a long moment, before responding. "Sakon is two days dead, Tracker. You won't want him."

" _See? I_ _told_ _you_!" Sakon cried out triumphantly. " _I'm not a delusion_!"

The Postman released a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, and felt a heavy tension lift from his shoulders. He wasn't crazy, Sakon's body really was there, and he really had been haunting him.

Remembering that Sakon had violated over half of his family at the wedding, and also caused him to ruin said wedding, The Postman gave Sakon an angry glare. He was very tempted to just leave Sakon to his fate, but knew he couldn't do that. Sakon knew exactly what was on The Postman's mind, and batted his eyelashes at him innocently.

Turning his gaze to Ganondorf, The Postman took a step closer to the Gerudo. "I do still want him, Sir. May I please have your permission to take his body?"

"How did you know Sakon died?" Ganondorf demanded. "You weren't here when it happened."

The Postman wasn't quite sure how to explain it. "...word spreads fast." he responded.

Ganondorf narrowed his eyes. "What aren't you telling me?" he demanded.

"Nothing, Sir."

Ganondorf stared down at The Postman with a frown, who stared right back earnestly.

"You really want the rotting corpse of The Thief?" he asked. "The desert rots meat quite fast..."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf's eyes narrowed even further, instantly suspicious. "Why?" he demanded.

"He was my friend, Sir and I want to take his body to his family to be buried."

Once more, Ganondorf frowned down at him. "You're such a loyal little thing, Tracker." he commented. "You even give loyalty to those who don't deserve it."

" _Hey_!" Sakon protested angrily.

"Please, Sir." The Postman requested. "I want to have him buried, but I won't take him without your permission."

Without warning, Ganondorf reached out and grabbed a hold of The Postman's scarf.

"Why are you covering your neck?" Ganondorf demanded. "Are you ashamed of the mark?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, it's just that my family doesn't know that I've returned to work for you."

Ganondorf pulled the scarf off, and tossed it aside. "Do not cover it while in Gerudo territory." he warned.

Sakon floated over and stared at The Postman's neck closely, his nose nearly on the skin, and then looked up at him with wide eyes. " _He branded you! He burned the desert emblem into your neck! He marked you as his property_!"

"What?" The Postman cried out, not even caring that he was answering Sakon out loud. He turned accusing eyes up at Ganondorf. "You marked me as your property?" he demanded.

"Don't be ridiculous." Ganondorf replied dismissively. "That mark simply shows that you're a member of the Gerudo clan."

The Postman gave a rub at his neck.

Sakon looked completely shell-shocked. " _He made you a Gerudo_?!" he cried out. " _When did_ _this_ _happen_?"

The Postman didn't answer him, and so Sakon thought about it for a moment. "He made you a Gerudo because of what happened in the Skyworld?"

The Postman gave a very subtle nod.

Sakon crossed his arms and scowled. " _I helped too_!" he protested. " _How come you're getting all the credit? I've lived here for most of my life and no one ever offered to make_ _me_ _a Gerudo!_ "

The Postman gave a slight shrug, knowing that Sakon wasn't exactly liked within the castle.

" _It doesn't look that bad_." Sakon said in a way of consoling him. " _It actually looks like a tattoo. I'm surprised your family never noticed that._ "

The Postman let out a heavy sigh, and decided he had more to worry about than the mark on his neck. "Please Sir, may I take Sakon's body?"

"You promised to collect his body if he died?" Ganondorf asked skeptically.

"Yes, Sir."

" _Not exactly the truth_." Sakon pointed out. " _You said you'd come get my body if you weren't crazy, but close enough_."

"I don't really care, Tracker. You can do what you want with the body." Ganondorf still looked incredibly suspicious, despite giving his permission.

"Thank you, Sir."

"I'm going to accompany you." Ganondorf stated, turning towards the door. "To make sure that's all you're up to."

He obviously expected The Postman to follow, because he didn't even glance back at him, stalking from the room without another word. The Postman quickly trotted after him, feeling glad this was almost over with.

Sakon floated lazily between them, feeling quite cocky now that his life wasn't in danger. He thumbed his nose at Ganondorf, making horrible faces, and he flashed The Postman a grin.

" _What a stupid lug_!" The Thief laughed. " _He doesn't even realize he's helping with my escape_!"

The Postman pointedly looked away, clearly still angry at him but was unable to voice it at the moment. Sakon paused mid-raspberry, glanced at The Postman's expression, and then gave him a questioning look.

" _You're still mad about the wedding thing_?" he demanded.

The glare he received was all the answer he needed.

Sakon floated over, and gave him an over-exaggerated pout. " _Aw, do you need a hug_?"

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "Don't push it." he said very lowly. "I can still change my mind, and leave you here."

Ganondorf glanced at him over his shoulder. "Did you say something, Tracker?"

"No, Sir."

Ganondorf gave him a puzzled look, and then shrugged, turning his eyes back to the hallway in front of them.

Sakon gave The Postman a smirk as he floated on his back, staring at him from upside down. " _You shouldn't make idle threats, darling. You know you would never leave me behind. I'm the only interesting thing in your life after all_."

The Postman's expression clearly said different, but he didn't say anything. The last thing he needed was for Ganondorf to think any comments were directed at him! He doubted Ganondorf would find the situation very amusing.

Sakon stretched out casually in the air, his feet going straight through Ganondorf's chest. " _Ganondorf can kind of hear me, you know_." he stated casually. _"I'm not really sure what he hears when I speak to him but it bothers his ears_."

The Postman cocked his head, now curious.

" _Several people were like that actually. They could hear or sense something, but I don't think it was a voice. By their reactions I think it may have been like a ringing or buzzing or something. Most people can't hear me at all_."

Sakon gave another casual stretch, still halfway through Ganondorf chest. " _Link couldn't see me but he could almost hear me. Every time I'd speak to him, he would draw his sword and look really spooked. I messed with for hours just because it was so hilarious. You were the only one who could actually see and hear me though_."

Sakon paused and scratched at his chin in thought. " _I wonder why? What's so special about_ _you_?"

The Postman honestly had no idea, and gave a shrug as they reached the dark staircase leading down into the dungeon. He assumed it must have had something to do with the wine they both drank from Termina's temple.

Ganondorf ignored the guard posted at the door, and then began down the stairs, The Postman following quickly behind. The guard stared a long moment in surprise, and then she too followed, wanting to see what was going to happen. They walked down the very long winding staircase in silence, the only sound yells from far below in the dungeon. When they reached the bottom of the stairs, Ganondorf pointed towards the only open cell.

"He's there." he stated. "Take him and go."

The Postman could see a crumpled form laying in the centre of the cell, and slowly approached the cell to get a better look. Seeing the familiar blue and white of Sakon's clothes, he stepped into the cell under Ganondorf's watchful gaze. He knelt next to the body and reached out, turning Sakon's face towards him. Sakon certainly looked dead, but there was no sign of decay or rot. The body was so still, The Postman felt a little creeped out, and hesitantly reached out a hand to give the body a poke.

Sakon chose that exact moment to appear in front of him with a loud yell. The Postman visibly jumped, and then gave Sakon a look of death as The Thief gave him a cheeky grin.

" _Sorry, couldn't resist_." he apologized. " _It was too perfect_."

"What are you doing?" Ganondorf demanded. "Are you scared of a corpse?"

The Postman jumped again, not hearing Ganondorf approach him from behind. Ganondorf glanced down at Sakon's body and then did a double-take. Pushing The Postman aside, he knelt down and touched his fingers to Sakon's cheek.

"The body is still warm..." Ganondorf stated in confusion.

He looked Sakon all over and saw no signs of rot or decay, and he knew something wasn't right. He narrowed his eyes and looked over at The Postman.

"I'm giving you one chance to admit to what's going on." he warned.

" _Don't tell him anything_!" Sakon protested. " _He'll probably leave me like this as a punishment_!"

The Postman hesitated, and then averted his gaze. "Nothing's going on, Sir."

Ganondorf's expression hardened. "Very well, I'm going to have The Thief's body cremated so it will be easier for you to take."

The Postman eyes widened.

"Wait, no!" both The Postman and Sakon cried out at the same time.

Ganondorf crossed his arms, and gave The Postman a hard look. "Tell me right this instant what's going on, or I'm going to have the body destroyed."

"You won't believe me..." The Postman told him with a frown.

"Try me."

The Postman glanced over at Sakon's body, and then let out a sigh. "Sakon's not dead."

Ganondorf gave the body a light kick, and it lobbed a bit but didn't react. "What do you mean he's alive? His heart has stopped, and he's not breathing."

"I can see him, Sir, he's standing just to your left."

Ganondorf glanced beside himself and naturally saw nothing. "What?"

" _He's going to have you committed_." Sakon helpfully informed him.

"Sakon's...spirit came to find me in Termina, and he told me what had happened. He's been separated from his body, and asked for my help retrieving his body from the dungeon."

Ganondorf blinked at him, and then gave him a downright skeptical look. "You're trying to tell me The Thief is right here in the room with us, and his body is in fact alive?"

"Yes, Sir."

Ganondorf definitely didn't look like he believed him, and The Postman let out a sigh.

"I know it sounds strange, but Sakon drank some wine that belonged to the goddess Termina. The wine was sacred, and from what the guardian told me, it is not supposed to be taken in large quantities. When Sakon stole the wine, I didn't even consider the fact it could be the enchanted wine."

Ganondorf's gaze turned to the open bottle of wine laying next to Sakon's body. Kneeling down, he picked it up and gave it a sniff. He grimaced at the horrible smell and wondered why Sakon would even attempt to drink something so foul. He poured a bit out onto the floor, and was surprised when he saw the wine was a deep black in colour.

"And why can you see him when I can't?" Ganondorf demanded. "My magic is much more powerful than yours."

"I think it's because I took a sip of the wine while in Termina's temple. It's made me able to see magic, and perhaps that's why I can see Sakon?"

Ganondorf gave him another frown. "Can you prove your claims?" he demanded.

"Prove them how, Sir?"

"You said Sakon is right here with us?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Sakon, tell The Tracker something only you would know." Ganondorf ordered, glancing around the dungeon.

Sakon crossed his arms impatiently. " _Tell him I slept with all four of his nieces, and one of his sisters_."

"I am not saying that to him!" The Postman exclaimed in horror.

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow in question.

" _Fine_." Sakon said, rolling his eyes. " _Tell him I heard what he said when he first discovered my body. I know he promised Caspian that he'd look after me, and I know he never had any intention of ever replacing me_."

The Postman repeated the information, and Ganondorf let out a curse. That was something he didn't want Sakon knowing. Now Sakon would never let him forget it, and he'd likely be twice as irritating.

"If you ever try to use that information against me, I'll snap every bone in your body." Ganondorf threatened, glaring around the cell.

Sakon snorted.

Ganondorf then turned his glare to The Postman. "You weren't going to tell me about this?" he demanded. "You were just going to let me think he was dead?"

The Postman winced. "I didn't think you'd believe me." he replied. "And I wasn't even sure I believed it myself until I saw the body."

Ganondorf continued glaring at him. "The only reason I'm not having you beat right now is because of your mission."

The Postman looked up at him in surprise. "Mission, Sir?!"

Ganondorf nodded.

"You're trying to restore Sakon to his body, aren't you?"

The Postman hesitated. "Er...well, I hadn't really thought that far ahead." he admitted.

" _What_?" Sakon exclaimed. " _You were going to just abandon my body somewhere, and not even try to help me?_ "

"I wasn't going to just abandon you." The Postman defended "I probably would have taken you to Link, and let him deal with this. It's his job as a hero to save people, not mine."

" _I'm a villain, and so he probably wouldn't help me anyway_!" Sakon protested. " _Knowing him, he'd just leave my body in a ditch, and go off on some other adventure_!"

The Postman let out a sigh. "I wouldn't let him do that."

" _But Link can't even see me! How can he help me, if he can't see me_?"

"He's resourceful, I'm sure he'll figure something out."

"You're not going to The Hero of Time for help." Ganondorf growled irritably. "We Gerudo take care of our own. You've involved yourself with this, and you can find a way to hep him."

"But, Sir!" The Postman protested.

"The Thief's your friend isn't he?"

The Postman scowled and shot Sakon a glare. "Sometimes." he replied.

" _Nice, Jihiro, real nice_." Sakon groused. " _And here I'm the only one who remembered it's your birthday today_!"

"I don't care that it's my birthday, Sakon." The Postman replied. "There's more important things going on right now."

"It's your birthday?" the guard suddenly spoke up, having been eavesdropping.

Everyone turned to look at her, having forgotten she was even in the room.

"Yes." The Postman answered with a frown.

The guard was one of the women from his training class and she looked somewhat excited. "How old are you?" she demanded.

"Thirty." The Postman answered, wondering why she cared.

"I'm gonna go tell the others!" she announced, hurrying from the dungeon.

Everyone watched her go in disbelief, and Ganondorf shook his head with a sigh. He always seemed to have problems with warriors that were still in training. It hadn't even occurred to her that she'd left her guard duty without a second thought. He'd have to have a few words with Captain Isa.

"I am going to have Koume and Kotake take a look at Sakon." Ganondorf announced, giving Sakon's body a nudge with his foot. "They may have some idea what's happened to him."

The Postman nodded, knowing the clever witches would be their best bet at this point.

Ganondorf reached down, seized Sakon's body by the back of the shirt, and easily picked it up.

" _Stop him_!" Sakon yelled in dismay. " _He's going to do something horrible to me! Stop him_!"

Ganondorf stared down at the body with a frown, and then turned towards the stairs, dragging the body behind him.

" _I'm going to be all scraped up and bruised_!" Sakon complained. " _He's not even trying to careful_!"

"Better than dead." The Postman muttered.

As Ganondorf dragged Sakon up the stairs, he didn't seem too concerned with how The Thief was awkwardly bouncing against the stone steps.

" _Be careful_!" Sakon yelled at him. " _You're going to kill me_ , _you stupid Gerudo_!"

The Postman fell in step beside Ganondorf, and looked up at him uncertainly. "Sir?" he questioned.

"What?" Ganondorf demanded.

"I think you're harming Sakon's body.."

Ganondorf glanced down, and frowned when he saw a few bruises on Sakon's arms.

Ganondorf let out an exasperated sigh, and then easily tossed the body over a shoulder. Then, without a word, he started up the rest of the stairs.

The Postman stared at him in surprise for all of a moment, not expecting him to actually care, before quickly following after him. When they reached the top, Ganondorf headed for Koume and Kotake's lab, and The Postman continued trailing behind him. Sakon was looking somewhat stressed at having Ganondorf in charge of his body, and it was clear The Thief thought he was going to end up hurt.

Ganondorf didn't say a single word the entire way to the lab, and when they arrived, he gave a single knock to the door and opened it without waiting for a response. Koume and Kotake were in the middle of brewing a potion, and they looked up in surprise, not expecting the interruption. When they saw Sakon's body, they frowned, and then approached.

"What is it, Lord Ganondorf?" Koume asked. "Why have you brought The Thief's body to us?"

"Sakon's not dead." Ganondorf stated. "The moron drank enchanted wine, and his spirit is separated from his body."

The twins' eyes widened. "Are you sure?" Kotake demanded in shock.

Ganondorf nodded. "The Tracker was given some of the same wine in Termina's temple, and he is able to see and speak with Sakon's spirit."

The witches glanced at Sakon's body, and then motioned for Ganondorf to lay it down on the nearby bed. Koume and Kotake then checked Sakon for signs of life, but he seemed completely lifeless.

"Strange..." Kotake observed. "His body is still warm to the touch, but he's not breathing, and his heart has stopped. It's almost as if something is keeping this body alive."

"Do you have any more of this sacred wine?" Koume demanded.

" _I have more in my backpack in the dungeon_." Sakon said.

"Sakon says he has more of the wine in his backpack." The Postman told everyone.

"The Thief is here in the room with us?" Kotake asked in surprise.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, ma'am, he's right there." The Postman pointed to where Sakon was floating and everyone turned to stare at the spot although they couldn't see him.

"You are a moron." Koume told Sakon, with a scolding look. "Weren't you ever taught as a child not to consume things you find laying around?!"

Sakon crossed his arms. " _Actually,_ _no_ _, everyone was too busy hating me because I was male, to actually teach me anything. Maybe if you hadn't been such horrible shrews, I wouldn't have had such a crappy childhood_."

"He says 'no'." The Postman responded.

"Idiot." Koume muttered, crossing the room to gather a few supplies. "I need that wine."

"Tracker, go get The Thief's backpack as fast as you can." Ganondorf ordered. "It's in the dungeon."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

" _I'm staying here to make sure they aren't going to kill me_." Sakon told him. " _Come back fast in case you have to defend me_."

Giving one last glance to Sakon's body, The Postman, left the lab and ran as fast as he could back to the dungeon. He found Sakon's backpack just outside of his cell, and quickly grabbed it.

"Um...Tracker?"

The Postman paused, and glanced up. A Gerudo was staring at him from one of the other cells looking absolutely miserable.

"Yes, miss?"

"I heard everything." she told him. "Lord Ganondorf imprisoned me for causing The Thief's death a few days ago. If he's really alive, and if I had nothing to do with it, would you please ask Lord Ganondorf if he'll release me?"

The Postman immediately nodded. "Yes, miss, your name is Reshma, is it not?"

Reshma gave a nod.

"I'll ask him right away."

She gave him a smile. "Thanks, Tracker."

The Postman gave her another nod, and then left the dungeon at a run, the heavy backpack slowing him down. When he got back to the lab, he saw the witches had set up a large variety of powders on the table next to Sakon's body, and had stripped him. Sakon was watching them with a scowl, and when he saw The Postman he let out a dramatic sigh.

" _They're making mean comments about me_!" he protested.

"Mean comments?" The Postman questioned.

Koume let out a sigh. "Is that thief complaining to you?" she demanded. "I only commented that he stunk, and needed a bath."

" _Well,_ _you_ _try being on the run for two months, and see how_ _you_ _smell_!" Sakon shot back.

The Postman gave him a look that clearly said he did not agree. The Postman was a naturally very clean person, and never would have gone that long without bathing.

"Do you have the wine?" Kotake demanded.

The Postman set down the backpack, and dug inside, pulling out a bottle of wine. Kotake immediately seized it from him.

"I am going to do some tests on this wine, while Koume does similar tests on The Thief." she told them. "We will need complete concentration, and so we need everyone to leave."

" _No, way_!" Sakon protested, looking over at The Postman. " _You need to stay and protect my body_!"

"Sakon wants me to stay." The Postman told them.

"Tough." Kotake replied, giving him a push towards the door. "If he ever wants to be cured of this curse, he needs to let us concentrate. He knows very well we're his best bet for ever returning to his body unharmed."

Sakon let out an aggravated sigh. " _Fine_." he reluctantly agreed.

"Don't leave the castle." Ganondorf told him. "We'll probably need you again."

Kotake then shoved The Postman the rest of the way out of the lab, and Ganondorf stayed behind to speak privately with the witches for a moment. Sakon also lingered behind to eavesdrop, and he caught up to The Postman a few minutes later.

" _Ganondorf asked them if there was a chance I would recover_." he told The Postman.

"You shouldn't eavesdrop."

" _The witches don't even know where to start on this curse, and so they couldn't give him an answer_."

"I'm sure you'll be fine." The Postman assured him. "Koume and Kotake are very talented at what they do."

Sakon still looked worried. He stayed silent all the way to Wing J, and when The Postman unlocked his bedroom door, Sakon entered without a word. The Thief's eyes immediately fell on the golden medal hanging over the mirror, and he floated over to take a look at it.

" _What's this_?!" he demanded.

"It was given to me when I became a member of the Gerudo tribe." The Postman replied, taking a seat on his bed.

Sakon's expression became scandalized. " _They gave_ _you_ _a medal of honour, and made_ _you_ _a member of the Gerudo Tribe when I was there with you for the whole adventure?! How is this fair_!" he cried out. " _I've lived here for twenty years, and all they do is berate me_!"

"I didn't ask for it, it was Ganondorf who decided to do it." The Postman told him.

Sakon crossed his arms, clearly jealous, and he didn't answer. The Postman was about to respond when a knock came at the door. Standing to his feet, he approached the door and opened it. He was quite surprised to see his whole training class standing in the hallway.

"Happy Birthday!" they yelled out obnoxiously loud.

The Postman was definitely not expecting this, and he took a step back in surprise. He was immediately seized by both arms, and pulled out of the room by the crowd of grinning Gerudo.

"Come on, birthdays are a big deal here!" Iris crowed.

"Let's go party!" another Gerudo yelled, pumping her fist into the air.

"Oh, um, I probably shouldn't-" The Postman began.

"Nonsense!" Adena scolded. "Let us show you how Gerudo celebrate birthdays!"

"But I have to wait to be summoned-"

"You can party until you're summoned!" Iris insisted.

Adena leaned over to his ear. "We got you cake!" she whispered. "And it's coconut, your favourite!"

" _Go celebrate your birthday_." Sakon ordered. " _Your family didn't, so let your friends take care of it_."

The Postman felt his resolve weaken, and he gave them a nod. Letting out a cheer, the crowd of Gerudo dragged him off down the hallway.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **Next update will be on Sunday!**


	52. Sakon's Curse

**Authornote: Sunday July 2nd 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I've had a very bad day today, and I almost wasn't going to update.**

 **Just to let you guys know, I'm having a problem with my vision that's making it extremely difficult for me to type. My vision suddenly became distorted, and when I went to the ophthalmologist's, he told me some blood vessels had caused the backs of my retinas to puncture, leaking blood and fluid which was why my vision became so wonky. He gave me eye injections, but he's not certain it will help with the issue because apparently "choroidal neovascular membrane" is not a very common condition, and there's not much research on it. I have a 75% chance of going legally blind if the treatment doesn't work.**

 **I'm sorry if the quality of this chapter is not up to standard, but I haven't had time to proofread it. I know there are mistakes, but I'll have to fix them at a later date.**

 **If the next chapter is late, it's because it's taking me a bit longer to type than it normally does. Luckily i can type without having to look, but it's reading what I've written that takes longer than usual. If the next update is going to be late, I'll post an update at the bottom of this chapter later in the week. Check back if you don't see an update.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Guest -** Thanks for the review! There will be plenty more! :D

 **.**

 **Guest101** \- Don't worry, there's still a LOT of the story left to go! Probably another 50 chapters at least. lol If Sakon's going to haunt me, I'd better not kill him off then! o_O

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 **jigbashmop** \- I felt like I was being a little too mean to him, and decided to give him a break just this once. lol Poor Sakon, so unloved hahaha

 **.**

 **SilentyDead \- **(sneakily hands SilentyDead a gold medal) Now that Sakon knows Ganondorf doesn't want him dead, he'll be a bit more bold in irritating him. lol Sakon actually likes Ganondorf in a weird, annoying little brother type of way. He wouldn't continue working for him if he hated him.

 **.**

 **The Hylian Chronicler** **-** Being experimented on by two ancient hags is definitely not Sakon's idea of a fun time, but he knows they would never purposely harm him. He spent years trying to learn magic from them all to no avail, and so they actually know each other very well. (although they're exasperated by Sakon, they don't hate him.)

The Postman is more reluctant than you know to begin a new adventure. Sakon is very lucky The Postman is such a pacifist, or he'd be getting a fist to the throat the second he returned to his body. lol

Sakon would be very offended at the thought of being called a sidekick. In his mind, he is a brave and dashing fellow that just keeps The Postman around for company. ;)

 **.**

 **Rainmy \- **The Postman would probably never admit it, but he actually feels more at home with the Gerudo Nation than he does anywhere else. He feels like he has a purpose there, and he has plenty of friends from his training class. Sakon was certainly jealous about the medal, and about the fact The Postman was invited to join the Gerudo, but not about the birthday. He was indignant on The Postman's behalf about the fact he was forgotten about.

Ganondorf thought at the time he might be forced to have Sakon executed because of the seriousness of the crime, but he honestly didn't want to. Although he had made that promise to Caspian, he would never place Sakon above any of his people, and he would break the promise if he had to. Koume and Kotake would have talked him out of it, however. If Sakon had been proven to be the father, he would have spent an extended stay in the dungeon, and probably would have been castrated.

Sakon would have gone to The Happy Mask Salesman if The Postman had not been able to see or hear him. Sakon does not like his uncle, and he'd be the last person he'd ever go to for help. The Happy Mask Salesman would have been able to see him, but I'm not going to explain why because that would spoil something later on. ;)

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- The Postman IS capable of making jokes, but since he's usually in a bad mood, or a serious mood, it rarely happens. lol He was actually quite pleased about his friends throwing him a party, and he needed a break. :)

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 **placesmileshere** \- Interesting fact, that was the first birthday cake The Postman ever had that he liked. He's never been a fan of most cakes, and every year his mother would bake a basic vanilla cake which he never cared for. She has so many children that she can never keep straight who likes what. Since The Postman is so quiet, he tends to get overlooked a lot.

I don't want to give too much away about why The Postman has those two unusual abilities, but I will confirm that you're correct about them not matching either of his magic types. They are something he instinctively uses.

.

 **setokayba2n** \- I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far! I think a lot of people are turned off by the story because it focuses on minor characters instead of Link. I actually prefer using minor characters because there's more room to develop their personalities and backstories.

In my universe, Link did not successfully complete the Anju/Kafei mask quest, and so Kafei was left to grow up all over again. I didn't want Link to succeed at every quest, and I wanted to show that he did have failures that affected other peoples lives.

The witches will definitely experiment with the wine. :) It will explain why they couldn't see Sakon in this chapter.

.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 4

Sakon's Curse

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The Postman wasn't summoned until early the next morning. Similar to the mark he'd had on his hand, he felt the mark on his neck burn. Sitting up, he was startled to see Sakon staring directly at him from the end of the bed.

"Were you watching me sleep?" The Postman demanded.

Sakon gave a shrug. " _Not the whole night. I watched a whooooole lot of lesbian sex last night. I didn't come back here until everyone else went to sleep_."

The Postman gave him an appalled look. "You were sneaking into people's rooms without their permission?!"

Sakon was completely unapologetic. " _Well, duh, like I'm going to let an opportunity like_ _this_ _pass. No one can see me, and I can go absolutely anywhere._ "

The Postman was not impressed. "You were the one who claimed you didn't perv on people!" he said accusingly.

Sakon squinted at him, clearly confused. " _I didn't say that_."

"Yes, you did, on Skyloft! You claimed you were a 'perfect gentleman' and didn't spy on women!"

" _Oh, well, all bets are off now due to special circumstances_."

The Postman let out a disgusted sigh. "I'm going to tell everyone you've been spying on them."

Sakon gave him a horrified look. " _No, don't you dare! I'll get eviscerated the second I return to my body! There'll be so many pieces of me, that you'd never even be able to find them all_!"

"If you spy on any more women, I'll tell them." The Postman threatened. "It's creepy, and wrong."

" _Don't call me creepy, you're just jealous_."

"I'm really not."

Letting out another sigh as a more impatient burn came to his neck, The Postman got to his feet, and reached for his Gerudo uniform.

" _Were you summoned_?" Sakon asked.

The Postman nodded, quickly getting dressed. "Maybe they've found a way to reverse the curse?"

" _Hopefully_." Sakon replied, giving a stretch. " _As much fun as this has been, it'll be nice to actually be able to feel things again_."

Once he was fully dressed, The Postman left his room, and then hurried down to Koume and Kotake's lab. When he entered, he saw the witches as well as Ganondorf gathered around the bedside, staring down at Sakon's body. When they saw him enter, Koume waved him over.

"Can you cure him?" The Postman immediately asked.

The witches exchanged a look.

"The short answer is no." Ganondorf replied, looking disgruntled.

" _What? Why not_?" Sakon demanded.

"Sakon wants to know why he can't be cured." The Postman told them.

"Well," Kotake began. "The idiot drank half a bottle of Termina's sacred wine. One single sip of that wine is supposed to make you become in tune with the magical and spiritual world, and so there's no saying what is actually happening to him. I'm actually quite surprised that he's still alive, to be honest."

"Can we make his body throw the wine up?" The Postman asked.

Koume shook her head. "We tried that, but it's already too late. The magic has already taken hold of him."

"We will continue to experiment on the wine, but it's extremely dangerous, and will need careful examination." Kotake added. "I'm hesitant to test it in any potions because of what happened to Sakon. I don't want to end up in the same predicament."

" _You mean I'm stuck like this forever_?!" Sakon cried out in dismay.

"Isn't there anything we can do?" The Postman asked, worriedly.

"All we can do is wait, and hope the magic eventually wears off." Kotake replied. "He'll need to be kept in the hospital wing so that his body remains fed and hydrated. His body is still alive, and so if he's not taken care of, he'll eventually starve to death."

Sakon looked completely devastated. " _This isn't fair_!" he yelled at the witches. " _Find a way to fix me_!"

"I'm sure they're going to do everything they can to help you, Sakon." The Postman assured him. "Just be patient while they research it."

" _No_!" Sakon snapped. " _I want to be cured_!"

"You could try praying to Termina to ask if she'll heal you?" The Postman suggested.

Sakon gave him an unimpressed look. " _Do you really think the virgin goddess is going to help someone like me? Especially considering I stole that wine from her temple? She'd probably just strike me dead with a lightening bolt_."

"While Koume and Kotake are researching this, I want you to stay close to the Tracker, Sakon." Ganondorf ordered.

" _Why_?" Sakon demanded grumpily.

"He wants to know why, Sir."

"Your ability will be extremely useful, and I want to know where you are at all times since I can't see you." Ganondorf responded. "Once I have a mission for you, I can simply summon the Tracker."

" _If I'm a ghost, money's not much good to me any more_." Sakon pointed out. " _Why would I even bother going on a mission for you_?"

The Postman hesitated, not quite sure what to say to Ganondorf. The Gerudo saw his expression, and immediately narrowed his eyes.

"He said something that I'd normally hit him for, didn't he?"

The Postman hesitated again, and then gave a nod.

"Let's put it this way, Sakon." Ganondorf stated. "You can go on missions, or you can watch your body slowly starve to death in the dungeon."

Sakon let out a skeptical snort. " _He wouldn't kill me, I know his secret now_!" Sakon retorted. " _He can't kill me without breaking his promise to Cas_!"

"Don't push him, Sakon." The Postman scolded. "You're not really in a position to be negotiating."

Sakon knew this was true and felt incredibly frustrated. " _Fine, but they better find a way to cure me_!"

The Postman turned his gaze to Ganondorf. "He said he'd do it."

"Good." Ganondorf replied, crossing his arms. "I haven't begun any new plans yet, but when I do, prepare to be summoned."

"Yes, Sir."

"You may go back to your day job for now." Ganondorf told him.

"Yes, Sir."

Sakon was sulking, and he glared at Ganondorf silently.

" _Don't forget my backpack_." Sakon said to The Postman. " _It goes everywhere with me and I don't like the idea of it being out of my sight for too long_."

"What's so important about the backpack?" The Postman asked, glancing down at the heavy, dirty-looking backpack with a frown.

" _It has my whole life in there_." Sakon responded. " _All my important stuff_."

"I don't want to have to carry that big thing around." The Postman informed him. "It also looks like it smells."

Ganondorf let out a snort, and quickly looked away when The Postman looked up at him.

" _Just take it, or I'll nag you non-stop until you do_." Sakon threatened. " _You know I will_!"

The Postman let out a resigned sigh, and dutifully picked up the backpack.

"We'll move Sakon's body to the Medical Wing where it'll be taken care of by the doctor." Koume told him. "With proper care, his body can live for a very long time. We will do our best to find a solution to this curse."

The Postman gave her a nod. "Sakon says thank you."

" _No, I didn't_."

The witches flashed The Postman a look of disbelief. "Really?"

The Postman gave Ganondorf a salute and then quickly left the room so he wouldn't have to answer. Sakon floated after him.

" _Smooth, real smooth_."

The Postman glared at him, and then began trudging up the stairs to leave the castle.

" _Why does Ganondorf treat you way better than he does me_?" Sakon demanded. " _You get away with way more than I do, and then you get medals and invitations to join the Gerudo tribe_!"

The Postman gave a shrug.

Sakon crossed his arms and frowned at him accusingly. " _Are you his boyfriend, or something? Why else would he be so nice to you? I mean, there has to be_ _some_ _reason he's keeping you around_!"

The Postman let out a breath of irritation, but didn't say anything.

" _Who knows what sort of awful things those witches are going to do to me..._ " Sakon said worriedly. " _I was probably injured before they even got their boney hands on me!_ "

"The only injury I saw was what looked like a rat bite on one of your ears." The Postman informed him. "You likely got that from laying in the dungeon for so long."

" _Great, now my body probably has rabies_." Sakon grumbled. " _If I do, I'm going to bite you the second I'm back in my body._."

The Postman gave The Thief a frown. "How is the rat bite my fault?" he asked.

" _Because you should have been faster rescuing me_." Sakon said, crossing his arms and sticking his nose into the air. " _You wasted a lot of time yesterday_."

The Postman sighed and said nothing more, as they left the castle and headed for the stables. Upon entering, the Gerudo in charge of the horses looked up, and then gave him a frown.

"Your horse needs more time to rest."

"But I need to get to Termina as fast as possible!" The Postman protested.

The Gerudo gave him a shrug. "Sorry, nothing I can do, you'll have to take another horse."

"But that's my parent's horse, and I need to return it." The Postman told her.

"Tough."

Letting out a sigh, The Postman turned his gaze to the other horses in the stable. He needed to get back to Termina and attempt to explain himself to his family. He'd completely ruined Haru's wedding, and he knew it was not going to be a pleasant conversation.

"You can ride Nightmare, right?" the Gerudo asked him.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, miss."

"Take him then." she told him. "He seems to hate everyone, and he could use some exercise. As long as you're careful with him, Lord Ganondorf won't mind."

The Postman hesitated, wondering what his family would think if he rode home on the enormous demon horse. Knowing Nightmare was the fastest horse in the entire stable, he reluctantly gave a nod.

The Gerudo helped him saddle the horse, and The Postman mounted without issue, and she gave him a smirk.

"You're getting better at riding." she complimented. "There may be hope for you yet."

"I seem to be riding more often lately." The Postman told her. "Thank you for taking care of my horse for me, miss."

"No problem, but you better not return Nightmare in that sort of condition!"

"I won't." The Postman promised.

Giving her a wave, her rode out of the stable, and The Postman flashed Sakon a confused look. The Thief had been completely silent during the whole conversation, and he was looking rather worried.

"You'll be fine." The Postman assured him.

Sakon simply let out a sigh.

They rode in silence for several minutes, and when the horse entered the desert, The Postman gave Sakon another glance.

"Even if you never return to your body, you'd still be able to spy for Ganondorf. You'd be a lot of help during wars."

Sakon scowled at him. " _You're not reassuring me very much_."

"Hoo hoot"

Sakon gave The Postman a flabbergasted look. " _Did you just_ _hoot_ _at me_?" he demanded.

"It wasn't me." The Postman responded, looking up towards the sky.

Kaepora Gaebora was flying above them, and he landed on the top of a nearby well. The owl was staring down at The Postman, and Sakon's eyebrows rose in surprise.

" _Whoa, look at the size of that owl_!" he commented. " _It's huge_!"

"That's Gaepora." The Postman informed him, stopping the horse.

Sakon squinted up at the owl, this being the first time he'd seen him. " _I thought you rescued that guy? Or at least_ _someone_ _did anyway.._."

The Postman shook his head. "No, I never got the chance."

Kaepora Gaebora spread out his enormous brown wings as if to stretch them, never shifting his gaze from The Postman.

"Greetings, brave postman!" Kaepora Gaebora called down, cocking his head. "How fares thee?"

The Postman hesitated. "...morning, Sir."

The owl then turned his gaze directly to Sakon, and cocked his head even further. "And hello, thief."

Sakon stared up at Kaepora Gaebora with wide eyes. " _You can see me_?" he cried out in shock.

"Hoot." Kaepora Gaebora confirmed. "I see more than you realize, thief."

Sakon looked over at The Postman. " _He can see me_!" he cheered happily. " _Maybe there are other people who can too_!"

The Postman shielded his eyes from the sun, and stared up at the owl curiously. From the past meetings with Kaepora Gaebora, the owl had offered him advice, and he wondered if this was the owl's mission in life.

"Have you come to tell us something, Sir?" he asked politely.

"I have." Kaepora Gaebora responded. "Once again, I've come to assist you on your quest, postman."

The Postman didn't like the sound of that, and he hesitated a long moment. "...I'm not on a quest." he informed him.

Kaepora Gaebora hooted in laughter. "Your quest never ended, postman, it has barely begun! There is still much left of your journey. This will be your most difficult journey yet! Hoot."

The Postman gave Kaepora Gaebora a glare, and then, without a word, turned the horse and rode off. He was not being pulled into another adventure; he refused, fate be damned.

Sakon stared after him, and then looked up at the owl. " _You can still tell_ _me_ _about the quest_." he told him.

Kaepora Gaebora shook his head. "No, it must be The Postman who listens to my advice."

Without another word to The Thief, the owl spread its wings and flew off. Sakon stared after him with a frown, and then glanced in the direction The Postman had gone. Sakon followed after The Postman, but he was not happy about it.

" _What are you doing_?" Sakon demanded angrily when he'd caught up to him. " _He could see me! What if he could have told me how to get cured_?"

"I am not being dragged into another quest." The Postman said with finality. "I'm a postman, not a hero, and just once I'd like to have a normal life."

" _Go back_!" Sakon ordered. " _I want to hear what the owl had to say! He might know some information we can use_!"

The Postman kept his eyes straight ahead. "No. I'm going back to Termina, I'm not going on an adventure, and I'm going to deliver tomorrow's mail as usual."

Sakon scowled at him. " _Don't you even care if I ever make it back into my body_?"

"Certainly, but it's not my job."

" _Bah, you're ridiculous_!" Sakon snapped as they passed by the Gerudo Fortress. " _Friends are supposed to help each other out no matter what_!"

The Postman didn't answer, steering the horse past the Gerudo Fortress, keeping his eyes focussed ahead.

" _What if my body's slowly dying, and if someone doesn't help me right away it'll start to rot_?"

"Koume and Kotake said that won't happen." The Postman replied.

Sakon threw his hands up in the air in frustration. " _They can't even see me, and they might just forget about me, or give up! I want help from someone I trust! Someone who will actually try to help me_!"

The Postman frowned over at him as they crossed the Gerudo Bridge. "Sakon, what exactly do you expect me to do? I'm just a postman. I don't know anything about curses or magic."

Sakon gave a helpless, desperate shrug. " _I don't know, but you could have at least listened to the stupid owl_!"

Staring straight across Hyrule Field, The Postman sighed, and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. "No."

" _Why_?" Sakon demanded.

"I'm not being forced into a quest." he replied.

"You could have still listened."

"I don't like being forced into things." The Postman stated. "Nobody ever asks me, they tell me."

Sakon gave him a skeptical look. " _If it had have been_ _me_ _who asked you to, would you have agreed to go on the quest_?"

"No, but at least it would've been my choice."

Sakon let out a snort, and seated himself on top of the Nightmare's head. "That's why no one ever asks you, you always say no."

"Ho there, young postman! Hoot!" called a voice from above.

The Postman and Sakon both looked up to see Kaepora Gaebora perched on top of the cliff, waiting for them. The owl had his head cocked to one side, and he seemed genuinely amused.

"Why in such a hurry, postman?" he asked in a light tone. "So eager for your quest already?"

The Postman gave him a dirty look, snapped the reins, and rode off at an even greater pace.

Sakon floated just above the horse's head, and crossed his arms, not impressed. " _Really, Jihiro,_ _really_?"

The Postman was completely unapologetic, and ignored him as he urged Nightmare to go even faster. The horse was fast, and had obviously been penned for far too long, because he seemed overly eager to run. It crossed the borders into Hyrule, and within minutes it was galloping across Hyrule Field.

Sakon continued glaring at him silently, until finally The Postman acknowledged him.

"Fine," The Postman admitted with a sigh. "I suppose I should have at least listened to him."

" _Then why didn't you_?" he demanded.

The Postman sighed again. "...I don't know, I just have a feeling that if I listen to him I'll get trapped in a quest."

" _That's stupid_." Sakon scolded.

"Perhaps." The Postman admitted.

All of a sudden there came the sound of beating wings from above, and The Postman barely had time to glance up, before he was seized by the shoulders and pulled completely out of the horse's saddle. Kaepora Gaebora kept a firm hold on him, and The Postman was now dangling about ten metres above the ground. Nightmare, realizing he had lost his rider, slowed down to a stop and looked back at him.

"Hello, postman." Kaepora Gaebora casually greeted him.

The Postman was completely speechless, and he simply stared up at the owl in outrage.

Sakon started to laugh, and he floated over, grinning widely. _"Well, I guess you'll be listening_ _now_!"

The Postman expression became even more outraged. Sakon saw his expression, and was obviously worried he would say something that would cause the owl to drop him, because he quickly spoke up.

" _What happened to me_?" he demanded. " _Why am I ghost_?"

Kaepora Gaebora turned his attention to The Thief. "You are not a ghost. Hoo hoot." he stated. "Your situation is very unique."

Sakon frowned. " _Then what_ _am_ _I_?" he asked.

The large brown owl stared down at him for a moment as if contemplating answering. "You're trapped between the spirit-world, and this world." he explained. "It is a very serious problem for a mortal."

" _Spirit-world_?" Sakon cried. " _What in Din's name is a Spirit-world_?!"

Kaepora Gaebora adjusted his grip slightly, his long talons digging into The Postman's shoulders painfully. "You drank wine meant only for immortals, thief. Your mortal body could not handle it, and the result is your current condition. It is very unfortunate."

Sakon frowned. " _He_ _drank some too_!" he pointed out accusingly.

"He drank only a mouthful which is still dangerous, but not enough to kill him or trap him between worlds. You, thief, drank much more than that, didn't you?"

Sakon frowned. " _Yeah_." he admitted. " _I drank half the bottle_."

This seemed to surprise Kaepora Gaebora. "That should have killed you." he stated. "You must have a goddess looking out for you, and she spared you."

Sakon crossed his arms. " _If a goddess was looking out for me, why didn't she just stop me from turning into_ _this_?" he demanded. " _I think I'm just lucky, because no goddess is_ _that_ _shitty_."

The Postman glanced over at Sakon. "Don't insult the gods, Sakon." he warned. "They're quick to anger."

"If a goddess allowed you to become what you are, then there's a reason for it." Kaepora Gaebora told him. "It must be your destiny."

" _Oh, whatever_." Sakon said, waving him off dismissively.

The Postman looked back up at Kaepora Gaebora, who was staring down at the both of them impassively.

"Will you please set me down, Sir? You're hurting me."

"Will you listen to what I have to say?" the owl demanded.

The Postman sighed. "Yes, I'll listen."

"Hoot. If you run, I'll grab you again." Kaepora Gaebora warned him, slowly lowering him to the ground.

Once The Postman was safely on the ground, he rubbed at his shoulders sullenly, while glaring at the owl. Kaepora Gaebora flew up and landed on the top of a tree, and he cocked his head at him, clearly waiting to see if he was going to run. The Postman crossed his arms, and glared up at him.

"What does Sakon have to do to cure himself?" he asked.

"He must go on a journey to the land of spirits and dreams, and ask a favour of the Windfish."

Sakon crinkled his nose. " _The what now_?"

Kaepora Gaebora gave Sakon a patient look. "The Windfish is the god of dreams. He lives on an island far away called Koholint, and slumbers high on the top of a mountain. He controls who leaves the world of spirits, and you must ask him to release you."

" _I have to wake up a sleeping god_?" Sakon asked uncertainly.

"Hoot."

" _I can't imagine any circumstance where this will turn out_..." Sakon stated.

The Postman stared at Sakon for a long moment, and then asked. "If Sakon is in-between worlds, then how come I can see him? Was it really the wine I drank?"

"You consumed the wine as well, postman." Kaepora Gaebora pointed out. "Although you didn't overdose on it like The Thief, you're still connected to the world of spirits. You'll be able to see many things you weren't able to before."

Sakon floated up so he was eye level with the owl. " _How come_ _you_ _can see me then? I didn't see any owls drinking any of that wine!_ "

"Immortals are much more perceptive than mortals." Kaepora Gaebora informed him. "Only immortals, or those touched by the gods can see the unseen."

Sakon thought about that. " _Huh... So I guess that's why Link and Ganondorf could_ _almost_ _hear me then_..."

"What does any of this have to do with me?" The Postman demanded. "I fail to see why I'd have to get involved in any of this."

Kaepora Gaebora's large golden eyes stared down at him for a long moment, studying him. "If The Thief goes alone, then he is destined to fail. Only you can save him."

The Postman was not accepting that. "Why can't The Hero of Time save him? That's his job."

Kaepora Gaebora gave his head a jerky shake. "Link has already travelled once to the land of spirits and dreams. Once you leave, you can never return. He cannot help him."

The Postman crossed his arms stubbornly. "There are other heroes." he pointed out. "Sakon can find another hero to help him."

"Hoot, but no one else can see The Thief. Without your unique teamwork, he will fail and die."

The Postman did not look impressed, but before he could retort to that, Sakon spoke up.

" _Where do we go? How do we get to this Cocklint island? By a boat_?"

Kaepora Gaebora gave his wings a stretch before replying. "Sail to the Southwest as far as you dare, across the Great Sea and through the raging storms. Don't be afraid of the water when the time comes, trust it with your life."

" _And_?" Sakon prompted.

"That is all I can tell you for now."

Sakon stared at him in disbelief, and then crossed his arms. " _That's it? That's all the advice you have for me? Head Northwest? That's all you can give me_?"

"Southwest, thief." the owl corrected.

Sakon narrowed his eyes. _"Well, where's the island?_ _Where_ _Southeast? Be a little more specific_."

Kaepora Gaebora gave Sakon an impatient look. "SouthWEST, thief." he turned his gaze to The Postman. "This is why you're needed. He will fail horribly on his own."

Sakon scowled at him. " _Where SouthWEST do I go_?" he demanded.

"The island does not have a location, it is as ever-changing as the sea itself. You'll have to find it for yourself. Destiny will bring you there."

" _Stop trying to be all 'mysterious'_!" Sakon ordered, getting into the owl's face. _"Just give me a straight answer!_ _Where_ _do I go_?"

Kaepora Gaebora gave a slow blink. "I cannot reveal anymore for fear of changing fate. Trust in your destiny."

" _Bullshit_!" Sakon yelled angrily. " _You've told us_ _nothing_ _, you stupid pigeon! You're just trying to be an asshole_!"

Before Sakon could react, Kaepora Gaebora lashed out with one of his wings, clipping Sakon sharply across the face. Sakon hadn't been touched by anything in days, and so it took him completely by surprise, and he almost fell from the air. He let out a yelp, and clapped a hand to his face.

" _Ow! You hit me_!" he exclaimed in surprise. " _That really hurt! How come you can hit me_?!"

"Hoo hoot. I remind you, thief, you are not a ghost, and are very much alive." Kaepora Gaebora stated. "You're simply trapped between worlds, and immortals can see and harm you if they wish it. Watch who you insult in the future."

Sakon gave his cheek a sullen rub. " _Well, that's not fair_!" he exclaimed. " _How come_ _I_ _can't touch anything_?"

"Hoo hoot. It takes practice to use this form, thief, and you will learn. You need to master both worlds if you're to succeed in this quest."

Sakon went from sullen to excited within a moment. " _You mean I can learn to touch things_?" he asked.

"Hoot."

" _That could be useful_..." Sakon pondered out loud.

"I must be off, young adventurers. I will return to help you again shortly. Keep safe. Hooo hoot!"

" _But what about_ -"

Sakon cut off mid-sentence as Kaepora Gaepbora spread his wings, and took off into the air. Sakon gave him a scowl.

" _Stupid pigeon_!" he yelled after him.

Once the owl was gone from sight, Sakon floated back down to The Postman's level, who was glaring moodily at the ground. Sakon gave him an uncertain grin, not sure whether to push it with him right now.

" _Hey, at least you don't have to face any monsters or villains this time around_...?"

Without a word, The Postman stormed away towards the horse. He mounted without a word, and then continued across the field. Sakon now felt worried.

" _Are you going to help me_?" he asked uncertainly.

The Postman didn't answer.

" _The pigeon said you're the only one who can save me_..."

The Postman's expression darkened.

Deciding not to keep pushing, Sakon fell silent, and took a seat on top of Nightmare's head like before. Hyrule Castletown came into view a few minutes later, and The Postman finally slowed the horse down. To Sakon's surprise, he rode the horse across the bridge and into town.

" _Darling, I don't think horses are allowed in town_." Sakon helpfully pointed out.

"I don't care." The Postman responded.

Sakon's eyebrows rose in surprise. "Wow, look at you, Mr. Attitude!" he commented with a grin. "What crawled up your butt and died?"

The Postman said nothing as they entered town, most of the villagers not awake yet. He brought the horse to a stop in front of the postoffice, and dismounted, finally looking up at Sakon.

"I'm going to take a shower, and think things through." he stated.

Sakon gave him a nod, hoping The Postman wouldn't decide to simply ignore the quest.

Without another word, The Postman pulled his keys out of his pocket and unlocked the door. Giving one more glance back at Sakon, he entered the postoffice, and closed the door behind him.

Sakon sat cross-legged on top of the horse and stared at the postoffice door with a frown. The Postman was as stubborn as anyone could be, and Sakon really hoped he wouldn't end up trapped permanently between worlds.

Time seemed to drag by, and when the town clock struck for the second time, he let out a groan. The Postman had been gone for more than an hour, and he was beginning to lose patience. He'd never met anyone who took that long to bathe before, and hoped this wouldn't be one of The Postman's three hour baths. Never one for handling boredom well, he finally decided to see what was keeping The Postman.

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Now that he wasn't hot, sweaty and covered in ten layers of sand, The Postman got changed into a clean postal uniform, already feeling more relaxed. As he stood in front of the mirror towel-drying his hair, he wondered if anyone had looked for him after his outburst at the wedding. He wouldn't blame them at all if they didn't. He'd ruined the most important day of his brother's life after all.

Tossing the towel aside, he carefully combed out his hair, noting that his hair was getting to be quite overgrown. He normally had his hair trimmed once every six weeks, and it had been months since his last haircut. Running a hand through his longer than normal hair, he let out a sigh. Nothing in his life was as it should be. His eyes falling on the burn on the neck, he set down the comb, and stared long and hard at the mark with a frown, and raised a hand to touch it. It was incredibly noticeable, and there would be no denying who'd put it there. Everyone who saw it, would instantly know he was allied with the Gerudo Nation.

Rubbing his fingers over the rough and raised flesh, he wondered why it didn't hurt. It certainly looked painful enough, but all he could feel was a slight tingling whenever he touched it. Wondering if it was purposely enchanted not to hurt, The Postman pressed on it lightly. There was no pain, but it did still feel hot to the touch. Turning his head to the side so he could get a better look at it, he contemplated whether he should start wearing necked sweaters so no one could see it.

 _"Almost done admiring yourself in the mirror, darling_?" Sakon asked from behind him, his voice laced with amusement.

The Postman turned around to face him, and gave The Thief a resigned look. Sakon looked him up and down with a crinkled nose, and then asked.

" _Why are you in your postal uniform? Why don't you put on regular clothes_?"

"I feel more comfortable this way." The Postman informed him.

Sakon crossed his arms. " _You're a very sad person_."

The Postman rolled his eyes, and Sakon approached with an eager grin. " _Ready to go_?" he asked. " _Gonna fight a Blowfish on Cocklint island with me?"_

"I don't think you're supposed to fight him." The Postman pointed out. "And I have work tomorrow..."

Sakon gave a shrug. " _Skip it_. _Who cares about your stupid job, anyway_?"

The Postman's eyes widened in alarm. "I can't do that, I'd lose my job! I would never be such a terrible postman!"

Sakon didn't seem all that concerned. " _Find a replacement then. Make one of your brothers or sisters do it._ "

The Postman shook his head. "I can't. The only one who lives close enough to take it over at short notice is Haru, and he's leaving on his honeymoon tomorrow morning."

" _So_?"

"Do you honestly think he'll agree to take over the route instead of going on his honeymoon?"

" _Tape the mailbag and keys to his door, and then run for it_."

"It's his honeymoon." The Postman repeated with a frown.

Sakon met his gaze evenly. " _It's my_ _life_."

The Postman was completely incredulous. "You really expect me to ruin his honeymoon right after I ruined his entire wedding?"

Sakon gave a nod. " _Yes, yes I do_."

The Postman let out an exasperated sigh. "Fine."

Sakon definitely wasn't expecting him to give in that easily. " _Really_?" he asked in surprise.

"What choice do I have?" The Postman responded, turning away. "The entire world seems to be working against me on this."

" _Smartest thing you've said all day_!" Sakon exclaimed, giving him a beaming smile.

The Postman let out another sigh. "Just let me get the mailbag." he grumbled, crossing the room towards his coat-rack. He snatched the mailbag off one of the hooks, and slung it over his shoulder, grabbing his hat as he did so. As he put it on, Sakon floated over, giving the hat a grimace.

" _Okay, I understand why you insist on wearing the uniform, but you are_ _not_ _wearing that stupid hat during the entire adventure_!"

The Postman gave Sakon a 'look', put on a scarf to hide the mark, and then turned towards the door. He left the postoffice and locked the door behind him, forcing Sakon to float through the door to get out. Several villagers were gathered around Nightmare, staring at the horse in suspicion, but The Postman ignored them. The horse kept snorting angrily, and stomping its feet any time anyone got too near, and none of the villagers dared get too close. The Postman mounted the horse without a word, and then turned the horse towards the gate.

"Top priority letter." he said as way of explanation of the horse.

The villagers still looked a bit confused, but The Postman didn't stay around long enough to be questioned. As he rode the horse out of town, Sakon floated by his side.

" _Think they believed you_?" he asked.

"It doesn't matter." The Postman replied. "They'd be too afraid of their mail getting disrupted to question me. They wouldn't take the chance of making me mad at them."

" _That's quite the power you have there_." Sakon said jokingly, as they crossed the drawbridge. " _They'd probably give you whatever you want if you asked. Maybe even a big fat raise if you wanted it_!"

"Probably." The Postman agreed, distractedly.

"You could use the mail to extort the common people!"

The Postman didn't look impressed. He'd never do something like that. He only blacklisted people if they were verbally abusive, or exceptionally difficult. He'd actually had harder times with certain civilians than he'd had with Ganondorf.

They rode the short distance to Kakariko Village, and Sakon still couldn't believe The Postman had given in this easily. He had almost expected him to be dragged into it kicking and screaming, not to just complain and then quietly give in. He supposed The Postman's will and defences were still worn down from the wedding fiasco, and was glad for small favours.

The Postman rode the horse directly into Karkariko Village, and saw no one in sight. It was almost breakfast-time, and the village wasn't quite awake yet. He stopped the horse directly in front of Anju's house, and dismounted, his expression somewhat troubled. Standing in front of the door for a long moment, he shrugged off his mailbag and quietly hung it off the door knob. He then reached into his pocket and pulled out his key-ring, hanging that off the door as well. The Postman knew Haru would get a very clear message when he returned to pack for the honeymoon and saw the items. He'd have no choice but to take over the route.

The Postman slowly reached up and covered his eyes, letting out a loud groan. "By the goddesses..." he whispered. "My entire family is going to kill me..."

Sakon tried to pat him on the back, but then settled for giving him a reassuring smile instead. " _At least it's all for a very good cause_." he said.

The Postman glanced up, his expression saying otherwise, but he didn't comment. Instead, he let out a heavy sigh and headed back to the horse. Mounting without a word, The Postman gave once more glance towards the house, feeling like a complete jerk, and then turned the horse to leave.

"Do you even know where we can get a boat?" he asked Sakon.

Sakon gave him a downright evil grin. " _Sure do_."

The Postman gave The Thief a suspicious look out of the corner of his eye, getting a very bad feeling about this. "Where exactly is this boat?" he demanded.

Sakon's grin widened even more. " _What would you say if I knew of a bunch of very upstanding ladies who have a ship docked at the Great Bay_?"

The Postman hesitated. "...the Gerudo pirates?" he questioned.

Sakon's smirk was answer enough. The Postman had occasional dealings with the pirates, and knew them to be a lot more vicious than the common villain. Living as pirates had hardened them, and their philosophy in life was to rob, maim, and kill, and then ask questions later. They weren't a very pleasant bunch. They also had such a hate for men, that they were notorious for it.

" _I happen to know the pirates are setting sail tomorrow for the Great Sea, and I bet we can catch a ride with them_." Sakon said casually. " _There's plenty of room on their ship. You should ask them to take you along_."

"I really don't think they'll agree to that..." The Postman stated, imagining the pirates' expressions if he actually did dare ask.

" _Relax, what could go wrong_?"

The Postman gave him a flat look. "Plenty."

Sakon waved off the notion dismissively, already having a plan. " _Don't worry about it. They'd never turn away a young maiden willing to pay handsomely for their services_."

The Postman's bad feeling about the situation increased ten-fold. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "What maiden?"

Sakon's smirk grew. "How do you feel about cross-dressing?"

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday.**


	53. Shady Dealings in the Curiosity Shop

**Authornote: Friday July 7th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I managed to get this chapter out on time! Woohoo! :D I didn't think I'd be able to do it because it now takes me three times as long to finish a chapter. Hopefully I'll soon start to see an improvement in my vision and I'll be able to write more reliably.**

 **There may be typos or errors in this chapter, because once again I haven't done a thorough proof-reading. Please excuse any mistakes. (I'll go back and fix them when my eyes are a bit better)**

 **I'm going to do my best to finish Sunday's chapter on time, but there's no guarantee. I'll put an update at the bottom of this chapter if it's going to be late.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guest** \- We will indeed get to see The Postman's family's reaction to all of this. The Postman truly didn't have a choice in helping Sakon unless he was completely heartless. As annoyed as The Postman may be, he would never leave Sakon to die.

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 **Guest101** \- Can you imagine how irritated Ganondorf would be if he could hear Sakon but not see or touch him? Sakon would pester him non-stop. lol Thanks a lot for the review! :D

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 **jigbashmop** \- Thank you for the support! :D I'm sure things will work themselves out. I have a very good doctor. :)

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 **SilentyDead** \- Poor postman...nothing ever goes right for him. Sakon has a talent for being as irritating as possible. lol

If my condition gets worse, my vision won't go completely black, but rather so smeared and distorted that I wouldn't be able to drive, read, or do much. Right now, my vision is like I'm cross-eyed. I'm hoping to see some improvement.

Thanks so much for the review!

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** -I'm sorry to hear about your glaucoma! My mother has glaucoma and it's terrible! I hope things start improving for the both of us! I'd rather be deaf or mute, than blind, and so the mere thought of blindness is terrifying to me. I won't know for a while whether the treatment is working. I got some shots of Avastin in my eyes, and it wasn't until the ophthalmologist inserted the needle into my right eye that we both realized belatedly that the nurse forgot to freeze my eye. lol I was very sore after that.

Naw, it wasn't based on my mood, The Postman is going to be grumpy for a loooong time during this story. He does not like being forced into quests. It takes him quite a while to mellow out a bit. lol Indeed, The Postman is excellent at being passive-aggressive. lol

I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so far! I really enjoyed writing about Ghirahim. He's a fun character. lol

If it walks upright, is intelligent enough for conversation, and is old enough for consent, then Sakon is interested in it. lol Sakon is the biggest troll in the entire Zelda Universe, so he was indeed messing with Ghirahim a bit. (he totally could have said his name right the first time if he wanted to)

The Postman is...well...he's never really thought about it before. lol Sakon, with his constant teasing, has now made him start seriously questioning himself. He would never admit to anything either way (especially to Sakon) Ganondorf would prefer if The Postman was gay so he'd never have to worry about him impregnating any of his Gerudo. Technically, as part of the Gerudo Nation, The Postman is permitted to date Gerudo, but Ganondorf doesn't have to like it. lol

I loved writing that wedding chapter, it was so much fun! The Postman's mother is a force to be reckoned with. She raised 13 children, and so she doesn't put up with any nonsense. That wedding cake was actually not missing a layer btw, Minoko ate it the night before. Considering how furious that made her mother, Minoko will take that to her grave. lol

Fun fact: In the original version of the story, The Postman travelled all the way back to the postoffice and used an official (and very dusty) stamp to mark the letter as undeliverable. He really did consider it a mark of shame. lol I felt like it slowed the pace of the chapter too much, and so i cut that entire scene out. The Postman was not friends with the Kokiri in the original version, and when Saria was kidnapped, his reaction was sort of like "Oh...well, that's rather inconvenient..." with no real emotions attached to it. Since he's friends with the Kokiri in the re-written version, I felt he would be more concerned for Saria and get to Link as fast as possible.

The Postman really has to learn not to listen to Sakon. Nothing ever goes well for him... Gerudo Pirates are even more violent than regular Gerudo.

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 **Rainmy** \- Yes, The Postman has no intentions of making things easy for Kaepora Gaebora. The poor owl is just trying to do his job. lol The Postman already knows he's going to have a horrible time on this quest, and he's not going to be wrong. haha

I replied to your PM, and I hope you got it. (this site has been rather glitchy lately)

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman is not going to have a fun time on this quest. Cross-dressing is the least of his concerns. Thanks so much for the review, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

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 **placesmileshere** \- I'm going to be careful to pay attention to whether using a computer is harming my eyes further. (I doubt it, but I'm still going to be careful.) My parents actually bought me a piece of software called 'Dragon: Naturally Speaking' which is a voice recognition software. If worse comes to worse, I can use that software to write my chapters for me so i don't have to look at a computer screen. I really hope i'll never have to use it though, because that would make things WAY harder. Right now, i've made the text a lot larger on both my laptop and my cellphone. It does help. The funny thing about all this is the fact I start a new job on Monday. A new job that involves computers... lol This might prove to be interesting.

It will be explained about the Gerudo Pirates in this chapter. The Postman has to learn not to take advice from Sakon. EVER. Yep, the owl is indeed an immortal. More about him will be explained later. I actually did make a very crappy map of my version of the world a few years ago. Essentially, I merged the map of Hyrule and the map of Termina together with forests in-between. I really should make an attempt at a better one sometime.

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 **setokayba2n** -The Postman wishes he could fob this quest off on someone else. He would hand over the responsibility of it in an instant if he could. Also he would never trust Link with his mail. lol Link has a history of being careless after all. haha

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 5

Shady Dealings in the Curiosity Shop

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The Postman urged the horse to go faster, trying to drown out the sound of Sakon's voice. The Thief drifted next to him, shouting determinedly over the sound of the horse's galloping.

" _Just consider it_!" Sakon yelled. " _It's the fastest, and easiest way to get us on a boat_!"

The Postman pretended he didn't hear, and so Sakon floated even closer until they were nose to nose. Sakon's green eyes stared directly into The Postman's brown ones unshakably, and then he asked.

" _Exactly how long do you want me screaming in your ear until you listen? I can keep this up indefinitely, you know_."

The Postman let out an irritated sigh and slowed the horse down to more natural speed. It was almost noon, and it was quickly getting hot. The Postman gave him a look that screamed annoyance, and then said.

"I am not going to cross-dress, Sakon, so just let it drop."

" _Darling, it's the only way_." Sakon replied, trying unsuccessfully to hide his grin. " _We need to leave as soon as possible_!"

The Postman reached up and gestured towards the burn on his neck. "And exactly why can't I just use this?" he demanded. "Ganondorf said it put me under his protection, and so the pirates shouldn't hurt me. I can explain to them our situation, and they might help us. That's the honest way to handle this."

" _Pfft, honest way_." Sakon stated, shaking his head. " _When will you learn? That's not the way things are done with villains. You can't do things the direct way, because it never works out_."

"But the mark protects me...doesn't it?" The Postman asked. "Why wouldn't I be able to use it to get on the boat?"

Sakon settled himself down comfortably on top of the horse's head, and crossed his legs. " _You really don't want to try that, believe me_." he informed him. " _You're not the only male who's been under Ganondorf's protection_."

The Postman furrowed his brow. Ganondorf had mentioned another man becoming part of the Gerudo Tribe during his acceptance ceremony.

"Who was the other man?" he asked.

Sakon shook his head with a frown. " _Caspian, my predecessor_." he replied. " _He and Ganondorf were really close friends before he died_."

"What happened to him?" The Postman asked cautiously.

" _I don't want to talk about it, but it didn't end well_."

"Sakon, if you expect me to go on the pirate ship, I want to know what happened to Caspian. What did they do to him?"

A completely stricken expression crossed Sakon's face for a split second before he masked it. " _Look, there are certain things I don't like talking about, and this is at the top of the list._ " he replied. " _Just believe me when I say the Gerudo pirates_ _cannot_ _learn you're a man_!"

The Postman wasn't going to let it drop that easily. "Why?" he demanded. "Tell me what happened."

Sakon let out a heavy sigh. " _Alright, fine, but I'm only ever going to tell it to you once, so you better pay attention_."

The Postman nodded.

" _There was a civil war between the Gerudo pirates and the rest of the Gerudo Nation about 15 years ago or so. Caspian was on a mission across the Great Sea, and had no other way to get there other than the pirates. He took a potion that turned himself into a woman and boarded their ship as a passenger. He had to take a sip of the potion every day to keep the spell going. I was still very small at that time, and so I passed for a young girl after he disguised me. Everything was going fine until his bottle of potion smashed during a storm. Within a day, the spell had worn off, and he was caught. Despite him having the mark of Ganondorf, the pirates didn't care, and they sliced him open and hung him by his own intestines from the mast._

 _The pirates live by different rules than the desert Gerudo, and cannot always be trusted to follow Ganondorf's orders. The pirates don't believe the Gerudo race should associate with men any more than necessary, and they look at Ganondorf's mark as an insult. When they saw Caspian's mark, they didn't care and killed him anyway. He never even stood a chance against them_."

The Postman gave Sakon a horrified look. "Did you see this happen to him?"

Sakon nodded.

"What happened to you? Did they discover you as well?"

" _Of course they did."_ Sakon replied _. "Luckily I looked much,_ _much_ _younger than I really was, otherwise I would have shared Cas's fate. Although I was 15, I could have easily passed for 10 or so. They didn't want to kill a child, but they also didn't want to let me get away with it. They beat me extremely severely, and tossed me out of the ship when they neared land. I nearly drowned because I was so injured, but I made it to land._ "

"But Ganondorf said-"

" _He was hung from his intestines, Jihiro_." Sakon repeated firmly. " _He was still alive when they did it to him too. He was kicking, and twitching for hours until he finally suffocated_."

The Postman hesitated. "But-"

Sakon edged even closer to him. " _Do you really want to become the newest pirate piñata?_ " he demanded.

The Postman leaned away from him, feeling skeptical over the whole story. "Are the Gerudo still having a civil war?" he asked.

Sakon gave a shrug. " _I have no idea. I'm not really involved in politics_."

"I'm sorry that happened to you, Sakon." The Postman said genuinely. "Were you and Caspian close?"

" _He was my adoptive father."_ Sakon told him with a frown _. "Father in everything but blood_."

The Postman knew Sakon had never known his real parents, and for him to call someone father was a very big deal. Sakon's entire life seemed to be one tragedy after another, and The Postman wondered how Sakon had managed to get past it, and continue working as a thief. For him to become Ganondorf's thief, he would have had to work hard to exceed all expectations made of him, and The Postman doubted Sakon would've had time to properly grieve.

"I'm sorry, Sakon." The Postman said genuinely.

Sakon waved him off dismissively. " _It was a long time ago, so don't worry about it. What we need to concentrate on now is getting you on that boat safely_."

The Postman crossed his arms, and gave him a scowl. "You just want to see me cross-dress." he accused.

Sakon didn't even try to mask his eager look. " _Well, maybe just a little_..." he admitted. " _But I really_ _do_ _only have your best interests at heart_!"

"No." The Postman said firmly.

" _I don't see what the big deal is_!" Sakon protested. " _Before I bulked up, I did it dozens of times! Sometimes it's necessary to disguise oneself in my line of work_. _I wouldn't be able to pull it off now though_."

"No." The Postman repeated. "The Gerudo pirates are intelligent, Sakon, and they won't be fooled by a man in a dress."

Sakon let out a snort. " _Shows what_ _you_ _know_." he stated, giving him a knowing smirk. " _Trust me, they're not that observant. I once spent three days on their ship with my girlfriend pretending I was a lesbian. Now_ _that_ _was a fun weekend_..."

The Postman wouldn't, and couldn't believe that really happened, and gave his head a shake.

" _Don't look at me like that. It's true_!" Sakon insisted.

The Postman gave him a doubtful look. "And they didn't catch you?"

Sakon gave a laugh. " _Of_ _course_ _they caught me! Gerudo aren't complete morons, and I got a little too 'friendly' with one of the pirates when I was drunk, and she found me out. I jumped ship and swam for it before she even had a chance to sound the alarm_."

"I'm not going to cross-dress." The Postman said with finality.

Sakon let out a heavy sigh. " _I really don't see what the big deal is_." he commented. " _I'm pretty sure you wear the girls postal uniform anyway, so is this really that much of a stretch_?"

The Postman frowned, and looked down at his uniform. "I do not; the uniform is unisex."

" _Then how come I've only ever seen your sisters wearing that version of the uniform? The uniform your brothers wear have much longer shorts, and the shirt doesn't show their mid-riff like yours_."

Changing the subject, The Postman looked away and said. "It's not going to happen, Sakon. I'm not going on the Gerudo ship, and I'm not cross-dressing"

" _Look, don't worry about it, okay, darling? We'll keep your mark hidden and they'll be none the wiser_."

"I just don't understand why they'd want to hurt me if I was under their king's protection. Wouldn't they see I was no threat?"

" _They hate men, plain and simple. There's no negotiating with people like that_."

"But-"

" _Just do it_!" Sakon insisted. " _With a little bit of work...okay a_ _lot_ _of work, you could pass as a girl! You're slender, and short, and don't exactly act very manly. You could just keep to yourself the whole time, and they'd never know the difference_!"

"No."

The Postman knew that Sakon was more familiar with how villain society worked, but none of this sounded right to him. Wouldn't Ganondorf have warned him to avoid the pirates if they'd kill him just for bearing the mark?

" _I know this gal named Precious that can give you a complete make-over._ " Sakon said, interrupting his thoughts. " _She works absolute magic when you don't want to be recognized. Her work is so good, you could fool your own mother_!"

"The answer is still no, Sakon." The Postman replied, and then he hesitated. "Her name is Precious?"

" _It's her stage-name_." Sakon explained. " _She's a performer for the Terminian Talent Troop. Her real name is Vilia, but she hardly ever uses it. You'll understand when you meet her_."

"I'm not going to meet her!" The Postman snapped. "Because I'm not going to cross-dress!"

Sakon was starting to get a bit annoyed and it clearly showed as he shifted his position on the horse. " _Do you have any other ideas_?" he challenged. " _The pirates have the nearest ship and they're disembarking tomorrow. We need to leave as soon as possible_."

"I'm not pretending to be a woman, we'll find someone else to take us."

Sakon tsked him impatiently. " _Now you're just being stubborn. You know this is the only way and there is no one else to take us_."

"There is, but you just didn't want to tell me." The Postman informed him. "I happen to know there's a second pirate ship at Great Bay right now."

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Do you now?"

The Postman gave a nod. "My brother delivered a letter there just the other day." he said. "They might be willing to take us."

"For real?" Sakon questioned. "What other pirate ship?"

"The Captain's name is Linebeck."

Sakon knew very well who Linebeck was, and grimaced. " _You don't want to mix up with that guy. He'll stab you in the back and take you for everything you're worth_."

"Hmm, sounds familiar." The Postman stated, giving Sakon a pointed look.

Sakon let out a long dramatic sigh. " _You're never going to let that go, are you_?"

"Not likely." The Postman answered. "And I'd rather take my chances with Linebeck than travel dressed as a woman with the Gerudo pirates."

" _Fine, fine, whatever_." Sakon relented. " _But you're going to regret it. Linebeck's a real slimeball_."

Without another word, The Postman sped up the horse as they continued travelling across Hyrule.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

By the time they reached Termina, it was early afternoon, and Sakon kept shooting the horse uneasy glances. Nightmare had stomped down any monster in their way, and its legs were smeared in blood. The Postman had tried to stop him, but the horse seemed abnormally bloodthirsty. Its eyes were gleaming red in its rage, and it was clearly making The Thief uncomfortable.

They had just passed Clock Town a few minutes prior, and were on their way to The Great Bay, and Sakon couldn't seem to look away from the Nightmare.

"I _don't remember the horse seeming quite so evil the last time we rode it_..." he stated. " _Why did that stablehand say you were the only one who could ride it besides Ganondorf? How did you do it_?"

The Postman thought back to the first time he'd met the horse. It was just after his uniform had been enchanted, and he assumed it still had magical residue on the fabric at the time. "I think Nightmare allowed me to ride him the first time because I smelled like Ganondorf, and eventually the horse just got used to me."

Sakon looked away from the horse's red eyes for a moment, and instead stared at The Postman with wide eyes. "... _why did you smell like Ganondorf_?" he questioned uncertainly.

 **BOOM**

The ground seemed to shake from the force of the explosion, and The Postman saw flocks of birds take off into the air in a flurry of wings and frightened squawks.

"What was that?!" The Postman asked, looking all around for the source of the noise.

" _It's cannon fire_." Sakon answered, looking towards the bay. " _One of the pirate ships must be attacking something_."

 **BOOM**

 **BOOM**

" _Scratch that_." Sakon corrected. " _Two_ _pirate ships are firing, and I'm going to bet it's at each other_..."

Both men exchanged a look, instantly realizing what was happening at the bay. Without a word, The Postman urged the horse to go faster, hoping the two pirate ships weren't completely annihilating one another. The horse was well out of breath, but it obediently galloped as fast as it could towards the bay, huffing and snorting as it went. It easily jumped over the small broken walls that littered the beach and it skidded to a halt just at the water's edge, sending a shower of sand in all directions.

The sight that met them at the beach left them speechless, and all they could do was stare in awe. The enormous ship of the Gerudo pirates had the much smaller ship belonging to Linebeck pressed up against the cliffs, and they were shooting at it, the sky alight with smoke and explosions. Everything was pitch black from smoke, and only when one of the ships fired, could Sakon and The Postman get a glimpse of what was going on. They could see the pirates standing on deck jeering and yelling across the short distance to Linebeck's ship, and Linebeck himself was cursing and yelling back at them, manning the cannon himself.

"I wonder what started all this?" The Postman wondered out loud.

Sakon didn't especially care, too interested in seeing a bit of bloodshed, and gave him a shrug. " _Does it matter? Killing people is what pirates do_."

 **BOOM**

 **BOOM-CRASH**

The horse reared up at the deafening sound of a cannonball making contact, and The Postman had to grab a hold of the reins so he wouldn't be thrown off. The horse backed up several steps, snorting furiously, and The Postman looked up to see what had happened.

Linebeck's ship was sinking fast, and he was screaming and swearing at the other pirates as they cheered and laughed at him. They could see the outline of Linebeck standing atop the mast as the ship sank, still shaking his fist at the Gerudos and swearing up a storm. When the ship disappeared beneath the water, Linebeck swam his way to shore where he stomped, shook his fists and continued shouting obscenities at the pirates. The Postman and Sakon watched as the pirates shot a cannonball at Linebeck which landed dangerously close, hitting the sand with a dull thud. Linebeck let out a yelp, and sprung away from the cannonball, and then gave the pirates an extremely rude hand gesture.

Sakon let out a giggle, and flashed The Postman a smirk. " _Sooooo, darling, ready to meet Precious yet_?"

The Postman stared at where Linebeck's ship had once been, and then at the remaining pirate ship. His shoulders slumping in defeat, he frowned.

"It's not going to work. The pirates will never believe I'm a woman. If I try this, it's going to end extremely badly."

" _What other choice do you have_?" Sakon questioned. " _Do you know of any other ships around here_?"

The Postman stared at Linebeck as he tossed a rock in the direction of the Gerudo ship, earning himself another shot fired at him. The Postman let out a sigh.

"We don't even know which direction they're sailing." he pointed out.

" _A little bribery might make them sail to the Northeast_. _I have plenty of funds_."

"Southwest." The Postman corrected.

" _Whatever. Just go see Precious, and then decide what you think. See what she can do before you make any decisions. I promise you, her work with make-up is pure magic_!"

The Postman let out an aggravated sigh. "Fine." he replied. "I'll talk to her, but I'm not making any promises."

" _Woohoo, cross-dressing_!" Sakon clapped his hands together in pure glee, earning him a look of death, but the thief didn't care, giving The Postman a wide grin.

The Postman tried to sense out where the person named Precious was, but felt nothing. Frowning, he tried to sense someone else to test his magic, but he could sense other people just fine.

"You said the name is Precious?"

Sakon nodded.

"I'm not sensing anyone nearby with that name."

" _Ah, you're trying your spooky locating powers? That won't work, Precious is just her stage-name_."

"What's her real name again?"

" _Vilia_."

The Postman once again tried to sense her, but still felt nothing. "Are you sure about the name? I still can't sense her."

Sakon scratched at his head thoughtfully. " _Well, Vilia is the name she gave herself after she became a woman, I have no idea what her name_ _used_ _to be_."

The Postman gave him a confused look. "...became a woman?"

" _Vilia is transgender, you doofus_."

"...What?"

At The Postman confused look, Sakon burst into laughter. " _Oh wow, you really_ _are_ _a country bumpkin! You're so sheltered it's almost adorable._ "

The Postman gave him a frown.

" _Precious was born a man, but changed herself into a woman_." Sakon explained. " _Please don't ask her awkward questions when you meet her_."

The Postman gave him a nod. "I'd never do that." he assured him. "That would be rude."

" _Wow, considering how traditional your family is, you accepted that pretty quickly_." Sakon commented.

"I'd rather not think about my family at the moment if you don't mind." The Postman told him. "Please just show me where Precious lives."

Sakon shrugged. " _I have no idea where she is at the moment. She moves a lot_."

"Then how will we find her?" The Postman demanded. "I can't sense her without a different name."

Sakon looked somewhat thoughtful. " _The name you're given at birth is linked with your soul for all of eternity. If your parents name you Shitbrains at birth, then that name is yours until the day you die no matter how many times you change it. In the old days, naming ceremonies used to be a huge deal and names were very carefully decided_. _Only extremely powerful sorcerers can successfully hide their true name using an alias. Take my uncle for example, clearly his real name is not The Happy Mask Salesman, but you can still track him, if he allows it, using his alias_."

The Postman stared at him in surprise. "How do you know this?" he asked.

" _I was forced into magical training like four separate times, and those hags were relentless about making me read really boring books. I remember more than they think I do._ "

The Postman gave him a genuinely thoughtful look. "Sakon, you're not stupid, so why did you never finish your schooling? You're smarter than people give you credit for."

Sakon shrugged. " _You are severely underestimating my laziness._ " he replied.

"With a bit of studying you could probably pass your final exams for schooling."

" _And why would I want to do that_?"

"It would open up other opportunities for you just in case you ever decide to leave Ganondorf's employ. You could get a legitimate job or even go to university if you wanted to."

Sakon gave him a flat look. " _What part of lazy aren't you understanding? I work for Ganondorf because it pays well, and I can lay around doing nothing most of the time. I have no intention of retiring from being a thief_."

"..." The Postman let out a sigh, and changed the topic. "So, how are we going to find Precious?"

" _Head for Clocktown_." Sakon instructed. " _I have some connections there, and you should be able to get some information. Villains tend to keep track of one another_."

"Precious is a villain?"

" _Well, sorta_." Sakon replied. " _It's complicated_."

The Postman gave another glance to Linebeck who was staring at his sunken ship in complete despair. The Postman hoped Linebeck's crew hadn't been on that ship...

" _Come on_." Sakon urged. " _The pirates are setting sail in the morning, and I don't know how long it will take us to find Precious_."

The Postman nodded, and turned Nightmare to head back towards Clocktown. He was pretty close by to his parent's property, and really hoped no one would see him. If he was lucky, everyone would still be at work, and they'd be none the wiser. They saw no one during the ride to Clocktown, and when they arrived, The Postman turned to Sakon.

"Where am I going?" he asked.

" _Do you know where the Curiosity Shop is_?"

The Postman hesitated, and then nodded. The Curiosity shop was in the west of Clocktown, and it was known for being the shadier part of town. The Curiosity Shop sold stolen, and black market wares, but no one was ever able to prove it. When The Postman had worked in Clocktown ten years prior, he had delivered mail to the shop many times, and knew the owner was an incredibly sleazy person.

"The Curiosity Shop doesn't open until ten at night." The Postman informed him.

" _Duh_." Sakon responded, impatiently. " _The owner is my other boss_."

The Postman cocked his head. "Other boss?"

Sakon nodded. " _Ganondorf doesn't actually get me to do too many jobs for him unless he's scheming something. I like having a steady stream of income, and so I work for the Curiosity Shop Owner in my spare time. As long as I provide him valuable merchandise to sell, he provides me steady work._ "

"So he does sell stolen merchandise."

" _Once again, duh_." Sakon commented. " _You'll find him in the Trading Post during the day, because he owns both businesses. He honestly thinks no one knows about this just because he wears a toupe and takes off his sunglasses when he's working his legitimate job_. _I'm surprised the guards have never questioned him about this_."

"So he works all day at the Trading Post, and then works all night at the Curiosity Shop? When does he sleep?!"

Sakon shrugged. " _He doesn't_." he replied. " _He has really bad insomnia, and so he never sleeps more than an hour or two a night_. _I have a feeling that's why he's so bad-tempered and paranoid all the time_."

The Postman dismounted Nightmare, and lowered his voice to a whisper now that he was in the town. He definitely didn't need people thinking he was talking to himself. "What should I ask him?"

" _Tell him you're a big fan of Precious' and that you really want to meet her in person. Tell him you just saw her show last week, and want to get your poster autographed. He'll charge you an arm and a leg for the information, and so make sure to get out a good chunk of rupees from the bank_."

"I don't even know what Precious does." The Postman whispered.

" _She's an actress and a singer_." Sakon replied. " _She's done a lot of musicals, and has quite the fan following now. It's not a far-fetched story that you're a fan. You_ _look_ _like you'd be a fan of musicals._.."

"What's that supposed to mean?" The Postman demanded, crossly.

Sakon gave him a grin. " _Nevermind, just go to the West end_."

Shaking his head with a sigh, The Postman crossed the small town-square, and entered the back alley leading to West Clocktown.

" _Go get some money from the bank_." Sakon ordered.

"How much will I need?" The Postman whispered.

" _Get out at least 3000_."

The Postman's eyes widened. "Sakon, I can't afford to just throw away 3000 rupees! Postmen do not get paid exorbitant wages!"

" _Relax, I'll pay you back_." Sakon promised. " _I have loads of rupees in my hideout. After we visit Precious we'll make a quick stop to pay you back, and get a bribe for the pirates_ at the same time. _If you think 3000 rupees is expensive then you'd never be able to afford the bribe for the pirates_..."

"You'd better pay me back." The Postman warned, as he headed for the bank stall that was in the same alley.

The banker was sitting comfortably behind the banker's stall, and he watched The Postman approach curiously.

"What's this?" he questioned. "You need something?"

"Yes, Sir." The Postman responded politely. "I need to make a withdrawal from my account."

The banker squinted at him, and then gave a nod. "Ah, yes, Jihiro The Postman. I haven't seen you for many years. You're using my brother's branch in Hyrule now, aren't you?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"How much did you need to withdrawal?"

"3000 rupees, Sir."

The banker's eyes widened. "That's a lot! A lot!" he cried. "Are you sure you want to withdraw that much all at once?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Pfft, if you keep withdrawing your money like that, you'll be flat broke." the banker informed him.

Sakon narrowed his eyes. " _Tell him to shut his mouth, and mind his own business_!" he snapped. " _Who is he to lecture you for spending your own money_?!"

The Postman said nothing at all.

The banker reached out a hand and laid his fingers to The Postman's forehead for a brief moment, and The Postman felt a slight jolt of magic.

"Yes, you have the funds." the banker told him. "Just a moment and I'll get your rupees."

The banker disappeared into a barely visible door behind a curtain, and Sakon floated over to be nosy and watch.

" _How does the banker know how much money you have in Hyrule_?" he asked.

"It's some sort of magic." The Postman whispered back. "I can see his magic stretched out in all directions, and it's probably linked with his brother in Hyrule."

"That's correct, postman." the banker replied, suddenly reappearing. "Identical twins who both possess magic are linked together for their entire lives. We are able to communicate information to one another despite being so far away. It makes it very easy to keep track of our customers."

"I wasn't aware something like that was possible." The Postman replied.

"Magic works in mysterious ways." the banker replied, holding out a fat pouch of rupees.

The Postman accepted the pouch and quickly stuffed it into the backpack out of sight.

"Thank you for your business." the banker said. "A customer service fee of 53 rupees has been withdrawn from your account."

The Postman gave him a nod. "Thank you, Sir, and goodbye."

Without another word, The Postman headed up the alley towards the Trading Post. Sakon followed after him, but kept glancing back at the banker.

" _That guy didn't even question you on why you were talking to yourself._.."

"His magic is blue, so it's a possibility he saw what had happened to you."

Sakon frowned. " _People with blue magic are creepy_."

"Says The Thief who should be arrested for voyeurism."

"I _already said I wouldn't perv on anyone else_." Sakon protested. " _You need to learn to let things go_."

The Postman didn't answer because they had reached the Trading Post, and he entered without hesitation.

"Good afternoon!" the man behind the counter called out.

The Postman glanced over at him, and recognized the man as the owner of the Curiosity Shop. He was smiling in a friendly fashion, but he knew from what Sakon had told him, it was all an act. The man was a villain, and was just using the Trading Post as a cover. The Curiosity Shop Owner was a short man with very loud yellow checkered pants, and the toupe he wore was blatantly obvious. Although his blue eyes looked clear and friendly, The Postman knew better than to trust him.

"Afternoon." The Postman responded, approaching the counter.

The Curiosity Shop Owner looked him up and down, and obviously recognized him. "Do you have a delivery for me, postman?" he asked.

"No, Sir." The Postman replied.

The Curiosity Shop Owner nodded. "We have lots of new merchandise that just came in. What was it you were looking for?"

"Information." The Postman answered.

The man hesitated. "Well, I'll do my best to help you, but you'd be better off going to the town information centre. What is it I can help you with?"

"You're the owner of the Curiosity Shop?"

Just for a split second the man narrowed his eyes, but he quickly masked the look. "You're mistaken, I just run this Trading Post."

" _Don't let him deny it_." Sakon ordered. " _He probably thinks you're trying to trick him into admitting something._ _His shop is full of stolen swords from Hyrule Castle right now, and so he's going to be extra paranoid_."

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, you own both, and I need to ask you something in regards to some of your connections."

"I told you that you're wrong, and I think you need to leave." The Curiosity Shop Owner stated, pointing to the door.

Again, The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, I won't leave until you hear me out."

There was no mistaking The Curiosity Shop Owner's glare. "Leave or I'll yell for the guards."

"Considering your other shop is full of stolen weaponry from Hyrule castle, I really doubt you want to do that." The Postman informed him.

The Curiosity Shop Owner hurriedly looked all around as if afraid someone had overheard, but they were alone in the shop. Holding up a finger to signify just a moment, The Curiosity Shop Owner lifted the counter and approached. He securely locked the shop door, and then before The Postman even had time to react, The Curiosity Shop Owner had him pinned to the wall by the throat, a knife held an inch from one of his eyes. The Postman froze, as Sakon let out a curse.

" _He thinks you're trying to get him arrested_."

"Who are you?!" The Curiosity Shop Owner snarled, tightening his hold on the neck.

"I'm just a postman, Sir." The Postman wheezed. "I just have a question for you about someone's whereabouts."

The Curiosity Shop Owner narrowed his eyes. "You're working with the guards, aren't you?! I'm not stupid, and I won't admit to anything! You have no proof, and unless you have a warrant you're not searching my shop!"

"No, Sir, I'm not working with the guards." The Postman told him.

"Do you have a warrant?!"

"No, Sir."

"Then you're not searching my shop! You have no proof!"

"I don't care about the weapons." The Postman said. "I only said that to get your attention."

"A likely story!" The Curiosity Shop Owner snarled, moving the knife closer to The Postman's eye. "I wasn't born yesterday!"

" _He's not really going to stab you_." Sakon informed him calmly. " _He faints at the sight of blood, he's totally bluffing_."

The Curiosity Shop Owner adjusted his grip on The Postman's throat, and his fingers inadvertently pushed aside the scarf. He hand touched the mark on the neck, and when he felt the unexpected heat, he hurriedly pulled his hand away. The Curiosity Shop Owner's mouth dropped open at the sight of the mark, and he backed up a few steps, finally lowering the knife.

"Who are you?!" he demanded again.

"I'm just a postman, Sir."

The Curiosity Shop Owner shook his head. "Why have you been marked by Ganondorf? Do you work for him?"

The Postman hesitated, and then nodded. "Yes, Sir, I work part-time for Ganondorf as a Tracker."

The Curiosity Shop Owner narrowed his eyes again, looked him up and down, and then finally put away the knife.

"I recognize you..." he said. "You're one of Makoto's boys... Which one of his enormous brood are you?"

"I'm his first-born, Jihiro." The Postman replied.

"I never expected one of Makoto's kids to become a villain, he was always so perfect and by the books. What does he think of your profession?"

"My family doesn't know." The Postman said uncertainly.

To The Postman's surprise, The Curiosity Shop Owner laughed. "This is too perfect! He was always so high and mighty, and it serves him right to have a villainous son! He used to hang around my older brothers all throughout school. They used to act all snotty, and superior, and were too good to have any real fun. Makoto was only what, eighteen, nineteen when you were born?"

The Postman nodded. "Nineteen, and my mother was seventeen."

"He was always bragging that his children were the best behaved in the entire town. That is except for one as I recall...one was always causing mischief in the town..."

"That was me..." The Postman admitted, somewhat sheepishly. "I don't remember any of that though."

The Curiosity Shop Owner gave him a thoughtful look. "I hear a lot of rumours in my profession, and I heard you were sent away for some sort of intensive rehabilitation?"

The Postman frowned. "So I was told, but I don't remember that either."

The Curiosity Shop Owner shrugged, and changed the topic. "So, what can I do for you, Ganondorf's Tracker? Looking for some contraband items?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, Sir, I'm looking for Precious. I was told you might be able to help me out."

The Curiosity Shop Owner raised an eyebrow. "Oh? And who told you I would have any idea where that weirdo is?"

"Sakon told me."

" _Don't tell him that_!" Sakon protested.

The Curiosity Shop Owner crossed his arms, and did not look impressed. "Oh, he did, did he?"

The Postman nodded.

"And where is Sakon right now?"

The Postman glanced at Sakon out of the corner of his eye, and then answered. "He's back in the Gerudo City, Sir.

"That useless bum cannot keep his mouth shut no matter how many times I yell at him for it! He's perhaps the densest villain I've ever had the misfortune to deal with."

Sakon glared at the man. " _You have my permission to punch him in the face_."

"Can you tell me where I can find Precious?"

The Curiosity Shop Owner leaned against the counter, and simply stared at him in silence as he thought about it. Finally he asked. "Why do you want to find him?"

"I'm just a big fan of her work, and I'd really like to meet her in person." The Postman told him.

The Curiosity Shop Owner didn't look convinced. "Oh? Name one of his shows then."

" _Unicorn Rage_." Sakon supplied.

"Well, I enjoy all of her work, but I'd have to say my favourite is Unicorn Rage." The Postman answered. "And you should really stop referring to her by the wrong pronoun, it's very rude."

The Curiosity Shop Owner crossed his arms. "I don't believe you." he stated. "Everything about you is suspicious. How do I know this isn't some sort of elaborate trick?"

The Postman pointed to the burn on his neck. "Do you really think I would get this permanently burned onto my neck if I didn't work for Ganondorf?" The Postman asked.

"Hmm, fair point." The Curiosity Shop Owner conceded.

"I heard Precious was in the area, and I was really hoping to meet her before she continues on tour. Can you please tell me where to find her?"

The Curiosity Shop Owner still looked suspicious, but he let out a sigh. "Fine, but information doesn't come cheap."

"How much?" The Postman asked.

"5000 rupees." The Curiosity Shop Owner answered without hesitation.

"I work as a postman, not a doctor." The Postman pointed out. "I'll give you 500."

The Curiosity Shop Owner laughed. "Nice try. I hold all the cards, and so I set the price."

"Yes, but I'm the customer, and unless you don't want repeat business, your price has to be reasonable."

The Curiosity Shop Owner rolled his eyes. "Fine, 2500."

"500." The Postman repeated. "500 is more than reasonable for directions."

" _What are you doing_?!" Sakon cried. " _Don't be so stingy, or he's going to change his mind!_ "

"2500." The Curiosity Shop Owner repeated with a frown. "Information like this is valuable."

"Precious isn't a known villain." The Postman replied. "This information has no value to a hero or a guard. It's really not that valuable."

The Curiosity Shop Owner narrowed his eyes again. "4000." he challenged.

" _See_!" Sakon cried out in frustration. " _Now look what you did_!"

The Postman crossed his arms at the challenge. "400."

"Not interested, you can leave." The Curiosity Shop Owner informed him dismissively. "Close the door after you."

The Postman didn't move. "Your other shop is full to the brim with weapons right now, isn't it?"

The Curiosity Shop Owner drew his knife. "You trying to blackmail me?" he demanded.

"Of course not." The Postman answered. "I was just thinking that it must be hard for you to find a buyer for so many weapons. Ganondorf might be interested in such a large supply of quality weapons if only someone introduced you to him."

The Curiosity Shop Owner hesitated a very long moment as he thought this through carefully.

"...you'd do that?" The Curiosity Shop Owner questioned.

"Certainly." The Postman replied. "As long as your prices are fair, he would likely be interested."

The Curiosity Shop Owner scratched at his chin as he considered it. "I can send someone to deliver the weapons for his inspection." he stated. "I won't chance going in person."

The Postman nodded.

"How will you bring this to his attention?" The Curiosity Shop Owner demanded.

"Send me a letter with the proposal inside it to the Hylian postoffice, and when I'm on my way back to the desert, I'll deliver it to him. I'll then send word back to you on his decision."

The Curiosity Shop Owner eyes flashed in obvious greed, and he gave him a nod. "Alright, 1000 rupees, and the proposal."

The Postman shook his head. "500 rupees."

The Curiosity Shop Owner let out a snort. "Stubborn thing, aren't you?"

Sakon mirrored the snort. " _You have no idea_."

"500."

The Curiosity Shop Owner rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Fine, 500 it is, but you'd better hold up your end of the bargain!"

"You have my word." The Postman promised. "Now where is Precious?"

"Nope, rupees first." The Curiosity Shop Owner demanded, holding out his hand.

Setting the backpack down on the floor, The Postman dug out 500 rupees and handed them over. The Curiosity Shop Owner quickly pocketed them, and then gave him a smirk.

"He's staying in the Stockpot Inn until Tuesday."

Sakon was instantly furious. " _What?! She was staying in town all along?! Ugh, The Curiosity Shop Owner is a slimy bastard_!"

Ignoring him, The Postman gave The Curiosity Shop Owner a nod. "Thank you, Sir. I'll let myself out now."

"I'll send that letter to your post office within a couple days." The Curiosity Shop Owner told him. "Your name is Jihiro?"

"Yes, Sir. As long as the letter is addressed to me, no one will open it. I'll deliver it when I get back."

"If you betray my trust, I will never forget it." The Curiosity Shop Owner warned him.

"Understood."

The Postman turned and unlocked the door. Just as he was leaving, The Curiosity Shop Owner called after him.

"The next time you want to discuss business, don't come to the Trading Post. I conduct all business in the Curiosity Shop. If you come to the Trading Post, I'll yell for the guards, is this understood?"

The Postman gave him a nod. "Yes, Sir."

Without another word, The Postman left the shop. Sakon gave one last scowl at the closed door, and then floated in front of The Postman.

" _Sorry, about him. I think he was dropped on his head a few too many times as a baby. He's a real pain to deal with_."

"Let's just find Precious and get this over with."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Sunday! (hopefully)**


	54. Precious

**Authornote: Sunday July 9th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **I managed to get another chapter out on time! Woot woot! :D**

 **There may be typos or errors in this chapter, because once again I haven't done a thorough proof-reading. Please excuse any mistakes. (I'll go back and fix them when my eyes are a bit better)**

 **I will continue to do my best to get the chapters out on time, but there's no guarantee. I'll put an update at the bottom of this chapter if it's going to be late.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Guest** \- You are very right. It would have been smart for The Postman to do that, but alas, he listened to Sakon instead. The Postman has to learn that nothing in his life is ever easy. lol

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 **jigbashmop** \- Surprisingly enough, that last chapter was actual one of the longer ones. It was 21 pages on MS Word. It just seemed like it was shorter because there was a lot of dialogue. :) Link and Zelda aren't going to be in the story very much from now on. I do have a story planned for them though once this one is finished.

 **.**

 **SilentyDead** \- I love Linebeck, but I couldn't resist torturing him a bit. lol

Transgender rights are actually an iffy subject in this universe. Since there is magic, different species, and goddesses, such a small thing like being gay or transgender does not really turn too many heads. There are much stranger things that happen on a daily basis there. There are still pockets of traditionalists that are against it however.

 **.**

 **Pokemonfan67** -I love Linebeck because he's such a slimeball. lol Yup, Link has already gone on the adventures with Linebeck at this point. The Postman is incredibly cheap, and he almost never pays full price for anything. ;)

 **.**

 **Rainmy** \- My vision is still good enough to write, it just takes me a lot longer than it normally does. I'm optimistic that I'll hopefully never have to use the vision software.

The Postman really values education, and since Sakon is his friend, he wants to encourage him as much as possible, but alas, Sakon isn't interested. The Postman will not stop bullying him about it any time soon though. :)

I don't want to give anything away, but Sakon does eventually take on a second job. ;)

The Postman doesn't even consider the possibility that what he's doing might be considered wrong, because he's only thinking of Sakon at the moment. His life is truly getting trashed right now. lol

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Linebeck is hilarious so I couldn't resist adding him into the story. The Curiosity Shop Owner was also a great character who will be returning later on in the story. ;)

The Curiosity Shop Owner is indeed terrified of Ganondorf which is why he was going to send someone else to handle the trade in his place. There is no way he would ever risk his neck by going to Gerudo Territory.

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 **setokayba2n** \- Indeed. The Postman is making some very bad decisions during this adventure, and his quest has only just begun! He could have done so many things differently, but he chose to trust Sakon. :(

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 6

Precious

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The Postman stopped the horse just outside the Stockpot Inn, and dismounted as Sakon floated beside him.

" _It's still early afternoon, and so she might not be awake yet_." Sakon told him. " _Precious works nights when she's touring. Better grab some flowers out of that garden box, in case she's in a bad mood_."

The Postman frowned down at the flowers. "That would be stealing." he pointed out.

" _Oh, please, you've done way worse than pick a few daffodils_!"

"Like what?" The Postman demanded.

" _Like aiding Ganondorf in obtaining new weapons_." Sakon replied. " _If you get caught doing that, Hyrule will execute you_."

"I'm not really going to tell Ganondorf about the weapons." The Postman told him. "When The Curiosity Shop Owner sends me the proposal, I'll reply that Ganondorf is not interested. He won't know that I never told him."

Sakon gave him a surprised look. " _You are getting to be quite the liar! You even had_ _me_ _fooled_!"

"I didn't see any other option." The Postman told him.

Sakon crossed his arms. " _How about not being so cheap and paying what he'd demanded for the bribe_?"

The Postman had been taught since the time he was born to never pay full price for anything. His mother had drilled that into all of her children, and even now The Postman haggled with all merchants.

Without a word, The Postman grabbed a handful of flowers, and then approached the door to the inn. "Would the room be under her stage name?"

Sakon nodded. " _She always uses her stage name for everything_."

The Postman entered the inn, and the girl at the front desk immediately greeted him.

"Afternoon, Sir! Do you have any mail for me today?"

"No, miss." The Postman replied. "I'm here to visit a guest of yours by the name of Precious. Is she in?"

The girl hesitated. "She is, but she said no one is to disturb her until after five."

"It's alright." The Postman assured her. "I'm just here to deliver these flowers for her. She had a big show recently and a fan sent them to her."

The girl gave him a smile. "Oh, that's so sweet! Who sent them to her?"

"Sorry, but due to confidentiality, I can't reveal that to you."

"Oh, of course." she replied. "They're very beautiful, we have some of the same flowers planted out front."

The Postman hesitated. "They must be a very popular variety." he answered. "If I don't deliver these to her soon, they're going to wilt. Which room is she in?"

"She in room two upstairs." the girl told him. "There should be a vase already in the room on the window sill."

The Postman gave her a nod. "Thank you, miss."

The Postman headed upstairs and Sakon was looking very smug. " _You're lying like crazy today! I'm proud of you_!"

The Postman rolled his eyes but said nothing.

"Knock twice, pause a few seconds and then knock three times, and then knock two more times." Sakon directed. "This will let her know that you're there for business purposes. She'll open the door for you."

Raising his hand, The Postman knocked twice on the door. He paused a moment, and then knocked three more times. He waited a second or two and then knocked twice more. Almost immediately, the door clicked unlocked.

"Quick, go in before she gets suspicious." Sakon ordered.

The Postman stepped inside and blinked at the unexpected sight inside the room. Silks of purple and pink were draped from wall to wall, and lavish, expensive looking furniture decorated the room making it seem more like a palace than a cheap room at an inn. Art and elaborate decorations covered every wall, and Sakon laughed at his expression.

" _This is_ _nothing_ _, she always decorates the rooms she stays at. You should see how she decorates her rooms for the holidays_!"

The Postman wandered a bit deeper into the room, watching how the lit torches seemed to make everything in the room sparkle, and he felt rather out of place.

"Er...hello?" he called out to the seemingly empty room.

"Hold your horses!" Yelled out a high-pitched voice from another room. "I'm coming! You come here this time of day, you can wait five minutes while a lady makes herself presentable!"

The Postman hesitated and looked over at Sakon who grinned devilishly at him. Not sure what else to do, The Postman took a seat on one of the extravagant couches to wait as he heard humming coming from somewhere behind a wall of silks.

He didn't have to wait long before a figure in a fluffy pink bathrobe came out from the other room, looking a little bit dishevelled. The woman in front of him was middle-aged, with greying red hair, and she held herself with all the confidence of royalty, her posture and make-up perfect despite obviously having been sleeping just minutes before. The Postman stared at her a moment curiously. He would have never been able to guess that she was born male, except for the fact she was well over six feet tall.

Precious stared back at him, and interest sparked in her blue eyes. "Well, now," she said as he stood to greet her. "You're not my usual type of customer. Did you bring me some flowers?"

She approached him slowly, her hips swaying provocatively as she looked him up and down as The Postman held out the flowers. "I haven't seen you around here before." she stated, accepting the bouquet. "What can Precious do for you, Honey?"

The Postman wasn't even sure how to bring up his request and he hesitated awkwardly.

"Cat got your tongue, sweetie?" Precious asked in obvious amusement, standing just in front him. "Am I that frightening?"

" _Don't offend Precious or she'll toss you out_." Sakon warned. " _Tell her that I sent you_."

The Postman shook his head. "No ma'am-"

Precious narrowed his eyes, and so The Postman quickly amended.

"No, miss."

This seemed to satisfy Precious who smiled at him, and took a step closer. "Those are some very short shorts you have on, they show off your legs nicely." she complimented. "What can I do for you? You're very out of place here, little postman..."

The Postman was inclined to disagree about the leg comment, but instead he cleared his throat and said. "Um, Sakon sent me, miss."

Precious cocked her head, red and silver ringlets falling in front of her eyes as she considered this. "Sakon, you say? And how do you know Sakon?"

" _Don't answer that_." Sakon instructed him. " _It's a trap. Villains never reveal how they know one another. Tell her you're here for the 'full' treatment_."

"I'm here for the full treatment, miss." The Postman said, not exactly sure what that was. "Sakon told me you would be able to help."

This instantly interested Precious. "Really? The full treatment?" he questioned. "Are you sure? You don't really look like the type."

The Postman glanced at Sakon who nodded.

"Yes, ma'am."

Precious let out a delighted laugh, and then reached out a perfectly manicured hand towards him. She ran his fingers along The Postman's cheek as she looked him over thoughtfully, and then removed his hat. As fingers pulled at his hair, The Postman shifted uncomfortably but Sakon quickly waved his hands for him to stay still.

"Don't move." Sakon ordered. "Precious is evaluating you, and deciding whether you're worth her help or not. Don't screw this up."

Precious' fingers found the burn on his neck and she turned The Postman's chin so she could get a better look. She pressed a thumb on the burn, feeling the heat emanating from it, and then removed her hands, giving The Postman a curious look.

"So, you belong to Ganondorf." she stated. "You really don't seem the type to work for him, but who am I to label a person? I know you can't judge a book by its cover. Everyone has a story, and now fate has led you to me."

Precious looked The Postman up and down once more, her eyes thoughtful as she considered him. "This will be a big job." she commented, turning his face this way and that. "And I'll definitely have to do something about those eyebrows; they look like dead caterpillars. You have a good facial structure, and you're built delicate enough to work with, but it's still going to be a lot of work..."

Sakon snorted in amusement. " _Delicate like a little girl_." he commented to The Postman.

The Postman glared at him and said nothing.

 _"She's thinking about it_." Sakon said excitedly. _"Compliment her, tell her she's dazzling and sexy, and she'll cave in, and do it for you_."

The Postman gave Sakon a withering look, clearly not wanting to do any such thing.

" _Just do it_!" Sakon ordered. " _My life is at stake_!"

The Postman hesitated and looked Precious up and down, trying to think of a compliment that wouldn't come across as incredibly creepy. "Um," he began very uncertainly. "You have very nice..."

"Yes?" Precious prompted, smiling down at him.

"You have very nice taste in decorating." The Postman decided. "Your room is very beautiful. I like the colours you've chosen."

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _You're such a prude_."

Precious gave his hair a ruffle. "Thank you, honey, I do it all myself! You're such a sweet little thing!" she commented. "However did you get involved with the likes of Ganondorf?"

"Don't answer that, she's still testing you." Sakon told him. "Ask about the full treatment again. Keep her mind on business."

"Will you give me the full treatment, ma'am?" The Postman asked politely. "I really am in quite a hurry."

Precious rolled her eyes. "All my customers are in a hurry, sweetie, that's why they come to me in the first place. This job won't be cheap, how will you be paying?"

"Put it on Sakon's tab." The Postman replied.

" _Hey_!" Sakon protested. " _She's going to jack up the price if you do that! Don't put it on my tab_!"

Precious crossed her arms, and gave him a suspicious look. "I don't normally like doing tabs, kitten, how do I know you're even associated with Sakon?"

"How much is a full treatment?" The Postman asked, knowing he only had 2500 rupees left in his wallet.

Precious' eyes narrowed. "If you have to ask, you probably can't afford it. Sakon didn't tell you my rates?"

The Postman shook his head. "I was in a hurry. Tell me the cost."

Precious lifted an eyebrow. "15,000 rupees, and that includes the outfit and jewellery."

The Postman gave her a horrified look, and she let out a sigh. "How much do you have, kitten?"

"...2500."

She let out another deep sigh. "Sorry, sweetling, but I don't work that cheap. 2500 wouldn't even pay for the makeup needed."

"Will you take the 2500 as a down payment, and bill Sakon the rest?"

"Like I said before, I have no way to verify that you know Sakon. He could dispute the bill if he didn't authorize it."

"The Postman shot Sakon a glare. "He wouldn't dare."

Precious crossed her arms. "...I don't know...I feel like I'm going to get ripped off."

"He'll pay double your normal rate."

Sakon let out a cry of outrage, as Precious' eyes lit up eagerly.

"Alright, sweetie, I think we can do business. This isn't going to be easy, but I'm confident I can work my magic on you!"

" _I can't believe you told her I'd pay double_!" Sakon complained. " _I'm going to have to actually pay that! She'll hunt me down if I don't_!"

The Postman set down the backpack on the floor, and pulled out the rupees. He handed them over to Precious who set them aside on a nearby table. She then began circling him, once agin getting a thoughtful look on her face.

"How tall are you?" she demanded.

"Five-four." The Postman replied.

" _Geez, you_ _are_ _short_!" Sakon commented.

"Ah, the perfect height for my work!" Precious exclaimed excitedly. "I'm six-two, and so I have to hand-make all of my clothing. It would be so nice to be able to buy my clothing out of a shop once in a while..."

" _30,000 rupees_..." Sakon moaned in despair. " _This quest is going to bankrupt me_."

"What kind of woman were you thinking of?" Precious asked. "Any particular look?"

" _Tell her you want to be a fairy princess_." Sakon said with a scowl. " _It'll suit you_."

The Postman was not about to say that, and so he shrugged instead. "I don't know...I haven't thought about it."

"Well, what is it you want to do?"

The Postman hesitated. "Um...board the Gerudo Pirate ship..."

Precious' eyes widened. "My, that is bold! That sounds like something Sakon would do! I hope you don't have anything perverted planned."

The Postman shook his head. "No, of course not. I'm not that type of person. I just need passage across the great sea."

Precious looked a bit skeptical, and then gave a shrug.

"No matter, I'll be able to come up with something for you." Precious assured him. "Now be a dear and grab that pot of wax off the fire for me."

"Wax?" The Postman questioned, doing as he was told and carefully taking the pot by the handle. "What do you need wax for?"

Sakon hummed innocently. " _You really don't want to know_." he commented. " _You're not going to like it_..."

"Follow me, honey." Precious instructed, gracefully making her way across the room. "And please remove your shirt."

The Postman looked down into the pot of boiling wax, quickly putting two and two together, and glanced at Sakon who was clearly enjoying this.

"Better do as she says or she might try to do it for you..." Sakon warned, giving him a cheeky grin.

Following Precious across the room, The Postman set the pot down on a nearby table and watched as Precious laid out several tools, all of which looked suspiciously like torture devices.

"Come on, kitten, off with the shirt and please lay on the table."

The Postman stared down at the strange contraptions, and then hesitated. "Is all this really necessary?" he asked. "No one's going to see me that closely anyway..."

Precious made an impatient sound in the back of her throat, and crossed her arms. "Sweetheart, who's the professional here?" she scolded. "It's the small details that complete the package. I can't have a lady with hairy arms and legs walking out of here."

The Postman glanced down at one of his arms. "I'm not that hairy." he protested. "And you haven't seen my sister Toshiko. She gave up shaving her legs two years ago."

Precious flicked some of her long ringlets over her shoulder and motioned for The Postman to come closer. "Don't argue with me, kitten. Trust me on this. Precious always knows best when it comes to these things."

Sakon didn't say a word, simply watching in obvious amusement. He was floating just behind Precious where he'd get the best view, and The Postman gave him a glare as he removed his shirt. Precious hummed to herself as she stirred the wax, and The Postman watched her uneasily as she spread some of it on a thin strip of cloth. Not saying a word to him, Precious stuck the strip of cloth onto The Postman's bare chest and pressed it down firmly. The Postman looked down at the strip on his chest, suddenly deciding that he changed his mind.

"Um, I think I've decided not to-OW!" The Postman yelped out as Precious yanked the strip off.

"Hmm? What was that, honey?" Precious asked, sticking a second strip onto his chest.

The Postman stared down on the now hairless spot on his chest and only had a moment to contemplate that before the second strip was ripped off.

"AH!" The Postman protested.

A third strip was applied and quickly ripped off, and The Postman was sure nothing was worth this torture. Seeing his expression, Precious let out a tittering giggle and gave his head a reassuring pet.

"Relax, sweetling, I'm almost done with your chest." Precious assured him. "The chest is always the worst spot to get waxed."

" _I could think of a worse spot_." Sakon said with a grin. " _But she won't be doing there_."

The Postman grimaced, but allowed Precious to continue, and two strips later, she was finished with his chest.

"You're nowhere near as hairy as some of my usual customers." Precious commented. "Some of them are practically apes."

The Postman stared down at his hairless chest thoughtfully, and Precious gave the wax-pot another stir.

"Okay, honey, flip over so I can do your back." Precious instructed with a large smile.

"But-"

"You're doing fine, the back won't be as bad, I promise." Precious said, preparing the next strip.

"She's lying." Sakon said, with a smirk. "It's going to be just as bad."

The Postman obediently flipped over, and he gave Sakon another dirty look. "Does Sakon get this done when he comes to you?" he asked curiously.

"Of course not." Precious replied, applying the first strip. "Sakon is completely hairless, and never needs to wax or shave. Before he bulked up and got a growth spurt, he was the perfect cross-dresser! Unfortunately he doesn't have the body for it any more."

"But I do?"

Precious ripped off the strip with a nod. "Men aren't normally built like you. You're small and slender which makes you perfect for what I do."

The Postman closed his eyes with a wince as another strip was ripped off, and he said nothing more as Precious worked on his back. When Precious moved onto his arms and legs, The Postman tried to distract himself from the pain, and asked.

"Have you known Sakon for a long time?"

Precious paused for a moment as if trying to decide whether or not to answer him.

" _You don't ask about things like that_!" Sakon scolded. " _She could throw you out right now if she wanted! Don't be so stupid! Villains aren't supposed to ask personal questions about each other_!"

"I've known Sakon longer than even he realizes." Precious stated thoughtfully. "I held him on the day he was born..."

Sakon frowned. " _What's that supposed to mean? She can be so weird sometimes. Ask her what she meant_."

"You knew Sakon's parents?" The Postman asked.

Precious nodded. "I took care of Sakon for the first three days of his life until his uncles came to collect him. He was such a sweet little thing...it's a shame he had such a rough childhood. "

" _Ask her who my parents are_." Sakon demanded. " _Get their names_!"

The Postman frowned. "Sakon never knew his parents, miss, he grew up as an orphan. Who were his parents?"

"Sorry, kitten, that's one thing his uncle has forbidden me to talk about. He doesn't want Sakon knowing anything about them. I know very well, you'd tell Sakon if I told you, and so I'm not saying any more."

" _Make her tell you_!" Sakon ordered. " _Force it out of her_!"

"...are you Sakon's father?" The Postman guessed.

Precious narrowed her eyes.

"...mother?" The Postman amended.

"No, I'm not related to Sakon in any way." she replied. "Now stop poking that hornet's nest before you get stung. I'm not talking about it any more."

Precious didn't elaborate any further, and continued her work in silence as The Postman gave a pained wince. After a few minutes, and several wax-strips later, Precious let out a satisfied hum.

"Alright, kitten, sit up now so I can deal with your little eyebrow and sideburn problem, and then we're all done."

As The Postman sat up, Precious slapped several strips onto his face, and The Postman suddenly realized that this was really going to hurt.

"Er, I don't think we need to-AHHGH"

Precious gave him a satisfied smile. "There we go, sweetie, all done. This was the worst of it, and so now we can move onto the fun stuff."

The Postman rubbed at his newly waxed eyebrows with a frown, still wanting to change his mind over the whole thing. Precious handed him a bottle of lotion, and The Postman frowned down at it.

"Rub that lotion everywhere I just waxed." she ordered. "It will slow the hair growth for a few weeks. Make sure not to get any on your head or you'll have bald spots. Use the mirror to get your face."

The Postman opened the tube and a foul odour made itself known. Squeezing a bit out into his hand, he frowned down at the brown gel suspiciously.

"What is this?" he asked.

"A bunch of things." Precious answered evasively. "It's my own ointment that I created myself. It's mostly mushrooms, and bleach."

The Postman's eyes widened. "And I'm supposed to put this on my skin?!"

"It's perfectly safe." Precious assured him. "I've been using it on all of my customers for over a decade now."

The strange gel wasn't burning his hand, and so The Postman hesitantly rubbed it on one of his arms. When there was no negative affect, The Postman turned to the nearby mirror so he could apply it to the rest of his body. Precious had pulled out several fabric samples, and she was going through them thoughtfully as The Postman worked. When he had finished, Precious glanced over at him.

"Now, what's your colour, honey?" Precious asked, setting the fabric in front of him.

"My colour?"

" _She wants to know what colours you look best in_." Sakon replied.

"I'm not sure..." The Postman answered honestly. "I've never really thought about it..."

Precious let out a sigh, and rolled her eyes. "You're such a man." she commented. "You probably don't even pick out your own clothes."

"What is Sakon's colour?" The Postman asked curiously.

Precious smiled. "Emerald green to match his gorgeous eyes." she responded. "Put that man in anything green, and his eyes stand out like evening stars. Such pretty eyes."

Precious leaned in so she could get a look at The Postman's eyes. "I can work with brown eyes just as well as green. With your skin-tone, I'm thinking we should go with a deep purple or perhaps a navy blue. Stand up so I can get your measurements."

" _She's always going on about eye colour_." Sakon informed him. " _She's a bit obsessive about things like that_."

The Postman stood to his feet and watched as Precious circled him with a measuring tape while humming a cheery tune. Once she had all of his measurements, she seemed satisfied and gave The Postman a pat on the shoulder.

"I have the perfect dress in mind for you, sweetie. It'll fit you like a glove. I'll be right back."

Precious disappeared behind a silk curtain, and The Postman exchanged a look with Sakon.

"There has to be a better way than this." The Postman whispered with a sigh.

" _Too late to back out now_." Sakon replied. " _Precious will hunt you down and beat you black and blue if you leave before she has her fun. Let her do her thing and it'll surprise you_."

"Exactly how often did you used to come here anyway?" The Postman asked.

" _Er...sometimes you need a really good disguise to hide out for a while. A thief's life isn't always sunshine and rainbows, you know_."

"This isn't going to work." The Postman moaned.

"What was that, honey?" Precious asked, gliding back into the room, arms full of fabric. "Are you doubting my abilities?"

"No one will ever believe I'm a woman." The Postman stated, despite Sakon's frantic waving to shut him up.

Precious raised a delicate eyebrow as she set down the fabric on the table next to her. "You've never seen my work, I gather." she stated. "It's your first time, and so I'll choose not to feel insulted. Now come here so I can compare colours."

The Postman approached and obediently stayed still as Precious grabbed up a dress and held it against him. Precious immediately wrinkled her nose and tossed the dress aside and grabbed up another. She cocked her head one way, and then another as she considered it, and then threw that one away as well. The third dress obviously pleased her greatly, because her eyes lit up and she gave The Postman a toothy grin.

"I knew this would be the dress for you!" she exclaimed. "Violet is definitely your colour!"

The Postman frowned at the very tight looking dress. It would be impossible to be inconspicuous while wearing such a thing, and he gave Precious an uneasy glance.

"The back is open...and the arms are bare." he stated. "It shows so much skin...Wouldn't a less...revealing dress be better?"

Precious gave him an annoyed look. "You are hardly the expert on the matter!" she scolded. "Wearing too many layers is a common mistake men make. They try to cover too much of their bodies, instead of showing them off. Wear this, follow my directions, and no one will even question you."

The Postman was still skeptical. "But-"

"Put this on, honey. I'll show you what I mean. Trust me."

" _Go ahead, put on the dress_." Sakon encouraged, obviously enjoying the whole thing way more than he should.

The Postman hesitantly reached out, and took the dress. Precious was staring at him so intently, he felt he had no choice, and so he unzipped the dress and slipped it on over his head over his shorts. As he adjusted it until it was straight, Precious helped him zip it up, and then looked him up and down with a nod.

"Very nice fit but we still need to give you breasts." she commented. "People will be sure to notice if you're too flat-chested."

"Um, exactly how-"

"Oh, that's easy, sweetie." Precious assured him. "I have a special bra that'll do the trick for you, or I also have a potion that will give you real breasts. Unfortunately for the latter, it's permanent. Whichever you prefer."

The Postman's eyes widened, as Sakon snickered at his expression.

"Take a deep breath, sweetheart." Precious ordered. "You look like you're about to faint."

"I'll wear the bra..." The Postman said, unable to believe those words had actually just left his mouth.

"Now, applying the make-up is extremely important, and so you have to pay close attention to what I show you." Precious informed him as she pushed him down onto a stool. "You have to be very careful when applying make-up because it's the key to all of this. Too much and you look like a whore, and too little and you're a man in a dress."

As Precious pulled out jars and tubes of all sorts, The Postman found himself in a bit of a daze. He stayed stock-still as Precious went on to him about the different layers of make-up she was applying and their importance, but The Postman heard none of it. The horror of the situation was beginning to find him, and Sakon floated over and seated himself in front of him in concern.

" _Relax_." he urged him. " _Everything will go fine; Precious' work is always amazing. The pirates won't be able to tell, I promise_."

The Postman took a deep breath, hoping he wasn't doing all of this for nothing. It would be extremely embarrassing to walk up to the pirate ship, and then be asked why he was in a dress.

"Look up at the ceiling, sweetling, and don't blink. I need to apply your mascara."

Doing as he was told, Precious applied the mascara in record time then began applying eyeshadow and eyeliner. Precious had obviously done this thousands of times before because within seconds she was looking over her completed work.

"Very nice." she commented. "You do look very lovely in that dress."

"Am I done?" The Postman questioned.

"A little patience, kitten, my magic takes time. Let me find you a wig, and then I'll let you have a look."

As Precious disappeared behind the silk curtain once more, Sakon leaned in to get a better look.

" _You look like one of your sisters_." he commented. " _But not one of the pretty ones_."

"Is it going to work?" The Postman asked. "Do I look like a woman?"

" _Hmm, well, I've seen worse looking women_..." Sakon stated. " _I think you'll be fine_."

"Is it good enough to fool the pirates?"

" _I managed to fool them but I'm an amazing actor. As long as we pay them, I doubt they'll look at you all that closely_."

"I don't even know how to act like a woman..." The Postman complained. "I'm going to get caught."

Precious came back carrying a wig, and some sort of bra, and she gave him an amused look. "Of course you don't know how to be a woman, dear, that's what I'm for."

Precious placed the wig onto The Postman's head and began fastening his real hair into it, holding it in place. Once she was sure it was secure, she adjusted it to her liking, and then gave The Postman a pleased smile.

"Alright, now just for a few finishing touches on the make-up."

The Postman sat obediently still as Precious applied various types of make-up, and after a few minutes, she declared she was done.

"Ready to see yourself?" she asked. "I think you're going to be surprised."

The Postman accepted the hand mirror that thrust into his hands, and he looked into it, not sure what to expect. The face that stared back at him was not a familiar one, and he felt a little bit unnerved. Long brown hair, fell beside his face which was so made-up he never would have recognized himself.

"I really do look like one of my sisters..." he observed, reaching up a hand to his cheek.

Precious swatted his hand away. "Don't touch, or you'll smear your make-up." she scolded. "And I gather it meets your standards?"

The Postman stared at his reflection wondering if anyone would be able to tell. "Yes, ma'am." he replied. "You did a good job."

"Good, now stand up and put this on." Precious ordered, holding out the bra. "This will fill out the rest of that dress nicely."

The Postman took the bra and stared down at it for a moment, before standing to his feet to see if he could figure out how to put it on. Once he had it on correctly, Precious adjusted it a couple of times, and then helped him zip up the dress again.

"There we go, sweetie, much better." Precious said, looking him up and down. "Now you have to be careful with how you walk, or hold yourself or you'll give yourself away. Show me how you're going to walk."

The Postman hadn't considered that and walked a few steps experimentally. Precious immediately shook her head.

"No, no , no!" she cried. "You're a woman, you have hips, so act like you do!"

" _Like this_." Sakon said, demonstrating for him by walking a straight line in the air.

Sakon swayed his hips as he walked with all the grace of an upper-class woman, and The Postman crossed his arms.

"I am not walking like that."

"Unless you want to get yourself caught, you'll learn to act like a lady!" Precious scolded. "Now try again. Foot over foot."

The Postman let out a sigh and did his best to imitate what he'd seen Sakon do. Precious gave him a nod.

"Good first try, but don't use your hips so much. It'll draw you unwanted attention. Don't think about how you move, feel it. When you're standing still, put all your weight on one of your legs and it'll make it look like you have more of a figure. Now try again."

The Postman walked a line as ordered, and this time it seemed to please Precious.

"Good, good. I think you'll do fine. Now when you speak, don't try to make your voice higher, simply make it softer. Your voice doesn't have to be high to be a women's, but it can't be too harsh either. Luckily your voice isn't very deep, or you'd have a much harder time with this. Pretend you're speaking to a pet or small child when you soften your voice, it'll help."

The Postman nodded, glad he wouldn't have to put on a fake voice. Precious looked him up and down thoughtfully, and then grabbed a silver silken scarf. She tied it carefully around The Postman's neck hiding the burn, and then gave a nod. She draped a gold locket over his neck, and gave him another nod.

"There we go, kitten, you're all done. You make a fine lady, and as long as you're careful, no one should notice."

The Postman gave a nod as Sakon circled him like a shark, looking him over with a toothy grin.

"Thank you." The Postman said. "I really appreciate everything you've done."

"Be careful out there, sweetling, I don't want to hear about you getting killed. I expect you to be a repeat customer from now on!"

The Postman pretended he didn't hear, and Precious shoved a purse into his hands.

"All the make-up you'll need for a few weeks." she said. "Take care of yourself out there."

The Postman gave a nod and picked up his shirt and hat from the nearby table. Precious walked beside him to the door, wrapping her housecoat a bit more tightly around herself. "Tell Sakon I expect payment by Winterfest." she said.

The Postman gave a nod, as Sakon scowled. "I'll tell him." he assured her.

" _Why did you have to promise her double_?" Sakon complained. " _Do you have ANY idea how expensive Precious' interest rates are_?"

"Have you seen any of my shows, sweetling?"

The Postman shook his head. "No miss."

"Do you like musicals?" she asked him.

"I don't know, I've never been to one." The Postman replied honestly.

Precious' eyes widened in horror. "What kind of monstrous upbringing did you have as a child?! You poor thing! The next time you see one of my show's posters, come to see it and I'll get you in for free. Just tell the ticket vender that you're one of my friends."

The Postman nodded. "Thank you, miss."

The Postman opened the door, and Precious leaned against the doorway, watching him leave with a smile.

"Come back soon, kitten!" she called after him as the door closed. "And let me know how it goes!"

The Postman gave her a nod, and then hurried down the stairs. Hiding his face as he passed the front desk, he left the inn and headed straight for Nightmare. As he began untying the reins, Sakon gave a wide grin. The Postman ignored him completely.

Sakon gave him a loud wolf-whistle. " _You've never looked so sexy, darling_." he commented with a laugh. " _Ever think about a career change_?"

The Postman gave him a withering glare as he mounted the horse. "Don't push it Sakon. I can still change my mind."

" _Okay, fair enough_." Sakon relented, still looking incredibly pleased with himself. " _But I think you should drop by your parent's house to see if anyone recognizes you_."

The Postman's eyes widened at the thought of any of his family seeing him dressed like that, and he felt a shiver make its way up his spine. "No, Sakon."

As The Postman turned the horse to leave Clocktown, Sakon pointed towards the East. " _Head towards my secret lair; we need a bit of cash to bribe the pirates with_."

"It's hardly a secret." The Postman pointed out. "You've already told me about it before."

" _Just do it, princess_." Sakon ordered with a sigh, sprawling onto the back of the horse.

The Postman could see a lot of similarities between Sakon and Precious and wondered just how often the two of them hung around one another. Looking down at himself, The Postman let out another shiver and urged the horse towards East.

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 **Review Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday! (Hopefully)**


	55. Pirates!

**Authornote: Friday July 14th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **So sorry for the short chapter! I worked all week on it, but it took a long time to type. I really doubt Sunday's chapter will be on time, but I'll do my very best. I know there will be plenty of typos and errors, because, like before, I haven't had time to proofread it. I apologize in advance! I swear I will go back to fix any mistakes when my eyes are a bit better.**

 **On a brighter note, the story is almost up to 300 reviews! That is unbelievably awesome guys! I'm so happy! Woot woot!**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guest101** \- I bet you can too! :D Everyone sees it except for The Postman. lol (shakes head with a sigh)

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 **Guest237** \- Aw, thank you for your kind words! I'm sure I'll start improving soon. In the meantime, I won't stop writing!

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 **jigbashmop** -Is Sakon ever truly helpful? lol He will indeed do his best to ensure The Postman's survival, however. His own life depends on it, after all. lol

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 **SilentyDead** \- If The Postman returned to Ganondorf with breasts, I think Ganondorf would probably make some inquiries about that. lol The Postman's Gerudo friends would find it hilarious though. Link would be like o_O

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** \- Sakon will indeed try to help The Postman as much as he can, but Sakon's not exactly the most reliable source of information...

The Postman is very unlikely to let anyone talk him into crossdressing ever again. lol The last couple days were perhaps the worst of his life (up to this point)

Justin Beiber in a dress...o_O No...simply no. That is not the image I want in my brain right now. o_O

Thank you for your support, and hopefully I'll be better soon! :)

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 **Rainmy** \- I probably won't notice a change in my vision for a while, but I'm crossing my fingers that it will heal faster than expected. It's a real hassle not being able to drive or read anything. I normally read every single day. :(

The way I see it is, there are plenty of strange and unusual things in the Zelda universe, and so things like that would seem pretty normal in comparison despite the time period. There would naturally still be plenty of traditionalists would would frown at it however.

Precious' connection to Sakon was actually not new, but it was something that was going to be in a side-story instead of the main one. I've discussed it with a couple people, but this was the first time it was posted online. More will be explained about this later. ;)

How he runs in the game is how i picture it in my mind. It's perhaps the silliest run in the entire Zelda franchise. lol Although Sakon can come across as crude, and sometimes gross, he did grow up in a castle around royalty, and so he did pick up on some behaviours. That and he did spend a lot of time around Precious. lol

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 **Reiz16** -The Postman never took time off to enjoy things like that, and his parents couldn't afford to take him to any as a child. Sometime in the very far future, he will probably be forced to go to one.

Precious is indeed an expect on all things make-up and disguises! Sakon, however, is not an expert villain. (although he thinks he is)

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 **setokayba2n** \- If The Postman visited his parents in drag, I think they'd have quite a lot to say. lol That would be the most squeamish, awkward moment in all of history. haha

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 7

Pirates!

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The Postman stared up at the solid wall of Ikana Canyon, and flashed Sakon a skeptical look.

"Your lair is through this wall?"

Sakon nodded. " _Yep! Ingenious hiding spot, isn't it_?"

The Postman stared long and hard at the wall but didn't see any seams that looked like a door. "Are you just messing with me?" he demanded, irritably.

Sakon snorted. " _No. The entrance is just hidden. I paid a lot of money to have this place completely enchanted. You won't be able to see the door until you know the trick_."

"What do I do?"

" _See that sparkly black stone in the wall?" Sakon asked, pointing. "The small one the size of a fingernail_?"

The Postman nodded, distracted by how itchy the dress currently was. He adjusted it a bit, and scratched as Sakon floated over to point at the stone.

 _"Tap that stone twice, and then wait_."

The Postman stopped his scratching and eyed the stone warily as Sakon stared at him impatiently. " _Hurry up_." he ordered. " _We still have to negotiate with the pirates for your passage_."

The Postman tapped the tiny black stone twice and then stepped back to wait. Almost immediately the wall seemed to ripple, and a large door was revealed. The Postman reached for the knob, but Sakon quickly let out a yell of warning.

" _Wait_!"

The Postman paused, his hand just above the knob.

" _Knock on the door five times or else the flamethrowers will be activated the second you open the door_."

"Anything else I should know before going in there?" The Postman demanded.

"No, that's it until you come to the second door."

The Postman knocked five times and then hesitantly opened the door, revealing darkness within. The moment they entered Sakon's hideout, torches sprung to life creating eery arcs of light across the otherwise black room.

Sakon's hideout was much bigger than one would expect and The Postman led the horse inside without any trouble. Sakon frowned at the horse, but still waved him forward.

"If hellhorse shits in here, you're cleaning it up."

The Postman rolled his eyes, not especially caring what the horse did in the hideout.

" _Knock on the wall to your left seven times and then take several big steps backwards_."

Doing as he was told, The Postman knocked, and then backed up a few feet. To his surprise, a giant spike trap fell from the ceiling directly in front of the door. Sakon gave him a grin.

" _Call me paranoid, but I don't like being robbed_."

The spike trap retracted back into the ceiling, and a new entrance opened, revealing a treasure room. The Postman stepped inside and was shocked by the amount of rupees piled everywhere. Golden artifacts and jewellery were inside overflowing chests, and The Postman now realized that Sakon was a lot richer than he had let on.

"I doubt anyone would manage to get in here." The Postman stated.

Sakon gave a shrug. "The Hero of Time kept poking his nose where it didn't belong, and so all of us villains stepped up security." he explained. "He can be a bit of a nuisance for the common criminal."

The Postman released the horse's reins as he followed Sakon deeper into the room, his gaze instantly falling on an enormous pile of rupees and jewels laying in the far corner of the room. Sakon noticed where he was staring and puffed out his chest proudly.

" _Pretty impressive, right_?"

The Postman frowned at the treasure. "Where did you get all this?" he demanded. "Ganondorf doesn't pay that well!"

" _Do you really have to ask_?" Sakon inquired in surprise. " _Most of this was from years and years of robbing Clocktown. I have stashes like this all over the continent just in case I need to quickly disappear_."

The Postman gave the treasure a look of disapproval. He could only imagine how many villagers had been robbed to get a fortune that large. Terminians were poor, and he knew the robberies had probably affected them all deeply.

"Did you rob my parents?" The Postman demanded, eyes narrowing.

Sakon leaned closer to him, and squinted at him thoughtfully for a moment.

" _Huh_." he commented in surprise.

"What?" The Postman demanded, irritably.

" _Nothing...it's just for a second there, you looked exactly like your mother. You've perfected her glare to a tee_."

The Postman glanced down at himself, and then crossed his arms over his chest self-consciously, very aware that he was outside of his comfort zone. Sakon laughed at his expression and crossed his arms in imitation.

" _Aw, don't worry about it darling; you'll always be the bell of the ball with or without the dress_!"

The Postman didn't dignify that with a response, and so Sakon gave him a smirk. _"See that small chest next to your foot_?"

The Postman glanced down and nodded.

" _Empty it out, and fill it full of silver rupees. The pirates aren't going to be cheap, especially if you want a private room_."

Feeling rather resigned to his fate, The Postman knelt down and dumped the treasure out of the chest. He quickly discovered kneeling down in a tight dress was far more difficult than one would think. His balance thrown off, he felt like he was going to topple over as he picked out silver rupees out of the mound. Sakon watched him in amusement, and then chuckled as The Postman stumbled, trying not to fall.

 _"Hopefully the pirates don't ask you to pick anything up." he stated, shaking his head. "You'll be discovered from sheer awkwardness_."

"I'm a postman, not a professional drag-queen." The Postman responded, closing the now full chest. "Are you sure you need this much? There must be 200,000 rupees in that chest!"

" _If we have to rent the ship, we'll need this and possibly more_." Sakon informed him. " _Fill a second one just in case_."

"If you had this many rupees, why were you so upset at having to pay Precious double?"

" _I'm extremely cheap_." Sakon responded. " _I don't like to spend more than I have to_."

The Postman filled a second chest with silver rupees, unable to believe Sakon had stolen this much money from Clocktown. Just one of those chests was more than he's earn in a decade as a postman. Not saying a word, The Postman lifted the chests onto Nightmare's back and tied them securely.

" _Cover one of the chests with a blanket so the pirates think you only have one. If they see two, they'll demand both as payment_."

The Postman did as he was told, and his one of the chests from sight with a blanket. Once Sakon was satisfied that it was covered, he pointed to the other side of the room.

" _Grab some more clothes out of that wardrobe in the corner of the room. We don't know how long we'll be on that ship, and you can't wear the same dress the whole time_."

"You're a lot bigger than me." The Postman pointed out.

" _Not when I used to cross-dress_." Sakon replied. " _I wasn't too much taller than you at the time, and so they should fit_."

The Postman crossed the room, and opened the wardrobe Sakon indicated. Inside were dozens of dresses and skirts, and The Postman grabbed them all and stuffed them into a nearby bag. Sakon watched on in dismay, many of the dresses costing a small fortune.

" _Careful_!" he scolded. " _Don't rip any of them_!"

The Postman rolled his eyes and was even less careful than before just to spite. He tied the bag onto the horse as well, and then gave another glance around the hideout. There were weapons of every kind, as well as armour and even several potions. It seemed like Sakon was prepared for just about anything.

The Postman glanced over at the Nightmare who was busy eating the contents of a fruit bowl and approached it. "Why isn't that fruit rotten?" he asked. "Were you here recently?"

Sakon shook his head. " _No, it's one of the enchantments on the hideout. Food and potions won't spoil. That piece of spellwork was incredibly expensive. You should probably take a bit of food just in case the pirates decide to starve you or something_."

Nodding, The Postman grabbed several packages of what looked like dried food, and stuffed it into Sakon's backpack. He really doubted the pirates would ever starve anyone, but it was better to be safe than sorry.

The Postman gave another glance towards the Nightmare, who was now chewing various items on a bookshelf.

"The horse is eating your books." he stated to Sakon, who was scowling at it.

" _The books were here when I took over the lair_." Sakon replied, still not looking very happy over it. " _I've never even opened one of them before, but let's get out of here before hellhorse destroys the place_."

The Postman took the horse by the reins and gave it a tug, pulling it away from the bookshelf, and pulled a book out of its mouth. Looking down at the cover, he saw it was a book on magic, and since it looked interesting, he shoved the book into the backpack. The Postman then led Nightmare out of the treasure room.

" _Don't worry about the door, it will close on its own once you're gone_." Sakon told him. " _Just don't poke at anything you shouldn't, or the flamethrowers might activate_."

The Postman did as he was told, and then awkwardly mounted the horse, still not used to wearing a dress. The moment he rode outside, the cave door slid shut automatically, the canyon wall looking completely seamless once more. Sakon glanced up at the sky which was quickly growing darker, and then frowned.

" _Better hurry up. Pirates drink at night, and you do_ _not_ _want to negotiate with drunk Gerudo! The pirates will probably sail at sunrise_."

The Postman gave a nod and urged the horse to go faster as they headed back towards Termina field. As they left Ikana Canyon, Sakon observed how The Postman was trying to find a comfortable position on the horse, and he snickered in amusement.

" _You're wearing a dress, darling, you should try riding side-saddle. It's more lady-like that way_."

The Postman shifted again, and shook his head stubbornly. "I'm not riding side-saddle."

" _Well, you have no one to blame but yourself if you're uncomfortable then_." Sakon responded with a shrug. " _And you better not rip that dress_."

The Postman said nothing, instead keeping his eyes focussed ahead as they crossed the field. He could see a small group of people with lanterns walking ahead, and it wasn't until he was passing them that he saw they were several of his brothers and sisters. Horrified that they'd recognize him, he turned his face away, and forced the horse to go even faster. He heard one of his brothers make an exclamation of surprise.

"Jihiro?!"

The Postman cringed, but didn't turn to look at them. He could hear them calling after him, but The Postman simply urged the horse to go even faster. Feeling his cheeks burn in pure humiliation, he kept his gaze on the ground as they made their way towards the bay. Sakon observed his expression, and offered him a compassionate shrug.

" _I think the next time you see your family they might have a few more questions for you_..." Sakon said sympathetically.

The Postman simply let out a groan. "They're probably going to admit me to a mental hospital." he said. "This is all your fault."

" _Relax, you can just claim you had a nervous breakdown from being overworked_." The Thief assured him. " _With the way you've been acting, they'd believe it_!"

The Postman wanted to remind Sakon that he'd promised to explain the whole thing to his family, but instead, gave another groan. He had a lot of explaining to do to his family when he got back. It was not going to be a fun conversation...

The bay came into view, and the enormous ship of the Gerudo pirates was docked and being loaded. They were obviously getting ready to leave in the morning, as the last few crates and barrels were being carried up the gangplank. The Postman road up to the dock, and then dismounted. and slipped Sakon's backpack over his shoulders. Giving the horse a shove to send it on its way, he gave an uncertain look to Sakon.

"They're not going to be fooled by this." he said. "I don't look like a woman, and my voice isn't feminine enough."

Sakon let out a snort at that. " _You don't even have a deep voice_." the thief pointed out to him. " _Just do as Precious told you and speak softly. All the pirates care about is what's in that treasure chest_."

Feeling incredibly nervous, The Postman slowly began approaching the ship, and just as the pirates loaded the last crate, they saw him. They paused what they were doing to openly stare at him in surprise.

Not sure what to say, The Postman scratched at one of his arms awkwardly

"Er, hello..." he greeted, throwing on a thick northern accent.

Sakon simply stared at him, not expecting the accent.

A pirate with short, spiky hair stepped into view and crossed her arms suspiciously, as she glared at him. She was covered in more scars than The Postman had ever seen, and had several piercings in each ear. She stared down at him distrustfully, and then demanded.

"What do you want, girl?"

" _She's the first mate. You can tell by the crest on her belt_." Sakon said, pointing up at the woman. " _Treat her as if she was the captain_."

"I'm looking for passage to the Southwest." The Postman called up to her. "Where are you headed?"

The first-mate frowned down at him. "We're not taking passengers." she responded, turning away. "Especially not one of your kind."

"I'm not asking for charity." The Postman assured her. "I can pay for my board."

"Get lost." she snapped. "We're not interested."

The Postman took a step closer. "I promise that I won't get in anyone's way. It's just extremely important that I find passage to the Southwest."

"Look, girl, if you don't get lost, I'm going to come down there and shove my sword up your ass, is this understood? We're not interested!"

The Postman glanced at Sakon who gave him a helpless shrug. " _Ask for the captain. Maybe she's more reasonable_?"

"May I speak with your captain, Miss?" The Postman asked as politely as he could. "I really do wish to board with you..."

The first mate's eyes widened. "Of all the impudence, you cocky little mainlander! Who do you think you are?! Who even said the captain would speak to the pathetic likes of you?"

" _A Gerudo captain will_ _always_ _speak to anyone who wishes to talk business_." Sakon said. " _Tell her that_."

"I was told your captain is a woman of business?" The Postman questioned. "I wish to strike a business deal with her."

"Don't waste our time." the first mate said impatiently. "We don't deal with mainlanders."

"Zaira, who are you speaking to?" a loud voice demanded. "What's going on over here?"

"Just some peasant girl trying to board with us, Captain." the first mate, Zaira, explained. "She thinks she can just come to our ship, and talk business!"

"I will see anyone who we can profit from." the captain snapped. "You are not in charge here, and you don't decide who I meet with. Remember your place, Zaira. You are not captain of this ship!"

Instantly Zaira disappeared out of view. "My apologies, Captain."

A woman then stepped up to the side of the ship who could be no other than the captain. She wore a large elaborate captain's hat, complete with feather, and she was dressed much finer than the others. She wore boots that went up to the thigh, her clothes crisp and new. Muscles could be seen even through her shirt, stopping any thoughts that she wasn't very capable of taking care of herself. She stood, hands on hips, as she stared down at him, her expression nothing short of disdainful.

"What do you want of us?" she demanded, her golden eyes narrowing to slits. "What is this business proposition you speak of?"

The Postman took a step forward. "Please, miss, I'm looking for passage to the Southwest."

The Captain stared down at him for a long moment, and then asked. "What is your business to the Southwest?"

"I'm looking for someone." The Postman answered evasively.

The Captain crossed her arms suspiciously. "Who?" she demanded.

"Just someone of no importance..."

The Captain gave him a suspicious glare. "You're being awfully vague for someone who needs my ship." she observed. "I'm no fool, and I know you're up to something. It's just a matter of me deciding whether or not I care."

" _Don't blow this_!" Sakon hissed at him. " _This is the only ship that we know of_!"

"I imagine you can appreciate my want for confidentiality." The Postman answered. "You, yourself are a woman of business after all."

"You assume much." the captain answered, irritably. "There's no reason for us to take you. I could order my crew to slaughter you right now, and there would be nothing you could do to stop them."

The Postman nodded. "That's true." he admitted. "But there's also no reason for you not to take me. One little passenger wouldn't make much of a difference, and it would help bring future business to you. By not killing me, it would be more profitable in the long run."

" _Stop messing with her_!" Sakon warned. "She's going to stab you if you keep this up! Gerudo do  not like being outsmarted! Complement her boobs or something!"

The Postman wasn't very familiar with pirates, but he was very familiar with the desert Gerudo. He was speaking with her in the same fashion he did with any other Gerudo, and he hoped it would work.. His answer came when the captain gave him a smirk, her posture relaxing somewhat.

"From where do you hail?" she asked curiously. "Your accent is strange to me."

"North." The Postman lied with a shrug. "I come from a tiny village in the mountains."

His accent was flawless, and the captain scratched at her chin as she considered him. "Pirates don't venture that far from the water." she told him. "I've never been to the mountains."

The Postman had been counting on that as he hoped his strange appearance would be disregarded due to foreignness.

"What is your name, mainlander?" the captain demanded.

The Postman hesitated as he hadn't thought of that. The captain frowned down at him thoughtfully when he didn't answer.

"I'll admit you intrigue me, and that's no small feat for a mainlander. You must be wanted if you're so afraid to give me your name."

"Perhaps." The Postman replied.

" Pirates are all wanted." she stated with a proud smirk. "Tell me, can you fight?"

The Postman shook his head truthfully. "No, miss."

The captain let out a snort. "Women in this country are weak and pathetic." she stated. "They run to a man if they need help, and are so soft and coddled they can't even defend themselves!"

The Postman wasn't sure what to respond to that. "Sorry?"

The captain adjusted her hat so she could get a better look at him. "You're built like a stick." she observed. "You don't look like you've had a hard days work in your life."

The Postman was instantly offended. "I most certainly have!" he defended. "I've worked hard since I was eighteen!"

The captain raised a brow skeptically. "Doing what exactly?"

Sakon peered over The Postman's shoulder. " _Darling, I think she means manual labour. I doubt running around with a few letters count_."

The Postman frowned, disagreeing entirely. He worked very hard at his job, and felt he deserved at least a little bit of credit.

The captain noticed his expression and gave him a frown of her own. "I don't take useless cargo on my ship." she informed him. "You'll just get in our way."

"I won't."

The captain tapped her foot as she stared down at him thoughtfully. "How much are you willing to pay?" she asked.

Without a word, The Postman opened the chest so she could peer inside. Her eyes lit up at the sight of the silver rupees, and her resolve seemed to be wavering.

"For passage to the Southwest, and a private room." The Postman told her.

"I don't like taking passengers." she informed him. "We've had several bad experiences in the past."

Sakon let out a snicker. " _Aw, the pirates still remember me! How sweet_!"

"I won't bother anyone." The Postman assured her. "I'm not interested in causing trouble, and I'll stay in my room most of the time."

"The only spare room is a small room off the stockroom." she told him.

"That sounds perfect." The Postman replied.

"Fine." the Captain relented. "We'll take you, but only because we were heading in that direction anyway. You'd better not cause us any problems or I'll throw you off the ship! If I so much as sniff trouble from you, you're going overboard."

The Postman nodded. "Thank you, miss."

The Captain gave him another frown, and then turned and disappeared from view without another word. Sakon gave him a pleased smile.

" _Way to go, darling, you won her over! Better hurry up and get on board before she changes her mind_."

To his surprise, a few pirates came down to help him with his luggage. They didn't speak a single word to him, simply unloading the horse, and carrying everything on board. The Postman slipped Sakon's backpack over his shoulders, and then gave the horse a shove to send it on its way. He gave an uncertain look to Sakon, and then hesitantly headed towards the ship.

Adjusting the heavy backpack, The Postman carefully balanced across the gangplank and stepped onto the ship. Every pirate stared at him in a mixture of curiosity and disapproval, but none said a word to him. Zaira looked him up and down, and then rolled her eyes and reached out to take one of the chests from one of her crewmates. She eyed the second chest greedily, and The Postman stepped in front of it, having a feeling she was going to demand it.

"Are there rupees in that one too?" she demanded.

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, it's my personal belongings." he replied.

Zaira clearly didn't believe him, but she made no move to check. "The room is tiny, but it's clean." she informed him. "My advice to you is to stay there as much as possible, and don't get in our way."

The Postman had every intention of staying far away from the pirates, and so he gave her a nod.

"Nimah, show her where she'll be sleeping." Zaira ordered a nearby pirate. "And don't let her touch anything she's not supposed to."

Nimah gave a nod, and motioned for The Postman to follow her, looking bored and tired. Two other pirates carried the rest of the luggage behind them, and they still hadn't uttered a single word.

The Postman accompanied the pirate Nimah down below deck, and he looked all around himself curiously. He'd never been on a ship before, and stared at the strange equipment not sure of their purpose. The pirate sleeping quarters were dark, damp and smelled like rotten seaweed, but The Postman didn't say a word as Nimah led him to a small room off of the main sleeping area. The storeroom was considerably drier and shelves lined with jars and barrels filled the room.

Nimah pointed at a door to her left, and then said. "You're to stay in there. There's no room for you anywhere else. Don't touch anything, and don't bother anyone if you want any chance of surviving this jouney."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, miss."

The other pirates set down his luggage, and left without sparing him a glance. Nimah seemed in less of a hurry, and she gave a lazy stretch, her eyes scanning the various shelves of food. She grabbed an empty mug out of a crate, and approached one of the many barrels. She filled the mug full of the foamy amber liquid from the barrel, and then took a seat on top of it. As she gulped down half the mug, she gave The Postman a warning look.

"You saw nothing." she snapped. "If anyone asks, I was helping you set up the doorlock."

"...yes, miss." The Postman hesitantly replied, hoping he wouldn't get blamed for the stolen ale.

Nimah gave a grunt, and took another gulp. The Postman approached the door, and set down the heavy backpack, as Sakon stared jealously at the mug of ale.

" _Nothing is better than pirate ale_." he commented wistfully. " _It's so strong it can get you drunk in like five minutes. I love it_."

The Postman didn't answer him, not really wanting to sound like a crazy person in front of the pirate, and instead stared opened the door. Just as he'd been told, the room was extremely tiny, the bed taking up almost all the space. To his surprise there was what looked like a closet door. Opening it, he discovered a private bathroom, and felt immensely relieved.

" _Lucky_." Sakon commented. " _That would have been awkward if you had to share the public bathroom_..."

The Postman nodded his agreement, and began moving his belongings into the small room. As he arranged everything to his liking, the pirate watched him lazily.

"Why are you wearing a fancy dress on a pirate ship?" the pirate demanded. "That's just asking for trouble."

The Postman sighed. "Long story."

The pirate was far more interested in her ale, and gave him a shrug. "Just so you know, if you tell the captain about me pinching supplies, I'll deny it and blame you."

"I won't tell." The Postman assured her. "I don't really care."

The pirate held up her mug with a smirk. "Good deal then." she replied, draining the rest. "I have to get back before someone notices I didn't return. Take my advice and stay out of our way for the entirety of this journey."

"Yes, miss."

The pirate replaced the mug into the crate, belched loudly, and then left him without another word. Sakon was snickering, and gave The Postman an amused look.

" _She's more manly than you are when you're_ _not_ _crossdressing_!""

The Postman closed the door, and saw there wasn't a doorlock. He'd have to ask someone about getting one at some point, or he'd have to sleep in full drag. The Postman sat down on the bed, and let out a heavy sigh, relieved the drama was over for now. The pirates hadn't seen through his disguise.

Sakon seated himself on the other side of the bed, and gave a lazy stretch. They were silent for several minutes until The Postman asked a question which had been on his mind.

"So...now what? How do find the island?"

Sakon gave a shrug. " _Dunno. Guess we just wait for some sort of sign_?"

"A sign?" The Postman questioned. "What makes you think there's going to be a sign when we're close?"

Sakon gave him a look as if he were a moron. _"There's always a sign when you're on this type of quest. I think it's a requirement or something_."

The Postman was skeptical. "Fine. While you're waiting for a sign, I'm going to read for a while."

To Sakon's surprise, he pulled a book out of his backpack. "Where'd you get that?" he demanded.

"From your hideout." The Postman answered. "I figured if you weren't going to read it, I would. Nightmare took a few bites out of it though..."

" _There's a bunch of bloodthirsty pirates above our heads who would torture and kill you if they found out you're a man, and you're going to read a book_?"

"Yes."

Sakon gave him a look of disbelief, and then shrugged. " _Fine, I'm gonna go explore the ship. Do die in the meantime_."

The Postman opened the book. "I'm sure I'll be fine."

" _Whatever you say, darling, but don't fall asleep until I'm back to guard you_."

"Why?" The Postman demanded.

" _You could be murdered in your sleep_."

The Postman rolled his eyes. "I doubt it."

Sakon crossed his arms. _"If you die, there's no one to rescue me! You need to be extra cautious_!"

"Mmm hmm."

Sakon scowled. " _Well, don't blame me, if you wake up dead_."

"How could I wake up dead?" The Postman questioned. "The dead don't wake."

Sakon gave a snort. " _Tell that to the Poes or Redeads_."

"I thought you were going to explore?" The Postman asked, adjusting the bed's lumpy pillow into a more comfortable position behind his back.

Sakon grew thoughtful. " _Hmm, maybe I can watch a few pirates get dressed_..."

The Postman wasn't going to respond to that, and rolled over slightly, so he was facing the wall.

" _I'll be back later_." Sakon told him. " _Don't go to sleep_!"

The Postman rolled his eyes and didn't answer.

Sakon frowned at him, and then disappeared through one of the walls. The moment he was gone, The Postman set down the book, and took a deep breath. How was he ever going to survive this? He didn't even know where the island was, or how he was going to get there. It would be a miracle if the pirates didn't catch him, let alone his chances at successfully completing a quest. He had a feeling the goddesses had made a terrible mistake when they chose him.

" **Revenge...** "

The Postman looked all around but there was no one there. Rubbing at his ears, The Postman frowned, and again wondered about his sanity. How reliable could he be when he kept hearing voices in his head? Letting out a deep, resigned sigh, The Postman picked up the book and opened it. He would have to take things as they came, because he had no choice in any of this. He would do his best to help Sakon, but he really didn't have much hope.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Is Supposed To Be On Sunday, But It'll Likely Be Late.**

 **If you don't see an update by Sunday, check back down here to see if there's a new authornote with an ETA**

 **BTW, what do you guys think of me posting a sample chapter of a story idea I have on this site? Normally I wait until the previous story is finished, but I kinda want to know what people think before I waste time writing it. lol This story is a twisted version of Ocarina of Time (not a re-write of the game, it goes in a completely different direction) There is a major character death, however, and so it might anger a few people. lol If no one's interested, I'll wait until this story is finished before posting other stories.**

 *****UPDATE****

 **The Sunday chapter is going to be late. I'll post it as soon as I'm able to finish it**


	56. Life At Sea

**Authornote: Wednesday July 19th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **So sorry for the delayed chapter! I've had a bad week with my eyes, and it was difficult to write. On top of that, I accidentally deleted the chapter, and had to write it all over again. Luckily, I still had the rough copy, but I was annoyed, and I know it's not as good as it could be. Nothing of real importance happens in this chapter. I apologize that this chapter is pretty dull, but I'll have to wait to fix it later. I'm going to try to get the next chapter out for Friday but I can't make any promises.**

 **I'm going to post the introductory chapter of a story idea I have on this site. Although I'm posting the first chapter, the story will not be written until this story is finished. I was just looking to see what people thought of it before wasting time writing it. lol It will be called 'The Unwanted Hero' and will take place in the Ocarina of Time universe.**

 **Thank you everyone for reaching 300 reviews! You guys are beyond awesome! ^_^ Water Solace** **was the 300th reviewer! WOOT! WOOT! (throws confetti)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Guest \- **If you read the original version, then you are definitely right! :D It was sort of hinted at in the original, but it didn't get revealed. I'm trying to develop his character in this version.

With the sample story, I'll definitely be finishing this one first. I'm just posting the first chapter to see what people think, and then I'll continue it later. Thank you so much for the feedback, it's greatly appreciated, and I hope you enjoy the changes! :D

 **.**

 **Guest101** \- This might scare you off, but it's a little over halfway done. lol There's around fifty chapters left. We're on part 4 out of 5, and part 5 reveals all of the mysteries and secrets that have been hinted about, and so it's a lot longer than the other parts.

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 **Guest237** \- Chapters might be a bit sporadic for a while until my eyes start improving. I will still update, it'll just take me a little longer than usual. :D

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 **jigbashmop** \- Those are some very good guesses, but I'm not telling! Muha ha ha ha! I hope you like the direction the story is going to go. (I went back and fixed all of the typos that I could find in the last chapter)

 **.**

 **SilentyDead** \- Naw, he dies and the rest of the story is about Tingle.

 **.**

 **Rainmy** -True, I laughed so hard when I first saw that in BOTW. lol

I'm going to be posting the sample chapter of the new story shortly. There's a character death right off the bat, and so at least people will know what to expect when they read it. lol

I have to agree with you on your observations about the sages. Everything you said makes perfect sense, and it's probably true. Since I like writing about several of those characters, however, I had to overlook that, and keep them alive and living among everyone else. :)

Sakon is exactly like a treasure-hoarding dragon. I could picture him laying on top of a giant pile of treasure, having no intention of ever spending any of it. Even Ganondorf doesn't realize how rich Sakon is, assuming he spends everything he earns or steals. Sakon is under the philosophy, 'why buy something when you can steal it for free'? Sakon has enough hideouts around, that he could easily disappear if it ever came to that. He'd have to leave by sea though if he actually wanted to remain hidden without anyone tracking him down.

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I hope you continue to like future chapters as well! :D

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 **setokayba2n** \- That is true, everything is always made extremely clear for Link. o_O That would be hilarious if Sakon made the connection between himself and Navi. He would not be impressed. lolol

 **.**

 **Water Solace** \- I enjoy writing my stories on minor characters because it gives me plenty of creative room to design their backstories and personalities. Even characters I only briefly mention in my story has their entire backstory already figured out. I very rarely use main Zelda characters as the focus of my stories. (Sorry Link and Zelda lol) The Postman was my favourite character in MM and I used to spend hours following him around when I was a kid.

I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story so far, and I hope you stick around to see how it ends. :)

 **.**

 **followrr** -Absolutely! I'm not going to be updating the new story until this one is finished. I definitely wouldn't be able to handle two stories at once. I'm going to be posting an introductory chapter only just to see what people think.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Sundays and Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 8

Life at Sea

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The ship set sail at dawn, and The Postman stayed in his room, wanting to stay clear of the pirates. Sakon happily informed him of everything that was going on above deck, and so The Postman knew he didn't have anything to be worried about. There had been a bit of talk about him, but Sakon assured him no one guessed that he was a man. They mostly just thought he was a waste of space. Although they clearly didn't want him there, the pirates still invited him to join them for meals three times a day, but he always declined.

For four days, The Postman stayed in the room, content to just read, but Sakon was getting restless. The novelty of spying on the pirates was wearing off, and there wasn't much else for him to do. The Postman was forced to remain in drag just in the off-chance someone opened his door, but Sakon normally did a good job of informing him when anyone approached. When he had finished the difficult textbook, The Postman realized that he now had nothing to do either.

"Do you have any books in your backpack, Sakon?"

At the flat look Sakon gave him, he had his answer.

Shrugging, The Postman leaned back in the bed and stared up at the ceiling, simply thinking. Sakon let out a groan.

" _Bored_." he complained.

The Postman didn't respond since that was about the hundredth time The Thief had complained to him about it.

" _Bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored, bored_."

The Postman let out a sigh, and glanced over at him. "Wouldn't it be more interesting to watch the pirates than to stay here with me?" he pointed out.

" _They can't hear me_." Sakon responded. " _And I don't think there's a single lesbian on this entire ship. The pirates don't get up to any funny business at nighttime, they just sleep_!"

The Postman rolled his eyes. "They probably work hard, and are tired at night." he said. "And you said you were going to stop spying on people."

Sakon shrugged. " _Yeah, but I'm bored. How big is this sea, anyway_?"

The Postman lifted an eyebrow. "How big is the Great Sea?" he repeated in disbelief.

Sakon nodded.

"The Great Sea stretches all across the world." The Postman replied. "It connects to everything. We could sail for months and never cross the whole thing."

Sakon let out a loud groan.

"This information was in your workbook, you know." The Postman told him. "I'm glad you're trying to improve your education."

Sakon stared at him as if he grew a second head. " _What in Din's name are you talking about_?" he demanded. " _What workbook_?"

The Postman pointed to Sakon's backpack. "The workbook that's in the front pocket of your backpack." The Postman replied.

Sakon gave the backpack a confused look. "... _what_?"

Sitting up so he could reach the backpack, The Postman pulled it over and opened the front pocket. To Sakon's surprise, the fourth year workbook from Skyloft was pulled out, and he scowled, realizing Link had placed it there as a joke.

"How far have you gotten in it?" The Postman asked, flipping it open. "You haven't marked anything."

Sakon's scowl deepened. " _Toss that stupid thing away_."

"Why?"

" _The stupid hero of time planted that there as some sort of prank. I'm not interested in learning anything_."

The Postman glanced down at the workbook. "Link gave this to you?" he asked in surprise.

Sakon nodded with another scowl.

"If he paid enough attention to know what grade level you left off at, maybe he was genuinely trying to help you?" The Postman suggested.

" _No, he was being a dick_." Sakon replied, irritably.

The Postman highly doubted Link would do something like that. "Did you look at it?" he asked.

Sakon gave a nonchalant shrug. " _I flipped through it_."

"And?" The Postman prompted.

Sakon glared at him, and didn't answer.

The Postman didn't want to embarrass Sakon, but he wanted to show him that he was willing to help. "Could you answer any of the questions?" he asked as gently as he could.

With an annoyed sigh, Sakon shook his head. " _I quit school during third level, and this is fourth level. I don't know any of the answers_."

The Postman gave him a thoughtful look, and began looking through the workbook. "You must know some of it." The Postman insisted. "Just through life experiences, you'd learn some of these answers."

" _Look, dingbat, I can't emphasize enough of how little I'm interested in this_." Sakon snapped. " _I seriously don't care_!"

"Your vocabulary seems broad enough." The Postman complimented. "It's just a matter of finding out what level you're at for other subjects. We could start from the bottom and work our way up until we find your level."

" _No_."

"What's two plus two?"

Sakon crossed his arms. " _Five hundred and eighty-three_."

"Sakon." The Postman scolded. "Come on."

Sakon let out a resigned sigh. " _Four_."

"Twenty minus fifteen?"

" _Five_."

"Four times four?"

" _Sixteen_."

"Square root of twenty-five?"

Sakon paused, and then gave a shrug.

"Twenty-five divided by five?"

" _Five_."

"What is one third of thirty?"

" _This is so stupid_." Sakon complained.

"You don't know the answer?" The Postman asked.

Sakon gave him a dirty look. " _Ten_."

"Could you divide a fraction?"

Sakon shook his head. " _Probably not_."

"Alright, so your math seems to be around level four or five. Let's check your spelling."

Sakon sighed again. " _My spelling is garbage_."

"Spell cat."

" _C-U-N_ -"

"CAT, Sakon, cat."

" _Oh, C-A-T_."

"How about something a little longer? Catastrophe."

Sakon paused. " _Uh...how about we go back to three letter words_?"

"Sound it out." The Postman instructed. "Cat-astro-phe."

" _C-A-T...A-S-T-R-O_..." Sakon hesitated. " _F-Y_?"

"Close, P-H-E. That was a good try though."

Sakon gave him another dirty look. " _Look, I know you think you're helping, but I honestly don't care about any of this. I know exactly the amount I need for my job, and that's all I care about. I don't need to learn physics and proper grammar to be a thief_."

"Well, you said you were bored," The Postman pointed out. "And this would help kill a bit of time."

" _If this horribleness goes on any longer, I'll kill myself instead_." Sakon retorted, dryly.

The Postman rolled his eyes. "Fine." he said, closing the workbook. "Suit yourself, but stop complaining to me that you're bored."

" _I'll do no such thing_." Sakon vowed. " _Since you're the only on who can see me, it's your obligation to amuse me_."

"No." The Postman responded, moving both the workbook and the textbook on magic to the bedside table.

" _What was that boring looking book about anyway_?" Sakon demanded.

The Postman glanced back at the textbook. "It was all about blue magic." he replied. "It had some very good information about the subject."

" _But, you don't even have blue magic_!" Sakon pointed out.

"So?"

" _Why would you read that whole book when it had nothing at all to do with you_?" he demanded.

"Because it was interesting." The Postman told him.

" _It was a big waste of time_."

"Knowledge is never a-"

The Postman cut off when the bedroom door suddenly burst open. Zaira, the First Mate, glanced all around the room, and then levelled him with a suspicious glare.

"Who were you talking to?" she demanded.

The Postman hadn't touched up the make-up at all, and hoped it was still good enough to fool her.

"No one, miss." he replied. "I'm here by myself."

"Don't lie to me! I could clearly here you talking to someone!"

The Postman shook his head. "No, miss, I was just reading a book out loud. I'm a teacher, and I was just working on a lesson plan."

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "I thought you claimed to have a job that required physical work?"

"That was my previous job." The Postman explained. "I've been offered a job position overseas as a teacher. I was simply practicing the lessons."

Zaira didn't look convinced. "There's something off about you." she growled. "I know you're hiding something, I have a sixth sense for these things!"

The Postman shook his head again. "No, miss."

Without a word, Zaira strode into the room, and began searching. She looked under and behind the bed, inside all of his luggage, and even in the bathroom. When she found nothing of interest, she scowled and crossed her arms.

"I will find out what you're hiding." she vowed. "And when I do, it will be my pleasure tossing you overboard."

"I'm not hiding anything." The Postman assured her.

Zaira let out a skeptical snort. "Whatever. The captain sent me to get you."

The Postman furrowed his brow in concern. "Why?"

"Doesn't matter." she snapped. "Come on."

"I have to get dressed first." The Postman protested, knowing the pajamas he was wearing would be taking too much of a gamble.

Zaira rolled her eyes. "You'd better be fast." she growled. "I'm not waiting an hour for you to get ready."

Without another word, she left the room, closing the door after her.

" _You'd better touch up your make-up_." Sakon instructed. " _It's gotten a bit smeared_."

Not knowing if Zaira was listening outside, The Postman nodded silently. He slipped on a clean dress, and grabbed the bag of make-up. Just as he was putting on a bit of lipstick, the door opened.

"Time's up." Zaira announced. "You're good enough, now come on."

"Wait!" The Postman protested to no avail as he was grabbed by the elbow.

Much against his will, he was pulled from the room, the tube of lipstick falling to the floor.

" _I think you'll be fine_." Sakon assured him. " _Just don't do anything stupid_."

He was yanked through the pirate sleeping quarters and upstairs onto the deck. Zaira finally released him, and he rubbed at his wrist as she gave him another hard look.

"Wait here." she ordered.

She then walked away, leaving him to stand awkwardly in the middle of the deck. This was the first time The Postman had been above deck since they set sail, and he glanced out at the ocean, seeing no land in sight. If he was thrown overboard, he would definitely drown. The Postman turned his attention to the nearby crew. It was a stifling hot day, and the pirates were sprawled in various places on the deck, clearly too hot to do much work.

"Aren't you hot wearing that dress?" one of the pirates asked him.

"I'm alright." The Postman replied. "The fabric is light."

"The navigator says this heat-wave means there will be rain tonight." she told him. "It'll be nice to get a break from roasting alive."

The Postman gave her a nod. "That would be nice." he agreed. "It must be awful working up here during a heat-wave."

"You have no idea!" the pirate exclaimed. "I'm just glad the goddesses blessed me with dark skin or I would have burned horribly!"

She then peered at The Postman's pale skin. "...you'd better not stay up here for too long." she advised kindly. "You're not a Gerudo, and your skin is practically transparent! You'll get an awful burn!"

The Postman's skin was actually a bit more tanned than it usually was from living in the desert, but he didn't tell her that.

"I won't be up here for too long." he assured her. "I just need to speak with the captain for a few moments."

"Don't ask for rum right now." she told him. "She's in a very bad mood from the heat."

"I'll keep that in mind." he told her.

"You, girl, come on!" Zaira bellowed from the Captain's cabin.

The Postman flashed her an uncertain look, and then approached. Zaira motioned him inside, and The Postman cautiously entered the cabin, getting a very bad feeling about this. The captain was seated at her desk, and she gave him a curious look.

"I wanted to make sure you hadn't died down there." she told him. "No one has seen hide nor hair of you since we departed."

"I was trying to stay out of everyone's way." The Postman told her.

"You haven't attended a single meal." she pointed out. "Have you been stealing food from the storeroom?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, ma'am. I have my own supplies that I've been using. I haven't touched anything out of the storeroom."

She raised a brow skeptically. "Really? Because several packets of jerky are missing as well as some rum. Almost half a barrel has gone missing since you've arrived."

"That has nothing to do with me." The Postman assured her. "I don't like jerky, and I don't drink."

"While you're aboard my ship, you're considered one of my crew, and the punishment for theft is ten lashes. I'm going to give you one chance to admit what you've done consequence free, and then I'm holding you to the same standards as the others. If you're found guilty, you will be punished. I'll now ask you one more time, have you stolen anything from the storeroom?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, ma'am."

The captain narrowed her eyes. "Come here." she ordered.

The Postman approached the desk, hoping he wasn't about to be blamed for something he didn't do.

"Hold out one of your hands." the captain ordered, drawing a very sharp looking dagger.

The Postman hesitated. "What are you going to do?" he asked. "You're not going to cut it off, are you?"

She gave him an impatient look. "I just need a drop of your blood." she explained. "The parchment in front of you is enchanted to show everything you've consumed for the last three days. If you're lying, this will be the proof."

" _They're testing your blood_!" Sakon said in horror. " _They'll find out you're a man_!"

The Postman hesitated again, still not holding out his hand.

"Ready to admit to anything?" the captain asked.

He shook his head. "Will the magic only show what I've consumed, or will it reveal different things as well?"

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Why? What other things are you worried about?"

"I'm entitled to my privacy." The Postman informed her. "Anything not to do with the crime, shouldn't be tested for."

"Oh?"

"Blood can be used against you." The Postman explained. "Even a little can be dangerous."

The captain gave him a considering look. "True." she admitted. "If it will satisfy you, I'll burn the parchment in front of you after we've finished."

"It just shows what I've eaten?" The Postman demanded.

She looked somewhat amused. "You are rather interesting, mystery girl, but I won't pry for now. The parchment is a simple nutritional test that I use to weed out potential thieves. It won't show me anything other than what you've eaten for the last three days."

" _Just take the ten lashes_." Sakon told him. " _It's too risky, and ten lashes is a really lax punishment_."

Ignoring him, The Postman held out a hand towards the captain. Without hesitation, she pricked his index finger and caught the drop of blood on the parchment. Instantly, words began to appear, and everyone watched in fascination. Once the words had stopped forming, the captain picked up the parchment and studied it.

"You're free to go." she announced a moment later.

"What?!" Zaira cried out in surprise. "You mean she was actually telling the truth?! There were four witnesses that said they saw her take the items!"

"Then, they are clearly the thieves." the captain replied. "The only thing she's eaten is ramen and granola bars for days. There were no traces of alcohol, except for a minuscule amount likely from a mouthwash or toothpaste. The accusers were obviously hoping to pin it on her because she's a foreigner. They probably assumed I would believe them with no questions asked. Unfortunately for them, I am a fair person, and I investigate all claims."

Zaira gave a nod. "I'm sorry to admit that I believed them."

"It's understandable since they're our shipmates, but this is why I started using this enchanted parchment in the first place. Too many supplies were being pilfered."

The captain turned her gaze to The Postman. "The parchment showed that there was a definite lack of protein in your diet, and your iron levels are low as a result. Join us at supper tonight, and have some meat."

The Postman shook his head. "No, thank you, ma'am. I prefer to stay in my room."

The captain narrowed her eyes. "That wasn't a request." she told him. "I'm not allowing one of my crew to starve herself on my watch. You'll attend supper."

"Supper is in thirty minutes." Zaira informed her. "Don't be late, or I'll come looking for you. If you force me to do that, it'll be my foot up your ass."

It didn't really seem like The Postman had much of a choice, and so The Postman gave her a nod. "Yes, ma'am, I'll be there."

The captain then struck a match and held it to the parchment. Once it was lit, she tossed it into the fireplace where it burst into flames and dissolved into ash. She gave him a nod.

"You're dismissed." she told him, turning to Zaira. "Bring in the accusers."

The Postman left the captain's cabin unable to believe he hadn't gotten caught. He glanced over at Sakon who was glaring at him grumpily.

" _You should have just taken the whipping, you wimp_." he commented. " _It would have been a lot less risky_."

"And if they had have taken off my shirt for the whipping?" The Postman demanded.

" _Oh...I hadn't thought of that. Good thinking_. _You should see if this false accusation will get you any special_ _privileges_."

"No." The Postman hissed.

"No, what?" a nearby pirate asked.

The Postman was a bit startled, not realizing anyone was that close by.

"Er...don't mind me." he told her. "I was just thinking out loud."

She gave her head a lazy scratch. "Right, well, if you're speaking to the little voices in your head, you might want to do that in private."

Sakon burst out laughing, and The Postman rolled his eyes. He'd definitely have to be more careful when speaking with Sakon from now on.

"Come sit with me." the pirate requested. "I'm done with work, and I'm bored."

Knowing he had to kill the next half-hour, The Postman took a seat beside the pirate one a large coil of ropes. She was pretty young, maybe twenty-two at the most, and she wore a pair of thick glasses, that covered most of her narrow face. Her hair was short but uneven, as if she's cut it herself, but she held herself with confidence, clearly not bothered by her appearance.

"Name's Sam." she announced, thrusting out a hand towards him.

The Postman shook the hand, and cocked his head at her curiously. "Sam?" he questioned. "That doesn't sound like a Gerudo name."

The pirate rolled her eyes. "Samirah." she elaborated. "Call me either, I don't care."

The Postman nodded, and turned his gaze out to the seemingly endless ocean.

"And you are...?" Samirah prompted.

The Postman gave a shrug, his gaze still on the water. She gave him a light nudge to the ribs.

"Just because we're pirates, doesn't mean we're bad people." she told him. "You don't have to be afraid to tell us your name."

"Sorry, miss, but I prefer not to. I mean no offense by it, but I just don't feel comfortable saying who I am."

"Why? Are you a princess on the run, or something? Is your evil, and powerful stepmother trying to take your place on the throne? Are you now travelling overseas to find your true love who will lead an army to take back your kingdom?"

" _Someone reads waaaay too many bad romance novels_." Sakon commented with a grin.

The Postman gave her an odd look. "No." he simply replied.

"Maybe you're a wanted assassin, wanted for the murder of a powerful king? Perhaps you have to escape before they catch you, and execute you?"

"No." The Postman replied again.

"Hmm." she said, giving another thoughtful scratch to her head. "Maybe you're really a man in disguise, and you're on an epic journey to rescue your lover across the seas?"

The Postman froze, and turned to look at her. "No." he repeated a bit too quickly.

Samirah didn't seem to notice his sudden nervousness, and she gave a shrug. "Aw, you're no fun. You could have at least pretended one of my guesses was right. Now I'll have to come up with a new theory. I'll make sure to keep you updated."

" _You need to avoid this one_." Sakon suggested. " _She's far too nosy for her own good_."

Changing the subject, The Postman addressed Samirah. "What is your job on the ship, miss?"

"During battle, I'm a gunner, but for the rest of the time, I'm a general labourer. I can't do a lot of running and climbing with this."

Samirah lifted one of her legs, and for the first time, The Postman noticed her leg was missing from the knee down. In the leg's place was a wooden pegleg held in place with leather straps.

"I get by just fine without it." she assured him. "Some of the girls here are missing multiple limbs."

"How did it happen?" The Postman asked in concern.

"Got hit with a stray cannonball when I was fourteen." she explained. "It was my first year as a pirate."

" _Oooo, that sucks_." Sakon commented, staring down at the pegleg. " _This makes her so much more awesome though_..."

"Oy, suppertime, you lazy bums!" a voice suddenly bellowed out.

Samirah gave him a wide grin. "Sweet! Supper's early tonight! Come on, let's go!

Much to his surprise, she took him by the hand and pulled him towards the stairs. She walked slowly, but with confidence, and The Postman resisted the urge to rest a hand on her shoulder to steady her. He doubted she's appreciate the gesture, and he'd likely get a fist in the face.

The dining hall was in complete chaos when they entered. They were the last to arrive, and The Postman simply stared at the sight before him in complete disbelief. The pirates were yelling at each other, grabbing at food aggressively, and even physically fighting to get the best portions. It reminded The Postman of his family during the holidays, and he turned to leave the room, wanting no part in it. Samirah caught him by the shoulder, and grinned at him widely.

"Don't let them intimidate you." she told him. "They may be rough, but they'd never hurt you unless you touched their food. The captain never lets anyone take more than their share, and so there will be plenty left. Now, come on, let's grab a seat!"

" _I don't like this_." Sakon commented. " _It's way too crazy in here. One of the pirates could yank off your wig if you get in a fight with them. Whatever you do, don't get too close to their food_!"

The Postman took a seat on the very edge of one of the benches, made sure not to look like he was reaching for anything. Samirah fought to get her own portions, and The Postman saw the meat was some sort of white fish. When she saw him not moving, she cocked her head.

"Want me to snag you something?" she offered, taking a huge bite of her food.

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, thank you." he replied. "I don't like seafood."

She gave him a flabbergasted look. "Wow, you are a very weird person." she commented.

" _He is indeed_." Sakon agreed with a grin.

"Imagine not liking fish!" Samirah said, shaking her head. "That's pretty much all we eat!"

A hand suddenly dropped onto The Postman's shoulder, and he nearly jumped a mile. Looking up, he saw Zaira scowling down at him.

"Why aren't you eating?" she demanded, looking down at his empty plate. "The captain ordered you to eat something."

"My stomach is a little bit upset from the waves." The Postman lied.

"She doesn't like fish." Samirah helpfully supplied.

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "Oh, so the meal doesn't meet the royal highness's gold level standards." she sneered. "Surprise, surprise."

"I don't mean any disrespect, ma'am." The Postman quickly assured her. "It's just that I've never been able to stomach any sort of seafood..."

"Tough, powderpuff." Zaira snapped, shoving a serving of fish onto his plate.

" _I'm going to call you powderpuff from now on_." Sakon announced happily. " _She found the perfect word to describe you_."

The Postman gave no indication he heard him, and watched as Zaira added some potatoes and vegetables to his plate.

"Eat, or get punished for insubordination." she warned, running a finger over the whip on her belt.

Without waiting for a response, Zaira crossed the room to return to her own seat with a glare. The Postman returned the glare, and let out a sigh. Why would she even care what he did and didn't eat? What difference could that possibly make to her?

Samirah eyed his fish, and then leaned in towards him eagerly. "If you don't want your fish, I'll take it." she whispered. "Just wait until Zaira isn't looking."

The Postman nodded, and picked up his fork. Zaira was still glaring over at him as he ate his vegetables, and the moment she was distracted by someone else, he dumped the fish onto Samirah's plate. When Zaira glanced back a moment later, she immediately saw the fish was gone, and she narrowed her eyes suspiciously. Surprisingly enough, she said nothing, and instead finished her own supper.

Hoping he could escape back into the safety of his room, The Postman stood up to leave. Zaira'a gaze was instantly on him, and she gave him a warning glare, motioning for him to sit back down. The Postman hesitated, and then slowly sank back down into his seat.

"Why does she even care?" The Postman muttered to himself irritably.

"She's the ship's doctor, and so it's her job to bully everyone about things like this." Samirah whispered. "Now that she's set her sights on you, nothing can save you now."

She then laughed, giving him a nudge with her elbow.

The Postman gave Zaira a surprised look, definitely not expecting that. She looked nothing at all like a doctor, and he never would have guessed if Samirah hadn't told him. He could only imagine the poor souls that had to go her to be nursed back to health. They probably got better just to get away from her. He supposed this did explain things then.

Zaira glared at him throughout the whole meal, and The Postman didn't dare try to move again. Many of the pirates had begun to leave now that they'd been fed, but The Postman still didn't move. Samirah left a few minutes after that, shooting him a pitying look as she did so.

"Good luck." she whispered, as she disappeared out the door.

Twenty minutes later, it was just Zaira and himself left in the dining hall. It was then, that Zaira finally got up to approach him.

Zaira then hovered over him menacingly, not saying a single word. The Postman glanced up at her, and she met his gaze directly, her expression incredibly disgruntled. She still said nothing, and The Postman shifted, growing uncomfortable under the intense look.

"I know very well that you slipped your food to one of the others, and so I'm going to give you a choice." she finally said, breaking the silence. "Stop being a child, and just eat the food you've been given, or-"

She unhooked the whip from her belt, and laid it on the table in front of him.

"I will enforce the captain's orders, and you will obey. Normally, I don't care about something so insignificant, but everything about you annoys me. I hate spoiled, useless women like you, and I think you're a waste of space on this ship. If I can cause the pampered little princess a little discomfort, than so be it."

The Postman let out a deep sigh. Why was there always a person like this no matter where he went?

Sakon was looking genuinely worried, clearly remembering how The Postman, no matter how hard he was beaten as a child, wouldn't eat fish. The Postman had once stubbornly remained at the kitchen table for four days until his mother finally relented and threw out the fish. Sakon knew this did not bode well.

Zaira pointed to the nearby platter of fish. "Well?" she demanded, impatiently. "Which will it be? The whip or the fish?"

The Postman stubbornly nudged the whip towards her in silence. She definitely wasn't expecting this, and she gave him a dumbfounded look.

"Seriously?"

The Postman nodded.

"You do realize how painful a whipping is, don't you? It can strip the flesh from your back."

The Postman gave another nod.

Zaira raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You're really willing to take a whipping just so you don't have to eat a bit of fish?"

She got another nod.

Zaira narrowed her eyes, certain he was bluffing. "Very well." she replied ominously. "Stand up, and lean over the table."

" _Jihiro, just eat the damn fish_!" Sakon scolded, angrily.

Without a word, The Postman got to his feet, and obediently leaned over the table, bracing himself for the pain to come. Zaira eyed him for a moment, and then picked up the whip, and pulled her arm back.

"Last chance." she warned. "You really prefer a whipping?"

"Yes."

"Fine." Zaira said.

She brought her arm down as hard as she could, and the whip hit the table right beside The Postman's face, causing him to flinch in surprise. He then looked up at Zaira who looked supremely annoyed.

"Get out of here." she ordered with a sigh. "Go back to your room, and starve yourself to your heart's content."

The Postman hadn't expected it all to be a bluff, and he flashed her an uncertain look.

"Out, before I change my mind." she snapped. "Insufferable nuisance."

Not wanting to question her unexpected show of mercy, The Postman quickly fled out of the room.

" _You are one stubborn jackass, you know that_?" Sakon grumbled, as they made their way back to the bedroom. " _I really thought she was going to beat you to death_!"

The Postman said nothing at all until they were back safely in the bedroom with the door closed. He then let out a breath of relief.

" _Moron_." Sakon stated, crossing his arms.

"There's no way I'm going to get away with this." The Postman announced. "I'm going to end up dead."

Sakon frowned at him. " _It wouldn't have killed you just to eat the stupid fish_." he told him in exasperation.

"It might have." The Postman stubbornly replied.

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _At least try to stay out of the pirates' way for a while, alright_?"

The Postman sat down on the edge of the bed. "I wish I had a doorlock." he commented.

" _Ask for one_." Sakon responded. " _I really doubt the pirates would really care either way_."

The Postman let out a sigh, getting the feeling none of the pirates would be willing to go out of their way to help him.

"When is this sign going to happen?" he demanded. "It's been days!"

Slight worry crossed Sakon's face. " _I have no idea. That stupid, mystical pigeon didn't tell us anything useful_."

"What if there is no sign?"

" _This is a quest, darling, the goddesses have to give you some sort of hint if they ever want you to finish it_." Sakon assured him.

"I still doubt this is even my quest." The Postman said, with another sigh.

" _You are rather pathetic_." Sakon admitted a bit uncertainly. " _You're short, weak, not handsome, your magic sucks, and you have no fighting ability. Honestly, you'd be the last person I'd choose for a quest_."

The Postman glared over at him. "Thanks."

" _I didn't mean that in a bad way_." Sakon quickly added.

The Postman raised an eyebrow.

" _I just meant that you're unexpected, and you'll take everyone by surprise. The fact that you're definitely not the type of person for quest is what makes you perfect for it! No one will even see you coming_!"

The Postman gave a skeptical hum.

" _I really wish I could help more_." Sakon told him. " _If you get into trouble, there's nothing I can do to help. That's why you really need to be more careful from now on. Next time, just eat the damn fish_!"

The Postman simply sighed for a third time, and flopped back onto the bed. Sakon frowned down at him.

" _You're not going to, are you_?" Sakon asked in resignation.

"No." The Postman answered, honestly.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update is not guaranteed to be on time, but I'll try my best. Hopefully it will be out on Friday...**

 **Check back here if you don't see it by Friday to see if it's delayed**

 ***** UPDATE*****

 **Sorry, guys, it's looks like the chapter is going to be late again this week. I'm going to have to post it on Friday. My eyes are terrible this week, and I'm getting a friend to type for me, but it's taking a lot longer to do. I'll probably have to start updating once a week instead of twice a week until my eyes start improving. :(**


	57. Shore Leave

**Authornote: Wednesday July 26th 2017**

 **Hello everyone!**

 **Sorry that I missed updates this week. :( My eyes are absolutely atrocious and I couldn't see well enough to do much of anything. I tried using that Dragon: Naturally Speaking software, but it's annoying to use. It takes like ten times longer than it should because it mis-hears me, and always misses the punctuation I tell it to use. I enlisted the help of my friend, Mike, to help type this up. If there are any typos in this, you can blame him. lol I'm going to have another set of eye injections in a few days and I'm hoping I'll start to see an improvement. I'm going to temporarily reduce the amount of chapter updates to once a week, on Fridays. (any other updates will be a bonus chapter if I post one) Once I can type again, I'll move it back to twice a week.**

 **I had to write this chapter in chunks, (I was dictating) and so I'm hoping it all fits together smoothly. If you notice any really obvious mistakes, just let me know and I'll fix it.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Kwertiiop** \- No, he's not allergic, he just really, REALLY can't stand the taste of it. There's actually a reason for this abnormal hatred of all seafood, but that won't be explained until part 5.

 **.**

 **Guest** **-** Yeah, I can imagine Sakon's reaction if it was Link who tried to get him to study. That workbook would never see the light of day again. lol

Sakon does know The Postman is a lot smarter than him, but he's convinced himself that he can't learn anything. When Sakon was a child, he was very hyper, and he had a lot of problems concentrating. Every teacher he had was impatient and cruel to him, and Sakon was convinced he was too dumb to learn. Even Koume and Kotake were impatient with him when trying to teach him, and they too gave up on him. Sakon's certainly not dumb, but he does still struggle to read or study anything for an extended period of time.

If The Postman started charging Sakon for everything he does for him, Sakon would very quickly go bankrupt. lol

 **.**

 **SilentyDead** \- I think Tingle amuses me far more than he should. lol I'm half-thinking of writing him his own short-story. I can just imagine the amount of flames I would get!

 **.**

 **Rainmy** \- There is indeed a deeper story behind why he hates fish. It isn't a simple dislike of fish, he finds it so revolting that he wouldn't be able to choke it down even if he tried. The reason for this will be explained in part 5.

I enjoyed writing that lesson scene, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! The Postman is far more stubborn than Sakon, and so when he sets his mind to something, no one can talk him out of it. Sakon doesn't yet realize what's in store for him...

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Poor Sakon, he does not handle boredom well! I agree, if Link asked/ordered Sakon to study, it would never happen. Not in a million years. Sakon, however, is not immune to The Postman's ability to nag.

Sakon did that 'slip-up' on purpose during the spelling. lol

Thanks for the review! :D

.

 **setokayba2n** \- The Postman had better hope he has no reason to go see the doctor for anything. lol

 **.**

 **placesmileshere** \- The Postman never tattled on the pirates who stole the ale, and they actually have no reason to blame him. The captain would make them all take the same nutritional test that The Postman did, thus proving their guilt. They weren't blaming him to be malicious, they just thought they'd be able to get away with it since he was a foreigner.

I actually like Zaira, and she will be used quite a bit during the adventure on the ship.

I wouldn't really call Sam butch, but you are correct in assuming she has shown an interest in The Postman. She knows there will not be any sort of meaningful relationship due to the fact The Postman is just a passenger and not a member of the crew, but that won't stop her from testing the waters. As of right now, The Postman is completely clueless. lol

Sam is no wilting flower, and she's had plenty of rejection during her life. She has a strong sense of self-esteem, however, and she doesn't let things like that bother her too much. She doesn't really know The Postman yet, but from what she sees, she likes his quiet, and gentle demeanor.

I do have something planned for this situation, and I hope I don't disappoint you. The Postman would never intentionally hurt someone.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 9

Shore Leave

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"Try this one."

Sakon let out an overly dramatic groan, but still looked down at the parchment. " _I have no idea_." he complained. " _It's too hard_."

"Try to work it out." The Postman instructed. "Break it apart and solve what you know. Look at the chart I drew out for you, and go from there."

Letting out another groan, Sakon glanced over the reference sheet.

"By looking at the sheet, what do you solve first in the equation?"

" _Parentheses_?"

The Postman nodded. "Now, break it apart, and go in order. I'll write your answer down for you."

" _It's too hard_." Sakon repeated.

"It's not, you just have to figure it out." The Postman assured him patiently. "Take your time."

Frowning down at the equation, Sakon sighed, and pointed. " _I add these ones together first, right_?"

"Look at the reference sheet again." The Postman instructed. "You need to solve the equation in a certain order to find the right answer."

" _I give up_." Sakon said with a groan.

"No, you don't, you haven't even tried yet." The Postman scolded. "Just give it a try."

Sakon stared at the reference sheet, and then at the equation, his brow furrowed as he put some actual effort into it. The Postman remained silent, simply allowing Sakon to try to find the answer on his own. Sakon was silent for about a minute, and then pointed to part of the equation.

" _Write a four here_." he instructed somewhat hesitantly.

"Good, now what?"

Sakon pointed. " _Seven_."

The Postman nodded. "And then?"

Sakon paused for a long moment, and then said. " _Divide this part with this other part_?"

"That's right, and what is the answer to the division?"

"... _thirteen_."

"Good, now what do you do with this thirteen?"

Sakon seemed a little more sure of himself now. " _Add it to the seven to make twenty_."

"And the final step?"

" _Subtract the four from the twenty to make sixteen_."

The Postman wrote down the answer, and then marked it correct. Sakon stared at the checkmark, and felt incredibly proud of himself. That was the most advanced math he had ever done, and although it was only at the back of the fourth level workbook as an introduction to fifth level math, he still felt like it was some sort of accomplishment.

"You've been making really good progress." The Postman told him. "I think you're already prepared enough to move onto level five."

The Postman had been tutoring Sakon for the last three days straight, and no matter how much Sakon, whined, ranted, or fought with him, The Postman was patient, and stubbornly continued to help him.

" _Perhaps if I had've had a teacher like you, I wouldn't have quit school_." Sakon commented, looking thoughtful. " _Every other teacher would have lost their temper by now and hit me with something. You're the first person to take the time to explain things in a way I understand. Have you ever thought about teaching as a career_?"

The Postman frowned at the thought of a teacher hitting a child just because they had trouble concentrating, and shook his head. "No, I'm a postman, not a teacher." he responded. "I wouldn't know the first thing about it, and I'm happy with my current job."

"Y _our job is lame_."

The Postman rolled his eyes, having heard this countless times before. Using the workbook to fan himself from the heat, The Postman leaned back in bed, wishing it would cool down a bit.

The storm had still not come, and the heat was almost unbearable. For three days the pirates suffered on deck as they continued their work, and The Postman had stayed in his room where it was somewhat cooler. Samirah had been by to visit him a few times to chat or play cards, but she too was tired from the sun, and so she mostly slept during her off-time. When The Postman heard a polite knock on his bedroom door, he knew it was Samirah, and so he called out for her to enter.

"Hey, mystery girl." She greeted upon entering. "We're going to be docking at Tael Island in a few minutes for supplies. You should come to town with me."

"No thank you, I'd rather stay here." The Postman immediately replied.

" _You need supplies_." Sakon pointed out. " _You don't know how much longer we're going to be sailing for_."

"Aw, don't be such a bore." Samirah scolded with a grin. "Come on, get off the ship and stretch your legs for a bit. Come keep me company."

The Postman frowned, not liking the idea of leaving himself so vulnerable. Anything could happen to him off of the ship.

" _You'll be fine_." Sakon assured him. " _Just buy some supplies, and then hightail it back to the ship. If you start starving yourself, you'll be useless to the quest_."

"I don't know..." The Postman replied, with a frown.

Samirah held a hand up to her ear in an over-exaggerated motion. "What was that? You said you want to come? Of course you can come!"

She then grabbed The Postman by the arm and pulled him to his feet.

The Postman allowed it, but flashed Sakon an uncertain look. "Sam..." he complained.

"Grab some rupees, and come on!" she ordered. "Hurry up, we're going to be docking soon!"

" _Go on_!" Sakon urged. " _I'm bored, and this will give us something to do for a while_. _I need a break from the non-stop studying_."

"How long are we docking for?" The Postman asked.

"All night!" Samirah announced excitedly. "We have the whole night to explore!"

The Postman gave her an uncertain nod. "Alright." he agreed. "But only for a while. I don't want to be away from the ship for long."

He filled a wallet full of rupees from the chest, and before he even had a chance to put the wallet into his pocket, Samirah seized him by the hand, and tugged him out the door. The pirates who were in the sleeping quarters gave the both of them an odd look, but said nothing as they passed by. The moment they reached the top deck, they were assaulted by the hot sun, and Samirah let out a groan of protest.

"It's too late in the year to be this hot." she complained. "When is it going to rain? It was supposed to rain days ago!"

The Postman gave a shrug, and glanced up at the sky which was clear and blue, with no signs of a single cloud.

"That's Tael Island." Samirah informed him, pointing to the large body of land just in front of the ship. "Whenever we sail South, we always stop here for supplies. They're a lot friendlier to pirates here than other places. They get a lot of business from Gerudo pirates as well as other pirates."

"Haven't the royal soldiers figured that out yet?" The Postman questioned.

Sakon snorted. " _You have no idea how stupid soldiers are_." he told him.

Samirah unknowingly mirrored the snort. "Yeah, they sometimes come around, but they're pretty much useless. We don't have anything to worry about."

The Postman had a bad feeling about this, but knew he was probably just overthinking it. He would just get a few supplies, and then head back to the ship. He'd take no more than an hour, maybe two at the most.

Samirah pulled him over to the captain, who flashed them both an annoyed look.

"What are you two up to?" she demanded.

Samirah gave her a wide grin. "We're going shopping!" she announced.

The captain eyed The Postman a bit suspiciously, and then said. "Find another person to go with you. I don't like my crew being in groups of less than three."

"We'll be fine." Samirah commented off-handedly. "Don't be so paranoid."

The Postman couldn't believe she had just spoken to the captain in such a way, and he backed away a step as the captain rounded on them.

"What was that, Samirah? Care to repeat that?" she demanded, placing her hands on her hips.

"I said you're being paranoid." Samirah repeated. "Nothing is going to happen to us on Tael Island. We're both grown adults who are more than capable of going shopping without somehow dying."

The captain narrowed her eyes. "How about you drop the attitude before I ban you from going on shore?"

Samirah let out an exasperated groan. "Oh, come on." she whined.

"Find someone else to go with you." The captain said firmly. "Or you don't go at all."

"I don't have anyone else to go with." Samirah protested. "No one's going to want to go shopping with a foreigner and a cripple."

"I'll go with you two."

They turned to see Zaira standing just behind them, listening to the conversation. "I need to get a few medical supplies, so I'll accompany you."

Samirah scowled. "Aw, no, you're no fun. You'll kill all happiness within a mile of me."

"Good." Zaira replied sharply. "Perhaps I'll keep you out of trouble for once."

The Captain gave Zaira a grateful nod. "Thank you, Zaira. Keep an eye on them."

"I'm sure they'll be fine." Zaira replied, glaring at The Postman. He got the distinct impression she'd be breathing down his neck the entire time they were on shore.

" _Well, at least if you end up stabbed, you have a doctor with you_." Sakon pointed out. " _She looks like she can fight too_."

The ship was docked within a few minutes, and the second the gangplank was lowered, Samirah grabbed The Postman by the hand, and pulled him onto the boardwalk. Sakon stared at their linked hands, and shook his head.

"Y _ou don't even realize, do you_?" he questioned in disbelief.

The Postman gave him a confused look.

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _Of course you don't. You're absolutely clueless, you know that_?"

The Postman raised a brow, having no idea what Sakon was talking about. Samirah pulled him off of the boardwalk, towards the town, and Zaira followed behind silently.

"Where do you need to go first?" Samirah asked The Postman with a smile. "I don't really need to buy anything, I just want to look around."

"I need some more dried rations." The Postman replied. "Is there a market nearby?"

She nodded, and pointed. "Yeah, the market is just on the other side of town."

"No, the market's too far." Zaira informed them. "Stay within the shops on the boardwalk. I'm only staying out for an hour or so."

Samirah gave her a glare. "If you don't want to come, feel free to go away."

Zaira returned the glare. "Perhaps if you were a bit more trustworthy, you wouldn't need to be escorted." she replied with a curt tone. "The captain remembers what happened the last time we were here."

Samirah rolled her eyes. "He had it coming."

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "You can't just stab civilians whenever you feel like it. You caused a lot of trouble with the royal soldiers, and they've been after us since."

Samirah had the good grace to look a bit embarrassed. "I'm sure they've forgotten us by now..."

The Postman let out a sigh. "I knew this was a bad idea..."

Zaira turned her glare to him. "You'd be useless in a fight, and Samirah only has one leg. The two of you need me in case you encounter trouble. If you'd rather go back to the ship, go ahead."

The Postman started to turn back towards the ship, but Samirah caught him by the hand.

"No, don't let her intimidate you, she's just paranoid. Come on, let's go have some fun."

"But-"

He didn't have a chance to respond, because Samirah tugged him off towards one of the nearby shops.

* * *

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

* * *

The shops at the port weren't that great, and the prices were much higher than they should have been. The Postman argued and negotiated with every merchant, but most were unwilling to lower their prices.

"They get a lot of business from the ships here, and so they know they can pretty much charge what they want." Samirah told him. "That's why the market is better."

She glanced over at Zaira who was inspecting a dagger.

"Want to ditch her?" Samirah whispered.

"No." The Postman immediately answered.

" _She has no idea how truly lame you are_." Sakon commented. " _She'll soon learn_."

Samirah nudged him. "Oh, come on, do you really want to pay these prices?"

The Postman looked over at Zaira, just imagining her reaction if they pulled something like that. "It's not a good idea." he advised her. "She was sent with us for a reason."

"The captain has been treating me like this ever since I lost my leg." Samirah replied. "She still treats me like a child, and it's ridiculous."

"Doing something like this won't prove her wrong." The Postman replied. "Why don't you just have a conversation with her and tell her that you think you're ready for a bit more responsibility?"

Samirah gave him a sour look.

"You don't know how she is." she answered. "That would never work. I'd just end up mad, and getting myself in trouble."

"Well, you could-"

"Quick, she's not looking!"

Samirah once again grabbed him by the hand, and, quite against his will, he was pulled off into a back alley. For someone with one leg, Samirah was surprisingly quick when she wanted to be. The Postman glanced over his shoulder, but Zaira wasn't following. Samirah took turn after turn, and when she was finally out of breath, she slowed down to a walk.

"Do you see her?" Samirah demanded, with a wheeze.

The Postman took another look behind them. "No." he replied.

Samirah let out a laugh. "Good, now maybe we can actually relax a bit before she tracks us down."

The Postman let out a sigh. "This is not going to end well..."

"Stop being so rigid." Samirah scolded. "Are you sure you're not a princess? You really need to learn to relax. No one's going to hurt you."

" _Better people than you have tried to get him to relax, my dear_." Sakon commented. " _The stick is up there way too far for you to be able to pry it out now_."

The Postman shot him a glare, and then turned to Samirah. "Well, what's done is done, I suppose..." he relented. "Whether we go back now or later probably won't make much of a difference."

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _You just said that to be oppositional_."

"It won't take her long to track us down, so we'd better hurry. I'll take you to the market so you can get what you need."

The Postman followed her as they walked through town, and The Postman made a mental note of the streets they took in case he needed to find his own way back later. He had never been to Tael Island, and he'd be lying if he said he wasn't interested. Everyone on the island seemed to be human, and he saw no evidence of any other race of creatures. Although there was a port, The Postman hadn't seen any evidence of local ships. They must have built the port to gain business from the sailors. The people seemed to be completely secluded from the rest of the world.

"Do the people from this island ever travel to the main continent?" The Postman asked.

Samirah nodded. "They have one ship that goes to Termina for trade, but other than that they stay on their island." she replied. "Pirates are their main source of income, and so they treat us better than they're supposed to."

" _I bet the locals are all extremely inbred_." Sakon commented. " _On this tiny island, everyone is probably related to each other_."

The Postman shook his head, deciding to ignore Sakon completely. That was not something he wanted to think about.

It only took them a few minutes to reach the market, and Samirah showed him around excitedly. The prices were a lot more reasonable than the shops at the dock, and The Postman bought enough supplies to last a couple weeks. Samirah offered to help him with the bags, and she took two of them despite his protests.

" _Just let her carry them_." Sakon ordered. " _She's probably stronger than you any way_."

"They weren't that heavy." The Postman protested again.

Samirah threw an arm over his shoulders. "I promised I'd take care of ya, and I meant it." she announced. "I like you, and I want to help."

"Thank you." The Postman replied, not expecting the pirate to be so helpful. "If they get too heavy for you, just let me know."

Sakon lifted an eyebrow at The Postman. " _Really? You're still not catching on_?" he gave his head a shake. " _You're definitely something else_..."

"How long have we been gone?" Samirah asked, glancing up at the sun.

"About two hours." The Postman answered.

Samirah let out an aggravated sigh. "I guess we should start heading back then." she said. "As it is we're going to have to listen to one of Zaira's long, boring lectures."

"She doesn't really seem like the sort of person you should be aggravating." The Postman observed.

"Naw, she's all bark and no bite. Although she carries that whip, she hardly ever uses it unless the captain orders her to. She might threaten you, but it's extremely unlikely she'd ever hit you for anything. Zaira's a good person, just too much of a stickler for the rules."

"She seems to hate me." The Postman said with a frown.

"She doesn't hate you." Samirah assured him. "She just thinks you're useless."

"...thanks."

"Look, just keep taking care of yourself, and she'll come around eventually." Samirah said. "Just don't argue with her too much."

"I probably won't be on the ship for too much longer." The Postman told her. "I suppose I shouldn't really worry about it."

"Well, you can hang around me until you leave!" Samirah announced, throwing an arm back around him. "You're interesting, and I like you! Not every Gerudo pirate gets to have a foreign girlfriend!"

A look of dawning crossed The Postman's face, and Sakon was grinning from ear to ear.

" _Aaaaaaand now he gets it_!"

"Um, Sam..." The Postman began as gently as he could. "I do think you're nice, and I really don't mean to sound cruel when I say this, but I'm not inter-"

" _WATCH OUT_!" Sakon bellowed.

The Postman never got to finish that sentence, because a hand suddenly snaked out of an alley and yanked him into it. He dropped his bags, and his face hit a brick wall hard, and he fell to the ground with a pained grunt. He could hear both Sakon and Samirah yelling, and he raised a hand to his head, his fingers coming back red. Looking up, he saw a group of five men grabbing hold of Samirah, and before he knew it, he was yanked to his feet by the throat.

" _Fight_!" Sakon bellowed into his ear. " _Dammit, Jihiro, you need to fight_!"

The men began dragging them deeper into the alley, and The Postman began to struggle, fighting hard to get free. One of the men backhanded him across the face, and The Postman tasted blood.

A hand now covered his mouth, and he glanced over to Samirah who was fighting like a wildcat no matter how many times they hit her. Her glasses lay shattered on the ground, and her peg-leg was cracked from the repeated kicks she received.

They were out of sight of the market, and one of the men began fumbling with Samirah's belt, ripping the leg of her pants as he did so. Feeling a primal fear rise within him, The Postman grabbed a hold of his red magic and yanked it as hard as he could, causing the desired explosion. The five men were thrown backwards, and The Postman scrambled to Samirah, knowing she had been hit by the magic as well.

"Are you alright?" The Postman cried, kneeling beside her.

Samirah rolled to her knees, her face a twisted mask of hatred. She grabbed her dagger off the ground, and without hesitation, she lunged at one of the groaning men. The Postman stepped back as she slit the man's throat without hesitation, and Samirah didn't slow down as she went for the next attacker. Sakon was cheering her on as she gutted man after man mercilessly, and when she had the last one at knife-point, she paused to look him in the eyes.

"Gerudo pirates show no mercy." she hissed.

"Halt, what is going on here?" a loud voice yelled out.

Everyone froze and looked up as a group of armed guards rounded the corner. They glanced around, and then they gasped at the sight of the bodies, turning their attention to Samirah who still had the dagger to the last man's throat.

"Drop your weapons, pirate!" the head of the guards ordered, drawing his sword. "Don't make me kill you!"

Samirah met his gaze directly and then slit the throat. Dropping the man to the ground, she bolted, grabbing The Postman by the hand as she did so.

"HALT!"

The Postman knew this was not going to end well if they stopped, and so he sped up, dragging Samirah behind him. The Postman had no idea where he was going, but he knew they had to lose the guards as soon as possible. It was hard dragging someone behind him at that speed, but he didn't slow down until they were far away from the market. Stopping at the outer edge of town, he glanced back at Samirah who was completely red-faced and out of breath. The moment he released her hand, she fell to the ground, wheezing and gasping for breath. He knelt down beside her in concern, but she didn't seem to be hurt. Her face was bruised and bloody from being hit, but he luckily didn't see any serious-looking wounds.

"Y-you-you're fast!" she gasped out. "I-I think-m-my lungs-a-are going to burst!"

The Postman said nothing, simply keeping an eye out for the guards. Sakon was hovering over them, looking stressed and worried, and The Postman looked up at him.

"Keep watch." he ordered.

Sakon gave a nod, and flew up so he could see over the tops of the buildings.

"I-I am keeping watch." Samirah replied, from the ground. "W-where are we?"

"I don't know." The Postman replied. "I just ran until we lost the guards."

"W-we need to get back to the ship." Samirah said, sitting up. "The captain will be setting sail if the guards are causing trouble."

"What if they leave without us?" The Postman asked in alarm.

"We don't have to worry about that." Samirah told him. "They'll wait for us."

"If they're in danger, they might leave." The Postman said. "I'm just a passenger, and you're a manual labourer. I really don't think they'll wait. We need to go!"

"Relax." Samirah told him. "They won't leave us behind."

"Why?" The Postman demanded.

"The captain is my mother."

The Postman blinked in surprise, a lot of things making sense now. Now he knew why Samirah got away with her attitude with the captain.

The Postman held down a hand to help her up, and she accepted the hand without hesitation.

"You're something else, mystery girl!" she said with a smile. "You never said you have magic!"

She took a step towards him, but her cracked peg-leg suddenly snapped, and she fell forward, knocking him hard to the ground.

"Ow!" Samirah complained, as she glanced down at the broken leg. "Sorry about tha-"

She cut off abruptly, her eyes going very wide, and The Postman suddenly became aware of the fact her hand had landed in a very sensitive area of his body. She hurriedly pulled away, and she continued to stare at him in complete shock.

"You're a man!" she exclaimed in horror.

" _Oh, shit, you're dead, you're dead, you're dead_!" Sakon cried out in dismay. " _Run for it_!"

The Postman was completely frozen, and he stared up at her, knowing there was no denying it.

"You're a man." Samirah repeated, several emotions crossing her face.

"...sorry." The Postman offered, halfheartedly.

Samirah blinked a few times, and then to The Postman's immense surprise, she burst into hysterical laughter. She laughed and laughed, and laughed, actually rolling on the ground, and The Postman exchanged an uncertain look with Sakon. Samirah couldn't seem to stop laughing, and The Postman wondered if he should take this opportunity to run for it. When the laughter had finally abated, she wiped the tears out of her eyes, and she grinned up at him widely, her eyes sparkling in mischief.

"You're a man." she snickered. "I knew you were hiding something! I knew it!"

She snickered at his horrified expression, and shook her head in amusement.

"This is perhaps the most hilarious thing that has ever happened on our pirate ship. You fooled everyone, including Zaira! I can't believe you actually had the gall to pull something off like this! I never suspected you to be that brave, or that stupid! Do you have any idea what will happen to you if you're caught?"

"They'll kill me." The Postman answered, still not moving.

Samirah laughed again. "Most definitely." she answered, holding out her hands. "Geez, even your accent is fake! Here, help me up, you impostor."

" _Run, doofus, run_!" Sakon ordered as The Postman got to his feet. " _You've been caught_!"

Frowning down at Samirah, The Postman once again reached down to help her up. Because of her broken leg, she couldn't stand on her own, so she leaned against him, still snickering to herself.

"I'll help you back to the ship." The Postman told her. "Please, just give me a head start before you tell the others."

"Don't worry, mystery girl, I'm not going to tell anyone."

The Postman gave her skeptical look. "Why?"

"You saved my life back there when you could have just used your magic to save yourself. You've been nothing but respectful and nice to me, and although I'm a bit disappointed that you're not a woman, I'm not going to hold it against you. I don't hate men, I just don't particularly like them."

" _It's a trick_." Sakon accused. "S _he just wants to see you executed. Do not go back to that ship, you moron_!"

"But why?" The Postman demanded. "Why would you keep my secret when you have no obligation to?"

"It's way more hilarious that way." she replied, shaking her head again. "Once you're long gone, then I'll tell them. It will make them so mad! I can't wait! Zaira will be so embarrassed that she missed it! I can't wait to see her face!"

The Postman wasn't convinced. "It's too dangerous."

" _Make her swear a pirates oath_." Sakon told him. " _If she swears a pirate's oath, she can't break it, or she'll be killed from the magic of the oath_."

"A pirate's oath?" The Postman questioned in confusion.

Samirah gave him a look of surprise. "You want me to swear a pirate's oath?!"

" _Tell her yes_."

"Yes."

Samirah raised an eyebrow, and wiped some of the blood off her face. "I do like you, but I'm not swearing an oath. If a situation comes up that I have to tell, it'll kill me."

"Then what if you swore to keep it a secret unless there was a threat to your physical well-being?"

She gave him a thoughtful look. "And I can talk about it all I want after you leave the ship."

The Postman nodded.

Samirah gave him a smirk. "Okay, I'll take the oath, but only because you saved my life. I swear on the goddess Din, in a formal pirate's oath, that I will not reveal to anyone that you're a man for as long as you're on our pirateship, unless my life is in danger. I can discuss it with you, but no one else."

There was a swirl of red magic around Samirah, and she gasped as she felt the oath take hold. The magic faded into her, and she rubbed at her chest, the feeling incredibly uncomfortable.

"Are you alright?" The Postman asked.

"I'm fine." she replied, giving him a thoughtful look. "So, what's your name?

The Postman hesitated, and then replied. "My name is Jihiro."

Samirah gave him another amused grin. "Come on, Jihiro the man, let's get back to the ship."

The Postman nodded, and knelt down so she could crawl up on his back. She hopped up onto his back without hesitation, wrapping her arms around his neck, and The Postman straightened back up. Samirah was the same size as him and slightly heavier, and so The Postman had to walk instead of run as he headed back into town.

"So, why are you on our ship?" Samirah asked. "I could think of safer ways to cross the ocean."

"Long story, but your ship was the only one nearby at the time." The Postman responded. "It was a bit of an emergency."

" _Don't tell her about me_." Sakon instructed. " _The pirates really hate me_."

"It must have been an emergency if you're taking such a chance." she responded. "You'd better be extremely careful from now on. The other pirates don't have a sense of humour like me."

"HALT!"

The Postman froze as several soldiers seemingly appeared out of nowhere. They had their swords drawn, and were blocking all possible escape routes. Samirah let out a curse, and drew her dagger.

"Can you use your magic again?" she demanded,

The Postman could feel the agitated red magic raging within him, and didn't trust himself to use it. The magic was battling with his green magic, and it was much too volatile to trust it. He had a feeling it would kill everyone and everything around him if he tried. The first blast of magic he had released had taken the magic by surprise, and wasn't very strong, but now the magic was on the defensive, preparing to defend him. He silently shook his head, and Samirah let out another curse.

The captain of the guards strode towards them, clenching his sword tightly in his fist, radiating fury.

"You will hang for what you've done." he snarled. "You pirate scum will be wiped off of this island for good!"

Samirah narrowed her eyes. "You call me scum, when those men attacked us unprovoked?! They were garbage, and i did the world a favour by killing them!"

"Save your lies." he snapped. "One of those men you murdered was my brother. He was a good, hard-working man, and he'd never go near scum like you!"

The Postman had no idea what to say to this, and so he stayed silent, simply watching the guards warily.

" _Being a pirate is an automatic death sentence_." Sakon informed him. " _If they catch you, you'll both be hung without a trial_."

"You're not a Gerudo pirate." the head guard said, looking The Postman up and down. "Why are you getting involved in this? Who are you?"

The Postman said nothing, simply glancing around, looking for some way to escape.

"I'm slowing you down." Samirah said. "Set me down and go. I'll be fine, i promise. I'm an excellent fighter."

There was no way The Postman was going to leave her to be hung, and he adjusted his hold on her, trying to decide what to do. He was no good at fighting, and he couldn't run very fast with her on his back. He had no choice but to try to escape, despite the odds against it.

"Set the pirate down." The head guard ordered. "I have no doubt that it was her who was responsible for the murders, and if you surrender now, the courts will be more lenient towards you."

" _He's lying_." Sakon said. " _There will be no courts, and no trial involved in any of this_."

The Postman began backing away, wondering how fast he could go if he really needed to.

"I can take down one of the guards if you can get one isolated." Samirah whispered into his ear. "Just don't let me go, because I'll need to use my arms to fight."

" _If you can take down the head guard, there's an opening you can get by_." Sakon told him from above. "T _hey have reinforcements everywhere else except for straight ahead_."

"If I charge the guard, do you think you can disarm him?" The Postman whispered back to Samirah.

Samirah looked the head guard up and down, and knew just by looking at him that he was an experienced fighter.

"I'll do my best." she responded a bit uncertainly. "Whatever you do, don't stop moving. Even if you're hit, keep running."

The Postman nodded, and without any warning to the guard, he charged straight towards him. The head guard wasn't expecting the sudden attack, and he swung out with his sword, Samirah just managing to deflect it with her dagger. The Postman couldn't run very fast, but he managed to duck down into an alley.

" _You didn't kill him_!" Sakon yelled. " _He's right behind you_!"

"Sam, behind you!" The Postman warned.

Samirah lashed out behind her with the dagger, and cut the head guard across the chest as he reached out to grab them. The Postman didn't slow down as he continued turning through the alleys, hoping to lose the soldiers.

" _He's coming after you again_!" Sakon called.

"He's coming, Sam!" The Postman warned her.

Not even questioning how he knew that, she prepared herself for another attack just as the head guard turned the corner. This time he wasn't taking any chances, and he swung out his sword at them, and Samirah struggled as she once again deflected the attack.

"Blast him!" Samirah hissed out. "I can't fight him like this!"

"I can't!" The Postman responded. "The blast will get you too if I do!"

"I don't care, blast him!"

The Postman shook his head knowing he could kill the guard if he allowed his red magic to take control. Samirah would definitely be caught in the blast as well, and he didn't want to chance hurting her. The Postman left the alley, and entered the market at a full run.

Looking up, he then saw a sight that made him let out a deep breath of relief. Zaira was waiting in the town square with every pirate from the ship behind her. Dozens upon dozens of armed pirates filled the square, and The Postman headed straight for them. The pirates had their weapons drawn, and when they saw them, Zaira rushed over to fearlessly defend them. The head guard came to an abrupt halt at the sight of the small pirate army, and he knew he was sorely outmatched.

"Back off if you know what's good for you!" Zaira snarled, raising her sword for the kill.

The guard hesitated only a moment, and then slowly backed away. "They killed five men, and they will be hung!" he threatened. "It doesn't matter if you take them, because we will track you down and execute the lot of you!"

Zaira met his gaze directly, and bared her teeth. "Try it." she hissed. "I dare you."

He stared at Zaira's fearless expression, and then turned and headed back into the ally to meet up with the rest of the guards. Zaira glared after him, and when she was sure he was gone, she reached out her arms to take Samirah.

"Give her to me." she ordered.

The Postman passed her over, and Zaira lifted Samirah like she weighed nothing at all, and quickly looked her wounds over. Finding nothing serious, she turned away.

"Back to the ship!" Zaira bellowed out to the crew. "Get a move on it!"

As they headed back towards the harbour, Zaira glared from Samirah to The Postman furiously. "You two are in trouble." she stated. "Big trouble."

Samirah let out a heavy sigh. "...yeah, I figured as much."

"What were you thinking?!" Zaira snarled. "You could have been killed by those guards if we hadn't found you! Why were you murdering civilians?!"

"They attacked us." Samirah replied. "I would have been killed for sure if mystery girl hadn't rescued me. She saved my life."

Zaira gave The Postman a skeptical look. "Why were you attacked?" she demanded.

Samirah pointed at her ripped pants. "Why do you think?" she snapped.

Zaira's expression turned completely murderous. "Was that guard responsible as well?" she demanded, coming to a stop, her hand hovering over the hilt of her sword.

Samirah shook her head. "No, he happened upon us just as I was killing the last man. He thinks we murdered them for no reason. He wouldn't listen to me when I tried to explain."

Zaira let out an angry curse. "Do you have any idea what you've done?" she demanded. "The royal soldiers are going to be out for our throats now! We'll have to set sail immediately!"

Samirah gave her a sheepish look. "Sorry."

Zaira glared at her. "Don't think for one second that I don't know this was all your idea, Samirah. This whole thing reeks of your doing."

Samirah let out another sigh. "Yeah." she admitted. "Mystery girl had nothing to do with it. I forced her to come along."

"I didn't have to go." The Postman said, knowing he was just as responsible. "I could have chosen to go back to the ship."

"You're both idiots." Zaira snarled. "I hope the captain skins you both alive!"

"I didn't know this was going to happen!" Samirah protested.

"Are you hurt anywhere?" Zaira asked her.

Samirah shook her head. "No, I'm fine. Just a few cuts and bruises."

Zaira turned her gaze to The Postman, whose face was also covered in blood. "How bad is that wound?" she demanded.

The Postman raised a hand to his forehead. "It's not too deep." he told her. "I hit my head off a brick wall when we were attacked."

"I'm surprised the wall survived such a thing." Zaira muttered crossly. "I'll take a look at you when we get back. That is, if I don't decide to strangle the both of you first."

Civilians kept their distance from the large group of pirates, and they made it back to the ship without seeing a single guard. The captain was standing on deck, waiting anxiously, and when she saw Samirah, she let out a noticeable breath of relief. Her expression then turned furious, and Samirah gulped apprehensively.

"We're dead."

The captain crossed her arms as they made their way up the gangplank, and she gave them both such an angry glare, The Postman wondered if she would kill the both of them.

"Bring Samirah to my cabin." the captain ordered. She then turned her glare to The Postman. "You wait right here, and don't you dare move an inch."

The Postman silently nodded.

" _Why do you keep ending up in situations like this_?" Sakon moaned in complaint. " _I'm a ghost, but yet you still somehow keep giving me heart attacks! You're going to get caught_!"

The Postman said nothing, and stood next to the cabin door for a long time, until finally the captain re-emerged. She gave him another glare.

"Samirah told me everything that happened today." she said.

The Postman's breath caught in his throat. "Everything?" he questioned.

She nodded. "She admitted that what happened today was all her fault, and that if it wasn't for you, she would have been seriously hurt or worse. You could have left her behind to save yourself, but you stayed by her side to protect her. For that, you have my respect. I won't be punishing you for your part in what happened, so you can go back to your room. Zaira will probably be by shortly to patch up that head-wound."

The Postman gave a nod, shooting a worried look towards the cabin door. The captain noticed his expression and rolled her eyes. "I'm not going to kill her, however tempted I might be. She and I are going to have a very long conversation about responsibility, and foolish choices."

The Postman nodded.

"You're dismissed."

The captain then turned and entered her cabin without another word to him. The Postman gave one more uncertain look to the door, and then turned to head back below deck.

" _You are one lucky moron, you know that_?" Sakon commented. " _I thought you were caught for sure_!"

The pirates were all preparing the ship to depart, and as The Postman headed back to his room, one of the pirates stopped him.

"Zaira found your bags of supplies in the market." she told him. "That's how she knew something had happened. She brought them back for you. They're in your room."

" _Like I said, lucky_." Sakon said.

"Thank you." The Postman said to the pirate.

When he got to his room, he saw his supplies as well as Zaira waiting for him.

"Come on, let me see that wound." she ordered.

The Postman knew she would notice he was wearing a wig if he let her, and so he shook his head.

"No thank you, ma'am. I have a healing potion that I'd prefer to use."

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "You shouldn't use healing potions for every bump and scrape." she scolded. "Potions are magical, and you can grow a resistance to them after a while. It's better to save potions and fairies for emergencies."

"You can grow a resistance to healing magic?" The Postman asked in surprise. That was something he hadn't known.

Zaira nodded. "The only healing magic that works on a consistent basis is green healing magic. Green magic takes a lot longer to work, however, and isn't recommended for use during an emergency."

"I was healed with green magic after being shot with an arrow." The Postman said thoughtfully. "It did seem to take a few hours."

"Why were you shot?" Zaira demanded suspiciously.

"It was an accident." The Postman assured her.

Zaira narrowed her eyes, but didn't comment.

"I think I'll still use the healing potion." The Postman told her. "I'd feel more comfortable that way."

Zaira looked incredibly offended. "I'm a very good doctor!" she told him. "Just because I'm a pirate doesn't mean I lack a proper education in medicine!"

"I don't mean any offense at all!" The Postman quickly assured her. "I'm just in a bit of pain, and would rather be fully healed than have to heal the slow way."

Zaira crossed her arms. "Ah, so you're a wimp."

The Postman just wanted her to leave and so he quickly agreed with her. "Yes, ma'am."

Zaira rolled her eyes. "Fine, but I'll still be back later to make sure you healed correctly, you nuisance."

The Postman nodded. "Thank you for bringing back my supplies, ma'am. I thought they'd been lost."

Zaira waved him off impatiently. "Considering how you're practically starving yourself as it is, I didn't think you needed to miss any more meals."

The Postman nodded gratefully, and Zaira collected her medical bag, and left without another word. Once she was gone, The Postman closed the door, and flopped backwards onto the bed.

"Bad idea." he admitted. "I knew I should never have left the ship..."

" _Well, at least Salmonella can't break her pirate's vow. Your secret is safe for now_." Sakon assured him. " _You'd better not get off the ship again though_..."

"No." The Postman agreed. "Hopefully this quest sign will come soon, and we can get off this ship for good."

Sakon nodded his agreement as The Postman opened the shopping bags to put things away. That's when he discovered Zaira had added several packages of dried meat to his supplies. She had posted a note to it that simply read 'PROTEIN, you nuisance!'

The Postman glanced towards the closed door, and shook his head in amusement. It seemed that no matter how annoyed Zaira was at someone, she was still a doctor first.

They felt the ship set sail a few minutes later, and The Postman let out a breath of relief.

"Want to start working on your history lessons?"

Sakon let out a groan.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update should be on next Friday. I'm hoping to have a chapter out sooner than that though, so be sure to check back.**


	58. Whiskey

**Authornote: Friday July 28th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Wow! I can't believe I actually got this chapter out on time! Several of my friends helped me type up this chapter, and hopefully there aren't too many typos. I really enjoyed writing this chapter, and I hope everyone finds it amusing as well! :D It's another long one, so grab some popcorn, and enjoy!**

 **I'm going to do my best to update every Friday, and if i can manage it, I'll try my best to post a second chapter throughout the week. (but no guarantee)**

 *****WARNING*****

 **There is violence in this chapter. Consider yourself warned.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Jigbashmop** -lol Nope, no pirate girlfriends for The Postman! Pirate friends perhaps, but not girlfriends. His family is going to go postal when he gets back. (haha really bad joke)

 **.**

 **SilentyDead** -Um...I may have just written half of a Tingle one-shot...I may have to post it when I'm done just to traumatize a few people. lol

It was various dried meats, but no fish. lol

 **.**

 **Reiz16** \- Yeah, Samirah will still like The Postman, just not in a romantic way. She likes his calm, and gentle demeanor, and so she'll still be his friend.

You are absolutely correct! Tael Island is named after the fairy! I decided to throw in a little Majora's Mask tribute. :)

.

 **setokayba2n** \- That's actually explained a little bit in this chapter, but it doesn't go in depth about it. Essentially, a fairy or potion can heal any wounds that aren't caused by sickness, aren't too old, or missing too much flesh. (severed limbs cannot be healed, as well as chunks missing out of a body) They cannot cause new skin or body parts to grow, they can only heal what's already there. Green magic can heal pretty much anything if the person casting the magic is strong enough. Unfortunately it takes time to heal, and if the wound is dangerous enough, the person could bleed to death before they're healed. Green magic is pretty rare, and it's mostly just the Kokiri who possess it, as well as several old families, so the training for it is limited.

The pirates are treated better by the regular civilians, not the soldiers/guards. The civilians depend on them for trade, sales, etc, but the guards follow orders from the crown. The royal soldiers are actually detested by the regular people of Tael Island, but there's not much they can do about it unless they go against the crown.

 **.**

 **placesmileshere** \- I'm glad it flowed together nicely. I was really worried about that since I had to write it in awkward chunks when I had free time.

It's a very good thing Sam had a sense of humour, or The Postman's day would have ended up very differently. Although disappointed that he's a man, she still likes him, and is still willing to be his friend. Since this is The Postman, I wouldn't count on everything going smoothly. ;)

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 10

Whiskey

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" _Look, dingbat, I do appreciate what you're trying to do, but if you ask me one more question, my head is going to explode. Lay off for a while_."

The Postman glanced up from the workbook. "You're almost done the whole book." he replied. "Don't you want to finish these last couple pages?"

" _No_."

"It's not math." The Postman assured him. "The only thing left is a few definitions."

" _No. I'm going to go see if I can catch a few pirates being naughty in their off time_."

The Postman flashed him an unimpressed look.

" _What_?" Sakon demanded, seeing the look. " _It's not my fault we're surrounded by hot women_!"

"Define Tropia."

Sakon crossed his arms. " _There's no way that word is in a fourth level workbook_!"

"It is." The Postman insisted, turning the book around so he could see.

" _I have a joke about that_." Sakon told him with a grin. " _I would never date a person with lazy eyes... They might be seeing someone on the side_!"

"Define bigotry." The Postman responded flatly.

" _That's what a little tree becomes after long time. A bigotry_."

The Postman gave him another flat look, and closed the workbook with a sigh. "You win." he relented. "You go do whatever it is you want, and I'm going to bed."

" _It's like eight o'clock_." Sakon pointed out.

"I nearly died today." The Postman pointed out. "Being chased by armed guards tired me out."

Sakon gave a lazy stretch. " _You're like an old man, you know that? You go to bed early, and you get up at the buttcrack of dawn every day even though you have nothing to do_."

"Do you even sleep at all?" The Postman questioned, realizing he'd never seen Sakon sleep once since their journey began.

Sakon shook his head. " _No, I can't sleep, eat, or drink anything. I don't seem to get tired or hungry though_..."

The Postman frowned. "Then what have you been doing at nighttime?"

" _Mostly watch you sleep."_ Sakon responded.

At the look The Postman gave him, Sakon laughed. " _I'm joking, dumbass. I mostly stay up on deck keeping watch_."

The Postman leaned back in the bed, and gave him a thoughtful look. "You've been doing that every single night?"

Sakon nodded. " _Well, yeah. I can't have anyone sneaking up on you during the night. If you're killed, I have to stay like this forever_."

The Postman rolled his eyes. "Glad to know your reasons are so selfless." he commented dryly. "Wake me up if anything happens."

" _Easier said than done_." Sakon grumbled. " _You sleep like a rock_."

The Postman didn't answer, instead leaning over to blow out the lantern on his nightstand. The room was instantly shrouded in darkness, and he pulled the blankets over himself, attempting to get comfortable.

" _Enjoy your lame dreams of stamps and envelopes_." Sakon said, floating out of the room.

"I don't dream about stamps." The Postman grumbled to himself.

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There was a tremendous crash, and the entire pirate ship shook from the force. The Postman woke with a start and gazed all around in surprise, and confusion. There were several deafening booms, which caused the floorboards to vibrate and he reached for the lantern to light it. The Postman looked all around, but Sakon was nowhere in sight. He was completely alone in the room.

There was another deafening boom from overhead, causing the ship to jerk to one side violently, and The Postman fell out of bed, completely startled. Looking up at the ceiling as a cloud of dust fell down on him, he sat up, and rubbed at his bruised elbow. Had the storm finally come? Was it thunder he was hearing?

Getting to his feet, The Postman opened his bedroom door, and stepped out into the storage room. There was another boom, and the shipped rocked dangerously, knocking him into one of the storage shelves hard. Several glass jars shattered to the floor as The Postman caught himself, and he looked up, suddenly very worried that the ship was going to sink. He could hear the pirates all yelling overhead, and he knew the storm must be pretty intense.

Holding onto shelves as he made his way towards the door, The Postman wondered where Sakon was. Why hadn't The Thief warned him about the storm? Sakon's form was as light as air, and he quickly became worried at the thought of him being on deck. Could the storm have blown Sakon away from the ship? Hoping that wasn't the case, The Postman pulled open the storeroom door and entered the pirates' sleeping quarters. Clothes and belongings were strewn everywhere, and several hammocks had fallen from the walls into tangled messes. The Postman carefully made his way through the room, holding onto the wooden support beams so he wouldn't fall, and made it to the stairs just as there was another colossal boom.

Scrambling up the stairs, he peered out onto the deck, and his eyes widened at what he saw. The deck was in complete chaos, pirates running from one side of the ship to the other, as they followed the captain's bellowed orders.

Smoke from the cannons covered the deck like a thick, black blanket, making everything seem surreal, and all the more frightening. Holding tightly onto the railing as he squinted into the darkness, he could just make out the shape of another ship across the water. The smoke swirled around the water thickly, and when it cleared just enough for him to make out who the attacking ship was, he let out a gasp. The sails were in the Hylian national colours, the mark of the golden crown clearly shining out in the darkness. It was a royal navy ship, the men on board the soldiers from Tael island. They had dozens of reinforcements, and they were shooting at the pirates over and over.

The Postman now had a very, very bad feeling about this, and glanced around the ship, having no idea what to do. Several guardrails had been blasted off the pirate ship, but there didn't appear to be any serious damage as of yet. All six of the pirate's cannons were being fired over and over, and he could see Samirah expertly manning one of them. Dozens of shots were being fired, but neither side could see to aim because of the thick smoke.

With every deafening blast from the cannons, the ship jerked violently from side to side sending pirates toppling head over heals onto the deck. Every pirate was bruised and battered, but none slowed in the least, and got back to their feet time and time again. The Postman clutched tightly to the railing as the ship tilted dangerously, and he felt cold spray from the ocean cover him. Wet and stunned by the scene before him, The Postman could only stare at the battle silently, unsure of what to do.

A cannonball then struck the guardrail next to him, and he fell to the deck, unharmed but startled. As he scrambled to cling back to the railing, he saw several pirates had been hit from the flying debris. Despite being bloody, and bruised, they still didn't stop their attacks.

"What are you doing out here?!" demanded an angry voice from behind him.

Looking over his shoulder, The Postman saw the captain standing just behind him, scowling down at him fiercely. One of her arms was bleeding heavily from a piece of wood lodged deeply into it, and she clenched her sword tightly with her good arm.

"Get back below deck, girl, before you get yourself killed!"

The Captain didn't wait for his response, and ran off, shouting orders to the gunners. As The Postman watched her disappear into the smoke, there was an immense boom and the crow's nest exploded from above, falling to the deck in an burst of flaming splinters. Shielding his eyes as bits of wood landed all around him, he looked out across the water and to his surprise, he saw Sakon.

The Thief was hovering out on the water between the two ships, and seemed to be pulling and tugging at the smoke. With surprise, The Postman realized Sakon was the reason the smoke wasn't dissipating; he was trying to keep the pirate ship hidden. Sakon's face was a mask of concentration as he struggled with the smoke and it looked as if he was actually succeeding. The naval ship kept firing but missed because they couldn't see where the pirate ship was. Sakon finished with the spot he was currently working on and glanced back to see where he was needed next. His gaze caught The Postman's, and his eyes widened.

Sakon shouted something to him, but because of the loud howling wind between the two ships, The Postman couldn't hear a word he said. Sakon yelled again, looking frustrated, but was once more drowned out by wind and cannon fire. The Postman hesitantly stepped closer to the railing, and gazed across the water at the other ship, hoping this wouldn't be how he died. A cannonball zipped by his ear, and again Sakon yelled at him furiously. The Postman found he couldn't look away from the battle, and glanced across the deck at the pirates who were seriously outgunned. The Postman wanted to help them, but he had no idea what to do. He couldn't fight, he knew nothing about cannons, and his magic was pretty much useless. There was absolutely nothing he could do.

He saw the pirate captain standing among the crew, yelling out orders, her eyes wild and angry, as she tried to be heard over the cannonfire. Zaira stood by her side, the two women working together to instruct pirates accordingly. He felt like he should be helping somehow, and so he approached cautiously, as the captain levelled him with an angry glare. Although he couldn't hear a word she was yelling at him, it was obvious that she was demanding to know what he thought he was doing. Zaira made a shooing motion at him, but The Postman shook his head stubbornly.

He heard another boom, and turned just as a cannonball was fired. Realizing it was going to hit the two women, The Postman reacted quickly and threw himself at them, knocking them hard to the deck as the cannonball passed over their heads. There was a crash as another guardrail exploded, and he winced as he felt a piece of the wood stab deeply into his shoulder. The captain shoved him off of her, and then glanced towards the broken guardrail, quickly realizing what had happened. She frowned down at him, but said nothing as she quickly barked out another order to her pirates. Zaira gave a quick glance to his shoulder, and then pointed to the gunners.

"Help them load the cannons!" she ordered, turning away to continue helping the captain.

The Postman looked up with a wince, and saw Sakon hovering just over him.

" _Moron_!" Sakon yelled at him furiously.

The Thief kicked a foot through his head harmlessly, and then pointed back below deck. " _You're going to get yourself killed! Stop being a dumbass, and go back to your room_!"

"You can move smoke?" The Postman questioned. "When did you learn to do that?"

Sakon gave him a proud smile. " _Someone has to be useful on this team_!" he responded. "N _ow be a good girl, and go back below deck_! _I'll explain later._ "

The Postman saw the smoke was quickly dissipating, and the navy could now clearly see them. He pointed towards the smoke.

"Sakon!"

Sakon turned, saw what was happening then let out a curse. He flew back to the smoke as fast as he could and started pulling on it again, reforming it. The navy ship was much better equipped than the pirate ship, and The Postman knew something had to be done fast or they'd sink the ship. Staring at Sakon as he formed the smoke into a wall, The Postman got an idea. Rushing over to Samirah, he tugged on her arm.

"Get ready to fire the cannon where I say." he yelled.

She flashed him a confused look, but nodded, trusting him not to lead her astray. As she reloaded the cannon, The Postman turned his gaze back to Sakon.

Rushing to the guardrail, he waved his arms to get Sakon's attention, who paused to stare at him. Knowing the thief wouldn't be able to hear him, The Postman moved his arms in a circular motion, and then pointed to the naval ship. Sakon cocked his head, not understanding. The Postman used his arm to make the motion of circle and again pointed to the ship. Sakon understood, gave him a nod and grabbed a hold of the smoke, yanking and tugging it over to the ship. Once Sakon had managed to get the smoke where he wanted, he began spinning it around the ship tightly, so that it was completely encased in the thick smoke. Both ships were now completely blind, the wall of spinning smoke too thick to see through.

The Postman continued motioning for Sakon to try to keep it going, and he didn't realize the other pirates were watching him in surprise. The captain stared between him, and then the strange event taking place with the smoke, realizing the smoke was not natural. Sakon appeared over The Postman, who pointed towards the wall of smoke.

"Tell me where to shoot!" he called up.

Sakon nodded and disappeared into the smoke. A few moments later, he was back and floated over to Samirah's cannon. He motioned for it to rise, and The Postman leaned over to Samirah's ear.

"Up!" he instructed.

She obediently raised the cannon a bit, and Sakon motioned up again.

"More!" The Postman ordered.

She raised it a bit more and Sakon motioned for her to stop, and move it to the left a bit.

"Stop, and to the left!"

Samirah moved the cannon very slightly to the left, and Sakon gave them a thumbs up.

"FIRE!" The Postman bellowed. "FIRE!"

Samirah shot the cannon, and there was a loud crunch of shattering wood as it hit its mark. Instantly, every pirate adjusted their cannons in imitation, and began firing.

The gunners all fired their cannons and everyone heard the cannonballs make contact. The mist began to clear, and they saw the other ship's mast fall and crush part of the ship, the Hylian's cannons now completely destroyed. Instantly every pirate cheered, knowing the odds were now in their favour. Without their sails, the other ship was completely at their mercy, and the pirates could now board them. The pirates ceased fire.

"ALRIGHT, LET'S RAM HER!" the captain yelled. "COME ON, MOVE IT!"

Sakon floated back over to the pirate ship, his job done, and he seemed incredibly pleased with himself.

" _Take that, you slimeballs_!" he crowed. " _One point villains, zero for the good guys_!"

The Postman leaned against the guardrail heavily, and watched as they came up beside the other ship. He held on tightly as the two ships collided, but he was still knocked flying from the force of the hit. He felt the piece of wood in his shoulder get lodged in even deeper, and he gasped in pain, taking a few moments to get back up. He was aware that he was probably hurt badly, and bleeding quite a bit, but couldn't seem to look away from what was about to happen.

He could see the other ship's crew staring across at them swords drawn, and The Postman realized they were not going to give up peacefully. The pirate ship was now linked with the other ship with grappling hooks, and immediately dozens of pirates swung across the gap on ropes, ready to fight. Gangplanks were laid down, connecting the two ships for the rest of the crew, and he saw the captain and Zaira charge across, swords drawn.

The pirates let out a loud war cry as they charged for the soldiers, and they fearlessly lunged at them, going for the kill. The ship was a swarm of chaos and blood, and slowly The Postman raised a hand to his mouth in horror. These were the good guys that he was watching being brutally murdered, and he had helped it happen. Sakon was excitedly pumping his fists into the air, urging the pirates on, and no one noticed how pale The Postman was starting to get.

" _Get 'em! Get 'em_!" Sakon cheered. "Come on!"

The Postman saw man after man cut down mercilessly, and after only a few minutes, the pirates were in obvious control. Leaning over the guardrail to watch, The Postman ignored the pain he was in, the adrenaline making it easy to ignore. What drew his attention, were the two captains who stood in the centre of the chaos, swords drawn, circling one another. Both radiated power and control as they sized one another up, and no one dared go near them. The pirate captain bared her teeth in a hateful snarl and made the first move, lunging at the other captain, sword poised for the kill. The naval captain deflected the attack and took a stiff and proper stance as he retaliated, stabbing at her mercilessly. The pirate captain jumped away nimbly, her own stance relaxed and confident. She was like a coiled snake waiting for the perfect moment to attack, and The Postman had no doubt about who would win this fight.

The Postman watched her swing at the other captain as fluidly as water, her eyes cold and calculating as she watched his every move. Their swords met with a loud clash of steel, and the pirate smiled widely, this being what she lived and breathed for. Battle was where she truly shone, and she was reveling every second of the fight. Their swords met again and again, both talented, and both evenly matched in strength. They circled one another slowly and the pirate captain once again threw herself at the other captain, sword aimed for his throat. He side-stepped her, and then thrust his sword towards her chest, the pirate dropping to the deck and rolling out of the way, slashing out at him viciously. Her sword caught him across the leg and he stumbled a bit at the unexpected pain. That being all the time she needed, she sprang up, throwing all of her weight against her sword, stabbing him straight through the stomach.

The other captain froze in both shock and pain, and slowly looked down at the sword protruding from his stomach. The pirate captain smiled at him wickedly, and then used her boot to push him off of her sword, and watched as he fell hard to the deck. Reaching down, she pulled him up to his knees by the hair and raised her sword high above her head. Letting out a yell of victory, she brought her sword down, cleanly severing the head from the body. The fight had lasted only minutes, the pirate captain far more experienced and bloodthirsty, than the noble naval captain.

Staring down at the severed head for a moment, the surviving captain tossed it down among the fighting soldiers. Seeing their dead captain caused the Hylians to falter, and the pirates quickly overpowered them. The pirate captain turned to join the other pirates in their fight, and man after man fell dead.

With their captain dead, the men were directionless and didn't stand a chance against the pirates. Almost immediately, the soldiers surrendered, their numbers drastically reduced. They dropped their swords to the deck, and all were forced to their knees as the bloody and enraged pirates surrounded them. The naval ship was ransacked, barrels and crates loaded onto the pirate's ship as fast as they could be moved. The pirate captain stood among the carnage proudly, looking like a stone-cold queen, her clothes torn and sword dripping blood, but her expression was calm and collected. Once the last of the supplies had been taken, she gave the men kneeling at her feet a cruel smirk.

"STRING THEM UP!" she yelled, brandishing her sword high.

The pirates gave a loud, frightening yell of glee as they snatched up whatever rope they could find, and they each grabbed a man of their choice. The Postman couldn't seem to avert his gaze as he watched as the men begged, and pleaded for mercy, fighting to get away as they were seized. The Postman watched as they were hung one by one until the entire crew dangled by the ship's side, some still twitching as they fought for life. He was still staring in horror as the pirates returned to the ship, and when they prepared to set sail once more. The Postman stood completely still as pirates rushed all around him, and then he took a deep breath, and then promptly fainted.

 **The Postman was in a burning village, and there was death and destruction all around him. Bodies lay everywhere he looked, and he held a bloody sword in his hands, out of breath, and fury filling him. He stared at the cloaked man in front of him, and charged, raising the sword for the kill.** That's when the vision disappeared, and he awoke **.**

The Postman must have only been out for a few seconds, because he heard Sakon swear loudly, and then someone give him a sharp kick to the side. As he was turned over onto his back, he opened his eyes to bleary vision, and saw several pirates gathered around him. The captain pushed her way through the crowd, and frowned down at him. Her gaze settled on his bloody shoulder, and the pool of blood under him, and she knelt down beside him.

"Someone take her to the medical cabin. The fool's gotten herself injured."

The Postman instantly shook away his dizziness. "No!" he protested in a panic. "I'm fine!"

He hurriedly sat up, but let out a wince when he realized his fall had shoved the piece of wood in even deeper. He fell back to the deck, and the captain gave him an impatient look.

"You're bleeding all over the deck, you are not fine." she stated. "You are going to the medical cabin whether you want to or not. This is an order."

The Postman looked over at Sakon, who seemed completely panicked, unsure of what to do.

" _The doctor will find out you're a man_!" he cried out. " _If you go, you're gonna die! You need to get up and show them you're fine_!"

The Postman tried to get up, but he fell back, unable to find the strength to move. The Captain scowled at him, and then motioned for several pirates to help him. Samirah was watching with wide eyes, knowing very well what would happen if Zaira examined him. She bit her lip nervously, but knew there was nothing she could do.

Having no choice, The Postman stayed still as he was lifted by a few pirates carefully, and he gave the captain a miserable look.

"I just need to rest, I'll be fine!" he tried to assure her.

He was quite surprised when the captain reached out to rest a hand on his uninjured shoulder.

"Go get treatment from Zaira." she ordered gently. "Once you're seen to, I will discuss your disobedience. I specifically told you to remain below deck, and you defied me."

" _He saved your life_!" Sakon yelled out angrily. " _Ungrateful witch_!"

The Postman simply nodded, knowing he was going to be found out. "Yes, ma'am..."

He turned his gaze to the first mate who was still breathing heavily and was obviously tired, but her eyes were still bright with excitement. Several new scratches adorned her arms but she didn't even seem to notice, and motioned for the pirates to follow her. She led them to one of the cabins, and she kicked open the door carelessly, in a considerably better mood than The Postman was expecting.

She pointed to a wide metal bench, and then said. "Alright, set her down."

The pirates carefully lowered The Postman onto the bench, and when they were sure he was steady enough to remain sitting, they turned to leave. Zaira washed and disinfected her hands, grabbed her medical bag, and then turned to him.

"Alright, get that dress off, and lay face down on your belly."

The Postman didn't move. "I'm fine, really, Zaira." he told her. "There are probably others who need you more right now."

Zaira gave a shrug. "Probably, but they're pirates, and they'll just drink off their injuries, and come get me later. You, however, are so weak and pathetic that you'd likely die before morning."

The Postman shook his head disagreeing. "No, I'm feeling much better now, miss. I'll just be on my way and let you join the others in celebrating."

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "Do as you're told, you nuisance, or I swear I'll give you a few more lacerations!"

The Postman shook his head. "No."

Before he could react, Zaira lashed out at him with the flat of her sword, and hit him solidly across the thigh. The Postman let out a yelp of surprise, and Zaira gave him a cross look.

"As long as you're on this ship, you are part of this crew, and you will let me do my job." she snarled. "If you won't cooperate, then I'll have no choice but to call someone in to restrain you while you're treated."

"But-"

She gave him another hard whack with her sword. "Now, you nuisance! Strip and lay on that bench!"

Sakon scowled at the pirate. " _Kill her, and then jump overboard_!" he suggested.

"No!" The Postman cried, horrified at even the thought of killing someone.

Zaira's eyes glinted dangerously "What did you just say to me?" she hissed out dangerously.

The Postman balked, realizing it had sounded like he had been talking to her. "Wait, no!" he cried out, as she grabbed a hold of him roughly and threw him bodily onto the bench. "I wasn't-"

He was abruptly cut off as she brought down the flat of her sword over and over across various parts of his body, mercifully not touching his shoulder. Despite himself, The Postman let out a very unmanly shriek of surprise, and Zaira paused, knowing she'd made her point.

"Are you going to cooperate, or do we need to continue?"

Knowing he had no choice either way, The Postman nodded. "I'll cooperate." he answered, his voice just a bit strained.

"Good, you nuisance, now off with the dress, and lay still."

Zaira sheathed her sword, and then turned away to wash her hands again. The Postman realized he really had no choice in this, and wondered if he could get away with it if Zaira only saw his back and nothing else. Incredibly sore and knowing he was probably covered in welts from her hitting him, The Postman hoped he could pull it off.

" _Make sure you keep that scarf on_." Sakon advised him. " _If she sees your mark, it's all over_."

Keeping his eye on the pirate warily, he carefully unzipped the dress and tried to pull it down, but the wood in his shoulder kept catching the fabric, stretching the wound painfully. Wincing, he tried to lift the fabric over the wood, but it was stuck, and no matter how he tugged on it, it wouldn't come loose. To his horror, he knew he couldn't do it himself, and knew he was about to be caught.

Sakon hovered over him worriedly, glancing over at Zaira with wide eyes.

" _She's going to notice_!" he cried. " _How could she not? She's a doctor, she's going to notice_!"

Zaira turned back around with a armful of supplies, and frowned when she saw him struggling with the dress.

"Here, let me help you." she said, approaching. When she saw the dress was caught on the wood, she gave a thoughtful hum "I'm going to have to cut that dress away from the wound."

The Postman froze, and silently shook his head.

Zaira gave him an impatient look. "What?" she demanded. "You're worried about your pretty little dress?"

The Postman knew there was nothing he could do or say, and so he simply stayed silent.

"Stay still." Zaira ordered, picking up a pair of scissors.

The Postman stayed perfectly still and squeezed his eyes closed, waiting to be discovered as she began cutting into the fabric.

She cut the dress straight across so she could peel it away from the wound, and then she pushed the tattered fabric down to the small of his back. Glad for the padded bra, The Postman laid as flat as possible against the bench, hoping she wouldn't notice how flat his chest was. She didn't seem to notice his nervous demeanor, and set the scissors aside to get to work.

"Alright, let's take a look at that shoulder." Zaira said, pulling some disinfectant out of her medical bag.

She gently wiped away as much blood as she could, and then frowned, seeing the wound was more serious than she expected.

"I can't give you a healing potion until I remove all of the splinters." she told him. "I thought I'd be able to just yank it out, but it looks like it's going to be a bit more tricky than that."

She then reached for something on the nearby table, and thrust it into his face. He instinctively reached out to take it, and saw that it was a bottle.

"Take a drink of that." she instructed. "This is really going to hurt, and you're going to want the pain to be numbed."

"...what is it?" The Postman asked.

Zaira gave him an impatient look. "It's whiskey, now drink it, or I'll rip that piece of wood out before you're sufficiently numbed."

" _Drink it_." Sakon ordered, looking over his shoulder. " _It looks pretty bad, and if they do execute you, you'll already be numb and won't feel much_."

"I don't drink." The Postman answered with a frown.

Zaira gave him an impatient look. "Drink the damn whiskey."

The Postman shook his head. "Just go ahead, I'll be fine."

"Stop being so difficult, and just do as you're told!" Zaira snapped. "You are the most infuriating creature I've ever met!"

The Postman pushed the bottle away.

"You're a fool." Zaira stated, picking up a pair of pliers. "You're going to regret not drinking that."

The Postman closed his eyes to brace himself, but nothing could have prepared him for the excruciating pain to come, and he let out a howl of agony. He could feel Zaira wiggling the piece of wood back and forth as she tried to get it out, and The Postman felt dizzy with pain. Not caring anymore, he opened the bottle of whiskey and chugged the whole thing down, wincing at the horrible taste. The Postman had never had a serious drink before, and almost instantly he began feeling more lightheaded. Just seconds later, he slumped on the bench bonelessly, not even caring when Zaira continued yanking at the wood.

Sakon squinted at his glassy eyes, and then gave him a look of disbelief. " _Did you just get drunk in less than a minute_?!" he asked. " _That's actually pretty impressive_."

The Postman stared at him uncomprehendingly, and gave a slight squirm against the pain in his shoulder. He could still feel it, but it seemed to be dulled somewhat and he was much too hazy to do much about it.

"Stay still." Zaira ordered, shoving down on his back to hold him down.

The Postman only let out a grunt.

"There's no serious damage, but you're going to be really sore for a few days." she told him. "A healing potion won't be able to heal all of this because you're missing a bit of flesh inside the wound. Potions can only heal existing flesh, not replace it. You would have a horrible and painful scar, and that's something I want to avoid. It would be best if you heal naturally. I've almost gotten all the splinters out."

" _She's right_." Sakon told him. " _It doesn't look as bad as I thought, now that most of the wood is out. There's a lot of blood, but the wound isn't huge, just deep_."

"Good 'cause it's your fault." The Postman said, trying his best to focus his eyes on Sakon. "You, and your stupid quest."

" _Uh, darling? You just spoke to me out loud_."

"Don't care."

Zaira pulled the last sliver out of his shoulder, and then tipped up The Postman's chin so she could take a look at him. She stared at his unfocussed eyes, and then raised an eyebrow.

"Huh." she stated. "Interesting. You are very drunk...How much of that whiskey did you drink?"

She reached over, pried the bottle out of his hands, and then stared at the empty bottle in shock. "You drank my entire bottle of whiskey?! Do you have any idea how expensive that was?! You were only supposed to drink a few mouthfuls!"

"Tasted like foot." The Postman commented, squinting up at her.

She scowled down at him. "You're buying me a new bottle of whiskey, you nuisance."

Zaira disinfected the wound, applied some sort of cream to it, and then bandaged his shoulder with practiced ease. She then approached a water basin to wash the blood off her hands.

"You're done." she told him. "You're to spend the night here so I can keep an eye on you. You're too drunk to go anywhere anyway, you'd probably fall overboard."

Zaira got a thoughtful look on her face, but she shook her head, clearly dismissing her sudden idea.

"By the sounds of it, the crew are already celebrating, so I'm going to join them for a few hours. I'll help you to a cot, and then you're to rest for the night."

To Sakon's horror, The Postman sat up with Zaira still standing there, and he fumbled clumsily at the dress, struggling to right it. After a few moments of unsuccess, he let out a frustrated sigh.

"Stupid breasts, they're getting in the way." he complained, his fake Northern accent so thick now, he could barely be understood. "Have'ta go shirtless I guess."

" _What? No, you drunk moron_!" Sakon yelled at him. " _Put on the stupid dress, and stop flashing the doctor_!"

"I'm not flashing the doctor." The Postman protested.

Zaira gave him another look of disbelief. "How in the world did you get drunk so fast?" she demanded. "A child can hold their liquor better than you!"

The Postman thought really hard for a moment, then gave her a clumsy shrug.

Rolling her eyes, Zaira approached, and yanked up the top of his dress in a business-like fashion, and helped him get his arms back through the sleeves. Sighing irritably, she zipped it up, and then carefully pulled him to his feet. He leaned on her heavily, his legs not wanting to cooperate. Sakon was simply relieved she hadn't looked too closely at his chest.

"Now let's get you to bed." Zaira said, helping him across the room to a nearby cot.

Once The Postman was safely in bed, she turned to clean and disinfect the bench from all of his blood. The Postman watched her hazily, and struggled to sit up.

Zaira flashed him an annoyed look. "Stay there, or I'll tell the others you stuff your bra to make your breasts look bigger."

"Not my fault I'm flat-chested." The Postman muttered, pointing to Zaira's impressive chest. "Not everyone can be built like a shelf."

" _I think it's best if you just stay quiet, darling_." Sakon suggested. " _You've just had the luck of the goddesses, so I wouldn't push it_."

The Postman had never had a real drink, and so this was the first time he'd ever been drunk. The room seemed to be spinning, and he was having trouble making sense of what was going on.

"Not lucky..." The Postman commented. "Ever'thing always goes wrong."

Zaira gave him another odd look. "Who are you talking to?" she asked.

"Hmm? What?" he asked in confusion.

Zaira rolled her eyes. "Nevermind." She placed a clean bedpan next to the bed and pointed at it. "If you're going to throw up, do it in that and not on my clean floors. I'll be very upset if I come back and have to clean up vomit."

"'kay."

"I'll be back later." she told him, turning to leave.

The Postman fought to think rationally, but his mind just didn't want to clear. His vision was distorted and as he attempted to sit up, his body didn't seem to want to cooperate and he fell to the floor, knocking a medical table to the floor with a tremendous crash. The table's contents scattered in all directions, and The Postman let out a pained groan, having landed awkwardly. Zaira let out a loud curse at him, grabbed him by the arm, and pulled him away from the sharp objects he'd just knocked everywhere. She let out an exasperated sigh as she helped him back into bed.

"Why did the captain ever agree to take something as useless as you with us? You are a liability."

The Postman thought about it hard. "Cause I could lie better than her?" he guessed.

Zaira rolled her eyes as Sakon's mouth dropped open in horror.

Still gripping him by the arm, Zaira gave him a hard look. "Stay!" she ordered. "Don't move from that bed, or I'll tie you there!"

Giving him one last warning look, Zaira left the room. Sakon immediately flew over to him.

" _You idiot! You almost got yourself caught! What were you doing up on deck during the fight any way_?!"

"I was helping." The Postman answered.

"Helping?! How in any way were you helping? You almost died like five thousand times!"

The Postman gave a shrug.

Sakon sighed, knowing it was pointless to argue with him at the moment. The Postman once again struggled up into a sitting position, and he glanced around the room in confusion.

"Where am I?"

" _In the medical cabin, you jackass_!"

The Postman's mind felt like it was turning to mush, and he simply gave Sakon a confused look. "I think I should go back to our room." he said, trying to struggle to his feet.

" _No_!" Sakon protested. " _You are way too drunk to be walking anywhere! You'll end up snapping your neck when you fall down the stairs_!"

Ignoring him, The Postman managed to get to his feet, and then promptly fell back over. Sitting on the floor beside the bed, The Postman let out an annoyed sigh.

"My legs aren't working right." he complained.

" _You're drunk_."

The Postman looked up at him in surprise. "Am I?!"

" _Go to sleep, Jihiro_."

The Postman shook his head. "Not here." he argued. "Too dangerous."

Sakon was beyond frustrated. " _You just flashed a Gerudo doctor, and you think sleeping is too dangerous_?!"

Not answering, The Postman began slowly crawling in the direction of the door with Sakon following after him angrily. Sakon wished he could touch more than just smoke, because he would have just tossed The Postman back in bed, forcing him to stay there. He was forced to watch helplessly, certain the other man was about to get himself killed.

Reaching up, The Postman grabbed the doorknob and pulled open the door as Sakon muttered obscenities under his breath. He made his way out of the cabin, where they were immediately met with the sight of a huge, wild celebration. Every pirate had a mug of ale and several were playing music as the entire crew sang loudly, and good-naturedly. The deck was amass with movement and dance, and The Postman couldn't help but frown at the pirates.

"Celebrating death." he stated in disapproval.

"No." said a voice from behind him.

He looked up to see the captain looking down at him in amusement. "We're celebrating life." she corrected. "We won the battle and live to see another day. No matter the circumstances, we will always fight to survive. If you were a pirate, you would understand this."

The Postman crawled his way over to a nearby coil of ropes, and pulled himself up on top it. The captain took a swig of her ale as she watched him sag limply into the center of the coil, and she shook her head. She captain stared at him in silence for a moment, took another long swig of ale, and then approached. She stood over him a long moment, simply staring down at him as she drank, and he stared blankly back.

"I told you to stay below deck, and you disobeyed me." she began. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't have you flogged."

The Postman squinted up at her. "Because I'm too drunk to feel it?" he guessed.

" _Shut up_!" Sakon yelled at him. " _Just keep your mouth closed before you offend her_!"

The captain however gave a laugh, and took another swig from her mug. "True enough." she stated. "I'd hate to waste a perfectly good flogging on someone too drunk to feel it. What you did tonight was beneficial to us, so I suppose I could give you a reprieve."

The Postman slumped further into the ropes, simply staring up at her.

"How did you do the trick with the smoke?" she asked. "A useful bit of magic I must admit."

"I didn't do it." The Postman answered.

The captain raised a brow. "I saw you." she stated. "You were at the guardrails directing the smoke with your hands."

The Postman shook his head, his mind too fuzzy to think clearly. "No, that wasn't me." he said. "I was just helping a bit...I think."

"Don't lie to me." the captain warned. "How did you do it?"

"Wasn't me." The Postman repeated. "It was ghost powers...or something."

"Indeed." the captain said, realizing he was too drunk to get any proper answers out of. "We'll talk again in the morning. Enjoy the celebrations."

Without another word, she disappeared back into the crowds, leaving him by himself. Sakon floated in front of his vision and kicked at him angrily.

" _Stupid_!" he yelled. " _Stop talking to people if you can't control what you say! You're going to get yourself killed! I'm surprised you haven't already been caught_!"

"Sorry."

Sakon gave him a glare. " _You're too drunk to be around people right now. Go back down to our room and sleep it off_."

The Postman hesitated, and then struggled to sit up. "'Kay."

" _I hope you realize you're never going to live this down_." Sakon told him. " _I'll still be laughing about this when you're old and senile. I'm going to tell everyone in both Hyrule and Termina that you got drunk within a minute, and started complaining about your breast size to a Gerudo_."

"...'kay."

The Postman managed to sit up, and then looked up to see a pirate approaching him. Looking up, he saw it was Samirah, who was giving him a curious look. She held out a full mug of ale to him.

"Here." she offered. "You deserve a drink after what you did for us tonight."

" _Don't you dare take that_!" Sakon warned. " _If whiskey gets you this drunk, pirate ale will probably kill you_!"

The Postman gave his head a shake. "No, thank you, Sir." he said politely.

Samirah cocked her head at the 'sir', clearly amused. "I can't believe you didn't get caught by Zaira! She's going to be furious when she finds out about your little secret! She's over there gossiping about how drunk you are right now."

The Postman glanced over to where Zaira was, and watched as she pointed towards the medical cabin and mimicked taking a drink of something, and then everyone laughed. She really was making fun of him.

"That's mean." The Postman pointed out.

Samirah laughed, and held out the ale towards him again.

"It's customary." she informed him. "Every crew member must accept any share of ale offered to them. It's extremely disrespectful if you don't."

The Postman looked over at Sakon who was still shaking his head.

"Um, no thank you?" he tried again.

Samirah frowned, and thrust it into his hands. "You're not one of us, but that doesn't mean you can disrespect our ways. Drink it." she ordered.

The Postman stared at the huge mug of ale, and then back at Sakon who seemed extremely nervous. Hesitantly, The Postman brought the mug to his lips and took a sip. It didn't taste as bad as the whiskey, and it was cold, so under the watchful gaze of Samirah, he drained the enormous mug within seconds. Setting down the empty mug clumsily, his vision was quickly spinning, and before he knew it, he flopped backwards, unconscious.

" _He's dead_!" Sakon cried out in despair. " _I knew it! I knew this would happen! They killed him_!"

Samirah knelt down next to The Postman, and gave him a hard nudge, causing him to give a very unladylike snort. Sakon let out a breath of relief. Samirah let out an evil-sounding snicker, and Sakon quickly realized she'd been planning that the entire time.

"Enjoy the hangover, Jihiro." she whispered with a grin.

She then left The Postman laying there, still laughing to herself as she joined her friends.

Sakon took a seat next to The Postman who was now making a noise akin to a Moblin, and watched as the pirates drank, sang and danced throughout the night until they too fell unconscious. Staring at all of the half empty mugs of ale, Sakon let out a heavy sigh, and felt considerably left out.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next update will be next Friday!**


	59. The Hangover

**Authornote: Tuesday Aug. 1st 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Here is a surprise Tuesday chapter for you. I've had several people help with my typing lately which is really awesome! :D Hopefully the Friday Chapter will be out on time as well.**

 **I'm thinking about adding a pirate to The Postman's little group for this whole adventure, but I haven't quite decided. I'm hesitant because of the fact all the pirates are OCs, and I try to limit the use of all OCs in this story. What do you guys think, should I make their duo a trio for the rest of part 4?**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Rainmy \- **Sakon's former teachers were all very old, impatient women who didn't know how to handle a child like him. They thought he was just badly behaved, but he honestly had a hard time concentrating, and he was hyper on top of that. His teachers all thought that if they beat him, they'd teach him to behave, but instead it just discouraged him, and made him think he was stupid. Sakon's not dumb, he just needs a little (okay a lot) more patience than the average person.

I was actually going to put a lot more detail into those murders, but it was way too violent, so I toned it down. lol I imagine that would be something Gerudo would have to deal with all the time, and why a lot of them hate men. The men who attacked them were off-duty soldiers, and that likely was not their first time attacking a pirate. Most soldiers are honest, hardworking people, but like everything, there are always a few bad seeds.

The Postman will probably not miss the dress once it's gone. lol He does not like being out of his comfort-zone, and so far this adventure has him lightyears out of his comfort-zone. lol

The captain and Zaira are indeed very dangerous women, definitely not the pirates you want to mess with. As long as you're not against them, you're safe, but The Postman is on very thin ice...

The pirates are the bad guys, and most of those soldiers were indeed technically the good guys. lol No, they really didn't deserve to die, but that's what happens when you're caught by pirates...

I get my next treatment on Tuesday, and I'm hoping it will make a difference in my vision. Hopefully I won't need the software or anyone to help me type. :)

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Samirah prides herself in her ability to troll her friends. She knew very well what she was doing. lol

Zaira probably should have noticed, but she was distracted from the previous battle, and wasn't paying as much attention as she should've been. The Postman truly was lucky in that regards.

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 **SilentyDead** \- Yeah, The Postman learned the hard way why drinking does not agree with him. lol Sakon is very proud of himself for that smoke trick, but he still wishes he could do more.

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon loves bad jokes. If he hears a bad joke in his travels, he'll definitely remember it later to annoy someone with. Most of the time, that person will be The Postman. lol

There are some very flat-chested women out there, and so it's not completely impossible. At least The Postman still had the bra on. lol

Surprise, the chapter's out today instead of Friday! lol

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 **setokayba2n** \- The conversation could've very well gone that way if the captain had persisted in her interrogation. Luckily for The Postman she didn't want to deal with a drunk. lol

The Postman's mark is on his neck, which is kept covered by a scarf. The scarf wasn't removed since it wasn't in the way of his shoulder, and so Zaira didn't see it, otherwise she would have realized who he was. The Postman lucked out because she really wasn't paying him too much attention. lol

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 **Keyper3** \- I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter, and I had a lot of fun writing it! Sakon will never let The Postman live that down. ;) I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and thanks so much for the review! :D

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 11

The Hangover

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The Postman was having an incredibly bizarre series of dreams. Visions of death, destruction and oceans danced through his mind, but he couldn't make sense of any of it. In the dream he was floating above the ocean, staring towards an island with a never ending beach. He could make out the faces of dead men, lined up like toy soldiers on the blood soaked sand as far as the eye could see, their expressions blank as they stared up at him. The men were all identical clones of the hero of time, making everything even more unsettling. Their necks were bent at an unnatural angle, and they pointed towards a mountain far across the island.

The Postman stared across the island, hearing a strange echoing tune echoing all around him. The more he focussed on the mountain, the louder the music became, seemingly encouraging him towards it. The mountain was shrouded in mist and, just for a moment he thought, he saw something strange flying through it, something that looked suspiciously like a fish. It was then that he felt someone shake his shoulder.

The Postman shifted slightly as he was shaken hard, but couldn't seem to push aside the heavy veil of sleep. Someone gave him a sharp kick to the side, and he let out a groan of protest, but still couldn't seem to wake. He heard a few people muttering angrily, and he was shaken even harder. When he still didn't wake, he then felt someone or several someones, lift him. A minute or so later, he felt himself laid down on something soft. Not especially caring, The Postman lost consciousness again. This time he did not dream.

When he finally woke an undetermined time later, he instantly regretted it, certain that he was going to die. He let out a loud moan of agony, and curled in on himself, covering his head with his arms.

" _You alive yet_?" Sakon asked into his ear.

Without opening his eyes, The Postman swatted at him. "Go away." he complained. "Too loud."

Curling up even tighter, he rubbed at his temples, feeling like his skull was splitting open. He could sense Sakon staring at him, and he let out another groan of complaint.

" _You've been asleep all morning_." Sakon informed him. " _It's nearly eleven. You should probably get up, and take care of that hangover_."

"Shh." The Postman grumbled, pulling his pillow over his head.

He had no intention of moving. All he wanted to do was curl up in some dark corner and die. He certainly felt like death was imminent.

"I think I'm dying." The Postman complained.

Sakon let out a snort. " _No_ ," The Thief corrected. " _Dying would be much less painful. It's just a hangover_."

"Why would someone do this to themselves?" The Postman demanded miserably. "My skull feels like it's splitting open!"

" _Being drunk is fun, the day after...not so much_."

Pulling the pillow down even tighter, The Postman moaned pathetically. "I'm never drinking again." he whined. "Ever."

Sakon suspected The Postman really would follow through with such a promise, and wasn't surprised. " _Come on_ ," he urged. " _Get up. Lying here won't do you any good_."

"I disagree."

" _Take it from the man who's spent half his adult life drunk; eat some toast, drink lots of coffee and get some fresh air_."

The Postman's stomach turned at the thought of food. "Ugh."

" _Trust me, it'll help_." Sakon assured him.

"Go away." The Postman growled. "You're making my headache worse."

" _The pirates are making lunch right now_." Sakon informed him. " _You can probably scrounge up some dry toast or something. Unless you're trying to starve yourself, I suggest you go get some_."

The Postman moved the pillow aside just a bit, and squinted up at Sakon. "I don't remember anything from last night." he informed him. "What happened?"

Sakon gave him a wide grin. " _You slept with Zaira last night_."

The Postman sat up so fast that he almost fell over, and he clutched at his head in agony. "WHAT?!"

Sakon nodded. " _Yup, you proposed to her, and now there's a whole wedding planned_. _Samirah's going to be your best man_."

"...you're lying." The Postman said, sounding a bit uncertain.

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _Well, duh, you doofus. If you'd had a romantic evening with the doctor, I think she would have noticed your little secret. Emphasis on the 'little'_."

The Postman let out an annoyed huff, and glanced around himself. He was back in the medical cabin, and there was no sign of Zaira. Rubbing at his forehead, The Postman glanced down at his shoulder, and saw the bandages. His shoulder was aching, and he frowned at it, wondering why a potion hadn't been used.

"Why am I still injured?" he asked. "Did the doctor not have a healing potion?"

Sakon let out a sigh. " _Wow, you really don't remember anything. There was a big chunk of flesh missing out of your shoulder, and so Zaira said you have to heal the slow, painful way to avoid having an abscess_."

The Postman nodded. "Oh, that makes sense."

" _She's mad at you, by the way_." Sakon said. " _She told you to stay in bed last night, but instead you crawled out into the party and passed out in a rope coil_."

The Postman frowned, remembering none of that. "How did i get back here?"

" _The pirates woke up early like champs, and got to work, but you were in their way. They tried to wake you, but gave up, and brought you in here. They've all been making fun of you all morning_."

"How did you learn to move smoke?" The Postman asked. "Can you touch other things as well?"

Sakon shook his head. " _No, other things seem too heavy for me to move. I only learned I could do the smoke trick by chance when I was messing around in the fog before the attack. Smoke is easier to move than fog, it feels lighter to the touch_."

"Kaepora Gaebora said that in time you could learn to touch things, so maybe you just need to start small?"

Sakon scratched at his chin thoughtfully. " _Yeah, maybe_." he said. " _It's worth a try_. _Maybe I just have to build ghost muscles or something_."

The Postman doubted ghosts could build muscles, but he didn't want to discourage Sakon, so he changed the subject.

"I'm going back to our room." The Postman announced. "It's too bright in here with all the windows."

" _Take a couple of those painkillers that Zaira left out for you. You can't take a healing potion until your shoulder has healed_."

The Postman glanced at the bottle left on the medical table and reached out to see what it was. It was a very mild painkiller, and so The Postman pocketed four of them, and set the bottle aside. Trying to ignore how the sunlight was stabbing into his skull, he headed for the door, just wanting to hide somewhere dark for a while. The moment he opened the door, the bright sun hit him full force, and he let out another pained groan, grasping at his head miserably. He heard laughter, and when he looked up, he saw about a dozen pirates looking in his direction, and snickering to one another. ignoring them, The Postman shuffled his way to the stairs, and headed down, relieved once he was out of the sun. As he headed towards the storeroom, he passed by the dining hall, and the scent of greasy burnt sausages was thick in the air.

The scent was so horrendous that, much against his will, he felt his stomach lurch. Nothing had ever smelled so vile to him at that moment, and he gagged, his eyes going wide in alarm. He was going to be sick. Almost tripping over his feet in his haste, The Postman ran for the pirate sleeping quarters, trying to make it to his bathroom in time. He had both hands clapped over his mouth as his stomach churned, and he sped up, momentarily ignoring the pain. As soon as he entered the pirates sleeping quarters, he realized he was never going to make it to his room in time. Grabbing the nearest thing he could find, which happened to be someone's bookbag, he coughed and retched into it as Sakon hovered over his shoulder.

" _You couldn't have found anything better to puke in_?" he scolded. " _Whoever owns that is going to kill you_!"

The Postman only let out a miserable whine, feeling like he was hacking up his spleen. Every time he thought he was done, another whiff of sausages would reach him, and he was sick all over again. He heard someone close the door, blocking out the smell which he was grateful for. When he was finally finished being sick, he looked up and saw Samirah sitting across the room watching him. She was in her hammock, open book on her lap, and looked incredibly amused.

"Don't tell Leah it was you that did that." she said. "It'll be funnier that way."

"Sorry." The Postman said, wiping at his mouth. "I really didn't mean to."

"Don't apologize to me, it wasn't my stuff." she stated, then paused again as she thought about it. "...and please don't throw up on my stuff if you feel the need to puke again."

"Who's Leah?" The Postman questioned, feeling rather bad over what he'd done.

"One of my sisters." Samirah responded nonchalantly, turning a page in her book. "She had it coming, she's an idiot."

Sakon gave a laugh. " _I like her_." he stated. "Samsquatch _is starting to grow on me. She's a complete douchebag_."

Another wave of nausea hit The Postman and he quickly grabbed the backpack again. Since he hadn't eaten, there wasn't anything for him to throw up, and so he continuously dry-heaved, his entire body in agony. Sakon wrinkled his nose at him, and then let out a sigh.

" _You look a mess and your make-up is all smeared. You need to completely reapply everything_."

The Postman briefly glared up at him, but continued to hack into the backpack. When he was finally finished, he let out a miserable moan. Samirah turned the page in her book then gave him another glance. She then gave a shrug and went back to her book. She read for a moment or two, and then paused, a thought having occurred to her.

"The captain wants to see you." she informed him. "You should probably clean yourself up before she sends someone to look for you."

"See me?" The Postman questioned a bit uncertainly. "Why does she want to see me?"

Samirah gave him a look of disbelief. "Exactly how much did you drink last night?" she asked. "Don't you remember anything?"

The Postman thought about it, but it hurt to think so he shook his head. "No, not really." he admitted.

"You should probably avoid our ale in the future." she suggested. "Sorry that I tricked you into drinking some."

The Postman gave her a confused look. "You did?"

Samirah nodded. "Yeah, I couldn't resist, sorry."

" _She's kinda hot, in a geeky way_." Sakon observed, staring at the pirate thoughtfully. " _She looks better without those enormous glasses...Although, female beauty is wasted on you, I suppose_. _You can admire me instead_."

The Postman gave him a glare, and then turned his gaze to Samirah. "What are you going to do about your glasses?" he asked.

Samirah shrugged. "I'll have to do without until we dock at a town with an optometrist. My eyesight is garbage without them."

"I'm going to clean up a bit, and then I'll go see the captain." The Postman told her.

"Yeah, you need it." she responded, going back to her book.

Ignoring that comment, The Postman turned, and headed into his room, and began hunting around for the makeup purse. Everything had been tossed around during the battle, and it took him a few minutes to locate it. He found it underneath the bathroom sink, and pulled it out, brushing off his dress as he stood back up. Looking himself up and down, he saw the dress had several tears and had blood at the shoulder where he'd been stabbed.

"I think this dress needs to be retired." he stated.

Sakon gave a shrug. "You have plenty to choose from."

Filling the sink full of water, he began scrubbing the old makeup off his face with difficulty. He had not removed it once since arriving, simply adding makeup to what was already there. Sakon watched him scrub layer after layer of makeup off his face, and gave his head a shake of disbelief.

" _I'm surprised you didn't break out from the makeup_." he stated. " _Most people do when they first start wearing it. You really are incredibly lucky_."

The Postman gave him a skeptical look, but otherwise didn't answer. Once he had every bit of the makeup off, he pulled out a clean set of clothes, and changed dresses.

" _Keep that scarf on_!" Sakon warned.

"I know." The Postman responded, adjusting it neatly.

Now that he was dressed, The Postman opened the makeup purse, and peered inside at all the strange tube and jars. He hadn't applied most of them yet, and he struggled to remember what order he was supposed to put them on. Randomly grabbing one and opening it, Sakon immediately scolded him.

" _No! You don't put the blush on first! Geez, weren't you paying any attention to what Precious told you_?"

"No." The Postman admitted.

Sakon let out a longsuffering sigh. " _Put the foundation on first_."

The Postman stared uncertainly into the bag, and so Sakon pointed at the correct tube. He walked The Postman through the correct process of reapplying the makeup in the correct order, and watched him carefully to make sure he was doing it correctly. When he was satisfied, he gave a nod.

" _There you go, darling, you're beautiful once again_!"

The Postman couldn't wait until he was off the pirate ship and he could tear every dress into hundreds of tiny pieces. He took two of the pain pills with a mouthful of water, and hoped they would start working soon.

Turning around, he glanced towards the stairs, supposing he should go see what the captain wanted. Samirah looked up from her book as he passed by and gave him a wolf-whistle. He flashed her an annoyed look.

"When you're done speaking with the captain, you should come back down and play cards with me." she said.

The Postman hesitated. "Not to sound rude, Sam, but won't the others get angry at you for staying down here so long?"

"I'm not much good to them right now without my glasses, and with this temporary leg." she said. "It keeps falling off. I have the next couple days off, and I'm bored. Until we dock, I have to amuse myself."

"I'm sorry that your leg was damaged." The Postman said with a frown. "Those men were despicable, and I promise not all men are like them."

Samirah narrowed her eyes. "I'm well aware of that." she responded. "You're nothing like those men, and I know you can't judge everyone by the actions of a few."

"I can play cards with you if you like when I return." The Postman promised. "That is if she doesn't throw me overboard."

Samirah leaned back in her hammock. "My mother is a fair women, and she won't hurt you without reason." she told him. "Just keep your tone respectful, and apologize if you've done anything wrong."

The Postman nodded, heading for the door.

"Ask her if I can have my ale rations for the day."

The Postman gave her a look of disbelief. "It's eleven in the morning."

"So?"

The Postman let out a sigh. "I'll ask her."

"Thanks."

The Postman gave a nod as he continued towards the stairs.

Sakon was staring back at the pirate thoughtfully as he floated after The Postman, and then he commented. " _I changed my mind. I don't care about the glasses, she's perfect. Whenever men dream about female pirates, she's the definition. Once she's gets a new pegleg, she'll be awesome. Too bad she's gay though_."

"There's seriously something wrong with you." The Postman said with a sigh.

Sakon smiled. " _Thank you_."

The Postman rolled his eyes and stepped up onto deck instantly regretting it as the sunlight seemed to stab through his skull. Closing his eyes and letting out a groan, he hoped his hangover wouldn't last all day.

" _Incoming pirate_!" Sakon warned him.

The Postman didn't even care, the sun too bright to open his eyes at the moment. The pirate gave him a hard poke in the side and The Postman flinched away from her.

"Are you still drunk?" she demanded.

"No." The Postman responded, opening his eyes a tiny crack.

He could just make out the blurry form of a pirate and was pretty sure it was Zaira. She stood hands on hips, and then let out a snort.

"How is that shoulder of yours doing?" she asked.

"It's fine, ma'am. Just a bit sore."

He opened his eyes a bit further, trying to get them used to the bright sunlight, but it was still agonizing.

"Once you see the captain, I want to take a look at it again to make sure it's healing right. The wound might need stitches if it's not healing correctly."

The Postman gave her a nod.

Zaira pointed across the ship. "The captain is in her cabin. You'd better go see her before she gets any more impatient. She's been waiting for you to wake all morning."

The Postman nodded once more, and turned to head towards the captain's cabin.

" _You realize you really shouldn't go see Zaira the scar lady, a second time, right_?" Sakon questioned. " _It's a miracle she didn't notice you were a man the first time you undressed, and there's no way she won't notice a second time. She was probably distracted last night because of the battle, but there are no distractions this time._.."

"I know." The Postman responded. "But I'm not sure what I can do about it."

" _Easy, hide every time she comes near. You only have to avoid her until we jump ship_."

The Postman frowned. "And when will that be?"

" _Dunno. Hopefully soon though_."

Rubbing at his eyes with a sigh, The Postman couldn't imagine this turning out well. He noticed most of the pirates were bandaged in some way, but they seemed to be in good spirits, with no signs of a hangover. Surely they drank far more than he did last night? Why was he the only one with a hangover?

No one seemed to pay him any mind as he made his way towards the cabin, and when he reached it, he raised a hand to knock loudly. Wincing at the sound, he rubbed at his temple as he waited for a response.

There was a pause, and then "Yes?" came the grouchy-sounding response.

Slowly pushing open the door, The Postman peered inside and saw the captain speaking with another pirate at a small conference table. One of the captain's arms was in a sling, and she had a bandage across her Postman remembered she'd been injured the night before similar to him, but she wasn't letting it slow her down. She glanced up at him, and then motioned for him to take a seat to wait until he meeting was over. Doing as requested, The Postman slowly sank down into one of the chairs, and glanced around the room.

The cabin seemed to be both the captain's personal quarters as well as where she conducted business. Books and charts lay strewn about the room on every available surface, and The Postman found himself studying everything curiously. He noticed several of the maps were incorrect, and he looked down at the one laying in front of him. It was a map of Hyrule with several different landmarks noted but there were mistakes on this chart as well. It was bothering him, and he frowned down at it.

Glancing up at the captain, he saw she wasn't paying him any attention, and so he picked up a quill off the desk and dipped it into an inkwell.

" _What are you doing_?" Sakon demanded. " _Are you touching her paperwork?! You don't mess with a pirate's maps_!"

"They're wrong." The Postman whispered.

" _So? How is that your problem_?"

Ignoring him, The Postman began correcting the outline of Hyrule. Sakon watched him for a moment, and then said,

" _Remember how the pirates hung Caspian by his intestines_?'

The Postman paused, and gave a nod.

" _Well, if they catch you doing that, that's going to be you_."

The Postman slowly set down the quill. Sakon gave a nod of approval, and took a seat on top of the desk.

The Postman wanted to give Sakon his condolences or to at least say something encouraging but he couldn't with the pirates sitting so close to him. Although Caspian had died many years before, it still clearly affected Sakon. Not knowing what else to do, he stared back down at the map of Hyrule in silence.

After a time, the captain finished discussing the previous night's battle with the other pirate, and turned her attention to The Postman. She studied him a moment, then stood to her feet as the other pirate left the room. She dug around in one of her desk drawers in silence as The Postman rubbed at his eyes, and when he looked up, she set down a glass of water in front of him with two small white pills. He stared at the pills in confusion and made no move to touch them.

"For the hangover." the captain explained. "You look like you need it."

The Postman frowned suspiciously at the pills, not recognizing them. "Zaira already gave me some painkillers." he told her.

"These are for the nausea." she told him.

Sakon peered extremely closely at the pills. then gave him a nod. "They're fine." he assured him. "I take these all the time. It'll stop you from puking."

The Postman cautiously picked them up, and took them under the captain's watchful gaze.

The captain resumed her seat. "I have a few matters we need to discuss."

"Yes, ma'am?"

"When we were under attack, we should have been blown out of the water. The other ship was bigger and had a better arsenal than ours." here she paused to give The Postman a meaningful look. "Something strange happened last night that I've never seen before. The smoke from the cannons was staying at water level, shielding our ship from view. At first I thought it was a trick of the wind, but then I saw you at the ship's railing directing it. You made the smoke completely encase the other ship, allowing us to defeat it. You told Samirah where to aim, and despite not being able to see the other ship, your shot hit."

The Postman shook his head. "No, that wasn't me, ma'am."

The captain narrowed her eyes. "Don't lie to me, girl. I saw you with my own eyes! You were moving the smoke and I want to know how you did it! What exactly are you? Are you a sorceress?"

The Postman paused a moment, trying to think of way to explain. "It wasn't me who moved the smoke, it was a ghost..."

" _Jihiro, what in Din's name are you doing_?!" Sakon demanded.

Instantly the captain's eyebrows rose skeptically. "A ghost? You're telling me it was a ghost who saved us?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes."

She crossed her arms. "How well can you swim?"

"...not well." The Postman admitted.

The Captain narrowed her eyes, and leaned back in her chair. "Care to change your story a bit then?"

The Postman paused, and glanced over at Sakon, who gave him a shrug. " _Don't ask me, you're the one who started talking about ghosts_."

When The Postman didn't answer, the captain narrowed her eyes. "That's the story you're sticking with?"

He gave her a nod.

Most pirates were extremely superstitious, but the captain had a good head on her shoulders, and was instantly skeptical. "Why would a ghost help a pirate ship?" she demanded. "And why could you see it, and no one else? Are you seriously claiming you had nothing to do with that?"

"Well, I suppose I may have helped a bit." The Postman said. "It was my idea to encase the ship for an attack, but it was the ghost who actually did all the work."

"The ghost?"

"The ghost." The Postman confirmed.

"Why would a ghost help Gerudo pirates?" she demanded, her voice taking on an edge.

"Honestly, the ghost was helping me more than you." The Postman told her.

"You'd better start explaining." The captain warned. "You're hiding something and I don't like it."

The Postman knew he should have just made something up about having powerful magical abilities, but it was too late to back out now. "I'm one of the mountain people in Northern Termina." The Postman began. "Our people have been blessed by the goddesses, and we have very strong connections with the dead. For generations my family have been able to speak with the dead, and when we were attacked I asked the spirits to help us. It wasn't me who did anything at all, it was the ghost who did it."

The captain clearly didn't believe him. "Being able to see the dead is very bad luck." she told him. "I should throw you off board before you doom us."

The Postman shook his head. "My people are good luck." he corrected. "While I'm on board, the spirits will protect your crew."

Sakon was completely dumbfounded. " _You're getting a lot better at lying_." he complimented. " _I'm such a good influence on you_!"

The captain's eyes grew thoughtful as she considered that. "Who was this ghost, and why would it help us?" she demanded. "Was it a spirit of a pirate?"

The Postman immediately nodded. "She was a brave and fearless pirate by the name of Sakona the Fearless. She got her name by sailing the seas, killing and looting every ship her crew came across. She was just eight years old when she became a pirate, and she quickly rose among the ranks as she grew. She became the most feared pirate the world had ever known, and she defeated Barron the Terrible in hand to hand combat. He was a vicious and evil man, responsible for the death of countless pirates, but she was fearless, and he fell at her hand. She was a respected captain until the day she met her demise at the jaws of a terrible sea monster at the age of sixty three."

Sakon gave him a grin. " _You're enjoying this now, aren't you_?"

"Her legend isn't as well known nowadays, but her spirit still dwells on Earth, waiting until the day someone slays the monster on her behalf."

The captain stared at him as she thought that through. "Is she still here?" she asked skeptically, glancing around the room.

The Postman shook his head. "She will only return if we need her."

"Hmm." the captain said, still skeptical. "I'm no fool and I know you're hiding something, I just have yet to figure out what it is. Whether it was you or a ghost that helped during the battle, I am grateful. Whatever happened or is happening, I will get to the bottom of it."

The Postman nodded, and so the captain waved him away dismissively. "That's all for now. Be warned that I'm keeping my eye on you, girl. If there's even a sniff of trouble from you, it will be dealt with immediately."

The Postman got to his feet. "Yes, ma'am, I understand."

"Good, now go do something useful."

As The Postman left the cabin, Sakon let out a giggle. " _You made me a pirate! And I got eaten by a sea monster_!"

The Postman said nothing, simply wanting to get back below deck out of the sunlight. Squinting as he crossed the deck, he ignored everyone and everything he passed them, hoping Zaira wouldn't see him. As he walked down the stairs below deck, he let out a breath of relief at the semi darkness. He saw Samirah still in her hammock, deck of cards at the ready, and she gave him an expectant look.

"Did you ask the captain about the ale?"

The Postman winced. "Oh...I forgot..."

She let out an irritated sigh. "Well, now you have to go steal me some. That's the law."

The Postman frowned. "What law?"

"My law." she answered with shrug. "The one where I don't punch you if you get me booze."

The Postman was tempted to point out that the only way she could punch him at all was if he walked over to the hammock and allowed her to, but he felt that was too mean. Instead he let out a sigh, knowing she was probably joking.

"Okay." he agreed, walking towards the storeroom, feeling resigned. It was just easier to do as she wanted than to argue.

Samirah seemed surprised, but she didn't stop him, unable to believe he was actually going to do it.

The Postman glanced around the storeroom, and picked up a mug from the nearby shelf. He filled the mug full of ale from a small barrel, and then carefully carried it back out to Samirah. Her eyes lit up at the sight of the ale, and she immediately reached out and seized it the moment it came within her reach. She took a huge gulp, then she froze, her eyes growing wide.

"...this isn't the ale for the crew." she stated in alarm. "This is the captain's private ale..."

"What's the difference?" The Postman asked. "There were over a dozen barrels of ale in there."

Samirah shook her head. "No. There was only one barrel of the captain's ale, and it's only for very, very special occasions. This is the only barrel of this type of ale in existence. It was given to her by Lord Ganondorf the day she became a captain, and she treasures it. Anyone caught so much as sniffing it is immediately flogged!"

The Postman frowned down at the mug. It looked the same as any ale he'd ever seen, and he still wasn't sure what the difference was. Sakon saw his confusion, and so decided to enlighten him.

" _A barrel of regular pirate ale costs a few purple rupees and a barrel of the really good stuff costs at least 50 orange rupees_."

The Postman eyes widened and he again stared at the mug of ale. How could it possibly cost that much? It looked the same!

" _Ganondorf has ale made for all new captains, and each barrel is different than the last_." Sakon elaborated. " _It's a very big deal to receive one as a gift_."

Samirah quickly drained the mug, and tossed it down onto a pile of clothes below her hammock.

"Never mention it to anyone." she warned, scooting herself up into a sitting position. "Now come up and play a game of cards with me. I'm bored."

Staring at the hammock uncertainly, The Postman awkwardly crawled up so he was sitting opposite the pirate, and watched as she shuffled the cards.

"What games do you know how to play?" she asked.

"Er...I've played a bit of sorcery, but I'm terrible at it." he replied.

"That's it?"

The Postman nodded. "Well, and I used to play go fish as a kid."

Samirah gave him a look which clearly said her opinion on that. "I'm teaching you to play poker." she said decidedly.

Sakon sat cross-legged in the air above them. " _I love poker_!" he exclaimed. " _I can teach you to cheat like a pro, darling_! _I've made a fortune scamming people that way_!"

"Where did you learn to play sorcery?" Samirah asked him. "That's a Gerudo card game."

"I have friends in the Gerudo City." The Postman told her. "They taught me to play, but I'm not very good at it. I always lose."

Samirah gave him a surprised look. "You have Gerudo friends?! Do they know you're a man?"

The Postman nodded. "I work part-time for Ganondorf." he explained. "It took a long time for them to warm up to me, but I get along with everyone pretty well."

"Weren't you worried one of us would recognize you?" she asked. "Pirates sometimes visit the main city, you know."

"I had no other choice." he told her. "I know that pirates don't allow men on their ships, so I had to disguise myself. I'm surprised I've lasted this long, honestly."

Samirah looked him up and down. "It's probably because you're so thin that you can pull it off. Most men are a lot broader through the shoulders than you are."

" _Translation: You look like a girl_." Sakon supplied.

The Postman shot him a glare.

"I've always wanted to visit the main Gerudo City, but I've never had the time. I would love to explore our motherland, but I doubt the captain would allow it. She's way too over-protective of me, and doesn't like when I'm out of her sight."

"You're an adult." The Postman pointed out. "If you want to travel somewhere, then go."

Samirah looked thoughtful. "...perhaps." she said. "Now, let's get this card game started!""

Samirah dealt him five cards and The Postman looked them over uncertainly as she began explaining the rules to him. He listened attentively, and then showed her what he had.

"Do I have anything?" he asked.

Samirah let out an exasperated sound and snatched his cards away to reshuffle them into the deck. "Don't show me your cards." she scolded.

"How else will I learn to play?" The Postman asked. "I don't know what the hands mean."

"You'll learn by watching me beat you over and over." she responded. "I like winning."

" _I'll help too_." Sakon assured him. " _Be glad she's giving you a new hand; that one sucked_."

The Postman frowned at his new hand, and then looked over at Sakon for instruction.

" _You don't want the two and the six, toss them back and ask to draw two more cards_."

The Postman did as he was told, and looked at his new hand as Sakon peered over his shoulder. " _See how you have three of a kind? That's a pretty good hand. Once she's done, tell her your bet_."

"Bet?" The Postman questioned.

"You want to bet when you don't even know how to play the game?" Samirah questioned him in amusement.

The Postman quickly shook his head. "No, let's not bet anything." he said.

Sakon rolled his eyes. " _Wimp. Tell her you call_."

Samirah drew one new card, and seemed satisfied, so The Postman said. "Okay, I call."

She showed him her hand which meant nothing to him, and he laid out his which she grinned at. "Close, but I still won."

"Why?" The Postman asked as another pirate entered the room.

The pirate gave them both an odd, questioning look, but didn't say anything.

"A flush beats three of a kind."

"What's a flush?"

Samirah frowned at him. "I just told you that like two minutes ago!"

"Sorry..."

The Postman let out a sigh, having a feeling he was not going to like this card game, and wondered if he could talk her into playing go fish. Samirah dealt them each a new hand, and Sakon once again peered at the hand he was dealt.

" _Hmm, get rid of the 3, 7 and 9_." he instructed.

As The Postman did as he was told, Sakon snuck a peek at Samirah's cards.

" _Pfft, she has crap this time_." he said, and then glanced at The Postman's cards again. " _Get rid of that 4_."

Once Samirah was satisfied with her hand, Sakon motioned for him to call. " _You'll win this hand_." he told him.

"Um, I cal-"

"ARGH! Who the hell puked all through my stuff?"

The Postman froze and glanced over at the other pirate who was staring at her backpack with an expression of extreme anger and disgust. He had completely forgotten about that, and had actually meant to clean it before the owner came back.

Samirah held up her hands to her face as she laughed, and instantly the other pirate's attention was fully on them. Her one good eye was narrowed to a slit, and Sakon let out a gasp of horror.

" _It's the pirate I tried to sleep with the last time I was here! Shit, shit, shit_..."

"Did you do this?" she hissed, looking straight at Samirah.

Samirah outright laughed at the other woman. "And how do you suppose I did that with only one leg? Did I fly? Don't be such a moron."

Slowly the pirate's gaze turned to The Postman. He quickly averted his gaze.

"You. Useless, strange girl. Did you do this?!" she demanded angrily.

The Postman grimaced, and slowly looked up to meet her gaze. He wished he hadn't because her glare bore straight into him.

"...I didn't mean to." he answered quietly. "It was an accident, and I'm really sorry. I'll clean it right now.

Samirah let out a sigh. "Spoilsport."

The other pirate bared her teeth and stalked over, her fists clenched. "Stupid, dirty little foreigner!" she growled. "All of my clothes are going to have to be washed."

"They probably could have used it anyway." Samirah pointed out. "You smell like a Moblin's loincloth."

"Shut up, Samirah!" the pirate snarled, pointing a finger at her. "This has nothing to do with you!"

"It was an accident." The Postman repeated as way of apology. "I'll wash all of your clothes, and I am very sorry, miss."

"Are you now." the pirate stated, her tone oddly light. "And how do you plan on making this up to me?"

"Er..."

" _Don't answer that_!" Sakon warned. " _It's a trap_!"

"I'm sorry, miss, I'll wash your clothes, and apologize, but that's all I can do."

The pirate looked him up and down for a moment, and seemed thoughtful. Slowly she reached out and ran a hand up The Postman's leg. "You could repay me in other ways..." she said suggestively, her anger seemingly pushed aside for the moment.

Samirah let out an irriatted sigh and threw her cards down, as The Postman instinctively pulled away, horrified.

"Damn it, Leah, stop being such a creep." Samirah snapped. "This is why you can never get a girlfriend. You scare them all away."

Leah gave her a look of death.

" _What is with this girl, and accidentally hitting on men_?" Sakon asked in disbelief. " _You need to run_."

The pirate wasn't daunted by The Postman's uncomfortable reaction, and she again felt along one of his legs. "If you make me happy, I can see about forgetting this whole incident."

"NO!" The Postman protested firmly, pulling away. "I mean, no thank you!"

The pirate stepped even closer, and she groped clumsily at his chest. "Who says you get a say in the matter?" she demanded. "There's nothing you can do to stop me."

As The Postman's eyes widened, Samirah gave the other pirate an irritated glower. "Could you kindly not do this on my hammock?" she snarled. "If you don't get lost now, Leah, I'm going to tell the captain what you tried to do. She'll flog you for even suggesting such a thing on her ship."

Samirah was ignored completely as the pirate once again looked The Postman up and down.

The Postman froze as the pirate began crawling up onto the hammock with him and he did the first thing that came to mind, he kicked her as hard as he could in the stomach. The pirate let out a shriek of surprise and pain as she fell backwards with a crash, and Samirah let out a low whistle of sympathy.

"Now you've done it." she stated in concern. "Get out of here! Run for it!"

The Postman hopped down off the hammock, but Leah was quick to recover, and she was now completely enraged. She lunged at him viciously and knocked him hard to the floor, and The Postman winced as he felt his wrist bend beneath them. She began punching at him with all her might, and Samirah struggled to get down off the hammock to help him.

The Postman was well aware that he was seriously outmatched, and he kicked and lashed out as hard as he could, just desperate to make it out of the fight alive. Leah clawed, elbowed and struck him wherever she could and The Postman knew he was going to be covered in bruises. As he became more and more panicked, The Postman could feel his red magic bubbling angrily, ready to lash out the second he relaxed his hold against it. Knowing he could take down the whole ship if his red magic was released, The Postman struggled to hold it back, not sure how long he could control it. Knowing he just had to get away, he did the first thing that came to mind; he bit her as hard as he could, sinking his teeth deeply into her arm.

Leah let out a howl of pain, and released him, and The Postman kicked out at her as he tried to scramble away. Samirah grabbed the other pirate by an ankle, trying to hold her back, but Leah was enraged, and kicked her sister in the face to get away. Samirah fell back, her face a bloodied mess, and Leah once again lunged at The Postman, catching him by the ankle. She yanked him back before he could escape, and once again pinned him to the floor.

"You horrible, little mainlander!" the pirate screamed into his ear. "I'm going to hit you so hard, you'll end up looking like a Deku Scrub!"

The Postman thrashed underneath her, and to his horror, she grabbed a hold of his wig and gave it a hard tug. It came loose in her hands, and Leah paused in complete confusion as she stared at the hair in her hands, and then she looked down at The Postman. Her one good eye widened in shock and disbelief.

"YOU'RE A MAN!" she cried out.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday!**

 **Muha ha ha ha! Cliffhanger!**


	60. Caught

**Authornote : Friday Aug. 4th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Another on-time update! I seem to be on a roll lately! Woohoo! Another long chapter over 8000 words for you guys! I wrote this chapter in chunks, (I was dictating again) and so I'm hoping it flows together without seeming awkward or choppy. I fixed a few typos that were in the last chapter, and hopefully I haven't missed too many in this one.**

 **I seem to be having a problem with getting review alerts again, and so if you reviewed and don't see a response below, just let me know and I'll add you. I keep having this issue every now and then, but hopefully I haven't missed anyone.**

 *****WARNING*****

 **There is violence in this chapter. Consider yourself warned.**

 **I'm thinking about adding a pirate to The Postman's little group for this whole adventure, but I haven't quite decided. I'm hesitant because of the fact all the pirates are OCs, and I try to limit the use of all OCs in this story. What do you guys think, should I make their duo a trio for the rest of part 4? It will have to be decided for next chapter. :)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **placesmileshere** \- Yup, there's always at least one rapey pirate in every group. lol Unfortunately for The Postman, he comes across as an easy target. He is not going to have an easy time...

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon could not resist messing with The Postman like that. The Postman is so uptight that Sakon finds it hilarious when he riles him up. lol

The Postman has been found out and now the s**t will hit the fan!

I still haven't decided whether I will add a pirate, but I'm glad you like the idea. :)

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 **setokayba2n** \- Sakon was greatly amused by that story, and he'll likely repeat it and claim Sakona was an ancestor of his. ;p

The Postman has no interest in scamming people to become rich, and although Sakon would definitely WANT to, The Postman would refuse. lol

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 **Keyper3** -Very few good things happen to The Postman, so you can count on the fact this will be a very, very bad situation. lol

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 **Guest** -The Postman is definitely in a lot of trouble right now. lol

I have an idea about what would happen if a pirate joins the them, but I haven't quite decided yet. It wouldn't be a permanent partnership, just until the end of part 4, but I'm still hesitant. I really enjoy writing about the pirates, but I don't want to overuse OCs. I'll have to make a decision, because next Friday is the last chapter on the ship.

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 12

Caught

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There was a long pause, as if time itself had stopped, where The Postman and Leah simply stared at one another in complete silence. Sakon appeared in front of The Postman's gaze, his eyes wide with worry, and he pointed to the stairs.

" _RUN_!" the thief screamed into his face. " _RUN_!"

In that instant, the shock cleared, and The Postman made a mad scramble for the stairs, determined to escape. Leah lunged at his legs, and he toppled to the ground hard, hitting his chin off the bottom step. He kicked and fought to get away from her, knowing he had to get off the ship as fast as possible, but she was much stronger than him. Sakon was yelling at him to fight harder, but he was completely outmatched, and within seconds, she had him successfully pinned to the floor. His chin was bleeding, and his arms were twisted at a painful angle, and he had no choice but to go limp in her hold, or he knew she'd break both his arms. Leah bellowed up the stairs for back up, and The Postman slowly turned his head to look up. He saw Samirah looking down at him in concern, but he knew there was nothing she could do to stop this.

Letting out a yelp as his arms were twisted, The Postman heard the pounding of feet as several pirates made their way below deck to see what the commotion was.

" _Fight! Fight_!" Sakon yelled at him. " _You have to get away_!"

"I can't!" The Postman answered, struggling uselessly.

Four pirates stood at the top of the stairs taking in the scene in confusion, and Leah turned her attention to them. "The foreigner was a man!" she yelled furiously. "The wretch played us all for fools! Help me restrain him!"

The pirates instantly surged forward and grabbed a hold of him and roughly pulled him to his feet as he kicked and struggled to no avail. There was a lot of yelling and he was shoved this way and that and he was in a bit of a daze as they dragged him up the stairs. Instantly mob mentality overtook the pirates and the moment they were on the deck, every pirate swarmed over to join in, yelling for his death excitedly. He saw Zaira push through the crowd with the captain, and they both stared at him with such a deep anger, that he knew he was in for a lot of pain.

The pirates all went silent as they waited for their captain's decision on the matter, and she narrowed her eyes at him. There was no pity in her eyes, only cold determination and she crossed her arms, her expression betraying nothing. She looked him up and down slowly, the pirates waiting with baited breath.

"String him up." she stated, not even having to raise her voice.

The cheering was deafening, and The Postman felt his stomach drop to his feet. He was knew he should have expected it, but he'd been half-heartedly hoping for some sort of miracle. Feeling completely numb, he didn't even resist as he watched a pirate throw a noose over the mast, tying it securely. A barrel was rolled underneath it, and two strong pirates lifted him so he stood on top of it. Leah took the great pleasure of placing the noose around his neck, and she bound his wrists tightly in front of him. The Postman stared across the crowd of jeering pirates, completely terrified and knew there would be no escape.

Sakon was shaking his head in horror. " _Not again. Not again_." he murmured to himself, sounding somewhat hysterical. " _By the goddesses, please not again_!"

The captain stepped forward and gave him another look over, surprised he hadn't said a single word as of yet. He certainly looked frightened, but he hadn't begged or cried like most did when in the same situation.

"I knew you were hiding something." she stated angrily. "How dare you think you can sneak your way onto my ship!"

Leah approached the captain, and wiped a few tears from her face. "He forced himself on me!" she cried. "He wouldn't take no for an answer, and when I was defending myself that's when I found out he was a man!"

The captain turned murderous eyes to him, and The Postman silently shook his head, knowing she would never believe him.

"Zaira, take the whip to him." she ordered coldly. "Make him regret ever being born."

Zaira stared at him for a long moment, and then drew her dagger. Without a word, she approached and began slicing the dress off of him. When she had made a long slice in the fabric, she grabbed a hold of it, and ripped it off of him. She looked him up and down with a scowl, and then sliced off the padded bra as well. The Postman was left in just his white shorts and the scarf, and Zaira stared at him with an ugly look, clearly very embarrassed over not noticing sooner. Taking a deep, angry breath, she unlatched the whip from her belt and stepped behind him as the crowd backed up a few steps to give her space.

" _I'm sorry, Jihiro_!" Sakon cried out. " _I can't do anything! I'm so sorry! This is all my fault_!"

The Postman said nothing, simply staring down at the deck as he waited for the pain to come.

"How many?" Zaira demanded.

"You will keep going until I say." the captain responded, glancing over at Leah who was still pretending to cry. "Make him regret everything."

Zaira nodded, and pulled her arm back. The Postman braced himself, but there was no preparing himself for the horrible pain when the first stroke made contact. He let out a howl, and every pirate cheered at his expense. Zaira was using a lot more force than Iris had when he had received his first whipping, and he felt the hotness of blood run down his back.

"His skin is soft and weak like a child's." Zaira commented. "The whip is going to completely shred him."

"Continue." the captain ordered.

Zaira nodded, and pulled her arm back once again. When the second lash fell, The Postman couldn't stop the involuntary yell it elicited, and once again, the crowd cheered mockingly. He could feel his red magic fighting to be released, and he struggled to hold it back, knowing the destruction would be enormous if it exploded. The whip came down for the third time, and The Postman nearly fell off the barrel as he thrashed in pain. The noose tightened around his neck stopping him, and The Postman knew he had to be more careful, or he'd end up hanging himself earlier than intended.

As Zaira brought the whip down over and over again, Sakon hovered above, watching worriedly, unable to do anything to stop it.

The crowd was in a frenzy of bloodlust as The Postman screamed out at every lash, his back quickly becoming a gory mess. He was normally quite good at enduring pain, but this was a whole new level of unbearable. Zaira was merciless as she gave him stripe after stripe, and The Postman struggled to hold back his red magic, the fight becoming harder and harder.

A lash caught him across his injured shoulder, and The Postman couldn't stop the loud cry of agony, feeling the wound rip even deeper. His voice reached a new octave, and Zaira must have decided to show a tiny amount of mercy, because she moved onto a new patch of skin and didn't touch his shoulder again. She struck him with barely a pause, and the longer it went on, the more The Postman wondered if she was going to flog him until he died. He was lashed from the shoulders all the way to the calves of his legs, and he knew each and every stripe was deep, and bleeding profusely.

Finally, the captain motioned for her to stop, and Zaira lowered her arm, the doctor out of breath and sweating. The captain slowly approached him, and inspected his wounds, knowing that she had made her point. The Postman's legs were shaking uncontrollably, and he began slipping off the barrel, the rope around his throat tightening painfully. The captain flashed him an annoyed look, and then gave him a light push to straighten him until he could breathe again. The Postman took a gasping breath, and stared down at her, his expression full of pain and fear.

"Before I give the order to hang you, I want you to answer my questions. If you're anything other than completely honest with me, I'll order you to be flogged all over again."

The Postman said nothing, eyes still on the captain, barely even conscious, and he struggled to get himself under control as he gasped in pain.

"You will be hung." she promised him. "It's up to you, however, if you want it to be a fast hanging or an excruciatingly long one. I can keep you alive for days while you hang from your throat. It is not a fate I recommend."

The Postman still said nothing.

"Did you try to rape my daughter?" she demanded.

The Postman glanced up. "No." he replied firmly.

The captain narrowed her eyes. "You're accusing her of lying?"

The Postman doubted she would believe him, but he nodded all the same. "I d-didn't do anything to her." he said, dropping the fake accent and trying to keep his voice steady.

"And you expect me to take the word of a lying sneak over my own daughter?"

"It's the t-truth. I didn't touch her." The Postman insisted.

The captain narrowed her eyes angrily.

"Why did you sneak onto our ship?" she demanded. "Who are you?"

" _Just tell her_." Sakon said, leaning into The Postman's field of vision. " _Beg her forgiveness, promise her anything she wants. You need to get her to show you mercy_."

The Postman was finding it hard to speak, the whipping still too fresh to push past the pain. "I-I am trying to save my f-friend." The Postman replied quietly, "He was p-poisoned, and I'm trying to find a way to heal him."

The captain narrowed her eyes even further. "Where are you from?" she demanded.

"I was born just outside of Clocktown in Termina." The Postman replied.

"So everything you told us was a lie."

The Postman silently nodded.

"Why did you choose my ship to sneak onto? Why do something that stupid?"

The Postman took a few moments to answer. "I w-was going to board Linebeck's ship, but you s-sunk it. You were the only other ship at the harbour, and I needed to leave as soon as p-possible."

"You're a fool." the captain told him. "You saved Samirah's life, and helped during the battle last night, and so I will give you an easy death because of that. You deserve to be flayed alive for pulling such a stunt, but I'll show you this small amount of mercy."

The captain turned her gaze to Zaira. "Get ready to hang him." she said. "Ensure his neck snaps."

Knowing it was inevitable, Sakon stood just behind The Postman, trying to remain calm for his benefit. " _It's going to be alright_." he assured him. " _Close your eyes. You don't want to see it coming. Close your eyes_."

The Postman did as he was told, and closed his eyes, and only thing he could hear now was Sakon's voice beside his ear.

" _I'm sorry. I'm so sorry_..." Sakon whispered. " _It's all my fault. I'm sorry. It won't hurt much, I promise_. _I never should have involved you in any of this_."

The captain looked at all of the pirates who were cheering and calling for The Postman's death, and she purposely drew it out with a smirk. She loved getting her crew riled up, and a good execution was always great for their morale. Just as she was about to motion for Zaira to kick the barrel out from beneath him, she felt a tug to her sleeve. She glanced over and saw one of the younger pirates looking up at her nervously.

"Yes?" the captain demanded.

The pirate bit her lower lip, and pointed to The Postman.

"Uh, captain? The silk scarf he's wearing...may I please have it? It'll tear once his neck breaks, and it looks really nice."

The captain gave her an annoyed look, but nodded all the same. "Take it." she told her. "But be fast about it!"

The young pirate eagerly stepped forward and reached up to untie the scarf. As she carefully pulled it away from his neck and untangled it from the noose, her eyes fell on the burn on his neck. Confusion crossed her face as she recognized the emblem, but she didn't know what it meant. Reaching out a hand, she ran her fingers across it, surprised by the heat she felt emanating from it. Her eyes widening, she dropped the scarf in surprise.

"Captain!" she called, turning away.

"What?" the captain asked, getting impatient. "Hurry up!"

"Look at his neck! Look at the mark! I think it's magical! Is he cursed?!"

The captain let out a sigh, and approached to take a look, her eyes immediately falling on the bright red mark. Turning his head so she could get a better look, she frowned at the easily recognizable desert emblem. Running a finger over it, she could feel the heat of magic, and it seemed it shimmer under her scrutinizing gaze.

"Zaira."

At her name, the first mate was instantly by her captain's side. Her eyes widened at the unexpected sight of the mark, and she turned a questioning look up to the other woman.

"What do you make of this?" the captain asked.

Zaira rubbed at the mark and inspected it closely for a moment before glancing back up. "It must be a fake." she announced. "He's trying to trick us. Ganondorf would never make someone like him a Gerudo."

"Is there a way to test it?" the captain demanded.

Zaira nodded. "Just give me a moment, and I'll find out for sure."

To both The Postman and Sakon's surprise, she rubbed her hands together and a low green light flashed between her palms. She then stepped forward and placed both of her hands on his throat, and The Postman felt the mark pulse, the magic connecting directly with Ganondorf. He could feel Ganondorf's confusion, and then he felt the Gerudo King send a pulse back as if answering a question. Zaira released her hold in surprise.

"It's real." she confirmed. "Lord Ganondorf has confirmed it... This man is a Gerudo."

The captain stared at the mark in shock, this being the last thing she expected. Her expression then darkened. "Thank you, Zaira, now please step back."

The Postman squeezed his eyes closed, fully expecting to have the barrel kicked out from underneath him.

Zaira and the young pirate backed away against the rest of the crowd, and the captain took a step closer to The Postman. She stared at him for a moment, and then, without warning, she hauled off and slapped The Postman as hard as she could across the face. The Postman had been prepared to hang, but he hadn't been prepared to be slapped, and he let out a yelp of surprise, nearly toppling off the barrel. He opened his eyes in surprise, and was met with the sight of the captain scowling up at him fiercely.

"MORON!" she hissed, striking him a second time.

The Postman let out another yelp, and then simply stared at her, not sure what to make of this. He then glanced over at Sakon who seemed just as baffled as he was.

The captain gave him a look of disgust, and then turned away. "Leave him there." she ordered to her crew. "I'm too angry to deal with him at the moment."

"What?!" Leah protested angrily. "You're not going to hang him?! Why? What does that mark mean?"

"Everyone get back to work." the captain called out.

"He tried to rape me!" Leah yelled out, completely scandalized. "Look, the dirty little savage bit me when I was trying to defend myself!"

She held out her arm where a deep bite wound could be seen on her forearm. "He probably gave me rabies, or some sort of disease!"

Zaira reached out and took her arm so she could look it over. "I highly doubt he has rabies." she commented. "But that wound needs to be taken care of. Go to the medical cabin and wait for me so I can clean and bandage it."

"He should be hung!" Leah bellowed out furiously. "I want to see him executed for what he did to me!"

"I'm too angry to think clearly right now, and I'm going to calm down before I decide what I'm going to do." the captain replied. "Do as I say, and return to work. I will speak with everyone later."

Leah looked like she was going to throw a tantrum, but she restrained herself, and instead turned and stormed away without a word. There was quite a bit of grumbling and complaining as the pirates slowly dispersed, and the captain shot all of them warning looks.

"NOW!" she bellowed. "BACK TO WORK!"

Now moving much quicker than before, the pirates went back to their previous tasks, and The Postman was left with the captain and Zaira. Both were glaring at him, and The Postman quickly averted his eyes, having a very bad feeling about all of this.

"Give him ten more lashes." the captain ordered, turning to leave. "If he gives you a hard time, give him more. I'll be in my cabin."

The Postman watched her leave, and then glanced to Zaira who immediately began getting the whip ready. She looked him up and down, looking incredibly annoyed, but said nothing as she circled behind him. The Postman squeezed his eyes closed as she raised her hand, trying to prepare himself for the pain. He couldn't stop the scream as she crossed the stripes on his back, and by Sakon's expression, he knew his back must have looked terrible. Gritting his teeth as he tried to get himself under control, The Postman's red magic flared out for just a moment causing Zaira to pause. She could see the magic crackling as he fought against it, and she reached out a hand towards him, quickly pulling back as the magic lashed out at her. She realized that he could have defended himself at any time, but couldn't figure out why he hadn't.

"You have red magic." Zaira stated. "Why didn't you use it to escape? You could have killed me..."

"T-too dangerous." The Postman ground out, fighting to hold the magic back. "C-can't control it. W-wild. W-would've h-hurt too many people."

"You were going to allow yourself to be hung so you wouldn't kill any of us?"

"W-would've s-sunk the sh-ship." The Postman replied. "C-couldn't."

Zaira gave him a frown, not sure what to make of that. "You still have nine lashes left." she pointed out. "Try to control yourself, and endure it."

The Postman nodded, and Zaira once again lifted the whip. The Postman screamed his way through the rest of the lashes, and by the time Zaira was done, he was shaking from the pain, barely able to keep standing. He couldn't seem to catch his breath, and the noose definitely wasn't helping with that. Zaira watched him for a moment, determined that he was going to live, and then turned to leave.

"Don't fall off the barrel." she advised.

She left without another word, and he was left by himself, standing on the barrel, noose still around his neck. He looked over at Sakon .

"Wh-what just happened?" he asked uncertainly. "Why am I n-not dead?"

Sakon looked around himself uneasily. " _I have no idea...I think the captain just spared you...it had something to do with your mark. Hopefully, she's not going to do something worse to you now that she knows_."

The Postman was completely by himself in the centre of the deck, unable to move an inch and hesitantly looked up at where the noose was tied to the mast. The rope was scratchy and extremely uncomfortable and it was obvious he wasn't going anywhere anytime soon. He'd lost his sandals at some point during the scuffle, and he shifted his bare feet on the rough barrel, the wood uneven and splintery to the feel.

"W-what are they going to d-do with me?" he asked Sakon. "Why did they just leave me like this?"

The ghost frowned down at him then gave a glance at the pirates who weren't paying The Postman any mind. " _I wouldn't complain too much if I were you_." he suggested. " _One little nudge from a disgruntled pirate and you'll be hanging_."

The Postman knew this was very true and didn't dispute it. "B-but why haven't they killed me? I don't understand."

Sakon gave a shrug. " _Maybe they're planning on keeping you as a pet just to annoy Ganondorf_?"

The Postman grimaced. That definitely wasn't better than being executed in his opinion, and he hoped there was a much better explanation than that.

"What about mark? The captain was about to execute me until she saw it. Maybe I was spared because of it?"

Sakon shook his head. " _I told you, Caspian was executed because of his mark, and so you wouldn't be spared because of yours! This has to be about something else_."

"If I was spared because of my mark, I'm going to be very mad at you." The Postman informed him.

" _Maybe the captain's in there thinking up a way to torture you or something_..."

The Postman frowned. "Really not helping, Sakon."

Sakon glanced back towards the pirates who weren't even looking in their direction. " _Sorry_."

The Postman let out a heavy sigh. He was in absolute agony, and the day was quickly getting to be unbelievably hot. He was already too warm, but he doubted the pirates would care about that. There was no shade where he was standing, and after only a few minutes, his throat was parched and he felt sticky from sweat but couldn't move a muscle. The sweat brought about waves of agony on his back, but he was forced to silently endure it. Every time he shifted too much, the barrel would waver precariously, and the noose tightened painfully around his neck. He didn't want to chance causing the barrel to topple over, so he stayed perfectly still.

He stood there for what seemed like hours, and The Postman felt worse and worse as time went on. Concerned about what the pirates were planning, Sakon left to spy on the crew to see what he could find out, and The Postman was left by himself. It didn't take him long to begin feeling seriously ill from the combination of heat and pain, and he felt his eyes slowly close from drowsiness. As his knees began to buckle, the noose tightened around his neck, and he barely managed to keep his balance. That's when he felt a hand push him back up straight, releasing a bit of the pressure on his throat. He was shocked awake a few seconds later when a bucket of freezing cold water was thrown over him. The salt water brought all new levels of pain to his open wounds, and he howled in pain, opening his eyes to see Zaira standing just in front of him.

Zaira dropped the empty bucket to the deck, and then looked him up and down as if assessing him. She then approached him, medical bag in hand, and reached out a hand to touch his sun-burnt arms. He tried to pull away, but she scowled at him and persisted.

She snapped open her medical bag as she glowered up him, and then stepped up onto a crate so that she could easily look him over. Without a word, she reached up and began removing the bandages from his shoulder just as Sakon returned. He gave the doctor a cautious look, and then asked.

" _Doctor scar-face taking you apart while I was gone? Did she hurt you? I heard a yell_."

The Postman was much too tired and hot to care about subtlety, and so he answered. "I think she's just checking to make sure I'm not dying."

Zaira paused. "Who are you talking to?" she demanded.

The Postman shrugged, staring down at the deck. "No one."

"Don't move your shoulder while I'm working on it." she scolded. "I need to see what I'm doing."

" _Don't forget no one besides you can see me_." Sakon reminded. " _They'll think you're possessed by a demon or something. Or just crazy_."

"I don't really care, I have a noose around my neck. How can it possibly get any worse than this?"

Zaira dug her nails painfully into his arm. "What did you just say to me?" she demanded. "Care to find out how much worse I can make this for you? Now shut up, and don't move!"

" _Careful_." Sakon warned again. " _No one's saying much by the way. Most of the crew are sneakily debating whether or not to knock the barrel over, but that's about it. No evil plans as far as I can make out. The captain hasn't spoken a word yet_."

The Postman didn't dare move as Zaira roughly looked his shoulder over, and to his surprise she began harshly cleaning it. She wasn't even trying to be gentle, and he couldn't stop a loud yelp as she found a splinter she'd missed. Her hands became a little more careful, and she picked up a pair of tweezers out of the medical bag. Not even warning him that she was going to do it, she yanked the splinter free, causing him to give another yelp of surprise. Muttering angrily to herself, she flashed him a glare as she disinfected the wound, and then carefully inspected to make sure there were no other splinters.

"You're lucky I didn't shove all the splinters back IN!" she mumbled. "Nothing more than you'd deserve."

The Postman said nothing as she continued her work, only flinching when she added some sort of cream to the wound.

"Stay still!" Zaira snarled.

" _You should probably do as she says, darling_..." Sakon advised worriedly. " _Disgruntled doctors are never a good thing_..."

The Postman remained as still as possible, still feeling overheated and sick, but he didn't say a single word. Zaira expertly re-bandaged his shoulder, and then looked over her handiwork. Satisfied that she'd done everything she could, she pulled out a stethoscope from the medical bag and listened to his chest as he breathed for a few moments, and then moved the stethoscope to his back. Next she pulled out a thermometer and held it up.

"Okay, open up." she ordered, holding the thermometer to his mouth.

The Postman wondered why she was bothering at all considering they were probably planning on executing him, or torturing him. Perhaps they were planning on selling him into slavery? Slaves had to be healthy, right?

Zaira stuck her thumb into the waistband of his shorts. "Open your mouth, or I'll stick this somewhere else."

Sakon raised an eyebrow in amusement, but said nothing, knowing the situation was too serious for jokes.

The Postman grimaced, and obediently opened his mouth, seriously hoping she wasn't using an old rectal thermometer on him. Zaira quickly checked his eyes, frowning when she noticed they looked somewhat glassy. She checked his ears and then his pulse, giving another frown. She then crossed her arms as she waited for the thermometer to finish. She snatched the thermometer away a moment later. She frowned down at the reading, and then turned towards him.

"Open your mouth." she ordered.

Doing as he was told, she glanced at the colour of his tongue, and then let out a sigh. She packed up her stuff without another word, and left, heading in the direction of the captain's cabin.

Sakon was still giving him a worried look. " _What's a normal temperature_?" he asked.

"Thirty-seven, I think." The Postman replied, allowing his eyes to slip closed.

" _The thermometer said thirty-nine point four_..." Sakon said, looking even more concerned. " _Is that really high_?"

"I'm getting heatstroke." The Postman replied.

" _What can you do about it_?" Sakon demanded.

"Nothing at all." The Postman answered, feeling resigned.

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The captain looked up from studying her maps when a knock came at her cabin door.

"Enter." she called.

Zaira pushed open the door, and entered, saluting respectfully. "Captain, I just gave the man a physical and cleaned the wound on his shoulder."

The captain frowned, but gave a nod. "And?" she demanded.

"His shoulder needs more care, and he is severely sunburned, dehydrated, and starting to hallucinate from the sun. The wounds on his back need to be treated as well. If he's left out there much longer, he'll either fall off the barrel, or die standing where he is."

The captain had worked with Zaira for most of her life, and trusted her medical opinion entirely. She knew that when Zaira was concerned for her patient, it truly was serious. Letting out a sigh, the captain gave a nod.

"Alright. Cut him down, and give him some water. I want him brought to me immediately."

Zaira shook her head. "No, captain. When he is medically fit, then I'll bring him in for questioning. He needs to be treated, and no one goes near him until I say so."

The captain raised a brow, but Zaira crossed her arms.

"You do realize that he'll likely still be executed, don't you?"

Zaira gave a nod. "Yes, Captain, but I'm the doctor on this ship, and he is my patient. I will not neglect my duties just because he has the wrong genitalia. If you wanted a sub-par doctor, you wouldn't have hired me."

The captain rolled her eyes. "Very well. Take him to the medical cabin and treat him. I'll order everyone to stay clear for now."

Zaira gave her a salute. "Yes, Captain."

As Zaira quickly left the cabin, the captain frowned down at the map once more. There was something off about the map, but she just couldn't put her finger on it... It was almost as if something had been changed, but she couldn't quite place her finger on what. Had someone modified one of her maps?

Zaira left the cabin and glanced over to where The Postman was standing. She could see his eyes were closed, and he was wavering dangerously, and so she headed in his direction. She could immediately tell The Postman was speaking to someone when he glanced up, but there was no one near him. She wondered just how bad his heatstroke was, and hoped he wouldn't have permanent brain damage as a result.

"Zaira!"

Zaira paused, and looked over as another pirate jogged up to her.

"What?" Zaira demanded grouchily.

"Samirah's hurt! She has a huge gash on her forehead, and I found her sitting on the floor crying. What she's saying isn't making any sense, and she has to be hurt real bad!"

Zaira was instantly alarmed. She still had her medical bag in her hand, and so she turned and hurried down to the pirate resting quarters. She didn't notice when The Postman slumped unconscious a moment later.

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" _Wake up! Wake up_!" Sakon bellowed into The Postman's ear. " _Jihiro, wake up! You're going to fall_!"

Sakon circled The Postman worriedly, but the other man didn't wake, his feet starting to slip off of the barrel.

" _Wake up_!" Sakon tried again. " _You're going to die if you don't wake up! Jihiro_!"

The Postman fell off the barrel, and the rope snapped tight against his throat, suspending him several feet from the deck. He didn't move as Sakon yelled even louder, and there was nothing The Thief could do to help him.

There was a loud curse, and Sakon turned to see Leah rushing towards them. To his relief, she placed the barrel back under The Postman's feet, and then loosened the noose enough so he could breathe. She gave him a hard slap across the face, and The Postman groaned and opened his eyes, gasping for air as he did so.

"You're not dying yet, you pathetic embarrassment." she hissed. "I'm going to ask for that pleasure from my mother."

Giving him one last slap, she turned and stalked away.

" _Are you okay_?" Sakon asked in concern. " _You almost hung yourself_."

"Just a bit dizzy." The Postman replied.

" _Keep your eyes open_." Sakon ordered. " _You can't fall asleep again. Just hang in there...no pun intended_."

The Postman gave a tired sounding chuckle. "Okay."

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Zaira returned to the deck a few minutes later, and when she glanced over at The Postman, she saw he was once again speaking to someone that wasn't there. Frowning in concern, she approached, having a feeling he was completely delirious. He went quiet once she came within sight, but his eyes were still focussed on something just to the left of her, and she frowned up at him. Drawing her sword, she placed her boot on top of the barrel, causing it to tip dangerously.

"You deserve to die." she stated.

The Postman stared down at her, and said nothing.

"If it was up to the crew, they would have pushed this barrel over." she said easily, making the barrel waver back and forth. "But luckily for you, I outrank them. The captain wants to see you, but until you recover, you're under my care."

With a swipe of her sword, she cut the noose and stepped back, sheathing her sword as she did so. The Postman stood on shaky legs for a moment, and then fell, causing Zaira to catch him before he hit the deck. Zaira cursed as she stood him to his feet, and she supported most of his weight as he struggled to stand. Zaira sat him on top of the barrel, causing him to let out an agonized yelp, and forced his chin up so she could look at him, frowning when she saw he was barely conscious. She untied his hands, and The Postman let out a breath of relief, and rubbed at his neck, as Zaira placed a hand on his forehead.

"We need to get you cooled down." she stated.

Sakon gave the pirate a suspicious look, certain she was going to do something horrible.

" _I wonder why she's helping you if the captain wants to interrogate you? This can't mean anything good_..."

"I don't care...anything's better than standing on that barrel." The Postman responded.

Zaira raised an eyebrow at him, and then held out a canteen.

The Postman hesitated. "What's that?" he asked.

"Water." Zaira answered impatiently, thrusting it into his hands. "Drink."

The Postman eagerly unscrewed the cap, and downed half of it at once, instantly feeling nauseated. Zaira snatched it back from him.

"Don't drink so fast or you'll make yourself sick!" she scolded. "Take tiny sips."

She handed it back to him, and he took a small sip of the water as Zaira gave him an impatient stare. Sakon was staring at him as well, and he floated just behind the pirate, watching worriedly.

"Careful of that barrel, darling." he cautioned. "Or you might get a splinter in an unmentionable area, and I doubt doctor sunshine here will care to dig it out."

The Postman didn't dignify that with a response, and finished the water with a sigh, not wanting to move. Zaira snatched back the canteen, and grabbed him by the arm.

"Come on, nuisance, let's get you out of the sun." she ordered.

The Postman reluctantly allowed her to pull him to his feet, and he was led to the medical cabin, very aware that every pirate was staring at him. Once inside, Zaira shoved him in the direction of a bed, and said.

"Lay down, and stay still while I look over your injuries."

The Postman barely made it to the bed, and with a pained wince, he very carefully laid down on his stomach. Every movement caused his wounds to stretch painfully, and when he laid down, he instantly felt a small amount of relief. Zaira crossed the room to where several metal cabinets were, unlocked them with a key and removed several bottles and tubes. The Postman watched her in silence, and Sakon was trying his best to read the labels on what she was collecting.

" _I don't know what any of these are." he admitted. "I think the pills might be some sort of painkiller, but I'm not sure_."

"Stay still, or I'll leave your wounds to get infected." Zaira warned as she approached him.

The Postman nodded silently.

Zaira placed a cold cloth on his head and then began looking over his back critically. She began disinfecting the wounds and it took all of The Postman's resolve not to yell out from the agony of it. He had gashes straight from the base of his neck all the way to his ankles, and Zaira was being as careful as she could, knowing how much pain he must have been in.

"I can't wrap these wounds because of your sunburn." she told him. "You'll have to be extremely careful not to get dirt in any of your injuries."

The Postman said nothing, simply glancing at her from over his shoulder. She picked up a tube of some sort of cream, and opened it under his watchful gaze.

"This is burn cream." she told him. "Your sunburn is pretty severe, and it's going to blister. I'm going to try to reduce it's severity to avoid possible infections. I'll need to apply this cream quite frequently until I see some improvement."

"Why not just use a fairy or a healing potion?" The Postman questioned.

"For several reasons." Zaira replied, narrowing her eyes. "One: because your shoulder would not heal correctly. Two: because it would heal your whipping which is a punishment and Three: because I'm mad at you."

"...oh."

"Now stop questioning me, and stay still."

The burn cream felt icy cold against his skin, and The Postman let out a breath of relief as she carefully applied it to his scorched skin. Allowing his eyes to drift closed as she worked, he was snapped back to attention when she gave him a hard nudge.

"Hey, no sleeping yet." she ordered. "Stay awake until I'm done."

The Postman let out a groan of protest, and she nudged him again.

"And no complaining." she added.

" _Your skin is getting redder and redder_." Sakon pointed out. " _It's not blistered yet, but it probably will in a few hours_."

Sakon had gotten many, many sunburns from living in the desert, and he knew that although it didn't hurt yet, The Postman would discover all new levels of agony once it began blistering.

When Zaira was finished, she put another cold cloth on his head, and then looked at the bruise on his neck caused by the noose.

"Did you slip off the barrel?" she questioned with a concerned frown.

The Postman gave her a nod.

"There's no damage, but your neck is going to be sore for a few days. You could have snapped your neck, but you were lucky." she told him, turning her attention to the bruises and cuts on his face from the fight.

Grabbing a damp cloth, she scrubbed every bit of makeup from his face, and then disinfected, and bandaged the cuts. She then took a good look at him, still unable to believe he'd been able to fool her. The rest of the crew had been teasing her about it mercilessly all day, and she'd taken the jabs stoically, knowing she had no excuse. If she had've paid attention when treating him the first time, she would have noticed. The fault was entirely hers, but it still angered and embarrassed her on a very deep level.

"Are you injured anywhere else that I don't know about?" she demanded.

The Postman hesitated, and then cautiously held out his injured wrist. When Zaira reached out to touch the wrist, he let out a loud yelp and pulled away from her. She frowned, and very carefully took the wrist, and felt along the bone, gently bending it. The Postman tried to yank his wrist away again, but she held on so she could continue inspecting the injury.

"Your wrist is broken." she told him. "I'll have to set the bone, and then wrap it. How did you break it?"

"I fell on it when Leah attacked me." he replied.

Zaira gave him a warning look. "After you tried to force yourself on her?"

The Postman adamantly shook his head. "That never happened. You can ask Samirah, she saw the whole thing."

"Samirah hit her head during the fight, and she was hysterical. She's been sedated and put to bed." Zaira told him. "We'll find out what happened, and for the sake of your neck, you'd better hope you're telling the truth."

" _Samirah is Leah's sister_." Sakon said worriedly. " _What if she takes her sister's side_?"

"Samirah's a good person, she'll tell the truth." The Postman responded, tiredly.

Zaira nodded. "Yes, she will." she agreed. "Now, brace yourself. I'm going to give a tug to your wrist to line up the bones. This is really going to hurt."

The Postman nodded, and she gave a sharp tug to the wrist causing him to let out a loud cry of pain. It felt like she'd just made it worse, and he gritted his teeth, struggling to not move.

"Don't try to use that wrist." she warned, holding him still. "I'm going to brace it, and then wrap it."

Clenching his teeth against the pain, The Postman held as still as he could, watching as Zaira fastened two short metal braces to his wrist. She then wrapped his entire hand in thick bandages, and fastened them with a pin.

"Don't touch your wrist until it heals." she warned.

The Postman nodded.

"Any more injuries?" she demanded.

"No, ma'am."

"Good, now stay there until I say you can move. Move so much as a toenail, and I'll tie you to the bed, is this understood?"

"Yes, ma'am."

She held out two small, yellow pills and placed them into his good hand. "These will help with the pain." she told him. "If you want any hope of sleeping, I recommend taking them."

Zaira put away her medical supplies, re-locked the cabinets, and then filled a large mug full of water. Placing a straw into it, she set it down on the floor in front of him.

"Drink that slowly." she ordered. "If your stomach starts to hurt, stop drinking, and wait for the discomfort to pass."

The Postman nodded, took a sip of water, and swallowed the pills down, hoping they were what she claimed. Zaira gave him a satisfied nod, and then turned away.

"I have work to do, but I'll be back to check on you shortly. Don't move from that bed. You're a prisoner, and you don't go anywhere until I say so. I'm only giving you one chance to comply, and then you'll be restrained."

The Postman gave her another nod. "Yes, ma'am."

Zaira gave him one last warning look, and then headed for the door.

"Er...miss Zaira?"

She paused and glanced back at him. "What?"

The Postman hesitated. "...thank you."

Zaira rolled her eyes. "Don't thank me yet, nuisance, you might still be executed. I'm only doing my job."

Not waiting for a response, she left the room, leaving him by himself.

"Y _ou need to get your hands on a healing potion_." Sakon said. " _Your back is completely shredded to pieces. You need to get off this ship before they string you up for real_."

The Postman doubted he'd heal correctly if he did manage to find a potion, and he didn't really want to permanently lose the use of his shoulder if he could help it. Taking another few sips of water, The Postman closed his eyes, his body completely exhausted, and didn't answer.

" _Do you think you're going to be okay_?" Sakon asked in concern.

"Probably not." The Postman muttered.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday!**

 **Zaira's magic will be discussed next chapter, and why The Postman wasn't able to sense it. (just thought I'd throw this out there in case people were confused)**


	61. Disgrace

**Authornote : Friday Aug. 11th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I'm going to apologize right now for the bad quality of this chapter. My eyes are really bad this week, and unfortunately I didn't have anyone available to help me type. I did the best I could, but it took me all week to type this one chapter, and I used a lot of scenes from the old version of this story to save time, so it might not fit together perfectly. I probably messed up a bunch of scenes this way, but I'll have to fix it once I can see a bit better. I'm sorry if I missed anything that should have been in this chapter, but I promise I will edit the chapter later.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **placesmileshere** \- Nope, no hole, we just didn't know what had happened yet. It will be explained in this chapter. :D

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 **Jigbashmop** -The pirate captain is not related to Ganondorf in any way. She earned that ale on her own merits as a valuable captain. :) Zaira, however, is Captain Isa's younger sister, which shows in their similar personality traits.

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 **Reiz16** -Sakon makes puns when he doesn't even mean to. He's so used to being a smartass, that it comes naturally to him. lol Zaira isn't afraid to stand up to anyone if she feels she's in the right. She'd confront Ganondorf himself if she needed to. lol It will explain how Sam got hurt in this chapter! :D

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 **SilentyDead** -Sakon's jokes did indeed grow smaller. lol (i laughed when i read that) The Postman can never seem to catch a break, and bad things always seems to come in threes...

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 **Rainmy** -The Postman is WAY too nice to be a villain. Even if someone tries to kill him, it would never even occur to him to kill them first. The mere thought of hurting someone sickens him.

The mark can be used for very basic communication, but nothing too complicated. The Postman would be able to do that if he knew how to control his powers correctly.

I really struggled with the decision whether or not to add a pirate. It would be a lot more work to add one in, and several things would have to be changed. I have made my decision, and it will be revealed in this chapter. :)

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 **setokayba2n** -Pretty much everything that has happened in this story is Sakon's fault. The Postman really needs to learn to stop listening to him.

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 **Keyper3** \- Yes, alas the pirate saga is coming to an end. ;-( It was fun to write, but it couldn't last forever. Fair thee well pirates...

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 **Guest** \- Hopefully she won't back up her sister, because that will definitely mean a death sentence for The Postman. o_O

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 13

Disgrace

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The Postman flinched when he felt someone touch his sunburn, but was too tired to open his eyes.

"Are you awake?" Zaira demanded.

The Postman didn't answer, but gave another flinch when he felt more of the burn cream applied to his skin. Zaira didn't say another word to him as she treated him, and The Postman fell back asleep as the pain began to lessen. He drifted in and out of sleep over the next few hours, only waking whenever he was touched. When Zaira came in for the fourth time to re-apply the burn cream, she gave him a hard nudge to wake him up. He opened his eyes to stare at her, but otherwise didn't move.

"Eat this." she ordered.

The Postman looked down and saw she'd set a bowl of thick looking brown stew in front of him.

"If you don't eat, you won't heal." she told him. "You need the strength."

The Postman gave a slow blink, and didn't move. Zaira frowned at him, and placed her hand on his forehead.

"Hmm, you still seem a bit overheated." she commented. "Drink a bit more water, and then eat the stew. I made sure it's not too hot."

The Postman had absolutely no appetite, the pain making him feel sick and tired. Sakon was watching silently from across the room, and he gave The Postman an encouraging smile.

"Eat." Zaira told him.

The Postman struggled to get up, but his body just didn't want to cooperate, and he fell back to the mattress with a pained grunt. Zaira gave his wounds a quick look-over to make sure he hadn't injured himself further, and then let out an irritated sigh.

"She made me whip you too severely." she commented. "It will be a miracle if you don't die of an infection."

The Postman watched her cross the room, and she unlocked the medicine cabinet. She took out two bottles, and then approached him. She dumped two pills out of the first bottle and held them out to him. He recognized them as pain pills, and immediately reached out to take them.

"I don't want you becoming addicted to these, so you'll only be getting a limited amount of them until your wounds scab over." she informed him. "If I catch you trying to get any on your own, I'll break every bone in your body, is this understood?"

The Postman nodded as he reached clumsily for the mug of water. He downed the two pills, and then stared up at her as she opened the second bottle. She poured out a single black tablet and set it on the bedpost in front of him.

"Take that after you've eaten something." she ordered.

"What is it?" The Postman questioned.

"It's a very powerful sedative." she replied. "It will ensure you sleep through the night, and through the pain. Your body needs time to recover, but it can't if you aren't able to stand the pain."

The Postman didn't like the idea of taking a sedative, but he had no fight left in him, and so he meekly nodded. He doubted she would go to so much trouble to treat him if she was planning on hurting him in some way.

Zaira lifted the bowl of stew and placed it into his hands, hovering over him in case he dropped it. The Postman's broken wrist was aching, but he managed to hold onto the bowl as he fumbled for the spoon with his good hand.

"It's not fish, it's beef." Zaira assured him. "So I expect you to actually eat for once and not fight with me."

The Postman really wasn't hungry, but he obediently took a bite of the stew, knowing that Zaira knew best in this situation. It was a good stew, but he just couldn't appreciate it when his body felt like it had been run over by a horde of Moblins. He wished the painkillers would kick in, but he knew it would take a while for him to feel the effects. Zaira applied more cream to his sunburn as he ate, and he had a feeling his skin was now badly blistered.

He finished the whole bowl of stew under Zaira's watchful gaze, and then reached for the mug of water. He sipped on it until it was empty, and then set it down, just wanting to rest. Zaira frowned down at him for a moment, and then asked.

"How much water have you had so far today?"

The Postman gave a shrug.

"You drank the canteen, and two full mugs, is that right?"

The Postman thought about it, and then nodded.

"Do you need the bathroom?"

The Postman shook his head no.

"No? You should have to by now...that's not a good sign. I want you to drink another full mug of water, and then we'll see."

The Postman's stomach felt uncomfortable as it was, and the thought of adding more water to it made him let out a groan.

"No complaining." Zaira scolded, refilling the mug to the brim with cold water. "Unless you want to die of kidney failure, drink the water. You're severely dehydrated."

She pushed the mug into his hands, and then crossed her arms as she watched him drink.

"All of it." she ordered. "I should have made you drink more earlier, but I didn't realize you were this dehydrated."

Grimacing, The Postman did as he was told and finished every drop of the water. Sakon had come over at the mention of kidney failure and The Thief gave him a concerned look.

" _Your sunburn is really bad_." he told him. " _Even the doctor commented on how severe it was before she woke you. She's worried it's going to get infected if any of the blisters break open_."

The Postman said nothing, and glanced at the sedative, wondering if he was supposed to take it yet. As if she read his mind, Zaira shook her head.

"Not yet." she told him. "We're going to wait twenty minutes, and then you're drinking some more water."

The Postman let out another groan, certain he would throw up if he drank any more.

"How long have I been here?" The Postman asked.

"Doesn't matter." Zaira replied. "Rest for a few minutes until you need to drink more. Try not to move too much."

" _You've been asleep for a little over five hours_." Sakon told him. " _The doctor checks on you every hour or so, and she keeps the cabin door locked so no one can sneak in here to hurt you in your sleep. Several people have already tried to get in, but I don't know if they were going to hurt you or not. They may have just been nosy_."

"Probably going to be executed anyway." The Postman muttered, closing his eyes.

"Maybe, maybe not." Zaira replied. "Either way I have to treat you, and so you'd better cooperate."

"I didn't mean to cause trouble." The Postman told her. "That's why I was keeping to myself for the journey...I was hoping no one would notice."

"It was a stupid thing to do, but it's not me you have to explain yourself to. Once you're well enough, you'll be having a meeting with the captain, and you'll be lucky if she doesn't order to have you flogged all over again."

The Postman didn't answer, knowing his chances at survival were probably extremely low. He dozed lightly for a while but was awoken when Zaira gave him a poke. Opening his eyes, she pressed another mug of water into his hands.

"Drink." she ordered.

The Postman obediently forced the water down without a word, and then handed back the empty mug. Zaira stared at him expectantly, and then waited. The Postman stared back at her and silence filled the room. After a few minutes, Zaira gave him an impatient look.

"Do you need the bathroom yet?"

The Postman shook his head.

To The Postman's dismay, she refilled the mug and pushed it back into his hands. "Drink what you can, and take the sedative." she ordered. "I'll wake you in a few hours to have some more water. We don't have to be concerned quite yet."

The Postman picked up the small, black pill and stared at it, not sure he liked the idea of being drugged unconscious.

" _You'll want to take that, darling_." Sakon told him. " _The doctor tends to talk to herself when she thinks no one is around, and she's planning on draining those blisters before they break open. I have a feeling that will really hurt_..."

Taking a few small sips of water, he swallowed the pill down, and then set the mug aside.

"Relax, and try not to move too much." Zaira ordered, removing the bowl and mug off the floor. "You'll start to feel the sedative's effects within a few minutes. Are you still feeling too hot?"

The Postman shook his head. He didn't feel hot at all, he actually felt rather chilled from the fact he was still shirtless.

"Good, the water must be helping to lower your body temperature. I'll be back to check on you shortly."

The Postman watched her leave, and then he turned his attention to Sakon. "Have you heard the captain say anything about me yet?"

Sakon shook his head. " _No, I've been out several times spying, but the captain has said nothing. I went down to see Samirah, and her face is completely busted up. It looks like she got into a really bad fight with someone, and I'm gonna bet it was with Leah_."

The Postman frowned in concern. "She was fine when I saw her last. Did she seem okay?"

Sakon nodded. " _She was still asleep, but Zaira and the captain were by to check on her a few times_. _We'd better hope she's willing to clear your name when she wakes up_... _Maybe you should try escaping_?"

The Postman was feeling rather drowsy, and it was obvious the sedative was beginning to take effect. "I don't think I can move very far." The Postman told him, closing his eyes. "I definitely wouldn't be able to swim like this, I'd drown."

" _No_." Sakon acknowledged with a frown. " _I suppose you couldn't swim_..."

"If I die, Sakon, you'll have to finish the quest on your own. Gaebora Kaepora said you would fail, but don't listen to him. Find someone to help you, and don't tell my family what happened to me."

Sakon crossed his arms. " _You're not going to die_." he promised. " _You're destined for a quest, and so it would be stupid if the goddesses allowed you to die now. You're going to escape from here, and you're going to save me_."

When The Postman didn't answer, Sakon approached and saw the other man had already passed out. Letting out a deep sigh, Sakon left the medical cabin to spy.

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The Postman awoke to someone shaking his shoulder, and he opened his eyes, feeling absolutely terrible. He looked up at Zaira who frowned down at him, the doctor realizing he was a lot sicker than before. She placed a hand on his forehead, checked his vitals, and gave him another frown.

"I'll be right back." she told him, hurrying from the room. "Don't move, and don't go back to sleep."

The Postman didn't answer, simply turning his gaze to Sakon who was hovering over him worriedly. " _You need a fairy_." he told him. " _We'll deal with your messed up shoulder later, but you need to heal yourself before you die. I know a few good surgeons who can probably fix your shoulder if it doesn't heal correctly. There are fairies in the cabinet over there, get up and steal one before she gets back_."

The Postman glanced over at the cabinet. "I don't think I can move, Sakon." he replied slowly. "My body feels really heavy."

" _Try_." Sakon ordered, his expression looking panicked.

The Postman didn't answer, his eyes slowly closing.

" _Jihiro_?!"

The Postman just wanted to sleep, and he didn't reply. His rest was short-lived however because a few minutes later he was awoken by someone slapping his sunburned back. Letting out a yelp of surprise, he looked up to see Zaira scowling down at him.

"No sleeping." she ordered.

"You're the one who gave me a sedative." The Postman muttered.

"No backtalk either! The captain has given her permission for you to be healed, otherwise you'd be dead by morning." Zaira told him. "You are extremely lucky. Most prisoners would not be given such a mercy."

"I'm going to lose the use of my shoulder." The Postman stated, feeling resigned.

"Not if I can help it, nuisance. I'm going to attempt to heal you with my healing magic, but there's no guarantee I'll be able to do anything."

The Postman had almost forgotten her show of magic earlier, and he squinted up at her in confusion. "You have green magic." he said in surprise.

She gave him a look as if he were a complete moron.

"...but you're a Gerudo!" The Postman exclaimed.

Zaira let out a sigh. "You aren't the most observant creature, are you?"

"No, I meant, isn't it extremely unusual for a Gerudo to have green magic?"

Zaira gave him a sharp look, and he realized he had unknowingly touched on a sore subject. "It is unusual." she agreed. "A genetic fluke passed to me by my father. As far as I know, I'm the only Gerudo with green magic."

The Postman couldn't wrap his mind around that, as it was supposed to be impossible for a Gerudo to take on traits of their father. The Gerudo bloodline could never be corrupted, and so it was both bizarre and fascinating that Zaira was capable of green magic. If what she said was true, then it was an extremely rare genetic mutation.

"Who taught you how to heal?" The Postman asked in interest.

Zaira glared at him. "No one." she snapped. "I taught myself from books, and that's why my talents are shoddy. There are no Gerudo teachers of green magic."

"Why couldn't I sense your magic?" he asked. "I can always sense magic."

Zaira gave him a cross look and pointed to the chain around her neck. "This hides all magical signatures." she replied. "Having green magic got me into a lot of trouble in my youth, and so I was given this necklace to mask it. No one knows I have magic unless I want them to."

The Postman stared at the necklace in fascination. "I had no idea such a thing existed. Fascinating...I wonder how it works?"

"Hush, I'm going to need to concentrate."

The Postman was feeling incredibly awful, but his curiosity was winning out, and he looked up at her thoughtfully. "You'll be able to heal my shoulder with your magic?"

"Maybe." she replied. "We'll have to see. My green magic isn't very strong, and I don't have any other magic users to assist me."

"Can you use my green magic to help yours?" The Postman asked, not entirely sure how green magic worked.

"You don't have green magic, you dungbeetle, you have red magic! Big difference."

The Postman shook his head. "No, I do have green magic." he told her tiredly. "I've never used it though, so I don't know how much use it will be to you."

You're a moron." Zaira told him with no real malice to her words. "I clearly saw your RED magic, and it would be useless to me. Now just keep quiet and still, and let me work in peace."

The Postman wanted to explain to her about his unusual magic, but didn't feel like fighting with her about it. He went silent as he watched her gather a few items from the medical cupboard, and then approach him. The Postman realized she was going to make a paste out of healing herbs like the Kokiri had, and watched with interest as she opened several containers.

"Are those bay leaves?" he questioned.

"Yes, I read that they're good for cleansing wounds when mixed with thistles. I've only experimented with very basic medicines, but I'm sure I'll be able to at least heal the worst of your injuries."

"Are there no people with mastery of green magic that you could have apprenticed under?" The Postman asked.

Zaira flashed him an annoyed look. "No, there isn't. The only people who have mastered the art of healing magic are the Kokiri, and they don't speak with outsiders. Gerudo are not meant to have green magic, and there was no one to teach me. There are very few green magic users around these days, and most are far to the South, far beyond the Gerudo desert."

"...I didn't realize there were so few on the mainland." The Postman told her.

"Enough prattling, I told you to keep quiet." she scolded as she mixed several herbs together into a thick paste. "I need to concentrate."

" _What happens if she messes up_?" Sakon wondered. " _Do you blow up or something_?"

The Postman knew green magic was a gentle magic, and so he seriously doubted she would accidentally hurt him. He let out a sharp cry of pain as she began applying the cream to the worst of his wounds, and it took all of his self-control to stay still. Well, she wouldn't hurt him using magic anyway...

When she had applied the cream over his entire back, she frowned down at him and then began rubbing her palms together trying to build up a bit of magic.

"You're going to feel my magic, but do not resist it or try to pull away. Stay as still as possible, and don't speak."

The Postman nodded, and she glared down at him. "I said don't move!"

The Postman went still, and Zaira laid her glowing hands on his back, closing her eyes as she did so. The Postman closed his eyes as well and he could now clearly feel her magic as it seeped into him, feeling weak and somewhat clumsy. The Postman held back his red magic as it tried to lash out her, and then began inspecting her green magic curiously. Although the glow from her hands had been green, the actual colour of her vein of magic was a deep yellow, almost an orange, and he cautiously reached out to touch it. His green magic reacted to hers, and it strained against him to join her, but he held it back, not sure what that would do. Her magic felt light, and warm, but there was something definitely off about it. Although she had green magic, it felt somehow tainted, and he had a feeling that she had killed many times before, and that it had forever changed her magic. Her magic felt a little bit gritty, and he watched what she was doing, wondering if there was any way for him to help.

Her magic seemed to be concentrating on one spot at a time, and he could see how it was very slowly regrowing damaged flesh, and sealing the wound. Her magic was very shaky, and several times it seemed to slip away before she corrected her concentration, and The Postman very hesitantly allowed a very small amount of his green magic to join hers. Zaira nearly jerked her magic back in surprise when she felt The Postman's magic join hers, and she paused as she assessed what had happened.

"...this is green magic." she stated in confusion.

"Yes, ma'am, it's my magic."

The Postman could clearly feel her confusion through their joined magics. "But you have red magic..."

"I have both." The Postman told her.

"No, that's impossible." she replied, seeming even more confused. "...but I can see two magics inside you...how is this possible?"

"I don't know." The Postman answered honestly. "Koume and Kotake think the red magic is artificial but I have no memory of where it came from. I didn't even know I had any type of magic until just a few months ago."

"This is impossible." Zaira repeated. "...what are you?"

"I'm just a postman who works part time for Ganondorf. I'm no one."

"No, there's more to you that you're not saying, but I need to keep working. Give me some of that green magic to use, it'll help stabilize me."

The Postman allowed his green magic to be released towards her, and made no move to control it, allowing Zaira to use it as she wanted. He had no idea how to heal, and so he simply watched as she continued her work, now a lot more steady as she proceeded. It felt bizarre to have someone else controlling his green magic, and as she worked, he could feel the drain, and tiredness began setting in.

"Your green magic is even more under-developed than mine is." Zaira commented after a few minutes of work. "Have you ever used it before?"

"No, not to my knowledge." he replied. "I've tried training with my red magic...but didn't fare too well...I kept blowing everything up."

"You were training under Koume and Kotake? Ganondorf's personal witches?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"No wonder you know how to meditate so well." Zaira stated. "Their teaching is legendary. As far as I know they've only ever failed to bring out the potential in one of their students."

"Sakon."

Zaira seemed a bit surprised. "That's right. The useless dunderhead was taught from the time he was a small child and showed zero progress. He was their biggest and only failure."

"Sakon is a little...different." The Postman offered as an explanation. "He doesn't react well to being bullied or scolded, he just needs a lot of patience."

"You seem quite familiar with the thief."

"We've worked together several times." The Postman answered. "I've also been helping him study."

"I've heard allll about that thief, and you're wasting your time. He's a complete idiot."

"He's not." The Postman defended. "It's comments like that, that made him quit trying in the first place! He's not stupid."

The Postman could sense a mental eye-roll. "Whatever, I'm almost done, so stay quiet for a few minutes."

The Postman obediently went silent as he watched her work, and just a few minutes later, he felt Zaira's magic back out of him. He opened his eyes, and let out a breath of relief when there was no pain. Glancing over his shoulder, he saw a series of scars across his back, but no open wounds. He gave his shoulder an experimental flex, and to his relief, there was no pain. Zaira sagged down into a nearby chair, clearly exhausted, and she looked him up and down in satisfaction.

"How are you feeling?" she demanded.

"I feel fine." The Postman replied, slowly sitting up.

" _That was so cool_!" Sakon announced. " _I could literately see your wounds closing up_."

"Literally." The Postman automatically corrected.

Zaira raised an eyebrow at him. "Well, I'm glad you're 'literally' feeling better. The captain said she wants to see you right away once you've been fully healed."

The Postman stared at the sweaty and exhausted Zaira and gave her a concerned look. "I think you're the one who needs to be healed now..."

"Shut up, smartass." she growled, getting back to her feet. "I'm fine."

Zaira didn't seem very steady on her feet, but she was stubborn, and forced herself to stand proud and tall. Reaching down, she grabbed The Postman by the arm and yanked him to his feet.

"This isn't leisure time, the captain wants to see you as soon as possible." she stated. "I seriously hopes she whips you again, you deserve every lash, you nuisance."

The Postman didn't really have time to consider that as she dragged him across the room and out of the door. The moment they left the medical cabin, they had the attention of every single pirate, and The Postman was suddenly very aware of the fact he was barely wearing any clothes. The looks he received were a mixture of disgust, aggression, and vague curiosity, and The Postman kept his eyes to the deck, not wanting to instigate anything. He pretended he didn't hear the jeers, and simply allowed himself to be tugged towards the captain's cabin in silence.

" _I don't see any nearby land_." Sakon told him, gazing out towards the sea. " _If you jump off now, you'll drown._.."

Zaira knocked on the cabin door, and then waited, not releasing her tight grip on his arm.

"Enter." the captain called out from within.

Zaira opened the door, and then pushed The Postman inside, and without another word, she left. The Postman exchanged an uneasy look with Sakon, and then glanced at the captain who was seated at the table surrounded by maps and charts. She slowly set down her quill, and looked up at him, her eyes narrowing as she pushed her work away, her lips pursing into a thin, angry line. She slowly got to her feet and approached him, hands held behind her back, as she silently inspected him, and then, without warning she slapped him across the face.

The Postman staggered back, and clutched at his face in surprise, and the captain scowled at him fiercely,

"MORON!"

The Postman averted his gaze. "...sorry."

"Sit your ass down, and don't even think of trying to pull anything."

Without a word, The Postman did as he was told. When he was seated at the desk, she once again looked him up and down, her expression angry, but controlled.

"You belong to the Gerudo Nation?" she demanded. "Ganondorf marked you? It's genuine?"

The Postman nodded silently.

Her eyes narrowed further. "You are a complete moron."

The Postman shifted a bit, but said nothing.

"Who are you? What is your name? I don't want any more lies out of you, or I'll hang you myself."

"My name is Jihiro, ma'am, I'm a postman that works in the Hyrule Castletown post office."

The captain tapped her fingers on her hip as she thought for a long moment. "I haven't heard of you." she said decidedly. "Why have I not heard of a man being made part of the Gerudo Nation?"

"I'm not sure."

"What did you do to earn such an honour? Tell me everything, and don't you dare lie to me."

The Postman wasn't sure where to start, and so he explained everything right from the very beginning. He explained about how he met Ganondorf, the misunderstanding between Link and himself, the missions he went on, and everything that had happened on the Skyworld.

The captain's eyes widened a bit when he was explaining about the drought and famine. "Oh. I have heard of you. You saved the entire Gerudo Nation from death during that horrible curse. We weren't affected because we were at sea at the time, and I hadn't realized you'd been made a Gerudo because of what you'd done."

The captain got a thoughtful look on her face for a moment, and then removed her hat, and tossed it onto a nearby table, letting out a heavy sigh as she did so. Crossing her arms, she levelled him with a fierce glare, and then asked.

"Why are you such an imbecile? If you'd wanted to board with us, why didn't you just ask, instead of lying and deceiving us so blatantly? I almost had you executed, you idiot. Do you have any idea how much trouble I would have gotten into had I killed you without a trial?"

The Postman hesitated. "You...you mean you're not going to execute me?" he asked.

The captain let out a snort. "No, although you deserve it. Being a moron doesn't get you executed if you're a Gerudo, it gets you punished. I will be informing lord Ganondorf allll about your deception, and I imagine he will have a lot to say about the matter when you return."

The Postman was still confused. "But...I'm a man!"

The captain frowned at him. Yes, congratulations." she agreed sarcastically.

"I have the desert emblem burned into my neck from Ganondorf!" The Postman said, still in disbelief. "He made me a Gerudo..."

" _Stop trying to get yourself executed_!" Sakon snapped. " _Just keep quiet_!"

The captain seemed to be getting impatient. "Yes?" she demanded. "What is your point? That's why you're alive right now, because you're a Gerudo."

"...but I was told that if a Gerudo pirate saw my mark, I'd be immediately executed!"

The captain sighed. "We don't murder our own clan members. You told you nonsense like that?"

"...er, Sakon did."

The captain raised an eyebrow. "Sakon? That stupid, annoying, bald-headed thief of Lord Ganondorf's?"

Sakon scowled at her. " _Harsh_."

The Postman narrowed his eyes at Sakon. "Yes, ma'am."

"He's an idiot and you never should have listened to him. You're a Gerudo, so of course we wouldn't have killed you. You should have just asked and saved yourself a lot of pain and embarrassment."

"He told me that he saw you hang Ganondorf's old thief by his intestines."

"That wasn't me, that was my mother who did that. She was the previous captain of this ship, and I saw the whole thing. We were in a civil war at the time, and so all of the mainland Gerudo were our enemies. He was captured hiding on our ship and was executed as a spy. All Gerudo are united now, and we would never do something so horrendous to one of our own. The Gerudo have lived as one for twelve years now."

The Postman immediately glanced over at Sakon who looked flabbergasted. "... _oh shit_."

The Postman gave him an absolute look of death, and Sakon winced guiltily. " _I'm so sorry, I swear I didn't know_!"

The captain gave him another look-over, obviously not impressed with what she saw, and then let out a weary sigh. "No more lies, no more deception, or else you might really end up with a noose around your neck, is this clear?"

The Postman nodded. "Um...about Leah's accusation..."

The captain's expression darkened. "Samirah told me what happened, and when pressed, Leah admitted she'd made the whole thing up to stir up trouble. I'm a fair woman, and I do not tolerate false accusations. She will be punished, you have my word on that. She will not do something like this again."

"Is Samirah alright? Zaira mentioned she'd been injured."

"She's fine." The captain replied. "She's tough, and she's already back to work. She's been asking about you non-stop since yesterday. You'd better go find her once we're done here."

"Yes, ma'am."

The captain gave a nod. "Alright, Jihiro the liar, position yourself over that table for your flogging."

The Postman gave her a horrified look. "Flogging?!"

The captain crossed the room and opened a nearby closet. The Postman instantly felt his stomach hit the floor at the sight of several whips and various vicious looking implements.

"Yes." the captain confirmed. "Flogging. You didn't think you were just going to get away with this, did you? You had to be healed to save your life, and so your whipping was also healed. I am not letting you get off that easily. You deserve to be sore for a few days. Anything of value has also been confiscated from your room as part of your punishment."

Sakon instantly let out a wail of dismay. " _My rupees_!" he cried out in horror. " _They stole the whole chest of rupees! Those horrible peg-legged wenches_!"

The captain gave The Postman an odd look. "And you, my strange fellow, are into some very weird things..."

The Postman gave her a confused look, having no idea what she was talking about.

" _Oh no! My porn stash_!" Sakon gasped. " _Did they steal my magazines_?!"

The Postman gave Sakon such a severe glare that The Thief instantly fell silent. He seriously hoped Sakon was kidding, but from the other man's expression, he doubted it.

"I suggest you wipe that dirty look off your face if you know what's good for you." The captain snapped. "You're getting this flogging, and there's nothing you can do about it."

The Postman gulped as she began looking over several of the whips in the closet.

Sakon winced in sympathy, but knew The Postman was probably furious at him, and so he stayed silent.

The Postman watched as the captain selected a whip, and then turned around to face him. When she saw he hadn't yet obeyed her, she narrowed her eyes and pointed to the table.

"Do you wish to be flogged in front of the crew?" she demanded, impatiently. "It can be arranged."

"No, ma'am." The Postman responded, feeling resigned.

"Then do as I say, and position yourself, before I double your punishment."

Biting his lip, The Postman slowly got up, and then lowered himself over the table, giving the captain clear access to his heavily scarred back. She approached him and ran her hand across the scars, instantly frowning in disapproval.

"Your skin didn't fully heal." she observed. "That's the only thing about healing magic, it never completely gets rid of the scars. Zaira should have just used a fairy."

The Postman shook his head. "No, ma'am, I prefer the scars to losing use of my shoulder."

The captain rolled her eyes. Turning away, she went back to exchange the whip for something a little less severe. Everything she touched was made for the tough skin of pirates, and she made an irritated sound in the back of her throat. Any one of the whips could rip open all of his scars, and she didn't want to chance that, but she also couldn't let him off without punishment. Pondering a moment, she unclasped her belt and pulled it from her pants. Using such an implement was laughable for a pirate, but she had a feeling it would still make her point. Folding the belt over in her hands she approached him.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The sky was amass with black clouds, and a cool wind blew over the ship, feeling good after so much heat. The Postman sat at the ships side, his legs dangling over the edge and his chin rested on the bottom railing as he stared out across the sea thoughtfully. The water was so dark it looked like ink, and he couldn't see through it at all. His entire body ached from the flogging, but he knew all things considering, he'd gotten off pretty easy. Zaira had come by to check on him afterwards, but she'd loudly declared that he'd only received a child's punishment, and that he was perfectly fine not requiring any medical attention. The pirates had laughed long and hard at his expense, but The Postman simply ignored them.

The crew had jeered at him for a good hour or so, but they eventually left him alone when he didn't react. Sakon had acted indignant on his behalf and yelled at any and all pirates that came near, but The Postman hadn't said a word. The pirates weren't going to kill him, and they weren't going to throw him overboard, and so he didn't really have anything to complain about. He did have a few bones to pick with Sakon later, but that would have to wait until he had a bit more privacy.

Hearing a strange series of thunks coming from behind him, The Postman glanced over his shoulder and saw Samirah slowly making her way towards him on crutches. Her face was bruised and cut all over, and she had two black eyes. She had a large mug of ale in one hand as she concentrated on making it over to him without spilling it. Seating herself on top of the railing above him, she looked down at his striped back and ran a finger across one of the welts, wincing in sympathy when he flinched.

"Ouch." she commented. "Well, I guess it looks like you're not dead."

"What happened to you, Sam? You were fine when I saw you last!"

Samirah gave a loud laugh and pumped one of her fists into the air. "I got into it with Leah, and got the snot kicked out of me. She told me she'd gotten you executed for rape, and I kind of lost it. I got in a few good punches, but she's like forty pounds heavier than me, and I lost horribly. I really thought you were dead until Zaira told me what was going on."

The Postman looked her up and down. "Are you going to be alright?"

"Pfft, I've had way worse from Leah. We get into fights all the time. Our mother is really mad about the whole thing. Leah is going to be flogged for what she did, and I think it's going to be a really bad one. I overheard someone say she was going to get the exact same amount of lashes that you did!"

The Postman frowned, knowing how bad his whipping had been. He didn't like the idea of anyone receiving such a severe punishment because of him, but he wasn't sure what he could do about it. Everyone was still mad at him, so be doubted they'd listen to him. He'd probably end up getting flogged again if he tried. Letting out a deep sigh, he glanced back out at the choppy black ocean, and said nothing.

"At least your back is only welted and not bleeding." Samirah said, misinterpreting his silence. "It could have been a lot worse."

The Postman didn't answer, his gaze still out to sea. Samirah took a long swig of ale and tried to follow his gaze. Giving up when she didn't see anything interesting, she set her mug on top of his head with a sigh, finding him to be at exactly the right height.

"You still owe me a game of cards." she informed him. "I was beating you."

Feeling the cold condensation dripping into his hair, The Postman very slowly started to reach up towards the mug.

"Don't move." Samirah scolded. "You'll spill my ale."

The Postman let out a sigh feeling resigned, and didn't argue, allowing his head to be used as a table.

Sakon floated around them, and settled himself beside the pirate, wondering what she was up to. He already felt guilty about getting The Postman flogged and hoped she wasn't going to tease him about it. Sakon knew it would probably take a miracle to get The Postman back in a good mood again. With his luck, he'd likely remain grouchy the entire quest.

"No one ever tells me anything." Samirah complained. "I always have to find out for myself. So why aren't you dead? I don't think I quite understand what your tattoo has to do with this. Why were you spared because of it?"

"It's a mark that was given to me by Ganondorf." The Postman stated. "It means I'm part of the Gerudo Nation."

Samirah squinted at his neck. "Huh. That explains it. Would it have killed anyone to explain this to me? Honestly. They could have just poked their head downstairs and yelled 'Hey Samirah, you know that weird cross-dresser? Well he's actually one of us, so we're not going to execute him after all!"'

She let out a sigh and picked up her ale causing another splash of condensation to drip down The Postman's neck. He cringed, but didn't complain. There was a loud rumble of thunder and all three looked up.

"Damn." Samirah said with a grin. "I can't wait for the rain. It's been hot for weeks!"

The Postman glanced up. "That would be nice." he agreed.

"The only thing I hate about the rain, is the fact everything below deck always gets soaked, and it takes days to dry out."

The Postman was staring at the clouds which seemed to be getting darker and darker by the moment. It was only mid-day, but the sky was quickly turning ominously black.

"Come play poker with me again." Samirah urged.

"No, thank you." The Postman said politely, his eyes still on the sky. "I'm not really in the mood at the moment."

Samirah gave one of his welts a poke, causing him to look at her in annoyance.

"Don't be so boring." she scolded.

" _Sweetheart, boring is his very definition_." Sakon said with a sigh.

There was a flash of lightening, and The Postman's attention was instantly back to the sky. Samirah gave him a swat on the back causing him to let out a startled yelp, and then she carefully slipped down off the railing.

"Just to let you know, I'm bored, and so I'm going to be rummaging through your backpack." she stated. "Everyone keeps saying there's hilarious things in there."

"Fine." The Postman responded. "Have fun."

As Samirah thunked away across the deck, Sakon was instantly in The Postman's face. " _What do you mean 'fine'? Go stop her! You can't just let her go through my things! What if she steals from me? These pirates have stolen enough from me_!"

The Postman gave him a glare, and shrugged indifferently.

" _Oh, is that how it's going to be_?" Sakon demanded. " _Well, fine, but you're the one who's going to have to explain to her why you have Deku Scrub porn in your backpack_."

The Postman frowned. "You're lying."

Sakon met his gaze evenly. " _Am I_?"

The Postman thought about it for a moment, and then quickly scrambled up to go after her. He caught up with her on the stairs which she was having a bit of trouble with. She paused, and gave him a questioning look. The Postman edged past her and all but ran to his room. The room was in complete disarray, and the chest of rupees was gone, as well as any and all women's clothing.

Grabbing up Sakon's backpack, he looked one way and then another, and then opened the nearby porthole. Digging inside the backpack, he pulled out anything made of paper and didn't even look to see what it was, just throwing it out into the ocean as fast as he could.

Sakon was protesting, clearly distraught, but The Postman ignored him, intent on purging the backpack.

" _Wait_!" Sakon cried when The Postman pulled out a book. " _That one's a pictograph album! Don't throw that away_!"

The Postman started to throw it out in disgust.

" _A FAMILY pictograph album_!" Sakon cried. " _It's not porn, I swear_!"

The Postman stopped just as he noticed Samirah standing in the doorway.

"...are you throwing all your porn into the ocean?" she questioned.

"...no?"

Samirah picked up a fallen magazine and flipped to a random page, squinted for a moment, and then turned it one way and then another. Giving a shrug, she tossed it back to the floor.

"You're into some creepy things." she stated. "I don't blame you for trying to hide the evidence. The pages were all stuck together."

The Postman flashed Sakon an unimpressed look, knowing that no one would ever believe him that the magazines weren't his.

Seeing the pictograph album, Samirah quickly snatched it away. "What's this?" she asked.

She opened it up and The Postman looked over her shoulder and was incredibly surprised to see a very young Guru Guru holding a newborn baby which must have been Sakon. The baby was sound asleep in his arms and Guru Guru was smiling brightly, no sign of insanity lurking in his eyes. In the next picture, Sakon was slightly older, about two and was sitting on The Happy Mask Sales Man's lap looking positively delighted with the cat mask his uncle had placed in his arms. The Happy Mask Salesman was grinning brightly for the pictograph, but it did nothing to detract from his eeriness. To The Postman's surprise, the younger Sakon had a mass of curly blond hair, and he would have thought it was a different child if it weren't for the familiar emerald green eyes.

Sakon frowned at the album, and then said.

" _Yeah, Guru Guru gave these to me a few years ago. There are none of my parents though_..."

There were a few photos of the blond-haired Sakon with his uncles, and then every picture after that was of a bald-headed Sakon. To his surprise there was a pictograph of himself in the album, standing beside Sakon, the two of them making faces for the camera. The Postman looked to be about five years old in the pictograph, but he had no memory of it.

Samirah clearly wasn't interested in the pictures, and she tossed back the album with a roll of the eyes.

"So, you're into little kids too?" she asked, in complete disgust.

The Postman was horrified. "What? No! That's my friend's family pictograph album! No, I would never! And this is his backpack too! I'm on a quest to find him! I'm not a pervert, I swear!"

Samirah frowned, but gave a nod. "Alright fine. You don't really strike me as a pervert, so I'll choose to believe you for now."

A loud boom of thunder came from above and lightening lit up the porthole. Almost instantly there was another rumble of thunder, and Samirah let out a happy sigh.

"The storm's getting closer. I knew something was up when the heatwave lasted so long. It's never this hot this time of year...I'd better secure my hammock just in case."

As Samirah left the room, The Postman stuffed the pictograph album back into the backpack and gave Sakon another glare. Sakon gave him a sheepish look, not really having any justification, and so The Postman simply sighed, deciding that he didn't really care.

"I didn't know you were a blond." he stated.

" _Yeah_ ," Sakon said wistfully, " _I wonder what my hair would have looked like now? My uncle's both have reddish-brown hair, and I don't remember my parents, so I wonder if my hair would have darkened over time, or whether it would have remained blond_..."

The thunder was almost constant now and the ship began to rock, and The Postman and Sakon exchanged a look. Very faintly over the rumbling and banging, he could hear something that pulled at his mind. It was soft and sweet, almost like music and he knew he'd heard it before. Not sure if he was hearing things, he dug inside the backpack and pulled out one of Sakon's shirts, pulling it on, and then he slipped the pack over his shoulder. He had a feeling something was going to happen, and headed towards the door.

" _Um, darling_?" Sakon called over the thunder. " _Shouldn't we stay below deck during the storm_?"

"I think something's going to happen." he called to Sakon.

" _What's going to happen_?" Sakon asked in confusion. " _The sign_?"

"Listen!" The Postman instructed. "Can't you hear that?"

Sakon gave him a puzzled look. " _The thunder_?"

"No, something else! It's music!"

Sakon listened, but all he could hear were the sounds of the storm. Not sure what he was supposed to be hearing, he followed The Postman out of the room. Many of the pirates were in their room tying things down and they passed by them without pause, and made their way up deck as the ship rocked violently across the black waves.

Sakon swore at the sight of the storm, and shot a nervous look to The Postman. Enormous waves swelled around the sides of the ship which was lurching and dipping in the water fiercely, showers of water spraying across the deck. The sky was pitch black and was only being illuminated by flashes of lightening. The Postman could still hear odd echoes of music and stared across the ocean just as the rain started. He grabbed a hold of the ships railing to keep his balance and stared into the heart of the storm, certain something was going to happen.

"Are you suicidal?! Get below deck!"

The Postman turned and saw Zaira standing just behind him, glancing at the storm nervously.

"Get back below deck or I'll beat you for the third time!" she yelled.

"I can't, ma'am!"

"NOW, this storm is too strong to be on deck! You'll be thrown overboard! Don't be a fool! I'm going below deck as well! Come on!"

"Jihiro!"

The Postman turned and saw Samirah limping her way towards him, her crutches slipping on the deck. She caught hold of the guardrail, and carefully made her way over to them.

"Get back below deck now, Samirah!" Zaira ordered. "I'm surrounded by fools!"

Samirah reached out to take The Postman's arm. "Come on." she urged. "Let's get out of this rain."

The Postman shook his head and pulled away. "I'm sorry, Sam, but not yet. Get to safety, I can't explain right now..."

There was suddenly a huge roaring wind and Zaira's mouth dropped open in horror as she stared at something just behind The Postman. The Postman looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened at the enormous funnel of clouds spinning wildly above the water heading straight for the ship. The sound of deafening, and no one moved, not sure what to do, everyone frozen in terror and disbelief.

"A waterspout..." Zaira gasped.

A sea tornado was deadly to ships, and there was nothing that could be done when they were this close to the ship. They'd be torn apart. The Postman stared into it and again he heard the strange music cut through the noise of the storm. He saw a shadowy form flit about in the centre of the tornado and The Postman stared at it intently trying to remember where he recognized this from. For a brief moment it came out of the churning water and he clearly saw it was some sort of enormous fish or whale, and knew it was from his dream. The whale looked straight at him and he heard one word spoken directly into his mind before it disappeared.

" **Jump**."

"This is our sign." he yelled to Sakon, not caring that Zaira was within earshot. "I have to jump."

Sakon seemed hesitant. " _You're sure_?"

The Postman nodded.

Zaira simply stared at him. "What are you talking about, you crazy fool? You can't jump, you'll drown!"

The Postman gave her an apologetic look. "Sorry, I really can't explain right now, but I'll be fine."

Gripping the railing, The Postman stared down into the black water, really hoping he wasn't mistaken. Before he could crawl over the railing, both Zaira and Samirah grabbed him by an arm, and began dragging him away from the ship's edge.

"You'll die!" Samirah yelled into his ear.

The Postman struggled to get away from them, but their grip couldn't be broken. "Let me go!" he yelled. "I have to jump!"

"Stop being so stupid!" Zaira bellowed at him.

They pulled him further and further away from the railing, and The Postman could hear the strange music becoming even more frantic.

"...by the goddesses! Zaira exclaimed in horror.

The Postman looked up just in time to see an enormous wave come crashing down right on top of them. They were thrown from the ship just as the captain opened her cabin door, and she caught sight of them disappearing into the water.

Sakon stayed close to their side as they hit the cold water hard, and they were consumed by the funnel almost instantly. The storm dissipated the moment they were gone, and the sea was once again calm and quiet as if there was never a storm. The captain stared across the water in horror, and ran to the side of the ship.

"Samirah! Zaira!" she bellowed out in a panic.

The water was still and calm, and there were no signs of survivors. She stared down into the water with a sense of dread, certain she had just lost several crew members. Suddenly she saw some bubbles, and a moment later, Zaira surfaced, her face bruised and bloody, but still alive. The captain called out for help, and several pirates helped fish Zaira out of the water. Zaira was exhausted, and gasping for breath, but when she saw the pirates, she let out a breath of relief.

"I'm back!" she said with a sigh.

"You fell overboard." The captain told her. "Where's Samirah, did you see her in the water? She's been under there for nearly five minutes now!"

Zaira's eyes widened. "Five minutes?!"

The captain nodded, looking distraught and worried.

"Captain, I've been gone from the ship for weeks..."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday!**


	62. Koholint

**Authornote : Friday Aug. 18th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Another on-time chapter! Woohoo! I actually typed this chapter myself because my eyes are doing a little better. :D This chapter is a bit shorter than the last few have been, but I'm not going to dwell on that, because I'm just happy I finished it in time!**

 **Funny story for you all. My mother inquired about what I've been writing about for the past few months, and so I 'tried' to explain what a fanfiction was to no avail. She couldn't understand how people from all around the world were reading my story, and thought everyone was printing it out and reading it as a book. lol She asked to read it, and so I brought it up online, but she didn't want to read it that way. She then asked me to print it off for her! Amused, I printed off parts 1 and 2 for her (over 600 pages!) and just because I'm a troll, I spent 7 hours carefully cutting the pages novel-size, I bound it into a hardcover book for her including a map of the world, and every character and monster. She really thought that this was how everyone read fanfictions and commented that it seemed like a lot of work just to read one. lol My mum is not old btw...**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guesty** -Link is off on another adventure completely unaware that any of this is going on. He's probably knee deep in Skulltulas or something. lol The last part about being away from the boat for weeks will be explained, but not until later. :D

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Is it bad that when I read your review my mind immediately went to that dramatic squirrel gif? lol

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 **Guest101** -I'm glad you're still reading, and it's really awesome that you've been enjoying the last few chapters! ^_^ Hmm, lots of twists in the plot...does that make me the M. Night Shyamalan of fanfictions? lol Link is being a slacker, and doesn't even know about this quest. Come to think about it, Ganondorf doesn't they left on a quest either... lol

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 **Reiz16** -I'm glad you laughed twice.

Although The Postman gets injured on every single one of his adventures, he still somehow managed to survive. No one can ever say he's not resilient. lol

Yes, I have a love for cliff-hangers! Muha ha ha ha! ):-E

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 **Rainmy** -Did I say ONE pirate? (insert evil laughter here) I couldn't decide and so now we have both. :)

The Postman was indeed in complete denial, but now he's gradually getting used to the idea. He finds the subject incredibly fascinating, and although he doubts he has any talent for it, he'd gladly read any book on the subject.

I really doubt you would want to see the weird stuff Sakon had in his 'collection'. Sakon is not fussy when it comes to things like that. If it walks on two legs, is intelligent enough to speak, and old enough to consent, then he's interested. lol

The shirt The Postman borrowed from Sakon was a plain white long-sleeved shirt, (he was still wearing his short-shorts) but he'll be changing back into his postal uniform shortly.

Although my vision is still crap, I don't want to take a break because I love writing so much. My eyes are actually doing a lot better than last week, and so I'm holding out hope that they'll continue to improve.

 **.**

 **setokayba2n** \- It certainly seems like The Postman is cursed, and he would definitely agree with you. Nothing is ever easy for him. If something CAN go wrong, then it will. All of The Postman's hardships will be explained in part 5. :)

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** \- LOL Poor Postman, getting himself into weird and dangerous situations. :D The Postman is definitely still angry at Sakon, and that anger is not going to diminish for quite some time. The Postman is just biding his time until Sakon returns to his body. ;-)

The Postman's resume:

Work experience

Worked as postman for 12 years

Worked as a villain for Ganondorf

Babysat a younger sibling once

Special Skills

Can sort and deliver mail

Can speak multiple languages

Physically fit

Looks good in a dress

Can see and hear ghosts that you can't

Can blow things up with volatile red magic

Professional stalker (he can, and he will find you!)

Survived three floggings

Yeeeah...

I don't think he'd have an easy time finding a new job with this resume unless it was for another villain. lol

 **.**

 **Guest** -Oh good, I'm glad you liked the chapter! I was quite worried about it because I couldn't spend the amount of time on it that I wanted to.

Everything will be explained about the weeks/minutes Zaira was gone, and also what happened to Samirah. I don't want to give tooooo many spoilers though about the adventure to come! :D

My opthamologist said it normally takes 6 months up to a year for my vision to stabilize. My eyes seem to be a bit better this week, and so I'm hopeful that my recovery will be faster than what he said.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 14

Koholint

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Sakon blinked open his eyes and immediately squinted from the bright sun. He was laying on a sandy beach, and it took him a moment to remember what had happened. Scrambling up, his eyes scanned the shoreline, and he could see the crumpled form of someone laying half in the water nearby. Rushing over in a panic, Sakon called out.

"Jihiro?! Are you alright?"

The person groaned, and sat up revealing Zaira and not The Postman. Sakon frowned at her.

"Oh, it's just you." he snapped. "Stupid, scar-face pirate."

Zaira coughed a few times, and then glared over at The Thief. "Who in Din's name are you?" she demanded.

Sakon let out a startled yelp and nearly jumped a mile. "You-you can see me?!"

Zaira rubbed at her eyes, and then gave him a glare. "Are you drunk or something?" she demanded. "Go away. I don't associate with men."

Sakon simply stared at her with wide eyes. "Why can you see me? I'm a ghost!"

"You will be if you don't go away." Zaira threatened, getting to her feet. "Where am I? What is this place?"

Sakon turned his eyes back to the beach. Not seeing any sign of The Postman, he frowned in worry, and flew up to get a better look. Zaira stared at him in shock, and then slowly drew her sword.

"What are you?"

Sakon looked down at her. "A ghost...I think."

"What do you want?" she demanded, holding out her sword defensively. "You'd better stay back!"

"I'm looking for Jihiro." he replied distractedly. "He must have washed up on shore somewhere."

"How do you know him?" she snarled. "And what do you want with him?"

Sakon gave her an annoyed glare. "None of your business, scar-face."

Zaira scowled up at him, and then her eyes widened. "...wait, I know you! You're Ganondorf's thief!"

Sakon gave her a slow clap.

"What happened to you? Why are you here?"

"I've been here all along, you just couldn't see me." Sakon replied, distractedly. "That's why doofus was travelling across the Great Sea, to find a cure for what happened to me."

Zaira simply stared at him. "You mean to say you've been with us on this entire journey? You've been lurking around on the ship invisible?!"

"Yep."

"You're the reason the Tracker snuck onto our ship? The reason that idiot tried to pass himself off as a woman?"

Sakon winced guiltily. "Uh...yeah." he admitted. "That was me."

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "I should kill you for causing so much trouble. You are despised among all pirates, thief."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Too late, I'm already a ghost. Now help me find Jihiro, he has to be around here somewhere."

Zaira glanced down at her sword, then back at Sakon, clearly thinking about it. Then, with a sigh, she sheathed her sword, and began helping him search around the large rocks on the beach.

"He's here!" Zaira called to Sakon when she found The Postman wedged between two large boulders.

Sakon flew over as Zaira dragged The Postman onto the beach, and then she knelt down beside him. Turning him over onto his back, she laid an ear to his chest and then frowned.

"He's not breathing." she stated, tipping his head back, so she could begin working on him.

"You're a doctor!" Sakon yelled in a panic. "Help him!"

Zaira glared at him, and immediately began alternating breathing into The Postman, and doing chest compressions on him.

"It's not working!" Sakon yelled out beside her ear.

"Shut it." Zaira snapped, not even pausing.

She compressed his chest a bit harder, and to her relief he began to cough up water. He took a large, shaky breath, and then coughed a few more times. Zaira gave him a hard whack on the back, and The Postman gave another deep cough, finally clearing his lungs. He gasped a few times, and then fell face forward onto the sand. Zaira turned him over, but he was breathing steadily, and so she wasn't concerned.

"He's just exhausted from swimming." she told the worried Sakon. "He'll be fine. He's clearly not a very strong swimmer..."

"Where's the other pirate?" Sakon asked, glancing around. "Samirah, or whatever her name is?"

Zaira looked up in alarm. "What? Samirah fell in the water with us?!"

Sakon nodded. "Yeah, the wave knocked all of us into the water."

Zaira hurriedly stood up. "I have to find her! Help me look, thief!"

Sakon shook his head. "No way. I'm not leaving Jihiro by himself. You go look, and I'll stay here and guard."

Zaira gave him a loathing look, but didn't want to waste any more time, and hurried away from them, hoping Samirah hadn't drowned. Sakon watched her disappear up the beach, and then he glanced down at The Postman.

"You need to take swimming lessons." he told him with a sigh. "Dumbass."

"Oh, my goodness!" a voice exclaimed from behind him.

Sakon spun around, and to his surprise there was a young girl standing just behind him holding a basket full of seashells. Wondering how she'd managed to sneak up on him, Sakon gave her a suspicious glare.

"Who are you?" he demanded.

"That poor man!" the girl gasped. "I'm getting my father!"

Without another word, she turned and ran off up the beach. Sakon stared after her and furrowed his brow, something not feeling right about this situation. The girl seemed to have been able to see him, because she had made brief eye contact with him, but she didn't answer him. Who was she?

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The Postman knew he was having a very odd series of dreams, and dozens of places and people he didn't know kept flashing in his mind. Some of the images he saw were violent and terrifying, and others were simply confusing. He kept seeing a reoccurring image of a dark, and filthy room, which could have been a basement or cellar, but he wasn't sure. The Postman was determined to push these strange dreams aside and sleep normally, and he began fighting against them. Ignoring anything he saw or heard, The Postman purposely thought of other things until his dreams shifted, seemingly giving in to him. He slept a while in relative peace until he felt someone give his shoulder a gentle shake.

The Postman slowly opened his eyes and quickly discovered he was laying in a small bed, covered in a warm blanket. He was dressed in soft pajamas, and was immediately very confused. Looking up, he saw a young girl staring down at him in concern, and realized it was the young girl from Lon Lon Ranch, Malon. She immediately relaxed when she saw he was awake, and she gave him a soft smile.

"What a relief!" she exclaimed. "I thought you'd never wake up! You were tossing and turning..."

The Postman stared at her a long moment, wondering where she had come from. The last thing he remembered was everyone falling into the ocean... "Miss, Malon?" he questioned.

The girl cocked her head. "Huh? Maybe you aren't quite awake... My name is Marin. Who's Malon?"

The Postman blinked in confusion. She looked exactly like Malon, right down to the freckle on her cheek. He didn't answer her, and glanced around the small, cozy cottage, his eyes falling on Sakon who gave him a dopey grin. The Thief was seated on the end of the bed, and The Postman could see how relieved he seemed to be. Just how long had he been unconscious for?

"Hey, darling," The Thief greeted. "You swallowed half the ocean, but you did get to first-base with Zaira. Too bad you were asleep though, because it was very sexy, and now I think she's in love with you. A shame you weren't awake to appreciate it...you've probably never gotten so much action!"

Marin flashed Sakon a look of death. "Shut up, you pervert! I thought I told you to stop saying disgusting things!"

The Postman hurriedly sat up. "You can see him?"

The girl gave Sakon one last glare before turning her attention back to The Postman. "Of course I can see him; he's certainly obnoxious enough to take notice of."

"He's been bothering my Marin all morning, but she keeps him in his place." said a voice from The Postman's other side.

Looking over, The Postman saw an overweight man seated beside him who looked just like Talon from Lon Lon Ranch. He was drinking a large tumbler of beer, and his cheeks and nose were red from over-drinking.

"Mr. Talon?" The Postman asked hesitantly.

"Nope. Name's Tarin. I'm Marin's father, and the owner of this cottage."

The Postman frowned, feeling even more confused.

"Here, I fixed you some lunch." Marin told him, setting a tray on his lap. "Your stomach kept growling in your sleep."

The Postman was absolutely starving, and couldn't have been more grateful as he stared down at the large, steaming bowl of oatmeal.

"Thank you." he told her.

Without another word, he hurriedly began wolfing down the thick oatmeal as Marin watched him eat in surprise. The moment he had finished, she refilled his bowl without hesitation.

"When's the last time you ate?" she demanded in concern, as he started on the second bowl.

"I already explained all this to you!" Sakon said, with a roll of the eyes. "He's an escaped slave! He doesn't get to eat! He has to rely on the kindness of strangers, and the hope that he's fast enough to catch the occasional rat."

The Postman paused, spoon mid-way to his mouth. "What exactly have you been telling her?" he demanded crossly.

Sakon bit his lower lip in an attempt not to laugh. The Postman sighed and turned his gaze to Marin wondering whether she was actually buying any of The Thief's lies. She seemed a bit uncertain and shifted uncomfortably, not meeting his eyes.

"Um, I saw your back..." she said to him uneasily. "It looks painful...and you have a lot of scars..."

"It's not too bad." The Postman assured her. His back was still a bit sore, but he knew it probably looked a lot worse than it felt.

Marin shook her head. "No need to be brave for me, Hero of the Post. Sakon told me all about how you bravely fought against ghastly pirates and ended up as their man-slave! What tortures you went through! He's told me many of the tales you and he faced at sea, and you're a truly courageous man! You must still be feeling a little woozy after losing both of your testicles during your escape from that pirate ship! You should lay back down and rest!"

Both of The Postman's eyebrows shot up in surprise as Sakon gave him a downright shit-eating grin.

The Postman frowned, and then let out a heavy sigh. "Sometimes I really hate you, Sakon...why are you like this?"

"No need to be modest, darling, the whole village already knows of your great heroics! They've been talking about it all morning!"

Marin gave The Postman a kind smile as Sakon snickered, clearly very impressed with himself. "The kids are calling you Captain Ball-less!"

The Postman let out a heavy sigh, and took another bite of oatmeal. "I'm still mad at you, and yet you're still doing things like this?!"

Sakon's grin faltered. "Mad at me? What for?"

The Postman gave him such an angry stare that The Thief slowly backed away. "...right. The whole mess with the pirates...got it."

The Postman gave him one more glare, and then turned to Marin. "Sakon still wets the bed." he stated. "Everyone was talking about it a few months ago."

Sakon's mouth dropped open in horror, as Marin let out a giggle. "I did not wet the bed!" Sakon protested. "I didn't!"

Marin began laughing at him, and Sakon turned bright red. "It's a lie!" he insisted.

"Whatever you say." Marin said with a smirk.

The Postman said nothing more, simply finishing his oatmeal as Sakon turned even redder. "...touche, Jihiro, touche."

"Where are we anyway?" The Postman asked after a moment.

Marin was quick to speak up. "You're on Koholint island. I found you on the beach earlier this morning while I was looking for seashells. Since you washed ashore, lots of nasty things have been in the area."

Here she paused to look pointedly at Sakon. Sakon's cheeks were still pink but he stuck his tongue out at her all the same. "Well, I bet you don't look all that great in the morning either." he snapped. "...although I'd be willing to find out..."

Marin snatched a piece of toast off The Postman's tray and lobbed it at Sakon's head, but it sailed harmlessly through him landing on the floor a few feet away. The Postman stared mournfully at the wasted toast, and then turned his attention to Tarin.

"If this is Koholint island, then this is where the Windfish lives?" he asked.

Tarin paused a moment, and then scratched his chin in thought. "Not sure. I'm not a learned man, I mostly keep to myself. I'm glad you seem to be feeling better though, Link."

The Postman blinked in confusion.

Tarin smiled at his puzzled expression. "What? Are you confused at how I know your name?"

"Um, my name's not Li-"

"I saw it on the back of this shield!" Tarin loudly interrupted, holding out an intricate hero's shield, obviously expecting The Postman to take it.

The Postman simply stared at it. "...that's not mine."

Tarin faltered as if he wasn't sure what to say to this. "N-not yours?" he repeated.

"No, Sir. I don't have a shield."

"Oh, um, well, would you like it anyway?"

"No, thank you, Sir."

Sakon instantly forgot about his embarrassment and eyed the shield greedily, thinking of the profit. "Take it!" he urged, eagerly. "Link's not here, and we could use it on our quest! Shields are useful!"

The Postman crossed his arms, having no interest in weapons or armour. Tarin was still awkwardly holding out the shield as if The Postman had interrupted something scripted and he didn't seem like he knew what to do. He seemed completely confused and looked down at the shield.

"You should be careful, there are monsters everywhere." Marin cautioned. "A shield could aid you."

Sakon leaned into The Postman's face. "Just take the stupid thing." he ordered.

Frowning, The Postman reached out and took the shield, the metal feeling heavy and unnatural in his hands. Tarin immediately relaxed and gave him another smile.

"Oh, another thing you should know, some other stuff like this washed up on the beach..."

Sakon's eyes lit up at the thought of treasure, but The Postman clearly wasn't interested. Setting his dinner tray aside, he got to his feet and gave a long stretch.

"I washed your clothes for you." Marin told him. "They're inside your backpack at the foot of the bed. "I'll give you some privacy to get dressed while I take the dishes to the kitchen."

Marin picked up his dinner tray, gave him another smile, and then left the room. The Postman picked up the backpack, pulled out the pile of clean clothes, and quickly got dressed, trying to ignore the fact Tarin was staring at him the entire time. Putting on his clean shorts and tank top, he exchanged a look with Sakon, who was glaring over at Tarin. Only a few moments later, Marin returned, and she gave him another smile as he gave another long stretch.

"Follow the path South to reach the beach where I found you." Marin directed him, sounding like she was going over something very well rehearsed.

The Postman paused mid-stretch. "Who said I was going to the beach?"

Marin seemed genuinely confused by that question. "You're a hero, and my father told you something mysterious washed up on the beach. Why wouldn't you go? Aren't you curious?"

"No." The Postman responded. "And I'm not a hero, I'm a postman."

Marin nodded blankly. "A hero postman."

Sakon snickered.

"I appreciate your help very much, miss Marin and yours too, Sir but I think I should be going now. I have to find the Windfish."

Both Marin and Tarin nodded together. "To the beach. To the South." They said at once.

The Postman frowned. "I'm not going to the beach."

"To the beach. To the South." they repeated simultaneously.

"...wow, that is really creepy." Sakon said, taking a step away from them.

The Postman stared at Marin and Tarin's blank expressions, and then glanced at Sakon. He tried to sense them, but felt nothing at all, no life-force, no magic, no energy. It was like they weren't even there. They felt similar to how Sakon currently was, and The Postman had a feeling they weren't real people at all. Kaepora Gaebora said that Koholint was the island of dreams, and so was it possible the people here were all part of a dream? Sakon was slightly different since they'd arrived at the island, and he looked completely solid, and his voice no longer echoed strangely. Reaching out a hand towards The Thief, he tried to touch his arm, but unsurprisingly his hand went right through him. Sakon gave him a questioning look, and then watched as The Postman reached out towards Marin. His hand touched her arm, and he realized that, unlike Sakon, she was solid.

The Postman gave them an indescribable look, grabbed up the shield and hurriedly left the cottage with Sakon at his heals. The moment he was outside, he let out a breath of relief and glanced back at the closed door.

"What was that all about?" Sakon asked. "You ran out of there like a keese out of din! Did you just figure out that Marin is supposed to be your love interest?"

The Postman spun to face him. "My what?"

Sakon gave him a patient look as if he were speaking to a child. "Your love interest, genius. This is your quest and you're the hero of this quest, therefore you get the girl! She totally has love interest written all over her!"

The Postman's nose crinkled and he quickly turned away from the cottage. "She looks like she's only seventeen or eighteen!"

Sakon gave him a smirk.

"They really blew it with your love interest! Instead of a cute teenage girl, they should have made it a cute teenage boy!"

The Postman let out a sigh. "Who exactly are 'they'?" he asked.

Sakon gave a shrug. "The goddesses? Dunno. The ones in charge of quests I guess."

The Postman didn't really like the idea of someone purposely interfering in his life but knew gods and goddesses did that sort of thing all the time to people. The Village was very small, and there were only a few cottages clustered quite close together. He noticed a few people around, but couldn't help feeling rather uneasy. He tried to sense any sort of magic or life from the village, but he sensed nothing at all. Extending his mental reach a bit, he tried to sense anything at all on the island. To his surprise, he could only sense three other living creatures. Two were very far away on opposite ends of the island and they felt decidedly human, and the third was enormously powerful and seemed to be coming from the very top of the nearby mountain. The magic he was sensing from the mountain was unlike anything he had ever felt before, and he had a feeling that was where the Windfish was.

"Did you say Zaira was here?" The Postman questioned.

"Yeah, Samirah too." Sakon said. "Zaira left a few hours ago to go look for her, and I have no idea where she is."

That explained the two small energy sources, and The Postman gave another glance towards the villagers.

"I don't trust this place, Sakon..."

This instantly had Sakon's attention, and he glanced over in alarm. "Huh? Why? What's wrong?" he asked. "Is it because of the creepy father and daughter with rhyming names?"

"It's everything." The Postman replied, uncertainly.

Sakon furrowed his brow. "What do you mean?"

The Postman hesitated, not quite sure how to explain it. "These people aren't real." he stated. "I can't feel them at all. The only one I can feel is the Windfish."

Sakon paused, and then frowned, he too glancing around the village. "What about me?" he asked. "Can you sense me?"

"No." The Postman admitted somewhat hesitantly. "I can always find people by sensing them, and the Windfish and the pirates are the only ones on this island."

Sakon scratched at his head, perplexed, knowing for a fact he was indeed real. "The pigeon said I'm in-between worlds, didn't he? If this Kocklint Island is a dreamworld, then maybe that's why you can't sense me? Maybe you can't sense spirits?"

The Postman considered that thoughtfully. Dreams weren't real, and therefore it was logical that he couldn't sense the people within them. "...I suppose." he agreed reluctantly. "That is something I've considered."

"Soooo," Sakon said. "Are you actually gonna go to the beach to see what's there?"

"I have a feeling I don't have a choice..." The Postman replied, glancing down the stone path across the village. "Something wants me going to that beach..."

"That's the spirit!" Sakon encouraged him. "Let's go treasure hunting!"

The Postman had no intention of keeping any treasure he found, but kept that little bit of information to himself. Starting down the only path in the village, they approached the cottage next door, and immediately came to an abrupt halt. An enormous black beast was chained in the front yard, and when it saw them, it lunged at them viciously, its long, dripping fangs snapping straight through Sakon's head. Sakon let out a yelp of fear, and jumped backwards, throwing his hands up instinctively, forgetting that he couldn't be touched. He stared at the beast with wide eyes as it strained against its chain, and then glanced at The Postman who had cautiously backed away.

The beast looked somewhat similar to a dog, but it had a wide, gaping mouth full of razor-sharp fangs, and large round eyes that bulged out from either side of its face. Its fur was short and black, and around its neck was a bright pink collar covered in rhinestones. It was snarling and growling at them frantically, straining against the heavy chain that bound it, and The Postman backed up another few steps.

"What is that thing?" he asked The Thief.

"...I have no idea." Sakon answered, edging by to continue on his way. "I think it's a dog."

Sakon knew very well that the creature in front of them was not a dog, but rather a vicious creature known as a Chomp. Chomps were man-eaters and were incredibly dangerous, able to track their prey relentlessly through any sort of weather or terrain. Sakon didn't want him to worry about it, and hoped the Chomp hadn't gotten The Postman's scent.

The 'dog' lunged at Sakon a second time as he followed after The Postman, and he gave it a look of disbelief. "Why would someone ever want something like that in their yard?"

The Postman gave the Chomp another look as it gave them a deep, throaty growl, its white eyes narrowed to slits, and then gave Sakon a shrug. "They must be worried about thieves."

"...that would work as a thief deterrent because I would never break into a house with a Cho- dog."

The Postman had no idea he had anything to be concerned about, and so he didn't especially care about the chained monster. As long as it was chained, he didn't see it as a threat, and continued on his way down the path leading out of the village.

"Dogs don't like me." he commented offhandedly to Sakon. "I've gotten bitten a few times while delivering the mail."

"They can probably sense how lame you are." Sakon offered as an explanation. "Dogs can sense things like that; they're very perceptive."

"Even my parent's dog growls at me every time I visit them..."

Sakon let out an amused snort.

The village was incredibly tiny, and they made it to the outskirts only a few minutes later, passing by a small schoolhouse. They saw two children playing ball on the grass just in front of the building, and The Postman was surprised when he saw they looked identical to the Kokiri children Fado and Mido. The Postman had a feeling that if he asked them if they were Kokiri, they would claim otherwise. When the children saw The Postman and Sakon, they paused their game to whisper to one another, and then they began giggling, pointing at The Postman with large grins. The Postman shot a glare to Sakon, knowing very well it was The Thief to blame for any gossip.

Sakon looked completely oblivious as he continued following The Postman past the school, pretending he didn't notice the children at all. The Postman rolled his eyes and didn't say a word as they continued down the path South towards the beach. As soon as he left the village, he saw a few land Octoroks in the distance, but didn't pay them any mind. As he approached to pass them, he caught their attention, and they immediately attacked. An Octorock spat a rock at him, and because he wasn't expecting it, it struck him hard in the chest.

The Postman wasn't used to monsters noticing him, much less attacking him, and wasn't quite sure what to do. He stared at them for a moment in confusion as he rubbed at his bruised chest, and then side-stepped the rocks they spat at him.

"Use your shield, dumbass!" Sakon yelled at him, waving his arms in an attempt to draw the Octorocks' fire away from him.

The Postman looked down at the shield, almost having forgotten about it, and held it up. A rock bounced off of it and The Postman backed away further until he was behind a grove of trees out of range. Sakon joined him and The Postman stared in the direction of the Octoroks, rather confused.

"Why did they attack us?" he asked. "What did we do? We weren't bothering them..."

"You're the hero, that's their job. Monsters always attack heroes."

The Postman frowned, not liking the sound of that. He rather liked going about his days unnoticed. Real monsters tended to ignore him, but clearly this was going to be a lot different with dream monsters...

They came upon a flight of stone stairs leading down to the beach, and The Postman stepped down onto the hot sand, the feeling uncomfortable on his bare feet. The second he touched the sand, several Leevers exploded out of the sand near his feet and The Postman instinctively threw up the shield letting them bounce off, and he was almost thrown backwards from the force. The Leevers rebounded, and he felt a sharp spike cut into one of his legs. Holding onto the shield tightly, he ran across the sand, the Leevers trailing behind, following the scent of his blood.

They only followed him for a few metres however, and then, as if he'd crossed some sort of magical barrier, they instantly sank back into the sand with a hiss of disappointment. The Postman gave an uneasy look all around, but the sand was still and quiet once more. He'd been attacked twice now in less than a minute, and wasn't liking the quest so far. If this was how it was going to be the entire time, then he was doomed. He looked down at his bleeding leg, and then up at Sakon who gave him a concerned grimace.

Adjusting his grip on the shield, The Postman approached the narrow cavern ahead, and saw a large Sea Urchin blocking the path. The Sea Urchin seemed very relaxed and not at all aggressive, and so he very cautiously approached it. The massive Sea Urchin was covered in thousands of long, and sharp spikes, and there was no way around it. Sakon floated over the Sea Urchin to see what was on the other side, and The Postman waited, hoping there weren't going to be any more monsters.

"Hey, look at that!" Sakon yelled excitedly from ahead.

The Postman glanced around the mass of spikes, and saw Sakon pointing to something just on the other side of the Sea Urchin. To The Postman's surprise, he saw the Sword of Mephistophelian at the edge of the water. It was stabbed deeply into the sand and it shone brightly, and dramatically in the afternoon sun. The Postman was immediately suspicious of it, not trusting that sword after what had happened during the battle between the Gerudo and Hyrule.

"The Mephistophelian sword..." The Postman said hesitantly. "Why is it here? The shield has Link's name on it, so do you suppose the sword was supposed to be for him too?"

Sakon floated over to the sword with a large eager grin. "What are you waiting for?" he demanded. "Get your lazy ass over here! Maybe we can pawn this after the mission?"

The Postman looked at the Sea Urchin blocking his way, and gave it a frown. "Excuse me, Sir, would you please mind moving a little bit? I need to get by."

The Sea Urchin glanced at him, but made no effort to move. It simply let out a lazy sigh.

"Bash its head in with the shield!" Sakon ordered him.

"No!" The Postman responded, holding out the shield and gently pushing against the side of the Sea Urchin. Very carefully, he moved the Sea Urchin out of his way and edged past it, leaving it completely unharmed.

Sakon crossed his arms. "Wimp."

"I'm not killing it just because it was in my way."

Sakon rolled his eyes and motioned towards the sword. "Just take the sword, you wuss."

The Postman approached, but made no move to take it. "I don't kill, Sakon. There's no point in taking it."

"What?" Sakon demanded. "You're just going to leave it here? You can't do that! You're going to need it!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "I doubt that. Now come on, let's keep going."

Sakon stared down at the valuable looking sword woefully, but wasn't ready to give up. "Well, at least bring it to Tarin or whatever his name was. He might need it to protect his daughter since there are so many monsters around..."

The Postman narrowed his eyes suspiciously at the thief, knowing Sakon did not care about Marin and Tarin.

"I wonder if this sword did belong to Link?" Sakon wondered out loud, kneeling next to the sword, curiously. "You shouldn't leave a hero's sword just laying on the beach like this. You should at least take it for safekeeping..."

The Postman stared down at the sword, and felt frustrated. He was not a hero but it seemed the world was trying very hard to force him to be one. Heroes carried shields and swords; postmen did not. Letting out a deep, irritated sigh, he glared at the sword, and then at Sakon, clearly blaming him for the situation.

"Fine, I'll take the sword, but I won't kill anyone."

Sakon gave him a smile. "Awesome. If no one claims it, we can pawn it later."

The Postman gave him an annoyed glance, and then reached out towards the sword. His hand was just about to close over the hilt when a voice interrupted him.

"Hoo Hoot!"

The Postman paused, and looked up to see Kaepora Gaepbora perched on the cliffs above, calmly watching them. The owl cocked his head, his ever intelligent yellow eyes looking them over in mild curiosity.

"Ho there Postman and Thief. I now understand why all the monsters are starting to act so violently...A courageous hero has come to wake the Windfish and release the soul of his friend. It is said that you cannot leave the island unless you manage to wake the Windfish."

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Um, yeah, you stupid pigeon, you're the one you told us to come here, remember? We already know all that. Did you fly into a glass window or something and get brain damage?"

Kaepora Gaepbora stared down at them a moment, and then replied. "Sometimes destiny is set to be repeated over and over no matter who sails its course."

"Sir?" The Postman questioned. "What do you mean by that?"

Kaepora Gaepbora flapped his wings and looked up towards the sky, his eyes going distant. "You should now go North, to the Mysterious Forest. I will wait for you there. Hoot!"

Without waiting for a reply, Kaepora Gaepbora took off into the air, and disappeared from sight, flying high above the trees.

"Did he seem a little off to you?" The Postman asked.

"Any more than before?" Sakon asked. "No. Stupid bossy pigeon."

"Do you suppose he was the real Kaepora Gaebora, or was he another trick of this island? I couldn't sense any magic coming from him..."

Sakon shrugged. "Who knows? Who cares? Let's just get going. I don't want to be stuck like this forever."

The Postman wondered what Kaepora Gaepbora had meant by destiny repeating itself, and reached down to take the sword. To his surprise, his hand passed right through it. Confused, he paused and tried again with the same results. The sword certainly looked solid enough, but his fingers passed right through it as if it were nothing but air.

"Sakon...I can't touch it!" he said in confusion.

Sakon stared for a long moment in bewilderment, and then hesitantly reached out a hand. His fingers closed over the hilt of the sword, and he pulled the blade easily from the sand. There was a loud triumphant chime from all around them as the sun caught the steel of the blade, and Sakon held the sword to the sky, his own name clearly written across the hilt.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will be on Friday!**


	63. Sakon The Fearless

**Authornote** **: Friday Aug. 25th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I don't have tooooo much to say about this week. I've had an interesting day so far, however.** **I was walking into work this morning, and tripped over an uneven piece of concrete. I was holding a coffee at the time, and so half my coffee ended up all over me as I faceplanted into the concrete. I sprained my ankle badly enough that couldn't get up, and so two of my co-workers had to help me up. All of this was done right in front of my work's door, and so everyone saw it happen. lol I spent the morning at emerg for an x-ray, but luckily nothing was broken. Although it was embarrassing, I'm glad it wasn't anything too serious. Unfortunately my coffee did not survive. R.I.P vanilla latte.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **peanutbuuter007** -Welcome new reader! :D I'm really glad you like the story so far, and thank you so much for the compliments! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

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 **Jigbashmop** -To the south. To the beach.

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 **Guest101** -Sam never made it to the boat in the last chapter. She was still missing when Zaira was pulled out of the water. Everything will be revealed about that later, however. :)

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 **Reiz16** -Sakon really needs to stop teasing The Postman. He's a bully however, and although he doesn't mean to be cruel, he enjoys bothering people. There's a reason he doesn't have any friends. It's miracle The Postman has stuck around so long. lol

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 **Rainmy** \- It's 603 pages to print just part 1 and 2 of the story, and that's if you cut out all the authornotes! My mother is still trying to wade her way through it, but she seems to like it so far. lol

Sakon's 'collection' is certainly...unique, but it's nothing illegal. Now that The Postman destroyed some of it, he'll have to get it replaced when he gets back home. lol

I couldn't resist using both pirates, and we'll find out what they're up to next week. :)

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 **setokayba2n** -The Postman would not make a very good Link. He wouldn't even be able to hurt a Skulltula without feeling guilty over it. lol At least he has Sakon to help him with things like that! :)

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 **Silentydead** -I wish Nintendo would use some of the older characters again. Go figure that Beedle is a reoccurring character, but not Sakon. lol

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 **placesmileshere** -Those are some extremely good guesses, but unfortunately I can't confirm if you're correct because that would be major spoilers. The only thing I can say is that there is definitely a lot more control on the island than any of the characters realize. If you want me to PM you about this in more detail, just send me a message, and I'll explain. :D

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 15

Sakon the Fearless

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Sakon stared at the sword in surprise, taking in where his name was clearly engraved in silver. He swung out the sword once, and sliced a nearby plant into two, and watched as the destroyed plant fell to the ground. Sakon exchanged a look with The Postman, and then slowly, his expression morphed into a wide, manic grin. Laughing in pure, unadulterated glee, Sakon waved the sword all around himself, ecstatic that there was finally something he could touch. The Postman stepped back from the wild swinging, and Sakon turned his attention to the nearby Sea Urchin. He lashed out with the sword, effectively killing the Sea Urchin with one hit. The sword cut through the monster like butter, and Sakon's grin became even wider.

"Hell yeah!" Sakon cried out triumphantly, swinging the sword wildly in all directions. "I can kill things!"

The Postman gave him a look of disapproval. "You didn't have to kill the Sea Urchin." he stated. "It wasn't hurting anyone."

Sakon puffed out his chest indignantly, striking a heroic pose with the sword. "Sea Urchins are pointy. What if you had've accidentally leaned against it? It could have given you a nasty prick! I was protecting you!"

The Postman crossed his arms, and gave Sakon an unimpressed look. "I think I would have survived." he commented, feeling bad for the dead monster.

"Don't worry, darling, I'll vanquish any monster during our quest!" Sakon promised, holding the sword high above his head. "I'll clear the way! Stay behind me!"

As Sakon grabbed the sword's scabbard, and charged on ahead, The Postman's eyes widened, realizing what he meant to do. "Sakon, wait!" he called after him, scrambling to catch up. "Stop!"

Sakon wasn't listening and to The Postman's dismay Sakon cut down any monsters in his path without so much as blinking an eye.

"Sakon!" The Postman yelled out furiously. "Stop it! Leave them alone!"

Sakon laughed as he cut through Leevers and Octoroks alike without hesitation and for the first time, The Postman was truly reminded that Sakon was a villain. The monsters knew Sakon was the main threat and directed their attacks on him, but nothing could touch Sakon much to his delight ,and his sword cut through the monsters one by one until there were none left on the entire beach. The Postman closed his eyes for a moment, pushing aside his queasiness at the sight of the carnage, and then approached Sakon who seemed incredibly pleased with himself.

They were now back at the entrance of the village, and Sakon was still bouncing on his feet, obviously still pumped up looking for more action.

"That was uncalled for, we could have easily avoided them." The Postman scolded, angrily. "You didn't have to kill them."

Sakon gave him a smirk. "No, but it was fun."

"That's horrible." The Postman snapped. "I can't believe you just did that."

Sakon rolled his eyes, and then paused a moment as a thought occurred to him. "This is a dreamworld...right? Everything on this island was created by the Windfish?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, I believe so."

"So the people aren't real either?" Sakon asked, giving him a sideways glance.

"I don't think so, but where are you going with this..." The Postman's eyes widened as Sakon gave him a mischievous grin. "Sakon, don't you dare!" he cried.

The schoolhouse came into view and Sakon charged for it, sword raised, laughing as The Postman ran after him, screaming for him to stop.

The two small boys playing ball, paused in their game to stare, and Sakon lunged forward with his sword poised for the kill. The Postman didn't know what else to do so he lashed out with the shield and was quite surprised when it connected solidly with Sakon's back. Sakon's aim was thrown off and the sword stabbed harmlessly through the children's ball which immediately deflated.

"Ow!" Sakon protested, turning to face him. "Did you just hit me? How did you do that?"

The Postman glanced down at the shield, and realized it was like the sword and could touch The Thief. Giving in to his anger and frustration over everything that had happened, The Postman hit him a second time, then a third, and then a fourth time. Sakon wasn't expecting the sudden attack, and to his embarrassment, he was knocked flat to the ground.

"Ow! Ow! Okay, geez! I won't bother the villagers! Ow, stop it!" he cried out. "I'll stop killing things!"

The Postman gave him one more whack for good measure, and then lowered the shield. Rubbing at his back, Sakon glanced up at him, observed the angry look, and then silently held the sword out towards the children offering them the deflated ball on the end. Obviously pouting, one of the boys pulled the ruined ball off of the sword, and then frowned down at it. Sakon gave The Postman an uneasy look, who was watching him through narrowed eyes, and Sakon lowered the sword away from the children.

"Okay, you win, you're in charge." he said with a heavy sigh. "No more fun. No more killing people."

Thinking of everything Sakon had put him through thus far, The Postman was tempted to hit him a few more times and gripped the shield tightly. Instead, he simply gave The thief a glare and said.

"I need to get my leg seen to, it's bleeding. Don't kill anyone in the village. We don't know for sure that they're not real."

Sakon hesitantly reached out a hand towards the shield, but his hand passed right through it. He gave it a frown.

"How come it can touch me, but I can't touch it?" he demanded.

The Postman gave a shrug, still annoyed at him. "I don't know." he snapped. "Maybe because you deserved it?"

Sakon doubted that was the reason, but followed after The Postman who had stomped off ahead of him.

As they passed by the children, who had awkwardly resumed throwing the deflated ball back and forth, Sakon asked.

"Are we going back to Marin and Tarin's? Your girlfriend would probably be more than happy to fix your leg for you."

The Postman thought back to the strange, blank expressions Marin and Tarin had adopted as they directed him to go South, and he let out an unnerved shudder. Their eyes, for just a moment, had gone completely lifeless, and it seemed as if they were simply puppets who happened to look human. He didn't trust them, and had no desire to be anywhere near them.

"No." he responded. "I'll ask one of the other villagers for help instead."

"Who?" Sakon questioned. "You haven't met any of the other villagers!"

"Small villages are friendly." The Postman responded. "I'll introduce myself, and ask for help."

"All this just to avoid a girl?" Sakon asked with a smirk. "She's going to corner you somehow. Love interests have a way of doing that."

The Postman walked a bit faster. "She's not my love interest."

"Whatever you say, darling."

They passed by the cottage with the 'dog' and The Postman didn't even attempt to go near the pathway leading to the door, the large beast growling threateningly at them. Sakon held up his sword, but he seemed to hesitate, frowning.

"I like dogs." he complained. "I don't want to kill it."

"You had no problem killing small children, but you have a problem killing someone's pet?" The Postman asked, edging by the snarling 'dog'. "And it's not a threat anyway. Leave it alone."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "That's different, I wouldn't kill real kids!"

The Postman gave him a skeptical look which Sakon took great offense to. He may have been a self-proclaimed slimeball, but he would never stoop to murdering real children. He might rob children, but he'd never actually hurt one. Not even going to argue with him about it, Sakon sheathed the sword and crossed his arms petulantly.

The Postman eyed Marin's house warily as they passed it, and saw two different shops, one to the South and another farther to the North.

"Do you have any rupees in your backpack?" he asked Sakon. "One of those shops may have a healing item."

Sakon shook his head. "No, the pirates took everything we had. Until we steal more, we're poor."

"I'm not stealing someone's rupees." The Postman responded. "We'll just have to do without."

Heading North up through the town, Sakon stepped in front of The Postman as they reached the shop. "Let's go inside and take a look."

"We don't have any rupees, Sakon." The Postman replied. "And I'm not stealing!"

Sakon held up the sword with a grin. "I have this, and I'm pretty sure the shop owner will give us whatever we want if I point it at him!"

The Postman was aghast. "We're not robbing a shopkeeper!"

Sakon gave him a shrug. "Trust me on this, darling, heroes do this sort of thing all the time. Now come on before that leg gets any worse!"

Sakon headed towards the shop and The Postman followed after him, having every intention of stopping him before he actually did anything. Gripping the shield tightly, he had a feeling he was about to whack Sakon with it again. Sakon hurried ahead, phased through the closed shop door, and then burst into the shop sword brandished high, and chest puffed out threateningly.

Waving the sword around wildly, he yelled out. "If you know what's good for you, you'll give me whatever I wan-"

Sakon's eyes fell on the shopkeeper, and he immediately froze, going deathly white, his words falling flat. Behind the counter was The Happy Mask Salesman, his usual large, ominous-looking grin plastered on his face as he glanced over at Sakon. He was dressed as a simple villager, and there were no masks to be seen, but Sakon still visibly gulped. They both stared at one another in silence, and Sakon seemed incapable of movement.

"May I help you, Sir?" The shopkeeper asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I..uh.."

The Postman entered the shop behind The Thief, looking quite annoyed, and he crossed his arms.

"Sakon, you are not-"

He trailed off at the sight of Sakon, and gave him a look of confusion.

"Sakon, what-"

"Run!" Sakon ordered, fleeing the shop as fast as he could. "It's a trap! Run away!"

"What?"

The Postman looked over at the shopkeeper who cocked his head in confusion. The Postman at once saw who the man resembled, and then let out an exasperated sigh. About to follow after Sakon, he paused. Glancing back to the shopkeeper, he gave him a bewildered look when he realized he could sense powerful magic coming from him. He was definitely not on the island earlier, and The Postman gave him a long, suspicious look. Giving the shopkeeper one last look-over, he left the shop without a word.

"...come again?" the shopkeeper called after him, sounding a bit uncertain.

The Postman found Sakon a good fifty yards away from the shop, hiding behind a nearby cottage, looking like Din herself was after him.

"What did he say?" Sakon demanded. "Is he real?! He's not coming out here, is he?"

The Postman crossed his arms. "You can't be touched, remember? Why are you so worried? You shouldn't be robbing people anyway."

Sakon gave an uneasy glance in the direction of the shop, but did step out from behind the cottage. "I don't see why you care so much what happens to these dream-people! They're not real! Why does it matter if I rob them?"

"Don't forget you're a part of this dreamworld too, Sakon."

Sakon thought about that. "Okay, you have a point there..."

The Postman looked at the cottage they stood in front of. "Who lives here?" he asked. "Do you think they would help me?"

Almost as if someone was answering his question, the cottage door opened. The Postman quickly stepped back out of view around the corner of the cottage, and watched as a very young girl, no more than seventeen, stepped out. She was heavily pregnant, and she knelt down to pick up a bottle of milk from the doorstep. The Postman stared at her in complete shock, instantly recognizing her, and Sakon gave him a questioning look. The girl carried the milk back inside the cottage and then closed the door after her.

"What?" Sakon demanded.

"That was my mother!" The Postman exclaimed.

Sakon glanced towards the cottage door. "...what? Why is your mother here, and why is she a teenager?"

"...I don't know." The Postman replied. "Everyone we've met so far are all people I know. I think the Windfish is using my memories to create the villagers."

"Then why was she pregnant?"

"I don't know." The Postman repeated. "But I'm going to talk to her."

Deciding this cottage was better than the one with the 'dog', The Postman reached out and rapped loudly on the front door. There was a long hesitation, and then.

"Come on in, the door's unlocked!"

The Postman pushed open the door and was immediately met with the deafening sound of a baby screaming. Sakon threw his hands over his ears with a wince, but The Postman wasn't bothered and stepped further into the house. The cottage was quite large but simple in furnishing, and both of his parents stood side by side fussing over a very upset baby. The Postman stopped mid-step and his eyes widened when he saw his mother was now thin, no sign of pregnancy at all.

"Wow, that was a fast pregnancy." Sakon joked. "This island is so messed up!"

They were much younger than The Postman could ever remember, both looking to be in their teens, and his mother smiled up at him warmly. There was no recognition in her eyes as she waved him over, and The Postman instantly felt awkward and incredibly uncertain. Sakon stared for a long moment, and then glanced at The Postman in amusement.

"Well, now...this is going to be interesting..." he stated.

"...Good afternoon." The Postman greeted.

"Good afternoon!" The Postman's father immediately responded. "You must be the man Marin found washed up on the beach. She's told us all about you!"

The Postman gave him a nod. "Yes, Sir."

Neither of his parents seemed to recognize him at all, and his mother's gaze fell on his bleeding leg.

"Oh, you poor, man!" she exclaimed. "What happened to your leg? You're bleeding!"

"I was attacked by a monster on the beach." The Postman responded, just now realizing he was older than both of his parents by more than a decade. "It caught me by surprise..."

"Sit yourself down!" she directed pointing to a nearby stool. "I'll get some bandages. Makoto, get the disinfectant!"

As The Postman did as he was told, he watched his 'father' disappear across the room to dig through a nearby cabinet, and looked up at Sakon who gave him a shrug. To The Postman's utter surprise, his mother placed the newborn baby into his arms as she went to find the bandages. Looking down at the wailing baby, he wondered why the Windfish created it, and what purpose it could possibly have to the quest. He rocked the baby slightly, trying to calm it, having no idea what to do.

"Hey now." he said gently to the infant. "What's all this fuss about? What's the matter?"

The baby immediately quieted and large brown eyes full of tears looked up at him uncertainly, and The Postman had a very bad feeling about who he was currently holding. There was only one baby born while his parents were still teenagers... He stared down at the infant with a frown, hoping he was mistaken.

Sakon peered over his shoulder and wrinkled his nose in disgust at the baby.

"Is this the little bratty one? Menikole, or whatever her name was?"

The Postman frowned. "No...I think it might be me..."

Sakon's eyes widened, and he peered even closer. "Huh. This just keeps getting weirder and weirder. It's like this entire island was created just to mess with you."

"This is a dreamworld, Sakon, anything's possible...I suppose."

The baby looked up at Sakon, made brief eye contact, and then reached out a clumsy hand towards him. To Sakon's complete surprise, the baby could actually touch him, and he gave The Postman a flabbergasted look.

"He can touch me!"

The Postman frowned, simply feeling even more confused. Why could some things touch Sakon, but not others?

The baby reached for Sakon again, and The Thief allowed the little hand to close around his thumb, and he couldn't help but grin down at the baby. "You were a cute baby...I wonder whatever happened to you..."

The Postman's mother and father returned with bandages and disinfectant, and his mother gave The Postman another smile.

"You're really good with children, do you have any of your own?"

The Postman shook his head. "No mu-ma'am."

"He's been inconsolable for days and days!" she told him. "This is the first time he's calmed down ever since-"

She trailed off and exchanged a look with Makoto. The Postman didn't understand the look, and had a feeling something very bad had happened.

"Ever since what?" he questioned.

His mother gave him a strained smile, and knelt down beside his leg. "Nevermind, I misspoke." she replied. "It's nothing."

The infant squirmed in The Postman's arms, and he really wished someone would take the baby from him. Seeing himself as a baby was strange, and it made him extremely uncomfortable. Although this was a dreamworld, he felt like he was somehow messing with time itself by being there, and he gave the baby another uneasy look.

"Is..is he your first?" The Postman asked, certain he already knew the answer.

His father gave a nod, puffing out his chest proudly. "A healthy baby boy." he announced. "He's been a bit grouchy lately, but he's the best looking baby on the island! I couldn't be prouder!"

The Postman's mother was carefully cleaning the wound, and she glanced up. "He's been crying for the last five days and we're a bit worn out, but it can't last much longer. He saw some sort of green lizard doll at the store the other day and seemed to really like it, but we didn't have the money to get it for him which was a shame. It was the only time he stopped fussing in days."

Makoto seemed bit embarrassed at that. "I've been trying to find a full time position as a postman." he told them. "But there's not a lot of work right now, and so I'm working part time as a mail sorter...Hopefully I'll be able to find something soon so I can properly support my family. A man's duty is to work hard, and provide for his family."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Seems a bit old fashioned to me." he commented, remembering how work obsessed The Postman's father had always been. "I prefer to remain childless and unemployed."

Makoto gave Sakon a disapproving look, but didn't comment.

The baby began grizzling again, and The Postman absent-mindedly rocked it, finding the whole situation a bit too surreal for his liking. What was it his mother had been about to say? What was it they were hiding? Was this somehow connected to his red magic? He glanced down at the baby, but it seemed perfectly fine, with no signs of injury. No, it couldn't have been the red magic, Koume and Kotake said that would have been done to him when he was older. If it wasn't the red magic, then what were his parents hiding? What happened?

The Postman remembered how his parents had once told him that he'd been absolutely miserable for the first few months of his life. They said he did nothing more than cry and whine during his every waking moment, and The Postman wondered if this was somehow related.

The baby stared up at him, gave a sad-sounding sniffle, and he wondered if there was something seriously wrong with him. There had to be a reason the Windfish was showing him this, but he couldn't figure out why.

Sakon gave him a wide, mischievous grin.

"You're getting good practice in for when you become a mommy, darling."

The Postman's parents gave Sakon an odd look. "Where are you two from exactly?" Makoto asked.

Sakon's grin widened. "We're from the tropical paradise known as Snowhead, and we just got married, and now we're on a romantic honeymoon."

The Postman promptly let out a choking sound as Sakon gave casual stretch and wrapped an arm around The Postman's shoulders. Although the ghost wasn't actually touching him, The Postman still pulled away. He didn't like the way Sakon was looking at his parents, and he had a feeling The Thief was about to make him mad.

"You'll have to excuse him." Sakon said. "He still hasn't come out to his parents as gay, and is rather shy about the whole thing. He's afraid to admit his passionate love for me in public, and as a result he's a repressed bore."

"Sakon stop." The Postman ordered, angrily.

"It's alright, dear." his mother told him. "Your secret is safe with us."

"He doesn't realize that he'll never be completely happy until he admits to himself that he's gay." Sakon announced. "What would you say if your son someday admitted to you that he's gay?"

"Sakon, shut your mouth, right now, or I swear I'll leave you to rot on this island by yourself!"

The Postman's mother finished tying a bandage around The Postman's leg, and gave him a reprimanding look. "You have a very bad temper on you." she scolded. "You shouldn't raise your voice around children."

Sakon gave a laugh at that and pointed to the baby. "Just wait until he gets older, and see if you still say that! I have a feeling you're going to change your mind very fast about yelling at or around children!"

The Postman's mother reached up and took her baby back, smiling warmly down at it as it began screaming again. "Nonsense." she said dismissively. "He's a little angel."

Sakon put his hands back over his ears. "Yeah, he certainly sounds like it..."

The Postman looked down at his bandaged leg, and then gave his parents a grateful nod. "Thank you. I really appreciate it."

"No, problem. Everyone is always welcome in our home." she replied. "We don't get many visitors."

As The Postman stood to his feet in preparation to leave, his mother cradled the baby to her chest, and then said. "We haven't even introduced ourselves! Oh, how rude of us! My name is Jinaudi, and this is my husband Makoto. What are your names?"

"Sakon and Jihi-Jaru." The Postman finished, giving his second brother's name.. "My name is Jaru."

"Jaru..." his mother repeated thoughtfully. "What a lovely name...if I have anymore sons perhaps I'll use it..."

"Thank you again." The Postman said, quickly backing his way towards the door. "We really must get going, but thank you for the help."

"No problem." she responded. "Stop in again sometime when you have time. You're always welcome."

The Postman gave her a nod, and without another word, he left the cottage. The moment the door was closed, he rounded on Sakon furiously. "Never do that again!" he warned, his eyes flashing angrily. "Never."

Sakon actually took a step back at the unexpected fury on his friend's face. "Are you mad about the whole gay thing?" he asked.

He got his answer when The Postman stormed away from him, and so Sakon quickly floated after him.

"They weren't even your real parents!" he protested. "And they didn't care anyway! They didn't yell at you, throw you out, or make fun of you, and so I don't get why you're so mad!"

The Postman glared at him, and continued stomping away. Realization crossed Sakon's face.

"You're worried I'm going to do that to you in real life!" he exclaimed. "You think I'm going to 'out' you!"

The Postman abruptly stopped walking.

Sakon crossed his arms. "Well, I'm not." he informed him. "I'm not that much of a jerk."

"I'm not gay." The Postman snapped.,

"How many girlfriends have you had?" Sakon countered.

The Postman gave him a glare, and Sakon gave him a frown in return.

"Look, I might tease you a bit, but I'm not going to do something that mean." The Thief told him. "I promise."

The Postman didn't look convinced, and so Sakon let out a sigh.

"Let's just go find the stupid pigeon." he suggested.

The Postman nodded in agreement, wondering why he had ever agreed to get himself involved in this in the first place. He followed after Sakon in silence and noticed how the thief all but ran past the item shop, giving it an uneasy look as he did so. The Postman couldn't help but feel a little bit satisfied at that; at least he wouldn't have to worry about Sakon trying to steal from that particular shop.

They once again passed by the cottage with the vicious 'dog' and followed the path North as they'd been directed. Reaching the edge of town, they came to a sign indicating they were now approaching the Mysterious Forest and Sakon drew the sword, cutting down the thick bushes blocking their path. The moment they entered the woods, they heard the fluttering of wings from above.

"Hoo hoot!"

Kaepora Gaepbora landed in front of them and Sakon held up his sword with a grin. "Look what I got!" he exclaimed proudly.

"Ho, there brave postman and thief!" the owl greeted. "You're finally set to begin your quest to wake the dreamer."

Sakon swung the sword. "Where is he? I'll wake him!"

Kaepora Gaepbora blinked at him, and then continued. "Much of these woods' mystery are uncharted on Koholint island. I'm afraid you may find it a trifle difficult to leave the island while the Windfish still slumbers."

"Why would we want to leave before waking the creep?" Sakon demanded. "He needs to release me, remember?"

Once more, Kaepora Gaepbora ignored him. "Once you have finished exploring the woods, brave ones, I suggest you take a look at Tail Cave which is to the South of the island. Go there with the key you find in this forest. Hoo hoot."

The Postman had an inkling of where this situation was leading up to. "Tail Cave is a dungeon, isn't it..." he stated with a sigh.

"Hoot. Seek out the strange mushroom only found deep within these woods." Kaepora Gaepbora said, spreading his wings wide. "You will need its powers."

"We need a mushroom?" The Postman questioned. "Why? What does it do?"

The owl didn't answer him, instead taking to the air without another word. They watched it disappear over the forest, and The Postman let out a disgruntled sigh.

Sakon brandished his sword high, clearly ready for battle. "Onward, brave postman! You heard the pigeon! Destiny calls!"

"You just want to kill things."

Sakon grinned at him, not denying it. "I can't kill villagers, but I can still kill monsters!"

Lifting his shield just in case something nasty attacked them, they began walking through the forest. Almost immediately they came across several patrolling Moblins, and Sakon sprang into action and lunged at them with the sword. The Moblins couldn't hurt Sakon, and so, despite his clumsy sword-work, he was able to easily kill them. The Postman still didn't approve of the violence, but knew there really wasn't anything he could do about it, and so he simply followed after Sakon in silence. Sakon chased after every Moblin they came across, and none of the monsters survived Sakon's attacks. Despite knowing the monsters weren't real, it still bothered The Postman to see them mercilessly cut down, and left to die. Sakon was obviously having fun, however, and so The Postman did his best to ignore the blood and carnage around him.

The Postman glanced towards the mountain he could see in the far distance, and still felt powerful magic coming from it. He knew that's where the Windfish had to be, and wondered why they couldn't just go to him now. Adventures always seemed to have a set course, and he doubted he'd be allowed to just skip over the whole quest even if he wanted to. He had to admit he was curious what would happen if he tried, but didn't really want the wrath of a god to rein down on him. Without voicing his thoughts, he followed after Sakon as monster after monster fell to his sword.

The forest itself was dark and rather gloomy, but travel was easy when the enemies couldn't get in a single attack against them. Sakon didn't seem capable of tiring, and an hour later, he was still killing with just as much enthusiasm. Spotting a cave in the distance, he pointed it out to Sakon, and The Thief led the way certain there had to be treasure inside. The Postman hesitated at the mouth of the cave, remembering the cave he and Sakon had explored during their first mission together. He knew this cave likely didn't contain a Redead with an eating disorder, but he still felt like caution would be the best option.

"Do you have any torches?" he asked, uncertainly.

Sakon was looking all around, sure something was going to jump out at them, and gave a distracted nod. "Yeah, there should be a lantern in my backpack somewhere. The flint is in the front pocket next to a tin of mints."

As The Postman dug around inside the backpack, Sakon turned his attention to the sign in front of the cave.

"Beware of floors with cracks." he read out loud. "A heavy person should not stand on them!"

The Postman glanced up at him. "It doesn't say that."

"It does too!" Sakon insisted. "I don't think you have anything to worry about anyway, a cat weighs more than you."

The Postman pulled out a very bent lantern, and then the flint. As he lit it, Sakon swung the sword above his head in a circle, full of energy and eager to get moving again. The moment the lantern was lit, Sakon ran into the cave swinging the sword in all directions, letting out a loud war cry, and The Postman let out a heavy sigh and followed at a much slower pace. Whatever god or goddess had given Sakon a sword must have been drunk, that was the only explanation he could come up with.

The cave wasn't as bad as The Postman had feared, the only monsters were a few Keese watching him from the walls. Sakon chased after them like a child chasing butterflies and The Postman looked down at the horribly cracked floor. Remembering the warning Sakon had read, he hesitantly placed a foot on one of the cracks. Still not trusting it, he chose to hop over the cracks instead. When he finally reached the other side of the room, Sakon had stabbed the last Keese and grinned at him triumphantly. That's when Sakon's eyes fell on the treasure chest in the centre of the room.

"Look!" he cried.

"Hmm." The Postman replied with disinterest.

"Go get it!" Sakon cried in frustration. "It's right there! Go claim it!"

The Postman started down the opposite hallway and Sakon let out a bellow of frustration.

"We don't have any rupees, you moron! What if you get hurt again or we need something from one of the shops? Unless you want me to steal, you're going to need money!"

The Postman saw the logic in that, and slowly turned back towards the chest. Treasure had never interested him before, but Sakon did have a point. Being careful of the cracks, he crawled over the large boulders surrounding the chest and pried open the top, finding a purple rupee inside. Sakon grinned at him from over his shoulder.

"Sweet." he commented. "Now we have money."

Stuffing the rupee inside the backpack, The Postman carefully crossed the room again, and continued through the cave. Sakon killed the Jellies that jumped out at them from the doorway, and they came to a strange room full of boulders that looked a bit like a maze. Far across the room, The Postman could see a heart container which he ignored to Sakon's annoyance.

"You're the hero, darling. Do you keep forgetting this? You're supposed to take the power-ups!"

"You're the one with the sword. You take it."

Sakon paused as he realized he was the one who had been doing all the fighting. "Oh! It probably is mine!"

Floating across the room, he eagerly reached out and touched the heart container, pleased when it absorbed into him, proving it was meant for him. Knowing he needed three more to increase his toughness, Sakon gave The Postman a proud smile.

"I guess this means I'm the true hero of this quest." he announced.

"Does this mean I can go home?" The Postman demanded, crossing his arms.

"Naw, every hero needs his side-kick. Even the hero of time has his little fairy. You can be my fairy...seems fitting enough. You can be Navi for the rest of the quest."

"I am not Navi." The Postman snapped.

"Are you racist against fairies or something?" Sakon demanded. "Fairies are integral to our society!"

The Postman simply sighed and left the cave without another word. Sakon followed along behind him, in a very good mood and covered his eyes from the bright sunlight the moment they were back outside. The Postman paused just outside of the cave and wrinkled his nose, smelling something really strange nearby.

"What's that?" he demanded, glancing around.

"Can you be a bit more specific?" Sakon asked. "My mind-reading skills are a bit rusty."

"That smell."

Sakon sniffed the air thoughtfully for a moment, and then cocked his head. "Huh." he stated. "Interesting. There is a weird smell..."

Glancing all around, Sakon's eyes fell on a large red mushroom growing a feet away, and approached it curiously. "Hey, I think I found the mushroom the pigeon was talking about!"

The Postman stared at the suspicious mushroom, and then slowly reached down to pick it. It had the strangest odor, and he gave Sakon a confused look. "What am I supposed to do with it? Kaepora Gaebora never told us that."

"It's a mushroom, doofus, obviously you're supposed to eat it."

The Postman recoiled, and he almost dropped the mushroom in his disgust. "What? Why? I'm not eating that!"

"How should I know? Am I an all-knowing magical pigeon? Haven't you ever heard of magic mushrooms? You eat them."

The Postman frowned. "That is an entirely different kind of mushroom."

"You always eat mushrooms. I've never heard of any other use for one." Sakon countered.

The Postman stared down at the mushroom which smelled sickly sweet and spicy almost like pepper, and grimaced. It didn't look like anything he'd want to swallow, and was tempted to simply toss it away.

"Don't be so ridiculous!" Sakon scolded him. "Hurry up! I want to get this quest over with, and go home! Just eat the stupid mushroom!"

The Postman wanted to go home as well, and so he looked at the mushroom one last time, hoping he wasn't about to be poisoned. He then very hesitantly popped it into his mouth. The flavour was strong like chewing on a peppercorn, but he managed to choke it down as Sakon watched him expectantly. The moment he swallowed it, The Postman immediately felt extremely peculiar. It felt like the whole world was shifting on its side, and then everything went completely black, and he felt himself fall to the ground.

Sakon watched as The Postman fainted, and took a step back in surprise. The Postman curled into a small ball of agony as his body began transforming, and Sakon let out a curse when fur began sprouting all over The Postman's body. The Postman was rapidly shrinking, and he was getting hairier and hairier by the second.

Realizing he had just made a terrible mistake, Sakon could only watch in horror, having no idea what to do. Only a few moments later, a small fat raccoon was sitting where his friend had once been. It blinked a few times, hissed at him, and then darted away into the forest out of sight.

Sakon looked one way, and then the other unable to believe that had really happened.

"...shit." he stated to the empty forest.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will be on Friday!**


	64. Pirates and Raccoons

**Authornote** **: Friday Sept. 1st 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **It's technically still Thursday, but whatever, here's an early update. lol I really wish I could go back to two updates a week, but it's hard enough to get one out on time right now, let alone two. It's slowed the story down way too much, but there's not much I can do about it. It will be about a year before this story is complete unless I can speed updates up again. I just hope everyone doesn't lose interest before the end.**

 **On a brighter note, Shelwyn was the 400th reviewer last chapter. Woot Woot! I can't believe this story is already over 400 reviews! Thanks you so much guys! ^_^**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guesty** \- Sakon is pretty much universally hated by everyone. lol The Postman seems to be the only person who can tolerate his special brand of annoying. Sakon really does appreciate what The Postman is doing for him, although he'd probably never say so out loud.

I do indeed have pets! I seem to collect strays that no one else wants, and so my house is pretty full. lol I have 2 rabbits, 1 guinea pig, 1 degu, 2 turtles, and 4 cats. They're all rescues that I either found outside, or adopted from a shelter. It's probably a good thing I have a lot of room. haha I used to have a lot more pets, but they've begun passing away over the years. At one point a few years ago, I had 2 rats, 7 guinea pigs, 5 degus, 2 rabbits, 2 turtles, 3 goldfish, 1 budgie, 4 cats, and 1 epileptic dog all at once. If I find out an animal is being euthanized just because no one wants it, I can never resist adopting it. I really need to stay away from shelters... (I hope I don't come across as a crazy animal hoarder or anything lol)

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- Sakon is indeed finally starting to be taught a few lessons in this story. lol He may be a slow learner, but even he can't ignore being bashed with a shield. ;) The Postman is pretty fed up with him at this point, and he's making his displeasure very known. The Postman has the patience of a saint, but Sakon has a talent for getting under people's skin, and one can only take so much before snapping. Sakon really has to learn not to bully other people...

Everything about The Postman's mystery will be revealed very shortly. It will be during the 5th part that we learn the whole story behind his magic and everything that had happened to him.

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 **Jigbashmop** -Just wait for it... ;) Sakon is not going to have an easy time this chapter. Muha ha ha ha ha!

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 **Guest101** \- That would have made a good chapter title. lol Sakon was going waaaay overboard with all the killing. Although the people aren't real, that doesn't mean he should murder them all. lol

At the end of that chapter, Sakon definitely knows he screwed up, and he can't blame The Postman for this one. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon has zero impulse control, and so if it wasn't for The Postman, he probably would have slaughtered the entire village. lol Your questions will be answered in this chapter. Thanks for the review, my dear! :)

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** \- lol I just got a mental image of a raccoon delivering the mail. The Postman would probably still try to do that too. haha It could be the middle of a zombie apocalypse and he'd still be trying to do his job. Any power-ups that The Postman gets are all because someone or something is trying very hard to control the quest. (The Postman isn't making this very easy however.)

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 **setokayba2n** \- The Postman does indeed have the patience of a saint. Most of that comes from having 12 younger brothers and sisters, and from dealing with unreasonable, rude customers that he delivers mail to. lol

Sakon: "Hey, Jihiro, I'm going to go stab that guy!"

The Postman: (Whacks Sakon over the head with shield) "No, bad! Bad Sakon!"

The thought of Sakon being treated like that made me laugh. The Postman puts up with way more than he should...

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 **Silentydead** \- Nothing can ever be easy for our dynamic duo... The Postman seriously needs to stop listening to Sakon. Sakon never knows what he's talking about, and it only leads to pain. lol

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 **Shelwyn** \- Welcome new reader! Wow, I can't believe you read this whole thing in only a day! o_O Thank you so much for all the reviews! When I got up and logged into my email, I choked on my coffee when I saw all the reviews. lol I read them all, and I'm really glad you like the story so far! There's still a lot left, so I hope you stick around to see how it ends. You were reviewer 400, so thank you again! :D

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 16

Pirates and Raccoons

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Zaira walked along the beach for what seemed like hours, but she hadn't yet come across Samirah. The water was now smooth and calm, no sign of the former storm, but Zaira could see no sign of the pirate ship. Knowing the captain would be looking all over for them, she hoped they were found soon.

Knowing Samirah had always struggled to swim because of her missing leg, she desperately hoped she hadn't drowned. The longer she walked, however, the more and more hopeless it seemed. Samirah had been born on the pirate ship, and Zaira had been the doctor to deliver her. She'd known her for her entire life, and didn't want to lose the only family she had. Although she tended to pick on the girl, it was only because she worried about her, and knew Samirah tended to get herself into worlds of trouble.

Looking up the beach, she still saw no sign of the other pirate, but she did see something unexpected. She could see a Moblin sitting beneath a large beach umbrella on a blanket, fancy drink with straw in hand, and the sight was so bizarre that she found herself approaching in disbelief. The Moblin looked like any other Moblin she'd ever seen, its face green and warty, but his behaviour wasn't at all normal for his kind. Moblins were loud, dumb, and destructive, and they certainly didn't consume fancy drinks out of a coconut. The Moblin didn't seem to notice her at first until she stood in front of him blocking the sun. The Moblin glanced at her over the tops of his dark sunglasses, and gave her a frown.

"Excuse me." he said. "You're blocking my sun, could you please move?"

Moblins very rarely spoke properly due to the fact they found the common tongue difficult, and because they were not a very intelligent species they struggled with the most basic of grammar. Zaira frowned at the Moblin, and didn't move. The Moblin returned the frown, and then let out a sigh when it was clear she wasn't going to move.

"Can I help you?" he demanded impatiently.

"Where am I?" Zaira asked, looking the Moblin up and down suspiciously.

"Koholint Island." the Moblin replied. "Land of dreams, land of the boring, land of no escape. Now please go away before I lose the last bit of sunlight."

"Land of dreams?" Zaira questioned. "What are you talking about?"

The Moblin let out another annoyed sigh, and lowered his sunglasses so he could see her properly. "If you don't know where you are, you must have gotten yourself trapped in the Windfish's storm. You're a live person, I assume?"

"Of course I'm a live person, you moron!" she snapped. "Who in Din's name is the Windfish, and why am I on this island?"

"Look, lady, I'm not your quest guide, I'm just a Moblin looking to relax for a while. I have nothing to do with this, and so I'd appreciate it if you left me in peace."

"I'll leave you in pieces if you don't start giving me answers!" Zaira threatened, drawing her sword.

The Moblin gave her a flat look. "I see that you're not the usual type of person who ends up on this island, but neither am I. I was never meant to end up here, but luckily I've been overlooked since I leave all the heroes alone. I suggest keeping a low profile or the gods might decide to get rid of you. You're not a part of this island, and you're not meant to be here."

"Explain to me what this island is." Zaira ordered. "The Windfish is a god?"

The Moblin nodded. "He's the god of dreams and spirits. This island is not real, and nearly everything on it is simply part of his dream. The people are fake, the monsters are fake, and even the island itself is fake."

"But you said you're real?" Zaira questioned, narrowing her eyes. "Tell me who you are!"

The Moblin gave her an exasperated look. "I was a young and very stupid Moblin once upon a time, and I stole some of Termina's sacred wine while on a mission. I drank it, and ended up as a body-less spirit trapped between worlds. No one could see or hear me, and so I began travelling the world. I'm not sure how long I travelled for, because Moblins don't have the best sense of time, but eventually I came across a hero who could see me. He was on a quest to wake the Windfish, and so I followed him, hoping he would be the one to save me."

"What happened?" Zaira asked.

"He died during the quest, and I've been here ever since."

Zaira paused as she thought about that.

The Moblin's gaze grew distant. "I have seen dozens of heroes come and go over the years, some successful in waking the Windfish and others that died horribly."

"Then why are you still here? If the god was awoken, why do you remain here?"

The Moblin put his sunglasses back on. "Although some heroes have managed to wake the Windfish, none have ever saved him from the underlying problem. The Windfish is getting sicker and sicker, and eventually he will never wake again. When that day comes I will finally die along with the rest of the island."

"A god can die?!"

The Moblin nodded. "Although difficult, it is possible to kill a god. There is another god or goddess involved in the Windfish's dreams, and it remains to be seen whether they are friend or foe. I see their handiwork cropping up more and more frequently as of late, but they're keeping their distance. You would assume that a god could do anything, but no one has yet helped the Windfish. The only thing I can ascertain is that whatever is wrong with the Windfish must be contageous, and the others don't want to become infected. Mortals are being used for this quest for a reason."

Zaira sheathed her sword. "How long have you been on this island?" she asked. "You don't speak like a Moblin..."

The Moblin gave a shrug. "I lost count after the first few hundred years. It's hard to keep track of time when you don't age."

"Hundreds of years?! How is that even possible?!"

The Moblin gave another shrug. "My body was left in Termina's Garden, and so I assume it's still there being kept alive by the garden's magic. I should have died within days of this curse, but it was a combination of luck and mercy that I'm still here. At this point, however, I've grown weary of this existence and I either want to leave or die. I spend my days re-reading the same books from the library and watching the sea, and those are the only enjoyments I still have in life."

He gave a meaningful look to Zaira who was still blocking his sun.

Zaira frowned as she thought about this. She couldn't imagine what it would be like to be trapped here for the rest of her life. She had to find Samirah and escape before the Windfish died. "I'm looking for another pirate, have you seen her?" she asked.

The Moblin impatiently pointed towards a nearby fortress. "Some fake Moblins grabbed a girl that washed up on the beach a while ago. They took her to that fortress over there. Go rescue her, and please stop blocking my sun. I have nothing more to say to you."

Zaira eyed the Moblin suspiciously, but could see no reason why he would lie to her. Giving him a curt nod, she turned headed towards the fortress without another word. She had a feeling this was not going to be an easy rescue if the gods themselves were manipulating things. Knowing she had to find Samirah as fast as possible, she drew her sword and prepared herself for battle.

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Sakon stared into the woods for a long time hoping the raccoon would return. When it was obvious it was long gone, he let out another curse and floated up above the trees to get a better look. The trees looked almost endless, and Sakon had no idea how he was going to find one little raccoon in the miles of forest.

Hovering high above the trees, he squinted down at the trees, trying to see through the thick branches. Looking for any sign of grey fur, he began his search, feeling frustrated with the situation. Knowing this was all technically his fault, he knew he couldn't blame The Postman too much for this, but was still rather annoyed. Leave it to The Postman to find a cursed mushroom instead of the good kind. Sighing, Sakon kept his eyes trained on the trees and slowly made his way over the forest to the east, hoping for some sort of miracle. He was quite surprised when he actually got one.

He flew over a small clearing in the forest then paused when he saw a small, fat raccoon sitting calmly beneath a tree, cleaning its whiskers. Sakon let out a cry of triumph and quickly landed in front of the raccoon who paused what it was doing. Beady black eyes stared at him, and then the raccoon cocked its head curiously. To Sakon's surprise it spoke to him in a high-pitched, mischievous voice.

"As a raccoon, my nose is verrrry sensitive to stuff like dust and powder..."

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Um, that's very interesting, darling...I'll be sure to file that away under useless knowledge I know about raccoons."

The raccoon regarded him for a moment, and then laughed, its small pointy teeth making it seem almost threatening. "Heh heh heh, you're going to be lost thanks to me!" it cried out proudly. "Just TRY to find your way out of the forest NOW!"

Sakon knelt down to the raccoon's level and frowned. "I think that mushroom did something funny to your head..."

The raccoon seemed confused and reached up a paw to its head, wondering what Sakon was talking about. "I think you should walk that way." the raccoon suggested, pointing to a path to the North. "Try walking that way and see what happens."

Sakon was by far sneakier than any raccoon, and he narrowed his eyes. "No, I don't think so."

The raccoon glanced towards the North, and then reached out a paw towards Sakon. He gave Sakon's knee a soft nudge, trying to encourage him to do as it wanted and Sakon almost fell over in his surprise.

"You touched me!" he exclaimed.

The raccoon twitched one of its ears, but said nothing. Hesitantly, Sakon reached out towards the raccoon, unsure if he imagined it or not. His fingers met fur and Sakon gave the raccoon a wide toothy grin who still looked befuddled, like Sakon wasn't doing what he was supposed to.

Excited that he was finally able to touch a real person, he grabbed the raccoon as it let out a squeak of surprise. As it struggled to get away, Sakon gave a laugh and sat down, pulling the raccoon into his lap, running his fingers through the soft fur. The raccoon hissed for a moment angrily, and then went limp in his hold when it realized the petting felt good. Sakon smirked down at it.

"You're kinda cute like this." Sakon stated, scratching it underneath the chin. "Maybe I'll keep you as a raccoon forever? You're certainly a lot less grumpy..."

The raccoon let out a sound that could only be described as a purr, and leaned back in Sakon's arms, completely content to be petted.

"You don't even know who you are, do you?" Sakon questioned in amusement. "I bet you'd be perfectly happy if I kept you as a pet..."

The raccoon looked up at him and gave a toothy yawn, giving its chubby belly a lazy scratch as it did so. Sakon rubbed it behind the ears for a moment wondering what he was going to do. He had found the raccoon, and so now what was the cure? Find a magic laxative? Where could he find someone that was familiar with curses? Sakon thought about it for a moment, and then abruptly stopped patting the raccoon in realization.

Sakon gave a wince at the thought of The Happy Mask Salesman. His uncle was the only one he knew of that was familiar with magic. He didn't know anyone else and he really doubted an island of village bumpkins would be of any help. Grimacing at the thought of going back to that shop, he frowned down at the raccoon, and resumed petting it, much to its delight.

"You're lucky that you're my friend, and that I like animals." he muttered. "If you were anyone else I'd have a new pet right now."

Slowly, getting back to his feet, he adjusted his hold on the raccoon then slowly jumped into the air, glad that he was able to carry the both of them. The raccoon didn't seem to care that they were thirty feet in the air, simply content to be petted. Sakon headed back towards the small village, glad he didn't have to fight while trying to hold onto the raccoon. He was sure it would have gotten hurt.

"Why are you so fat, anyway?" Sakon demanded. "You're probably heavier now, than when you were a human!"

The raccoon closed its eyes and let out another happy purr. Sakon simply rolled his eyes.

"I'm going to add this to the list of things I'm never going to let you forget about." Sakon commented.

The raccoon didn't seem to care either way and Sakon floated down towards the item shop, feeling his unease rise. The moment his feet touched the ground he stopped, not wanting to enter the shop and instead played with one of the raccoon's ears nervously. Kaepora Gaepbora had clearly told him he couldn't regain his body without The Postman's help and he knew he would fail if he tried, and so had no other choice but to ask for help. Biting his bottom lip as he stared at the shop, Sakon took a deep breath, and then held the raccoon towards the door.

"Can you open the door for me? I can't touch it, and since you're solid I can't walk through it."

The raccoon reached out a paw, turned the doorknob for him, and all Sakon had to do was pull back, and the door easily opened.

The door chimed as he entered, and the shopkeeper instantly looked up as he entered and started to say a greeting then paused at the sight of the raccoon.

"I apologize, Sir, but pets are not allowed in the shop!"

Sakon frowned and approached the counter. Lifting the raccoon, he set it on the counter in front of the shopkeeper who simply stared at it, obviously displeased. The raccoon stared back at him, twitched its whiskers, and then yawned, feeling content.

"Sir, animals are not allowed in my-"

"Fix him!" Sakon ordered.

The shopkeeper hesitated. "Fix what exactly?" he questioned. "This isn't a vet's office."

Sakon had a sixth sense when it came to The Happy Mask Salesman, and felt certain this was really his uncle.

"You know very well 'what'!" Sakon snapped, crossing his arms. "This whole innocence act doesn't fool me! I know who you really are!"

The shopkeeper cocked his head, and gave Sakon a bemused smile. "Do you now?" he asked lightly. He didn't even deny the accusation.

Sakon realized he was on dangerous ground, but knew with his uncle everything was about business. He still had a feeling this really was The Happy Mask Salesman, but knew his uncle wouldn't admit to anything if he was in the middle of a scheme.

"Yes, I do know it's you, and I also know you'd never turn away a good deal."

The shopkeeper gave him a thoughtful look, and said nothing, simply allowing him to continue.

Sakon pushed the raccoon closer. "Turn him back."

The shopkeeper's gaze never wavered from Sakon. "I own an item shop, how could I break his curse?" he asked, seemingly testing him.

Once more Sakon noted he didn't deny knowing what the curse was or even who it was and frowned at his uncle. "I know you can do it. What do you want?"

The shopkeeper stared at Sakon thoughtfully and scratched at his chin as he considered it. Sakon had grown up around The Happy Mask Salesman, and he didn't like that look one bit. It never meant anything good.

"I suppose I might be able to do something for you..."

"What do you want?" Sakon repeated, impatiently.

"A favour."

Sakon's eyes widened. "No way!"

The shopkeeper gave a shrug. "If you're not going to buy anything, I'm going to have to ask you to leave. My shop is for customers only."

Sakon let out a frustrated sigh. "The last time you suckered us into a favour for you, it almost got us killed!" Sakon accused. "You turned some old guy into an owl!"

"I don't know what you're talking about." the shopkeeper responded. "I've only just met you today for the first time."

Sakon crossed his arms and scowled. "How stupid do you think I am? I know it's you! No one else could ever be as creepy, and slimy as you!"

The shopkeeper gave him an unimpressed look, and Sakon fidgeted, not liking the look. He knew he was walking a fine line, and despite his genuine fear of his uncle, he would not be tricked into doing something dangerous.

"No favours." Sakon said stubbornly. "What else do you want?"

The shopkeeper gave him a shrug and again considered it. "1500 rupees." he stated.

Sakon paused. "...I don't have 1500 rupees."

"Not my problem. 1500 rupees, or a favour."

Sakon rested his elbows on the counter as he thought that through and gave a look to the raccoon which rubbed its head affectionately against his arm.

"1500 rupees, but I'll owe you." he stated. "I'll even pay your ridiculous interest rate."

The shopkeeper shook his head. "Payment up front."

Sakon gave him a scowl and crossed his arms. "I'm your nephew, you know I'm good for it."

"I've never met you before, and I expect payment up front."

Sakon knew he was really pushing his luck, but he narrowed his eyes accusingly at the shopkeeper. "I don't believe you." he stated. "You're no 'simple shopkeeper'! What's on this island that you want so badly? Why are you here?"

The shopkeeper gave him a patient look. "You're very confused, dear boy, perhaps you've had a bit too much sun? I'm a shopkeeper, and we've never met."

Sakon met his gaze evenly. "When I was 8, I stole 50 rupees out of your cash drawer."

The shopkeeper twitched, a reaction barely noticeable, and then gave a shrug. "You have me mistaken for someone else."

Sakon leaned over the counter. "When I was 10, I switched all of the price-tags on your masks when you were away, and then blamed a customer. When Guru Guru took over your shop for the day, he didn't know about the switched tags and he accidentally sold a 1000 rupee mask for 20 rupees. I was too scared to tell you at the time because I thought you'd kill me."

The shopkeeper's eyes seemed to glint red for a moment, but he quickly blinked and resumed grinning at Sakon in a friendly fashion. "I own an item shop, not a mask shop. I've never been off of this island before, and I don't know what you're talking about."

Sakon was now feeling very bold indeed. "You know that really expensive mask that I accidentally broke, the one that got me banned from your shop a few months ago? I broke it on purpose. I smashed it on the floor when your back was turned, and then told you it was an accident. I was mad that you wouldn't share our family tea recipe with me."

"WHAT?!"

The 'shopkeeper' slammed both of his fists down onto the counter, his eyes now narrowed and red, and expression anything but happy. Sakon let out a startled yelp and jumped backwards, not expecting the sudden outburst. Realizing he may have just said a bit too much, Sakon let out a nervous giggle as the The Happy Mask Salesman seemed to radiate anger.

"Um...uh, I was just joking." Sakon tried to lie. "I just wanted you to admit who you were...I never did any of those things."

The Happy Mask Salesman almost seemed to be glowing in a green aura which was really worrying Sakon as he knew his uncle was capable of doing really horrible things when he put his mind to it.

"Look into my eyes." The Happy Mask Salesman ordered.

Sakon quickly looked down at the floor. "Look, I didn't do it!"

"Now, Sakon." the other man hissed. "Do as I say, right now!"

Sakon looked up, and hesitantly met his uncle's eyes, knowing he had just admitted to way more than he should have. The Happy Mask Salesmna only maintained eye contact for a few seconds, and his expression turned even angrier.

"That was a 20,000 rupee mask that you destroyed. It was the only one of its kind, and incredibly powerful. I was willing to let it slide because I believed it to be an accident, but I will not forgive such blatant disrespect and childishness!"

"20,000 rupees." Sakon said quickly. "I'll pay you back the 20,000 rupees."

The Happy Mask Salesman paused. "And the rest?" he questioned.

"1500 for the cure, 50 for the theft from when I was 8, and 1000 for the mask incident from when I was 10."

The Happy Mask Salesman crossed his arms and seemed to consider it. "You don't have 22,550 rupees." he pointed out.

"I'll pay you later." Sakon promised.

The Happy Mask Salesman seemed skeptical. "You never steal from me again." he warned.

Sakon nodded his head in agreement.

"Others have stolen from me and they all tend to meet unfortunate endings." he stated. "Unless you want to pay the ultimate price, I suggest you take my advice and don't steal from me."

Sakon gulped and gave another nod.

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a wide grin. "Very well, I will cure this curse as agreed."

Reaching underneath the counter, he pulled out a pouch and set it on the counter. Opening the pouch, he took a pinch of the powder within, and then threw it into the raccoons face. The raccoon let out a shriek of protest, and then immediately began violently sneezing and fell off the counter as it rubbed and clawed at its nose. Sakon stared in amazement as there was a puff of smoke, and then the raccoon began transforming. Sakon's mouth then dropped open when Tarin stood before him instead of The Postman.

"What in Din's name?" he demanded. "Where's Jihiro?"

Tarin scratched at his hairy stomach in confusion. "Mushroom?"

Sakon stared at him for all of a moment before his expression turned horrified and he let out a sound of disgust and rubbed his hands on his pants.

"Eww! I petted you!" he cried out. "I petted the big fat, greasy, drunk! Ewww! "

Tarin seemed incredibly confused and scratched at his head as if not sure how he got to the item shop. "...mushrooms..." he muttered to himself.

Sakon rounded on The Happy Mask Salesman who was still grinning as if nothing unusual had happened at all. "You! You knew he wasn't Jihiro! Where's Jihiro?"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a shrug. "We made a deal for me to cure this raccoon which I did. The deal has been made. You never asked if this was your friend."

"You should have told me!"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him another shrug.

Sakon scowled at him. "Fine. Ha ha, very funny, so what will it take for you to cure Jihiro?"

"A favour."

"No."

"Then your friend will live out his days as a raccoon." The Happy Mask Salesman said, seemingly not caring one way or another.

Sakon gave Tarin a look of death, and tried to shove him. "You stupid drunk! This is all YOUR fault! You owe me 22,550 rupees!"

Sakon fell right through the other man, and Tarin gave another look of confusion around the room. "Mushroom?"

Sakon wrinkled his nose at him, and then turned his attention back to his uncle. "This isn't fair!" he protested. "You knew that was the wrong raccoon!"

"A favour or no deal."

Sakon let out a long, irritated sigh. "What kind of favour?"

"There's a mask on this island that I want."

Sakon's eyes widened. "No way! Are you crazy? You know how I feel about masks!"

The Happy Mask Salesman brushed back a bit of his hair with one hand, and then said. "It's perfectly safe as long as you don't put it on." he assured. "Touching it will not cause you any harm."

"You're here so why don't you get it?"

The Happy Mask Salesman let out a sigh. "The Windfish forbade me to take it. He allowed me passage, but he controls this island so I must abide by his rules. Everyone has their part to play in this dream, and I have taken the role of the shopkeeper and cannot leave the shop until the Windfish wakes. Someone must retrieve the mask for me if I wish to have it."

Sakon crossed his arms. "What does it do?" he asked suspiciously.

"That's none of your concern."

"Well, what if I decide to put it on?" Sakon challenged.

"Go ahead." The Happy Mask Salesman responded, with a smile.

Remembering the one and only time he had ever put on one of his uncle's masks, Sakon felt a shiver of fear make its way up his spine. He would never be able to put on another mask again and The Happy Mask Salesman knew this. Knowing he was being shamelessly manipulated, Sakon gave a gulp and averted his eyes.

"Where is it?"

"There are several dungeons you'll have to face on this island. One of the monsters within the dungeons will have the mask. Bring it to me once you find it."

"I'm your nephew, you shouldn't make me do this in the first place! You should just help me!"

"I overlook a lot of your nonsense because you're my nephew." The Happy Mask Salesman responded, evenly. "How many people do you think I help?"

Sakon pondered about it, and then let out another sigh. "Okay, fine. I'll be back with Jihiro, but you'd better tell me whether it's really him this time!"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a nod. "I'll make sure it's the right raccoon."

Sakon turned to Tarin who was watching the whole exchange with a somewhat glazed look.

"My backpack is in the forest. Go find it for me." Sakon ordered angrily. "I'll be coming back later to collect the money you owe me for saving you! If you don't pay up, I'll slit your fat throat!"

Blankly, Tarin gave him a nod and left the shop still muttering something about mushrooms. Sakon let out a resigned sigh, not liking how he'd been outsmarted and gave his uncle one last glare as he too left the shop. Once back outside, Sakon jumped into the air and headed back towards the forest, hoping there weren't too many cursed raccoons hiding within the Mysterious Woods.

All he saw below were the occasional monsters and trees so thick he could barely see through them. After an hour of searching he began to feel discouraged and worried. Anything could have happened to one small raccoon. A monster could have killed it, a fox could have eaten it, or it could have found a cave or hole to crawl down into. He came to the clearing he'd found the other raccoon in, and landed down to see if there was any sign of The Postman around. The clearing was completely empty, and so Sakon turned his attention to the North path, remembering how the previous raccoon had seemed so determined to make him go that direction.

He stared towards the path, not wanting to fall into a trap, but feeling like there was something in that direction he was supposed to find. Cautiously heading through the trees, he walked for a few minutes until he came to a second clearing with a large treasure chest sitting at its centre. It wasn't the chest that caught Sakon's attention however, it was the raccoon crouched on top of it, clutching a key to its furry chest. Sakon took a step forward.

"Jihiro?" Sakon questioned.

The raccoon turned to face him and narrowed its eyes, and Sakon noticed it had a very familiar marking burned onto its neck. Sakon let out a breath of relief.

"I finally found you!"

"You'll never get it!" the raccoon told him, clutching the key even tighter. "I will drop it into the ocean!"

"Now why would you do that?" Sakon questioned in amusement.

"Because you want it." the raccoon answered simply. "I am a raccoon, and as a raccoon I play tricks on people!"

"But you need it too." Sakon pointed out. "If you drop it into the ocean then you're only hurting yourself."

The raccoon let out a snort. "Raccoons don't need keys; keys are for men."

Sakon knelt down and edged a bit closer. "Don't you remember who you are? You are a man...well...sorta!"

The raccoon hopped down off the chest, its black eyes watching Sakon warily. "You cannot trick me." it stated. "I am a raccoon; I have always been this way."

"No, you've been that way for like two hours tops." Sakon corrected, slowly reaching out towards it.

The raccoon hissed at him in warning and Sakon hesitated. The other raccoon had enjoyed being petted so certainly this one would too, right? He just had to get a hold of it to show it he meant no harm. The raccoon was much more alert than the other one, and was watching his movements closely as Sakon very, very slowly continued edging towards it. The moment he reached out towards it again, however, it gave another hiss, its fur standing straight up on end.

"I will bite." it warned.

"Why?" Sakon asked. "I'm not going to hurt you."

"Because I don't want you to touch me."

This was definitely The Postman all right...

"Okay," Sakon said with a nod. "I won't touch you."

The raccoon seemed suspicious and narrowed its eyes further, obviously trying to figure out if Sakon was telling the truth. Sakon gave it a friendly smile which made it even more distrusting, and then Sakon said.

You know this is my first time meeting a talking raccoon, I've never- LOOK OUT!" Sakon suddenly screamed. "FOX! IT'S A FOX!"

The raccoon instantly spun around to where Sakon was pointing and Sakon made his move and lunged at the raccoon. He caught it around the middle just as it realized it had been tricked, and it let out a ferocious snarl as Sakon wrapped his arms around it. Sakon tried to pet it, but the raccoon was struggling with all its might, biting and clawing at any bit of skin it could reach and Sakon almost dropped it as it drew blood. He had no idea how he could even bleed, considering his body was back in the desert, but he refused to let go, trying to get the upper hand on the snarling animal.

The raccoon sunk its teeth deeply into his arm, and Sakon let out a shrill yelp, yanking at its fur in an attempt to pull it free. The raccoon no longer seemed like a person who had been cursed, but more like a genuine wild animal. As it, growled, hissed and clawed at him, Sakon struggled to keep a grip on the raccoon.

"By the goddesses!" Sakon exclaimed. "You have rabies!"

Sakon finally managed to get the raccoon by the scruff of the neck and held it far away from himself as it continued hissing and snarling threateningly. Despite having clawed him up pretty good, the raccoon still maintained a tight grip on the key, and was obviously determined to keep it away from him.

"Stop it!" Sakon ordered as it tried to snap at his hand. "I'm not going to hurt you!"

The raccoon flattened its ears against his head, its eyes narrowed to small, black slits. Sakon could tell by its expression that it was just waiting for an opportunity to bite him again, and held it even further away.

"How come the drunk had a better temperament than you?" he demanded. "You're lucky you're so cute right now, or I'd have a new hat."

The raccoon bared its pointy little teeth at him so Sakon stuck his tongue out at it. Jumping into the air, he couldn't help but feel satisfied when the raccoon stiffened in fear. Its eyes grew very round as they went higher and higher, and Sakon was tempted to pretend he was going to drop it just to hear it squeal.

His arms were covered in blood from the attack a moment ago and he was indeed a petty enough person to do such a thing, but still wasn't sure if The Postman would remember any of this. The Postman was angry enough at him as it was, and so he didn't really want to give him anything else to whine about.

As they went higher and higher into the sky, the raccoon puffed itself up much like a cat and turned nervous eyes to Sakon.

"...changed mind." it said frantically. "Raccoons like to be held safely...not dropped."

Sakon gave it a wide grin. "Oh, so now your attitude changes." he commented. "Well, what if I've changed my mind? What if I don't want to hold you anymore? You are rather heavy..."

The raccoon's eyes went even wider. "No! I will give you the key! No more tricks, I promise! No more tricks!"

Sakon gave the raccoon a mischievous look which it didn't like at all. "Hmm, say you're sorry for attacking me." he ordered. "Then I'll consider it."

"I'm sorry!" the raccoon immediately cried. "Very sorry!"

Sakon's grin became a bit wider, and he loosened his hold a bit. The raccoon let out a loud, frantic squeak and kicked its short, stubby legs uselessly.

"Sorry for what?" Sakon urged, knowing he was being a complete bully, but not caring.

"Sorry for scratching and for biting your ugly, greasy head!" the raccoon cried. "I am sorry!"

Sakon frowned at the raccoon. "You are not a pleasant raccoon." he stated. "I like you a lot better as a human; you're not as mean."

He brought the raccoon closer to himself, intending on holding it more securely, but the raccoon had other ideas. The moment the raccoon's paws touched his arms, it grabbed a hold of his shirt, and scrambled up inside it, shaking in absolute terror. It was holding on like its life depended on it, and Sakon winced as several claws found his stomach.

"Ow!" Sakon protested angrily. "Watch those nails!"

The raccoon's nose poked out through the neck of his shirt, and a low, shaky growl came from somewhere within.

"You can't be intimidating while hiding in my shirt." Sakon pointed out. "It just comes off as cute. Now stop clawing me and stay still!"

The nose disappeared again, and there wasn't another sound.

Sakon let out a laugh at the sulking lump in his shirt, and gave it a poke. The raccoon gave him a half-hearted hiss, but otherwise stayed silent. Shaking his head in amusement, Sakon started back towards the village, glad to have finally found his friend. When he reached the item shop and touched down, the raccoon felt it and poked its entire head out through a sleeve to look. The door of the shop was still wide open, and Sakon quickly entered before the raccoon could decide to attack him again.

The Happy Mask Salesman raised an eyebrow at the squirming lump in Sakon's shirt, but said nothing about it as his nephew approached the counter. Sakon lifted his shirt, gave it a few hard shakes and sent the raccoon tumbling onto the counter. The raccoon shook its head, looked up, and upon seeing The Happy Mask Salesman, immediately began hissing and backing away.

"This is him, right?" Sakon asked hopefully. "It better be after it clawing half my face off."

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded without a word.

Sakon let out a breath of relief. "Good, now fix him."

"Remember our bargain, Sakon." The Happy Mask Salesman cautioned, taking a pinch of the powder. "I'm not in a hurry, but I do expect you to follow through. You will get me that mask."

Sakon waved him off. "Yeah, yeah."

The Happy Mask Salesman brought his hand towards the raccoon who reacted in the best way it knew how. It sunk its teeth into the hand as hard as it could. Surprised, The Happy Mask Salesman yanked back his hand, several bright red drops of blood splattering onto the counter. Sakon's eyes widened in complete horror, certain his friend was now doomed. The Happy Mask Salesman narrowed his eyes at the snarling raccoon, glanced down at his bleeding hand, and then threw the powder into the raccoon's face.

The raccoon's hisses instantly turned to sneezes, and it fell backwards off the counter as it batted and clawed at its nose. There was a poof of smoke, and when it cleared, Sakon was relieved to see The Postman in the raccoon's place.

The Postman blinked a few times, ans then glanced around himself in confusion. Seeing that he was now in the item shop sitting at Sakon's feet, he hesitated, and then slowly got up. Sakon grinned at him widely.

"Welcome back, Darling!"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Back? Back from where?"

Sakon tried to set a hand on his shoulder but his hand passed right through the other man. Deflating in disappointment, he replied. "Nowhere."

The Postman noticed The Happy Mask Salesman staring at him with narrowed eyes. Although the other man was smiling, something seemed very off about the smile. The expression itself was friendly, but it left a feeling of unease inside him and he quickly looked away. He had a feeling the man was angry at him, but he had no idea why.

"...how did I get here?" The Postman asked uncertainly. "We were in the forest..."

"Um, the mushroom teleported us..." Sakon lied. "It was magic."

"Teleported?" The Postman questioned in disbelief, as he glanced down at the key in his hand. "And where did this come from?"

"...the mushroom gave it to you?"

The Postman gave Sakon an unimpressed look, and then noticed for the first time how scratched up the thief was. "What happened to you?" he asked. "It looks like you lost a fight with a rosebush."

"A raccoon tried to eat my face."

The Postman crossed his arms. "All this happened while being teleported, and I didn't notice?"

"...you teleported really, really slowly, and you were unconscious during the whole thing."

The Postman gave him a skeptical look. "You actually expect me to believe that?"

"Yep."

The Postman decided he didn't really care, and didn't bother questioning it any more than that. They had the key, no one that he knew of was hurt, and so that's all that really mattered. The Happy Mask Salesman pushed the pouch of powder towards The Postman, his odd look never once wavering.

"You'll need this." he stated curtly. "It has some interesting properties."

Sakon peered into the pouch at the white powder, but wasn't able to touch it. "This stuff's cool; what is it?"

The Happy Mask Salesman's grin grew a little wider. "It's a magic powder derived from an odd mushroom found only in the Mysterious Woods. If eaten, the mushrooms have an interesting side effect..."

The Postman gave a nod. "Teleporting?"

"HEY!" Sakon cut in before his uncle could say any more. "Take the pouch, we have to get going! No time to be chatting! Now get your ass moving, and stop being so lazy!"

The Postman took the pouch off of the counter and his eyes fell on the bite-mark on The Happy Mask Salesman's hand. The wound was still bleeding, and The Postman got an strange feeling that he should know how it had happened.

"Sir...your hand?" he asked, pointing to the blood. "What happened? You're bleeding!"

Sakon quickly blocked his view of the other man, and pointed towards the door, looking a bit frantic. "Come on!" he urged. "Time to go!"

The Happy Mask Salesman pushed Sakon aside, taking the thief by surprise, and met The Postman's gaze directly. Sakon began cautiously backing away, realizing his uncle had a lot more power on the island than he was letting on. He didn't know what he was scheming, but knew he definitely didn't want tot find out. The Happy Mask Salesman maintained eye contact with The Postman for an uncomfortably long time, until he finally spoke.

"Everyone has a mask destined to find them, postman." The Happy Mask Salesman stated in a serious tone of voice. "Some wear theirs already, others have yet to discover their mask. The kind of mask all depends on you, and the choices you make in life. No other person or god can decide this for you. The choice will always be yours, and everything you do influences this. Others might try to influence your decisions, but only trust your own judgement. Keep this in mind throughout your journey, and be cautious. There's much about your life that even you don't yet understand."

The Postman now realized exactly who he was speaking to, and frowned. He knew Sakon's family weren't exactly known for being on the up and up, but he wondered what The Happy Mask Salesman wanted on Koholint island. How did he even get there in the first place?

The Postman clutched the pouch tightly in one hand, and felt it would be best if he left. He wasn't sure what he did to anger him, but he doubted The Happy Mask Salesman ever told anyone anything good. If something was going to happen to him in the future, then it was going to be something horrible. He could count on it. He turned away from the counter much to Sakon's relief.

"Thank you, Sir. I'll keep what you said in mind."

As they left the shop, The Happy Mask Salesman called after Sakon. "A deal has been made, Sakon. Do not disappoint me."

Once they were outside, The Postman glanced at Sakon suspiciously. "What have you gotten yourself into now?" he demanded. "What deal did you make?"

Sakon averted his gaze. "Nothing you need to concern yourself with."

"And when exactly did this whole business transaction take place?"

"While you were slowly teleporting." Sakon replied with a shrug.

"But how-"

"Hero Postman! Bald man!"

The Postman looked up, and saw Tarin hurrying towards them, carrying Sakon's backpack. "I found your bag in the woods beside a lovely patch of mushrooms! I picked dozens of them! I'm going to have them with my supper tonight, but you should really learn to be more careful with your possessions! A monster could have found it."

The Postman gratefully took the backpack, and slipped it over one of his shoulders. "Thank you, Sir, I hadn't realized I'd lost it."

Tarin gave him a smile, and then turned to hurry back to his cottage, bag of mushrooms in hand.

The Postman turned the strange key over in his hand as they began walking along the path leading out of town, and scratched absentmindedly at his arm. It wasn't just his arm that itched however, and after a moment of scratching, The Postman lifted his shirt and looked down at his stomach. Several small red spots covered his stomach and he scratched at them with a frown. Why was he covered in flea bites? When did that happen? The Postman gave Sakon a suspicious look, knowing the thief was hiding something. Exactly what had happened after he'd eaten the mushroom?

Sakon gave him a happy grin as he drew his sword, and he pointed it towards the beach. "Onward, brave postman! Destiny awaits!"

The Postman scratched at his back with a frown, and decided that at that moment, he really hated destiny.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will be on Friday!**

 **UPDATE:**

 **The chapter will be late this week because I have the flu. Hopefully I'll have it up sometime this weekend.**


	65. The First Dungeon

**Authornote** **: Friday Sept. 15th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I am so sorry that I missed last week's update! I got the flu really bad, recovered, and then got it a second time! Two whole weeks of flu! o_O**

 **I know this chapter is not up to par, but being sick totally zapped all motivation out of me. If I find any errors when I go over it later, I'll be sure to fix them. Please excuse any typos. lol**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guest** \- The Postman really did make a really bratty raccoon! No one was expecting that! Although The Happy Mask Salesman definitely knows a lot more than he's letting on, he's not all-knowing, and so it is still possible to catch him by surprise. lol This whole experience may have actually taught Sakon something, but don't count on it. Tarin will indeed become a raccoon again in no time at all. :D

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 **Rainmy** -I really do seem to be having a bad vein of luck lately. First my eyes, then I trip, and now the flu. My eyes are doing much, much better than before, and the doctor is feeling really optimistic. Nothing was broken in the fall luckily, and I've finally gotten over the flu. Bad luck comes in threes, and so hopefully my luck will start to improve. haha

That Moblin just doesn't give a crap any more. He's way too old to worry about heroes, and other such nonsense. He'd rather work on his tan, and relax. lol

The Happy Mask Salesman knows way more than he should, and anyone who knows him well enough do indeed wear sunglasses. Sakon couldn't be bothered however. lol

No, I've never heard of it. I was going to google search it, but because of the name, I was scared of what images might come up. lol What is it? A book?

I have a feeling it will be a very long time before Sakon ever learns that family recipe. The Happy Mask Salesman has been known to hold a grudge for a very long time. lol

Hopefully your mushroom soup wasn't made from suspicious mushroom found in the forest. lol Did you see that news article about the woman in California who made a mushroom soup out of deathcap mushrooms? That is why I would never pick my own mushrooms. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- I pretty sure everyone would be mad at me if I never mentioned Sam again. lol Don't worry, she'll be back soon. That unusual Moblin will be back as well. haha

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** \- That would be a very bizarre cross-over! I guarantee if I looked, I'd be able to find a Zelda/Mario fanfic somewhere on this site. lol Unfortunately, Tarin will not be the hero of this story. His odd addiction to mushrooms will be his downfall.

Raccoon postman didn't really have rabies, he was just mean. lol With all of his crawling through tunnels and air-vents to steal things, Sakon probably comes into contact with a lot of rodents. Ganondorf probably has had him vaccinated against rabies because of this. lol

Don't worry, The Postman gets his own jabs in every now and then when Sakon annoys him. lol

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 **setokayba2n** -The Happy Mask Salesman hasn't lived this long without getting caught without learning to be extremely cautious. He knows you don't mess around when it comes to the gods. lol He is indeed very good at making profit no matter where he goes, or who he deals with. :D

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 17

The First Dungeon

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Zaira looked up at the tall fortress with a frown, wondering if Samirah was even still alive. Moblins weren't known for showing mercy, and she had no idea how long ago she'd been captured by them. Samirah only had one leg, and Zaira wasn't even sure if the other woman had any weapons to defend herself with.

Seeing no signs of monsters, she cautiously pushed open the front doors of the fortress, and stepped inside, sword drawn. She was met with the sight of an enormous entrance hall, and she readied herself for a fight. Glancing around the room, she saw it was completely empty, and so she crept to the next room, certain this had to be some sort of trap. The next room had three Moblins within, and she charged to attack, but paused when they didn't move. The Moblins were standing as still as statues, swords drawn, and eyes unblinking.

"Where is Samirah?" Zaira demanded, pressing her sword to one of the monster's throats.

None of the Moblins moved, and she faltered, backing away a step. Staring at the unnaturally still Moblins, she reached out and gave one a hard poke in the shoulder. When there was no reaction, she felt rather unnerved, and passed them by, wondering what was wrong with them. To her surprise, every single monster in the fortress was completely frozen in place, and none reacted to her presence at all. It was like everything had been frozen in time, the monsters all in their proper positions to wait for the hero to arrive. Zaira had a feeling that she wasn't expected, and that she was not supposed to be here at the moment. Hoping she could rescue Samirah before she was noticed, Zaira hurried through room after room, stepping around inactive traps and monsters without pause. It was unsurprisingly easy to get through the temple, and after just a few minutes of searching, she finally came to the boss room. The door wasn't even locked yet, and so she simply stepped inside, eyed the huge bird-like monster somewhat warily, and passed it by to reach the room beyond.

To her immense relief, she found Samirah tied up next to an ornate chest, and she gave the girl a concerned look.

"Are you hurt?" she demanded.

Samirah was gagged, but she shook her head, looking relieved to see the other woman. Zaira knelt down next to her, and cut through the ropes that bound her, and Samirah instantly stretched her arms to get some feeling back into them. Pulling the gag out of her mouth, Samirah let out a breath of relief.

"I've been tied up here for hours!" she exclaimed. "The Moblins on this island are completely ridiculous! They kept calling me Maron, and said that the hero would be there to rescue me! They wouldn't listen to a word I said!"

"They're not real." Zaira answered distractedly, glancing towards the open doorway.

Samirah gave her a confused look. "What?"

"This is an island created by a god, and the creatures are all fake. We were never supposed to come here, and I don't think the god even knows we're here right now."

Samirah seemed even more confused. "What?"

Zaira gave her an impatient look. "I'll explain later, but for right now, we need to get out of here. Where's your leg?"

Samirah looked down at her missing leg, and gave a shrug. "It must have been lost in the water. When I woke up on the beach, it was gone. With any luck, it washed up on shore somewhere."

Zaira nodded, and reached out to help Samirah stand. "I'll carry you until we find a replacement." she told her. "We have to get out of here before anyone notices we're here."

"Wait." Samirah protested. "You mean you're not even the least bit curious what's in this big fancy chest?"

Zaira glanced at it. Her natural instinct to plunder was overwhelming, but she knew it wasn't wise to steal from a god. Although it pained her to do so, she shook her head. "No, we should leave whatever it is alone."

Samirah did not look impressed. "Seriously? I just spent the last few hours staring at this chest, and you don't even want to take a peek?"

Zaira shook her head. "No."

Samirah bit her lower lip, her eyes still on the chest. "How about if I just look but don't touch? You wouldn't really be mean enough to make me leave without knowing what's inside!"

Zaira let out a heavy sigh. "It's not a good idea."

"We're pirates, it's in our second nature to treasure hunt. It's cruel to deny ourselves."

Zaira rolled her eyes. "Fine, but do not take anything. We don't need the wrath of a god raining down on us."

Samirah eagerly hopped over to the chest, and opened it. Neither women were expecting the blinding flash of light, and a strange song swelled around them played on an organ. When the light dimmed, they saw they'd been transported back to the beach, far from the fortress.

"What in Din's name..." Samirah exclaimed, looking all around them in confusion.

""What's that you're holding?" Zaira demanded.

Samirah looked down at her hands and saw a miniature organ that seemed to pulse with magic. "Oh, shoot, where did this come from?!"

"I told you not to touch anything!" Zaira snapped.

"I didn't!" Samirah protested. "All I did was open the chest!"

Zaira glanced all around them, but saw no signs of any danger. "Come on, get on my back." she ordered. "We need to find the Tracker and get out of here."

"The Tracker's here too?"

Zaira nodded as she helped the younger woman on her back. "Yes, and Ganondorf's thief, Sakon is here as well."

"What? Why?"

"I'll explain everything I know as we walk, but we need to get going before we're noticed."

Samirah nodded, and Zaira began the trek back to where she's left The Postman.

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The Postman and Sakon found Tail Cave to the South of the island just as Kaepora Gaebora had told them, and the only monster they came across were a few Octoroks. Sakon had cut down any monster in their path, and now they both stood at the entrance of the cave, everything about it seeming ominous. Ivy climbed the walls all around the cave, almost hiding the elaborate carvings and decorations carved into the stone wall. The Postman studied the carvings curiously, wondering what it meant, the language strange and unfamiliar to him. The letters looked like nothing he had ever seen before, and the language seemed ancient, and he wished he had time to study it more thoroughly. Languages had always interested him, and he wondered at the language's origins. Sakon was clearly impatient to get going, and he watched The Postman stare at the wall with a frown. He kept sighing as The Postman looked the whole area over, and the sighs got louder and louder until finally The Postman was forced to acknowledge him.

"I get the hint, Sakon."

Sakon let out a snort and waved his sword towards the cave. "Obviously not, because I still don't see you moving!"

The Postman's eyes fell on the stone door to the cave which was sealed tightly, and he knew just by looking at it, he'd never be able to move it. Hoping it would open automatically once he used the key, he began looking all over for the keyhole.

Three small statues stood in front of the cave, also covered in ivy and The Postman pulled some of it away to look them over. The statues resembled jesters with belled hats and checkered patterns, and The Postman noticed the one in the center had a keyhole for a mouth.

The Postman looked down at the key in his hand, and then at the statue as Sakon floated over to see what he was doing.

"You put the key in the keyhole." Sakon informed him helpfully. "Now hurry up."

The Postman knew very well what the key was for and gave Sakon a dirty look as he stuck it into the keyhole. The moment he turned it, the entire cave seemed to shake and the cave's entrance slid open to reveal a deep, black hole. Sakon clapped his hands together and took the lead, completely unafraid, and The Postman trailed after him getting his shield ready just in case.

The moment they entered the cave, torches sprung to life lighting the entire room and Sakon gave him a lopsided grin. "Well, that's convenient at least." he stated. "Now you won't have to waste my lantern."

The room was sparsely decorated with several inactive Beamos sitting in the center, and Sakon poked at them with the sword in disappointment. There were two doorways, one to the East of the room and the other straight leading to the North. Sakon gave a quick look around the room then headed to the North as The Postman gave a glance to the East. He had a feeling there was something important there but wasn't sure what.

"Shouldn't we look to the East first before continuing through the dungeon?" he questioned.

Sakon gave another fleeting look to the East but clearly wasn't interested. "Trust me, darling, all the interesting things are always hidden in the most obvious spots. I've learned a few things from being a thief after all!"

The Postman didn't know much about dungeons and even less about being a thief so he gave a nod, knowing Sakon likely knew what he was doing.

The next room to the North had some sort of strange beetle-crab monster in the centre of it and Sakon let out an excited yell, eager to fight something new. The monster was completely surrounded by a seemingly bottomless chasm and The Postman wondered how it had even gotten there in the first place. It snapped its claws at them threateningly but seemed more wary than vicious.

Sakon floated straight for it, swinging the sword wildly and it quickly hid in its shell to avoid him. The sword bounced harmlessly off the thick, black shell and Sakon frowned down at the monster.

"Cheater." he complained.

Sakon continued hacking and stabbing at it, but the shell didn't even scratch from his efforts. Determined to defeat absolutely anything he came across, Sakon raised the sword high above his head with both hands, prepared to bring it down. The Postman was watching Sakon, not particularly impressed and didn't notice two very small monsters making their way towards him.

Sakon brought the sword down as hard as he could and the shelled monster was knocked backwards from the force. Unable to stop itself, it fell into the chasm, snapping its claws desperately at thin air. Sakon stared down into the darkness for a moment, and then his shoulders slumped in disappointment.

"Aww." he said grumpily, "I almost had him!"

The Postman rolled his eyes, secretly hoping the monster's hard shell saved it from the fall. He was about to respond but let out a yelp of surprise as the two monsters jumped on him, attaching themselves, firmly to his legs. The Postman looked down and saw two very tiny Jellies the size of an egg had latched onto him, and he relaxed when he saw they were too small to actually hurt him. Sakon upon hearing the yelp, instantly floated over, sword at the ready, looking for the attacker. When his gaze fell on the Jellies, he pointed his sword at them.

"Unhand him, foul creatures!" he yelled out heroically. "Prepare to be slain!"

The Postman raised an eyebrow and simply reached down and pulled the Jellies off his legs without a word. Once detached from their prey, the Jellies knew they were outmatched, and slid down into a floor crack out of view. Sakon stabbed the sword down into the crack, but couldn't get at the monsters.

"Well, they could have been dangerous." Sakon said petulantly.

"Right." The Postman stated, turning to look at the next two doorways.

He'd never actually navigated a dungeon without a letter to deliver and somehow it just felt wrong to him. He'd always depended on his ability to find anyone, anywhere but on the island, he felt nothing. It was a dreamworld so nothing felt right. Everyone and everything else seemed like an illusion, and it made him uncomfortable. Looking at Sakon's scratched up face and arms, he voiced something he'd been wondering about.

"Do you suppose your body back home has the same injuries that you do?"

Sakon crinkled his nose as he thought about that. "I hope not, but that would be rather funny. The old hags would be so confused right now! I just hope they don't let any of the cuts get infected."

"They wouldn't do that." The Postman assured him. "They take their job extremely seriously, and they'll take care of you as they promised."

"I don't know why you like them so much." Sakon complained. "I spent years and years with them, and they still treat me like I'm ten years old!"

"Well, you kind of act like it..." The Postman pointed out.

Sakon gave him a glare. "I'm the most handsome, and most mature person in the whole desert!"

"Right." The Postman responded, turning his attention back to the room. There was a door to the East and another to the West and The Postman turned to Sakon.

"Now which way?" he questioned. "Since you're the expert."

Sakon pointed to the East. "We go to the left, because right is never right!"

"But if you stand facing the other way, then the West door will be the left door. How do you know which is right and which is left when it changes depending on where you're standing?"

"Shut up, darling, you're over-thinking things." Sakon said, once again taking the lead.

The Postman was beginning to think most of what Sakon accomplished in life was from pure luck, but still followed after him without a word. The moment they entered the next room, the doors all locked, trapping them inside, and Sakon placed himself in front of The Postman waiting for whatever foe he'd have to face. Nothing immediately attacked them, but then they heard a high-pitched squeaking coming from above. Sakon looked up and saw four Keese sitting on the wall, watching them.

"Ugh, this dungeon sucks. These monsters are pathetic." Sakon complained. "I want a challenge! Did someone seriously think a Keese would defeat an intruder? Has anyone ever been killed by one before?"

Stomping his way over to the wall, Sakon easily killed the Keese, and the doors immediately unlocked themselves. Heading towards the only other door in the room, they went through it and Sakon let out a yell of pure glee at the sight of a new monster. A Mini-Moldorm made its way straight for them ,and Sakon happily killed it, laughing in delight as he did so.

"Too bad it was only a little one." he commented, pointing to the chest the monster had been guarding. "Grab the loot for me, darling."

The Postman opened the chest and found a red rupee which he stuffed into the backpack, and then followed Sakon as he continued through the room North. At the farthest part of the room, there was just a single Keese and Blade-trap. Sakon killed the Keese, and then poked at the Blade-trap as it bounced back and forth between the walls, trying to block their path.

"Hmm, can you kill these things?" Sakon questioned thoughtfully. "I've never tried."

The Postman gave a shrug, easily running past the trap. "It's fine." he stated. "It's not bothering us."

"Well, it's trying to!" Sakon protested, poking at it with his sword. "If you were any slower, it would have cut off your legs!"

The Postman stopped at the sight of the locked door ahead, and turned to look at Sakon who was still poking at the Blade-trap.

"It's locked, we need a key."

Sakon glanced up then let out a snort. "You're with the king of thieves, we don't need keys! I'll just pick the lock."

The Postman crossed his arms, and raised a brow. "Let's see you try." he challenged.

Sakon's eyes widened. "Did you just question my lock-picking abilities?!"

"Not at all." The Postman answered. "I'm questioning your ability to pick up a lock-pick."

Sakon hesitated, having forgotten he couldn't touch anything. "Oh...I forgot."

The Postman turned away. "Let's go find the key."

Sakon puffed out his chest indignantly. "I'm the best thief in the world! I refuse to stoop to using a key!"

"Then what exactly do you suggest?" The Postman asked, beginning to feel impatient.

Sakon pondered a few seconds, and then gave him a grin. "You'll pick the lock!"

The Postman stared at him as if he'd grown a second head. "Me?"

Sakon nodded.

"I don't know how to pick a lock." The Postman informed him.

"That's fine!" Sakon assured him. "I'll teach you! It's really easy once you learn how. There's a case with my lock-picking tools in the second pouch in the back of my backpack."

The Postman doubted picking a lock was as easy as Sakon said, but still dug around inside the backpack until he found the tools. Sakon knelt down and peered into the keyhole, studying the inside for a moment, and then gave a nod.

"Don't worry, this lock is really crappy. You can't get any easier than this unless the door was unlocked!

The Postman opened the tool-case, and Sakon pointed at one of the picks. "Use that one."

"And do what?" The Postman asked, picking up the lock-pick.

"Pick the lock, genius!"

"How?"

Sakon let out a sigh and motioned for The Postman to come closer to the door. "Stick the pick into the lock and feel for a little notch towards the bottom back of the mechanism."

The Postman nodded and did as he was told, but he wasn't sure what to do and couldn't seem to find a notch. Sakon watched him fumble for a minute or two and obviously wanted to just grab the pick from him and do it himself but knew there was nothing he could do. Kneeling down so he could see exactly what The Postman was doing, he let out a sigh of exasperation.

"No, not there!" he scolded. "Move the curved end over a little to the right, and then press down."

The Postman moved the lock-pick over a little, and Sakon gave a nod. "Yes, there!" he said. "Now press down!"

The Postman pressed down and felt something give a little bit.

"Okay good, now grab the big pick, the straight one!"

The Postman took the indicated pick and Sakon gave a nod. "Now stick this one up towards the top of the mechanism. You'll feel a similar notch."

The Postman felt along the top of the lock mechanism but once again had trouble finding the notch Sakon was talking about.

"More to the left." Sakon told him. "Now pull the pick just a tiny bit towards you. Once it's there, twist both your hands to the right."

This time, The Postman felt the notch and pressed on it, feeling the lock give and he turned his hands as told and a moment later there was a click. Sakon gave him a proud grin.

"Congratulations, darling, you just committed your first breaking and entering!"

The Postman didn't respond to that, and instead opened the door and shoved the tools back into the backpack. Sakon entered the room first, sword at the ready, and then let out a disappointed sigh when there were only a couple Sparks to be seen.

"I don't know how to kill these with a sword." Sakon complained. "I don't think I can do it with a sword. If I had a boomerang however..."

"You don't have to kill everything in your path, you know." The Postman pointed out. "We can just walk around the Sparks and they won't bother us as long as we don't get in their way."

"Yeah, but that's boring. I wouldn't have been given a sword if I wasn't expected to use it!"

"Whoever gave that to you probably didn't expect you to stab at anything that moved."

They navigated the room around the Sparks, much to Sakon's annoyance, until they came to a sealed door on the other side. There was no key-hole on this door so Sakon gave a glance around the room.

"There has to be a switch somewhere around here." Sakon told him. "You stay here, away from the Sparks, and I'll take a closer look around the room."

Without waiting for a response, Sakon flew back across the room, inspecting the walls and ceiling closely for anything out of place. The Postman watched Sakon for a while but he wasn't doing anything particularly fascinating so he quickly lost interest. Leaning against one of the stone blocks near the door, he was quite startled when it gave way and slid back a few feet. The door slid open and The Postman stared a moment then called over to Sakon.

"Sakon, the door opened..." he informed him.

Sakon looked over, and gave him an amused grin. "Guess we found the switch."

Sakon readied his sword, and then entered the new room with The Postman at his heals and immediately swung at the monster that came at them as quick as lightening. The monster's shell was solid much like the beetle-crab from before, and the sword bounced harmlessly off. The Postman jumped out of the way of its spiked shell and a second monster came in for the attack. Sakon tried to attack it but once again the shell withstood the sword and it came right at The Postman. This time, The Postman was a little more prepared, and threw up his shield just as it reached him.

The monster smashed into the shield hard and was knocked backwards as The Postman hit the wall behind him solidly. The monster landed on its back and kicked its legs uselessly trying to right itself to no avail. Sakon spotted its soft underbelly and stabbed down with his sword, effectively killing it. The Postman was a bit winded from hitting the wall so hard and threw up his shield a second time just as the second monster came at him. Like the first, it bounced off the shield and ended up on its back, completely helpless. Sakon quickly stabbed it, and then let out a laugh at the unfortunate monsters.

"Ha! That's what you get for trying to cheat!"

Knowing he probably had a few bruises on his back from the impact, The Postman gave a wince and looked up at Sakon.

"Stop lazing around, you slacker." Sakon ordered him. "We still have a lot of temple to explore!"

The Postman let out a sigh, knowing it would do no good to argue, and he followed Sakon towards a stairwell spiralling down into the darkness.

"This looks promising!" Sakon exclaimed. "I bet we're close to something good!"

Eyeing the dark, ominous looking stairs, The Postman wasn't so sure. Sakon headed down them without hesitation and The Postman trailed after him, feeling rather wary. The stairs led down to a dark, damp tunnel that The Postman suspected was a sewer of some sort and he stopped on the bottom step, not sure he'd be willing to walk through it in his bare feet. He now realized he should have looked for new shoes, but it was too late to dwell on it.

Sakon got about halfway across the tunnel as he killed several small monsters before he noticed The Postman had stopped following. Turning, he saw The Postman still standing on the staircase and furrowed his brow.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. "Hurry up!"

The Postman looked around at the dripping, somewhat smelly tunnel and gave a shudder. He was an incredibly clean person by nature and the thought of even touching the tunnel floor made him a bit nauseous. He could see puddles of brown sludge everywhere, and he didn't even want to think about what that was. His entire life, he'd kept himself and his clothes pristine, and so there was no way he was stepping foot onto that floor.

"I'm done." he said decidedly, turning away. "I'm sorry, Sakon, but you'll just have to save yourself."

"What?" Sakon asked in disbelief. "What are you talking about? Is this because I was teasing you?"

"I'm not walking through a sewer!" The Postman replied, crossing his arms stubbornly. "I'm in my bare feet, and everything is slimy."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "You're such a girl. You wouldn't believe some of the places I've had to crawl through. Believe me, this is nothing!"

"No."

"Then what are we supposed to do?" Sakon demanded angrily. "Give up just because you don't want to get a little dirty?"

"Sounds about right to me." The Postman answered, also rather annoyed. "Either we find a way around, or I give up."

"This is ridiculous! Don't be such a baby; it's just a sewer."

The Postman looked away stubbornly.

Sakon let out an over-dramatic sigh, and looked up towards the ceiling. "If any gods or goddesses are watching this pathetic display, you may want to step in now, because I seriously think he means it. This quest will be over if he quits."

"Who are you talking to?" The Postman asked.

Sakon gave a shrug. "This is a dreamworld so obviously the Windfish is controlling it, and I bet a few other gods are in on this too. They probably wouldn't want you to quit after just the first dungeon. I bet they put a lot of work into this dream."

"I don't care. If someone designed this dungeon, it's their fault for expecting me to walk through a sewer. I'm not doing it."

As soon as the words left his mouth, the entire tunnel shimmered in a strange grey light. It disappeared a second later, and to their surprise, the tunnel was now completely different. Instead of being damp and slimy, it was now a dry hallway smelling somewhat musty instead of dirty. Both men looked around themselves in shock, and then Sakon let out a laugh.

"I guess they didn't want you ruining their fun. Does the tunnel meet your satisfaction now, your majesty?"

The Postman gave another glance around, and then stepped down off the step. Sakon gave a sarcastic little cheer, and once again turned to lead the way. The Postman followed after him as Sakon slashed at the monsters in their way. When they reached the other end of the tunnel, they headed up the staircase, and the room they found at the top was blood red in colour but there were no monsters in sight.

Sakon led him through the very narrow room, his eyes trained far ahead at a waiting chest. "It's gotta be something good! The good stuff is always hidden in places like this!"

Two Blade-traps were waiting just in front of the chest and as Sakon approached, they both shot forward, bumping into each other not expecting to go right through the thief.

"HA!" Sakon mocked. "Bet you spiky morons feel stupid now, eh?"

The Blade-traps weren't very bright and kept trying to get him, bouncing off each other every single time. Sakon laughed, quite enjoying teasing the monsters, and The Postman let out a sigh. Stepping over a Blade-trap, he made his way to the chest, curious about what was hidden inside. The usual magical charm jingled as he opened the chest, and Sakon spun around in surprise.

"Hey!" he protested. "You didn't wait for me!"

The Postman didn't answer, simply frowning down into the chest uncertainly.

"What?" Sakon demanded, hurrying over. "What is it?"

"...it's a pile of feathers."

Sakon peered over his shoulder into the chest and sure enough, there were several white feathers laying on the bottom. Sakon clapped his hands in pure delight.

"Don't you know what those are?!" he cried.

"...feathers?"

"They're Roc's feathers!" Sakon corrected. "Just one of these is worth a king's ransom! They are unbelievably rare!"

The Postman didn't see what was so fantastic about a feather, but Sakon was certainly excited enough.

"Oh, please, please, please let this item be for me!" Sakon yelled hopefully, reaching down to take the feathers.

Sakon's hand passed right through them, and he let out a heartbroken sigh. "It's not mine." he stated in disappointment. "It's yours."

"Why would I want a feather?" The Postman asked, carefully picking them up.

"Well, first because they're worth a fortune, and second because they can make you jump."

"I can already jump fine." The Postman informed him.

"No." Sakon corrected. "I mean they can really make you jump; like a grasshopper."

The Postman turned the feathers over in his hand and considered the uses of being able to jump farther distances. "This would be useful for delivering mail." he stated.

Sakon immediately rolled his eyes. "You, and that stupid job of yours. That's all you ever think about."

The Postman didn't answer, still looking the feathers over from all angles. They didn't really look like anything special and he wondered how they worked.

"It doesn't look like there's another way out of this room, and so we'll have to do some backtracking." Sakon told him, still eyeing the feathers jealously.

The Postman gave a nod and hopped over the Blade-traps, surprised at how easily he jumped over them. His body literally felt as light as a feather, and he was certain he'd be able to jump quite far if the need arose. All the monsters were dead throughout that part of the dungeon, and so it didn't take long to backtrack. When they were back to the room where the Mini-Moldorm had been, Sakon led them to the West where they discovered a second Mini-Moldorm which Sakon quickly killed. This was a room they hadn't been in yet and Sakon looked around it suspiciously. Two Sparks were bouncing around the room, and Sakon's eyes fell on a door on the opposite side of the room, the door surrounded by a deep, black chasm.

"How far do you think you can jump?" Sakon asked, curiously. "Think you can make it across?"

The Postman glanced down at the feather in his hand, feeling almost certain he could make it. "I think so." he responded, trying to gauge the distance.

Sakon frowned. "You think?" he questioned. "I don't want you falling into a bottomless pit, I need you. You better be sure."

Sakon floated across the chasm to wait for him and The Postman eyed the Sparks as he prepared himself for the jump. Getting a running start, he ran past them fast then leaped across the chasm, landing safely beside Sakon. Sakon gave him a grin, obviously relieved, and then motioned for him to follow into the next room. The moment they passed through the doorway, the door locked behind them, and Sakon immediately drew his sword.

"Get out your shield." Sakon ordered, as a strange blob-like monster smirked at them from across the room.

The Postman pulled the shield from where he'd attached it to the backpack and held it at the ready, unsure of what was going to happen. Sakon wasted no time and threw himself at the monster, swinging his sword viciously, and the monster let out a cry as the blade struck it. Sakon swung at it time and time again and the monster wasn't even able to move. An enormous wheel of spikes was sent rolling across the room at them, and The Postman jumped over it, just as Sakon defeated the monster. Sakon frowned down at the body of the monster and let out another sigh.

"How can they call this a mini-boss?" he demanded. "It really sucked. The Octoroks were more difficult!"

"Mini-boss?" The Postman questioned, approaching.

"Don't you know anything?" Sakon asked incredulously. "Just how far under that rock have you been living? A mini-boss is the weak monster right before the main one! All dungeons and temples have a mini-boss! You really need to get out more!"

"I do get out." The Postman defended, thinking of the time five years prior when he'd taken a two day family vacation to the beach. "I don't only work."

Sakon didn't believe him for a second, and it clearly showed on his face. "Right. Whatever you say, darling."

"I read the newspaper too...well, sometimes. I don't get a lot of free time during the day..."

"Mmm hmm." Sakon responded, glancing towards the next room. "Remind me to never let you plan any parties for me, you rebel."

"Let's just go." The Postman answered grumpily, heading towards the door. "I want to get this dungeon over with and go home."

Sakon's eyes widened. "You think there's only one dungeon?!"

The Postman stopped, and slowly turned back around. His brown eyes were narrowed to slits, and Sakon took a step back.

"Exactly how many dungeons are there?" The Postman demanded, his tone bordering on dangerous.

Sakon took another step back, not wanting The Postman to hit him with the shield once he answered. "Um...a couple more..." he said uncertainly.

"How many?"

"I don't know." Sakon answered honestly. "My uncle said there were several, but he didn't give me an exact number. With most quests there's usually at least 3 or 4, isn't there? Or maybe it was 5 or 6..."

The Postman looked positively furious, and turned away without a word. He continued on to the next room, and Sakon followed after him at a distance, trying to determine how angry he was.

"Um, I'm not the one who set up the dungeons." Sakon said apologetically. "I'm sorry you had to get dragged into this. I do appreciate it though..."

The Postman flashed him a glare over his shoulder, but the anger seemed to have left him, and a moment later he let out a sigh. "I know." he replied, sounding resigned.

He looked like he was about to say something more as he entered the next room, but he cut off as two Blade-traps slid at him fast. He jumped out of the way and they bounced harmlessly off of one another.

"Whoa. That was a close one." Sakon commented. "I think you'd better let me go first into rooms from now on."

The Postman was glad that he was fast, because the Blade-traps would have certainly cut his legs off. He gave Sakon a nod who pointed ahead of them towards an enormous door with a skull carved onto the surface.

"Think we found the boss?" Sakon asked him with a grin.

"The door's locked." The Postman pointed out. "We don't have the key."

Sakon squinted at the door and sure enough there was an enormous lock in the centre of the door. "Big locks like this are easy." he assured him. "I can walk you through it no problem."

"And how am I supposed to pick the lock when there are Blade-traps there?"

Sakon stared at the two Blade-traps waiting for them to approach, and he hesitated. "Well, if it was me, I could pick the lock fast enough to avoid them, but I really don't think you'll be able to do it..."

Sakon paused as he thought about it. "I'm going to move the Blade-traps."

"How are you going to do that?" The Postman asked. "You can't touch them."

"Yeah, but my sword can!" Sakon answered, approaching the Blade-traps.

The Blade-traps immediately shot towards him and Sakon waited for the right moment, and then stabbed the sword underneath one of the traps. Jerking up his arm hard, he managed to derail it from its track, and it shot across the room out of control. The Postman jumped over it as it shot towards him, and he gave Sakon an unimpressed look.

"That did not improve things, Sakon!"

"It'll slow down now that it doesn't have a rail." Sakon told him. "You may want to climb up on one of those stone slabs before I derail the second one."

The Postman jumped over the trap again as it careened towards him, and then quickly climbed onto one of the stone blocks in the centre of the room. Sakon derailed the second one just as he did the first, and now both traps were out of control as they bounced from wall to wall to wall. The Postman was very glad he was off the floor as the Blade-traps wildly spun around and around the room, and he watched as they began gradually slowing down.

Sakon was laughing at the distraught Blade-traps, and The Postman couldn't help but feel a little sorry for them. They depended on their rails to move, and now they'd be helpless without them. When the traps finally stilled, The Postman slid down off the stone slab, and approached the door as Sakon gave a Blade-trap a poke with his sword.

"Sakon the mighty has defeated the evil monsters! No one can best his might and strength!" he announced proudly. "They won't be bothering anyone ever again!"

"Let's just get this dungeon over with." The Postman responded, pulling out the lock-picks from the backpack.

Sakon laughed at the sight of the lock-picks. "Darling, look at the size of that keyhole. You can stick your entire arm inside it; lock-picks won't do you much good."

The Postman hesitated. "Then what do I do?" he asked.

"Use your hands." Sakon responded. "I'll show you what to do."

Sakon studied the inside of the lock a moment then pointed to a specific part of the mechanism. "Press down right there and hold it in."

The Postman did as he was told, the metal feeling sharp against his fingers.

"Okay, now with your pinkie finger, feel up about an inch and you'll feel a notch."

The Postman found the notch and pressed down on it.

"Now with your index finger, feel back a little bit and you'll find the other notch."

When The Postman pressed down on it, he felt the lock give, and with great difficulty, he turned his hand, acting as the key. The locked popped open, and Sakon gave him a proud grin.

"You did better this time!" he exclaimed. "Maybe there's hope for you yet! You can become my apprentice!"

"I'm not becoming a thief." The Postman replied, pushing open the door.

"I'll wear you down eventually." Sakon said confidently.

The Postman didn't answer him, and once they stepped through the doorway, the door slammed closed behind them and locked.

"How do monsters do that?" Sakon wondered out loud. "I wish I could lock and unlock doors at will..."

"BZZZZZ BZZZZZ" said an impatient voice from in front of them. "Outzzziderzz!"

Both looked up to see a full-grown Moldorm laying curled up in front of them, it's sharp pincers snapping angrily.

"You killed my young onezzz!" it hissed. "You will not win againzzt me!"

The Postman instantly threw up his shield as the Moldorm rammed itself against him, and he was knocked off his feet from the force. Sakon leapt at the Moldorm and sliced at its tail, knowing that to be the weak spot of most Moldorms. The Moldorm had been about to bite The Postman, but at the excruciating pain in its tail, it turned and lashed out at Sakon. Fangs sunk painfully into the thief's leg and Sakon let out a yell of surprise, not expecting the monster to be able to touch him.

He jumped into the air out of reach, now a little bit frightened, and looked down at his bleeding leg.

"It can touch me!" he cried out in dismay. "How can I fight it if it can kill me?!"

The Moldorm was back snapping at The Postman, who was holding it off with the shield, and he glanced up at Sakon.

"Kaepora Gaebora told you there are creatures who can harm you! Don't be reckless, and use the sword!"

Sakon bit his lip, this not being what he wanted and hesitated. He liked being invincible, and the thought of getting into an actual dangerous battle didn't really appeal to him. The Moldorm knocked The Postman to the floor a second time, and its fangs just missed his neck by mere inches.

"SAKON!" The Postman yelled. "What are you doing?!"

As a thief, Sakon's sense of self-preservation was pretty much the first thing on his mind, and it went against everything in his instincts to throw himself headlong into danger. He wasn't a hero and liked being a villain very much, but The Postman was his friend and also the only way he'd return to his normal self.

Taking a deep breath, Sakon threw himself at the Moldorm just as it pinned The Postman to the floor. He slashed at its tail and the Moldorm let out a bellow of fury and turned on him. Expecting it this time, Sakon managed to dodge and slashed at its tail once more. The Moldorm went wild with fury and began lashing out and throwing itself at Sakon blindly and the thief barely managed to avoid its attacks. Seeing his opportunity to strike, Sakon once more slashed at the tail and this time, the Moldorm froze as Sakon's sword managed to cut right through it. The Moldorm quickly bled out, and it fell dead to the floor just a few moments later.

Sakon let out a deep breath of relief as the door clicked open, and approached The Postman to make sure he was alright. The Postman slowly rolled to his feet, and looked like he was about to berate Sakon for taking so long to help, but his eyes fell on Sakon's damaged leg. The leg was badly hurt, and if Sakon wasn't floating, The Postman doubted he'd even be able to support his weight on it.

"Sakon...your leg!"

Sakon glanced down, and then let out a curse, not realizing the damage was quite that bad. "I need a healing item." he stated with a frown. "We don't have any..."

The Postman's eyes fell on the dead Moldorm. "Use the Moldorm's heart." he told him. "Don't powerful monsters have magical hearts?"

Sakon's nose crinkled at the suggestion, knowing heroes did that sort of thing all the time. "Eating a monster's heart doesn't really appeal to me...I'm a vegetarian."

"You're going to bleed to death." The Postman pointed out.

"Ugh." Sakon complained, glancing at the dead monster.

"One who eats the heart of their enemy, gains their strength and power." The Postman quoted, earning him a glare.

"How do you know this?" Sakon demanded. "You didn't even know what a mini-boss was, but you know about the consumption of hearts? What in Din's name do you read in that newspaper of yours?!"

The Postman gave a shrug, not telling him that he actually knew about it from Koume and Kotake. They had taught him about all sorts of things that villains and heroes did that were related to magic. At the time, he didn't really want to know any of that, but had listened anyway out of politeness.

Sakon frowned down at the bright red heart laying on the floor, and then slowly reached down and plucked it away from the monster's body. The Postman averted his gaze at that point, and a few seconds later, he heard Sakon gag but refused to look.

"Ew." Sakon complained after he'd finished gagging and retching. "Why do people do that?! It's disgusting! Ugh, I can still taste it!"

The Postman glanced back at him and saw Sakon was completely healed, including the scratches and bites from the raccoon attack. Sakon gave one last shudder, and then turned to the open doorway.

"Come on." he said. "Let's get this over with."

The Postman followed him through the door and they were met with the sight of an enormous, intricate chest. The Postman approached and carefully opened it, wondering what was hidden inside. The moment he opened the chest, there was a blinding flash of light and The Postman once again heard that strange song from before. This time the song was played on a cello and the entire room seemed to fade into pure white as the music swelled. The Postman blinked, and when he opened his eyes, he and Sakon were back in the small village, the magic around them almost blinding. The Postman looked down and saw in his hands he held a large cello, a carving of a flying whale on its back.

Sakon gave him a grin. "One dungeon down, only 5 or 6 or 8 more to go! That dungeon was pathetically simple! What were the gods thinking, creating something as stupid as that? Where's the REAL challenge? Whoever created it really sucks at creating dungeons, and should take notes from Ganondorf. I can't believe they made it so ridiculously easy!"

As soon as the words left Sakon's mouth, the entire island began to rumble, and Sakon gave a startled glance all around. When the shaking had stopped, the very air seemed to have altered dramatically and felt much colder than before. The Postman and Sakon exchanged a look, getting the feeling that everything had just been changed. The Postman gave Sakon an unimpressed look, knowing things were likely going to be much more difficult from now on..

"Way to go." The Postman snapped.

Sakon gave him a sheepish look. "Oops."

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 **Reviews Make the Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next update will be on Friday!**


	66. The Second Son

**Authornote** **: Friday Sept. 22nd 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **It's technically still Friday, so I'm going to claim this chapter isn't late lol. Sorry for any typos, because I have not had time to proof-read more than once. I'll spell-check everything tomorrow when I have more time.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guest101** \- My favourite Zelda game would probably be a tie between Breath of the Wild and Majora's Mask. Windwaker was great too though! :D

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 **Rainmy** \- That manga sounds interesting, and I'll have to check it out!

I got way too attached to the pirates to leave them out of the story for long! :D They just defeated the world's easiest dungeon without even meaning to! They were never supposed to be there, and they messed up someone's carefully laid plans. lol Two dungeons have now been defeated! :)

Hmm...I never even thought of cooking a boss heart! It would make sense that it would be more powerful if you cook it like in BOTW! Maybe it only has a limited time where it retains power though... I'll have to put some thought into this!

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 **Melle2001** \- Thank you so much for the kind words, and for the support! I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! :D

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 **placesmileshere** -lol Yep, you definitely called it! :D

Once again, those are some very good predictions, but to avoid spoilers, I can't confirm or deny if any or all are correct. Everything about who and what is controlling the island will be revealed and explained later. Right now, there are just hint nuggets being left for you guys. :)

My eyes are doing waaaay better than before. My vision still isn't perfect, but at least I can now do my own typing. The doctor wants to give me at least 6 months worth of shots, and then he'll stop treatment for a while to see if it's been completely fixed.

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 **Guesty -**It's a lot of work having this many pets, but it's fun. Thank you for the well-wishes! :)

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 **Reiz16** \- Yeah, the pirates are unexpected and unwanted guests on this island. They're messing everything up. lol Don't worry, they'll meet up with the pirates eventually. Sakon allllllways make things more difficult. The Postman should be used to this by now, but it always taken him by surprise. lol

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 **The Hylian Chronicler** \- Sakon has eaten worse than a Moldorm heart before, but I won't go into any details on that. lol They now have to prepare themselves mentally and physically for the cucco apocalypse. None have ever survived such a horror.

The Postman dislikes sports and so he would never willingly enter a sporting competition. Even if he did, he'd probably consider magical items as cheating, and wouldn't use them. Sakon, however, would have no problems cheating to win some prize money. lol

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 **Shelwyn** \- Thanks for reading, and okay, let's get married! I'll meet you at the top of Mount Everest for the ceremony. I may be a bit late though, so if I don't show up, just keep waiting. ;)

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 **Guest** \- Oh, Sakon, when will you learn? He would get along with people a lot better if he was a mute. lol Thank you so much for the compliment, and I hope you keep enjoying every chapter just as much! :)

 **Guest (other one)** -I agree with you on that. It is a complete miracle he's still alive. Everyone he meets hates him, and he doesn't even try to filter his mouth. lol He's perhaps the luckiest character in the entire story. :)

Leave it to Sakon to make everything as hard as possible for the only person who doesn't completely hate him. Most people would have left him to rot by now. He's lucky The Postman is so mild and patient, or he'd be doomed. lol

The crappy thing is, no one even knows they're on this quest, and so The Postman can expect zero recognition for any heroics.

 **.**

 **setokayba2n** -Everything about Sakon will actually be explained in a spin-off story that I'm planning. There's sooooo much that happened before The Postman entered the story, and so Sakon is going to get his very own story. lol

Sakon The Thieving Fairy Godmother: He won't help you, but he will steal your wallet!

Sakon never seems to learn, but this time he realized that he went too far. The problem with him is the fact he never thinks before opening his mouth. His big mouth has gotten him in trouble his entire life.

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 18

The Second Son

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Sakon looked one way, and then the other but the village looked exactly the same, no noticeable changes that he could see. The air did seem a bit colder, and so he still felt a bit uncertain, wondering if he really did cause the gods to make changes.

"It's probably fine..." he said not sounding overly confident.

The Postman also glanced around with an angry frown. "Don't provoke the gods, Sakon!" he snapped, feeling incredibly fed up. "I am sick of you making everything harder for me! Why do you keep doing things like this? What's the matter with you?!"

Sakon glanced up towards the sky as there was a loud rumble of thunder, and he flashed The Postman a regretful look. "I just wasn't thinking." he admitted. "I didn't mean to make things worse..."

The Postman let out an aggravated sigh. "Do this one more time, and I'm finding a way to go home without you."

"Um, yeah...okay." Sakon agreed, giving another glance around.

The air felt cold enough to snow and Sakon gave a shiver, never liking cold climates, and still regretting what he'd done. Th Postman didn't say another word as he began walking, and Sakon followed behind sullenly. As they crossed the village, the grass crunched beneath The Postman's feet, the ground frozen and hard. Sakon watched a moment, fascinated, and then asked.

"So, what do we do now?"

"I have no idea." The Postman admitted. "I don't know where the next dungeon is, or if there even is one."

"There's definitely more than one." Sakon announced. "I bet the pigeon will be back to tell us where to go."

The Postman looked up at the quickly darkening sky, and knew they didn't have much daylight left. "It's getting late." he commented. "We should find somewhere to set up camp for the night."

"I'm sure your girlfriend would take you in for the night." Sakon teased. "I bet she'd even share her bed with you!"

The Postman gave him a disgusted look, and continued walking without acknowledging him.

"Are you sure you don't find her attractive?" Sakon asked. "She is really pretty."

"She's pretty, but I have no attraction to her." The Postman responded, impatiently.

Sakon struck a heroic pose in front of him. "What about me?" he demanded. "Do you find me attractive?"

"I want to go to the shop in the South of town." The Postman commented, ignoring him. "Do you think it would still be open?"

Sakon furrowed his brow, shopping not very high on his list of priorities at the moment. "Why?" he demanded.

"I want to buy the doll my parents couldn't afford. They helped me even though I was a stranger to them, and I want to return the favour."

"You do realize they're not your real parents, right? The Blowfish made them just to mess with you."

The Postman glanced towards his parents cottage, and gave a nod. "I know, but it feels like the right thing to do."

"It's a waste of rupees." Sakon complained. "They never even asked you to get it for them! We need all the rupees we can get right now!"

The Postman stopped walking, and turned to look at him. "Why?"

"We don't have that much to spare, and we need them!"

The Postman gave him a suspicious glare. "Why?" he repeated. "What do we need rupees for so badly?"

Sakon hesitated as he quickly tried to think up an excuse. "Um...well, what if one of us gets hurt? We might need to buy a healing item!"

"A doll isn't going to cost much." The Postman pointed out. "We can spare a few rupees."

Sakon didn't want to tell him that he owed The Happy Mask Salesman a LOT of money at the moment, and so he fell silent, simply letting out a resigned sigh. "Fine, but don't complain to me if you get your arms bitten off by a monster, and we don't have a healing item!"

The Postman said nothing, and so Sakon followed after him towards the shop to the South hoping the doll wouldn't cost that much. They passed by a small child playing with a dog in front of the shop, who looked exactly like Saria, but neither men acknowledged her at all. She gave them both a friendly smile and wave, but quickly resumed her game of fetch with the dog, not saying a word.

The Postman approached the shop door, and was relieved to see an open sign in the window. Opening the door, they entered the shop as the bell above the door dinged, announcing their arrival, and Sakon immediately frowned when he saw who was running the shop. The Curiosity Shop Owner was laying sprawled on top of the counter, one leg dangling off the side, looking incredibly bored. He was wearing tacky checkered pants and a blue shirt, his vest unbuttoned for comfort. Despite being indoors, he wore his usual pair of dark sunglasses and stared up at the ceiling, not yet acknowledging them. With an exaggerated sigh, he glanced over at them from over the tops of his sunglasses. They obviously weren't who he was expecting to see, and he hurriedly sat up.

"Oh" he exclaimed in surprise. "Customers!"

Sakon gave him a dirty look, and said nothing.

"Can I help you?" The Curiosity Shop Owner asked, scratching at his side with a yawn.

The shop wasn't what The Postman was expecting and he stared at the strange metal contraption behind the counter. There was a conveyor-belt of some kind lined with different items which went around and around beneath a large metal claw. He stared for a long moment, never seeing anything quite like it.

"What is that?" The Postman asked. "Is this some sort of game?"

The Curiosity Shop Owner gave a nod. "It's a trendy game; the only one of its kind on the entire island."

The Postman's gaze fell on a green dragon-like doll on the conveyor-belt, and he pointed to it.

"How much is the doll?"

The Curiosity Shop Owner gave his back a distracted scratch. "It's not for sale, you have to win it by playing the game. That's how the shop works."

The Postman stared again at the strange looking machine. "How do you play?"

Sakon quickly interrupted. "No! Don't play it; it's obviously rigged! Just look at the sleaze-ball running it!"

The Curiosity Shop Owner crossed his arms. "I resent that."

Sakon gave him a glare. "Yeah, I bet you do, you slimy jerk."

The Postman knew that Sakon frequently worked with The Curiosity Shop Owner and that he was often ripped off in his cut of the profits. Sakon had complained about it to him a few times, but The Postman had simply informed him that he didn't care about his problems pawning things.

"How do you play?" The Postman repeated.

The Curiosity Shop Owner instantly went into sales mode, and threw out a hand dramatically towards the large claw-like contraption. "This here, Sir, is the only trendy game in existence and creatures come from all over the world just to get a glimpse of it! I've received hundreds of offers to sell it to great, powerful men but I've declined as a simple courtesy to my customers. Everyone who plays, instantly gets addicted!"

"I'm so sure." Sakon commented.

Ignoring him, The Curiosity Shop Owner continued. "You control that magnificent claw by using the controls to your left. The object of the game is to grab the prize you want with the claw. It takes perfect timing and precision! Only a true genius can master this game and get the prize they want! I kid you not!"

Sakon let out a snort. "He's not going to fall for that crap, you con artist. Just tell us how much."

The Curiosity Shop Owner frowned at Sakon, unused to having his sales pitch being interrupted. "Ten rupees a try."

The Postman stared at the game, considering it thoughtfully because he'd never been very talented at these type of things, and then gave a nod. "I'd like to give it a try."

The Curiosity Shop Owner clapped his hands together eagerly. "Very good, an excellent decision! That'll be 10 rupees, if you please!"

The Postman set down the cello and dug inside Sakon's backpack, pulling out some rupees. He handed the red one over and The Curiosity Shop Owner placed it on the counter, flipping a switch as he did so. There was a loud sound as the game started up, and The Curiosity Shop Owner gestured towards the controls.

"Read the directions over the controls before trying." he suggested.

The Postman approached the controls just to his left and quickly read over the directions on the small sign. Sakon stood near his side, staring at everything suspiciously, certain there had to be a trick somewhere. There were two controls in front of him; one for making the claw move the direction he wanted, and the other for making it drop and grab. The Postman saw the game itself was simple enough, and the trick was all in the timing. Taking hold of the controls, he began moving the claw towards the conveyor-belt and positioned it where he wanted. Then, watching the speed of the items for a moment, he gave a jerk to the second control, dropping the claw.

Both The Postman and Sakon were watching the claw and they didn't see The Curiosity Shop Owner slip a hand beneath the counter and press a button. The speed of the conveyor-belt changed just a tiny fraction, but it was enough to cause the claw to miss its target. The Postman was very good at timing things, and so he frowned at the game as Sakon let out a sigh of frustration.

"You missed!" he accused.

The Postman kept his eyes on the conveyor-belt. "It sped up for exactly 3 seconds." he stated uncertainly. "I should have won."

Sakon knew The Postman wouldn't lie, and so he instantly gave The Curiosity Shop Owner a suspicious look who simply leaned against the counter, his face the picture of innocence. Sakon had seen that look many times when The Curiosity Shop Owner was dealing with the royal guards, or with heroes, and so he narrowed his eyes angrily.

"Aww, bad luck, Sir!" The Curiosity Shop Owner said sympathetically. "Would you like to pay another ten rupees for another try?"

"I'll try again." The Postman said, taking a hold of the controls.

"Very good, Sir, that will 10 rupees if you please."

The Postman glanced back at him. "I gave you a red rupee...I still have one try left."

The Curiosity Shop owner shook his head. "No, Sir, I'm sorry, but you're mistaken. You gave me a yellow rupee."

The Postman frowned at him. "No, I gave you a red rupee. I didn't even have a yellow rupee!"

The Curiosity Shop Owner shook his head. "This is a very awkward situation, but I'm afraid you're mistaken. You definitely gave me a yellow rupee. If you want to try again, you'll have to pay 10 rupees."

"Nice try, you sleazy fraud." Sakon said, angrily. "That's the oldest trick in the book, and neither of us are dumb enough to fall for it! Unless you want my foot up your ass, you'll let him play again!"

The Curiosity Shop Owner and Sakon stared at one another for a very long moment, and it was the Curiosity Shop Owner who finally backed down.

"I see that there's been a misunderstanding between us, and in the name of good business I'll let you have another go for free."

The Postman gave him another frown, but nodded all the same, reaching out to take the controls.

Sakon turned to face the game once more, but this time watched The Curiosity Shop Owner out of the corner of his eye. Sure enough, once The Postman began lowering the claw, The Curiosity Shop Owner reached a hand beneath the counter, pressing a button causing it to speed up. Sakon instantly spun to face him.

"AHA!" he cried out triumphantly. "I saw you cheat, you slimy weasel! You pressed a button, and made it speed up!"

The Curiosity Shop Owner looked a bit startled, not expecting to be caught, and then quickly gave Sakon a smooth smile. "Cheat, sir? Preposterous! No need to blame me for your friend's inability to play a simple game!"

Sakon drew his sword and approached The Curiosity Shop Owner, scowl in place. "Don't even try to lie about it, you sleaze! I saw you!"

The Curiosity Shop Owner let out a gasp as the sword was pointed directly at him, and he stared at Sakon in shock, pinned against the counter unable to get away. "I didn't!" he insisted. "I swear!"

Sakon reached underneath the counter and pressed the button and held it down, the conveyor-belt quite obviously speeding up.

The Curiosity Shop Owner gave him a crooked smile, knowing he was caught. "Oh... Well, maybe it's a possibility I accidentally leaned against the button while he was playing..."

Sakon pressed the sword against The Curiosity Shop Owner's throat, whose smile immediately disappeared.

"Geez, it's only a game!" he complained. "You're taking this way too seriously!"

The Postman approached, and gave Sakon a frown. "Sakon, let him up, you're going to hurt him."

Sakon didn't move, remembering all the times The Curiosity Shop Owner had taken advantage of him during their business deals. "I want to stab him." he informed The Postman. "Let me stab him... If you let me kill him, I will do absolutely everything you want me to for the rest of the quest without complaint."

The Curiosity Shop Owner let out a horrified gasp, his sunglasses slipping down to reveal wide, terrified blue eyes. Sakon smirked at his obvious fear while The Postman gave his head a shake.

"This isn't the real Curiosity Shop Owner, Sakon, now let him up. You promised you wouldn't kill any villagers."

"I didn't promise." Sakon pointed out. "I said I wouldn't kill anyone, but it wasn't a promise."

"The doll's yours!" The Curiosity Shop Owner cried out. "Since there was a malfunction in the game, I declare you the winners!"

Sakon hesitated, thinking about it. "Throw in the rest of the prizes, and you got a deal."

"Deal!" The Curiosity Shop Owner cried out. "Take it all!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "Sakon, I'm not going to rob him. We're not taking all of his merchandise."

Sakon let out a sigh, and sheathed his sword. "Oh, alright." he grumbled, giving The Curiosity Shop Owner a glare. "You're lucky this time."

The Curiosity Shop Owner let out a breath of relief, and immediately raised a hand to his neck where the sword had been.

Sakon scowled at him and began tapping a foot. "I'm waiting." he snapped. "Give us the stupid doll now."

The Curiosity Shop Owner paused for all of a moment, and then hopped over the counter, heading towards the conveyor-belt. He knew a doll for his life was a very good trade indeed, and grabbed the dragon-like doll as it passed by him. Eyeing Sakon warily, he approached them and held out the doll.

The Postman took the doll with a frown, not sure if this counted as robbing him or not. The Curiosity Shop Owner scratched at his stomach, still looking nervous and then said.

"Sorry guys, since the game is malfunctioning, I'm closing up shop for the day. You can try your luck again another day..."

Sakon gave him one more dirty look but felt very satisfied with himself. He wished he could do that with the real The Curiosity Shop Owner, but he doubted that would end well. The Curiosity Shop Owner in the real world had so many dangerous items in his shop that Sakon would likely receive a face full of dark magic if he tried anything.

The Postman looked down at the doll in his hands, and then motioned for Sakon to follow him. "Come on, Sakon, just leave him alone."

Sakon turned away and followed after The Postman out of the shop, giving The Curiosity Shop Owner a very rude gesture as he did so. Once they were outside, Sakon grinned brightly, that being something he had wanted to do for a very long time.

"So, we going to visit mommy and daddy now?" he asked.

The Postman gave a nod. "It should only take a few minutes and then we can find somewhere to camp for the night."

Sakon gave a shrug. "It's up to you, but I still think you should go to Marin's house."

The Postman was silent for a moment as they walked along, clearly ignoring him, and then he said. "Sakon, can I ask you something?"

"Depends what it is." Sakon responded easily.

"Why does The Curiosity Shop Owner always scratch so much? Does he have some sort of skin condition?"

Sakon let out a giggle, obviously remembering something hilarious, and then answered. "No, about twelve years ago he got himself hexed. We were having a huge fight about my wages, and he punched me in the face just as my uncle entered the shop. The Happy Mask Salesman may be a creepy asshole, but he wasn't about to let that slide. He hexed him right then and there with full-body eczema, and said the only way to break the curse was for him to formally apologize to me. The Curiosity Shop Owner said my uncle was being ridiculous since I'd hit him first, and stubbornly refused to apologize."

"Did you hit him first?" The Postman questioned.

"Of course I did." Sakon responded with a smirk. "I'm actually surprised my uncle didn't do a lot worse to him, but he must have been in a good mood."

"Why was The Happy Mask Salesman in the Curiosity Shop?" The Postman asked.

"He has an arrangement with the douchebag owner to buy masks from him every now and then. He was there to collect one." Sakon paused to let out a laugh. "I'm still waiting for that apology..."

The Postman couldn't imagine remaining cursed when a simple apology would cure it, and he then asked another question on his mind.

"Why do you refer to your uncle as The Happy Mask Salesman? Don't you know his name?"

Sakon let out a snort. "Of course I do. My uncle taught me long ago that names hold a lot of power and one should keep their true name hidden away safely. He said that names can be used to find you, and in rare occurrences can be used to curse you. If you're powerful enough, your alias can be used to mask your true name, and you can essentially disappear without a trace."

"I can sense your uncle, and have delivered him mail plenty of times." The Postman pointed out.

"Only because he's not trying to hide." Sakon replied. "If he didn't want to be found, no one would be able to find him, not even you. Personally, I think it's a total load of crap because everyone I meet hates me, and I haven't once been cursed! If my uncle wants to remain all secretive, I'm not going to be the one to give up his secrets. Although he's a creepy jerk, he's still family."

"What's The Curiosity Shop Owner's real name?" The Postman asked, curiously.

Sakon gave a shrug. "I honestly have no idea. I asked him that once and he threw a dictionary at my head. It seemed to be a sore subject for him, and I suspect he has a really stupid name. I don't really care though, because it's not like we're friends or anything. The less I know about him, the better."

The Postman knew someone had mentioned something about names to him before, but he couldn't remember whether it was Sakon or Koume and Kotake. He had no idea how his magic worked, but knew he needed to know someone's name in order to find them. It had never really occurred to him before why he was still able to sense certain people, despite their use of an alias.

"If I can sense The Curiosity Shop Owner even though he uses an alias, does that mean he has magic?"

Sakon stopped walking, and turned to face him with wide eyes. "...I never thought of that before." he admitted uncertainly. "I've never seen him use any hint of magic the whole time I've known him...but if you can sense him, then there has to be some sort of magic in use!"

"It's getting dark." The Postman commented, glancing up at the sky. "We should drop off this doll before it gets too dark."

Sakon gave a nod. "Yeah, enough about creeps and douchebags for now. Let's go visit ma, and pa!"

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Zaira frowned down at the sand, certain this is where she'd left The Postman. Glancing around the beach, she saw no sign of him, but did see several sets of footprints in the sand leading to the North.

"Someone must have found him." she said to Samirah. "The idiot probably got himself kidnapped just like you did."

"I was unconscious!" Samirah protested. "You can't possibly blame me for that!"

Zaira made a dismissive sound in the back of her throat, and adjusted her hold on the other woman. "You're getting heavy, and it's starting to get dark. We should follow the footprints before it gets too dark to follow the trail. Maybe it will lead us somewhere we can spend the night."

"Do you think he's alright?" Samirah asked, worriedly.

"I'm sure the doofus is fine." Zaira assured her. "Although he's a pathetic nuisance, he's still part of the Gerudo Nation, and he can take care of himself. Lord Ganondorf wouldn't make him one of us if he didn't deserve it."

Samirah frowned. "He's not like other people though...he's not a killer."

Zaira gave her a narrow-eyed glance over her shoulder. "Just how 'close' did you two get to one another?" she demanded.

Samirah gave her a disgusted look. "Ew, no. We're just friends, and I'm pretty sure he doesn't swing that way anyway. I was just worried about him."

Zaira didn't look entirely convinced, but she didn't press the issue. As they walked along, they began passing by multitudes of dead monsters, and it looked like some sort of massacre had taken place. Not a single monster was left living, and Zaira carefully stepped over the blood and carnage, wondering what had happened.

"It's looks like there was a huge battle." she stated. "I really doubt the Tracker did this."

"We should really hurry up..." Samirah suggested. "Whatever did this might still be around, and I'm a gimp and you're tired from carrying me."

"I could defend us just fine." Zaira snapped. "Whatever did this is no match for a Gerudo pirate."

Despite her assurances that she could fight, Zaira still sped up a bit, seeing the lights from a small town ahead. When they reached the town, they both relaxed at the sight of the calm and peaceful houses, no danger in sight. They passed by two little boys who were trying to play with a flattened ball, and they paused.

"What's the name of this village?" Zaira demanded in a sharp tone.

The two children jumped at the unexpected harshness of her voice, and turned to look up at her with wide eyes.

"Speak up!" she ordered. "Answer my question!"

"This is Mabe village, ma'am..." one of the boys responded.

"Have you seen any strangers in your village today?" she demanded.

The boys both nodded. "Two men arrived in the village this morning. One has a bald head, and tried to kill us with a sword, and the other stopped him. The bald man told everyone the other man lost both his 'private parts' while being tortured on a pirate ship. We've all been calling him captain ball-less."

Zaira gave them a sharp look, as Samirah looked horrified. "Zaira, you didn't do that, did you?! Did you really neuter him?!"

"Of course not!" she snapped. "Don't be ridiculous! That's that stupid thief making up stories to make us look bad!"

Samirah gave her a confused look. "Why would he make something like that up? Doesn't he work for Ganondorf?"

"That thief has a reputation, Samirah, and he causes trouble everywhere he goes. He's a pervert, and a complete, and utter idiot."

Samirah was confused. "Why would Ganondorf keep someone like that around?"

Zaira let out a sigh. "Because, unfortunately, he's very good at his job. He's so good, in fact, that Lord Ganondorf lets him get away with far more than he should."

"If he's as horrible as you say, he should be replaced." Samirah announced.

"It's not as easy as you think to find a master level thief. Thieves at his level never work for hire, and they're extremely difficult to locate. They don't get caught, and they don't leave clues behind. The only reason the bald-headed idiot works for Ganondorf is because he was raised in the desert, and he sees it as his home. It's because of that loyalty that he stayed around."

"Why was he never made a citizen?" Samirah asked. "Jihiro was made a Gerudo..."

"I have no idea." Zaira replied, turning her gaze back to the children. "Where did the two men go?"

The boys exchanged a look.

"Answer me." Zaira snapped, taking a step towards them.

The children looked up at her in terror, and both pointed across the village.

"They're probably at Marin's house!" one of them told her. "They're staying with her!"

Zaira glanced in the direction of Marin's cottage. "Who's Marin, and why would they be staying in her house?"

"She's just a girl!" One of the boys said.

"We have to go home now..." the other boy said, as they slowly backed away from her.

The pirates watched them leave and then Samirah let out a laugh. "You didn't have to terrify them like that! I thought they were going to wet themselves!"

Zaira scowled. "Nothing is worse than little boys." she commented. "Except for men perhaps."

Samirah let out another laugh. "You couldn't be a more stereotypical Gerudo if you tried..."

Zaira rolled her eyes. "Let's just collect the nuisance and the idiot and be on our way. I don't relish the idea of being trapped on this island for all eternity."

Samirah nodded, and they headed towards Marin's cottage, both feeling exhausted and irritable. A vicious snarling caught their attention, and Zaira barely managed to step back in time as arm-length fangs snapped right where her head had just been. Letting out a curse, she backed up a few more steps and drew her sword.

"Is that a Chomp?!" Samirah asked in surprise.

Zaira nodded silently, her gaze settling on the thick chain that bound it.

"What in Din's name is a Chomp doing here?!"

"I don't know, but it's bound and can't reach us." Zaira replied, not lowering her sword. "It probably hasn't realized that it could easily break that chain if it bit it. As long as we keep our distance, it can't hurt us."

The Chomp blinked, looked down at its chain as if seeing it for the first time, and then to their horror, it bit through it as easily as butter. Zaira swore loudly, not realizing the beast could understand them, and backed up even further. The Chomp eyed them for a long moment, and then to their surprise turned and charged off into the forest, dragging its broken chain behind it. When it was long gone, Zaira let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding, knowing they were incredibly lucky. There was no way they would have stood a chance against a Chomp that enormous.

Still feeling a bit unnerved, Zaira continued past the cottage and headed to Marin's. She strode up to the front door and rapped sharply on one of the windows. She only had to wait a moment before the door was opened, and a young auburn haired girl looked out with a bright smile. Her smile falter, however, when she saw the pirates.

"Oh..." she said a bit uncertainly. "I was expecting someone else..."

Zaira shoved her aside without a word and strode into the cottage with purpose. She glanced around, but saw it was empty except for the girl and a very fat raccoon.

"They're not here." she stated angrily.

"Who's not here?" Marin questioned. "Do you mean Sakon and Jihiro?"

Zaira nodded. "Where are they?" she demanded.

Marin gave a shrug. "They went on an adventure, but I'm expecting them to return any time now. It's getting dark, and so they'll be back."

Zaira gave her a skeptical look. "An adventure?"

Marin nodded. "Of course! That's what heroes do, they go on adventures!"

"Heroes?!" Zaira said with a snort. "That's funny."

Zaira sat Samirah down in a nearby chair, and Zaira slouched down into the other chair. "We'll wait for them to return." she told the girl.

Marin seemed shocked by this. "...oh, right, of course..."

"Bring us something to drink as well." Zaira ordered, laying her sword on the table in front of them. "Better make it the strong stuff."

Again Marin seemed rather uncertain, but she gave them a nod. "...I'll get you some wine."

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The Postman and Sakon reached his parent's cottage, and he knocked loudly on the door as Sakon gave another giggle, obviously still thinking about The Curiosity Shop Owner's curse.

"Come in, the door's unlocked!" a voice yelled from inside.

The moment The Postman entered the cottage he immediately knew there was something very different from last time. His mother was standing at the sink washing dishes and he simply stared at her in surprise. She was very, very pregnant, and about double her girth since the last time he'd seen her. There was no baby in sight in the house, but an energetic toddler was running around under foot, laughing and wielding a piece of chalk like a sword. He saw the child mark on a few things as he ran by, but his mother didn't seem to notice.

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Wow, I think we were gone for a while..."

The Postman's mother turned, wiping her hands on a dishcloth and gave them both a smile when she saw who it was. "Oh, hello again! You ran out of here so fast this morning I thought maybe we'd offended you somehow!"

"This morning?" The Postman asked skeptically, looking down at the toddler.

"That kid ages fast." Sakon commented with a grin. "I could have sworn he was smaller this morning."

The Postman's mother gave the toddler a fond look. "Oh, don't I know it! He's shooting up like a weed! I think he's going to be tall like his daddy!"

Sakon glanced at The Postman who was barely over five feet tall, and he gave her a smirk. "I wouldn't count on that."

Both Sakon and The Postman knew this was probably one of the changes the gods had made, and so they didn't question it all that much.

"Man, you're huge." Sakon commented. "When are you due?"

The Postman's mother placed a hand on her stomach as she answered. "Not for a while yet. I was enormous with my last pregnancy as well, and so I know it will be another couple months. I hope this one is a girl, it would be nice to have a daughter."

"Don't hold your breath on that one either." Sakon said, remembering the next ones born were The Postman's twin brothers Haru and Jaru.

The Postman held out the doll, not really wanting to stay for very long. "I got you the doll your son wanted since you were so kind to me earlier."

His mother looked incredibly surprised. "You didn't have to do that!" she exclaimed. "This is too much!"

The Postman pressed the doll into her hands. "It's not, please take it as a thank you."

The Postman's mother frowned, and then reached into her pocket and pulled out a pretty silk ribbon. "I know it's not much, but please take this in exchange!"

The Postman knew his parents had always been incredibly proud people that would never accept charity, and so he reached out and took the ribbon, accepting the trade.

"Aww!" Sakon commented with a cheeky grin. "Now you can wear a pretty ribbon in your hair! You'll be the prettiest girl on the island!"

The Postman gave his mother a polite nod, ignoring Sakon, and then turned away.

"We have to get going again. I hope your son likes the doll and doesn't give you too much trouble."

As they headed towards the door, he saw his mother kneel next to the toddler and hold out the doll. "Look Ichiro! Look at what the nice man gave you!"

The Postman froze, his hand on the doorknob and slowly turned back around. "What did you call him?" he asked.

"Ichiro." she responded, giving the toddler's hair a ruffle. "Meaning first born son."

The Postman knew very well what the name Ichiro meant, and he didn't have any brothers named Ichiro. Based on his mother's age, he knew she was in fact pregnant for his twin brothers, and the toddler was the same age that he should have been at the time, but something felt very, very wrong.

"Where's your son Jihiro?" he asked.

She acted like she didn't hear him, and gave her child an affectionate pat on the head. "You go play with your doll and be good." she told him.

The child's reaction was to stick out his tongue at her, but she didn't seem to notice.

"Where's Jihiro?" The Postman repeated.

Sakon looked between The Postman and the toddler with a frown, and wasn't sure what to say.

"I'll be sure to tell my husband about your kindness when he gets home." she told them.

"Where. Is. Jihiro." The Postman repeated impatiently.

To their surprise everything around them seemed to fade, and a moment later they were left alone in an empty house. They glanced around, but the house was dirty and full of cobwebs like it hadn't been used in years. The Postman stared at the spot his mother had been standing for another long moment, and then turned and left the cottage without another word. Sakon quickly followed after him.

As they crossed the village, The Postman glanced over his shoulder at Sakon. "It's not real. It's only a dream made up by the Windfish, he's only trying to confuse me."

Sakon hesitated, not sure he wanted to say this but continued all the same. "Um, darling, Jihiro means 'second son'. Haven't you ever wondered why your parents would name their first born, second son?"

"They liked the name." The Postman responded easily.

"But that's stupid, and no one does that, especially in Termina."

The Postman stopped walking, and levelled Sakon with a look. "Exactly what are you trying to say?" he demanded.

"Out of all the names they could have chosen, why would they choose a name that specifically means second son? You know the tradition in Termina when it comes to names like that. It's almost as if they were..."

"...Replacing a child lost to them." The Postman finished for him.

Sakon gave a nod, noticing how his friend's eyes were beginning to look a bit troubled. "Haven't you ever wondered about this before?" Sakon questioned. "Why they would ever name their first born son second son?"

The Postman shook his head. "No." he answered honestly. "I've never put too much thought into the names my parents chose."

Sakon glanced back towards the cottage. "Well, I'd start thinking about it if I were you, because if that baby is named Ichiro and he was the first born son, and your mother is pregnant with your twin brothers, then where did you come from, and what happened to Ichiro?"

The Postman paused a really long moment, but had no answer for this. "I don't know...none of this sounds right. This has to be a trick!"

What Sakon said made sense however, and The Postman looked like he was about to say something more on the subject, but he was interrupted by a voice calling down from above.

"Hoot! Ho there, brave heroes!"

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**  
 **The Next update will be on Friday!**


	67. Bow-Wow

**Authornote** **: Friday Oct. 5th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **So sorry I missed last week's update. I broke my laptop, and I've had to go to the library to get my writing done. The library has a really dumb rule that you can only use a computer for an hour, and so it took me forever to get this chapter written! My laptop is in the repair shop, and so hopefully it will be done in time for me to post next week's chapter! I know there are probably a bunch of typos, but I'll go back and fix those later. (last weeks had TONS of missed typos, but I think I found them all lol)**

 **We're now about 2/3 of the way through part 4. :D**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Defiant-Decay-Psycho-Thorn** \- Yay, welcome back! :D I was just thinking about you! How have things been going? I hope you enjoy the new chapters!

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 **Rainmy** \- Yes, Sakon does have a habit of causing problems, doesn't he? lol Sakon wishes he could have stabbed the Curiosity Shop Owner too. They do not get along at all. :D

The pirates are always incredibly rude to civilians, that's how they got such a horrible reputation. (that and they tend to steal and kill people) Even if the wine tasted horrible, they'd still drink it. lol

I'm glad you're enjoying the second read-through just as much as the first! I'm trying to flesh out some ideas that will come later, and I hope everything will be an improvement.

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 **The Final Spark** -Those are all very, very good guesses! The mystery of Ichiro/Jihiro is definitely very important, and everything will be revealed shortly. Unfortunately I can't confirm or deny if any of your guesses are right, because then I'd be giving out spoilers. :) I hope you enjoy the rest of the story, and I hope when everything is revealed, you'll like the direction it goes. :D

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 **Melle2001** \- I'm glad you're enjoying yourself, and I hope you like the rest as it's posted! There's still a lot left because part 5 of the story is the longest yet, and all the mysteries will finally be revealed!

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 **placesmileshere** \- As always, those are all incredibly good guesses! Everything is soon going to begin falling into place, and the mysteries will be revealed. Everything has a purpose, including this quest, and we'll find out why this is important later on. I wish I could say more, but I don't want to give any spoilers. :D

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 **Reiz16** \- It was actually the Curiosity Shop Owner who threw the dictionary at Sakon, not the Happy Mask Salesman. The Happy Mask Salesman tends to hold onto his temper a bit better than that. lol

The Postman would never willingly wear a pretty bow. Someone would have to be pointing a sword at his throat to talk him into it. lol

Don't worry, the pirates are coming!

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 **Kwertiiop** \- Alas, the story has not reached 10,000 reviews yet. I doubt it will even hit 1000 because it's such a weird story. lol Most people read the summary and give my story a skip. lol There wasn't much I could say in the summary that wouldn't give away parts of the story.

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 **Shelwyn** \- Okay, meet me in Death Valley. Make sure to bring no water with you, and dress for winter. I promise I'll show up...eventually ;)

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 **Guest** \- Don't worry, the mystery will be revealed shortly! :D

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 **Guest (other one)** \- Things are going to start getting pretty heavy in this story, and everything will be explained. I'm glad you're liking the new plot developments, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story! :D

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 **setokayba2n** \- There are still many, many secrets left in this story. lol We're getting closer to revealing some of them, and everything will eventually be explained. If Sakon had infinite rupees, he'd hoard them all like Scrooge McDuck. lol

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 **Jigbashmop -** lol Wouldn't that be funny, if the whole story was just one giant hallucination. The Postman wakes up and he'd never worked for Ganondorf, he'd never gone on any adventures, and he was still just a regular postman. Perhaps he'd come into contact with some strange spores while delivering that very first letter in part 1 to Saria in the Lost Woods? That would be absolutely hilarious, but I'm pretty sure everyone would crucify me if I did that. lol

Aw, I hope you managed to grab a powernap after your last review. lol I've written some very weird stuff while sleep deprived...

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 19

Bow-wow

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Kaepora Gaebora stared down at them from the roof of Marin's cottage. His golden eyes studied them thoughtfully for a moment, and then he flew down and landed in front of them in a flurry of feathers.

"Your quest goes well thus far." he told them. "Be wary of the dungeons ahead because they have been changed, and even I don't know what you'll face within them."

The Postman shot Sakon an angry look who gave a wince knowing it was entirely his fault. He had the decency to look sheepish, but he didn't say a word as the owl continued.

"The cello you hold, postman, is an instrument of the Sirens. I must admit, at first I did not truly believe you would succeed. I see now that the goddess was not mistaken about you."

Sakon crossed his arms with a scowl. "What about me? I did all the real work! All he did was open a few doors!"

Kaepora Gaebora blinked at him, and then continued speaking to The Postman. "That instrument, along with several others, holds the power to awaken the Windfish. You must make sure to collect them all."

The Postman glanced down at the cello in his hand, wondering how something so simple could awaken a god.

"Hoo hoot. I was instructed by the goddess to give you directions to the next dungeon. The dungeon lies to the North of the island in Goponga Swamp. Make haste and be careful as I cannot give you advice as to what you'll find there."

"Wait a sec." Sakon interrupted. "There's a bunch of instruments we have to find? How are we supposed to play these instruments all at once? Someone clearly didn't think this through very well."

"All will be made clear as your journey continues." Kaepora Gaebora stated.

The Postman stepped forward. "Um, Sir?" he said hesitantly.

The owl turned its gaze to him.

"My parents...everything I saw...are these events from the past? Is it real? Who is Ichiro? Who am I?"

Kaepora Gaebora stared at him for a long moment, and then spread his wings and flew off without another word. The Postman stared after him as Sakon became indignant on his behalf.

"Now, that's just rude!" The Thief exclaimed. "Stupid pigeon!"

The Postman continued staring after Kaepora Gaebora long after he had disappeared from sight. He was feeling extremely troubled, and had a feeling there was something huge his parents had hidden from him. Why wouldn't the owl answer him when he asked of his past? Did he know something he didn't? Sakon waved a hand in front of his face, and The Postman glanced over at the thief.

"Come on, forget the stupid bird." Sakon told him. "Let's stash that cello somewhere, and get going. We'll worry about all of this once we're home."

The Postman gave a distracted nod, giving one more look towards the sky before following after Sakon.

"Your girlfriend will probably look after it for us." Sakon said, heading towards Marin's cottage.

The Postman cringed and noticeably slowed down, not wanting to speak with his alleged love interest again. Sakon gave him a smirk, knowing exactly what his hesitation was about.

"Come on, you're going to have to face her sometime."

"Why?" The Postman demanded, reaching out to knock on the door.

"With all the work the gods put into this, I highly doubt they'll let you avoid her indefinitely."

"I'm not interested in her."

"Then tell her you're gay."

The Postman was about to respond but the door was opened by Marin and she let out a happy gasp at the sight of The Postman. "You're alright!" she exclaimed, ignoring Sakon completely. "When I heard that you had faced a dungeon, I was so worried!"

"I faced it too!" Sakon protested. "How come no one acknowledges my heroism?"

Marin flashed him a scathing look, and then gave The Postman another smile. "Come in, we're just about to have supper! Let me give you a heroes welcome!"

"Er, no thank you, miss." The Postman said, backing a step away. "I was just wondering if I could leave this at your house for a while?"

He held up the heavy cello and Marin reached out and took it in curiosity. "How pretty." she commented. "Of course I'll keep it safe for you."

The Postman turned to leave. "Thank you, miss, it's very appreciated."

"Wait!" Marin called, catching him by the shoulder. "It's going to get dark soon! You should stay for supper and spend the night. Your friends are waiting for you!"

Sakon waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Can I spend the night with you too?"

Marin gave him a look of pure disgust. "No. You can sleep outside."

Sakon gave her a mischievous grin. "Well, I wasn't planning on sleeping, if you know what I mean..."

Marin lashed out at him with a fist, but her hand went right through him and hit The Postman instead. Sakon gave a laugh as The Postman staggered back, and rubbed at his cheek, and Marin was completely horrified at what she'd done.

"I'm so sorry!" she cried out. "I didn't mean to! I swear I didn't mean to!"

Sakon gave her a cocky grin. "So, you're a man-beater, are you? I don't think you're his type, he's not very good with pain...or with women."

"Sakon, leave her alone." The Postman scolded, turning his gaze back to Marin. "It's fine, miss, I'm not hurt. You said our friends were inside?"

Marin was suddenly shoved out of the way, and Zaira descended on him like an angry beast, grabbing him by the front of the shirt harshly.

"What have you gotten us into, Tracker?" she demanded, pulling him close. "What in Din's name did you do?!"

"Hello, Zaira." The Postman greeted politely. "I'm glad you're alright."

Zaira narrowed her eyes at him, and then yanked him into the house. She didn't even acknowledge Sakon, as she shoved The Postman down into a chair beside Samirah. The Postman glanced over at Samirah who gave him a friendly grin.

"Hey, Jihiro." she greeted. "You worried Zaira when she couldn't find you, and that's why she's so irritable."

"I wasn't worried." Zaira snapped, crossing her arms. "I'm angry because he got us mixed up in whatever this whole mess of a quest is."

"I honestly didn't mean to involve you." The Postman told her. "I didn't know a wave was going to wash us all off board, or I would have warned you better. It is my fault, and i'm sorry. I promise I'll make things right and get you home."

Zaira fixed him with a hard stare. "Explain everything from the very beginning. If I think for even a second you're lying to me, I'll make you regret it dearly. What is going on?"

Sakon cocked his head at her. "You don't owe her an explanation, Darling. Let's just leave. She's just a bitter, old wannabe."

Zaira's angry glare turned on him in an instant. "I don't know you very well, thief, but I don't like you, and if you are anything except completely respectful towards me, I'll hit you so hard, your nose will come out your ear!"

Sakon let out a snort and rolled his eyes. "And how do you expect to do that?" he demanded, waving his hand through her head. "I can't be touched."

Zaira glared at him heatedly, but turned her attention back to The Postman. "Explain." she ordered.

The Postman glanced between Zaira and Sakon, not even sure where to begin. He didn't fully understand it himself, and wasn't sure how he was going to explain everything. "Well, it all began the night before my brother's wedding..."

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Windfish shifted in his sleep, his entire body in agony, but unable to do anything about it. He could sense several mortals within his dreamworld, but didn't have high hopes of them being able to help. He had placed his hopes on many mortals before, but none were able to save him from the pain. Every hero that succeeded in waking him, immediately left the island, because the dreamworld could not be maintained while he was awake. He had hoped out of the dozens of heroes that one would realize he needed to remain asleep to be cured, but none of them did. Every hero thought the purpose of the quest was to simply wake him, and that was it. He tried to control his dreamworld beings into communicating this to the heroes, but someone was blocking any and all attempts he made of communicating. He could only watch as the same events unfolded over and over again without change.

Before he had become so weak, he'd asked a goddess that he believed to be his closest friend for help, but she had done nothing. While he slept in constant torment, she dabbled around his island without making any move to help him. He suspected she was responsible for making sure none of the heroes discovered their true quest, but he couldn't prove it. He felt hurt and betrayed by her lack of compassion, because he had once believed them to be inseparable. The Windfish had been fighting for nearly a thousand years and he was beginning to feel an overbearing exhaustion and hopelessness consume him. To give up would end his pain, and he could just slip into the blackness of non-existence.

The Windfish was a kind and gentle soul, however, and he knew if he stopped fighting, the innocent mortals on his island would die. He had always liked mortals, and didn't want their lives to end when they were just trying to help him. It wasn't their fault they didn't know their true quest, and he didn't hold it against them. He would hold on until they failed like all the others, and then he would allow himself to finally be at peace.

They were more mortals this time, than on any of the other quests, and they seemed different somehow. He couldn't quite place a finger on what was different, but he hoped this group of mortals would finally figure out what was wrong with him. Although he didn't have high hopes, he would still give them a chance.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman had explained absolutely everything that had happened, and everyone listened in silence, finding the tale incredibly bizarre. By the time he had finally finished, it was very dark outside, and Zaira had drunk her way through three bottles of wine. Somehow she was still standing, and she gave The Postman a thoughtful look.

"So, what I'm getting from this, is that absolutely everything bad that's happened to you was directly caused by him."

Sakon balked, but couldn't think of any way to protest that. The Postman had explained everything so logically, and so clearly that there was no denying that he was the responsible one for the entire mess.

The Postman glanced over at him. "Well, perhaps." he admitted. "Although it's usually unintentional..."

"You would have been better off leaving him to die." Zaira commented. "He's not even part of the Gerudo Nation, and you've risked your life multiple times for this moron."

"He's my friend." The Postman defended, firmly. "Whether this is his fault or not, I'm still going to help him."

"Then you're a moron too!" Zaira snapped. "You dragged us into this adventure, and everyone probably thinks we're all dead!"

"There's not really anything we can do about it." Samirah pointed out. "If we want to go home, we'll have to help him."

"No, you're going to stay here where it's safe." Zaira ordered. "You can't even walk right now. I'll help the idiots with their stupid quest, and then I'm going to write Lord Ganondorf a very long letter of complaint, and hopefully they'll both get beaten within an inch of their lives when they get home."

"No one asked for your help, scar-face." Sakon snapped. "We were doing just fine on our own!"

Completely by reflex, Zaira lashed out at a fist at him, and to everyone's surprise, she made contact. The punch was hard, and Sakon was knocked back, not expecting the sudden attack, and he instinctively lashed out at her in return. To his dismay, he fist went right through her, and she hit him a second time, this time bloodying his nose. Sakon hit the floor, and as she came at him for a third time, he drew his sword.

"Sakon, no!" The Postman cried out too late.

Sakon slashed up at Zaira, but the sword passed through her harmlessly. Zaira froze in surprise, and then her face twisted in pure fury.

"You tried to kill me!" she snarled.

Sakon who was still sprawled on the floor, began edging away from her. "Er..."

"Filthy, backstabbing thief!" Zaira yelled, clenching her fists. "I knew you couldn't be trusted!"

"It was a joke!" Sakon insisted. "I knew it wouldn't hurt you!"

Zaira's response to that was to kick him as hard as she could in the stomach. Sakon immediately let out a startled cry, and clutched at his stomach, curling in on himself as she began stomping on him. Zaira was merciless, and she knew where to stomp to cause the most pain, and although she wasn't actually causing him much damage, he was still shrieking for mercy.

"Zaira, don't kill him!" The Postman protested, reaching out to take her by the arm.

Zaira impatiently shoved him away, but she did stop attacking the thief, and then she knelt down beside the bloody and bruised Sakon. She gave him a hard nudge, and he looked up at her warily.

"Get out of this house, and do not come near us again." she ordered, her tone not leaving room for discussion. "I don't trust you, and I will not allow you to endanger us. We will complete this quest, and then go home, and that's it. If you try to impede us in any way, I'll end you, is this clear?"

"Zaira!" The Postman cut in. "You can't-"

"Shut your mouth." Zaira snapped. "You're lucky I didn't give you a beating as well! You're just as responsible as him!"

Sakon gave Zaira one more wary glance and then fled out of the house without a single word. The Postman watched him go with a frown, and then crossed his arms.

"That was uncalled for!"

"He tried to kill me, you moron, or did you conveniently overlook that fact? That thief is known for killing pirates, and I'm not letting him endanger us any further. If I see him again, I'll kill him."

The Postman knew Sakon deserved that beating, but he was still furious. Not even wanting to discuss it, he grabbed his backpack and stormed out the door. Zaira caught him by the elbow before he could fully leave the house.

"Where are you going?" she demanded. "We need to start coming up with a plan to complete this quest."

""I'll be back." The Postman replied, yanking his arm away from her. "I'm going to find Sakon, and have a discussion with him. I shouldn't be long."

"Wait, you can't go!" Marin protested. "You can't travel at night, it's much too dangerous! A lot of horrible things come out at nighttime!"

"I'll be fine." The Postman assured her, giving Zaira another glare. "Friends don't leave friends behind just because they made a few mistakes."

Zaira rolled her eyes, and let out a sigh. "Be careful." she instructed. "We'll wait for you here."

Marin gave The Postman a frown, but nodded, knowing he probably wouldn't listen to her. "Just a second." she requested, disappearing back into the cottage.

A few moments later, she was back pressing a small container into his hands.

"You should eat your supper while it's still hot." she instructed. "A good woman always keeps her man well fed."

The Postman gave her an alarmed look, and Zaira let out a snort.

"I have to go." The Postman said, quickly backing away.

"I'll miss you!" Marin called after him. "Be careful!"

The Postman didn't answer, instead hurrying off into the darkness.

Marin let out a sad sigh, and Zaira rolled her eyes.

"Nothing like coming across as a little desperate, eh?" the pirate commented.

Samirah was laughing hard from within the house, having heard everything. "You are seriously barking up the wrong tree, Marin. Let me tell you a little story about when I thought he was a woman..."

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman practically ran across the village, wanting to put as much distance between himself and Marin as he could. He had no idea where Sakon could have disappeared to, and he paused next to the cottage with the Chomp. He saw the broken chain, and glanced around, seriously hoping the beast wasn't lurking around somewhere unrestrained.

"Hey, Darling." came a voice from above him.

The Postman glanced up, and saw Sakon seated on the roof of the cottage looking bloody and incredibly sullen.

"Are you alright?" The Postman asked in concern.

Sakon shrugged. "More or less, I suppose. I've been beaten a lot worse than that before."

"You tried to kill her."

Sakon gave another shrug.

"She's a real person, not part of this dreamworld." The Postman pointed out.

Sakon wasn't sure how to explain his point of view to The Postman. His entire life had been nothing except fights, pain, and murder, and so he'd felt at the time he'd needed to defend his life. Normally when people attacked him, it wasn't just to cause him pain, it was to actually kill him. In Gerudo Territory, he was more or less safe from murder attempts, but not out here. Despite Zaira being a Gerudo, she was also a pirate, and therefore he knew she couldn't be trusted. He had no idea how to explain any of this, however, and so he simply shrugged for the third time.

"She doesn't trust you now." The Postman pointed out, feeling frustrated. "Why did you have to do that?"

"I don't know, reflex, I suppose..." Sakon rubbed at his bruised face, and then gave him an uncertain look. "Do you want me to stay away while you guys finish the quest?"

The Postman was feeling tired, and frustrated, and he let out deep breath, before answering him. "No. We started this quest together, and now we'll finish it together. I don't want anyone else getting involved in this. We should get going before Zaira realizes I'm not coming back."

Sakon hopped down from the roof. "Aren't you worried that I'll just mess everything up?"

"Well, a little bit." The Postman admitted. "Please just be careful from now on."

Sakon gave him a nod. "Alright, I'll try..."

They'd only walked a few steps before the two children from the schoolhouse ran up to them at full speed, their eyes wide with fear and excitement.

"Hey!" one cried out to get their attention. "You have to help!"

The other boy nodded in agreement. "Yeah, it's serious! Really serious!"

The Postman and Sakon exchanged a look, knowing this couldn't possibly lead to anything good.

"What happened?" The Postman questioned.

Both boys looked all around as if scared something was going to jump out at them. "Bow-wow is missing! He was probably stolen by Moblins!"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Who's Bow-Wow?"

The children both stared at him, clearly impatient. "Bow-Wow! You know, Madame MeowMeow's dog? The big black one that she always has chained in front of her house?"

Sakon snickered. "Her name is Madame MeowMeow? This oughta be good..."

"Why would Moblins steal a dog?" The Postman questioned.

"Probably for ransom." Sakon replied. "Pet people are crazy like that. I once stole a poodle and the owner paid me a fortune to get it back! She actually thanked me for bringing it back!"

"You need to help her!" one of the boys insisted. "She's very upset!"

"Yeah, you should go talk to her right away!"

The Postman looked over at Sakon. "Do you think I'm supposed to rescue the dog? This seems very unusual..."

Sakon gave a shrug. "Probably. It seems awfully convenient that it was kidnapped just before we returned to town. I'm assuming there's some purpose behind rescuing it..."

"Ok, fine." The Postman responded, turning his gaze to the cottage beside them. "I'll try, but I've never been very good with animals..."

"Good luck!" the children chorused as one, turning to run back to wherever they'd come from.

"What are you talking about?" Sakon demanded. "You have a dog, this one can't be that different. Other than the fact it's probably a man-eater..."

"My parents have a dog." The Postman corrected, starting towards the cottage. "And he hates me... I'm not really a pet person."

"Why?" Sakon questioned, floating after him. "You seem like the sort of person that would be a crazy cat lady."

"My job takes me out of town for deliveries, and I wouldn't want to be responsible for another living creature. I'm worried I'd forget about them, and come back to find a dead pet."

Sakon liked animals, and so he gave The Postman a frown, not approving of that thought at all. "I agree. You should not have pets if you're worried about killing them. It's probably a good thing you don't have children either..."

The Postman stared at the thick, broken chain, and had his doubts about a Moblin attack.

"Could a Moblin break a chain that thick?" he questioned.

"It's a dreamworld, darling, anything is possible. I wouldn't be surprised if every monster on the island is overpowered."

The Postman paused when he heard a noise, and glanced over to his right. He could hear a high-pitched yapping coming from the enormous doghouse nearby, and wondered if the Chomp had simply gone in there after the Moblin attack. Cautiously approaching the doghouse, The Postman peered inside, hoping the 'dog' wouldn't jump out at him. Inside was a very small Chomp, laying comfortably on a pile of pillows and blankets. It looked very similar to the missing Chomp, and The Postman wondered if there was a whole litter hidden within the blankets. The 'dog' stared at him for a long moment, and then to his surprise it let out a sigh.

"Makeup, dresses, jewellery...I want it all!"

The Postman wasn't sure he'd heard correctly, and simply stared as the 'dog' let out another sigh.

"...and some new accessories would be nice too." it commented. "Something to make me look pretty, and sophisticated!"

"Did...did you just speak?!" The Postman asked.

She blinked up at him. "Of course."

Sakon peered over his shoulder at the Chomp. "Like I said, darling, it's a dreamworld."

The Chomp let out another sad-sounding sigh. "I wish I had something to make me look pretty, but all I have is this boring old collar."

The Postman glanced at the pink collar, hesitated, and then reached into his pocket to pull out the ribbon his mother had given him. The 'dog's' eyes immediately fell on it and she let out a delighted gasp.

"Oh! That ribbon! I need it! Will you trade it for a can of my dog food? Please?"

The Postman reached out and neatly tied the pink ribbon into a bow around the 'dog's' collar, and she grinned up at him, her mouth filled with long, pointed teeth.

"I'm so lucky! Thanks so much! Here's your dog food! Take good care of it!"

She moved from where she'd been sitting to reveal a bent and chewed up can of dog food. She'd obviously been trying to get into it, but without hands she'd been unable to. The Postman stared at the can for a moment, and then said.

"You can consider the ribbon a gift." he stated. "Did you want me to open that can for you?"

The 'dog' shook her head. "A deal is a deal, and you must take it now. It would be an insult for me to expect charity."

The Postman took the can of dog food, unsure of what he was supposed to do with it.

"Goodbye now, you need to leave." the 'dog' said to him rudely. "I want to get my beauty sleep. Please make sure to rescue my brother!"

When The Postman stood back up, and turned to Sakon holding the can of dog food, the thief gave him an amused look.

"Darling, if you're hungry, you don't have to resort to dog food, you know..."

"If we have to find the big one, I can offer it some dog food so that I hopefully don't get eaten." The Postman responded, shoving the can into his backpack.

Sakon gave a shrug, having his doubts about the big Chomp being able to be won over with a little food. Although it was clearly domesticated, Chomps weren't very trustworthy, especially towards strangers. The Postman approached the cottage door, and gave a sharp knock, surprised when it opened almost immediately. A very large, overweight, elderly woman inside the cottage let out a loud sniff, obviously disappointed and wiped at the tears in her eyes.

"It's terrible!" the woman told him sadly. "My precious Bow-Wow has been dog-napped by Moblins! Please, please will you help my poor Bow-Wow? Everyone keeps saying you're a brave hero so will you please help him?"

"Why does no one think I'm a hero?" Sakon demanded petulantly. "I've done a lot more than you have! And I'm the one with the sword!"

Ignoring him, Madame MeowMeow grabbed The Postman's arm imploringly, tears streaming down her face. "Please help him! He's probably so scared right now! He's a such a sweet, innocent soul!"

The Postman was never very good around overly emotional people, and wasn't quite sure what to do. Shifting a bit uncomfortably, he gave her an awkward nod.

"...I'll see if I can find him for you, ma'am."

Madame MeowMeow instantly let out a sigh of relief. "Thank you! It's really kind of you to help my poor Bow-Wow. They probably took him into the Mysterious Woods near Goponga Swamp, so please hurry and find him before it's too late!"

The Postman gave her nod, and then turned and headed down the path as she closed the door, with Sakon following closely behind him.

"Kaepora Gaebora said the next dungeon is in Goponga Swamp." The Postman commented. "This has all clearly been arranged."

Sakon nodded his agreement. "Well, at least you know it's unlikely you'll get eaten then."

"If the Windfish needs us to wake him, why is he making this so difficult? Why is everything so complicated?"

"Gods are easily bored, I suppose. If I was a god, this would be funny as hell to me."

The Postman frowned, still feeling like this didn't make sense. Something felt off about the island.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, and as they approached the Mysterious Woods, Sakon drew his sword and The Postman readied his shield.

"Where is the swamp?" Sakon wondered out loud. "Can you use that freaky power of yours to find him?"

The Postman shook his head. "Nobody here is real, and so I can't sense him."

Sakon glanced up at the sky which was getting darker and darker by the second. The air was freezing cold, and the grass crunched underneath The Postman's bare feet as they walked along.

"We probably won't be able to find him tonight, it's way too dark. Are you sure you don't want to stay at Marin's house? Sleeping in the cold woods won't be fun..."

The Postman kept walking. "I'll take my chances."

Sakon gave a laugh. "Whatever floats your boat, darling, it makes no difference to me. You'd rather freeze your ass off than to go near a girl."

They walked for a while through the woods, but saw no sign of any Moblins. It was getting darker and darker, and when The Postman began tripping over roots, they were forced to stop and make camp. They were in a good area beside a stream, the trees above shielding them from the worst of the wind. The Postman made a fire-pit and lit a small fire, the heat feeling good against the sharp cold of the night. He unrolled the bedroll Sakon had attached to the backpack and spread it out beside the fire, the fabric still slightly damp from the ocean.

"I have some teabags buried in the front pocket of my backpack somewhere." Sakon informed him. "Unless you want to freeze to death, you should probably drink something hot."

Normally, The Postman would refuse anything Sakon offered based on principle alone, but he was rather cold and hungry, and so he dug inside the backpack until he found a tin of tea and a small pan for boiling water. As he waited for the water to heat, Sakon settled himself down next to him.

"The salt water shouldn't have gotten inside the tin so the tea should be fine." he told him. "There's also some dried fruit and nuts in another tin."

"Do you want any?" The Postman asked him, fishing out the second tin.

Sakon shook his head. "I'm not hungry. I don't think I can get hungry while like this."

The Postman opened the supper Marin had given him, and to his surprise he saw the package was filled with oatmeal.

"That's an unusual supper." he commented.

"She fed you oatmeal for lunch too." Sakon pointed out. "Maybe that's all she knows how to make?"

The Postman gave a shrug, and took a handful of the fruit and nuts and added them to the plain oatmeal. He then closed the tin again, unsure of how long he'd have to make the food last. As he munched on the cold oatmeal, Sakon began humming to himself, stretching out comfortably as he stared up at the black sky.

"It looks like it's going to snow." he observed after a time. "You sure you want to sleep outside?"

"I'll be fine." The Postman answered, taking the boiling water off the fire as Sakon resumed his humming.

The Postman poured the water into a mug he'd also found inside the backpack and dropped a teabag into it. As he waited for it to steep, he finished the oatmeal, not finding the meal very satisfying.

"What's that you're humming?" The Postman asked. "I don't recognize it."

Sakon's humming turned into singing and the thief sang a little tune about an assassin and a king. Sakon did not look like the sort of person who could sing, and to The Postman's surprise, Sakon's voice was steady and clear. He listened to the long tale in silence, and the assassin ended up becoming king in the end and winning the girl. The Postman suspected Sakon had changed the lyrics from whatever they were originally, but he didn't comment.

The Postman stared into the fire quietly and sipped the hot tea, his mind obviously far away. Sakon was now floating above the fire contentedly, and after a time, The Thief noticed how troubled The Postman looked. He frowned at his friend, having a pretty good idea what was bothering him.

"You're thinking about the whole thing with your parents?" he asked.

The Postman nodded silently. "I just can't understand why I was shown that. Is there something the gods want me to know about myself? The name Ichiro keeps coming up in my life, and I have no idea who that is."

Sakon cocked his head thoughtfully. "Do you think you're adopted?"

The Postman looked up at him and frowned. "I don't think so…wouldn't my parents have told me if I was adopted?"

Sakon considered that, and then gave a shrug. "Maybe they didn't want you to know? How far back can you remember? Can you remember anything strange from your very early childhood?"

The Postman thought for a few moments, and honestly wasn't sure. "I remember meeting you…" he stated uncertainly. "But not really anything before that..."

Sakon crossed his arms with a frown. "We were five when we met, and that's hardly a baby. What about before then?"

"I don't know. That was a long time ago." The Postman responded. "How much can you remember from before you were five?"

Sakon thought about it, and then was forced to give a shrug. "Not much I suppose. Little kids don't have the best of memories."

The Postman poked at the fire with a stick causing a shower of sparks to fly up, and then he asked. "You were raised by your uncles, weren't you?"

Sakon gave a nod.

The Postman wasn't sure whether it was any of his business but asked anyway. "What were your parents like? Do you remember anything about them?"

Sakon shook his head with a defeated sigh. "No." replied. "I'm pretty sure Guru Guru raised me since I was born. I'm not sure though because sometimes I think I remember a few odd things, but it could easily be my imagination."

"Who were your parents? What happened to them?"

Again Sakon shrugged. "I don't know; I can't remember them and neither of my uncles ever talked about them. I've asked a few times but they would never tell me anything. I have a feeling something bad happened to them."

"Why wouldn't they tell you? Isn't it your right to know about your parents?"

Sakon gave a shrug. "You're not the only one with family issues."

The Postman gave another poke at the fire. "I don't have family issues, and I don't even know if any of what we saw was real. It was probably all a trick of the Windfish."

Sakon leaned back in the air with a lazy stretch. "Why would the Windfish or any god for that matter mess with you like that? They'd have to be pretty bored to enjoy toying with a lame postman like you."

"It seems to be my lot in life." The Postman responded with a sigh. "You seem to enjoy tormenting me."

"True..." Sakon admitted. "Well, what about the whole name thing? The Windfish didn't make that up! Either your parents are just weird, or they're hiding something."

The Postman really didn't like this train of thought, and set down the empty mug beside him.

"I'm done talking about this." he said. "The only way I'll know for sure is to ask my parents, and with the way things are going right now, that could be a while."

"But what if you are adopted? Who's your real family? Aren't you the least bit curious about it?"

"No."

Sakon eyed him for a moment, and then let out a snort. "Liar. You totally are, and it's eating you up inside. You just don't want to admit it."

The Postman didn't answer, studying the flames of the campfire intently. He supposed it didn't really matter if he was adopted or not, but the thought of him being a replacement for an older brother made him feel a bit uneasy. What happened to Ichiro if he even really existed? Did he die? Was he kidnapped? Where was he now? If it was real then why did his parents never mention any of this before? Why would they hide something so important?

Flopping down onto the now dry bedroll, The Postman stared up at the sky in silence as Sakon whistled tunelessly from the other side of the fire. The forest was blanketed in darkness, strange noises coming from within, and several times The Postman thought he saw eyes glinting through the trees. Deciding he didn't care to find out what was watching them, he turned his attention back to the fire. In fact, he didn't want to think about anymore. Rolling over, he pulled the blankets over his head, intent on forgetting about his origins for a while. Sakon whistled to himself for several minutes before noticing The Postman was seemingly asleep.

"Darling?" he questioned loudly.

"What?"

Sakon grinned at the fact The Postman had responded to that. "You might want to move a bit, you're going to catch on fire if you sleep that close to the firepit. You're rather flaming as it is, and so we don't need to add any real fire to that."

The Postman edged a bit further away without even moving out of his cocoon. There was silence for another minute or so before Sakon floated over next to him.

"You asleep yet?"

"Yes."

Sakon smirked. "If you're asleep then how can you answer me?"

"I'm trying to sleep." The Postman amended.

"Well, that's hardly the same thing. You're either asleep, or you aren't!"

"Fine, what?" The Postman demanded grouchily. "What do you want?"

"A bit touchy, aren't we?" Sakon commented. "I was just going to let you know that I'll keep watch and wake you if anything happens. There could be Moblins lurking around."

"Okay." The Postman stated, his voice muffled from within the blanket.

There was silence for another few minutes, and just as The Postman began to drift off, Sakon spoke into his ear.

"Darling?"

The Postman let out a frustrated sound. "Yes, Sakon? What do you want?"

"Nothing, I'm just bugging you now."

"Why don't you go patrol or something?" The Postman demanded.

Sakon gave a shrug despite The Postman not even looking at him. "I suppose I could. It's been a while since I've killed anything."

"Well, good, so now leave me alone."

Sakon made a tsking sound in the back of his throat. "So rude when you're tired, you're like a toddler."

"Shh."

"Nope." Sakon responded with a grin. "I'm going to talk to you alllll night and there's nothing you can do about it."

"I can see if I can knock you out with the shield." The Postman muttered. "That's something I can do."

Sakon knew he didn't really mean it, and let out a snort. "Fine, sleep away, your royal grouchiness. Don't let me stop you. I'll just sit up all night by my lonesome."

The Postman was relieved Sakon was going to finally leave him alone and curled up tightly beneath the blankets. The air seemed to be getting colder and colder, the wind frigid, but the fire seemed to stay the bitterness somewhat, and so after a while The Postman managed to fall asleep. Sakon sat beside him, sword drawn as he stared into the darkness, certain something was watching them. Using the tip of his sword, he pushed a few more pieces of wood onto the fire, wondering whether he was even capable of freezing to death. The wind wasn't really bothering him, but by the way The Postman was shivering, he knew it was cold.

There were a few growls from somewhere deep in the trees and Sakon quickly turned his attention back to guarding. He quickly searched the area around them, but whatever it was, was smart, and he couldn't find it. Sakon watched and listened for hours, gripping the sword tightly but whatever was watching them didn't make an appearance. Although nothing bothered them throughout the night, Sakon still felt uneasy about it. Something was definitely following them.

* * *

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will be on Friday. (hopefully)**


	68. Rescuing Bow-Wow

**Authornote** **: Friday Oct. 13th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Okay, I literally have no excuse for this chapter being a day late...I got playing Life is Strange yesterday, and forgot to go to the library to post it. Oops...**

 **I know there are typos in this chapter, and as per usual I'll go back and fix them later when I have more time. Please excuse any mistakes you find. ;)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Remvis** -Hello, welcome to the party, my dear! :D I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far!

Yeah, Sakon takes some getting used to. ;) He's not really as bad as he comes across at first glance, but he's no saint either. His life was hard, and he quickly had to learn to put his own needs above anyone else's. He's never had to worry or care about others, and so that's why his friendship with The Postman is so rocky. The Postman is the very first person he's certain will never backstab him, and so he's trying to learn how to get along with him. It's not just women he treats like crap, but rather everyone he meets. We just haven't seen him interact with very many male characters yet. :)

I wanted to write something very different, and to stay away from cliches as much as possible. I'm hoping that everyone will like the direction the story is going to go in part 5. I'm really hoping no one will be disappointed once everything is finally revealed. I've honestly done my best not to make it too predictable.

The only reason Sakon is always teasing The Postman and making gay jokes is because he's 100% convinced that The Postman really is gay. He thinks he's helping, and believes that if The Postman finally admits it, he'll be much happier. He doesn't realize that if The Postman really is gay, then he's only making things worse for him. Sakon thinks if he makes a joke of it, it won't seem like such a big deal, but in reality it makes it seem like it's something that someone would be teased for. Sakon needs to learn some social skills.

Postman x Fi, that seems like a very random couple to me, but I'd still read it. lol When I had my old version of The Postman story up the first time, I had another story series called Drabbles in which I would write short stories requested by my reviewers. Your Demise idea reminded me of a request I had. :) I had many interesting requests that I wrote about, and it was really fun. I took it down because it gave spoilers in some of the requests for what happens in The Postman story. I'll probably re-post it once The Postman story is all finished.

Sorry this reply was so long! lol

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 **Rainmy** \- Sakon really did have that beating coming to him. lol He's put everyone through a lot throughout the story. It's a good thing The Postman is a very forgiving person, or Sakon would have been on his own long ago. If Sakon learned a little impulse control, that would help him out immensely. lol

Hmm, I've never really thought about whether or not The Happy Mask Salesman can sing. I'm going to have to say no, however, just based on something I have planned for later. I don't want to give any spoilers though because this is something you don't know about yet. ;)

At least Marin is trying to feed him, I suppose. lol Better than Tarin's mushroom soup. :D

Don't worry, everyone will meet up again! The Postman can't hide from the pirates forever!

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 **Melle2001** \- I'm happy you're enjoying the story!

Yeah, it seems like a really stupid rule to me too considering I live in a small city and there's always like 12 empty seats at the library computers. I wish they'd let me use it until someone needed the computer, but they aren't willing to bend the rules. I'm supposed to get my computer back on Monday (it was a very ouchy repair bill lol) and so hopefully I'll be able to post more reliably.

I immediately went and fixed that typo when you pointed it out. lol Thanks for your help!

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 **Reiz16** \- Everything will be revealed very shortly. :D

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 **Shelwyn** \- February 30th sounds fantastic. lol

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 **Guest** \- I'm not even halfway there yet, but maybe someday I'll reach 1000 reviews which would be cool. :D

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 **Guest 101** \- I did have something similar to that posted previously. It was called Drabbles and I would write reviewer requests about characters in my story. I had to take it down because it gave away spoilers about the story, but I'm planning on re-posting it once I'm finished with Part 5.

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 **setokayba2n** \- I pride myself on trying to be as unpredictable as possible. If something appears like it's going to be a standard cliche, then there's definitely going to be a twist. I can never do anything normally. lol

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Everything about the Jihiro/Ichiro thing will be completely explained in part 5 of the story. We will begin getting more and more information about the mystery, and I hope you won't be disappointed when everything is finally revealed. I tried very hard to not make this story full of cliches.

Your 18 hour nap reminds me of the time I slept for 20 hours when I was a teenager and my mother came in to check if I was still alive. I was just very tired from running a marathon the day before. lol

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 20

Rescuing Bow-Wow

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The Postman shivered in his sleep, and curled up beneath the blankets, his mind plagued by nightmares.

 _He was once again in the cold, and dark cellar, and his whole body ached with hunger and pain. His wrist was bent at an unnatural angle, and the floor around him was covered in droplets of blood. Leaning against the wall nearby was a bloody cane, and just the sight of it caused his breath to quicken. He was thankfully by himself, and although he was no longer bound to the wall, he was much too hurt to move. He stared straight ahead at the staircase leading upstairs, hoping his punishments were finally over for the day._

 _Clutching his injured wrist to his chest, he curled in on himself, trying in vain to find a bit of warmth. He was so cold that his body was beginning to feel numb, and he almost hoped that he'd freeze to death just so he could escape. He used to have a ratty mattress and blanket, but his uncle had long since taken those away in punishment. Now, all he knew was the coldness of concrete, and never-ending pain. He didn't understand what his uncle wanted from him, but he kept making mistakes, and he kept being punished for it. If only he knew what he supposed to do! Nothing his uncle said or did made any sense to him. He was always forcing him to swallow foul potions, and speaking to him in a strange language, but nothing ever happened, and this made his uncle furious. His uncle accused him of purposely fighting against him, and no matter how many times The Postman denied it, he was still punished._

 _Taking a deep, pained breath, he closed his eyes to wait for the next time he'd be visited. Almost immediately, he heard footsteps on the stairs. His eyes snapped open, and a fear so deep stabbed him that he cried out, and tried to scramble away. Too soon! It was too soon! Why was he back so soon?!_

 _The footsteps came closer, and then he felt someone grab him by the hair. Looking up, he saw his uncle looming over him, his expression still cold and uncaring._

 _"Have you learned anything yet?" his uncle hissed. "Do we need to repeat the lesson!"_

 _"No!" The Postman cried out in fear. His voice was very young, and The Postman realized he was a small child. "I'll be good! I'll be good! I promise, I'll do better!"_

 _"You'd better, or you'll regret it." the man warned. "Now, come on, I have work to do."_

 _The Postman was seized by the back of his shirt and yanked up, the motion hurting his numerous injuries. He was then dragged out of the room, his fear only increasing._

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It began to snow just before dawn and Sakon pushed a few more pieces of wood into the fire, hoping The Postman wasn't getting frostbite. He did feel rather guilty over everything that had happened, and was surprised The Postman was so forgiving over the whole thing. Sakon never would have helped someone the way The Postman had helped him. He would have simply washed his hands of the whole affair, and left the person to die. The Postman wasn't like that however. He certainly wasn't a hero, nor was he a true villain. The Postman had never harmed another living creature, and Sakon doubted he ever would. The Postman wasn't used to constant danger, and he had very little experience where adventures were concerned. Sakon wasn't particularly fond of the fact his life depended on a civil servant, but there was nothing he could do about it. The Postman was his only friend, and the only one willing to help him.

"No..." came a muffled voice from within the nearby blankets.

Glancing down at other man, Sakon gave him a frown when he realized The Postman was in the throes of a terrible nightmare. Unsure of what to do, he simply watched as The Postman began to thrash and cry out like he was in terrible pain, and Sakon reached out towards him. Frustrated when his hand went right through him, Sakon knew he should somehow wake him up.

The Postman was still deeply buried in the blankets, but Sakon could see how he was shaking.

"Jihiro?" Sakon called over. "Wake up, doofus, you're having a nightmare!"

"Stop, no!" The Postman cried out, shifting in his sleep.

"Wake up!" Sakon ordered, raising his voice.

The Postman still didn't wake, and so Sakon knelt down next to him, and then took a deep breath. "JIHIRO!" he bellowed as loudly as he could into the other man's ear. "WAKE UP!"

The Postman nearly jumped a mile, and he thrashed out at Sakon instinctively. Sakon backed up a bit to give him some space, and The Postman took a few shaky breaths, still looking terrified. He stared up at Sakon in confusion for a moment, before remembering where he was and rubbing at his eyes. He sat up with a shiver, and then noticed he was completely covered in snow.

"Oh, it's snowing." The Postman commented.

Sakon gave him an odd look, and then asked. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, why?" The Postman asked in confusion.

"You were having a nightmare...a bad one."

The Postman went silent.

"Darling?"

The Postman took a deep breath. "It wasn't a nightmare, it was a memory."

Sakon's eyes widened. "The month you were gone as a kid? When you went all weird?"

The Postman nodded silently.

"What happened?" Sakon asked. "What did that creep do to you?"

The Postman didn't answer.

Sakon knew it must have been pretty bad, but his curiosity was winning out. "Want to talk about it?" he asked.

The Postman shook his head.

"You're still looking pretty upset." Sakon pointed out. "Maybe it will help?"

"I doubt it."

"So, you remember everything now? You know how he forced the red magic into you?"

The Postman once again shook his head. "No. I'm remembering just a few bits and pieces, but not everything. I still don't know what he did to me..."

Sakon furrowed his brow, looking concerned. "When we get back, I'm going to pay your uncle a little visit..."

"Perhaps I should speak with him..." The Postman said thoughtfully. "Maybe I'll finally be able to get some answers."

"Maybe he knows who Ichiro is?" Sakon suggested.

"Maybe." The Postman agreed a bit reluctantly. "What time is it?"

"Ass-crack of dawn." Sakon replied.

The Postman glanced up at the still-dark sky, shivering at the cold air.

The Postman was still barefoot, wearing just his postal uniform and he wrapped the blanket around himself with another shiver. He edged a bit closer to the fire, and Sakon gave a lazy stretch, bored and ready to start travelling again.

The Postman wished Sakon had a pair of shoes in his backpack, but The Thief actually had very few clothes packed.

"Where should we start looking for the mutt?" Sakon asked. "Should we just keep wandering to the North?"

Unable to sense Bow-Wow, The Postman gave a shrug. "I suppose..."

The Postman stepped off the bedroll into the snow and winced at the coldness. He gathered their supplies back into the backpack, and then followed after Sakon as The Thief floated on ahead, sword drawn.

The Postman quickly discovered walking through snow in bare feet was not fun at all, and after a few minutes he felt like he was getting frostbite. Sakon didn't notice his discomfort and chattered to him about how heroic he was for guarding him all night. The Postman nodded along with him, not really listening and turned his gaze ahead. Everything around him was covered in a thick layer of ice, and the snow was beginning to come down quite hard.

They still saw no sign of any Moblins, and Sakon was obviously getting bored as he started slicing at random things as he floated along. After a while, Sakon let out a frustrated sigh.

"Maybe I already killed everything here." he stated with a frown. "Or maybe they're just avoiding me."

"Well, I would avoid you too." The Postman replied.

Sakon puffed out his chest heroically. "I guess my reputation has been spreading! Soon no one will dare challenge me!"

The Postman didn't answer because his gaze had fallen on an incredibly bizarre sight ahead. He could see a series of deep pits ahead and on one side of them it was snowing hard and on the other side, it was sunny and warm looking. He stared a long moment in disbelief, and then headed towards it, curious. Sakon followed his gaze and did a double-take at the sight of the sun.

"What in Din's name...?"

The Postman stopped just on the edge of the pit and squinted across at the other side. He could see a heart piece gleaming in the sun and he had a feeling this was the way they were supposed to go. Being careful of the ice, The Postman hopped over the small pit and landed safely on the other side beside the heart. Sakon floated across after him, disconcerted when the sun hit him full force.

Staring back at the snow on the other side, he wondered how that was possible. "Huh." he stated, before turning his attention to the heart piece. "Can I have this one too?"

The Postman had no interest in such things, and so he gave a distracted nod, staring ahead at the large swamp in front of them. Sakon took the heart piece, knowing if he managed to find only two more, his strength would increase.

"We found the swamp." The Postman informed him. "The next dungeon should be somewhere ahead."

Sakon looked up and frowned at the green swamp, wondering if The Postman would be willing to walk through it. The Postman could be a bit OCD at times, and if the swamp didn't meet his satisfaction, the quest could stop right then and there.

"Do you think the 'dog' is in there somewhere too?" The Postman asked, approaching the edge of the swamp.

"Naw, Moblins can't swim, and so there's no chance they'd step into a swamp." Sakon informed him. "If they're around here, they'd be on dry land."

The Postman stepped away from the edge of the swamp, and instead followed along the path leading to the East. Being in the warm sun felt good and he was slowly starting to get feeling back in his hands and feet. They only had to walk a few minutes before they came to a large cave in the side of a cliff. A lit torch was at its entrance and there were many footprints leading into it. Sakon squinted at the tracks, and then gave a nod.

"Moblins."

The Postman stared at a strange owl statue resting against the cliff wall, and approached it curiously. It looked just like Gaebora Kaepora, and as he inspected it, he saw it had something engraved on the tablet it held.

"The Windfish in name only, for it is neither." he read out loud.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sakon demanded. "So the Windfish isn't a fish? Then what is it? A magic cucumber?"

The Postman thought back to the strange reoccurring dreams about the island he'd been having, but still wasn't sure what they meant. He had a feeling that the dreams were the Windfish trying to tell him something, but didn't want to mention it as they were bizarre and rather unbelievable. He gave Sakon a shrug in reply.

"I think he might be a whale."

"A whale is totally a fish." Sakon countered.

"No, it's not. A whale is a mammal, not a fish."

"It's a fish." Sakon said stubbornly. "Now, let's go kill some Moblins!"

Sakon gripped his sword tightly, and peered into the cave, able to see a single Moblin wandering around inside. "Looks like we found their hideout." he whispered. "Are you ready to rescue Bow-Meow, or whatever his name is?"

The Postman readied his shield, and then gave a nod. That was all the encouragement Sakon needed, and he charged into the cave, ready to kill anything in sight. The Moblin looked up at him, completely startled, and barely managed to throw up its shield in time to block the attack. Sakon bounced back a step, and grinned at the Moblin, knowing there was no way a single Moblin was a match for him.

The Moblin narrowed its eyes at him, and then spoke, its voice garbled and gravelly. "A suspicious looking runt." it stated, sizing Sakon up. "I'll get rid of you."

Sakon scowled at the Moblin. "Who're you calling a runt?" he demanded. "I'm completely average in height! Jihiro on the other hand..."

The Moblin attacked without hesitation, and swung out its sword towards Sakon's torso. The blade passed harmlessly through The Thief, and The Moblin nearly lost its footing from the force of the swing. The Moblin was incredibly surprised, and he hesitated as Sakon grinned at him widely.

"That's right, no one can defeat the might of the great hero Sakon!" he cried out dramatically. "Run in fear because I'm the monster that haunts your nightmares!"

The Postman rolled his eyes, and let out a sigh, looking away as Sakon mercilessly cut down the Moblin.

Sakon was clearly pleased with himself and pointed his sword towards the next room, striking a fearless pose. "Onward!" he cried out.

Sakon charged into the next room as The Postman followed slowly behind, not really wanting to watch Sakon kill anything. The next room had four Moblins, all of which were armed with bows and Sakon let out a happy yell, wanting a challenge. As Sakon sliced and fought excitedly, The Postman raised his shield to block the stray arrows that flew his way. Despite these Moblins being better equipped, none could harm Sakon and The Thief defeated them all within seconds. Sakon stabbed a few times at a dead Moblin, disappointed the fight hadn't lasted longer, and then let out a sigh.

"Maybe there will be more challenging monsters in the next room?" he said hopefully.

"Stop wanting to make things more difficult." The Postman scolded. "Who knows what's going to happen if you don't stop it."

"Oh, don't be a spoilsport. Everything's fine."

The Postman would rather not take the chance, but he knew there was no explaining this to Sakon. Once The Thief made up his mind about something, little to nothing could change his mind. He just hoped Sakon didn't anger any more gods during this quest.

The Postman followed Sakon into the next room, and Sakon let out a yell of delight at the sight of a mini-boss Moblin. The mini-boss had pink, wrinkled skin, large fangs and curved horns atop its head. When it saw Sakon, it narrowed its eyes and beat on its chest, much like an ape.

"I knew someone would come." it stated. "You must be an assassin sent by Madame MeowMeow to rescue the mutt. You came here to get me, but it is I who will get you!"

It beat on its chest again threateningly, and then charged directly for them, head lowered like a bull. The Postman barely dodged out of the way in time, not expecting the monster to target him instead of Sakon. The Moblin smashed its head hard off the wall, the stone actually cracking from the force. The monster then fell backwards, its eyes rolling up into its head, and then dropped unconscious to the floor. Sakon stared down at it, sword still at the ready, and then let out an angry yell.

"Aw, you've got to be kidding me! It knocked itself out!"

Sakon gave the monster a poke with the sword, but it didn't move. Obviously sulking, Sakon turned away, disappointed about not being able to fight it. "Of all the rotten luck! What a stupid monster!"

The Postman stared down at the Moblin, and frowned uncertainly. "Do you think it's alright?"

Sakon crossed his arms petulantly. "Who cares?"

The Postman was glad at least one monster survived Sakon's killing spree, and knelt down beside it. Turning the Moblin's head slightly, The Postman saw an enormous bump on top of its head, and gently laid a hand on it. It was bleeding a dark purple goo, and The Postman felt bad for him. Monsters tended not to think the same way humans did, and The Postman knew it was only trying to defend what it believed was his. Shrugging off the backpack, he dug inside and pulled out an old rag and tied it around the wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

"Why are you doing that?" Sakon demanded. "I'm only going to kill it, you know."

"No, you're not." The Postman said with finality. "There's no reason to hurt him; he's completely helpless like this."

"All the more reason to do it now!"

The Postman met Sakon's gaze, but didn't say a word. Sakon stared back for a long moment, and then let out an exasperated sigh.

"Fine, but this is completely ridiculous! None of these monsters are real anyway! Why would you want to spare him? He tried to kill us!"

The Postman looked down at the monster as it shifted slightly, and then replied. "Just one, Sakon. Let this one live."

Sakon's frown deepened, and then he let out another sigh. "Fine, you ridiculous dope, I'll let your precious monster live." he promised. "But if he attacks us again, then I'm killing him!"

The Postman nodded, and then stood to follow Sakon into the next room, not noticing that the Moblin's eyes slowly cracked open to watch him. It was incredibly surprised and confused over what had happened, and raised a hand to the bandage on its head. Why would a human show him mercy? He didn't understand, and allowed his eyes to slip closed, pretending he was still unconscious.

The next room was built much like a dungeon and they found the Bow-Wow chained to the wall, a muzzle fastened firmly over its dangerous mouth. It growled at them as they approached, and The Postman stopped just out of the chain's reach as it strained to get at him. The Postman exchanged a look with Sakon, unsure of whether releasing him would be the best idea.

"Should we just tell Madame MeowMeow where he is?" The Postman asked, hesitantly.

Sakon considered it, and then shook his head. "All of this is way too convenient. This was obviously something set up by the gods and I have a feeling we need the dog for something important. Why else would they have us waste our time like this?"

The Postman stared at the snarling beast, and then slowly reached out a hand towards it. The 'dog' narrowed its eyes at him, and once again attempted to lunge at him. The chain around its neck jerked it back, and it let out a loud yelp of pain. The Postman laid a hand on top of the Chomp's head, and gave him a very gentle and hesitant pat.

"It's okay, boy." he said softly. "I'm here to rescue you. Madame MeowMeow asked me to find you. I'm not going to hurt you."

The Chomp glared at him suspiciously, but made no move to lunge at him again. The Postman continued petting him, and then set down the backpack. Pulling out the can of dogfood, he held it out where the Chomp could see.

"Are you hungry?" he asked. "Do you want me to open this for you?"

The Chomp stared very intently at the can of dogfood, and then let out a low whine. The Postman gave him a nod, and pulled out a canopener. The Chomp whined louder and louder as he opened the food, and then watched as The Postman dumped it out on the floor in front of them.

"I'm going to remove your muzzle, alright? Please don't bite me."

"What?! No, don't remove the muzzle, you nitwit! He's going to bite your face off!" Sakon yelled. "Just grab the chain, and pull him along!"

Closing his eyes, hoping he wasn't about to be chewed alive, The Postman reached out, and unbuckled the muzzle and chain.

He heard the muzzle hit the ground and kept his hand out, palm up, hoping he wasn't about to lose it. The Chomp wasn't expecting to be released, and it immediately dove at the food, practically inhaling it. The Postman made sure not to move a muscle as it ate, and the Chomp turned its attention back to him once it was finished. The Chomp sniffed at his hand suspiciously, and The Postman stiffened at the contact, but there was no attack. He hesitantly opened his eyes after a few moments when nothing happened, and looked up. Chancing a quick look at the beast, he sputtered in surprise when it licked him across the face. Sakon laughed at him, clearly amused, and The Postman noted that Sakon had been fully prepared to fight the Chomp, his sword at the ready. The Postman had no doubt that Sakon would have killed the 'dog' if it had have attempted anything.

The beast didn't seem like it was going to bite him, and so The Postman carefully petted it, its short coarse fur feeling strange beneath his fingers. The dog turned to lick his fingers, and The Postman couldn't help but stare at its long, and dangerous-looking teeth. Sakon gave him a smirk, and finally lowered his sword.

"I guess Fido here senses how much a wimp you are, and doesn't think you're a threat."

At the sound of Sakon's voice, the dog growled low in its throat, clearly not approving of The Thief. Despite himself, Sakon backed up a step away from the razor sharp fangs.

"We should get going." Sakon suggested. "That swamp-dungeon isn't going to defeat itself!"

"What about the dog?" The Postman asked, hooking the chain back onto Bow-Wow's collar. "Shouldn't we return him home?"

"The dungeon is like 2 minutes away!" Sakon pointed out. "Why would we travel all the way back to the village just to turn around and come right back? Stupid and pointless if you ask me. Let's just do the dungeon and return the dog after."

The Postman knew that made sense, but he didn't want to be with the dog any more than necessary. He felt like it could turn on him in an instant, and he'd never been very good around animals. The dog seemed content to be led on leash, pulling ahead as if it thought he was taking it for a walk. As they passed the mini-boss in the other room, The Postman looked down at it and noticed its eyes were open, and watching him silently. They made brief eye contact, and the Moblin didn't move a muscle, and The Postman said nothing, instead continuing out of the cave.

Sakon floated on ahead, scouting out the swamp, and The Postman stood on the very edge of the path, staring down at the green and foul smelling muck with a wrinkled nose. It was definitely better than the sewer, but not by much. Sakon returned after a moment, and once again had his sword drawn.

"There were a few weird shark monsters, but I got them all for you. There's also some sort of weird fire flower that I couldn't kill. You'll just have to avoid them."

The Postman was still staring down at the smelly swamp water, and didn't move. Sakon noticed his expression and let out an irritated sigh.

"Oh, not this again!" he protested. "It's just water and mud! I'm sure you'll survive!"

"It's polluted."

"Naw, it's just a little murky. You'll be fine."

"It's polluted." The Postman repeated.

Sakon let out another sigh of exasperation. "So? Maybe it's a little polluted, but get over it, it's not a big deal."

The Postman gave him a 'look'.

"The dungeon is only a couple feet away! A few steps in stinky mud won't kill you!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "No."

Sakon frowned at him. "The gods can't change every little thing that doesn't meet your approval! Get over yourself, and just do it!"

"No."

Sakon pointed his sword out across the swamp. "How are we supposed to beat the dungeon when you won't even go near it?!"

The Postman was about to respond, but just in front of them, a strange shark-like monster jumped out of the water. Bow-Wow instantly lunged at it, and The Postman, who had the leash wrapped around his hand, was tugged headfirst into the swamp. Bow-Wow caught the shark between his massive jaws and quickly ate it whole as The Postman flailed to get himself out of the mud. When he stood, he spat out a mouthful of the polluted water, and wiped at his eyes, trying to clear them. He was completely covered from head to toe in the smelly mud, and Sakon couldn't help but grin at him widely.

"How's the water, darling?" he teased.

The Postman stood stock-still, knee-deep in the mud, eyes closed looking completely horrified and Bow-Wow approached him, proud as can be. The Postman opened an eye and glared at the dog, not impressed at all.

"This is why I don't like dogs." he commented, trying unsuccessfully to wipe some of the mud off his face.

Sakon gave a laugh. "Now you don't have any excuse not to go to the dungeon. Let's go!"

Sakon floated on ahead to show him the way, and The Postman grudgingly followed, plodding his way through the thick mud. Bow-Wow was plastered in the mud as well but seemed incredibly happy as he jumped through the muck easily.

The dungeon's entrance was quite obvious, a large open cave surrounded by fire flowers. Sakon pointlessly poked at a flower with his sword, but its petals were rock solid and weren't even scratched by his efforts.

"Don't come any closer, or it'll shoot fire at you." Sakon cautioned. "I'll have to figure out a way to move them somehow..."

Bow-Wow eyed the flowers and gave a thoughtful sniff to the air, his teeth bared and ready. The Postman suddenly realized what he meant to do and struggled to unwrap the leash from his wrist. Everything was coated in slime and mud so he couldn't get it undone and, just as he feared, Bow-Wow lunged at one of the flowers. The Postman face-planted into the mud again as Bow-Wow gnawed apart the flowers as if they were nothing but chew-toys.

Sputtering as he sat up, The Postman gave the dog another dirty look.

"I am totally going to give you a puppy for your next birthday!" Sakon announced with a laugh. "A big one."

As The Postman struggled his way through the mud, he gave Sakon a look of death. "Don't you dare!"

"Yeah, you're right. I wouldn't want you to neglect it like you do everybody else."

The Postman didn't dignify that with a response, and entered the dungeon, glad to be able to get out of the mud. The moment they were inside, Bow-Wow shook, sending droplets of mud and water in all directions and The Postman simply let out a resigned sigh, once again wiping the mud away from his face.

The dungeon had a high stone ceiling looking very similar to a temple or palace, and the cold grey walls matched it perfectly, and the room was illuminated by a skylight high above. A single open door lay against the far wall and Sakon squinted across the room at it.

"So, what are we going to do about Fang here?"

The Postman shook his head much like the dog had but the mud still clung to him like glue. "We can't take him in with us, it's too dangerous." he commented. "If we leave him here, he should be safe."

"What if we need him? Those big teeth of his could come in handy."

"I promised I would return him, and so I don't want to put him in any unnecessary danger."

"Ok, well, come on, mud monster, let's get this dungeon over with."

Managing to get the leash untangled from his arm, The Postman followed Sakon through the only door, wondering what lay in store for them. Kaepora Gaebora had told them the dungeons had been changed, and he had a feeling it wasn't for the better...

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Samirah gave a long and lazy stretch and opened her eyes. It was very early in the morning, and everyone was still fast asleep, and she gave another stretch before sitting up. She immediately noticed that The Postman had never returned, and frowned, hoping nothing bad had happened to him. Reaching over, she gave Zaira's shoulder a hard shake, and almost instantly she had a dagger to her throat. When Zaira saw who it was that woke her, she let out an annoyed sigh, and put away the blade.

"Don't do that!" Zaira scolded. "I could have killed you!"

Samirah rolled her eyes, knowing Zaira would never kill someone without knowing who they were first. "The Tracker never returned last night."

Zaira's gaze snapped over to look at the other bed, but Marin was laying alone.

Zaira narrowed her eyes, and rubbed at her forehead, obviously still hung over from the night before. "That moron." she muttered, sitting up. "I'll kill him."

"What if something happened to him?" Samirah asked. "Maybe he was kidnapped?"

Zaira shook her head. "No, the idiot took off without us." she replied. "He's deliberately going behind our back to continue his stupid quest! He could mess everything up!"

Samirah gave a frown. "Why would he leave without us? We'd be of more use than Sakon would! He can't even touch anybody!"

Zaira muttered a few curses under her breath as she got up, and she glared in the direction of the door. "He clearly doesn't trust us to help, and thinks he can do a better job on his own. When I find him, I'm going to tear that moron limb from limb! I'll have to send him back to Lord Ganondorf in a matchbox!"

"Don't jump to conclusions!" Samirah scolded. "Let him explain first, and maybe he has a good reason for leaving us behind!"

Zaira didn't look convinced. "You stay here." she ordered. "I'm going to track him down before he gets himself killed. I'll be back in a bit."

"I should come!" Samirah protested. "You might need me!"

Zaira shook her head. "You'd only slow me down. Stay here with Marin, and don't go anywhere."

Samirah knew she had no choice considering she couldn't go anywhere without her leg, and she gave a reluctant nod. "Alright, but if you take too long, I'm going to go look for you!"

"Give me 24 hours." Zaira replied, grabbing her sword off the kitchen table. "It shouldn't take me long to find Nuisance. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone."

"Aw, I was going to raid the village and burn it to the ground!" Samirah shot back with a grin.

Zaira rolled her eyes. "I mean it." she said, heading for the door. "Don't go anywhere."

Once she was gone, Samirah let out a heavy sigh, feeling useless. She needed to get a replacement leg, but where could she get one? If she had the supplies she could make one herself, but she'd need a bit of hardware. Was there a shop in town she could buy what she needed? Glancing over at Marin, she wondered if she could get the other girl to take her to the shop later. If she stayed within town, nothing bad could happen to her, right?

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will be on Friday.**


	69. Dungeon Madness

**Authornote** **: Friday Oct. 27th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **500,000 words! 500,000! The story is now officially half a million words long! O_o Woot! Woot! Thank you so much to everyone who encouraged and helped me with this story! You guys are so awesome! :D I wonder if this tome will ever reach a MILLION words... (psst, no it won't! There's only 1 part left)**

 **So I was going to post this chapter last week, but I hated it so much that I didn't. lol I've fixed a few things, but it's still a really crappy chapter. Sorry for the less than stellar quality of posts as of late. A lot of crazy things have been going on.**

 **I worked at Sears Canada in the warranty dept. and we were just told last week out of the blue that our jobs were gone, and that Sears had declared bankruptcy. We are getting no severance, no benefits, no vacation pay, and we might not even get out last paycheque. Needless to say things have been a bit stressful, and so I haven't had much motivation to write. Since I have plenty of time now, hopefully my next update will be on time. lol**

 **Part 4 is getting pretty close to the end now, only 5-6 chapters left before we move onto Part 5. I can't believe we're now this close to the end of the story! Woot-woot!**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Defiant-Decay-Psycho-Thorn** \- Wow, you really are far behind! lol Considering how slowly I've been updating lately, you'll definitely catch up in no time! I hope everything's been going better for you, and I hope you enjoy the new chapters! :D

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 **Remvis** \- Thanks for the support, my dear! :D Sorry that I caused you to get a nightmare though! More will be revealed shortly about the uncle and exactly what happened during Jihiro's childhood. I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

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 **Rainmy** \- Two dungeons are complete so far, and they just entered the third. Right now, they have no idea how many more dungeons there are to go.

I wouldn't put it past Sakon to actually get The Postman a really huge dog when they get back just so he could watch the chaos. The Postman is feeling pretty resigned to his fate right now, because no matter how much he protests, it never does any good. He seems to be in a permanent bad mood. lol

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 **Melle2001** -I'm really glad you're enjoying yourself, and you don't sound insincere at all! I actually really like when people leave me comments so that I know how many people read and liked the current chapter. Never be afraid to leave your thoughts and comments because I'm always open to honest opinions. :D

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 **Reiz16** \- We will learn a lot more about that uncle and exactly what he was up to shortly. Poor postman probably doesn't want to remember... I realize you already know all this since you read the old version, but there will be a few new details. :) I just hope I'm not frustrating too many people with the little bits of information I'm throwing in the story here or there.

Bow-Wow would probably eat you, so don't get too close! lol

The pirates are definitely not going to be left in the side-lines for long; they'll track him down eventually. The Postman has no idea just how angry Zaira is with him however...lol

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 **Shelwyn** \- I'm really glad you're enjoying the story. :D There's still a LOT left to go! lol Sorry, I had to call off the wedding because I heard that you were cheating on me with another writer. We can still be friends though. ;)

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 **Guest** \- Characters in stories and movies really need to stop saying that nothing can go wrong. Everyone knows just saying those words instantly jinxes them. lol

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 **setokayba2n** \- The pirates are indeed being ignored right now because they're not supposed to be on the island. The goddess in charge does not see them as a threat nor does she wish to bother with them. Unfortunately for her, the pirates are too persistent to be ignored for long.

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 **Jigbashmop** \- All hail the cucumber god! (does a fancy curtsy)

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 21

Dungeon Madness

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Zaira stomped her way through the woods, angrily grumbling to herself. It was snowing hard, and she was quickly getting cold and miserable. Gerudo weren't used to cold temperatures, and she almost considered heading back to town to steal a coat. Resisting the urge, she continued trudging through the blizzard, getting angrier and angrier the colder she got. Zaira liked the power she had as second in command on the pirate ship, and she wasn't used to people defying her. She had put years of hard work into earning her high position, and it incensed her that The Postman wasn't willing to listen. She had more experience in situations like this, but he didn't even wait to hear what she said. She had a few strong words once she found him, and Ganondorf would be receiving a very lengthy letter of complaint.

Having no idea which direction The Postman had gone, she chose a direction at random, and simply wandered to the West. To her surprise, the snow cut off unexpectedly a few minutes later, and she was met with the sight of green grass and warm sun. Confused, she glanced back over her shoulder, and could still see the thick snow only a few steps behind. Furrowing her brow in confusion, she had a feeling things would only get stranger from here. If a god was controlling the island, than anything at all could happen, and she needed to be prepared. Rubbing at her arms to warm them up, she gave another glance around, glad she was finally out of the cold.

Drawing her sword, she continued along the path in front of her, hoping this was the way The Postman had gone. She had every intention of beating him into a pulp the second she found him, and she knew she owed Sakon a few punches as well. She didn't like dealing with men, and hated the fact she had to work with them to get off Koholint island. Because of The Postman's status as a Gerudo, she was willing to tolerate him, but that didn't mean she had to like it. She wouldn't kill him, but she certainly wasn't going to let him get away with such disrespect!

She walked in silence for a while across a large field, and eventually she saw an enormous fortress come into view. Knowing it looked like a dungeon, she headed straight for it, hoping this was where The Postman had gone. Stretching in preparation for a good fight, she passed through the gate, and headed for the entrance.

The door was wide open and when she entered, she saw several Octoroks frozen in place. The monsters were in mid-air about to spit a rock at whoever entered the dungeon, and she simply stared, realizing this was exactly like the previous dungeon. Reaching out, she poked one of the Octoroks with her sword, but they didn't move, and didn't even seem to be breathing. Doubting she was meant to be here, she turned her attention to the open doorway in front of her, wondering if The Postman was even in this dungeon.

Walking past the frozen Octoroks, she entered the next room, and saw it was pretty much the same. Keese were frozen in mid-air, and a small Bokoblin stood in the center of the room, sword drawn. Approaching, Zaira felt a stone beneath her foot sink, and she instinctively threw herself back as most floor collapsed into a pool of lava below. Realizing this had been a trap, she wondered if The Postman would have fallen for such a thing. Not having much confidence in his abilities, she assumed he would have died if he came across a trap-room like this.

Carefully balancing on the small bits of floor that remained, she continued on to the next room. Like before there was a horrible trap and Zaira was really glad everything seemed to be frozen or she would have been crushed by a wall of spikes. Although the rooms were all dangerous traps, they did seem to be fair in the fact there was a way to avoid the traps if you were careful. Zaira was pretty confident that The Postman hadn't been through this dungeon yet, but felt like she should still explore it to get it out of the way for later. If they could complete all dungeons as fast as possible, then they'd be sent home as fast as possible.

Zaira continued through the dungeon, and because she didn't have to worry about monsters, she passed through room after room without issue. At last she came to the Boss Room, and she looked at the strange bottle sitting in the center of the room curiously. Approaching, she peered inside, and could see some sort of monster hidden within. She couldn't tell what it was, but figured it was hiding to ambush any unsuspecting heroes that wandered into the room. Giving a disinterested shrug, she stepped over the bottle, and headed for the open treasure room.

The room was empty except for a very large, ornate chest sitting on a pedestal. Cautiously approaching, she opened the lid, and a musical chime filled the room. Peering inside the chest, she saw a small, metal triangle laying in the bottom. Remembering the organ from the previous dungeon, Zaira wondered if this was what they were supposed to collect. Reaching out, she picked up the triangle, and a blinding light filled the air. When she opened her eyes a few moments later, she was standing outside of the dungeon. Glancing around with a frown, she pocketed the triangle, and began walking back to the East, knowing she now had to locate The Postman. With any luck, he'd be close by.

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Samirah leaned heavily against Marin's shoulder as they slowly made their way across the tiny town. It had taken a lot of convincing to talk Marin into leaving the house, and even now she seemed extremely nervous.

"What are you so afraid of?" Samirah demanded. "You live in this town!"

Marin glanced one way, and then the other, looking uncertain. "I'm not supposed to leave my cottage right now."

"Why?" Samirah demanded. "You on house-arrest or something?"

Marin shook her head. "No, nothing like that."

"Then why?" Samirah asked.

"I don't know." Marin responded. "I just know I'm not supposed to leave my cottage right now. I'm supposed to wait for the hero to return to me."

Samirah gave her a bewildered look. "What hero? Sorry to break this to you, but the four of us newcomers are all villains. There are no heroes here."

Marin shook her head, looking troubled. "No, this isn't the way it's supposed to be. I'm supposed to wait for my blond-haired hero..."

Samirah gave a disinterested shrug. "Sorry, I don't know what to tell you. Right now, I'm using you as a crutch, and so there's no time to wait around for imaginary heroes."

"Where are we going again?" Marin asked, her expression somewhat dazed. "This isn't right..."

"You're taking me to a shop where I can buy some hardware." Samirah answered impatiently. "I've told you this like five times."

"A shop..." Marin said, frowning. "That's a shop over there..."

Samirah looked in the direction Marin indicated, and saw a small shop. "Great, let's go.'

Marin's eyes shifted back to her cottage, and she seemed even more hesitant. "Alright...to the shop."

With Marin's help they managed to make their way towards the shop, and when Samirah tried the door, she was relieved to find it unlocked. Upon entering, the bell above the door chimed, and they were met with the sight of a sly-looking shopkeeper and a Moblin who were in the middle of an argument. When Marin's eyes fell on the Moblin, she let out a scream of terror and dropped Samirah to the floor.

"A MOBLIN!"

"Ouch! Marin, what are you-?"

Samirah could only watch in shock as Marin fled the shop, leaving her behind sprawled on the floor. Awkwardly sitting up, she let out a curse, and glanced over at the other two occupants of the shop. The shopkeeper and Moblin exchanged a look, and then the Moblin began silently approaching her, axe in hand.

Letting out another curse, Samirah drew her dagger.

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The Postman stared down at the floor with a frown. He was standing at the very edge of a platform overlooking the rest of the room, and he knew this dungeon was not going to be easy. The floor was covered in a strange bubbling green and orange liquid which looked like an oily paint of some kind, but he had a feeling it wasn't quite as innocent as it seemed. Bow-Wow was tied up at the Dungeon's entrance, and seemed quite content to wait for him calmy.

Curious, The Postman flicked a bit of mud off his arm and watched as the mud instantly dissolved with an loud hiss into the 'paint', the colours frothing and bubbling dangerously as it made contact.

Sakon stared down at the floor as well for a long moment, and then turned his gaze to The Postman. "Um, darling, I wouldn't suggest touching the floor..."

The Postman's eyes raked across the rest of the room and fell on a single moving platform that went from one side of the room to the other. The platform was no wider than a standard piece of parchment and it moved along the far wall, stopping about five feet away from where he stood. Sakon noticed it as well, and immediately shook his head.

"No way." he said. "Don't even try to jump for that. You'll fall and melt."

"There doesn't seem to be another way across." The Postman pointed out.

Sakon floated around the room looking, and was inclined to agree. The moving platform was the only way to make it to the other side.

"I'm going to scout ahead. Maybe I won't even need you for this dungeon."

Without another word, Sakon disappeared through the open doorway on the other side of the room and The Postman patiently waited, the strong fumes from the liquid making him feel a bit nauseated. He could hear Sakon fighting something in the next room, and a moment later, The Thief came back frowning angrily.

"One of the monsters had a key for the next room, but I can't pick it up, and I can't seem to go through the walls. You're obviously meant to go through the dungeon with me..."

The Postman had suspected as much and gave him a nod, setting the heavy backpack down. "I'll have to make the jump."

"Please don't fall off and melt." Sakon requested.

Holding the Roc's feathers and shield, The Postman watched the platform, timing it before he approached the edge. Just as the platform was stopping, he backed up and then ran the few steps to the edge and leaped for it. His feet hit the platform solidly but his balance was off and he flailed his arms wildly only just managing to catch himself by placing a hand on the wall. Sakon looked like he'd just had a heart attack, and he let out a deep breath of relief.

"Be more careful!" he scolded, floating beside him worriedly. "I need you to get back home!"

The Postman didn't answer, eyes focussed ahead on the other side of the room. The platform stopped a couple meters from the other side, and The Postman knew the jump was going to be difficult without a running start. Holding the Roc's feathers tightly, he leapt with all his might, and it was obvious he wasn't going to make it. Sakon let out a cry of horror but The Postman managed to catch the ledge with his fingertips. He quickly tightened his hold and awkwardly pulled himself up, his feet almost touching the bubbling goo beneath. The moment he was safe, Sakon let out a second breath of relief, looking far more upset about it than The Postman.

The Postman simply pocketed the Roc's feathers and turned his attention to the open doorway. Without a word, he went into the next room with Sakon following closely behind. There were several dead monsters laying in a pile near the door and The Postman's gaze fell on the key laying in the centre of the floor. Kneeling down, he picked it up and approached the locked door, trying to ignore the blood that stained the key. The door clicked open and when The Postman pushed it open, he paused at what he saw.

The entire room was a mass of moving platforms; some went straight across the room horizontally while others went diagonally or vertically. They all moved at different speeds, the effect quite dizzying. Once again, the floor was covered in the strange paint-like liquid and The Postman simply stared at the room, trying to make sense of it. Sakon looked over his shoulder into the room and immediately cursed at the sight. Both knew it would be no problem for Sakon to cross the room but it would be a different story completely for The Postman.

There was no solid floor to speak of besides the two ledges in front of either door so it was obvious The Postman was meant to use the moving platforms. Sakon floated into the room, inspecting several different platforms, and then turned his attention to The Postman.

"You think you can make it?" he asked uncertainly.

The Postman didn't answer, his eyes studying the movements of each platform, trying to time them. He'd always been good at timing things, just not so much in actually enacting it. When he was sure he'd memorized each platform's timing, he glanced at Sakon with a frown.

"Why is it that when you anger the gods, it's me that has to deal with the consequences?"

Sakon gave him an apologetic look. "If it's any consolation, this is just as stressful for me!"

"I somehow doubt that."

The Postman gazed around the room one more time then gave a nod. "I should be able to do it; it's all in the timing."

"Well, be careful." Sakon warned. "You nearly took a swim last time."

One of the platforms came right to the ledge in front of him, and then went diagonally across the room to a small alcove in the wall and The Postman knew that would be the best place to start. Taking a deep breath, he stepped onto the platform as it came to a stop in front of him. Kneeling down so he could grip the bottom of the platform to keep balance, he wavered slightly as it zipped across the room. His fingers were slick from the mud, but luckily he managed to keep hold. He let go just as it reached the alcove so he wouldn't get his fingers pinched, and he hopped down into the relatively safe spot in the wall.

"You looked like a flying mud-monster." Sakon stated, hovering just outside the alcove. "You really need a bath. I'm surprised no one has ever commented to you about how bad your personal hygiene is. Cleanliness is next to godliness, right?"

The Postman gave The Thief a glare and turned his gaze to the next platform which moved in an 'L' shape above his head. Waiting until it stopped just above him, he jumped up and grabbed a hold of it as it carried him further across the room. When it had gone about half of its circuit, The Postman let go, causing Sakon to let out a shocked yell. He landed safely on another platform below which was making its own circuit and Sakon hovered just in front of him, annoyed.

"You could have warned me you were going to do that!" he scolded. "By the goddesses, you jerk!"

"Sakon, please be quiet, I need to concentrate." The Postman replied, his eyes already on the next platform.

As he leapt for it, Sakon slapped his hands over his mouth to keep quiet, not wanting to distract The Postman while jumping. The Postman's fingers just barely managed to grab the platform and he held on for dear life as it zoomed the rest of the way across the room. He let go and landed safely in front of the door. The Postman took a deep breath then glanced back at Sakon who looked similarly relieved.

"Hopefully that's it for the hard rooms." Sakon said, floating over as The Postman opened the door.

The next room was filled with dozens of Keese, but there didn't seem to be any real danger that they could see. Sakon easily killed the Keese, and a single silver key dropped to the floor with a clang. The Postman picked it up, glanced around the room, and then cautiously approached the next door, certain this had to be a trick. The door clicked open and swung inwards harmlessly, revealing the room beyond. When The Postman saw what lay ahead, all he could do was sigh.

The room was completely filled with fire, and the floor was coated in more of the acid paint, this room even more dangerous than the last two combined. The fire came out in large blasts, the heat so intense The Postman backed up a step. He gave Sakon a look that clearly said the room was all his fault, and then he evaluated the fiery inferno before him. Like the two rooms previous, everything seemed timed, the flames closest to him igniting first and the ones near the exit last.

"Does fire affect you?" The Postman asked. "Can you be burnt by it?"

Sakon grinned proudly. "Nope, I'm completely fire-proof."

"Can you look around and see if there are any other traps ahead?" The Postman requested.

Sakon saluted him in perfect mockery of the postal salute, and floated off into the flames. The Postman watched him inspect the room for a few moments, and then Sakon gave him a thumbs up, signalling all was well.

"It looks fine as long as you stay on this metal grate, and make it to the door in time." Sakon called to him. "Just don't trip."

The flames were fast and The Postman knew he would have to run at his best to even stand a chance at making it. Staring down at the grates which were the only safe place to walk, he noticed the metal glowed red with an intense heat. The Postman stared for a long moment, and then glanced down at his bare feet. Touching the metal was really going to hurt, and he hesitated. He furrowed his brow, seeing no other way across the room. Sakon saw his look and floated over.

"Think you can do it?" he asked. "You're fast enough, right?"

The Postman knew he was pretty fast, but he had his doubts about being able to make it. How fast could someone run while their feet were being burned?

Trying to accurately judge the distance and time it would take him, The Postman was sure he could make it speed-wise. It would be excruciating, however, and it could hurt him to the point he wouldn't be able to walk. He stared at his bare feet again, and knew he had to cover them with something to even attempt getting through the room. The backpack was near the dungeon's entrance, and so he didn't really have much to work with. Setting down the shield, he removed his shirt and began ripping it into strips. Sakon gave him a questioning look, and seemed like he was about to say something, but then he remembered The Postman was barefoot. He instead nodded, and watched as The Postman began tying strips of fabric around his feet.

"You're willingly desecrating part of your postal uniform." Sakon pointed out in disbelief.

For just a moment, The Postman felt a sense of panic, but he pushed it aside, knowing he had no choice. If they ever wanted off the island, he'd have to leave his comfort-zone a little bit. A shirt was a small price to pay.

"I'll replace it when we get home." The Postman responded. "They'll just deduct it out of my pay."

The Postman tied the last strip of cloth and then stood to his feet, hoping this would be enough to protect him from the heat. He gave Sakon a nod and began backing up to get a run for it. Keeping his eyes on the flames, he saw his moment and darted forward, sucking in a deep breath as he stepped through the doorway.

The first few steps weren't too bad, but as he ran as fast as he could, he could feel the cloth burning away from his feet. He only got halfway through the room, when the bindings fell away and his bare feet touched the red-hot grates. Blinding, excruciating pain lanced through his feet almost caused him to slow down, but he forced himself to go even faster. Every step was unbearable agony, and he couldn't stop the sharp cry that broke from his throat. The first set of flames blasted up behind him so close the heat stung his back, and he pushed himself even harder. The next series of flames shot up, and then the next, each time just barely missing him. The Postman could feel skin from the bottoms of his feet burning onto the grate then ripping off with every step, and he wasn't sure how much longer he could support himself. With every step there was a loud hiss as his bloody feet touched the floor, and The Postman felt his vision starting to go black.

"Hurry up!" Sakon screamed into his ear. "I know you can go faster than this! GO!"

The Postman was starting to lose the feeling in his feet and he knew it was impossible for him to go any faster. He could see the open doorway just ahead of him, and The Postman tried to focus past the pain, making himself keep up the pace. The last wall of fire began shooting upwards, and The Postman threw himself forward towards the safety of the doorway. The flames grazed his legs, The Postman not quite fast enough, and he let out another cry of pain, barely able to hold onto consciousness. He hit the ground hard, and rolled through the open doorway, smashing through several pots resting on the other side.

The Postman laid where he fell, breathing hard with eyes closed, never feeling agony such as this. Sakon hovered over him worriedly and his eyes widened when he saw the damage.

"Your feet!" he gasped in horror, staring at the horrible, bloody burns. "By the goddesses!"

The Postman squeezed his eyes closed even harder,and tried to struggle to his feet. All he could feel was pain and he couldn't support himself, falling back to the floor, breaking another jar as he did so. As he panted from the pain, a single pink fairy pulled herself out of the jar's rubble, shaking her wings to clean herself, surprised by the sudden collapse of her home. She immediately saw The Postman was injured, and approached to help. As she swirled around him, healing to the best of her abilities, The Postman let out a deep breath of relief as the pain disappeared. Sakon knelt down next to him, watching the fairy's progress, and felt genuinely bad about the whole situation. The Postman kept getting injured over and over during this quest, and it was all because of him. The Postman was a boring nobody, and never should have had to go through such a horrible and difficult quest.

When the fairy had successfully healed him, she disappeared in a swirl of sparkles, exhausted but incredibly satisfied with herself. The Postman slowly sat up, and opened his eyes, letting out another breath of relief. Sakon leaned into his field of vision worriedly, and The Postman glanced down at his feet, the burns now completely healed.

"You okay?" Sakon asked uncertainly.

The little fairy had done a good job, and The Postman gave Sakon a nod, before turning his attention to the rest of the room. It was completely empty save for a large chest in the centre of the room. The Postman wasn't sure whether to be impressed with the fact Sakon had ignored treasure for him, or whether to just assume The Thief hadn't seen it yet.

Getting to his feet, The Postman noticed the mud had dried to his skin, creating a dry itchy layer and scratched at it as he approached the chest. Now that Sakon saw The Postman was indeed fine, he floated over to the chest eagerly, hoping it was something for him. The Postman opened the chest without a word and it let out a musical chime, letting them know it was something good. Both peered into the chest then hesitated. Instead of a weapon or a powerful magical item, a single pair of boots lay at the bottom. Sakon frowned, feeling ripped off but The Postman eagerly seized them.

"How cheap can you get?" Sakon demanded with a sigh.

The Postman slipped them on, relieved to finally not have to wander around barefoot. They were a perfect fit as if they were made especially for him, and Sakon frowned down at them, disappointed.

"Well, at least they're nice boots..." he commented.

The Postman didn't answer as he was busy lacing the boots but he paused as a thought occurred to him.

"This was all a set-up..."

"A set-up?" Sakon repeated.

"Think about it. You angered the gods, they made our quest harder, and they knew I was barefoot. They made that room specifically to burn me, and then left a fairy to heal the damages. The boots as our treasure are probably supposed to be some sort of joke. I just don't understand why they would do this. If they want us to complete this quest, why would they make everything as difficult as possible?!"

"Because the gods have decided they enjoy tormenting you." Sakon replied with a shrug. "You make an easy target."

The Postman frowned at that and finished tying the boots. "I wish they would target you instead." he commented. "It's your fault in the first place."

"Yeah, they wouldn't do that. Everyone loves me."

The Postman flashed him a 'look' and then straightened up. He glanced around the room and saw a passageway completely blocked off by a giant green crystal. Other than the way they had come in, it was the only way out of the room. Approaching the crystal curiously, he saw it looked incredibly sharp at the tips, the entire mass looking delicate, yet deadly. He placed a hand against it, and pushed against it carefully, but it didn't so much as budge.

Sakon drew his sword and strode up to him chest puffed out heroically. "Here, let a real man take care of that!"

The Postman rolled his eyes, and stepped aside. "Enjoy."

Sakon raised the sword high above his head and brought it down on the crystal as hard as he could. There was a loud 'clang' and then Sakon was thrown violently backwards by a powerful shock of electricity. Sakon let out a cry of surprise, and then immediately shook his hands, trying to get the sting out of his arms.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow!" Sakon whined, rubbing at his arms. "Why do I always get electrocuted by things? Ow! You touched it just fine! Is this another virgin only thing?"

He scowled at the crystals then hesitantly approached them again. Reaching out a hand, it passed right through without causing him injury. Sakon then walked right through the crystals as if they weren't even there. A few seconds later he was back, and he glanced back at the crystal, looking puzzled.

"Huh. I guess it just didn't like being attacked..."

The Postman set his hands on the crystals, trying to figure out how to get by. He couldn't climb over because the edges were like razors and there wasn't enough room at the top for him to jump over. He pushed against it once more and it almost felt like it was giving a little, but it remained firm.

"I think I'm supposed to push them." The Postman stated, furrowing his brow in thought. "I'm not a very strong person though..."

"Well, put a little muscle into it!" Sakon ordered. "Put those flimsy little girl arms to use!"

The Postman flashed him a glare, and then pushed against the crystal as hard as he could, but it still didn't budge. Backing up a step, he rammed his shoulder against it and he felt the crystal jiggle a little bit.

"Do it harder!" Sakon encouraged. "I saw it move!"

The Postman backed up another couple steps, and threw himself against the crystal. This time it noticeably moved, creating a high-pitched 'ting' sound.

"You almost had it!" Sakon yelled. "Just try harder!"

The Postman flashed Sakon another glare, and backed up as far as he could. He ran a couple steps and was shocked when it seemed like his feet took off on their own. He moved so fast, he was a blur of colour, and his shoulder slammed solidly into the crystal, sending chunks of it flying everywhere as it shattered. The Postman tried to slow down and skidded a good ten feet down the hall before coming to a full stop. When he turned around, Sakon was staring at him open-mouthed.

"How...how did you do that?" he questioned. "How'd you get so fast?!"

The Postman glanced down at his boots. "I think it was the boots..." he replied. "I think they're enchanted."

Sakon stared down the very ordinary looking boots, and suddenly changed his mind about them being a lame treasure. Deciding they were probably extremely valuable, he asked.

"Can I have them?"

The Postman frowned. "No, I need them. I can't do this entire quest in my bare feet."

Sakon pondered for a moment. "Well, can I at least try them on then? Just for a minute?"

"No." The Postman answered, stubbornly. "You probably couldn't touch them anyway."

Sakon reached down, and sure enough his hand went right through them. Sagging in disappointment, he let out a heavy sigh. "Can I have them after the quest?" he asked hopefully.

The Postman immediately shook his head. "No, if I'm able to keep them, they'd be very useful for my job as a postman. I'd be able to deliver the mail much faster than before. You'd probably just sell them."

"No, I wouldn't." Sakon insisted, his expression looking just a bit too innocent.

The Postman knew Sakon's reputation for pawning things, and wasn't about to trust him.

"No."

Sakon crossed his arms with a sigh, looking completely annoyed. "Friends are supposed to share!" he complained.

"No." The Postman repeated, turning away to inspect the hallway.

The hallway was dimly lit but didn't seem to have anything dangerous anywhere in sight. As Sakon whined at him, The Postman tuned him out and started down the hallway, hoping the dungeon was almost over. The walk through the hallway was pretty uneventful and when they finally came to a door, The Postman paused. Slowly reaching out and opening it, he let out a breath of relief when he saw the room only contained a few Moblins.

Upon seeing the monsters, Sakon let out a yell of pure glee, instantly forgetting about the boots. He happily slashed and killed everything that moved, and The Postman picked up the key that fell out of one of the Moblin's hands. The room was a welcome break after the last three horrendous ones, and to his surprise, the next several rooms were no challenge either. The rooms all contained a few monsters, but nothing too dangerous. Sakon was having the time of his life since the rooms were obviously meant for him, and The Postman simply stood at the sidelines watching.

"When they came to a room full of green crystals, Sakon sheathed his sword in disappointment, and then pointed to a crystal.

"Alright, go get 'em, killer! Body-slam those crystals into dust!"

The Postman took a run for it, and easily smashed through the crystals as if they were made of nothing more than sugar-glass. Rubbing at his shoulder for a moment, he noticed a small switch hidden beneath one of the shattered crystals. They both stared at it for a moment, and then Sakon glanced at The Postman.

"Press it, dingbat."

The Postman shook his head. "How do you know that won't activate some sort of trap? These rooms have been far too easy, and I have a bad feeling about this..."

Sakon let out a sigh, obviously thinking The Postman was being overly paranoid, and then ordered. "Stand out of the way then, you wimp. I'll press it!"

The Postman backed far away, and raised his shield as Sakon pressed down on the switch with his sword. The only thing that happened was the next door slid open. Sakon removed his sword and it slammed closed again.

"Hmm, so it's one of those switches..." Sakon stated thoughtfully.

There wasn't anything in the room that could be used to hold the switch down, and so The Postman began pushing chunks of broken crystal on top of it. The pieces of crystal didn't weigh very much, he had to create a pile as tall as himself before the door finally opened.

"Quick!" Sakon cried. "Through the door before someone realized we cheated!"

They hurried through the open doorway, but the door remained open, the crystals apparently an acceptable solution to the puzzle. The new room was completely empty, a single locked door across from them, and both men glanced all around, looking for a switch or button.

"Nyah ha ha ha!" cackled a voice from somewhere within the seemingly empty room. "Look all you want, you'll never find me!"

The Postman looked up and he saw a round, glossy-white, monster attached to the ceiling. Wordlessly he pointed it out to Sakon who smirked at the monster's stupidity.

"I'm invisible!" the monster cried out. "I could be absolutely anywhere! Doesn't that frighten you?"

"Um, you're on the ceiling." Sakon stated.

There was a lengthy pause. "No, I'm not!" the monster insisted. "I'm moving all about the room like a phantom breeze! You can't see me!"

Sakon crossed his arms. "I'm staring right at you!"

There was another pause, and then the monster dropped several baby green Jellies down on top of them. "Cower at my incredible strength!"

Sakon raised an eyebrow and killed the Jellies with a single swipe of his sword. "...no, that really wasn't all that frightening."

The monster seemed determined, and dropped a good twenty of the tiny harmless Jellies down.

"Stop that!" Sakon ordered, easily disposing of the Jellies. "Come down and fight me like a man...er... monster!"

"Nyah!" the monster replied, dropping even more Jellies down.

Sakon scowled up at it as he killed the Jellies, and then jumped into the air. He floated up to its level, and held out the sword threateningly. He was about to strike it, but hesitated as he got his first good look at the monster.

"You...you're an eyeball?!" Sakon cried out in disbelief.

The 'eye' turned and blinked at him, and then threw a Jelly at him, giggling as it did so. Sakon had no idea how an eye managed to throw a jelly, or how it could giggle, but he scowled at it just the same. The Jelly fell through Sakon and landed on the floor, the tiny monster looking incredibly confused.

To Sakon, a monster was a monster, and he gave an indifferent shrug. Lashing out with his sword, he attempted to stab the eyeball. The eye simply turned its pupil towards the ceiling out of harms way and Sakon's sword bounced harmlessly off the rubbery flesh.

"Fiend!" Sakon yelled out dramatically. "I'll poke out your eye! Stop being such a coward!"

"Nyah!"

Sakon swung and stabbed at the eye, but no matter what he did, he couldn't harm it. He tried prying it away from the ceiling but it was stuck fast.

"Stupid monster!" Sakon growled. "Let me kill you! This isn't fair!"

The monster started to reply, but its response was drowned out by an earsplitting roar. Both Sakon and The Postman turned towards the door just in time to see the Moblin mini-boss from earlier charge in, head bowed as it screamed out a war cry. With all of its strength, it rammed its horns against the wall, causing the entire room to shake and shift as a good portion of the wall collapsed. The eye on the ceiling wavered as the whole room trembled, and then it lost its grip and fell to the floor.

The large pink Moblin let out a ferocious roar, beating its chest threateningly, and then it charged straight for the eye. The eye didn't even have time to react before the monster's horns stabbed deep into its pupil. To both The Postman and Sakon's disgust, the eye burst, sending fluids dripping all down the monster's head and back. The monster stomped a few times on the dead body, and then let out a bellow of triumph, beating on its chest proudly.

Sakon was quite upset, as he'd wanted to defeat the eye, and stomped over to the monster angrily.

"Hey! That was my kill, you stupid lummox!"

He raised his sword to stab the Moblin, but The Postman quickly intervened and raised a hand to stop him. "Sakon, no! You promised you'd spare him!"

The monster grinned at The Postman, its pointy teeth black and rotted.

"I helped the little assassin!" it exclaimed proudly. "I did it all by myself!"

The Postman gave a slow nod, unsure of what the monster was going to do next. The monster yelled out once more as it kicked the eye's carcass, and then it turned towards the door.

"I am the Great Moblin, and the little assassin is no enemy of mine any longer! You are my friend, and Moblins will sing your praises for generations to come!"

The Moblin gave Sakon a disapproving glare, and then beat on its chest one final time before charging out of the room the way it had come. Both men stared after the Moblin in confusion, unsure of what to say.

"Oooookay then..." Sakon commented with a raised brow. "Well, that just happened..."

"How did he get past all those rooms without getting hurt?" The Postman wondered out loud. "He's a lot bigger, and much slower than I am..."

Sakon thought about that for a few seconds, but couldn't come up with an answer. "Maybe the traps don't activate for monsters?"

The Postman gave one more glance towards the door, and then approached the chest which had appeared in the centre of the room. When he opened it, there was a musical chime and he picked up the massive key from within. Sakon instantly knew what it was for, and pumped his fist excitedly.

"Yes! That's for the main boss-monster of the dungeon!" he cried. "Finally some real action!"

"The last one you fought could hurt you." The Postman pointed out.

Sakon's grin disappeared. "...Oh, I forgot about that. Do you think all the boss monsters can do that?"

"Probably." The Postman responded, approaching the open doorway. "We'd better be careful."

Sakon paused for a really long moment, before following after him. "It's not as fun when the monsters can fight back." he complained.

The Postman didn't answer, all his attention on the large door at the end of the hallway. It looked exactly like the one from the other dungeon, and he knew something horrible was likely behind it. Lifting the key towards the keyhole, The Postman glanced behind at Sakon.

"Are you ready?" he asked.

Sakon fervently shook his head. "No...but do it anyway. Go ahead and thrust your key in that tight little hole real good, darling."

The Postman let out an irritated sigh, and unlocked the door. He was not going to dignify Sakon with a response on that one. The door slid open to reveal an enormous room with a lake of the acid paint in the centre, the only safe spots to step were the very edges of the room and several platforms a few feet off the ground. A domed ceiling was high above them letting light stream through its dirty and stained windows, and there wasn't a monster in sight. They stepped into the room and the door slammed shut and it locked behind them. Sakon frowned at the empty room, not liking the silence.

"Where is it?" he questioned.

As if answering Sakon, there was a loud roar which echoed all throughout the room. Silver smoke began emitting from one of the walls and as they stared uncertainly, the smoke became thicker and thicker. There was a thunderous boom which shook the entire room and pieces of stone flew in all directions dangerously. Part of the wall collapsed from the blast and a large cloud of dust rose, filling room almost instantly. There was a moment's pause as the dust began to settle, and then they saw movement from within the newly formed cave.

A large elegantly scaled head peered out of the cave at them for a good long moment, and then it narrowed its single eye. One of its eye-sockets was empty and Sakon let out a low curse, realizing what had happened. The monster pulled itself out of the cave, knocking the loose gravel and rocks out of its way as it did so, and continued to observe them, it's single eye patient and full of intelligence. The Postman had seen creatures such as this one before, and knew it was a dragon.

"Another dragon?!" Sakon cried out in dismay. "Why do I always end up having to face dragons?! The gods really need a little more originality!"

The monster's scales were black in colour, and two, spiralling horns adorning its head were so long they almost touched the dragon's leathery wings. Its body was completely covered in jagged spikes, and large, gleaming fangs could clearly be seen even from across the room. The dragon was truly magnificent, and by the muscles rippling with its every movement, they knew this would be no easy battle.

"Um, darling, you might want to get your shield ready." Sakon suggested, drawing his sword. "Dragons aren't the friendliest of creatures..."

Sakon gave another quick glance around the room looking for weapons, and then turned his attention back to the dragon who hadn't moved. It stood halfway out of the cave watching them silently as if deciding what it was going to do. The Postman could feel the dragon's magic like a wave of heat, and he stared at it in disbelief, never having felt anything like it before.

"This dragon is new." he stated to Sakon. "It's real and wasn't on the island before. The gods must have just put it here."

"Wonderful." Sakon muttered with a sigh. "That's just what we need."

The Postman hesitantly reached out with his own magic to study the dragon, and to his complete surprise, it was communicating telepathically with its eye. The eye seemed to have a mind of its own, and he could feel the strong magic emanating from it. The magic within the room was almost overpowering, and when The Postman glanced at Sakon, it didn't appear as if The Thief could sense it. It was disconcerting to have voices within his mind and The Postman wondered whether the dragon could hear his thoughts as well.

"What's it waiting for?" Sakon asked in confusion.

The dragon seemed to be having an argument of some sort, but The Postman couldn't understand its language. The dragon's words were surprisingly silky, not a voice one would expect from a great brute of a creature like that. The conversation was obviously about them and the dragon's gaze was directly on him, seemingly ignoring Sakon.

The Postman closed his eyes for a moment and felt the magic around him pulse. He wasn't sure how he knew, but he could tell the magic's core came from somewhere within the dragon's head, likely its mind. Despite the magic practically crackling in the air, Sakon didn't even seem to be aware of the magic at all; to him the dragon was simply standing there.

The dragon narrowed its eye, and for several long seconds, the only sound in the room was the sizzling of the acid lake. The dragon then began noticeably bristling in anger, its claws extending and teeth bared into a snarl threateningly.

"You are the one who killed my mate and nestling!" it's voice rung out.

Its gaze was directly on Sakon, who quickly shook his head.

"Do not lie!" it snarled. "Your scent was all over our nesting site, and I will never forget your stench! You invaded our home within Death Mountain!"

Sakon shook his head again. "Er...you're probably not going to believe me, but it was Link who killed that dragon. I was only there to do a bit of looting!"

"Lies." The dragon said firmly. "You murdered them. You smashed my egg!"

"I didn't smash it!" Sakon defended. "I gave it to Ganondorf! It might even still be alive!"

The dragon shook his head.

"He's telling the truth, Sir." The Postman defended. "The egg was alive the last time I saw it."

"I was brought here to kill you, and that's what I'll do. I won't listen to these lies."

The Postman readied his shield and Sakon held his sword tightly as the dragon began charging straight for them at full force, right through the acid lake. Sakon spared a quick glance at The Postman and saw he was ready with the shield, and then turned his attention back to the approaching dragon.

The dragon reached them and it was like a tidal wave hitting the beach, sprays of acid and rock going in all directions. Sakon wasn't affected by the acid but The Postman threw out his shield just in time, the acid hissing as it made contact.

The dragon opened its mouth, sucked in a deep breath then shot out a blast of magic so strong, it made The Postman's head hurt from the energy crackling all around him. The shield protected him from it but Sakon had no fear and didn't move, that proving to be a big mistake as the energy struck his side, causing him to yowl in pain. The Postman saw what was happening to Sakon and, using his boots, he ran and threw the shield up in from of Sakon to protect him.

The dragon turned its attention away from Sakon and kicked The Postman away from it, causing him to hit the wall hard. Knowing Sakon needed his help, he rolled to his feet, trying to ignore the way his red magic began to pulse angrily, and ran to The Thief once again. Sakon jumped out of the way before a second blast could be turned on him, and glanced down at his heavily bleeding side. The dragon cut off the blast of magic, and attacked using claws and teeth.

The Postman leapt aside from a clawed foot and Sakon rolled beneath the dragon as it reached for him and he stabbed upwards with his sword at the soft underbelly. The sword barely made a scratch, and the dragon swiped Sakon aside with its tail before The Thief could lash out again. Sakon was sent sprawling across the room, the breath knocked out of him, and when he looked up, he felt his blood freeze in fear. The dragon was coming straight for him, and Sakon had no idea where his sword had landed.

There was a loud 'whump' as the dragon slammed its feet down just in front of him and Sakon looked up to see the dragon staring down at him, teeth dripping with saliva. Sakon stared back from where he was sprawled, and then slowly got to his feet when the dragon didn't dive straight into an attack but rather looked him over with a considering glance first. Sakon took that opportunity to quickly scan the ground for his sword, careful not to move his head so not to give himself away.

He spotted it about fifteen feet away, and he considered his options about getting his hands on it. His glare met the dragon's ferocious gaze who blew out a small breath of steam and Sakon's eyes widened as he realized what it was about it do. Just as the dragon breathed out another blast of energy, The Postman threw himself in front of Sakon, holding up his shield to protect the both of them. A second wall of energy rained down on them but the shield withstood it.

Knowing this was the only opportunity he would have, Sakon rolled into a run, already halfway to his sword. He had taken the dragon by surprise as it had not expected that, and it abruptly cut off the stream of energy and leapt towards him, mouth agape. Sakon grabbed his sword and without pausing, rolled again out of the way so he once more stood in a stand off with the dragon, this time armed.

The dragon stared at the sword, not appreciating the delay, and narrowed its eye to a mere slit of red. It let out a noise similar to a hiss and took a step forward. Sakon raised his sword, his hands shaking, regretting ever entering this room. He was a thief, not a hero, not a powerful villain, and he wasn't used to fighting for his life against powerful monsters. Sakon swung out his sword and stanced his legs, preparing for the dragon to make the first move. The Postman could feel the magic all around him, and he mentally reached out to find its source. The magic was so strong that it was confusing his senses, and it took him a few seconds to follow the veins of magic.

"The eye socket!" The Postman yelled out to Sakon. "Its weak spot is the empty eye socket!"

Sakon gave a quick glance up to the empty socket and wondered how he would be able to stab there. The eye was a bit too close to the mouth for his liking. He wasn't certain how The Postman knew that was where he needed to attack, but he trusted him. The dragon hissed at The Postman, obviously not appreciating its secrets being given away, and bristled, readying for another attack.

Before Sakon could even begin to wonder what was going on, the dragon charged forward and seized The Postman in one of its clawed hands tightly. Sakon's mouth dropped open as he realized he was about to see the death of his friend, and quickly took action. Breathing heavily, Sakon ran at the dragon, sword raised. The dragon stared down at him in disdain, and then reached out a hand to swat him away. The Postman was still firmly grasped in its hold, and the dragon squeezed him, tightly enough that he couldn't breathe.

Sakon charged again, swung the sword, and made a shallow cut on the dragon's hand, causing it to let go in surprise.

"The eye socket!" The Postman reminded him. "I'm certain it will stop it!"

The dragon let out a roar of anger, grabbed him once again, and gave a mighty heave, throwing The Postman high into air. The Postman felt his stomach lurch and his eyes burn as he was flung upwards, and he almost reached the domed ceiling before he began falling. As he plummeted towards the dragon, it opened its mouth, its massive jaws dripping in anticipation. The Postman plunged downwards face down, the large curved teeth getting closer and closer.

The dragon's throat looked like the gateway to hell itself, red, endless and full of death. Hoping this wouldn't be the way he would die, The Postman felt a surge of panic fill him. His red magic automatically reacted, and let off an explosion so enormous that the dragon's head was knocked back, nearly knocking the dragon off its feet. The Postman bounced off the dragon's snout, and then fell down to the floor below. The dragon rubbed at its burnt face, and then let out a furious snarl, grabbing The Postman before he had time to escape.

The Postman squeezed his eyes closed, not wanting to see his death coming, and he heard Sakon let out a furious war-cry. The jaws snapped closed on him and the dragon, who had been ignoring Sakon, didn't see The Thief on its blind side. Just as the jaws closed, Sakon stabbed his sword as hard as he could into the empty eye socket.

The dragon stiffened, its entire body freezing in surprise, then it flailed out with a hand towards its eye. Sakon gave the sword a twist and pulled it free, dodging the thrashing hands. The dragon was in obvious agony, and was so distracted, Sakon stabbed it in the other eye socket, bursting the dragon's one good eye. It let out a roar of pain and shook its head trying to dislodge The Thief. Sakon shoved the sword in even deeper, all the way to the hilt, and with a tremendous shudder, the dragon fell to the ground. It twitched several times, its hands clasping and unclasping, and Sakon gave the sword one last twist before pulling it free. The dragon did not move again.

Not even pausing to savour his victory, Sakon rushed over to the dragons mouth and pulled at it, trying to open it.

"Jihiro?" Sakon yelled, scared about what he might find. "Jihiro?"

"...I'm fine." came the reply from somewhere inside the mouth. "It didn't bite down. Please get me out of here..."

Sakon let out a breath of relief, and then grinned, seeing this as a perfect opportunity to tease. Leaning casually against the mouth, Sakon said,

"What will you do for me if I do?"

"Sakon!" The Postman yelled out at him angrily.

"Well, I saved your life for a change so I think I deserve something in return!" Sakon replied, his grin growing wider. "I think you should give me the boots!"

"Sakon!" The Postman snapped. "Let me out. Now!"

"Hmm, you're kind of snippy for someone asking for help!"

"Let me out, and I promise I won't kick you in the face once you're back in your body!" The Postman yelled out, starting to get quite mad.

Sakon let out a sigh. "Well, I suppose since you asked me soooo nicely I can let you out."

Taking his sword, he stuck it between the dragon's teeth and pried as hard as he could. The mouth opened a small fraction, and The Postman squeezed himself out, giving Sakon a glare as he did so. The Postman was now covered in saliva as well as swamp mud, his hair plastered in phlegm, and Sakon had never seen him looking such a mess. Sakon clapped his hands over his mouth to stifle a laugh, and The Postman shot him a glare.

"You look very sexy, darling, the best you've ever looked!" Sakon commented, snickering. "You should make that your new look!"

The Postman wiped some of the saliva off his face, and gave Sakon another glare. Although he was thankful for Sakon saving him, The Thief made it rather difficult to even consider thanking him. Instead, he turned his attention to the ornate chest which had appeared in front of the dragon's body. Sakon hadn't noticed the chest until then, and he too, approached it eagerly.

The Postman reached out and opened the chest, a blinding flash of light illuminating the room. The Postman once again heard the strange song in his mind that he was now beginning to associate with the island, and looked inside the chest at the cowbell within. The song that swelled around him was played on both cello, organ and cowbell, and Sakon frowned at the cowbell as The Postman picked it up.

"All that work for a stupid bell?"

The entire room seemed to fade into pure white as the music swelled, and The Postman closed his eyes, feeling himself being transported.

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Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^

The Next Update Will Be On Friday Nov. 3rd! (I promise!) lol


	70. The Religion of The Postman

**Authornote** **: Friday Nov. 3rd 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **See? I promised this chapter would be posted today! A very rare on-time update! lol**

 **Only a few more chapters left of Part 4! (probably 4 or 5 left) :D**

 **BTW, I posted the first chapter of a story all about Tingle. It's called Tingle's Magical Adventure and will be a mini-series of probably 10 chapters or so. It is not a serious story at all, and will have many character cameos in it. Updates on the Tingle story will be a bit sporadic until I finish How to be a Villain.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Melle2001** \- Thank you for your concern. I'm sure I'll be fine! ^_^

Sometimes I do find it extremely difficult to get a chapter out every week if I'm extremely busy, but I do my best. When I was first writing this story, I was posting 2 chapters a week, but I wasn't able to maintain that level of posts. I'm going to continue trying to get out a chapter a week, but part 5 is going to be a lot more difficult to write, and so updates may end up being spaced a bit further apart.

Everyone needs to learn to listen to Zaira. She's an old and grizzled warrior, and she knows what she's doing most of the time. She doesn't have patience for young, untrained fools getting themselves in trouble. Samirah always manages to get herself into some sort of trouble, and Zaira is resigned to constantly rescuing her. lol

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 **Remvis** \- The Postman has indeed been steadily improving when it comes to his magic. He's getting used to how it works, and everything is now much easier for him. :) Thanks for the review, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story!

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 **Rainmy** \- I really liked Life is Strange, and to avoid giving spoilers I'll just say I did not like the final part. It genuinely annoyed me. lol I haven't tried the prequel yet, but I like binge-playing all my games, and so I'll probably wait for all 5 parts to be released before buying it.

Yes, Link has indeed been to the island before! The island takes on appearances of people you know, and so that's why Link also saw Marin (Malon) on the island during his adventure. Every person on the island plays the same role over and over and over, but their appearance varies depending on who the hero is.

That fire-scene made me cringe while writing it. I got badly burned on my hand when I was a kid, and so I know how painful severe burns are!

Zaira is quite annoyed at the moment, and so The Postman had better hope she calms down a bit before finding him. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman has no idea how easily the pirates went through the dungeons yet, but it's only a matter of time before their interference is noticed. lol Things will not always be that easy!

That poor dragon was only trying to avenge his family, but he left them with no choice. RIP dragon.

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 **Shelwyn** \- What can I say? I love commas! lol

(eyes you suspiciously) Alright, I'll believe you for now...

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 **setokayba2n** \- The Postman has been doing nothing but whining and complaining since the adventure begun. lol I think he's used up all of this god/goddess's patience by now. After everything being made even harder, he's worried about rocking the boat too much.

Sakon does not think these sort of things through. Pretty much everything that's happened has been his fault in some way. He's pretty much a walking jinx.

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 4 Chapter 22**

 **The Religion of The Postman**

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Samirah scooted herself back against a wall, and held up her dagger, having no idea how she was going to defend herself in this position. The Moblin rested the axe against his shoulder, looked her up and down, and then to her surprise, he knelt down beside her.

"Are you alright?" he asked. "You fell quite hard."

Samirah hesitated. "...I'm fine." she answered.

The Moblin stared down at her missing leg, and frowned. "You're not supposed to be on this island, are you?" he questioned. "I've never seen a Gerudo here before."

Samirah still didn't lower her dagger. "What do you want?" she demanded. "Are you going to eat me?"

The Moblin raised a brow. "No, I hadn't planned on it." he told her. "I was planning on going home and making myself some hot cocoa. The weather on the island has changed, and it's gotten quite cold out."

Samirah narrowed her eyes. "Then what's the axe for?"

The Moblin glanced at it as if he'd forgotten it was even there. "This? I was trying to purchase an axe to chop some firewood, but that scam artist over there is trying to charge a thousand rupees for it!"

The Happy Mask Salesman crossed his arms. "It's a very good quality axe."

The Moblin snorted. "Yeah, right. That axe was here when you took over the shop, and you know it."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a shrug, and said nothing more. Samirah looked between them in confusion and finally lowered her dagger.

"Who are you?" she asked. "I've never met a Moblin like you before."

The Moblin gave her an amused smirk. "No, I suppose you haven't. Moblins are dirty, brainless creatures, aren't they?"

Samirah was about to agree, but then stopped, not wanting to insult his species. "Were you created by the Windfish?" she asked instead.

The Moblin shook his head. "No, I'm a real Moblin, but I've been trapped here for longer than I can remember."

"Oh, are you the Moblin that Zaira met on the beach yesterday?"

The Moblin nodded. "Yes, I spoke to her for a few minutes yesterday...She was very rude."

"Yeah, she can come across that way." Samirah told him.

The Moblin held out a clawed hand to help her up, and she hesitantly accepted it. Once she was standing, she leaned against the wall, and glanced over at the Happy Mask Salesman.

"I'm looking for some hardware to build a new leg." she called over. "Are you able to help me?"

The Happy Mask Salesman grinned at her widely. "Of course I can help you, my dear. I'm sure we can come to an agreement."

The Moblin scowled at him. "You scammer, I'm not going to let you rip anyone else off." he then turned to Samirah. "Come with me, and I can help you build a new leg. Don't waste your rupees here."

The Happy Mask Salesman did not look impressed with this, and he crossed his arms. "You haven't paid for that axe yet."

The Moblin scowled at him, and then tossed a pouch of rupees onto the counter. "Keep the change." he snapped, turning once more to Samirah. "Come with me, and I'll help you."

Samirah hesitated, and then nodded, having a feeling the Moblin meant her no harm. He seemed gentle enough, and she was curious about how a Moblin came to be this way. She had a thousand questions, and hoped she wouldn't end up regretting this decision. He turned and easily lifted her onto his back, and then turned towards the door. He flashed one last glare at the Happy Mask Salesman, and left the shop, carrying her as if she weighed nothing at all. In Samirah's experience, Moblin's were loud, smelly creatures that could barely speak, but this Moblin smelled like peppermint, and was as well-spoken as a human. As they crossed the village, Samirah realized she had no idea where he was taking her.

"Where are we going?" she asked. "I shouldn't go too far out of the village, or Zaira will go ballistic."

"I live in the school-house near the beach." the Moblin explained. "The school-house is never actually used for anything, and it's full of really good books. I moved in a few decades ago, and no one has ever bothered me other than the occasional hero."

"I passed by the schoolhouse yesterday." Samirah said thoughtfully. "I assumed it was a real school."

The Moblin shook his head. "The people on this island aren't real, and so many of the buildings are left unused. I move around every now and then when I get bored."

They reached the schoolhouse, and passed by the two small children playing with the deflated ball. They didn't so much as spare the Moblin a glance, and he just stepped around them without a word. They entered the schoolhouse, and to Samirah's surprise, it was furnished to look like a cosy, little home. The Moblin gently lifted her down into a chair, and then crossed the room to light the fireplace. Samirah watched him for a moment and then glanced all around at the mountains upon mountains of books that filled the room.

"Have you read all of these?" she asked in surprise.

The Moblin glanced up, and then gave a nod. "Several times." he replied. "I enjoy reading, and luckily for me the Windfish seems to collect old books. The island's full of them."

"I haven't even asked your name yet!" Samirah realized in surprise. "I'm Samirah."

The Moblin paused for a very long moment. "I don't remember my name..." he admitted. "It's been so long since I've used it that I've completely forgotten what it is..."

Samirah frowned. "Well, in my experience Moblins tend to be named things like Grunt, Snort, Bobo, etc, so it was probably something like that."

"Probably." the Moblin agreed.

"So, you said you could help me get a new leg?"

The Moblin nodded. "I've gotten quite good at building things, and it shouldn't be any problem to build an artificial leg. I'll go out and cut a good, solid piece of wood, and then work from there. I'll make you a pot of cocoa before I go to keep you warm."

Samirah nodded. "Thank you." she said genuinely. "Most people wouldn't go out of their way to help a pirate. I appreciate it!"

"Most people wouldn't help a Moblin either." he pointed out. "I'm too old to care about such things."

A few minutes later, the Moblin had left, and Samirah remained in the warm cottage sipping on a steaming cup of cocoa.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

When The Postman opened his eyes, they were back at the entrance of the dungeon. Bow-Wow gave a happy yap at the sight of him, and strained against his chain to greet him. The Postman glanced over at Sakon, who was still frowning at the cowbell, and then approached to untie the Chomp. Bow-Wow slobbered all up the side of his face in greeting, but considering that he'd just been inside a dragon's mouth, The Postman didn't especially care. Without a word, he approached the room he'd left the backpack in, and then stopped at what he saw.

"Sakon?"

"Hmm?" The Thief queried, floating up behind him. "What?"

The Postman simply pointed at the room before them. The room was completely different from before, and there was no sign of the paint-like acid and single platform The Postman had used to cross the room. Everything was silent and still. The room was completely harmless, and they could simply walk across it if they wanted. The Postman turned questioning eyes to Sakon.

"What happened?"

Sakon floated into the room, looking genuinely fascinated. "Huh." was his only comment.

"I suppose this explains how that large Moblin got through the dungeon." The Postman stated. "The rooms must have deactivated after we got through them."

Sakon crinkled his nose. "That's stupid, and unfair. These gods are demented."

The Postman glanced all around in a panic certain something horrible was now going to be thrown at them, but nothing happened.

"Haven't you learned anything?" The Postman demanded angrily. "Stop antagonizing the gods! Honestly, Sakon, you're going to get us killed, you idiot!"

Sakon rolled his eyes, not looking too concerned. "The gods have way too much time on their hands."

He didn't elaborate any more than that, and simply floated back out towards the dungeon's entrance. The Postman shouldered the backpack and followed after him, Bow-Wow's leash held loosely in his hand. The moment they stepped outside, they could tell something was different. The swamp itself looked the same but everything was very, very quiet, the only sound the buzzing of an occasional insect. The Postman stepped into the swamp, looking around himself curiously. Bow-Wow was obviously eager to go and pulled at the leash, forcing him to cross the swamp at a jog.

Sakon had his sword drawn and was looking all around in suspicion but there were no signs of any monsters. The Postman made it to the other side of the swamp with no problems and they travelled back towards the woods, both keeping a eye around themselves. When they came to the deep pits separating the swamp and the woods, they now saw what was so different. Whereas before the woods had been buried in snow, it was now a complete desert, everything in sight dried and shrivelled.

They stared for a moment, and Sakon floated across first to check things out. When it seemed to be safe, The Postman hopped across the gap onto the sand where the forest had once been. Bow-Wow sniffed at a few dead plants, and then began tugging The Postman back towards the village.

"What do you think happened?" The Postman asked. "Is this our next clue or did the God or Goddess change the island again as a punishment?"

"Probably both." Sakon replied without interest. "I don't think anything here is accidental."

The Postman silently agreed, and followed along after the thief, the heat that was beating down on him almost unbearable. The Postman had lived in the Gerudo desert for months, and he had become accustomed to the extreme temperatures, but this heat was unnatural. He was absolutely miserable, and to his annoyance, Sakon didn't seem bothered by it at all.

"Hurry up!" Sakon complained. "Why are you getting so sweaty? Don't be so lazy, come on!"

The Postman said nothing to Sakon's complaints and he walked in silence for a while, silently seething. He had no proof this was Sakon's fault, but it didn't stop him from blaming him anyway.

Dead grass and plants crunched beneath The Postman's boots and he found that travelling was a lot easier since they no longer had to stay to the paths. Every tree was dead, and so he just stepped over the fallen branches to take the most direct route back to the village. Bow-Wow was completely pitiful, and he was panting and whining in discomfort, clearly in severe distress .

The Postman petted his head, and then commented. "All of his black fur is probably holding in the heat; we should find him some shade and water before he gets sick."

"Um, darling, I'm not sure if you've noticed, but there doesn't seem to be a great abundance of water around here."

"There's a fountain up ahead." The Postman informed him, pointing. "Maybe it still works?"

Sakon squinted way ahead of them and sure enough he could just make out the outline of something large and made of stone. "How do you know that's a fountain? It could be some sort of crypt for all you know."

"You need glasses." The Postman stated. "It's clearly a fountain."

Sakon was immediately indignant. "I do not need glasses! My eyes are perfect, just like the rest of me!"

The Postman didn't respond, instead heading towards the massive fountain. The main tier of the fountain was like a small pool with several tiers both above and below it. Surprisingly enough, it was already running, the water fresh and clear looking. Bow-Wow lapped greedily at the water on the lowest level and The Postman hesitantly reached out a hand to run his fingers through the water while Sakon frowned suspiciously at it. The last time The Thief drank suspicious looking liquid he ended up cursed, and so he didn't trust the fountain for an instant.

"I don't think you should drink that." Sakon suggested. "You might turn into a raccoon or something."

The Postman gave him an odd look. "A raccoon? Why a raccoon?"

Sakon shrugged. "You never know what might happen in this crazy place..."

"I doubt the gods are planning on poisoning me this far into the quest." The Postman pointed out.

"Fine, drink it and turn yourself into a magic mushroom for all I care!" Sakon commented with a roll of the eyes. "But you can't say I didn't warn you."

The Postman ran his fingers through the water again as he watched Bow-Wow drink. "Nothing's happening to him." He commented.

"Maybe the curse only works against virgins?"

The Postman knew that was not likely the case, and stared down at the cool, and clear water thoughtfully. He actually wasn't thirsty anyway, but he was dirty. Dropping the backpack to the ground, The Postman began digging around inside it as Sakon watched him curiously.

"Do you have any soap?" The Postman asked him when his search proved fruitless.

Sakon stared at him in disbelief. "You're going to take a bath in the fountain?"

"I'm covered in blood, swamp gunk, and dried saliva." The Postman responded impatiently.

"What if this is the only water-source on the entire island now? For all you know, people could have to walk miles and miles to get fresh water and instead they'll find dirty scum water. You're going to force poor innocent creatures to drink your body-slime!"

The Postman crossed his arms. "I thought you were convinced the fountain was cursed?"

"I do think it's cursed, but I think the curse will only work on you. No need to punish the poor islanders by contaminating their water!"

The Postman leveled him with a 'look'. "Do you really care, or are you just being difficult? These people aren't real."

Sakon gave himself away by grinning. "Nope, I'm just messing with you. The soap's in the back pocket underneath my toothbrush."

The Postman dug inside the backpack and he found the soap inside a tin and by the smell of it, it was very expensive. Setting it on the edge of the fountain, he kicked off his boots and then paused when he saw Sakon was staring at him. He gave the thief a frown.

"Do you mind?" he demanded. "I want to get undressed."

"Not at all," Sakon responded, unabashedly. "Continue."

"Don't be a pervert." The Postman scolded, narrowing his eyes. "Turn away."

Sakon let out a sigh and turned his back to humour him. "I don't see why you're so shy, it's not like you have anything I haven't seen ten thousand times before."

"That's not the point." The Postman responded, peeling the rest of his clothes off. "It's rude."

"Why are you such a prude?" Sakon demanded. "I'd swear you were a girl if I didn't know better."

The Postman dropped his mud-plastered clothing into one of the lower pools to soak, and then carefully stepped into fountain. "It's rude." He repeated, taking a seat in the cold water. "You can turn around."

Sakon let out a snort and turned back around. "Since when has that ever stopped me?"

The Postman pointedly didn't respond and instead reached for the soap. Sitting underneath the spray of the fountain, he scrubbed at his hair which was actually stiff from grime. The Postman cringed, and scrubbed harder, letting out a sigh of relief when he felt the grime washing away.

Sakon let out a groan of boredom and floated on his back, staring up at the sky irritably. He wished some sort of monster would wander by so he could fight it, or at least chase it around for a bit, but there was no signs of life in the desert. After a while, Sakon began humming tunelessly and watched the clouds, pondering to himself. The Postman ignored him for the most part and had to admit he rather liked the scent of the soap.

"Where did you get this soap?" The Postman asked, wondering if Sakon had been looting Hyrule castle. "It reminds me of the smell of the Gerudo Market."

Sakon glanced over at him. "I stole it from Ganondorf a few weeks ago."

The Postman paused and stared at the bar of soap in alarm. "Ganondorf? You stole his soap?! The soap he was using?!"

"Yeah, I steal from him all the time. He doesn't care as long as I only take little things, and that I don't do it too often." Sakon replied.

The Postman stared again at the soap, not sure whether he believed him. "Why do you keep stealing from Ganondorf? One of these days he's going to beat you to death."

"Maybe, maybe not." Sakon responded with a shrug. "I doubt he'd kill me before locating a replacement though. I steal a lot of valuable things for him."

"Why do you steal from Ganondorf?" The Postman demanded. "You could steal from anyone you wish, so why Ganondorf?"

"You might as well ask me why I breathe." Sakon said with a grin. "If people don't want me to steal from them, they shouldn't leave things where I can find them!"

"You're going to die." The Postman said decidedly.

"Relax, I told you he doesn't care if I steal unimportant things." Sakon said. "Although, I did find out the hard way not to touch his nuts."

The Postman gave him an unimpressed look. "Can't you take anything serious? You're going to get yourself killed."

Sakon paused then let out a snicker when he realized what he'd said. "No, darling, I meant real nuts, the kind that come in a shell. That wasn't innuendo for anything, you just have a dirty mind."

The Postman gave him a skeptical look.

"All I did was snitch a bowl of almonds, and a few quills from his desk and he had me beaten for it. I don't even know how he knew I did it; he must have them counted or something."

The Postman's eyes widened, realizing he'd been the one to tattle on Sakon. It had been one of their first meetings, and without a thought, he'd pointed out to Ganondorf the missing almonds. Ganondorf had been furious at the time and he'd vowed to beat The Thief. The Postman hadn't realized Sakon had actually been punished for it.

"...oh. That was me." The Postman admitted. "Sorry."

Sakon looked completely indignant for a moment, but then he rolled his eyes. "Yeah, that seems like something you would have done back then. You were such a butt-kisser when you first arrived. You're better now though."

The Postman paused. "Am I different than I was?"

Sakon nodded. "For sure. You're like a completely different person now! You never would have helped me back then, and now you lie, steal, and fight like a real villain!"

"I don't fight."

"Well, I've seen you bite a pirate, and kick a few people, and so I'm going to say that counts as fighting."

"I was defending myself!" The Postman defended. "I wasn't trying to actually hurt anyone!"

"Most people's first instinct when attacked isn't to bite." Sakon pointed out.

Hearing a strange grinding noise, The Postman looked down and saw Bow-Wow was gnawing on his shield.

"Bow-Wow no!" he protested, reaching down and yanking the shield out of the Chomp's jaws. The Chomp let out a threatening growl at him, and then flopped down on the ground, sill panting from the heat.

"Hurry up." Sakon ordered, impatiently. "Even the dog wants to get going."

"I'm not done yet."

"Who cares? You look clean enough to me!"

"You can wait a few more minutes." The Postman informed him. "I still have dirt underneath my nails."

"You really are a girl! Who cares if your nails are clean?" Sakon demanded. "Hurry up, I'm bored!"

"Harassing me will only make me take longer." The Postman informed him.

Sakon gave him a cocky grin, and then drew his sword. "Get out, or I'll stab ya!"

The Postman didn't look overly concerned.

Sakon poked him with the tip of the sword, and The Postman swatted at him irritably. "Stop that." He ordered.

"Nope." Sakon answered, popping the 'p' at the end of the word playfully. "I'm not stopping until you get out."

He gave him another light poke, and The Postman raised the shield in an attempt to block him. Sakon wasn't deterred however and only saw it as a challenge. He raised the sword back, wanting to bring the sword down hard enough to knock the shield aside.

"Quit it." The Postman growled, knowing what he was about to do.

"Nope." Sakon repeated, bringing down the sword as hard as he could.

The Postman held up the shield in anticipation but neither were expecting the sword to go right through the shield as if it wasn't even there. Both froze when steel met flesh and the explosion of red magic blew the entire top off the fountain, bits of concrete and metal flying in all directions. The Postman very, very slowly looked down at his chest, and his eyes widened at the carnage he saw. Sakon immediately withdrew the sword, completely horrified.

"Are you okay?" Sakon cried. "Did it cut you?"

Sakon couldn't see past the shield, but his question was answered for him when the water in the fountain began turning red. The Postman was frozen in place, seemingly in shock and Sakon began to panic. He instinctively reached out a hand to help but he couldn't touch The Postman and there was nothing he could do. The water was getting redder and redder and Sakon realized there was no way for them to get help in time. The Postman was going to bleed to death.

Backing away with wide, scared eyes, Sakon let out a gulp then said. "Jihiro...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to! I swear I didn't mean to!"

The Postman glanced down at his chest and saw a horrible gash that was bleeding heavily. Without saying a single word, The Postman fell back into the water, unconscious. As he began sinking beneath the surface of the water, Sakon completely panicked, but could do nothing to help him.

"Jihiro?! JIHIRO!"

Sakoin tried again and again to grab him, but each and every time his fingers passed right through him. The Postman was now under the water, and still not moving. Sakon stared for a long moment in horror, unable to believe what he'd just done. He'd just killed his one and only friend, and it was all his fault. He was the biggest idiot in all of creation.

"...I'm so sorry." he whispered. "I'm sorry..."

Without another word, Sakon fled, flying as fast as he could away from the gruesome scene. Only moments later, Zaira arrived at the fountain and stared at the bloody scene before her in confusion.

"What in Din's name?!"

Bow-wow snarled at the pirate, placing himself between her and The Postman, and she backed up a step cautiously. It looked like The Postman was dead, the water around him a dark red, and she knew she needed to act fast if she wanted any hope of saving him. Had the Chomp attacked him, or had something else happened?

"I'm a doctor." she told the Chomp, hoping he could understand her. "I need to take a look at him. Get out of my way, or I'll be forced to kill you. I need to help him."

She drew her sword, and Bow-Wow narrowed his eyes at her. Giving her another snarl, he slowly moved out of the way, making sure to keep a close eye on her as she approached.

Reaching into the water, Zaira pulled The Postman's head above the water, checking him for signs of life. Feeling a very light pulse, she dragged him out of the water and laid him flat on his back so she could assess the damage. The Postman coughed wetly, and opened his eyes, clearly confused and barely holding onto consciousness.

"Don't move." Zaira ordered him as she began concentrating her magic.

The Postman gave a heavy blink, feeling rather lightheaded and he stared down at the stab-wound in his chest. He placed a hand over the wound in vain, dark spots quickly appearing in his vision. Zaira slapped his hand away impatiently.

"I said don't move!" she snarled. "Idiot."

The Postman couldn't answer her, struggling to keep breathing. He gave a wet-sounding cough, and watched as Zaira laid her glowing hands over his wound. He could feel her shaky, inexperienced green magic flowing into him, but he was much too weak to offer any sort of assistance. He could feel that his wound was not being patched together correctly, but couldn't say a word, still fighting to stay awake.

The Postman felt her magic surround him, and to his relief, the pain began to lessen. Zaira was concentrating as hard as she could, and only a few minutes later, her magic cut off as she approached magical exhaustion. Looking down, she saw the wound in his chest was closed over enough to stop bleeding, and she let out a breath of relief. sitting back as she wiped the sweat from her brow, she glared down at him.

"Idiot." she muttered.

The Postman took a large, gulping breath, and then tried to sit up. Grimacing in pain, he fell back down, and Zaira placed a hand on his shoulder to hold him in place.

"Don't move without help. You're not completely healed, and that wound could split open at any time." she warned. "This looks like a stab wound... How did this happen, and why are you naked?" she demanded.

The Postman froze, just now remembering the fact he was completely naked. Grabbing the nearby shield, he quickly covered himself as Zaira gave him an impatient glare.

"Where are my clothes?" he asked, turning completely scarlet.

"I'm a doctor, you nitwit." she pointed out. "I don't care that you're naked, I just want to know why."

He knew what she said was logical, but it still made him extremely uncomfortable, and so the shield remained covering him.

"Thank you for helping me..." The Postman said.

"What happened?" Zaira repeated.

"We just finished a dungeon in the swamp and I was completely filthy. I was trying to wash myself in the fountain..." The Postman began explaining.

"How did you manage to do that to yourself while taking a bath?" Zaira demanded, skeptically.

"It was an accident." The Postman replied.

"Well, I didn't think you would have sliced your own chest open for the fun of it." she responded, with a frown. "What happened?"

"Sakon accidentally stabbed me. He was being an moron, and trying to bully me to hurry up, and he accidentally stabbed me." The Postman stated, glancing all around, but there was no sign of The Thief anywhere. "Where did he go?"

"I saw him taking off just as I arrived. The coward must have thought he killed you." Zaira replied, glaring in the direction Sakon had disappeared to. "I knew he was going to be nothing but trouble from the second I met him!"

"He didn't mean to do it!" The Postman defended. "Sakon may be immature at times, but he would never purposely harm me. He's my friend."

"Oh for Din's sake." Zaira muttered with a sigh. "You're both idiots. I should have left you to drown."

Bow-wow licked The Postman up the side of the face, and Zaira eyed the Chomp warily. "How did you befriend this beast?" she asked. "I almost had to kill him to get access to you. He seems very protective of you."

The Postman wiped the saliva off his face, and pushed Bow-Wow away the best he could. "I was asked to rescue him by his owner. He'd been kidnapped by Moblins, and I guess he was grateful."

Zaira gave a nod, and turned her attention to the clothes soaking in the fountain. "Do you have any dry clothes?" she asked. "We should get you back to town so you can be fully healed."

The Postman nodded. "I can borrow some of Sakon's clothes." he replied, pointing to the nearby backpack.

"Don't move." Zaira warned him. "I'll help you up in a second."

She grabbed the backpack and dug through it until she found a bundle of clothes. Crinkling her nose, she gave them a sniff, and then frowned disapprovingly. "These reek of beer and cigarette smoke. Does that thief ever wash his clothes?"

The Postman really didn't want to think about that at the moment, and instead reached out a hand to take them from her. "That's fine." he assured her. "I'll wash them later."

Rolling her eyes, she knelt down next to him and held out a hand. "Alright, now be very careful as you get up. If you rip your wound, I doubt I have enough magic to close it again."

The Postman accepted the hand, and then she very slowly, and very carefully helped him to his feet. Holding a hand against his chest, The Postman winced, still in a lot of pain, but not wanting to complain about it. Without a word, Zaira helped him get dressed, and he had to roll up the sleeves and legs of the clothes, Sakon much taller and heavier than him. Zaira was exhausted from her use of magic, but she still took him by the arm to help support him as they slowly made their way away from the fountain. Bow-wow trotted along beside them happily, excited to go for another walk, and Zaira get an eye on him, not trusting the Chomp for an instant. The Postman had to move slowly, but Zaira was being surprisingly patient with him, and she supported most of his body weight, trying her best not to cause him any unnecessary pain. It seemed like her need to be a doctor outweighed her anger, and she was genuinely concerned for him.

The Postman watched Bow-wow bounce along beside them, and knew he'd have to track down Sakon after returning the dog to its owner. Picking up the dog's leash, he wrapped it around his wrist, not wanting to lose him this close to the village.

"Why does Sakon always have to make everything so difficult?" he muttered to himself.

The Chomp simply cocked its head at him in confusion.

"Because Sakon is like a slow-moving poison." Zaira replied. "He's polluting, and slowly killing you with his idiocy, but you're too stupid to see it. There's a reason that thief has a reputation."

The Postman let out a sigh, and didn't respond.

The Postman saw no sign of Sakon as they walked along, and he wondered where the thief had gone. Hoping he had simply gone back to the village, The Postman tried to speed up a bit. Zaira wouldn't permit it, however, and she kept them walking at a slow, steady pace.

After a while, they approached a rocky canyon and Bow-Wow suddenly bared his fangs and abruptly stopped. The Postman gave him a questioning look, and then peered around the bend of the canyon. He instantly saw the reason for Bow-Wow's hostility and froze, hoping he hadn't been seen. A huge army of about 1000 Moblins blocked the way, each with their weapons drawn, obviously preparing for a battle of some kind. Their green faces were smeared with paint and their armour gleamed in the hot desert sun, making them a truly intimidating sight. Zaira let out a quiet curse, knowing they stood no chance against that many Moblins, and she glanced around for a way to escape or hide.

The Postman was about to quietly back away, but Bow-Wow had other ideas. He let out a booming bark and started dragging The Postman towards the army, snarling viciously. As every Moblin turned to stare at them, The Postman fought to untie the leash from his arm. He knew he should have learned from last time not to wrap the leash around his wrist and now he couldn't get it undone. Zaira fought to untie the leash, but it was pulled taut and she too was dragged towards the army of Moblins. Bow-Wow stopped just a few feet in front of the Moblins and stared at them through narrowed eyes, obviously trying to decide which one to attack first.

The Postman stared at the Moblins warily as they stared back at him silently, their weapons drawn, and at the ready. Zaira began hurriedly untying the leash, but the Moblins still didn't make a move against them. Then, to The Postman's complete surprise, the entire army of Moblins dropped to their knees, lowering their weapons to the ground. Every eye was focussed entirely on The Postman, and without any warning the Moblin army began to sing.

Moblins were not meant to be singers and it was both too loud and very off-key. The native tongue of Moblins was harsh and guttural and none of the Moblins seemed to be singing in the same tempo. The Postman found it both horrifying and surreal and he tried once again to pull away from Bow-Wow. Bow-Wow was incredibly confused by this turn of events and ignored the tugging on the leash as he stared at the Moblins suspiciously.

The Postman knew several languages from dealing with many races and cultures over the years and he struggled to understand the garbled singing. He was dumbfounded when he realized they were singing about him, and his quest on the island. He understood something about mercy, the kindness of a weakling human, and the evil tyranny of the gods. They sang of a great battle to come against some sort of great monster, and The Postman's courage to do what they could not.

Now feeling extremely uncomfortable, The Postman tugged hard at Bow-Wow's leash, trying to back away. Zaira simply stared at the Moblins, feeling completely confused, and also somewhat afraid. She couldn't understand their words, and had no idea what was happening.

The Moblins then surged forward and surrounded The Postman, effectively cutting off any hopes of escape. Shifting about uneasily, The Postman listened to the rest of the song in silence. When they had finally finished, every Moblin looked up at him expectantly, obviously quite pleased with themselves. The Postman looked one way, and then the other and really, really wanted to run away.

" _Great, merciful warrior_!" one of the Moblins greeted him in its native tongue, throwing out its arms dramatically. " _You honour us with your presence_!"

The Postman wasn't sure what to say to that and hesitated. "uh…er."

" _Such eloquence the merciful one has_!" the Moblin complimented genuinely.

The Postman gave another desperate glance around, but still saw no way to escape. " _Um…what exactly is going on_?" he asked uncertainly in their language.

The Moblins all let out a gasp in unison, and began whispering amongst themselves. The Moblin in front of him grinned widely and made another dramatic sweeping of his arms.

" _He speaks our language_!" he bellowed out to the others. " _See the intelligence of our master_?"

The Postman's eyes widened. " _Your what?! Did you just say I was your master_?!"

" _You, the great and powerful Ichiro, are the honoured one of our Moblin clan! No one has ever shown such kindness to our kind before_!"

The Postman suddenly remembered the Great Moblin which he had made Sakon spare. He hadn't thought of it before but the Great Moblin was likely the leader of the Moblin clan and he had saved his life. He knew from experience, Moblins placed a great deal of importance on their leaders, and wars had been created over a simple insult. The Great Moblin, after killing the eye mini-boss, had told them he would be spreading the word, and he had obviously been quite busy doing just that.

" _My name is not Ichiro_..."

" _You must let us sing your praises to show our loyalty to you, great merciful one_!"

" _Um…no thank you_ …"

The Moblin's expression instantly turned to a frown. " _Have we offended you in some way, master_?"

" _Please don't call me that_." The Postman requested. " _I'm not your master and I'm not…whatever it is you're treating me as. I'm not Ichiro, I'm just a postman who's trying to get home. Now, I'm really in a hurry if you don't mind_ …"

" _Hear his humbleness_!" The Moblin yelled out to the others. " _See how generous our master is to us? He only has our well-being in mind_!"

The other Moblins gave a yell of approval in return, pumping their fists into the air. The Postman simply let out a sigh. He had a feeling this was going to turn into a huge bother.

" _I didn't really do anything_." He told the Moblins. " _I'm just a postman. You have the wrong person_."

" _No need to be so humble, my lord_!" the Moblin replied. " _We know the tale of how you stood up to the horrible thief and made him spare our leader! You have been sent to deliver us from the repression of the gods! If you can stop the invincible demon you will succeed against the evil of the gods_!"

" _Invincible_?" The Postman questioned. " _Do you mean Sakon_?"

The Moblins exchanged confused look. " _We don't know his name, but he is a horrible demon_!"

" _Sakon isn't exactly what I would call a demon_ …" The Postman replied thoughtfully, wondering if something was being lost in translation. " _He's more of a nuisance than anything_."

" _Brave, master_!" the Moblin praised. " _Unafraid to face such a horrible foe! That demon has killed thousands of our kind! You will liberate us_!"

The Postman doubted Sakon had killed that many Moblins since arriving on the island, but knew they were probably exaggerating. " _I can ask him to stop killing Moblins_." he offered.

" _Brave, brave Ichiro_!" the Moblins yelled out. " _You are our master until the end of days_!"

" _I'm not your master, and my name is not Ichiro_!"

" _Master Ichiro! Leader of Moblins, hero of the gods_!"

The Postman let out another sigh. " _I'm not going to change your mind about this, am I_?"

Every Moblin shook their head. " _Our faith in you is unwavering. We will never stop believing in you_!"

" _I wish you would reconsider_." He told them. " _You're going to be very disappointed if you put your faith in my abilities as a hero. I've never hurt anyone before._"

" _Never_." The Moblin in front of him responded. " _We would never be disappointed in you! You will bring victory to us_!"

" _Well, I really need to be on my way_ …" The Postman answered, awkwardly. " _Will you please let me pass_?"

Instantly the Moblins parted, leaving a clear path for them to pass. Keeping her eyes on the Moblins warily, Zaira started past them, Bow-Wow trotting at their side. Every Moblin craned their necks in an effort to see The Postman as he passed, and several even attempted to reach out to touch him. The Chomp could obviously sense The Postman's unease and anytime a Moblin reached out towards him or stepped too close, he would growl and snap at them protectively. None of the Moblins dared stand too close as they passed, the Chomp keeping them well at bay. When The Postman finally made it past the army, he let out a breath of relief. It was then that the Moblins began singing again. Zaira glanced back at the Moblins in alarm.

"What in Din's name was that all about?!" she demanded. "What were they saying to you?"

"Nothing." The Postman responded. "They had me confused for someone else."

Zaira narrowed her eyes. "Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"We should get to the village before it gets dark." The Postman said, changing the subject.

Zaira pursed her lips. "We are not done discussing this." she informed him. "If fact, I have a great many things to say to you, but I'll wait until we're back in the village for that. Don't think for an instant you're getting away with any of this."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday!**


	71. The Moblin and the Pirate

**Authornote** **: Friday Nov. 10th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I'm on a roll! Two on-time updates so far this month! lol I really should get my act together, and try to get these chapters out a lot more reliably. It takes me about six hours to write each chapter, and lately I seem to have no attention span. I got watching a Turkish Soap Opera with my mum, and it's eaten a lot of my spare time. lol I'll try to cut down on my binge-watching for this week, and hopefully get a couple chapters written.**

 **So, I was figuring out how many chapters there are in Part 4, and there seems to be a total of 28. Some of these chapters are going to be incredibly long, however, and so I might break them up. Do you guys prefer huge chapters or just the average 4000-7000 word length ones? It makes no difference to me, but a couple might be around 12k words by the time they're finished. Please let me know what you think.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Melle2001** \- Oops, I kept you awake with my update! lol Whenever I get updates to the stories I follow, I always have to immediately read them even if it's 3am. lol I'm really bad for that.

I'm changing several large things that were in the old version of part 5, and this is why the chapters will likely take longer than a week to get out. I'll still do my best, however. :)

Well, at least The Postman and Sakon will both learn something from this experience. lol Zaira knows what she's talking about, and although she's not the nicest person, she's genuinely trying to help.

The Happy Mask Salesman is trapped on the island for now, and so he might as well try to make a profit while he's at it. lol You can definitely tell he's related to Sakon. :)

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 **Remvis** \- Sakon was caught by surprise too by the sheild-fail. lol I think he will a lot more careful from now on! ;) Don't worry, we will be learning a lot more about the Ichiro mystery soon! :D

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 **Rainmy** \- I think Zaira was mirroring a lot of readers at that point. haha This is the first really serious mess-up Sakon has done, and maybe...just maybe, he'll learn from it. :) It wasn't all his fault, however, because someone is making their quest much more difficult than it should be. Sakon needs to stop being an idiot though. :p The Postman is stubborn, and if someone tries to force him to hurry up whatever he's doing, then he purposely takes longer. He once took a four hour long bath when he was a teenager because his brothers and sisters wouldn't stop ordering him out of the bathroom. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon doesn't really think The Postman's lazy, he was just teasing because he knew it would annoy him. Sakon is not in fact the laziest villain in my story, that person makes a later appearance. ;)

One can only hope Sakon learned from this, but with his track record it's debatable.

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 **jigbashmop** \- The Postman getting power he doesn't want pretty much sums up his character. It's a good thing he has no choice in the matter though, or we'd have no story. lol The Windfish is trying to tell him something, but The Postman isn't taking the hint. lol The Windfish really has his work cut out for him...

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- Thanks for the support, my dear! ^_^ That was actually a really fun chapter to write, and I'm glad you enjoyed it! The Postman has no idea what's going on, and he has no desire to find out. lol He'll be discovering a lot about himself and his family as the story goes on whether he wants to or not! lol

The Moblin army was created by the Windfish, and he's trying to give hints to The Postman about something important, but he's not having too much luck. The Postman doesn't like change, and he does his best to ignore anything that might inconvenience him. The Windfish really has his work cut out for him! lol

This is by far Sakon's biggest mess-up, and hopefully he'll actually stop being such an idiot with dangerous weapons. :)

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 **setokayba2n** \- That Moblin army is not done bothering The Postman just yet. ;) The Postman isn't taking the hint, and so the Windfish will have to start upping his game. lol

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 **Guest** \- Don't worry, the explanation of Ichiro will be fully explained! :D The Windfish is definitely trying to let him know something, but he's trying to remain subtle about it. Unfortunately The Postman has no idea what he's being shown, and is just getting more and more confused. lol

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 4 Chapter 23**

 **The Moblin and the Pirate**

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Sakon leaned against the wall of the nearby cliff, and stared out across the ocean. He felt like a complete coward, running away like he had, and he slammed his fist against the wall in frustration. Why did he always mess everything up? Everything he touched always turned to shit, and now The Postman was dead because of him. He'd just killed his one and only friend in an act of complete stupidity. He could still see the look of shock on The Postman's face, and also the terrifying amount of blood that filled the fountain. Sakon knew for a fact The Postman never would have been able to survive such a massive blood loss, and he let out a miserable shiver, sinking down to the ground and bringing his knees up under his chin.

Glaring down at the sword in front of him, he noted it was still stained red with The Postman's blood. Sakon let out a miserable groan, staring at the quickly darkening stain in disgust and guilt. Before this moment, he'd found wielding the magical sword exhilarating, especially when the creatures he fought weren't real, but now he didn't even want to touch it. This wasn't pretend, The Postman had truly been stabbed by him, and Sakon let out another miserable groan.

Why hadn't the shield blocked the attack? It had blocked everything up to that point, so why was this any different? What kind of hero-shield couldn't even stop a sword? Sakon supposed that when the gods gave it to him they didn't expect him to stab The Postman with it, but it was still a pretty stupid flaw.

Still staring down at the sword in silence, Sakon couldn't bring himself to touch it. He didn't want to be a hero anymore, he just wanted to go home. With The Postman dead, however, he knew he would never be able to leave this island, and never return home again. He gave a hard kick to the sword and watched as it slid across the ground, falling off the cliff into the ocean below. It disappeared under the waves, and he hoped it was lost forever.

Rubbing at his eyes, Sakon knew he couldn't just leave The Postman's body to rot in the fountain, and let out a deep sigh. He'd have to find someone to help him lift him out and bury him. Standing up, he stared up at the sky, noting that it was still sunny and warm, and wasn't storming like he'd expected. He thought the gods would be tearing apart the island by now from what he'd done, but it seemed like they hadn't even noticed.

Jumping into the sky, Sakon headed back towards the fountain, not looking forward to what he would find there. He knew it was only proper to bury his friend, but he didn't want to face the results of his extreme stupidity. Guilt settled itself deep within his stomach, and Sakon was sure he would have been sick if he had a physical body.

After a few minutes, the fountain came into view and Sakon gave a heavy gulp of apprehension. Landing in front of the fountain, he was disconcerted to see that there was no body to be seen. The fountain's water was still red with blood, but there was no sign of The Postman anywhere. Scratching his head in confusion, he also noticed Bow-Wow was nowhere in sight. His eyes widened at a sudden realization, and he glanced around, seeing a trail of blood a few steps away from the fountain. From the pool of dried blood, it was obvious The Postman had laid there at some point.

"By the Goddesses!" he gasped in horror. " Bow-Wow ate him! That bloody mutt swallowed him whole!"

The thought of it made him nauseous, and Sakon gagged and turned away from the fountain. The Postman was gone and he was never going to see him again; there wasn't even a body to bury. Sakon wasn't even sure he would have been able to find someone to bury him anyway.

Suddenly feeling very weary, Sakon jumped back into the air and flew away across the island. There would be no escaping his curse now, and he was destined to live out eternity on the island. Wondering what kind of life he could have now, he set out to find a quiet place away from everyone.

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The Postman and Zaira arrived back at Mabe village and still saw no signs of Sakon anywhere. Although incredibly sore and tired from his injury, The Postman insisted on immediately returning Bow-wow to Madame Meow-Meow. Although annoyed, Zaira had given in to him, and helped him up the walk to the cottage door. Only seconds after he knocked, the door was thrown open, and Madame Meow-Meow looked all around frantically. When her eyes fell on Bow-Wow, she let out a happy gasp and pushed past them to throw her arms around the Chomp in a tight hug.

Madame Meow-Meow was so thankful, she then seized The Postman into a bone-crushing hug, crying and laughing all at the same time. The Postman felt his wound threaten to rip open, and he let out a pained yelp, trying to squirm away from her. Zaira immediately shoved the older woman away, and placed herself between them, her hand resting on the hilt of her sword.

"Don't touch him." she warned. "He's injured, and you could tear his wound back open."

"Oh, I'm sorry, dear!" she told The Postman. "I'm just so grateful for what you've done! Thank you!"

The woman began to ramble about how kind The Postman was, and after a few minutes, he began to tune her out. Zaira listened to her tearful thank yous, and began more and more impatient the longer it went on. Finally, she turned and began walking away without a single word, dragging The Postman along with her.

"Er, goodbye." The Postman called back.

Madame Meow-Meow waved her farewells and then hugged the Chomp happily.

"Stop getting yourself mixed up with weirdos." Zaira scolded. "No wonder you keep getting yourself injured."

"She's just an old woman." The Postman replied. "She looks like one of the customers I deliver mail to in Hyrule Castletown."

"Whatever you say, nuisance. Come on, let's get you inside Marin's house so that I can take a better look at that wound."

The Postman nodded and they made their way next door to Marin's house, the sun now starting to set, and the village getting dark. Although the forest had been turned into a hot and dry desert, the village was still very cold, and they could see their breath as they walked along. Zaira reached out to open the door, and to her surprise, it was locked.

"What in Din's name?" she muttered, raising a fist to bang on the door.

There was silence for a few seconds, and then they heard someone approach from within.

"Who's there?!" came the frightened voice of Marin.

"Who do you think it is?" Zaira snapped. "Let us in before we freeze out here."

"Is Jihiro with you?" she asked.

"Yes, why?" Zaira demanded. "Open the damn door!"

The lock immediately clicked open, and Marin opened the door. She looked right past Zaira, and let out a breath of relief at the sight of The Postman.

"Thank the goddesses you're here!" she exclaimed. "Come in, come in!"

She stepped back, and when she saw Zaira was supporting most of The Postman's weight, she let out a gasp of horror. "What happened?! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." The Postman assured her.

"You are not 'fine'." Zaira snapped back at him. "You got stabbed, and you need to rest."

Marin's eyes widened. "Stabbed?!"

"I'm fine." The Postman repeated as Zaira helped him into the house.

Zaira helped him lay down on one of the beds, and it was then that she noticed Samirah was nowhere in sight. "Where's Samirah?" she asked. "Bathroom?"

Marin then looked so incredibly guilty, Zaira was instantly alarmed. "Where Samirah?!" she repeated.

"We were at the town's item shop and we were attacked by a Moblin." Marin admitted, averting her gaze. "He was a horrible, vicious monster with an axe..."

Zaira's breath caught in her throat. "What happened?" she demanded. "Has she been hurt."

Marin looked down at the floor and didn't answer.

"Where. Is. Samirah?" Zaira snapped, giving Marin a hard, impatient shake to the shoulder.

"I-I don't know..." she admitted.

"What do you mean you 'don't know'?" Zaira demanded, glancing towards the door.

"When the Moblin attacked us...I ran away." Marin admitted.

Zaira let out a gasp. "You left behind a one-legged girl to fight a Moblin?!"

Marin's gaze turned to The Postman. "I panicked!" she told him in a miserable tone. "I didn't mean to!"

The Postman said nothing, simply staring at her. Her knew Marin wasn't a real person, and so he had to assume it was a god who had made her abandon Samirah.

"Is Samirah dead?" Zaira gave her another hard shake, and Marin covered her face with her hands, tears wetting her cheeks.

The Postman frowned, realizing her reactions all seemed very genuine, but he still wasn't convinced that it wasn't some sort of trick. "Help me up, and we'll go look for her." he said to Zaira.

"No, you're staying in bed." she snapped at him. "I'll go find her, and I'll be back soon."

Giving Marin a hard shove out of her way, Zaira stormed out of the cottage, drawing her sword as she did so. Once she was gone, Marin approached The Postman's bedside, still wiping tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." she said. "I feel bad for leaving her behind, but I was so scared! I had to run away or the Moblin would have killed me!"

The Postman stared at her in silence before finally answering her. "You're not a real person. You were created by the Windfish as part of his dreamworld. I doubt you can feel pain, or even be permanently killed. Everything that has happened to us, has been because of the gods, and they're trying to use you to manipulate me."

"No, I'm a real-"

"Everything seems way to coincidental to be an accident." The Postman continued, interrupting her. "My shield failed, when up to that point it could block all attacks. I was stabbed fatally, and the moment Sakon leaves, Zaira shows up to save me. If she had have been two minutes earlier she would have stopped Sakon from being an idiot, and if she was two minutes later I would have been dead. I think the whole thing was arranged by the gods as some sort of punishment and powerplay."

Marin adamantly shook her head. "No, I have no idea what you mean!" she insisted. "You're confused because of your injury. I'll go make you some supper, and then everything will be all better!"

"That's not going to-"

Marin wasn't listening however, and she hurried off to the kitchen without waiting for a response. The Postman frowned at the closed kitchen door, and then let out a deep sigh. He couldn't wait to be done this adventure, and go home. Hopefully he'd be able to find Sakon soon, and so they could find a way to get off the island.

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Samirah watched as the Moblin began fastening hinges to the leg he had carved, and she was incredibly impressed. Moblins were clumsy, dumb creatures, but this one was so different, she'd almost swear he was a different species altogether. His hands were careful and precise as he worked on the smalls parts, and he seemed to know exactly what he was doing.

"When we find a way off the island, we'll take you with us." she promised.

The Moblin paused, and looked up from his work. "Don't make promises you can't keep." he advised. "Many others have promised me the exact same thing, and each and every time, I was left behind."

Samirah shook her head. "You don't belong here. You've been nothing but kind to me, and so I swear on my honour that I'll find a way to bring you with us. You'll be free of this horrible island soon!"

The Moblin almost looked hopeful for a moment before shaking his head, and going back to his work. "I've been here for so long that I wouldn't even know what to do once back in the real world. I wouldn't fit in there anymore."

"You never know until you try." Samirah told him. "I'm sure there's plenty that you can do once you get back. Just imagine all the books you could read!"

The Moblin paused again. "I would like to visit a large library." he admitted. "It would be a nice, quiet way to spend the rest of my life..."

"I really wish I knew your name." Samirah told him. "It seems rude not to call you anything."

The Moblin didn't seem concerned. "I don't mind." he replied, continuing his work on the leg.

"You should come up with a new name if you can't remember your old one." Samirah announced.

"I'm really not that concerned about it."

"Well, you should be! We're friends now, and you should have a name!"

The Moblin paused. "Friends?"

Samirah gave him a smile and nodded. "You seem like a really interesting person, and I think we should be friends."

The Moblin let out a skeptical snort. "A Gerudo pirate and a Moblin as friends...it seems like the start of a bad joke."

Samirah frowned. "Oh...you don't want to be friends?"

He glanced over at her and saw the hurt look on her face and then let out a sigh. "It's not that I don't want to be friends with you, it's just that you're a child."

"I'm twenty-three." Samirah countered.

"And I'm possibly over a thousand years old." he countered. "We could not possibly have anything in common. I was done adventuring hundreds of years ago, and now I just want to relax until I die."

"That sounds a little morbid." Samirah replied. "Just because you're a grumpy old man doesn't mean we can't be friends."

"Well, if you insist." the Moblin said. "But I can't guarantee I'll be a good friend."

"Tensai."

"Pardon?"

"How about Tensai as a name?"

"The ancient word for genius?" he questioned, raising a brow.

"Oh, I don't know what it means, but there's a famous author by that name. I was made to read all of his boring books during school."

"Shoji Tensai." The Moblin said. "Yes, I've read many of his books. He was a highly intelligent man, vastly ahead of his time in the field of mathematics."

"I think your new name should be Tensai!"

"No way." the Moblin protested. "I am not being that pretentious."

Samirah let out a sigh. "Then how about Shoji? Shoji's a perfectly normal name."

The Moblin gave a shrug. "Fine, I don't care. Shoji's fine."

Samirah gave him a smile. "It suits you, and now I have something to call you!"

Shoji rolled his eyes, and set down the leg. "Didn't you say you had to be back to Marin's cottage before dark?"

"Yes, why?"

Wordlessly, Shoji pointed out the window, and Samirah let out a horrified gasp when she saw it was dark out. "Oh, no! Zaira's going to kill me! She told me not to leave the cottage while she was gone! Can you take me back, please?"

Shoji gave a nod. "I'll take you back, and when I finish the leg, I'll drop it off for you. I should have it ready by tomorrow."

"Thank you, Shoji, but let's hurry before Zaira gets back!"

Setting down the leg, he got up and easily lifted Samirah into his arms. Without a word, they left the house and headed back into town towards Marin's cottage.

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Zaira had searched everywhere but there was no sign of Samirah anywhere. She questioned both shop-owners in town, and she learned Samirah was indeed taken by a Moblin. The shop-owner who had seen the abduction wasn't very helpful, as he clearly wasn't interested, and told her he had no idea where Samirah was taken. She got the impression that he just wanted her gone, and so after giving him a few scathing words, she left the shop to continue her search. She got the creeps from the shopkeeper, and wondered if he was somehow involved in the abduction. She was normally a pretty good judge of character, but the man had set her completely on edge. The way he had stared directly into her eyes as they spoke sent chills up her spine, and she was glad to leave the shop. At least now she knew Samirah had been taken alive, and so there was a chance she could be rescued unharmed.

Just as she began heading towards the beach to begin her search there, she saw a large Moblin approaching with Samirah in his arms. Letting out a breath of relief, Zaira drew her sword and charged straight for them, ready to dispose of the Moblin before Samirah was harmed. The Moblin stopped walking as he saw her approaching, but he didn't seem all that concerned. Just as she reached them and raised her sword for the kill, Samirah held out her hands to stop her.

"Zaira, no!" she yelled. "Stop!"

Not listening, Zaira swung her sword at the Moblin's head, and almost lazily, he took a step back to avoid her.

"Zaira!"

"Release her at once!" Zaira snarled, taking another swing at him. "Don't you dare harm a single hair on her head, you ugly brute, or I'll slice you from navel to nose!"

The Moblin didn't look impressed, and he rolled his eyes. "I have no intention of harming her." he replied. "She's a very polite young lady, unlike some people I could mention."

Zaira narrowed her eyes, now recognizing the Moblin. "You! You're that weird Moblin from the beach! What are you doing with Samirah! Let her go!"

"Zaira!" Samirah yelled. "Will you stop and just listen for a second? He's my friend!"

Zaira paused in shock, and stared at Samirah in disbelief. "What did you just say?"

"His name is Shoji, and he's my friend! He was helping me build a new leg, and now he was bringing me back to Marin's house! He's completely harmless, and I won't let you hurt him!"

Zaira still looked confused and angry, and she didn't lower her sword. "Give me Samirah." she ordered. "Now."

"I will once you sheath your sword." Shoji responded calmly.

"Not a chance, Moblin!"

"Zaira, I promise it's alright!" Samirah assured her. "He's not going to hurt me!"

"You don't know that!" Zaira challenged. "You only just met him! He could be using you to kill us all!"

Shoji sighed heavily and held out Samirah. "Take her." he said. "I'm too old to deal with this nonsense."

Not releasing her hold on her sword, Zaira very cautiously reached out to take Samirah. The moment she was safely in the other pirate's arms, Shoji turned to leave.

"I'll drop off your new leg tomorrow." he promised. "Don't worry, I'll keep my distance from your little group of adventurers."

"Shoji, don't be like that!" Samirah called after him. "She just doesn't know you yet. Zaira's a good person, and she won't hurt you!"

"Speak for yourself." Zaira muttered, glaring at the Moblin. "Gerudo are not friends with lesser creatures."

Shoji flashed her a glare from over his shoulder, and then stalked off without another word.

"Zaira!" Samirah protested. "That was extremely rude! He's been nothing but kind to me!"

Zaira's anger was instantly turned on the girl in her arms. "I told you to remain in Marin's house! What in Din's name is the matter with you?"

"I didn't go far. " Samirah defended. "I was just trying to buy some hardware to build a new leg, and I met Shoji in the shop. He offered to help, and I accepted."

"You are in big trouble!" Zaira snarled. "I am sick of everyone not accepting my authority! You're just as bad as those two men! The second we return I'm telling your mother everything you've done, and she'll skin you alive!"

"Oh, did you find Jihiro?" Samirah asked, having forgotten about him taking off.

"Yes, I found the nuisance." Zaira responded. "He's inside Marin's house resting."

As Zaira began walking back towards the cottage, Samirah gave a worried glance up at her. "Resting? Why is he resting? Did something happen to him?"

"The idiot got himself stabbed, and he lost a lot of blood." she replied. "I healed him the best I could, but he needs a potion or fairy before he can get up again. I told him to stay put, but knowing him, he's probably already on the other side of the island getting stabbed again."

"Stabbed? Who stabbed him?" Samirah asked in alarm.

"The Thief betrayed him, and stabbed him. He was left for dead when I came across him, and I just barely managed to save his life. I told everyone that thief couldn't be trusted, but of course no one listened to me! He can't be trusted."

"He stabbed Jihiro? But why? Jihiro said he was his friend!"

"Sakon was the one who killed your grandmother fifteen years ago. He snuck aboard the ship and murdered her in her sleep. He brought her head back to the mainland, and threw it at Lord Ganondorf's feet. He is the reason why your mother took over the pirate-ship at such a young age. She woke up to discover she was an orphan and no longer first mate. It was very hard for her."

Samirah was not expecting this, and she let out a gasp. "How has he not been killed for this?! He killed a high-ranking Gerudo!"

"You were very young at the time, but we were at war with the Gerudo Nation at the time in an act of rebellion. When Sakon killed your grandmother, it ended the war, and your mother made peace with the Mainland Gerudo. Your mother never agreed with the war, and ending it was her very first act as captain. Sakon was not punished because it was an act carried out during a war, and we were the ones who made the first move against him."

"What do you mean? What first move?"

"We killed his master, Caspian of Eldin, in front of him, and Sakon sought revenge against us. No one expected a child to make such a brutal attack, and we weren't prepared for it. He had us all fooled, and we never even saw it coming. We don't know how he got on the ship, or how he got off again, but by the time we discovered the body, he was long gone. It was this act that made Lord Ganondorf promote him from apprentice to Master Thief. As much as I despise the thought of him, Lord Ganondorf saw the potential he had and seized it."

"How old was he?" Samirah demanded, not sure what to think. "You said he did this as a child?"

Zaira nodded. "I'm not sure how old he was, but he looked very young. He may have been a bit older than he looked, but his voice hadn't even begun to change yet. No one, not even Lord Ganondorf believed him to be capable of such a thing. If he was like that as a child, what's he like now as an adult? He cannot be trusted."

They'd been standing outside Marin's house for a few minutes now, and neither noticed the open bedroom window beside them. Inside, The Postman stared towards the window, unable to believe what he was hearing. Sakon had told him a bit about what happened with Caspian, but clearly he'd left out the part where he went on a murder spree. Staring down at his bowl of untouched oatmeal, The Postman frowned, and wished Sakon would come back so they could discuss what had happened at the fountain.

He'd seen the fear and guilt when Sakon had stabbed him, and he knew it was genuinely an accident. The expression Sakon had had, was not the face of a sociopath, and he felt certain Sakon was not a bad person at heart. The Postman knew Sakon must have had a truly terrible childhood, and he felt worried about the other man. Where was he, and where had he gone?

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Sakon floated high above the island, feeling tired and incredibly depressed. He could see the island far below him, looking like a small lily pad and the ocean stretched as far as the eye could see in all directions. He had no idea where to go and simply wanted to find a spot to hide himself away for the rest of his existence. He figured after a few decades he might eventually grow accustomed to living on a boring island, but it was doubtful.

Allowing the wind to blow him to and fro much like a leaf, Sakon closed his eyes with a sigh. He allowed himself to float around aimlessly for a few minutes, having no real desire to do anything. The air was cold that high in the sky but Sakon couldn't be hurt by it and he didn't even need to breathe. He allowed himself to become lost in thought for a while before finally opening his eyes to see where he was. He was now so high, the island could barely be seen and he stared down at it thoughtfully. There was really nowhere else for him to go as he had a feeling the ocean had no end, and Koholint island was the only land in the Windfish's world that he could see.

With one more heavy sigh, Sakon abruptly stopped floating and let himself plummet towards the island, not really caring where he landed. He knew the fall wouldn't hurt him and just wanted something to distract him from his thoughts. The island came closer and closer, and Sakon saw he was aimed straight for some sort of small village. Not slowing his descent in the least, Sakon watched as the ground came closer and closer. He heard several yells of surprise and he caught a glimpse of red fur just before he hit the ground with a deafening thud. He was not expecting to actually hit the ground, and bits of rock and grass flew everywhere from the sheer force of the hit. Althoguh unharmed, Sakon was stunned, and it took him a couple minutes to move. He blinked at the thick cloud of dust that surrounded him, realizing that a fall like that should have completely flattened him. Looking one way and then the other, he immediately saw he had created a deep crater in the shape of his body. Still somewhat stunned, he stared upwards as several hesitant faces peered down at him.

The onlookers were a variety of animals that ranged from barnyard to wild, and the way they stared down at him, showed intelligence in their concerned eyes.

"Er…are you alright?" the fox asked him.

Sakon cocked his head in curiosity at the animals. Strange...

"Do you need any help?" the horse asked him. "Are you hurt? Can you move?"

Sakon gave a blink of disbelief, still not moving. Could all animals on the island speak or was this village special? Slowly getting to his feet, he looked from one animal to the next. Without a word, he floated out of the crater as several of the animals gasped in surprise. Landing himself several feet away from the hole, he glanced all around himself. Five or six pleasant little cottages were in the village and everything was neat and well-maintained; nothing at all like the rest of the island. Everything around him looked so bright and happy that Sakon couldn't help but feel confused.

"What is this place?" Sakon asked no one in particular.

"You're in the secret animal village." A mouse replied, shouting to be heard.

Sakon gave another glance around. "Animal village?" he questioned. "There are no humans here?"

A goat gave a shake of its head. "None. We animals all live in harmony here away from the humans."

Sakon decided he couldn't possibly find a more secluded place than this. The village was completely hidden from the outside world, surrounded by tall trees deep in the centre of the island. "Then this is where I'll stay." Sakon announced.

"Um…" the cat said rather uncertainly. "But you're a human…"

"So?"

"This is our village, meant just for us." The cat replied. "This is a peaceful place and humans like to kill and hunt. Humans are not allowed here."

"That's alright, I'll fit right in!" Sakon insisted. "I don't hunt because I'm a vegetarian…well, when I can be that is…Being a thief isn't easy and sometimes you don't really have a choice about what you eat…"

The animals exchanged looks with one another. It was the cat who spoke up again, obviously their leader. "I'm sorry but you really won't fit in. Humans are angry, petty creature and they can't even accept themselves the way they are. You will cause problems for us."

Sakon frowned and crossed his arms. "Why won't I fit in?" Sakon asked, looking himself over for some clue. "And what do you mean that I don't accept myself the way I am? I'm awesome and love myself very much, thank you!"

The cat let out an impatient sound. "That's not what I mean."

"Is it because of the clothes?" Sakon asked, still looking himself over. "I assure you I have no problem stripping if it is! I've gone au naturale before!"

As he pulled his shirt off to prove his point, the animals all immediately shook their heads.

"No it's not because you choose to cover yourself." The monkey replied. "It's because you are a human. This is an animal village, and you're not welcome here."

Now shirtless and in the process of working on his belt, Sakon frowned and paused. "Don't be racist; that's not a reason to refuse me! I want to stay."

The animals all traded a look. They whispered amongst themselves for a minute or so, and then gave Sakon an annoyed gaze. Sakon naturally looked like a suspicious character, and the animals couldn't help but feel uneasy. There was something about him that they didn't trust, and didn't want him to stay.

"I'm sorry, but no." the cat told him. "Humans are not allowed, and you'll have to leave."

Now completely naked, Sakon gave them a plaintive stare. "Look, my best friend just died and I now I have to spend the rest of my life on this island stranded. I don't want to be around people right now, and just want a quiet place where I can think, and mourn in peace. Don't you have any heart at all? Let me stay for a while. I promise I won't kill any of you."

The animals exchanged another long look, feeling pity for the dejected looking man. They were gentle, understanding creatures, and felt guilt at the prospect of making him leave. With a sigh, they gave him a nod.

"Alright." The cat said decidedly after a moment. "You may stay as long as you don't cause any trouble."

Sakon clapped his hands together. "Great, so which of you am I bunking with for the next 50 years?"

The animals frowned and exchanged another look, having a feeling this would not turn out well...

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will be on Friday Nov. 17th.**


	72. The Search For Sakon

**Authornote** **: Friday Nov. 17th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I'm still on a roll! Three on-time updates so far this month! lol I decided to update a bit early this week since I'm going away tomorrow. :) I doubt anyone reads these author-notes, but I'm going to blather on for a while anyway. lol**

 **This story is almost up to 500 reviews! o_O You guys are so awesome! I've never had so many reviews on any story before! Woot! Woot! Part 4 is allllmost finished now, with only a few chapters left. I decided I am going to break up some of the chapters since the remaining ones are all like 10-12 thousand words each. lol I'll aim to have each remaining chapter no less than 6000 words.**

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 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Melle2001** \- In Zaira's line of work, a careless mistake can mean your death, and so that's why she's so frustrated with the younger generation. lol

Sakon has way more in common with The Happy Mask Salesman than he ever wants to admit. lol Sakon was raised in the desert, far away from anyone he was blood-related to, and yet somehow he still ends up like his most despised relative. ;p

Thanks for pointing out that typo, I immediately went and fixed it when I got your review! I have a bad habit of accidentally using the wrong names when there's a group of characters I'm writing about. lol

Zaira has never met a Moblin like Shoji before, and so that automatically makes him suspicious in her books. She doesn't like change, and she doesn't like anything that has claws and pointed teeth. She will not be trusting Shoji any time soon.

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 **Rainmy** \- When Sakon killed that pirate captain, he'd had a mental break because of the trauma he'd gone through. Sakon was actually a very sweet and gentle kid, but violence and hardship changed him. After so much pain and misery of living on the streets, he had finally been happy and safe, but all of that was ripped away when Caspian was murdered. In an instant Sakon was fatherless, and once again completely alone in the world, and he snapped. Up to this point Ganondorf had only barely tolerated him because of Caspian, and when Caspian died, Ganondorf planned to kick Sakon out. (he wouldn't have killed him, he would have had him escourted to Hyrule or Termina). Sakon no longer felt afraid of Ganondorf, and only felt anger and numbness. He demanded to be made the new thief, and Ganondorf pretty much laughed in his face. (Sakon was very small for his age, and everyone assumed he was around 10 years old. He was actually fifteen.) Determined to prove himself, Sakon set out to kill the pirate captain to both get his revenge and to prove himself to the Gerudo nation. He took the head as proof of what he'd done, and yes, he had nightmares for years over it. It was only much later that Ganondorf discovered Caspian had asked him to care for Sakon in his will, and Ganondorf kept that to himself.

I really do want to someday write Caspian and Sakon's full story. I'm hesitant however, because 80% of the story would be about Caspian and he's an OC.

Zaira is truly a rude person. lol She's had a lot of betrayals in her life, and made a lot of mistakes. She doesn't like seeing others act foolishly, knowing how many people died in the same way on the pirate ship.

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 **Reiz16** -Don't worry, Sakon will be back soon. :) The Postman is getting really fed up with all the fake people, and he has no idea when he's being manipulated or not. His frustration is starting to show. lol

Sakon is a villain, and he's very capable of murder. Remember when he first met the disguised postman he was going to kill him for Milan. We mostly see his carefree jokester side, but Sakon has a dark side too.

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 **jigbashmop** \- Yeah...Sakon does not handle grief in a healthy way. lol Sakon's issues go a lot deeper than anyone realizes, and it's a surprise that he even still functions somewhat normally. He probably should have been put in therapy over his childhood traumas, but Ganondorf's an asshat and didn't bother.

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- Sakon genuinely likes The Postman, and he never would have hurt him on purpose. Sakon does not handle grief well as seen by him murdering the pirate captain. I actually do have a whole (very long) story planned out for Caspian and Sakon's backstory, but I'm not sure if I'll write it. The story starts with Caspian and Ganondorf's past and eventually Caspian finds/adopts Sakon. Most of the story would be about Caspian, however, and he's an OC, so that's why I'm hesitant.

Everything about the gods will be revealed shortly. :)

No, Tracker and Thief do not work as aliases if they were trying to hide their magical signatures. That is a complicated process deliberately done by magic. This will actually be explained a little bit later when The Postman is having a discussion with someone.

You'll just have to wait and see. ;p

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 **setokayba2n** \- The Postman always seems to be ignored by everyone he meets. lol He needs to learn to stick up for himself.

The Postman is never hurt for too long, or else that would impede his destiny. :)

 **.**

 **Guest** \- Run awaaaaay little woodland creatures! You're in great danger! lol

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 4 Chapter 24**

The Search For Sakon

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Every time The Postman closed his eyes horrible nightmares plagued him. Voices whispered through his mind in a cloud of confusing noise, and he saw death and destruction all around him. He saw burnt villages, brutally slaughtered people, a dead Gerudo baby laying in the dust, and the same dark and cold basement his uncle had kept him in. The images flashed through his mind in no particular order, and he was forced to see dozens upon dozens of terrible things. The voices kept incessantly chanting at him, and most of the time it was just a jumbled mass of unintelligible words. Sometimes a few words or phrases would cut through clearly, and they always the exact same thing. They ordered him to take up the sword, to fight, to kill, to take revenge, and he was forced to hear these words over and over until he finally woke. Sleeping became stressful, and he found himself avoiding sleep for as long as possible to avoid seeing the gruesome images. Even after he woke, he couldn't get what he'd seen out of his mind, and it was hard to focus on anything else.

He remembered more and more of what his uncle Leid had done to him every time he slept, and the remembered pain was almost unbearable. His uncle had weaved spell after spell over him, and every time it failed, he would be beaten harder and harder and blamed for the failure.

" _You abomination!" his uncle had hissed at him after a particularly painful failure. "You should have been killed at birth! You have no idea what you've done! You've ruined everything! You need to right this and cooperate!"_

 _"I am!" The younger Postman protested, curling in on himself in pain. "I'll do anything you want!"_

 _"Enough of your lies! Stop resisting my magic!"_

 _"I'm not!"_

 _"Silence!" his uncle ordered, angrily. "I'm going to try again, and if you dare fight me, I'll break your arms!"_

The Postman then woke in a cold sweat, and let out a groan when he realized what had happened. Why was he having nightmares all of a sudden? He wasn't sure whether he was truly remembering what had been done to him, or whether it was all a trick of the island. Either way, it seemed like the gods were trying to get his attention. Clutching his head in frustration, he leaned back against his pillows, and turned his gaze to the sleeping pirates in the other bed. It was still night, and it would be hours before Zaira and Samirah left for the day.

To The Postman's great annoyance neither fairies nor potions were able to heal his wounds, and so he was forced to remain in bed as he waited for Zaira to heal him. Her magic was very weak, however, and she could only heal a bit at a time before she was forced to stop.

He realized the sword was truly a weapon to be reckoned with if the wounds it caused were resistant to normal healing items, and he hoped Sakon wouldn't do anything too reckless with it in his absence. Luckily green magic seemed to be able to overcome whatever power the sword had, and every day Zaira healed him a little bit more. Unfortunately Zaira did not have much experience in using her green magic, and the wound was being healed unevenly, leaving a very large scar across his chest. She was frustrated at the botched healing job, but The Postman had quickly assured her that he didn't mind having a scar. He was just thankful to be alive at all.

Samirah had received her new leg from Shoji, and she had proudly shown it off to anyone who cared to see. Unlike her previous peg-leg, this one had hinges so it worked almost as well as her real leg. The Postman hadn't yet met Shoji, but from what Samirah told him, the Moblin seemed incredibly fascinating. Samirah promised she'd introduce them once he was able to get up.

Every day Samirah left with Zaira to explore the island, and The Postman was left behind with Marin. Marin was nice enough, but she seemed to think they were now a couple no matter how much he protested it. She simply wasn't listening, and it was beginning to really annoy him. If Zaira hadn't threatened to tie him to the bed, he would have left long ago. Marin served him a bowl of oatmeal three times a day, and after only several days of choking it down, The Postman never wanted to so much as smell oatmeal ever again.

He was worried about Sakon, but Zaira had assured him she would look for him during her explorations. He doubted she was looking for him to invite him back with open arms, but as long as The Thief was found, he'd be content with that. To his dismay, she found no sign of Sakon anywhere, and after four days, The Postman was getting really worried. What if Sakon had been hurt or killed by something? What if he'd found a way off the island without him? He couldn't sense him at all, and so he had no way to know if he was even still on the island anymore.

Zaira and Samirah found two more instruments in nearby dungeons, and now they had a total of six. Hoping that was the last of them, The Postman wondered what he was supposed to do with them. Was he really expected to play all of them to wake the Windfish? It almost seemed like they were cheating, but so far nothing bad had happened because of it. The only thing he could conclude from this, was that the god or goddess didn't actually care too much about the dungeons. There must be something else they needed him to do, but so far they hadn't given him any hints. He assumed they were probably waiting for him to heal, before revealing what else had to be done.

Finally, on the morning of the fifth day, Zaira announced he was healed enough to get up. Relieved, he knew he would immediately have to find The Thief so they could continue their quest.

"Stay in the village for today." Zaira ordered, giving him a warning look. "Until I'm sure you're fine, I don't want you wandering too far away."

"I need to find Sakon!" The Postman protested.

"You'll do no such thing. We're better off without that thief, and you need to start listening before you get yourself killed. Forget about Sakon."

At the sight of The Postman's unamused expression, Zaira let out a heavy sigh. "You have no intention on doing as you're told, do you?"

The Postman silently shook his head, and Zaira let out another sigh.

"Listen, Tracker, I know I come across as unreasonable, but I really do know what's best. I've lost too many shipmates to carelessness, and through my battles, and pain, I've learned a few things. I get frustrated seeing inexperienced fighters taking risks, because I know of the dangers. My own sister took a stupid risk, and she lost most of the mobility in one of her legs. Luckily she didn't lose her leg, but she had to retire from being a pirate, and she now walks with a cane."

"By any chance is your sister Captain Isa?" The Postman asked, thinking that the two woman acted similarly.

"Oh, you've met her? Isa's my older sister."

"She my Captain." The Postman replied. "I'm in her training class."

Zaira scowled. "I'm going to send her a letter complaining about how ill-trained you are! I can't believe she hasn't beaten your stupidity out of you yet!"

The Postman winced, realizing he'd just made things worse for himself.

"It's for your own good that I do these things, and I wish you would listen. The only reason I try to help you at all is because you're an honourary Gerudo, and are therefore one of my crew by extension. Take my advice, and try to see the wisdom in it. Stay in the village."

The Postman frowned at her, but did give her a nod. "I'll stay in the village for today." he promised.

"Good."

"But I'll search for Sakon tomorrow outside of the village."

Zaira rolled her eyes. "As you wish, nuisance. I'll be back later today to check on you."

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The Postman didn't see any signs of Sakon in the village, and so he headed towards the item shop, certain The Happy Mask Salesman would know where his nephew was. The town now looked incredibly dry, and it was obvious the drought was also affecting the villagers as every plant and tree were all dead and shriveled. He crossed the village feeling a bit disconcerted and when he reached the shop, he was rather surprised to see The Happy Mask Salesman standing outside. He was staring up at the sun thoughtfully, and The Postman wondered how he could do so without hurting his eyes. When The Postman approached, The Happy Mask Salesman turned his eyes away from the sky, and met his gaze fully. He seemed to study him a moment, and then gave a nod in his direction, grinning at something only he knew.

"Postman." He greeted.

"Hello, Sir." The Postman stated politely. "I was wondering if you've seen Sakon around?"

The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head, his eyes flitting back up to the sky. "He hasn't been here lately." He responded. "I imagine he is hiding himself as well as possible right now. He was never very good at handling his emotions."

The Postman didn't even question how the other man knew about the accident at the fountain, assuming Zaira or Samirah had told him. Instead he turned his gaze to the sky, wondering what had caught the other man's attention. He could see nothing out of the ordinary and furrowed his brow. He could feel a heavy magic surrounding the island in a thick cloud, and wondered if that's what he was looking at.

"Do you have any idea where I might find Sakon, Sir? Where he might have gone?"

Again The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head.

The Postman let out a heavy sigh. "Why does he always have to be so difficult? He shouldn't have run."

The Happy Mask Salesman spared him a quick glance. "You'll get used to Sakon over time."

The Postman crossed his arms. "Well, maybe I don't want to get used to this sort of thing?"

The Happy Mask Salesman turned his full attention to The Postman. "You will." he replied knowingly. "You and Sakon share a very important destiny that can't be avoided. Trust no one besides each other, and stop fighting fate."

"What are you talking about?" The Postman demanded.

"I've already said more than I should have." The Happy Mask Salesman answered, giving another glance to the sky. "Speak of this no more."

Every time The Postman spoke with The Happy Mask Salesman he always got the impression he knew more than he let on. How did he know this, and why wasn't he giving him any answers? The Postman frowned and glanced up towards the sky.

"What were you looking at?" he asked, still not seeing anything unusual.

"Nothing of any importance." The Happy Mask Salesman replied, evenly. "At least not to me. Something has been following you, and it's getting stronger."

"Following me? What is it?"

"I'm not entirely sure." The Happy Mask Salesman admitted. "Can't you feel the way it taints this island's magic?"

The Postman looked up at the sky, sensing the strong magic and trying to make sense of it. Sure enough he could feel a dark presence tainting the veil of magic, and he was confused. At first it had felt like one source of magic, but now that he studied it, he could tell that two magics were woven together, and the darkness was slowly overtaking the pure, white-coloured magic of the island.

"What does this mean?" The Postman asked in alarm.

The Happy Mask Salesman was silent for several seconds before finally answering. "I think, Postman, that your quest is not to wake the Windfish, but rather to cure it from whatever that foul magic is."

"I have to cure the Windfish?" The Postman said uncertainly. "I didn't even know gods could get sick! How am I supposed to cure him? I'm just a postman!"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a shrug. "Not my problem."

The Postman gave him a frown, realizing The Happy Mask Salesman didn't care. Why was the man even here in the first place? What did he hope to gain by being here?

"What deal did Sakon make with you when we first arrived on the island?" he demanded, suspiciously.

"I do not discuss my business deals with those not directly involved." The Happy Mask Salesman replied, giving him an unapologetic smile. "It would be a breach of privacy."

The Postman had a very bad feeling about what type of deal Sakon had made, but he knew The Happy Mask Salesman wasn't likely to tell him anything more. Deciding to just go look for The Thief so they could discuss all of this, he turned away, giving The Happy Mask Salesman a polite nod as he did so. He had only taken a few steps when he heard a loud hoot from above. Pausing, he looked up to see a very familiar owl watching him.

Kaepora Gaebora flew down and landed in front of him, creating a shower of feathers that blew all around The Postman.

"Greetings, Postman! Hoot." Kaepora Gaebora called to him. "How goes your quest thus far?"

The Postman remembered the difficult dungeon he'd just completed as well as everything that had gone wrong since arriving. His expression must have shown his thoughts on that matter as Kaepora Gaebora gave him a chuckle.

"Fret not, Postman, you are doing well. Your next trial lies west in the underwater temple of the river Zora."

The Postman didn't like the sound of an underwater dungeon because he was not a strong swimmer, and had a bit of an aversion to drowning or suffocating. Knowing he likely didn't have a choice in the matter, however, he let out a sigh and gave a nod.

"I need to find Sakon, do you know where he is?"

"Forget The Thief, Postman, it is your destiny not his. You will do fine without him."

"I'm not going to forget about Sakon." The Postman responded, his frown becoming more prominent. "I came to this island to help him."

"Do not take offence, Postman, hoo hoot. I merely meant that you do not require his help to complete your quest. He will be more of a hindrance than a help."

"He's the one with the sword." The Postman pointed out.

"Yes, Postman, only because you have refused to take ownership. That sword is rightfully yours, and you need to claim it."

The Postman knew that if he had've claimed the sword, he would have refused to use it. He didn't hurt people, as it was against his nature, and that included dream monsters. He now knew this owl was not the real Kaepora Gaebora, because the real owl wanted him to work with Sakon. This was clearly another trick, and The Postman narrowed his eyes.

"Then I still need Sakon." The Postman countered. "I won't fight, and there's nothing you can do to force me."

Kaepora Gaebora looked like he was about to disagree but he stopped mid-word and stared over The Postman's shoulder. The Postman turned and saw The Happy Mask Salesman had approached and he was staring at the owl very intently. Kaepora Gaebora and The Happy Mask Salesman met each other's gaze directly and neither said a single word. The Postman stared between them in confusion before he remembered it had been The Happy Mask Salesman that had cursed the real Kaepora Gaebora in the first place.

"Begone, impostor." The Happy Mask Salesman ordered.

The owl gave a slow blink, and then spread its wings and flew off, not sparing The Postman another look. The Postman stared after him, and then turned his attention back to The Happy Mask Salesman.

"You used me to curse headmaster Gaepora." he accused irritably. "Why did you do that?"

"Hmm?" The Happy Mask Salesman inquired innocently, his grin looking just a little bit too friendly.

The Postman crossed his arms. "Why did you turn Gaepora into an owl? The mask cursed him!"

The Happy Mask Salesman glanced back up to the sky for a moment. "I'm not sure what you're talking about, Postman, but that does seem like a very unusual story."

The Postman had a feeling The Happy Mask Salesman wasn't about to tell him anything at all, and so he let out a sigh. "Are you going to keep him that way forever?" he asked.

"The real owl has his own destiny; don't meddle in it."

"I'm going to find Sakon." The Postman said with annoyance, turning away. "I don't care what you do as long as it doesn't involve me."

The Happy Mask Salesman didn't seem angry at his rudeness, and simply gave a knowing grin as he watched The Postman storm away.

As The Postman headed back across town, he didn't see the grin The Happy Mask Salesman sent after him. Chuckling to himself, The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head, and entered the item shop. It wouldn't be long now...

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The Postman had spoken to every villager, but no one had seen Sakon. Feeling somewhat discouraged, he headed for the schoolhouse, knowing that's where the Moblin Shoji lived. If the Moblin was truly as clever as Samirah had said, then he hoped Shoji would be able to help him find The Thief. He gave a loud knock to the door, and he heard someone shuffle around inside.

"Who is it?" came a grouchy voice.

"I'm looking for the Moblin named Shoji?" The Postman called through the door.

There was a pause. "Who wants to know?"

"My name is Jihiro, and I'm Samirah's friend. She told me all about you, and I was hoping I could speak with you for a few minutes?"

"About what?" Shoji demanded, still sounding suspicious.

"I'm looking for a friend who went missing." The Postman replied.

"Missing? It's not Samirah, is it?"

"No, Sir. My friend Sakon went missing five days ago, and no one's been able to find him. I was hoping you might be able to help?"

There was a loud sigh. "Alright, just a second."

The Postman waited patiently, and a few moments later, he heard the lock click open. The door opened, and a large, green Moblin stepped out, rubbing sleepily at his eyes as he did so.

"What does this friend look li-" Shoji cut off as he looked at The Postman, and an absolutely terrified look crossed his face. "YOU!"

The Postman was taken aback by the reaction, and he paused. "Pardon? What's the matter?"

"How did you get here?!" Shoji yelled, backing up. "Stay away from me, you demon!"

The Postman took a step closer. "I think you have me mistaken for someone else! We've never met."

"Get BACK!" Shoji snarled, lashing out at him with his claws. "Get away from me!"

The Postman jumped back just in time, and the claws lightly scratched one of his arms. "Sir!" The Postman protested. "I'm just a postman! I'm no danger to you! You have me mistaken for someone else!"

"There's no mistake, you liar!" Shoji growled. "I'd never forgot your face as long as I live! You're a monster!"

"Sir!" The Postman once again protested.

Shoji clawed out at him again, and then hurried inside his house, securely locking the door after him. The Postman knocked on the door, hoping to explain himself.

"I'm just a postman! Shoji, I swear we've never met before! There's been some sort of mistake!"

"Get away from my house or I'll be forced to defend myself!" Shoji warned, not unlocking the door. "LEAVE! Whatever your plans are, I won't interfere! Just go AWAY!"

The Postman frowned at the closed door, and felt like he should defend himself. Had the gods shown Shoji some sort of fake version of himself? He knew for a fact he'd never met the Moblin, but Shoji seemed certain he knew him. What purpose would the gods have for wanting Shoji to stay away from him? Feeling annoyed over the possible interference, The Postman glared up at the sky, and then turned to head back to Marin's cottage.

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The pirates did not return that night, and The Postman couldn't help but feel worried. Things were quickly going downhill on this adventure, and he knew he needed to find Sakon as soon as possible. If the women had been kidnapped, he knew he'd need help getting them back. He didn't sleep at all that night, and instead spent hours trying to modify his Pegasus Boots and the Roc Feathers. The second the sun began to rise, he left the cottage to begin his search, satisfied with how the boots had turned out.

Putting his Pegasus Boots to good use, he spent the day searching the beach, the dried up forest, and the swamp for Sakon, but found no signs of him. He was able to run much faster than before, and made excellent time in his search. He explored new areas of the island that he hadn't seen yet, and crossed fields, mountains, rivers and even came across an enormous castle. As the hours stretched on, he began to feel a bit discouraged. Maybe Sakon really had left the island?

The Postman found what must have been the entrance of the next dungeon far out in the bay, but he ignored it completely as he continued searching. It was late afternoon when he came across an enormous graveyard that stretched on and on, and The Postman got an uneasy feeling about the whole thing. Hundreds and hundreds of tombstones stretched as far as the eye could see, and The Postman wondered how many there actually were. Were these the graves of people who had failed as heroes? There were so many graves that The Postman knew it couldn't have been from the village people. He found himself reading the names on the stones, hoping he wouldn't find Sakon's name there. He didn't recognize any of the names, but he kept reading them, getting a bad feeling about the spooky graveyard.

At the very edge of the graveyard beside an old rundown house, The Postman found a very familiar name on one of the stones. The Postman gave a heavy gulp as he stared at the marker and he hesitantly reached out a hand to touch it. The grave was rough beneath his hand and felt very solid and real. Was this some sort of joke?

The name on the stone was Ichiro.

It was then that he noticed the stone beside it had his own name engraved on it. The grave was empty, and large mounds of dirt sat beside the open hole as if waiting for its occupant to arrive. The two graves seemed to have been recently dug, and The Postman slowly backed up a step. Who dug these graves and why was his name already written on it? The Postman glanced all around and listened, but the only sounds came from the distant caw of several nearby crows watching him.

It looked like there had once been dates on the two stones, but they were now worn down and impossible to make out. As The Postman stared at his stone, he realized the end date was starting to come into focus, the numbers becoming clearer and clearer. He quickly looked away, not wanting to know. He would not allow himself to be manipulated in such an obvious way. His gaze settled on the old decrepit house beside him, and he wondered if the person living there was responsible for the graveyard.

Hopping over a small fence, he walked up the uneven cobblestone path towards the front door. He gave a loud knock to the door, and immediately the crows who had been watching him began to caw almost as if they were suddenly enraged. The Postman glanced up at them just as the door swung open of its own accord. The hinges groaned and squeaked in protest, and The Postman stared into the dark house uncertainly. It was pitch black, and he could see a thing.

"…hello?" he called out uncertainly.

"Come in, dear, you're letting in a draft." A very old, scratchy voice ordered.

The Postman, always trying to be polite, stepped inside and closed the door after him. He could just make out the shape of an old women standing by the window, stirring something in a very large pot. The black curtains blocked out almost all light, and he began to feel like this was a bad idea. The house smelled of dust and spices, but was much too dark to see properly. The woman turned her head towards him and he saw a glint of green in the darkness, her eyes reflecting the light like a cat's.

"There's a very peculiar smell coming from you." She observed. "It smells like powdered mushrooms and old magic."

The Postman may have been offended if he hadn't remembered the magic powder The Happy Mask Salesman had given him.

"Yes, ma'am." He acknowledged. "I have some magic powder."

"What is it you want?" the woman asked him. "I am very old and am not much help to anyone these days."

"Why are you in the dark?" The Postman asked in concern. "You could trip over something and hurt yourself."

The woman laughed. "I am blind, young one." She answered in amusement. "It matters not to me if I light a lamp."

"…oh." The Postman responded, hoping he hadn't come across as insensitive. "Sorry."

She continued stirring her pot for a moment then stated knowingly. "You're curious about the graves beside my house."

"Yes, ma'am." The Postman answered, wondering how a blind woman knew of the gravestones.

"Eventually everyone finds the way to their grave; it is inevitable." She told him. "Some graves remain empty for a very long time, but in the end, each and every one of them will be filled."

The Postman squinted in the darkness at the old woman, but he couldn't make out more than a vague shape. He felt rather chilled suddenly and rubbed at his arms, deciding it would probably be best if he just left. He had a feeling there was something very wrong with this house. Turning around, he felt for the doorknob but couldn't seem to find it. All he felt was smooth wall. As he fumbled around in confusion, the woman's voice rang out again.

"You seek your friend." she stated.

The Postman abruptly stopped and turned around. "You know where he is?" he asked hopefully.

There was a clink as the woman's spoon hit the side of the pot as she stopped stirring. "I do." She confirmed.

Once again, The Postman wondered how a blind woman would know this, but didn't question it. "Where is he? Where's Sakon?"

"I will tell you if you do something for me in return." She stated, her voice sounding a little bit too innocent.

"…what do you want?" The Postman asked, dreading the answer.

"Not much." The woman assured him. "These old bones get very cold this time of year…"

The Postman raised an eyebrow. "In the summer? It's extremely hot out."

"Don't sass me." The woman warned him. "All I want you to do for me in return is light the fireplace and the two torches near the door. That should warm this drafty old place right up!"

The Postman had been expecting some sort of horrible task, and so he was actually rather surprised. "That's it?"

"Why? Did you want there to be more?" the old woman asked, clearly annoyed. "I can arrange a few trivial tasks if you want?"

"No, no, that's fine." The Postman said hurriedly. "I'll light them for you."

The Postman felt along the walls for the torches and found one on either side of where the door should have been. Knowing it was going to be incredibly hard to find his flint in the dark, he felt inside the backpack. As he fumbled around inside it for a minute or so, the old woman began to become impatient.

"What is taking you so long?" she demanded. "A young thing like you shouldn't have any problem lighting a simple fire!"

The Postman frowned. "I was looking for my flint." he responded.

The woman let out a snort. "Flint? Why use flint when you have magic powder? A sprinkle of it will instantly light any torch or fireplace."

The Postman paused for a moment, and then felt inside the backpack for the bag of powder. Finding it, he pulled it out and grabbed a pinch out of the bag. Sprinkling some into the nearest torch, it instantly sprung to life, the flames high and hot.

"That's it!" the woman encouraged. "Now the other one!"

The Postman lit the second torch then turned around just as the woman let out a relieved sigh.

"Ah, that feels much better already!" she commented.

The light from the torches didn't quite reach her and she was still bathed completely in darkness. He caught the sight of a grey coloured arm as she shifted where she stood, but he still couldn't make her out clearly.

"Quickly, light the fireplace!" she urged. "I'm still very cold!"

Keeping an eye on her warily, The Postman crossed the room to the large fireplace beside her. As he knelt beside it and held out a handful of the powder to toss it in, the woman spoke up.

"Look far to the west in the animal village. You'll find your friend there."

"Oh, thank you, ma'am!" The Postman answered, turning his gaze back to the fireplace.

"You are protected, young one, but you must still be careful. I will do all I can from the shadows. There are those who will try to deceive you, try to harm you, try to corrupt you, but you mustn't listen to them."

The Postman dropped the powder onto the pile of dry wood in the fireplace, and immediately there was a pop as the wood lit. There was a deep, satisfied sigh from behind him and The Postman turned around to get his first look at the old woman.

"What do you mean, ma'am, who's-"

There was no one there.

Furrowing his brow, The Postman glanced all around the lit room. "Er...hello?"

There was no reply. The entire house was dusty and covered in cobwebs, and it was obvious no one had lived there for a very, very long time. Standing up, The Postman peered into the large cast-iron cauldron the woman had been working with. It was full of dust and nothing more.

The Postman's gaze fell on the door and saw it had reappeared and was now slightly ajar. Wanting to leave the house very badly, he headed towards it. Despite himself, he kept glancing over his shoulder as he left, feeling like he was being watched. Once he was safely outside, he let out a breath of relief and hurried away from the house. The crows above him in the trees seemed to be cackling at him, but he paid them no mind. If the old woman was telling the truth then he knew where to find Sakon. Adjusting the backpack, he began hurrying to the west.

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The Postman stepped into the strange wooded area, and glanced all around himself in confusion. On the entire island, this seemed to be the only patch of land that was still alive. The trees were straight and tall, and every plant was green and healthy. It was like an odd sort of oasis, completely unaffected by the outside world.

The deeper into the forest he walked, the stranger things became. The trees above him now seemed to bend until they had created a tunnel-like enclosure, the air feeling still and cool. It was obviously autumn in this section of the island as leaves of all kind fell around him in a shower of colours. As he walked along, he felt there was something definitely amiss. There were no sounds at all besides the crunching of the leaves beneath his boots, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he was being watched.

When the feeling persisted, he paused momentarily and looked at the trees surrounding him. There was complete silence with not even the sound of insects in the air. Nothing seemed out of place but why was there no sound? He took a few more steps, and then paused again when he couldn't shake the feeling of being watched. He couldn't see or hear anything following him, and so he hesitantly walked a bit further, watching his surroundings warily.

He passed by a particularly large, gnarled tree, and then stopped as there was a snap of twigs from behind him. He spun around just in time to see a piece of wood smash down on his skull. There was a searing pain, a huge explosion, and then everything went black as he collapsed to the ground.

A monkey stepped out from behind the tree and stared at the smoldering pit in front of it with wide eyes. It tossed the club aside as it approached the hole, and then looked down at The Postman. It gave him a hesitant poke in the chest, and when it was sure he was unconscious, it gave a loud signal whistle. Instantly, animals of all kinds jumped out of their hiding spots and stared down at their catch.

"What do you think he wants?" asked the fox. "Why is he here?"

"What was that explosion?" asked the mouse. "Did the human do that?"

"I don't know." the monkey replied. "But we'd better bring him to cat. There's been a lot of suspicious activity around here lately, and he might be involved."

The others nodded their agreement and each grabbed a bit of clothing. As they dragged The Postman off towards their village, none noticed the sinister-looking figure watching silently from the trees.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday! :D**


	73. Inside The Windfish's egg

**Authornote** **: Friday Nov. 24th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Oops...I'm late again. lol This chapter is super long, and I didn't realize it would take quite this long to write. lol I probably should have broken it up into two chapters, but I want to get Part 4 finished before Christmas. There's only three chapters left, and I'll do my best to get them out in time. :D**

 **We just hit 500 reviews everyone! Woot! Woot! A big thank you to TheFinalSpark who was lucky number 500!**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **lordseanington** \- This story is a rewrite of one I'd done before, and so the main plot remains unchanged. Sometimes if reviewers seems confused about things then I do go into a more a in-depth explanation in the next chapter. A couple of my reviewers have read the old version and a couple are very good guessers. lol I do take what people suggest very seriously, and if something can be improved then I fix it. :)

The Postman's troubles aren't even close to being over. He has no idea what's in store for him in the future...

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 **Melle2001** \- Thank you so much for all the kind words and support! I really appreciate it! This is over double the reviews I had on the original, and I'm very excited! ^_^

I threw in that little Zaira explanation for you :) Zaira indeed has had a very hard life, and this is why she acts as she does.

Sakon has many reasons that he hates his uncle, but most of that would be explained in another story. (that I might start posting right after this one is finished) The funny thing is, is that The Happy Mask Salesman actually doesn't mind Sakon too much. He finds him annoying for sure, but he doesn't dislike him. lol

Yeah, there are several easter eggs for people who have played the original game, and I kind of make fun of a few things from it as well. lol

Muha ha ha! I agree though, cliffhangers are evil. lol

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 **Remvis** -I can't say too much due to spoilers, but the graves are indeed curious, aren't they? ;) Shoji knows a lot more about the situation than The Postman realizes. Too bad he's too distracted at the moment to put much thought into it... :)

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 **Reiz16** \- I'm glad you liked Shoji and the ghost. Sorry I haven't been online much this week, it's been crazy. I'm going to go respond to your PMs right now. :)

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 **jigbashmop** \- No story is complete without creepy ghosts and stalkers. lol Uncle Leid certainly did get up to a lot of shenanigans in his youth, and everything will be explained very shortly. ;) I'm trying very hard not to give out too many spoilers right now. lol

 **.**

 **TheFinalSpark** \- You left the 500th review on my story, my dear! :D Thank you so much!

The Happy Mask Salesman always knows more than he lets on. If he's hanging around, you know it can never mean anything good. lol He'll help people if it's in his own best interests, but his advice should always be taken with a grain of salt.

Everyone really is trying to influence The Postman, and as the story progresses, it will become obvious as to why. Unfortunately I can't say more than this or else it will spoil some things that happen later. :)

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 **setokayba2n** \- The Postman enjoyed being ignored by most of the world, but now it seems like everyone wants a piece of him. lol He has no idea just how horrible his life can get once people start trying to manipulate you...

There is only 1 dungeon left to go for a total of 7. :)

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 **placesmileshere** \- I still think you must be psychic lol All mysteries will finally be revealed in Part 5. Thanks a lot for the review, and I'm glad you're still enjoying the story! ^_^

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

 **Part 4 Chapter 25**

Inside The Windfish's egg

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The Postman knew he was dreaming, but he couldn't push the violent images out of his mind. He stared at the carnage around him helplessly, not wanting to see, but also unable to look away. He didn't know why he was being shown this, and to his relief, the violence melted away to be replaced by the image of an empty field.

"Listen to me." a voice whispered next to his ear, causing him to jump.

Looking all around, he saw no one, and backed away a step.

"Listen." the obviously female voice whispered. "You must save the Windfish."

This was a voice he'd never heard before, and he once again glanced around the empty field.

"The Windfish is nearly dead and you must stop the demon from destroying him."

"Who are you?" The Postman hesitantly asked.

"The demon is slowly destroying this dreamworld, but as long as just one of the Windfish's creations survives his destruction, you still stand a chance at ending this. One dungeon is left, and then you'll have the power to wake the Windfish. You must not wake him before ridding this world of the demon or else the Windfish will die. Destroy the demon, and step forward as the warrior you're meant to be. Embrace your destiny and fight!"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "I don't fight, and I don't hurt people, even if that person is a villain. You have me mistaken for someone else. You're probably looking for Sakon."

"No, my warrior, it is your destiny to fight. You need to take up your sword, and defend the Windfish."

The Postman shook his head, and he sensed a sudden annoyance in the air.

"The sword is yours, and you need to take it."

"Ma'am, I can't-"

He was cut off as the field faded, and once again he was thrown into a world of chaos and war.

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When The Postman finally awoke, he was quite disconcerted to discover he was laying on the ground hogtied. His head was throbbing and he had a hard time focussing his vision. Looking all around, he saw he was in what could only be the animal village and he was surprised at the sight of small cottages and wells. The village was almost double the size of Mabe village and in comparison looked like paradise. The plants and trees were lush and green, and a small stream wove around the outskirts of the village cutting it off from the outside world, and the air was warm and comfortable. Had the animals built all this themselves?

When the mysterious woman in the graveyard house had told him to look in the animal village, he'd assumed that was simply the name of it, but now he saw it was indeed owned by animals. The moment he shifted and opened his eyes, every animal had turned to stare at him, and The Postman got the very distinct impression he was not welcome.

He pulled at the mass of vines holding him, but couldn't loosen them at all. He was completely at the animals mercy.

The animals continued staring at him silently for a while, and then they parted for a large fluffy, orange cat to pass. It approached The Postman slowly, its movements confident and its eyes narrowed to small yellow slits.

"What is your business here?" the cat demanded. "This is no place for humans."

The Postman looked down at the cat in surprise. He definitely wasn't expecting it to speak, but he had seen much stranger things lately so he supposed talking animals really weren't that odd in comparison.

"I'm looking for my friend." The Postman replied. "Have you seen him?"

The cat gave him a suspicious glare. "How can a human be friends with one of us? Human's don't befriend animals. They're all savages."

"My friend is human as well." The Postman told the cat. "His name is Sakon."

"How would I know of where this 'friend' of yours is?" the cat demanded, clearly disgusted with him. "You all look the same to me."

"Sakon's kind of hard to miss." The Postman responded, again pulling at the vines. "He's tall, thin, bald and has an extremely loud mouth. If he passed through here, you would've noticed.."

The cat seemed to wince.

The Postman immediately knew Sakon really had been there. "You've met him." He said decidedly.

"Yes, I know of whom you seek..." The cat answered hesitantly. "He is indeed… unusual..."

The Postman let out a breath of relief. "I've been looking everywhere for him!" he told the cat. "Please, where is he?"

"I'm not like you humans." the cat informed him. "I don't betray those who trust me. It is none of your business where he is. If he wanted you to know where he was, he would have told you."

"There was an accident." The Postman explained. "He thought I was killed a few days ago, and he left before I was healed. He doesn't know I'm alright, and I'm really worried about him. Please, just tell me where he is?"

The cat let out a snort. "Lies. You won't fool me with your trickery. I gave him permission to stay, and although he isn't one of us, I won't betray him."

The Postman decided to try a different approach. "Do you really want to spend eternity with him?" he questioned. "He probably can't die you know, and so he'll be with you until you die as well as your children and their children after them."

Once again the cat winced as it thought about that. "...alright." it relented. "I'll tell you but you have to promise to take him with you, and to never let him return."

The Postman nodded. "Deal."

The cat nodded, and then turned its gaze to one of the cottages. "He's in there. That's Christine's cottage, and he's been staying with her since he arrived. She's the only one who can somewhat tolerate him." he said as he turned to the monkey. "Untie the human, but keep a close eye on him. Make sure he takes the idiot and leaves. If he attacks the other human, kill him."

The monkey did as it was told and untied the vines, releasing The Postman without a word.

"Thank you." The Postman said, slowly sitting up and rubbing at his sore arms. As he stood to his feet, and turned to head towards the cottage, the cat spoke up once again.

"Be warned…he's gone a bit strange in the head…" the cat stated.

"No, he's just like that."

"If you're sure..." the cat responded uncertainly.

The Postman frowned at the warning, his worry returning tenfold. What had happened to Sakon in the time they were apart?

He crossed the village, and entered the cottage the cat had directed him to, unsure of what he would find. The cottage was filled with books of every kind, and as he glanced around, his eyes fell on Sakon. Sakon, who was completely stark-naked, was seated in front of a desk, pen in hand as he wrote inside some sort of work-book. A goat stood just behind him looking over his shoulder at what he was doing, and she seemed to be getting frustrated. The Postman stared in surprise at the pen, wondering how Sakon was touching it.

"That is not a capital 'G', that's a capital 'Q'!" the goat scolded. "How many times do I have to show this to you? Pay attention!"

"Cursive is stupid." Sakon mumbled. "No one even uses it anymore."

"Stop arguing, and correct your mistake!"

Sakon flashed her an annoyed look, and neither of them seemed to notice The Postman standing just behind them.

"Sakon?" The Postman questioned. "What are you doing?"

Sakon froze, but he didn't answer, and he didn't turn around.

"Sakon?"

"You've finally come to haunt me, haven't you..." Sakon accused, still not looking.

The Postman frowned at him. "What?" he asked, not sure he'd heard him correctly.

Sakon stared down at the book in front of him, continuing what he was doing without pause. The Postman approached and knelt down beside him. He watched Sakon's slow, and shaky handwriting for a moment, and then asked.

"What are you doing?"

"Working on fifth grade." Sakon responded, still not looking up. "The goat's a crappy teacher, she keeps calling me stupid."

The Postman immediately shot the goat an angry look. "Sakon's not stupid." he defended. "He just needs things explained a little differently."

The goat gave a shrug and said nothing.

"Sakon, look at me." The Postman ordered.

"No." Sakon answered, turning the page in his workbook. "How long are you going to haunt me for? Forever?"

The Postman gave him a frown. "Sakon…I'm not dead."

Sakon let out a snort. "Yeah, right. I saw you bleed out; you're dead. I killed you."

"You didn't see me bleed out, you ran away as soon as you stabbed me." The Postman pointed out. "I'm fine."

"I didn't 'run away'…I simply chose to leave at a fast pace." Sakon responded unconvincingly.

"I'm not dead." The Postman repeated. "Just look at me."

"Go away." Sakon ordered with a sigh. "I feel bad enough about this already without a constant ghostly reminder."

"Sakon, I'm not dead!" The Postman insisted.

"That's exactly what a ghost would say." Sakon retorted. "I'm not going to let this island mess with me any more. Now please go away and leave me alone."

"I'm not going anywhere!" The Postman said, feeling worried. "Just look at me! I'm not dead!"

Sakon crumpled up a page of the workbook, and tossed it over his shoulder at The Postman. It bounced off The Postman's forehead quite hard, and Sakon once again froze. Slowly, The Thief turned around, and his eyes widened as The Postman rubbed at his head where the paperball had hit.

"Oh...you're real." Sakon commented in surprise. "Huh... I wasn't expecting that."

Sakon stared at him for a long moment, and then his expression turned to one of pure fury. He whipped another paperball at The Postman's face as hard as he could, and was pleased when it hit him hard on the nose.

"Sakon!" The Postman protested, rubbing at his nose.

Sakon scowled at him and threw another. "You bastard!" he yelled. "I thought I killed you, and here you were faking the whole time!"

"Sakon, stop it!" The Postman ordered, raising his hands to block the careening paperballs.

"You made me think I murdered you, you ass!"

"I didn't fake anything! You ran off before you saw what happened!"

"I did not! I saw you 'die' you faker!"

The Postman dodged another projectile, and then said. "Zaira found me only seconds after you left, and she healed me! I didn't fake anything! We've been looking for you for a week now!"

Sakon threw one last paperball, and then paused. "Zaira saved you?"

The Postman nodded.

"Stop desecrating your workbook!" the goat scolded, snatching it away from him. "You've ripped out the entire section on cursive writing!"

Sakon stared at The Postman in silence, and realized what he said did make sense. It was certainly possible that Zaira happened upon them at just the right time, and he let out a breath of relief.

"You're really okay?"

"I'm fine." The Postman assured him.

Sakon's expression turned regretful. "I'd give you a hug, but I can't touch you...I'm sorry I almost killed you...it was an accident."

"I know." The Postman answered. "You really need to be less reckless, but I understand that it was an accident. I know you'd never purposely hurt me."

Sakon looked surprised that he'd been forgiven so easily, and stood up. "So what now?"

"Now, I'd appreciate it if you put on some clothes."

Sakon looked one way, and then the other, seeming a bit perplexed. "…I can't remember what I did with them…"

"How could you lose your clothes?" The Postman demanded impatiently. "This cottage is the size of a bedroom!"

Sakon gave a helpless shrug. "Dunno. I haven't really thought about clothes in a few dayss…I remember tossing them somewhere, but I don't know where…"

The Postman gave a resigned sigh. "Well, can you please look?" he asked. "Unless you're planning on spending the rest of the quest naked…"

Sakon gave him a smirk. "Doesn't bother me, darling, how about you?"

"Find your clothes."

Sakon simply shook his head with an over-dramatic sigh. "Even death hasn't made you any more fun; you're hopeless."

"I didn't die!"

"Whatever you say, darling." Sakon replied, giving a long and lazy stretch.

The Postman quickly averted his gaze away from the thief. Sakon gave a snicker at his reaction, seeming like his old self again, and began kicking aside piles of books and paper in search of his clothes. The clothes were spread from one side of the room to the other and when he was done, he was still missing his socks. Scratching his head in thought, he floated up to the rafters and found them there. Humming to himself as he got dressed, Sakon felt genuinely relieved and glad he hadn't hurt The Postman. The thought that they could still find a way home renewed his hopes and he felt eager to get going.

"There!" Sakon announced to The Postman, who was still staring very intently at the wall. "I'm ready!"

The Postman glanced over his shoulder and was relieved that Sakon was dressed. Looking Sakon up and down, he noticed something missing almost immediately.

"Where's the sword?"

Sakon visibly winced causing The Postman to frown at him suspiciously.

"Sakon?" he questioned.

Sakon scuffed at the floor with the toe of one of his boots, looking rather sheepish. "Umm…it clashed with my outfit so I got rid of it?"

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "Did you pawn it?"

"No, I didn't `pawn` it!" Sakon snapped back defensively.

"Then what happened to it?"

Sakon paused a moment before muttering something unintelligible. The Postman cocked his head, not quite able to hear him.

"What?"

"Ikickeditoffacliffintotheocean!" Sakon spouted out as fast as he could.

It took The Postman a moment to decipher that, but when he did, his eyes widened. "You did what?!"

Sakon had the good grace to look thoroughly contrite and embarrassed. "Um…well…I thought I killed you and it was covered in your blood, so I…uh…got rid of it."

"Can you go get it out of the ocean?"

"Er, I really doubt it..." Sakon stated. "That thing is loooong gone!"

The Postman gave Sakon a 'look'.

"Geez, sorry." Sakon grumbled. "Din forbid I ever have an emotion."

The Postman let out another sigh. Leave it to Sakon to throw away the only weapon the gods gave them. He couldn't bring himself to be angry however since Sakon had only done it while emotionally distressed.

"What are we supposed to do?" The Postman wondered out loud. "I know where the last dungeon is, but I imagine we'll need the sword…"

"Maybe the Blowfish will give us another one?"

The Postman considered it. "The Windfish doesn't really seem like an easy god to get along with…he seems to enjoy inconveniencing people."

"Well, what do we have to lose in trying?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "He's asleep; I doubt he'll answer us."

Sakon grinned. "Nothing can sleep when I'm around!" he bragged. "If I can wake you up, then I can wake anything up! You sleep like a rock."

So far The Postman's stay on the island had been anything but pleasant and he knew very well the gods were the ones to blame. He getting incredibly homesick and now he was willing to try anything to end this quest. He gave Sakon a nod. "Alright."

Sakon wasn't expecting him to agree so easily, and he hesitated. "…really?"

The Postman nodded again.

"I thought you were worried about godly wrath and all that?"

"At this point, I don't really care." The Postman answered honestly.

Sakon gave an eager clap of the hands. "Okay, then, let's go fight a Blowfish!"

"Sakon, we've been over this. I don't think we're supposed to fight him. We're supposed to save him."

"Whatever." Sakon responded, rolling his eyes. "You know this isn't going to be easy. I just know there's going to be an epic fight!"

"The Windfish is inside an egg, how can he possibly fight us?"

Sakon gave him an odd look. "An egg?" he repeated. "Wait a sec…how could you know that? You know where he is?"

The Postman nodded. "I found the egg while looking for you. He's at the top of one of the mountains."

"If he's just an egg, then how do you know it's him?"

"I just do." The Postman answered. "I've sensed where he was since the moment I arrived on this island. I only confirmed it while looking for you."

Sakon simply stared at him. "You mean we didn't have to go through all the dungeons?! We could have just skipped it all because you already knew where he was?!"

"Nothing is ever that easy." The Postman pointed out. "The gods obviously want us to play their game first before they'll consider helping us."

"Some game." Sakon scoffed, thinking of the dragon. "The Windfish is a dick."

"I don't think it will work, but there's no harm in trying to talk to him." The Postman stated thoughtfully. "If he wants us to continue on this quest nonsense, he'll have to provide you with some sort of weapon."

There was in fact a lot of harm that could be gained in trying, but The Postman tried not to think about that. Dealing with vengeful gods and goddesses weren't exactly on his priority list at the moment, but he knew they had no choice. Remembering the voice in his dream, he wondered if that was a goddess or whether it was something else entirely that was trying to interfere in the quest. Was it real, or just another trick of the island? Who was he supposed to trust when he didn't even know what was real anymore?

"Perhaps if we ask nicely, the Windfish will provide you with an even better weapon than the sword?"

Sakon frowned and shook his head. "Not me, darling. I've had more than enough blood for this adventure. It's your turn to get the magical weapon of doom."

The Postman simply stared at him. "What are you talking about?" he demanded. "You're not going to fight anymore?"

"I stabbed my best friend with a sword and watched him gush out blood into a fountain." Sakon replied. "I thought I killed you and I want nothing more to do with killing things. I've had enough."

"Sakon, I told you, I'm fine!" The Postman insisted.

"No." Sakon said stubbornly. "Everyone keeps saying you're the hero, so you wield the sword! I'm not killing anything else."

The Postman furrowed his brow at this predicament. "I don't kill." He stated. "You know this."

"Not my problem." Sakon answered, looking away. Sakon was silent for several moments, and he looked stressed as he rubbed at his eyes. "I really don't think I can do it."

The Postman gave The Thief a worried frown. Sakon wasn't acting at all like himself, and he realized Sakon had been more deeply affected by everything than he'd originally thought.

"Sakon, it's alright." he assured him in a gentle voice. "We'll deal with this later. I know it was an accident, and I'm not mad at you. Let's just get going, alright?"

"Okay, let's go." Sakon responded with a nod. "Let's go find the Blowfish."

"Hold it!" the goat interrupted in a stern tone of voice.

They turned to look at her, and she narrowed her eyes at Sakon. "And just where do you think you're going?!" she scolded. "You still have seven grades left to finish!"

"Look, Christine, I need to go now." Sakon said impatiently. "I don't care if I ever finish those stupid workbooks."

"Education is very important, you uneducated buffoon!" she snapped. "Sit down and finish your work!"

"Jihiro, let's go." Sakon said, rolling his eyes.

"It's very important that we leave, miss." The Postman told the goat kindly. "Sakon doesn't have time to study right now."

The goat narrowed her eyes. "What could be more important than education?"

"We have to save the Windfish so that we don't end up trapped here for all eternity." The Postman explained.

"Hmm." she said thoughtfully. "That's no excuse not to study! I'll send Sakon's workbooks with you so that he can study while on your mission."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that's going to happen."

The goat grabbed a stack of workbooks off the desk, and much to Sakon's annoyance, she shoved them inside The Postman's backpack. "Make sure he keeps studying." she ordered. "He's lazy and needs to work on his study habits."

The Postman nodded. "Yes, ma'am."

"Ugh, let's just go." Sakon complained. "I'm sick of this place."

The moment they left the cottage, they saw the entire village of animals were gathered waiting for them. When the animals saw Sakon following after The Postman, seemingly leaving, they looked visibly relieved. They parted to allow them passage and Sakon strode past them, oblivious to the glares he received. Several of the more fierce animals hissed or growled at him as he passed by, and The Postman gave them an uncertain look. The hostility wasn't directed at him but he still got the impression they wanted them both gone as soon as possible. What had Sakon done to make himself that hated?

When they finally left the animal village and were back out into the desert, The Postman relaxed and turned his attention to the mountains looming in the distance. Sakon was whistling jauntily as they walked along, seemingly happy and content for the moment. Sakon looked him up and down curiously for a few minutes, and then voiced an observation.

"You need a haircut; you're starting to look a bit shaggy."

The Postman self-consciously raised a hand to his hair, knowing it had grown quite a bit over the past few weeks. He was used to being obsessively neat over his appearance, and so this only emphasized his want to go home. Maybe after waking the Windfish, he could finally have a normal, quiet life?

Sakon's gaze settled on The Postman's Pegasus Boots and his eyes widened.

"What did you do to your boots?!" he demanded. "They're all mutilated!"

The Postman looked down where he'd sewn the Roc's feathers onto the back of each boot.

"I combined them." He explained. "It was inconvenient having to hold the Roc's feathers every time I needed to use them. Now I have my hands free."

"Those items were worth a fortune and you cut them all up and spliced them together?!" Sakon asked, clearly horrified. "The magic is going to be unstable, and they're probably worthless now!"

The Postman gave a shrug. "I wasn't planning on selling them."

Sakon frowned at him, obviously having a very strong opinion on the matter, but he resisted commenting further and let it drop. "Moron." He muttered, turning his eyes back to the mountains.

As they walked along, The Postman explained everything Sakon had missed during the last week and Sakon made it very clear he did not care that the pirates were missing. He still held a grudge over being beaten by Zaira, and knew he'd leave her behind in a heartbeat.

"We're going to find them, Sakon." The Postman said with finality. "I brought them into this mess, and so I have to get them out of it. It's not their fault they're here."

"Pirates are jerks." Sakon retorted.

"Well, then be glad that once we're off this island you'll never have to see them again."

Sakon rolled his eyes, and said nothing.

They only travelled for a few more minutes before they stopped at the sight of a Moblin army blocking the path ahead of them. Sakon cursed at the bad luck, but The Postman simply let out a sigh, looking resigned. He didn't stop walking towards them and Sakon tried to grab a hold of him to stop him. As usual, his hand went right through The Postman and he wasn't able to do a thing to stop him.

"What are you doing?" he demanded. "You don't have a weapon!"

"It's fine." The Postman told him, not looking very happy at the moment. "They won't hurt us, and you'll see why in a moment."

Sakon had learned to trust The Postman's judgment on most things, but was still wary as they approached the army. The moment the Moblins caught sight of The Postman, they immediately began singing their praises, loudly and very off-key. Sakon's eyes got very very wide and he looked completely flabbergasted

"By the goddesses!" he exclaimed. "What is that horrible noise they're making?! I think my ears are going to bleed!"

The Postman gave another sigh. "They're singing."

Sakon`s eyes widened further. "…why?"

The Postman hesitated. "Er…they're singing to me…"

If it was possible, Sakon's eyes got even wider. "What? Why? No they're not, you're lying!"

The Postman wished he was lying. "They think I'm here to release them from their oppression. The Great Moblin has apparently been telling them stories about me…"

There was a long, tense couple of minutes as they neared the army and Sakon seemed incapable of speech for once in his life. He simply stared at the Moblins with a somewhat awed expression, taking in every oddity. When they reached the army, it parted for them and the song came to an end.

"Praise the brave one!" the Moblins cheered as he passed. "Honour the hero of our clan! The brave one who will fight the invincible demon!"

The Postman glanced over at Sakon, but the Moblins acted as if they hadn't even noticed him.

The rest of the Moblins cheered at The Postman and they made no move to stop them, only shouting encouragements and praise. Sakon, surprisingly enough, kept his expression completely neutral and remained silent as they pressed through the army, and The Postman found that odd more than anything. Sakon never said one single word to The Postman about the unusual situation and he simply continued walking in silence. Once they were clear of the Moblins and they sound of their singing and cheering faded away, The Postman finally turned to question him.

"…Sakon?" he asked.

Sakon stopped walking and looked away from him. "…I just have one thing to say to you." He replied, his voice still eerily emotionless.

Sakon then spun around and burst into song, his cheeky grin making The Postman relax. "Praise my mighty heroOoooOo! He sang loudly. "The prrride of the zeroOoOoooos!"

The Postman simply shook his head as Sakon continued singing as loudly as he could. The thief's eyes were twinkling in mischief and he obviously had no intention of stopping anytime soon. As they continued on their way, Sakon serenaded him and The Postman pretended he didn't notice. Sakon never seemed to get out of breath and the lyrics got sillier and sillier as the time went on. The Postman found no matter how hard he tried, he couldn`t ignore it. As Sakon sang something about a stamp being the symbol of virginity, The Postman couldn't help but laugh in amusement. Sakon instantly cut off the song.

"Aha!" he cried out triumphantly. "I have succeeded! So you do have a sense of humour hidden in there somewhere!"

The Postman raised an eyebrow in question, but Sakon didn't seem to notice.

"So, what's with your new found religion?" Sakon asked. "Did you start some sort of cult while I was gone?"

"I didn't do anything!" The Postman insisted. "They did that all on their own! They think I'm a hero…"

"Well, according to everyone, you are supposed to be a hero." Sakon pointed out.

"But I'm not."

"There's no explaining these things to stupid people or in this case stupid Moblins. Just let them think you're Mr. Wonderful. They're not trying to hurt you, and so that's a bonus, right?"

"I liked them better when they were trying to kill me."

Sakon gave a shrug, and turned to face him. "May I ask you a serious question?"

The Postman was loathe to think of what it was, but waved for him to go ahead.

"How do I join the religion of The Postman?"

"You can't." The Postman responded. "It's by special invitation only. No thieves allowed, and you need to know the secret handshake."

Sakon snickered. "Fair enough."

"This is going to take too long." The Postman stated, changing the subject as he looked at the mountains in the far distance. "How fast can you follow me?"

Sakon shrugged. "Shouldn't be a problem if you want to run, I don't get tired."

The Postman nodded and gave a slight stretch, preparing himself to run. He took off at a jog and sped up as he ran along, going faster and faster, the Pegasus Boots making him feel as light as air. Sakon wasn't expecting him to go quite that fast but managed to keep up with him, pushing himself to his limits.

"Those boots are amazing!" Sakon shouted to him above the wind. "Even if you did butcher them! Too bad they're not real…"

The Postman didn't answer, all of his concentration on his running. The mountains came steadily closer and when they were at the base, The Postman leapt over the rocks blocking the mountain's staircase, skidding to a stop at the base. Sakon glanced down at the boots, the Roc's feathers still twitching from the jump.

"Okay, I'll admit it's pretty cool how you can use the speed with the Roc's feathers." He commented. "Pretty useful."

The Postman wasn't even out of breath yet, and turned his gaze to the staircase. "The egg's at the top."

Sakon glanced up the seemingly endless staircase leading up the side of the mountain. "…am I ever glad I don't have to walk up that…"

The Postman started up without a word and Sakon floated after him, quite smug over the fact The Postman had to take the stairs like a normal person. Well, a normal person who had magical boots that is. The Postman didn't run as fast as he could, trying to avoid tripping, and it took him quite a while to make it to the very top. The only thing on the top of the mountain was an enormous nest with the largest egg either had ever seen. The egg was pale blue in colour and had several colourful spots littering it. Sakon let out a low whistle at the size of it and floated over.

"Fancy having a really big omelet?" he asked The Postman with a grin.

"I think I'll pass, thank you."

Sakon floated all around the egg, looking at it from all angles then gave a thoughtful frown. "Why is the Blowfish inside an egg, anyway? I thought fish were born out of the rain?"

The Postman gave a blink. "What?" he asked in disbelief. "Born out of the rain? What are you talking about."

Sakon didn't notice the look. "Yeah, like most fish just come down with the rain, don't they? That's how they get in lakes and stuff?"

The Postman wasn't even sure how to touch that one. "Um…no. They come from eggs…"

Sakon crinkled his nose. "Huh. When I was a kid my uncle told me they come down from the rain when I asked him where baby fish came from…"

The Postman was amused, but didn't let it show. "Did it ever occur to you that maybe he didn't want to have 'the talk' with you and lied?"

Sakon hesitated as he thought that through. "Oh. That makes much more sense then. I suppose if I had've stayed in school, I would have learned that…"

"I would think you'd be the last person to need a lesson on sexual-education." The Postman responded. "Maybe you do need to keep studying..."

Sakon's cheeks were a bit red, and he quickly changed the subject. "Okay then, let's wake this thing up!"

The Postman approached the egg and knocked on it gently. "Mr. Windfish?" he called. "Sir?"

The egg stayed silent and still.

"Don't knock like a little girl." Sakon ordered. "Pound on the damn thing!"

The Postman knocked good and hard on the side of the egg and called out once more. "Sir, if you can hear us, we need to speak with you! Mr. Windfish?"

There was no answer.

Sakon let out a snort. "Here, let me show you how it's done!"

Sakon backed up as far as he could go, eying the egg like it was an enemy he was about to tackle.

"Sakon…what are doing?"

"I'm going to push it down the stairs!" Sakon announced. "Let him sleep through that!"

The Postman's eyes widened. "Don't you dare!" he protested just as Sakon threw himself at the egg.

Sakon flew at the egg full force, and then to both his and The Postman's surprise he went right through the shell and fell awkwardly inside the egg. The Postman stared at the smooth and quiet surface of the egg. There was no sign of the thief and he gave a hesitant knock to the shell.

"Sakon?"

There was no answer.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon floated in the darkness, feeling completely disconcerted. Quickly realizing what had happened, he reached towards the egg's shell but all he found was more darkness. Sakon glanced one way, aqnd then the other, confused about where he had ended up. Why was the inside of the egg so much bigger than the outside?

"Um...hello?" Sakon called out to the darkness. "Anyone there? HelloOoOoOoO!"

His voice echoed loudly but there was no reply. Reaching out ahead blindly, he found nothing, the entire area around him empty.

"HelloOoOoOoOoOoOo?!" Sakon called a second time. "Can anyone hear me? Jihiro?"

Far off in the distance, he heard a shift of movement. He turned towards the noise, still unable to see an inch in front of himself. "Jihiro?"

There was a distinct slithering sound of scales rubbing together as whatever it was approached him.

"Okay...definitely not Jihiro!" Sakon commented. "Hello? Who's there?"

The sound was getting closer and closer, and Sakon could tell whatever was approaching was absolutely enormous.

"Er...are you the Blowfish?" Sakon asked uncertainly. "I didn't mean to just barge in..."

"I am not The Windfish." replied a cool and collected voice.

"Oh." Sakon said with a frown. "Then who are you?"

The creature shifted closer. "I am Parasite."

Sakon let out a rude snort. "Parasite?! Your parents named you Parasite? They must have really loved you..."

Sakon felt smooth, cold scales brush past his arm and he visibly shivered, not expecting the contact. He heard some more shifting.

"I am Parasite in both name and body for I devour dreams. I live in this dream, The Windfish's masterpiece, and even he cannot stop me." Parasite informed him. "I do not understand why he puts so much faith in you little humans. Your power is nothing compared to mine."

Sakon was intrigued but unimpressed by the creature's claim. "Says the disembodied voice in the dark." he challenged. "If you think you're so 'almighty' then why do you hide in the dark like a cockroach?"

Parasite let out a low hiss. "You know not to whom you speak, human."

"I'm not afraid of the dark." Sakon replied easily with a shrug. "I'm a thief; I spend most of my life in the darkness. A disembodied voice isn't enough to scare me."

"You should be afraid.." Parasite told him, sweeping over him once more. "You never know what might be lurking in the dark, waiting for you...reaching for you...wanting your blood."

Sakon felt more scales touch his arm and he shied away. "I've told you." Sakon said impatiently. "I'm a thief, everything wants me dead. The amount of allies I have would probably fit on one hand if I counted them. What makes a cockroach think it can scare me?"

There was another angry hiss. "I am not a cockroach!"

"You sound like one." Sakon pointed out. "And you like to scuttle around in the dark. I think you're a cockroach that's just trying to be impressive."

Sakon was caught off guard when something thick and scaly hit him hard across the face.

"Ah!" Sakon cried out in surprise, instinctively clapping a hand to his face.

"You are beginning to annoy me, thief." Parasite informed him. "That is not a wise decision on your part."

Sakon rubbed at his cheek. "Cheat." he accused. "Attacking me when I can't see you!"

"It would make no difference whether you could see me or not." Parasite said calmly. "Either way I'm going to consume you."

"I'll be the judge of that." Sakon muttered. "You're just a coward that attacks in the dark!"

"This notion that you have of being able to fight me is pointless." Parasite said. "You are minuscule compared to the power I hold."

Sakon wasn't sure why, but he felt pretty confident that the creature in front of him was secretly something pathetic. If he could get some sort of light, he was sure the creature's allusion of power would shatter. "You're only saying that!" Sakon yelled. "You never would have dared show your face outside of this egg!"

"In that, you're mistaken." Parasite told him. "I've been watching you humans since you first arrived on the island. You are no threat to me."

"You've been watching me?!" Sakon demanded, instantly thinking of everything questionable he'd done since his arrival. "That is really creepy. It's nothing personal, but I don't think you're my type...well, you're probably not my type...what do you look like?"

Sakon was promptly smacked in the face again.

"Ow!" Sakon whined, rubbing at his abused cheek. "Quit doing that, you sneak!"

"Quiet, human!" Parasite warned, its voice taking on an edge. "You will show me respect! I am the destroyer of gods, and I will eventually consume everything, and rule this world! You are just a pathetic annoyance."

"Greater things than you have tried to shut me up." Sakon said. "And I thought the Blowfish ruled this world? Where is he?"

"The Windfish sleeps." Parasite replied. "And while he has been sleeping, I've been slowly burrowing into this world. I've been consuming it for a long time and now not even he can stop me. I'm too deeply imbedded in both his mind and his dreams. To remove me now would kill him and this dreamworld."

Sakon began to feel a bit uneasy. There was something in this creature's tone that sounded genuine and completely confident. If Parasite was telling the truth, then it was a lot more powerful than he'd originally thought. "...what are you?"

"I am Parasite."

"Show me." Sakon ordered. "If you're so powerful then stop hiding in the shadows!"

"Seeing me will only make your death much worse."

Sakon crossed his arms. "Show me."

"I did not have to trap you like I did with the two women. You fell right into my nest. What a foolish human."

"You have the pirates?!"

"I do."

"Where are they, you cockroach?!"

He was struck across the forehead, and Sakon staggered back, reaching up to rub at his sore face.

"You are going to die here, so I suppose I can tell you." Parasite said thoughtfully. "The human women will be used to lure the last member of your group to the water dungeon where I'll be waiting for him. Once you are all dead, I will be unstoppable. The gods are fools if they think a simple human can ever defeat me!"

"You leave Jihiro alone!" Sakon yelled. "He's not a fighter!"

"Mmmmm, your fear is exhilarating." Parasite crooned. "Killing you will bring me much satisfaction."

"That's not fear you're sensing, it's my powerful libido." Sakon lied. "Now stop being such a coward and show yourself!"

There was a hissing laugh. "You're a fool. Your Post-friend should have left you to rot."

"Yeah, yeah, I've heard that one before." Sakon told him. "Believe me when I say there isn't a single insult I haven't already been called. Now show me!"

"You are also a liar." Parasite commented. "You're terrified; I can feel your entire body trembling."

"That's just anticipation." Sakon lied. "I'm excited."

Sakon felt Parasite push past him once more and he was almost bowled over from the force.

"You will make a fine meal; rarely do I get to taste real flesh. Hundreds of heroes and monsters have been devoured in my lifetime and soon, you too will become part of me."

"Naw," Sakon said dismissively. "You don't want to eat me, I'd probably give you mouth herpes or something. You have no idea where I've been."

Ignoring him, Parasite brushed past him once more, this time more aggressively. "Are you certain you want to see me before your death?"

"Uh...yeah?"

"Very well, I've been known to give last requests if the mood strikes me."

"Wait a sec...last request? Can I request that you don't eat me?"

"No."

"Oh, well, fine then. I guess I choose for you to show yourself."

Sakon still held a small hope that Parasite was simply a weakling hiding in the dark, but he had a sinking feeling that Parasite was exactly what he claimed.

"I will do as you ask, but you'll regret it."

Thousands of tiny green specks began appearing all around him like fireflies and Sakon watched with interest. A dull green light emitted from the specks and were quickly growing in intensity. Sakon squinted, trying to make out his surroundings but he couldn't see much in the dull light.

"I still can't see!" Sakon complained. "What kind of lousy last request is this?"

There was a shift of movement and more and more of the glowing lights began appearing. The tiny dots moved all around him like a circuit and began joining together, creating a long, string-like bead of light. The strings of green light surrounded him like a net and as the light got brighter and brighter, everything began coming into focus.

Sakon caught a glimpse of pale, white scales surrounding the glowing stream and he suddenly realized the light was coming from something alive. The beads of light were not coming from fireflies, it was radiating from a very, very long, glowing worm. A worm so enormous that it was all he could see in every direction as it coiled and squirmed around him. Sakon stared at it in complete revulsion.

"Ech!" he cried. "You're a giant tapeworm! Gross!"

Now that it was visible, Parasite's hiss seemed all the louder. "I am not a tapeworm!"

Sakon stared at the transparent, scaley skin and shuddered as he realized he could see its innards.

"Ew." Sakon commented. "I had a tapeworm once when I was a kid, but you're a hell of a lot more disgusting!"

"I'm not a tapeworm!"

Sakon continued as if he hadn't heard. "...wait a sec...you...you're not that same tapeworm are you? Are you looking for revenge because I tried to kill you all those years ago?"

Parasite let out an infuriated hiss. "I AM NOT A TAPEWORM!"

"You look like one to me."

"Enough of your insolence!" Parasite snarled. "I've let you live far too long! I will now devour you!"

Sakon's eyes trailed over the worm looking for its head, but the coils seemed to be never ending. Everywhere he looked, there were coils surrounding him, and so he flew up into the air, looking for an escape. Parasite sped up its movements in response, the glowing now so bright it hurt to look at it. Sakon dodged a coil that reached for him and flew higher and higher.

"Ugh, don't touch me!" Sakon protested. "You're slimy and gross!"

"Silence." Parasite ordered, lashing out at him again.

Sakon dodged and glanced all around, looking for a way out. He couldn't even see the shell of the egg, and had no idea where to go. Through the squirming coils, he spotted a glimpse of something. In the far distance he could see what looked like an entire stone city, every window lit, seemingly beckoning to him. In a split second decision, he took off as fast as he could away from the worm. He didn't even have to look behind him to know the worm was following, hearing its movements all around him.

The closer he got to the city, the better he could make out its details and saw it was completely in ruin, barely more than a giant pile of rubble. Certain that it was a good place to hide, he headed for it.

Flying as fast as he could, he wove in and around sections of crumbling building, not even questioning why an abandoned city was still lit. Parasite was in hot pursuit and several times Sakon felt it grab at one of his legs. Sakon didn't slow in the least, simply kicking at it violently and zigzagging through the crumbling streets.

He made the mistake of glancing back and saw Parasite's head was just behind him, mouth stretched impossibly wide, ready to swallow him whole. Hundreds of long, jagged teeth went all the way down its throat, looking like a pit of razors. It wasn't the worm's mouth that held his attention however, it was its face.

Parasite wore a gleaming metal mask that covered the entire top half of its face, the only part visible the large gaping mouth. Sakon let out a long string of curses directed at his uncle, suspecting the other man knew very well what he'd have to face. Scowl, firmly in place, Sakon managed to speed up even faster, and tried to think of a way out of being eaten alive.

Ducking behind a chunk of wall, he watched as Parasite shot past him, unable to stop in time. Taking the opportunity to run the opposite direction along the shattered streets, he heard Parasite's furious snarl from behind him. Sakon dove inside the nearest house and hid himself in a corner, still furiously cursing his uncle. He had no way to defend himself and didn't especially want to be slowly digested by a worm. He couldn't think of a single way out of the situation.

"Why does everything always try to eat me?" he muttered to himself.

Everything around him was silent and still and Sakon didn't move a muscle, simply listening to his own pounding heartbeat. He hoped if he stayed hidden long enough Parasite would eventually tire of looking for him, but he seriously doubted that would happen.

He sat huddled for several long moments, trying his best to stay as quiet as possible. He could hear Parasite slithering up and down the streets looking for him, and he shuddered.

"I can smell your fear." Came Parasite's voice from just outside the house. "You cannot hide from me."

Parasite sounded incredibly close and Sakon's eyes widened. He pressed himself even tighter into the corner of the room, desperately hoping Parasite was bluffing. That hope was shattered however when the snarling face of Parasite came through the door, almost too big to fit. Sakon only hesitated a moment before jumping out the open window and running as fast as he could. Parasite smashed through the wall in pursuit and dove at Sakon, jaws poised for the kill. Sakon let out a yelp of surprise and jumped to the side just in time, the teeth barely missing his back.

Sakon hit the ground at a roll and looked up from his awkward position, ready to move again if necessary. He caught a glimpse of a brilliant, burning light deep within the worm's coils, barely able to be seen it was held so tightly. Parasite obviously didn't want whatever it was to get away because most of the worm's massive body surrounded it, trying to smother it out. Sakon only had a moment to stare at the strange light before he had to dodge aside another oncoming attack.

Sakon ran along the broken road and darted through house after house, trying to lose his attacker. Parasite simply smashed its way through the buildings keeping on Sakon's heal the entire time. Sakon was used to being chased by things that wanted him dead and knew all of the tricks. He zigzagged all over the place wildly and with that he was able to put a bit of distance between them.

He gave another glance up at the strange light and had the sudden epiphany that it was probably the Windfish. Gods and Goddesses tended to like the whole ball of light appearance and the more Sakon stared, the more he realized it was pulsing as if breathing. It blinked with a sort of live energy, much like a fairy's glow, and Parasite seemed to be trying o snuff it out completely. Sakon wondered if The Windfish was even aware of what was going on.

"Hey Blo-er, Windfish!" Sakon yelled to the light as he jumped into the air. "Wake up!"

There was a furious yell from Parasite when it saw Sakon was heading straight for The Windfish, and so it lashed out at him with both its teeth and body at the same time. Sakon dropped sharply to the side to avoid him.

"WAKE UP, YOU LAZY DOLT!" Sakon screamed. "A TAPEWORM IS EATING YOU!"

The light gave a bright pulse just as Parasite lashed out at Sakon a second time. Sakon tried to dodge it but was grabbed and quickly encircled by Parasite's body. Sakon gave a yell of fright and immediately began kicking and struggling to get free.

"Ewww!" Sakon protested. "Stop touching me, you're slimy and nasty!"

Parasite gave a murderous hiss and squeezed him all the tighter. "For your disrespect and insolence I will bite off your limbs one by one and squeeze you until you're dead! The Windfish's humans will all die an agonizing death."

Sakon turned his eyes back to the light. "A little help would be nice, you dumb Blowfish!" Sakon yelled. "Come on, you're a god! Squash this stupid tapeworm!"

Parasite squeezed him so tightly, Sakon felt something crack and gave a scream of pain, certain he was going to be crushed. Sakon couldn't see the worm's face but he could see glowing red eyes glaring at him with pure hatred through the mask. The mask seemed to be emitting a dark power and Sakon couldn't look away.

"Help, help, help, help!" Sakon croaked out, struggling to breathe. "Please! Windfish! Wake up!"

The light just above him became even brighter and something made of gleaming metal fell loose from the coils. Sakon quickly saw it was the enchanted sword, and watched as it plummeted to ground far below. There was a clang as it struck stone, and Sakon stared down at it helplessly.

"A…lot…of…fat…good…that…does…me!" Sakon wheezed out angrily, certain he was starting to turn blue.

Parasite chuckled at the sight of the sword. "Foolish Windfish." It stated. "It is too bad you were not on the ground to catch such a weapon…you might have stood a chance then."

Sakon grimaced at the pain in his chest but managed to say. "Uh…don't suppose you'd consider passing it up?"

"No." Parasite responded, obviously enjoying Sakon's pain.

Sakon let loose a string of expletives and struggled uselessly. Parasite stretched open its jaws wide, its mouth dripping in anticipation and began bringing Sakon closer, intending to chew off one of his legs.

Suddenly there was a tremendous cracking sound, and everything around them began shaking violently. Parasite paused to look around in alarm and it got worse and worse, sending the worm crashing to the ground. Parasite was hurled one way then another, having no control where he fell.

"What is this?!" Parasite yelled out in agitation. "Who is attacking me?!"

"It's an earthquake!" Sakon exclaimed, getting dizzy and bruised from being thrown around with Parasite.

Sakon fell from Parasite's coils and as there was another incredible boom, he was flung violently to one side. There was a deafening crack and then the world exploded around him in a shower of shell and a collage of colour. Sakon landed hard and was too dizzy and disconcerted to make sense of what had just happened. Blinking against the bright light, Sakon looked around and saw he was sitting in the remains of an eggshell. He glanced up at the sky feeling confused about how he had gotten out, and The Postman leaned into his gaze. The Postman looked incredibly worried and knelt down beside him.

"Sakon?" he questioned. "Are you okay?"

Sakon slowly got to his feet and glanced down at the empty egg shell. There was no sign of Parasite, The Windfish or anything else for that matter. The egg seemed completely empty at first glance but Sakon saw a bit of metal shining, nearly completely buried underneath shell. Sakon reached down and plucked it out of the rubble then poked at the shell, looking for signs of Parasite. He found nothing.

Glancing around himself, he saw he was now at the very bottom of the mountain staircase and immediately realized what had happened. He gave The Postman an ecstatic grin.

"You pushed the egg down the stairs!" he cried out with a laugh. "I knew you had it in you!"

The Postman seemed a bit embarrassed. "You didn't come back out and I was worried..."

Sakon gave the eggshell a hard kick, sending pieces flying in all directions. "Good job, darling." he said, stomping on the remaining shell. "You saved me!"

The Postman watched Sakon stomp for a moment, his expression uncertain, and then he asked. "Where's the Windfish? Did you meet him?"

"Yeah...we may have a few problems." Sakon began. "The Windfish may or may not be dead..."

The Postman's eyes widened. "What?!" he demanded in shock. "Sakon, what did you do?!"

"I didn't do nothing!" Sakon defended. "How come you're always blaming me for things?"

"Because you're usually responsible." The Postman responded, crossing his arms. "What happened? Where's the Windfish?"

Sakon scratched at his back with the tip of the sword as he considered his response. "There was a big, horrible tapeworm." he decided a moment later.

"...what?"

"It was huge!" Sakon exclaimed, flailing his arms. "It almost ate me alive!"

The Postman blinked, sure he had to have misheard. "...what?"

"You should have seen it!" Sakon cried. "It was enormous and soooo gross! It was so long, it practically filled the whole egg...although I think I may have been shrunk or teleported into another dimension...I'm not sure."

"Um..." The Postman stated. "...you had a tapeworm?"

Sakon let out an irritated sigh. "Don't be stupid, darling, haven't you been listening?"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Apparently not because I have no idea what you're talking about."

Sakon gave him an exasperated look. "It was a giant, evil tapeworm that infected the Windfish's dreams and tried to eat me. It's planning on taking over the world!"

The Postman didn't seem impressed and crossed his arms. "Are you drunk?"

"No, I'm not drunk, you stupid twit! I think the tapeworm is the final boss of this world! I think we're supposed to stop it and save the Windfish!"

The Postman was having a really hard time believing what Sakon was saying and stared at the broken eggshell thoughtfully. The Windfish's presence no longer came from the egg but rather felt like it was all around them both in the air and in the ground. He couldn't pinpoint the location no matter how hard he tried.

"If this is true, then what do we do?" The Postman asked.

Sakon faltered as that thought had never even occurred to him. Where should they start? Where would you even find a giant tapeworm bent on world destruction? "Uh...I don't know." he admitted. "Any ideas?"

"Well, I'm not sure about evil tapeworms, but I know where the last dungeon is." The Postman stated. "We should start there."

The last dungeon seemed like a logical place to start, and so Sakon gave a nod and a stiff salute. "Alright, the girls are being held there, so I suppose we should rescue them."

"Samirah and Zaira are in the last dungeon?!"

Sakon nodded. "The Tapeworm kidnapped them, and was going to use them to bait you."

The Postman still wasn't sure he believed Sakon about the tapeworm, but he nodded all the same.

"I need to stop at Mabe village to have a few words with my uncle before we go." Sakon said, his eyes narrowing.

The Postman cocked his head. "Why?"

Sakon waved him off dismissively. "Never you mind." he stated. "Now lead the way, brave postman! To the village!"


	74. The Mermaid and the Last Dungeon

**Authornote** **: Friday Dec. 1st 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Woohoo! This chapter is on-time!**

 **I seriously hate this chapter. I wasn't going to post it at all, but it would have taken me a week to re-write it, and so I decided to just post it. If enough people point out its crappiness, then I'll redo it. This chapter just doesn't seem to flow very well, and it's bugging me. lol I combined two chapters into one, and so next week is the last chapter of Part 4! Woot! Woot!**

 **The Final chapter might be a little late because I have a lot of work to do on it.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **TheFinalSpark** \- Sakon has actually saved his own life many times before doing this exact same thing. He has a talent that he uses well. lol

Sakon would disagree with you about his education. lol He still has 7 grades left, and he hasn't even reached the hard ones yet. The Postman, however, would be inclined to agree with you. ;)

The Postman is definitely becoming more resigned to his fate now, and so nothing really phases him anymore. lol That WAS the first time he laughed in the story so far, and Sakon is incredibly pleased that it was at one of his jokes.

Thanks for the review, and I hope you enjoy the rest as well! :D

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 **Remvis** \- No one ever suspects the tapeworm...

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 **Rainmy** \- It's a good thing you don't mind long chapters because this is another really long one! :D Those poor animals were in no way prepared for Sakon's special brand of annoying. Although Sakon never hurt any of them, his personality was unbearable to them. lol

When I was digging in my flowerbeds in June, I found a HUGE transparent maggot-worm thing the size of my thumb in the dirt. I was absolutely horrified when I then discovered dozens upon dozens of them. I was getting ready to torch my whole garden, but then my mother told me they were June-bug larvae. The local birds had a great time eating them. I now wear gloves when gardening.

 **.**

 **Melle2001** \- True, almost everything is annoyed by Sakon. The Postman seems to be the only creature who can tolerate him for long periods of time. It still remains a mystery as to how Sakon manages to get girlfriends...

I do recommend Link's Awakening if you ever come across it real cheap in stores. It was my very first Zelda game, and so I might be a little biased. lol

I'm glad you liked the chapter because it is my absolute favourite chapter out of the whole series. It was incredibly fun to write. :D

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 **Reiz16** \- That was my all-time favourite chapter in the entire series. :D I'm glad you liked it too!

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 **Guest** \- It's not actually a tapeworm, but Sakon doesn't care. It looks like one in his opinion and therefore it IS one. Parasite is messing with the wrong person if he wants any sort of dignity as a final boss. lol

lol That quote was from Brother Bear, wasn't it? It does seem like something Sakon would do to bug The Postman though. ;p

 **.**

 **setokayba2n** \- Sakon is very used to dealing with The Happy Mask Salesman. He might dislike him, and be afraid of him, but he still knows he has to deal with him. lol If Sakon was immune to Parasite's attacks, his company would quickly become tiresome. Parasite would probably give up just to get rid of him after a while. lol

 **.**

 **Jigbashmop** \- Sakon's one true talent in life is being able to annoy absolutely anybody. lol He really does value his friendship with The Postman, but since he's not very good at getting along with others, he tends to make a lot of mistakes. There's a reason why Sakon doesn't have any other friends. lol

We're going to start getting a lot of mysteries revealed in the next few chapters. :D Unfortunately I can't say too much more than that because of spoilers.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 26

The Mermaid and the Last Dungeon

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As The Postman and Sakon travelled back towards Mabe village, Sakon kept muttering to himself about The Happy Mask Salesman. The longer they walked, the more and more worked up Sakon got, and after a few minutes, The Thief was seething mad.

The Postman could tell Sakon was really upset about something, but The Thief refused to tell him what was wrong. The Postman wasn't sure he believed him about the evil tapeworm, but clearly something had happened inside the egg. What did The Happy Mask Salesman have to do with this?

Sakon fell into a silent rage as they crossed the desert, his expression set in a deep scowl, and The Postman wasn't quite sure what to think. Sakon stomped with every step, his expression furious, and hands clenched tightly into fists. Deciding to see if he could distract him so that perhaps Sakon would calm down a bit, The Postman tried to start a conversation.

"Were you in the animal village the entire time I was looking for you?"

Sakon nodded, but didn't answer, his expression still troubled.

"What did you do for the last week?"

Sakon gave a shrug causing The Postman to frown at him.

"Well, you must have done something." The Postman stated. "You couldn't have just sat there for a week..."

"Wanna bet?" Sakon challenged grumpily. "What were you doing? Letting everyone else do your quest for you as usual?"

"I was healing from the stab-wound." The Postman replied with a slight edge to his voice.

Sakon hesitated, realizing he'd shouldn't have said that. "..oh, right, sorry. That was mean."

"I'd appreciate it if you stopped trying to bully me." The Postman replied, still looking annoyed. "It's getting old. I'm only on this quest to save you, you know."

"Sorry, force of habit." Sakon answered. "Won't happen again."

The Postman was skeptical but nodded all the same. Sakon was acting very different from when he'd first found him, and he hoped Sakon wasn't hiding anything too important from him.

They neared Marin's house and as they approached, the door was suddenly flung open, startling them.

"You're back!" Marin cried out, flinging herself at The Postman. "I was so worried!"

Sakon stared slack-jawed as she gave The Postman a kiss on the cheek, and for once The Thief seemed speechless. What he found even more surprising was the fact The Postman simply looked resigned, and didn't comment on it.

"Hello Marin." The Postman greeted. "I just need to leave my backpack here for a while. I'll be right back, okay?"

Without commenting further, he entered the cottage to put the backpack inside. Marin and Sakon immediately turned to face each other.

"Don't kiss, Jihiro, you skank. He's not interested in you." Sakon ordered, his eyes narrowed. "He's just too nice to tell you to beat it. Stay away from him!"

"Shows what you know, you pervert." Marin shot back. "He's my boyfriend."

Sakon snorted skeptically. "Yeah right, you liar. We both know he's not interested in you. Stop trying to force yourself on him! It's pathetic and sad."

"He is my boyfriend!" Marin insisted angrily. "He's been living with me for a week now!"

"No, he hasn't!"

"Yes, he has, pervert!"

"Jihiro is not interested in you!"

"Oh, yeah?" Marin shot back. "He's been sleeping in my bed alllll week!"

Sakon was about to respond not so politely, but the door opened and The Postman returned. He gave the both of them a questioning look, and Sakon motioned towards the item shop.

"Come on, let's get going. The air stinks like liars over here. I have a family member I need to murder."

"Oh, are you leaving so soon?" Marin asked The Postman with a frown. "You just got here!"

"We need to finish our quest." The Postman explained, distractedly. "We only have one dungeon left."

"Be safe, my brave hero!" Marin said, once again throwing herself at him.

The Postman squirmed away before she could kiss him again, and Sakon shot her a death-glare. Marin stuck out her tongue at him, and then went back into her cottage. Sakon scowled at the closed door, and then turned away.

The Postman studied him for a moment wondering what had Sakon in such a foul mood. It was clearly something very important, but The Thief was being tight-lipped about it. "Sakon, what's going on? What aren't you telling me?"

"So, where did you stay while looking for me? Did you live in the forest like a squirrel?" Sakon asked quickly, averting his eyes.

The Postman knew very well that Sakon was avoiding the question, and didn't appreciate the conversation change.

"I was staying with Marin." The Postman replied.

Sakon stopped dead in his tracks. "Wait...what? You really were staying with Marin?!"

The Postman gave him a curious look. "Yes, why?" he questioned.

"You were living with Marin?!" Sakon cried incredulously.

"Yes, why?" The Postman repeated.

Sakon paused. "I thought you didn't want anything to do with your 'love-interest'?"

"Where else was I supposed to go? I didn't exactly have a lot of options." The Postman replied. "Marin offered to let me stay with her, and so I agreed."

Sakon's brow crinkled as he gave The Postman an unreadable look, and then he averted his gaze. "Whatever." he snapped. "Not like it's any of my business who you spend the night with."

Sakon kicked over Marin's mailbox without another word, and then stomped off towards the item shop. The Postman was feeling incredibly confused and he stared after The Thief in bewilderment having no idea what had just happened. The Postman stopped to fix the mailbox, and then hurried after him.

Sakon was heading straight for the item shop, his scowl getting more prominent by the second. The Postman followed along behind him, deciding to just let Sakon do whatever he needed to do to calm down. It was clear that Sakon didn't want to talk about it at the moment, and The Thief was pointedly looked away from him.

Sakon stopped on the fringes of the shop's property and clenched his fists, obviously debating on what to do. He glared at the shop for a moment, and then glanced around, his eyes settling on a fist-sized rock near his feet. He knelt down and picked it up, his gaze going back to the shop. Turning the stone in his hands, he was obviously contemplating something, his face a mask of concentration.

The Postman stared at him, surprised he was even able to pick it up, and didn't realize what Sakon was about to do until it was too late.

"Sakon, what are you-"

Sakon drew back his arm and whipped the stone as hard as he could at the shop. It smashed through a window in a shower of glass and Sakon gave a satisfied smirk. He immediately knelt down and grabbed another stone, and then another, sending them all flying towards the shop's windows. When every bit of glass had been shattered, he threw the stones at random, knocking several shingles off the roof. Just as he reeled his arm back to throw a large stone, the shop door opened.

Sakon paused at the sight of The Happy Mask Salesman, and then narrowed his eyes. The Happy Mask Salesman didn't seem particularly angry with the destruction and simply crossed his arms, and raised an eyebrow, giving Sakon an questioning look.

"Are you just about done?" he asked, his tone deceptively light.

Before Sakon even thought about it, he threw the stone as hard as he could at his uncle's head. Luckily for him, his aim was off and instead it struck The Happy Mask Salesman hard in the shoulder making him stumble back. As soon as he'd done it, Sakon froze and stared at his uncle with wide eyes as the other man fell back against the door to the shop. The Happy Mask Salesman caught himself before he fell, and then levelled Sakon with such a look, The Thief instantly lost all fight.

The Postman was completely stunned that he'd done such a thing. "Sakon!" he scolded. "What is the matter with you?! You could have killed him!"

Sakon didn't answer, his eyes trained solely on his uncle. He slowly took a step back, his face going incredibly pale, and gave a nervous gulp.

"I…uh…um." Sakon trailed off weakly, having nothing to say.

Without another word, Sakon fled. The Postman stared after him until he'd disappeared around Marin's house, and then turned his gaze on The Happy Mask Salesman.

"Are you alright, Sir?" he asked, taking a step closer. "I don't know what came over him!"

Ever so slowly, The Happy Mask Salesman's gaze turned to The Postman. His eyes seemed to be glinting red in the sunlight, but The Postman knew that couldn't be right. Surely it was just a trick of the light? The Happy Mask Salesman said nothing; seemingly studying the other man and it began to make The Postman rather uncomfortable.

"Sir?" The Postman questioned when the silence dragged on. "Are you hurt?"

"I am fine." The Happy Mask Salesman replied shortly, schooling his expression back into a more neutral expression.

The Postman got a bad feeling about that look and eyed him uncertainly. "I'll make Sakon apologize." He promised. "No matter how angry he was, he shouldn't have thrown a rock at you…"

The Happy Mask Salesman said nothing.

"Right…well I should probably catch up with him before he gets too far ahead…" The Postman said, turning away.

"Postman."

The Postman paused and glanced over his shoulder.

"Tell Sakon that I want to have a few words with him. Immediately."

The Postman didn't trust the other man one bit, but nodded all the same. Without waiting for an answer, The Postman hurried off in the direction he'd seen Sakon disappear to.

He found Sakon waiting for him, just behind Marin's house looking white as a sheet and incredibly nervous.

"Um, is he mad?" he asked.

"You hit him with a rock."

Sakon winced, obviously regretting his rash actions. "Well, he deserved it!" he defended.

The Postman was skeptical. "Why did he deserve it?" he asked. "What aren't you telling me?"

Sakon averted his eyes. "It has nothing to do with you; just forget it."

"Why do I get the feeling you've agreed to do something really, really stupid?"

"You're one to talk." Sakon pointed out. "You made a deal with him too. One that turned an old man into an owl."

The Postman couldn't deny this. "I didn't try to hide it from you."

Sakon didn't answer.

"Something happened inside that egg, didn't it? Something to do with your uncle?"

Sakon still didn't answer, only confirming his suspicions.

"That's what I thought. Are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"No, everything's fine, now drop it."

"You hit your uncle with a rock." The Postman reminded. "How is that fine?"

Sakon let out a heavy sigh and kicked at Marin's flower garden distractedly. "How mad did he seem? Murderous mad or did he seem calm?"

The Postman considered his answer thoughtfully. "Calm." He finally replied.

"…damn."

"I think you'd better just go apologize and get it over with."

"No way! I'm not going anywhere near him for at least six months! Maybe by then, he'll have forgotten…"

"He said he wants to speak with you...right now."

"…double-damn."

Sakon peered around the edge of the cottage and could see that The Happy Mask Salesman was indeed waiting for him.

"You hit him with a rock, Sakon. Just go apologize. Didn't you want to talk to him anyway?"

"Ugh, fine, wait here. I'll be right back."

Letting out an over-dramatic sigh, Sakon slowly shuffled back to the item shop, looking like he was going to his death. The Postman watched as The Happy Mask Salesman calmly spoke with Sakon for a few minutes, but he couldn't hear what was said. Sakon responded loudly and angrily, but he still couldn't make out what was being said. The Happy Mask Salesman responded to Sakon's anger calmly, and The Thief seemed to tense up, going silent. Whatever The Happy Mask Salesman was saying, clearly was winning the argument. When Sakon returned about five minutes later, he was looking rather subdued, and turned to glare back at the item shop.

"Is everything alright?" The Postman asked in concern.

"Everything's peachy." Sakon muttered, still glaring at the shop.

"Are you going to tell me what you two discussed?"

"No."

The Postman let out a sigh.

"I think we should get a few healing items if we're entering another dungeon." The Postman suggested. "I have a feeling we're going to need them."

"I'm not going back there." Sakon informed him, firmly. "Why don't you ask for some healing items from your scabby new lover?"

The Postman blinked. "Who? What?"

"Stupid Marin, that's who!" Sakon snapped. "She's your cheap slut after all, isn't she?"

The Postman had never thought he'd ever hear Sakon call someone else a slut, and wasn't sure how to respond to that. "Sakon..."

"I can't believe you've been staying with her! She's not even a real person, or that pretty! I bet she's been with all the heroes who come by, and you've caught some sort of dream disease from her!"

The Postman raised an eyebrow. Sakon had seemed very interested in Marin previously, but now it seemed like she was scum to him. "Sakon, I never-"

"In fact, why aren't you rescuing the island with her as your partner if you love her so much?" Sakon demanded, stomping on Marin's flower garden hard.

"...Sakon, are you jealous of Marin?!"

Sakon let out a snort and kicked at a few more flowers. "No!"

"Sakon, you're being ridiculous." The Postman said with a sigh. "I'm not dating Marin. She's not even alive, she's just part of the Windfish's dream."

Sakon paused, obviously about to say something else nasty. "Wait...you're not?"

The Postman shook his head. "She's also too young for me. I just stayed there in the spare bed while I recovered from the stab-wound. I'm not interested in her no matter how much she tries to convince me otherwise."

Sakon's entire demeanor instantly changed, and he seemed a bit embarrassed. "She's too female for you, you mean." he said with a grin.

The Postman ignored that last comment, and then said. "If you won't go to the Item Shop, then we should go to the Curiosity Shop…er Trading Post…or Trendy Shop or whatever it's called."

Sakon gave a nod. "Yeah, The Curiosity Shop Owner's definitely skeevy enough to carry stolen healing items. He probably has a few black market weapons too…"

The Postman wasn't interested in buying questionable weapons, but nodded all the same, heading towards the Trendy Shop. Sakon floated ahead, still keeping a wary eye on the item shop, and stopped at the Trendy Shop's door squinting at a piece of paper taped to the door.

"Trendy Shop Closed." He read aloud. "Owner on stress-leave. Be back in one week."

The Postman looked over his shoulder at the note. "We'll have to look elsewhere for items." He said.

"Lazy jerk." Sakon grumbled. "Stress-leave my ass. He's probably in there sleeping."

"Well, you did try to kill him when we first arrived here."

"Whatever." Sakon said, walking through the shop door. He came back out a few moments later. "He's really gone."

"We should get going." The Postman said, giving one more glance to the note. "We might not even need the items…"

Sakon doubted that, but gave a nod anyway. "Okay, let's get this dungeon over with. I'm sick of this place. Now where did you say the last dungeon was?"

"The dungeon is in the bay on the far side of the island. I found it when I was looking for you."

"Then it looks like we're taking a swim!" Sakon exclaimed, giving him a grin. "Lead the way!"

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They stood on the rocky beach and stared out across the bay. An odd rock formation was far out in the water that was shaped strangely like a shark. Its stone jaws were open and they could clearly see a cave's entrance within.

"Well, that looks inviting." Sakon stated with a snort.

The cave's entrance was several feet under water and both knew The Postman wouldn't be able to enter without drowning. The cave seemed black and endless and unlike Sakon, The Postman had to breathe now and then. Sakon scratched his head in thought.

"Well, unless you can hold your breath for a few hours, I think you're out of luck."

The Postman stared at the shark-shaped rocks with a frown. He felt pretty certain he wouldn't have been directed to the dungeon unless there was a way for him to enter it.

"Let's go take a look at it." The Postman suggested, stepping into the water. "There might be another entrance that we can't see from here."

"Don't drown." Sakon warned him, glancing around the area suspiciously. "I won't be able to pull you out."

The Postman waded into the cold water until he was up to his chest and then paused; getting the feeling he was being watched. He glanced around but the water was silent and still, the two of them seemingly alone. The Postman couldn't shake the feeling however and frowned.

"Coming?" Sakon called, already halfway to the rocks.

The Postman nodded and swam out to him, pushing his unease aside for the moment. The Postman had never been a great swimmer, but he felt pretty confident in his ability to keep himself from drowning. Sakon watched him a moment then gave him a grin.

"You swim exactly like how I imagine a special-needs Zora would." Sakon teased with a laugh. "When we get back home, take some swimming lessons."

The Postman pointedly ignored him. When they reached the rocks, The Postman pulled himself up out of the water and began looking it all over. There were no other entrances he could find on the surface and Sakon scoured the area under water. After several minutes of fruitless searching, both had to admit there was only one way into the dungeon.

The Postman took a seat on the top of the rocks and stared down into the water. "Maybe there's air inside the dungeon?"

Sakon looked skeptical. "Maybe, but the passageway looks like it goes on and on and I doubt you could hold your breath long enough to even get inside. Hopefully the girls are in an air pocket, or we won't have much to rescue."

The Postman paused as he thought about it. "Your uncle seemed to already know we were on our way to the next dungeon, perhaps we could ask him about it?"

Sakon's eyes widened. "No way! I am not going back there!"

"Then what do you suggest?"

"Let's just go back to shore and figure something out. We don't have to resort to begging help from my uncle."

The Postman nodded and slid off the rock into the water. He only swam for a few seconds before there was a loud shriek from ahead and a loud cry of delight from Sakon.

"A naked woman!" Sakon bellowed out.

The Postman looked ahead and saw a woman with her hands clamped tightly over her chest, her chin barely above the water. Sakon was circling her like a vulture and she yelled at him to leave her alone and stop staring. Wondering if she was what he'd sensed watching them, The Postman cautiously approached.

At the sight of him, the woman let out another shriek and sank even lower into the water. The Postman stopped a few feet away and averted his eyes away from her.

"Are you alright, miss?" he asked.

"Don't look at me!" she yelled at him.

"I won't." The Postman promised. "Sakon, stop being a pervert, and look away."

"Awww," Sakon complained. "But how often does something like this happen? Give a guy a break!"

"You're scaring her, stop it." The Postman ordered.

Sakon let out a deep sigh and turned his back to the girl. "Spoilsport."

"Miss, are you alright?" The Postman asked. "Do you need any help?"

There was a hesitation, and then she replied. "You don't want to look at me?"

"No, miss."

"He's gayer than spring so you don't have to worry about him." Sakon stated helpfully.

The Postman gave him a look of death. The girl, however, relaxed and swam a bit closer to The Postman, obviously trying to get away from Sakon.

"A terrible, horrible, perverted man stole my bikini top!" She told The Postman.

The Postman gave Sakon a 'look'.

"It wasn't me!" Sakon protested. "I resent that!"

"What happened?" The Postman asked her.

"I was minding my own business, swimming around the bay when a sleazy fisherman came by on a boat. He caught my bikini on his fishing line and now he won't give it back! He says I can have it if I give him a kiss! I'd rather die!"

"What did this fisherman look like?" The Postman asked her.

"He was a middle-aged balding human, who had a greasy looking mustache and wore dark sunglasses. He's really creepy."

The Postman and Sakon exchanged looks, knowing exactly who it was.

"Will you get it back for me?" the girl asked hopefully.

"Where did he go?" The Postman asked.

The girl pointed at a bridge off in the distance connecting two small islands. "He's been underneath that bridge all day fishing."

The Postman squinted in that direction and could just make out the shape of a rowboat.

"If you'll do this for me, I'll give you one of my scales." The girl promised.

The Postman glanced at her. "Scales?" he asked in confusion.

The girl gave a tittering laugh and lifted her tail out of the water, showing him that she was a mermaid. "Yes, scales." she told him with a smile. "I've been watching you flounder about in the water and you can use all the help you can get. I almost thought I'd have to go save you!"

"What does a mermaid scale do?" Sakon asked. "Is it valuable?"

"It lets you breathe underwater and improves your swimming." she informed him. "A mermaid doesn't give scales to just anyone, you know."

The Postman knew he was likely supposed to get the scale as there seemed to be no other way into the dungeon.

"Will you get it for me?" the mermaid pleaded, doing her best to look completely dejected.

The Postman gave a nod. "We'll do our best, miss."

She gave him a genuine smile, and then dove beneath the water, disappearing from sight. Sakon stared down at the still water longingly for a moment, and then asked.

"Do we have mermaids back home?"

"For their sake, I hope not." The Postman replied with a sigh.

Sakon turned his attention to the rowboat in the distance, and gave a downright devious grin. "Wanna see if I can flip his boat over?"

"How can you do that? You can't touch anything!"

"I can." Sakon responded. "The goat taught me to touch different things during my 'schooling'. I get better the more I practice, and I can easily make waves. I want to see if I can flip it!"

"Don't drown him." The Postman instructed.

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah."

"I mean it." The Postman stated.

"I'm not going to kill him." Sakon assured him. "I'm done with killing things; I'm just going to mess with him a bit."

"You're going to have to use that sword eventually." The Postman pointed out.

Pretending he didn't hear, Sakon started across the water towards the bridge. "Be right back." He said, diving underwater.

Tredding water, The Postman watched the rowboat, waiting for Sakon to make his move. Everything was quiet and still for a very long time and The Postman began to wonder if something was wrong. He was caught off guard when there was a huge blast of water that erupted from underneath the boat sending both it and the man within flying about ten feet in the air. The Curiosity Shop Owner let out a scream as he hit the water, disappearing beneath the surface, his limbs flailing out wildly.

A moment later, Sakon pulled him to the surface by his shirt, letting him cling to the side of the rowboat. Sakon hovered over him, arms crossed, but The Postman couldn't hear what he was saying. Whatever it was, it caused The Curiosity Shop Owner to give a quick nod and reach into his vest pocket to pull out the bikini top. He all but threw it at Sakon who caught it, The Thief giving him a smirk. Sakon said something else which caused The Curiosity Shop Owner to noticeably flinch, and then The Thief was heading back towards The Postman.

Once he was back to The Postman, he gave a grin, obviously quite proud of himself.

"How did you do that with the boat?" The Postman questioned.

Oh, I didn't." Sakon replied. "I couldn't budge it at all, and so I asked a river Zora to do it for me. Those guys can really pack a punch when they want to!"

The Postman glanced back towards the rowboat and sure enough, a river Zora had surfaced to tease The Curiosity Shop Owner. Sakon grinned a little wider.

"So, where's the busty fish lady?" he asked, twirling the bikini top around his index finger.

The moment he said that, the mermaid peeked out of the water, eyeing him distrustfully. Her eyes fell on the bikini top and she instantly reached for it with a happy cry. "Give it to me!" she pled. "Please give it to me!"

Sakon gave her an amused look and held it out of her reach. "What'll you give me in return?" he demanded.

The mermaid balked. "What? I promised you one of my scales!"

Sakon shook his head. "No, you promised him one of your scales. I have no use for one."

The mermaid gave him an infuriated look. "Give it back now!" she ordered.

"Give me a kiss and I will!"

The mermaid's expression darkened. "You're no better than the creep who stole it in the first place!"

"Well, no need to be insulting." Sakon said, still giving her a lecherous grin. "I was only joking."

The Postman let out a sigh. "Sakon, just give it back. Stop being a bully."

Sakon gave an overdramatic sigh and rolled his eyes. "You're such a stick-in-the-mud." He commented, tossing the mermaid her bikini top.

The mermaid caught it, and gave The Postman a grateful smile. The moment it was fastened and she was fully covered, she gave The Postman a kiss on the cheek, and then held out a scale.

"Thank you."

"Why does he get a kiss?! I was the one who got your stupid top back!"

The mermaid stuck her tongue out at him. "Because he isn't a jerk." She responded.

"Unfair." Sakon complained, crossing his arms. "It figures that the lame one gets all the girls."

The Postman accepted the small green scale, ignoring Sakon completely. The mermaid gave him one last smile before she dove underwater and disappeared out of sight. The Postman glanced up at Sakon, and then over at the underwater dungeon.

"How does the scale work?" he pondered out loud.

"Do I look like a mermaid to you?" Sakon asked. "If you weren't so busy hitting on fish people, then maybe you would have thought to ask her."

The Postman didn't point out the fact that Sakon hit on pretty much anything that moved, and instead turned the scale over in his hand.

"Do I just hold it?" The Postman asked uncertainly.

"I will repeat that I have no idea." Sakon stated. "Try diving underwater and see?"

The Postman didn't like the idea of purposely breathing underwater to test it out and hesitated. Sakon simply shook his head.

"Wimp."

The Postman ran a finger over the scale and was quite surprised when it seemed to fuse with the palm of his hand. He started to pick at it to get it off, and then stopped when he realized he couldn't breathe. His lungs didn't seem to want to cooperate, feeling as if they were blocked off by something. Despite not being able to breathe, The Postman felt fine and hesitantly looked at the scale. It shone silver against his skin, smooth and seemingly a part of him. Feeling along his neck and then his chest, The Postman discovered he now had multiple gills. He hadn't felt them form and wasn't sure he completely trusted them.

"What's the matter?" Sakon asked, seeing his expression.

The Postman tried to speak but found he couldn't without lungs. He stared at the thief helplessly.

"What?" Sakon demanded. "What's the matter with you?"

The Postman tried again but had no air to speak with. Instead, he pointed to his throat, hoping Sakon would get the message. Sakon squinted at him, trying to find anything amiss.

"You can't speak?"

The Postman shook his head.

"Is it the scale?"

The Postman nodded, holding up his palm to show him.

"Huh." Was Sakon's only comment. "So, are you okay underwater now?"

The Postman let himself sink under the water to test it out and the gills did their job and he was alright. Sakon plunged into the water after him, and then gave him a grin.

"Well, it looks like we can do the dungeon now!" he announced. "Come on, let's go!"

The Postman marvelled at how Sakon could speak under water but wasn't able to ask about it. He felt completely natural under the water like it was where he belonged and wondered if that was a side effect of the scale. Easily swimming after the thief towards the rock formation, they swam into the entrance to the dungeon.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman instantly hated the dungeon the moment they entered it. The cave-like entrance was dark, narrow and in some places he could barely squeeze through. He was feeling claustrophobic but couldn't voice his unease. Sakon wasn't bothered in the least and chattered to him incessantly, leading him through the tunnel.

The underwater cave was cold and the rocks slimy and The Postman hoped there wasn't something horrible waiting for them at the other end. He knew better than to hope the dungeon would be easy and that they'd just find the next instrument laying unguarded, but he prayed it would at least be a little easier.

The tunnel seemed to go on forever and The Postman had managed to scrape both his knees and elbows off the rough walls, the salt water stinging the cuts. Finally they could see light at the end of the tunnel and The Postman felt relieved. The light wasn't sunlight however, and it glowed a pale eery blue and Sakon drew his sword.

"Stay here." Sakon ordered. "I'll check it out. Be back in a minute."

Without another word, Sakon swam off ahead, while The Postman hung back, squinting in the strange light. Sakon wasn't gone long and when he returned, he was holding a large glowing piece of coral. The pale blue light completely illuminated the water around him and Sakon gave a grin, his teeth shining a startling white against the light. He held the coral out and waved The Postman over, clearly excited.

The Postman approached but didn't accept the piece of coral Sakon tried to shove into his hands.

"It's covered in some sort of weird glowing slime!" Sakon exclaimed. "The whole inside of the dungeon is covered in it!"

The Postman stared at the piece of coral and didn't trust it at all. It was unnatural and in his experience that always meant something bad. Sakon poked at the coral and his finger came away covered in the glowing slime. Grinning even wider, he proceeded to smear it all over himself until his whole body glowed. He gave a childish giggle and glanced up at The Postman, while giving a dramatic pose.

"Aren't I just 'radiant', darling?"

The Postman rolled his eyes. Sometimes he really wondered about Sakon...

No longer needing it, Sakon tossed the piece of coral aside, the slime on his body lighting up the tunnel around them. Whistling to himself, Sakon continued on his way and The Postman quickly followed after him. At this point they had been in the tunnel for several minutes and The Postman was glad he hadn't attempted to enter the dungeon without the mermaid's scale. He definitely would have drowned.

They swam for a few minutes, the only sound Sakon's never-ending commentary, until they came to a large room covered in the coral. Looking high above, The Postman could see the surface of the water and headed for it, hoping to find dry land. He only got halfway to the surface before he felt a sudden stabbing pain in his leg and instinctively kicked out. The pain only increased and he looked down to see a Skull Fish latched tightly onto his left leg. Using his other foot, he kicked it off, a cloud of blood quickly surrounding him. Instantly dozens of Skull Fish were around him, nipping and gnawing at his legs and The Postman began to panic, trying desperately to reach the surface to get away from them.

While living with the Gerudo, he'd seen Ganondorf throw several creatures to hungry Skull Fish and knew exactly how fast they could strip off flesh. Kicking furiously to get to the surface, he didn't even see Sakon slashing at the fish, trying to keep them at bay. He broke the water's surface and grabbed onto the slick rocks, yanking himself out of the water without even waiting to make sure the coast was clear. He booted off the one determined Skull Fish still attached to him and glanced down into the water, gasping in an attempt to breathe. His lungs still weren't working and he pulled at the Mermaid Scale trying to dislodge it from his palm.

Just when he thought he was about to suffocate, the scale came loose and his lungs filled with air. Sucking in air greedily, he glanced over as Sakon burst out of the water, sword still drawn. Sakon looked relieved at the sight of him and sheathed the sword, floating over to get a look at the damage.

The Postman looked down at his legs and although there was a lot of blood, the wounds didn't seem very deep and he knew he was lucky. His pants had dozens of holes gnawed through the legs, and he knew the thick fabric had probably saved him from worse wounds.

"I didn't see the fish..." Sakon said apologetically. "...sorry."

The Postman wiped away some of the blood. "I'm fine." he assured him, getting to his feet. "It looks worse than it is."

Sakon kicked at the water. "Stupid Skull Fish." he grumbled. "I have a bad history with them."

"Ganondorf?" The Postman guessed.

Sakon nodded. "Ganondorf taught me to swim by throwing me into a pond filled with Skull Fish. He thought me not being able to swim was a weakness, and so he claimed he was 'helping' me. Asshole."

"Well...I guess it worked though, right? You can swim now."

Sakon gave him a dirty look. "Don't defend him. I nearly lost an important part of myself that day. I had to get stitches in several unmentionable places."

For the first time, The Postman looked around to see where they were, and saw he was sitting right outside a doorway leading deeper into the Dungeon. The doorway was nothing more than a hole in the wall with a crudely cut wooden door and The Postman slowly approached, feeling wary. The door didn't look like anything that spectacular, and so The Postman reached out towards the handle.

"Careful." Sakon warned.

The Postman pushed open the door and was met with the sight of an empty stone room. The room was quiet, covered in a layer of dust and seemed to be completely innocent. The Postman had been through enough to instantly distrust it and hesitated in the doorway, looking for anything out of place. Sakon floated into the room fearlessly, holding up a hand signalling that he'd take care of it. He inspected every corner of the room, and then looked back at him with a shrug.

"Dunno, looks safe to me."

The Postman stepped into the room and the door instantly slammed and locked after him. At the sound of the click, The Postman froze, knowing something was about to happen.

"What was that?!" Sakon demanded, turning to face him. "Did you touch something?"

The Postman didn't answer, his eyes focussed on a thin slot in the wall which was slowly opening. Hearing the grating sound as it opened, Sakon turned to stare. Slots began opening all over the room and both slowly backed away into a corner.

Without any warning, arrows shot out of the slots in all directions and The Postman barely managed to drop to the floor in time to avoid them. Sakon was a little slower on the uptake and dozens of arrows sailed harmlessly through his chest hitting the wall behind him. As a second wave of arrows passed through him, Sakon let out a snort.

"Oops, it's probably a good thing these things can't hurt me..."

The Postman was laying as flat as he could on the ground, hands covering his head and he didn't look up. "Find the switch!" he cried.

Sakon looked one way, and then the other. "And how do you propose I do that? I don't see it."

"There has to be something! Look again!" The Postman ordered, trying to make himself even smaller.

"Bossy, bossy, bossy." Sakon commented, inspecting the slots the arrows came from.

The stream of arrows seemed endless and piles were quickly growing on the floor all around them. The Postman didn't dare move, being in the only safe spot in the entire room and watched as Sakon looked the room over thoroughly. After a few moments, the piles of arrows became high enough on all sides so that The Postman could sit up without fear of being shot. Sakon wasn't having much luck and the piles of arrows were getting so high, The Thief had to brush several aside to continue his search.

"This is ridiculous!" Sakon commented. "What a waste of arrows! This has to be some sort of joke!"

The Postman didn't answer as Sakon continued grumbling to himself, his attention on something else altogether. Something felt off in the room and he gave an uncertain look around. The sound of the arrows continuously hitting the wall was almost deafening but he could still hear something beyond it, something hauntingly familiar. He listened intently, tuning everything else out and the soft whisper of a song met his ears. It was as soft as a breath but yet it pulled at him like a siren's song. It was the same gentle song he'd been hearing since the storm on the pirate ship and he glanced over at Sakon. The Thief didn't seem to hear anything out of the ordinary and was still muttering to himself as he searched.

The Postman stared across the room in the direction he was certain the music was drifting from and slowly got to his feet. An arrow whizzed by his ear and he flinched back but he couldn't take his eyes off the far wall.

"Sakon?"

"Hmm?" the thief questioned, glancing over. His eyes widened. "What are you doing?! Get down, you moron!"

The Postman pointed. "Check that wall."

Sakon squinted at the bare wall. "There's nothing there, darling, I think you need glasses."

The Postman couldn't explain it but he was certain the music was coming the wall. Using all of the agility and speed he possessed, he crossed the room and slapped a hand to the spot the music came from loudest. A switch that was blended in with the wall perfectly, pressed in and the arrows instantly ceased and the door slid open revealing the next room.

Sakon stared at The Postman, and then the switch, and then back again. "You're so weird." he commented with a frown. "Your freaky mail powers can do some pretty stupid things." He then floated out of the room without another word.

The Postman gazed at the switch, the music now coming from the open doorway. "...but it wasn't my powers..." he said to no one in particular.

The first thing The Postman noticed upon stepping through the doorway was that everything was awash in motion. An enormous waterfall was pouring down around them, the roar deafening and room was filled with a cold mist. They couldn't see where the waterfall ended, the water disappearing into the darkness far below. A large waterwheel was affixed to the center of the room, platforms spinning and turning about wildly. The music clearly came from the waterfall's very top where he could just barely make out the sight of a platform and an open doorway.

The Postman stared a long moment, and then let out a sigh. Not even muttering so much as a complaint, he approached the platform's edge and peered down into the darkness.

The waterwheel was halfway across the room and he knew without his Pegasus Boots and Roc's Feather he never would have stood a chance at jumping so far. He backed up, judging the distance as Sakon stared at the waterfall in wonder.

"Do you suppose that waterfall is really water?"

The Postman paused and looked back at the waterfall. That thought hadn't occurred to him and if it was really acid or some other harmful liquid, it would make everything much harder. The Postman suddenly wished he had of brought his shield with him. He continued backing up, now preparing himself for a possibility of agonizing pain.

"Um, darling, shouldn't you-"

The Postman took a deep breath, ran several steps and then leapt towards the waterwheel with all his might. His fingers barely caught one of the slick platforms, his hands slipping against the wet metal. He struggled to pull himself up as the wheel spun, bringing him closer and closer to the waterfall. Digging his nails into the grooves where the platform was screwed together, he found a grip and pulled himself up, just as he was plunged into the waterfall.

Sakon let out a yell much too late and watched as The Postman disappeared from sight, unable to do anything to help.

Sakon let out a breath of relief when a moment later, the wheel left the waterfall and The Postman was still clinging to the platform. Soaked and half-drowned, The Postman coughed and struggled to his feet, not wanting to go through the waterfall a second time. Glad that it really was water and not something horrible, The Postman wiped at his eyes and prepared himself to jump. Partially deaf from both the roar of the waterfall and from having water in his ears, The Postman noted that the music was as clear as day. It was as if the music was coming from within his mind.

Sakon never seemed to notice the music and The Postman began to suspect that it was the Windfish trying to help him. Or perhaps it was the woman from his dreams? Whoever it was, was clearly meddling, wanting to make sure he got through whatever traps and dangers within the dungeon. He hoped that's what it was anyway, and not that he was simply losing his mind.

The waterwheel reached its highest point and The Postman jumped for the open doorway, hitting the floor with a splat and rolling several feet before coming to a stop. The door slammed shut as soon as he hit the floor and he let out a groan, knowing that meant there was a trap. Sakon floated through the door and knelt next to him worriedly.

"You still alive?"

"Sort of." The Postman answered, brushing his wet hair out of his eyes.

"Good enough for me." Sakon responded, drawing his sword. "So what's next?"

The Postman sat up and was once again met with the sight of an empty room. Not trusting it, he very slowly got to his feet, not wanting to activate anything. He looked one way, and then the other cautiously, and then took a hesitant step forward. Instantly, the entire floor collapsed and he plummeted headlong down into the darkness.

Sakon let out a gasp and dove towards the gaping hole but was shocked when he bounced off of it like there was some sort of magic blocking the way. He kicked and pounded at it with all his might, but all he succeeded in doing was bruising his hand.

"Jihiro!" he yelled down into the darkness. "Jihiro!"

There was no reply.

Furrowing his brow, Sakon looked up as a door slid open. He had a feeling that The Postman was alive and knew he had to find him before something else did. Luck always seemed to work against them so he clenched the sword and stepped into the next room.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman expected to be gashed and torn against rocks or spikes as he fell, but surprisingly enough, he landed in water. He broke the surface choking and sputtering but was otherwise fine, and he glanced around in confusion. He couldn't see much in the dim light and he tredded water slowly, trying not to make too much noise or movement. Looking up, he couldn't even see where he'd fallen from.

He felt something brush against his legs and he looked down, hoping the water wasn't full of Skullfish. He couldn't see into the water and carefully swam a few feet away. He was nudged a second time, this time harder and then without warning, he was yanked beneath the water.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon felt very glad for being nearly indestructible. If he was capable of being harmed by ordinary weapons, the room he found himself in would have terrified him. In fact, he probably would have been hysterical at this point, but since he was relatively safe, he stood in the center of the room, feeling amused. A ceiling of spikes was slowly descending towards him, and he couldn't help but roll his eyes. He doubted The Postman would have found the room as amusing and was glad he wasn't there. Trying to stop a deathtrap with a time limit would have been irritating. The Postman probably would have ended up hurt as usual.

Although he was tempted to stand there to see what would happen, he knew he had to keep going and passed through the door to the next room. When the room was engulfed in flames and the floor began excreting acid, he began whistling the march of the Dekus, running on to the next room without pause.

The next room was filled with various monsters and Sakon let out a yell of glee and drew his sword. He charged for the nearest monster and raised his sword for the kill, eager for the fight. He paused, sword inches from the Wolfos' neck and frowned. He raised the sword and tried again but just couldn't bring himself to do it. He'd had enough blood for this adventure and he was sick of staining his hands in it.

He gave the Wolfos a poke with the sword, causing it to yelp, and then he turned away. "You're lucky this time." He muttered. "I could've made a pooch-kabob out of you."

Every monster in the room instantly lunged at him, but their attacks fell through him and they ended up attacking each other instead. Blood and pieces of fur flew in all directions and Sakon averted his eyes.

"You can't hurt me, you stupid furballs!"

Sakon wasn't entirely certain the Wolfos or any of the monsters for that matter understood him, and so he continued on through the room without another word, ignoring the sounds behind him. Navigating a dungeon when one was nearly invincible quickly became very dull and after the tenth straight room of death and despair, he let out a sigh. He supposed someone had put a lot of work into those traps, but they lost their 'wow' factor when he could just walk right through anything thrown at him.

"I swear Jihiro must have been a princess in a previous life. He has to be rescued more times than I can count." Sakon mumbled as he passed through yet another room full of arrows, acid and spikes. He was quite startled when someone spoke to him just as he was about to leave the room.

"Who's Jihiro?" asked the unexpected voice.

Sakon paused mid-step and glanced all around the seemingly empty room. "Huh?" he responded intelligently.

"You lost a Jihiro." The voice said patiently. "Who or what is a Jihiro?"

"Depends on who wants to know." Sakon responded testily. "Where are you?"

"Look down." The voice told him.

Sakon glanced down and saw a tiny snail about the size of his pinky nail sitting in front of him. He wasn't certain how a snail could sit, but he was sure that's what it was doing.

"You're a snail?" he asked skeptically.

"What's wrong with being a snail?" it asked, sounding a bit hurt.

"Hmm, nothing I suppose, except that you're kind of gross and no one likes you."

"That's a rather cruel thing to say." The snail pointed out. "What makes you so much better than me?"

"Well, for starters, I can do this!" Sakon answered, raising his foot into the air.

He held the foot above the snail about to step on it, but the snail didn't seem afraid, only indignant.

"Don't!" it ordered.

Sakon wasn't actually planning to step on it anyway but he still held his foot over it threateningly. "Why?" he demanded.

"I was going to offer to help you find whatever a Jihiro is, but you are a bully. I don't like bullies."

Sakon knelt down and plucked the snail from the floor, holding it up so he could see it more clearly. "What do you know?" he asked. "You're just a snail, and a very tiny snail at that."

"I have big aspirations." the snail replied. "You can't judge someone by the way they look."

Sakon let out a snort but had seen weirder things lately, and so he set the snail on his palm. "I'm looking for my friend; we were separated when he fell through a hole in the floor."

The snail adjusted one of its eyes to look up at him, and then said. "He's with Mynora." It responded.

"Who?"

"She is the monster of this dungeon, she has your friend."

"You're a snail, how do you know this?"

"When you're small and very slow, you tend to watch and listen a lot."

Sakon pondered on that for a moment. "Alright, fine." he conceded. "Where do I find the monster?"

"She's in the water deep beneath the dungeon." the snail told him. "Keep going down if you wish to find her."

Sakon had already tried going through the floor several times to no avail and so far hadn't seen any staircases or passages that might lead him beneath the dungeon.

"How do I get there?" he demanded.

"Beat the dungeon and you'll see." the snail replied.

Sakon didn't trust that answer and gave the snail a frown. "Fine, but you're coming with me." he said, setting the snail on top of his shoulder. "You'd better hope it isn't a trap."

He took a single step towards the door and the snail let out a shriek. "Slow down! You're going way too fast! You're going to kill us!"

Sakon paused as the snail giggled. "I'm just kidding, you can keep going."

Sakon gave the snail a smirk, and then opened the door to the next room.

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The Postman choked as he was yanked underwater and he quickly slapped the Mermaid's Scale onto his palm. Instantly feeling better, The Postman struggled against whatever had a hold of him as he was pulled deeper and deeper beneath the surface.

The Postman couldn't see at all but he had a feeling he was about to be eaten by something. When he finally came to a stop, the water pressure was hurting his ears and could sense something moving nearby.

"Why do the Goddesses hold such interest in you?" a voice asked. "You don't look like much."

The Postman couldn't answer since he no longer had use of his lungs and instead gave a shrug, wondering how he could be seen at all in such darkness.

"Hmm," the voice said. "You don't even know the extent to which they're manipulating you, do you?"

The Postman cocked his head.

"I didn't think so." the voice replied smoothly. "You know nothing about who you are and what the Goddesses have planned for you."

The Postman continued listening, unable to deny he was interested in what was being said.

"Poor little Jihiro," the voice mocked him. "You never stood a chance at being anything else but the monster they're molding you to be."

The Postman's confusion must have shown because the voice gave a chuckle. "Do you not see it? Everything that has happened to you has been for a reason. You cannot alter your destiny. The Goddesses will have their monster."

The Postman couldn't think of anything terrible that he'd done to deserve the title of 'monster' and gave a frown of disbelief. The voice had to be lying to him.

"You don't believe me."

The Postman shook his head. He wasn't a bad person and he doubted anything could make him such.

"All of these adventures you've been going on have been carefully shaping you and preparing you to take your first kill. You will kill and the blood on your hands will change you forever."

Again The Postman shook his head. He would never hurt anyone; it just wasn't in his nature. He knew it was all a lie. Even if the Goddesses were manipulating him, what was the purpose of it?

"I see you will need more convincing." the voice said. "Allow me to show you."

He felt a light touch on his forehead and instantly his mind exploded with images and sounds.

 _The Postman was standing in a village he didn't recognize. He seemed to be much stronger physically and he was covered in scars and cuts obviously obtained in battle. There was blood soaking the ground, the grass stained and dripping. The houses around him were burning, the smoke so thick he could barely see. He was clenching a sword in his hand, the blade sticky with blood and his gaze fixed on the carnage in front of him. The Postman felt everything this version of himself did and it was like he really was there and in control. He felt an immense satisfaction at what he saw and stepped around a pile of debris, making his way through the village._

 _The Postman saw himself cut down any survivor he found, their screams echoing in his ears perfectly. He felt nothing but an aching emptiness as he sliced and stabbed, his eyes only focussed ahead, never looking back. His adrenaline seemed endless and he could smell and taste the blood and death that surrounded him._

 _He took a deep breath and turned his eyes to the sky, the very heavens burning red with the call of war. There was the constant rumble of thunder like the beat of a drum and it urged him on. Holding his sword to the sky, The Postman let out animalistic yell and continued on through the village, crazed and determined. Nothing could stop him and he knew it. Everything was going to burn. He would get his revenge. They would all pay for what they'd done..._

Just as suddenly as it had happened, the vision was gone and The Postman was once again surrounded by darkness. He felt both stunned at what he'd just seen and in disbelief. He furiously shook his head, trying to convey that he wasn't like that at all, that there was some mistake but the voice simply laughed.

"They will turn you into the perfect warrior to use in their war." it said. "You will lose all humanity over time until you're nothing more than the walking shell you saw in that vision. There's nothing you can do to alter this, it has already begun."

The Postman continued shaking his head, completely disagreeing with everything the voice said.

"You still think I am lying?" the voice asked in amusement.

The Postman gave a confident nod.

"You cannot deny that your life has been getting more and more hectic this past year. Eventually you will have no choice but to take your first kill. Although I really don't know why the Goddesses have chosen you, I know that you will become exactly what they want you to. Everyone has their part in this, even I will play my part."

Again The Postman shook his head. It was all lies. He knew the vision couldn't have been real. He would never hurt an innocent person. In fact he couldn't picture himself hurting a villain either.

"You don't have to believe my words." the voice said. "Look to your family's past for the answers. You aren't who you think you are."

Before anything else could be said, everything lit up as bright as day. The coral around him had lit up and now The Postman looked up to see who it was that held him. He froze in surprise, his eyes widening in alarm. It was an enormous white worm.

"Get off of him, you stupid tapeworm!"

The Postman turned just in time to see Sakon and the pirates jump into the water from a staircase, all three drawing their swords. Zaira stabbed her sword deeply into a coil, and Parasite let out a furious howl. The Postman simply stared as the pirates stabbed the worm over and over until they'd successfully cut off a segment of the body and Parasite let out a hiss, and retreated. He retracted the rest of his body down into the water out of sight, disappearing down into a deep, underground hole. Although he hadn't done anything, Sakon waved his sword threateningly and struck a heroic pose.

"There! That's what you get for messing with my friends! You better run, you slimy tapeworm!"

The Postman wanted to point out that a worm couldn't run, but instead gave his rescuers a grateful look.

"Stop getting yourself into trouble!" Sakon scolded, crossing his arms. "I won't always be here to rescue you, you know! I had to go through like 30 rooms to find you! I even had to rescue these two damsels in distress!"

The Postman rolled his eyes.

"Come down here and say that, thief." Zaira retorted, holding up her sword.

"Are you alright?" The Postman asked in concern after he'd removed the Mermaid's Scale.

"Other than getting kidnapped by a disgusting worm, we're doing great!" Samirah answered, flashing him a grin. "It would be nice to get out of here though..."

The Postman glanced around, looking for the chest, and his eyes fell on something underneath the water, Laying at the bottom of the pool of water was what used to be a giant fish, but it had holes gnawed all through it, its flesh barely holding together. Sakon crinkled his nose at it.

"Well, I guess that explains what happened to the dungeon boss...Ouch, eaten by a tapeworm."

The Postman stared at Sakon still holding the enchanted sword and couldn't help but shudder, remembering what Parasite had shown him. What was so interesting about his past that it affected what the Goddesses had planned for him? Did this have anything to do with Ichiro who may or may not be real? Did the mystery lay with him?

The Postman wanted to groan in frustration, but instead turned his attention to Sakon's shoulder where a small purple snail was sitting. He gave The Thief a questioning look who didn't notice, his attention already on the chest sitting beside the dead fish.

"Treasure time!" Sakon announced. "Come on! Go open it!"

Swimming down to the chest below, The Postman opened it, large bubbles of air escaping as he did so. He pulled out a silver flute and the very familiar music swelled triumphantly within his mind, everything going white as they were teleported out of the dungeon.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be Sometime Next Week! :D**


	75. An Unexpected Problem

**Authornote** **: Friday Dec. 8th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I know I said this was going to be the final chapter of part 4, but it looks like I lied. The chapter ended up being like 16,000 words long, and so I decided to break it into two parts. I'll post the final part in just a couple days after I do a bit of proof-reading.**

 **After I post the last chapter in a few days, I'm going to take a short break for the rest of December because I have to write a story as a Christmas present. My sister asked me to write her a Sailormoon fanfiction about the 1st captain Jedite for her Christmas present, and so I have a lot of work ahead of me. lol I haven't watched Sailormoon since I was a kid, and so I'm going to have to rewatch the beginning of the series to get his character right. Part 5 will begin during early January.**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- This story didn't really go into that territory because it's not a romance. The Postman is too clueless most of the time to pick up on subtle hints, and he's too stressed out anyway. lol

Sakon has said several times that if it walks on two legs, is old enough and intelligent enough to consent, then he's interested. ;) You ever see that episode of Futurama where Fry was dating a mermaid? That's pretty much what happened when Sakon dated a Zora. lol

Part 5 will reveal the rest of the mysteries that have been building up, and so stay tuned! :D

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 **Remvis** \- I think most people seem to share your opinion on that. Becoming a monster isn't exactly on The Postman's list of priorities either. lol Postman **x** Fi...the weirdest ship in the entire universe. lol

 **.**

 **Rainmy** \- Marin has been the love interest for hundreds upon hundreds of heroes, and she can't understand why The Postman isn't doing what he's supposed to. lol She kind of is out of control because the Windfish is too injured to control much of anything, and the goddess doesn't care. It's probably a good thing that The Postman is so clueless about just how creepy Marin really is. lol

Sakon instantly regretted throwing that rock the second he did it. lol Although The Happy Mask Salesman totally deserved it, Sakon knows when he's outmatched.

It's actually explained in this chapter about how the pirates got rescued. Last chapter was a bit chaotic, and so they didn't really have time to explain.

 **.**

 **Melle2001** \- The Happy Mask Salesman used to troll Sakon like that all the time when he was a kid. There's a reason why adult Sakon has so many trust issues. lol

Even though Link's Awakening was my very first Zelda game, Ocarina of Time and Majora's Mask are tied as my favourite game. I still find it interesting that Sakon is the only non-fighting character that can be outright murdered in any Zelda game. If you shoot him with an arrow when he's robbing that old lady, he blows up and is never seen again until you reset time. I find it interesting that they chose to put that in there.

Water temples are always the worst. Yuck. No matter what game it is, anything involving water is horrible.

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 **Reiz16** \- Thanks for the review, my dear! Anything involving worms is always gross and creepy, especially when they're the parasitic type!

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 **setokayba2n** \- lol Ganondorf would pay good money for something like that. He likes Sakon's abilities, but he hates his mouth. It's actually a miracle Ganondorf has never lost this tempter and ordered to have Sakon's tongue cut out. lol The Postman is actually starting to get used to Sakon's non-stop blathering, and so it doesn't bother him as much as it used to.

 **.**

 **Jigbashmop** \- Don't be racist against giant evil tapeworms. Just because they want to kill you, doesn't automatically mean they're all liars! :p Whenever I hear the old riddle about 1 person always telling the truth and the other always lying, I always think about that David Bowie movie Labyrinth. Interesting fact, when I was a kid, my mother wouldn't let me watch that movie because she thought David Bowie's pants bulge was inappropriate. lolol

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 27

An Unexpected Problem

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The Postman slowly opened his eyes when he felt his feet touch solid ground once more. The Mermaid's Scale disappeared from his hand as if yanked away, and he took a deep breath, looking around himself in disbelief. They were back on the beach to the South of the island, and everything seemed safe and calm. The Postman glanced at the others, who still had their swords drawn as if they were expecting an immediate fight.

"Are you alright?" he asked the pirates in concern. "What happened?"

"We're fine." Zaira replied, finally sheathing her sword. "We were exploring the island when we were captured by that putrid white snake."

"Tapeworm." Sakon corrected.

Zaira glared at him as Samirah took over. "He took us by surprise, and put us in the dungeon to lure you there." she explained. "We thought you were a goner for sure."

"I rescued them!" Sakon cut in proudly. "I'm the real hero of this story!"

Both pirates glared at him.

"All you did was cut us free." Samirah responded. "Anyone could have done that."

Sakon crossed his arms. "Yeah, but it was still me who saved you. You would have been worm poop by now if it wasn't for me."

Samirah gave him a sour look whereas Zaira gave The Thief a slow nod.

"You did save us." she acknowledged. "And for that you have my thanks. I will not however, forget what you did."

"It was an accident." The Postman told her. "He really didn't mean to hurt me."

"You've said that many time now, Tracker, but that doesn't change the fact that he's a liability. I don't trust him and I never will. He tried to kill me, and he nearly succeeded in killing you. He's lucky I haven't stabbed him yet."

Sakon let out a sigh. "Okay, fair enough. I deserve that. I'm through with killing things, and I won't be fighting any longer, and so you can relax. Jihiro can take over as the hero for a while."

Zaira eyed him skeptically. "Is that why you weren't helping us fight the snake?" she demanded. "Don't think that I didn't notice that! You did absolutely nothing to help!"

Sakon glanced down at the sword he still held, and then sheathed it. He did look a bit embarrassed, but he quickly covered that up by pointing towards the North. "We should go wake up the Blowfish now and get out of here. Maybe we can wake him up before the tapeworm decides to come back?"

Samirah cocked her head. "Is anyone going to discuss the fact Sakon has a snail crawling up the side of his face?"

When no one seemed to care, she gave a shrug. "Okay then."

Sakon paused and reached up a hand to pluck the snail off his face. "I know she's there." Sakon responded. "That's Gertrude."

The Postman cocked his head in confusion. "Gertrude?" he repeated.

"She helped me get through the dungeon."

"…right." The Postman said, frowning down at the tiny snail.

"I am actually not a female." The snail coolly informed him. "Snails are hermaphrodites, and I can be either if I choose. Sakon has decided that I seem more like a female, and he gave me the name."

"Er…" The Postman said, not quite sure how to respond to a talking snail. "Are you coming with us?"

"Yes. Going on an adventure is far more interesting than wandering around a dungeon."

"You heard her, now leave her alone!" Sakon said, putting the snail on his shoulder. "Let's get going."

Zaira rolled her eyes, but didn't say a single word.

As they walked along, Samirah fell in step beside The Postman. "Why is that worm-snake thing so interested in you? He could have killed us at any time, but he wanted us alive to lure you into a trap. He said that you'd be able to somehow 'sense' that we were alive?"

The Postman nodded. "I can sense anyone who is alive on the island. I have no idea what he wants with me though, because I'm not a hero and I'm not even that strong. A lot of things on this island don't make sense, and I'm really beginning to think that they have me confused for someone else."

"Probably." Sakon agreed. "I bet they were expecting Link. A skinny little postman likely isn't their ideal hero, but you're all they've got. I suppose it was too much work to switch you out for someone better."

"Well, at least this is almost over with." The Postman said with a sigh. "I wonder what we do now?"

"Wake the Windfish?" Samirah suggested.

The Postman frowned. "I don't know where he is. His magical signature is so weak that I can't sense him anymore. The entire island is buried under a heavy and oily feeling magic. It's drowning out everything else and I'm even having trouble sensing Samirah and she's standing right next to me!"

"What about the egg?" Sakon suggested.

"It's destroyed, and the Windfish isn't there." The Postman pointed out. "I have no idea what to do, or where to go. I know I have to do something with the instruments we've been collecting, but I'm not sure what. Do we just play them, or do we need to bring them somewhere?"

Sakon gave a shrug.

"We should just go back to the village and think things through." Zaira suggested. "We don't want to make any mistakes this close to completing this quest."

The walk back to Mabe village was calm, and everyone felt on edge, certain something horrible was about to happen. As they approached the schoolhouse on the outskirts of the village, they could see Shoji standing outside looking up towards the sky, axe in hand.

"Hi Shoji!" Samirah greeted with a grin. "What are you doing?"

Shoji glanced over. "Oh, hello, Samir-" he cut off as his eyes fell on The Postman.

He stared at The Postman in complete silence, his grip tightening on the axe he held.

Samirah cocked her head. "Shoji?" she questioned. "What's wrong?"

"Are you going to hurt her?" Shoji demanded, almost looking resigned.

The Postman furrowed his brow. "No, Sir. Samirah is my friend."

"Creatures like you could never have a friend. You're incapable of that sort of emotion, you monster."

The Postman frowned. "I really don't know who you think I am, but you're mistaken. I'd never hurt anyone. I'm just here to rescue my friend Sakon and then I'm leaving."

Shoji eyed Sakon for a moment, before turning suspicious eyes back to The Postman. "I know you're lying, but since it has nothing to do with me, I'm going to pretend to believe you."

Samirah took a step forward. "Shoji, Jihiro is telling the truth. What's going on with you?"

"Jihiro? Is that what you're calling yourself now?" Shoji demanded with a snort. "I will not interfere with what you're doing as long as you promise me you won't hurt her. Do whatever you want, and leave me out of it. I'm no threat to you."

"But, Sir-"

Without another word, Shoji turned and entered his house, locking the door after him. The Postman stared at the closed door, feeling frustrated. He knew if he could only speak with Shoji, he was sure he'd be able to make the Moblin understand that he wasn't who he thought he was. Samirah seemed incredibly confused, and she turned narrowed eyes to The Postman.

"What did you do?!" she accused.

"I didn't do anything!" The Postman defended. "He thinks I'm someone else, and he won't listen long enough for me to explain myself!"

"Are you sure you didn't do anything while on a mission for Lord Ganondorf?" Zaira demanded. "He seems pretty sure of himself."

"I've never met him before!" The Postman insisted. "Didn't Samirah say Shoji has been trapped here for hundreds of years? How could I possibly have met him? I was told you can only visit the Windfish's island once in your lifetime. There's no possible way I've ever met him. He's mistaken."

Samirah and Zaira exchanged looks, but The Postman had a valid point.

"It seems like a lot of people are mistaking you for someone else lately..." Zaira commented skeptically.

"I'll speak to him." Samirah promised, turning towards the door. "I'll find out what's going on."

"Later." Zaira ordered. "We should regroup at Marin's house and discuss our options. We need to figure out our next course of action is soon as possible. I want to leave this island."

"Ditto." Sakon agreed. "Forget the weird Moblin. Let's go."

Samirah and The Postman both glanced at Shoji's door with a frown, but followed after the others without a word. Something didn't seem right about this whole situation, but they knew they had to concentrate on finding a way off the island. They entered Mabe village and as they approached Marin's cottage, they caught sight of The Happy Mask Salesman standing outside the item shop. He was once again staring up at the sky, expression thoughtful but not too concerned. He glanced over at them as they approached, but Sakon made a point to snub him entirely, passing by without a word. The Postman paused for a moment, only long enough to glance up, but when he saw nothing of any interest, he gave The Happy Mask Salesman a wave, and hurried to catch up with The Thief.

"I hope Marin has more of that gross wine." Samirah commented. "I could use a few drinks..."

"We need to keep our wits about us right now." Zaira replied. "No more than ten drinks tonight."

Sakon gave her a wide grin. "I love Gerudo." he commented.

The Postman didn't think anyone should drink at all right now, but he didn't dare say so. If there was one thing he learned about Gerudo, it was that you don't mess with their liquor. He kept his mouth firmly shut and followed the others up to Marin's front door. Without so much as knocking, Zaira barged in and nearly gave Marin a heart attack who dropped the pot of oatmeal she was carrying.

"Oh, you're back!" she exclaimed.

She then looked down at the mess on the floor.

"Oh no, your supper is ruined!" she told The Postman in distress. "Now I'll have to start all over!"

The Postman grimaced at the sight of the oatmeal. "No, it's alright, Marin...I'm not hungry anyway. Thank you for the thought though..."

"But we'll take more of that crappy wine if you have any." Samirah interjected.

"Yeah, you liar, snap snap." Sakon ordered, sticking his nose in the air and pointing towards the other room.

Marin gave him a look of death, but did leave the room presumably to go get some wine. Sitting down at the kitchen table where the six instruments lay, The Postman added the flute to the pile.

"I wonder what we're supposed to do with them?" he wondered, looking them over.

"Try playing them." Sakon suggested.

"I have no idea how to play an instrument." The Postman answered.

Zaira picked up the flute and turned it over in her hand. "Perhaps we should just make a single note with each one and see what happens? Maybe we don't need to know how to play them?"

"It's worth a try." The Postman answered, not feeling very confident.

The pirates each took two instruments, leaving The Postman with the other three. On by one they played a note on each instrument, and then sat back and waited.

Nothing happened, and The Postman let out a sigh."Nothing can ever be easy." he complained.

Marin returned carrying several large bottles of wine and set them down on the table. "What was all that noise about?" she asked.

"We were trying to figure out what to do with these instruments." The Postman explained. "We tried playing them, but nothing happened. There must be a certain song we need to learn..."

Marin let out a giggle like he'd just made a joke. "Of course it didn't work, you silly!" she scolded him. "There are eight instruments of the Sirens, you only have seven."

Everyone stared at her.

"...eight?" The Postman repeated.

Marin nodded enthusiastically. "Yup!"

"No fair!" Sakon protested. "We were told the water dungeon was the last one!"

"I don't know what to tell you. There always has been, and always will be eight instruments of the sirens."

The Postman furrowed his brow. "...then where is the last one?"

"I don't know, I'm just a simple villager." Marin responded. "Quests are for heroes, not for me."

"Maybe the tapeworm has it?" Sakon suggested.

Everyone exchanged a long look.

"I hope not." Samirah commented.

"What do we do?" The Postman asked. "We don't even know where to begin looking!"

"Let's rest for tonight and worry about it tomorrow." Zaira suggested. "We could all use a good nights sleep."

"Let's get some of that wine and forget about our problems then!" Samirah announced, reaching for the nearest bottle. "You want some, Jihiro?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, thank you."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Someday you're going to surprise me and actually have fun for once."

The Postman didn't feel like this was the type of situation to be having 'fun' in, and didn't answer.

"I'll be right back in a few minutes." he said, standing up.

"Where are you going?" Zaira immediately questioned.

"I need to speak with Sakon's uncle for a few minutes."

Sakon's eyes widened. "What, why?"

Samirah flashed Sakon a confused look. "Your uncle?" she questioned. "Your uncle is on the island with us?"

Sakon's expression turned sour. "Yeah."

Zaira gave The Postman a frown. "Why?" she demanded. "What kind of person is this uncle, and why haven't you mentioned him before now? Is he a civilian or a villain?"

The Postman paused. "I'm honestly not that sure." he admitted.

Zaira's frown became more prominent. "Can he be trusted?"

"Probably not."

"No, it's out of the question." Zaira said decidedly. "You'll likely end up dead or kidnapped. We should all stay together for now."

"I need to speak with him." The Postman insisted. "Privately."

"About what?" Sakon demanded.

"Personal business." The Postman replied, turning towards the door.

"Wait, I'll come with you." Zaira said, standing to her feet.

The Postman shook his head. "No, I want to speak with him alone."

"Don't be a fool. You are not travelling by yourself at night right now." Zaira said firmly. "It's too dangerous."

"The item shop is just next door." The Postman answered. "You can even watch me walk there if you look out the window."

Sakon had a very bad feeling about what The Postman wanted from The Happy Mask Salesman. "Why do you want to speak with my uncle?" he asked, his tone worried and somewhat suspicious.

"I'll tell you after." The Postman promised. "I'll be back in just a few minutes."

"You have five minutes, and then I'm coming over there." Zaira informed him. "And stand where I can see you from the window."

The Postman nodded, and although Sakon was still protesting, he left Marin's house and headed for the item shop. The Happy Mask Salesman was still standing in front of the shop and when The Postman approached, he glanced over at him.

"I thought you might be coming to speak with me." he stated.

The Postman glanced back at Marin's house and could see everyone watching him through the kitchen window.

"I want to know what deal you made with Sakon." The Postman immediately said. "It's important."

The Happy Mask Salesman cocked his head. "I've already told you that I don't discuss my business deals with someone not involved."

"I know what you said, but I have a feeling that it involves putting Sakon into a dangerous situation. He won't talk to me about it, but I can see it worries him. He was furious with you after he met with Parasite for the first time, and so I know you didn't disclose how dangerous it was going to be. I've only seen a bit of the monster, but I have my guesses about what upset Sakon so much."

"Sorry, but I can't discuss this with you."

"It's a mask, isn't it? The reason Parasite is so powerful is because he wears a mask."

For a split second The Happy Mask Salesman seemed surprised, but then he chuckled. "Very perceptive, postman, but I still can't discuss this."

"It seems like everything on this island has been building up to a confrontation with Parasite, and I need some answers. How do we get this mask, and what does it do? Will removing the mask defeat the worm?"

The Happy Mask Salesman seemed very thoughtful. "Theoretically, if there was a powerful mask like you're describing, it would be nearly impossible to remove while the monster still lived. If something like that really existed, then it would have to be removed from the corpse of the monster."

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "That's what I thought."

"This is only theoretical after all, postman."

"You would really send your own nephew into such a dangerous situation just for a mask? Sakon's your nephew, and he could be killed trying to fight Parasite!"

"Sakon will be fine."

"You don't know that." The Postman challenged. "He could be killed, and it would be your fault! Don't you have a conscience?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman flashed him a somewhat annoyed look. "There is much more at stake here than a simple mask, postman. Much more is going to take place on this island than even you realize. It is not Sakon's destiny to die here."

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "What are you talking about? What aren't you telling me?"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a quick glance to the sky and shook his head. "I can't tell you anything more, or else I'd bring unwanted attention on myself. The quest on this island is almost over, postman."

The Postman felt frustrated, but was actually surprised he'd gotten as much information as he had. "Not until we find the 8th instrument." he replied. "Do you know where it is?"

"I know nothing about that."

The Postman let out a sigh. "What part do you play in all this?" he demanded.

Again, The Happy Mask Salesman gave a quick glance upwards. "I play no part in this, which is why I must be careful. Only so much interference will be tolerated."

"Tolerated by who?"

"That's all I can say for now." The Happy Mask Salesman stated, turning away. "You must now find a way to cure the Windfish of the monster's presence. Parasite will devour the entire dream world until there is nothing of the Windfish left. If even one dream creation survives, then that is enough for the Windfish to survive. Don't allow the Windfish to die."

"You just said you can't interfere, but then you go and say that!" The Postman protested. "You need to expl-"

"Tracker."

The Postman turned and saw Zaira approaching.

"Everything all right?" she questioned him, glaring at The Happy Mask Salesman.

"It's fine." The Postman lied, letting out a deep sigh. "Let's get back inside before it gets dark."

Without another word, The Postman turned and followed Zaira back to Marin's cottage. He knew they would probably find the eighth instrument in the morning, and then they'd finally be able to go home.

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 **2 weeks later...**

They had searched nearly every inch of the island and found no traces of the eighth instrument. Every day they travelled out together and searched, but no one they spoke to knew where the instrument could be. Sakon had even searched underneath the water and on the very tops of the mountains with no luck. They had tried to get Shoji to help them, but the Moblin wouldn't unlock his door even for Samirah. After two weeks, everyone was tired and frustrated, and The Postman was beginning to suspect that Parasite really did have the eighth instrument. There was no sign of the worm either, and it really felt like someone was cheating. How were they expected to complete the quest when they were missing the last piece of the puzzle?

Earthquakes were now happening several times daily, and The Postman had a sneaking suspicion that the end of the Windfish was getting nearer and nearer. What would happen to them when the dream world died? Would they suddenly find themselves in the middle of the ocean, or would they die with the island? The Postman could feel Parasite's oily magic all around them, and it was so intense that it was almost overwhelming. None of the others seemed to be able to sense it, and The Postman knew Parasite was getting stronger and stronger.

When confronted, Sakon admitted that he was indeed supposed to retrieve the mask from Parasite, and that he had no idea how to do it. They had discussed a few possibilities, but it seemed like the worm would have to be killed in order to stop it. The Postman doubted it could be reasoned with, but knew he would have to at least try before the others fought it.

"Maybe Marin was lying again?" Sakon suggested as they made their way back to Mabe Village. "There's probably no other instruments. We would have found it by now!"

Samirah nodded her agreement. "Marin doesn't exactly seem like the most reliable person, and she's lied to us before. I think we need to start looking for other options of leaving this island."

"Like what?" The Postman questioned.

"Perhaps we can build a boat and leave the island that way?" Zaira suggested. "We could build a boat within a few hours if we all work together."

The Postman doubted that would work. "I don't think Marin is lying. She seemed very sure of herself, and there has to be some reason why the instruments aren't working."

"Maybe the Moblin has it?" Sakon suggested. "His is the only house we haven't searched yet, and he hasn't exactly been very cooperative."

"He won't even speak to us." The Postman pointed out. "He thinks I'm some sort of monster, and I really doubt he's going to be much help."

"Then be a monster." Zaira suggested.

The Postman gave her a confused look.

"He seems terrified of you because he thinks you're an evil monster." she pointed out. "If you act like one to intimidate him, then you can probably coerce him into talking."

"I am not doing that!" The Postman said firmly. "It's cruel, and unethical."

He received three flat looks.

Sakon pointed to everyone in turn. "Villain, villain, villain, and villain." he commented.

The Postman crossed his arms stubbornly.

"We just want to go home." Samirah told him. "I like Shoji, but he refuses to listen to us. Do what you need to do, and then apologize afterwards if you want."

"It's mean, and I don't even know how to act like a villain anyway." The Postman answered, still looking stubborn. "Why don't one of you do it?"

"Because he's not afraid of us!" Sakon exclaimed. "Just do it!"

"No."

"I think it's worth the try." Zaira said, giving him a shove to make him start walking. "If he doesn't have it then we know the snake does."

"Tapeworm." Sakon corrected.

"It's not right to scare someone into doing what you want."

Samirah threw an arm around his shoulders. "Scaring people is what we do. Relax, it'll be alright. We're not going to hurt him."

"No."

Ignoring him, they ushered him across town to the schoolhouse. Zaira gave him another shove towards the door, and everyone stepped back, watching him expectantly. The Postman glared at them, and reached out and knocked on the door. He heard a shuffle of movement from within, and a moment later there were steps approaching the door.

"Go away." Shoji said from within.

"Sir, it's Jihiro again...will you please speak to me for just a moment?"

"Go away!" Shoji repeated, his voice icy. "I have nothing to say to you!"

"We're ready to wake the Windfish and leave the island, but we're missing one of the instruments. Do you know where we can find it?"

"Leave now, or I'll be forced to defend myself! I'm not getting involved in your schemes!"

"There's no scheme, Sir, we're honestly just trying to leave this island and go home! We just need to find the 8th instrument and then we'll be on our way, and you never have to see me ever again!"

"I know nothing, demon, now leave me alone!"

"That's it!" Sakon snapped. "I'm going in there and searching for myself!"

"Sakon, you can't just-"

The Postman trailed off as Sakon walked right through the door and disappeared out of sight.

"Who are you?!" Shoji snarled from within. "Get out of my house!"

"Ow, ow, no, stop it!" Sakon bellowed. "Help! Ahhh!"

"Sakon?!" The Postman called, banging hard on the door.

"Ow, help, Jihiro, help! He's murdering me! Help!"

"Sakon!" The Postman yelled, instantly panicking. "Open the door!"

"Ahhh, Jihiro, he's slicing me open! Help!"

Realizing the Moblin was brutally killing Sakon, The Postman felt desperate and afraid, his red magic swelling around him, reacting to his emotions. He raised a fist to bang on the door again, and his red magic lashed out, blasting through the door in a shower of splinters and dust. Surprised at what he'd accidentally done, The Postman paused for a moment, and then hurried through the gaping hole into the house. The sight that met his eyes was not something that he was expecting at all. Sakon was seated comfortably in an armchair, completely unharmed, and Shoji had backed himself into a corner, far from The Thief, looking confused and wary.

"Oh, hey darling." Sakon called over. "What brings you here?"

Sakon was grinning at him cheekily, and The Postman was instantly furious.

"Sakon, what are you doing?" he snapped. "I thought he was killing you!"

Sakon shrugged. "Meh, I may have exaggerated a bit."

The Postman's red magic was still flaring with his anger, and Shoji stared at him warily, before reaching for his axe.

"Stop it." The Postman ordered, quickly losing patience.

Shoji froze, his fingers hovering just above the axe.

The red magic was coursing through him, and he couldn't stop the waves of anger it made him feel."You are going to listen to me, Shoji, because I am sick of this island, and sick of this quest. Answer our questions and I'll leave you alone. Stop being so difficult and just listen!"

Sakon stared at him in complete surprise, and glanced over at the Moblin, who looked like a trapped animal.

"I will not hurt you." The Postman promised. "Just tell us where the eighth instrument of the sirens is located, and we'll leave."

"It's okay, Shoji." Samirah assured him. "We'll bring you home with us once we wake the Windfish. Jihiro won't hurt you."

Shoji didn't take his eyes off The Postman. "I have a feeling that I have very little choice in the matter..." he commented.

"Where is the eighth instrument?" The Postman demanded, trying his best to calm his magic down. His magic was rearing to fight, and it was difficult to hold it back, the magic trying to lash out at anything and everything that moved. Closing his eyes and taking a few deep breaths, he managed to force his magic down, hoping it wouldn't explode anytime soon.

Shoji relaxed when he sensed the red magic begin to retreat, and he let out a deep sigh. "I don't have it. I stopped collecting those things long ago."

"Then where is it?" Zaira demanded. "Tell us."

Shoji still didn't once look away from The Postman. "I don't want any part of this. I will give you the information, and then you will leave peacefully, is this understood?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes."

Shoji narrowed his eyes, still looking like he wanted to reach for the axe. "Parasite has it. He took it when he realized who you were, and he swallowed it so you can never wake the Windfish. His life depends on your failure, and so he's trying to delay you for as long as possible."

The Postman's shoulders slumped in disappointment. "So we have to defeat Parasite to leave this island."

Shoji nodded.

"Where is Parasite?" Zaira demanded. "We've been all over this island and have seen no sign of him."

Shoji flashed her a look like she was an idiot. "He's everywhere." he replied. "He's infected this entire island and has been consuming it from the inside out. Haven't you wondered why there have been so many earthquakes?"

The Postman glanced down at the floor. "He's inside the island?!"

"Inside it, and he encircles it as well." Shoji replied. "He's causing as much damage as possible in the hopes he kills the Windfish before you face him."

"How do we face him?" Samirah asked. "How can we fight something that hides underground?"

Shoji stared long and hard at The Postman before answering. "That magical sword is not meant for the bald human. It is a powerful gift created by the gods, and it must be used to summon Parasite by its true owner."

"See? I told you that the sword is yours!" Sakon said, unsheathing the sword and holding it out to The Postman.

"How do you know this?" The Postman demanded.

"That sword is very old, and has a reputation. I once read a manuscript about its creation, and I know it can only have one true master at a time. Although the sword is missing its spirit, it is still a powerful weapon. You can use it to contact those with powerful magic, and you can compel Parasite to show himself."

Remembering when they'd first found the sword on the beach, The Postman knew there was a problem. "I can't touch the sword." he told the Moblin. "Only Sakon can touch it. My hand passed right through it when I tried to take it."

"You must want the sword in order to be able to touch it. Take it and it is yours."

The Postman frowned. "But how do I summon him once I take it? I don't know how to use magic."

Shoji looked completely dumbfounded. "Are you serious?" he asked. "Why are you faking such incompetence? What possible reason do you have to act like this? What are you scheming, and why does it involve me helping you?"

"I've tried to explain that you have me mistaken for someone else, but you won't listen." The Postman told him. "I only just found out that I have magic less than a year ago, and I haven't really learned how to use it yet. I've never hurt anyone, and I have no plans to anytime in the furture. I'm just a postman who got pulled into an unwanted adventure."

Shoji was clearly confused, and he stared at The Postman as if trying to solve a difficult puzzle. "I just can't figure out how it benefits you to act like this..." he stated. "It's almost as if you don't remember..."

"Remember what?" The Postman demanded impatiently. "I'm not a monster, I'm just an ordinary person!"

"Take the sword, hold it over your head and concentrate on Parasite's magic. When you feel his magical core, concentrate on drawing it towards yourself. Parasite will be compelled to show himself, and then you can challenge him to a fight. Kill the worm, and you break his hold on the Windfish."

Sakon was still holding out the sword, and The Postman frowned at it. He had no intentions of using it to fight, but he supposed he could use to for the summoning and then give it back to Sakon for the battle.

"We'll get you off this island, Shoji." Samirah promised. "We'll kill Parasite and free the Windfish, and all of us can go home."

"I'm not holding my breath." Shoji replied dryly. "I will never fight by his side, but I'll fight by yours, Samirah. If I die in battle so be it, but at least I'll finally be doing something interesting."

The Postman hesitantly reached out towards the sword, and he felt his red magic struggle to connect with it. Fighting against it, his hand closed around the hilt, and he held the sword up, trying to sense Parasite. The overpowering presence was all around them, and he struggled to find where Parasite's core was. He felt the largest concentration of magic on the mountain where the Windfish's egg was, and felt certain he'd found the core. Allowing the sword's magic to reach out, he felt it seize the oily magic and gave it a violent yank.

Instantly the ground began to shake, and everyone was thrown to the floor, this being the worst earthquake yet. There was an explosion of magic all around them, and the windows all shattered as everyone covered their heads from where they lay on the ground. Everything flashed white, and a moment later they realized the cottage was beginning to collapse.

"Everyone out!" Zaira bellowed, grabbing Samirah by the elbow and yanking her to her feet.

They fled the cottage and only moments later, it fell into a pile of rubble. Glancing around, they saw the entire island was in complete chaos. The island was barely recognizable, giant craters riddling its surface like Swiss cheese, the holes black and seemingly endless. The entire island had been gnawed beyond recognition, and great lengths of white worm squirmed all throughout every hole.

Sakon looked one way, and then the other letting out a loud curse. The Postman glanced over at him and saw The Thief was staring in the direction of the ruined village.

The Postman turned his eyes back to the quickly disappearing island. "We should go find your uncle and make sure he's alright."

Sakon quickly waved him off. "He's fine."

"Most of the island is gone," The Postman pointed out. "What if he's hurt? Don't you want to make sure he's safe? We should make sure he doesn't need our help before facing Parasite."

Sakon's expression clearly said that he did not want to do any such thing.

"Do you have a lot of family, Sakon?" Shoji asked him innocently. "So many that the death of one does not bother you?"

Sakon scowled at him, and let out a curse. "Okay, fine, we'll go check on him, but I already know he's fine. It would take more than a stupid tapeworm to kill him off."

Everyone exchanged grave looks, and without a word, began heading into the village. Sakon seemed a little anxious, and The Postman suspected he was more concerned about his uncle than he was letting on. The Postman gave another glance around at the hundreds of worm-filled holes, and then quickly followed after the others. They would check for survivors and then head for the final battle.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be in a few days! Woot! Woot! :D**


	76. The Battle of the Windfish

**Authornote** **: Sunday Dec. 17th 2017**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Holy crap guys! I seriously thought I posted this chapter like a week ago! I was wondering why I didn't get any reviews, and when I checked, the chapter wasn't there! O_o The edited version was even gone off the document manager. I don't know what happened, but at least I still had the rough copy. There are probably some typos in this, so I'll make sure to fix them later. I didn't want to delay any more to do the editing all over again. Sorry if my review replies seem a bit short, but this is the second time I had to write them, and I couldn't remember everything I'd said the first time.**

 **Part 4 of How to be a Villain is now officially finished. Woohoo! It's taken me almost 11 months to write all of the story so far, and it feels like I just started this rewrite. lol Part 5 will be in early January because I'm taking a few weeks off from writing. :D**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Remvis** -Things are definitely going to get more interesting from here on. We're now going onto part 5 where all the answers begin happening. lol

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 **Rainmy** \- Yeah, Jedite was a total asshole. lol I honestly think she liked him because he was blond, pretty and a villain. He was only in a few episodes, and so I guess it's up to me to develop a personality for him beyond the assholiness. :D

Yeah, poor Marin was indeed created for just one purpose. The Windfish's control has begun to slip however, and so now she's starting to develop a bit of self-awareness. I hope you enjoy this final chapter!

 **.**

 **Melle2001** -Sakon was incredibly gullible as a kid, and so he made an easy target for teasing. He used to fall for the same tricks over and over again without fail and this amused The Happy Mask Salesman greatly. It was never anything malicious, but it was still rather mean. lol

The Postman certainly hopes you're correct because he doesn't want to be a monster either.

I'm glad you liked it, and I hope you enjoy this part 4 finale as well. :D

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman would not be a very convincing actor. lol Sakon's plan worked out much better in the end though. At least they finally got Shoji to cooperate without threatening him. lol

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 **setokayba2n** \- The Postman can never do what people want him to, and so I wouldn't count on it. lol He's stubborn, and does not give in easily to people using him. ;)

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Sorry, but I can't give out any spoilers. ;) Those are all some very good guesses though, and you'll find out the answers very shortly. I gotta keep up the suspense after all. lol

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 4 Chapter 28

The Battle of the Windfish

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Mabe village was in complete ruins. Every cottage was chewed to pieces, and the entire town seemed completely vacant. The Postman shivered, the sight of the destruction bringing the now familiar visions of blood and death to mind, and he felt completely nauseated. Sakon kicked at the rubble that was once the Item Shop, but it was obvious The Happy Mask Salesman was nowhere to be found. Sakon frowned, clearly not knowing what to think, and turned to face him. When he saw The Postman's distraught expression, his brow crinkled in worry.

"What's wrong?" he asked. "They're not real, remember? My uncle is probably long gone by now, and so no one got hurt."

The Postman didn't answer, unsure of how to explain the vision Parasite had shown him. He crossed his arms uncomfortably and averted his gaze. Sakon looked across the town to where The Postman's dream parents lived and saw the cottage was completely gone.

"None of this is real." Sakon reminded him. "The island is all a dream, the people were all dreams. Nobody really died."

The Postman gave a distracted nod which seemed to satisfy Sakon.

"I don't know where my uncle scuttled off to, but he can take care of himself. Knowing him, he's probably already back in Hyrule scheming something else."

"Wait." Zaira interrupted. "Back in Hyrule? Your uncle knew how to get off the island?!"

Sakon gave her a shrug. "Yeah, but it's not like he ever would have offered to help us. My uncle is a complete douchebag."

"You knew he could leave the island and never told us?!" Zaira hissed. "We could have forced him to help us weeks ago!"

Sakon shook his head. "Naw, he would've just got annoyed, and unfortunate things tend to happen to those who anger my uncle. He wouldn't have helped you."

Zaira looked like she wanted to argue, but Shoji interrupted.

"Miss Marin's house appears to have been destroyed."

The Postman turned his gaze to Marin's house which was now nothing more than a pile of broken wood and stone. A seemingly bottomless black hole was where the front walkway used to be, and everyone hesitantly approached. Sakon followed after him, frowning at the cottage and silently hoping to himself Marin had been eaten by the worm.

"The instruments were inside her house." The Postman stated, pulling away several pieces of wood. "We need to find them before Parasite does."

Sakon glanced around at the perforated island. "…are you sure we should wake the Windfish? This looks like an awful lot of brain damage to me…"

"How else are we supposed to get home?" The Postman asked, pulling away a few sheets of wood. "He's the only one that can fix this."

The pirates began helping him dig through the rubble, and they had a very bad feeling about what happened to Marin. They knew Parasite was probably destroying every bit of the dreamworld he could, and that likely meant devouring the creatures.

"We need to wake the Windfish before everything's destroyed." Shoji commented.

Sakon knew this was true, but was a little worried about waking a brain-damaged god from hibernation. Most Gods or Goddesses didn't like Sakon to begin with and he could only imagine what the Windfish's reaction to him would be.

"I think you should be the one to wake him…" he suggested to The Postman. "Gods seem to like you."

Seeing something shine in the debris, The Postman pulled out the cowbell which was luckily unharmed. Cleaning it off with his shirt, he set it aside to continue digging.

"Sakon, wouldn't it be faster if you helped them as well?" Gertrude asked.

Sakon let out a sigh, having forgotten she was still with them. "Bossy snail." He muttered, trying his best to remove small pieces of wood. "Why don't you help them if you're so worried about it?"

"I will gladly do so if you tell me how." The snail retorted. "Snails have never been very good at heavy lifting."

"Smart-aleck."

Sakon was the one to find the cello and he pulled it out of the rubble, noting the surface was scratched and dented. "Go figure that it would be the stupid cowbell that survives."

The Postman ran a hand over the cello's surface but didn't look overly concerned. "I think it's alright, the strings are still intact."

To their relief, they found the rest of the instruments unharmed, but there was no sign of Marin. It seemed like Parasite really had eaten her, and The Postman turned away, feeling like he should have done more to help her.

Sakon strummed his thumb across the strings and listened to the low mournful sound it created. "I don't know how to play any of these instruments." He stated. "My uncle forced me to learn the organ and piano as a kid, but I don't know the first thing about flutes and stuff."

"Neither do I." The Postman admitted.

"Don't look at me." Gertrude informed them. "I can't help you."

"The Windfish must have known there was a possibility we wouldn't be able to play the instruments." The Postman said thoughtfully. "I'm sure it will be alright. I think we just have to have all eight, and play a note on each. The Windfish couldn't possibly expect us to know how to play them all."

"I volunteer to play the cowbell." Sakon stated. "It doesn't look too hard to figure out."

The Postman looked down at the seven instruments, and then furrowed his brow. "We'll have to bring these with us, or they'll probably get destroyed."

Parasite was clearly growing larger and larger by the minute the more he consumed of the island, and The Postman knew they didn't have a lot of time before the island was completely gone. The haunting music had been calling to him since they'd arrived in the village, and he knew he was being urged to move on.

"Should we go to the Windfish's mountain now?" he asked uncertainly. "It looks pretty intact from here…"

Sakon squinted at the mountain in the distance. "No harm in looking, I guess. We already wrecked the Windfish's egg so I don't know what it will accomplish."

"I just have a feeling that's where we should be…" The Postman said, picking up a couple of the instruments. "That's where the largest concentration of magic is."

Sakon had learned to trust The Postman's instincts when it came to destinations, and so he nodded without a word. The Postman gave one more glance around the destroyed village, and then turned to head towards the mountain. The pirates and Shoji grabbed the remaining instruments and followed after him without a word. Sakon followed closely behind as The Postman dodged around the large coils of worm, and leapt over the craters and holes that were in his way.

There definitely wasn't much left of the island, the ground unstable and brittle from the thousands of holes chewed through it. Several times, one of them almost fell when the ground gave way, but they were keeping a close eye on each other, and so luckily no one fell. Parasite was seemingly ignoring them for the moment, whatever he was doing obviously taking precedence. Although the worm was constantly moving and creating new holes and crevices, it had made no outward attempt at attacking them.

Nothing on the island was left untouched, everything destroyed and falling apart as they passed. As they approached what used to be the woods, they paused at the sight that met them. In the distance they could see the Moblin army fighting Parasite, the battle extremely violent and bloody. They were too far away to be of any assistance, and they could only watch as the army was decimated. The worm tore through the army in a river of blood, and by the time they made it to help, there was no one left. There was no sign of the Moblin army, or anything else alive for that matter. Everything was gone.

"Everything's dead." The Postman stated. "Parasite has won..."

"We still need to try." Zaira assured him. "We will still face Parasite and hope for the best."

Dark clouds were forming overhead, thunder already gently rumbling in the distance. The Postman had a feeling the Gods and Goddesses were watching them and he couldn't help but feel apprehensive. Was Parasite telling the truth? Were they truly trying to turn him into a monster? He had no answer for this and turned to leave, trying not to think about it.

The music in his mind got louder and louder, the closer they got to the mountain and as they ran up the steps, it was deafening. The Postman couldn't hear anything else past the music, seemingly deaf to all other sound. The moment they reached the top of the mountain and The Postman's feet touched the crest, the music cut off abruptly. The silence seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks and The Postman felt his limbs shaking as he took a step forward.

"Hero?" an unexpected voice questioned.

Everyone turned to see Marin sitting near the Windfish's nest, her face tear-stained and her dress torn and dirty. She looked like she'd been through hell and The Postman didn't doubt the horrors she had seen. She began crying at the sight of him, covering her face with her hands and The Postman shifted uncomfortably.

"I prayed,' she whispered. "I was praying so hard that you would come. I was afraid you had died with the others…"

The Postman wasn't sure how to react but he felt an unexplainable guilt rise within him. "Marin…" he began. "I'm sorry…"

Brief, hot anger flashed in her eyes. "Where were you?" she demanded. "Our world was dying and you were nowhere to be found! Everybody and everything is gone! What kind of hero are you?!"

The Postman blinked. "I'm not a hero." He responded carefully. "I'm sorry, but I'm just a postman, a nothing. I'm nobody's hero."

He had been saying that from the very beginning but no one ever seemed to listen to him. Everyone always seemed to have their own idea of who he was and nothing he ever said changed their minds.

Marin wiped at her eyes bitterly, and then slowly rose to her feet. She reeled back her hand to angrily slap him but it was Sakon who caught her arm. His expression was murderous as he held her arm at bay and Marin was clearly shocked, not resisting in the least. Sakon pulled her close so they were nearly nose to nose, his eyes narrowing threateningly.

"Don't you dare." He warned. "He may be a dumbass in denial about a great many things, but this is not his fault. He did what he could while you useless villagers just sat on your asses waiting to be saved. Maybe if you had've actually tried to defend yourselves from the start, this never would have happened! If anyone is to blame, it's you!"

Sakon shoved her away from him harshly, and Marin almost lost her balance as she stumbled back. Her expression was both shocked and greatly distraught as what Sakon told her sunk in.

"You can't blame her." The Postman said with a frown. "It's not her fault either."

"No." Sakon disagreed, still looking angry. "Some useless villager does not get to tell us what a crap job we've been doing! Let her try fighting through some of those dungeons! She wouldn't last two minutes!"

"From what I've observed, people often say things they don't mean when they're upset." Shoji offered. "Doesn't she have reason to be upset?"

"Shut up, Moblin." Sakon grumbled. "I wasn't talking to you."

"Shoji's right." The Postman said. "I'm not taking it personally, and neither should you. Marin has been through a terrible ordeal, and she has the right to be upset."

Marin gave them both an apologetic look. "I didn't mean it." She confessed. "Please help me save what's left of my island!"

The Postman wasn't entirely sure what he could do at this point, but he nodded all the same. "I'll do my best, Marin."

He didn't hold high hopes in his abilities, but there was no point in telling her that. If anything, she should have been asking Sakon to save her, he was the one who could actually fight after all.

Marin wiped her eyes again and gave him a small, sad smile."Thank you." she said taking a step towards him. "I'm sorry I tried to hit you."

Sakon, not so subtly, stepped between them and demanded. "You better keep your distance, because we need one villager to survive if we stand any chance at all of winning. Go stand over there somewhere."

"What are you going to do?" she asked, wiping at her eyes once more.

"The island needs its god, and we're going to try to wake the Windfish." Shoji replied.

Marin's eyes widened. "Wake the Windfish?! We are part of his dream; what happens when he wakens? Waking him could make the entire world disappear!"

The Postman gave a slow nod, knowing that was a complete possibility. "The Windfish is being consumed, and unless we wake him, this entire dream will disappear forever. Waking him is the only chance we have so that he can fight back against Parasite."

Marin looked away from him silently, her gaze settling on the ocean in the far distance. "My father used to always tell me that there was nothing beyond the sea, that it just stretched on forever, but I believe there must be something there... When I found you on the beach, hero, my heart skipped a beat and I just knew the world was so much bigger than I thought. I was sure you'd come from the gods to give us a message, to give us hope."

Sakon gave a condescending snort but Marin didn't notice and continued.

"Now when I look out to sea, I imagine all the wonderful places that must be on the other side. If I were like the island seagulls, I would fly as far as I could away from here and see everything the world has to offer! I would sing for all the people in the world! If I pray to the Windfish, I wonder if my dream will come true?"

Sakon let out another snort. "Your one wish is to become a disease-ridden scavenger bird that no one likes?" he paused as he thought about that. "I wholly support this wish."

"Bully." Samirah pointed out, rolling her eyes. "Don't be so mean."

Sakon flashed her a grin, but did fall silent.

The Postman wasn't sure what to say to Marin, and so he said nothing at all. She turned to face him and then held her hand to the sky, her expression determined.

"Let's wake him." she stated. "My island is dead anyway, and so if I disappear I will join my friends and family. Perhaps we will all come back in the Windfish's next dream? Perhaps I will return as a seagull and finally get my wish?"

Sakon's grin widened, obviously about to say something mean, and so The Postman quickly spoke up. "Okay, we'll do our best. How do we make Parasite face us?"

Sakon lifted Gertrude and placed her behind one of his ears for safekeeping, and then held up the cowbell. "Maybe if we play the instruments we have, it will lure him out?"

The Postman stared down at the instruments he held, having absolutely no idea if that would work. Deciding it was worth the try, everyone took an instrument, and then turned their gazes to the sky.

They no more than lifted the instruments, when the entire mountain began to quake and shift beneath them. Marin let out a startled cry as she stumbled, the flute she was holding falling to the ground with a loud 'ting'. The Postman grabbed a hold of a nearby boulder to steady himself and the pirates drew their swords, knowing exactly what was coming. There was a monstrous boom and the entire top of the mountain seemed to explode in chunks of rocks and earth. Clouds of grey dust billowed around them in a thick, choking veil and the shadow of the monster within slowly began emerging.

Red eyes glinted at them from the dust and Parasite's gaze seemed to be settled entirely on Sakon. He chuckled at the sight of the thief, pulling more and more of his body out of the mountain.

"My prey doesn't often get away, human." He said calmly. "You will be consumed the same as the rest of this world."

Sakon scowled up at him and jumped into the air, hands on hips. "I'm not going to be eaten by a tapeworm."

Parasite let out an irritated snarl. "I am not a tapeworm! You, human, are a dumb little meatbag to keep antagonizing one who has the power to kill you."

"Hey, no need to be insulting!" Sakon responded, giving Parasite a cocky smirk. "It's not your fault you're a tapeworm! I can understand why you're sensitive about it. It is kinda gross!"

"Sakon!" The Zaira hissed. "You're only making him angrier! Shut up!"

Parasite's eyes flitted to the others briefly, but it was clear his issue was primarily with Sakon. He bared his fangs in a snarl and then lunged, mouth agape, but it was not at Sakon as expected. Marin let out a scream as Parasite coiled around her and she struggled uselessly as he began squeezing the breath out of her.

"Hey!" Sakon protested angrily. "Quit picking on girls, you sneak!"

"It does not matter." Parasite responded, squeezing tighter. "Everything will be consumed eventually anyway."

Everyone ran forward to pull at the worm, trying to loosen his grip, but Parasite didn't so much as glance at them. Zaira stabbed her sword deeply into a nearby coil, and Parasite let out a startled growl. There was the sound of cracking bone and Marin screamed all the louder. The Postman let out a gasp of concern for Marin and stepped forward in an attempt at appeal.

"Why are you doing this?" The Postman demanded. "Why do you want to destroy everything you touch? What good is a dead world? If everything is gone, you'd have nothing to rule over! Please let her go."

"I am what I am." Parasite responded casually. "Everyone and everything is set on their own paths and nothing can change this. I was created to destroy and you were created to be used. You can fight destiny but you can't win against it."

Sakon squinted at The Postman for a moment, obviously confused. "What's he talking about? Who's using you? Tell me and I'll go beat them for you."

"He's lying." The Postman responded confidently. "No one is using me and the gods hold no interest in me."

Parasite gave a low hissing chuckle. "Believe what you want, it won't change anything."

Parasite gave Marin another squeeze and she let out such a shriek and The Postman took a step forward. He wasn't a soldier, nor did he have the mentality of a reckless hero, and he wasn't sure what to do. He glanced down at the sword on his belt, and frowned, knowing he was not a fighter. The thought of hurting someone seemed unthinkable, and he shook his head. Sakon and the pirates were the fighters, and so all he could do was watch helplessly as they took control. Sakon was used to being reckless, and felt pretty confident when he held out his hand for The Postman's sword.

"I'll kill the tapeworm." he vowed.

Relieved that it seemed Sakon was over his earlier trauma, The Postman unsheathed the sword and held it out. Sakon reached out to take it from him, but to his surprise it fell right through his hand and hit the ground. Everyone stared at the fallen sword, and Sakon let out a curse, realizing the sword was no longer meant for him. Parasite laughed and batted the sword far away them, the weapon now useless for the battle.

Although Sakon didn't care much for Marin, he didn't especially want to see her die in front of him, and turned to the pirates. "Give me a weapon!" he ordered.

Parasite met Sakon's gaze directly, and then with a loud crack, he snapped Marin's spine, the girl going limp. The Postman let out a gasp as she was tossed aside over the edge of the mountain, her still form disappearing down into the black void below. Sakon stared at Parasite in disgust, uncertain about how he felt about Marin's death, and caught the dagger Zaira tossed him.

"Coward!" he accused angrily. "Killing a girl! I'll cut off your head, you disgusting tapeworm!"

Parasite didn't reply and instead lunged for The Postman who was looking completely shell-shocked. Sakon let out a snarl and leapt between them, swinging his dagger at the worm's face. The blade bounced off the mask with a loud clang and knocked Parasite off target. His teeth sunk into the boulder next to The Postman and Sakon swung at him a second time. This was all the motivation the others needed and they all attacked, each going for whatever part of the worm was closest to them.

"I said to leave the girls alone!" Sakon yelled. "No attacking Jihiro! Why don't you pick on me instead?"

Parasite rounded on him in an instant and Sakon barely managed to dodge out of the way in time. Parasite rebounded and lunged at him a second time, the worm's fangs grazing Sakon's back and tearing his shirt. Sakon let out a curse as he realized Parasite had used The Postman as bait to draw him in close. Cut and bleeding, Sakon sped up, trying to get enough distance between them so he could retaliate. Fangs snapped at one of his legs and Sakon kicked out at it, trying to get away. It was very reminiscent of the last time he had faced Parasite and he wasn't about to allow himself to be captured again.

Parasite's entire body had become a weapon and coils of his body lashed out at the others, trying to crush them beneath his enormous weight. Shoji was knocked into the side of the cliff hard, but Moblins were hardy, and he was back on his feet in an instant. He wielded the axe like a pro, and with a mighty swing, he managed to gouge the worm deeply. Parasite had been about to close his jaws on Sakon, but at the tremendous pain, he reeled back in agony, temporarily losing focus.

Taking that opportunity, Zaira lunged forward and stabbed her sword up to the hilt into the wound, and Parasite lashed out at her, knocking her aside as he roared in pain. Zaira hit the ground hard, and rolled to her feet bruised but alright. Samirah, glanced to make sure Zaira was fine, and then she charged forward, dodging lengths of worm as she stabbed out at the same wound as the others. Parasite was expecting this however, and he slammed her aside with such force that there was a crunch, and when Samirah hit the ground, she didn't get back up again. Shoji and Zaira let out a roar of outrage, and they both ran at the worm weapons raised, and eyes fierce with determination. While Parasite was distracted with the attack, Sakon took this opportunity to throw himself at the mask in an attempt to pry it off. The mask wouldn't budge and now Sakon was much too close to Parasite's mouth to get away.

The Postman didn't see this however, because he ran to Samirah and pulled her out of harm's way just as a coil smashed down where she had been. He quickly checked her over, and was relieved to find that she was still breathing. He looked up, and had never felt more helpless in his entire life. He was way out of his depth and no idea what to do.

Squirming coils of worm were everywhere as Parasite kept pulling himself further and further out of the mountain. He seemed much bigger than when Sakon had seen him inside the Windfish's egg and the coils filled the air like a grotesque pile of spaghetti. Sakon clung to the mask as Parasite violently shook his head trying to dislodge him, and The Thief felt his grip start to slip, knowing this would mean his death. With one more violent shake, Sakon was thrown to the ground, and teeth snapped just inches in front of his face, causing him to let out a startled shriek.

The Postman looked over and saw the danger Sakon was in and knew he had to do something. He couldn't sit on the sidelines like a coward when his friends were in danger, but he had no idea what to do. He pulled out his shield and reached into the backpack looking for something useful. His hand closed over what he was looking for, and then he was off, running to make it to Sakon in time.

Parasite snapped at Sakon's head, who had dropped to the ground once again and rolled just in time. As a thief, Sakon was used to everyone trying to kill him, and so he had the reflexes of a cat. There wasn't a town or village in Hyrule that didn't have some sort of warrant out for him and Sakon had barely escaped with his life dozens of times. He'd lived in constant ostracism and danger since he was a child, and as far as he was concerned, no one besides a hero was allowed kill him. That didn't mean he was going to just accept his death when it came time, he would still fight tooth and nail to survive.

He dodged to one side as Parasite once again took a bite at him and he sped up even further. Parasite was very quickly becoming frustrated and lashed out at the thief with a length of its body, knocking him hard into the side of the cliff. Sakon let out a cry of pain as he was smashed bodily into the ground and didn't have time to recover before Parasite pounded a coil down on top of him, nearly crushing him. The worm then held him down as Sakon wheezed, trying to recover. Feeling like one enormous bruise, Sakon gave a useless squirm, unable to budge an inch against the enormous weight.

"So weak, little thief." Parasite mocked, his white fangs gleaming. "No one can defeat Parasite, and you will die."

It was then that The Postman threw the entire bag of magic powder at Parasite's face as hard as he could, the white powder exploding upon impact. Parasite let out a howl of agony as his entire face caught fire and he reeled back, unknowingly releasing Sakon.

Sakon rolled to his feet, gave The Postman a grin, and then jumped into the air away from Parasite. Parasite ground his own face into the dirt repeatedly until the flames were snuffed out, and then he turned a murderous gaze onto The Postman. He lashed out at him and The Postman barely had time to raise the shield before he was smashed into a large boulder. Parasite quickly swiped at him a second time, sending him sprawling into the side of another rock, and then he was hit a third time. The shield had lessened the impact slightly, but not nearly enough and he crumpled limply to the ground, bleeding and dizzy. Sakon let out a cry of outrage and flew at Parasite as fast as he could, kicking the worm hard in its burnt and shriveled face.

A chunk of flesh came off at impact and Parasite let out a monstrous roar, his face now bleeding a thick black ooze. Sakon stuck out his tongue at him, flying backwards in an attempt to lead Parasite away from The Postman. Parasite's red eyes narrowed at Sakon in pure hate, and he lunged at the thief without warning, his jaws snapping in front of Sakon's face. Instantly, Sakon was on the run again, trying to think of a way to kill the worm without getting himself maimed in the process. Coils of worm lashed out at him from every direction and Sakon dodged and zigzagged expertly, looking for an opportunity to attack.

Shoji had lost his axe when he was thrown aside, and now he was using fangs and claws to rip and tear. Seemingly long lost instincts of animalistic behaviour had surfaced, and he was acting more like a typical Moblin than the calm creature they had come to know. Zaira and Shoji's efforts were slowing down Parasite, and he was bleeding from many different spots. Zaira was then knocked aside so hard she couldn't get back up, and it was now up to Shoji.

The Moblin was battered and bruised, and very out of breath, but he was in a rage and continued fighting and dodging with all his strength. He was stronger than a human, and knew he was able to take a lot more abuse than the others, and so he took more risks to damage Parasite as much as possible. Every time he was batted aside, he jumped right back at the worm, and although Parasite seemed to be endlessly long, he knew he was making a difference.

The Postman was slumped against the boulder, his head bleeding heavily and he was barely conscious. He could feel the hot stickiness of blood streaming down his face but was confused and couldn't remember what had happened. The ballad of the Windfish was echoing loudly in his mind, clearly urging him to open his eyes and he let out a groan. He couldn't hear any of the battle taking place, the deafening music within his mind drowning out all other sound. Slowly opening his eyes, the song only grew louder, clearly ordering him to get up and take action.

The Postman tried to focus his bleary vision on the fight in front of him, his body just not wanting to cooperate. His whole body ached and he fell back when he attempted to push himself up. The music screamed at him in response and The Postman again forced himself up. Feeling a building clarity as the sounds came back to him, his eyes settled on Parasite who nearly filled all of the sky. He began searching the air for Sakon, hoping the thief was alright. He found him flitting high above him, barely a speck against the monstrosity that was Parasite, dagger drawn and avoiding attacks the best he could.

Sakon dodged a vicious assault and suddenly saw his chance. There was a soft-looking patch of skin just below Parasite's head and he knew if hit hard enough he'd be able to slit the worm's throat. Ducking below an attack he lifted his dagger for the death-strike and lunged. His blade almost touched Parasite's throat but Sakon suddenly froze, unable to go through with the kill. Despite knowing that Parasite wanted to and would kill him, Sakon kept seeing visions of The Postman laying dead in front of him. His stomach turned at the thought of shedding more blood, but he knew he had to go through with it. He had to fight and he had to kill. He had no choice if he wanted to live, and took a deep breath to ready himself. He hesitated only a moment, but that was enough for Parasite to react.

Parasite saw the hesitancy as an opportunity and eagerly took it.

Sakon howled as the razor-sharp teeth pierced his leg, stopping his escape dead in its tracks. Parasite crunched down all the harder and there was the definite snap of bone as Sakon screamed. The worm threw Sakon to the ground, the thief unable to slow the fall. He smashed bodily into the mountain, his limbs scraping across the rocks until he finally came to a stop. The dagger flew from his hand far out of reach, and Sakon let out a low whine of misery, multiple broken bones making themselves known. Before he even had time to move, Parasite slapped down a coil on top of him, pinning him to the ground. Parasite was now confident in his victory, and he gave a hungry grin towards his captured prey.

"No, no, no!" Sakon yelled out, all bravado instantly gone. He was through being a hero and just wanted to give up and go home. Screw the universe, someone else could save it. He wasn't a hero; he wasn't even a nice person!

"I am going to eat you piece by piece, limb by limb." Parasite told him casually. "Where would you like me to start? Any requests?"

Sakon gave an agonized wriggle, and then nodded. "Yeah, you can start with my hair."

Parasite stared at Sakon's bald head for a moment, and then tilted his own head dismissively. "I think I will start with your skin." He stated. "You will survive it but the pain will be wondrous. After that I will take off your limbs one by one starting with the legs."

"Gross slimy tapeworm." Sakon moaned.

Parasite replied by applying pressure to Sakon's broken leg. The yowl was immediate and Sakon felt his vision blacken for just a moment, the pain unbearable.

The Postman watched in horror as Sakon was defeated, feeling both shocked and numb. It was clear the thief wasn't getting back up, and needed his help. He struggled to his feet, and took a step forward but his legs were shaky and buckled beneath him. He hit the ground with a grunt, the music scolding him and ordering him to get himself together.

The Postman reached down and picked up his shield, noting that there seemed to be blood completely covering him. Squinting up at Sakon above, he let out a gasp as Parasite's teeth came down on Sakon's chest, causing the thief to let out a scream of agony.

First Parasite had killed Marin and now he was going to kill Sakon too. The Postman was furious that he could do nothing to stop it and the music swelled to mirror his anger. He felt a pulse of red magic reach for him, and he glanced at the fallen sword that Parasite had batted away. The magic was desperately trying to connect with him, and he could feel it whispering to him, encouraging him to allow it to join with him. The Postman stared at the sword, and felt the magic surround him in a warm cloud, as the music within his mind only grew louder. He didn't know what to do, and he shot a look over at Sakon who was struggling and yelling in an attempt to escape. He needed to help, he needed to save his friends, he needed to stop Parasite.

Reaching out in pure instinct, he felt his hand close over something made of cold metal. He looked down to see he was holding the enchanted sword and stared at it in surprise, the metal shining fiercely as there was a flash of lightening above. The sword had been drawn to him, and now that he held it, he felt its magic flow into him like a endless river of power. The magic latched onto his own, and The Postman allowed it, having a feeling it was going to help him. A burning pain erupted in his chest as the magics joined together and The Postman gasped, the power within him almost overwhelming. He felt the life of the sword within his own magic now, and knew they were connected, and everything felt natural and right. There was a second flash and he saw that Sakon's name was no longer inscribed anywhere on the sword. In brilliant golden letters, the name Ichiro was engraved on its side.

He stared at it long and hard, wondering what this could mean. Why was Ichiro's name once again on the sword? Was Ichiro the one trying to help him? Was he his brother? Where was he, and why wasn't he here?

" _Fight_."

The Postman looked all around, but he was alone.

" _Save yourself_."

It was the voice of the woman from his dream, and The Postman didn't answer, his focus entirely on Parasite.

" _Go my warrior, save your friend's life. Save Sakon_."

The music screamed at him to move before it was too late, and The Postman found himself slowly rising to his feet once again. Clenching the shield in one hand and the sword in the other, he saw Parasite begin lowering its head towards Sakon, teeth bared. Instinct took over and The Postman charged, his body and mind seemingly acting of their own accord, everything seeming fuzzy and far away. He lunged for Parasite's head, and he smashed his shield directly into the teeth, shattering them from the force. Parasite jerked back with a roar of surprise, and The Postman stood over Sakon, waiting for the inevitable attack.

"Run." Sakon ordered him, through clenched teeth. "Get out of here Jihiro. Leave me and go!"

The Postman glanced down at Sakon, and the thief was surprised at the determination he saw on his friend's face. The Postman didn't say anything, but turned his attention back to Parasite as the worm recovered from his surprise.

"You..." he hissed. "You will not win this fight, monster. You will lose to me, and I will live on. The goddess is mistaken about you, and you are nothing."

The Postman held up his shield, and simply waited, knowing he had to protect Sakon at all costs. As Parasite dove in for the kill, Shoji pounced on the worm's face, clawing and biting fiercly at any and all flesh he could reach. Parasite let out another loud howl and jerked his head violently to one side, sending the Moblin crashing to the ground. Before he had a chance to roll to his feet, Parasite smashed a coil directly on top of him as hard as he could. The Moblin was no longer visible, hidden far beneath Parasite's massive body. Without hesitating, Parasite lunged for The Postman, his jaws open wide to take off his head. The sword's magic seemed to be directing him, and The Postman side-stepped the attack and once again smashed Parasite in the face with the shield. Howling in outrage, Parasite full-on attacked, coils and teeth seemingly everywhere at once. Using his Pegasus Boots, The Postman began running, drawing the worm away from his injured friends, and hoping it would buy them some time to get out of there.

The Postman had miscalculated however, and the moment he had stepped away from Sakon, the worm went in for the kill.

"No! Sakon!" The Postman yelled, his magic flaring violently in distress.

There was no way he could make it back in time, and Sakon looked up in horror as the enormous mouth came down for him. The Thief closed his eyes and braced himself for the painful death to come, not seeing any way out of this.

There was suddenly a brilliant flash of blue light that momentarily blinded them, and Parasite slammed against some sort of invisible barrier. The Postman felt a deadly and powerful blue magic fill the entire area, and he paused, confused over what he was sensing. Sakon slowly opened his eyes and to his complete surprise, saw The Happy Mask Salesman standing over him, hands held out, and face focussed and determined. The Postman had never before been able to accurately sense The Happy Mask Salesman's magic, and it felt strange to him, his red magic wanting to instinctively lash out at it.

Parasite glared down at the newcomer, and then hissed and threw his body down on top of the magical shield, trying to force his way through it. The Happy Mask Salesman flinched at the force, but kept his hands raised, the barrier remaining strong. He briefly met The Postman's gaze, gave him a nod and then turned his attention back to the worm. As Parasite smashed himself onto the barrier over and over again, The Postman knew The Happy Mask Salesman wouldn't be able to maintain it forever. Parasite let out a frustrated snarl, and then turned his attention to the downed pirates.

"I will tear all of your friends apart in front of you, monster. You will feel pain like no other before you die."

As Parasite started towards the pirates, The Postman took chase, pushing himself to run as fast as he could. Just wanting to stop Parasite before he could hurt anyone else, The Postman lashed out at him once again with the shield. Knocked off course, Parasite's face smashed into a rock, and luckily Zaira and Samirah were left untouched.

Rounding on The Postman, Parasite let out a hiss at the sight of him, broken, jagged teeth exposed in absolute fury.

"You will suffer greatly for this." he promised, lunging at him, mouth agape. "I will kill them eventually and there's nothing you can do to stop me. You will die, and the goddess will suffer the consequences of her failure."

Sakon stared at The Postman with wide eyes, not expecting any of this to happen at all. He watched as The Postman stood his ground, and smashed his shield into Parasite's face, knocking the attack aside. He then ran and dodged, his focus entirely on the worm, his expression fierce with concentration.

Blind with rage, Parasite lashed out at The Postman with both his teeth and body at the same time, determined to kill him one way or another.

The Postman was driven by the screaming magic that coursed through his mind, and lashed out again and again, feeling like he was in a dream that he couldn't wake from. His quiet life as a postman seemed a lifetime ago, and now the only thing he knew was the fight before him. The Postman was in no way strong, but he was extremely quick and everything about this felt eerily natural to him. His thoughts seemed to have come to a complete standstill, Parasite being the only thing he was capable of concentrating on.

Parasite's bleeding lower half was slowly beginning to heal itself, the skin stitching together like he was being sewn from some large invisible hand. Long lengths of severed worm covered the top of the mountain, Shoji and the pirate's damage evident.

Parasite slammed into The Postman like a brick wall and he was thrown back hard into a large chuck of rock. The Postman let out a cry of pain as his arm hit a sharp piece of stone and the sword and shield fell from his hands. Parasite gave him a cruel grin of satisfaction and hit him a second time, knocking him to the ground. The Postman's vision went black for a moment, his entire body screaming in pain and past the booming, angry music, he heard the woman's voice call to him.

" _Do not give up! Fight! Defend yourself_!"

Gasping for air, The Postman gave a wince knowing several of his ribs were broken and he slowly forced his eyes to open. He was met with the sight of enormous white fangs just inches from his face. Sakon was calling to him as loudly as he could, but The Postman was feeling dazed. He couldn't understand a word the thief was yelling to him but it was extremely panicked and the music was swelling and ordering him to move.

The Postman felt the ground next to him and his fingers once again found the sword, despite the blade having been flung far away. His magic had called it to him once again. He stared up into the burnt face of Parasite, the worm's eyes narrowed to furious red slits from behind the mask.

"You are nothing. She was fool to put so much faith in you." Parasite hissed, "I will kill her to save her from the embarrassment of your failure. When you are dead, I will enjoy ripping the others limb from limb."

Parasite dove down at The Postman, teeth bared for the kill and without even thinking about it, The Postman brought the sword up in one powerful swing. There was a sickening 'squelch' as sword met flesh and there was a tense moment of silence as The Postman froze. Parasite's eyes rolled up, and a moment later the severed head of the worm hit the ground in front of him. The music cut off abruptly, and The Postman's mind was filled with a heavy, crippling silence. An icy agony then hit him, and he clutched at his chest, feeling as though he was having a heart attack. The ice stabbed into him deeply, and although he saw nothing physically hurting him, the pain was unbearable, and he fell back. Something felt very wrong with his magic, and The Postman stared at the dead worm, dread and regret settling into the pit of his stomach.

What had he done?

Realizing that he'd just killed a sentient being, he stared at the blood-soaked sword in complete horror and threw it to the ground. There seemed to be flesh and blood everywhere, and The Postman remembered Parasite's monstrous vision of the village and he felt completely nauseated. Why had he done that? He was no warrior; he didn't even know how to fight! He'd taken someone's life! He had murdered a creature and its blood now surrounded him, puddles of it growing next to the head and body, seemingly accusing him.

He very slowly pushed himself to his feet and stared down at the head, its jaws still snapping reflexively. He felt an overwhelming despair at what he'd done and although Parasite was a monster, he knew he shouldn't have killed him. He should have found a better way, and he closed his eyes, not wanting to see it anymore.

The Postman knew he was hurt quite badly, but could feel nothing except the iciness that seemed to creep deeper and deeper within him, The horror and revulsion were outweighing any other emotion, and he slowly sank down to his knees.

He turned his eyes to Sakon in the distance, who was looking even worse for wear than him. Sakon's leg was clearly broken and the thief was covered in blood from head to toe.

Despite his obvious injuries, Sakon gave him a grin and a thumbs-up, clearly not bothered by what The Postman had just done. Using his arms to support himself so he could sit up, he looked incredibly proud and called over to him.

"Way to show that tapeworm who's boss, darling! I didn't know you had it in you! Good job!"

The Postman didn't answer. He hadn't known he'd had it in him either. It seemed he was capable of a great many things he'd rather not be. Suddenly without warning, a hand grabbed his shoulder and pulled him quickly to one side just as Parasite's head lunged at him. The head fell to the ground dead, this being the last of its strength and life. The Postman looked beside him at The Happy Mask Salesman who was making a point to carefully brush invisible dust from his clothes.

"Careful, Postman." The Happy Mask Salesman cautioned with a knowing grin.

"Where did you come from anyway?" Sakon called in surprise.

Ignoring him, The Happy Mask Salesman turned his attention to the severed head.

Sakon stared at his uncle thoughtfully for a moment, and then gave a shrug, immediately wincing at the movement. "You actually went out of your way to save my life."

The Happy Mask Salesman waved him off impatiently. "Nonsense, I was simply protecting my investment. You owe me a great deal of rupees after all."

Sakon scowled at him. "That was not why you saved me!"

"Whatever makes you feel better." The Happy Mask Salesman responded, offhandedly.

The Happy Mask Salesman turned his gaze back to the severed head and approached it, all of his attention now on the mask. He gave the head a prod with his foot to make sure it was dead, and then very slowly reached for the mask. It pulled away from the corpse with a bare touch of his hand and immediately shrank down so that it was human-sized. The moment the mask was removed, Parasite began shriveling like someone had lit the worm on fire and within seconds, nothing was left at all. A conch horn fell to the ground, no longer being hidden by the worm.

Sakon leaned back against a rock wheezing in pain, but his eyes stayed glued to his uncle suspiciously. "You better disinfect that thing or you'll give yourself tapeworms." He called out.

The Happy Mask Salesman clearly wasn't paying him any attention, and ran a hand carefully across the mask's surface. The Postman could feel the power radiating off of it and gave a shudder, not liking it at all. Looking incredibly satisfied with himself, The Happy Mask Salesman quickly looked the mask over, and then finally turned his attention to Sakon. He approached the thief as Sakon eyed him warily, and didn't say a single word as he knelt down beside him. He quickly looked over Sakon's injuries with a thoughtful expression, and then turned away.

"You'll live." was his only comment.

Sakon scowled at him. "Anyone ever tell you that you have the bedside manner of a toad? I'm hurt and a little sympathy would be nice!"

The Happy Mask Salesman rolled his eyes and then approached The Postman. "I'm ready to leave now, postman. Please wake the Windfish so we can go home."

Fighting to stay focussed, The Postman looked up at him. "We lost." he replied. "Parasite wiped out all of the Windfish's creations. Marin is dead."

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded. "She is." he acknowledged.

"We have no way to wake him now. The Windfish is dead."

Sakon's eyes widened. "What?! You mean we have to stay here forever?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman glanced over at his nephew. "You have a snail on your face." he pointed out.

Sakon reached up and plucked Gertrude from his forehead. "How in Din's name did you survive?!" he cried out in astonishment.

"I'm much tougher than I look." the snail replied proudly. "I may be small, but I have a hard shell and an intense sense of determination. Plus I hate worms."

Sakon grinned down at the snail and placed it safely on his shoulder. "I'm not fond of worms either." he commented agreeably.

The Postman still hadn't said a single word during this, and stared down at the ground, feeling relieved. Perhaps the snail was enough to keep the Windfish alive?

There was a shift in the rubble where Parasite had been, and everyone looked over in alarm, hoping Parasite wasn't still somehow alive. To their relief, Shoji burst out of the rubble, bloody and bruised, but still in pretty good shape. He eyed The Postman somewhat warily before hurrying over to check on Samirah. Zaira was tending to her, and Samirah was awake, but still pretty dazed. Sakon waved over at them with a cheerful grin, and The Postman painfully edged his way over, knowing at some point he'd have to tell Sakon about what Parasite's vision had shown him.

"Why are you being all mopey?" Sakon demanded good-naturedly. "We won, we actually did it! We're going home!"

"Yeah." The Postman replied without much emotion.

Sakon frowned at him, taking note of all the blood and cuts. "You're hurt..." he observed uneasily. "How bad is it?"

"I'm fine." The Postman lied, knowing in fact he was hurt very badly.

Sakon's eyes widened, knowing he was lying.

"I'm just tired." The Postman told him, every part of his body in agony."So, what do we do now?"

The Happy Mask Salesman turned to face them. "Our business is concluded here, and so we go home of course."

"How?" Sakon whined. "Where's the Windfish?"

The Happy Mask Salesman knelt down and picked up the conch from the ground. He held it out towards them and when he was sure he had everyone's attention he said. "To leave the dream, the Windfish must be woken. Now we play the instruments."

"Fine, go ahead then." Sakon said eagerly. "I want to get out of this dump and back home!"

The Happy Mask Salesman handed the conch to The Postman. "I believe you're the one the Windfish has been calling. You have to be the one to wake him."

The Postman stared down at the conch and felt like he was about to pass out. "I don't know how to play."

"Try." The Happy Mask Salesman replied, searching the mountaintop for the other instruments.

The Postman stared down at the conch in his fist, noting that his hands had flecks of black blood on them from Parasite. The Happy Mask Salesman brought over the other seven instruments and set them in front of The Postman, giving him an expectant look.

"Go on, Jihiro!" Samirah encouraged. "Let's go home!"

"Yes, hurry up!" Zaira ordered, giving him a small smile. "Get a move on it, you nuisance!"

The Postman took a deep breath, averted his gaze from his bloody hands, and schooled his expression into indifference.

"Hurry up!" Sakon ordered impatiently. "I want to get back into a body that's not all smashed to pieces!"

The Happy Mask Salesman spared his nephew a glance. "Your injuries will carry over with you." He informed him.

Sakon's eyes widened. "What?! Why?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a shrug. "You know the old saying that if you die in a dream, you die in real life? This is no ordinary dream, and your injuries will follow you."

Sakon scowled at him. "How do you know this?" he demanded. "Are you messing with me?"

The Happy Mask Salesman ignored him and didn't answer, instead motioning for The Postman to get on with it. Sakon gave The Postman a large grin and pulled himself up a bit straighter.

"Thanks for saving me, darling, now play those damn instruments."

The Postman had no idea how to play a conch horn, but he raised it to his lips all the same and gave it a blow. One deep note sounded, and then to his surprise the conch disappeared from his hands. The sound of a conch filled the air, its notes low and gentle and The Postman immediately recognized the tune. The Windfish's Ballad was now playing for everyone to hear. Glancing over at the others, it was clear that they did hear it, and The Postman felt relieved that it wasn't just in his mind. Sakon was looking all around, his expression bewildered but he didn't question it.

The Postman was handed the cowbell and he gave it a shake, the bell immediately disappearing too. The cowbell's deep chime joined in with the conch and The Postman was wordlessly handed the cello. He didn't have a bow for it so he ran his fingers across the strings, the cello disappearing before he'd even finished. The sad, mournful sound of the cello joined in with the others and a ball of dim light slowly began to form in front of them. The Postman played instrument after instrument until it sounded like an entire orchestra was playing the Windfish's Ballad.

The ball of light became brighter and brighter, and when the eighth and final instrument was played, it gave one final pulse and then proceeded to explode, showering them all in some sort of hot powder-like debris. They were blinded by the brilliant power being released and all six of them shielded their eyes against it. When they looked up a moment later, it was to the very bizarre sight of a flying whale.

"Oh, so he is a fish!" Sakon whispered a bit too loudly.

The Whale gave Sakon a gentle look, and he seemed rather amused by the comment. "Thank you brave mortals for curing me of that putrid creature. I would have perished if it wasn't for your bravery and strength of character."

"Can we go home now?" Sakon demanded.

The Postman's eyes widened. "Sakon, shh! Let him speak!"

"It's alright, brave warrior. The Thief does not offend me. Yes, I will send you all home, but first I will give you your rewards."

Sakon perked up. "Rewards?!"

"You each may make one request of a gift within reason, and it will be given to you."

"I want all my books back." Shoji immediately answered, causing everyone to look at him in surprise.

He looked a bit embarrassed, but offered an explanation. "I've lived with those books for hundreds of years, and I don't want to lose them."

The Windfish nodded. "It will be granted. You may have all the books that were on this island."

"Me next!" Sakon bellowed out.

"Very well, thief, what is it you want?"

"Give me the most valuable thing on this island."

"Granted." The Windfish replied. "You will be provided with knowledge."

Sakon's face fell. "What?"

"Knowledge is the most valuable thing on my island, and you will be given many textbooks to learn from."

Sakon blinked a few times. "...I'd like to change my reward to a million rupees please."

"No." The Windfish responded before turning to Samirah. "And what is it you want?"

Samirah hesitated a long time, and then asked. "Can I have my leg back? Can you heal me?"

The Windfish nodded. "It will be granted."

He turned to Zaira. "And what is it you want?"

"I want more control over my green magic." she requested. "I have a hard time using it to heal."

"That is easily granted. Your green magic will be increased so you'll have an easier time controlling it."

The Windfish turned to The Happy Mask Salesman, his gaze falling on the mask. "I assume you want the mask?"

The Happy Mask Salesman grinned and nodded.

"You may take it."

It was now The Postman's turn, and The Windfish's gaze turned sad for just a moment. "Brave warrior of the gods, what is it you want?"

"I want the gods to leave me alone." The Postman responded without even thinking. He then slapped a hand over his mouth, realizing how rude that seemed.

"Unfortunately that is a request I can't honour." The Windfish replied. "Your destiny cannot be meddled in."

The Postman felt frustrated, but was too injured and dizzy to argue very much. "Why?" he simply asked.

"I cannot tell you anything about your destiny. It is forbidden."

"Forbidden by who?" Sakon demanded. "And can I please change my reward?"

"Forbidden by someone I've made a vow with. And no, you cannot change your request."

"Can you tell me who Ichiro is?" The Postman asked.

The Windfish froze in surprise, and then shook his head. "I cannot tell you anything about this. Choose something you wish me to give you."

"I choose a million rupees." Sakon interjected.

"Your request was already made, thief." The Windfish responded. "It is done, and cannot be changed. Be thankful for what you've been given."

Sakon scowled and crossed his arms. "This sucks."

"I don't want anything." The Postman stated, wearily. "Please just send us home."

"Jihiro, wish for a million rupees!" Sakon said. "If you don't want them, give them to me!"

The Windfish seemed to accept The Postman's request, and glanced from one person to the next. "Think of the spot you want to go to, and I will send you there. Please give me Gertrude, and I will send you on your way."

Sakon was still looking furious, but he placed the snail down onto the ground without complaint.

"Thank you for your help, and you have my blessings." The Windfish told them, slowly turning into a bright ball of light. "Good luck in the mortal realm, and I wish you all the best."

Sakon turned to The Postman. "You wasted a perfectly good wish." he accused.

The Postman was struggling to keep his eyes open, and he gave a disinterested shrug. "I just want to go home."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Okay, I'll see you on the other side!"

"See ya later, Tracker!" Samirah called over, looking excited.

"Good luck." Zaira told him. "But I'm still writing that letter of complaint about you."

Shoji glared at him, but did give him a nod. "I hope we never meet again, but I wish you well."

"Goodbye." The Postman answered to everyone in general.

Samirah whispered something into Shoji's ear and the Moblin gave her an earnest nod. "I have no objection to that." he told her. "I'll come with you."

"Good, because I need a new, but safer adventure!" she announced with a laugh.

There was another blinding flash of light that seemed to pull at their flesh uncomfortably, a presence so large and powerful, it couldn't be ignored. They felt the full might of The Windfish, and it was truly incredible. Through the light, The Postman caught sight of the giant flying whale before his mind exploded in a collage of images and he felt his body collapse beneath him.

The Postman saw images of blood, flames, and death everywhere and he felt something burst within his mind. Like the floodgates had been suddenly opened, The Postman remembered everything from the month he'd spent with his uncle. He remembered every painful experiment, every beating, and every rant his uncle had directed at him. More and more images began to flood his mind, and he was having trouble telling his past from the horrible dreams. He remembered his friendship with Sakon when they were children, and he was shown the same burning village over and over again.

He saw an imposing black castle, a brown-eyed baby laying naked on an altar within its dungeons, a tall man in a black cloak and his parents standing nearby. His mother was crying and ringing her hands nervously as she watched, and his father was holding her close, his eyes never leaving the infant. The cloaked man was reading from a book above the baby, his words strange and unfamiliar. The baby's skin began to emit a dull glow and the man's voice began to get louder and louder as the baby screamed in pain. The Postman wasn't quite sure what he was seeing, but before he could put much thought into it, the images were gone as quickly as they'd come and he was surrounded by darkness.

The darkness could have lasted five minutes or five years because The Postman had no concept of time in his current state. He had the sensation of weightlessness, there was no pain and he was too groggy to think clearly.

He heard a soft whisper in his ear but the voice sounded thousands of miles away and he couldn't understand it. It became a bit louder and he felt a word ghost across his mind.

"-Hero."

The Postman continued floating blissfully, having no opinion on that.

"-Hero." the voice repeated even louder.

The Postman struggled to react, but he had no words to use. He felt like he was beneath some sort of heavy weight pushing him down, and he had to really struggle to push through it.

"Hero-"

The Postman tugged at the darkness even harder.

"-Hiro!"

The Postman felt himself rising like he was surfacing in water and the voice became even clearer.

"Jihiro!"

"Jaru, I don't think we should move him, he looks really bad."

The Postman struggled even harder to pull away the smothering darkness.

"JIHIRO!"

The Postman became aware of excruciating pain and let out a moan, this being the first sound he'd made. He reached out his hands and felt warm, rough sand beneath his fingers. Sand? Where did sand come from? The Postman slowly opened his eyes a crack, the light nearly blinding him, and he blinked a few times before he could focus his vision. Looking up, he saw several of his brothers and sisters gathered around him worriedly, none daring to touch him.

"Thank the goddesses." his sister Toshiko said in relief. "You scared us half to death!"

The Postman took a shallow breath, his chest feeling like it had been crushed and winced at the pain. Why were his brothers and sisters on the island? How did they get here all the way from Termina? The Postman gave another long blink and then tried to sit up. He fell back down with a grunt, his limbs too bruised and swollen to be of much use.

"No, don't move!" Jaru cried out in a panic. "Stay still!"

The Postman squinted up at him. "Help me up." he ordered, his voice dry and scratchy.

All his siblings immediately shook their heads.

"You're hurt." Toshiko pointed out.

"Help. Me. Up." The Postman said with more force.

The others exchanged a look with one another, and then two of his brothers reached forward to gently help him sit up. The Postman felt several of his ribs shift at the movement and he bit his lip in an attempt not to cry out. Once sitting up properly, The Postman glanced around and to his complete surprise he saw he was on the beach of Great Bay in Termina. It was just after dawn and he could see a pirate ship sailing away in the distance, its black flags raised as a warning to all. It was the same ship he had left on.

"Where have you been?" Toshiko demanded, a hint of anger in her voice. "We've been looking for you all night! What happened to you at the wedding?"

The Postman simply stared at her. "I've been gone for weeks." he replied, his voice sounding weak even to his own ears.

Toshiko gave him an odd look. "We thought we saw you ride by us last night dressed as a woman...but it couldn't have been you. What happened? Who did this to you?"

The Postman's eyes widened. Last night? What was going on?! His gaze went back to the pirate ship now barely visible in the distance. If they had seen him ride by just a few hours ago then he should already be on the pirate ship on the way to the island... How was he in two places at once?! Was he also on that ship at this very moment?

"You're really not looking very good..." Jaru commented. "We need to get you to the doctor's. You're bleeding everywhere..."

The Postman was beginning to feel extremely light-headed and none of this was making sense. Did he even go to the island? Did he imagine the whole thing? Was he really just losing his mind? Did he have a mental breakdown at Haru's wedding and hallucinate everything? Nothing made sense and The Postman let out a deep groan.

He let his head drop tiredly on his brother's shoulder, and saw the Pegasus boots were still on his feet. It appeared the Windfish had given him a reward after all. It wasn't a dream, the whole adventure had really happened. They had escaped the island and woken the Windfish.

"Where's Sakon?" he ordered, feeling himself slowly being pulled back towards the darkness of sleep. "Please."

"Who?"

The Postman's eyes drifted closed. "S'my friend." he answered, his words slurring.

Without another word, The Postman lost consciousness, slumping limply into his siblings arms. As they very carefully lifted him to bring him home, no one noticed they were being observed.

Watching from high above on the cliffs, a Goddess stood silent and still, a seagull perched beside her. The bird had a little bit too much intelligence in its eyes and it let out a powerful shriek, taking off into the air, flying as far and as freely as it desired.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **Chapter 1 of Part 5 will be out in early January**


	77. The Lost Memories

**Authornote** **: Monday Jan. 1st 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Welcome to the first chapter of Part 5! This is a very long story arc, but everything will finally be explained. I hope you guys enjoy the ride! I decided to post the first chapter on New Years because it seemed fitting to begin this huge tome today. :D**

 **I will be starting a new (very demanding) job on the 15th and so updates may become a little bit sporadic after that. I'll still do my best of course to post on time, but it's not something I can guarantee.**

 **If anyone is interested, I posted the first 2 chapters of a SailorMoon fic. I know next to nothing about Sailor Moon, so it might be bad. lol (it was a Christmas request from my sister)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **There was quite a few anonymous reviews this chapter! I'm not sure if any of them are from the same person, but I'll respond to them separately all just the same! :D Thanks for the support everyone!**

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 **Guest1 \- **Link's Awakening was actually my very first Zelda game, and so it holds a lot of nostalgia for me. lol It may not be the best Zelda game, but at least it didn't have terrible motion controls like some others I could name. :p Thank you so much for the review!

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 **Guest2 \- **Wow! Reading 34 chapters in 2 days is crazy! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so much! I hope the rest of it lives up to the expectations!

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 **Guest3 \- **Ghirahim, the one villain who can defeated by bodily fluids. ;) I'll leave that one alone now...

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 **Guest4 \- **You are correct in your guess. The Postman has killed someone, and no matter the reason, there's no taking it back. The damage has been done. Sakon is not very happy with his reward, but that's his fault for being too greedy. lol The Windfish was just trolling him though, and he is going to get a real reward. :)

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 **Guest5 \- **We now know The Happy Mask Salesman has blue magic, and he knows far more about everything than he'll ever let on. He has no obligation to help anyone, and so no one can depend on him for any real sort of information. He'd be more inclined to help Sakon, but he wouldn't make it easy, and it wouldn't be cheap. lol

I'm really happy you liked the story and I hope you like the final arc just as much as the rest! The final part is going to be very long. :)

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 **Squalohaifisch** \- Holy crap! You binge-read this whole story in less than a week! O_o Thank you so much for the kind words, you really made my day! When I set out to write this story, it was with the goal to give absolutely everyone in it a personality and a backstory. Anyone mentioned in this story (even just briefly) has had tons of thought put into them. I even put a lot of thought into the Curiosity Shop Owner and what his childhood was like. I'm so glad you noticed this! I find it so much easier to write a character if I know what motivates them, and what shaped them to be what they are.

Sakon is indeed slowly becoming a better person because of The Postman's influence. He doesn't even realize it's happening, but everyone else is starting to see a change in him. Sakon's still not a very nice person, but change takes time. lol

The Postman by far is the character who gets changed the most by events in this story. He's not the same person he once was, and nothing will ever be the same for him. He is indeed still determined, stubborn, polite and loyal, but changes have begun to slowly shape him. He has begun to see the world differently, and no matter how much he fights it, he's not the same.

Thankfully my eyes are stabilized for the time being. I still get monthly injections, but the doctor hopes the condition won't worsen once they stop. Thank you for your concern! :)

Thanks for your review, and I hope you enjoy the final story arc!

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 **Remvis** \- The Postman now remembers everything, and even he didn't realize just how much he'd forgotten. He is going to want answers, and he is  not happy. lol If this story was like Dragon Ball Z, the characters would spend 12 episodes staring at each and grunting as they worked up the energy to fight. (I actually like DBZ, but it's easy to make fun of)

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 **Rainmy** \- Thanks for sticking around to the end! :D It won't be too long before we're at parts you've never seen before, and I hope you enjoy the direction it goes!

I think most villains are tsunderes, it's just that you don't usually get to know them, and usually just see their evil side. Everyone has a purpose for what they do, even if their reasoning is flawed.

The Postman is a very gentle person, and even the thought of killing a monster upsets him. The way he sees it, is that even though a monster may be evil, it's still a thinking, breathing creature. If it's killed, everything it was is now gone. Parasite was created for one purpose only, and so he had very little choice but to destroy everything he touched. He knew this was the reason for his creation, but he couldn't resist destiny's pull, just like The Postman couldn't. There is another creature later on that you know about who is very similar to Parasite in this way.

I was originally going to have Samirah wish for something else, but then I thought about what she would probably want the most. She wasn't born disabled, and her leg was only lost a few years prior when she was 14. I figured it wasn't realistic to have her wish for material items when she would definitely want her limb back. If I lost a limb in an accident, I'd definitely want it back too.

Part 5 is not going to change plot-wise, but there are going to be a lot more details, and a lot more character development. Characters who are going to be introduced later will hopefully seem a bit more realistic.

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 **Melle2001** \- The Happy Mask Salesman totally enjoys being a jerk to Sakon. lol To be fair, Sakon's not exactly nice to him either, but they're still family in a dysfunctional sort of way. Sakon knows the reason he was saved, but THMS would never say so.

Gertrude...people need to stop letting Sakon name things. I can only imagine what he'd name his child if he ever had one!

Sakon got what he needed, not what he wanted. :p The master troll just got trolled. lol

I'm glad you liked the finale, and I hope you enjoy this final story arc. (it's very long!)

Merry Belated Christmas and Happy New Years!

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon calls The Postman a girl all the time. lol He probably shouldn't make those sorts of comments, considering he lives with the Gerudo, but Sakon does what Sakon wants regardless of any consequences.

"I AM NOT A TAPEWORM!" Parasite would disagree with your statement. ;P

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 **setokayba2n** \- That is indeed a very good question! The Postman needs to start asking the right questions if he ever wants any hope of understanding.

I have quite a few stories on the go right now, and so I'll probably work on one of those for a while, and do a few one-shots of other things. I have an idea for a very long Zelda fic about Caspian and Sakon, but I'll probably put that on the backburners for now. I'll likely continue The Unwanted Hero first since I have a lot of ideas for that one. My sister wants me to continue the Sailor Moon one though. lol

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 **placesmileshere** \- Sakon can never be too serious, even if his face is about to be chewed off by an evil tapeworm. ;p Don't worry too much about Sakon, he's going to get a real reward, the Windfish was just trolling him. If there's one thing the gods enjoy, it's messing with mortals. lol

Parasite indeed still fought against The Postman, even though he knew it was his destiny to die. He saw The Postman's weakness, and felt certain he could win, and certain he could fight destiny. The Postman is the same way, and he too fights tooth and nail against these quests. The Postman refuses to believe destiny is set in stone, and so there's going to be a battle of wills very soon... He doesn't even know what his destiny is, but he's certain he's not going to like it.

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 1

The Lost Memories

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The Postman was taken back to his parents house, all of his siblings incredibly worried. When they entered the house, The Postman's mother, Jinaudi, looked up from the book she'd been reading, and then gasped. The book fell to the floor as she jumped to her feet, and she rushed over, her heart in her throat.

"What happened?" she cried out, seeing her blood-soaked son. "Is he alive?"

"We don't know what happened, Ma." Jaru explained. "We found him like this."

Jinaudi was relieved when she saw the gentle rise and fall of The Postman's chest, but there was a worrying amount of blood soaking his clothes.

"You shouldn't have moved him!" She scolded. "He must have taken a bad fall!"

The Postman's brothers and sisters exchanged a long look.

"I don't think so, Ma..." Toshiko replied a bit hesitantly holding out the blood-stained magical sword.

Jinaudi stared at the sword in horror, and then quickly motioned for The Postman to be laid down on the nearby couch.

"Niko, go fetch the doctor!" she ordered. "Van, go grab the emergency fairy out of the bathroom cabinet."

"What's wrong with Jihiro, mummy?" Minoko asked, trying her best to push past the others. "Is he hurt?"

"Toshiko, get the little ones out of here." Jinaudi ordered. "And someone get your father in here. He's out back cutting wood."

Toshiko forcibly ushered her younger brothers and sisters out of the house, and a few moments later The Postman's father came barreling in, face panicked. When Mokoto's eyes fell on his oldest son, he rushed over and immediately knelt down beside him.

"Why hasn't he been given a fairy yet?" he demanded. "What happened?"

"Here!" Van called, pushing through the crowd to hold out the bottled fairy.

Mokoto snatched it and popped out the cork, the fairy swirling around the injuries in a cloud of pink sparkles. To everyone's surprise and dismay, the injuries were not healed, and the fairy disappeared looking very disappointed in itself.

"Grab a healing potion." Jinaudi ordered, getting a very bad feeling about this. "Quickly!"

Only seconds later, one of her children was back with the healing potion, and she grabbed it as Mokoto propped The Postman up. Tipping The Postman's head back, she very carefully poured it down his throat, glad when he swallowed reflexively. Everyone watched with bated breath but still the injuries did not heal.

"Where is that doctor?!" Jinaudi demanded. "Niko's been gone ages!"

"He only just left a few minutes ago, Ma." Jaru corrected. "The doctor has to come from Clocktown."

"He needs to hurry up!" she said on the verge of a panic attack.

"Help me remove his shirt." Mokoto ordered. "We need to see the extent of the injuries."

Jinaudi knelt down beside her husband, and helped him carefully pull off the dirty and blood-soaked shirt. The Postman did not wake during the manhandling, his body too injured and exhausted. When his shirt was finally peeled away, they discovered a whole series of terrible looking wounds that covered his chest. It wasn't the fresh wounds that caught their attention, however, it was the scars that covered every inch of skin they could see, some older than others. They could see the old stab wounds from Link in his stomach, and what looked like a puncture wound from an arrow. An angry looking scar ran down the front of his chest that looked like someone had attempted to slice him open with a sharp blade, and that scar looked very recent. The Postman's shoulder was a mass of ugly scar tissue, and it was clear it hadn't healed correctly either. Very gently turning him on his side, they saw his back was completely covered in long stripe-like scars obviously caused by a whip, and Jinaudi felt her stomach turn.

Mokoto and Jinaudi were in complete shock at the sight of the injuries. Everywhere they looked they found more and more injuries, and Jinaudi couldn't help it and started to sob. Her fingers found the desert emblem on The Postman's neck, and she turned her gaze to her husband. There was no mistaking what that mark meant, and they knew that their son had returned to work for the Gerudo. He had no excuse for it this time; he had chosen to return and hadn't told any of them.

Jinaudi studied him for a long moment, noting that he looked like he hadn't cut his hair in months, the hair incredibly shaggy and overgrown. He was also looking very thin, very dirty and he obviously hadn't shaved for a few days. The Jihiro she knew would never let himself get in such a state. What had happened to him? He looked nothing like himself, and Jinaudi sobbed harder. Mokoto instantly wrapped an arm around her, frowning down at his son worriedly.

"Who did this to him?" Jinaudi cried, leaning into her husband. "Who has our son gotten himself involved with?"

Mokoto held her tightly, his lips a thin line, and his fists clenched in anger. Who would dare harm his child to such an extent?! He didn't care if it was Ganondorf or The Hero of Time, whoever it was would pay dearly for daring to hurt his son so severely.

"We need to clean these wounds." Mokoto told her. "He's filthy, and he's going to get an infection."

"Jaru, would you please fetch me some warm water, soap and a cloth?" Jinaudi asked, wiping at her eyes.

Jaru left without hesitation, and returned within minutes with everything requested. The Postman was caked in blood and dirt, and he didn't exactly smell that fresh either. Without a word, his parents stripped him and tossed his filthy and ripped clothing aside. Every inch of him revealed new injuries and new scars, and Jinaudi ordered everyone out of the room. It looked like The Postman had been through a war, and they had no idea how he'd managed to keep all of this from them. He'd only been missing for a little over a day, but many of the injuries were months old. How had she not noticed anything amiss before the wedding? How did she not notice his overgrown hair, or his loss of weight? What kind of mother was she not to pick up on the fact something was seriously wrong? Had he finally cracked under the pressure at the wedding and that's the reason for his uncharacteristic outburst? Mokoto must have been thinking the same thing because he was frowning at each and every new injury he found. Even The Postman's legs were a mass of scrapes and bruises.

Both Jinaudi and Mokoto gently scrubbed at his dirty and bruised body until they'd gotten as much blood and grime off him as possible, and they then covered him with a warm blanket to wait for the doctor.

Jinaudi ran her fingers through the mess of The Postman's hair and frowned. "His hair needs a good wash and a cut." she observed. "He really hasn't been taking care of himself..."

Mokoto shook his head. "Don't worry about things like that right now. He can take care of that later."

When Niko finally returned with the healer a few minutes later, everyone was on edge with worry. Jinaudi had gone back to sit by The Postman's side as he slept, doing her best to make sure he was comfortable. He hadn't stirred in the least, even when she'd laid a cold, wet cloth on his forehead. She let out a breath of relief when the healer entered the room, and she stepped away from the couch to give the healer room to work. Mokoto stood nearby watching as the healer approached their son, worry making his brow crease.

"Your son explained to me the state they found Jihiro in." The healer said. "Have you not tried a healing item?"

"They won't work!" Jinaudi said in distress. "Fairies and potions won't heal him!"

"Hmm, very mysterious." The healer stated, laying a hand on The Postman's forehead. She then gave a frown. "His fever is very high, which is unusual." she said. "The wounds he got a few hours ago wouldn't have had time to get infected yet."

Pulling aside the blanket, the healer's eyes widened at the sight of so many injuries. Running a hand over the uneven scar on his shoulder, she gave a frown. Without a word she pulled a small bottle out of her pocket and opened it. She poured a few drops of the clear liquid on a rag and then held it to The Postman's face, covering his nose and mouth.

"I'm putting him into a deeper sleep because cleaning these wounds is really going to hurt." she explained.

The healer kept the rag there for several seconds and then removed it and opened her nearby medical bag. She wiped down his chest with alcohol to disinfect, and then began very carefully stitching up the various wounds. She pulled a syringe out of the medical bag and filled it with a pink liquid out of one of the many bottles within. She injected the liquid close to the worst of the wounds, and then wrapped his wounds in sterile bandages.

Looking over her work one last time, she turned to the nervously waiting parents.

"I've cleaned the wounds the best I can and gave him a shot to help fight any possible complications. I'm going to give you some pills to give him once he wakes and he shouldn't get an infection as long as he takes them."

Jinaudi gave a nod. "We'll do everything you say!" she assured her.

The healer nodded and turned back to The Postman. "I'm going to check him over magically to see if I can find the source of that fever." she stated. "Please be completely silent as I work."

"You have green magic?" Jinaudi asked in surprise.

The healer shook her head. "No, my magic is red, but I can still use it to diagnose."

She sat down on the edge of the couch and placed both hands on The Postman's forehead. Closing her eyes, she delved deep into his unprotected mind. The healer was immediately assaulted by images of blood, war, death, starvation, pain, regret, grief and a lot of anger. She saw villages burned to the ground, and innocent people brutally slaughtered in front of her eyes. The mind was in complete turmoil, and The Postman's magic seemed to be torn and uncontrollable.

The healer hurriedly pulled out of his mind with a gasp.

"What is it?" Jinaudi demanded, forgetting she was supposed to stay quiet.

"His magic is completely fractured!" she exclaimed. "Everything in his mind is in ruins, and his thoughts aren't making any sense! I can't even tell if he has red or green magic because it's reacting in such a bizarre fashion that it almost seems as if he has both. Your son is in a very serious condition!"

Jinaudi and Mokoto were in shock, and they exchanged a look.

"Jihiro doesn't have magic!" Jinaudi told her.

"He does have magic, but it's completely unusable. I've never seen magic so mixed up that it looks like there's two veins! It's so fractured that I'm surprised he hasn't killed himself to get away from the pain of it."

"Kill himself?!" Jinaudi repeated in horror. "Jihiro would never!"

"Normally someone has a very clear vein of magic, but your son's is so mixed up that I can't sense anything about it!"

"He can't be healed? If he has magic, you can heal it right?" Mokoto asked in concern.

The healer adamantly shook her head. "It's much too dangerous to piece someone's magic together, especially when you don't know what kind of magic he's supposed to have. His magic could lash out at any time, and this is the cause of his strange fever. Jihiro will need to be put in a hospital for his own protection and for the protection of others."

"An Asylum?!" Jinaudi demanded in horror.

The healer nodded her head. "His physical injuries cannot be magically healed because of his mind fracture. The injuries will heal naturally, and he shouldn't have any lasting physical problems. As for his mind however...it seems he's suffered a great trauma of some sort that caused the fracture. I can't say what caused it for sure, but it seems to be at the centre of this problem."

Jinaudi wiped at her tears. "My boy...my poor boy." she shook her head. "I'm not putting him in one of those horrible asylums! He belongs with his family! There must be something we can do to help!"

"It really would be for the best." The healer told her kindly. "The doctors there are the experts in this sort of thing. It wouldn't be forever, just a few weeks, and then he'd be able to come home. He needs to be treated before his condition worsens."

Mokoto looked at the broken form of The Postman, and he too shook his head. "No boy of mine is being put in one of those places. Tell us what we can do, and we'll be the ones to help him."

The healer was quiet for a few moments as she thought. "If you're going to insist on this, it's up to you. I suggest at least sending him to therapy when he's well enough so the root of the problem can be found. He may never be the same, but at least with the help of a professional, they can determine if his magic is a danger to anyone."

Both parents quickly nodded.

"Poor Jihiro." Jinaudi whispered looking at the broken and battered body of The Postman. "How did this happen? Who hurt him?"

The healer simply shook her head. "He's the only one who can tell us for sure what happened. Right now, he needs good, nutritious food and a lot of rest."

"Can we get rid of his magic?" Jinaudi asked desperately. "Would he get better if it was gone?"

The healer immediately shook her head. "You can't remove a person's magic or it would kill them. It's much too dangerous to even attempt something like that. The mind does have ways of repairing itself to some extent, so it's not hopeless. Over time, he may be able to adjust to the fractured magic, but it will take a lot of time and work."

Mokoto stepped forward at the word 'work'. "He's our son and we'll do whatever it takes to help him. We're not going to toss him into an asylum just because he's injured. We'll all pitch in and help. We're a large family and can all share in the work. We'll make sure he sees the best psychiatrist there is!"

The healer gave a nod of acknowledgement. "I suggest sending him to Healer Cho in Clocktown."

"Healer Cho?" Jinaudi asked.

"She has been practicing for over twenty years, and deals primarily with damages of the magic. She is the best at what she does, and I really recommend her."

Mokoto gave a nod. "We'll make an appointment with her as soon as Jihiro's well enough."

The healer laid out some bandages and ointment on the nearby table. "Change his bandages and clean the wounds twice a day until they're completely closed over. If the stitches rip, or if there are signs of infection, contact me right away. A couple of his ribs are broken so make sure the bandages on his chest remain tightly wrapped for at least three weeks."

"Of course."

"I'll check in on him in a few days to see how he's healing."

Both parents nodded and the healer gathered up her supplies, and they walked her to the door. "He should wake up sometime tomorrow. If anything changes, contact me right away."

"We will." Mokoto promised. "Thank you for everything you've done for us. We really appreciate it."

"It's no problem at all." the healer assured him. "Our families have been friends a long time. It was the least I could do to help. Let Jihiro sleep as much as he wants, he needs the rest."

Once the healer was gone, Jinaudi and Mokoto explained everything to the oldest of their children, and everyone quickly agreed to help in any way they could. The Postman was carried into his old childhood bedroom, and the smallest of the children were forbidden to step foot into the bedroom. Jinaudi dressed The Postman in a warm pair of pajamas and then covered him up in as many blankets as she could find. When Mokoto saw what she was doing, he removed a few of them, not wanting his son to die of heat stroke because of an over-protective mother. Jinaudi wrung her hands worriedly, and then gave The Postman a kiss on the forehead.

"Get better, sweetheart." she whispered, and then they left the room and closed the door.

Minoko was furious about being banned from The Postman's room, and knew her parents were hiding something from her. "But I want to see Jihiro!" she yelled angrily. "I haven't seen him in so long! I only saw him for a few minutes on the day of the wedding, and I've missed him!"

Jinaudi petted Minoko's head affectionately. "We've all missed having him around, sweetie, but Jihiro is very sick right now and needs to rest. When he's feeling a little better you can see him."

Minoko's shoulder's slumped in disappointment. "Can I at least visit him while he's sleeping? If I'm very very quiet?"

Jinaudi and Mokoto exchanged looks. The Postman was deeply asleep, so they couldn't see any harm if the others just looked in on him for a moment.

"Very well, but you have to be very quiet." Jinaudi stated. "He's very sick and he can't be woken."

They took Minoko by the hand, and quietly made their way into the bedroom. The sight of her brother covered in bandages made Minoko gasp and she was completely horrified.

"Mummy, why is Jihiro hurt?! What happened?"

Jinaudi quickly ushered her back out of the room. "We don't know yet, sweetie. Jihiro will have to tell us when he's feeling better. You're to leave him to sleep, and not bother him, alright?"

Minoko wasn't happy over it, but she nodded. "I understand."

Jinaudi kissed the top of her head. "Good girl. Let's get you some breakfast before school."

"Aw, I still have to go to school today?" Minoko demanded, sounding scandalized.

"Yes." Mokoto responded with finality. "School is important."

"Ma, Niko went to fetch Haru and Anju, and the others." Jaru told her once she was back in the kitchen. "Everyone will be here soon."

Jinaudi nodded, knowing how worried all her children had been when The Postman had gone missing.

"The healer said Jihiro will wake up soon, and so now all we can do is wait."

There was a sudden knock at the door, and everyone looked up in surprise. Jaru immediately went to answer it, wanting to help as much as possible right now. A few minutes later he returned with a deep frown on his face.

"Who was it, Jaru?" Mokoto asked in concern.

"That was cousin, Todd..." he stated uncertainly. "He said uncle Leid died earlier this morning. He was out for his morning walk and had a sudden heart attack. Aunt Lily is going to be in contact soon about the funeral arrangements since he didn't have any immediate family..."

Mokoto frowned. "One bad thing after another..." he said with a sigh. "Our family is cursed."

The Postman was not aware of anything that had happened.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman knew he was asleep, but it made no difference. He quite distinctly remembered passing out, but couldn't seem to wake himself up. Despite the knowledge that everything he was seeing was a dream, it didn't stop it seeming any less real.

The village he stood in was like none The Postman had ever seen before. Every house was twisted and enveloped in shadow, their wood old and rotted. There wasn't a sign of life anywhere; even the trees were dead and shriveled. The village had seemingly been abandoned ages ago; everything now to the point of crumbling. The taste of dampness and decay surrounded him and The Postman couldn't remember any dream seeming quite this real. He was dressed in the leathers of a soldier, a sword hanging from his belt and he drew it curiously. It was the same enchanted sword from the Windfish's island and he turned it over in his hand, staring at his Ichiro's name gleaming in gold. The weight of the sword was perfect and just as before, it fit his grasp as if made for him. It pulsed as he stared at it, as if the sword was calling for war, and The Postman threw it away as hard as he could.

Seeing a light flash from of the corner of his eye, he turned and saw a lit window in the corner of the village. Smoke came from the chimney of one of the less dilapidated cottages and The Postman changed his assumption that the village had been abandoned. Curiosity getting the better of him, The Postman began crossing the village towards the light.

Everything around him was in vivid detail right down to the cold breeze biting at his skin, and The Postman found himself almost forgetting this was a dream. The grass was dry and dead and it crunched beneath his feet audibly, nothing green and alive in sight. The only sound in the dream was the noise he himself made as he approached the cottage and he got the impression that he was intruding on something.

The door of the cottage was closed tightly but a soft light spilled out around the cracks and he hesitated before reaching for the handle. The door wasn't locked and swung inwards with a creak, the sound almost unbearable against the silence. The Postman stood in the doorway and blinked against the harsh light, his eyes taking a moment to adjust.

"I was wondering when I'd be seeing you."

The Postman started at the unexpected voice and his gaze fell on a cloaked figure standing near the lit fireplace. The man's face couldn't be seen as his back was to The Postman, and he didn't turn to face him. As the man reached out his hands to warm them over the fire, The Postman caught a glimpse of yellowed, sickly looking skin.

"Such a cold place your mind is..." The man said thoughtfully. "...cold and in ruins. It's quite fitting I suppose…"

The Postman furrowed his brow but said nothing.

The man let out a longsuffering sigh and then clenched his fists. "Do you know who I am?" he asked. "Do you recognize me?"

The Postman didn't recognize the voice and hesitantly shook his head. Despite not facing him, the man gave a humourless chuckle.

"Good."

The Postman allowed his eyes to drift over the rest of the room, noting that it was a lot larger than it should have been. The walls and floors were made of grey stone and appeared to be part of a dungeon instead of the small cottage he'd entered. There was no furniture in the room apart from a simple stone altar and The Postman suddenly realized this was the same room he'd seen in his earlier vision. He stared at the altar, images of a screaming baby coming to mind, and he was certain he wasn't mistaken.

The man withdrew his hands into his cloak and slowly turned towards him, The Postman eyeing him warily. The man's face was shadowed entirely by the cloak, but his gaze was clearly focused on The Postman.

"I've been looking for you for a long time, monster. The goddess has done a good job hiding you for so long, but you can't be protected forever. Sooner or later I'm going to find you outside of your dreams and I will kill you."

The Postman frowned but kept silent. He didn't like the direction this dream was going and wondered if the man in front of him was the result of a concussion he'd received. There seemed to be no other explanation for the bizarre dream and he was inclined to ignore it in the hopes it would go away.

"Have you nothing to say?" the man demanded impatiently.

The Postman stayed silent.

"Show your arrogance all you want, but the result will be the same. I am going to kill anything and everything you care about and wipe any trace of your existence from this world. You are a monster, not a man, and no matter what you do, I'll find you. Justice will be had."

"Justice in murder?" The Postman questioned. "I wasn't aware that was possible."

The man smiled at him, a glint of yellow teeth from beneath the hood and he shook his head. "It speaks." He commented dryly.

The Postman took a cautious step forward, getting the impression this dream wasn't a dream at all. He cocked his head trying to see beneath the hood, and then asked. "Who are you?"

"Very cute, monster." The man replied. "But I'm not going to fall for that. You hold no power over me and you never shall."

"This isn't a dream..." The Postman stated, now certain.

"You're incorrect," the man replied. "This is a dream, but I myself am very real and very capable of killing you."

The Postman crossed his arms skeptically. "In a dream?"

"No, perhaps not as you hold power here, but in the waking world I will kill you. That sword you carry cannot protect you forever."

"Sword? What sword?" The Postman questioned looking down at his belt.

Sure enough, the sword he'd thrown away was back in its sheath like it had never left. The Postman stared at it a long moment before turning his eyes back to the man.

"It's not so easy to throw away, is it?" The man said. "You can't hide yourself from me by getting rid of the sword. I will find you."

The Postman wasn't sure how to respond to that, and so he changed the subject. "Where is Sakon?" he demanded. "You seem to know me, so what happened to him? Is he dead? Why didn't he return with me?"

"I know nothing of that."

The Postman frowned, not believing him. Everything lately seemed to revolve around his past and around Ichiro. The man had to be lying.

"Our time is just about up, monster. When you wake, you'd better start making funeral arrangements because everything is about to change."

The Postman pondered back to when he'd first delivered a letter to Ganondorf and knew it was too late. "It's already changed." he informed the man. "Everything in my life has been changed."

The man seemed like he was going to respond, but everything around The Postman began to blend together in a smear of colour. As the cottage and man disappeared, everything faded into darkness.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman woke with a start. He had a brief moment of panic, unsure of where he was, but as his eyes adjusted to the darkness, he saw he was at his parent's house. He took a few slow, uneven breaths, remembering what had happened and looked down at himself. His entire body ached with pain, and he was wrapped in so many bandages that he could barely bend his arms. How much time had passed? Hours or days? Very carefully sitting up, The Postman glanced around.

The room was very dark, and he didn't hear the sounds of anyone outside his room, and so he knew it was very late. Why was he still injured? Was his family unable to find a fairy or were they just mad at him? Surely they wouldn't leave him injured just to teach him a lesson, would they? He was surprised they hadn't just left him to bleed on the beach, considering what he'd done at the wedding. Dismissing such thoughts, The Postman knew they would never do something like that. No matter how angry they were with him, they'd never purposely leave him in pain. The fact they hadn't left him, and had gone out of their way to take him home and to make him comfortable, made him feel even worse.

The Postman hesitated at the thought of his family. What would they say to him after all he'd done? He'd completely ruined his brother's wedding, humiliated everyone in front of the relations, ruined Haru's honeymoon, and acted like a crazy person. How could he possibly face them after all of that? What could he possibly say?

Sitting head in hand, The Postman let out a groan and knew at some point he'd have to bring up the fact he knew about Ichiro, and he knew what his uncle Leid had done to him. Did his name used to be Ichiro or was there something else his parents were hiding? He honestly didn't know if he wanted to know the truth. He'd been happily oblivious for 30 years, so why should he stir things up now?

Rubbing his eyes tiredly, The Postman looked up towards the closed bedroom door. There'd be a lot of questions and anger and The Postman wasn't sure he wanted to deal with it at the moment. He had questions as well, but didn't know if he was even ready to ask them.

There was a glint of silver in the darkness and slowly The Postman turned his gaze to the bedside table. The enchanted sword rested on the table as if waiting for him, the blade clean and shining from the window-light. Remembering the blood that had covered both himself and the sword, he felt a shiver of fear make its way up his spine. It was clean now but to The Postman, all he could see was blood. Never again would he use it. He would NEVER allow himself to be used by anyone again. He had taken a life, and this would be something he'd never be able to forget.

There was a cold pain deep within him and The Postman rubbed at his chest, feeling like there was an aching hollowness that wasn't there before. Wrapping his arms around himself, The Postman thought of his month of absolute hell that he'd endured at the hands of his uncle. He had been cold then, and in pain, and every day he'd wanted to die just to escape the misery. He now recognized what his uncle had been doing to him, but was confused by it. His uncle had done terrible experiments on him involving magic, and with every one, it had left him in agony. His uncle had been the one to force the red magic on him, and he had been the one to put a magical block within his mind. It had cut off access to his memories and also to his magic.

His parents had no idea what he'd gone through and the day they picked him up from uncle Leid's, they were told The Postman was ill which explained his weakness and gaunt appearance. Even though he didn't remember the abuse he'd gone through at that time, he had cried in his father's arms as they took him away. He had slept with his parents for three months, not knowing why he was suddenly so frightened of the dark.

He now remembered the ease in which he had used to wield his green magic as a child, and he had easily healed all of his scrapes and bumps. He remembered the close friendship he'd had with Sakon, and the boy's sweet and innocent nature. Sakon had been very small for his age, and was mercilessly bullied until they had become friends. The Postman had never been tall, but he was fearless, and none of the other children had dared pick on him. Sakon had become his shadow, and The Postman hadn't minded, defending his new friend fiercely. It had been The Postman who had always gotten them in trouble with his schemes, and they were inseparable for years.

When he returned from his uncle's, everything changed. He remembered the crushed look Sakon had given him the day he had ended their friendship. Sakon had stared at him from the front yard looking like he was about to cry, begging to know what he had done wrong. The Postman had not remembered the friendship at that time, and he had simply gone inside the house thinking the encounter strange. He'd had no idea the damage he'd done.

At first his parents were concerned at the changes, but he was the model child, and brought home perfect marks from school. He no longer caused trouble in town, and slowly his parents got used to it, simply thinking The Postman was finally maturing. He had no way of telling them the horrors he'd been through, but he felt an uncontrollable fear and hatred for his uncle Leid every time he saw him. No matter how much he was scolded or punished, The Postman had refused to be civil to his uncle. It seemed like his subconscious remembered, and even as an adult, The Postman hadn't been able to explain the hatred.

Now he understood.

Leaning back against the pillows, The Postman stared at the sword beside him. His magic was screaming at him to take his revenge, but The Postman shook his head. He still didn't know why his uncle had done what he had, but he knew he would never kill him. Once he was able, he would go to his uncle and finally get the answers he needed. He would confront him now as an adult, and knew his uncle would not be able to hurt him. The Postman was no longer a child, and he was no longer powerless. He would never forgive him, but perhaps he would finally have an understanding.

The Postman stared into the darkness for a long time as he thought about everything he had learned, and felt himself getting stressed. There were so many questions he needed to ask, and he had no idea where to even begin. Why had his uncle blocked so many memories? Why make him forget about Sakon?

He heard his bedroom door click open, and quite by reflex he closed his eyes to pretend he was asleep. He wasn't ready to talk to anyone yet, and knew he just needed a little more time to get his thoughts in order. He heard someone approach his bed, and a moment later a hand was stroking his hair.

"The doctor said he should have woken up yesterday!" his mother whispered. "What if something's wrong?"

"She also said he needs to rest." his father's voice whispered back. "He just needs a little more time."

"I'm just so worried, Mokoto! He's working for Ganondorf, and he never told us! What's he gotten himself involved in? What happened at the wedding, and how did he get hurt?"

"Relax, Jinaudi." Mokoto replied. "He'll explain himself once he wakes. Until then, we need to let him rest."

Jinaudi let out a deep sigh. "You're right." she acknowledged. "A mother's job is to worry, and so I'll keep on worrying until I'm sure he's alright."

The Postman felt her leave a kiss on his forehead, and a moment later they were gone from the room. The Postman opened his eyes and stared at the closed door in horror. His entire family knew he was a villain! That thought hadn't even occurred to him yet. How in Din's name was he going to explain any of this to his family?

Pulling aside the quilts, The Postman turned his gaze to the open window. Why couldn't everything just go back to normal? Why did he have to get himself mixed up in all of this? Before he'd delivered that first letter to Ganondorf, he'd been happy and his family had been happy. One small action seemed to have caused a domino effect on his life. Everything was spiraling out of his control and The Postman was sick of it. Everyone from Ganondorf to the gods were involving themselves in his life, and it was ruining everything. He wanted everything to go back to the way it was before he worked for Ganondorf, before he's found the sword, before he'd been forced into unwanted adventures.

He remembered how easy life had been back then and it seemed like a lifetime ago. He longed for his once monotonous and predictable schedule, his mail, his hat, his route. What he wouldn't give just to have it all back.

The Postman glanced down at the sword, and then back towards the bedroom door. Who said he couldn't just go back to his old life? Why couldn't he just refuse to go on any more adventures? He could forget everything he had learned, and ignore anything that tried to disrupt his life. It would be better for everyone if he was just a regular postman with no ties to villains, and no ties to mysterious people named Ichiro.

The Postman could go back to his old job and ignore anything and everything out of the ordinary. It was none of his business and he wouldn't get himself pulled into anymore nonsense. He didn't care WHAT the goddesses said his destiny was, he wanted no part in it.

Slowly getting to his feet, he wavered for a moment, and then steadied himself against the bedpost. He'd just leave everything behind and go back to his job. He didn't care if he was adopted or whether he had a mysterious stalker named Ichiro; he didn't care about any of it. Although a heavy feeling weighed down in the pit of his stomach contradicting him, he forced himself to ignore it. He'd just pretend the last year hadn't happened at all. As far as everyone would be concerned, he'd have amnesia. Even Sakon would be better off without his friendship. He had a feeling The Thief would get himself killed if they continued on forced adventures. Sakon was much safer continuing his life as a solitary thief.

The Postman felt a stab of guilt at the thought of abandoning Sakon, memories of a miserable ten-year-old Sakon coming to mind. Sakon was a grown adult, he was a villain and a thief, and he didn't need him. He knew Sakon would likely be mad, but he was sure he'd get over it. Life would be so much better for the both of them if they could escape the notice of the gods. No one would get hurt, and no ones life would get ruined. Sakon would stay safe, and The Postman's life would return to normal. He felt another ache at the thought of ending his friendship, but he didn't know what else to do. He refused to allow the gods to turn him into their pawn. They could fins someone else to be their monster.

The Postman glanced down at the floor, and saw his Pegasus boots sat near the bed, and he stared down at them, wondering if he should ignore those as well. They'd be incredibly useful on his mail deliveries, especially if he was running late, and The Postman couldn't deny he liked the idea of never being late. Would keeping a gift of the gods make him somehow indebted to them? If he refused them, would that insult them? Deciding to just take them, he set them on the edge of the bed as he slowly got dressed, trying to be as quiet as possible. His entire body was in an incredible amount of pain, but he ignored it, knowing he could deal with it later. He needed some time to think, and he couldn't do that here with his family breathing down his neck.

The Postman laced up his boots with great difficulty and then limped his way towards the window. Trying to push aside another twinge of guilt at the thought of everything he'd put his family through, The Postman took a deep breath.

He knew it was extremely cowardly to sneak away like this, but The Postman didn't want to discuss anything right now. Everyone seemed to be calling him a monster lately, and he was worried it was going to come true. What would happen if he remained a villain? He couldn't chance becoming the monster in his dreams. He would prove them wrong, he would disappear into obscurity.

His eyes flicked back to the sword once more, but he quickly looked away. He wanted nothing to do with that sword; he'd leave it behind for someone to dispose of it. The Postman gave one last fleeting glance to the closed bedroom door, and then began climbing out the window. Much too hurt to do it, The Postman ended up falling out of the window and into the bushes outside. Groaning in agony, he clutched at his side and then rolled out of the bushes in a very undignified heap. Glancing around to make sure no one had heard that, he headed towards the stables, intending on stealing one of the horses. He was relieved to see the previous horse he'd stolen was safely home, and so he chose another horse, saddling it as fast as he could.

Getting on the horse proved to be more difficult than anticipated, and it took him several minutes to struggle his way into the saddle. Once he was seated, he rode the horse towards the road, glancing over his shoulder just as someone left the house. The Postman's father stared after him in shock for a moment, having been about to leave for his job, before he scowled in frustration.

"Oh for Din's sake." he snapped, turning back towards the house. "Jinaudi, he's running! Jihiro's running!"

The Postman rode the horse as fast as he could away from his family's farm and across the fields of Termina. Already he felt more free than he had in months and was determined to put everyone and everything behind him.

He sped across the fields, knowing every inch of it by heart and never once looked back. He rode for hours in the direction of Hyrule, hoping while there he could finally put his thoughts in order.

"Jihiro!"

The Postman glanced behind him and saw his brother Haru riding after him. Haru's horse was much younger and stronger than the one The Postman rode, and he knew his brother would eventually catch up to him. Turning his horse into the woods, The Postman urged the horse to go faster, hoping to lose his brother through the thick foliage. Haru was not so easily lost however, and he called out to him again.

"Jihiro, stop! I just want to talk to you! Please stop!"

The Postman gave another kick to his horse, knowing there was only one place he could lose his brother. Heading for the Lost Woods, he took as many twists and turns as possible, trying to put some distance between them. Haru was a talented rider and despite The Postman's best efforts, he was quickly catching up to him. The Postman felt the magic of The Lost woods as he entered, and he prayed with all his might that his brother would find himself lost within the magic of the forest.

"Hide me, hide me, hide me." The Postman whispered to no one in particular.

To his relief, the sounds of Haru's pursuit got further and further away, and a moment later, The Postman found himself in the Kokiri Village. Glancing around just to make sure Haru was nowhere to be found, The Postman stopped the horse and dismounted. The Kokiri were just starting to wake up, and they came out of their little houses rubbing at their eyes tiredly. When they saw The Postman, their faces lit up and they ran to greet him.

"Postman!" Saria called with a wide grin. "How are y-"

Saria cut off suddenly and she stared at him in complete horror. Every Kokiri stopped and stared at him with identical looks of surprise and fear. Wiping at her eyes sadly, Saria gave him a very gentle hug.

"Oh, Postman..." she said miserably. "What have you done to your green magic?"

The Postman raised a hand to his chest, the same cold feeling within rising.

"You've taken someone's life." she told him. "Your green magic is shadowed..."

"What happened?" Mido asked him, the normally grumpy child worried. "Why did you do it?"

The Postman averted his gaze.

Saria took him by the hand. "It wasn't murder." she said knowingly. "You killed in self-defense, I can sense it. Murder would have tainted your magic far more than this. Your magic will never be the same again though..."

Saria could see the bandages covering The Postman, and with a gentle smile, she began tugging him towards one of the cottages. "You are one of Farore's children, and you are still welcome here. You will always be welcome here. No matter what happens, you will always have a home here if you need it. Let us see if we can help your injuries."

"My brother Haru is lost in the forest." he told the children. "Could one of you make sure he gets out safely?"

"Do you want us to bring him here?" Lido asked.

The Postman shook his head. "No, I don't want to see him right now. Just make sure he doesn't keep getting himself lost. He'll probably keep trying to find me."

"Don't worry, I'll make sure he stays safe." Lido promised, turning to leave.

Knowing no one would be able to find him in the Kokiri Village, The Postman finally relaxed. He would finally have time to put some serious thought into his situation before his family confronted him. He allowed the children to lead him to a cottage, letting out a relieved sigh.

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 **Hmm, let's see how many bad decisions The Postman can make in the course of ONE chapter. lol**

 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be on Friday! (hopefully)**


	78. Avoidance

**Authornote** **: Friday Jan. 5th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **There's a huge blizzard where I am right now, and there are snowflakes the size of my fist coming down! I've never seen such huge snowflakes! lol I'm posting this chapter a bit early just in case we lose our power in my town.**

 **I'm not sure I like this chapter, but whatever. If it bugs me too much, I'll just go back and fix it later. lol**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Remvis** \- Naw, the story ends with every single Zelda character dying in a burning bus crash that falls off a cliff. I keep teasing my sister that's the way my story's going to end, and I almost have her convinced now. lol

The Postman would disagree with you as he does not want to become "A monster of supreme destruction in the form of Ichiro." The mystery of Ichiro will be explained VERY shortly now. :)

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 **placesmileshere** \- Yup, you got it exactly right! She has killed quite a few people in her lifetime and as a result her green magic barely functions. Although the Windfish couldn't repair the magic (that would go against Farore's wishes) he was able to increase her magic so she'd have more control over it. If she continues to kill, however, she'll soon be back in the exact same situation.

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 **Rainmy** \- The Postman did indeed need some time to get his thoughts in order, but the problem is he's coming to the wrong conclusions. I have a feeling my readers are going to get quite mad at him in this chapter... lol

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 **Melle2001** \- I actually love posting chapters on January 1st because it makes me feel like I have a productive start to the year. lol Since this is a brand new part, it also makes it easier to keep track of how long I've been writing later on. Part 5 is very long, and so I'm hoping to finish in a year.

The Postman now has to deal with the trauma of his memories, and also the stress of this new quest. He's not handling it well, and he's making soooo many bad decisions. lol

There are going to be many mysteries in this part, but everything will be revealed by the end. Hopefully there won't be any loose ends that I overlook. (I'm trying to be very careful though)

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman is making the worst decisions possible so far in Part 5. Everyone but him can see what he needs to do. The Postman needs to stop thinking he needs to deal with everything himself. lol

No, it wouldn't be good at all if his green magic suddenly disappeared. The red magic within him is not normal. His green magic isn't disappearing though, it's simply damaged from killing Parasite.

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 **setokayba2n** \- Don't worry, that's something they have thought of. It's a bit harder to go speak with the big, bad Gerudo King than one would think though. He'd probably just blast them with a fireball or something. lol

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Don't worry, everyone is where they wanted to be. :) We haven't seen the last of the pirates yet.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 2

Avoidance

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The Postman spent three days in the Kokiri Village mentally going over everything he had recently learned, and trying to make sense of it. He was being healed by the children, but the Kokiri were having a hard time with it, the magical injuries caused by Parasite hard to overcome. Their green magic was very strong however, and his wounds began to slowly close over the more they worked on it. They weren't able to do anything about his tainted green magic, but they were able to lessen the discomfort associated with it.

The Postman remained curled into a fetal ball pretty much the entire three days, still having no desire to face his problems. The magical sword had reappeared attached to his belt minutes after he'd arrived, and no matter how many times he tossed it away, it was back before he knew it. Unable to get rid of it, he simply stared at it in silence, remembering the blood that had recently stained it. The Kokiri knew something was seriously bothering him, but he wouldn't talk about it, and they didn't know what to do.

Saria by far was the smartest of the children, and she had a feeling it had something to do with the death he had caused. She had no experience with something like this, but she tried her best to distract him. The Postman had shut himself off from everyone, and he didn't answer her when spoken to. Finally Saria had settled herself down next to him, and gave him a hard nudge he couldn't ignore.

"What is it you want to do, postman?" she asked him. "Do you want to return to the outside world or do you want to remain here? You're going to have to make a decision soon."

The Postman stared at her for a moment, and then replied. "I want to be a postman again. I want everything to go back to how it was."

"Then be a postman." Saria told him. "If you're not happy with how your life is, change it. Do what you must to be happy."

The Postman blinked and then sat up. It seemed so simple to a child, but The Postman knew it wouldn't be so easy. He knew he would have to hurt and anger a lot of people if he wanted any chance of changing his destiny, but what choice did he have? He couldn't keep hiding in the Kokiri Village forever, he would have to take some sort of action. Letting out a deep sigh, The Postman glanced over at Saria.

"You're right." he told her. "It's time for me to leave."

Saria's eyes widened. "Oh! I didn't mean you had to leave right now, postman! Your injuries aren't fully healed yet!"

The Postman was still sore and bruised, but his wounds were healed enough that he could move pretty well without ripping them open. He felt certain he'd be able to do his job as a postman.

"Thank you, Saria, but I've been away from the post office for far too long. I need to leave."

Saria looked like she was going to argue with him, but she bit her lip and nodded instead. "Just be careful, postman. You seem so sad...and I don't want anything bad to happen to you out there..."

"I'll be fine." The Postman assured her, getting to his feet with a wince. "I'm not going on any more dangerous missions, and I'm no longer associating with villains. My life will be safe and normal."

Saria gave him a skeptical look. "And that will make you happy?"

The Postman hesitated a little bit too long. "Of course it will."

"Please just be careful." Saria told him with a sigh. "If you need any help out there, Link is in Hyrule for a while. Talk to him whenever you need to."

The Postman knew that would never happen, but gave her a nod just to appease her. As he turned towards the door, Saria caught him by the sleeve. He paused and then looked down at her.

"Take this." she said, holding out a wooden slingshot. "If you find yourself in danger, use it to defend yourself. It won't kill anyone, but it will sting. Use it to get away if you need to, but please don't use that sword!"

The Postman glanced down at the sword on his belt, and felt nauseated just thinking about it.

"Please." Saria said, pushing it into his hands.

The Postman took the slingshot, and Saria then pressed a bag full of Deku Nuts into his hands. "Deku nuts will stun, but not kill like Deku seeds do."

The Postman could see how worried she was about him, and so he pocketed the slingshot without a word. Saria gave him a relieved smile, and then followed him out of the cottage. The Kokiri had taken care of his horse for him, the novelty of such a thing making them spoil the horse. They had brushed it until its coat gleamed, fed it the best foods, and had even braided its mane and tail to perfection. The old workhorse had never looked so good, and The Postman had a feeling it would rather stay with the Kokiri than to leave with him. Petting its muzzle for a moment, he allowed the Kokiri to saddle the horse and get it ready for him, and then mounted without a word. There was only a bit of discomfort from the movement, and he knew it wouldn't take long to fully heal.

The entire village of Kokiri stared up at him, their expressions a mixture of worry and sadness, and The Postman looked away.

"Thank you." he said, turning the horse to leave. "I'll visit again soon."

Without another word, he left the village and entered the forest. It was nearly sunset, and The Postman knew he had to somehow get the keys for the post office back from Haru. He knew it would be an incredibly awkward encounter if he went up to his door and knocked, and so The Postman decided he'd have to take them back in a less conventional way. He rode through the forest slowly, simply thinking about how he was going to eventually deal with his family. They would be tracking him down as soon as possible, and he still didn't want to deal with them right now. Maybe if he ignored them for long enough, they'd eventually give up? They'd see that he went back to being a regular, normal person, and just leave him alone? He doubted it, but it was worth a try.

By the time The Postman reached Kakariko Village, it was well after dark, and the villagers were all inside for the night. Approaching Anju and Haru's house, he dismounted and peered in one of the windows. He could see everyone was eating supper, and knew this was his opportunity. He made his way around the house quietly and peered into several windows, looking for Haru's room. When he found it, he was pleased to see the mailbag, keys and hat were on the desk in front of the window and all he'd have to do is open the window and reach in. He gave a hard yank to the window, but found it locked. Frowning, he tried all the other windows and found them locked as well. Letting out an irritated sigh, he debated on what he should do.

Figuring Haru couldn't possibly be any more angry with him at the moment, The Postman picked up a rock and smashed the bedroom window. He grabbed everything he needed, and then ran for it, leaving the horse behind for Haru to deal with. He didn't look behind him to see if anyone saw him, simply running as fast as he could for Hyrule Castletown. The sections of wall he'd destroyed still hadn't been fully repaired, and The Postman found a large hole and slipped his way inside town. When he got to the post office, he unlocked the door, never so glad to be back. He entered and locked himself in, setting the hat and mailbag on the hook near the door. Letting out a deep breath of relief, he glanced around, frowning at everything his brother had moved or messed up while he was gone.

Setting the keys down on his desk, he immediately set about straightening everything, not satisfied until the post office was in perfect order. Taking a seat at the desk, he pulled the pile of mail towards himself, checking to make sure it was properly sorted. He found that wasn't to his liking either, and set about reorganizing it into it's proper order. When he was finally finished, he relaxed and went to take a long shower.

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The Postman was having another nightmare. The same horrible images of violence and death filled his mind and he tossed and turned in bed in a futile attempt to escape them. The man in the black cloak stood watching silently in the background, saying nothing, but never looking away from him. The Postman still couldn't see his face no matter how hard he tried, and the man stayed eerily silent.

For the third time that night, The Postman woke with a start. Taking a deep breath to slow his pounding chest, he sat up and rubbed at his eyes. Still upset over the violent dream, he tried to push his unease aside. A dream meant nothing as long as he didn't act on it. Deciding to just give up on sleep, and get an early start on the day, he approached the daily mail and began sorting it once again just to make sure it was right. Allowing his mind to go blank, he focused only on the mail, his hands practically moving of their own, the task completely mindless. When he had finished sorting, he went about a few other tasks until it was finally time to leave. Opening his closet, he stared at the clean and crisp uniforms, and pulled one out, simply staring at it. It seemed so long ago that he'd delivered the mail, and it almost felt weird putting on the uniform.

Glancing at the magical sword, The Postman hesitated, not really wanting to leave it on his desk where anyone could see it. After a bit of consideration, he shoved it deep into the mailbag out of sight.

Donning his hat, he left the post office to start his route for the first time in what seemed ages. He wasn't expecting Haru to be waiting right outside the post office door for him. When his brother saw him, he let out a deep breath of relief. Without saying a word, The Postman ran for it.

"Jihiro!" Haru yelled after him in frustration. "Stop!"

The Postman knew he could easily outrun his brother, and so he sped up even more. When he was far out into Hyrule Field, he finally slowed down, and glanced over his shoulder. His brother was nowhere in sight. Pulling out his first letter of the day, he headed for Lon Lon Ranch with a letter for Talon. When his gaze fell on Malon who looked exactly like Marin, he felt a slight panic within him rise, not wanting to deal with any strange situation. He had practically thrown the letter into Talon's face and then fled before the girl could even greet him. Luckily the rest of his deliveries were pretty straight forward, and he didn't have any other problems.

The simplicity of the day quickly relaxed him and he found himself settling back into his old routine easily. Thoughts of his family and thoughts of his dreams were pushed to the very back of his mind, and he purposely avoided anything that seemed like it was trouble. He ignored the villager being mugged by Moblins and walked past the Goron stuck in the mud near Castletown's entrance. Neither were any of his business, and he wasn't going to get involved. Anything at all could trap him into an adventure, and he wasn't taking any chances.

There had been a letter addressed to Ganondorf, but The Postman wasn't going to deliver it; he had locked it away inside his desk out of sight. At first, he had tossed into the wastebin but he couldn't bear to do something quite that horrible, and so he rescued it and instead locked it away.

Despite wearing the Pegasus boots, The Postman was in no hurry and delivered the last letter just as the sun was setting. It had been so long since he'd had an uninterrupted day of work, that he'd almost forgotten the amount of satisfaction it brought. When he arrived back to town, he definitely wasn't expecting to see Haru still waiting outside the post office door. He stood up when he saw him approaching, and The Postman saw no way around him, the bulky man blocking the entire postoffice door.

"Jihiro!" he called.

The Postman stopped dead in his tracks looking like a trapped animal. Holding up his hands to show he meant no harm, Haru very slowly began approaching him.

"I'm not mad, I promise." Haru assured him. "I just want to talk to you. You need to come home, everyone's really worried about you! Please just talk to me!"

Seeing his opportunity as Haru stepped away from the post office, The Postman dodged around him, unlocked the door and promptly slammed it into the other man's face before Haru even had time to react. The Postman locked the door just as Haru tried to open it, and then pulled down the blinds in the window. Haru banged on the door, and The Postman could sense the other man's frustration.

"Jihiro, open up! Just listen to me for a few minutes! Please!"

When The Postman didn't answer, Haru banged on the door one last time. "Fine, be that way. Maybe Pa can talk some sense into you!"

He heard Haru stomp away, and The Postman felt really guilty for treating him that way. Haru was getting the short end of the stick, and The Postman knew his brother should hate him for everything he'd put him through. The fact he didn't just made this all the worse. Slamming his fist against the door, The Postman sunk to the floor and simply sat there, feeling like he really was a monster. What else could he do though? Unless he cut everyone and everything off from his life, the goddesses would continue using him as their pawn.

Letting out a deep sigh, The Postman glanced at the mail basket beneath the slot in the door and saw there was a bit of mail for delivery the next day. Trying to block off any and all emotions for the moment, The Postman reached out and took the pile of mail. He would focus on his job and ignore everything else. Haru would have to give up eventually.

He was not expecting that three hours later, his father would be at the post office door.

"Jihiro, it's your father!" Mokoto called out. "Are you in?"

The Postman looked up from his desk and didn't move.

There was another knock, this one a little louder. "Jihiro? Please open the door, alright?"

The Postman still didn't move.

"Jihiro, open the door."

When The Postman still didn't answer, Mokoto banged on the door so hard the entire wall shook. The Postman grimaced and hoped the flimsy door-lock would hold.

"Jihiro!" Mokoto called. "Open the door! Right now!"

When The Postman still gave no indication he heard, Mokoto spoke to someone with him. "Are you sure he's in there?"

"Yeah, Pa!" Haru answered. "I saw him go in myself, and Anju has been watching the door ever since. He hasn't left!"

Mokoto banged on the door even harder. "Jihiro, if you don't open this door, I'll have no choice but to break it down! Open. The. Door!"

The Postman slowly got up and made his way over to the door. Without a word, he yanked the emergency deadbolts down into place, ensuring the door couldn't be broken down. Mokoto knew what that sound was, and he banged even harder to no avail.

"Jihiro, stop acting like a child and open the door!" he ordered. "Enough is enough! Come out right now, and just talk with us! I'm not leaving, so you might as well open the door! Stop this nonsense!"

The Postman crossed the room, crawled into bed and buried himself under the blankets covering his ears with his hands. Eventually the sounds of the banging died away and he was left in silence. He doubted this would be as easy as he thought, and he had a feeling tomorrow was going to be a really horrible day...

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Jinaudi stared at the city ahead, and continued across the desert, wiping the sweat from her brow as she did so. Her family had no idea what she was up to, and she knew they never would have allowed her to do it. She knew she was taking a large risk, but she needed answers, and she knew where she would find them.

She got many odd stares from the Gerudo as she passed by, but an overweight, middle-aged woman wasn't exactly very threatening, and so she was mostly ignored. She had never been this far South before, and wasn't exactly sure if she was even heading towards the right place. When she finally reached the city, she dismounted her horse, and walked the crowded streets, feeling a little overwhelmed. Seeing a soldier walking by, she reached out a hand to stop her. The guard paused and looked her up and down in confusion.

"What are you doing here?" the guard demanded. "Do you have permission to be in the city? Can I see your letter of authorization?"

"I'm looking for Ganondorf the Gerudo King." Jinaudi told her. "Where is he?"

The guard raised an eyebrow and crossed her arms. "Yeah, that's not going to happen. I suggest you leave Gerudo Territory immediately or I'll be forced to arrest you. Foreigners are not welcome here."

"Don't be so racist!" Jinaudi snapped. "I'm not leaving."

"It's not racist..." the guard started to defend, but then she paused. "...okay, it's totally racist." she acknowledged. "But you're still not allowed here."

"No, I'm not leaving!" Jinaudi said stubbornly. "My son works for Ganondorf and I want some answers! Someone hurt him, and I want to know who! Take me to your king!"

"Your son? What are you talking about?" the guard demanded. "There are no men here! This is Gerudo territory, you nitwit!""

Jinaudi narrowed her eyes. "My son Jihiro works for Ganondorf." she stated knowingly. "Don't even try to lie about it! I saw the mark your king branded onto his neck!"

"Your son is Jihiro?!" the guard said in surprise. "I'm one of his friends. My name is Iris."

Jinaudi looked her up and down with a frown. "Where is Ganondorf?" she demanded.

Iris bit her lip. "I really don't think it's a good idea that I take you to see him. I would get in big trouble. Lord Ganondorf has been in a bad mood for a few...decades."

"If you're one of his friends, I want you to answer a question. Has Ganondorf been hurting my son?"

This caught Iris off-guard and she gave the other woman a flabbergasted look. "No, not to my knowledge, why?"

Jinaudi narrowed her eyes. "We found Jihiro beaten half to death in Termina a few days ago. He's covered in more injuries and scars than I could even count, and I want to know who did it."

Iris gasped. "Is he going to be alright?"

"Physically yes." Jinaudi replied.

"I really don't know anything about that!" Iris insisted. "Lord Ganondorf likes Jihiro, and I really doubt he had anything to do with it. Whenever anyone is punished, Lord Ganondorf always makes a big show of it, and everyone would know. I haven't heard anything about The Tracker being beaten."

"The what?"

"Er, I mean Jihiro."

"You mean to say he actually has a villainous title?" Jinaudi demanded, angrily. "My son has a villain name?!"

Iris looked one way and then the other, getting the distinct feeling she shouldn't be discussing any of this. She had no way of knowing for sure if this was even The Postman's real mother. She could be a Hylian spy for all she knew. Unsure of how to get out of this situation, she said.

"Maybe Sakon knows something about it? He's Jihiro's best friend and they're always together. Sakon is actually injured right now too..."

Jinaudi frowned. The Postman was friends with Sakon again? She wasn't aware of this, and knew this was a cause for concern. Sakon had a reputation, and she knew he wasn't a very good person. If Sakon was injured as well, it seemed a bit too coincidental for her tastes. Was he somehow responsible for The Postman's injuries? It seemed like there was a great many things her son was hiding from them lately...

"Where is he?" she asked. "I'd like to talk to him."

"You'll have to wait." Iris told her. "He was mouthing off and got himself thrown into solitary. He's been in there for three days, and so he should be released soon."

"Where is solitary?" Jinaudi demanded.

Iris immediately shook her head. "I can't tell you that. They'd ring my neck if I brought a foreigner into the castle."

Jinaudi glanced towards the nearby castle. "Where in the castle?"

Iris cursed. "I told you I can't tell you! Just wait in the market and I'll come find you once he's out."

"Where?" Jinaudi repeated, her expression going dangerous.

Despite herself, Iris took a step back. "Uh..."

"Either you tell me where Sakon is, or I march into that castle and ask to speak to Ganondorf."

Iris grimaced. Normally she would have just arrested someone like this, but if she was The Postman's mother, she didn't really want to hear about it afterwards. Letting out a deep sigh, she gave another glance around, but no one was paying them any attention.

"Alright, but I have to pretend I'm arresting you otherwise they won't let you anywhere near the dungeon."

Jinaudi nodded.

Silently cursing The Postman, Iris took Jinaudi by the upper arm and began leading her towards the castle. She got a few curious stares as they passed by several other guards, but no one made any move to stop them. As they entered the castle, Jinaudi was looking all around them as if she expected Ganondorf to spring out at them at any moment. Iris hurried through the castle, and a few minutes later, she came to a stop at a metal door in the dungeon.

"He's in here." she told Jinaudi. "Don't be too long or we'll get caught."

Unlocking the door, she opened it and Jinaudi cautiously entered. Sakon, who was laying in bed, looked up in surprise and sat up as Jinaudi entered. He stared at her in confusion for a few moments until recognition crossed his face.

"Uh...hi." he greeted awkwardly.

Jinaudi looked The Thief up and down, and saw there was a plaster cast on one of his legs and he was covered in bandages and bruises. He looked almost as bad as her son had, and she instantly narrowed her eyes.

"It was you, wasn't it?!" she accused.

"Probably, but what am I being accused of?" Sakon responded, grimacing in pain as he tried to sit up a little straighter. "And what are you doing here, anyway? Is Jihiro with you? Ganondorf is going to be majorly pissed at him if he brought you here."

Jinaudi approached the bedside and crossed her arms. "How did you get hurt?" she demanded.

Sakon gave her a grin. "You know that little tag on the inside of shirts that say not to remove them?"

"Yes...?" Jinaudi responded cautiously.

"I removed the tag."

Jinaudi had him by an ear in an instant.

"Ow, owwwww!" Sakon shrieked as his ear was given a sharp twist. "Let go you old bat! Ah!"

"What did you do to Jihiro?!" Jinaudi demanded angrily. "He almost died because of his injuries, you-you-you ruffian!"

Normally Sakon would have found the use of the word ruffian hilarious, but not while his ear was being ripped off.

"Let go!" he ordered, trying in vain to pry her hand away from his ear. "What are you talking about? What happened to Jihiro?"

"As if you don't know!" Jinaudi accused. "We found him beaten and bloody on the beach, and fairies and healing potions do nothing! What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything!" Sakon insisted. "I got hurt too!"

"You had better start talking Sakon or I'm going to twist this ear right off!"

Sakon let out a howl as she gave the ear a tug, and Sakon wondered how angry The Postman would be if he stabbed his mother in the face. Surely he would understand that it was done in self-defense...right?

"Well?" Jinaudi demanded.

"I didn't do it!" Sakon insisted. "It was the tapeworm that did it! He's the one who beat us up!"

Sakon let out another shriek of pain as Jinaudi tightened her grip.

"It's the truth!" Sakon insisted.

"You listen to me, you scalawag!"

Sakon snorted. "Scalawag."

"Something's seriously wrong with Jihiro, and he won't speak to us! He's locked himself in the post office and we don't even know if he's been treating his wounds! I want to know what happened and I want to know now!"

"Maybe he's tired of being called a scalawag?" Sakon suggested.

Jinaudi gave the ear another twist. "Keep pushing me Sakon, I dare you." Her expression went fierce, and it was clear she was not going to put up with him.

Sakon stared up at her, suddenly remembering why he'd been so afraid of her a child. She was just plain scary when she was mad. He knew The Postman didn't want his family knowing he was a villain, and he figured he wouldn't want them to know about the adventures they'd been on either. He'd rather Jinaudi be mad at him than The Postman, and he frowned up at her.

"If Jihiro wants to tell you what happened, then he will, but I will not betray his trust any more. I haven't always been the best friend he could have, but this is one thing I won't do. These are his secrets, not mine. I won't betray him again."

Jinaudi gave his ear a furious yank, eliciting a pained screech. "Don't even try pulling that on me, Sakon! As if a villain has any sense of loyalty! What is you want? Rupees?"

Sakon gave her a furious look. "No, I don't want rupees!" he snapped. "Whether you like it or not, Jihiro is my friend, and I won't betray his secrets."

Sakon pulled out a dagger from under his pillow, and Jinaudi froze. Sakon didn't point it at her however, he held it out for her to take.

"You can cut off the ear and I still won't tell you a damn thing. Go ahead. Jihiro is my friend, and friends don't betray each other."

Jinaudi simply stared at him long and hard, and to his relief, she released his ear. Jinaudi then sank down to sit beside him on the bed, and to his surprise, she burst into tears. Sakon stared at her with wide eyes, and slowly edged a little further away from her.

"Oh, um...sorry?" he offered awkwardly.

"I'm just so worried about him!" she told him. "If only he would talk to us!"

Jinaudi covered her face with her hands and Sakon grimaced, not really knowing what to do.

"Er...look, if it will make you feel any better, maybe I could go speak to him for you?"

Jinaudi glanced up at him. "He won't speak to anyone, he just runs or locks himself in the post office. He's shutting himself off from everyone."

"He'll talk to me." Sakon assured her. "I'll make sure he's treating his wounds, and I'll see if I can talk him into going home. He's a stubborn ass, so I can't promise anything, but I'll try my best."

Jinaudi stared at Sakon as if she were seeing him for the first time. Sakon looked like a low-life thug, but she now saw a tiny glimpse of something else. Was he truly that loyal to her son? Could he be trusted?

"You would do that?" she asked skeptically.

"Sure." Sakon answered with a shrug. "I was wondering what he was up to anyway. I have a bit of time off until my leg heals, so I can check in on him."

Jinaudi wasn't sure if it would work, but she was willing to try anything at this point.

"Tell him that we're not mad at him." she said. "We just want to talk to him, and make sure he's okay."

Sakon let out a snort. "Considering what happened at that wedding, I think you'd have the right to be pissed at him...at least a little."

"He told you about that?" Jinaudi asked in surprise.

"I was ther-er, I mean, of course I know about that. He tells me everything."

That didn't sound very much like her son, but she gave him a nod anyway. "Please do anything you can. The healer said something's wrong with his magic and he needs to see a doctor. Please bring him home."

"What's wrong with his magic?" Sakon asked in concern.

"I don't really know, but the healer said it was very serious. Please make him understand."

Sakon frowned, hoping The Postman hadn't over-exerted his magic during the battle with Parasite. "I'll talk to him about it." he promised.

"When are you allowed out of solitary?" Jinaudi asked, glancing around the bare cell.

Sakon gave a dismissive gesture. "I just need to apologize to Koume, and she'll let me out. I was justified in what I said, but for Jihiro I'll suck it up and apologize anyway."

Jinaudi raised an eyebrow and gave him a disapproving stare. "You sat in here for three days just because you refused to apologize?"

"Wow...now I know where Jihiro inherited that look from..." Sakon commented, rolling his eyes.

Iris poked her head into the room. "Are you almost done?" she demanded. "We're going to get caught!"

Sakon gave Iris a grin. "Oh, Iris, for shame. You snuck in a foreigner and abandoned your post! You're going to be torn limb from limb by Captain Isa!"

Iris glared at him. "Only if I get caught."

"I knew there was a reason I liked you." Sakon commented, looking her up and down in an obvious fashion.

Iris gave him a look of death. "Try anything and I tell Adena you were hitting on me."

"Leave the girl alone." Jinaudi scolded.

"I didn't even do anything." Sakon said with a sigh. "Honestly."

"Do you remember where we live?" Jinaudi asked him. "Our house in Termina?"

"Yeah." Sakon replied.

"Good. Send word to me once you speak with Jihiro. Haru lives in Kakariko if you need any help. Give him any updates on the situation if Jihiro gives you a hard time."

Sakon knew Haru would be the last person he would ever go to for help, but nodded all the same.

"Just tell me one thing." Jinaudi said as she stood to her feet. "Was it Ganondorf who hurt him?"

Sakon shook his head. "No."

Jinaudi narrowed her eyes. "Are you telling me the truth?"

"Ganondorf had nothing to do with it." Sakon replied. "For once."

"If I find out you lied to me about anything today, I will never trust you again." Jinaudi vowed.

"Give me a couple days, and I'll be in contact." Sakon promised.

Iris gave a glance out the door. "We really need to go! Hurry up!"

"Thank you, Sakon." Jinaudi said, feeling hopeful. "Please make sure he's alright."

Sakon nodded, and a moment later he was alone. He frowned and reached for his crutches. As he struggled to his feet, he glanced towards the door. What was wrong with The Postman? Why was he all of a sudden avoiding his family like this? Was he simply embarrassed over the whole wedding fiasco? Shaking his head, Sakon knew he'd have to get to the bottom of things.

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The Postman was in an endless field at the edge of a lake. Nothing but green grass and water could be seen for miles, the sun hot and breeze perfect. He was sitting by the lake on a plain white blanket, staring into the water contentedly. He had his mailbag beside him as he skipped stones across the water, everything calm and serene.

This was not the type of dream The Postman normally had and he was immediately suspicious. He was dressed in his postal uniform and seemed to be in the process of a delivery but there was no one around. Reaching into the mailbag, his hand closed over a single letter and he pulled it out. There was no name on the front of the envelope and on the back there was a seal in the shape of a rose. The Postman stared long and hard at the letter, trying to decide whether or not to open it. He had a feeling this would be some sort of trap, and he had no interest in being manipulated. The letter wasn't addressed to him or anyone else for that matter, and so he finally just put it back in the bag, the seal untouched.

The water of the lake was crystal clear and as he stared for a long moment, everything began to slowly change. The water became as black as ink and dark clouds began forming overhead. As the air turned cold, The Postman stood to his feet and slung his mailbag over his shoulder. Looking around himself, he stepped away from the water's edge and braced himself for whatever was about to come.

The wind got fiercer and fiercer and The Postman gave a shiver, looking up into the swirling sky in wonder.

"You do not deserve such dreams, monster." A voice rang out over the wind. "You will never find peace as long as I live, not even in your dreams."

The Postman glanced around but the cloaked man was nowhere in sight. A fire ignited in the tree beside him and he stepped away, simply watching as it burned. The fire quickly began spreading, and within seconds, everything in sight was in flames. Smoke and heat blinded him and the screams of people dying filled his mind. He instantly recognized the screams and froze in terror. He was listening to the sounds of his dying family.

The Postman woke with a start, drenched in sweat and looked all around the room with wide eyes. Taking a few gulping breaths, he sat up and looked at the clock. He'd only slept a little more than an hour this time. Letting out a loud groan, he stood to his feet, intent on distracting himself from the dream he could still clearly remember. As he approached his desk, his eyes fell on the sword which sat glinting at him in the darkness, seemingly mocking him. He thought he sensed a brief surge of magic, and spun around in a panic.

The Postman looked one way and then the other, but there was no one in the room with him. He took a few steps towards the desk and cautiously picked up the sword. He turned it over in his hands a few times, and then approached the door and promptly threw it outside. He heard a splash as it landed in the town fountain and he slammed the door closed, feeling satisfied with himself. He knew it would be back soon, but at least it was gone for now.

Lighting a lamp, he took a seat at the desk and began re-sorting the mail just to be sure everything was in order. There were now three letters to Ganondorf hidden away in his desk drawer and they made him feel uneasy. Could he really refuse to deliver them? It seemed wrong to do something like that. Not wanting to think about it too deeply, The Postman reorganized his desk a few times, and then tidied the entire post office. By the time he was finished, it was time for him to start his route and he couldn't get out of there fast enough. The sword had re-appeared, and like before, he shoved it to the bottom of his mailbag out of sight, and then left.

He wasn't expecting to open the door to see Sakon standing there on crutches, clearly waiting for him. Sakon gave him a wide grin and hobbled over.

"We did it!" he exclaimed, throwing his arms around The Postman in a bone-crushing hug. "See? I'm back in my real body! I can finally touch things again!"

The Postman squirmed away from him and looked away, but Sakon didn't notice.

"It sucks that we have to heal the long and boring way, but at least we're back!" Sakon paused to fish something out of his pocket. Holding a purple rupee under The Postman's nose, he said. "And look! Every day since I got back a purple rupee appears on my pillow! It's looks like I'm going to get my million rupees after all! It will only take..."

Sakon paused as he thought long and hard. "...fifty-five years...Aw."

The Postman stared at Sakon a moment, surprised he had figured that out in his head, and then averted his gaze. "I'm sorry, Sir, but I'm going to be late for my deliveries. If you have nothing to be delivered, then I really must be going."

Sakon gave him a bewildered look. "Huh?"

The Postman started walking away without looking at him. "I said I need to get going, Sir. If you have anything to be delivered, just push it through the mail-slot in the post office door."

Sakon blinked at him in confusion. "…what?"

"The hours of the post office schedule are clearly posted on the door. I am now on my delivery schedule, so a good day to you, Sir."

Without another word, The Postman ran off, leaving a very confused Sakon behind. Sakon stared after him, and then scratched at his head. "What in Din's name...?"

Figuring that The Postman was just being neurotic about his schedule, Sakon shrugged, and decided to go visit the local tavern. Hobbling his way across town on the crutches, he wondered if they served beer this early in the morning. He'd relax for the day and then go see The Postman when he returned later that afternoon.

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* * *

The Postman felt guilty for brushing Sakon off, but he knew he had no choice. Images of his family burning alive came to mind, and he shuddered, suddenly feeling queasy. If that strange, cloaked man was real, his family was in an incredible amount of danger, and it was all his fault. If he had've just stayed away from villains, and stayed away from quests, none of this ever would have happened. The strange man didn't seem to know where he was, and The Postman had every intention of laying as low as possible. If he stayed completely normal, he wouldn't be found, and everyone he cared about would remain safe. They might hate him, but at least they'd be alive.

He went about his day in a haze, and all too soon he had finished all of his deliveries. It was barely noon, and The Postman wished he had something else to occupy his time. He had a feeling Sakon wouldn't give up so easily, and so The Thief was bound to ambush him sooner or later. Letting out a sigh, The Postman slowly trudged his way back towards Castletown, not looking forward to ending his friendship.

Sure enough, as he crossed the town square, Sakon left the tavern and slowly gimped his way towards him.

"Done already?" Sakon called over. "I thought you'd be doing your lame job all day! I'm not even drunk yet!"

Normally, The Postman would have commented that it was only noon, but he said nothing at all, simply continuing towards the post office. By the time Sakon caught up to him, The Thief was breathing hard, and he was wincing from his leg hurting.

"You seem to be moving pretty well." Sakon observed. "How have you been healing?"

"Good afternoon, Sir, did you have anything you wish to have delivered?"

Sakon paused, and simply stared at him. "Sir?" he questioned. "Since when am I a Sir?"

"The rates of delivery are posted on the door." The Postman told him, as he unlocked the door. "Now please excuse me, Sir."

The Postman then slipped inside the post office and closed the door. Sakon stared at the closed door for a long moment, trying to figure out what had just happened. Reaching out with one of his crutches, he banged on the door.

"The post office is closed!" The Postman yelled through the door.

Sakon scowled and banged again. "Well, it says you're open on this sign!" he countered.

"Closed for inventory purposes!" The Postman responded, locking the door.

"Stop it!" Sakon ordered, banging a third time. "Why are you refusing to talk to me? What did I do? Are you still mad at me for the whole Windfish's Island quest?"

The Postman didn't answer.

"Look, I'm sorry you got dragged into it, but I am thankful you helped me. I would have died if it wasn't for you. Let me make it up to you, and I'll help you sort your stupid letters or something."

When The Postman still said nothing, Sakon banged on the door again. "Jihiro?"

"Sir, I have already told you that the post office is closed. Please leave before I call for the guards."

Despite himself, Sakon looked over his shoulder for any nearby guards, and then hit the door for the fifth time. "What is your problem?!" he cried. "Stop being stupid and open up!"

There was no answer.

"Fine, I get it. You're in a pissy mood, but will you at least help me get back on my horse? I have a broken leg and can't get up, and I have to go somewhere."

Dead silence was his answer.

Sakon gave the door a dirty look. "You're an ass, Jihiro."

Without another word, Sakon turned and carefully hobbled away, knowing he had to figure out what was wrong with his friend. This was weird even for The Postman, and he was starting to get concerned. Maybe The Postman's mother really did have a reason to be worried? Something was definitely going on, and Sakon was determined to figure out what it was. He would speak with Haru, and then try again to get The Postman to speak with him.

The Postman was leaning against the other side of the post office door, head bowed and fists clenched. He hated himself for doing it, but he couldn't risk getting pulled into another adventure. Who knows what he would turn into if the adventures continued. He listened as Sakon's crutches clunked away and let out a deep breath of relief. He really did feel like a jerk, but it couldn't be avoided.

Looking up, The Postman felt his breath catch in his throat at the sight before him. A very familiar letter with a rose seal sat the desk, and he cautiously stepped closer. He stared at it for a long moment, feeling trapped. How did it get there? Where did it come from? Did Sakon put it there?

Warily approaching the desk, he reached out a hand towards it, the paper feeling warm and inviting to the touch. The Postman quickly grabbed it, ripped into a dozen pieces and then tossed it into the garbage can. He pulled down the emergency deadbolts for the door, and then tossed his hat and bag onto their proper hooks on the wall.

Having no appetite for lunch, The Postman instead carried over the next day's mail to his desk to begin sorting it. There was quite a bit more mail than usual and when he had it all sorted neatly and efficiently into several piles, he pulled out some paperwork he hadn't yet filled out. Haru was clearly not one for filling out forms, because there was such an enormous stack that it took him nearly three hours to complete. Although it was still incredibly early, The Postman was exhausted, and went to bed.

His head barely hit the pillow before he was asleep and dreaming.

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The Postman was having a very different sort of dream. He wouldn't necessarily call it a nightmare, but it also wasn't a good dream either.

He was sitting beneath a large tree at the edge of a steep cliff, the snow and cold wind causing him to shiver. The Postman recognized the spot, and knew he was in Termina, not far from Snowhead Mountain. He had a thick, black cloak, but wasn't wearing it, instead using it to swaddle the baby he held. He stared down at the small, darkhaired newborn, and felt himself frown. A confusing ache of sadness settled in his stomach, and The Postman just continued staring at the child, feeling a combination of resentment and anger. The anger continued to grow, and The Postman found himself rising to his feet. To his horror, he began approaching the cliff, and he held the baby out as if he was going to drop it off. The cliff was incredibly high and the child wouldn't stand a chance if it was dropped. All he had to do was let go and this problem would disappear. He paused as he held the baby out, and a new range of emotions washed over him, as he worked up the nerve to do it.

The baby made a small noise in its sleep, and The Postman paused, once again staring at the face of the baby. Reaching out a finger, he stroked the baby's cheek, and it made a sleepy murmur, its hand grabbing at his finger. Guilt and sorrow filled him, and The Postman brought the baby back to himself, wrapping it safely in his arms. Sitting back beneath the tree, The Postman hugged the baby to himself, hating and loving the child at the same time. He didn't want it, but he also didn't want to kill it. This child was all he had, and whether he liked it or not, it was here now.

"Damn you." he whispered to the empty forest. "Damn you to hell."

The Postman got one last feeling of intense sorrow and then the scene faded and his usual nightmares began. When The Postman finally awoke, it was morning, and to his surprise he had overslept. How was it possible he had slept so long?

In a panic, he hurriedly got dressed, threw on his hat and mailbag, and opened the door to get started. He took a step out only be met with the sight of Sakon scowling at him.

"Making me get up at this ungodly hour just to beat your head in!" The Thief complained. "I knocked for hours last night, but you wouldn't even answer me! I want an explanation! What's going on with you?"

The Postman briefly noted Sakon looked completely livid, and was surprised he had slept through that much noise. Schooling his expression carefully, he greeted Sakon.

"Good morning to you, Sir. Do have mail you wish to have delivered?"

Sakon swung out at him with one of his crutches. The Postman stepped back to avoid it, and then locked the post office door.

"If you have mail to be delivered, just place it through the mail-slot. I must get going now, Sir or I'm going to be late."

"I'll shove you through the mail-slot if you don't cut the crap!" Sakon threatened, shaking a crutch at him. "Why are you pretending you don't know me? Are you really that mad at me?"

"I don't know what you're taking about, Sir. I have no idea who you are." The Postman responded, turning away. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I must get started on my route."

When Sakon started hobbling after him, The Postman sped up so he wasn't able to keep up. Sakon yelled multiple obscenities after him, but The Postman never looked back.

The Postman hadn't slept soundly for days now, but forced himself to be friendly, polite and as efficient as always. His day went relatively smoothly, that is until Sakon found him. The Thief rode beside him on the horse, glaring while clearly scheming something. When The Postman didn't acknowledge him, he finally spoke up.

"What are you mad at me for? What did I do?"

The Postman said nothing.

"Was it because I almost stabbed your mum earlier? Did someone tell you about that?"

The Postman almost gave pause at that, but dismissed it, knowing Sakon was lying to get a reaction.

"Well, what is it then?" Sakon demanded. "You have to talk to me eventually! You might as well tell me what I did."

When The Postman gave no indication he'd heard, Sakon lashed out at him with a crutch and poked him hard in the shoulder. The Postman stumbled but forced himself to give no reaction. Sakon let out a weary sigh.

"We've already done all this, darling. Do you think I'm another delusion or something? Do I need to smack some sense into you?"

The Postman flashed Sakon an annoyed look. "Sir, please stop impeding my job. I am a civil servant and you're not allowed to interfere with the mail. Please go away, or I'll be forced to lodge a complaint about you."

"By the goddesses, what is wrong with you?!" Sakon cried out in frustration, pointing to The Postman's forehead. "Did the Blowfish send you back brain-damaged? Why are you pretending you don't know me? Why are you being such an ass?"

The Postman kept his eyes straight ahead. "I don't know you, Sir, and I don't want to know you. Leave me alone. I don't associate with villains; I'm just a postman."

Sakon gave him such a hurt look that The Postman had to quickly turn away, unable to look at him.

"Please, just leave me alone." The Postman begged. "Leave and don't come back."

There was a long, uncomfortable silence, and then Sakon turned the horse away.

"You're an ass." He commented, sounding extremely crushed. "A selfish, inconsiderate ass. I wish you would just tell me what I did."

Without another word, Sakon rode away.

The Postman stopped walking and clenched his fists until they white, his eyes tightly closed. He was doing what needed to be done. This way he wouldn't hurt anyone, and his family and Sakon would be safe from the evil that seemed to lurk within him. Despite assuring himself that he was doing the right thing, he really did feel like an ass.

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 **Oh, Postman. (shakes head)**

 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday!**


	79. Sakon's Persistence

**Authornote** **: Friday Jan. 12th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I really wasn't too sure about this chapter, because the story is really starting to get dark. This is actually the darkest and most serious story-arc of the whole series. A lot of horrible stuff happens. You can consider this a warning if that sort of stuff bothers you. I'm hoping I didn't miss too many typos in this chapter, but I'll re-read it later to make sure. My mother pointed out to me that I accidentally repeated a whole paragraph in a chapter in Part 4, and now that I know about it, I'm going to have to go fix it. I have no idea how I missed that at the time. lol**

 **I start my new job on Monday and so I'm not really sure if I'll have the next chapter up by Friday. I'll do my best, but no promises.**

 **Wow! There were TEN reviews last chapter! You guys are so awesome, and you really made my week! Thanks so much! ^_^**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Remvis** \- Yeah, sorry about that, this is a much darker story arc than the others. :( Hopefully you'll still enjoy the story regardless.

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- Wow, those are some incredibly good guesses! ^_^ Unfortunately I can't confirm if any are correct because of spoilers, but your questions will be answered very shortly. Some will even be answered in chapter 4! You're right in thinking everything is connected however. ;)

If someone like Jinaudi marched up to Ganondorf and began yelling at him, I don't think he'd know how to react. He isn't used to dealing with civilians, especially middle-aged over-protective mothers. He probably wouldn't have hurt her, but he definitely would have had her escorted out of the city after finding out what she wanted. He would've blamed The Postman for it, however. lol

Sakon practically lived at The Postman's house from the ages 5-10 so Jinaudi pretty much considered him one of hers at the time. When Sakon left after the friendship with The Postman dissolved, she did worry about him, but she thought he was living with his uncle. (she had no idea what Sakon went through) She definitely doesn't approve of what he's become, but she doesn't hate him. Everyone else can't stand him. lol

Yeah, my sister said she really liked the fic I wrote her. She actually wants me to continue it, but I don't have the time. Maybe I'll write her another 2 chapters for next Christmas. lol

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 **WiltedRose52** \- Thank you so much for reading the whole story so far! :D I'm really glad you liked it! The Postman certainly doesn't have an easy life, and it's only going to get worse from here.

Don't worry, we haven't seen the last of Samirah and Shoji. We'll find out what they're up to soon.

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 **Zekrom1010101010** \- The Postman is going to have a really rough time for a while. Nothing ever seems to go right with him. :(

We'll be seeing Ganondorf very soon. He can't be kept out of the loop forever. ;)

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 **Rainmy** \- Scalawag is an insult that an old person would use, it's very old-fashioned. lol Sakon however thought it was hilarious.

In my story I imagine this to be the same Earth just way waaaay in the future which is why they refer to "ancient technology" in the games which is actually more advanced than what they currently have. This story takes place many, many years after an apocalypse. The characters in my story will actually talk a little more about this later on.

The problem with the decision The Postman made about staying away from everyone is that it's extremely flawed. If he only told them what was going on, they'd be able to offer him some advice and to work through everything he knows. Koume and Kotake would be the most knowledgeable people to speak with about this. He's so used to dealing with everything by himself that he really does think he's doing the right thing. He thinks he's protecting them, and so no one can really fault him for that. :)

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 **Melle2001** \- I really hope I can finish it. Now that I'm sooo close to the end, it's been motivating me which is why the last few chapters have been so long. lol

The Postman's life will only get worse from here. He has no idea what's in store for him. I actually felt bad writing some of this.

Although The Postman's mother has 13 children, she loves each and every one of them equally. She also does not put up with any nonsense, even from her fully grown children. She has no problem with scolding and lecturing them as if they were still children. lol

Sakon will always be Sakon. Even threat of death or dismemberment do little to curb his obnoxiousness. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- The funny thing is that The Postman knows he's being a jerk, but he thinks he's doing the right thing. Unfortunately for him, fate is a lot harder to fight.

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 **setokayba2n** \- It's not actually that hard to talk to Ganondorf, but it's another thing altogether to escape without being horribly maimed. (not that Ganondorf would actually kill a helpless civilian for no reason, but no one else knows that) If Jinaudi was somehow killed, there definitely would be another war. One that the Gerudo would certainly win.

Don't worry, The Postman's dad is going to have a lot to say about all of this. lol The Postman is not someone to talk about his problems, or one to ask for help. Unfortunately he's making all the wrong decisions, and he should have gone to see Koume and Kotake.

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Yup, The Postman really is being a huge jerk right now. Sakon's so used to messing up all the time that he thinks The Postman is mad at him for something. lol The meaning behind the strange dreams will be explained shortly. :)

The amount of rupees Sakon is getting daily is pretty equivalent to minimum wage. If worse came to worse he could probably survive on it, but he'll never be rich. Sakon also has his doubts about living for another fifty-five years. Thieves don't tend to have long life-expectancies. lol

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 **Curious Reade** r- Don't worry, Leid's death will be explained very shortly.

Sakon likes absolutely anybody that is over 18 and is intelligent enough to consent. He's really not that fussy. The Postman on the other hand has all the sexual prowess of a rock. He has never even been on a date before.

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Fridays.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How To Be A Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 3

Sakon's Persistence

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The Postman felt wretched about the way he'd treated Sakon, and as hard as he tried, he couldn't push it out of his mind. For the rest of the day, he felt agitated and guilty and he wondered if he'd made a mistake. Should he go apologize to him? He could sense that Sakon was in the town tavern, and he was probably quite drunk by now considering he'd been there for hours. It would be easy to find him, and he could explain everything that had happened. The Postman had almost started towards the tavern, but then stopped himself. If he apologized, he'd be putting Sakon in danger. No matter how bad he felt, he had to remain as far away from everyone as possible.

He had a feeling The Thief wouldn't give up so easily. He knew Sakon didn't understand why he was doing it, and probably thought something was wrong with him. The thief didn't know of the vision Parasite had shown him nor of the dreams, so The Postman knew his behavior probably seemed extremely bizarre. The Postman didn't want anyone near him at all until he figured things out and until he was certain no one would get hurt. He knew he could expect another visit from the thief and wondered what Sakon had in store for him.

That night, The Postman sat up for hours, tired but unable to sleep. In fact he didn't want to sleep at all, the thought of nightmares stressing him out even more. It was almost 3am and he knew if he could make it until six he'd leave on his route without having a nightmare for once.

Flipping the page in his book, he stared at the new page not really reading but thinking instead. He was tired enough to sleep but memory of the nightmares were still fresh in his mind so he let out a deep sigh. He figured the strange dreams were brought on by stress from the last adventure and wondered how long it would take him to get over it.

Rubbing at his eyes, he slumped over the desk and rested his chin on top of his arms, staring blankly at the book he held. He'd already reorganized everything in the post office multiple times and now had nothing to do. He didn't really have an interest in reading a cheap romance novel but it was the only book in the office. His brother Haru had left it behind a few months prior and he'd meant to give it back, but now it seemed rather pointless. He doubted Haru would want it back now anyway.

Tossing the book aside, he stared at a copy of his morning schedule feeling bored. His eyes were feeling extremely heavy and he let out another sigh, just wanting morning to come. Despite not wanting to sleep, slowly The Postman felt his eyes begin to close. They'd barely even closed when a sudden, loud, booming knock came at the door startling him into almost falling out of his chair. He stared at the door in surprise wondering who would be knocking this late at night. A second loud knock came.

"The post office is closed!" he called out.

There was another loud knock.

"We're closed!" The Postman said more firmly.

The knocking persisted, and so The Postman let out a heavy sigh. He had a feeling it was Haru again, and made no move to open the door.

"Who is it?" he called.

There was no reply.

The Postman was not going to be so easily tricked, and so he fell silent, simply staring at the door. When there was another knock, he frowned, wondering why Haru hadn't called out to him yet.

"The postoffice is closed. Please return in the morning." He said loudly to whoever was ion the other side.

There was silence for a moment, and then came a small, hesitant voice. "Brother? Brother, are you there? Open up!"

"Minoko?" The Postman asked in surprise.

"Let me in!"

"What are you doing here?" he demanded, looking at the clock. "It's three in the morning!"

"I'm all by myself!" Minoko called. "It's dark out here and I'm scared! Please let me in?"

The Postman frowned and slowly stood up. Approaching the door, he peered out the window but couldn't see anything. Still not sure whether this was some sort of trick, he hesitated.

"I got hurt." Minoko said in a small voice. "Please let me in!"

The Postman reached out and rested a hand on the lock.

"Haru, if you're using Minoko to lure me out, I'm slamming the door in your face."

When there was so answer, The Postman unlocked and opened the door, and was met with the sight of darkness. Furrowing his brow, he poked his head out and looked one way, and then the other but the town square was completely dark and deserted.

"Minoko?" he called out.

There was no reply.

Frowning, he rubbed at his eyes for a moment and then closed the door. He must be hearing things... Just how tired was he? Letting out a sigh, he turned around and nearly jumped out of his skin when he saw Minoko standing just behind him. Looking from her to the door, and then back again, he asked.

"How did you get in here?"

"Brother..." Minoko said in a small, shaky voice.

Minoko was never one to act like a weakling, and so The Postman was instantly concerned and stepped towards her. "What is it, Minoko? What's wrong?"

"Brother…I'm hurt." She replied, clutching her stomach in pain. "It hurts."

The Postman knelt down next to her, quickly growing worried. "What hurts? What happened?"

Slowly Minoko removed her hands from her stomach revealing a dark red stain on the front of her shirt. The wound was terrible and Minoko was pale and shaking.

"It hurts, brother."

The Postman completely panicked at the sight of the blood and reached out his hands towards the wound in an attempt to stem the bleeding. "How did this happen? Who did this to you?" he cried, not knowing what to do.

Minoko's eyes fluttered, and then she fell into his arms, gasping in pain. The blood seemed to be streaming out of the wound, and now her shirt now completely red.

The Postman scooped her into his arms, and looked around wildly for something that would help her. "I don't have any healing items! We have to get you to a medic!"

"Too late…" Minoko whispered. "...Gonna die..."

The Postman stared down at her with wide eyes. "What do you mean 'too late'?! I'll get you help, you'll be fine!"

The Postman started towards the door as Minoko shook her head. "Sword went too deep, gonna die…hurts too much."

"Who did this to you?" The Postman demanded, opening the door. "Tell me who hurt you!"

Minoko met his eyes directly. "It was you."

The Postman froze, hand still on the doorknob. "…what?"

"It was you who killed me, brother. You stabbed me and you killed everyone. They're all dead."

"No." The Postman denied. "I would never!"

"You killed the whole family. There was blood, so much blood everywhere." Minoko said, her voice cracking. "Mama, daddy, everyone is dead. You killed them all! They're all gone!"

"No."

"You're a monster." Minoko whispered as her eyes slowly closed. "I wish it was you that was dead. I hate you. You're a monster."

As Minoko went silent and still, The Postman felt a knot tighten in his chest. "Minoko?"

She didn't move.

"Minoko?!"

He gave her a shake to no avail and The Postman felt an overwhelming terror fill him.

"Everything you touch will die, monster." Came a now familiar voice from behind him.

The Postman spun around to see the cloaked man leaning in the doorway watching him. The Postman looked back down at Minoko and saw she was gone, his arms now empty.

"So, you have a sister." The man said casually. "I didn't expect you to actually have a family. Your mind is starting to show me hints about who you are, and where you are. It will only be a matter of time until I find you and whatever family you've wormed your way into. No matter what you do, you cannot escape me."

The Postman didn't answer him.

"You will be the one to kill your own family." The man informed him. "They will die by your hand as your power increases. The only way to avoid it is by your own death."

The man pulled something from his robes and The Postman gasped at the sight of his sister's severed head. Minoko grinned at him bloodily, her eyes staring directly at him, her expression full of hate. Her lips were mouthing the word 'monster' over and over again silently.

"This is the child's fate if you live. I cannot see what she really looks like, but it's a clue all the same. Your powers can't keep shielding the faces forever. Eventually you will slip up."

The man tossed the head to the floor, and The Postman scrambled back as it rolled towards him.

The Postman woke so suddenly, he fell out of his chair and landed hard and awkwardly on the floor. Unable to breathe, he desperately gasped for air, rolling onto his side as he hyperventilated. Horror coursed through his whole body and he felt like he was going to be sick. Unable to move for several long minutes, The Postman finally got a handle on himself and took a few deep breaths.

Sitting up, The Postman glanced around the office and his gaze settled on the sword which laid just inches from him. He kicked out at it hard and it slid beneath the bed out of sight. Looking around himself, he confirmed that he was alone. It was just a dream. It wasn't real. No one was hurt. It was just a stress-induced nightmare. Taking another forced breath, he glanced towards the door as he heard the loud ring of the townsquare bells. Looking up at the clock, he saw he was going to be late for work. It was going to be insanely busy at his job for the next two days because tomorrow was a national holiday. It was Princess Zelda's birthday, and people from all over would be visiting Castletown for the celebrations. Even the Postmistress would be visiting from Termina, and he hoped she wouldn't drop in for a surprise inspection. Although she was his boss, he had never liked her. He had worked for her for over twelve years and she still couldn't remember his name.

The Postman quickly grabbed his mailbag and hat and approached his desk to get the daily mail. It was sorted into several neat piles as usual, tied together with string and The Postman picked up the bundles, hurriedly placing them into the mailbag. Although there was a lot more than usual, The Postman was confident in his abilities to get it all delivered on time. Whenever there were a lot of people, there was a lot of mail, and The Postman knew it would be a good distraction.

Ganondorf's mail was now up to five letters, and he reluctantly locked them in the desk out of sight, still not sure what to do with them.

Heading towards the door, he paused at the sound of something being dropped through the mail slot. Approaching the box beneath the slot, he saw one small package within.

Reaching down to pick it up, he turned it over so he could see who it belonged to. He was quite surprised when he saw his own name written on the front. He very rarely got mail and wondered who it was from.

Carefully ripping open the envelope on the front, he pulled out the letter and unfolded it.

'Hey Darling,

I hope this helps with your PMS.

-Sakon'

The Postman let out a heavy, irritated sigh and frowned down at the letter. He should have known it would be Sakon. His curiosity getting the better of him, he cautiously opened the box and looked inside. There was a bottle of painkillers, a package of tampons, and a very large chocolate bar. Letting out a sigh of exasperation, The Postman approached his desk and pulled out a seldom used stamp. Dipping it in red ink, he then proceeded to stamp the package 'Return to Sender'. Putting on his hat as he made his way to the door, he left the post office, ready to face whatever confrontation Sakon had planned.

Sakon was seated on the edge of the town fountain and he grinned wide when he saw him come out. He gave The Postman an eager wave and held up an impressively large box of chocolates.

"If the chocolate bar doesn't do it, maybe these will." he called over. "They're all coconut."

The Postman's response was to hold out the package which Sakon took in surprise. Without a single word, The Postman turned and walked away.

"I don't get it!" Sakon yelled after him. "What did I do?! How long is this going to last?"

The Postman didn't answer and left the town square to begin his morning deliveries. He tried to put the letter and Sakon out of his mind and went to his first delivery at Lon Lon Ranch. Much to his displeasure, he was delayed as Talon first read his letter then wrote one in response. The Postman was exhausted from lack of sleep and didn't have much patience as Talon kept bouncing ideas off him for a good answer. He mindlessly answered Talon's questions and made suggestions as requested barely even paying attention. Thinking about the horrible nightmare he'd had that morning, he wondered if he should try having a small drink of alcohol before bed. Maybe that would take the edge off? He said something to Talon in response to a question, no longer even trying to pay attention.

Talon gave him a really odd look and paused quill to paper.

"Uh, I don't think I should say that to a Gerudo...especially one I'm trying to do business with."

The Postman realized he must have said something absentmindedly and rubbed at his eyes. What did he say? What were they even talking about? He couldn't remember. Apologizing, he made a half-hearted attempt to help Talon finish the letter, still not caring one way or another.

When The Postman was finally on his way again, he was running a bit behind schedule. Glad he had the Pegasus boots so he'd be able to easily catch up, he left the ranch. Immediately upon stepping onto the field, he nearly had a heart attack as Sakon hobbled out from behind a tree. The thief gave him another grin and held out an enormous home-made card with a hastily drawn broken heart on the front with the words 'I'm Sorry'. The Postman raised an eyebrow, and then continued on his way without a single word. Sakon's smile faltered and he tossed the card aside with a sigh, watching as The Postman disappeared from view.

For the next few hours, The Postman delivered the mail without incident and he was in Kakariko village when Sakon next ambushed him.

Sakon had been hiding behind a pallet of crates and when The Postman passed him by, the thief thrust something into his arms which he took quite by reflex. Looking down, he saw it was a tiny grey kitten with an enormous red bow tied around its neck. It mewed up at him adorably, large green eyes full of love and The Postman stared at it not quite sure what to do. He stared at the kitten, and the kitten stared back at him, both clearly confused.

Sakon looked incredibly proud of himself and gave him a wide grin, certain he would be now be forgiven.

"Ganondorf's stupid hell-cat had kittens a while ago." he explained. "You'll be proud to know that I asked for one and didn't steal it! Apparently this breed is really rare, but I don't know anything about cats. It's grey and it's cute, and that's all I know."

The Postman turned away from him without saying a word and headed back towards Hyrule Field. He handed the kitten to the first child he passed, gave Sakon a pointed look, and then continued on his way. Sakon scowled down at the little girl who was cooing over the kitten, snatched it out of her hands, and then hobbled slowly out of the village after The Postman.

When Sakon reached Hyrule Field, The Postman was already long gone, and he let out a deep sigh and glanced down at the kitten. "Screw Jihiro, he's going to keep you whether he wants to or not. He's totally a crazy cat lady in denial, I know it!"

The kitten naturally didn't answer him, simply purring happily.

Sakon limped his way to Castletown, but The Postman wasn't back yet from wherever he'd run off to. Glancing around to make sure no one was paying any attention to him, Sakon picked the lock and let himself into the post office. Plopping the kitten down on the floor, Sakon glanced around, noticing that everything was eerily tidy. There wasn't a single paper or pen out of order, and he found it a bit unsettling. He needed to somehow get The Postman's attention, to make him listen to him and wasn't sure what to do. He was tempted to trash the post office, but he had a sneaking suspicion that wouldn't be enough to make him listen. His attention fell on the mail basket beneath the door, and he saw it was overflowing with letters for the next day. He stared at the letters and knew there was one thing The Postman could never ignore.

Reaching out, Sakon grabbed the entire pile of letters, knowing this would definitely get The Postman's attention if all his mail suddenly went missing. He casually looked through the letters, and knew some of them looked very important.

"I wonder why some have two stamps when they're local letters?" Sakon pondered to himself.

Shrugging, he stuffed the pile of mail into his backpack, and then gave one more glance around the post office. Other than the kitten, Sakon had left no indication he'd ever been there. He'd wait until The Postman had nothing to do the next day and then use the mail to force him to finally talk. Feeling quite pleased with himself, he left the post office, knowing he should still make one last attempt that day to get The Postman to forgive him. If it worked, he'd just give back the mail, and everything would go back to normal.

Sakon had no experience with friendships, but he knew all about making girlfriends forgive him, and so he figured it was probably very similar. So far the card and chocolates hadn't worked, and so now he would try something that never failed to make girls forgive him. Knowing he didn't have a lot of time before The Postman returned, Sakon hurried towards Hyrule Castle, hoping this would work.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

As The Postman ran across Hyrule Field, he wondered how long it would take Sakon to give up. The Thief obviously had himself convinced that he'd done something wrong and that made The Postman feel even worse about it. Sakon was his friend and although The Thief tended to annoy him quite often, he still didn't want to keep hurting him like this.

He headed towards the Zora Domain to continue his deliveries and hoped Sakon wouldn't follow him. Luckily he didn't have any issues at all while delivering the Zora their mail, and although he had a considerably large amount of mail, he finished with plenty of time to spare. A couple Zora guards chatted with him as they escorted him out of the domain, and the moment he stepped over the thresh-hold, their conversation was interrupted by a horrible sound in the distance. Looking up, he saw Sakon riding towards them on a horse and strumming loudly on a guitar, the notes completely off key.

"Ohhhhhh, Jihirooooo, can't you see I'm sorreeeeee, not sure what I did but it must have been meeeee!"

Sakon had completely covered the horse in roses that The Postman was almost certain were from the royal gardens and The Thief continued singing out his apology. He obviously had no idea how to play a guitar and was just randomly strumming his fingers across the strings creating a terrible racket. The Postman recognized the guitar as belonging to the Castletown bard and could only sigh in exasperation. When Sakon was in front of them, he sung even louder and even more off-key.

"Won't you forgiiiive meee? I'm really sorry, can't you seeee? Don't you know our friendship is meant to beeee?"

The two Zora simply stared at the thief, clearly having no idea what was going on, and then they slowly turned their gazes to The Postman. The Postman raised a hand to his forehead in exasperation, and it was clear he was incredibly embarrassed.

Sakon's song came to a finish and he held out a bunch of the flowers towards The Postman expectantly. "Will you tell me what I did?" he asked. "Will you stop ignoring me now? I really am sorry!"

The Postman began edging past him and didn't accept the flowers. He was beginning to wonder if Sakon honestly thought he was a girl. Chocolates, cards, kittens, flowers? What was Sakon thinking?! Without a word, he hightailed it back into Hyrule Field.

Sakon let out a heavy, sad sounding sigh. He'd only ever had the one friend and now it looked like he was once again friendless. If the letter ploy didn't work, he had no idea what he'd do.

The Zora exchanged a look, and then shrugged, not really caring. "I think you're going about wooing The Postman wrong." one of the guards told him. "I don't think he's the flower type of guy."

"I wasn't trying to 'woo' him." Sakon snapped. "I was apologizing."

The guard gave him a skeptical look. "Sure you were."

"He's being a complete jerk and won't speak to me." Sakon complained. "He won't even tell me what I did!"

"I'm not really an expert on humans, but have you tried giving him a little space? Maybe he just needs a bit of time."

Sakon scowled. "He's had more than enough time. Now he's just being a stubborn jerk."

"I can see why your boyfriend got mad at you if this is the type of sensitivity you show."

Sakon glared at him. "Mind your own business." he snapped, turning the horse to leave. "And he's not my boyfriend! He's way too lame to be my boyfriend."

"Whatever you say."

Saying a few not so polite words to the Zora, Sakon rode off before they had time to respond.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Hyrule Castletown was quite crowded when he arrived, everyone preparing the decorations for the next day. Everything from streamers to balloons were being hung up, and The Postman carefully stepped over the decorations that were laid out all over the ground. He had one last letter to deliver, and he could sense that she was here in the square. Cremia from Romani Ranch was here somewhere, but the crowds of people were so thick he had trouble spotting her.

People from all over had come to celebrate Zelda's birthday, and The Postman knew he would be incredibly busy during the holiday tomorrow. The mail basket in the post office was probably overflowing by now!

He slowly made his way over to where he could sense her, and just as he neared her, a group of children ran by crashing into him hard. The Postman was knocked back, and he instinctively reached out his hands to steady himself. His hand grabbed a cloth banner, which ripped under the force, sending him sprawling forward. He knocked someone down to the ground with him, and a can of blue paint toppled over, plastering both of them.

"Oh, I'm sorry!" The Postman automatically said as he glanced up to see who he fell on.

He stared into the face of Cremia who looked both horrified and outraged. It was then that The Postman noticed he had both of his hands directly on her breasts. He ripped his hands away, apologizing profusely as he hurriedly got to his feet. He was incredibly embarrassed, and saw that her clothes had been completely ruined by the blue paint. Cremia was clearly furious and she got up, looking angry enough to strangle him. The Postman apologized again, attempting to explain what had happened, but she wasn't listening. Her response to his apologies was to step forward and slap him so hard across the face his teeth rattled. The Postman staggered back and gave her another apology as she raised her hand to hit him again. He thrust the letter into her hand, and then fled into the post office as fast as he could. He heard her kick the door and yell a profanity at him, and so he quickly locked it.

Turning away from the door, he glanced down at himself, and saw he was completely covered in paint. Letting out a sigh, he headed for the bathroom to take a shower.

When he came back out an hour later, a glint of white caught his eye and he paused at the sight of a letter waiting for him on the counter. The letter hadn't been there before, and he frowned at it. He could clearly see the bright red rose seal holding it closed, and he scowled, having absolutely no intention of opening it. Someone seemed very determined to make him read it, and so he knew he needed to stay as far away from it as possible. Ripping it up, he tossed it into the garbage can, and then turned his attention to the mail basket.

The Postman hesitated when he saw there were only a few letters within, and he felt a bit disconcerted. Picking them up, he saw there were three to be exact. Strange... Last year The Postman had delivered nearly a hundred letters during the birthday celebrations. He'd never had so few! Wondering if people would be dropping them off late this year, The Postman decided to get up extra early just in case he had to sort them all. Carrying the letters over to his desk, he stamped them all with the stamp he used for processing, and then put them in order. He seriously hoped he wouldn't only be delivering three letters tomorrow or he'd have a very boring day ahead of him.

It was then that something warm and furry nudged his elbow, and he nearly jumped out of his skin as he scrambled away from the desk. To his extreme annoyance, the kitten from before looked back at him, purring contentedly.

Scowling, The Postman realized Sakon had broken into the postoffice, or at least he hoped The Thief hadn't shoved the kitten through the mail slot. Glancing around the postoffice, his eyes fell on an obvious wet spot on his bed, and he glared down at the cat. Perfect, just wonderful, now he had to wash his sheets as well as his newly blue uniform. He'd be scrubbing at laundry for hours that night.

Reaching out, he plucked the kitten off the desk by the scruff of the neck, and then approached the door. Opening it, he set the kitten outside and then closed the door. Someone else would surely find the kitten and take it in. It would be fine. Hearing the crowds of people outside, The Postman frowned. That is if it didn't get stepped on and crushed by the crowd first... Would a kitten know to stay out of the crowd?

The Postman opened the door, seized the kitten and brought in back inside. He'd find another home for it in the morning.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman tried to sleep that night, but as usual he was plagued by nightmares and he ended up feeling even more exhausted by morning. He heard the bells outside chime five, and rolled over, knowing he probably had a lot of mail to deal with. To his annoyance, the kitten was asleep on his pillow, and so he impatiently pushed it off the bed, and then got up to check the mail basket. It was completely empty, and he stood there and frowned at it, feeling like something wasn't right. Why wasn't anyone mailing any letters for the holiday? Did Haru do such a terrible job that no one trusted the post office anymore? What could Haru have done to make everyone this angry at him?

The Postman let out a sigh, and glanced to where the three letters lay on the desk. He knew he shouldn't have trusted Haru. Haru was clearly too unreliable to be trusted with something as important as the mail. He'd have to write a public announcement to let his customers know that he was back and that Haru would not be returning. Perhaps that would appease his customers, and hopefully there hadn't been too many complaints filed with the postmistress.

Letting out another sigh, he glared down at the kitten, wondering who he should give it to. While out delivering the mail he would inquire around, but he was sure Marin-er...Malon would take it in. They had plenty of cats at the ranch, and so what was one more? Having pets was against company policy, especially ones that didn't seem to be housebroken yet, and he didn't really want to receive a write-up because of it.

The kitten was weaving around his legs yowling, and it was clearly demanding breakfast. Of course it had never occurred to Sakon to leave any food for the cat, and The Postman let out a third sigh. Opening a tin of canned meat he'd been planning on having for his lunch, he plopped it onto a plate and set it down on the floor. As the kitten ate, The Postman got dressed and although he only had three letters to deliver, he decided to leave early to avoid the large crowds. Putting on his hat and mailbag, he looked at himself in the mirror, frowning at the fact you could see a lot of the scars on his arms and legs. To avoid awkward questioning from his customers, he'd probably have to switch to a version of the uniform with pants and long sleeves. The Postman tended to get overheated and so it would be a huge inconvenience if he could no longer wear shorts. He'd have to put in the request for a new uniform when he got back. Making sure everything was in order, he scooped up the kitten and placed it inside the mailbag, hoping it didn't cut itself on the sword.

As he left and locked the door, he didn't notice Sakon watching him from the tavern window. When Sakon saw The Postman seemed none the wiser about the mail, he rolled his eyes, and glanced down at the enormous pile of letters laying in front of him. He'd wait until The Postman returned and then blackmail him into finally talking to him. The Postman didn't know it yet, but Sakon would not be brushed off again!

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

"I really can't, postman!" Malon protested. "We're having a problem with an aggressive tom-cat, and he'd hurt the poor little thing."

The Postman glanced down at the kitten. "Maybe it could be a housecat?" he suggested. "It could keep mice out of your kitchen?"

Malon shook her head. "My father keeps the cuccos inside, and he's allergic to all animals with fur. I'm sorry, but I really can't take it!"

"Do you know anyone who needs a cat?" he asked hopefully.

Again Malon shook her head. "It's kitten season right now, and so everyone has too many cats as it is. Couldn't you keep it?"

The Postman immediately shook his head. "It's against the rules. No pets that don't live inside a small cage or aquarium."

"I'm sorry I couldn't help." Marin told him.

"It's alright." The Postman answered, feeling rather disappointed. "I'm sure I'll find someone who wants it."

As The Postman walked away from the ranch, he placed the kitten back inside the mailbag, feeling frustrated with Sakon. Leave it to Sakon to put him into such an inconvenient situation, and he had half a mind to go return the kitten to Ganondorf. Knowing the kitten could be a goddess's trick to make him go to Gerudo territory, The Postman knew he could never return. He had to stay as far as possible from all villains until he was sure it was safe. For all he knew, that could be for the rest of his life. He'd have to give the kitten to a child in town on the sly, and then take off before the parents realized what he'd done.

It was still early in the morning, but The Postman was already finished with the mail. Having nothing else to do, The Postman headed back towards Castletown, knowing the celebrations would probably be starting soon. He had no interests in feasts or music, and so he had no intention of going anywhere near once it started. He'd probably settle down with a good book, and simply relax for the rest of the day. As soon as he entered town, he saw Sakon start approaching from the tavern and so he sped up, not wanting to speak to him at all right now. He was rather disconcerted when he inserted the key into the lock and discovered the door was slightly ajar. Shooting Sakon a suspicious look, he entered and closed the door after him, wondering if he was going to have to upgrade the locks.

The Postman definitely wasn't expecting to be met with the sight of his postmistress, Madame Aroma. She was sitting at the counter, obviously waiting for him to return, and her expression did not look happy.

Madame Aroma didn't normally visit him, and so The Postman found himself curious for the reason of her visit. She was in charge of most of the urban post offices across both Hyrule and Termina, but she rarely travelled out of Clock Town. He knew she'd be in town today, but he'd been hoping she wouldn't try to spring a surprise inspection on him. Knowing he'd left the postoffice in perfect order, he wondered why she looked so unhappy. As he approached her, he tipped his hat politely, causing her to frown in disapproval.

"Postmistress." The Postman greeted with a hesitant nod. "I wasn't aware you were planning an inspection this morning."

Madame Aroma narrowed her eyes at him and began tapping her fingers on the counter in agitation. Although she was on business this day, she was still dressed as if she were about to have a night on the town. Her bright yellow dress was at least three sizes too small and it clung to her obese body like a second skin. Her stringy red hair was pulled up into an extravagant style, sitting high upon her head and bright red lipstick adorned her lips. She looked him up and down and obviously wasn't pleased with what she saw.

"A very serious matter has occurred." she informed him curtly.

The Postman was instantly all business. "Is it a priority letter?" he asked, ready to take action. "Where is it going?"

"No." Madame Aroma snapped impatiently. "It is not a new delivery. This is in regards to the mail that keeps going missing, and a complaint that was made against you."

"Missing mail?" The Postman questioned, wondering if she needed his help investigating mailbox thefts. "When did this happen? And where? And what was the complaint?"

Madame Aroma pursed her lips, her small beady eyes narrowing further. "You know very well what I'm referring to, Jason."

The Postman cocked his head. "Ma'am?"

Madame Aroma began tapping her nails against the counter once more as she gave him an ugly, vicious look. The same look always made everyone around her terrified, and was the reason she practically ran Clocktown. When The Postman didn't react with fear like she was expecting, she crossed her arms against her plump chest irritably.

"A total of fifteen priority letters have disappeared in the last day. All fifteen were dropped through the mail slot for this post office but none of them were delivered. Two of those letters were ones I sent myself for the castle! Who knows how much regular mail has gone missing as well, because we only track the priority mail!"

The Postman's eyes widened. "Missing from my post office?" he asked in disbelief. "There has to be some sort of mistake! I've never had any missing mail!"

"I don't think so, this is no mistake."

"I sort every letter extremely carefully, ma'am! I've never lost one letter before, let alone fifteen priority letters!"

The Postman knew it was his brother Haru who had taken over the post office while he was gone, but he was certain his brother would never do something like this. It was unthinkable! Madame Aroma had said the missing letters were from yesterday and it was The Postman who had worked that day. He hadn't seen any priority letters at all!

Madame Aroma gave a derisive snort. "Fifteen letters in one day is a bit suspicious, don't you think, Jerry?" she stated coldly.

"Actually, it's Jihi-"

"Because the letters were given to the post office directly and then lost, I had to pay a large fine to the town and also compensate the affected parties. Some of those letters were extremely important documents, and the compensation was enormous! I had a to pay a small fortune!"

The Postman didn't bother trying to correct her on his name again, too distracted by what she was telling him. He shook his head adamantly, certain there had to be some sort of mistake.

"No, ma'am!" he protested. "I know I wouldn't have lost the letters and I'm sure my brother wouldn't have either! I couldn't have, the customers must be mistaken!"

"You're telling me over a dozen different people, as well as myself, were mistaken?" she demanded.

The Postman couldn't think of any other explanation, and so he nodded. "There has to be a mistake."

Madame Aroma gave him a look of pure contempt, her mouth almost disappearing under multiple rolls of fat. "I don't appreciate just throwing good money away." she growled. "I will not tolerate deceit and theft from my own employees! Theft of the mail is a serious offense! You could be jailed for this!"

The Postman let out a horrified gasp at the thought. "I would never!" he cried out. "I didn't steal them, I would never touch someone else's mail!"

"Then you admit to destroying them so you didn't have to deliver them!" she accused, her fat cheeks jiggling wildly in her anger.

"No!" The Postman objected, completely appalled. "Never! I treat every letter with respect and care! I have never failed in a delivery before! I didn't even receive any priority letters yesterday!"

Madame Aroma gave a snort. "Don't even try lying to me. I know your type; you put on a good face for a few years, and then you think you can do whatever you want! I don't pay you to destroy mail and slack off! Imagine trying to blame someone else for your incompetence! This is unacceptable and you should be ashamed!"

Again The Postman shook his head. "No!" he insisted. "There has to be some mistake! I've done nothing of the sort! I'm a good postman!"

Madame Aroma gave him a disgusted look. "The only mistake was hiring you in the first place." she snapped. "You wouldn't believe how much time and money you lost me because of this! Not only are you a thief, but also a pervert! There was a sexual harassment complaint filed against you!"

The Postman blinked. "What?!"

"A young lady came to me and told me what you did to her while she was decorating the town square yesterday, and you should be ashamed of yourself! Imagine one of my employees forcing themselves on a helpless girl while in uniform no less! You are a dishonest, and disgusting human being!"

"Wait, no! That was an accident! I'm not a pervert! I didn't mean to!"

"Save it, Justin! This is not going to happen again because I want you and whatever possessions you own out of this postoffice in the next five minutes. You're **fired**!"

The Postman gasped and went very, very still, certain he had misheard. "...pardon?"

Madame Aroma's enormous round face scrunched up as she gave him a scowl. "You're fired, Jeremy."

"But I didn't do it!" The Postman cried out in despair. "There's been a mistake! Please don't fire me!"

Madame Aroma stuck her nose into the air. "I've already replaced you." she informed him coldly. "My son will take over your route, isn't that right Kafei sweetheart?"

A man previously unseen, stepped out from behind the counter, looking extremely awkward to be listening in on the conversation. His burgundy eyes were currently focused intently on his feet, not wanting to make eye contact with The Postman or his mother. He was wearing a postal uniform and The Postman felt his heart sink at the sight.

"Hello, Kafei." The Postman greeted politely.

"Hi, Jihiro." Kafei said quietly, still not looking up.

The Postman and Kafei had gone to school together and knew each other well. After Kafei had been cursed and forced to relive a second childhood, the young man had moved back in with his mother. Kafei's relationship with Anju had dissolved and The Postman hadn't seen much of him over the years. It seemed Kafei had grown a lot over the last decade, and was now almost back to his rightful age before the curse.

"I've hired my son and I want you out of here immediately!" Madame Aroma ordered.

"Please!" The Postman begged, not caring about dignity at the moment. "I've had this job since I was 18; this is my whole life! You don't understand!"

Again, Madame Aroma let out a snort. "The only reason I hired you in the first place is because your father put in a good word for you. I see now you were nothing but a mistake."

"I've been a postman for nearly 13 years!" The Postman protested. "I've never once made a mistake, please don't fire me over this! I'm a good postman!"

"You are fired, Jesse, and if you don't leave the premises immediately, then I'll be forced to get one of the guards to escort you out!"

The Postman hung his head, feeling like the floor just fell out from under him. He really was getting fired. Maybe this was just another nightmare? Maybe he would wake up at any moment and realize none of this was real? He was silent for a very long moment before finding his voice. "That won't be necessary, ma'am... I'll leave."

Madame Aroma gave him a curt nod. "And I want that uniform back as well. That's property of the post office."

The Postman hesitated. "Er...you want me to give it back right now?"

Madame Aroma gave a sniff of disapproval. "Yes." she informed him. "Give me back the uniform or I'll consider it theft."

"Ma, you don't have to take the clothes right off his back." Kafei protested. "Let him return the uniform later."

Madame Aroma shook her head stubbornly. "The uniforms belong to me and I want my property back from this hooligan!"

"But Ma!"

"But nothing, Kafei!"

Feeling both embarrassed and resigned, The Postman handed her his hat, and then approached the closet to get a change of clothes. Without a word, he entered the bathroom, and then slowly began to undress, feeling completely numb. When he came back out a few moments later, it was just in time to hear Madame Aroma let out an over-dramatic scream.

"A rat!" she bellowed. "There's a rat in his mailbag! Kill it! Kill it, Kafei!"

The Postman hurried across the postoffice just in time to see Kafei peer inside the mailbag.

"It's just a kitten, Ma." he told her, pulling the kitten out by the scruff of the neck for her to see.

Obviously embarrassed, Madame Aroma's face flushed, and she turned to glare at The Postman. "And I also see that you've violated the 'no pets rule'! You really are a disgrace, Jerome! Give me that uniform!"

She snatched the uniform out of his hands, and then peered into the mailbag to see if he was hiding any undelivered letters. When she pulled out the sword, she stared at it in surprise and then narrowed her eyes.

"Keeping a weapon on your person is also a violation of policy! What were you doing with this, you hooligan? Robbing your poor unsuspecting customers?"

"No, of course not!" The Postman answered in frustration.

"And show him what we found in the wastebasket, dear."

Frowning uncomfortably, Kafei pointed to the letter with the rose seal The Postman had ripped up the night before. It was laid out on the desk, and someone had pieced it back together. To his surprise, the parchment within the envelope was completely blank.

"Destroying someone's mail is also a huge violation!"

"It was my letter." The Postman responded.

"If it was your letter, why didn't you open it?" Madame Aroma demanded, certain she'd caught him in a lie.

"Because I didn't want to read it." The Postman responded.

Madame Aroma sniffed, and then gave a shrug. "There was no name on the envelope and the letter was blank, and so unfortunately I don't have proof you willfully destroyed the mail. I would have pressed charges against you. I did, however, find the letters you were hiding in your desk!"

"The letters for Ganondorf?" The Postman questioned.

"So you admit it!" she declared triumphantly.

The Postman nodded. "I was going to deliver them, but was waiting until it was a bit safer."

Kafei stared at him with wide eyes. "You were going to deliver to Ganondorf?!"

"He's lying, Kafei." Madame Aroma interjected. "He's just trying to save himself."

"I'm not." The Postman answered, knowing it was pointless to argue. "I always deliver my letters."

"Leave this postoffice immediately, you disgrace! If I ever see you back, I'll have you arrested for trespassing!"

The Postman felt his cheeks burning with humiliation and he couldn't meet her gaze. Kafei felt genuinely bad for The Postman and crossed the post office to the bed where there was a bag full of The Postman's personal belongings. He placed the bag into The Postman's hand, and then handed him the kitten and the sword. The Postman was still too ashamed to meet anyone's gaze, and simply turned towards the door.

"I'm sorry." Kafei told him, giving his shoulder a pat. "You'll find other work soon. For what it's worth, I believe you, I know you're a good worker. If I find anything else of yours, I'll save it for you, alright?"

The Postman mutely nodded his head. He'd never really kept many personal affects in the office and wasn't interested in anything that was there. That was except...

"There's a book on the nightstand." he said in a small voice. "I would like to take it."

Kafei, crossed the room and picked up the book, looking at the title. 'A Postman's Manuel- How to be quick and efficient in everything you do' Kafei gave the book a sad frown and handed it to The Postman.

"My grandfather wrote it." The Postman told him, placing it inside the bag.

"What are you waiting for, Jeffery?" Madame Aroma demanded. "Get out of my post office, and don't let me see you back here again!"

Taking a deep breath, The Postman turned and left the post office without a word , still feeling like this had to be a nightmare. That was the only explanation he could come up with. He was still a postman, he still had his job and there were no missing letters. He'd obviously eaten something that hadn't agreed with him, and this nightmare was the result. The gods were simply playing another cruel joke on him, and everything would be fine. When he pinched himself on the arm, he was disheartened when it hurt. He wasn't asleep, and he really was fired.

"Jihiro? What's the matter?" Sakon asked, who'd been about to knock on the door. "You look like you've seen a ghost."

"I've just been fired..." The Postman replied, feeling completely numb.

Sakon blinked. "What? Fired? For what?"

The Postman was wandering towards the tavern and Sakon limped after him.

"Madame Aroma blamed me for the theft of fifteen priority letters that were supposed to be delivered yesterday. She fired me, and banned me from ever returning."

Sakon froze, and his hand went to his backpack where the letters were. He had come over to tell The Postman about them, but now it seemed like that would be a very bad idea. "Er...doesn't that seem a bit of an overreaction over a few missing letters? I mean, you were a great postman."

The Postman shook his head. "The loss of so many priority letters is unforgivable and under the circumstances, she had the right to fire me. There were several other violations as well which I was guilty of."

Sakon winced guiltily. "Um, well, what if you find them? Would she give you your job back?"

"No." The Postman answered, forgetting that he wasn't supposed to be talking to Sakon. "It wouldn't make any difference, the decision has been made. She would just accuse me of hiding them."

The Postman entered the tavern and approached the counter.

The bartender gave him a curious look, never seeing him at his bar before. "What can I get you?" he asked.

"Do you have any rooms for rent?"

"I'm pretty booked up because of the celebrations, but I might have one left. Why?"

The Postman pulled out his wallet and dropped it onto the counter. "For the room."

The bartender counted out the contents of the wallet and took only enough for a night. He handed The Postman a key, his wallet, and then pointed to the staircase. "All of my rooms are clean, so if your cat causes any damages, you'll be billed for it. You're in room number One. Payment is due daily before noon."

The Postman nodded, and then reached out and grabbed a full bottle of something off the counter. "Bill me for it." he stated, turning and heading upstairs without another word.

Sakon and the bartender stared after him for a moment, and then the bartender shook his head with a sigh. "Do you think we should tell him that was a bottle of grenadine?"

Sakon shook his head. "No, he probably shouldn't be drinking right now anyway...I'll go check on him."

Sakon felt absolutely rotten, knowing very well it was his fault The Postman had been fired. As he hobbled his way upstairs, he had a feeling The Postman would never speak to him again if he found out. It would probably be better to keep his mouth shut for now.

The Postman hadn't even closed the door to his room, simply dropping the bag to the floor, and then flopping face down on the bed, hoping it would swallow him alive. Sakon, who now stood in the doorway, glanced down at his comatose form, and then frowned.

"Uh, darling, are you alright?"

He received a non-committal grunt in reply.

"Okay, just checking..."

Sakon stared at him a long moment and then slowly approached. Reaching out, he pried the unopened bottle of grenadine out of The Postman's hands and set it aside.

"What's going on with you?" Sakon asked. "What did I do to make you this angry?"

"Go away."

"Not a chance, you're stuck with me now. You might as well talk because I'm not going anywhere."

When The Postman didn't say anything, Sakon let out a deep sigh and gave him a nudge. When that got no reaction, Sakon scooped up the kitten and set it on top of The Postman's back. It immediately began kneading it's claws into his back, but he still didn't move.

"Are you really going to just lay there as this thing shreds you to pieces?"

The Postman let out another incoherent grunt.

"Look, maybe your parents are right, maybe you do need some sort of help? They said something's wrong with your magic, and that you need to see a doctor. Is that what this is all about?"

"I remember now." The Postman replied.

Sakon cocked his head in confusion. "Remember? Remember what?"

"Everything." The Postman answered. "I've regained the memories I lost."

Sakon's eyes widened. "The month you were gone as a kid?"

The Postman gave a slight movement of the head which could have been a nod, but Sakon wasn't sure. Edging a bit closer to his friend, Sakon shooed the kitten away. "Was it bad?"

"Worse than you could ever imagine." The Postman answered. "You were a good friend, but I forgot everything. It wasn't just a month of memories he removed, it was much more than that. He changed everything about me. "

"What did he do to you?" Sakon hesitantly asked.

The Postman didn't answer.

"Was he the one who gave you the red magic?"

The Postman nodded.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

Sakon wasn't sure what to do, and gave him a worried frown. "Will you at least roll over so I don't have to worry about you smothering yourself?"

"No."

"Is this why you've been avoiding me? Why you've been avoiding your family?"

"No."

"Are you going to tell me why then?"

"No."

Sakon could feel himself getting frustrated, but had no idea what to do. This sort of situation was way out of his league, and he had a really bad feeling about all of this. What wasn't The Postman telling him? Did something happen that he wasn't aware of? Sakon gave one more glance to The Postman and then stood to his feet. He needed help, and he knew just who to go to.

"I'll be back in a bit, Darling, please don't go anywhere."

The Postman gave no indication he heard, and a moment later Sakon was gone.

The Postman wasn't sure how much worse his life could get at this point. His whole family from all across the continent were bound to find out he'd been fired. Gossip travelled fast among his family, and so he wouldn't be surprised if half of them had already heard about it. Not only did they all think he was crazy, but now he'd disgraced the family name on top of that. He'd probably be receiving a lot of letters from concerned aunts and uncles soon...

The Postman let out a miserable groan. Being a postman had been his whole life, it was his identity and how everyone knew him. What was he supposed to do now? Could he get hired by a competing postoffice? If news spread about why he was fired, he'd pretty much be unemployable. Clutching at his hair in distress, The Postman felt the injustice of it all, and he felt like his life was in tatters.

The Postman wasn't sure how long he laid there, but after a while the room began getting dark, and the sounds of the celebration outside began. He could hear the sounds of laughter, of music, and it just made him feel even worse. It had been hours and still Sakon hadn't returned. The Postman didn't really blame him for bailing on him, he probably would have too if their situations were reversed. He hadn't exactly been very nice to Sakon lately after all. Sakon was a villain, and from what he'd observed from the Gerudo, villains didn't really like dealing with other people's problems.

The Postman saw a glint of blue light coming from the floor, and he worked up the energy to move enough to glance down. He stared down at the magical sword with a frown, having a feeling it was trying to tell him something. The sword was letting off an unnatural glow, and The Postman felt like it was mocking him. His red magic was still firmly attached to the sword, and although he could clearly sense the magic, it wasn't reacting to him like it normally did. He felt like it was trying to reject him, but maybe that was just his imagination?

The Postman was staring at the sword so intently, he didn't notice someone very slowly and quietly creep up to his open door. They snuck up behind him silently, and before he'd even realized what was happening, several someones grabbed him from behind and began blindfolding him and tying him up. Realizing the cloaked man had finally tracked him down, The Postman panicked and struggled with all his might as he felt himself tightly bound.

Trying to lash out with his red magic, The Postman was frustrated when it wouldn't respond to him. It stubbornly remained dormant, and he was forced to defend himself in other ways. Doing the only thing he could, he sunk his teeth as deeply as he could into the arm that held him. There was a agonized yell, and then there was a searing pain in the back of his skull, and everything went black. He was completely helpless as he was dragged out of the tavern.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On Friday! (hopefully)**


	80. Kidnapped

. **Authornote** **: Sunday Jan. 21st 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

Sorry this chapter is so late, but I've honestly had a week of absolute hell. I started my new job and it's the most horrible and stressful thing I have ever done in my life. I'm still in training right now, and they're making it as terrible as possible. I work an eight hour shift, and then they give us 4-5 hours homework each night (unpaid of course) which we're then tested on the next day. They even "suggested" we come in on the weekend for more unpaid training, but I refused. I didn't have time to do any writing at all this week and so that's what I did all Saturday and Sunday. I really wanted to spend more time on this chapter, but I ran out of time. I'm going to have to switch to updating on weekends instead of on Fridays, because I honestly can't see this job getting any better.

This chapter is like 90% dialogue, and so I apologize if everyone finds it boring. We do finally find out a few answers though. If there are any major mistakes or typos, I'll go back and fix them later.

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Remvis** \- Honestly, The Postman kind of  was acting like a pissybaby in the chapter. lol He didn't see it as running from his responsibilities, and actually thought he was doing the most logical thing. He's just full of bad decisions lately. Don't worry, this weird funk he's in won't last forever.

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- I agree. Madame Aroma did make a huge error in judgement. The Postman actually did waaaay more work than an average postman because his delivery radius was so huge. Not many people could deliver all over Hyrule and the Gerudo Territory in one day. The Postman is in excellent shape whereas Kafei grew up pampered and lazy. He's going to be in for a big surprise. lol Kafei's not a bad person though, he just has a horrible mother.

The Postman's family believes in fairness, and if they thought The Postman really did get rid of fifteen priority letters instead of delivering them, they'd agree with her. If they think he was fired unjustly, there will be trouble.

Sakon actually values this friendship more than even he realizes. He might tease The Postman, and make a lot of mistakes, but he really is trying. He just doesn't have much experience with friendships. Jinaudi saw the loyalty he showed, and so he unknowingly endeared himself to her just a little bit.

True. Madame Aroma completely crushed The Postman's soul, but he is finally talking to Sakon. lol

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 **guest** \- You are absolutely correct! Madame Aroma broke policy by not performing any sort of investigation. She'd already decided to fire him before he even spoke to her, and his belongings were already packed. This will be discovered when an actual investigation is done. ;)

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 **Rainmy** \- The Postman didn't want it, but now he has a cat. lol It's a good thing he's not allergic.

Most girls would see the effort Sakon was putting into the apology and then give him a bit of slack. It's kind of hard to be mad at someone who shows up with flowers, chocolate and kittens. lol

Kafei's a good person, he just has a retched mother. He really did feel bad for what happened to The Postman. Don't worry, Madame Aroma will get her comeuppance. ;p

The last part was all new.

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 **Zekrom1010101010** \- Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Cliffhangers are very enjoyable to write, mostly because I'm a troll. ;p

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 **Melle2001** \- There's no way I can write during the week any more, so my updates have been moved to the weekend. lol

The Postman felt like his whole world fell out from under him in an instant. He felt like being a postman was his indentity, and now that's been ripped away. Now he's left with the question 'Who is Jihiro?'

Her name was actually Moloko when I was first planning this story. I took introductory to Russian in school and it was the very first word I learnt. At least I didn't name her яблоко which was the second word I was taught lol

Sakon tries so hard. (shakes head) When Sakon asks for something instead of just taking it, that just proves how serious he is. He did that to show how much he meant the apology, but The Postman still brushed him off. It's a good thing Sakon's persistent. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon was really trying with those apologies. lol

There will be absolute **hell** to pay when and if The Postman finds out it was Sakon who stole those letters. Sakon had better keep his mouth shut for all of eternity. lol

We'll find out more about the cloaked man soon. The Postman has to stop being so stubborn first though.

Thanks for the review, and I hope you enjoy the next chapter!

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 **Curious Reader** \- It was a heart attack, so I guess it was probably a painful death. We will find out more about Leid in this chapter though. We will also find out about Ichiro in this chapter. ;p

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 **setokayba2n** \- If The Postman's family thinks he really did steal/destroy 15 priority letters, they'd agree with Madame Aroma that he should have been fired. They all take being postmen/women very seriously, and are all about following the rules. If they think he was fired unjustly however, there will be problems. lol The letters to Ganondorf issue will actually be discussed soon. :)

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 **Jigbashmop** \- The only reason any of the Gerudo dated Sakon at all was because they don't have much choice in men at the castle. lol There's only one other man who is "passed" along through Gerudo but we haven't met him yet. Sakon's the better choice when compared to him though. The Gerudo don't even bother trying to hit on The Postman anymore, he never notices they're trying to seduce him.

We'll find out who the kidnapper is in this chapter! ;p

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 4

Kidnapped

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The Postman didn't remember dreaming at all while unconscious. All he remembered was a sharp and sudden pain, and then nothing at all. When he finally started coming to, an undetermined amount of time later, he was terribly confused and didn't know what had happened. His head was throbbing painfully and for some odd reason he couldn't move. He opened his eyes and quickly discovered he was blindfolded, gagged and had some sort of sack over his head. Forcing his fuzzy mind to focus, he quickly remembered he'd been kidnapped.

By the steady bounce beneath him, he also determined he was laying in the back of a cart or wagon. Shifting slightly and pulling against the ropes that bound him, he heard muffled voices whisper to one another. Two strong hands hoisted him upright and he struggled uselessly as he was propped up against the cart's side.

The Postman wasn't sure where he was or where they were taking him, and tried to yell out, but the gag made everything he said unintelligible. Why was he still alive? Did the cloaked man need him for something? Was he being forced into another quest? What was he planning on doing with him? Images of a dark and cold basement came to mind, and he felt himself panic. Trying to force his red magic to react, it gave a stubborn crackle and did nothing to help him. Realizing he couldn't rely on his magic to help him, The Postman felt himself get even more panicked.

Reacting on pure instinct, The Postman kicked out with both feet as hard as he could and connected solidly with someone's stomach. He heard a yell, and then a crash as the person fell out of the cart hard. Feeling a certain satisfaction at that, The Postman struggled all the harder.

The man he'd kicked swore angrily a few times as he got to his feet, and then The Postman heard him scramble back into the cart. Although the voice was horribly muffled, The Postman could hear him quietly rant to whoever else was in the cart. The Postman couldn't help but feel he recognized the muffled voice, but he couldn't be sure. The person who answered the angry man spoke in a much softer tone, and he suspected it was a woman. Everything was so muted through the sack he wasn't absolutely certain but his instincts had rarely been wrong in such matters.

He had a feeling his kidnappers really didn't want him to know where he was going, and he'd probably not get any hints about it. His kidnappers were obviously being very careful with how loud they were now that he was awake, and when he tried to kick out at them again, they avoided the attack.

It was stuffy and hard to breath with a sack over his head but he could do nothing to remove it. His head was spinning from the blow he'd received and he hoped he didn't have brain damage after being hit so hard. That would be just his luck. Wriggling against the ropes and sliding down to the floor of the cart as he fought to get loose, a rough hand impatiently pushed him back upright.

Realizing he wasn't going to escape when he was being this closely watched, The Postman let out a resigned sigh and went still. If he pretended to cooperate, perhaps they'd let their guard down? He would act meek and compliant to their demands and then escape when he got the chance. Deciding that was the best course of action right now, he leaned heavily against the side of the cart, simply waiting.

He timed in his mind how long he had been awake and kept track of the minutes until the cart finally stopped a few hours later. He knew every bit of information could help in his escape and that he might have to backtrack the way they had come. They sat there for several long minutes before he heard steps come back towards the wagon. The kidnappers whispered something to one another, and then they each took a hold of The Postman and lifted him out of the cart. Not struggling in the least, The Postman allowed himself to be taken wherever they were going. Their footsteps went from walking on gravel to wood and he realized they'd entered a building of some sort. Many, many more muffled whispers were suddenly surrounding him and he knew he was hopelessly outnumbered. He was forced to sit down, and his kidnappers said a few things to the others, and then they began removing the bag.

The Postman felt cool, fresh air hit his face and took a deep breath, preparing himself for whatever these people had planned. Were they going to torture him or just kill him outright? No, they wouldn't have brought him all this way if they were simply going to kill him. They obviously had something devious planned.

The cloth was pulled from his mouth and he took another deep breath, his jaw stiff from being gagged for so long. He felt clumsy hands untie his blindfold then it was pulled away, the sudden light in the room blinding him. He blinked a few times until his eyes focussed, and then he froze in complete surprise. He saw his entire family surrounding him in a circle of chairs, simply watching at him in silence. His eyes scanned his family carefully and he saw that Sakon was there too as well as Anju. One of his youngest sisters was holding his kitten, and he could see his belongings laying on the floor beside him. His mother was looking stressed and worried, and she hurried over to him, quickly checking him over for injuries.

"His head is bleeding!" she exclaimed. "What happened?"

Sakon and Jaru turned glares towards Haru who scowled. "It was a reflex!" he defended. "I didn't mean to!"

"Someone get him a potion!" Jinaudi ordered, turning her attention to The Postman who was still sitting there in shock. Only seconds later Jinaudi was passed a healing potion which she immediately uncorked. Holding the bottle to The Postman's lips, she spoke to him. "Drink." she ordered.

Still confused and somewhat stunned, The Postman obediently drank, and to Jinaudi's relief, the head-wound closed over. Giving him another quick look-over, she was seemingly satisfied, and then stepped back.

"Do you want milk in your tea, sweetheart?" she asked, giving him a questioning look.

"...egh?" was the only response The Postman could come up with.

Jinaudi reached for a pot of tea sitting nearby, and poured some into one of her best teacups. She then set down the teacup beside him on a table, seemingly not noticing that he was still tied up and wouldn't be able to drink it.

"...Mum?" The Postman questioned hesitantly, pulling at the ropes that still bound. "What in Din's name...?"

His mother exchanged a look with his father who was scratching his beard nervously. Clearing her throat, Jinaudi turned her eyes back to her eldest son.

"I know you're probably a bit confused at the moment..." she began.

The Postman glanced over at his twin brothers, obviously the ones who had kidnapped him and he narrowed his eyes at them. Haru simply crossed his arms and scowled back at him, clearly the one he had bitten. Haru's sleeve was red with blood, and the bite had clearly been very deep. The Postman then realized his red magic could have seriously harmed his brothers if it had've reacted.

"You had me kidnapped." The Postman stated accusingly, looking back to his mother.

She hesitated. "Yes...well, this is sort of complicated and I'm not sure how to explain it but-"

"This is an intervention!" Sakon called out helpfully.

Jinaudi levelled Sakon with a 'look'. "Yes, thank you, Sakon. This is an intervention."

Someone could have taken a pictograph of the expression The Postman made. Both his eyebrows shot up in disbelief, staring at his family like they were from another planet.

"...what?"

His mother gave him a sympathetic look. "I know this isn't something you were expecting, darling but-"

"Please don't call me that. I've had some disreputable people call me that lately."

"Hey!" Sakon protested.

Jinaudi flashed Sakon a confused look, but nodded all the same. "Uh, alright, sweetheart...but as I was saying, there's a lot we need to discuss, and you weren't exactly being very cooperative."

"He's been acting batshit crazy!" Sakon agreed. "It's time to put him out to pasture."

Jinaudi shot him another 'look'. "Sakon, that's enough!"

Sakon held up his hands defensively. "Well, I was only telling the truth! He's gone crazy!"

"We're not going to be using that word during this interv...um, meeting."

The Postman simply stared at her. "You think I'm crazy?" he asked, looking down at the ropes binding him.

"Of course not, sweetheart! I just think you've been very stressed lately, and may not be handling things the best way you could."

"I'm not stressed."

Jinaudi reached out and laid a gentle hand on his cheek. "You've been fired from the post office."

The Postman sucked in a sharp breath, and quickly looked away, the shame almost crippling.

"You willingly returned to work for Ganondorf." Mokoto, The Postman's father said with a disapproving frown. "I did my research on the burn on your neck, and I know it had to be consensual for you to receive it. It would have faded if it was forced on you. You chose to go back."

The Postman didn't deny it, keeping his gaze firmly on the floor.

"You fled from us when you were badly injured!" Jinaudi said, looking him up and down worriedly. "I saw the scars that cover you, Jihiro, and we know you were through something terrible."

Haru stepped forward. "You had a psychotic episode during my wedding." he pointed out. "You can't really think everything's fine, when you're practically screaming for help."

"And you may or may not have dressed up as a woman." Jaru interjected

The Postman winced. How could he possibly explain that one?

"You cut all of us off without any explanation, and now you're starting to spiral." Mokoto said kindly, taking a seat beside him.

"Yeah, and are you going to finally tell me why you won't speak to me?" Sakon asked. "I understand being mad at these weirdos, but what did I do?"

The Postman knew Sakon could have owned up to being the cause of the wedding fiasco but it was clear The Thief had no intention of doing so. He was planning on letting The Postman take the full blame for everything. He shot Sakon a look of death and said nothing at all.

"Quit being so stupid!" Sakon yelled at him, grabbing his crutches and standing to his feet. "Tell me what's the matter with you, you stinking Moblin! Stop ignoring me or I'm going to beat your face in!"

"Sakon, go sit on the porch!" Jinaudi ordered, turning furious eyes to The Thief.

Sakon balked. "What?"

"Porch, now!" she repeated, narrowing her eyes. "We are providing a safe and calm environment here, and you're interfering!"

The Postman's eyes widened. Calm environment?! He was tied to a chair!

Sakon crossed his arms with a scowl. "Well, it's not my fault he's such a stubborn ass, you're the one who raised him."

Mokoto gave Sakon a withering look. "Why is this man even here?" he demanded. "He's a wanted criminal."

"Sakon is Jihiro's best friend, dear. He's here for moral support."

Mokoto gave Sakon a disgusted look. "Well, he's doing a lousy job. I want him gone. Jihiro shouldn't be hanging around people like this."

"Tough, I'm not leaving until I know Jihiro's alright." Sakon shot back, waving his crutches about dramatically. "Try and make me leave, fatso. I'll fight you all!"

Mokoto angrily stood up, and he towered over Sakon by nearly a foot, and despite his brazen words, The Thief took a step back.

"Believe me when I say I would have no problem whatsoever tossing you out the door like a piece of trash. I suggest you sit down and shut up before I decide to see how far I can throw you." Mokoto threatened.

Sakon slowly sat back down, not doubting his words at all. Mokoto glared down at him for a long moment before he too resumed his seat.

"We just want to talk to you." Jinaudi assured The Postman. "We're your family, and we'll help you get through this. Tell us what happened, Jihiro. We'll keep you away from Ganondorf, and you don't have anything to worry about. You'll never have to go near the Gerudo Nation ever again."

The Postman stared at his mother and said nothing. He had tried to avoid everyone, but it seemed like he had no choice in the matter. They were forcing him to do what they wanted just like everyone else lately. No matter what he did, he had no control over anything in his life. He felt a deep anger settle in the pit of his stomach, and his mother frowned, seeing the suppressed fury in his eyes.

"Jihiro?" she questioned.

The Postman turned an angry glare on her. "Untie me." he ordered.

Jinaudi gave him a frown. "Will you run?" she asked.

"...no." The Postman responded unconvincingly.

Jinaudi let out a sigh. "No, you're going to sit there, and you're going to listen. No more running from your problems."

"You can't just kidnap me!" The Postman snapped.

"Watch me." Jinaudi shot back.

The Postman felt his anger increase, and he struggled uselessly against the ropes that bound him.

"Why did you go back to Ganondorf? Why did you choose to be a villain? What did we do wrong?" Jinaudi demanded in desperation.

"Because the Gerudo City is my home." The Postman snapped.

Jinaudi shook her head. "No, your home is here, not in that horrible place! I knew we should have put you in therapy after we got you away from Ganondorf the first time! He did something to you! He bewitched you!"

The Postman was feeling incredibly frustrated. "No. For the first time in my life I found a place where I truly belong. I have friends, I have a purpose, and I love the city. I may not agree with all of their politics, but I'm part of the Gerudo Tribe, and that's where I belong!"

The Postman paused as he realized he truly meant every word he said. He longed for the heat of the desert, for his friends and coworkers, for the spicy food, for the beautiful city, for his magical training, and for his job as Tracker. He longed for his home. He hadn't realized how attached he'd become to the Gerudo Nation until the words had left his mouth.

"You're a good person!" his mother insisted. "You're not a villain! You're just confused!"

"There are a lot of good people in the Gerudo Nation." The Postman replied. "To Hyrule and Termina I may be a villain, but to other nations, I'm simply a Gerudo citizen. Everyone does what they do for a reason, and there's always two sides to every story. The world isn't black and white, it's thousands of shades of grey."

"But they hurt you!" Jinaudi insisted. "You almost died because of your injuries!"

The Postman shook his head. "They had nothing to do with that."

"Is that why you got yourself fired from the post office?" his father demanded. "You didn't want to work there anymore?"

"No!" The Postman protested. "I did want to remain a postman, and I was doing both jobs just fine."

"Clearly not if you were fired!" his father scolded. "You were neglecting your duties while you were playing at being a villain! Jihiro, you're too old to be going through a rebellious phase!"

"No!" The Postman insisted, getting angry. "I didn't! I worked hard at both, and my level of service never decreased! I was a good postman!"

"Then why were you fired?" Mokoto demanded skeptically.

"I was accused of something I didn't do." The Postman answered with a frown. "I never shirked my duties."

Mokoto returned the frown. "What was the accusation?"

"Madame Aroma said there were fifteen priority letters that had gone missing in one day, but I never saw any of those letters! She accused me of stealing the mail and fired me because of it."

Sakon slowly sank lower in his chair, but stayed silent, simply looking guilty and upset. Luckily for him, no one was paying any attention to him, their interest fully on The Postman.

"She also accused me of sexually assaulting a woman."

The Postman's adult brothers and sisters instantly knew there was no way The Postman would've ever done that, and voiced their concerns.

Ignoring them, The Postman continued. "She hired Kafei in my place, and already had my belongings packed before even waiting to hear my side of things. I would never steal or destroy the mail, and I'd certainly never touch anyone inappropriately!"

Mokoto leaned a bit closer. "You swear you didn't do it?" he demanded. "You're not lying to me?"

The Postman met his gaze fiercely. "It's the truth; I never did it. I would never shirk my responsibilities at the post office."

Mokoto had always been incredibly proud of his oldest son, and it did seem rather unlikely that The Postman would purposefully destroy or steal the mail. The thought of him forcing himself on a woman was also inconceivable. Mokoto shook his head. The Postman was a villain, however, so did he really know him at all? How much of The Postman's persona was an act, and how much was his true personality? Mokoto didn't like to think his son would ever do something like that, but he had to consider the possibility.

"I will have this investigated." Mokoto promised. "Madame Aroma should have done her own investigations before automatically assuming you were guilty. I will inform the rest of the family, and we will get to the bottom of things. Do you really want to remain a postman, Jihiro? Do you promise you're not just telling me what I want to hear?"

"I still want to be a postman, and I'm telling the truth about what happened." The Postman answered. "I'm innocent."

Mokoto stared at him for a long moment, but didn't detect any insincerity. "I'll see if I can get you a job through my branch of the postal service." he promised. "I'll speak with my postmaster in a few days."

It didn't make up for the fact he'd been fired, but it was enough to give The Postman a bit of hope. "Thank you." he said in relief.

"Now, what has been bothering you lately?" Mokoto asked. "Why did you run and refuse to speak to us? What happened? Does this have to do with why you were so injured?"

The Postman fell silent.

"You haven't been yourself lately, and there's obviously a reason." Jinaudi spoke up. "What happened?"

The Postman still said nothing.

"Why won't you talk to us about it?" Jinaudi demanded. "Why are you trying to shut us all out?"

The Postman remained silent and looked away.

"What happened?" Jinaudi demanded, shaking his shoulder. "Tell us what happened! What's bothering you?"

"Jihiro, just tell them." Sakon said with a frown. "Tell them about what you learned! Ask for the answers you want! Start with your memories!"

The Postman shook his head. If he spoke his concerns out loud it would certainly lead to a quest, and that's the last thing he needed right now. He had pushed all of that out of his mind, and he didn't want to think about it any more.

"Tell them or I will!" Sakon threatened. "Tell them that you know what they did to you! Tell them you remember everything, and then ask about the name!"

Jinaudi and Mokoto exchanged a look. "Did to you?" Jinaudi questioned. "What is he talking about, sweetheart? We never did anything to you."

The Postman clenched his fists and then swore in frustration, knowing he had no choice. His mother looked like she was about to go on a tirade about his choice of word, and so he looked up at her, and began to talk.

"I remembered what Uncle Leid did to me." he stated.

Sakon visibly relaxed and let out a sigh. "Finally."

Jinaudi paused mid-scold, and frowned. "Did to you? What are you talking about?"

"You sent me into that monster's clutches when I was a child, and I spent an entire month with him. Haven't you ever wondered why I hated him so much? Why I showed so much anger and resentment for a relative I hardly ever saw? He ruined me during that month."

"What do you mean?" Jinaudi asked, looking completely lost. "What do you mean he ruined you?"

She then paused and her eyes widened. "Toshiko, go put the children to bed." she ordered.

The children all began to protest, the intervention finally getting interesting, but Jinaudi was quick to silence them with a single hard stare. "Now, get them out of here."

Toshiko led the youngest of her siblings from the room, and Minoko looked absolutely mutinous. She gave The Postman a quick hug as she passed by, and a moment later only the adults remained. Jinaudi edged a bit closer to The Postman and reached out to take one of his hands.

"Is this something you want to talk about in private?" she asked, glancing up at the others.

"What does it matter?" The Postman responded resignedly.

His brothers and sisters exchanged worried looks with one another, unsure of what to think about this.

"What...what did he do to you?" Jinaudi asked rather hesitantly. "What did Leid do?"

"He beat me every, single day." The Postman began. "And kept me prisoner in his house. I was only ten years old!"

Everyone in the room relaxed a bit when he said this, realizing their first assumptions were incorrect.

"Sweetheart, your uncle Leid was strict with you for a reason. Your behaviour was out of control, and you needed to learn. Just because he spanked you a few times doesn't mean he was abusing you. He had our permission to do that."

The Postman glared at her. "He didn't spank me." he responded angrily. "He had me chained to a wall in his basement where he would beat me bloody and unconscious with a metal tipped ratan cane. Every day of that month was filled with pain, starvation and misery. He was a monster."

Everyone in the room let out a collective gasp.

"No, that's impossible!" Jinaudi protested. "Leid would never do something like that!"

"He was doing experiments on my green magic, and if I hadn't instinctively healed myself during that torture, I would have died from it. He forced an unnatural magic into me, and now it's destroying me from the inside out, trying to obliterate my natural magic. He placed a magical block within my mind, and I forgot everything about what had happened. It made me meek and obedient, and none of you noticed the change in my personality."

Jinaudi was still shaking her head in denial. "You're just confused." she insisted. "A healer took a look at you a few days ago, and she said your mind was a bit addled from your damaged magic. None of this happened, sweetheart, you're just mistaken."

"Like hell he is." Sakon interjected. "He was a completely different person when he came back. He didn't even know who I was!"

Jinaudi still shook her head, but surprisingly enough it was Haru who stepped forward. Placing a hand on his mother's shoulder, he gave a sad shake to his head. "Ma, when Jihiro came back, he wasn't even recognizable. Jaru and I were convinced he'd been replaced by someone else, but no one would listen to us."

"No, he just matured and started behaving himself!" Jinaudi insisted.

"He used to smile, he used to laugh, but when he came back, all happiness had seemingly been ripped out of him." Jaru spoke up. "Haru and I were only eight at the time, but we still remember the day he came back."

Toshiko also nodded. "I was six and I remember that as well. He was sick looking and afraid of everything. Gone was the rotten older brother who put dead mice in my bed, and in his place was a stranger. It took him over a week to remember my name."

Mokoto had listened in silence up to this point, and he too shook his head. "No, what reason would Leid have of doing this? Why would he torture and do experiments on a helpless child? None of this is making any sense! Leid told us Jihiro had been sick with the flu and that was the reason he was so thin and weak! He never would have hurt his own family like this!"

The Postman knew they wouldn't believe him and he met his father's gaze fiercely. "Then go ask him!" he challenged. "Confront him, and we'll find out the truth. I want to know why he did it too!"

Jinaudi and Mokoto looked to one another in surprise. "Oh, that's right, Mokoto, he doesn't know!" Jinaudi whispered. "He was still asleep when we found out, and then he ran before we could talk to him!"

"What?" The Postman demanded. "What don't I know?"

"The day we found you on the beach, your uncle Leid died of a heart attack." Mokoto told him gently. "You wouldn't speak to us and so we had no way of telling you. His funeral was two days ago, and he's already been buried."

The Postman felt like he'd been gut-punched. "...what?"

"Leid is dead." Mokoto repeated.

The Postman stared at his father in horror, realizing he would never find out the truth now. Leid had gotten away with what he did, and he would never get any answers. The gods had just played the ultimate prank on him.

"You've got to be joking!" Sakon said, clearly enraged, standing back to his feet. "There's no way this is coincidental! This has to be some sort of trick!"

The Postman closed his eyes and let out a deep, and resigned sigh. "Sakon it's fine. There's nothing we can do about it. He got away with it."

Sakon looked even more infuriated. "Well, that asshole might be dead, but your parents are still responsible for sending you there!"

The Postman opened his eyes just in time to see a crushed look cross both his parents faces.

"Do you really blame us for what happened, Jihiro?" Jinaudi hesitantly asked.

"Yes." The Postman answered by reflex, but then stopped himself. "..no...maybe...I don't know. I know you never meant for anything like that to happen, and I do remember you were very kind and patient with me afterwards. I'm angry you sent me there, but I know it's not really your fault. You had no way of knowing he was going to do that to me."

Jinaudi wiped away the tears in her eyes, and then slowly reached out towards The Postman. To everyone's surprise, she untied him, and before The Postman could react, she pulled him into a bonerushing hug. He let out a wheeze of surprise, and before he could even begin to squirm away, his father took over the hug, nearly suffocating him with how tight it was.

"I'm so sorry, sweetheart." Jinaudi whispered. "I'm so sorry!"

"We should have known something was wrong." Mokoto said. "We should never have sent you away. You were our responsibility to raise, and we failed you. I'm sorry, son. You deserve to be angry with us. We had no idea he did any of that to you."

The Postman felt bad for even bringing any of this up. He'd been angry about what had happened, but it wasn't his parents fault. Leid was to blame, but his uncle was now safe from any and all accusations.

"I shouldn't have blamed you." The Postman wheezed out, barely able to speak.

His father let go of him, and sat back, still looking worried and grief-stricken. Jinaudi didn't look much better, and she wiped at her eyes again, horrified at what her son had been put through.

"So this is why you've been avoiding us." she said. "You were angry at us."

The Postman grimaced, and then shook his head. "No. It's much more complicated than that..."

"Then tell us!" Jinaudi ordered. "Let us help you!"

Hoping this wouldn't lead to a quest, The Postman finally asked the question that had been plaguing him for months. "Who is Ichiro?"

The Postman had expected his parents to look confused, but instead they looked surprised, and then somewhat alarmed. They glanced around the room at their other children, and then glanced back at The Postman.

"How do you know that name?" Jinaudi asked.

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "So you are hiding something." he stated suspiciously. "Who am I? Am I adopted?"

Mokoto spoke up. "What? No, of course not! You're our biological son. Whatever made you think you're adopted?"

"Who is Ichiro?" The Postman repeated.

Mokoto looked to Jinaudi who gave him a slow nod.

"I suppose we should tell him..." she said.

Mokoto nodded as well, and glanced back to The Postman with a frown. "There's something your mother and I have never discussed with all of you." he began.

"What is it?" Haru asked with a frown.

"Jihiro is not our firstborn child." Mokoto stated, looking upset.

"What?!" Haru exclaimed in shock.

There was a rumble of murmurs from the rest of the room, and Mokoto held up a hand to silence them.

"Ichiro is my brother..." The Postman stated.

Jinaudi and Mokoto both nodded.

"Your uncle Leid came to us on our wedding day and told us that it was fate that our first child would be a boy, and that he was destined for great things." Jinaudi explained. "Leid was an intellectual who studied both magic and religion, and so we believed him. Our first born son was chosen by the gods to go on a great quest, and he would be a powerful warrior that would become famous all across the continent."

"Then where is he?" The Postman demanded.

"The pregnancy took an unexpected turn, however, and instead of a single birth, we had twins. Twins identical in every way except for their eyes. One had beautiful brown eyes, and the other had grey eyes the colour of a storm." Jinaudi said. "We named our firstborn son Ichiro, and our second son Jihiro. You were born seven minutes after your brother. It was not supposed to be a multiple birth, and your uncle Leid was convinced it was bad luck, that it went against fate. He tested Ichiro, confirmed he was the chosen one, and then told us to protect him at all costs."

"Then where is he?" The Postman repeated, getting impatient. "Where's Ichiro?"

Jinaudi's face became troubled. "Ichiro was a beautiful and strong baby, but it was an unusually cold, and damp month when the two of you were born. He caught pneumonia and became very ill. We took him to every doctor we could, but there was nothing they could do. None of the medicines or potions were working and he became weaker and weaker. Your uncle Leid did everything he could to save him, and even took him to a sacred temple in an attempt to help him. He didn't eat or rest for days as he worked to cure him, but in the end Ichiro succumbed to his illness and passed away."

"Ichiro is dead?" The Postman said skeptically.

Both of his parents nodded. "Yes, sweetheart, unfortunately Ichiro did not survive. He only lived a few weeks, and we had him buried in our family graveyard. How did you even learn about him? We've never discussed this with anyone."

The Postman was silent a long time, before he turned his gaze to Sakon. "Did you bring my belongings?" he asked.

Sakon nodded, and Haru came forward with a bag. Opening the bag, The Postman reached inside and pulled out the enchanted sword. His family watched his actions warily, and when Jinaudi was handed the sword, she took it in confusion. When she turned it over however, her eyes fell on the engraved name, and she let out a gasp.

"Jihiro, what in the world...?"

"The gods have mistaken me for Ichiro." The Postman told her. "They've been forcing me to go on quests and adventures for months now. No matter what I say, no one will believe me when I tell them I'm not Ichiro. The quests are starting to put everyone around me in danger, and so I thought if I kept my distance, my friends and family would stay safe."

Mokoto and Jinaudi exchanged startled looks.

"Uncle Leid did say that the pregnancy was supposed to be a single-birth, so does that make Jihiro a genetic fluke?" Toshiko asked.

"Yeah, unless the gods were paying super close attention to our family, maybe they didn't even know about him!" Jaru exclaimed. "Maybe they think Ichiro is still alive!"

"You've known about this, sweetheart, and you didn't say anything?" Jinaudi said. "Is this why you've been so stressed? You've been trying to deal with this all on your own?"

"There's a villain stalking me, and he's threatening to kill my family once he finds me." The Postman explained. "I couldn't involve you, it was too dangerous."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Sakon said, standing up. "You didn't tell me any of this! Some psycho has been following us, and you didn't tell me?!"

"He hasn't found me yet, but he's been sending me horrible visions and nightmares. He's trying to track me down, but doesn't know where I am."

"Are you serious, Jihiro?!" Sakon bellowed. "You didn't think this was something I should know about? What in Din's name is the matter with you, you jackass?!"

"I was trying to protect you." The Postman answered with a frown.

"Protect me?!" Sakon cried out angrily. "What about you, you stupid dingbat? Your throat could have been slit in your sleep and I wouldn't have been there to help you! You tried to end our friendship without a word, and you're trying to tell me it was for my own good? You are the dumbest, most hard-headed asshole I've ever met! I'm going to bust your head in!"

"That's it!" Jinaudi said, raising her voice. "Sakon, leave the room until you calm down."

"No." Sakon snarled.

Mokoto pointed to the door. "Out!" he ordered. "Go wait on the porch or I'll toss you out by force!"

Sakon snarled out a not-so-polite word, and Mokoto seized The Thief by the back of the shirt and began dragging him in the direction of the door.

"Okay, okay fine!" Sakon yelled. "I'm going!"

Mokoto released him, and Sakon flashed everyone in the room an ugly look.

"Sakon..." The Postman began, but The Thief clearly didn't want to hear it, and turned away.

"Go to hell, Jihiro."

It was clear Sakon was just hurt and didn't really mean what he said, but Jinaudi still pointed to the door. "Out." she ordered impatiently. "You can come back in when you've calmed down."

"Fine." Sakon snapped, stomping the best he could out of the room. "I'll be on the porch."

They heard the back door slam shut as he left, and Jinaudi turned her attention back to her son.

"I don't agree with the words Sakon used, Jihiro, but he has a point. You never should have tried to deal with this on your own. You should have told us immediately so we could help. You can't just run away from your problems, you need to deal with them directly. Family is who you can always depend on to help, and you never have to worry about coming to us for anything."

The Postman averted his gaze, still not agreeing with her. "I just didn't want anyone to get hurt."

"It's you who's getting hurt by all of this!" Jinaudi insisted. "Look at what the stress has done to you! Your outburst at the wedding, the injuries, the way you've been distancing yourself. Jihiro, you really need some help! These quests are going to kill you!"

The Postman shook his head silently.

"I think you really need to see someone to help with the stress." Mokoto stated. "The healer who looked you over suggested a specialist in Clocktown."

"A specialist?" The Postman repeated skeptically.

Jinaudi rung her hands together nervously as she stared at him a moment. "Healer Cho deals with damages of the mind, and disorders of the magic..."

The Postman simply blinked at her, and so she continued.

"You're getting out of control, dear, and I think you might need a little help with the stress." she turned her gaze to her husband. "Your father and I discussed it, and we think you should go to therapy starting tomorrow. We've already made the appointment for you."

The Postman stared blankly at her, not sure how to respond to that. "You do think I'm crazy." The Postman stated.

"Everyone gets stressed." Mokoto quickly assured him. "I've gone to a psychiatrist before as well, Jihiro, and it seems like it would really help you sort out your emotions."

"Um, no thank you..." The Postman responded, that being the last thing he wanted right now.

"I know you're the type of person that tries to deal with everything on your own, but this is extremely important." Mokoto said. "It's gotten to the point where you and the people around you are starting to get hurt by your actions. This is a large concern, and I really think you need to talk to somebody about it. You don't have to tell us anything the healer says, but I think you should go."

The Postman only felt frustrated and gave him a frown. "You can't force me to go to a psychiatrist."

"How much do you want to bet on that?" Jinaudi challenged. "I'll drag you there by the ear if I have to!"

Mokoto glanced over at his wife. "Jinaudi..."

"No, it's important!" she insisted.

The Postman's shoulders slumped and he let out a sigh. "I'm tired, can we talk about this in the morning?"

Jinaudi gave him a suspicious look. "Are you going to climb out the window again and run?" she questioned.

The Postman hesitated a moment too long.

His mother let out a sigh. "That's what I thought. You can't keep avoiding your problems like this."

"I'm not avoiding anything." The Postman grumbled.

"Don't you see how concerned we are?" Jinaudi asked. "Just go talk with the healer!"

The Postman knew there was no way he could possible argue with her, and so he simply hung his head and said nothing.

"No one's mad at you, sweetheart," his mother assured him. "We're all just concerned."

The Postman still remained silent.

"Anju and I aren't mad about the wedding, Jihiro." Haru told him. "I promise we aren't!"

The Postman winced guiltily and turned his eyes to Haru. "I'm really sorry, Haru. I completely ruined your entire wedding..."

Anju reached out and took Haru's hand, giving The Postman a soft smile. "It's alright." she told him. "We've decided to reschedule the wedding for after...after...in a few months."

The Postman was a little slow on the uptake and didn't realize why she was being so vague. "Oh, you're waiting until after the baby's born?" he questioned.

Anju's eyes widened to the size of saucers as the whole family instantly turned to look at her in shock.

"JIHIRO!" Haru bellowed at him angrily.

The Postman hadn't realized the rest of the family didn't know and winced. "Oh..oops. I thought they knew...sorry."

"We were going to tell them later!" Haru yelled in frustration.

"No, no, Haru, it's alright, don't get angry at him." Anju insisted. "We should have been forthright about it in the first place. It's fine that the family knows. I want them to know."

Haru gave one last glare at The Postman, and then gave a sigh slumping back into his seat. "It's fine..." he relented. "Sorry I yelled at you..."

The Postman felt even worse. Seeing his expression, his mother reached down and took his hand.

"Please, Jihiro, please agree to see the healer. You don't have to tell me anything at all as long as you're getting help. Will you do it for me? For your family? Please?"

The Postman felt a wave of guilt at the pain he'd caused and found himself nodding to appease her.

"Do you promise?" she prompted. "No disappearing during the night?"

Again The Postman hesitated. How did she always seem to know what he was thinking?

Jinaudi let out a deep sigh. "Oh, Jihiro."

"I want you to promise me you won't leave during the night." Mokoto said, his voice going stern.

The Postman knew when he was beat and nodded. "Fine." he agreed, feeling resigned.

Mokoto narrowed his eyes. "Say the words." he ordered.

"I promise I won't run away during the night." The Postman replied.

Jinaudi was skeptical. "Are you lying?"

The Postman shook his head.

"If you're lying, I'm going to be extremely cross." she told him.

"I'm not lying." The Postman insisted. "I'll stay for the night, and we can discuss the rest in the morning."

"I'm having someone stay with you during the night." she informed him. "Not that I don't believe you, but..."

The Postman knew there was no point in arguing, and so he said nothing at all. The Postman rubbed at his arms where he'd been bound, and got to his feet, carefully not making any eye contact.

"I'm going to check on Sakon." he said.

Then, without another word, he turned and headed towards the back door. Haru jumped to his feet about to charge after him, but Jinaudi lifted her hand to stop him.

"But Ma!" Haru protested, pointing. "He could run."

"He won't break his promise." she said confidently. "I trust him."

Haru didn't look so sure, but he resumed his seat all the same.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon glared moodily at nothing in particular and kicked at the wooden post in front of him. It figured that he would be the one thrown out of the house. He was only trying to help, but did that matter? Of course not! He didn't know why he even bothered trying, it always ended up backfiring on him.

Sakon was swinging on the porch-swing, trying unsuccessfully to get his temper under control. Stupid postman, stupid broken leg, stupid conscience. He could do without any of them. Kicking the post again, he crossed his arms, wondering how the intervention was going. The Postman had gotten pretty beat up during the fight with Parasite and despite his annoyance over being ignored, he was still worried. Had The Postman hit his head a bit too hard against that rock? Did the Windfish do something to him, or was all of this really caused by what The Postman had explained?

Sakon was quickly getting bored and was considering going back inside to be nosy when he heard the screen door open. Glancing over, he saw The Postman standing in the doorway staring at him. Sakon kicked the post again and angrily looked away.

The Postman could clearly see Sakon was still angry and didn't blame him in the least. Approaching, he took a seat next to him silently, fists clenched tightly. After a minute or two of watching Sakon kick away at the post, he spoke up.

"I'm sorry."

Sakon paused, and then glared over at him. He only said one word.

"Asshole."

"It's complicated..." The Postman began, looking away across the fields. "I just didn't want you to get hurt."

Sakon squinted at him, trying to make sense of it. "Something happened on the island that you're not telling me."

The Postman wasn't sure whether to tell Sakon anything or not. It seemed rather personal, but Sakon did deserve an explanation of some kind. Still not making eye contact, he simply replied. "Yes."

Sakon furrowed his brow and stopped kicking the post. "What happened? It must have been something serious for you to act all screwy like this."

Digging at the arm of the swing with his nails, The Postman hesitated a long moment. "I was given a vision of the future by the gods."

He now had Sakon's complete attention. "Which gods?"

"I don't know. It may have been the Windfish, or someone else, but I'm not certain."

"What kind of vision? What happened?"

Again The Postman went silent as he stared down at the deck.

"Was it bad?" Sakon prompted, getting impatient.

"The future I saw was my own, Sakon, and it wasn't good. I killed a lot of people and became a monstrous, and merciless villain."

Sakon simply stared at him and blinked a few times as he processed that. He then let out a snort of amusement and shook his head. The Postman glanced over at him and Sakon giggled at he thought of The Postman becoming a horrible monster.

"That's what you're so worried about?" he demanded. "You'd never make a good monster; you can't even kill a Skulltula for Din's sake! What are you going to do, give everyone papercuts if they don't do as you say?"

Sakon smirked at him, but The Postman still shook his head. "I saw it Sakon, I was there. I was right in the middle of a massacre. I could taste the smoke, feel the heat of the flames and even smell the blood on my skin. The vision was real."

"The gods obviously have you mixed up for someone a little less pathetic, darling. Postmen do not became rampaging lunatics...unless you mess with their mail. Did you see anyone tampering with mail in your vision?"

The Postman shook his head.

"Then it was obviously not you. That vision must have been meant for Ichiro."

The Postman dug his nails into the armrest so hard, he felt a sliver of wood pry up. "I don't think you understand, Sakon. I was told the gods have been molding me into a warrior to use as their pawn; that everything that has happened to me these last few months have been their doing. I have no choice."

"What things? You mean our adventures?" Sakon questioned, raising an eyebrow. "And who told you this?"

"Parasite told me a bit and then there's the man in a black cloak..."

Sakon let out a longsuffering sigh. "You shouldn't take advice from tapeworms, darling, they never mean well."

"It didn't seem like a lie to me..."

"You're too gullible. Who was the man in the cloak?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "I don't know, I couldn't see his face and he wouldn't tell me who he was. He's the man trying to kill me."

"Didn't your mother ever tell you to stay away from creepy old men in cloaks? That was like the first thing I remember my uncle teaching me. He may be a jerk, but at least my uncle taught me a few necessary life-skills. I don't suppose this man was lurking in a dark alley with candy as well, was he?"

"He calls me 'monster' and shows me what I'll become and the people I'll hurt." The Postman finally met Sakon's eyes. "He told me I was going to kill you and my entire family if I wasn't stopped."

"Do you honestly believe that?" Sakon challenged.

"I don't know what to believe anymore."

"Can you really picture yourself raising a weapon against your family? Against me? Against anyone for that matter?"

The Postman shook his head. It made him feel sick even thinking about it. "I killed Parasite."

"It was an evil tapeworm, darling, get over it. No one is going to think you're evil for killing a tapeworm."

"I really don't want to hurt anyone. Sakon, and the thought terrifies me."

"You're acting like you have no choice. If you don't want to kill someone, then don't. It's as easy as that."

"The visions seemed so real though..."

"You're a postman, you can't get any more boring than that. If you want to be boring for the rest of your life then it's your call. Don't let creepy old men tell you any differently. Do you honestly think I'm going to allow you to turn into a psycho killing machine? If I see you do something out of character, then I'll just stop you. You can't be trained as an evil warlord if I'm around!"

The Postman never would've thought Sakon was capable of giving good advice, but The Thief had a valid point. No one could force him to hurt anyone. He could stay and be a postman forever if he wished. There was no way the gods could force him to kill his own friends and family. He gave Sakon a somewhat shaky smile who carefully got to his feet with the crutches.

"Are you done being a moron now? Can we go back inside and eat leftover wedding cake?"

The Postman felt like a heavy weight had been lifted off his shoulders and he gave a nod.

"Great!" Sakon said, his attention immediately on other matters. "Me and your little brat sister were having a disagreement about who'd get the piece with the rose on top, and I want to beat her to it while she's sleeping."

"You could have told my parents the wedding disaster was your fault, by the way." The Postman pointed out.

"I was mad at you, and so I tattled." Sakon replied, as if that explained everything. "I also told them you got drunk, and ate a magic mushroom."

The Postman simply sighed. He'd definitely be hearing about that in the morning.

"So, who healed you anyway?" Sakon questioned as he hobbed towards the door. "Fairies and potions wouldn't work on me for some reason."

The Postman frowned. "The Kokiri healed me."

"Oh!" Sakon exclaimed. "I completely forgot about them! Do you think they'd heal my leg?"

The Postman shook his head. "Only those with green magic, or friends of the Kokiri are allowed in the village. The magic of the forest wouldn't let you through."

Sakon groaned. "Of course." he muttered. "Just my luck. Why do I seem to be the only person on this planet who doesn't have any magic?"

Koume and Kotake told me you have too many mixed magics and so you can't use any of them. There's nothing you can do about that."

Sakon didn't actually seem that bothered, and gave a shrug. "Whatever, let's just go eat cake."

As The Postman followed Sakon into the house, his eyes lingered on the fields for a moment, feeling like he was being watched. Something felt off but he saw nothing, and so he quickly dismissed it as paranoia and entered the house. A woman stepped out of the shadows, her gaze focused intently on where The Postman had just been standing.

"Soon." she whispered. "It will be soon."

The Postman was relieved to see his family were no longer assembled in the living room, and felt himself relax. It was incredibly late at night, and so they had probably headed to bed. He followed Sakon into the kitchen and saw his mother was still up, and she was clearly waiting for them.

"Where's the cake?" Sakon demanded, glancing around.

"I'm not feeding you until you wash up." Jinaudi replied, wrinkling her nose at Sakon. "You smell, go take a bath. I don't want you getting your filth in the nice clean sheets."

Sakon frowned and gave a sniff to himself. "Oh, it's not that bad!" he protested. "I just haven't washed my clothes in a while."

"Bath." she ordered. "And leave those clothes in the hamper to be washed. You can borrow pajamas from Jaru; I'll bring them in to you in a few minutes."

Sakon let out an over-dramatic sigh, and then surprisingly enough turned to do as he was told.

"As for you." Jinaudi said, turning to The Postman. "Sit down, I'm going to make you a sandwich. You obviously haven't been eating well enough."

The Postman silently took a seat, and then watched as his mother made him a simple meat sandwich. She set it in front of him, and although it was late, The Postman was actually really hungry. Jinaudi waited just long enough to make sure he was eating and then left the room to find clothes for Sakon. The Postman zoned out for a few minutes as he ate, and it wasn't until his father sat down next to him that he looked up. His father set two bottles of beer on the table and opened them both, sliding one over in front of The Postman. The Postman made no move to touch the beer, instead focusing his attention to the remainder of the sandwich. His father said nothing, simply drinking his beer in silence, and keeping him company. A few minutes later Jinaudi was back, and as she took The Postman's empty plate, she frowned in disapproval at the beer. She didn't comment however, instead heading over to where a large portion of wedding cake remained.

"The cake's starting to get a bit stale, but would you like a piece?" she asked.

The Postman nodded silently. Jinaudi cut him off a generous slice, and to The Postman's amusement, it was the piece that had the rose on it. Just as he was about to start on the cake, Sakon entered the room and plopped down in the chair next to him.

"Cake time!" he announced.

Jinaudi already had a piece ready for him and placed it in front of him with a smile. Sakon smelled strongly of soap, and The Postman had to admit it was an improvement.

Sakon's gaze fell on The Postman's plate and he frowned. "Aw, you took the piece with the rose!" he protested, sounding disappointed. "You did that on purpose!"

Without a word, The Postman switched their plates, not wanting to hear about it. Honestly Sakon could be so childish sometimes...

Sakon flashed him a grin, spotted the beer and quickly reached for it. Having no interest in it, The Postman let him take it without protest.

"Sakon, you're sharing Jihiro's room tonight." Jinaudi told him.

"And you'd better make sure he stays there if you know what's good for you." Mokoto threatened.

Sakon rolled his eyes and spooned the icing rose into his mouth. "Aye aye, Lord of the postmen."

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That night The Postman fell asleep almost immediately, his body desperately trying to get some much needed rest. He didn't even know when Sakon went to bed, asleep before The Thief even crawled into bed. He didn't have any normal dreams, and felt himself being pulled towards something, a familiar place appearing in his mind.

Once again, he was in the peaceful field by the lakeside, dressed in his postal uniform. The Postman stared up at the sky, wishing it would last the whole night but doubted he'd be so lucky. He felt a unnatural hot breeze brush past his cheek and he glanced around, looking for signs of anything unusual. He was completely alone, and The Postman basked in the break from nightmares, hoping his body was finally getting some rest. Another hot breeze brushed over him, and this time he felt like someone was watching him.

"Ichiro."

It was the same woman from before, and The Postman instantly tensed up. Determined to ignore her, he glanced down onto the lakes surface, and his own reflection stared back at him sullenly.

The wind became a bit more persistent and blew his hat off. "Ichiro."

The Postman rested his chin on his knees, still not answering.

"I know you can hear me, little one." she said in amusement. "This is important, I need you to listen to me very carefully."

When The Postman gave no reaction, she continued nonplussed. "I am able to protect you from **him** while we speak, but we have to make it quick. I need you to read the letter I gave you."

The Postman said nothing, stubbornly remaining silent.

"Take the letter and open it, my brave one. I cannot say the words out loud in case **he** is listening in."

"No."

There was a hesitation, and the wind once again caressed his cheek. "I don't think you understand just how important this is, how important you are."

"No," The Postman corrected. "I think I understand perfectly well. You expect me to become the monster you've been grooming me to be."

"No, Ichiro, you're not a monster, but you are a warrior. Your heart and soul are meant to fight, meant to overcome the world's hardships. You're much stronger than even you realize. You are special."

"And that's where you're mistaken." The Postman answered. "I am not Ichiro. Ichiro is dead."

"Whatever do you mean?" the voice whispered in confusion.

"I am the twin brother of Ichiro, and he died as a baby. Ichiro is dead, and you have no warrior."

"Don't be so silly, my brave one, you will fulfill your destiny. Open the letter."

"I won't be any part of it." The Postman replied, stubbornly. "I'm just a postman and nothing more. You've made a mistake."

The wind blew all around him in a hot wave. "There is no mistake, little one. Your destiny has been known to us for over a thousand years. You will fight."

The Postman narrowed his eyes. "You're a goddess, aren't you?"

"Yes, warrior, I am your protector. As you are destined to fight, I am destined to help you."

"Which goddess?" The Postman demanded "Who are you? Why are you so interested in me? I have nothing to do with any of this! I'm not Ichiro!"

"It is not the time for you to know who I am, brave one. The world you know is depending on you."

"So the visions I was shown were false?" The Postman asked, looking up. "I'm destined to be the hero, not the monster I've been shown? I won't kill anyone?"

The goddess hesitated a fraction too long.

"I'm not a hero, and I don't kill." The Postman stated with finality. "Find someone else to be your pawn."

"If you just read the letter, you'll understand everything." the goddess stated. "I cannot promise that you won't kill, but I can promise you'll save everyone and everything that you love. Your destiny is too great for you to deny."

"No. It won't be me," The Postman said, his voice getting an edge to it. "I'm telling you, right now, straight up, it won't be me. Find someone else to rest all your hopes on, because I refuse."

"You cannot."

The Postman crossed his arms, challenging her to prove him wrong. "Then I dare you to make me. I won't leave my life, I won't kill anyone, I won't save anyone, and I certainly won't fight a war for you. There's nothing you can do about it. Find someone else."

Upon later reflection, he realized it likely wasn't wise of him to outright challenge a goddess like that, but at the moment he was angry and stressed and didn't care. He was at the end of his ropes with everyone meddling in his life and he was going to make it stop one way or another.

A boiling hot gust of wind hit him so hard, he fell back in the grass and had to close his eyes as it howled around him.

"You will not defy me, warrior! I am not used to being denied what I want and you won't like what I'll do if you continue to disobey! You will read your letter, you will go on your quest, and you will be grateful I don't smite you for your lip. I will not put up with this obstinate attitude!"

The Postman sat up straighter, his expression positively livid, and slowly reached into his mailbag without a word.

"Yes, Ichiro, read your letter!" she said approvingly

Pulling out the letter, he turned his gaze to the sky defiantly, and then proceeded to tear it up into tiny pieces.

"I refuse."

There was a roar of anger, and the hot wind knocked him down a second time, scattering the pieces of the letter across the field.

"Fool! You force me to punish you!"

"I said, I refuse, now leave me in peace!" The Postman yelled back. "Leave me alone!"

"Fine, you made your decision, but you will regret it." the goddess hissed. "Destiny cannot be fought. I will have my warrior."

Without another word, she was gone and The Postman was thrown back into horrible nightmares.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On The Weekend! (hopefully)**


	81. The Appointment

**Authornote** **: Sunday Jan. 28th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **I honestly tried to get this chapter out for Friday, but there was no way. It was actually going to be an incredibly long chapter, (20k words lol) but I just didn't have the time to finish it. I cut the chapter in half, and will do my best to finish it for next week. Sorry if it seems like nothing happens during this chapter. There's a lot of dialogue again. lol**

 **A little explanation why The Postman has been acting out of character lately. He has not been sleeping well because of the nightmares, and he's stressed and traumatized from the memories he's regained. All of these things have been making him a nervous wreck. Don't worry, he'll be back to old self again soon. :)**

 **This new job of mine is absolute garbage, and I'll probably be quitting as soon as I find something better. Over half of my training class has already quit because of how wretched it is. $14 an hour is not worth this amount of stress. I'd rather work for minimum wage than put up with much more of this. (sorry to keep whining at you guys)**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Remvis** \- The Postman is definitely curious, but he has no idea what it will say, and has a feeling it's going to be a trap of some sort. He probably should have read it, but he's starting to get stubborn, and sleep-deprived and stubborn is not a good combination.

Every mystery will start to be revealed soon, and I hope I don't accidentally leave any loose ends. lol

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 **Yamato Hikari** -After being fired for theft and sexual misconduct, there's no way The Postman would be allowed anywhere near Princess Zelda. Rumours spread fast, and his reputation is pretty much in the mud right now. The Postman was trying as hard as he could to ignore everything going on, and so doing research on it hasn't even occurred to him yet. Don't worry, the funk he's in won't last for too much longer.

Don't worry about shipping Sakon and The Postman. I have received a LOT of PMs about it, and it seems like everyone is pairing them together. lol

The goddess will indeed be revealed, but not until the adventure is underway. Unfortunately I can't tell you if she's canon or OC because that would be a major spoiler. ;)

The Windfish's island is different for everyone who visits. It shows you the faces of people you know well, which is why for The Postman it was his parents, the Kokiri and a few of his customers. If the island had have been created for Sakon for example, all the people would've been completely different.

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 **Dark-KannaI** \- I agree with you! It is indeed time for The Postman to stop trying to avoid everything and start facing his problems head on. He can't ignore an angry goddess for long, and he needs to start accepting the destiny that's been forced on him. He's too stubborn for his own good. (shakes head)

Sakon is honestly trying very hard to be a good friend, and The Postman is finally starting to appreciate him. I'm glad you enjoyed this chapter, and I hope you enjoy the rest of the story as well!

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 **Rainmy** \- Yup, uncle Leid escaped all punishment for what he'd done. He was actually responsible for more than The Postman realizes. More on this will be explained shortly, however.

The goddess will not give up easily, and we will get to see what's in that letter. ;) The Postman doesn't trust her, and he's fully prepared for the ultimate battle of wills if she tries to force him on another quest. lol

Yeah, this job really sucks, and the moment another job offer comes up, I'm going to quit. Working for an airline call centre is NOT for me.

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 **Zekrom1010101010** \- More like The Postman is sleep-deprived and in a foul mood. lol He doesn't make the best decisions when like this.

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 **Melle2001** \- I'm glad you didn't find it boring, and I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Ther next couple chapters are going to have a lot of dialogue.

How many languages do you know?! O_o Leid is indeed a German word for suffering, and that's why I chose it. It just seemed to fit him. I'm really guilty for naming characters after words that have to do with who they are. lol

I hope that my twists don't soon become too predictable. I've only revealed a little part of the mystery, and I hope I can keep surprising everyone. :)

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman's family got fed up with him and took matters into their own hands. lol

Yes, we are indeed going to meet Cho soon. ;) Just be careful not to leave any spoilers in your reviews.

We'll find out alllll about that letter, and also about that goddess soon. :)

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 **setokayba2n** \- True, he's now narrowed it down by 50% since he can now exclude all the gods. Unfortunately there are dozens and dozens of goddesses that it could be. lol

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 **Jigbashmop** \- The Postman has been making a lot of really bad decisions lately, and he probably should have thought that one through a bit more. A god could kill him at any time they wanted, but luckily this goddess seems to need him.

Unfortunately, I can't confirm whether your theory is right because of spoilers. ;p

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 5

The Appointment

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The Postman found himself walking through the woods, and realized he was being shown another vision. He was so cold, he could no longer feel his fingers, and knew he had to find what he was looking for soon. He was trying to ignore the loud wailing of the baby, but the sound was starting to grate on his nerves. He knew the child was hungry, but he had nothing for it, and it had now been two days since it was born. He knew nothing about babies, and wasn't certain how long a newborn could last without food, but he could already see it was starting to weaken. He had the baby wrapped inside his shirt, and his cloak was tightly fastened, but still the infant didn't feel warm. He hadn't seen a single person in his travels, and wasn't sure what he'd do. Without milk the baby would soon die.

"Damn nuisance." he muttered worriedly. "I should have dropped you off the cliff. I would have been better off for it."

The baby did nothing but cry now, and The Postman wondered how close the nearest town was. He'd never been this far North before, and even the wildlife was few and far between. He'd been trying to hunt for days without luck, and he too was beginning to starve. Coming to the spot he was looking for, he began moving the cut branches he'd carefully laid the night before. Checking the traps he'd set, he was relieved to see two fat rabbits had been caught. Plucking them out of the traps, he turned and began heading back to his shelter, hoping he didn't have frostbite.

His shelter was a small cave he'd found the night before, and he'd lit a fire which warmed the small space nicely. Laying the baby close to the flames to warm it up, he drew a dagger and began the arduous process of skinning and cleaning the rabbits. Although warm, the baby continued to scream, and The Postman did his best to tune it out, concentrating his efforts on hanging the furs to dry over the fire. Once that was done, he stuck the rabbits on a spit and placed them over the fire to cook.

The Postman watched all of this helplessly, and couldn't influence anything that was happening. He wasn't sure how much time was spent at the fire, but when he got up to leave, he was full, and the baby was now wrapped in a cocoon of warm furs. They walked for the rest of the day, and even after dark, The Postman kept going, knowing the baby wouldn't last much longer. It had fallen into a fitful sleep, and although the silence was nice, it worried him. He had no idea if the baby would wake again, and forced himself to walk faster despite his exhaustion. Just before dawn, he saw something in the distance, and felt a surge of hope fill him. At the bottom of a steep hill was a caravan.

Heading towards it as fast as he could, he made it there just as the sun was beginning to rise. Banging on the door as hard as he could, he waited a few seconds and then banged again. Just as he was banging for the third time, a woman opened the door and peered out at him suspiciously.

"Yes?" she demanded. "Who are you, and what are you doing all the way out here in the mountains?"

To The Postman's delight, there was a small toddler clinging to the woman's pantleg.

"Is your child still breastfeeding?" he demanded.

The woman gave him a bewildered look, before her eyes fell on the baby in his arms. Her eyes widening in understanding, she stepped aside.

"Come in." she said. "Come and get that baby out of the cold."

The moment The Postman was inside, the woman reached out to take the baby and he hesitantly allowed it. Following after her, she led him to a woodstove where she took a seat in the chair beside it. As she unwrapped the baby, she frowned down at it in concern.

"Where is the mother?" she demanded.

The Postman frowned at her impatiently. "Gone." he replied.

She returned the frown. "Are you the father?"

"Yes." he confirmed. "The child's mine. He hasn't eaten yet since birth."

The woman's eyes widened. "When was the baby born?"

"This is the third day." The Postman answered. "I had no food to give him. You're the first person we found since he was born."

"He's probably dehydrated." she said in concern. "I can feed him, I have plenty of milk to spare."

Never taking his eyes from his child, The Postman watched as the woman breastfed his baby, relieved when it woke to eagerly feed. He didn't know the woman and didn't trust her, but he had no other choice at the moment. The woman smiled down at the baby as it fed, and she began humming to it, her own child watching everything in interest.

"What is his name?" she asked, looking up at him suddenly.

The Postman blinked. "Name?"

She nodded. "Yes, what did you name him?"

The Postman furrowed his brow as he looked down at the baby. "...I haven't named him yet."

"Haven't named him?" she repeated. "Whyever not?"

The Postman had never even thought of naming him. The child was unwanted, and he still didn't expect it to survive. If it lived, he supposed he'd have to think of a name eventually, but he didn't even want to think about that at the moment.

"I'll have to think about it." he said to appease her.

The woman gave him an odd look. "Who are you?" she asked. "Where did you come from?"

"I'm no one." The Postman answered. "Just a traveller."

The woman now seemed a little leery of him, and glanced down to see where her child was. "My husband will be back any minute." she informed him. "He just went to cut firewood."

The Postman didn't answer.

"We're weeks away from the nearest town, unless you head for Termina." she informed him. "What are the two of you planning on doing?"

The Postman hadn't realized he was so far from Termina. He must have gotten turned around and crossed the mountains leading into new territory. He was a wanted man in Termina and knew he wouldn't be able to safely return. "I don't know." he admitted. "...we got lost."

The woman looked down at the baby, and watched it feed in silence for a few minutes. When she looked up at him again, she offered him a hesitant smile. "My family is headed for Kirk. It's a long ride, but you're welcome to join us if you like. Your son would never survive out in the wild this far from a town. You really should come with us."

The Postman saw the baby was now full and sleeping peacefully, and immediately reached out to take him from her. Cradling the baby to his chest, he eyed her warily, not liking the fact she had touched his child. People couldn't be trusted, and although he didn't have a choice, he still disliked the thought of her touching the baby. Tightening his grip on the baby, he narrowed his eyes at her.

"I have nothing to give you." he stated, edging a bit closer to the warm stove.

"I don't expect anything in return." she told him with a sad smile. "I just want to make sure the baby is alright. Come with us to Kirk, and we'll find somewhere for you to stay."

"Thank you." The Postman said, still feeling suspicious. "We'll stay until we reach the nearest town."

The Postman had the sudden sensation of being ripped away, and suddenly he was standing somewhere very familiar. He saw glimpses of a terrible battle, and recognized the village from his previous dreams. He'd been shown this same destroyed village over and over, but he didn't recognize it, and had no idea where it was. Unable to tear his eyes away from the carnage around him, The Postman watched as he committed murder after murder against the villagers. He ignored their pleas for mercy, and killed men and women alike.

Eyes wide at what he'd just seen, he looked all around, finally having control over his body again. He felt like he was being watched, but there was no one in sight.

The Postman was sick of being intimidated, and knew it was probably the cloaked man. Remembering the army of cloaked figures, The Postman had a feeling the man was at that battlefield. Was this a glimpse of the future, or was it all a trick? He didn't know what to believe anymore, and felt himself grow angry.

"I don't know who you are," The Postman yelled out. "But know this, I refuse to be a part of whatever you and that goddess have planned! I will not be forced into a destiny I don't want! I'm just a postman and I want you to leave me alone! I want nothing to do with it!"

The air around him seemed to shift slightly, and the cloaked man appeared in front of him. "Oh, so you're a postman, are you?" he said thoughtfully. "That will narrow down my search for you considerably."

"Leave me alone!" The Postman yelled out angrily.

"I will find you, and you will die, monster. Now it's only a matter of time before I track you down..."

Finally, he felt the scene beginning to fade, and hoped he was going to wake up. The air around him seemed to compress, nearly suffocating him and just as the pressure became painful, The Postman awoke with a start.

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The Postman thrashed as he awoke but quickly calmed when he realized the nightmares were gone. The Postman took a deep breath and then glanced towards the window. It was still dark out and he flopped back down with a groan. A loud grunting snore from beside him startled him and he pulled aside the thick quilts on the bed discovering Sakon. The Thief was sprawled out in all directions, taking up 90% of the bed, seemingly oblivious to everything around him.

The Postman stared up at the ceiling thinking about the goddess in his dreams. He'd never actually met or spoken to a goddess before and wondered who she was. She seemed to have a foul temper so it made him think of Din. Din didn't normally associate too closely with mortals as she was quick to anger and also quick to smite. She was the goddess of war and power, the chosen goddess of the Gerudo, and she seemed the one most likely to be responsible.

The Postman rubbed at his eyes tiredly. Why was Din so interested in him? Was she responsible for Ichiro's destiny? Who was the cloaked man in his dreams? Was he also a god? The Postman thought of the letter the goddess had given him and winced. Maybe he should have read it...

He saw a light from under the bedroom door, and knew his father had gotten up to get ready for work. Not wanting to lay in the darkness any longer, he quickly slipped out of bed and got dressed, wanting to discuss the whole matter of the therapist with his parents. Giving one more glance to Sakon, he headed for the door, and nearly had a heart attack when a hand unexpectedly grabbed his wrist from behind.

"Don't even think about it." Sakon grumbled without opening his eyes. "Your parents will flay me alive if I let you run off."

The Postman frowned at him. "I thought you were sleeping."

Sakon cracked open an eye. "I was." he responded. "When I'm not drunk I'm an extremely light sleeper. Decades of people trying to murder me made my body extremely paranoid. Good for survival, not so good for getting beauty rest."

"I wasn't running." The Postman told him. "This is just the time I'm used to getting up. I was going to go speak with my father before he left for work."

Sakon didn't look like he believed him for a single instant. Letting out a deep sigh, he sat up and released The Postman's wrist. "I can't believe you're making me get up this early for no reason." he muttered. "It's still dark out!"

Sakon then paused, glanced all around, and then dug within the blankets. A moment later he triumphantly pulled out a purple rupee and held it out proudly.

"Another day, another gift of the Blowfish!"

"You don't have to get up." The Postman pointed out. "I'm only going to the kitchen."

Sakon let out a snort. "A likely story, you sneak. Where you go, I go until I'm sure you're not going to get yourself killed by a pervert in a cloak."

The Postman let out a sigh, and then headed for the door, Sakon quickly scrambling up to follow him. When he entered the kitchen, he saw his parents were already up, dressed, and ready to start the day. His father was just about to leave for work, and his mother seemed to be in the middle of baking something. When they saw him, they both offered him a smile, and The Postman slowly took a seat at the table, Sakon joining him a second later.

"You can sleep in a bit if you like, sweetheart." his mother told him. "Your appointment isn't until eight."

The Postman grimaced. "Look, about that appointment..."

"You're going." Mokoto said with finality.

"I really don't want to." The Postman responded. "I'm fine, and I don't want to talk about...things with a stranger."

Mokoto slowly set down his mailbag and then took a seat across from The Postman. "Look, Jihiro, sometimes you have to do things you don't like because it's for your own good. You've worried us enough lately, and now we're dealing with it. The doctor will be the one to decide when and if you can stop attending therapy, not you, not me, and not anyone else. You are going, and this is non-negotiable."

"I can go with you if you like?" his mother offered. "Would that make you feel any better?"

" _No. No it would not_." The Postman thought to himself. Out loud he said. "I'd rather go by himself if I have no choice in it."

Mokoto narrowed his eyes suspiciously at his son. "Are you going to run off the second you leave this house?" he demanded.

The Postman shook his head. "No."

Mokoto frowned skeptically. "Maybe I should stay home from work today..."

The Postman shook his head. "No, go to work." he encouraged. "You said you'd get me a job through your branch, remember?"

Mokoto shook his head. "Not today." he corrected. "Once the doctor clears you to work I'll speak to the postmaster. Right now, I want you to relax for a few days."

"I don't need to relax, I need to find a new job." The Postman protested.

Mokoto gave him a frown. "No, you're going to take a few days off and you're going to keep going to your appointments. We will discuss you returning to work later. Your health comes before anything else, and this is not up for discussion."

The Postman gave his father a dirty look. "I'm not crazy."

"I never said you were." Mokoto replied. "You're stressed, and have been through several traumas and the best thing for you is to speak with a professional about it."

"I'm fine." The Postman snapped angrily as he slumped over the table. "Just go to work."

Mokoto narrowed his eyes. "Keep using that tone with me, Jihiro, and I'm definitely going to stay home and breath down your neck for the whole day." Mokoto threatened. "You are going to that appointment! Jinaudi, I think you should go with him."

Sakon decided to come to his rescue. "I have to go to Clocktown this morning to pay a considerably large bill. I can keep him company until his appointment if you like? I'll make sure he gets there."

Jinaudi looked relieved. "Thank you, Sakon dear, that would be a huge help. Here, have a carrot muffin."

She set a large basket of warm muffins on the table, and Sakon eagerly seized one. The Postman shot Sakon a grateful look, and then let out a sigh of resignation. The whole idea of going to a psychiatrist was beginning to stress him out even more, and he had no idea what he was going to say. He had an image in his mind of a doctor wearing a long, white coat standing over him with a clipboard writing down his every word and he shuddered. The Postman was not a very talkative person, and he knew it was going to be as awkward as anything.

He watched as his father kissed his mother goodbye and then left for work, shooting one last warning look at his son as he did so. The Postman let out an aggravated sigh, and turned his gaze to his mother.

"I'm going for a run before my appointment." he announced.

Both Jinaudi and Sakon looked alarmed at this, and they both shook their heads.

"No way, you sneak!" Sakon cried. "You are not running away again!"

"Sakon's right, sweetheart, I don't think that's a good idea right now."

"I wasn't planning on running away." The Postman informed them. "Running helps me relax, and it helps me think. I was just going to run the fields and then be back in time for breakfast."

Sakon looked skeptical. "Sneak."

"I promise I won't run away."

Jinaudi didn't look like she believed him, and so he let out a sigh.

"I'm going for a run." he said firmly as he got to his feet. "I'll be back in an hour or so."

Ignoring their protests, The Postman turned away and headed for the door. Sakon and Jinaudi watched him go, both knowing they'd never be able to catch him. Once he was gone, Jinaudi let out a deep sigh, and sat down beside Sakon.

"We'll just have to trust him." she said.

"He'll be back." Sakon announced. "There's no way he'd abandon me here."

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Ever since he was young, The Postman would go out running whenever he was angry or upset, letting off some steam so he could think rationally. This day was no different and he ran long and hard across the fields, thinking of nothing in particular, but trying to organize his emotions.

The Postman had always loved running and for the first time in months, he felt his tension beginning to lessen. Wanting to feel the sweat and burn of a brutal run, The Postman increased his speed even more. Wanting to seriously challenge himself, he stepped up his game, pushing himself as hard as he could go. The scenery around him blurred into a smear of colour and he felt like he was completely alone in the world, the only sound the pounding of his heart.

The Postman found himself running faster than he ever had before, his muscles propelling him forward faster and faster. His lungs burned with the effort and when he felt his legs going weak, he finally slowed down. Huffing and puffing as he fought to catch his breath, The Postman knew he'd overdone it a bit, and would probably feel it the next day.

The sun was now well up when he finally came to a complete stop, and he knew it was almost time for the rest of his family to get up. Tempted to skip the appointment entirely, he let out a sigh, knowing that would an incredibly childish thing to do. He had circled the fields several times, and he wasn't far from his parents house. With another sigh, he trudged in the general direction of the home, his tension already starting to return. By the time he made it back to the house he knew it was probably around seven, and entered, hoping he wouldn't be lectured again.

When he entered the house, his mother flashed him a relieved look but didn't comment. Six of his younger siblings were seated at the table eating breakfast, and Sakon was still there eating muffins. At some point Sakon had gotten dressed, and he recognized the clothes as belonging to his brother Jaru. He noted his sister Lyn was still cuddling the kitten, and suspected she'd slept with it all night. All eyes were immediately on The Postman and he purposely ignored them, taking a seat next to one of his brothers. Not meeting anyone's eyes, he poured himself a tall glass of orange juice without a word.

"Your appointment is at eight." his mother reminded him. "Healer Cho's office is at 12 Central Square. Do you know where that is?"

The Postman gave her a flat look.

"Oh, right..." she said a bit embarrassed. "I suppose you do, considering you worked in Clocktown for years!"

Finishing his juice, The Postman slumped onto the table, and closed his eyes, feeling worse than when he'd left.

The Postman felt completely physically and mentally exhausted, and his dreams were still fresh in his mind. Rubbing at his eyes tiredly, he wondered how long he could go without a good night's sleep. Every day he felt worse and worse, and he was beginning to feel like he was losing his mind. Koume and Kotake had warmed him that his red magic could potentially cause brain damage, and now he wasn't feeling so sure of himself. What if the bizarre dreams weren't a result of divine intervention, but rather stress and a considerable amount of magical damage? The mystery goddess never actually said she was responsible, and his dreams didn't make any sense. Why did he keep dreaming of a baby?

The Postman knew there was a very low chance he'd ever marry or have children, but yet he kept dreaming of a child. Why did he hate that baby so much in his dreams, and why was he suddenly such an angry and suspicious person? What happened to make him like that?

The Postman groaned. How would he ever be able to explain this to a psychiatrist? He was definitely going to be labelled as crazy, and no one would ever hire him once the word got out. He could only imagine what his family would say, and he could feel himself getting really nervous about the whole thing.

Someone gave him a hard poke and he opened his eyes. Minoko was about an inch in front of his face frowning at him.

"Are you sleeping?" she demanded.

"No."

"Well, are you mad at someone?"

"No."

"Are you sick?"

"No."

"Are you crazy?"

The Postman paused. "No?"

"Minoko, leave him alone and eat your breakfast." Jinaudi scolded.

The Postman glanced over at Sakon and saw The Thief had demolished almost the entire basket of muffins. Seeing him watching, Sakon held out one of the last muffins towards him, but The Postman shook his head.

"You have to eat something." Jinaudi scolded.

The Postman's stomach was in knots, and the mere thought of food was nauseating.

"I can make you some bacon and eggs if you like?" she offered.

The Postman shook his head. "I'm not hungry."

"I'll take some eggs!" Sakon called over hopefully.

Jinaudi frowned at her son as she reached for a few eggs for Sakon. "At least have a bowl of cereal, Jihiro, you're too thin."

Knowing it wasn't worth the argument, The Postman slowly got up to get himself some cereal. Pouring himself a small bowl of Deku Flakes, he took it back to the table, not especially wanting to eat it. His mother gave him a satisfied nod, and then began cracking the eggs into a hot pan.

"Fried or scrambled, Sakon dear?"

"Scrambled...with cheese." The Thief responded, unable to believe she was actually making him food.

The Postman took a small bite of cereal, but when his stomach clenched painfully, he set his spoon aside, not wanting to chance any more. His mother glared at him, and so he picked the spoon back up with a sigh and poked at the cereal. Stirring the cereal around to make it look like he'd eaten some of it, he didn't notice the disgusted look Sakon was shooting him.

"I can see like twelve kinds of cereal over there, and you chose Deku Flakes?! That's what old, constipated people eat, and you didn't even put sugar on it!"

The Postman gave him a shrug.

"Jihiro." a soft voice called from across the table.

The Postman glanced over at his sister Lyn who gave him a gentle smile. "What did you name your kitten?" she asked, cuddling the kitten to her chest happily. "I love him!"

The Postman glared over at Sakon. "Nuisance." he replied. "Named after the person who gave him to me."

Lyn looked scandalized. "You can't name him that!" she protested. "He's so sweet!"

The Postman rolled his eyes and poked at his cereal again. "You can have him."

Lyn's eyes lit up excitedly. "Really?"

Jinaudi quickly intervened with a disapproving frown. "No!" she said firmly, turning a scolding look to her oldest son. "Jihiro, stop trying to give that cat to your sisters! You got it, so you take care of it!"

"I didn't choose to get it." he muttered.

"Speaking of which." Jinaudi said. "We set up a litter box for him, but you have to clean it when you get back from your appointment."

The Postman sighed, and gave another poke to the now soggy cereal. Minoko took a seat beside him, and gave him a thoughtful look.

"Are you a bag-guy now?"

"Of course he isn't!" Jinaudi protested. "Don't you ever say anything like that!"

"Well, Ganondorf is a bad-guy, and if Jihiro works for him, doesn't that make him bad too?"

"It's complicated..." Jinaudi said uncertainly.

"Are you moving back home?" Minoko asked excitedly.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, he is."

The Postman and Jinaudi had answered at the exact same time, and they exchanged a look.

"Yes, he is." Jinaudi repeated. "At least for a while until the doctor says he's doing better."

The Postman said nothing, knowing it would be pointless to argue right now. He had no intention of moving back in with his parents, and the moment he found somewhere else to live, he would leave. He'd probably rent a cheap room in Hyrule Castletown, or go back to live with the Gerudo. He hadn't really put much thought into his permanent living arrangements yet.

"And he got a tattoo!" Minoko pointed out, touching the mark on The Postman's neck.

"It's a burn, not a tattoo." The Postman grumbled.

"Your brother is not a villain, Minoko!" Jinaudi said impatiently. "He just needs a bit of therapy, and everything will work itself out! He's going to work very hard at getting better, isn't that right, Jihiro sweetheart?"

The Postman gave a nod of agreement, pretending he was too interested in his bowl of cereal to answer.

"Jihiro?"

The Postman hesitantly glanced up.

"It's nothing to be ashamed of." his mother stated, giving her son a kind look. "Most people see a therapist at least once in their life. You'll be fine."

The Postman gave another nod.

"Aw, you mean he's not crazy?" Minoko piped up. "I thought he was finally going to get interesting."

"Minoko!" Jinaudi scolded. "Go get ready for school before you get yourself in trouble!"

"I think I should get the day off due to the family emergency." Minoko replied.

"Nice try."

"I was up too late!" Minoko protested. "I'm too tired to go to school!"

"That's alright, I'll put you to bed extra early tonight to make up for it."

Minoko scowled. "Aw."

"Go on, go get ready."

Obviously pouting, Minoko placed her empty bowl in the kitchen sink, and then scampered off.

The Postman sat there in silence and to his family's credit they said nothing more to him. After a few minutes, he got up from the table to get cleaned up for his appointment, and Sakon remained behind, happily eating his eggs.

At seven-thirty, The Postman found himself outside helping Sakon up onto his horse. Jinaudi was watching nervously, and when Sakon was safely in the saddle, she relaxed.

"Be careful not to fall off, Sakon dear!" she advised. "You don't want to end up with two broken legs."

Sakon flashed her an amused grin, but didn't comment, and this seemed to put her to ease. The Postman mounted the horse behind him, trying to ignore the concerned looks he was getting from his mother.

"Come right home afterwards or I'll worry." she told him. "It's your father's birthday in two days, and I'll need you to pick me up a few things from the market, but it shouldn't take long."

The Postman was handed a list, which he briefly glanced over, and then placed in his pocket.

"Get them to charge it to our account, and the next time I'm in town I'll pay it." Jinaudi said.

The Postman gave her a nod, and as they rode away, he let out an irritated sigh.

Sakon glanced over his shoulder at him in confusion. "What?" he demanded. "You have hemorrhoids or something? What's the matter?"

"Any chance of us skipping the appointment altogether?" he asked. "We could go back to the Gerudo city."

"Not chance." Sakon replied. "I like it at your family's house, they feed me there. Besides, I have to go pay off Precious for that 30,000 rupees."

"Well, then I'll go with you to see Precious'."

Again, Sakon shook his head. "Nice try, darling, but you're going to that appointment. You definitely need to speak with someone about what happened to you, because you haven't been acting like yourself at all. I can't have my best friend having a nervous breakdown."

"I'm not crazy!" The Postman snapped as another wave of tension settled in his stomach.

"Never said you were." Sakon responded dismissively. "Just go to the appointment, and then you'll see it's not so bad."

"Have you ever gone to a therapist?" The Postman demanded.

Sakon shrugged. "Of course. The Gerudo were all convinced there was something wrong with me as a kid, and so I went to a children's therapist for like four years."

"Why did you stop going?" The Postman asked. "Did she help you?"

"She resigned as my doctor." Sakon answered with a grin.

The Postman wasn't sure whether Sakon was telling the truth, but he fell silent to consider it anyway. Just a few minutes later, they reached Clocktown, and Sakon slowed the horse down to a walk as they passed through the gates. The Postman directed Sakon to the proper address, and they arrived just moments later. Number twelve Central Square was a two-story office building made of grey stone, and The Postman instantly didn't like the look of it. Sakon stopped the horse in front of the door, and then watched as The Postman slid off to the ground.

"I'll meet you here in an hour, okay?" Sakon told him. "I have to go pay Precious before she decides to tack on a crap-load of interest. Good luck on your appointment."

The Postman watched Sakon ride off, and then let out a deep sigh. He couldn't believe he was actually being forced to see a psychiatrist. This was definitely going to ruin his reputation, and he'd never get a job in the post office ever again.

The Postman stared up at the clock-tower, and saw it was ten minutes to eight. Turning his gaze back to the office building in front of him, he furrowed his brow feeling agitated. He really didn't want to go in, the whole idea of explaining his issues to a stranger sounding positively wretched. How could he possibly explain everything to someone who didn't know him, and didn't know what he'd been through. If he even mentioned half of the things that had happened in the last few months, he'd come across as a raving lunatic.

The Postman reached for the door-handle, and then paused, fingers not quite touching it. He'd promised his family he would go to the appointment, but the only reason he'd agreed was because he'd felt so guilty at the time. He had no interest in speaking with a psychiatrist, and wish he had have been a bit more adamant in voicing his objections. Turning his eyes above the doorway, he stared at the wooden plaque that declared the building was 'The Foundation of Medical Resources'. It didn't say anywhere on the sign that the office was for psychiatry, and he gave them points for being discrete.

The clock-tower chimed eight, and The Postman glanced up at it, knowing the receptionist was probably wondering where he was. The Postman had never been purposely late for anything before, and bit his lower lip as he turned his eyes back to the door. This whole appointment was a giant waste of time, and he felt himself becoming more agitated. How could a doctor help with the fact a crazy cloaked psycho was invading his dreams and trying to kill him? Perhaps Healer Cho would be better off having a discussion with the cloaked man?

The cloaked man now knew he was a postman, and that would really narrow down the search for him. Luckily the man didn't know he'd been recently fired, and he doubted he'd be able to track him down that way. There were thousands of postmen all over the continent, and countless all over the world. Even knowing he was a postman was still like trying to find a needle in a haystack. The Postman knew he really had to begin thinking of a plan of action just in case the cloaked man did manage to somehow find him. Honestly, he had no idea what he'd do if the villain suddenly showed up on his doorstep one day. The Postman frowned. His mother would probably invite him inside for tea...

It was now five after eight and he began shifting from foot to foot, trying to work up the nerve to open the door. He could feel his anxiety levels beginning to rise, the fact he was late really bothering him. His appointment had already started and now it would be extremely awkward to walk in now. Letting go of the door, he began pacing, trying to figure out what to do. It seemed incredibly unprofessional to show up late, but it seemed even more unprofessional to simply no-show the appointment. Pulling at his hair in stress, he didn't notice someone approaching from down the sidewalk. The person stopped walking and simply watched him for a moment, taking a sip of their enormous mug of coffee.

"Excuse me, are you alright?"

Completely startled, The Postman spun around and came face to face with a stranger. The person was thin, with short dark hair and he couldn't tell if they were a man or woman, their features completely androgynous. The stranger was middle-aged, and had a friendly face which was currently set into a look of concern.

"Are you okay?" they repeated, taking a step towards him.

The Postman was instantly embarrassed and stopped his furious pacing.

"I'm fine." he responded awkwardly. "I was just thinking."

The stranger took a long swig of coffee, and looked him up and down. "You don't look fine." they responded carefully. "You're clearly stressed about something."

The Postman shook his head in denial. "No, it's alright, I'm just running late this morning..."

He got a skeptical look, and The Postman gave the person a subtle look-over still unable to tell their gender.

"Honey, nothing in life is worth getting that stressed over. I have a feeling this is about more than you running a little late." they turned their gaze to the building they were standing in front of. "Something clearly has you frazzled today. Were you late for an appointment here?"

The Postman turned his attention back to the door, and the agitated feeling returned, causing him to wring his hands.

The stranger raised an eyebrow. "I'm assuming you don't want to go?"

"I have to go...I promised I would, but...I can't."

"Can't is quite the strong word." the person responded, taking a very long swig of their coffee.

The Postman looked up at the clock and saw it was now quarter after eight. There was definitely no way he could go in there now. Going in there this late was incredibly inconsiderate, and The Postman really didn't want any more disapproving stares. He'd gotten enough of those from his family. How was he going to explain the missed appointment to his family though? They'd definitely find out, and they would be furious with him. Quickly becoming agitated again, The Postman began pacing again, having no idea what to do.

"When is your appointment?" the person asked kindly. "I can wait with you, if you like?"

"...it's at eight."

The stranger glanced up at the clock-tower and then gave him a look of understanding. "I'm sure they wouldn't mind if you're a little late. People run behind all the time."

The Postman silently shook his head and clenched his fists. "This was a mistake..."

"Appointments can be rebooked." they suggested. "Make one for tomorrow instead."

The Postman let out a groan and placed a hand to his forehead. How embarrassing... He was his own worst enemy sometimes. He felt a gentle touch to his elbow and looked up to see the stranger giving him a friendly smile. "You need to distract yourself and calm down." they suggested. "I need a refill for my coffee, so why don't you come along? Come have a coffee with me."

The Postman immediately shook his head. "Oh...no, thank you. Sorry for bothering you, but I'm alright. I didn't mean to involve you."

The stranger waved the notion off. "Nonsense, I'd love to have the company."

The Postman gave one more glance to the door, but didn't pull away when he was very gently ushered away. A painful knot of worry had settled in his stomach, and he didn't know what was wrong with him. Why couldn't he just go to that blasted appointment? Was he really that worried the doctor would say he was crazy?

He said nothing as he was led to a nearby cafe just down the street. The stranger gave him an encouraging smile and sat in a booth in the corner of the cafe, far from everyone else. The Postman stared for a long moment, honestly glad to be secluded, and hesitantly joined at the booth.

"I swear this place has the best coffee in all of Termina." he was told. "I think my blood must be almost entirely caffeine at this point."

The stranger set their enormous cup on the table, and then waved over the barista.

"Back already, sugar?" he asked with a laugh. "You just left ten minutes ago!"

The stranger returned the laugh. "It's such a nice day, I decided to have my coffee here instead."

The barista glanced at The Postman and his gaze was suddenly understanding. "I see! Well, I still think we should make you our new postergirl considering how much of our coffee you drink!"

The Postman once again looked the stranger up and down. Okay, she was a woman.

"Give me free coffee for life, and I'll consider it." she answered.

The barista shook his head. "Naw, we'd go bankrupt within a month. You want your usual?"

She gave him a beaming smile. "Of course! Bring us something sweet too, please!"

The barista nodded and then turned his gaze to The Postman. "And what can I get for you?"

"Just a black coffee, please."

"Sure thing, be back in just a sec!"

The Postman watched him walk away, and then let out a sigh, knowing he had no idea how to explain his missed appointment to his family. Slumping on the table, he wondered if he could get away with lying about it. Doctors had to maintain client confidentiality, so perhaps his family wouldn't be informed? Their coffee and two slices of cake were set down on the table and surprisingly enough, the barista didn't comment on the fact The Postman looked like he was about to pass out.

Taking a sip of her coffee, the woman watched him for a moment, and then nudged his own coffee a bit closer to him. "Try some, it will help." she promised.

Turning his face slightly to stare at the cup, The Postman slowly sat up and reached for it, knowing he had to stop causing a scene. Wincing at how hot it was, he very carefully tasted the coffee and had to admit it was very good.

"So, what's your name, my newest coffee-buddy?"

The Postman kept his eyes firmly on his cup. "Jihiro."

"A fine name." she complimented. "Not many people use the old style of names anymore. Nowadays everyone is a Bob or a Paul, but no nice traditional names."

The Postman didn't answer and so she continued, clearly unphased. "I have plenty of names people know me by." she informed him. "It makes life interesting, and I don't mind. Some just know me as That-weird-coffee-lady, others call me Cocoa, and others still call me June. Of course I have a lot of people who call me several not-so-polite names as well..."

The Postman cocked his head, somewhat intrigued. "What is your real name?" he asked.

"That doesn't matter." she answered, giving him a wink.

The Postman gave her a frown and she laughed.

"You can call me Papillon. Out of the dozens of names people call me, that's my favourite. It sounds fancy."

"It's an ancient word meaning butterfly." The Postman responded.

She gave him a grin. "Ah, you're educated!" she exclaimed. "You don't get that around here very often. Most folks here are farmers and general labourers."

"Where are you from?" he asked.

"I was born and raised here." she responded with a grin. "I'm a native Terminian and so I can insult the people all I want."

The Postman gave her a curious look, wondering why he'd gone with this stranger so easily. Was he really so desperate to escape his appointment that he''d wandered off with the first person who walked by? She seemed friendly enough, and was easy to talk to, much like Sakon. Sakon had a similar energy about him, and as he watched her take a bite of her cake, he began to relax.

"You remind me of a friend." he stated as she gave a delighted smile at the taste.

"Oh?" she questioned. "Hopefully you mean in a good way."

The Postman nodded. "He's always so relaxed about everything." he explained thoughtfully. "He just keeps moving on from everything bad, and nothing ever seems to faze him. He never stays mad for long, and I can count on one hand the amount of times I've seen him serious. Sometimes I wonder how he does it..."

Papillon gave him a kind smile. "It sounds like your friend knows how to de-stress like a pro. That's actually something that's extremely important for everyday life. Everyone needs something in their life that keeps them above water. For a lot of people that's why they have their hobbies and passions."

The Postman frowned, knowing he didn't have anything like that.

Papillon took an enormous gulp of coffee. "I like to fish." she informed him. "I love it so much in fact, I sometimes skip work just so I can have a pleasant and stress-free day."

The Postman frowned at her, finding that extremely unprofessional.

Seeing his look, she laughed. "What? You don't approve?"

The Postman took a sip of his coffee and shrugged. "Sorry, it's not really any of my business."

"What do you like to do in your spare time?" she inquired.

The Postman considered the question. "...I haven't really had much free time lately." he admitted.

"Hmm." she commented, looking a bit concerned. "Have you ever skipped a day at work? Instead, gone to the beach for a picnic, gone for a walk in the woods, or simply stayed at home to relax for the day?"

The Postman gave her an alarmed look. "No, of course not!"

Papillon nodded in understanding, and finished her cake in one enormous bite. "I see. You should go fishing for a day." she suggested. "I think it would really help you relax."

That idea seemed absolutely horrible, and The Postman adamantly shook his head. He hated to smell fish, he hated to eat fish, and he hated the very idea of seeing fish. The thought of catching, killing, and cleaning a fish was his idea of absolute hell. The mental image of that was enough to turn his stomach.

"No...I don't think fishing is for me." he answered.

"Why have you been so busy lately? Where do you work?"

The Postman averted his gaze in embarrassment. "...I'm currently between jobs at the moment."

Papillon could see this was a very sore subject, and gave him an encouraging smile. "See this as a blessing." she suggested. "You can do anything you want! You can go anywhere you want and do anything you want. Take a vacation, learn a new hobby, fly a kite! This is an opportunity and you should seize it!"

The Postman didn't feel very blessed to be unemployed and frowned miserably. He'd rather have his old job back than to bum around Termina with nothing to do. How did Papillon skip days at work without getting fired? She didn't look homeless, her clothes new and expensive, but she wasn't wearing any sort of uniform, and she didn't seem worried about taking this long coffee-break.

"What do you do for a living?" he asked.

"I'm employed by the temple." she replied with a shrug. "I travel all over the continent, and go where I'm needed. I'm in Clocktown for the next month."

The Postman gave her a surprised look. "You're a priest?" Was this why she was so easy to talk to?

"Not exactly, but close enough." she replied with a laugh. "I don't even know if they allow women to be priests..."

The Postman now understood why she was able to get away with so much. He doubted a temple would ever fire her considering how hard it was to find an educated person in this part of the country. She pretty much had free reign to do what she wanted, and he had to admit he was slightly jealous. What would it be like to be free to make your own decisions in regards to your job. Maybe he was a little stressed from everything he'd gone through, but he still didn't think he needed to attend therapy. Once his life was back to normal, everything would be perfectly fine.

"You're looking pretty thoughtful there, Jihiro. What's on your mind?"

"Not much..." The Postman said hesitantly. "I was just thinking of all the bad things that have been happening to me lately..."

"Oh? Like what?"

The Postman finished his coffee. "You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Don't count on it!" she replied with a smile. "I've heard some pretty outlandish things! Come on, lay some weird stories on me!"

The Postman considered her for a moment, and then shrugged and decided to throw out something crazy for her. "My twin brother was supposed to be the chosen hero of the gods, but he died as a baby and now the gods are trying to force me to complete his quests."

To her credit, Papillon gave no outward reaction other than both her eyebrows raising up in surprise. "How do you know this?"

The Postman let out a sigh. "I visited the Windfish's island, and he spoke a bit about the quests, and a monster also told me a little bit about it. A goddess has been sending me dreams to show me the future, but the problem is, I'm the wrong person!"

Papillon gave him a concerned frown. "Which goddess?"

"I'm not sure, she wouldn't tell me. I think it might be Din because she had a very bad temper."

Papillon didn't mock him, but he had the feeling she didn't believe a word of what he said. Honestly he couldn't blame her.

"You think I'm making it up."

Papillon shook her head. "No, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks. The only thing that matters is that this is very real and very upsetting for you. Is this what has been causing you so much stress?"

"Well, among other things..."

"What else?" Papillon asked kindly. "Give me the weirdest story you have."

The Postman was surprised at how accepting she was of his crazy story and gave her a thoughtful. She was incredibly easy to talk to, and he had a feeling she wouldn't be the type of person to call him crazy. Deciding to see if he was able to shake her unflappable demeanour, The Postman told her the worst thing that he could think of.

"When I was ten years old, my uncle chained me to the wall in his basement where he starved, beat, and did experiments on me. He messed with my mind magically, and nearly killed me from his horrible experiments. He forced an unnatural magic to be forced with my core, and now I have two veins of magic that keep trying to rip each other apart. He made me forget everything he did to me, and then he died of natural causes getting away with everything he did. I don't know if it was his death that caused me to remember or if it was from the interference of the gods."

Papillon stared at him in a stunned silence, and The Postman couldn't believe he'd managed to abridge everything down into one small paragraph. The Postman stared back at her, and he definitely wasn't expecting her to suddenly look incredibly excited.

"You have two veins of magic?!" she demanded eagerly.

The Postman slowly nodded.

Papillon leaned forward, looking even more excited than before. "You have to let me see!" she announced. "Please, can I take a look at your magic?"

The Postman blanched. "What?"

"I've never seen two veins of magic, and I'd really like to see them."

The Postman gave her a skeptical look. "You have magic?"

Papillon nodded. "I've been very interested in studying magic ever since I was a child! Do you mind if I take a quick look? But, it's alright if you're not comfortable with it..."

The Postman furrowed his brow. "I suppose so..." he said uncertainly. "You'll have to be extremely careful though because my red magic is incredibly unstable and it likes to lash out."

Papillon nodded eagerly and reached out a hand towards him, laying it gently on top of his head. The Postman closed his eyes so he could keep an eye on what she was doing, and to his surprise she slipped into his mind so subtly, he barely even felt it.

The Postman mentally stared at her vibrant magic, surprised at how pink it was. It was incredibly powerful, but she had excellent control over it and she didn't cause him any discomfort at all as she carefully explored. He could feel her interest and excitement as she inspected his magical core and the two veins of magic attached to it. He felt her briefly touch the shadow on his green magic, and to his surprise his red magic tolerated it. She moved so slowly and so carefully, the red magic didn't even seem to realize she was there at all. As her initial excitement began to fade, he felt the exact moment she realized his whole story was true. He felt her pity and sadness this realization brought, and The Postman shuddered. Not liking the emotions she was making him feel, he began not-so-subtly pushing her out of his mind.

Papillon immediately backed out of mind without protest when she realized she was making him uncomfortable, and within an instant she was gone. The Postman slowly opened his eyes to see she was giving him an extremely concerned look.

"I'm sorry something so horrible happened to you." she told him genuinely. "Suddenly remembering something that traumatic is difficult, and the stress and anger you've been feeling is completely normal. Don't let others tell you any different; it will take time for you to recover emotionally and everyone needs to be patient. I really think the best thing for you is to work through your ordeal by talking about it with someone."

The Postman gave her a deep frown. "...like a psychiatrist?"

"Anyone you feel comfortable with." she responded. "Whether it be your family, your friends, a priest, or even a psychiatrist, you really should talk it all through with someone. It's not healthy to bottle everything away."

Considering he'd only just met Papillon, she was giving him pretty sound advice. He knew what she said made sense, but he didn't like the idea of talking about all of his mental issues with a doctor.

"I don't really feel comfortable speaking with anyone about this..."

"You're speaking with me about it." Papillon pointed out. "I think you should rebook your appointment for tomorrow."

The Postman hesitated, knowing she had a point. "That's different..."

"Oh? How so?" she asked, draining the last of the coffee out of her cup.

"You're a stranger who has no idea who I am, and you're not judging me like my family or like professionals would. I don't want to be labelled as crazy..."

Papillon narrowed her eyes. "If a doctor ever calls you that, that's a sign they're a terrible doctor and you should switch to a new one. Never let anyone call you that! That word is harmful, and should never be used to label a person. Ever."

The Postman had a feeling he'd unknowingly touched on a sore spot.

"You experienced a trauma, but that doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you." Papillon continued. "It's normal and even expected that you'd experience a bit of stress and anxiety afterwards. You're human, and frankly I'd be more concerned if you didn't show any of these signs."

The Postman wasn't sure why, but that actually made him feel a little bit better. Was this horrible knot of tension really normal? Was he not losing his mind?

"I've never met anyone with two veins of magic before." Papillon said, giving him a hopeful smile. "Would you consider allowing me to take another look?"

The Postman hesitated and was about to answer when he heard the clocktower chime loudly outside. He looked up in alarm, realizing he'd been there a lot longer than he had intended.

"Is it already nine?!" he asked, quickly getting to his feet. "I'm supposed to meet my friend in front of the doctor's office!"

Papillon looked like she wanted to protest, but instead she gave him a nod of understanding.

"I'm sorry, but I have to go." The Postman told her. "Thank you for everything, you've been extremely kind to me. Please let me pay for the cheque."

The Postman placed a few rupees on the table, and then turned towards the door.

"Thank you, Papillon. Goodbye."

"Goodbye, Jihiro. Please try to rebook that appointment."

The Postman didn't answer, and instead hurried out the door, not wanting to think about that at the moment. Papillon stared after him until he was out of sight and then let out a concerned sigh. Pulling The Postman's untouched cake towards herself, she dug in, her mind entirely on the strange duel-veins of magic.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On The Weekend! (hopefully)**


	82. Doctor Splendid

**Authornote** **: Monday Feb. 5th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Ugh. That's all I have to say about this week.**

 **Sorry this chapter is so late, but it's incredibly long! Originally this was supposed to be a enormous chapter which combined last chapter and this one, but it was too long and I didn't have time to finish it. This is a continuation of a lot of boring dialogue, but next chapter finally gets a bit more interesting. Hopefully you guys manage to wade your way through this boring chapter. lol**

 **I'm going to do my best to update by next weekend, but there's no guarantee. I've been incredibly busy and so it might be a few days late.**

 **Sorry about my horrible Latin in this chapter. I have never taken Latin, and so I did my best to look up the words I wanted. lol**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **Louna -** Welcome Louna, and I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far! :D

This series of stories are actually stories I'm planning on publishing. This is the reason I chose all minor characters so that I could make their personalities anything I wanted. I'm posting them as fanfictions so that I can get feedback and hopefully improve my stories. The Postman story is not the first ones that would be published however, because these are a character's backstory. The first story would actually be the one called The Unwanted Hero (the Mido one, which is the next fanfiction I'll finish). The situations are a little different in the versions I intend to publish, and obviously names and places are different. There is also a lot more description of the world in general. The fanfictions are rough copies that will be polished a LOT before publication. Although the characters' appearances are different in my novel, their personalities are pretty much the same. (Sakon's not bald, he's a ginger lol)

I am incredibly slow at writing and I want to finish The Postman series before working on the other one. I figure it will take me a year to finish this story, and probably a year to finish the Mido one. It will be at least 2 years before I actually publish anything.

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 **Remvis** \- Prophesies used to be a lot more common when there were plenty of blue magic users, but they're almost completely gone now. There are still a few around, but they're few and far apart. It's not very common for a regular civilian to get any sort of divine intervention, that being reserved for heroes or important people. The psychiatrist probably wouldn't think The Postman was crazy, but there'd be a bit of skepticism. The Postman isn't exactly hero material after all.

Blue, green, and red magic are the types of magic, but not the actual colour of the magical vein itself. Someone with blue magic could have a magical vein that was coloured yellow for example. The colours of magical veins can be completely random or in rarer circumstances genetic. This is explained a bit in this chapter and also allllll the way back in chapter 9 and also chapter 19.

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 **TheFinalSpark** \- Absolutely everything in this story is somehow connected. (unless it's some random fact about a side-character) If it's mentioned, then at some point we'll find out why and how it's important. ;)

We'll find out more about Leid's death shortly. Nothing is coincidental.

As usual, those are all excellent guesses, but I can't confirm if you're right. We'll find out who the goddess is in a few chapters. We'll be hearing more from Papillon too! :D

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 **Guest** \- Papillon is a genuinely kind person, and it is rare for such a person to exist. She's had a very hard life, however, and it's shaped her into what she is now. We'll be finsing out more about her shortly. :D

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 **Rainmy** \- The cheese was an afterthought. lol Sakon probably would have pressed his luck by adding peppers, mushrooms and onions, but he didn't want to chance not getting fed if he made her annoyed. lol

The Postman hates fish, but he's fine with Zora since people don't generally eat Zora. He's also fine with pet fish as long as they don't have a strong odour. Coffee and cake are always a great combination. All last week I drank iced espresso at work. lol

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 **Melle2001** \- I would love to go to Austria some day, but it's very expensive. It's on my list of places to go when I'm rich. lol

I am absolutely terrible at learning languages. I'm good at remembering nouns, but that's about it. I think half of my problem is a slight hearing problem. lol I've taken 13 years of french classes and I'm still not fluent. Someday I might be able to speak it. haha I took 2 years of Russian and it's an incredibly hard language. The grammar is very confusing. I was the only person in class who couldn't roll their Rs and so I spoke like I had a speech impediment. lol

Good, I'm glad that I keep surprising you, and I hope you enjoy everything I have planned! :D

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 **Reiz16** \- The baby scene will make complete sense as the story goes on. I guarantee you're going to have an AHA moment once you figure it out. lol It doesn't matter what colour someone's vein of magic is, the colour has no effect on what type of magic someone has. Someone can have silver coloured magic, but their magic type is blue for example. It's explained a bit in this chapter, and if you want a bit more info, it talks about it in chapters 9 and 19.

 **.**

 **setokayba2n** \- This goddess is indeed above the Windfish, but that's all I can say about her for now. We will find out a bit more about Papillon in this chapter. :)

 **.**

 **Jigbashmop** \- Yeah, sorry about the boring last chapter. lol Now here, have another even longer boring chapter to make up for it. lol ;P This chapter is part 2 that was supposed to go along with last chapter. The next update won't be nearly as boring.

 **.**

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 6

Doctor Splendid

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Sakon gave The Postman a wide grin upon seeing him, and waved. "Hey, darling!" he called. "Did you miss me?"

The Postman rolled his eyes and approached the horse without a word.

"What were you doing over there?" Sakon asked, pointing towards the café. "Wasn't your appointment a full hour?"

The Postman mounted the horse behind The Thief, glad that Sakon couldn't see the flush to his cheeks. "...I didn't go." he admitted.

Sakon turned around about to angrily scold him, but stopped when he saw The Postman's humiliated expression. "Your parents are going to bury you alive." he stated with a sigh. "Luckily for you, I'm a fantastic grave robber, and I'll save you."

The Postman grimaced, knowing it was not going to be a pleasant conversation once he got home.

"...Could you do me a favour?"

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Depends." he said evasively.

"Will you go inside and make me another appointment for tomorrow morning? If I have another appointment already made, maybe my family won't be quite as mad."

Sakon gave him an unimpressed look and pointed to his broken leg.

"Please?" The Postman asked. "I really don't want to go in there right now."

Letting out an over-dramatic sigh, Sakon carefully swung his broken leg over the saddle. "Help me down, you dingbat."

The Postman helped Sakon to carefully slide off the horse, and then waited as Sakon adjusted his crutches. As Sakon shambled his way towards the office door, The Postman watched, hoping no one would come out to question him. His worries were unfounded however, and a few moments later Sakon was back with an appointment card. Thrusting the card into The Postman's face, Sakon turned to hook his crutches back onto the horse.

"They gave you the same time tomorrow." Sakon told him. "You're lucky I'm a fantastic person, or I would have just told you to suck it up, and do it yourself."

"Thank you." The Postman told him genuinely. "I just...can't right now."

Sakon gave him a frown as he was helped back onto the horse. "Will you be able to tomorrow?"

The Postman frowned. "I hope so..."

Sakon sighed, and turned his gaze ahead. "Honestly, Jihiro, you always make things worse for yourself. Therapists are fun to mess with, and are nothing to be worried about. You're overreacting."

Pulling his mother's grocery list out of his pocket, he glanced down at it with a sigh. Knowing his parents didn't have much money, he figured he'd pay for the groceries to help them out a bit. He had no idea how his family had managed to raise thirteen children on a single postman's salary. He knew what postmen earned, and it wasn't much.

"These things won't take long to get." he told Sakon. "Head for the market, okay?"

Sakon gave him another worried frown, but nodded all the same. As they road through central square, they passed by the café and The Postman saw Papillon standing in the doorway. When she saw him, she smiled and gave him a wave, which he hesitantly returned. As The Postman turned his eyes back to the road, a new determination filled him, and he knew he had to go to tomorrow's appointment.

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The moment they entered the door, Jinaudi poked her head out of the kitchen. "Oh, there you are!" she exclaimed. "I was beginning to worry!"

The Postman averted his eyes, and approached with the groceries. He stepped past her to put them away in the kitchen, and she followed him, obviously looking to talk. Sakon slipped in after them, clearly waiting for the show to come, and took at seat at the kitchen table.

"So, how did it go?" Jinaudi asked. "Did you like healer Cho?"

When The Postman didn't answer, she gave him a soft nudge. "You don't have to tell me anything specific." she assured him. "I was just wondering how you did."

The Postman winced, and busied himself with putting away a sack of potatoes in the cupboard. Jinaudi stared at him for a moment and then narrowed her eyes.

"Jihiro?" she questioned, crossing her arms. "You did go to your appointment, didn't you?"

The Postman's shoulders hunched and he continued putting things away, still not answering her.

"Oh for Din's sake, Jihiro!" Jinaudi cried out in frustration. "You promised you were going to go! I knew I should have gone with you!"

"I was going to." The Postman said, his excuse sounding weak even to his own ears. "I just couldn't do it..."

"I can't believe this!" Jinaudi yelled, reaching out and forcing The Postman to turn towards her. "You know how important this is, and you couldn't be bothered to show up for it!"

Sakon was sitting back in the chair, simply watching everything in rapt interest. The Postman felt certain The Thief be eating popcorn right now if there was any within reach, and gave him a glare.

"I made another appointment!" The Postman quickly assured his mother. "Look!"

He held out the appointment card which she took, giving him a skeptical look. She glanced down at it, and when she saw it was indeed another appointment for the next morning, she glared at her son.

"This doesn't excuse the fact you were supposed to go today and not tomorrow!" she scolded. "You need to see a doctor, and this is not up for negotiation! I can't believe you did this! You're twenty-nine years old, and you should be past doing something this childish! Wait until your father hears about this!"

The Postman flushed scarlet, unable to think of anything to respond to that.

"Thirty." Sakon called over.

Jinaudi paused and glanced over at him. "What?" she demanded.

"Thirty." Sakon repeated.

Jinaudi only looked confused. "Thirty what?"

Sakon narrowed his eyes. "Jihiro's thirty, not twenty-nine. You jerks forgot his birthday."

Jinaudi looked even more confused. "No, we didn't! Jihiro was born on May..." she trailed off, and her gaze shifted over to the calendar. Her eyes widened, and she raised a hand to her mouth, realizing Sakon was right. "Oh, my goodness! Haru's wedding was on your birthday!"

Sakon nodded. "Yeah, and not one of you jerks remembered!"

Jinaudi turned her gaze to The Postman and her eyes were full of regret. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart! Everyone was so caught up in the wedding that we forgot all about you! We weren't paying any attention to you, and we missed all the warning signs that something was wrong! I'm so, so sorry! There's no excuse, and you have every right to be furious!"

She yanked him into a tight hug, and The Postman frowned. He wasn't even upset over the missed birthday, and squirmed away from her.

"Mum, it's okay, I had a lot on my mind too at that time. I don't expect everyone to make a big deal of my birthday. I'm not mad, honestly."

Jinaudi let out a deep sigh, her anger pretty much evaporated. "Just go take care of the cows, sweetheart, they should have been milked two hours ago. I could really use the help right now. We'll discuss your appointment later when your father is home."

Knowing it was because of Sakon that she hadn't rained hellfire on him, he glanced over at The Thief who suddenly looked excited.

"You have cows?!" he exclaimed. "You didn't have cows when I was a kid!"

"We got them when Jihiro was around eleven or so to save on costs." Jinaudi explained. "We keep cuccos too."

"Wait up!" Sakon ordered The Postman. "I gotta see this! You really are a country bumpkin!"

Jinaudi watched them leave the house, and she let out a miserable sigh. In how many ways had she failed her son lately? It seemed like they'd done nothing right in raising him, and now it was him who was paying the cost. Shaking her head sadly, she began gathering ingredients to make a birthday cake.

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The Postman helped around the house for the rest of the day, and to his surprise Sakon did his best to help as well. He mostly just got in the way, but The Postman appreciated the effort. He was amused when his mother had asked Sakon to help her in the kitchen, and Sakon had hesitantly agreed, having nothing better to do. He knew his mother was subtly trying to get to know Sakon better, and that meant she had already accepted him as part of The Postman's life. The Postman doubted his father would be quite as accepting of a wanted criminal however...

He suspected the list of chores was mainly because his mother was annoyed at him, but The Postman didn't mind, the chores giving him something to do. When finished with the enormous list of chores his mother had given him, The Postman decided to go for another run to relax himself. As he approached the door to leave, his sister Minoko was just entering, returning from school.

"Are you leaving?" she asked worriedly.

"No, I'm just going for a run, but I'll be back in time for supper."

He started to walk past her, but her hand snaked out and caught him by the wrist. "Jihiro?"

He glanced down at her in question and she bit her lip. "Um, can I tell you something?"

"What is it?" he asked suspiciously, getting the feeling this was going to be a confession.

"I missed you." she said in a small voice."And...I miss the Gerudo city. Does that make me a bad person if I want to go back?"

The Postman frowned, and then knelt down to her level. "When you're older, that decision is yours, but right now you have to concentrate on finishing school and helping out mum and dad. They'd never let you go, and you shouldn't ask them."

"What if I just left?" she asked.

The Postman shook his head. "You saw how much it upset them when I was gone, and you don't want to put them through that, do you?"

Minoko shook her head guiltily. "What are you going to do?" she asked. "Are you going to stay here or go back?"

The Postman paused. "...I'm not sure." he admitted.

"Will it make them sad if you do?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes."

She gave him a frown. "If you'll be happy, I think you should still go back. I'll still visit you all the time, and then I can see Milan's baby when it's born. You can visit us too, and then no one will be sad."

"...It's a bit more complicated than that." The Postman told her. "But I'm going to be putting some thought into it."

Minoko nodded, but didn't really look like she understood.

"Anything else you want to confess while you're at it?" he asked her jokingly.

Minoko flashed him an impish grin. "You know that layer of cake that was missing off Haru's wedding cake at the wedding?"

"Yes?" The Postman answered, cautiously.

"It wasn't missing. I snuck into the kitchen during the night and ate it."

At The Postman's flabbergasted look, she laughed and then took off into the house out of sight. Shaking his head in exasperation, The Postman left the house to begin his run.

When The Postman finally returned to the house over an hour later, the sun was going down and he had run himself far too hard. His muscles were still feeling the strain of that morning's run, and now he was tired and sore, his shirt drenched in sweat. As he opened the backdoor, he could smell supper and realized he was later than expected. Heading to the dining room, he saw his entire family and Sakon were seated at the table just about to start eating, and he relaxed, seeing he wasn't too late.

His mother looked up at him and gave him a frown. "There you are." she scolded. "I was beginning to think you had left..."

"Sorry, I just lost track of time."

"Take your seat." she ordered impatiently. "You're holding everyone up."

"Just give me a minute to get cleaned up." The Postman said, heading towards the bathroom.

"You're fine, just wash your hands and take your seat."

The Postman gave a glance down at himself as he headed for the bathroom, clearly soaked with sweat, and pitied the person he'd have to sit beside. He quickly washed his hands, and headed back for the table, obediently taking a seat between Sakon and Minoko both of whom immediately wrinkled their noses at the smell of him.

"Ewww, mommy, he stinks!" Minoko complained, clapping her hands over her nose. "Ugh."

Sakon draped an arm over The Postman's shoulders with a cheeky grin. "He might stink, but we love him anyway."

The Postman impatiently pushed Sakon away, not wanting to rise to the bait. He instead turned his gaze to his father, whom was seated at the head of the table. Mokoto was frowning at him with such severity, he instantly knew his mother had told him of the missed appointment. Quickly looking away again, he reached for the glass of water in front of him and drained it, wondering if he could somehow escape the lecture to come.

The Postman's mother was setting full plates of food on the table and The Postman saw she'd given him a larger portion than any of his siblings. Sakon glanced between their two plates, and then gave The Postman his piece of chicken, and taking a potato in return.

"What are you doing? Mokoto demanded. "Jihiro didn't say you could do that."

Sakon waved him off dismissively. "Don't worry, we have a system worked out."

Jinaudi frowned at Sakon's plate. "You can't only eat vegetables, don't you like chicken?"

"I don't eat meat, I'm vegetarian." Sakon replied with a shrug. "It's okay though, I don't mind just picking the meat off my plate, I do it all the time."

Jinaudo frowned in concern. "That's not enough for supper, I'm going to make you a sandwich."

"Naw, I'm fine." Sakon told her.

She wasn't listening however, and quickly disappeared back into the kitchen. Sakon watched her go in disbelief, and Minoko let out a giggle.

"I think she's adopted you." she laughed. "There's no escaping now!"

Sakon got an extremely bizarre look on his face and he glanced over at The Postman who simply gave him a shrug.

"So, how did your appointment go today, Jihiro?" Mokoto asked, his tone deceptively calm.

Everyone at the table fell silent, and glanced over at The Postman who didn't look up.

"You get along well with the doctor?"

The Postman didn't answer.

"Did you discuss all of your problems like you were supposed to?"

The Postman began poking at the food on his plate, and said nothing.

"That's what I thought." Mokoto stated angrily. "I trusted you, Jihiro, and you let me down!"

The Postman winced, realizing he was going to be lectured in front of the whole family.

"I really thought I could trust you, but clearly you can't be trusted anymore! The doctor warned us about possible damage of the mind, and it's now apparent you're not the same person you were! I guess I should have escorted you there like a child!"

The Postman kept his gaze steadily on his plate. Sakon, however scowled at the other man, getting offending on The Postman's behalf.

"Lay off! So what if he missed one little appointment? He rebooked it for tomorrow, so leave him alone!"

"You mind your own business!" Mokoto angrily retorted. "You're not part of this family, and so I don't need your comments! This is between Jihiro and I, and has nothing to do with you!"

"It has everything to do with me, because Jihiro's my friend!" Sakon snarled, his voice raising.

The Postman silently reached out and gave Sakon a nudge. When The Thief glanced over at him, The Postman gave a silent shake of the head, and Sakon frowned at him. Not liking it one bit, Sakon went quiet, still glaring daggers at Mokoto. Mokoto gave one last glare at Sakon and then turned his attention back to his oldest son.

"You promised us you would go today, Jihiro, and I believed you! Did you ever have any intention of going, or was it all a bold-faced lie? How much of what you've told us was a lie? How can I believe anything you say anymore?"

The Postman still said nothing.

"Do you have nothing to say?" Mokoto demanded. "Nothing to say in your defence?"

The Postman gave no indication he had heard, and this only seemed to make Mokoto even angrier.

"Are you planning on even trying to improve or are you simply going to run back to Ganondorf the first chance you get?"

The Postman finally looked up. "Yes, I'll be returning to Ganondorf."

You could have heard a pin drop, every pair of eyes on The Postman in shock.

"When he summons me, I'll be returning to the desert." The Postman continued. "I will go to the appointment tomorrow, and I will try to get any help that is suggested for me, but the truth is, I am a villain."

The silence in the room was like a crushing wall of tension, and The Postman turned his gaze back to his plate.

"I will never hurt anyone if I can help it, but that's where I belong. I've tried to deny it for too long, and I'm now certain that this life was never meant for me. Ichiro was meant to be a great hero, and I was clearly meant to be a villain. My place is in the desert."

Mokoto's eyes were narrowed to slits, and The Postman fell silent, certain this was not going to turn out well.

"I really expected better of you, Jihiro." Mokoto scolded. "You've been doing nothing but disappointing us lately, and you need to grow up. Everything you do affects your family, and if you choose to be a villain, it puts our lives and our careers in danger! Every one of us could lose our jobs if people find out, and we could be ostracized from society! Think of how you're hurting us, and stop putting us through this! Could you really be that selfish?"

The Postman remained quiet, and Mokoto became even angrier.

"Answer me!" he ordered. "Are you really going to return to Ganondorf no matter what we say? No matter how much it ruins your life?"

"Yes."

At that one word, Mokoto furiously stood to his feet. "If you choose to return to Ganondorf, you are no longer a part of this family. We will not have a villain in our family, and we will not endure the shame you will bring. Leave this house, Jihiro, and don't come back."

The Postman looked up at his father with wide, disbelieving eyes, and felt like he was in another nightmare. Mokoto stared at him angrily, and clenched his fists.

"Get out of this house! Now!"

The Postman took a deep breath, unable to move.

"Okay!" Jinaudi said happily as she re-entered the room. "One peanut butter sandwich for Sakon!"

She paused in confusion, the room full of horrified and distraught looks, and she glanced all around.

"What?" she demanded. "What happened?"

Without a word, The Postman stood to his feet and headed for the door.

"Jihiro, wait!" Sakon yelled after him. "No, wait!"

The Postman didn't answer and a moment later they heard the door bang closed. Sakon turned an absolute look of death to Mokoto and stood to his feet.

"You jackass!" he snarled, whipping a potato at the other man's head. "You have no idea what he's been through lately! This family means everything to him! How could you say something like that, when he honestly has been trying?! You've just destroyed him!"

Grabbing his crutches, Sakon awkwardly made his way towards the door, having no idea how he would catch up to The Postman. He could be halfway to Clocktown by now! The moment Sakon was gone from the room, Jinaudi rounded on Mokoto with narrowed eyes.

"What did you do?!" she accused angrily.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

To Sakon's surprise and relief, The Postman hadn't gone too far and he found him sitting on the porch-swing looking completely shell-shocked and devastated. Sitting down next to him, Sakon wasn't sure what to say, and attempted a little bit of levity to cheer him up.

"You need a hug?" he asked, throwing an arm around him.

To Sakon's surprise he wasn't immediately shoved away as usual.

"Oh..." Sakon said in surprise. "You do. Okay, I can do that."

Sakon could feel the other man's body silently trembling, but The Postman said nothing, simply staring blankly ahead.

"You gonna be okay?" Sakon asked uncertainly.

"No." The Postman answered, his voice sounding very small. "I've just been disowned..."

"They just don't understand." Sakon assured him. "Once everyone calms down, we can both go back in and explain things. We'll make them understand. They still don't know everything that's happened to us, and we should tell them. They're civilians and they just don't understand how it is for us."

The Postman's shoulders hunched, and Sakon gave him a concerned look.

"If it makes you feel any better, I threw a potato at your dad's head. I just wish it had've been hotter."

That earned him the barest of amused glances.

Seeing this as progress, Sakon continued. "It splatted all over his ugly face, and I hope it left a big bruise!"

The Postman shook his head, but didn't say anything.

"Your dad's getting fat by the way." Sakon continued. "He's really pathetic in his old age, but he still thinks he's scary. I saw him coming home today, and he looked as fat as a pregnant woman. How does he even manage to waddle around his mail route? I can't believe I used to be scared of him as a kid! He used to terrify me!"

"Better not say these things to him." The Postman suggested with a sigh. "Now that he's getting older, he's quite touchy on the subject. Tomorrow is his fiftieth birthday."

"Oh yeah, I forgot about that." Sakon commented thoughtfully. "Want me to poop on his birthday cake? Would that make you feel any better?"

"A little." The Postman admitted. "But it was my mother who spent all that time making it. I think she'd be madder than he would."

"Yes, I would be." Jinaudi said from the doorway.

The Postman fell silent and quickly looked away. Sakon narrowed his eyes at her, and instinctively pulled The Postman a bit closer, daring her to try anything. Jinaudi gave Sakon a sad looking smile, and then approached, taking a seat on the other side of The Postman. Putting her arm around him as well, she frowned when she felt him tense up.

"He didn't mean it, sweetheart." she assured him. "He was angry and scared, and said some things he shouldn't have. He's so worried about you, but has no idea what to do to help. The thought of one of his children becoming a villain terrified him, and he reacted badly. He feels really terrible for what he said to you, and he regrets it. We would never throw you out, and we would never disown you. No matter what you did, and no matter what you may do in the future, you're still our son, and we still love you. You will always have a home here."

They heard the screen door bang open, and Mokoto stepped out, looking incredibly ashamed. There was a bright red hand-print across one of his cheeks, and it was clear Jinaudi had let him know her opinion on the matter. Sakon scowled up at him, and then swung out one of his crutches at him. Mokoto stepped back, and gave Sakon a frown.

"Would you give us a few minutes alone with our son?" he asked.

"Not on your life!" Sakon snarled, swinging out at him again. "You stay away from him!"

"Sakon, it's alright." Jinaudi assured him. "Mokoto's not going to hurt him."

"Too late, he already did." Sakon retorted. "This family is toxic, and he should be the one disowning you! You might call him a villain, but Jihiro is the bravest, most gentle, and most sincere person I've ever met! He's a good person, and you have no right to treat him like this!"

"You're right." Mokoto acknowledged, giving Sakon a surprised look. "I was an idiot, and Jihiro should hate me. I was wrong about you Sakon, you're a good friend to my son. I want to apologize to him, and I swear on my honour that I will not hurt him any more."

Sakon frowned at him, but did lower his crutches. He glanced over at The Postman who was still staring at the ground, and then asked. "Do you want me to stay with you?"

"No, it's alright, Sakon." he replied, looking incredibly defeated. "Go eat your supper, I'll be in to join you soon."

Sakon gave another frown. "You sure?"

When The Postman nodded, he slowly got back to his feet with the crutches, and shot another glare at Mokoto. "If you say anything horrible to him, I'm going to destroy you." he vowed.

Mokoto gave him a nod. "Understood."

Shooting one last uneasy glance to The Postman, Sakon slowly made his way back inside.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Sakon ate his supper, and then waited, and then waited some more, but The Postman didn't return. After an hour he began getting worried and made his way to check on him. Peering out through the door, he saw The Postman was still sitting with his parents, and although he couldn't hear what they were saying, he had a feeling it was a serious discussion.

Sakon continued waiting inside, and quickly became bored. Doing his best to distract the youngest children so they wouldn't disturb the conversation outside, he played several games with them for the next few hours. He was cheating at every game however, and this infuriated the children, and eventually they refused to play with him anymore. Sakon found it hilarious, and continued ruining their games until they got so fed up they went to bed just to get away from him. It was now after ten at night, and Sakon wondered if he should go out to check on The Postman again. Every time he had peered out, everything seemed fine, and so he let them be, hoping he was making the right decision.

It was well after midnight when The Postman finally returned, and Sakon was in bed, awake and waiting for him. The Postman had clearly showered, and smelled of shampoo, and Sakon was glad for that at least.

"How did it go?" Sakon immediately asked when The Postman closed the door.

"Fine." The Postman replied, getting undressed for the night.

Sakon scowled. "Fine?! You were out there for like five hours and the only thing you tell me is 'fine'?!"

"I told them everything." The Postman answered with a sigh.

Sakon raised an eyebrow. "Everything?"

The Postman nodded. "Absolutely everything." he confirmed. "I wanted them to understand, and so I started from the very beginning with the very first letter I delivered to Ganondorf."

"Is everything okay now?" Sakon asked in concern. "What did they say?"

"They understand my point of view, but they still don't agree with my choice to return to Ganondorf." he answered, crawling into bed. "They still want me to go to my appointment tomorrow."

"What did that asshole say to you?" Sakon demanded, crossing his arms.

"My father? He apologized a dozen times, and told me he didn't mean anything he said. He begged me to forgive him, and promised me he would never say anything like that ever again."

"You should have told him to go jump off a cliff." Sakon responded grouchily. "I don't like him."

The Postman didn't answer.

"At least they understand now." Sakon acknowledged. "Wait a sec...does that mean they know I was responsible for practically everything that went wrong with your life?"

"I told them everything." The Postman replied. "I have a feeling it's going to be you who gets the lecture tomorrow. I think my mother wants you to apologize to Haru."

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Yeah, like that's gonna happen!"

The Postman rolled over, and let out a sigh. He'd had one of the worst days of his life, and he was both mentally and physically exhausted. The second he closed his eyes, he could feel the strong pull of sleep, and he allowed it, hoping for once he wouldn't have any nightmares.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman walked through a scene of complete devastation, the terrain nothing but smouldering rubble and smoking craters. The Postman was a passenger in his own body, unable to control his actions, only able to watch what was happening around him. The air tasted of ash and sulphur, the sky grey with smoke, lighting up with the occasional flash of magical energy. Out of breath and injured, he stared down at his shield, the steel burnt black from the attacks. Turning his gaze ahead, he stared at the wall of smoke, reaching out with his magic to sense what was coming. He could feel hundreds of powerful blue magical signatures approaching, and took a deep breath, trying to recover a bit of his stamina. Seeing movement behind him, he glanced back and to his surprise he saw an entire army of people standing with him, ready to fight. The men were just as tired and inured as he was, but their expressions were fierce, and it was clear they were ready to fight to the death.

"Get ready." The Postman found himself saying to the men nearest. "They're going to be sending in the sorcerers. Don't let your faces be exposed to their attacks. Sarinian sorcerers specialize in quick, but powerful blasts of flame. They'll try to blind you. Spread the word through the troops. They'll be here within minutes."

"Yes, Sir." one of the men answered without hesitation. "Leave it to me!"

The man disappeared into the army, and The Postman turned his attention back to the battleground in front of them. He could feel the sorcerers getting nearer and nearer, and turned to someone standing to his right. To The Postman's surprise, the figure was very small, and quite clearly a child. Wearing a complete set of armour, the child's face couldn't be seen, but he stood next to him as ready and as serious as any adult around him.

"You know what to do." The Postman told him. "Take him out before the first wave of sorcerers get here. Do whatever you must, but make sure he's dead before they reach us."

The child nodded solemnly. "Yes, father."

The Postman gave him a curt nod in return. "Go, cub, and don't disappoint me. Rip his throat out."

To The Postman's horror, the child ran off into the smoke without any hesitation whatsoever, and his gaze followed him until he'd disappeared out of sight. He frowned and then closed his eyes to concentrate on gathering magic. The Postman could feel the weariness, but he pushed past it to force his red magic to the surface where he could easily reach it. The sword of Mephistophelean was clenched tightly in his fist, and he began pulling magic out of it and adding it to his reserves for the fight. The sword's magic was practically singing in excitement at the fight to come, and it allowed its master to take all the magic he wanted.

A deep rumbling sound carried its way through the smoke, and The Postman was instantly alert. Opening his eyes, he stared at the wall of smoke and knew the fight was about to begin. Hundreds of figures began appearing in the smoke ahead of them, and he took a deep breath, readying himself to fight.

Every figure that approached wore a thick black cloak, and they were chanting a series of complex spells to ready their own magic. The Postman watched warily as they walked along, their voices in perfect unison as they chanted loudly in a strange, unfamiliar language. The Postman raised his arm above his head, and his archers all readied their bows. Calculating the distance, The Postman waited a few moments, and then quickly lowered his hand, the archers letting fly the arrows in a wave of metal and feathers. Watching as dozens of men were hit, The Postman took that opportunity to charge, his army surging forward with him.

The scene faded, and The Postman once again found himself in the calm and quiet field from before. Letting out a breath of relief, The Postman glanced down at himself, and saw he was once again dressed in a postal uniform. The sight of the uniform made him a little sad, and he took off the hat and set it beside him with a sigh. He could feel the warmth of the sun above, and out of curiosity, he reached down to touch the water's surface. It was cold and wet, and he wondered if this was a dream at all.

"Who are you?" The Postman asked the seemingly empty field.

A gust of hot air blew over him. "It doesn't matter." the goddess replied. "It's not time for you to know that."

"I'm not Ichiro." The Postman told her calmly. "I've already told you this, but you didn't believe me. Ichiro was my brother, but he died a long time ago. My name is Jihiro, and I'm not a hero, not a warrior, or anything else for that matter. I shouldn't have lost my temper with you before, and I apologize, but it's incredibly frustrating for me. You are mistaken, and I just want to be left alone."

There was silence for a moment, and then he felt the breeze brush through his hair. "If you would only read your letter, little one, you would understand everything. I can't say it out loud, or we could be overheard. Read the letter, and if you still disagree with me, I'll leave you alone."

The Postman was skeptical. "Once I read the letter, you'll allow me to refuse the mission?"

"Yes." she assured him. "When you understand everything, it will be your decision to make. All you need to do is open it."

The Postman frowned, and then slowly reached inside his mailbag. His fingers found the letter and he pulled it out.

"You swear if I read this I won't be forced to go on another adventure?"

"I give you my word."

The Postman highly doubted this, and stared down at the letter uncertainly. He had to admit he was a bit curious, but couldn't help but feel like this was some sort of trick. Turning it over, he looked at the red seal, and then hesitantly broke it so he could open the letter.

"Yes, my brave one, read the letter!" she encouraged.

The Postman was tempted to rip it up again, but he refrained, instead pulling the paper from the envelope. Just because he knew the details of the mission wouldn't mean he had to accept it. He could read it to sate his own curiosity and then refuse. Unfolding the piece of paper, The Postman stared at the letter and frowned when he saw only three words written on it.

 **Evigila Meus Bellator**

"...what?" The Postman questioned in confusion. "What is thi-"

The Postman cut off as he felt a powerful blast of magic fill his mind, and he let out a scream of agony. Clutching at his skull as he writhed on the ground, everything went black.

* * *

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

* * *

"Jihiro!"

The Postman could hear Sakon, but he couldn't seem to open his eyes.

"By the goddesses, Jihiro!"

The Postman felt like he was being thrown from side to side, and a moment later he felt hands holding him down. His body struggled against the hold, but after a few seconds he went limp, and he could finally open his eyes. The first thing he saw was Sakon staring down at him, The Thief's expression incredibly worried.

"Wha-what happened?" The Postman asked, his entire body feeling like lead.

"You just had a seizure!" Sakon exclaimed. "I couldn't wake you up!"

The Postman turned his head slightly, and saw he had kicked every sheet and blanket off the bed. Sakon was still holding down on his shoulders, and he didn't have the energy to push him away.

"I'm getting a doctor." Sakon announced letting him go.

Before The Thief had a chance to move, The Postman caught him by the wrist.

"Don't." The Postman ordered.

Sakon gave him a completely flabbergasted look. "Jihiro, you just had a seizure. You need a doctor!"

The Postman slowly shook his head. "It was something the goddess did to me." he explained. "I think she was punishing me for giving her such a hard time before. She must be trying to prove some sort of point..."

"I don't care what caused the seizure, you dingbat, you need to see a doctor!"

The Postman shook his head. "I'm alright now." he assured him. "I'm just tired. I don't think she's going to do anything else to me for now. I just want to sleep, I'm fine."

Sakon looked like he wanted to protest, but The Postman was already turning away and struggling to pull the blankets back onto the bed. Letting out a deep and aggravated sigh, Sakon got off the bed to help fix the bed. When he had the sheets and blankets back to where they should be, Sakon watched as The Postman buried himself in the bed tiredly.

"I'm keeping an eye on you, and if anything seems out of the ordinary, then I'm getting a doctor."

The Postman gave a nod. "Okay."

Sakon rubbed at his eyes tiredly and then took a seat on the bed beside him. He had no intentions of going back to sleep now, and hoped the seizure was a one time thing. He knew he should have insisted on a doctor anyway, but The Postman seemed so tired, that it felt like he was being cruel. The Postman was already asleep again, and so he leaned against the headboard intent on staying awake for the rest of the night.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

"Jihiro."

The Postman sleepily opened an eye and saw his mother hovering over him.

"Hmm?" he questioned.

"Sweetheart, it's seven-thirty." she told him. "Your appointment is in half an hour."

The Postman sat up hurriedly, surprised he'd overslept for so long. For once his sleep had been dreamless, and although still exhausted, he felt much better. Getting up as fast as he could, he grabbed a clean set of clothes and headed for the bathroom to get cleaned up. A few minutes later, he dashed through the kitchen, grabbed an apple out of the fruit bowl and headed for the door. Sakon, who had been eating breakfast, quickly hobbled after him.

"Wait!" Sakon called. "I'm coming with you! I need to go to town!"

The Postman didn't want to be late again, and helped Sakon onto the horse as fast as he could.

"Good luck with your appointment, Jihiro!" his mother called after him, looking somewhat amused.

"Bye." The Postman called back distractedly, as he rode off.

He ran the horse hard and he was relieved when they made it to town just in time. He still had five minutes to spare, and slid down off the horse in front of the doctor's office.

"You gonna go today?" Sakon questioned him.

"Of course." The Postman replied, impatiently.

Sakon nodded, and then turned the horse. "I have some business with the Curiosity Shop Owner and so I might be a few minutes late picking you up."

"That's fine." The Postman answered, heading for the door. "I'll see you later."

Sakon rode off, and The Postman turned his full attention to the door in front of him.

Taking a deep breath, he strolled right up to the office door and reached out to open it. His abundance of confidence ran out the second he touched the handle, and he froze in place. How much of his life should he discuss? Would a doctor be obligated by law to contact the town soldiers if he admitted to being a villain? Would he be arrested, or would his family simply be shamed?

The Postman felt the same knot of apprehension return, and he simply stood at the door, trying to work up the nerve to open it. His parents would crucify him if he skipped another appointment, but he couldn't seem to force himself to open the door. Horrible thoughts about what the doctor could do to his life entered his mind, and he grimaced, trying to push these things out of his mind. This really wasn't what he needed right now...

The Postman didn't realize how long he'd been standing there until the clocktower bell rang, announcing it was now eight o'clock. Frustrated with himself, The Postman let go of the door-handle, and began furiously pacing, trying to work up the nerve to get it over with.

"Oh, hey, it's my coffee buddy again!"

The Postman spun around and saw Papillon had once again snuck up on him. The Postman instantly flushed in embarrassment, unsure of how long she'd been standing there.

Papillon had another enormous mug of coffee, and she gave him a friendly smile. "Did you make another appointment?" she asked.

The Postman silently nodded.

Papillon glanced up at the clock. "For eight?" she guessed.

Again, The Postman nodded.

Papillon returned the nod, and took a sip of her coffee. "Think you're going to go?"

The Postman didn't answer, and looked away.

He felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, and he glanced at her.

"Remember what I told you yesterday?" she reminded. "If you don't like your doctor, you can switch to a new one."

The Postman could never see himself telling a doctor he didn't like them, and gave Papillon a non-committal shrug. She gave him a thoughtful look, and then glanced back to the clock.

"What's stopping you from opening the door?" she asked. "Tell me what's on your mind, and maybe I can help."

The Postman let out a sigh. "My career is over the second I go in there." he replied honestly. "Who would hire me knowing I have mental health issues? Word spreads fast in Termina, and soon everyone will know. Add this onto me recently getting fired, and I'll be completely unemployable. Taking one step in there will end any chances of me ever having a career."

Papillon was silent for a long moment as she gave this some thought. "It wouldn't be the doctor who spreads the rumour around, so are you afraid of people seeing you walk in the front door?"

The Postman frowned and then nodded. "Why do you think the doctor wouldn't repeat what I tell him?"

"A doctor is never supposed to divulge client information to anyone." she assured him. "It would be really bad business to do something like that."

The Postman frowned uncertainly.

"There are multiple services offered at this medical office." Papillon told him. "You can tell anyone anything you want, and they'll never be able to prove differently. If someone asks you, say you were here about a knee injury which is why you took some time off from work."

The Postman hadn't even considered that, and realized it was a good idea. "I know they're not supposed to, but what if the doctor does spread it around?"

Papillon gave him another reassuring smile. "Sue the pants off the medical office if that happens. Believe me, no doctor wants a lawsuit of this nature. No self-respecting doctor would ever repeat anything you tell them. They won't confirm you were here, they won't confirm why you were here, and they won't even confirm if they know you. The doctor will keep everything confidential, and everything will be fine."

The Postman bit his lower lip, and turned his attention back to the office door.

"Think you'll go in today?" Papillon asked, giving his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

The Postman frowned and knew he was being ridiculous. Why was he so worried about this? He had delivered letters to villains without a care in the world, but opening a door to a psychiatrist's office was the thing that made him hesitate. He could just lie about being here if any future employers asked, and they'd never be able to prove otherwise. The Postman could attend the appointment, and if he didn't like it, he'd never go back. He'd look into alternative options for therapy until he found one that suited him.

Glancing up at the clock, The Postman saw it was nearly ten after eight.

"I'm late..." he commented with a deep sigh.

"That's okay." Papillon assured him. "I'm always late for everything! They won't say anything to you."

"Yes, but-"

"They'll be perfectly fine with it." she interrupted. "Everyone runs a bit late now and then. Just open the door and you'll see, Jihiro. It's up to you to take the first step."

The Postman let out another sigh, and gave her a nod, knowing she was right. He had to stop making excuses and just open the door. Reaching out towards the door, he gripped the handle, and then paused, trying to think of what he'd say to explain his absence the day before.

"Go on." Papillon encouraged.

The Postman was just about to open the door when it opened from the other side. Hurriedly releasing the handle and stepping back, he watched as an older woman poked her head out, her gaze immediatey settling on The Postman.

"About time!" she scolded. "Did you have an appointment at eight o'clock with Healer Cho?"

"Er...no." The Postman answered, quickly turning to walk away.

Papillon gave the receptionist an absolute look of death, and then jogged after The Postman to catch up with him.

"Jihiro, wait!" she called, reaching out to catch him by the elbow.

The Postman stopped walking, but didn't look at her, completely embarrassed. Even though she was a stranger, he felt like he'd somehow let her down.

"Jihiro..." she said softly. "Let's go get some coffee. Come on..."

The Postman allowed himself to be tugged away, and a few minutes later, he found himself back in the little café from the day before. They took a seat in the same booth, and The Postman remained completely silent as Papillon ordered them both some coffee and sweets. Even when their order was placed on the table, he still remained quiet, and Papillon sat there and silently observed him. When he made no move to say anything, it was she who broke the silence first.

"You did a lot better today." she complimented. "I know this whole situation is difficult for you, but you almost pushed past your own comfort levels to give it a try. I feel certain you'll be able to do it tomorrow with no problems!"

The Postman let out a deep sigh.

"Don't feel bad, I'm proud of you!" she assured him.

The Postman shot her a glare, unsure whether she was being condescending or not. He'd now skipped two appointments, and his parents were going to murder him. They had discussed this for hours the night before, and he'd promised he would go! How was he going to explain this? How was his incompetence anything to be proud of?

"Nevermind the appointment for today." Papillon said, reaching for her coffee. "I'm a nosy person, so let's talk about something more interesting!"

"Like what?" The Postman asked cautiously.

"Well, we're friends now, and so I'm wondering how you've been feeling today?"

The Postman didn't think that was something more interesting and frowned. "Fine." he answered evasively.

"Are you sure? You look tired." she observed. "You look like you haven't slept in a month."

The Postman gave a shrug.

"Nightmares?" Papillon guessed.

When he didn't answer, she gave him an understanding nod. "How long has it been since you've had a full, uninterrupted night's sleep?"

The Postman gave another shrug. "I can't remember."

Papillon now seemed concerned. "Have you been to see a regular physician about this?"

The Postman shook his head.

Papillon looked him up and down, and she seemed to be thinking about something deeply. "Did your nightmares start the same time you regained your memories?" she guessed.

The Postman gave her a frown and didn't answer.

"I'm trying to think of how to offer some advice on this matter." Papillon admitted. "We've only just met, and I don't want to seem like a creep..."

"It's okay." The Postman told her. "Honestly it's nice just having a friendly chat with someone I don't know. I never feel like you're judging me, and I appreciate that."

Papillon gave him a smile and nodded. "If I ever make you uncomfortable with my questions, just tell me and I'll mind my own business."

The Postman took a tiny sip of his coffee, knowing he needed the caffeine right now, and gave her a nod.

"Are your dreams always about your memories?" Papillon asked, giving him an encouraging smile.

"Sometimes..." The Postman replied.

"But not most of the time?" she pried.

"No."

The Postman fell silent again, and Papillon continued watching him, hoping he would continue. It was clear The Postman was on edge, and she knew she needed to get him to relax a bit. When he didn't say anything else, she took a long chug of her coffee, and nudged a piece of pie towards him.

"Try some pie." she encouraged. "This place makes amazing desserts, and it will cheer you up, I promise. Their pie is phenomenal."

"It's eight-thirty in the morning." The Postman pointed out.

"Coffee and sweets are good any time of the day." Papillon told him very seriously. She took a large bite of her own pie to demonstrate her point. "Mmm strawberry."

"Strawberry?" The Postman questioned in surprise. "Strawberries aren't in season for another two months. Where did they get them from?"

"They used a status spell to preserve them." she replied with a smile. "The owner studied preservation spells in his youth."

"He went to all that work just to research how to preserve berries?"

Papillon gave him a wide grin. "Naw, he was studying to be a mortician when he learned that. He didn't have the stomach for it though, and so he opened this café instead."

The Postman gave another glance to the pie, suddenly finding it a whole lot more interesting. Zombie strawberries... Curious, he picked up his fork and hesitantly tried a small bite. The strawberries tasted as if they had just been picked that morning, and he had to admit the pie was delicious.

"See?" Papillon said triumphantly. "Best pie in Termina."

"It is good." The Postman told her, taking another bite.

Papillon observed that he was already looking a bit more calm, and decided to prod a bit more. "What kind of nightmares have you been having?" she asked. "A lot of the time, nightmares are caused by something stressful in your life."

The Postman took another bite of his pie and gave her a shrug. "I've been dreaming of war."

That wasn't what she was expecting to hear, and she raised an eyebrow, "War?" she questioned. "Can you describe your dreams to me? What about this war has been causing you to lose so much sleep?"

The Postman wasn't sure how to explain it to a stranger, and he hesitated. "In my dreams I'm a horrible monster who hurts innocent people." he hesitantly replied.

"Papillon frowned. "Your loved ones?" she guessed.

The Postman shook his head. "No, I didn't recognize any of the people or villages in my dreams. I murder innocent people without mercy, and burn their houses to the ground. The nightmares are incredibly realistic, and it feels like I'm really there. I become a horrible person in these dreams..."

Papillon's gaze flitted down to the sword on The Postman's belt. "Is that the sword you use in your dreams?"

The Postman nodded.

"Was that sword a gift of the gods?"

Again The Postman nodded.

Papillon now seemed concerned, and she frowned. "Yesterday, you told me that the gods were trying to force you to fulfill your brother's destiny. Do you believe what you're dreaming are premonitions of the future?"

The Postman looked up at her in alarm. How in the world did she put all that together just from that?! Seeing his look, Papillon gave him a kind smile.

"Your worries are unfounded." she assured him confidently. "I'm an excellent judge of character, and can tell that you're a good person. I can sense your magic, and everything about it tells me that you're a kind and gentle person. Your green magic is pure and cannot lie. Although there's a slight dis-colourization in one spot, it remains calm and serene. You are not a bad person, and I doubt you ever will be. You're not going to raze villages to the ground or hurt anyone."

The Postman frowned at her skeptically. "I have a feeling I'm not going to have a choice." he replied. "The gods lie, and I don't seem to have much choice in anything anymore."

Papillon shook her head. "No, you always have a choice. The gods can influence a lot of things, but they can't take away your free will. Only you can decide what you're going to do with your life. When the world was created, and life was given to all the creatures, they were given free will. Even monsters like Moblins and Deku Scrubs make their own decisions."

The Postman was still skeptical. How could she possibly know what sort of person he was just from two conversations? Remembering her strange and powerful magic, he was curious about something.

"Papillon, I can't seem to sense what type of magic you have." he told her. "It seems very unusual."

Papillon smiled at him. "I have blue and green magic within my vein." she replied. "Neither are very strong, but they serve me well for my profession. My blue magic is weak but allows me to accurately sense what others are feeling, and my green magic allows me to heal and calm the mind. Mixed magic always seems a little unusual if you've never sensed it before."

"You're the first person I've met with two types of magic." The Postman admitted. "You do only have the one vein of magic though?"

Papillon nodded. "Having two veins of magic is supposed to be impossible, which is why you're so fascinating. Until I met you, I never would have believed it, but you proved me wrong! I've never seen anything like it, and I'd really love the opportunity to study it closer. I'm actually surprised your core can support the weight of both!"

The Postman raised a hand to his chest. "Sometimes I feel like I'm being torn apart." he admitted. "I was told having two veins of magic was dangerous and could eventually drive me mad..."

"...this is why you've been so worried to speak to a doctor?" Papillon guessed.

The Postman nodded. "I suppose..."

"I have a lot of experience with magic, and I'd like to see if there's anything I can do to help. Will you let me take a closer look?"

The Postman finished his coffee, and then gave her a nod. "I suppose there's no harm in trying... Just be careful around the red magic."

Papillon didn't need any more encouragement, and she eagerly reached forward, laying a hand on top of his head. Closing her eyes, she took a deep breath and then delved in with her magic. The Postman closed his eyes and followed after her, hoping to keep her from getting hurt. She entered his mind as easily as before, and he barely felt her presence at all.

"Why is your magic pink?" he questioned, looking over her vein of magic curiously.

He could sense her amusement. "The same reason why your two veins look silver and gold." she replied. "Your type of magic may be green and red, but in actuality, magic can be pretty much any colour. The three types of magic were named after the three goddesses, not because of the real colour of the magic, but because those are the favoured colours of the goddesses. You could just as easily call the three types of magic Din magic, Farore magic, and Nayru Magic. Your Din magic is golden in colour, and your Farore magic is silver is colour. Does this make any sense?"

"I suppose so." The Postman said. "I've never really thought about it to be honest."

"Look at this." Papillon suddenly interrupted. "Come here."

The Postman followed her vein of magic to where his red magic joined with his core, and saw nothing out of the ordinary.

"What is it?" he questioned.

"Look at the scarring on your magic!" she commented, pointing to where the magic was practically black. "This was a very rough and violent procedure. It damaged the red magic, and it didn't heal correctly. Your uncle must have had a very hard time forcing this magic into you, and I'm surprised it didn't destroy the red magic altogether. He must have had some magical training in order to have done as well as he had."

"He studied magic." The Postman confirmed, reaching out to touch the scarred spots on the red magic.

"I don't have time today, but I'd like to attempt to heal a bit of this scarring if you'll allow me? This might help with the pressure on your core."

"Do you think the magic could be removed altogether?"

"No, it's very unlikely it would succeed." Papillon told him. "The best we can do it try to heal it, and then put a magical block around it, effectively hiding it away. This is a very difficult procedure, however, and it would take the better part of three days to do. I can help you if you like, but I would have to make a lot of preparations first."

The Postman couldn't help but feel completely relieved at the thought of his red magic finally being locked away. Papillon must have sensed his emotions because he felt her mentally frown.

"Don't get your hopes up too high." she warned. "The procedure could fail."

"I'd still like to try." The Postman said eagerly. "Anything to be rid of this horrible magic."

"I'll do my best." Papillon promised him.

He felt her pull out of his mind and he followed after her, still surprised his magic didn't seem to realize she'd intruded. When he opened his eyes, he saw Papillon was draining the last of her coffee out of her enormous mug.

"I really have to get going." she told him apologetically. "Do you think you're going to be alright?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes, thank you for all your help today. You've made me feel a lot better about things."

"Do you think you'll make another appointment for tomorrow?"

The Postman nodded. "Yes."

"Do you think you'll be able to go in?"

The Postman gave another nod. "Yes." he said, completely meaning it.

Papillon gave him a wide smile. "That's great to hear! I'll keep an eye out for you tomorrow morning, and we can discuss what we're going to do about your magic."

"Okay." The Postman said, glancing outside. "Oh, it's after nine o'clock!" he exclaimed. "I have to meet my friend."

"I have to be somewhere too." Papillon told him. "I'll walk you over."

The Postman paid for their coffee and pie, and then stood to his feet to head out the door. Papillon followed along behind him, and The Postman could see Sakon waiting across the street looking incredibly confused.

"Sakon!" he called over, waving at him.

Sakon turned to look at him, and seemed relieved to see him. "There you are!" he exclaimed, riding over. "That cranky receptionist wouldn't tell me a thing about where you were! I thought that you'd taken off again! I made another appointment for tomorrow, because your mother made me promise to. Apparently, she wants you to go all week."

He laughed goodnaturedly, and his gaze turned to Papillon. "Oh, heya gorgeous!" he greeted. "Haven't seen you in a while!"

"This is your friend?" Papillon asked in surprise. "Sakon's your friend?"

The Postman gave her a questioning look. "You two know each other?"

"Sure." Sakon responded offhandedly. "I've known her for years. She's dating that creepy asshole I work for."

"Ganondorf?!"

Sakon snorted. "No, the other creepy asshole. She's dating the Curiosity Shop Owner."

"I really wish you'd stop antagonizing your boss, Sakon." Papillon scolded. "You purposely get him riled up every time you see him, and then I have to be the one to hear all about it! Would it kill you to just work together peacefully without trying to wring each others necks?"

"Naw." Sakon answered with a grin. "Where's the fun in that!"

Papillon frowned at him with such severity, Sakon's grin melted away. "What?" he demanded.

"You had better not let Jihiro down, Sakon." she warned. "He needs his friends and family right now, and I don't want to hear about you doing anything horrible to him!"

Sakon crossed his arms. "Why are you assuming I'm a bad friend?"

Papillon gave him a flat look.

"Sakon's a very good friend." The Postman defended. "He's been by my side throughout all of this and I owe him a lot."

Both Papillon and Sakon looked shocked at this, and they silently exchanged a look with one another. Sakon then shrugged, and looked Papillon up and down.

"What'd you do to all your pretty hair?" Sakon demanded, reaching out a hand to touch her short hair.

"I fell asleep with gum in my mouth, and had to cut it all off." she answered with a shrug. "It'll grow back."

"Shame." Sakon commented. "It was so nice."

"I really have to go!" Papillon said, glancing up at the clock. "There's a limit to how reasonably late even I can be! Sakon, behave yourself, and Jihiro, I'll see you tomorrow."

The Postman mounted the horse behind Sakon, and The Thief flashed him a grin. "Aw, I knew you loved me!" he said, batting his eyelashes dramatically.

The Postman rolled his eyes with a sigh. "Let's just go home..."

Much to The Postman's embarrassment, Sakon sung loudly and off-key the whole way back to his parents house, and they received quite a few questioning stares from the locals. Sakon was smelling strongly of whiskey, and The Postman had a feeling Sakon and the Curiosity Shop Owner had sat around drinking the whole hour. Wondering just how drunk The Thief was, The Postman wondered if it was a wise idea to let him steer the horse...

The closer they got to the horse, the more The Postman began to dread the conversation to come. His parents had both promised not to fly off the handle like that at him ever again, but he wondered how much they meant it. There was no way they weren't going to lecture him for another missed appointment...

When they arrived, The Postman helped Sakon down, and they made their way towards the house, Sakon still in a good mood. The moment they entered, The Postman's mother poked her head out of the kitchen and gave them both a wave.

"Come on in the kitchen, sweetheart!" she called over. "I'm just doing some prep work for supper tonight."

Letting out a sigh, The Postman entered the kitchen, knowing this was not going to end well... Sakon followed after him, and then crossed the kitchen to see what Jinaudi was making. Snagging a piece of carrot, he wasn't expecting his knuckles to be rapped sharply with the spoon she was holding.

"People who snitch food don't get supper." she warned.

Sakon rubbed at his hand for a moment, and then snatched another carrot, dodging away from her with a laugh and taking a seat next to The Postman. Jinaudi shook her head with a sigh, but didn't seem that bothered.

"How did your appointment go, sweetheart?"

The Postman winced. "...good." he answered evasively.

"Did you like the doctor?"

"Er...yes, he was very nice."

Jinaudi froze and then slowly turned around to face her son with narrowed eyes. "You did go to your appointment today, didn't you?"

"...yes?"

Jinaudi descended on him like a hound out of hell and she had him by the ear before he could even blink.

"You didn't go!" she accused.

"I'll go tomorrow!" The Postman insisted, wincing as she twisted his ear.

"Why did you skip another appointment?!" she scolded. "You promised your father and I you would go. You promised Jihiro!"

The Postman flushed. "I'm sorry, I just couldn't go in!"

Sakon was looking incredibly confused. "But Jihiro, you were-"

The Thief was cut off when The Postman yelped loudly as his mother pulled him out of the chair by the ear. "I am not telling your father on his birthday that you broke your word! You are going to that appointment!"

To The Postman's complete embarrassment, she removed her apron, and began pulling him towards the door, not letting go of his ear for an instant.

"It's too late!" The Postman told her. "The appointment is over!"

"Tough, they're going to see you no matter how late you are!" she stated.

Sakon watched them leave in bewildered silence, and then reached over to snag another carrot. Shrugging, he popped it into his mouth, and wondered how many beers he could steal before Mokoto noticed.

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The Postman had never been so embarrassed in his entire life as he was dragged all the way to Clocktown by the ear, his mother scolding him the entire way. By the time they reached the medical offices, his face was completely scarlet, and he wished he could just disappear. Not giving him any chance to protest, she opened the door, and pulled him inside, not once loosening her hold. The receptionist gave them both a bored look, and didn't seem in the least bit fazed by what she saw.

"Can I help you?" she demanded.

"My son needs to see Healer Cho."

The receptionist shook her head. "I'm sorry, but Healer Cho is with another patient right now. I don't have any open appointments left for the day. Would you like to be booked in for tomorrow?"

Jinaudi shook her head. "No, my son needs to be seen right now! He can't wait until tomorrow!"

"Mum, I really don't need to-ow!"

Jinaudi tightened her grip on his ear, and glared down at him.

"Like I said, there's nothing available today." the receptionist said, picking up a novel she'd been reading.

Jinaudi narrowed her eyes. "No, go tell Healer Cho that my son needs to be seen immediately! Make the time to see him!"

The receptionist looked like she was going to respond with something nasty, but a nearby office door opened. An balding older man peered out, and he gave them a curious look.

"Is everything alright?" he asked.

"No!" Jinaudi said. "My son missed his appointment today and needs to be seen! Healer Cho was supposed to see him, but there are no appointments left."

The man looked over at The Postman and could clearly see how embarrassed he was. "I see. Perhaps I could be of assistance? My name is Doctor Splendid, and I'm a visiting doctor from overseas. I have some time available, and I could see him if you like?"

Jinaudi seemed incredibly relieved. "Thank you, doctor!"

The receptionist gave Doctor Splendid an incredibly confused look, and then began flipping through her paperwork, only looking even more confused.

"Just give me a few minutes to get ready, and I'll call for you." the doctor said, disappearing back into his office.

Jinaudi gave another nod, even though the doctor was already gone.

"Healer Cho really needs to inform me of these things." the receptionist grumbled to herself. "Most disorganized person I've ever met..."

To The Postman's dismay, his mother still didn't release his ear, instead taking a seat in the waiting room, and forcing her son to sit in the seat next to her.

"You can let go of my ear now, mum..." The Postman told her hopefully.

"Not on your life." Jinaudi responded, irritably. "I'm not giving you a chance to run off."

The Postman was forced to sit there in an awkward silence, his head tilted to one side as his mother held onto his ear firmly. After what seemed an eternity, Doctor Splendid poked his head back out of the office.

"I can see you now, Jihiro." he said with a smile.

To The Postman's relief, his mother finally let go of his ear which he immediately rubbed at.

"I'll wait here." she told him, reaching for a magazine. "And for your sake, you'd better hope I'm a lot calmer by the time you're done, or I'm dragging you home by the ear as well."

Not saying a word, The Postman got up and silently made his way to Doctor Splendid's office. He followed the man inside, and the doctor closed the door after them.

"You don't have anything to worry about." Doctor Splendid assured him. "This room has been completely sound-proofed for privacy, and no one outside will be able to hear a thing."

The Postman gave him a nod, and turned his attention to the room around him. To his surprise, the room was completely empty except for two rickety-looking wooden chairs. What exactly did the doctor spend ten minutes preparing? He frowned at Doctor Splendid who simply grinned at him in return.

"I'm only visiting this office so I don't have much in the way of decorations." he explained. "Please, take a seat and we'll begin."

Not liking the feeling of the room, The Postman awkwardly approached one of the chairs. He slowly took a seat, and the moment he touched it, he felt a powerful wave of magic crash over him, holding him to the chair. He looked over at the doctor in alarm, but he simply received a shrug.

"Relax, Jihiro." The doctor ordered. "Everything's going to be alright."

The Postman's body felt extremely heavy, and he could feel his red magic furiously fighting against the strong magic holding him. "What is this?" he demanded. "Let me go!"

"Relax, this is just a precaution in case you become violent."

"I'm not violent." The Postman protested. "This is ridiculous!"

"Your mother is clearly concerned for a reason." the doctor pointed out. "Stop trying to fight the magic, you won't be able to break it."

The Postman could feel his red magic picking away at the spell, and he let it do what it wanted, having a feeling it knew more about this than he did. "How do you know my name?" he demanded, realizing he had never told him it.

"Your mother told me just a moment ago."

"No she didn't." The Postman replied, trying to struggle his way out of the chair. When he realized he could move even the slightest, panic began to set in, and he struggled even harder. "How do you know my name?!"

Doctor Splendid stared at him for a long moment and then let out a sigh. "I have some questions for you and you're going to answer them."

The Postman stared at him with wide eyes. "Who are you?"

Doctor Splendid didn't answer, instead crossing the room where his medical bag sat in the other chair. Snapping it open, he pulled out a scalpel, and turned towards The Postman, his expression determined.

"I've been watching you for over a week now." he told him. "Your magic feels extremely unusual, and I suspect you're the one my master has been looking for. You've done a very good job camouflaging yourself as a civilian, and if it wasn't for your powerful magic, I never would have suspected you."

"Your master?" The Postman repeated, knowing he was completely at the other man's mercy.

"You are the monster my master has sent us to find."

The Postman immediately shook his head, knowing he had to deny everything. "What are you talking about? I'm just a postman! I'm not a monster."

Doctor Splendid took a step closer, brandishing the scalpel. "Nice try, but you know exactly what I'm talking about. Now, like I said, you're going to answer some questions for me."

"You're insane..." The Postman commented. "I have no idea what you think you're doing, but you need to let me go!"

"Do you have red magic?" Doctor Splendid demanded.

The Postman didn't answer.

"Have you been having unusual dreams lately? Dreams of a war, and dreams of man in a cloak?"

"No, of course not! You have me mistaken for someone else!"

"I doubt it." the man replied. "You fit the physical description, and your magic fits as well. You're the monster my master has ordered me to kill."

The Postman struggled even harder to no avail, and he felt his red magic continue picking away at the spell, the threads of magic slowly starting to break one strand at a time.

"Once I confirm you're the right person, I will slit your throat and end the war before it even starts." Doctor Splendid observed his horrified expression, and then gave a shrug. "I'm not a cruel person, and I'll make it as fast and as painless as possible."

"I'm not a monster!" The Postman insisted. "I've never done anything to anyone! I'm just an ordinary person!"

Doctor Splendid pointed to the mark on The Postman's neck. "A normal person? I think not, monster. You're a villain."

The Postman couldn't exactly deny that one. "Well...I'm still not a bad person. You're going to kill the wrong person!"

"I will ensure there's no mistake." Doctor Splendid assured him. "I will check your magic myself, and make sure you're the one my master seeks."

The Postman gave him a wary look. "How will you do that?" he demanded. "I'm not letting you into my mind."

"You won't have a choice." the doctor responded. "I'm going to put you to sleep, and your mind will be completely defenceless. Once I confirm you're who I'm looking for, I will kill you, and you won't feel a thing."

The Postman's red magic continued breaking the threads of the spell, and The Postman struggled as hard as he could, still unable to move.

"If you're innocent, I won't hurt you." Doctor Splendid assured him. "I'll let you go, and when you wake I'll be long gone."

"Don't do this!" The Postman protested, straining against the spell. "I'm not a monster!"

"In a few minutes, I'll know for certain." he replied. "Now I want you to sleep."

Doctor Splendid waved a hand over him, and he felt another powerful wave of magic settle over him. He felt a heavy tiredness hit him like a ton of bricks, and no matter how hard he fought against it, he felt his eyes close. Just as he lost consciousness, he felt his red magic snap through the last threads of the spell binding him. The Postman did not dream, and he didn't even realize he was unconscious until he heard a voice calling his name.

"Jihiro!"

The Postman heard doctor Splendid's call and wondered why he hadn't fallen asleep.

"Jihiro! WAKE UP!"

Had the doctor done the spell incorrectly? Would the man now try something else to determine who he was?

"WAKE UP! Jihiro! Snap out of it! Stop it!"

The Postman opened his eyes, fully expecting to see the angry expression of the doctor. Instead he saw unmistakable terror in Doctor Splendid's face, the man's eyes were wild with fear and he was holding his arms out as if to protect himself. That was when The Postman realized he was no longer sitting in the chair, and was now standing over Doctor Splendid with his hands around the doctor's throat, choking the life out of the other man.

Doctor Splendid had four bloody scratches across his face that looked like someone had tried to claw out his eyes, and his clothes were blood-soaked and torn. There was a very deep and nasty looking bite on the man's throat, and the wound was pouring blood at an alarming rate.

"Mercy, please!" Doctor Splendid gasped, fighting for breath.

The Postman was completely shocked, and glanced down and saw the magical sword had been stabbed into the other man's stomach right up to the hilt. The Postman dropped his hands away from the doctor in shock, and Doctor Splendid fell to the floor in a bloody and gasping mess. The Postman stared at the carnage that used to be the room, and felt himself begin to shake. The chairs had been smashed to pieces, and burn marks covered the walls as if there had been an explosion of some sort. The Postman realized he was out of breath, his heart still racing from recent adrenaline, and he began backing away.

Doctor Splendid stared up at him in terror, and The Postman continued to slowly back away, remembering nothing of the fight. The Postman closed his eyes and turned away, hunching his shoulders as he ran his fingers through his hair in stress, having no idea what to do. The only explanation he could think of was that the doctor had somehow managed to make the monster within him wake. He'd been hoping he could hide from it, deny it, but it looked like there really was a horrible darkness within him that he couldn't deny. The Gods had made him a monster, and it was clear it would not be so easy to fight his destiny.

Turning his eyes to the doctor as the man slumped down against the wall, he whispered. "...I'm sorry."

There was too much blood, and it was clear Doctor Splendid was dying. Not wanting another death on his conscious, The Postman ran to the office door and threw it open.

"I need help!" he yelled out in a panic. "Someone get a fairy!"

The Postman's mother looked up in alarm, her eyes widening at the sight of her son. He was covered in blood straight to his elbows, and the whole front of his shirt was red. The other office door was thrown open, and to The Postman's complete shock, Papillon rushed out, wearing the white coat of a doctor. When she saw him, she hurried over, and glanced in the room past The Postman. Letting out a gasp, she hurried over to check on the man, and when she checked for a pulse, she found he was already dead.

"He's dead." she announced as she closed the door, hiding the body from view.

The Postman clutched at his head, realizing he had just murdered another human being in cold blood. He couldn't seem to stop shaking, and Papillon turned her attention to the receptionist.

"Who is that man in there?" she demanded. "Why was one of my patients left alone with him?"

"You don't know who he is?!" the receptionist asked in shock. "He said he was another visiting doctor!"

"Did you check his credentials?" Papillon demanded.

The receptionist turned white and she shook her head. "He was already in the spare office and so I thought you had arranged everything!"

Papillon gave her an ugly look, and then turned to The Postman.

"Jihiro?" she questioned. "Jihiro, look at me."

The Postman slowly looked up at her, and she made eye contact with him, making sure he was listening. "It wasn't your fault." she assured him. "You were defending yourself. Come on, let's get you to my office away from all of this. Come on."

Still in complete shock, The Postman allowed himself to be led to the other office, and she sat him down into a soft armchair. Glancing quickly over her shoulder, she closed the door and leaned down to speak in his ear.

"Listen to me closely, Jihiro. You were found, and you can't let them corner you again in such a way. They will kill you the moment they find you, and you can't trust anyone. I was sent to help by the goddess who protects you. She knows what is to come, and she wanted me to prepare you for the hardship to come. Unfortunately I don't have time to warn you now, because it looks like the other goddess is already trying to corrupt you."

The Postman blinked, still in shock. "Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Papillon or formally known as Healer Cho."

"Cho...meaning butterfly." The Postman commented, realizing he should have made that connection sooner.

"The goddess will do everything she can to help you, but she has to be careful not to interfere more than is permitted. You will leave soon, and you need to be careful not to lose yourself to the darkness. Everything will put you to the test and you must not give in the ones who will try to trick you."

"There are two goddesses." The Postman repeated in confusion.

Healer Cho nodded. "We can't talk long, but I'll take care of everything that happened in the other room. No one will even know you were here. A far as anyone will know, a madman broke in and tried to hurt the patients here. He was killed by me in self-defence."

The Postman simply stared at her. "You were Healer Cho all along..."

She gave him an embarrassed smile. "Sorry if it seems like I fooled you, but I really was worried about you, and wanted to help. I had a feeling you wouldn't talk to me if you knew I was a doctor. I really do consider us friends now, and I hope you won't be too upset with me."

The Postman could hear his mother in the waiting room, demanding to know what had happened, and felt himself begin to shake again.

"You did nothing wrong." Cho assured him. "You defended yourself against someone who was going to kill you."

"I killed him."

"The monster within you killed him." she corrected. "I wish I had time to explain everything, but you're in danger and you have to leave as soon as possible. The longer you stay, the more danger your family is in. They're going to be looking for any and all postmen who match your description, and you need to get out of Termina. A messenger of the goddess will be sent to speak with you soon, and so be ready for him."

The Postman had no idea what to say to any of this and simply stared at her, unable to think of anything except for the blood covering him.

"Take your mother, and get out of here." She ordered. "When this man is discovered missing, more will be sent to investigate. I'll take care of everything, and so don't worry."

"Don't worry?" The Postman replied in disbelief. "I just killed someone."

"You need to go, Jihiro. Go home for now and wait for the messenger. Don't talk to anyone you don't know, and don't tell people you used to be a postman. Lay low."

Draping a blanket over The Postman's shoulders to hide the blood, she pulled him back to his feet and then ushered him out of the room. When Jinaudi laid eyes on her son, she rushed over to him and threw her arms around him.

"Jihiro, what happened?" she demanded. "What did you do to that doctor?"

"That man was no doctor." Healer Cho informed her. "He was an assassin sent to kill your son. Jihiro had no choice but to defend himself. You need to go home now where its safe, and tell no one what happened."

Jinaudi looked horrified. "What?!"

The Postman took his mother by the arm and began ushering her out of the office. "We have to go, mum. It's too dangerous here. I'll tell you what happened when we get home."

Jinaudi looked distraught and confused, but she allowed herself to be escorted out of the building.

The bloody sword had reappeared back on his belt, and The Postman tried not to think about it. He could still smell the blood that covered him, and he felt like he was going to be sick. As The Postman headed home, he couldn't help but feel like something within him had changed...

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On The Weekend! (hopefully)**

 **((UPDATE)) The update is delayed because my computer crashed and I lost everything I had written. I'm pretty sure people on the other side of the world heard my angry scream when it happened. I had TWO different online backups and for some reason both of them failed exactly at the same time, and my files could not be brought back. I am SERIOUSLY ticked off right now, and so I have to re-write everything I had lost. I had the next 4 chapters already written (just not grammar-checked yet) and so it will be a few more days before the next chapter. ):-E**


	83. Stalked

**Authornote** **: Tuesday Feb. 20th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Yikes...so sorry for the really long break between updates. Everything that could go wrong lately did go wrong. I had a bad relapse with my vision and had to leave work to go to the emergency room. Because I had to leave work (I went temporarily blind in one eye) they fired me and so now I'm jobless. On top of that I lost all of my writing. If you guys missed the update I posted at the bottom of the last chapter, this is what it said:**

 **((UPDATE)) The update is delayed because my computer crashed and I lost everything I had written. I'm pretty sure people on the other side of the world heard my angry scream when it happened. I had TWO different online backups and for some reason both of them failed exactly at the same time, and my files could not be brought back. I am SERIOUSLY ticked off right now, and so I have to re-write everything I had lost. I had the next 4 chapters already written (just not grammar-checked yet) and so it will be a few more days before the next chapter. ):-E**

 **Since I have to re-write everything I lost I cannot guarantee the next update will be on time, but I'll do my best. I have been in a foul mood, and so when I re-wrote this chapter, I didn't feel like proof-reading it, and so there are probably tons of mistakes. I'll go back and fix them later when I'm not quite as angry. lol**

 **I also just realized that there seems to be a problem with reviews. Sometimes I get an email of the review, and other times it just shows up on the site. If I ever miss a review you left, just let me know and I'll be sure to add it. I never purposely ignore any reviews!**

 **X**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Guest1-** Yeah, sorry for the slow update! I'm still alive, and I'll do my best to get the next update out on time! **  
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 **Guest2 \- **Aw thank you! I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far! Don't worry about The Postman's family, everything will be explained soon! :D

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 **Guest3 -**Sometimes I find chapters boring to re-write because I know what happens in the future, and so I want to get to the good stuff. lol It will soon be revealed just how involved the goddess truly was in all of this. I hope now that I'm starting to reveal the mysteries that I won't start getting too predictable. lol

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 **Guest4 \- **Yup, he is indeed dating Cho and has been for several years. lol She tries to psychoanalyze him all the time which he finds really irritating, but he mostly ignores her professional advice. lol

The Postman was not expecting the sudden attack, and now it seems he's going to end up going on a quest whether he wants to or not. lol Doctor Cho is genuinely a nice person, and The Postman does like her. He probably could have used a few more therapy sessions, but alas it was not meant to be.

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 **R.C.D \- **Sakon is never a good role model. lol I could only imagine how he'd be as a father. lol

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 **Curious** **reader** \- Sorry about the lack of updates! Normally I update once a week, but due to Murphy's Law, the update was delayed this time. I'll do my best to get the next update out on time.

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 **Dark-KannaI** \- I sometimes find it hard to title my chapters without giving away something important. lol I cannot even picture what type of person Ganondorf would date. lol I think he's quite content being by himself.

The Cloaked man will be explained soon. He does indeed believe he's doing the right thing, but I can't say too much about that without giving away spoilers. Uncle Leid will be fully explained as well. ;)

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 **Remvis** \- Yeah, The Postman was completely oblivious during those conversations. lol

It's probably a good thing that The Postman's red magic seems to be more adept at escaping than he is. ;p

Sakon is truly trying to be a good friend, and honestly The Postman really needs the support right now.

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 **Rainmy** \- Everyone except for The Postman knew that was doctor Cho. He's a little slow on the uptake. lol I wouldn't trust anyone who call themselves Dr. Splendid either haha. I knew this guy at university who used to call himself Mr. Wonderful, and he was anything BUT wonderful. lol

Cho and The Curiosity Shop Owner have the strangest relationship out of any of my stories. There's a lot more we don't know about him, some of which will be explained soon. His given name is Kaiyo which means forgiveness, and he's the type of person that needs a lot of it. Telling you his real name doesn't really spoil anything since I'm not sure I ever mention it in the story. lol

Part 5 actually does differ the least, but I've added a lot more details that were left out of the first draft. The basic plot remains the same, but I've tried adding more personality and depth to the characters to make them seem more realistic. No one is evil just for the sake of being evil, they all have their reasons.

I'm glad you liked the scenes and din't find them boring. :) Sakon really is putting a lot of effort into being supportive right now.

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 **Melle2001** \- A Splendid chapter...I see what you did there! ;p The chapter had 16,008 words counting any updates and changes I did after posting it lol

If I was rich I would do one of those 12 month tours all through Europe and Asia. All of my sisters have travelled, but I've barely gone anywhere. lol

Sakon is very protective of The Postman and it's probably a good thing considering how many people seem to want The Postman dead. After Sakon lost his adoptive father Caspian, he never really got emotionally attached to another person, knowing they'd probably just betray him or end up getting killed. If The Postman was killed, it would destroy Sakon, and he would probably never allow himself to grow close to anyone ever again. Sakon had a hard life, and he's not as strong as he'd have everyone believe. He might be immature, and somewhat gross, but he is unquestionably loyal to The Postman. :) The Postman is exhausted, stressed and on the verge of losing his mind, and so he does need someone like Sakon by his side right now.

Healer Cho is a genuinely nice person, and she really did want to help The Postman. He could have used a few more talks with her. lol

Thank you for the Splendid review my dear! ;p

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 **Reiz16** \- I'm really glad you liked the chapter! Doctor Splendid was always meant to be a bad-guy but I never explained that in the original story. I had so much to explain that I kind of missed a few things the first time. Hopefully I won't miss anything this time.

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 **setokayba2n** \- Doctor Cho meant that The Postman should get his mother out of the building. The Postman's entire family are in danger and he'll definitely need to make sure they're protected. Your question about Madam Aroma is answered in this chapter. :)

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 **Zekrom1010101010** \- You can never trust someone with a name like that. lol The Postman was only defending himself, but he still feels bad for killing him. If he hadn't, his location would have been reported, and he definitely would have been captured.

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 7

Stalked

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The Postman explained the best he could to his mother about what happened, and to his surprise she made him promise not to mention any of it to his father. She wanted Mokoto to enjoy his birthday without any devastating news, and she assured him she'd explain everything to the family the next day.

"I'm putting everyone in danger by remaining here." The Postman told her. "If I leave, it would be a lot safer for the family."

"Don't be ridiculous." Jinaudi scoffed, dismissively. "Where will you go? You'd be safer at home with us."

The Postman shook his head. "No, the cloaked man has already vowed to kill our entire family, and I could lead him straight to you."

Jinaudi glanced over at him, stared at the bloodstains that covered her son's arms, and then let out a sigh. "We'll talk about this later. The whole family will be here soon, and we don't want to upset anyone. Get cleaned up and don't say a word to the others."

The Postman felt like he should leave immediately, but doubted it would be a good idea to miss his father's birthday. He didn't want to disappoint them any more, and hoped leaving in the morning wouldn't be too late. Healer Cho had told him to wait for a messenger of the goddess, and that's what he'd have to do.

They walked the rest of the way in complete silence, and the moment they entered the house, The Postman made a beeline for the bathroom to get cleaned up. Sakon poked his head out of the kitchen, and then gave a confused look around.

"Jihiro?" he called out.

"He's taking a shower, dear." Jinaudi responded, pushing past him to enter the kitchen. "Why don't you help me with a bit of cooking while you're waiting?"

Sakon rolled his eyes. "I've never met anyone who takes as many showers and baths as him. I swear he has obsessive compulsive disorder!"

"Don't be silly, Sakon." Jinaudi scolded. "Come help me."

Having nothing better to do, Sakon turned and re-entered the kitchen to help.

The Postman stared at the blood swirling down the drain, and felt completely nauseated. What had happened to him while he was unconscious? Did he transform into a monster, or did he simply go completely mad? Doctor Splendid's injuries had looked like a wild animal had tried to tear him apart, and The Postman remembered the terrible bite mark on the other man's neck. Was it even possible for a human to make an injury like that? The Postman then realized he probably had blood in his mouth and it took all of his self control not to begin retching. He stayed under the stream of hot water long after it had gone cold, and when he was certain there would be no trace of blood left, he finally got out. Immediately reaching for his toothbrush, he then brushed his teeth for an abnormally long amount of time. Washing the blood off his sword, The Postman wished he could just throw it away. Shoving his bloody clothing to the very bottom of the garbage can, The Postman wrapped himself in a towel and headed for his bedroom to get dressed.

None of his brothers and sisters had arrived yet, the older ones still at work, and the younger ones still in school. Wandering around the house, looking for Sakon, he was surprised to find him in the kitchen with his mother.

"Hey, sweetheart, you feeling any better?" Jinaudi asked him. "I was just telling Sakon how you're feeling a little bit sick today."

Slowly, The Postman forced himself to nod despite feeling like he was on the verge of a panic attack. His mother smiled at him, and then motioned to the food being prepared on the counter.

"You know the rules; if you're in the kitchen then you have to help. Find something to do."

The Postman would be the first one to admit he was a terrible cook, but didn't feel like arguing, and so he washed his hands at the sink and grabbed a potato. He peeled it in silence as Sakon chopped at a large pile of onion, surprised The Thief was actually doing this without complaint. Sakon didn't seem to mind helping in the least, and The Postman wondered if Sakon knew how to cook. The Thief was vegetarian and so he assumed he would have had to make his own food instead of just buying like most bachelors. Yet again, Sakon could have lived off onion rings and various other deep-fried things for all he knew.

Sakon began singing a cleaner version of a tavern song as he worked, and The Postman began pondering quietly to himself. He still had no desire to be forced to go on a quest, but knew he had to remain hidden. Doctor Splendid had mentioned that he matched the description the cloaked man had given out, and so he considered whether or not disguising himself would work. It would be easy enough to dye his hair, but another problem altogether to mask his magical signature. If people could tell who he was just by sensing his magic, how would he ever be able to hide?

His thoughts drifted to Zaira and the medallion she wore around her neck. He hadn't been able to sense that she had any magic, which is why it took him by surprise the first time she used it to heal him. Did she mention where she'd gotten it? The Postman frowned. He couldn't remember...

"Sakon?" The Postman called over.

"Hmm?" The Thief responded, glancing at him. "Haven't you finished with that one potato yet?!"

"Do you remember where Zaira said she got her medallion from?"

Sakon gave him a confused look. "What medallion?"

"The one she said blocked anyone from being able to sense her magic. It was around her neck on a chain."

Sakon gave him a shrug. "No idea."

The Postman let out a sigh. If he had something like that, it would make staying hidden a lot easier. Wondering if Koume and Kotake would know about things like that, he considered returning to the desert. That would put his family out of harm's way, and he'd hopefully be safe in the castle. It would be difficult for assassins to sneak their way into Gerudo Territory, and Ganondorf would not show mercy to any and all intruders. Still feeling like it was a stupid idea to stay for the birthday party, The Postman rinsed off the one potato he'd peeled.

Letting out a sigh, he placed the cleaned potato on the counter, and then turned to leave the kitchen. He was feeling incredibly tired, and just wanted to rest a while before the chaos of the party began.

Sakon glanced over at the single peeled potato The Postman had done, and then watched as the other man quickly retreated out of the kitchen.

"Good job, darling, we never would've been able to finish without you!" he called after him. "You were a great help!"

Jinaudi simply shook her head. "Never fails." she said in amusement. "Jihiro is definitely not a cook."

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The Postman had gone outside to sit on the porch-swing for a while, and hadn't realized he'd fallen asleep until he was shaken awake several hours later. Opening his eyes, he saw his sister Toshiko standing over him impatiently. She frowned down at him, and then crossed her arms.

"Your creepy friend has been terrorizing us!" she snarled. "Rein him in or I'm going to bury him alive in the garden."

The Postman blinked at her tiredly. "What did he do?" he asked, feeling resigned.

"He stole every single one of my bras." she stated angrily. "He's been teasing the children and making really inappropriate comments to everyone else! You need to go deal with that creep!"

The Postman let out a groan and covered his eyes not wanting to deal with it.

"He's in the kitchen pestering ma, so I suggest you get him under control before pa comes home and strangles him."

When he didn't move, she nudged him hard in the ribs. The Postman let out another groan and finally sat up.

"I don't know what you're complaining about." Toshiko said. "You've slept like a big blob most of the day while he's been terrorizing everyone. I don't even know why you're hanging around him, he's disgusting."

The Postman hadn't enjoyed the nightmare filled sleep he'd had, but sleeping had given him a break from reality and he wished he hadn't woken up. The darkness of sleep still pulled at him and he wished he didn't have to deal with Sakon. Trying his best to push aside such feelings, he got to his feet and followed Toshiko into the house. As he approached the kitchen, he could hear arguing taking place.

"Would you stop picking at the food!" Jinaudi scolded in exasperation. "If you don't stop touching things, you're not getting fed."

The Postman pushed open the door and was met sight of Sakon smirking at Jinaudi mischievously while munching on what looked like some sort of roasted vegetable. Jinaudi seemed both amused and frustrated at the same time, and was shaking her head in exasperation.

"Honestly Sakon..." she said with a sigh.

Sakon glanced over, and when he saw The Postman, he gave him a wave. "He lives!" he cried out dramatically.

The Postman rolled his eyes as his mother turned her attention to him. "Feeling any better, honey?" she asked. "You were really soundly asleep. Neither of us could wake you, so we just let you sleep."

The Postman honestly wasn't feeling any better, and wasn't sure he ever would. How could he possibly feel better after his whole life had been torn to pieces? He just hoped he could find a way to avoid going on another quest. He felt it was an unfair question and simply gave her a shrug. His mother gave him a worried frown and then handed him a plate of vegetables.

"Put that on the table for me, sweetheart. Supper will be ready in a few minutes."

The Postman frowned over at Sakon. "Have you been pestering my sisters?" he demanded.

Sakon immediately shook his head. "Of course not. You're the only girl for me, darling."

The Postman was not impressed. "Then care to explain why Toshiko is claiming you stole some of her clothes?"

"A simple misunderstanding." Sakon insisted. "I was trying to help her unpack her suitcase, and she overreacted."

"And where did her clothes mysteriously disappear to?" he demanded.

"Did you check your father's wardrobe?"

The Postman let out another sigh. "No I did not."

"Well there you go!" Sakon responded. "Like I said, a simple misunderstanding."

"And the perverse comments to the other girls?" The Postman snapped.

Sakon scowled. "Your siblings are a bunch of tattletales. Honestly, a guy can't even joke around without people going crazy."

"Knock it off, Sakon." The Postman ordered. "Leave my sisters alone."

Sakon let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. "Fine, whatever."

The Postman gave him one last glare and then left the room to put the plate of vegetables in the dining room. Toshiko was waiting there with crossed arms, and so he pointed in the direction of the bedrooms.

"They're in dad's wardrobe."

Toshiko gave him a dirty look, and then turned and stormed off without single word. The Postman watched her go, surprised she'd let the situation drop so easily. Toshiko was the oldest girl in the family and she prided herself in the fact she could hold her own against any of her brothers. He remembered all the bruises she'd given him during their childhood, and counted himself as lucky.

Hearing the backdoor bang closed, he looked up as his father entered the room. Mokoto gave his son a reassuring smile as he hung up his mailbag and hat, and then approached the table to take a seat.

"How was your day, Jihiro?" he asked him, a slight hint of worry lurking in the older man's eyes.

"Fine." The Postman answered evasively.

Mokoto nodded. "...did you go to the doctor?" he questioned.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, Doctor Cho is very nice."

Mokoto looked relieved. "Good, I'm glad to hear it."

"I have to help with supper." The Postman lied, just wanting to avoid any further questioning.

Heading back for the kitchen, he helped his mother and Sakon carry a few more plates to the table, and then took his seat as everyone was called to the table. Sakon took a seat next to him, and one of his brothers sat on his opposite side.

"I helped make the food." Sakon bragged proudly. "You can shower me in praise now."

"Shouldn't we wait until we actually try the food before we do that?" The Postman countered.

"Ok, fair enough." Sakon conceded with a laugh.

The Postman glanced at Sakon's plate and saw he had something that didn't look like meat.

"What's that?" he asked.

"Just a few different types of ground beans with spices." he replied. "I learned how to make this from the cook in Ganondorf's castle. It's good protein."

"You don't seem like the type of person to be vegetarian." The Postman observed.

Sakon gave him a shrug. "Guru Guru joined a marching troupe of sentient animals when I was a kid, and it's kind of hard to eat meat after hearing them speak to you for several weeks. It kind of turned me off the whole thing."

"So you never eat meat?!" Minoko demanded, looking horrified.

Sakon gave her a smirk. "No meat at all." he confirmed. "I'm completely vegetarian...well, when I can be that is. Sometimes life gets hard when you're travelling and you have no choice."

Minoko looked disgusted. "I'm a carnivore." she informed him. "I don't eat vegetables."

"Yes you do." Jinaudi responded, spooning some broccoli onto her plate.

"Well, I don't like vegetables." she amended with a scowl. "When I'm a grownup, I'm never going to eat vegetables ever again!"

"Grownups eat vegetables, dear." Jinaudi responded. "They know they need to eat them to be healthy, and they learn to like them."

"Not me." Minoko vowed.

"You'll probably be enormously fat then." Sakon informed her with a grin. "We can just roll you home an rename you Blubbo."

"Sakon stole all of Toshiko's bras and said a lot of dirty words." Minoko announced to the table with a grin. "I've been completely corrupted."

Instantly all eyes were on Sakon who gave Minoko a look of death. "Rotten little tattletale."

Mokoto narrowed his eyes at the thief, debating on how to handle this situation. Sakon noticed the stare and shifted uncomfortably.

"It was just a joke." he defended.

Mokoto let out an aggravated sigh. "If I find out you've been doing anything inappropriate to my daughters, I will not be held responsible for my actions."

Sakon was instantly offended. "I wouldn't do anything to them!" he snapped. "It was just a joke."

"You've been warned." Mokoto responded with a shrug. "Oh, and by the way, Jihiro, you got a letter today."

The Postman looked up in confusion. Who would be sending him a letter? Was it the gods playing another joke on him, or was it a relative sending him a lecture about getting fired? Not sure he wanted to read it either way, he watched as his father got up from the table to go get it. A moment later, Mokoto resumed his seat and held out white envelope toward him. The Postman hesitantly accepted it, confirmed it was addressed to him, and then turned it over looking for a familiar red seal. There was no seal, and he didn't recognize the handwriting on the front. His curiosity getting the better of him, he ripped it open and pulled the letter out of the envelope. He quickly read through the letter and then tossed it aside with a snort.

Sakon quickly caught it before it hit the floor, and gave him a worried frown. "What is it?" he demanded. "What did it say?"

The Postman simply gave a shrug, and so Sakon opened the letter to read it for himself. It took him longer to read through it and then he let out a laugh.

"By the goddesses! Is he serious?" Sakon asked, shaking his head. "This is priceless."

"What?" Minoko demanded impatiently. "What was in the letter?"

Sakon gave her a grin and then cleared his throat dramatically. Giving a quick glance to The Postman to make sure it was alright, he then began to read it out loud.

" _Hello Jihiro, how have you been? I hope everything has been getting better for you. I know it's only been a couple days, but I was hoping you'd be able to clear up a few matters for me..._

 _I was looking over your daily delivery schedule, but it can't possibly be right. It says that every day you deliver to Castletown, Kakariko Village, Goron City, Zora Domain, Kokiri Village, LonLon Ranch, Lake Hylia, and the Gerudo Wastelands. It's impossible to deliver to that many places in one day, and so I knew it had to be an error. This is your weekly schedule, right?_

 _Obviously I cannot deliver to Gerudo Territory and so I've removed that from the schedule. The seven remaining places I've divided up onto a weekly schedule, which I felt was the best strategy._

 _On my first day I tried to find the Kokiri Village but ended up getting lost for the entire day in the woods. Where is it? It's not located on any maps, and I ended up wandering around in circles for hours. I have four letters for the Kokiri but have no way to deliver them..._

 _On my second day I delivered to Kakariko Village and Goron City but encountered several problems. There was a man sitting on the roof of the potions shop who wouldn't come down to get his mail. He actually expected me to climb up there to place it in his hand! I refused of course on the grounds of personal safety, but he looked pretty angry about it. I was then treated to two angry rants from different customers about things that had nothing to do with me. The first was angry about how lazy the younger generation were, and the second was ranting about music somehow messing up the windmill. I politely told them that these problems had nothing to do with me, and they both got angry at me! When I delivered to the Goron City I realized that it was a lot more difficult than I imagined. Death Mountain is very unstable and large boulders kept rolling down the path! When I finally made it to the City, I discovered that I can't tell one Goron from another. The male and female Gorons look exactly the same and no one would tell me where to find the gorons I was looking for. I finally had to leave all the mail with the Goron Chief who did not look happy about this._

 _I was glad to be done with a stressful day, but to my surprise there were dozens of complaints waiting for me back in Castletown! Every angry person for that day had submitted complaints, and people from all over Hyrule had claimed they hadn't received their DAILY mail deliveries. There must be some sort of mistake, because there's no possible way all of Hyrule received DAILY mail from you!_

 _I was really hoping you could offer some clarification about this matter._

 _Thank you,_

 _Kafei"_

Sakon then roared with laughter once again, and tossed the letter aside. "Who is he kidding? After the way they treated you, they're now crawling back to ask for help! Pathetic!"

"What are you going to do, Jihiro?" Mokoto questioned.

"I'm under no obligation to help that post office." he replied, poking at his food with a frown.

"The mature and professional thing to do would be to clear the matter up for them." his father replied.

"Are you serious?" Sakon demanded angrily. "They accused him of something he didn't do, fired him, and now you expect him to just help them?! Like hell I'm going to let him do that."

"Mind your own business, Sakon." Mokoto replied impatiently. "That matter is still being investigated."

"Why don't you mind your own business, you fat asshole!" Sakon retorted. "Every one of you need to stop nitpicking every decision he makes! It's ridiculous!"

"And he doesn't need advice from a criminal who steals women's underwear!"

"I did no such thing!" Sakon defended. "I'm completely innocent! It's just been a misunderstanding!"

"That innocence act didn't work on me when you were a child and it's certainly not going to work now." Mokoto snapped. "I can still toss you out of this house!"

Sakon gave an indifferent shrug. "Well," Sakon said. "That's not very hospitable, now is it? I think that little demon child is a liar, and maybe you should consider that."

Mokoto narrowed his eyes even further until they were mere slits and tapped his fingers on the table impatiently. "You weren't spanked enough as a child." he said decidedly.

Sakon crossed his arms and gave him a scowl. "I disagree. I think I was spanked too often as a child. Everyone was always hitting me, and I don't think people should hit kids. My adoptive father never laid a hand on me, and that's the way it should be. Jihiro and I were terrified of you as children, and that's not the way kids should react to their parents. If I ever have children I'll never hit them."

Mokoto blinked at him in surprise, and then let out a skeptical snort. "None of my children were ever frightened of me!" he defended. "They respected me, but they weren't scared of me!"

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Whatever makes you feel better, you brute."

Mokoto glared at him a moment before turning his gaze to The Postman. "Jihiro, you were never afraid of me, were you?"

The Postman gave him a shrug. "I'm not getting involved in this." he answered, taking a bite of his supper.

Mokoto glanced around the table at his other twelve children. "None of you were ever afraid of me, were you?"

To Mokoto's surprise, all of his children averted their gazes away from him and didn't answer. He frowned in dismay, still certain there was a mistake. "You were all afraid of me as children?" he demanded. "Why?"

It was Haru who answered when no one else spoke up. "Well, you kind of lived by the philosophy 'reach for a belt and ask questions later'." he replied. "I can't even count how many times Jihiro got punished for something Jaru and I did. He was blamed for absolutely everything, and the rest of us were too scared to tell you it was us..."

Mokoto turned his gaze back to The Postman in shock. "Is this true?" he demanded.

The Postman gave him another shrug. "Honestly, I don't remember. The past is the past and I don't want to think about it any longer. I will think about replying to Kafei's letter, but that's all I can promise for now."

Mokoto stared at his oldest son and had a feeling he was lying about not remembering. He gave him a nod, and then turned his attention back to his supper, knowing he had a lot of things to think about later. Never in his life had it ever occurred to him that his children were scared of him...

"Dad?"

Mokoto took a bite of food, and then turned his gaze to The Postman. "Yes, son?"

"Um, there was something I wanted to ask you..."

Mokoto raised an eyebrow, curious. "Yes, what is it?"

The Postman idly played with the fork in his hand as he considered how to word his request. "So, I know you're getting older and I wanted to ask you something important..."

"Yes?" Mokoto demanded, narrowing his eyes at the 'older' comment.

"Since you're older now, I've been getting concerned that the work you do at your post office might be getting to be too much for you." The Postman began. "The mail can be quite heavy and being a postman is very hard work!"

Mokoto frowned at him but allowed him to continue.

"I was thinking that I should take over your route and you could take a more relaxing position."

Mokoto gave him a look of disbelief. "Are you kidding me?" he demanded. "Seriously Jihiro?"

Everyone around the table stared at The Postman in shock, unable to believe he had the gall to ask such a thing.

"No, I'm serious." The Postman replied. "In your old age, you shouldn't be doing such strenuous work. I want to take over your route."

"I'm only fifty, Jihiro. I'm not giving you my mail route. I told you I would ask my postmaster about getting you a job, but I'm certainly not giving you mine!"

"Well, you wouldn't have to retire." The Postman told him. "But an easier job in the office might be better for you..."

"Not going to happen, boy." Mokoto stated impatiently. "I worked hard for my position, and I have no plans to retire anytime soon. Ask me again when I'm eighty."

"You should really consider it!" The Postman insisted. "You should be taking it easy! Let me take over your route for you before you hurt yourself."

Mokoto levelled The Postman with a glare. "I'm only fifty, Jihiro, I'm not an old, decrepit man. My grandfather worked until he was 93 and he was as fit as a fiddle. I am not going to retire."

"But-"

"NO, Jihiro." Mokoto said firmly. "I'm not going to discuss this any further."

"But-"

"Enough of this talk." Jinaudi, The Postman's mother, interrupted. "Everyone eat your supper before it gets cold."

Frowning at the way he'd been dismissed, The Postman stared down at his supper. He didn't really have much of an appetite but he picked at it a bit as he thought. If he could get another job as a postman in Termina, he might be able to avoid another mission. Postmen travelled a lot, and it would be harder for anyone to track him down if they had no idea where he was.

The Postman had observed that his father was starting to slow down, and had a feeling his customers would soon start to notice the change in punctuality. Mokoto had the best route out of the whole family, and he still felt confident he'd be able to talk him into taking on an easier job. Perhaps his father was simply embarrassed and didn't want to discuss retirement in front of the whole family. The Postman felt he had made some very good points and was sure if he spoke to his father alone, he could get him to reconsider.

He saw something green fly in front of his face and blinked, glancing beside him at Minoko. She was reloading another pea onto her fork and gave him a toothy grin when she saw him looking. She shot it at Sakon who leaned out of the way and quickly retaliated with one of his own. It struck her on the forehead and The Postman let out a sigh. Minoko rubbed at her head for a moment, and then narrowed her eyes, picking up a piece of broccoli. She glanced over at her parents to make sure they weren't watching, and then flung it at Sakon hard, splattering it across his shirt. Sakon too narrowed his eyes, accepting the challenge. As he threw a handful of potatoes at her, The Postman elbowed him in the ribs.

"Stop picking on my little sister." he hissed.

Sakon crossed his arms petulantly. "She started it." he grumbled.

"You're three times her age. Grow up."

Sakon rolled his eyes and flung a pea at him. "You're such a stick-in-the-mud."

The Postman didn't bother responding to that. Sakon could be incredibly immature at times, acting more like a big kid than the adult he was. Sometimes The Postman forgot Sakon was a villain as The Thief rarely showed his more cut-throat side, but The Postman had to remind himself that Sakon had in fact killed before and would again. The Postman wondered which persona was an act or whether both were genuine. Could someone truly be both cut-throat and gentle at the same time? Sakon had been very supportive the last few days, and it was easy to forget this was the same thief who had once tried to kill him. Sakon flashed him a dopey-looking grin and The Postman found himself relaxing.

"What's on your mind?" Sakon questioned him. "I think you've thoroughly beat your supper enough for now."

The Postman glanced down at his plate and saw he was in fact mashing at his supper absentmindedly with his fork.

"Nothing." The Postman responded. "Just thinking."

Sakon stared at his troubled expression and gave him a questioning look but didn't press the issue. He'd ask him about it later if it seemed to be something important. Something nudged Sakon's leg and he looked down, instantly smiling brightly at the dog looking up at him.

"Hey! I forgot you had a dog!" he exclaimed, petting the dog's head as it looked up at him imploringly, eyes on the food.

"He's my dog and so he's with me most of the time." Jaru informed him.

The dog was enormous, shaggy and incredibly old and Sakon immediately loved it. He grabbed a piece of meat off The Postman's plate and offered it to him, the dog accepting it gratefully. Mokoto gave the dog a disapproving look.

"Don't feed the dog from the table, Sakon."

"Why not?" Sakon demanded. "He's a member of the family too, isn't he?"

"It teaches him to steal off the table." Mokoto said impatiently. "And it's bad manners."

Sakon let out a heavy sigh and gave the dog a scratch behind the ears. "Fine, I won't feed him. Everyone has so much prejudice against thieves these days..."

The Postman sat for much of the meal in a daze, mostly thinking about earlier that day, wondering how and when he should tell his family about what happened. If they were in danger they needed to know about it, but he had no idea how to even broach the subject. Letting out a sigh, The Postman closed his eyes as the conversations around him buzzed unintelligibly.

"Okay, time for cake!" Jinaudi exclaimed as she collected the plates. "Haru, could you help me carry it in, please?"

The Postman opened his eyes, wondering why his mother needed Haru's help just to carry a cake. Just how big of a cake did she bake? To his complete surprise, they returned a moment later with two cakes, one which was placed in front of Mokoto and the other which was placed in front of him.

"Happy belated birthday, sweetheart." Jinaudi told him, giving him a kiss on top of the head. "I'm so sorry that we forgot your birthday."

"It's really alright." The Postman assured her. "You didn't have to do this!"

"Nonsense!" she replied placing a gift beside the cake.

To The Postman's further surprise, every single one of his brothers and sisters placed a gift in front of him.

"Happy Birthday!" they all chorused.

The Postman glanced over at his father who gave him a smile. "I'm happy to share my birthday with you this year." he assured him. "I'm sorry we forgot you, and I promise it will never happen again."

As the two cakes were cut, The Postman opened the various gifts, still surprised everyone had arranged this without him knowing. Most of the gifts were clothes, books, and candy, but it was his parents' gift that really surprised him. They gave him a very solid-looking shield, and he instantly knew what this meant. They had accepted his choice to return to Ganondorf.

"We might not agree with your choice, but we still want you to remain safe." Jinaudi told him.

"That shield was supposed to go to your brother Ichiro on his eighteenth birthday, but I believe you should take it. If you're being forced to fulfill his destiny, then you'll need it for protection." Mokoto said.

Sakon stared at the shield in complete shock. "Jihiro...that shield."

"I know." The Postman replied, running his fingers over the runes that covered it. "This is the same shield from the Windfish's Island."

"What exactly is Ichiro's destiny?" Sakon demanded. "For someone who's dead, he keeps coming up in our lives an awful lot..."

"I don't really know." The Postman admitted. "I know he was destined to be a great warrior, but I don't know who he was supposed to fight, or what he was supposed to do."

The Postman turned his gaze to his parents, knowing their acceptance of his situation meant more than they knew. "Thank you." he said.

"Open mine next!" Sakon said shoving a very messily wrapped gift towards him.

The gift was wrapped in old newspapers, and The Postman ripped the paper aside, unsure of what to expect. When he opened the box however, he instantly slapped the top back on the box, his face turning completely scarlet. "SAKON!"

Sakon laughed long and hard at his expression. "I thought you could use something to relax you." he announced, flashing him a cocky grin.

The Postman shoved the box back into Sakon's arms. "Get rid of that!" he demanded.

"What is it?" Minoko demanded, reaching for the box.

The Postman shoved her hands away. "Nothing." he answered. "Just a very unfunny joke."

"Oh, don't be such a prude, darling." Sakon responded. "Do you have any idea how hard that was to find in such a redneck community? I had to special order it for you."

The Postman turned even redder. "Sakon, get that thing out of this house and go burn it somewhere! There are children here!"

Sakon grinned at him. "Relax, take a joke."

"But what is it?" Minoko demanded. "Show me!"

"Sorry, demon-spawn, this is for Jihiro's eyes only."

Mokoto and Jinaudi exchanged a long look with one another. Almost as if they had a silent conversation between each other, they both gave a frown towards the box.

"Perhaps, it would be best if you go put that box where the children won't find it?" Jinaudi suggested.

Sakon rolled his eyes. "Fine." he said, getting to his feet. "Jihiro's such a prude."

As he limped away, The Postman's brother Vaniku, who was sitting beside him, gave him a curious look. He had clearly seen what was in the box, and he gave his brother a nudge with his elbow.

"Jihiro...are you... dating Sakon?" he whispered a bit uncertainly.

"NO!" The Postman all but yelled.

"No what?" Minoko demanded.

"Nothing." The Postman snapped.

Minoko felt like she was being purposely excluded from something and gave him a scowl.

A loud knock came at the back door, and Jinaudi instantly stood to her feet. "I'll get it." she announced. "Everyone finish their cake."

They heard some muffled voices, and then a moment later, Jinaudi was back pulling a young man by the arm.

"I really don't have time!" he protested. "I still have to get to Snowhead!"

"Nonsense." Jinaudi replied dismissively. "Sit down and have some cake with us. It's been ages since we've seen you."

"But Aunt Jinaudi, I really can't!"

Ignoring his protests, she pushed him down into Sakon's empty chair, and then reached out to get him a plate of cake.

"Hello Hinata." The Postman greeted his cousin.

"Hi Jihiro, hello everyone." Hinata answered, frowning down at the cake. "There's been a death in the family, and I was sent to spread the news in this area."

"Another death?" Mokoto said in surprise.

Hinata nodded. "Yeah, Takashi and Roshi died early this morning while out delivering their mail."

"...both of them?" Jinaudi asked.

Hinata gave a nod looking a bit puzzled himself. "It was very bizarre...They live on opposite sides of the country but they both died approximately the same time this morning."

"What happened?" The Postman asked in concern.

"Takashi was hit by a runaway cart, and a large brick fell off a building and hit Roshi in the head. Nobody did it on purpose, it was just two horrible accidents."

The Postman frowned. He hadn't been too particularly close to his cousins but there was one thing that gave him pause. Both cousins looked very similar to him, and were the same age. He had a feeling this was no accident at all...

Sakon limped his way back into the room, and then did a double-take at the sight of someone in his seat. "Who in Din's name are you?" he demanded, turning his attention to Mokoto. "Just how many kids do you guys have?!"

"This is my cousin, Hinata." The Postman explained. "Two of my other cousins have died, and he's spreading the news to the rest of the family."

"He's in my chair." Sakon pointed out. "I think I know him from somewhere..."

"I really do need to get going." Hinata said. "If it's alright with you, I'll take my piece of cake with me?"

"Of course, dear." Jinaudi said. "I'll wrap it up for you."

Sakon stared long and hard at Hinata and then snapped his fingers. "Aha! I do know you!" he announced.

Hinata looked Sakon up and down and simply looked confused. "I don't recognize you. Where do you know me from?"

"You go to that strip bar near the Rito Village! You're the one who got drunk and tried to feel up the bouncer!"

Hinata's face flushed. "No, sorry, you're mistaken." he said, quickly standing to his feet.

"No, you're definitely him." Sakon said with a nod. "I'd recognize those freckles anywhere. You were part of that group that dresses up as animals. I think you were a unicorn or something."

"I have to get going!" Hinata said, heading for the door as fast as he could.

"Wait, your cake!" Jinaudi protested, holding it out.

Hinata paused only long enough to grab the cake and then made a beeline for the door. "Goodbye!" he called back.

Once he was gone, Sakon took his seat back, and reached for his own cake. "That guy is into some really strange stuff." he commented.

"That was way more than I needed to know about my cousin." Haru commented, pushing his cake aside.

The Postman frowned, and knew he couldn't leave tonight like he was planning. The funeral would be the next day, and he would be expected to attend. He was positive the deaths were no accidents and knew he had to figure out something before more of his family got hurt. Healer Cho had told him to wait for a messenger, but when would they arrive? He couldn't just wait around as his family was hurt! He should be doing something! Letting out a deep sigh, he pushed aside his cake and got to his feet.

"I'm still not really feeling well." he lied. "I'm going to go lay down for a while."

Jinaudi gave him a nod, knowing why he was so upset. "You should sleep in a bit tomorrow." she suggested. "Sakon told me how you haven't been sleeping well."

The Postman gave a nod and headed for his bedroom, just wanting to be by himself for a while. To his dismay, the kitten was sleeping on his bed and so he impatiently shoved it off, earning himself a tiny hiss. Getting undressed, he crawled into bed and wished he could just have one night without nightmares. He was completely exhausted and he felt like he was starting to lose his mind. The kitten hopped back up on the bed, and he glared at it as it settled itself comfortably beside him. Letting out a sigh, he reached out and began petting it, the kitten immediately purring in contentment. What was he supposed to do with this cat if he was sent on a quest? Leave it to Sakon to make everything even more difficult for him.

Letting out another sigh, he rolled over and closed his eyes, hoping he'd be able to get a few hours of nightmare-free sleep. It was not meant to be however, and he had nightmares the entire night long.

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The Postman had come to the conclusion that life was not fair, that it was simply a rule of existence. He generally didn't care either way what fate threw his way but this time it seemed particularly horrid. It seemed things like this always happened to him, although he wasn't entirely sure what he'd done to deserve it.

The Postman adjusted his black umbrella slightly, not really comprehending the priest's words. He found he could not concentrate on the funeral, everything seeming surreal and blended together, like a damp charcoal drawing. Everyone stood, dressed in black and greys, facing the priest solemnly as was expected, and the rain made the air hum around them.

Late the night before, a third cousin had been killed, and now three coffins lay before him at the funeral, the cold rain wilting the flowers his family held. His cousins had been very nice people and The Postman was saddened by their deaths but not terribly surprised. It seemed that lately bad fortune followed him wherever he went and he was beginning to become resigned to it.

The Postman glanced down at his boots and observed the rain puddling there indifferently. Something different had happened this time however, when his cousin Shou had died. He had been stabbed during the night but hadn't died straight-away. His aunt and uncle had done everything they could but he bled out before a healing item could be found. Shou had told them a horrible cloaked man had attacked him, the man spewing a bunch of religious phrases, claiming he was cleansing the world from evil. Shou had said that the man's eyes were a strange red that almost seemed to glow and his skin was grey and twisted like leather. The Postman was sure it was the same man from his dreams.

As the funeral came to an end and the caskets were lowered into their graves, The Postman lowered his umbrella and stared up into the grey sky. The rain instantly soaked him, but he didn't care, simply staring, his ears deaf to the weeping of his family. The cloaked man was looking for him and if something wasn't done, every one of his cousins the same age as him would be targeted. There would never be an end to the death.

As he turned and walked away through the graveyard, Sakon limped after him, concerned at his silence. The Postman stopped at the edge of the graveyard beneath a tree and leaned against it, and Sakon did the same. He stared at the gravestone in front of him, the name Ichiro engraved clearly on its surface. There was no mistaking it, Ichiro was dead, and he was left to fulfill his destiny.

"You're not blaming yourself for this, are you?" The Thief demanded.

The Postman ignored him and said nothing.

"Hoo Hoot!"

The Postman froze and then slowly looked up. Kaepora Gaebora was perched in the branches of the tree, and he stared down at The Postman stoically.

"Hoo Hoot." he repeated. "Greetings brave postman and thief."

"Hello pigeon." Sakon replied, giving the owl a suspicious look. "What do you want?"

"I have come with a message for you, postman. A message from my goddess."

The Postman was instantly alert. "Which goddess?" he demanded.

The owl blinked at him. "I cannot say, but you will discover the answer to this soon."

"Why can't you tell me?" The Postman demanded impatiently. "Why all the secrecy?"

"The gods are not supposed to interfere with one another, and she is breaking the rules just by sending me to you. She cannot be discovered this early in your quest or everything will be for nought. I can only stay for a moment or we risk being overheard."

The Postman crossed his arms, unsure of whether he believed him or not. "And what is your message?"

Kaepora Gaebora hopped down to a lower branch and then cleared his throat. "Jihiro, time is short. I cannot tell you everything you need to know right now, but you must have faith in me. You will find out all you need to know if you carefully follow my instructions. You must leave immediately and head to Death Mountain otherwise many more around you will begin to die. The man in your dreams will never give up until he finds you, but he will leave your family alone once he knows you've departed on your quest.

Travel through the ancient tunnels in Death mountain and find the hidden room filled with scrolls and magical items. This room once belonged to a very powerful man and there is information there you need to acquire. The book you need is red, leather bound and has a crest of a rose on the front. Kaepora Gaebora will be there to give you further instruction.

-the goddesses are with you,

good luck."

The Postman stared up at the owl with a frown.

"Hoo, I must go now. I'll be back later to speak with you."

Without another word, the owl took off into the air. Staring up at the sky thoughtfully, The Postman wondered whether he should even trust this goddess. What if both goddesses were trying to trick him? What if there was actually only one goddess and she was pretending to be two just to trick him into going on the quest? He still wasn't certain who either goddess was, but it was clear neither were ever going to give up.

He knew where the room was the owl spoke of, because he and Sakon had passed through it several months prior while on a mission for Ganondorf. What could be so important that it had to be hidden and guarded by that monster in the tunnels? It clearly had to be something extremely dangerous and extremely valuable.

Sakon frowned over at him. "Jihiro...are you accepting this quest?"

"The goddesses want me to go on it." The Postman answered simply. "It looks like I have no choice in the matter."

"I don't like this..." The Thief admitted. "Nothing about this feels right."

"The man from my nightmares has been killing my family, Sakon, and I need to stop him."

Sakon went silent for a long moment. "And he wants to kill you." he stated.

The Postman nodded.

"Any idea who this jackass is?"

"No, I've never seen his face because he wears a black cloak. It's the same man I told you about earlier."

"Hmm, well, I'm going with you. You'll get yourself killed without me."

"You have a broken leg." The Postman pointed out.

"I've dealt with worse." Sakon replied, dismissively. "A broken leg's nothing! Ganondorf has broken every bone in my body multiple times! I'm a very hardy individual."

The Postman gave a slow nod of the head, not wanting Sakon to get hurt but also not wanting to go on the quest by himself.

The Postman watched as the mourners gathered around the graves for the final moments of the burial, and felt a knot of guilt surface. The rain was pouring down so hard it was somewhat obscuring his view but he supposed this was a good thing as he'd had enough of death. There was a terrible rumble of thunder from above, and as The Postman stared across the graveyard, a blinding flash of lightening struck. Both he and Sakon jumped in surprise at the deafening crackle and when the light faded, two crumpled forms lay face down in the mud below. The Postman stared in horror, unable to believe that had just happened. His twin cousins, Ren and Riku were burnt black, and were clearly dead. The Postman stared with wide eyes at the display, and then turned and quickly left the graveyard, wanting to put as much distance as possible from his family. The sky continued to rumble but The Postman forced himself not to look back. He wasn't safe for them to be around and knew he had to put a stop to the man responsible. Sakon was doing his best to keep up with him, and gave him a worried look.

"It wasn't your fault. Don't worry, we'll find this bastard!"

The Postman didn't answer, simply heading back towards his parents house. He'd pack his belongings, leave them a note, and then be on his way.

Sakon gave him a nudge. "Look on the bright side, how could this possibly get any worse?"

Before The Thief had even finished speaking, The Postman felt the mark on his neck begin to burn, and he raised a hand to his throat. "Sakon...I'm being summoned."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The Next Update Will Be On The Weekend! (hopefully)**


	84. The Summons

**Authornote** **: Tuesday Mar. 6th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Ugh. I feel really bad about the slow updates lately. My sight is garbage right now, but I'm doing my best. There's probably a ton of typos in this chapter, but it takes me so long to read that I simply didn't want to proof-read more than once. If I missed any typos, I apologize and I'll go fix them later.**

 **We hit 600 reviews for last chapter! Woot! Woot!** ** Some guest again was reviewer number 600. ^_^ I can't believe this story has gotten THAT many reviews! The old version only got like 200! lol You guys are seriously awesome, and thank you so much for all the support! Every time I get a review, it seriously makes my day and I enjoy each and every one!  
**

 **If I missed anyone's review, please let me know and I'll be sure to respond. This site has been having problems with reviews and occasionally I don't get one.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Ariette5** \- Thank you so much for all the kind words! Things will definitely start getting better for me soon, so don't worry! :D I probably shouldn't have complained so much, but I tend to rant. lol

It's actually been a whole year since I started the re-write, and I can't believe it's been so long! lol I always love to hear from long-time readers!

Don't feel obligated to write a review for every chapter, but if you want to, I'm certainly not complaining! I love hearing what people think of my chapters, and I always read every single one! :D

The reason why I chose The Postman as the main character was because he was pretty much a blank slate that I could do anything I wanted with. This story is actually a real novel I'm writing with just the names and places changed so that I can post it as a fanfiction to get feedback. Eventually I'm planning on publishing all my stories, and hopefully people will like them. lol The Postman story is actually a trilogy that explains a character's backstory. Each character gets their own story, and the very first novel in my series is the Mido one 'The Unwanted Hero'. I'll eventually get around to finishing that one after this story.

It's awesome to know your little brother enjoys the story too! Tell him I say "Hi"! :) How old is he if you don't mind me asking? My six year old nephew loves my stories too (I skip over the swear words and stuff though.)

Thanks for messaging me, and I hope you continue to enjoy the story!

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 **Guest1-** Don't worry, The Postman is now on his way. lol The Postman is definitely holding a grudge against that post office now, and he has no intention of answering that letter. **  
**

Big companies can get away with pretty much anything because they pay their employees starvation wages and know they can't afford to hire a lawyer. I live in a small city and we don't have very many lawyers here, and to even TALK to one you have to give a $2000 deposit. I might possibly have a case, but can do nothing about it.

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 **lordseanington \- **I'm glad you liked the latest chapters! I was worried people would be bored by them since there wasn't a lot of action. :)

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 **Some guest again \- **Thank you for lucky review number 600! ^_^

You're absolutely right. The Postman is completely numb, the shock of everything is completely overwhelming him. He certainly does care for his family, but because so many are dying one right after the other, it hasn't really sunken in yet.

The contents of that box exceeds the T rating so it will forever remain a mystery. lol

I'm not too broken up about being fired honestly. I'm more worried about the loss of income than the job itself. The job was retched, and I really hated it, and so I'm not too concerned. I'm going to concentrate on getting my eyes fixed, and then I'll worry about finding a new job. Thank you for your concern, and it's really appreciated!

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 **Some Guy In An Ambulance** -The Postman has been a pushover for almost his entire life, and keeps allowing himself to be victimized despite having the power to stop it. Don't worry about him never standing up for himself, because this story is far from over. Everyone has their breaking point, and there's only so much someone can take before snapping. The Postman was indeed trying to play both sides because he was having trouble letting his past life go, and he was denying what felt right.

Hyrule thinks they're morally superior to every other Nation which is why a lot of people really detest Hylians. Their laws are created by uppity upper class people who have no real life experience and who have no idea what's really going on outside of the castle walls. They experience the world by reading reports and so they're unknowingly setting their country up for disaster. The King of Hyrule is a fool, but a well-meaning one. Zelda tried to warn him about Ganondorf, and he ignored her. If it wasn't for her, the country probably would have been taken over long ago.

Link knows the laws are BS but as a Hylian, he thinks they're doing the right thing. He's forced to conform to laws that are putting Hyrule in danger, and eventually he'll have to defy them.

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 **R.C.D \- **Wow, you read through this story really fast! I'm glad you enjoyed it so far and thank you so much for all of the reviews! :) Reviews honestly do cheer me up, and thank you for your concern! I have another eye appointment in a few days and I hope things will start to get better after the shot.

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 **Curious** **reader** \- Yup, they said there were no exceptions no matter the reason, and since I missed time at work, they fired me without hesitation. It was a miserable place to work, and it's probably for the best.

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 **Jigbashmop** \- I'm still going to do my best to update, but it definitely won't be weekly until I can see better. Thank you so much for you concern! :)

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 **Rainmy** \- I should have known better to work for Air Canada because they're known for being one of the worst places to work. Considering how miserable they were making me, it's probably a good thing that I don't work for them anymore.

Sorry to tell you such a personal thing below, so you can skip over the next paragraph if you don't want to read it. lol

A lot of parents are like that without even realizing. I used to be absolutely terrified of my father when I was a kid. The littlest thing used to set him off into a rage, and I used to hide under my bed when he came home from work. lol He is a very religious person and we used to spend 4-5 hours every Sunday at church and nothing was worse for a small child than that. Have you ever seen a kid sit still and quietly for even ten minutes? For a kid sitting still for 4-5 hours was virtually impossible and I got in trouble every single Sunday. I used to dread it knowing I was going to be punished no matter how hard I tried to be good. He called Sunday the day of rest and so we were not allowed to play or go outside at all, we had to sit quietly reading a bible the ENTIRE day. I quickly learned to hate Sundays with every fibre of my being. Monday nights were girls bible training, Wednesdays were prayer sessions, Fridays were christian youth group, Saturdays were special sermon day, and so I had very little free time. I was allowed to play every week day from 3:15-4:15, and then had to remain quiet so not to upset my father. My parents honestly thought this was perfectly normal, and believed wholeheartedly that they were doing the right thing. It never even occurred them that we were terrified of them. I was seven years old when I attempted suicide by purposely drinking the chemicals under the sink, feeling like there was no escape from this misery. I got violently ill, and was then told by my mother that if I had've succeeded in killing myself, I would have burnt in hell for all eternity. There was no compassion there, only anger at what I had done. It sounds weird, but my parents have now mellowed out DRAMATICALLY and are perfectly fine to be around. They honestly never realized how harmful they were being, and I think it's the same for a lot of families.

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 **Melle2001** \- Don't worry about me, I'm a pretty resilient person. :) I'll be better soon and then I'll get a new job and move on with my life. I probably shouldn't have whined so much in my authornote, but I was mad and wanted to vent lol

Sakon was starting to get bored in that chapter and it shows. He's not used to country life at all. lol As for his gift...yeeeeeah, it was something not at all appropriate. That's why he went to The Curiosity Shop. lol

Thanks for your review, and I hope you're feeling better!

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 **Reiz16** \- The Postman wasn't expecting the cake, and although he didn't show it, he was actually quite pleased. Sakon of course had to ruin the moment. lol

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 **setokayba2n** \- He could certainly try that, but that's only good if the gods are paying direct attention to him. The gods and goddesses are likely very busy, and probably don't listen to each and every prayer sent their way. Even if they did hear it, they likely wouldn't know which of them was responsible.

Madam Aroma will indeed start to regret her hasty decision. lol The Postman has never received a complaint before that day, and Kafei has already received dozens upon dozens. :D

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 **Zekrom1010101010** \- Let's just say the contents of that box was 18+. lol Mentioning the contents probably would have exceeded the T rating the story has, so it will forever be a mystery. ;)

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 8

The Summons

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* * *

Sakon frowned at The Postman in worry, watching as the other man silently packed his belongings. His expression was completely blank and that was more worrying to Sakon than anything. Five of The Postman's cousins had been murdered but he didn't seem to be mourning them, and he didn't even seem angry. He appeared somewhat stunned, and was seemingly moving on autopilot, barely speaking, and gathering everything he needed into a large backpack. The complete lack of emotion was rather unsettling and Sakon hoped The Postman wasn't going to suddenly lose it when all of this finally caught up to him.

"Are you sure you're alright?" Sakon asked for the hundredth time.

"I'm fine."

Sakon frowned at him. "Well, you don't look fine." he countered. "Don't you care about your cousins? Why aren't you a little more sad about all this?"

For the first time since the funeral, a quick flash of anger crossed The Postman's face. "Don't." he ordered in a sharp tone. "I can't think about their deaths right now. I need to remain clearheaded. When all of this is over, I'll mourn them, but right now I need to focus on putting a stop to all this."

The Postman reached out and picked up the sword from his bed and stared at it, feeling the magic within latch onto his anger eagerly. "I wish Ichiro hadn't died." he stated. "I have no idea what to do, and I have a feeling I might not come back from this quest."

"Don't be ridiculous." Sakon scolded him. "Of course you'll come back. I'll make sure nothing happens to you."

"I can't explain it, but I just have a really bad feeling about this quest. It feels like I'm marching to my death and there's nothing I can do to stop it."

Sakon let out a snort. "Stop being so melodramatic. You're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. There's a reason Ganondorf chose you, and you need to start standing up for yourself. Fight back, and don't bend to anyone. You know you were meant to be a villain, and stop trying to resist your natural instincts. You will fight, and you will live. I will be by your side, and we'll find that asshole, and we'll kill him."

The Postman stared down at the sword, and then silently sheathed it and latched it to his belt. He was both terrified and furious at the same time, and although he didn't want to kill anyone, he knew the man in the cloak had to be stopped.

"Thank you, Sakon." he said, strapping the shield to his back. "You've really surprised me these last few days. You're a better friend than I've been, and I'm grateful."

Sakon waved him off dismissively. "Don't be stupid, let's just get going before your family get back."

The Postman nodded, and picked up his backpack, heading for the door. Sakon scooped up the kitten and held it out towards him.

"Are you taking Nuisance?"

The Postman stared at the kitten and knew he might never return to his family's home. It didn't seem fair to leave them a cat they didn't want, and so he gave the thief a nod. "He can live in the castle." he responded. "Someone will take care of him if we don't return."

"I told you to stop being so negative." Sakon scolded, carrying the kitten out of the house with them. "I'm haven't been killed yet, and it will take more than a pervert in a cloak to get rid of me!"

The Postman didn't answer, still feeling rather resigned to the whole thing. It was still raining hard, and so The Thief placed the kitten within his shirt to protect it from getting wet. The Postman helped Sakon onto the horse, and when their supplies were secured, he mounted the horse behind him.

"You leave a note for mama postman?" Sakon asked.

The Postman nodded.

"Good, because the last thing we need is her showing up at Ganondorf's castle threatening everyone."

"She already knows that I was planning on leaving." The Postman responded. "No one will come after me."

"I think you should go see Koume and Kotake about all this." Sakon suggested. "They may be old and horrible, but they know more about magic than anyone!"

The Postman didn't really want anyone else to know about this, but knew that would probably be for the best. "I wonder if they know anything about Zaira's medallion? If I could find something to mask my magic, we'd be a lot safer."

"They've probably heard of such a thing." Sakon replied as they rode off into the fields. "Definitely ask them."

The Postman knew he was just being paranoid, but it felt like he was being watched, but there was no one in sight. Wiping the rainwater out of his eyes, he gave one more glance around at the empty field, and then turned his gaze forward, intent on ignoring the odd feeling.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

They rode pretty much in complete silence and when they finally reached Hyrule the rain had turned into a violent storm. The rain came down in cold sheets and as the lightening flashed above, The Postman began wondering how safe it was for them to be in the fields. Thunder crashed in deafening booms, and the horse was quickly getting spooked, Sakon struggling to keep it under control. The Thief flashed him an uncertain look, and The Postman turned his gaze towards Castletown, wondering if they should stop there until the storm passed. His neck was in complete agony from the summons and he had a feeling it would only get worse the longer he took.

"Should we stop?" he yelled to Sakon.

Sakon could barely hear him, but he shook his head. "Once we're closer to the desert this will stop!" he bellowed back.

The Postman was about to protest, but a figure in the distance caught his attention. They were heading towards the person, and when they got closer, they saw it was Link. The hero was standing underneath a tree, trying to get a bit of shelter as he looked over some sort of map. He looked up as they neared, and when he saw them, he gave them a suspicious frown and motioned them over. Sakon was about to turn the horse away, but when The Postman gave him a nudge he let out a sigh and continued towards the hero. The tree was incredibly large and it was big enough to shelter them from the storm, and Sakon stopped the horse just in front of Link, looking like he wanted to be anywhere else.

"What are you two up to?" the hero demanded, looking them both up and down.

"Nothing." Sakon immediately answered.

Link ignored him and instead turned his attention to The Postman. "Please tell me you haven't been involved with this latest scheme of Ganondorf's."

"Scheme? No, we've been in Termina with my family." The Postman responded. "Why, what's going on?"

Link stared at him for a moment and then gave a nod, believing him. "The Gerudo have been gathering large amounts of power crystals, and there's a rumour that they're planning on using them to power a mega-weapon of some sort."

Sakon scratched at his head in confusion. "Power crystals? You mean those things that make electricity for lamps and things?"

Link nodded.

"Those things are really expensive, and I can't picture Ganondorf spending that many rupees for a plan that would probably fail. He hoards resources like a miser."

Link narrowed his eyes at The Thief. "I thought you claimed not to work for Ganondorf anymore?"

Sakon gave him a shrug. "Oh, I don't, but I always make it a habit to keep up to date on all my enemies."

"You told me you'd never met directly with Ganondorf before." Link accused.

"I personally haven't seen him before." Sakon assured him. "I get my information from a few different reliable sources."

It was clear Link was skeptical. "How did you break your leg?"

"I was trying out a new sexual position with Princess Zelda and it ended badly. I broke a leg and she broke two ribs and an elbow. We'll definitely be more careful in the future."

Link gave The Thief a furious look, and Sakon grinned at him, clearly enjoying the fact he was riling the hero up. The Postman simply let out a sigh and spoke up before Link could do anything to Sakon.

"He got hurt fighting a monster." he explained.

Link was still glaring at Sakon and didn't so much as glance at The Postman. "And why hasn't he used a potion yet?"

"It was a magical injury that couldn't be healed with items. He has to recover the traditional way."

"When does the cast come off?" Link demanded, still not sure he believed any of this.

"Another five weeks." Sakon answered bitterly.

"Good, at least that will keep you out of my hair while I deal with Ganondorf."

"JIHIRO!"

Everyone paused and then turned around to see a figure running through the rain towards them. To their surprise it was Kafei, and when he reached them he paused to catch his breath, looking absolutely exhausted. The Postman looked him up and down and saw Kafei's uniform was creased and filthy, and the man looked like he hadn't slept in days.

"I've been trying to get a hold of you!" Kafei wheezed, practically doubled over as he fought for breath. "Did you get my letter? I really need to talk to you!""

"I have to get going." Link told them, turning to mount Epona. "I still need to defeat a couple dungeons."

The Postman gave him a nod, glaring over at Kafei silently.

"Stay out of trouble." Link warned them, his eyes on Sakon. "I better not find out you're somehow involved in all this or we'll be having a completely different kind of conversation."

Sakon rolled his eyes at him. "Go away, blondie, we have stuff to do."

"Did you get it?" Kafei repeated, taking a step closer to them. "Did you get my letter?"

"Yes." The Postman responded shortly. "Goodbye Link, and good luck."

The hero gave a puzzled look to Kafei and then rode off, heading in the direction of Kakariko Village.

"I...I could really use your help." Kafei pleaded. "The post office has been flooded with complaints and I don't know what to do."

"Sakon, let's go." The Postman stated, his glare becoming even more intense. "We need to get to the desert before dark."

Kafei gave him a crushed look. "You're not going to help me?"

"Sorry, Kafei, but I've been fired and I no longer owe the post office anything. You'll just have to figure it out on your own."

"My mother wants to see you." Kafei told him. "Please go see her when she comes."

"No." The Postman said firmly.

"She'll be in Castletown tomorrow morning. She has your last pay, and so please just go see her."

"Not a chance." The Postman answered.

"Please just listen to what she has to say. I promise I won't let her be cruel to you."

"No." The Postman repeated.

"I'm a coward." Kafei told him. "I shouldn't have let her speak to you the way she did, and I'm sorry. No one should be demeaned the way you were."

"Buzz off you little creep." Sakon ordered, swinging out one of his crutches at him.

Kafei looked immensely disappointed and he hung his head with a sigh. "I don't blame you, I'd be mad too..."

"Last warning before I shove this crutch where it'll never be found!"

Kafei let out a deep, sad-sounding sigh. "Okay, I won't contact you anymore...but did you say you're going to the desert?"

The Postman narrowed his eyes suspiciously."Yes..." he answered hesitantly.

Kafei reached into his mailbag and pulled out a massive bundle of letters. "I know it's asking a lot, but would you please, please, **please** deliver these for me? The post office received dozens of complaints about their missing mail and I had no idea we were supposed to deliver within Gerudo Territory! I tried to find the Gerudo city but got lost in the desert and then got chased away by Bokoblins! I don't know what I'm supposed to do, and I think I'm going to have a nervous breakdown! I really don't know what to do, and it seems like no matter how hard I try it's not good enough."

Kafei's voice had started to waver towards the end of his plea, and to The Postman's surprise the other man burst into tears.

"Please Jihiro! I've already disappointed my mother, and she thinks I'm a complete failure! I'm honestly trying as hard as I can! Please help me!"

Sakon frowned at Kafei. "Are you crying?" he demanded. "Geez."

The Postman stared down at Kafei and he felt his resolve soften a bit. None of this was Kafei's fault and it wasn't really fair to blame him for his mother's actions. Letting out a deep sigh of exasperation, he held out his hand to take the bundle of letters. Kafei glanced up at him in surprise, and then he looked like a great weight had been lifted from his shoulders.

"Thank you Jihiro, thank you so much! I really owe you one!"

Without a word, The Postman shoved the bundle of letters into his shirt to protect them from the rain, and then motioned for Sakon to leave. As they rode off towards the desert, Sakon flashed him an amused grin.

"You're such a pushover." he teased. "If I knew it was this easy to manipulate you, I would have fake-cried long ago."

"I don't think he was faking, Sakon."

Sakon let out a snort. "What a wimp."

The Postman didn't answer, simply reaching up to wipe the water out of his eyes. "Let's just get this over with. I just hope Ganondorf doesn't want to send me on a new mission..."

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

It finally stopped raining when they crossed the bridge leading into Gerudo territory, and both were relieved.

"I hate rain." Sakon commented. "Nothing makes travelling any worse than being soaking wet."

As they approached the Gerudo Fortress, they could see several Gerudo warriors pointing towards them and then whispering amongst themselves. Knowing this didn't bode well, they approached and were immediately stopped by one of Ganondorf's military captains.

"Lord Ganondorf wants to see you." she informed him. "He's quite annoyed with you at the moment, so you'd better be careful."

The Postman gave her a nod. "That's where we were heading." he assured her. "Lord Ganondorf summoned me."

If Ganondorf was angry with him, he must have heard about how he'd snuck aboard the pirate ship. Zaira must have been true to her word and written a letter of complaint.

Pulling out the enormous bundle of letters, The Postman quickly flipped through them and pulled out several. "These are for your troops." he told her.

The captain raised an eyebrow in question. "You're not insisting on delivering them personally?"

The Postman shook his head. "No ma'am. I'm no longer a postman and was just dropping these letters off as a favour."

The captain seemed surprised. "You quit being a postman? Really?! Is that why our mail service has been so horrible lately?"

The Postman gave a nod. "The new postman got chased away by Bokoblins when he was in the desert, and he asked me to deliver these for him."

"What a pathetic person." she commented. "Give them to me and I'll get them to the right people. You need to go see Lord Ganondorf instead of delivering letters. You shouldn't waste any time."

"The whole bundle?" The Postman questioned.

When she nodded, he held out the bundle of letters to her, removing the ones meant for Ganondorf first.

"Since I have to see him anyway, I'll give him his mail directly." he explained. "Perhaps it will put him in a better mood..."

The Gerudo crossed her arms. "You cannot avoid what's coming to you." she informed him. "If Lord Ganondorf wants to break every bone in your body, then be a true Gerudo and face it bravely."

"He wants to break every bone in my body?" The Postman questioned in surprise. "Just for cross-dressing?!"

Every Gerudo stared at him first in surprise, and then in amusement. The captain smirked at him and shook her head. "He never said why he was angry with you..." she stated, clearly wanting to know the whole story. "Only that he wanted a word the next time you came with the mail."

The Postman let out a sigh and gave her a nod. "I'll go straight to see him." he promised.

She returned the nod and then waved him past, watching as they rode towards the desert. Unable to resist, Sakon glanced back at her with a wide grin.

"Captain, you can come see me tonight and I can tell you allll about our adventures!"

The captain gave Sakon a foul look and it seemed like she was debating on stabbing him with something but changed her mind. Not dignifying him with a response, she turned and walked away.

The Postman flashed Sakon an annoyed look, but knew it was pointless to say anything. No matter how many times he scolded him about inappropriate comments, he always did it any way. Letting out a sigh, he turned his attention to the desert in front of them, his hair and clothes quickly drying in the hot sun. When they made it to the Gerudo City, they saw another figure waiting at the gate to be let in. The Postman squinted to get better look, and was surprised to see it was a man carrying an enormous beetle-shaped backpack.

As they got closer The Postman saw the man was one of Hyrule's travelling merchants, Beedle. Beedle was known for travelling absolutely anywhere and everywhere, and he was probably the only one who had been to more places than The Postman had. Beedle set down his comically large backpack as they approached and took a long drink from a bottle of water as he waited for the gate to be opened. The gate wasn't normally closed unless there was a threat of war, and so The Postman wondered if perhaps there was some truth in what Link was saying.

"Oh, hey Beedle." Sakon greeted amiably .

"Hello Sakon, are you looking to do any business with Beedle today?"

"Hmm, maybe, where are you setting up in town?"

"In the market next to the old hummus woman. Beedle will be there for three days this time and has many new and exciting wares!"

Sakon gave him a nod. "Okay, I'll come see you later." he promised. "Have you met the Tracker yet?"

The Postman had delivered a few letters to Beedle before, but he'd never been formally introduced to him. Beedle glanced up at him, and gave him a smile.

"Beedle has heard much about you Tracker." he said. "Being invited to join the Gerudo Nation is a very rare opportunity indeed!"

"Why does Lord Ganondorf allow a man to set up shop in the Gerudo City?" The Postman asked.

Beedle gave him a shrug. "Beedle was very young when he started trading and Ganondorf mistook Beedle for a girl. It wasn't until Beedle got older that he noticed, but by that time everyone was used to Beedle wandering around. Beedle has a special license to sell in the market signed when Beedle was only ten years old!"

The Postman gave a nod of understanding. Knowing Ganondorf, he probably forgot all about Beedle since he wasn't anyone important. Beedle was probably supposed to be banned, but was somehow overlooked.

"Beedle services all Gerudo and that invitation is open to you as well! Let Beedle know if you want a personal visit, and you'll be added to the schedule! My prices are very reasonable."

The Postman gave him a polite nod. "Okay, I'll keep that in mind. Thank you Beedle."

The Moblins manning the gate finally cranked it open and allowed them all inside, and they rode on ahead, leaving Beedle behind. Sakon looked tremendously amused about something, and he kept flashing The Postman a smirk.

"What?" The Postman demanded.

"You didn't even notice, did you?"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Notice what?" he demanded.

Sakon let out a laugh. "I knew you didn't! You are so naive that it's actually pretty hilarious."

"Notice what?" The Postman demanded impatiently.

"Beedle sells a lot of things." Sakon said. "He's very well known among the more "lonely" Gerudo, if you know what I mean..."

The Postman furrowed his brow.

"You still don't get it? By the goddesses." Sakon laughed. "He was offering you sex, Jihiro. Paid sex. Honestly..."

The Postman immediately shook his head and glanced behind them at Beedle. "No."

Sakon nodded. "Yes! He has dozens of kids in the city and Ganondorf has no idea! After hearing a few rumours, I'm willing to bet he's the father of Milan's baby. I know it wasn't me, and it wasn't you, and so he's the only other person I can think of. At the time, it never even occurred to me that she would be attracted to Beedle over me. There's no accounting for tastes I suppose..."

The Postman shook his head again. "No, you're just messing with me."

Sakon snorted. "Believe what you want, you innocent buttercup. Do you want me to go with you to see Ganonsnorf?"

"No, I have a feeling he will want to speak with me alone..."

Sakon nodded. "Alright, I'll drop you off and then go check out Beedle's new stock. Come find me when you're done, alright?"

The Postman gave another glance to Beedle over his shoulder, still not believing Sakon. Shaking his head dismissively, he turned his gaze forward as they approached the castle.

"I'm not sure how long I'll be." he told The Thief. "I imagine he'll be quite angry over the whole pirate thing..."

Sakon gave him a shrug. "Probably, but at least you know he won't kill you. Ganondorf doesn't kill his Gerudo without a trial first, and I doubt he wants to go through all that just over a few angry pirates. I'll get a fairy ready in case he has you whipped, but I wouldn't be too worried about it."

The Postman felt like his stomach had just hit the floor. The realization that Ganondorf very well could order him to be whipped again had not crossed his mind. Remembering how he'd almost died from his beating on the pirate ship, he sincerely hoped Ganondorf would be a bit lenient towards him.

Sakon stopped the horse at the bottom of the stairs that led into the castle, and The Postman dismounted without a word.

"I'll see if I can bribe someone to lug our stuff up to our rooms. Do you have your room key?"

The key to his bedroom was something he hadn't thought of in a very long time, and The Postman had to think about it for a moment. "...I think I left my door unlocked." he admitted after a moment. "I don't remember locking it when I left."

Sakon let out a sigh. "Great." he commented. "Someone probably robbed you blind."

"I didn't have anything to steal anyway."

"If your room is trashed, I'm not helping you clean it."

"Fine." The Postman answered, turning towards the stairs. "I'll come find you when I'm done."

"Don't do anything stupid." Sakon advised, turning the horse to leave.

As The Postman watched him ride off, he found it ironic Sakon telling someone else not to do anything stupid. Pulling the bundle of letters out of his shirt, he started up the stairs, hoping he'd find Ganondorf in a good mood.

"Hey Tracker." one of the guards greeted him. "I haven't seen you in a few days."

That caused The Postman to pause before he remembered that technically it had only been a few days since he'd been in the desert. It felt like he'd been away months, and was rather disconcerting.

"I was visiting family." he answered. "I returned when I was summoned."

The guard gave him a nod and stepped aside. "Good luck. I heard Lord Ganondorf is quite annoyed at you right now."

The Postman let out a sigh and then passed her, entering the castle. He clutched the letters tightly as he approached Ganondorf's throne room, praying not to get beaten half to death. Staring at the throne room door a long moment, he finally raised his hand and knocked. Ganondorf's response came immediately and to The Postman's dismay, he sounded angry.

"COME IN." Ganondorf ordered from within.

The Postman did as he was told and pushed open the door. The moment he slipped inside, the door slammed shut after him, locking itself automatically with magic. The Postman clutched the letters tightly to his chest, knowing that couldn't mean anything good. Taking a deep breath, he glanced around and saw Ganondorf wasn't in the throne room. Reaching out with his magic, he sensed him in the adjoining room, and cautiously made his way over. The door was open and when he peered within, he saw Ganondorf standing in the centre of the room, sword drawn in the midst of sword-training. The Gerudo king was soaked in sweat, his red hair plastered wetly to his forehead as he mercilessly attacked his opponent. Ganondorf was fighting against the same shadow-demon The Postman had seen once before, and he watched, unsure whether he should interrupt. Ganondorf's expression was angry but focused as he fought, and he spared The Postman the briefest of glances out of the corner of his eye.

The Postman shifted awkwardly as he waited, simply watching the fight in silence. He was so tired he could barely see straight and couldn't wait until this day was over. He did not have the energy nor the patience to deal with anymore drama at the moment, and hoped this conversation would go well. He really wanted a decent night's sleep, but he doubted that would happen anytime soon. He felt like he was beginning to lose his mind from exhaustion, and he rubbed at his eyes, trying to stay focused.

The shadow demon Ganondorf was facing noticed The Postman's lack of attention and gave a malevolent grin. Without any warning, it ducked below Ganondorf's swing as fast as a blink, and then charged for The Postman, its' sword raised for the kill. The Postman saw the movement fast approaching him, and before he even had time to think about it, the shadow was dead at his feet. The Postman stared down at the dead shadow demon in confusion, and then his eyes travelled to his hands. He was holding his sword, its metal gleaming brightly with magic, its weight feeling completely natural in one hand, and his shield in the other. He gave another glance down at the shadow which was slowly starting to reform itself, and The Postman felt relived he hadn't permanently killed it.

"Stay down." Ganondorf ordered it as he approached.

The Postman gave a slow blink down at the puddle of shadow at his feet, and then glanced up at Ganondorf who was now towering over him.

Ganondorf wiped the sweat out of his eyes and then gave him a frown. "Did I give you permission to kill my demon, Tracker?"

Ganondorf actually seemed very mildly amused, and The Postman gave him an apologetic look. "Sorry, Sir."

Ganondorf gave him a thoughtful look and then swung out his sword at The Postman slowly, clearly not actually trying to kill him. The Postman's body seemed to have a mind of its own and he easily blocked the incoming attack with his shield. Ganondorf still looked thoughtful, and he swung out a second time. Once again by reflex, The Postman blocked the attack.

Ganondorf gave a decisive nod. "Spar with me." he ordered.

The Postman's eyes widened. "Um, Sir, I'm not really-"

He didn't have a chance to finish because Ganondorf attacked without another word. The swings came so fast that he didn't have time to flee or to even think about it. His mind seemed to know exactly what Ganondorf was going to do and how to handle it, and to his surprise he deflected the attacks over and over again. The Postman knew he had never been taught how to properly fight, but everything about this felt familiar and completely natural. Like long-forgotten muscle memory, he swung and dodged like he'd been doing it all his life, not even having to think about it.

"Remind me to commend Captain Isa on your training." Ganondorf stated, sounding somewhat pleased. "You seem to be able to defend yourself nicely."

"No, I can't really-"

"Retaliate." Ganondorf ordered, stepping up his game. "Show me what you can do."

The Postman suddenly realized Ganondorf had been going easy on him, and he jumped back just in time to avoid the sudden attack. The Postman could feel his red magic boil within him angrily, its magic connected with the sword's magic. The Postman felt like a puppet, his body moving of its own accord, and he could feel his magic getting angrier and angrier at the repeated attacks. It didn't feel like it was going to explode, but The Postman tried to rein it in just the same, but almost to spite him it fought against him.

To The Postman's horror, he felt the exact moment there was an opening and he stabbed out his sword at Ganondorf's head without hesitation. Ganondorf wasn't expecting this and leaned back just in time, The Postman's sword cutting him across the forehead. The wound was shallow, but it began pouring blood, and The Postman felt certain his life was about to end. Ganondorf paused long enough to wipe the blood out of his face and then he narrowed his eyes. Without a single word, he didn't hold anything back and attacked full force, causing The Postman to back up. Ganondorf was much bigger than him, and stronger too, but The Postman was faster. He ran and dodged, his red magic seemingly waiting for another opening, and after a moment he saw one. Unable to stop himself, he lunged forward for the kill, realizing too late that it had been a trick.

Ganondorf lashed out with the hilt of his sword, and to his surprise, it made full contact with the side of The Postman's head. The Postman was instantly floored, the back of his skull hitting the stone floor solidly with a loud crack. Ganondorf stared down at him in silence, and then swore when he didn't move.

"Tracker?"

There was no response, and so he nudged him with his foot. The Postman lobbed a bit but still didn't move. Ganondorf swore a second time and gave him a light kick. There still was no reaction, and so he knelt down next to him to check his pulse. He thought The Postman would dodge, and hoped he hadn't accidentally killed him. There was a steady pulse, and he felt relieved, knowing he'd only knocked the other man out. Standing up, he left the room to find a healing item.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

The Postman was sitting by the lakeside once more. It was another hot, perfect day and he felt completely relaxed as he skipped stones across the water's surface. For a brief moment he forgot his problems and his exhaustion, simply revelling in the temporary peace. A soft wind tickled his skin and he threw his last stone into the water absentmindedly.

"Ichiro." came a soft whisper on the wind.

The Postman looked one way then the other, but there was no one in sight. Furrowing his brow, he let out a disgruntled sigh. "I've already told you I'm not Ichiro."

Removing his mailbag so he could lay back in the grass, he stared up at the impossibly blue sky, not trusting this seemingly innocent dream. Everything was just a bit too perfect, and he didn't trust this goddess.

"Ichiro, have you begun your journey?" she asked.

He let out a heavy, and resigned sigh, wondering if he could just ignore her.

"Ichiro?"

The wind seemed to carry her voice and The Postman stubbornly closed his eyes.

"Ichiro...we don't have much time to talk. You need to listen to me."

"Which goddess are you?" The Postman demanded irritably.

"You mustn't let anything distract you from your quest. Leave that thief behind, and head South. The Thief cannot be trusted, and you should be wary of him. His blood is mixed, but he is your most dangerous enemy. His family come from blue magic, and you need to distance yourself from them. Blue magic can be your downfall."

The Postman let out a skeptical snort.

"I'm not supposed to be inferring with mortals, but you are special, little Ichiro. I created you, and you will make me proud."

"Are you just about done?" The Postman demanded.

"Don't be a fool, Ichiro, I can't hold the man in the cloak back for much longer. Do not be difficult."

"No. Tell me who you are, and what you really want."

A gust of wind blew at him hotly. "I cannot risk that he overhears!"

The Postman stubbornly shook his head. "Who are you? And who is the man in the cloak? Why does he want to kill me?"

There was a long hesitation. "He arrives... Be brave, Ichiro."

With that, the gentle wind was gone and the sky began to darken. The Postman glanced up as there was a rumble of thunder, and then slowly stood back to his feet. A dark sounding chuckle crackled in the air around him and The Postman felt a shiver make its way up his spine.

"Back so soon, monster?" A familiar voice taunted.

The Postman quickly threw his hands up to cover his face as everything around him was engulfed in flames.

* * *

 **XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX**

* * *

Ganondorf was kneeling down next to The Postman, empty bottle in hand and watched the smaller man in surprise. The Postman was twisting and shaking like he was having a seizure, his teeth clenched and eyes squeezed tightly closed. Pulling the magical sword away so The Postman wouldn't accidentally stab himself, Ganondorf slowly reached out and gave his shoulder a hard shake. The Postman didn't wake, his thrashing becoming even more violent.

"Tracker!" Ganondorf said loudly, giving him a solid poke to the side. "Wake up. Open your eyes, that's an order!"

Slowly, The Postman's eyes opened and he gave a heavy blink, his gaze focusing up on Ganondorf in confusion. He noticed the Gerudo had healed himself, and by the lack of pain, it seemed he'd been healed as well. Ganondorf stared down at him, observing the glassy-eyed look and gave him another hard nudge.

"Are you awake?" he demanded.

The Postman gave a long blink, feeling unusually exhausted. "..yes, Sir."

Ganondorf gave a nod of satisfaction. "Good, now get up off my floor."

The Postman awkwardly got to his feet, his head pounding and feeling like someone had rung his skull through a cheese grater. Ganondorf crossed his arms impatiently, taking note of the glazed look in The Postman's eyes, and then let out a sigh.

"You just had a seizure." he stated.

The Postman wavered a step as he tried to get his bearings. "Sorry, sir."

"What are you apologizing for?" Ganondorf demanded. "Stupid Terminian. Go to the medical wing and get an evaluation done. Make sure you don't have any brain damage."

The Postman glanced over and saw that sometime during the fight, he had dropped the letters, and they were scattered all across the floor. Hoping Ganondorf didn't notice they'd gotten bent, he gathered them up and then held them out. "Your mail, Sir. Please accept it."

Ganondorf snatched the letters out of The Postman's hand gruffly, effectively giving him a papercut, and looked them over without interest. The Postman had started edging towards the door but Ganondorf was quick to notice.

"Not so fast, Tracker." he ordered. "There's a certain matter we need to discuss."

The Postman let out a sigh and turned back around. Ganondorf tossed the letters aside, and then crossed his arms.

"Your training has been very effective and I'm very impressed with your progress. Keep improving like you have been and you'll also be able to improve your position within my services. The day you pass training, I'll make you a captain, and the day you beat me in a fight I'll make you a general."

The Postman seriously doubted that would ever happen, but he nodded just the same. "Yes, Sir."

"Now, onto the reason you were summoned. Did you honestly think it was a good idea trying to trick Gerudo pirates by pretending to be a woman?"

The Postman rubbed at the back of his head a moment before answering. "Well, Sir...it seemed like a good idea at the time..."

"Did it seriously never occur to you to just ask them permission to board?"

"It did, but Sakon told me the pirates tortured any man who bore the desert emblem and so I thought...well...I thought they'd say no."

"Sakon? I should have known he'd be somehow involved in this." Ganondorf grumbled. "I received an impressively long letter of complaint about you, and honestly I should have you whipped."

The Postman grimaced but stayed silent.

"I just find it impressive that you were able to fool that many people. I might be able to use that to my advantage one day if I need to send you somewhere in disguise."

The Postman's grimace became more pronounced, but he still said nothing.

"A young Gerudo pirate in the city has been very adamantly defending you, and she's told me all about your adventures on The Windfish's island. I never would have expected you to be capable of such a thing, and I'd like to hear more about the island at a later time. You seem to be full of surprises lately."

"Yes, Sir."

"I will be informing Captain Isa about all of this however, and so don't think you're going to get away with this. Report to her after supper tonight and accept whatever consequences she comes up with."

The Postman frowned but nodded. "Yes, Sir."

"Did Sakon return to the city with you?"

"Yes, Sir."

"Good." Ganondorf stated. "Tell Sakon I want to see him. Immediately."

"Yes, Sir."

"Oh, and if you ever try to deceive your own people again, I'll hogtie you in the middle of the market and let the civilians decide your punishment."

The Postman thought about that for a second and then let out a shudder. He could only imagine the horrible things the Gerudo could come up with if given the chance. He gave a nod to Ganondorf who narrowed his eyes suspiciously.

"I'm serious, you moron. You're on thin ice, and one more incident like this and you'll be punished severely. You're a Gerudo now, and you should never betray your own tribe, even if it's something as mundane as what you did."

"Yes, Sir."

"Remember what I said, Tracker. I expect loyalty from everyone who serves me, and if I ever catch wind of you betraying our nation, you will never see the light of day again."

"So I won't be tortured in the middle of the market?"

Ganondorf paused. "You'll be tortured, and then you'll never see the light of day again. Smartass."

"Ah."

"Now, go see the doctor about that concussion. I don't need any more brain-damaged minions; I have Sakon for that."

"Yes, Sir." The Postman answered. "There is something I should inform you of, however."

"Oh?" Ganondorf demanded.

"I met Link outside of Castletown and he told me how he knows the Gerudo Nation has been collecting power crystals. He's trying to find out what you're planning and he's fighting his way through your dungeons."

Ganondorf raised an eyebrow. "The power crystals have nothing to do with my plans." he stated. "The Hero of Time is a moron. I've been importing power crystals to begin the process of bringing electricity to the city, and I don't have anything else planned for them. Which dungeon was the hero heading to?"

"He was riding towards Kakariko Village."

"Alright, so he's on the 6th dungeon already. I'll make preparations for his arrival. Good job, Tracker. You're dismissed for the time being, but don't go too far."

"Yes, Sir."

As The Postman turned to head towards the door, Ganondorf snapped his fingers and the door unlocked. "Come see me later, and tell me about your adventures."

"Yes, Sir."

The second The Postman was out of the room, he let out a deep breath of relief, unable to believe he'd gotten away with everything he'd done. Shaking his head in disbelief, he headed for his room.

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will hopefully be within a week. Sorry for the delays!**


	85. Green Magic

**Authornote** **: Sunday Sept.9th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Sorry.**

 **So Sorry.**

 **I have not abandoned this fic.**

 **I have had the worst few months of my life, and I have done pretty much nothing in six months. My vision became very very bad, and everyone I knew pretty much immediately abandoned me. I learned that none of my friends were true friends after all, and I took it rather hard and became depressed, not leaving my house at all for months. I've had this chapter written out for a long time, but had no one to help me type it. My eyesight is a lot better than it was, just a bit blurry now, and so I'm now able to do my own typing. I'm sorry to air my dirty laundry like this, but I thought you guys deserved an explanation.**

 **It still takes me a long time to type, but I'm doing a lot better now. I have not put any responses to the reviews because it takes me so long to type that it would have added a lot of time. I wanted to have this chapter posted before my birthday tomorrow so that I feel like I actually accomplished something. I listed everyone who left a review, and just know that I have read every review, and I really do enjoy them a lot. I will reply to every review for next chapter like I usually do.**

 **There are probably dozens of typos in this chapter, but it will have to do for now. At some point in the future, I'll go back and fix them all.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 9

Green Magic

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The Postman stared at the staircase in front of him, his mind racing with everything Ganondorf had told him. He was intrigued by the idea that he could be promoted within the Gerudo Nation, but he felt uncertain over the idea of being part of the military. He knew nothing of being a leader and nothing of politics and strategy. How was he expected to become a captain when he knew nothing about what that entailed? Shaking his head with a sigh, The Postman wondered if he should have been more adamant about being a pacifist.

Glancing down at his sword, he could still feel it pulsing with energy, and he wondered if it was the sword that had made him fight so well. He had miserably failed Captain Isa's training class, and knew there was no way he should have been able to defend himself as well as he had. Was it even fair to get promoted using power that wasn't his own? He didn't feel he was qualified, and figured he would discuss the matter later with Captain Isa. He imagined she would have a lot to say in the matter...

When The Postman finally got to his room in J-Wing, he saw his bedroom door was wide open and let out a sigh. Hoping he hadn't been robbed, he cautiously approached, and to his surprise he found Samirah sitting on his bed, petting his kitten. When she saw him, she gave him a wide grin, and then held out her leg to show him it was now whole and unharmed.

"Hello, Jihiro." she greeted. "Or should I now refer to you as Tracker?"

The Postman stared at her for a moment. "You didn't choose to return to your ship?" he questioned.

"Naw, I've never travelled anywhere I wanted to before, and I wanted to see the Gerudo City. They've been very nice to me, and I've been invited to stay as long as I want."

The Postman entered the room and took a seat on the bed beside her. "Hopefully you sent a letter to the ship explaining all this..."

Samirah waved him off dismissively. "I'll get around to it...eventually."

"They probably think you're dead." he pointed out.

Samirah rolled her eyes. "I'll do it later. My mother will try to force me to return once she finds out where I am."

"It's not really fair to make everyone think you're dead." The Postman replied, thinking of everything he'd put his own family through. "They're going to grieve for you..."

Samirah gave him a frown. "I guess I could write a letter... I'll just have to make sure I'm long gone before she replies."

The Postman looked her up and down, and saw her injuries seemed to be healing well. She had a few stitches above her left eyebrow, and her bruises were almost gone.

"You got new glasses too." The Postman observed. "Did you get them here?"

Samirah reached up to touch the frames and nodded. "Yeah, I got them my first day here and I can finally see clearly. The jeweller in the market made them for me when I explained what happened to my old ones. She didn't even charge me!"

"The Gerudo are good people." The Postman said, meaning it completely. "I'm proud to call this my home."

Samirah seemed taken aback, and then she gave him a wide and genuine smile. "You always manage to surprise me, Jihiro. I told Zaira you couldn't judge a book by its cover! I'm sure you'll do our military proud!"

"Are you going to join the military as well?"

Samirah gave a shrug. "Probably not. I want to keep adventuring to the North but Shoji found Lord Ganondorf's library and hasn't moved for the last week. Lord Ganondorf is fascinated by him, and the two of them talk all the time. I have a feeling Ganondorf wants to use him for a mission soon..."

The Postman frowned, remembering how much the Moblin hated him. "Has he told you why he distrusts me me so much?"

Samirah shook her head. "He won't say a word about it. I don't know who he thinks you are, but he absolutely hates your guts. I'd avoid him if I were you. He carries a sword with him at all times, and I bet he'll stab you on first sight."

The Postman gave a nod. "I'm not going to be here for too long anyway. I'm being forced to go on another quest..."

Samirah cocked her head. "By who? Lord Ganondorf?"

The Postman let out a sigh. "No, by a goddess."

Samirah gave him a puzzled look. "What's it with you and quests from gods? First the Windfish and now a goddess? What is it you're supposed to do this time?"

The Postman shrugged. "I have no idea. This was a quest meant for my brother and the gods are forcing me to go on it instead. I have to speak with Koume and Kotake and then I have to head for Death Mountain."

To The Postman's surprise, Samirah let out a snort of amusement. "Leave it to you, you walking jinx. I've never met anyone who has so much bad luck. Do you think you'll be alright?"

"I hope so." The Postman responded. "Sakon's going to tag along, and hopefully with the both of us working together, we'll be able to complete the quest within a few days."

"I'd offer to come, but I want to head North with Shoji. He was telling me about a civilization of mountain people that I want to meet. That is if I can pull Shoji away from the library..."

The Postman reached out and gave his kitten a scratch behind the ears. To his surprise he received a painful static shock and he jerked his hand back quite by reflex.

"Oh, it's a desert cat!" Samirah exclaimed. "They're almost extinct now! Where did you get it?"

"Sakon gave him to me a few days ago. I think he mentioned getting him from Ganondorf." The Postman replied, giving a suspicious frown to the cat.

Samirah looked somewhat alarmed. "He didn't steal it, did he?! They're incredibly valuable!"

The Postman gave a shrug. "With Sakon, who knows."

He looked the cat up and down, but to him it looked like any other cat he'd ever seen. "...what's so special about this particular type of cat?" he asked. "It can give static shocks?"

Samirah grinned at him. "You don't know? Well, then I'm not going to tell you and I'll let it be a surprise. You're very lucky to have one, and you should take some pictographs of him while he's still cute. In a few months he'll be ugly and mean. He seems to have bonded with you, so you should be relatively safe."

The Postman gave the cat one more suspicious look and then let out a sigh, deciding he didn't really care.. "Have you seen Sakon around?"

"He asked me to bring up your backpack a few minutes ago. I have no idea where he was headed though."

"If you come across him, could you let him know I want to speak with him?"

Samirah gave him a salute. "Where are you going?" she asked, as he stood to his feet. "You just got here!"

"I have to speak with Koume and Kotake about something related to my magic. I shouldn't be long if you want to grab some supper with me?"

Samirah nodded. "I could eat." she responded thoughtfully. "Your friends from your training class have been asking about you, want me to invite them as well?"

It felt like ages since he'd simply relaxed with his friends, and so he gave her a nod. "Invite anyone who wants to come. We can go somewhere in the market."

"Are you inviting Sakon?" Samirah asked, curling up her lip in disgust.

When The Postman nodded, she rolled her eyes. "You might lose a few people if they know he's there, but I'll still spread the word."

Grabbing his room key off his dresser as he left, he gave her a wave and then hurried down the hall, hoping Koume and Kotake weren't busy.

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The Postman could hear bickering as he neared Koume and Kotake's lab. Glad they were at least there, he gave a loud knock to the door and then stepped back, not sure what kind of mood to expect. The room went silent, and a moment later, Koume opened the door, peering out suspiciously. When her eyes fell on The Postman, she stared at him a moment and then stepped aside to let him in.

"Who is it?" Kotake called from behind her.

"It's the Tracker." Koume called back.

The Postman entered the room and saw the twins were in the middle of brewing a potion. Kotake was standing over an enormous cauldron and was adding what looked like blood to a vile smelling potion.

"Yes?" Kotake demanded, impatiently. "Come to beg forgiveness for skipping your magical training?"

The Postman winced realizing he had missed both magical and physical training without letting anyone know.

"Er...sorry." The Postman offered. "I didn't mean to miss training but I got pulled into an unexpected quest..."

Koume crossed her arms and gave him a skeptical look. "Oh?"

The Postman nodded. "That's actually what I came to talk to you about."

Both witches gave him an intrigued look, and Kotake set down the ladle she'd been stirring the potion with. "This had better be a very good explanation." she warned. "I have a whole list of punishments lined up for you if it isn't."

"It is." The Postman assured her.

The twins each took a seat, and motioned for him to get on with it. They already knew about how Sakon had been cursed, and so he skipped that part and started from where he was instructed on how to rescue him. He explained everything he had done and when he was finally finished, both witches were looking extremely concerned.

"I knew that red magic of yours was unnatural." Kotake muttered. "To imagine your own uncle did something so monstrous to you. We'll have to work on ridding you of it before it eats you alive. Have you informed Lord Ganondorf of this?"

The Postman silently shook his head.

"We'll have to tell him straight away." she stated with a frown. "He sent word that we're supposed to begin schooling you on potions, politics and military history, and I imagine Captain Isa has been told to begin preparing you to learn advanced swordsplay and leadership skills. Lord Ganondorf clearly sees great potential in you, but before you can begin your training in earnest, you'll have to get this quest out of the way."

"The first mate of the pirate ship had a medallion around her neck that hid all traces of her magic. Do you know where she could have gotten it?"

The witches exchanged a look.

"You mean Zaira." Kotake stated. "We made her medallion for her when she was a child."

The Postman leaned forward in his chair eagerly. "Would you be willing to make me one as well? If no one can sense my magic, I think I'll be able to stay hidden."

"It's not as easy as that." Koume snapped. "It's incredibly complicated to make a medallion like that, and honestly, I'm not certain it will work on you. It was made to hide one kind of magic, not two."

"Well, could it hide the red magic? I think that's what I'm being tracked by. I doubt my natural magic is what they're sensing since Ichiro wouldn't have had it."

"That might work." Koume conceded. "But it would help if you could build up your green magic a bit to mask the signature. Your red magic is powerful and I'm not sure if the medallion alone is enough to hide it. Right now your green magic is so weak it wouldn't mask anything. If you can work on your green magic and demonstrate it, we'll consider making the medallion."

"...but I have no idea how to use my green magic!" The Postman protested.

"You said yourself that you had mastered it when you were a mere child." Kotake pointed out.

"Yes, but I can't remember how to do it! That was a long time ago! I haven't healed anything in over twenty years!"

"I'm sure you'll figure it out. Green magic is completely different from red, and so Koume and I can't help you with this. If you can't figure it out on your own, you'll have to find someone with green magic to instruct you. Do you know of anyone that could help you?"

The Postman shook his head. "No, not really. Zaira has green magic but she's halfway across the ocean with the rest of the pirates. There's no one to teach me."

"Surely you know of someone nearby with green magic?" Kotake replied. "You were a postman and you would have met hundreds of people!"

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Well, there's always the Kokiri..." he said a bit hesitantly. "But they're only children."

"I'm hearing a lot of buts, and that's enough excuses out of you." Koume scolded. "Go speak with the Kokiri and come back in a day to show us what you've learned."

"A day?! I can't learn how to control my magic in a day!"

"Enough excuses. Lord Ganondorf sees potential in you, and so prove to us that he isn't mistaken. Show us what you're capable of, and come back stronger."

The Postman started to protest, but when the twins narrowed their eyes at him, he went silent and simply nodded.

"The medallion will take us a long time to make, and so you'd better not be wasting our time. Go train with the Kokiri and be back in a day or so. We will inform Lord Ganondorf where you're going and why."

"...yes, ma'am."

The Postman then turned to leave before he said something he'd regret. He had no idea how they expected him to master green magic within a day, but he knew he had to at least try. The moment he was back in the hall, he let out a frustrated sigh, and headed upstairs to look for Sakon. It would be dark soon, and so he'd have to leave for the Kokiri Village in the morning. The thought of having to learn how to control his magic within a day seemed impossible, but he was determineded to at least give it his best shot. Green magic was a gentle magic, and so learning how to master it didn't seem as daunting as his attempts to control his red magic.

The Postman only made it up as far as the third floor before a group of girls out of his training group found him.

"There you are!" Adena scolded, rolling her eyes at him. "We were looking all over for you! The pirate said we were all going to the market for food, are you still going?"

The Postman gave her a nod. "I was just trying to find Sakon."

"He's not in his room if that's where you were going." Iris informed him. "Apparently he's in the Golden Llama Tavern getting completely sloshed. He couldn't make it up that many stairs to go to his room, and so he gave up and got drunk instead."

"Is that where we're going for supper?" The Postman questioned, feeling somewhat annoyed. Leave it to Sakon to get drunk when he needed to explain something important.

"We could." Adena said thoughtfully. "They make a really nice steak there, but it's expensive."

"Bill it to Sakon." The Postman muttered, still feeling annoyed. "He can afford it, and he probably won't remember whether he agreed to it or not by tomorrow."

Adena gave him an overly eager grin. "Sakon's paying for the whole training group tonight?"

The Postman gave a shrug. "Sure, why not?"

Adena clapped him on the back. "I knew you would eventually come in use if we kept you around!"

Iris gave her a nudge. "Be nice." she scolded. "The Tracker has always been nothing but respectful to all of us."

"Hey, for me, that is nice." Adena grumbled. "Normally I just insult him."

Iris rolled her eyes at her but made no further comment.

Adena clapped her hands together. "Alright, let's go order the most expensive food on the menu!"

There was a chorus of cheers from the rest of the women, and The Postman followed along behind them as they headed for the market. Feeling like he was finally home, he found himself relaxing, and he ended up spending most of the night in the tavern simply enjoying his friends' company. He completely forgot he was supposed to meet with Captain Isa, and didn't even think about it once all night.

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The Postman glanced up at the rising sun and knew he had to get going. He only had a day to train, and he needed all the time he could get. Entering the tavern, he glanced around, and quickly spotted Sakon still passed out on the floor from the night before.

Crossing the room, he stared down at Sakon who was laying beneath a table, looking like he'd seen better days. The Thief's cast was covered in swearwords and insults and someone had drawn a very elaborate moustache on his face. Giving Sakon a frown, The Postman gave him a hard nudge with his foot.

"Sakon?"

There was no answer and so he nudged him even harder. "Sakon?"

"Ugh."

"Sakon?"

"Ner...G'way."

The Postman shook him as hard as he could and finally Sakon opened his eyes.

There was a moan of protest, and The Thief slowly turned his head to squint up at him tiredly. "What?" he demanded. "I'm busy being the town drunk. Go away."

"I'm going to the Kokiri Village for the day." The Postman told him. "I just wanted to let you know."

Sakon blinked slowly, trying to process the words. "What? Why?"

"I need to learn how to control my green magic." The Postman explained. "Koume and Kotake are making a medallion to mask my red magic's signature, but my green magic needs to be stronger for it to work. I'm going to train with the Kokiri in an attempt to grow my green magic until it's strong enough."

"Ugh, it's too early for this, I can't think." Sakon grumbled, sitting up and clutching at his head. "I feel like I drank half the bar..."

The bartender saw Sakon was finally awake and immediately slapped a bill onto the table in front of him. Sakon poured himself a tall glass of water and rubbed at his head as he took a sip. Reaching for the bill, he flipped it over and then choked on the water and began coughing as he stared at the bill in horror.

"17,300 rupees?! How much did I drink last night?!" Sakon protested in dismay. "Is this amount right?"

The bartender nodded. "It's right. Payment is due immediately."

"Geez, I really did drink half the bar..." Sakon commented, giving his head another rub. "I must have gotten into the really good stuff..."

The Postman felt a small twinge of guilt, but stayed silent.

To his surprise Sakon then gave a dismissive shrug. "Meh, I've done worse. I once had a bill for 86,000 rupees when I got into the really really good wine. It was so good that I barely even remember week after!"

The Postman didn't feel quite as bad now. "I just wanted to let you know before I left. I'll be back tomorrow."

As The Postman turned to leave, Sakon scrambled to get up with his crutches. "Wait, wait!" he called after him.

The Postman paused. "What?" he demanded. "I really don't have time to talk! I have to leave!"

Sakon staggered a bit, but caught himself on the edge of the table before he could fall.

"I'm coming with you!" he announced.

The Postman frowned. "Why? I'm only going to be gone a day."

Clutching at his head in agony, Sakon leaned against the table with a curse. "Because you'll probably end up being murdered or kidnapped. Anything that can happen to you will happen to you. You're the unluckiest person I've ever met. If I don't go with you, something bad will happen to make things even worse."

"Nothing's going to happen to me in the Kokiri Village." The Postman responded impatiently. "They're only children, and outsiders can't get in."

Sakon was fumbling with his crutches, and flashed him an impatient look. "And what happens if that weird guy in spandex comes back to kidnap the Kokiri again? Or if you get attacked on your way to the Kokiri Village? Have you learned nothing, you dope? Something will go wrong."

The Postman let out a sigh, but knew Sakon had a point. Lately his luck seemed to be terrible, and it wouldn't surprise him if Ghirahim suddenly did come back for revenge during the one time he was staying at the village.

"Outsiders aren't supposed to visit the village." The Postman pointed out. "I don't even know if the forest will let you through..."

Sakon turned to the bartender. "Sell me a red potion...actually make that two, and a bottle of chocolate rum."

"Sign this." The bartender ordered, shoving the bill towards him.

Rolling his eyes, Sakon signed the bill and to The Postman's surprise it burst into flames and disappeared.

"What happened?" he asked. "What was that?"

"Enchanted paper linked to the castle accountant's records." Sakon answered, as he reached for a bottle of the red potion. "It will let her know to pay the bar what I owe them out of my bank account. Most businesses here make me sign one nowadays."

"Only because you never pay your bills!" The bartender responded. "If you weren't such a dishonest cur, we wouldn't have to resort to this!"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." Sakon replied.

"You keep your rupees in the Gerudo bank?" The Postman questioned.

"Yeah, what'd you think I did with all my fortune, have it all sitting in a giant pile somewhere?"

The Postman paused. "Honestly, yes." he answered. "I always kind of pictured you laying on the top of it to guard it like a dragon does..."

Sakon flashed him a grin. "Naw, as amusing as that would be, I have my rupees spread out all across the continent. I like being prepared for any situation where I might have to go into hiding. I have rupees hidden in 23 different banks, all under different names."

The Postman was about to respond when he saw the sun was now fully up. "I have to go!" he exclaimed. "I don't have time to talk!"

"Ok, ok, I'm coming." Sakon said, grabbing the bottle of rum and red potion. "Let's go."

The Postman turned to leave, and Sakon hobbled after him, barely able to keep up. Once outside, The Postman mounted the horse waiting for him, and helped Sakon up behind him. The moment Sakon was seated, The Postman turned the horse and headed towards the town gate.

The Postman was honestly worried about the next day, and had no idea how he was supposed to learn green magic in such a short amount of time. Sakon chattered at him about something or another, but The Postman wasn't listening, instead thinking over everything Koume and Kotake had told him. He felt a knot of tension building in his chest, and took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down.

Before he knew it, they were riding across Hyrule Field, and he was startled when he suddenly heard someone call his name.

"Jihiro!"

The Postman glanced over and saw Kafei waving at him from the Castletown gate. He sped up the horse, and Kafei's smile dropped.

"Wait!" he called. "Jihiro, stop!"

When The Postman showed no signs of slowing, he still called after them desperately. "Please just listen to what my mother has to say! Please, Jihiro, please stop!"

A moment later, they could no longer hear Kafei, and The Postman flashed an annoyed look over his shoulder. Sakon gave him a grin, and clapped him on the back.

"Good for you. Don't so much as give that little creep the time of day!"

The Postman was still angry at Madame Aroma and had no interest in listening to anything she had to say. He had nothing against her son, but Kafei was guilty by association in his opinion. He knew he'd been a good postman, and he knew he was innocent, and so he'd never forgive her for treating him like that. She had treated him like dung stuck to her shoe, and he didn't want to see her, let alone have a conversation with her. It didn't matter what she had to say, he would never work for her ever again. If he did ever decide to return to being a postman, it would be with her competitors. The Postman had never really held a grudge before, but he doubted anything she could say to him would change his mind.

When they arrived at the entrance to the forest a few minutes later, The Postman dismounted, and took the horse by the reins to lead it. Sakon remained seated in the saddle and looked all around curiously, knowing he would likely never see this again. He had heard dozens of people had gone missing in the forest and knew it would be stupid to ever return without someone to lead him. Gripping the saddle as tightly as he could so that there would be no way for him to fall, he held his breath as they stepped into the forest.

Sakon felt a heavy wall of magic descend on him, and he grit his teeth as it pushed down at him, clearly not wanting him in the forest. The Postman didn't seem to notice and continued walking, and Sakon held on even tighter, feeling like he was going to be pulled from the saddle. The magic didn't feel hostile, but it was very clear he wasn't welcome.

"...don't think this forest likes thieves..." he commented, bowing his head from the extreme pressure pushing down on him.

The Postman glanced back at him and when he saw what was happening to Sakon, he paused. "Sakon? Are you alright?"

"I'm just wonderful." Sakon snapped. "Keep going before I'm crushed."

Giving him another worried glance, The Postman sped up and began crossing the Kokiri bridge. The Postman stepped across into the village, but to their surprise it was as if Sakon hit a solid wall. The horse easily crossed, but the thief was knocked hard to the ground, his nose now a bloody mess. Reaching up a hand, he laid it against the invisible barrier and then gave The Postman a horrified look as he began slowly fading away. As quick as lightening, The Postman reached through the barrier and grabbed him by the hand before he could disappear completely. The moment their hands touched, the magic that held Sakon released him, and just like that the weight disappeared and Sakon could pass through the barrier. Letting out a deep breath of relief, he glanced down at himself, glad to see he was no longer disappearing.

"The stupid forest almost ate me!" he exclaimed, glaring at the bridge behind them.

"I think Farore is going to allow you in now." The Postman said, hoping he was right. "Just don't do anything stupid."

"I resent that." Sakon grumbled.

"Come on, we'd better get inside the village before Farore changes her mind about you..." The Postman, said, helping The Thief back to his feet.

When they entered the village, the Kokiri were outside playing some sort of game with acorns. When they saw them, they stared at Sakon in alarm, knowing he didn't belong there. Recognizing him from the Sky-World, they exchanged a few looks with one another before making their way over curiously.

"Postman!" Fado greeted happily. "Who is that weird guy with you?"

"His name is Sakon." Saria answered. "He's a thief and a liar."

Mido scoffed. "And how would you know that?" he demanded. "You've never spoken to him!"

"No, but Link has told me all about him. Apparently he's a criminal and someone to avoid at all costs."

Sakon gave her an offended look, but it was The Postman who came to his defence.

"Sakon would never hurt one of you." he assured them. "He's my friend, and he's not a bad person."

"He's tainted by the many people he's killed." Saria pointed out. "I can't even tell what colour magic he has because it's so clouded."

"I don't have any magic." Sakon replied grumpily.

Saria cocked her head thoughtfully. "You do, but I don't think it can be used. Your magic is either mixed or you've killed too many people for it to work. It's there but it's unusable."

"Story of my life." Sakon replied.

"It's actually magic that I wanted to discuss with you." The Postman interjected.

"Oh?" Saria answered, clearly intrigued.

"I need to learn how to use my green magic." he explained. "I only have one day to learn everything I can, and then I have to return to the Gerudo City to begin my quest. You're the only ones I know who have green magic, and I was hoping you'd teach me?"

Saria gave him a kind smile. "Green magic is instinctual, postman, it's not really something you can teach. It's just been so long since you've used it that you've forgotten how to connect with it."

"There must be something you can do to help me!" The Postman protested. "I need to be able to use it!"

Mido let out a derisive snort and crossed his arms. "This is why adults are dumb."

"Mido, hush." Saria scolded before turning her gaze back to The Postman. "Of course we'll help you. I can't teach you how to use it, but I can teach you how to connect to it. Is that alright?"

"Yes, anything at all will help."

Saria reached out and took him by the hand. "Okay, come with me and we'll go somewhere quiet where we can practice."

The Postman nodded, and followed along behind her, leaving Sakon behind without a thought. Sakon stared after him and then glanced around at all of the Kokiri staring at him.

"So, which one of you squirts is going to make me breakfast?"

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"Close your eyes."

The Postman did as he was told, and patiently waited for further instruction.

Saria placed a hand gently on The Postman's chest. "Do you feel your green magic?" she asked. "Or can you only sense your red magic?"

The Postman nodded. "I can sense both."

"Good. Can you see your green magic when you concentrate on it?"

The Postman nodded again.

"Tell me how your green magic feels when you reach for it. Describe it to me."

The Postman stared at his vein of green magic and considered his answer. Mentally reaching out to touch it, he felt a gentle heat course through him. "It feels warm." he replied. "Liquid and warm."

"Good." Saria answered. "Hold onto that feeling. Do you remember how it felt when you assisted the pirate in healing you? How you leant her your magic?"

"Yes, it felt the same...but different."

"You felt the warmth settle on your wound, and gather there hotly?"

The Postman nodded for what felt like the thousandth time.

"Green magic flows like water and to use it, you need to simply control the flow. You can't gather it like other magics, but you can direct it where to go with enough practice. If you used to heal yourself as a child, the instincts are still there."

"But how do I actually use it?"

"It's not really something I can describe. The only thing I can suggest is practising."

The Postman opened his eyes. "Practice? How?"

Saria gave him a shrug. "Do you remember anything about healing?"

The Postman shook his head.

"I suppose you could practice on Sakon's broken leg?" she suggested.

The Postman wasn't sure how he felt about that. "What if I make a mistake and permanently damage his leg?"

"You can't cause injury, but you can heal it incorrectly if you're not careful. My suggestion to you is to take it very slow to make sure you're doing it right. The more you practice, the faster you'll become."

"I don't know..." The Postman said uncertainly. "I can't risk healing Sakon's leg incorrectly..."

"I have a feeling you won't make any mistakes." Saria replied. "Your green magic is strong, and you just have to get used to using it. Trust your instincts, feel out the injuries and mend them. It can take a long time to heal a difficult injury, and that's why mistakes can happen. As long as you take it slow, and pay attention, there's very little chance of you making a mistake."

The Postman knew that he'd probably still find a way to mess it up. "It didn't take very long for you to heal me." he pointed out.

Saria gave him a nod. "There are certain plants and minerals that can aid in healing." she explained. "To make the proper ointments, you need to learn about how the plants interact with one another when exposed to green magic. That's something we Kokiri can teach you, but it will take a lot longer than a day. We studied the plants of this forest our entire lives, and would need to explain each individual plant. You should focus on healing only with your magic right now. We Kokiri have very small magical cores because we're children, but yours is certainly capable of healing without potions or herbs. You shouldn't learn to rely on them as we have to."

The Postman frowned, not feeling confident in the least. "Maybe I could cut my arm to practice on instead?"

"That's not really a good way to practice, because your green magic will do most of the work if it's healing an injury on you. Perhaps we can ask around the village to see if anyone scraped their knee or bumped their elbow?"

The Postman felt relieved and immediately nodded. "That sounds a lot safer."

Saria gave him an amused look and slowly stood to her feet. "Come on, let's go see if we can find someone for you to practice on."

The Postman followed her out of her cottage and headed for where they could see the rest of the Kokiri gathered around Sakon. Sakon was munching on an enormous plate of eggs and fruit, and was very enthusiastically telling some sort of story. The Kokiri were completely enraptured with the story, and as they got closer, The Postman could hear what Sakon was saying.

"-and the beautiful princess asked me to marry her, but I had to turn her down. Although I had saved her kingdom and rescued her from certain doom, I knew I couldn't stay. The world needed me, and so I gave my farewells and left to begin my newest mission: creating world peace."

The Kokiri immediately began clapping, and The Postman rolled his eyes, having no intention of commenting on that 'story'.

"We need someone with an injury." Saria called out to the assembled children.

The Kokiri exchanged looks and no one spoke up.

"No one has a bruise or cut?" she questioned.

When no one spoke up, she let out a disappointed sigh. Mido stared at her sad look and then lashed out at the nearest Kokiri with his fist, connecting solidly with Fado's face. Fado immediately began to wail as he clutched at his face, and Mido flashed Saria a proud look.

"I made an injury for you Saria!"

"...that's not quite what I meant." she replied with a sigh.

"Mido!" The Postman admonished in disapproval, kneeling down next to Fado. "That was uncalled for!"

Quickly checking to make sure the child wasn't seriously hurt, he saw there was an obvious mark on his cheek from the hit.

"Hey." The Postman said to him gently. "You're going to be alright, Fado. I think you're being very brave, and I'm going to help you, alright? Do you want me to heal your bruise?"

Fado wiped at his eyes, bottom lip still quivering and gave a silent nod. The Postman glanced over at Saria who stepped closer to help.

"Thank you for volunteering Fado." she said with a sweet smile. "You're a big help and I appreciate it."

This seemed to cheer him up and he gave her a shaky smile, everyone ignoring the way Mido turned red with jealousy. To Mido's benefit, he said nothing, but his expression was furious.

"Place your dominant hand over the wound." Saria instructed.

The Postman did as he was told.

"Now close your eyes and feel with your magic for the injury. You will be able to sense the damage, because it will stand out like a beacon. Your green magic will find the injury, but it's you that has to direct it what to do next. I can't really explain how it works, but you should be able to instinctively see how to repair the damage."

The Postman placed his hand over the bruise and closed his eyes. His red magic seemed to block his every attempt to reach for his green magic, and so after struggling with it for several moments, he mentally shoved it aside to reach for the silver vein of his green magic. The moment the red magic was held out of the way, the green magic surged towards him, its warmth feeling natural and right. Although he couldn't grasp it like he could with the red, he realized by concentrating, he could manipulate its flow. Turning his attention to Fado, he allowed his green magic to begin carefully trickling towards the child's head. To his immense shock, it was like the boy lit up and he could see what looked like pathways of burning light just under the skin. Concentrating on the light, he realized he was seeing nerves and veins, and his magic was flowing along them like water. His magic passed through these pathways easily, and when it began gathering around Fado's bruise, he took a closer look.

His magic could no longer pass through this area as easily, and he could see how the connections were broken and frayed. Almost without thought, he tried mentally reaching out towards one of the ruptured blood vessels and reattached it the way it was supposed to be. He wasn't quite sure how he knew how to do this, but his magic seemed to be directing him, and when the single blood vessel was repaired, he looked it over and saw the flow of magic was no longer hindered by it. Now knowing how to heal the rest of the damage, he inspected the large amount of remaining ruptured vessels. Reaching out with his magic towards them all at once, he pulled all the damaged blood vessels back together. The nerves around the bruise flared bright for a moment, and The Postman realized his action must have caused pain.

Quickly opening his eyes, he saw Fado had pulled away from him and was rubbing at his head with a frown.

Saria gave him a proud smile and clapped him on the arm. "Good job, Postman, you did it! Now you just have to practice blocking the pain as you heal. Healing isn't as simple as repairing sickness or damage, you have to make sure to do it painlessly."

"How do I do that?" The Postman asked, giving Fado an apologetic look.

"Practice." Saria replied. "The more you do it, the better you'll become."

Sakon stared at Fado's head where the bruise had just been and then turned to The Postman. "You want something to heal?" he asked.

The Postman glanced down at Sakon's leg. "Sakon, I don't know..." he answered uncertainly.

"Here." Sakon said, and then without warning, he punched him hard in the shoulder.

The Postman wasn't expecting the sudden attack, and he staggered back, surprised his red magic didn't explode. He stared at the thief for a moment and then narrowed his eyes.

"Sakon! I would have expected you to at least be a little more mature than Mido!" he scolded. "Grow up!"

Sakon didn't look sorry in the least. "That was for not telling me about the moustache." he replied grumpily.

The Postman now noticed the green moustache had been washed off. He assumed the Kokiri had pointed it out to The Thief, and The Postman had completely forgotten about it. Rubbing at his arm, The Postman let out a sigh, and took a seat next to the assembled Kokiri.

"Is there anything else you can teach me?" he asked Saria.

The girl shook her head. "It's something you get better at the more you practice. Have you had to use the slingshot yet?"

The Postman glanced down at the slingshot he'd forgotten about. "No, I haven't really had a need to use it yet."

"Let's hope you never will." Saria said, her gaze going thoughtful. "Farore came to us last night."

The Postman sat up straighter. "You saw Farore?!"

The girl nodded. "There is a great discord among the gods right now, and there is a war coming. She warned us that no one is to leave the village, and that strangers should be immediately distrusted. She said she is increasing the protection of our village just in case the wars reach Hyrule. The world is going to become a very dangerous place, and I'm afraid it somehow involves you."

The Postman felt like his blood had frozen as he remembered the vivid dreams he'd had of a war.

"How does it involve me?" he demanded.

"I don't know." Saria admitted. "I just have a very bad feeling. I've been having dreams about you, and I think it might be some kind of warning from Farore."

The Postman took a deep breath. "Dreams?" he demanded.

Saria nodded. "In the dream I saw you in chains being sentenced to death for unspeakable war crimes. Something was very wrong with you, and it seemed like you were not in your right mind. You were laughing as they sentenced you, and there was no hint of remorse. I thought this was simply a nightmare, but now that Farore told us of a coming war, it has me worried. You mustn't fight, postman, you need to run from this war and go as far as you can. Leave Hyrule, leave this whole place behind. Don't let the coming war corrupt you or your magic. We love you postman, and we don't want anything bad to happen to you. You're an honorary Kokiri, and no matter what, you'll always have a place here."

The Postman said nothing, feeling like he'd just been hit in the stomach. Images of himself holding a bloody sword came to mind, and he shuddered, feeling like he had no choice in the matter. He was being forced to become the monster in his nightmares, and he had no idea how to stop it. Would getting a medallion even help him at this point?How could he possibly go against the gods when they seemed so determined to make him their pawn?

The Postman closed his eyes, and didn't even notice when Sakon sat down beside him. The Thief gave him a nudge and he opened his eyes.

"Remember what I told you at your parent's house? I'll be damned if I let anyone use you like this. I may not be a handsome blond-haired hero, but I'll make sure nothing happens to you. The gods can go to hell, I won't let them have you. I'm sick of this whole thing, and I'm going to make their lives as difficult as possible."

The Postman gave a nod, but didn't really feel very confident.

"Why don't we practice a bit more?" Saria suggested. "You can heal your shoulder, and then maybe take a look at Sakon's leg?"

Still not saying a word, The Postman once again nodded.

"I don't know how I feel about this..." Sakon commented. "What if he explodes the leg instead of heals it?"

"He'll do fine." Saria assured him. "Now let's get started! We only have a day to practice!"

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **So sorry again for the lack of updates. I'm going to do my best to update in a timely fashion.**


	86. Rocks Are Heavy

**Authornote** **: Friday Sept.28th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Well, it wasn't six months this time at least. lol I'm going to do my best to get the chapters out in a more timely fashion. Many things are starting to happen in this chapter, and I hope you guys will like the direction it's going to go. :)**

 **There are probably dozens of typos in this chapter, but it will have to do for now. At some point in the future, I'll go back and fix them all.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **Hope-** Thank you so much for the review and for your support! I'm glad you're enjoying the story so far.

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 **Guest \- **Thanks for sticking around! My 'friends' certainly opened my eyes, but I suppose it was for the best. I don't want those types of people around me anyway. Time to go out and socialize to make new friends I suppose. lmao

The Postman might tell Sakon later that everyone billed their food to him, but probably not. Sakon has likely forgotten all about his unusually high bill by now anyway.

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 **lordseanington** **-** Thanks for the review, and thanks for waiting so long for the update! I really do appreciate how everyone has been so patient with me, and the next chapter will be out much sooner. :D

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 **Guest \- **Thank you for the birthday wishes! :D I'm doing great now, and I'm looking forward to finally finishing this story! lol

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 **Some Guy In An Ambulance** \- The scenes in the Gerudo City are some of my favourites too. :)

There's a reason why after 31 years of life Sakon only has one friend. No one else can tolerate his personality. lol Sakon is truly the most irritating character in the whole series. :D

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 **Zekrom1010101010** \- No, I didn't forget about the reviews, I just wanted to get the chapter out as fast as possible after such a long wait. Sorry that I didn't reply, I really do appreciate every single review! I'll probably go back later when I have more time to add my responses in.

Captain Isa certainly is going tear The Postman a new one. lol He has no idea what's coming... As for that scene with Saria, I can't answer that question without spoilers. ;) Everything will be eventually explained.

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 **R.C.D** **-** LMAO Thank you for the review, and thanks for waiting so long for an update! I'll try to be better about updates. My ex-friends are idiots, and so at least I know now what type of people they were. I'm not even upset over it anymore, just glad to be doing better health-wise.

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 **Remvis** \- Thanks for sticking around for a whole six months! For a while there, I thought I'd never be able to write again. I'm very happy to be doing better, and I'll be updating more frequently now.

I'm glad you weren't confused about the green magic. It's very difficult to explain for me, because I understand how it works, but I need to find the right words to explain it correctly. lol

I agree with you. Although The Postman does seem to make friends everywhere he goes, he will have people who hate him, and will have people who try to sabotage him. He hasn't really stayed in one place long enough to develop rivals, but it certainly will happen.

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Thanks for your concern, it is greatly appreciated. :)

I have a few surprises planned for upcoming chapters, and so I'm hoping it won't be too cliche. The "Jihiro-grapples-with-his-inner-psychopath arc" might not be what you're expecting, so hopefully you like the direction the story will go. I don't want to give out spoilers, so you'll just have to wait and see. ;)

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 **Rainmy** \- I feel bad for taking so long to update, but things should be a bit faster now. lol Thanks for hanging around so long, I honestly expected to lose all my readers during my 6 month hiatus. I'm putting all ex-friends out of my mind and I'm moving on with my life. I'll make new friends, so I'm not too worried. I live in a good-sized town, so there's plenty of people to meet.

I'm not quite done with that Moblin yet. I have a few things planned for him later. ;)

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 **Melle2001** -Thanks for your concern! I'm doing a lot better now, so hopefully everything will go back to normal soon! :D

If Sakon has something, then he probably stole it. Sakon pays for nothing unless he absolutely needs to. Ganondorf still has no idea where that kitten went. lol I bet Sakon has at least once in his life created a huge pile of rupees and then Scrooge-McDucked it. lmao

I'm hoping to get the next chapter out soon, and so hopefully my updates will go back to normal as well. :)

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 **Reiz16** \- Sakon is used to having huge bills at bars, and so this was not too surprising to him. It took The Postman by surprise though. lol If there's one thing Sakon is good at, then it's definitely lying. He would probably make a good writer if he wasn't so lazy about work. :D

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 **setokayba2n** \- Thank you for your review, and for waiting so long between updates! I've moved on from being upset, and now I'm much better for it. The next update will be soon, and hopefully there will be no more long hiatuses.

The Postman did explain his quest to Saria, so she knows all about it. She does occasionally speak with Farore, but Farore is not able to interfere with The Postman, and this will be explained at a later point. I don't want to give out any spoilers, so you'll have to wait and see. lol :)

.

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 10

Rocks are Heavy

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"I still think this is bullshit." Sakon grumbled. "Just because you were too scared to heal my leg, shouldn't stop the Kokiri from healing me! How in any way is this fair? I think they refused to heal me just because I was bullying you a little bit."

The Postman glanced down at Sakon's broken leg guiltily. When he had tried to heal the leg, the damage had seemed completely overwhelming to him, the break in the leg practically blinding his eyes, and he had panicked and pulled away. He had no idea where to even start on such an injury, and was terrified to even try. The broken leg was much more complicated than the bruise he'd healed, and he wasn't confident enough to experiment, worried he would heal it incorrectly. The Kokiri were very kind about his failure and assured him he would need to study the break and simply practice with it. Despite Sakon's insistence, the Kokiri had refused to heal the leg, leaving it for The Postman to work on.

"I'm sorry, Sakon." The Postman replied.

Sakon let out a dismissive snort. "It's not your fault the Kokiri are little brats. This is why I don't like children."

The Postman turned his gaze ahead as they rode through Hyrule Field, knowing he shouldn't have been such a coward. How could the gods expect anything out of someone so indecisive?

"I will try again." he promised The Thief.

"Don't do this just because you're feeling pressured into it." Sakon responded. "If you don't think you can do it, don't worry about it. My leg will be healed in a few more weeks anyway."

"I have to get better at healing." The Postman said, shaking his head. "What if my green magic isn't strong enough? Koume and Kotake needed my green magic to mask the red for the medallion to work."

"You healed the bruise, didn't you?" Sakon retorted. "Obviously you have improved."

"Hopefully it will be enough."

"Stop being so negative, it's getting tiresome. Just relax, and be proud of the fact you finally figured out how your green magic works."

The Postman fell silent, still feeling like he had failed The Thief. He vowed he would try again once they got back to the Gerudo City, and hopefully figure out how to repair the broken leg.

Things did not go as planned, however, and the moment they reached the Gerudo City, one of the girls from his training group rushed to meet him.

"Captain Isa is looking for you and she's furious!" she warned him. "She has absolutely everyone looking for you, and I've never seen her this mad before! You'd better go see her right away!"

The Postman then remembered that he was supposed to meet with her the day before, and winced, realizing she was going to be absolutely livid.

"Oh no..."

Sakon took one look at his expression and then laughed. "Yikes, what did you do to make her this angry?"

"...I skipped training while we were on the quest and then skipped our scheduled meeting yesterday."

"Sorry, but it was nice knowing you. Pray to the goddesses for a swift death." Sakon said, with a sympathetic look. "I'll never forget you."

The Postman rolled his eyes. "She's not going to kill me."

"Perhaps not, but she'll certainly make you wish you were dead." Sakon answered. "Captain Isa has a very creative mind when it comes to punishments. Believe me, I had to survive 10 years with that woman."

"You're going to get me in trouble too if she finds out I delayed bringing you back!" the girl said, looking nervous. "Come on, hurry up!"

"I need to report to Koume and Kotake first." The Postman protested. "Captain Isa will have to wait."

The girl looked worried at his response, but gave a nod and ran off without another word. Sakon gave him a surprised look and then shook his head.

"She's going to shove her cane where it'll never be found."

"Getting the medallion is more important right now. Hopefully she'll be understanding of my situation once I explain things to her."

"Wouldn't count on it, Darling."

The Postman let out a sigh. "Are you coming or do you want me to drop you off somewhere?"

"I'm not going anywhere near the castle for a while. Not until Captain Isa's tired herself out beating you." Sakon said. "Drop me off at Beedles stall, I never had a chance to check out his new contraband yesterday. I'll track you down later with a potion at the ready."

The Postman couldn't really blame Sakon for wanting to stay clear considering the entire Gerudo population seemed to hate The Thief. Sakon probably would have ended up being punished right alongside him.

The Postman turned the horse to head into the market, and it didn't take him long to find where Beedle had set up shop. The tall and gangly Beedle was seated on the ground with his wares spread out in front of him on a blanket, and he was chatting amiably with the old woman who owned the hummus stall. When they stopped the horse in front of him, Beedle paused his conversation and glanced up at them, shielding his eyes from the sun.

"Oh, heyyyyy!" Beedle called out with a grin. "Beedle is glad to see you Sakon and Tracker! Are you interested in checking out Beedle's newest stock?"

Sakon nodded. "Yeah, I'll take a look. Help me down, will ya?"

Beedle practically leapt to his feet, and easily helped Sakon down from the horse.

"Beedle has travelled across the Great Sea, and has brought back many strange and exotic items! He has found very rare weapons and artifacts from a small Ruto village on an island far away."

"What kind of weapons?" Sakon asked, his curiosity piqued.

Beedle resumed his seat, and motioned towards his wares. "Come see!" he invited.

"I'll see you later." The Postman said, turning the horse back towards the castle. "Come find me when you're done."

"Okay, I'll be by shortly with that healing potion."

The Postman seriously hoped he wouldn't need a healing potion, but knew Captain Isa would be completely in her rights to have him beaten. He dropped off his horse at the stables, and then made his way into the castle, hoping Koume and Kotake would be satisfied with his progress. He could barely heal a bruise, but it was better than what he could do when he left.

The Postman passed by the guards at the castle's entrance and pushed open the doors, only to be greeted with the sight of Captain Isa waiting for him with her arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Everything about her body language screamed 'furious' and it was clear he was not getting past her.

"Hello Tracker, so nice of you to join me." she greeted in a deceptively calm tone. "We have many things to discuss."

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The Postman felt the sweat running down his face but couldn't move to wipe it away. His knees were absolutely killing him, and his arms were in agony as he struggled to keep holding the heavy rock above his head. He'd been in the same position for what seemed an eternity, and wasn't sure how much longer he could keep hold of it.

Captain Isa had subjected him to the longest, and most brutal lecture of his entire life in front of the entire training group, and she made it abundantly clear just how deeply in trouble he was. When she was finally done yelling at him, she had then made him remove his Pegasus Boots, and run laps as fast as he could until he collapsed, unable to breathe. After only giving him a few minutes to drink and catch his breath, she then left him kneeling in the centre of the courtyard holding a rock over his head. She then seemingly ignored him as she resumed training the others. He quickly learned that even though she seemed to be paying him no mind, she had eyes like a hawk, and anytime he so much as lowered the rock an inch, she'd strike him across the back with her cane. The girls in his training class kept shooting him a mixture of looks varying from pity to amusement.

The Postman knew Captain Isa was probably expecting him to drop the rock on his head, but he was determined to remain as stoic as possible. She had promised him a hundred strokes if he dropped it, and he knew she fully expected him to fail. The Postman's stubbornness knew no bounds, and despite his arms beginning to shake, and his fingers going numb, he kept his arms high above his head. Locking his elbows, and ignoring the pain and exhaustion, The Postman closed his eyes, trying to think of something to distract himself. His back was throbbing from the five times Captain Isa had struck him, and so he focussed on that pain. Allowing his green magic to investigate the injuries, the welts clearly stood out to his magic, and he looked them over wondering if it would be insubordination to attempt to heal them. His magic seemed to be itching to heal the injuries, and since he was desperate to distract himself, he carefully healed the welts, wincing at the temporary pain this caused. He then noticed that he could actually see the strain on his shoulders and arms, the weakness in his muscles evident to his magic.

Curious, he took a closer look, really focussing his magic towards the muscles in his arms. Tiny tears that must have been microscopic were all over his muscles, and although they didn't seem to be dangerous, they were obviously the cause of the pain and weakness. Realizing his magic could probably heal the small tears, he wondered if that would make the pain a little more bearable. Feeling just a little bit sneaky, he began healing the strained muscles, putting all of his concentration into it. After the initial pain from the healing was gone, The Postman realized his arms felt completely renewed, the rock not feeling quite so unbearable anymore.

Opening his eyes, he watched training, noticing how Captain Isa kept glancing over at him every now and then. Healing his arms, every time they began to hurt, he was able to keep the rock over his head until noon when the training class stopped for lunch. It was then that Captain Isa approached him, looking somewhat thoughtful.

"You're more stubborn than I gave you credit for." she commented. "Let's see if you can hold it until training is over for the day. If you drop it now, it will be the 100 strokes, but if you choose to continue and fail, it will be 200. If you make it until sundown, you will get zero strokes and your punishment will be over."

The Postman's eyes widened, but he said nothing, not wanting anything to break his concentration. Captain Isa watched him for a moment, and then shrugged. "Very well. We'll see how long you can hold it. Honestly I would have expected you to drop it two hours ago. Don't disappoint me."

With that Captain Isa walked away. The Postman watched her leave the courtyard, and then glanced up at the rock. This had to be a trick. Was she really going to leave him unattended while she went to lunch? Was she really trusting him not to set the rock down, or was she secretly watching from somewhere? Giving a paranoid glance around, The Postman adjusted his grip on the rock, but didn't dare lower it. Closing his eyes with a deep sigh, he wondered if he could last another six hours of this. Using his magic to steady his arms, he waited for Captain Isa to return, feeling resigned.

"Hey darling, I thought I'd find you here. I see you've left no rock unturned to get back in Captain Isa's good graces. How you holding up?"

The Postman glanced up as Sakon hobbled into view.

"I'm doing wonderful." The Postman snapped irritably.

Sakon gave him a smirk, and stepped in front of him. "So how much longer does she have you doing this?"

The Postman grit his teeth as his arms wavered, knowing he shouldn't be talking. "Until six."

Sakon looked completely horrified. "Just how mad did you make her?! That's insane!"

The Postman didn't answer.

"Here, let me take that stupid rock so you can at least stretch out your arms for a few minutes."

Sakon reached out towards the rock, ignoring how The Postman was shaking his head no.

"If you so much as lay one finger on that rock, thief, you'll be holding it in his place!" Captain Isa snarled, appearing seemingly out of nowhere.

Sakon ripped his hands away from the rock, and stared at Captain Isa with wide eyes.

"I suggest you go find something else to do before I think of something to occupy you." she threatened.

"Er...I should probably go check in with Ganondorf..." Sakon said, slowly backing away. "I'll see you later, Jihiro. Don't drop that thing on your face."

Once Sakon was gone, Captain Isa turned to face The Postman with narrowed eyes. "If I catch you trying to cheat again, I'm going to make you run a thousand laps around the entire city, and then beat you, do I make myself clear?"

The Postman nodded silently.

Captain Isa then tossed a wrapped sandwich and canteen in front of him. "You have a five minute break, and then I'd better not see you lower that rock by even an inch."

Surprised by the unexpected break, The Postman awkwardly lowered the rock. He was absolutely starving and had no idea how he was going to last another six hours. How long could his green magic hold out before he was too tired to heal himself?

"Four minutes and thirty seconds." Captain Isa informed him.

The Postman quickly grabbed the sandwich, deciding to worry about his magic later.

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Link wiped the rain out of his eyes with a sigh. Something big was going to happen, but he had no idea what to expect. He couldn't enter the Kokiri Village which meant Farore had put her Kokiri into lock-down from the rest of the world. He kept hearing whispers amongst the monsters that a war was brewing, but Link couldn't find any evidence of it. The rumours said that thieves and lowlifes were leaving Hyrule to join an army, but no one seemed to know anything about it. No one knew who was behind it, and no one could provide any concrete evidence.

Link had defeated all of Ganondorf's dungeons, but still wasn't any closer to the truth. It was almost as if Ganondorf wasn't involved in the many strange things he kept hearing, but he felt certain the Gerudo Clan was behind it. Ganondorf was always to blame!

Reaching out a hand to pet Epona's muzzle, Link glanced across Hyrule Field. "I don't know what's going on in Hyrule, girl, but I don't like it."

"Clueless as always Sky-child."

Link froze, and then slowly looked up. Sitting elegantly in the tree above him was the last person Link expected to see in Hyrule. Ghirahim smirked down at him, and gave an over-exaggerated stretch, seemingly unconcerned that the hero had drawn his sword.

"What do you know about the war to come?" The sword-spirit asked seemingly curious.

Link narrowed his eyes, readying himself to fight. "Ghirahim? You're alive?"

"So it would appear." Ghirahim responded with a roll of his eyes. "For a hero, you're incredibly lazy at ensuring your enemy is actually dead. Not that I'm complaining, I suppose."

"Are you behind this?" Link demanded. "What are you up to?"

Ghirahim snorted. "As I suspected, you know nothing. This war is far beyond anything you could imagine, Sky-child, and it has nothing to do with you. You can't stop it, and I suggest you don't bother trying to interfere."

"Fight me!" Link ordered, brandishing his sword. "I won't let you harm Hyrule!"

Ghirahim looked incredibly amused. "I am not responsible for this war, and killing me would do nothing to stop it."

Link furrowed his brow, certain it was some sort of ploy. "Then your master Demise is responsible."

Ghirahim's expression turned to revulsion. "Demise is not my master and he never has been."

At Link's confused look, Ghirahim decided to humour him with an explanation.

"Demise was powerful, Sky-child, and when he found me, he knew I could increase his power exponentially. He was never my true master."

Link frowned at him. "Oh, and who is?"

Ghirahim let out a deep sigh, and continued his explanation. "I was created by my goddess to serve my true master during the war to come, and never that weak demon, Demise. Demise forced me to submit to him, and I did everything I could to resist him." At this, Ghirahim pointed to his bitten off right ear. "I never wished to serve him, but he was stronger than I, and he used many spells to bind me to him. Demise is a fool, and he definitely has nothing to do with any of this. I am free of his control, and I care not what happens to him."

Link was immediately suspicious. "Why are you telling me this?"

Ghirahim gave a delicate shrug. "I was hoping to have a civil conversation before things go to hell. My master is going to win this war for our goddess, and peace will be returned to the world. You must not interfere."

"Who is your master?" Link demanded. "And why is he starting a war with Hyrule?"

"I feel like I explained this to you last time we met, but I'll explain it again anyway. I was rather uninformed last time, and thought my master wanted the war, but I was mistaken. My goddess has explained everything to me in better detail, and now I understand. My master is not starting the war, Sky-child, he's ending it. He's a great warrior created by my goddess, and he will right the wrongs of this world and create peace. He does not want the world destroyed, he just wants to end the war."

"...Your master is a hero?" Link stated, not believing a single word the other man said.

"Must you put a label on everyone, Sky-child? He will end the war, and that's all you should be concerned with. I know how meddlesome you can be, and I don't want you interfering with this war. You can't stop it, we can only let it run its course. If you interfere, you could prolong it, and no one wants that."

"Who is your master?" Link repeated.

"My master is Ichiro, the warrior of the gods."

Link wracked his mind, but couldn't think of a single person named Ichiro. "And where is your master now?" he demanded.

Ghirahim's expression became troubled. "I don't know." he admitted. "He should have sought me out by now, but I haven't seen him. I've been searching the lands, but I haven't been able to sense him anywhere. I'm beginning to think he may not be in Hyrule after all..."

Link was still convinced this was a trick and shook his head. "You can lie to me all you want, but I will find out the truth, and I will defeat you."

Ghirahim stared down at Link in silence for a moment, and then let out a sigh. "You're a fool, Link."

Without another word, Ghirahim snapped his fingers and disappeared in a swirl of sparkles. Link stared at the empty tree, realizing that was the very first time Ghirahim had ever used his name. Link continued standing there, still suspicious that Ghirahim would leave so easily. When it was clear the sword-spirit was not returning, Link sheathed his sword, and mounted Epona. He had to tell the princess what he had learned. From there they would make plans to defend Hyrule from whatever war was headed their way.

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The Postman's arms were beginning to shake uncontrollably, and he had a feeling he was going to drop the rock on his head at any moment. His arms were in so much agony they felt like they were starting to break, and from focussing on the injuries, he saw his arms were starting to swell from the thousands of tiny tears in the muscles. He kept struggling to heal himself, but his green magic was barely responsive, and he was feeling more and more exhausted as time went on. Keeping his eyes squeezed closed, he used all of his concentration to keep his arms as steady as possible. He had no idea how long he'd been holding the rock, but eventually he heard people begin gathering around him.

"Captain Isa, he doesn't look very good..." Iris stated.

"It's his own stubborn fault." she responded.

Captain Isa never had any intention of beating him if he failed, she'd simply threatened him in order to scare him into re-thinking his previous actions. She was surprised he hadn't dropped the rock yet, and was honestly a bit impressed. The Postman was very thin, and he didn't look strong enough to last this long, but through pure stubbornness he had succeeded.

"Alright, Tracker, you can put the rock down, your punishment is over."

The Postman had never felt more relieved in his life. It was then that he discovered he couldn't move his arms. No matter how he tried, his arms were locked in position.

"Tracker?" Captain Isa questioned. "Did you hear me? You can put down the rock now."

"...I can't." The Postman responded. "I can't move my arms."

"Someone take the rock for him." Captain Isa ordered.

The Postman felt the weight of the rock lifted out of his hands, and struggled to move his arms. Opening his eyes, he met Captain Isa's gaze helplessly as his arms remained held above his head. Captain Isa knelt down beside him and then ran her fingers along his shoulder muscles thoughtfully.

"You should have dropped the rock." she scolded. "Your muscles have completely seized up and it's going to hurt to lower them."

Without any warning, she pulled both of his arms down to his sides, and it felt like every muscle had torn open. Unable to stop the howl of pain, he pulled away from her, noting his arms were at least in the right positions now.

"Don't take a healing potion until you get someone to massage those arms or they'll heal incorrectly."

The Postman gave her a nod.

"We will begin your special training regiment tomorrow morning. Lord Ganondorf sees potential in you, and so you will work hard and give me your best every day, is this clear?"

"I have a mission to take care of first, ma'am. I will not be able to attend training tomorrow."

"Mission? What kind of mission?" she demanded.

"It's personal business." The Postman answered, accepting the canteen of water Adena handed him.

Captain Isa narrowed her eyes. "Has this 'personal mission' been approved by Lord Ganondorf?"

"Koume and Kotake said they were going to tell him the details. I'm supposed to meet with them sometime today."

"I will take you at your word, but if I find out you're lying, the next punishment you receive will make this one look like a walk in the park. How long will this mission take?"

"I can't say for sure, but I'm hoping it will be no more than a few days."

"Very well, go meet with the twins, and inform me the moment you return from this 'secret mission'."

"Yes, ma'am."

The Postman's knees were both badly bruised from kneeling so long and he had a hard time getting to his feet. Wincing in pain at the stiffness, he took a few unsteady steps, unsure whether he could make it all the way to the twins' laboratory. He was quite aware everyone from his training group was watching him, and so he forced himself to keep walking without a word of complaint.

It took him a lot longer to make it to Koume and Kotake's than usual, and he hoped he still had enough magic to demonstrate what he'd learned from the Kokiri. He knocked on the door, and within a moment Kotake opened it, staring at him in disapproval.

"You took long enough, Tracker." she scolded. "You should have checked in with us hours ago."

"Sorry, I had a meeting with Captain Isa and I got...delayed."

Kotake looked him up and down, noting how exhausted he seemed and rolled her eyes. "It seems you've made her quite displeased with you."

"Er...yes, ma'am."

"No matter, come inside."

The Postman followed her inside, and he immediately saw a medallion sitting on the table waiting for him. Following his gaze, Kotake shook her head. "No, not yet. First show us what you've accomplished with your green magic."

Koume glanced over from the book she was reading and marked her page. "Did you meet with the Kokiri, Tracker?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"And did you learn how to control your green magic?" she questioned.

"Er...well, sort of. I can heal small wounds, but I need a lot more practice."

"We'll need a demonstration of course." Kotake told him. "I burned my hand on the cauldron earlier today, and I think that should be a sufficient challenge for you."

Kotake held out her hand towards him, and The Postman stared at the tiny burn, having a feeling he was too magically exhausted to do it. Deciding to give it his best shot, he laid his hands over the burn and closed his eyes. His green magic barely reacted when he reached for it, and when he attempted to use it, it flickered as if the vein of magic was going to break. Having enough sense not to strain the magic when he was this exhausted, The Postman released it, and opened his eyes. Pulling his hands away from Kotake, he gave her an apologetic look.

"I'm sorry, I can't."

Kotake raised an eyebrow, but didn't seem overly upset with him. "Oh?" she questioned.

"I've used my green magic a great deal today, and I'm afraid if I use it any more I'll have magical exhaustion. If you like, I could probably demonstrate for you in the morning?"

The twins exchanged a knowing look.

"That's what I thought." Kotake commented. "Captain Isa was here to see us earlier this afternoon, concerned that you were being so stubborn with your punishment. We discussed the matter and came to the conclusion you were probably healing yourself the entire time. This just confirms it."

The Postman winced guiltily, hoping they didn't tell Captain Isa.

"Relax, Tracker, that's actually rather impressive. Imagine that only a day's worth of training has made you this much stronger! Lord Ganondorf has definitely chosen the right person to be his Tracker."

"So I've learned enough for the medallion to work?"

Koume gave him a shrug. "That remains to be seen. It will certainly help, but we can't guarantee it will be perfect."

"And does Lord Ganondorf know about my mission?"

"Yes, we told him everything and he has given you permission to finish this personal business before beginning your new training schedule. He expects updates if this mission takes any longer than a week."

The Postman nodded in understanding.

Koume picked up the medallion from the table and slipped it through a sturdy-looking silver chain. Approaching The Postman, she held it out towards him and he hesitantly accepted it, hoping this would finally stop the nightmares, and the deaths.

"Wear this under your shirt so the medallion rests on your skin." Kotake advised him. "It works best when it's always resting close to your magical core. Once you put it on, no one should be able to sense your magic, and you should be able to travel unnoticed."

The Postman slipped the chain over his head, and tucked the medallion into his shirt, and the moment it touched his skin, he felt a powerful wave of magic flow through him. The magic seemed to coat his skin, and it was a bit odd feeling, but he could tell it was harmless. Rubbing at his arm curiously, he felt the magic disturb a bit, but otherwise stay completely in tact. The magic of the medallion didn't seem to negatively affect his red and green magic, and he was sure he could still use both without issue. The most noticeable way the medallion affected him, was by causing a warm, magical presence that lurked at the very back of his mind. He didn't mind the feeling, and so he gave both witches a nod of satisfaction.

"Keep us updated if you notice anything unusual about the medallion." Koume told him. "When will you be leaving on your mission?"

"I'll be leaving first thing in the morning." The Postman replied. "I need to gather a few supplies just in case it takes longer than a few days. I'm hoping to be done with all this nonsense as fast as possible so I can return home."

The twins nodded in understanding. "Just be careful, Tracker. There may be more going on that you're not aware of. Keep watch for traps, and trust no one."

"I'll be careful." The Postman promised. "Sakon will be with me to help."

"That does not reassure me." Kotake muttered.

"Go see to your exhaustion, Tracker, and make sure to take a good horse with you for your journey."

"Yes, ma'am." The Postman said, turning to leave. "Thank you for all your help with the medallion."

Koume and Kotake rolled their eyes at him and then motioned for him to leave. The Postman left the laboratory without another word, and as he made his way upstairs, he rubbed at his aching arms. Deciding to take Captain Isa's advice about the massage, he headed for the medical wing, hoping someone would be available.

The doctor was still at work when he got there, and after briefly explaining what he needed, she sent word for a masseuse to come to the medical wing. He didn't have to wait long, and a few minutes later a short Gerudo introduced herself as Elra and got him to lay down on one of the many hospital beds. As she started to work at the abused shoulder muscles, he fell asleep before she'd even finished one arm. Amused, she finished loosening up his muscles, and then left a red potion on the nightstand for him to take when he awoke.

Sakon found him a couple hours later, and when The Thief couldn't wake him up, he sighed and left to find something more interesting to do. The Postman slept soundly through the entire night, and for the first time, his sleep was peaceful and without nightmares.

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The Postman and Sakon set out towards Hyrule early the next morning, and they both brought backpacks just in case they got delayed. The Postman asked Iris and Adena to care for his kitten, and he hoped he wouldn't return to a dead cat because someone forgot about him. Iris assured him she wouldn't forget, and he knew she was more reliable than Adena and so he left his room key with her and a few rupees to pay for the food.

As soon as they reached Hyrule, it began to rain hard, and that instantly put Sakon in a bad mood, The Thief hating being soggy. Ignoring the scowls and complaints, The Postman rode at a safe pace, not wanting the horse to slip in the mud.

The rain came down even harder as Sakon and The Postman travelled past Hyrule Castletown, towards Death Mountain, and it was now practically a hurricane.

"Why is it always raining in Hyrule?" Sakon complained loudly. "What a cold and miserable country."

"It's the time of year." The Postman explained. "It will rain pretty much non-stop for the next month or so."

"Like I said, Hyrule is miserable."

Both men were completely soaked, and Sakon had been complaining about it for the entire hour and a half ride. For the most part, The Postman ignored him, but it was rather difficult to do so when Sakon was flopped over on the horse's back moaning in complaint. As Sakon let out another over-dramatic groan, The Postman sighed and turned his gaze up to the sky. The rain was pouring down from the sky in a thick blanket, and the storm showed no signs of slowing.

 **"The rain... Oh, how I loathe the rain."**

The Postman glanced over at Sakon in confusion and then glanced around. The voice didn't sound like Sakon, but he had heard it as clear as day, and there was no one else around. "What did you say?" he questioned.

Sakon gave him a miserable look. "I said 'Ahhhhughh.'." he responded.

"No, what did you say just now?"

"I didn't say anything, darling. I think you have rain in your ears."

The Postman frowned.

" **Rain is by far the worst."** The voice continued **. "Rain devours everything until the ground is a mess, and everyone is cold and miserable. People are small and insignificant compared to the sheer power of a storm, and there's nothing we can do about it**."

The Postman looked back at Sakon, but The Thief was busy trying to get a cloak to cover as much of himself as possible. He clearly hadn't heard anything.

The Postman looked one way, and then the other, but they were completely alone in Hyrule Field. The voice sounded like it was whispering in his ear, and The Postman now suspected magic was to blame. Remembering when The Ballad of the Windfish had played within his mind, The Postman wondered if this was the voice of a god he was hearing. It didn't sound like the cloaked man, and it didn't sound like anyone he had met before.

" **Rain will wash everything away if given enough time. Stones turn to sand, buildings crumble and the world is washed anew. Eventually, all that will remain will be the rain."**

The Postman frowned even further. The voice he could hear sounded young, and it didn't sound malicious, just a little bit melancholy.

"Who are you?" The Postman asked out loud.

Sakon gave him an odd look. "Did you just ask who I was?"

"Shh." The Postman scolded The Thief. To the voice, he repeated himself. "Who are you?"

Sakon now seemed concerned. "Did you drop that rock on your head yesterday?"

"SHH!" The Postman hissed at Sakon. "I'm not talking to you."

"What?" Sakon said, looking even more confused. "Darling, I'm the only person here..."

"Shh."

" **I never would have thought myself to turn into an angsty mess**." the voice stated thoughtfully. " **Time does change one's perspective however...** "

"Who are you?" The Postman repeated for the third time.

" **You really don't know who I am?** " The voice asked, seemingly surprised.

"No, who are you, and what do you want?"

There was an amused sort of chuckle. " **I am Ichiro.** "

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **Hopefully the next chapter won't take me too long to post.**


	87. The Voice

**Authornote** **: Friday Oct. 12th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Another update! I still can't seem to get these chapters out as fast as I want, but at least it didn't take me six months. lol**

 **My new job is tech support for vacuums (boring I know) and I have a bit of advice for everyone. If you need help troubleshooting issues, please don't call while driving your car. (Yes, I'm looking at you state of Florida!) You wouldn't believe how many people I get that are driving while dismantling their vacuums in an attempt to repair them. They'll read off the model number, serial number, and everything I ask for while fumbling to still drive. I keep thinking that I'm going to hear a loud crash at any moment, and it's amazing none of my customers have died yet. At least it makes my day a little more interesting. lol**

 **I'm going to try to get the next chapter up within 2 weeks, but I can't make any promises. It takes me a long time to type nowadays, and so hopefully I can find enough time. :D**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

 **.**

 **placesmileshere** \- I'm so glad you're still reading! I was so worried I was going to lose all my readers!

Those are some very good guesses, but it may not be exactly as you expect. ;) Due to spoilers I cannot confirm or deny your theory, but things will start becoming apparent very shortly. I'll do my best not to leave any loose threads in the story, and hopefully I won't forget about anything. lol

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 **Guest1** \- Now that Ichiro has been introduced, you'll notice a very big change to his overall personality. I didn't find his personality to be too believable, and it was bugging me how cardboard he felt. Hopefully this version will be an improvement.

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 **Guest2** \- Muha ha ha ha! I love being evil and leaving you guys with cliffhangers. lol

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 **M** \- Thanks for the review! I'm so happy I didn't lose all my readers during the very long hiatus! I'm going to do my best to get chapters out a lot faster now.

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 **Guest3** \- Thank you for staying so patient! I always wished I could be an artist, but I have zero talent for drawing or painting. lol It takes me weeks to draw one thing that most people could draw in a few minutes. My art teacher did not like me very much. She told me I drew children to look like creepy old people. lol My sight is doing a lot better now, and I go for a follow up appointment next week and I'm hoping everything is looking better than last time. I honestly don't know what I'd do if I permanently lost my sight...

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 **peanutbuuter** \- Ichiro's sudden appearance will definitely be explained shortly. :)

 **.**

 **R.C.D** **-** That was probably the very first time The Postman cheated at  anything. lol

Even if my plot might be a bit cliched, I'm at least attempting to make it a little more interesting. There will be some colourful characters introduced soon, and I'm hoping people like the direction the story goes. There is still a very long ways to go before the end considering the quest hasn't even begun yet. lol The Postman doesn't quite realize yet exactly what he's in for. lol

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 **Remvis** \- ):E Muha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

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 **Jigbashmop** \- Ichiro is definitely a separate entity. :) The details of The Postman's uncle will be revealed very soon, and we'll learn exactly what he did to The Postman. Ghirahim doesn't entirely know what's going on himself, and Link will of course immediately suspect the sword-spirit of evil regardless of what he says or does. lol Link is definitely going to stick his nose where it doesn't belong in this story. ;)

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 **Rainmy** \- I'm very amused by Ghirahim's character, and it felt like a shame to leave him out of the story. lol It is indeed pointless to tell Link not to get involved. Link is now even more interested. lol Everything about the quest and about Ichiro will be revealed shortly. :)

Captain Isa actually knew he was cheating after she spoke with Koume and Kotake. That's actually half the reason she left him there for so long. lol

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 **Melle2001** \- Sakon is actually a very good thief despite the fact we very rarely see him steal anything in the story. No one besides him knows precisely how rich he is, mainly because he hardly ever spends any money. It's much more convenient for him to just take what he needs. lol

Captain Isa actually does like The Postman, and this is why she's so hard on him. She really does see potential in him, and knows that he will serve the Gerudo Nation well. Her punishments are always creatively awful. lol

Sakon knows he's a total screw-up, but he honestly is trying to help. He's not sure what he can do right now, but he knows he's willing to kill, whereas The Postman is not. That alone would help The Postman on this quest. :)

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 **Reiz16** \- I'm glad you like the Ghirahim storyline. I was going to explain all of that in the original, but I didn't want it to seem rushed. Everything will hopefully come together nicely in the end.

 **.**

 **setokayba2n** \- That scene at the end actually went on much further, but as I was working on it, I was like "Nah, let's bug my readers." and I cut it off at a cliffhanger. I'm a bit of a troll that way. lmao The Postman has absolutely zero talent for music, and so he'd never be able to play the song of healing any way. Sakon might be able to play it on the glockenspiel though. lol

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 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 11

The Voice

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" **I am Ichiro.** "

The Postman felt a wave of shock, but it quickly made way for absolute fury. "You are not Ichiro." he snarled. "Who are you?!"

"What's going on?" Sakon demanded, incredibly confused.

"Someone is contacting me telepathically and they're claiming to be Ichiro." The Postman responded.

The Postman could actually feel the genuine confusion the presence in his mind experienced. " **Wait...what?** "

"Who are you?" The Postman repeated. "My brother is dead and you are not Ichiro!"

" **...what?** " The voice repeated, seeming even more confused.

"Can you boot him out of your mind?" Sakon asked, quickly getting concerned.

" **Do...do you really not know anything about this?** " The voice asked rather uncertainly. " **I was told you were going to be completely aware of the situation...** "

"I'm not an idiot, and I'm not going to fall for whatever lie you've come up with." The Postman responded. "Ichiro has been dead for 31 years, my parents buried him in our family graveyard."

The voice went very quiet, but The Postman could still sense his presence.

"I know you're still there." The Postman informed him.

" **I don't know what to do, or how to respond to this...** " the voice admitted. " **None of this is right, you were supposed to be expecting me...I don't know what happened.** "

"Leave me alone." The Postman ordered, giving the presence in his mind a mental shove. "I am not allowing you to use my dead brother to manipulate me."

" **It took a lot of energy to contact you this way, and I can't maintain the connection for too much longer. Would you be willing to explain what you know of this quest, and then we can go from there?"**

"Not a chance." The Postman snapped. "I'm not telling you anything."

" **This is extremely troubling... I have no way to prove to you who I am, and if no one explained any of this to you, then I can't blame you for distrusting me. I really don't know what to do...my life depends on your help.** "

"Perhaps if you had have contacted me two years ago I would have believed you, but after the year I've had, there's no way I'm listening to a word you say."

The voice sighed. " **I understand. It seems nothing in my life is meant to be easy... Tell me what I can say that will prove who I am.** "

"Ichiro is dead. He died shortly after we were born. There's nothing you can say to me."

The Postman could feel the voice's curiosity. " **We're twins? I wasn't aware of that... I honestly know nothing of the life you've had, other than the fact it was allegedly a good one. Were...were our parents kind to you?** "

The question was such a bizarre one that The Postman found himself answering. "Of course they were. My parents are great."

" **I wish I could remember them...It would have been nice...** "

The Postman let out a sigh, feeling annoyed. "If you're pretending to be Ichiro, then someone must have raised you." he challenged.

" **I suppose that's true.** " the voice answered. " **I was found as an infant, but the people who raised me weren't exactly good people. I've always wondered what it would have been like to have real parents. Once all of this is over, perhaps I'll be able to meet them... I would be a stranger to them though...and I've never been good at interacting with others."**

 **"** You will stay away from my family! **"** The Postman warned. "Are you the one that has been killing my cousins?!"

" **No, I know nothing of that. Cousins...aunts, uncles, so we have an entire extended family? Are there a lot of people in our family?** "

"Do you really expect me to answer that?"

The voice sighed. " **I suppose not. If someone has been attacking you, then they are probably looking for me. You were supposed to be safe, but it looks like I've been lied to...again. The gods are liars, and I never should have put my trust in them.** "

The Postman was not expecting this, but was still suspicious. "What is the quest I have to go on?" he demanded, certain he would not get a straight answer. "Is this because you need the red magic?"

" **I need you to return my red magic to me so I can finally fulfill my destiny as the warrior of Termina. I am bound to this quest, and I cannot find peace until I fight in this war the gods are creating.** "

The Postman's eyes widened in shock. "The goddess who has been contacting me is Termina?!"

He felt the equivalent of a mental shrug. " **Probably. That harpy has been harassing me my entire life. She is the goddess of war, and she has been planning this particular war for a very, very long time.**"

"If she knows who you are, why has she mistaken me for you?" The Postman demanded.

" **I've been imprisoned by powerful sorcerers that want me dead.** " the voice admitted. " **I've been locked away where even the gods can't sense me. The only one I can reach out to is you because I had the foresight to prepare for their plans. We are joined by blood, and no magic can come between that. Blood magic is the strongest kind there is. You're the only one who can rescue me, and if you choose to ignore me, then I will die.** "

The Postman knew Termina was not a nice goddess, and if she was truly the one responsible for all of this, he knew she couldn't be trusted.

"Are you a villain?" The Postman asked, certain he would be lied to.

" **I honestly don't know what I am any more. I'm supposed to be the great warrior of the gods, but I want no part of this stupid war. It has been made clear to me that I have no choice, and so I will fight, and I will survive. I always survive. I don't know what that makes me, but I'm certainly no hero. I have done good things, and I have done terrible things, all in the name of the gods.** "

The Postman furrowed his brow. "Have you killed people?"

" **Yes, and I've saved people as well.** " the voice answered. " **I suppose I'm neither dark nor light, but rather a more neutral grey if that's what you're asking. I don't go out of my way to kill people, but I will defend myself if the need arises. I'm probably not considered a good person, but at least I'm honest about it.**"

"Why tell me this?" The Postman asked, feeling skeptical.

" **From your defensive attitude, I can tell you've been lied to a lot, and so I promise I will never lie to you. Even if the truth is not what you want to hear, I will still tell it how it is. I wish I could have contacted you earlier to explain things, but it was extremely hard to connect with you, and until today I have been unsuccessful.** "

"I still don't believe a word of what you're saying." The Postman informed him.

There was a deep sigh. " **I'm getting tired, and I'll have to rest now. I'll contact you again once I've regained my strength. Please think about what I've said, and I hope I can somehow prove to you that I'm telling the truth. I'm sorry no one has properly explained the situation to you.** "

The Postman was about to respond, but he felt the presence in the back of his mind suddenly recede. He could still feel it in the very back of his mind, but it was weak, and when The Postman mentally poked it, he realized it was sound asleep. Having someone asleep in his mind was extremely bizarre, and The Postman frowned, wondering what he should do. Turning his gaze to Sakon, he saw The Thief was watching him intently, clearly listening to the one-sided conversation.

"He's gone, Sakon."

"What did he want?" Sakon asked.

"He's claiming to be Ichiro, and stated he wants me to save him from some sort of magical imprisonment."

Sakon let out a snort. "That is definitely a trap."

The Postman nodded. "I don't know how to explain it, but the presence in my mind felt right, like I somehow recognized him. He said we were bound by blood, and now I'm not so sure he's lying..."

"Don't be stupid, Darling. This is the most obvious trap I've ever seen in my life. It wouldn't be any more obvious, even if he told you it was a trap."

The Postman gave another nod, but still looked a bit uncertain. "He told me it's Termina that has been interfering with my life. All things considered, that makes perfect sense. There have been hints of Termina in everything we did on our quests. I should have realized it sooner."

"You can't believe him, Jihiro."

"I know, but what he said does make sense. Termina definitely can't be trusted, but why would he tell me this if he was trying to manipulate me?"

"Look, I have no idea what he said to you, but you can't be an idiot about this. You know Ichiro is dead."

"Do I?" The Postman challenged. "How do I even know if there was ever a body in that grave?"

Sakon gave him a flat look. "Shall we get a shovel?"

"What? No!" The Postman answered, horrified by the thought. "I'm not desecrating a baby's grave-site!"

"Well, if you think there's no body, it wouldn't actually be a grave." Sakon pointed out.

"No." The Postman said firmly. "I am not doing that to my family. Imagine if I dig up that grave and really do find it empty. It would devastate my parents, and I'm not doing it. Digging up the bones of a baby would do the exact same thing to them. Either way, I'm not doing it. I'm going to have to think about this long and hard to figure things out."

Sakon was clearly not impressed. "Just dig up the damn grave."

"No."

"Dig it up at nighttime so no one knows what you're doing, and then we can fill it back in without anyone even noticing."

"No!"

Sakon let out a sigh. "I'm not letting you fall for this incredibly obvious trap. After we're finished at Death Mountain, we're detouring to your family graveyard. We will find out for sure, and you can either help me dig or just watch. Either way we're going to do this."

The Postman had never seen Sakon look so determined, and knew Sakon was right. Hoping his family never found out what they were going to do, he gave a nod. Sakon returned the nod, and then turned his attention towards the road ahead of them.

"I'm soaked and freezing to death. Let's get this over with so we can go home."

Sakon said nothing more as they continued up the mountain and when they were at the entrance to the Goron City, The Postman slid down off the horse without a word.

Now sheltered under the cave entrance to the city, Sakon let out a sigh of relief. "I hate rain." he commented as The Postman helped him down.

"I suppose we're probably still wanted by the Gorons?" The Postman asked, thinking of the last time they were in the city.

"Yeah, probably." Sakon agreed. "Just use your invisibility powers or whatever it is. Maybe we can just walk right by them?"

The Postman didn't feel overly confident about this. People and monsters always seemed to notice him nowadays, and he wasn't quite sure how to control that particular power. He knew it was linked with his green magic, but that was something he had never really practiced.

The Postman thought for a moment and then pulled the blanket from the horse's back. He threw it over Sakon's head like a shawl then said.

"All human's look the same to Gorons, so if you keep your head covered they probably won't recognize you. I should be fine as long as Darunia doesn't see me."

Sakon wrapped the blanket tightly around himself, covering his face then gave a gagging cough. "Ugh, this blanket smells like wet horse!"

"How is that any different from your usual smell?" The Postman responded.

"Oh, ha ha." Sakon responded sarcastically, rolling his eyes at him. "It's lucky for you my feelings aren't easily hurt."

Using his crutches, Sakon followed The Postman into the Goron city, hoping he was right about the Gorons not recognizing him. There seemed to be some sort of celebration taking place because every Goron seemed to be present in the city. Deafening drums echoed all throughout the mountain and the Gorons were clapping along with them, drinking and just generally having a good time. As they went deeper into the city, they saw the source of the excitement, and both froze. Surrounded by his Goron friends, Link was seated in a chair of honour, smiling at the music as everyone around him had a good time.

Link had come to speak with the Gorons about what he had learned about the upcoming war, but had walked in on Darunia's birthday celebration. Not wanting to ruin the party, Link had decided to wait until after the festivities to explain everything.

Link looked up from the band, made direct eye contact with The Postman, and then frowned. Glancing at Sakon, he let out a sigh, knowing this was probably going to be a bother. Getting up from his seat, Link made his way over to them, staring at the both of them with a suspicious frown.

"What are you two up to now?" he asked, crossing his arms.

Sakon pulled the blanket even tighter around his face. "Eh? Don't know what you're talking about, sonny!" he declared in a scratchy old lady voice. "Just travelling is all! This here young'un is helping this old woman keep her balance!"

The Postman pinched the bridge of his nose, embarrassed but resigned to put up with it.

Link began tapping one of his feet, giving Sakon a look which clearly said to cut the crap.

"Oh, my poor arthritis!" Sakon declared, clutching his back in perfect imitation of a frail old person. "It's the weather, you know? All this dog-gone rain! It's bad for my bones!"

Link turned his gaze to The Postman, knowing him to be a little more reasonable. "What are you up to?"

"We're travelling into the tunnels beneath the mountain." The Postman answered truthfully.

"Why?" Link questioned, his suspicions growing.

"You don't have to tell him anything, young fella!" Sakon cried out to The Postman. "These young busybodies don't know how to keep their noses out of honest citizen's business!"

Ignoring him, The Postman answered the question. "We're looking for a book that deals with my family history." The Postman lied "From what I was told the book was left somewhere within the mountain tunnel."

"Why is this book so important?" Link asked, unsure whether to believe him or not.

"I'm trying to learn all I can about my family, and the man who wrote this book was a great philosopher. I'm very interested to learn his thoughts."

The timing of this seemed awfully suspicious to Link, but he decided to give The Postman the benefit of the doubt. He would keep an eye out for their return and verify for himself they weren't up to anything.

"And why is The Thief with you?" Link demanded.

"He's my friend, and he wanted to come."

"No thieves here!" Sakon responded.

Link gave him a glare. "Keep him under control while here, postman. I don't want any complaints about theft from the Gorons."

"How insulting!" Sakon cried. "Accusing a little old lady of monstrous deeds! You should be ashamed of yourself!"

Link rolled his eyes and then turned away. "Take this as a warning, you two." he stated. "Behave yourselves and we won't have an issue."

Sakon snorted, but didn't say anything more.

As they carefully made their way downstairs, The Postman turned to glare at Sakon.

"Sakon, you're really embarrassing." he mumbled, once Link was out of earshot.

"You're just jealous of my acting skills."

"Come on, Grandma Sakona." The Postman said sarcastically, heading towards the Goron shop. "We need to keep moving."

Sakon gimped after him with a smirk. "Do you think he believed me?"

"Not a chance."

"Oh. Well, at least he didn't tell the Gorons who we were."

None of the Gorons paid them the least bit of mind as they passed through the city, too busy with their celebrations. They reached the shop without issue and it was completely deserted with a 'be back later' sign left on the counter. Sakon's gaze fell on the unguarded merchandise and gave a grin, already edging towards it eagerly. The Postman quickly stepped in front of him.

"No, Sakon. No stealing. We don't need Link's attention right now."

Sakon crossed his arms petulantly. "Why don't you just ask me to stop breathing while you're at it!" he shot back.

"Link is just upstairs, Sakon. Do you really want him to come after you and break your other leg?"

Sakon let out an annoyed sigh. "Fine. I won't steal from the stupid Gorons. This shopkeeper is totally asking for it too!"

The Postman pulled aside the tapestry located behind the counter and gazed down into the dark tunnel leading into the mountain. There was a loud roar from somewhere far down the tunnel and Sakon immediately backed up a step.

"You want us to go in there while the monster is home? IN THE DARK?!" he cried.

The Postman nodded. "We'll be fine, I know my way through the tunnels."

"I don't want to bumble around in the dark when there's a monster lurking around. Let's just 'borrow' one little torch from the shopkeeper."

"No, Sakon, we're not stealing anything. We'll be fine without it. Just keep a hold of me and you won't get lost."

"Of course. Let's go inside the dark creepy tunnel where where something wants to eat us. Makes perfect sense to me."

"You don't have to come with me." The Postman pointed out, stepping into the tunnel. "You can just wait here if you want. I can run away, whereas you can't. I shouldn't be long."

Sakon watched as The Postman walked off into the tunnel and then, with a few colourful curses, Sakon limped after him. The Thief remembered how the tunnel was a complete maze ahead of them and grabbed onto The Postman's arm, not wanting to get lost in the dark.

"I'm not going to let you leave me with the stupid Gorons." Sakon stated. "You better not let me get eaten though, or I'll make sure my ghost haunts you."

"Been there, done that." The Postman responded dryly. "Your nails are digging into my skin, Sakon."

Sakon loosened his grip a bit, but couldn't stop the uneasy feeling about the tunnel. As a thief he was used to danger, but it was completely different when he couldn't run away. He was going to be completely helpless.

They walked in silence through the tunnels for several minutes, The Postman going slow enough so that Sakon could keep up. Neither could see a thing and the only sound was their own echoing footsteps and Sakon's panicked breathing.

"Stop breathing through your mouth." The Postman whispered after a while. "The monster might be able to hear you coming."

"I can't, I'm all stuffed up from the rain and I think I'm allergic to this stupid horse blanket."

"Then get rid of it." The Postman whispered.

"Won't I need it again?" Sakon questioned.

"Not likely." came a deep growling voice from behind them.

Sakon let out a shriek of surprise, and there was a loud crash as he stumbled and fell, his crutches flying in different directions. They still couldn't see a thing, and so The Postman went very, very still.

"You're trespassing." the guardian casually informed them. "All trespassers will be killed and eaten."

"Not again!" Sakon cried out, from wherever he was on the floor. "Why does every monster we meet always try to eat me?!"

"Hello?" The Postman questioned, wondering if the monster would remember him. "You're the guardian from Termina's temple, aren't you?"

There was a hesitation and then a great burst of fire appeared from the monster's mouth, lighting the previously unseen torches along the wall. Sakon desperately tried to scramble away, certain he was about to meet a very painful ending. The guardian briefly glanced down at him, and then ignored Sakon completely as he stared down at The Postman, both heads lowering to get a better look at him.

"Little virgin?" the guardian questioned, his red eyes looking him up and down curiously. "Is that really you?"

"Yes, Sir." The Postmn responded, hoping the monster was in a good mood.

The guardian's two heads were only inches away from him, and both gave him a long sniff, and then he nodded, confirming The Postman's identity. The guardian pulled back a bit and gave another brief glance down at Sakon who was sprawled across the floor beside the monster's spindly legs. The monster recognized The Thief, gave him a look of disgust, but made no move to attack. The guardian seemed to have lost its aggressive attitude, and he cocked his heads thoughtfully.

"What brings you all the way down here, little virgin?"

"Please don't call me that." The Postman grumbled with a sigh. "My name is Jihiro."

Although still terrified he was going to be eaten, Sakon couldn't resist making a joke at The Postman's expense. "Don't blame the man -er monster for telling the truth, darling. Everything about you screams innocent maiden."

The Postman flashed him an irritated look but didn't comment. "I'm sorry to trespass, Sir, but I needed to come here."

"Oh?" The guardian questioned. "What could possibly be so important that you've risked your life to come here?"

"There's a book I need located in the room at the end of the tunnels."

"That area is supposed to be off-limits.' the guardian stated slowly, his eyes narrowing. "My mate has instructed me to protect these tunnels with my life and kill anyone who dares enter them..."

The Postman met the monster's gaze directly. "Are you going to kill us?" he asked.

"Well, it looks like you were certainly expecting a fight." the guardian said, indicating the sword hanging from The Postman's belt.

The Postman glanced down at the very familiar sword and let out a sigh, having no intention of using it.

"If you were any other human, I would have killed you already." the guardian informed him. "I cannot stop my natural instincts to protect, and although I have forsaken Termina, you will remain forever in my care."

"You're not going to attempt to keep me here, are you?" The Postman asked, dreading the answer.

"Of course not." The guardian replied. "You are not a child, and are free to do as you please. You helped me find my mate when I thought I'd be alone for the rest of my life, and for that I'm forever grateful. If it's just a single book you seek, I'll allow you to take it."

The Postman gave a nod. "Thank you, Sir, I really appreciate it."

The guardian glanced down the dark tunnel. "I'll have to accompany you however, to ensure you don't take or disturb anything you're not supposed to."

The Postman gave him another nod and reached up to take down one of the lit torches. As he turned towards the correct tunnel, Sakon struggled to get back to his feet.

"So, I can't take anything?" he whined. "There were tons of treasures in that room!"

The guardian looked down at him with a scowl. "Treasures that my mate was sworn to protect. Touch anything you're not supposed to and I'll chew off both your legs. I don't like you, and the only reason you're alive is because of the little virgin."

Sakon paled and quickly nodded.

"Follow me." The guardian ordered. "There's something very important I want to show you, little virgin."

The Postman exchanged a look with Sakon, and then quickly nodded. "Yes, Sir."

Once Sakon had hold of his crutches, they slowly made their way through a maze of tunnels The Postman had never been to before. The carved stone walls of the tunnels eventually turned into the jagged rocks of a natural cave system, and deeper still they were led.

"This is the oldest set of tunnels in the mountain." the guardian said. "This is where my mate and I have nested, and where she was born many, many years ago. These tunnels are where our kind originated from."

"What happened to the rest of your kind?" The Postman asked. "You're such a strong creature that I doubt humans were much threat to you."

"Many things happened to us." The guardian replied. "But during the Great War, our eggs and younglings were killed, and we were never able to recover from that. There were never a great amount of us, and to lose every child ensured the death of our kind."

"Great War?" The Postman questioned.

The guardian nodded. "It was the war that ended the world. None save my kind survived. The three goddesses Din, Farore and Nayru took pity on this world, and brought life back to the planet. None of the original creatures remain, and your kind have not been here as long as you think. The three goddesses have made sure that the planet remains primitive in an attempt to avoid the same catastrophe. Certain ancient technologies remain, but with the knowledge your kind possess, you will never be able to utilize it."

The Postman stared up at the guardian with wide eyes. "The world ended?!"

The guardian nodded. "The people destroyed themselves, and everything else around them. Your kind have only existed for a millennia or so, and are infants compared to my kind. Hopefully, the new races of people are a little wiser than the ones who came before you."

The Postman had no idea what to say to this and found himself speechless.

"Come." The guardian ordered. "We're almost there."

They followed behind the guardian, and neither men said a word, the guardian's words haunting them. A few minutes later, they came to an enormous nest which was made of dried roots and bones woven together into an intricate pattern. The nest was filled with dried leaves and moss, and in the direct centre of the nest was a large brown egg about six feet long.

"That is my young one." the guardian informed them proudly. "It will be hatched shortly."

"Ew." was Sakon's only comment as he stared at the sticky egg.

"This is probably the last of my kind that will ever be born." the guardian told them, his voice going somber. "My youngling will have a long and lonely life. She will never find a mate, she will never be a mother, and she will never see another one of her kind once my mate and I pass on."

"How do you know it's a girl?" Sakon demanded. "It hasn't hatched yet!"

"The colour of the egg shows my youngling is female. If she were male, the egg would be black."

"Why have you brought us here?" The Postman asked.

"I wanted to show you just how much you've done for us, little virgin. This egg is because of you."

"Why do you seem so sad?" The Postman questioned. "I'm sure she'll be fine."

The guardian shook his head. "I have been thinking a lot lately, and I almost think it might be kinder to destroy this egg."

The Postman's eyes widened. "What?"

"How can I allow a child to be born into this world when all she will experience in life is loneliness and pain? My mate and are extremely old, and we will not live for much of her life. She will still be a child when we leave her. Creatures will try to use her, try to control her, and in the end I fear they will eventually destroy her."

This was way beyond The Postman's scope of expertise and he had no idea what to say to this. "I think you and your mate will have to have this discussion... I cannot even begin to offer advice on this..."

"My mate has strong maternal instincts and she will fight to the death to protect the egg. This is not something I can say to her."

The Postman stared at the egg, and to his surprise, it moved slightly. "The egg is hatching!"

The guardian nodded. "It will hatch very shortly, and my mate has left the nest for the first time to hunt for our youngling. I could step on the egg and she would never know it was I who betrayed her. She would blame you and The Thief, and she would listen to nothing you say."

"What?!" Sakon cried out, knowing this was not a good idea. "She'll kill us!"

"She will." the guardian confirmed.

The Postman frowned up at him, and the guardian let out a deep sigh. "I will not harm the egg. It's cruel to leave it alive, but I can't bear to devastate my mate in this way. I suppose I was just thinking out loud."

"When will your mate return?" The Postman asked.

"Any time now." the guardian stated.

Sakon crossed his arms. "And what happens when mama monster comes back and finds us here?"

"She will tear you apart without hesitation."

"What if I tell her we're just egg-sitting for her?"

The monster shook its heads. "It will not matter. Anything that goes near our kind's young will be destroyed regardless of explanation. It is her instincts to do so."

"Yeah...I think we should get going now..." Sakon said, attempting to hobble back the way they'd come.

The guardian gave a nod. "I will escort you to the book you want, and then you must immediately leave."

"Yes, we understand." The Postman acknowledged.

As the guardian led them back through the tunnels, The Postman gave the egg one final glance, and then turned to follow without a word.

The monster led them to the room at the very end of the tunnels, but he was much too large to fit through the doorway. Instead, he peered at them through the door as The Postman began searching through the clutter that made up the entire room. Everything in the room was ancient, covered in dust and in no particular order. The Postman's compulsion to tidy the room around him was almost overpowering but he managed to resist seeing as Sakon was staring at him impatiently. Choking a bit on the clouds of dust surrounding him, The Postman wiped at his eyes and moved another pile of papers. He immediately sneezed.

"What book is it that you're looking for?" the monster questioned. "Perhaps I can assist you?"

"It's large, red, and leather-bound." The Postman replied distractedly. "I was told I would find it here somewhere."

The monster reached several of its tentacles into the room to help him search and a moment later pulled out a red book.

"Is this it, little virgin?"

The Postman carefully took it from the monster and blew the thick layer of dust off of it. He turned the heavy book over in his hands, inspecting it carefully. The front cover said nothing, a simple etching of a rose on the front. Was this it? He opened the front cover and saw the entire book was written in ancient Terminian. This had to be it. He was just starting to translate a few words when there came a loud snarl from within the tunnels.

The monster turned its heads to look down the tunnel in surprise. "My mate has returned."

Sakon's face paled. "Okay, time for us to go!" he announced.

The Postman hoped this was the right book as he tucked it beneath his arm, quickly making his way for the door.

"Try not to speak as we leave." The guardian advised. "The sounds you make will hopefully be masked by my movements. Pray my mate doesn't catch your scent..."

Both men nodded, and they followed behind the monster, trying to walk as quietly as possible. He led them as close to the exit as he could, the tunnels getting too narrow for him the closer they got to the Goron Shop.

"I probably will not see you again, little virgin." the monster told him. "Take care of yourself, and please do not try to return here again."

"Yes, Sir, I understand."

"Very well, little virgin, but remember that once the little one is born, my mate and I will become even more protective, and intruders will be killed regardless of who they are. This is the only warning you will get."

The Postman gave a nod as the monster slowly backed itself back into a wider portion of the tunnel.

"I'm glad the two of you found each other." The Postman told him. "I'm sorry about everything that has happened to the two of you, and I hope things get better."

"Goodbye little virgin." The guardian said, and then without another word, he disappeared back into the darkness of the tunnels.

"That was absolutely terrifying." Sakon commented. "I should have stayed behind."

The Postman rolled his eyes. "Let's just get out of here before the mother returns and eats us." he suggested.

Sakon couldn't agree more and nodded hurriedly. "Lead the way, darling!"

As they made their way back out through the tunnels, Sakon glanced down at the book in The Postman's arms.

"So, what's it say?" he asked.

"I'm not sure yet, it's written in ancient Terminian. I'll have to take a closer look at it once we're in better light." The Postman answered.

Sakon accepted this answer with a shrug, and began hurrying, just wanting to be somewhere safe again. When they came to the entrance of the tunnel, both were relieved to see the light from the Goron Shop shining down the tunnel. A loud echoing snarl came from deep within the tunnels, and they sped up, having a feeling the female monster knew they'd been there.

The Gorons were still in the midst of their celebrations and the shop was still luckily empty, and so The Postman set the book on the counter to take a look at it. Opening the cover, he flipped a few pages and was silent as he read. Sakon peered over his shoulders but couldn't understand a word of it. The Postman's brow furrowed as he translated, and he gave a frown as he turned the page. He then flipped through a few pages, only glancing at them briefly.

"What?" Sakon demanded. "What's it say?"

The Postman hesitated before glancing up at him, still frowning. "It's a handwritten book of fairytales... I think we took the wrong book."

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 **Reviews Make The Author Happy! ^_^**

 **The next update will hopefully be within 2 weeks.**


	88. Sakon The Unwanted Child

**Authornote** **: Wednesday Oct. 24th 2018**

 **Hello everyone! ^_^**

 **Another on-time update! Woot! Woot! I'm on a roll lately! ^_^**

 **Not too much to say except I'll try to get the next chapter out within 2 weeks. I wish I had more time to write, but I work a lot. lolol**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, everyone! :D Reviews are always greatly appreciated. :D**

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 **wisebravetricky** \- I try to be consistent with my updates, but sometimes life happens and I can't get them out on time.

Thank you so much for all the support and kind words, and I really appreciate it. I'm going to (eventually) publish a few novels, and so I always enjoy people's feedback! The reviews help me gauge what people like and dislike and is extremely helpful to me. :)

Definitely stay away from ASOUE fanfics. 99% of them are terrible and almost all of them are about underage romances. (yeah, no thanks. lol) I think I might be a little bit of a fanfic snob because I actually have whole lists of scenarios I won't read about. Schoolfics and underage romance definitely top the list though. Ugh, so terrible...

The main reason I used minor characters was so I could flesh out my own characters I'm using for my own original novels. Every character I write about are in my novels, but they obviously are not in Hyrule, and their looks and names are different. I've been trying to perfect their personalities before submitting anything to the publishers.

I'm sorry all that happened to you, and I completely understand your pain! I don't know why parents do these sorts of things to their kids. Do they honestly think they're improving their lives by making them constantly miserable? My parents have relaxed a lot over the years (gave up perhaps?) and they're nowhere near as bad as they used to be.

Naw, I disagree, The Postman has wayyyy worse luck than I do. Nothing ever goes right for him. lol

Thank you again for your review, and I'm seriously glad that you like the story this much! I hope the remainder meets your expectations!

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 **Guest1** \- Thank you, I'm glad you loved it! :)

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 **Guest2** \- They can never return to that tunnel again, and so they'd better hope that's the right book. lol The monsters' parental instincts will not diminish until their young can protect herself which will be quite a while. That hatchling will be getting her own short story later, so don't worry. ;) After this series is over, there will be a lot of one-shots about various characters.

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 **Guest3 \- **He will be quite different than the previous version of the story. Everything will still go in the same direction, but hopefully his motivations for doing certain things will make more sense now. A few other characters introduced later on will be quite different as well. I'm hoping all changes will be for the better. :)

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 **M** \- Sakon does have good ideas occasionally. If it involves stealing or doing something illegal then he's the expert to ask. lol The Postman certainly was in a sassy mood, wasn't he? I guess Sakon is starting to rub off on him a bit. hahaha

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 **Curious Reader** \- Welcome back, my dear! :D Don't worry, I won't abandon you guys. I might be slow updating times, but I'll never abandon the story! Unless I die in a car crash or something, there will always be updates. (eventually) lol

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 **R.C.D** **-** I bet The Postman's relieved that for once it's not his sanity he has to worry about. lol

That conversation definitely did not go the way Ichiro was expecting. Sucks for him that no one bothered to explain anything to The Postman. lol

I had a very rough idea about a story about that male monster, but I'm not sure if anyone would be interested since he's an OC. It was more or less a backstory before he was tricked by Termina to guard her temple.

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 **Remvis** \- More details of that prison will be revealed later on. There are indeed people that know he's trying to get in contact with The Postman and who are trying to stop it. We're going to learn a little more about that book this chapter! :D

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 **Rainmy** \- The Postman has certainly been doing a lot of villainous things lately, but he draws the line at graverobbing. lol He doesn't even want to dig up the grave, but Sakon made a valid point. :)

I don't think Sakon would want to adopt a baby monster that would eat him without a second's hesitation. lol I can just imagine his expression if The Postman suggested it. LMAO

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 **Melle2001** \- Sakon probably is one of the richest people in Hyrule, but even he has no idea exactly how many rupees he has because they're spread out in so many different places.

I feel your pain! I get writers block every time I come to a part involving Link. I do not like writing heroes and find it incredibly boring. lolol

Sakon has definitely robbed graves before. Those graves have perfectly good jewellery in them after all! lmao

Sakon tends to have a distinctive unwashed smell, but it's not nearly as bad as The Postman makes it out to be. He just gets sweaty from being constantly on the move. lol

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 **Reiz16** \- I'm glad you liked the chapter and thank you for the review! ^_^

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 **setokayba2n** \- I actually do have a short story planned about that hatchling. We'll get to find out what happens to her. ;)

 **X**

 **There are 5 parts to The Postman series, and most chapters will be between 4000-7000 words. Updates will be on Weekends.**

 **To anyone that didn't read the original version of this story, this series kind of merges all the different Zelda universes into one. In this story there is only one legendary hero that was singlehandedly responsible for saving Hyrule on multiple occasions. This story assumes all Zelda adventures happened within the same timeframe. The Zelda games I'm merging are Ocarina of Time, Majora's Mask, Twilight Princess, Skyward Sword, Link's Awakening, Windwaker, and Breath of the Wild.**

 **Thank you very much for the reviews, they're always greatly appreciated. Please let me know any feedback, suggestions or criticisms you might have.**

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 **How to be a Villain**

Part 5 Chapter 12

Sakon The Unwanted Child

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The Postman stared down at the large, leather-bound book and flipped back to the first page. Sakon scratched at his head in confusion as he watched over The Postman's shoulder and then asked.

"Are you sure that's a book of fairytales? Maybe you just can't read ancient Terminian as well as you think?"

"I received top marks in ancient languages." The Postman replied, feeling slightly offended. "There is nothing wrong with my translation!"

"You probably cheated." Sakon teased. "The truth finally comes out after all these years!"

The Postman narrowed his eyes, and then cleared his throat. "LaPeeta and the Wolfos." The Postman read aloud. "Once upon a time in a land far away, there was a young child named LaPeeta who lived with her grandfather in the woods. She believed herself to be the bravest -"

"Ok, ok I get it." Sakon interrupted. "Maybe you did grab the wrong book. I don't remember seeing any other books that looked like this though."

The Postman honestly wasn't sure and gave him a shrug. The rose emblem on the front was exactly as described, but The Postman doubted a book of old fairytales would be any use to them. Flipping through a few pages, The Postman came to the end of the story, and saw there was an added author's note.

"Sometimes unearned confidence leads to unexpected victories. Never underestimate the bravery of fools." The Postman read aloud. "The key to victory doesn't come from strength, it comes from being able to foresee your enemies actions. Never put your trust in anyone but yourself, and never let your guard down."

"Yikes, this guy needs to work on his endings." Sakon commented. "Not bad advice, but still really weird."

"I agree." The Postman said thoughtfully. "It's out of place. Perhaps this is what we were meant to find? There must be some sort of hidden information we need."

"Wasn't that stupid pigeon supposed to meet us at Death Mountain to explain all of this? Someone seriously needs to get their act together if they expect you to actually go on this stupid quest."

"I'll read through the book later to see if anything else seems unusual to me." The Postman replied. "But for now, I think we should leave this city before the Gorons notice us."

Sakon grimaced. "Yeah, probably a good idea."

The Postman gave one more glance at the author's note, and then closed the book with a loud snap. "Alright, let's get going. The Gorons' celebrations could end any moment and we probably don't want to have to explain why we came back to the city after last time."

Sakon let out a sigh. "Stupid Gorons."

Holding the book under his arm, The Postman peered out the door where the celebrations were still taking place and then motioned for Sakon to follow him. Sakon had forgotten the blanket back in the tunnels and now regretted leaving it there. Knowing he stuck out like a sore thumb, he slowly followed after The Postman, praying to any goddess that would listen to have them escape unseen.

Just as before, Link was at the centre of the celebration, laughing and drinking alongside the Gorons. The hero barely spared them a glance as they slipped by, but Sakon couldn't take his eyes away from the hero.

"By the goddesses, please don't let a drunk hero mutilate me..." he mumbled, limping after The Postman as fast as he could.

It may have been because The Postman was so good at being unnoticeable or it may have been because most of the Gorons were drunk, but they made it out of the city safely. Sakon let out a deep breath of relief and stared up at the sky which seemed like it was trying to clear up. The horse was still waiting for them and Sakon approached, rubbing its nose affectionately.

"At least you're reliable unlike a certain pigeon we all know."

"Hoo Hoot. I have not broken my word, thief."

They looked up and saw Kaepora Gaebora perched on the doorway above them.

"You're late." Sakon informed him.

"I'm not." the owl replied coolly before turning his gaze to The Postman. "I see you were able to find the book."

The Postman nodded. "Why is this book so important?" he asked. "It's just a book of fairytales."

The owl blinked at him. "All fairytales were once based on true events." the owl replied. "That book was written by a powerful sorcerer who lived over a thousand years ago. He wrote that book for his son to help guide him if the child ever found himself orphaned. He left some valuable information inside, and if you read it, it will teach you about the enemy who stalks you."

"Why can't you just tell me?" The Postman demanded.

"That is not the way things work." The owl informed him. "I am only permitted to be your guide, and nothing more. I must follow the rules set forth by the gods, and so you must discover your own destiny during this quest."

The Postman felt frustrated but knew from experience there was no point in protesting. Instead, he asked a question he hoped the owl would be allowed to answer.

"Is Ichiro alive?"

The owl cocked his head, and so The Postman continued. "Someone contacted me telepathically earlier and they're claiming to be Ichiro. Is he really my brother, or is he trying to trick me?"

"I cannot answer that."

The Postman sighed. "Of course not."

Kaepora Gaebora stared at him silently for a moment and then motioned with a wing towards Sakon. "Look into The Thief's family. He is important to this quest."

"Wait, what?" Sakon demanded.

"I've already said too much." the owl said sending a nervous glance up at the sky. "I must go. I'll return again shortly."

"Wait a second!" Sakon yelled as the owl took off into the air. "You can't just say something like that and leave!"

Kaepora Gaebora ignored him and flew off, up and over the mountain out of sight. Sakon scowled after him, and then glanced over to The Postman.

"Why would my family have anything to do with this?"

"I don't know, but I bet the answer is somewhere in this book." The Postman replied, sitting down so he could flip open the book.

"You're going to read it right now?!"

The Postman nodded. "I'm just going to flip through it and read the author's notes."

Sakon gave an uncomfortable glance towards the entrance to Goron City, but gave a nod. "Just be fast about it. I don't really feel like being made into hamburger by an angry Goron."

The Postman was silent as he read as fast as he could, and after a few minutes he paused.

"You find something?" Sakon demanded.

"I don't know." The Postman answered. "Maybe. Listen to this note left underneath this tale about avoiding monsters. 'Beware red eyes for they spell your doom. These are the murderers that annihilated our people and killed your elder sister. If their eyes are red, run far and trust nothing they say. Their magic is powerful, and they will use it to torment and confuse you. Hide from them while you are young, and destroy them when you are grown. They are an evil people who are a danger to the rest of the world. Beware the red eyes.'"

Sakon was frowning, and so The Postman explained. "The man in the cloak has red eyes that are a vibrant red. What if he's one of the people this author was talking about?"

"Red eyes are pretty common though." Sakon pointed out.

The Postman nodded. "Yes, except most people have dark, almost burgundy eyes whereas the man in the cloak has eyes that almost seem to glow. Eyes like this are extremely uncommon and I've only ever seen three people with eyes like this."

"Oh?" Sakon questioned.

The Postman nodded. "The man in the cloak, and both of your uncles."

Sakon's eyes widened. "Do you really think I'm somehow involved in this?!"

"Of course not, but it does seem to be pretty coincidental. I doubt Guru-Guru is involved, but what about The Happy Mask Salesman? Could he know more about this than he's letting on?"

Sakon scowled. "That asshole had better not be involved in this! I can't see him doing something like this, but with him, who knows?"

"Ok, and what about your mother and father? What happened to them? Were their eyes red as well?"

Sakon gave a shrug. "No idea, never met either of them. I was raised by my uncles and Caspian, remember?"

"Then you're just as much in the dark as I am about this."

Sakon gave him a smirk. "Naw, everywhere I go, I'm illuminated by my own awesomeness."

"How do you know one of your uncles isn't actually your father?" The Postman asked. "Did they ever explicitly say that they're not?"

Sakon's eyes widened in horror at the thought of The Happy Mask Salesman being his father. He immediately shook his head, refusing to even consider it. "No way." he denied. "Impossible. I'd know if I was 'his' spawn! I'd probably be a short, creepy dork with red eyes if I was!"

The Happy Mask Salesman knew who The Postman was and where to find him, and so he couldn't have been the man in the cloak. Still...it seemed to be a bit too much of a coincidence to be taken lightly.

"Have you ever seen anyone with the same shade of red eyes as either of your uncles?"

Sakon thought about it for a moment, and then shook his head. "No, now that you mention it, I haven't."

The Postman paused as he considered this. "I think your father might be the one trying to kill me..."

Sakon didn't know what to say to this and for once was speechless.

"Both of your uncles have the same strange red eyes as the man trying to kill me, and it can't be a coincidence." The Postman explained. "The owl said it's your family we should look into, and so I think it might be your father."

"...I always assumed my parents were dead." Sakon stated, uncertainly. "Neither of my uncles actually said so...but I just always thought that's what must have happened..."

"You never asked about your parents?"

Sakon crinkled his brow, frowning. "When I was very young I used to ask all the time but they would never tell me. I got to the point where I just didn't care anymore and stopped asking."

"When we get back from the mountain, I think we should pay your uncles a visit."

Sakon nodded, his mind now whirling with the possibility that his parents were still alive. Would his uncles really keep such a thing from him? Was his father really the villain that was stalking them?

"I doubt either of them will tell us anything. Believe me, I've tried hundreds of times. They wouldn't tell me a single thing about either of my parents."

"The last time you asked, you were a child, weren't you?" The Postman questioned. "You're a grown man now and I can't imagine them refusing to answer."

Sakon let out a snort. "You don't know my uncles. Both like to keep their secrets no matter how stupid or pointless they are. Look at The Happy Mask Salesman for example, he doesn't want anyone to know his true identity. Nobody cares, but he still makes me keep his dumb name a secret. And it is a dumb name too."

Considering the type of character The Happy Mask Salesman was, The Postman didn't find that at all surprising. He imagined it was so the villain could make an escape to another land if need be without anyone knowing him or his history.

"Still, we should try. Gaepora said that your family has something to do with me, and if your father is the one in the cloak, then perhaps they can shed some light on the subject."

Sakon gave a nod. "Don't get your hopes up."

"Guru Guru is in his windmill," The Postman stated. "And The Happy Mask Salesman is in his shop in Hyrule Town. Which should we go to first?"

"Guru Guru." Sakon answered without hesitation. "And you have no idea how creepy your weird tracking powers are. How do you do that?!"

"I'm not sure, but I think it has something to do with my green magic."

"Help me up." Sakon ordered. "We still have a grave to rob, and so we don't have a lot of time."

The Postman grimaced. "I can't believe we're going to dig up a grave..."

"I dug up the former King of Hyrule." Sakon commented offhandedly. "I got lots of good stuff from that grave."

The Postman stared at Sakon with wide eyes, having a feeling he wasn't joking. Deciding he didn't want to know, he helped Sakon up onto the horse without a word. Placing the book into the horse's saddlebag, he mounted behind Sakon and then turned the horse to leave. Neither man spoke during the ride down the trail to Kakariko Village, both thinking about what the owl had told them. The guard at the village gate gave a friendly nod to The Postman as he always did, but glanced at Sakon suspiciously, knowing the thief's reputation. He didn't say anything but it was clear what he thought of Sakon as he tightened his grip on his spear. Sakon simply gave the guard a sugar-sweet smile and urged the horse to go a little faster.

They crossed the village until they came to Guru-Guru's windmill and Sakon stopped at the bottom of the stairs. They both dismounted, and Sakon tied the horse to the guardrail.

"Don't get your hopes up." Sakon informed The Postman. "Guru Guru's mind has been getting worse over the years and he might not be up for company today."

The Postman gave nod, remembering how unstable Sakon's uncle could be at times. He knew it upset Sakon seeing his uncle like that, but Sakon would never admit it. He kept a smile on his face no matter what, masking the uncertainty beneath it. It was clearly a trait he had learned from his other uncle.

Sakon took the stairs slowly and carefully, and opened the door without knocking. The Postman followed behind, content to allow Sakon to handle things. Instantly upon entering, they were hit with the loud, fractured music of the song of storms and The Postman glanced across the room at Guru Guru. The small, sad looking man was staring wistfully at nothing in particular, clearly lost in thought. He was turning the handle of his organ grinder almost mindlessly, and he didn't notice Sakon until The Thief was directly in front of him.

"Hi, uncle."

"Grrrrrrrr." Guru Guru commented. "I'll never forget what happened that day-"

"Neither can I apparently." Sakon interrupted. "I've certainly heard it enough times."

Guru Guru paused, looked long and hard at Sakon, and then his eyes widened in recognition. "Oh! Sakon, it's you!" he exclaimed. "Why are you home from school? Are those mean kids bullying you again? Do you need me to go talk to your teacher again?"

"Um, no?" Sakon answered hesitantly. "Don't you remember? I quit school when I was nine..."

This seemed to surprise Guru Guru a great deal who stopped playing the music. "Quit school? Whatever possessed you to do such a thing?! Education is very important!"

"Er...you told me to when I was being bullied and when I flunked."

Guru Guru's eyes went distant for a moment. "I did? Well, that wasn't very smart of me...I should send you back."

Sakon let out a sigh. Apparently today was a bad day for Guru Guru. "I'm 31, uncle, I moved out years ago. I'm not a child anymore."

Guru Guru stared at Sakon another long moment and then gave a sad sort of nod. "I suppose you're not." he agreed. "I wish you were though, because I made a lot of mistakes that I would take back."

"Don't be stupid, I'm perfect in every way." Sakon scolded.

Guru Guru slowly shook his head sadly and looked like he was about to say more, but his eyes fell on The Postman.

"Oh! It's little Jihiro!" he exclaimed. "How are you doing, my boy? Keeping out of trouble?"

The Postman glanced over at Sakon who motioned for him to answer.

"Yes, Sir."

"I always liked you, you're a good friend for Sakon!" Guru Guru told him. "Still planning on becoming a pirate when you grow up?"

"No...?"

Guru Guru snapped his fingers in realization. "Oh, that's right! That was last week, this week you're a courageous hero, aren't you?"

"I've grown up, Sir, I'm not a child." The Postman answered, feeling awkward.

Guru Guru didn't seem to hear him, smiling warmly and waved him towards a few rickety chairs. "Take a seat!' he invited. "Make yourself at home!"

The Postman carefully took a seat as Sakon plunked himself down.

"I'd offer you some tea...but it appears I've misplaced the rupees out of my wallet again." Guru Guru said. "I haven't been able to replenish my cupboards in a few weeks, so I apologize."

If The Postman hadn't of been looking, he would have missed the briefest look of sadness that flashed across Sakon's face. The Postman clearly remembered Sakon supported his uncle financially, and knew Sakon hadn't checked in on him for a while. The look was gone almost as fast as it had appeared and Sakon gave his uncle a smile.

"We came here to ask you something very important, uncle."

Guru Guru nodded and sat down in the remaining chair. "Have you gotten yourself into trouble again, Sakon?"

Sakon shook his head. "No, uncle, I want you to tell me about my parents."

Guru Guru frowned and shook his head. "I'm sorry, Sakon but we've been over this. Looking into the past is upsetting business. There are some things that could stay with you for the rest of your life; things that could drive you insane."

The Postman doubted Guru Guru was still talking about Sakon when he said that and Sakon clearly thought the same thing.

"Finding out who my father is, isn't going to traumatize me." Sakon stated. "I'm a grown man and I deserve to know! Tell me!"

"No."

Sakon quickly adopted an expression of irritation. "Why not?"

"Because you're still too immature to know."

Sakon stomped his one good foot in anger. "I am not! You have no right to keep this from me! Who are they?! Who are my parents?"

Guru Guru stared at Sakon with a surprising amount of patience. "Fine, Sakon, if you really want to know this badly, go ask my brother. It was his decision to keep it from you, and so he'll have to be the one to tell you."

"Aw, shit, I was afraid you were going to say that." Sakon mumbled. "Getting information out of him is like trying to get blood out of a rock."

"Have you finished all your homework?" Guru Guru suddenly demanded. "You can't get behind again! Your teacher warned that you'll fail the year if you don't start trying harder!"

"Yes..." Sakon answered with a frown.

Guru Guru nodded, pleased. "Alright, then you can go outside and play until supper."

Sakon nodded, not really having anything more to say. "Goodbye, uncle. I'll visit again shortly."

As Sakon stood to his feet, Guru Guru threw his arms around Sakon, giving him a bone-crushing hug. Sakon wheezed and squirmed away.

"Goodbye, Sakon. Don't pick any flowers from Mrs. Peacock's flower garden again or I'll have to ground you."

Sakon snickered. "Peacock... Yeah, I won't."

Seemingly satisfied, Guru Guru seemed to forget they were there altogether and began playing the song of storms once again. The Postman exchanged a look with Sakon and then stood to his feet to leave. Seeing a movement out of the corner of his eye, The Postman turned around just in time to see Sakon leave a fat wallet on the desk where his uncle would find it. There was obviously a great deal more rupees in it than last time, and The Postman smiled. When Sakon saw him watching, his cheeks burned red, realizing he'd been caught, and he hurried out the door muttering something about needing to get going.

The Postman shook his head in amusement, and followed after him. As he helped Sakon mount the horse, The Postman turned his gaze up to the sky which was once again starting to darken.

"I told you he wouldn't tell us anything." Sakon commented.

"Let's get to Hyrule Town before the storm starts again." The Postman suggested. "We can ask your other uncle."

This isn't going to be fun." Sakon stated with a sigh. "I owe him money, so he's going to be a jerk about it."

"There has to be some reason why your uncles are so reluctant to tell you about your parents."

"Well, if my dad is a villain then he'd fit right in with the rest of the family. I don't know why they're being so secretive about it. Do they think knowing there's a villain in the family will taint my innocent soul or something?" Sakon couldn't help but give a giggle at that.

The Postman wondered why Sakon was taking everything so well. The Thief had just found out his father could be a mass-murdering villain and he just took it in stride. He knew Sakon had been around villains his entire life and that perhaps he was a little desensitized to it, but surely he'd have some reaction?

The Postman watched as Sakon leaned back on the horse, whistling, and then shook his head in disbelief. Was it all an act or did Sakon truly not care?

"Ugh, I hope we don't have to dig in the rain tonight. Soggy corpses are the worst."

Apparently he just didn't care.

As they rode through the village towards Hyrule Field, there was a loud rumble of thunder overhead. The Postman gave another glance up, remembering the lightening that had struck at the funeral.

"Do you think he knows I've left on the quest?" The Postman asked. "Would my family be safe now?"

Sakon gave a shrug. "Your mystery goddess told you they'd be safe, and so I'm going to go with yes. Unless she's Termina I suppose.. It would be a lot easier if she just zapped the guy, but apparently she's a masochist."

"He might be your father." The Postman pointed out. "You're okay with a goddess 'zapping' him?"

Sakon let out a snort. "He may be my father by blood but he means nothing to me. Caspian was more of a father than he was. The goddesses can 'zap' all they want!"

The Postman said nothing more on the subject, Sakon's angry demeanor telling him enough. They crossed the short distance to Hyrule Town just as it began to rain. Although it was early in the day, the town square was pretty much deserted because of the weather. They headed straight for the mask shop and then dismounted in front of the door. Sakon immediately reached out and tried the door, but found it locked. Reaching out a fist, he banged on it loudly until someone approached.

"I apologize for the inconvenience, but the shop is closed for the day." The Happy Mask Salesman called politely through the door.

"Open up!" Sakon ordered. "It's me!"

There was a hesitation. "What's the password?"

"You're a asshole, that's the password. Now open up."

The lock clicked and Sakon pulled open the door, this clearly being a normal interaction between the two men. The Happy Mask Salesman was seated at the counter, a cup of tea in hand, and he gave his nephew a disapproving look.

"Nephew." he greeted. "Did you forget you're still banned from my shop?"

"What? Still?" Sakon asked. "Just how long are you planning on banning me for?"

"How many times does the sun have left to rise and set before the universe ends?" he replied, calmly sipping his tea.

"Oh, whatever." Sakon grumbled. "I just came for some information."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave Sakon a thoughtful look. "Information can be expensive, as you know."

Sakon crossed his arms. "No, you're going to give me this information for free."

The Happy Mask Salesman raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Will I now?"

"Yes."

The Postman noted that Sakon was still keeping his distance despite acting so confident. The Happy Mask Salesman smiled at him knowingly and finished his cup of tea. Sakon's eyes widened.

"You already know what I'm going to ask!" he accused.

"I do." The Happy Mask Salesman confirmed. "I've known this day was coming for a very long time."

"You're not nearly as clever as you think you are." Sakon commented with a frown.

The Happy Mask Salesman didn't seem offended by the comment and motioned for Sakon to join him at the counter.

The Postman noticed for the first time there were three teacups and a plate of cookies on the counter as if The Happy Mask Salesman had been expecting company. Sakon snatched up one of the cups of tea, giving his uncle a dirty look as he took a seat.

"If you know what I want, then why not just tell me?" he demanded.

"I suppose it is time that I told you." The Happy Mask Salesman stated thoughtfully. "You might not come back from this quest, and so you should know your family history. Every clan member should know where they come from."

"'Might not come back'?!" Sakon exclaimed. "What do you know about this quest that I don't? Am I going to die?!"

"You must understand something, Sakon." The Happy Mask Salesman began. "Who your father is doesn't matter. It won't give you any peace of mind. It's only your own actions that matter."

Sakon let out a sigh of annoyance. "Why keep it from me so long?" he demanded. "Who were you trying to you protect?! Me or him?"

"You, Sakon." The Happy Mask Salesman replied, taking another sip of tea. "He should never have been a father, and he only would have rejected you if you went to him. His identity was kept a secret so you would be protected from his influence."

"I grew up with villains." Sakon pointed out.

"Yes, but this was different..." The Happy Mask Salesman replied, his gaze going thoughtful. "I suppose it would make more sense if I explained a bit of our family history to you first. Our family is important to your quest after all."

"You mean Jihiro's quest."

The Happy Mask Salesman's eyes flicked over to The Postman briefly. "Yes, of course. Jihiro's quest."

Sakon gulped down half his cup of tea as The Postman took a seat beside him. "Tell me." The Thief ordered, reaching for the plate of cookies.

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded and then cleared his throat. "Our people are an almost extinct tribe that originated from the most Southern parts of the continent. We were created by Nayru, and were blessed with the gift of blue magic. Our people were not tall in stature, but we made up for it in sheer magical prowess. We were the only ones given the gift of blue magic, and we perfected the art."

"Did they all look as dorky as you?" Sakon asked.

The Happy Mask Salesman rolled his eyes. "Our tribe had fair skin, ginger hair, and red eyes blessed with the power of The Sight. We were very long-lived compared to humans, and we isolated ourselves away from everyone else. It was extremely common for the elders of our kind to live to be more than 200, and because the children aged so slowly, they had to protected above all else."

Sakon narrowed his eyes. "Are you messing with me? I'm going to be mad if you're messing with me."

The Happy Mask Salesman gave him a patient look. "Didn't you ever wonder why you grew so slowly as a child? Every child your age towered over you. You were fifteen and still hadn't gone through puberty yet. In fact, you didn't stop growing until you were in your late twenties."

"It was not that long." Sakon denied. "It just took a while for my training to catch up with me."

Not arguing the point, The Happy Mask Salesman moved on. "Once, many years ago, our people were very numerous and we had several large villages all to ourselves."

"What happened if they were so awesome?" Sakon demanded.

"Stop interrupting." The Happy Mask Salesman scolded. "Our people became so comfortable that they did something extremely foolish. They looked the other way at what the humans were doing. The humans were growing in number and they were doing many despicable things to advance their people. Because they left us alone, our tribe ignored the horrible things they did."

"So the humans killed us all?" Sakon asked.

"I told you to stop interrupting. No, the humans weren't the ones to destroy our people. The humans went to war against another tribe, and because of the treaty we held with them, we had to participate as well. Our tribe never expected the power of this new tribe, and they annihilated us. Nearly every man, woman and child fell to their sword, and only a few handfuls of our kind escaped. Our people have remained hidden ever since, and they are barely any full-blooded tribesmen left."

Sakon was silent for a moment as he thought about this and then asked a question. "So, are our people extremely inbred now? Is that where you came from?"

The Happy Mask Salesman let out an irritated sigh. "No, Sakon. I'm not full-blooded, my father was a human. Your grandmother was one of the few full-blooded tribes-people left."

"Grandmother? What was she like?"

The Happy Mask Salesman gaze went distant for a moment. "She was very beautiful, and her blue magic was extremely powerful. Her name was Andromeda and she married a common thief by the name of Gonso who was your grandfather. She had three sons, and she did her best to teach us everything she could before her death when I was 17."

"So thievery is in my blood!" Sakon said proudly.

"He reformed after marrying."

Sakon let out a snort. "What a wimpy pushover. I'm never retiring."

The Happy Mask Salesman paused only long enough to take a sip of tea before continuing. "Blue magic dilutes every time it's mixed with human blood, and I'm nowhere near as powerful as my mother. You are only quarter-blooded, Sakon, and your blood is not strong enough to have inherited the gifts of our people. Even if by slim chance you did inherit any magic, it's useless because of your mother's mixed magic. Your maternal grandmother had red magic, and your maternal grandfather had green magic. Your blood is so mixed you'd never have a chance at utilizing the magic."

"What were my other grandparents like?" Sakon asked, not really caring about the magic part.

"I only met them once, but I didn't care for them." The Happy Mask Salesman replied. "They were very stiff and cold with me. Although wealthy, their home did not seem like a happy one. I was going to leave you with them as a baby, but after meeting them I changed my mind. That home would have done you no good."

"And my parents?" Sakon demanded. "What about them?"

"You look just like your mother." The Happy Mask Salesman informed him. "You don't look anything like my brother at all. Your mother had long, blond curls the last time I saw her, and her eyes were always a very vibrant green. You were blond as well when you were a child, that is before your unfortunate accident..."

Sakon gave him a foul look. "Yeah, I'm sure you're so broken up about that too."

This was obviously an argument they'd had countless times before, because The Happy Mask Salesman simply moved on like he hadn't heard. "Your father was a different story altogether..."

The Happy Mask Salesman paused a long moment, staring into his fresh cup of tea as he considered how to answer. "He didn't want you, Sakon, and was very neglectful. When you were born, he tried to sell you to another villain."

Sakon's eyes widened. "What?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded. "It took Guru Guru and I several days to track you down. We had to buy you back from the villain at five times the cost."

Sakon wasn't sure what to say to this. "You bought me?! Like a bag of turnips or something? You mean you actually own me?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head. "You're your own person, Sakon. I had no interest in 'owning' you. You weren't valuable enough."

Sakon scowled at him. "Gee thanks, now don't I feel special?"

"So, he really sold a newborn baby and left him to an unknown fate?" The Postman asked, still not sure how to feel about all of this.

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded.

"I thought my brother would get used to the idea of being a father over time, but he never did. Every time we left you with him, something bad happened. You had new bruises every time you visited him and you were getting extremely stressed. He made it no secret that he detested you, and wanted nothing to do with you. He was convinced you weren't his child because of your looks, and he did everything he could to get rid of you. When you were four, he abandoned you in the middle of Termina Fields at nighttime. You ran terrified through the entire night before I finally found you. After that, we stopped letting you visit him."

"Why didn't I live with my mother?" Sakon demanded.

The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head. "She didn't want you either. She was only thirteen, was first class and an illegitimate baby would have ruined her. She left you with your father the day you were born with 25,000 rupees and never looked back. Your father then spent the money and tried to sell you for further profit."

Sakon frowned. He had preferred thinking his parents were both dead instead of just selfish jerks. "What was my mother's name?" he demanded.

"Her name is Kiyoka, and she now works for the Terminian Opera. She is an extremely talented singer, and has made quite a name for herself."

Sakon made a mental note to ruin her career later, and gave a nod. "Who's my father?" he demanded.

"You must promise not to seek revenge against him." The Happy Mask Salesman stated. "He may have wronged you, but he's still your father and still my brother. I won't allow you to kill him."

"I'm not promising that! He sold me like a sack of grain to another villain!"

The Happy Mask Salesman could understand the want for revenge, and so he relented and gave a nod. "Then you must swear not to go near him until your quest is complete. Say what you want to him, fight him, but do not kill him. Get your revenge and then leave him be."

"Who. Is. He." Sakon demanded.

"I won't tell you until you promise not to kill him. Do I have your word?" he asked, holding out his hand to shake on it.

Sakon scowled, knowing he couldn't break a promise to The Happy Mask Salesman. He knew from experience this was going to be a magical promise and therefore deadly to break.

Calling his uncle a few not so polite words, he shook the hand."Yes, now who?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman let out a heavy sigh. "You work for him."

Sakon looked horrified. "Ganondorf?!"

The Happy Mask Salesman slapped a hand to his face in exasperation. "Your other boss, you moron."

Sakon paused. "The Curiosity Shop Owner?"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a nod.

Sakon instantly fell silent as that fully sunk in. Memories of every horrible thing the Curiosity Shop Owner ever did to him as a boss came to mind and then he clenched his fists in rage. The man's self-satisfied smirk was the only thing he could think about, and he shook his head, getting angrier and angrier. The Curiosity Shop Owner had sent him on dangerous thefts dozens of times, knowing very well he could have been caught or executed for it. The man had done all of this knowing he was his son. "That son of a bitch!" Sakon snarled. "I'll kill him! That creepy, sleazy, son of a bitch!"

"Getting angry will accomplish nothing, Sakon. You promised." The Happy Mask Salesman reminded.

"Says you! I worked for that creep since I was 14 years old! He paid me starvation wages and treated me like crap! He's thrown me to the wolves more times than I can count, and he's almost gotten me killed a gazillion times! I'm going to kill him! There won't be enough left of him to identify! I'll pound in his face until he looks like a Deku Scrub!"

"You promised." The Happy Mask Salesman reminded. "No revenge until after your quest. And no killing."

Sakon hesitated, knowing it was an extremely bad idea to break a deal with his uncle. "I'd like to renegotiate the deal?" he requested.

The Happy Mask Salesman shook his head, smile growing wider. "Not a chance."

Sakon kicked the counter hard in his rage. "Fine, but I am going to mutilate him! I'll hammer his head in and wipe that smug look right off his face! He let me work for him all this time without saying a word! He even tried to sell me as a prostitute once when I was drunk at a bar! If I didn't know how to use a dagger, I would have woken up with some guy named Bubba!"

Sakon kicked the counter a second time in a full-blown rage but The Happy Mask Salesman simply drank his tea calmly.

The Postman couldn't imagine what it would be like being told all of this, and placed a reassuring hand on Sakon's arm. Sakon glanced at him and frowned.

"Why can't I have a cool origin story like you?" he whined. "Instead, I get a deadbeat father and a creepy uncle!"

"It doesn't change anything." The Postman assured him. "You're still you."

"How does this not change anything?!" Sakon protested. "Not one member of my family ever wanted me, and my own father tried to kill me on multiple occasions!"

"You are who you are, Sakon. It's best to just let it go for now." The Postman said, having no idea how to comfort his friend. "I'm sorry this happened to you, but don't let it dampen how hard you worked to get to where you are today. You're Ganondorf's most trusted thief, and one of the few men even allowed in the Gerudo City. You rose above your childhood and made something of yourself."

"Easy for you to say. You have a perfect family! From the day I was born, I never stood a chance!" Sakon said, kicking the counter so hard, the wood splintered. "I really really want to stab something in his eyeball. A fork maybe."

The Postman considered everything The Happy Mask Salesman had told them and knew something wasn't adding up. "If Sakon's father isn't the red-eyed man who has been stalking us, then who is it? Who is the man?"

The Happy Mask Salesman gave a shrug. "He's a full-blooded tribesman, but I don't know who he is. He isn't our immediate family but he could be a distant relative. I have been researching this, but I haven't found out who he is yet."

"Is there anything you can tell us?" The Postman asked. "Anything about Ichiro or the quest?"

The Happy Mask Salesman calmly sipped his tea while staring directly at The Postman. His stare was so intense, it instantly made The Postman uncomfortable, but he didn't avert his gaze. The Happy Mask Salesman seemed fascinated by something he saw and he cocked his head curiously.

"Interesting. Your destiny has changed since the last time I looked." he stated. "That shouldn't be possible... A goddess must have interfered in it."

"What can you tell me?" The Postman asked.

"Absolutely nothing." The Happy Mask Salesman replied with a shrug.

Sakon was instantly in his uncle's face. "You just said you could see his destiny! Tell us what' going on, you creep! You will not keep this from us!"

The Happy Mask Salesman stared at his nephew calmly and then said. "No one wanted you to exist, but you came all the same."

"Yeah I already got the memo." Sakon snapped, giving the man a foul look.

"At first I thought you were a mistake, but then I looked into your eyes for the first time after you were born. I couldn't believe what I saw. You have a great destiny, Sakon, and it was one I couldn't ignore. After my brother sold you, I just knew I had to get you back, and so I tracked you down, and took you back. The upcoming quest is the entire purpose of your existence, and you need to take it seriously. The pieces are finally starting to fall into place after many years, and so please don't mess it up. Stay by Jihiro's side and listen to the owl."

"Mess what up? I don't even know what we're supposed to do!" Sakon protested. "And why are you assuming I'll mess it up?"

The Happy Mask Salesman stared directly into Sakon's eyes without a word and Sakon fidgeted, hating when his uncle did that.

"This is more important than you realize, but unfortunately if I tell you too much, I run the risk of changing your destiny. Our people's blood run through your veins, Sakon, however diluted it may be. You may have been unwanted, but you certainly aren't unimportant."

Sakon squinted, trying to make sense of that, uncertain whether to take it as an insult or not. "Who does the owl work for?"

"The goddess who is trying to help you." The Happy Mask Salesman replied. "She must remain a secret for now, because she's not meant to help you. By doing so, she breaks the rules of the gods."

"So there are two goddesses involved with this quest?" The Postman questioned.

The Happy Mask Salesman nodded. "One you can trust and the other you must be leery of."

"Can you tell us anything else?" Sakon demanded, taking the last cookie from the plate.

"You must keep moving or Jihiro could be found. If he's caught, then you've lost everything. He'll be killed without mercy."

Sakon glanced over at The Postman who looked like he wanted to argue. Letting out a sigh of defeat, The Postman gave Sakon a resigned look, and nodded. "I understand."

Sakon was silent for a very long moment as he stared down at the floor, and then he glanced up at his uncle. "Which goddess has you under her thumbnail?" he demanded. "Who's pulling all the strings? Is it Nayru?"

"She wishes to remain anonymous as I already explained. I know very little of the situation myself."

"Go figure." Sakon snapped. "No one can ever give us a straight answer about anything."

The Happy Mask Salesman didn't look concerned. "By the way, you still owe me 23,114 rupees." he pointed out.

"What?!" Sakon protested. "No I don't! Don't try to cheat me! I do not owe you that much!"

"1000 for the mask you switched the price-tag on when you were 10, 1500 for curing Jihiro's curse, 20,000 for the mask you purposely broke and 50 from when you stole out of my cash drawer. 22,550 plus 29.99% monthly interest is 23,114 rupees."

Sakon gave him a look of death but couldn't deny it. "Fine, but you're going to have to wait until we're back."

"That's fine, but remember the 29.99% interest will start to add up after a while."

"Crook."

The Postman was confused. "Curse? What curse? I was never cursed!"

Sakon waved him off dismissively. "I may have accidentally turned you into a raccoon on the Windfish's island. You spent most of the day as one until we broke the curse."

"What?!"

Sakon gave his uncle one final glare, and then turned towards the door. "Come on, Jihiro, let's get out of here before the gate closes."

"The gate's already closed for the night. They closed it early because of the incoming storm."

Sakon hobbled as fast as he could to the window. "What? Nooo! We were supposed to grave-rob tonight!"

"Unless you want to sleep in the alley during the rain, you should probably spend the night." The Happy Mask Salesman suggested.

"Are you making supper?" Sakon demanded.

"I'm just making an udon soup, but I suppose I could leave the meat out of it for you."

Sakon glanced out the window at the rain and then nodded, his mind made up. "Fine, but we're leaving first thing in the morning."

Although annoyed, Sakon saw the logic in staying, and turned towards the counter with a sigh. Lifting it up, he motioned for The Postman to follow him upstairs.

The Happy Mask Salesman simply gave them a grin, his red eyes glinting knowingly. Sakon ignored the look, and hobbled up the stairs without another word.

The Postman paused and glanced back to The Happy Mask Salesman. "Thank you, Sir."

The Postman then followed Sakon up the stairs. "Sakon, what's this about you turning me into a raccoon?!" he called after the thief.

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